1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of two and soon to be three 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: and a practicing physician. We are two working parents who 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,479 Speaker 1: love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to episode four. This week, 10 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: we are talking childcare and what we wish we'd known 11 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:44,200 Speaker 1: when we started out many many years ago, five years 12 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:49,480 Speaker 1: ago for Sarah and about ten years ago for me. Laura, 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 1: which I realized the other day was about when you 14 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,279 Speaker 1: started blogging, wasn't it, Sarah? When did you start your 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: blog the Shoe Box? I started my blog, Oh my gosh, 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: I guess in two thousand and four, So it's been 17 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: like thirteen years at this point, which is basically like 18 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: dinosaur age for any kind of a blog. And in fact, 19 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: I don't even like the word blog anymore, Like I 20 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: feel like saying blog itself sounds dated. But yeah, I've 21 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: been doing it for a really long time. It's just 22 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: been such a creative outlet for me. I started it 23 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: in med school when I felt like I really needed 24 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: somewhere to kind of vent. Of course, never about specific patients, 25 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: but just about my experiences as a medical student. And 26 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: somehow I just I don't really I'm not like Artie, 27 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 1: Like I don't do crafts. I can't knit. My sister's 28 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: an amazing knitter, but I can't do it. And for me, 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: this was like my creative outlet, something that I could 30 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: do that kind of kept my mind busy and away 31 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: from kind of the structured thinking of medicine. And I 32 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: always loved writing, so just kind of stuck with it. 33 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: What about you, Well, I started a little later that you, 34 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: but you must have been among the first bloggers been 35 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: out there. I was pretty early. I was pretty early. Yeah. 36 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: Actually I once went to a blogging conference and I 37 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: think I won some prize for being like the earliest. 38 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: I mean, how did you even know that this was 39 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: a thing people were doing. One of my best friends 40 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: from college actually had one, and I think I copied hers, 41 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: and then hers is long gone now, but it just 42 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: stuck with me. So yes, I was I was early. 43 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: I was definitely. I love how it's evolved over the years. 44 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: I mean, the readership, the topics you cover. I mean, 45 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: was it hard to stick with it at the beginning? 46 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: I mean you no, I like loved it. Like all 47 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,799 Speaker 1: of a sudden, I was like, oh, writing this daily 48 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: event totally resonates with my personality. You know, both of 49 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: us have that little bit of tendency towards streaks. We'll 50 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: have to talk about that on a different episode, but 51 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: you know, it just it was. It was easily a 52 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: habit that I incorporated and became like a real, like 53 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: kind of healthy way for me to vent and express 54 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,079 Speaker 1: myself during recy when I didn't feel like I had 55 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: that outlet elsewhere. Did you know, I'm really curious if 56 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: if you ever raid your old posts from like the beginning, 57 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: do you see that? Oh my god, it's so embarrassing, 58 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: But yes, I read my blog. I read my own 59 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: blog like plenty. So first of all, I mean, now 60 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,959 Speaker 1: that I have kids, I love using it as sort 61 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: of like an adjunct photo album. And I will go back, 62 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: like right now. The other day I was going back 63 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: and looking at posts from when Annabelle and Cameron were 64 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 1: little babies, sort of trying to remind myself of what 65 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 1: it's like. And I guess it's a little it's sort 66 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 1: of creepy, but it's like, you know, seeing your own 67 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: perspective on something can be incredibly enlightening because you actually 68 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: don't remember how you felt. So that's been really really interesting. 69 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: And wasn't called the shoe box at the beginning because 70 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: you didn't become Sarah Heart Hunger until later in coact 71 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: the blogging process. That's very yes, that's that's a journalistic observation. 72 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: It actually had a it had a horrible name. And 73 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: again remember this is like the early days of blogging, 74 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: like people were live journaling, and I was also twenty 75 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: four years old, and it was called Lost and All Alone. Oh, 76 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: because it was actually supposed to start out. It's just 77 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: like a month long thing. And the reason I was 78 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 1: Lost and All Alone wasn't that I was really lost 79 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 1: in all alone. I mean I was already Josh was 80 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: my boyfriend. Like life was not bad, but I had 81 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: been put in this pediatric's rotation out in coastal No. 82 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: It was like central North Carolina and a very small 83 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,839 Speaker 1: town where I knew no one living in this sort 84 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: of random house with with people I didn't know, so 85 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: I felt very isolated during that time, and that's actually 86 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: when the blog was born. So if you go back 87 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,679 Speaker 1: to my first posts, I'm talking all about my experiences there, 88 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: and you know, it is a little embarrassing because your 89 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: young eyes. You know, I say things back then that 90 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: when I look at them now sort of make me cringe. 91 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: But hey, that's what twenty four year old me was experiencing. 92 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: So I'm not taking it down. I'm just gonna leave 93 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: life well. I have owned Laura vander Caamp since two 94 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: thousand and two, but I never became very focused on 95 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 1: maintaining it and putting stuff up there until about I 96 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: would say two thousand and eight, two thousand and nine, 97 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: And it was around the time I got the contract 98 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: to write one hundred and sixty eight Hours, and I 99 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: recognized that having a home on the internet and blogging 100 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 1: would be a good way for people to reach me, 101 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,359 Speaker 1: to get to know me, to build a platform. We 102 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: always talk about that in the author of world, about 103 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: how people know you and know the topics you write about. 104 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: So I really began writing for that, and it was 105 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: not always easy to keep going at the beginning, partly 106 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: because I write for a living and so the idea 107 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: of writing these posts for free was always like, wait 108 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: a minute, why am I doing this? But over time 109 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: it's the only thing I've actually stuck with of all 110 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: my writing gigs, and it's because I have such complete 111 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: freedom to write about whatever I want to a degree though, 112 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: because now I know so much of who my audience is, 113 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: that there's some things I'm not going to go into 114 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,359 Speaker 1: and all that. And I've certainly learned my lesson with 115 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: a few political remote posts that have happened over the 116 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: years that a lot of people either have different opinions 117 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: or they argue with each other, and it's just not 118 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: the kind of blog I want to have. So now 119 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 1: you know, it's pretty much my life and time management 120 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: and productivity and a few you know, current events related 121 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,280 Speaker 1: to that. But it's so addictive, Like once you actually 122 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: have an audience and you know that you're not writing 123 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: for no one, it becomes a lot easier to stick with. 124 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 1: Ear at least that's what I've found. I think it 125 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 1: definitely comes across in your writings that you enjoy doing it, 126 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: whether that's just because it's sort of a habit for you. 127 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 1: But I did wonder about that because it's not really 128 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: a break the wa For me, it is not a break, 129 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, it helps me. I mean, 130 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,280 Speaker 1: I think it helps hone my ideas because I can 131 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: see what people react to. So if I get a 132 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 1: lot of reactions to a certain topic, I know that 133 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: I might be onto something. It certainly has helped me 134 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: write tighter and write faster, and now I sort of 135 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: take that for granted that if somebody told me to 136 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: write five hundred words on a topic and turn it 137 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 1: into them in an hour, I could completely do that. 138 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: And I'm not sure that's a skill I had starting 139 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: off with blogging. So I think the ability to write 140 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: tightly in a first draft that you only review once 141 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: or twice, it's just not the way I sort of 142 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: learned to write. And so it's been helpful from that perspective, 143 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: especially as the digital world of publishing grows. But yeah, no, 144 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 1: it's been fun. So we've both That's how we kind 145 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: of found each other, I think is through our blogs. Definitely. 146 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: I think I've been reading years since, shortly after when 147 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: sixty eight Hours came out. Yeah, so that's kind of 148 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: we've learned each other's lives through there, and one of 149 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: the topics, I mean, bringing us to our our main 150 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: segment for today, one of the topics that both of 151 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: us have written about is childcare and our various iterations 152 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 1: of this over the years. So Sarah like looking back 153 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: to Sarah of Annabel is born twenty Annabel was born 154 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: in twenty twelve. Yeah, yeah, And so after she's born 155 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: in spring of twenty twelve, I mean, what would you 156 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: have wanted Sarah of twenty seventeen to have Sarah of 157 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: twenty twelve know about childcare? Well, I don't know. I 158 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: think our experiences are a little different there, because I 159 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: actually I have no regrets. I think I did things 160 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: really well back then, and I look upon those days fondly. 161 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,560 Speaker 1: Although I will say that what worked for Sarah in 162 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,559 Speaker 1: twenty twelve would not work for Sarah in twenty seventeen. 163 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: So it's not like I feel like, oh, I did 164 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 1: it wrong. But I've had sort of two different experiences, 165 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 1: and you know, who knows, things may evolve into a 166 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: third situation someday that looks nothing like what I'm doing now. 167 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 1: But I will kind of take you guys back, and 168 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: then I want to hear you too, because it'll be 169 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,320 Speaker 1: very interesting going from you know, one kid in New 170 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: York to four kids in suburbia. But for us, we 171 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: lived in Durham, North Carolina. My husband and I were 172 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: both in medical training, and we really didn't have a 173 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: whole lot of choices, and nanny is something we could 174 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: have considered, but would have required borrowing significant amounts of 175 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: money because you know, cost of a nanny for one 176 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,959 Speaker 1: child isn't cost effective compared to even a fairly pricey daycare. 177 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: You know, that was a significant factor for us back then. 178 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: Things definitely change when you have more kids, and we'll 179 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: talk about later, but we were fortunate enough to have 180 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 1: a university affiliated daycare that we used back when we 181 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: were at Duke. You know, I did look at several 182 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: centers there were there were actually several really nice centers 183 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: in the area, and the one at Duke was excellent 184 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 1: because it was open for my believe six thirty or 185 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: seven in the morning, it had nice, adequate hours, and 186 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 1: then it closed at about six And as a fellow 187 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: in anochronology, thankfully, and I had sort of done this 188 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: on purpose, I had to work long hours like I 189 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: had many weeks that were fifty sixty hours total if 190 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: you include weekends, and I'll also talk about how we 191 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: did those. But I had fairly predictable hours, and my 192 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: time at home at night was just more answering phone 193 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: calls than it was the need to go in, So 194 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: I didn't need necessarily dedicated care for that time. So 195 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: we we Sorry, I just wanted to ask a question 196 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: here because I think a lot of our listeners maybe 197 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: one when you say it was like a really good daycare, 198 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: I mean, what do you find me a good daycare? 199 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: I mean, well, they're I mean the first thing is 200 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 1: word of mouth. So you talk to everyone in the area, 201 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: you find out, you know, are there other people with 202 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: older kids who have been through this for a while 203 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: whose opinions you trust, are aware of how this daycare run. 204 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: So I think word of mouth is probably the biggest 205 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: thing that helped, you know, make this choice. There's actually 206 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: going there and sort of seeing the vibe the place. 207 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 1: Is it clean, do the kids look engaged? Are their 208 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: screens because for me, that was like in a daycare 209 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: like a debt, like a deal breaker. Then there is 210 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: their ratings, so there are actually na eyc I believe 211 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: there's a certification agency that rates daycares and they can 212 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: add up to five stars so that you can actually 213 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: get a little bit of an objective viewpoint. There's ratio 214 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: of providers to children, which was really important, especially for 215 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: the infants, and I believe that, you know, most of 216 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:28,839 Speaker 1: the really good ones go down to as low as 217 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 1: like three to one or four to one. So looking 218 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 1: at all of those things and sort of combining that 219 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,599 Speaker 1: with the general reputation, that helped me feel really confident 220 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: that we were putting Annabelle in a great place. My 221 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: memories of that time. I know people kind of talk 222 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: about the slog of getting your kids ready, but when 223 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 1: there's only one of them and they're little, it's not 224 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,599 Speaker 1: that hard. It was fine. I like loader up in 225 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: the stroller, we drove, it was on the way to work, 226 00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 1: did the drop off, prep the bottles. It was great. 227 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,479 Speaker 1: So for that time in life, it worked wonderful and 228 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 1: I have nothing against it. To the point where after 229 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: we moved here, even after we did hire nanny and 230 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: Laura and I will both talk about that a little 231 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: bit later, we put her in daycare for half the 232 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: day because I wanted her to have that busy, multiple 233 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: kid atmosphere that she was used to. I actually think 234 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 1: it's really healthy for kids, like a wonderful thing. And 235 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,679 Speaker 1: I don't understand why some people talk about it like 236 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: it's baby jail or baby prison. I mean, I don't 237 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:41,679 Speaker 1: get that either. I think that there's a lot of lingering, 238 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: bad feelings about well, first, the idea of mother's working, right, 239 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: So then if children need to be in childcare, that 240 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: must be a bad thing too, because we can't in 241 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 1: any way sanction the idea of mothers working. I mean, 242 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: this is honestly the thought process. And I remember hearing this, 243 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: and I'm of course bringing my oldest. I mean, we'll 244 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: both get talked to our journeys here, but I mean, 245 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: just covering the daycare topic here, I would bring my 246 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: oldest child to daycare. We did daycare when we lived 247 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 1: in New York because again we just had one. There 248 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: was a high quality center that was a quarter mile 249 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: from our apartment. I had put my name in when 250 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: I was roughly four months pregnant, so I had a 251 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 1: spot when he was four months old, because you know 252 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: that's oh, I got to interject here and say that 253 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: I put my name in the day I had a 254 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 1: positive pregnancy to us, and I had to because I 255 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: actually did have a way to wait. And so, okay, 256 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: that is pro tip here that if you think you're 257 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: going to want to go the daycare route, get your 258 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: name on the list as soon as you know you 259 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 1: are pregnant. You can always not do it right, you 260 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: can always not use the center, you can cancel whatever. 261 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 1: But having that as an option is going to be 262 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: a lot better than saying, oh, well, you know, maybe 263 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,839 Speaker 1: when I'm on maternity leave, I'll think about it. I mean, no, 264 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: you got to think about that ahead of time. But yeah, 265 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 1: we had a really good pace. We became best of 266 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: friends with these other families that we knew from the 267 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: time that my son was four months old, and he 268 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: stayed in that daycare until he was four, even though 269 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,319 Speaker 1: again we hired a nanny as well when he was 270 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: about two years old. He stayed in it more part 271 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: time as preschool. We got to be such good friends 272 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: with the parents because they were all like us, these 273 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: all dual income couples who had kids the exact same age. 274 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: So we'd all go to birthday parties, we'd hang out. 275 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: It was It was really awesome, but I think that 276 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: some people really just don't like the daycare concept. You know, 277 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: there are for whatever reason. I had recommended my daycare 278 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: center to a number of people, and I had a 279 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: few come afterwards and be like, well, the staff looks tired. 280 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: I could never put my kids in a place like that. 281 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, a, it's four o'clock in the afternoon. 282 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: Let's see how you look at four o'clock in the 283 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: afternoon dealing with you know, a taddler all day. But 284 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: the truth is they didn't want to go back to work, 285 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: and so it becomes easier to use another excuse, say oh, 286 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: I couldn't find a good childcare option, rather than admit, like, 287 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: you don't want to go back to work, and that's fine, 288 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: Like make that choice, but you know, don't make it 289 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: be about something else. Well, and this is a little controversial, 290 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: but some people tend to make that argument about their kid. 291 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: So I think it's a perfectly valid argument when it 292 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: comes to making it for yourself. Like if I had chosen, 293 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: if I had that opportunity at that time or whatever, 294 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: that I wanted those years for myself with my baby, 295 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: then I think that's perfectly valid for me. But the 296 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: argument that like somehow my child will suffer or not 297 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: have the same opportunities, or not create a normal bond 298 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 1: or something. I hear that a lot, and there's really 299 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: no scientific evidence whatsoever to support that. So more power 300 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: to mothers who want to stay home with their kids. 301 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: I actually think there's nothing wrong with that, and it's 302 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: wonderful and if you want to have that experience, but 303 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: I think we have to be careful about who we 304 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: say we're doing it for. Yeah, or even using lines 305 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: that in many cases aren't supported by the fact, like 306 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: you know that my child will be with someone else 307 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: for the majority of his waking hours. I actually ran 308 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: the numbers on this and it wasn't true. Working full 309 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: time having my kid at daycare, I was still with 310 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: the kid more hours, more waking hours then daycare was. 311 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: And that's just again, it's one of these stories people 312 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: tell because they're unhappy with Now. I will say daycare 313 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: is not perfect. One of the reasons we wound up 314 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: later hiring a nanny, and we will both talk about 315 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: this is the illness factor. Yeah, even the best run 316 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: daycare kids get sick a lot. When they're little, they're 317 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: developing their immune systems. Over time, it'll be great, Like 318 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: by the time they go to kindergarten, they'll have everything 319 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 1: out of their system, they'll never get sick again. Yeah, 320 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 1: I actually don't know if there's literature on that, but 321 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: I've had the same experience. Like Annabelle who had that daycare, 322 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: seems to be more immune now than I remember, like 323 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: or even by age three than Cameron was. So that's interesting, 324 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: I have to but the problem is that you have 325 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: to get through all those illnesses. And I know that 326 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: the first year where my son was in daycare, I 327 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 1: probably would have missed about five weeks of work if 328 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 1: I had been, you know, in a normal job, and 329 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,760 Speaker 1: that would have been really hard to handle. And even 330 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: if you know, i'd been splitting it with my husband, 331 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: each of us taking you know, two weeks or so, 332 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 1: it's a lot of time. And it would have had 333 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 1: eaten up any sort of vacation in sick and personal 334 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:27,200 Speaker 1: days we would have had. And so especially if you're 335 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: trying to figure out how am I going to combine 336 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 1: work in life, like it's gonna be hard to do, 337 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: and then you hit these you know, constant like I 338 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: can't bring my kid back to daycare because he's got 339 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,920 Speaker 1: a slight fever and so we got to wait twenty five. 340 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: It can really mess with your ability to keep your 341 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: foot on the gas with your career. And then there's 342 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: also I mean, I think you and if your daycare 343 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 1: isn't a good place, which many people don't have great 344 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 1: choices about what they want to do, because even high 345 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: quality daycare may be less expensive than a nanny, but 346 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: it can still be very expens and so some people 347 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: are relying on less high quality places, and so then 348 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,680 Speaker 1: that's hard to be able to relieve your kid there either. 349 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: But so why did you decide to go the nanny route? 350 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: Then after moving to Miami? I mean, obviously you both 351 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: got jobs, So there's that, yes, so there was that 352 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: we did. Actually, you know, we would have been fine 353 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: with the daycare to start with, because what I was 354 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 1: going to point out is that you kind of need 355 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,879 Speaker 1: if you have a career that's not terribly flexible, and 356 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,919 Speaker 1: you know that what you really kind of have to 357 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,120 Speaker 1: plan to assume your child is going to get sick 358 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 1: and monthly is normal. So if your kid is out 359 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: of daycare for three to four days per month, that's 360 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,719 Speaker 1: actually kind of like statistically like par for the course, 361 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: so you can't sort of assume that that won't happen. 362 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,360 Speaker 1: You have to have a backup plan. So the things 363 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: I was going to mention is number one, discussing that 364 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: with your spouse that that's not or your partner that 365 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 1: that's not solely your responsibility having birthed the child. It's 366 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 1: just because you birthed the child or happened to be 367 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 1: the female and the relationship. That's something that's really important 368 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 1: to discuss with your partner. How are we going to 369 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: do this so that you know, if you have an 370 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: equitable kind of arrangement, then that means you can cut 371 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 1: those expected days in half, which made me more doable. 372 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 1: The second thing is to find another layer somewhere. Now 373 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 1: for some people that's family. When we were in North Carolina, 374 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: I didn't really have that option, but there are actually 375 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: a few, and I feel like this is becoming more common. 376 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: Commercial solutions cropping up for this. There are some workplaces 377 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: actually offer some an emergency care program through like their 378 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 1: employee assistance, So definitely look into that if you work 379 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: for sort of a corporate environment or there are some 380 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: private companies. If you're in a metropolitan area. There's one 381 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: in our area where basically it is it's an expensive 382 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: hourly rate, but as a fallback, knowing that you know, 383 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,199 Speaker 1: with two hours notice you could have someone help you 384 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 1: for the day is incredibly valuable and can actually be 385 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: somewhat cost savings if you're using that to avoid having 386 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: to hire a full time caregiver. So, for example, my husband, 387 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: one of the surgeons that he works with, she has 388 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,439 Speaker 1: three children, all under the age of four. It's like 389 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: crazy over there. But and she and her husband are 390 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: actually both physicians as well, and I believe at least 391 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 1: one or two of them got sick. She called this 392 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: service and she did bring them with her to work 393 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 1: for like thirty minutes, but then the babysitter met them 394 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,199 Speaker 1: there at work and took over from there. And sort of, yes, 395 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 1: it's an outlay of cash, but since they were otherwise 396 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: just in daycare, that made more sense to do it 397 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 1: on that emergency basis rather than having someone like on 398 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: retainer all the time. Like that worked for them. And 399 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 1: there may be as you're building up a sitter portfolio, 400 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,119 Speaker 1: which is one of the phrases we use that, especially 401 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 1: if you have daycare as your primary option. You need 402 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,360 Speaker 1: a suite of backup sitters, partly for if you work late. 403 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: For instance, somebody needs to be able to pick up 404 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: the kid at daycare because there's going to be a 405 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 1: hard stop on the daycare at time. You probably need 406 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: people for date night or occasional weekend stuff. But then 407 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: also having somebody who has during the day availability of 408 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: some sort. Maybe it's a neighbor who's retired, or it 409 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: could be a college student with a light class load, 410 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,400 Speaker 1: so you know, maybe Mondays and Fridays she's generally available, 411 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 1: so if you need backup on those days, you have it. 412 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: So there are ways you can make this work. And 413 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 1: of course if you live near family, that is great. 414 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: It is amazing how much money you can save on 415 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: childcare by having family around for those just things on 416 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: the margins, even if you're not using them as full 417 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,920 Speaker 1: time care, which I'm not sure how many people want 418 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 1: to do that be your full time caregiver, but they 419 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,400 Speaker 1: may be willing to say, oh, okay, well you got 420 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,159 Speaker 1: stuck at work late, I can pick your kid up 421 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: at daycare at five thirty if you have a relative 422 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,360 Speaker 1: who could do that, or you know, if Grandma's nearby 423 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,200 Speaker 1: and the kid is just recovering from a slight fever 424 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: and could spend the day there because they can't go 425 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: back to daycare. That can help a lot, and I 426 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 1: didn't necessarily know that going in. We weren't around family, 427 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 1: so I had to build up that suite of sitters 428 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: to cover those days when I did have something that 429 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,480 Speaker 1: I couldn't not do. But it was very stressful, and 430 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,399 Speaker 1: I mean, one of the reasons we went to a 431 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: nanny when our second child arrived is first because you know, 432 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,879 Speaker 1: there was the cost effect in this argument once you 433 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 1: have two kids, and the idea of getting two kids 434 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: ready for daycare every day sort of made me go crazy. 435 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,880 Speaker 1: But some ofw that does that is one of those 436 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: tasks where the more people you have to get out 437 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,880 Speaker 1: the door. You know, even though we did preach about 438 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: zero to one being the biggest transition, there is a 439 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,199 Speaker 1: multiplier factor in leaving the house for some reason, I 440 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: hear you. And so we wound up hiring a nanny 441 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: with the second and then that cut down the number 442 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: of days because obviously a nanny can get sick too 443 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,160 Speaker 1: or have a reason she can't come, but it's more 444 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: likely that she will be able to be there, especially 445 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: if the kid has a mild illness that keeps them 446 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,679 Speaker 1: out of daycare, but that you don't have to be 447 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,000 Speaker 1: home dealing with it. And you guys wound up going 448 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 1: that route then too, So yes, we did. We did 449 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,400 Speaker 1: so again. When we moved here. I just had one 450 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: child and Annabel was about sixteen months. We started her 451 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: in a daycare. It became very quickly evident it was 452 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: not a good fit for us that particular daycare. I 453 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: think I mentioned the screens. There was also an episode 454 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: where she came home with a bite, which is not 455 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,160 Speaker 1: a reason to leave a daycare whatsoever. I'm not avating 456 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: that that just happened, but nobody knew about the bite. 457 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: That's the problem and something. I mean, if no one 458 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: noticed the bite happening, then that spoke to a level 459 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: of supervision that didn't seem quite optimal. So we actually 460 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: went on care dot com. I was sort of in 461 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,679 Speaker 1: a panic at this point because I had already started 462 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: work and we needed to do something, and I knew 463 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to make the transition sooner rather 464 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 1: than later. And actually we did two things. We did 465 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,160 Speaker 1: find another daycare, which is where she ended up going 466 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,080 Speaker 1: to preschool until just a couple of days ago when 467 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: we made the kindergarten transition. Then we also ended up 468 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 1: I think I told my husband, I was like, listen, 469 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: I'm not due with baby number two until February, but 470 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 1: it was like September. But I'm like, I'm just gonna 471 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: put my feelers out because I kind of think this 472 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,400 Speaker 1: is something we should look for and if we find 473 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,400 Speaker 1: the right person, then we can discuss. And I went 474 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 1: through a million applications. Care dot Com again not sponsored. 475 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,680 Speaker 1: There are other similar websites, but in our areas seem 476 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: to be one of the most heavily used. And I 477 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 1: got a lot of people that wrote back, but many 478 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,960 Speaker 1: of them didn't sound serious. And it's it's really important 479 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 1: if you're going to post an ad, to kind of 480 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: put very specific questions and requirements in your ad for 481 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 1: them to respond to, because then that's an instant filter 482 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 1: because you kind of know that if somebody is not 483 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: reading your instructions in an email, then they're probably not 484 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: gonna listen to the echuse later on either. And you 485 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 1: also want to fill out I mean what you want, like, yeah, 486 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: don't be overly broad. I mean, it's if there are 487 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: certain things that are going to be deal killers, then 488 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 1: that's something you need to know, and certainly I have 489 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:16,920 Speaker 1: learned this. I have now hired four full time nannies 490 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: over the years. In sequence, we're on our fourth one now, 491 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: and I know that I need somebody who has a 492 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 1: lot of energy because I have a lot of very 493 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:32,680 Speaker 1: active kids. But something I'm also very clear upfront about 494 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 1: is that I work from home, and you have to 495 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 1: be okay with that. And I think there are many 496 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: nannies who want to be the master of the domain 497 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: as it were, when they're working, like they don't want 498 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:53,000 Speaker 1: another adult there per se, because the kids might get confused, 499 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,320 Speaker 1: they might not be fully in charge, I think, And 500 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: I am clear that you know you're in charge. I'm 501 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 1: staying in my office, I'm working, but it is going 502 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: to be a team thing, and so people have to 503 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: be okay with that, and I need to be upfront 504 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,680 Speaker 1: about that too. And another thing to be upfront with 505 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: in your screening is if you are paying on the books, 506 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: which you should go ahead say that because unfortunately for 507 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: some caregivers that is a deal killer on their end, 508 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: and you don't want to hire those people. I mean 509 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: and it's very important to explain if it's a caregiver 510 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: who hasn't done that before, the benefits to the caregiver 511 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: of being on the books, such as they will get, 512 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,680 Speaker 1: you know, reemployment benefits once they stop working. You know, 513 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: they're no longer going to have to be fearful. You know. 514 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: I think that you know, once you explain it to somebody, 515 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: they usually will see the benefit. I will say that 516 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: we had to kind of work that into our negotiation. 517 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: It ended up working out very well. But yes, I 518 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 1: think it's very important to be upfront about that. And 519 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,120 Speaker 1: because they accrue Social Security credits, so when they retire, 520 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,959 Speaker 1: they'll get social Security benefits. You said, unemployment insurance. So 521 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:06,119 Speaker 1: if for instance, you move and your nanny is not 522 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,880 Speaker 1: going to come with you, suddenly they are unemployed. If 523 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,399 Speaker 1: you haven't been paying on the books, they have no 524 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,160 Speaker 1: access to unemployment insurance, whereas if you have been paying 525 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 1: on the books, then they do, and so they can 526 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,679 Speaker 1: collect benefits for whatever it is the twenty six weeks 527 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 1: that a lot of states have, so it's a protection 528 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 1: for them that is quite important. Plus it's just the law, 529 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: so you know, one of the things and Sarah and 530 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: I have both talked about is trying not to be 531 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: cheap when it comes to childcare. A lot of people 532 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,960 Speaker 1: are always trying to save money on childcare. I get these, 533 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,399 Speaker 1: you know, requests of people trying to interview me for 534 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,119 Speaker 1: stories on how can I save money on childcare. I'm like, oh, well, 535 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 1: there's no point in spending money just to spend money, 536 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: but I would look at other places to save money 537 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: in your life first, like live in a smaller house, 538 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: drive an older car, like you know, come on this, 539 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,159 Speaker 1: this is not the right place to try and be 540 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,919 Speaker 1: as you know, low budget as you can possibly go 541 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,439 Speaker 1: so so paying legally obviously is a big one of that. 542 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: Getting as much care as you need this is really 543 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,080 Speaker 1: something I you know, people try to get away with 544 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,959 Speaker 1: as little as possible sometimes as like okay, you know, 545 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,320 Speaker 1: if you know that you're gonna get stuck working late, 546 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: sometimes just go ahead and hire for the extra hours, 547 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 1: like it's going to take a huge load off your mind. 548 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: Or if you need two caregivers, which you might. I've 549 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,199 Speaker 1: talked to people who'd be like, oh, I guess I 550 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,879 Speaker 1: just can't keep it good nanny. I'm like, well, how 551 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: many hours are you expecting them? To work and it's 552 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: they're working sixty hours a week a well, no wonder, 553 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: like you can't keep people. They're getting burnt out. Like 554 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: if it's more than I would say, fifty hours, you 555 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: should strongly consider hiring a second caregiver, you know, if 556 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: it's a part time person or even just for a 557 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 1: few hours a week, but having at least two people 558 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: sort of in your suite helps with staffing as it were, 559 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: which I think both of us, you know, didn't really 560 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 1: grow up thinking about those things. I don't know about you, No, 561 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: it was not my life growing up. And I know 562 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 1: as we're talking about this, there are people listening to 563 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: us who are having their little like privileged lights going on, 564 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 1: which is fine, Like, yes, this this comes from a 565 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,960 Speaker 1: place of having gone into careers that require a lot 566 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,719 Speaker 1: of hours and our husbands as well. And part of 567 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: that with having children is that you need to then 568 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: hire help. And so yes, we can talk about privilege, 569 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: and I think we're both very grateful that we are 570 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: in a position to do this, but it's also just reality. 571 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: I have had to learn that over time because I 572 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,080 Speaker 1: didn't have that growing up. I have, you know, my 573 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: parents cobbled stuff to gather through various friends and family, 574 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: and they're switching off hours and they made it work. 575 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: I don't think it was very easy, but they definitely 576 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: made it work. But then as I've become a parent 577 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 1: myself and have seen what other people who maybe did 578 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,200 Speaker 1: grow up in a environment with more resources have done, 579 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,960 Speaker 1: I've been like, oh, I didn't even know you could 580 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: do that, Like it didn't occur to me to hire 581 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: a nanny when I had one kid, because that just 582 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 1: wasn't something I knew. I have seen people who've done 583 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:14,440 Speaker 1: such things as hire a weekend nanny, which I also 584 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,960 Speaker 1: had no idea you could do, like you could hire 585 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: somebody for hours when you weren't working, Like, who knew 586 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: that this was actually a choice. So we don't have 587 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 1: we do not have a regular weekend nanny. But actually, 588 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: I think three years into working, my husband and I 589 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: felt like we were alternating, like working the weekends. So 590 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 1: during residency, that's how we had to handle it. We 591 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 1: just truly didn't have the resources at that time, so 592 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: either I was going to work or he was going 593 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: to work, and that way we didn't have to worry 594 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: about backup care on the weekends, which is why day 595 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: care worked, but now we started out that way and 596 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: then was like, wait, when do we get to be 597 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 1: a family, Like we've worked a really long time to 598 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: kind of get to this place where we have kids 599 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: and we have jobs that aren't as quite as crazy 600 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,719 Speaker 1: as residency. Why we never see each other and we 601 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 1: realize ding ding ding weekend childcare and sinking up our call. 602 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: And so we made that transition in the beginning of 603 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: twenty sixteen. And you're right, it like literally didn't even 604 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: occur to me. But I hope maybe hearing this helps 605 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 1: others realize if you and your husband both have to work, 606 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: you know, every other every third or even every fourth weekend, 607 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: you can actually get some of your weekends back together 608 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 1: by considering some childcare on the weekends. That's been an absolute, 609 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: like a huge life improvement hack for us. Yeah, or 610 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 1: even just having a few hours to relax or get 611 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: you know, errands done that you need to without having 612 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: to bring three kids with you, or if you have 613 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: lots of kids and activities, we've sometimes hired sitters on 614 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,680 Speaker 1: weekends because one kid has a swim meet, another kid 615 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,719 Speaker 1: has a wrestling meet. In that way, we don't have 616 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 1: to take the two little kids with us as each 617 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: parent is covering a sporting event. That's key. A couple 618 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 1: other things just practical. If you've got a lot of 619 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 1: travel in your life, you may need to negotiate overnight rates. 620 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: Obviously you got to hire somebody that is willing to 621 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: stay overnight and then you know, negotiate overnight coverage what 622 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 1: that rate will be. Well, one very elegant solution for that. 623 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,200 Speaker 1: And I did want to mention this is an O 624 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: pair And I have a number of friends, especially with 625 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: school aged children, who participate in the O pair program 626 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,240 Speaker 1: where you have somebody come from another country and they're 627 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 1: able to work to up to forty five hours of 628 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: childcare a week. But you can arrange that however you want. 629 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 1: So if the kids are in school, an O pair 630 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: can be perfect for those overnights and sort of unpredictable 631 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: travel schedule. Well, one thing I would say with that, though, 632 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 1: actually is that there are certain visa requirements on the 633 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 1: O pair thing. Most of them are actually not supposed 634 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: to stay overnight with the kids. Really, yes, yeah, you 635 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: know that. Legally they are not allowed to stay with 636 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: children who are under three months of age. They are 637 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 1: not allowed to stay overnight alone with the children. That's 638 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 1: part of the I know those things are. That's very Paul, 639 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,160 Speaker 1: thank you. I bet that. I bet listeners didn't know 640 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: that he was. I'd not heard that. As you're sponsoring 641 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: the whatever it's Jay something visa for your o pair, 642 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: they are not supposed to be overnight. So it's it's unfortunately, 643 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: it's not a good solution for that. I will say 644 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 1: that's probably no one has ever been like prosecuted for 645 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 1: that that I know of, because most people would not. 646 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: But you know, you want to follow the law, you 647 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: want to follow the rules. Well, it might help. It 648 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: might help if the like if one partner was working, 649 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: like not if both parents are traveling. But let's say, 650 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 1: in our case, if my husband was going to get 651 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: home unpredictable hour, like at eight or nine pm maybe, 652 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,080 Speaker 1: but I was going to be away. Yeah, then it 653 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: might be very helpful. But I guess you're right, So 654 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,960 Speaker 1: both parents going away, that would not work. But obviously 655 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: if it's if it's usually just one parent who's traveling, 656 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: that can be very helpful because then the hours can 657 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 1: be wherever they are. So a lot of people have 658 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: found that great. They are younger and so sometimes that's 659 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 1: really fun for the kids to have, like a older 660 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,160 Speaker 1: brother or sister. One thing I would say with that 661 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 1: to be careful though, is that it is an older 662 00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: brother or sister in the sense that these are young 663 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: people who are yeah, eighteen and twenty three years of age, 664 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:11,319 Speaker 1: which means that whatever your nineteen year old daughter would 665 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 1: do that would drive you crazy, is something that your 666 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,879 Speaker 1: nineteen year old OH pair might do that will drive 667 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: you crazy or get into trouble doing. I mean, I've 668 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 1: definitely heard stories of OH pairs winding up, you know, 669 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,880 Speaker 1: unexpectedly pregnant for instance, and heading home, or you know, 670 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 1: having car accidents because they're new drivers, or you know, 671 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: just things like that. So keeping in mind that these 672 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,720 Speaker 1: people are still, in many cases teenagers. They are away 673 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,920 Speaker 1: from home for what might be the first time. Many 674 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,400 Speaker 1: are wonderful, but many are working through those issues. So 675 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,240 Speaker 1: it's something to just keep in mind. There are upsides 676 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:51,319 Speaker 1: and downsides of all forms of care. So because of that, 677 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 1: we have not gone the opair route. Instead, what we've 678 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 1: done is our full time nanny is willing to work 679 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:01,000 Speaker 1: overtime overnight if we ask for ahead of time, and 680 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 1: so that's been a really great solution with us. The 681 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,959 Speaker 1: kids love her. She's got the routine down. And again 682 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 1: because she's our full time employee, that's just she she 683 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,040 Speaker 1: builds that into her life. She doesn't have other things 684 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: that she's planning on doing Monday through Thursday, so she 685 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: can take those hours on. So we found that that's 686 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:22,319 Speaker 1: really great. I think in general, treating your caregivers like 687 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,839 Speaker 1: real employees because they are, it goes a long way 688 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: toward making people be good employees. So again, paying legally, 689 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 1: I use I use GTM payroll. Who do you use? 690 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,360 Speaker 1: By the way, Actually we do a homegrown thing that 691 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: I learned from my one of my family members who 692 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 1: is used to having household employees. So we actually file 693 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 1: it by yourself. It's not that terrible, but you do 694 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 1: need to have an account and kind of help you 695 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 1: set everything up and put everything id to start out with. Yes, 696 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,279 Speaker 1: because you can be mailing checks to the treasury as 697 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 1: the employer. I mean, that's that's one of one of 698 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,920 Speaker 1: the things withholding taxes and all that that you have 699 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 1: to do. Yes, well, and you can do that. So 700 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 1: it's different for you because you're self employed. But if 701 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: you work for a company, you can actually just have 702 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 1: that additional money withheld fairly easily. You just contact you know, 703 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,440 Speaker 1: whoever's in charge of payroll and you say, oh, I 704 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,719 Speaker 1: like X amount of dollars held monthly or quarterly, and 705 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,719 Speaker 1: then that that can account for it. So it is doable. Yeah, 706 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,239 Speaker 1: but just make sure you get the advice of people 707 00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,319 Speaker 1: who truly know what they're doing. All on account, not 708 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,080 Speaker 1: just us. But yeah, we went with GTM because they 709 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 1: were again this is non sponsored, but they are relatively affordable, 710 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 1: and then they handle all of it. And one of 711 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 1: the things I have found is that we get between 712 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,240 Speaker 1: New York and Pennsylvania. Maybe Miami is more employer friendly. 713 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,239 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I swear I get some sort 714 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: of angry letter from tax authorities every couple months when 715 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 1: I've lived in New York and lived in Pennsylvania, and 716 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,040 Speaker 1: it's almost always nothing like it turns out there is nothing. 717 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 1: It's just that they sent this letter out to everyone 718 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,560 Speaker 1: for unknown reasons, I don't know, maybe to see if 719 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 1: they can come up with back taxes from people who 720 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 1: owe it. But of course if you don't owe back taxes, 721 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: you're like, well, what's going on? Like, why am I 722 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 1: getting this angry letter. It helps to have a service 723 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 1: for us because then they can tell me, oh, that's nothing. 724 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,520 Speaker 1: So I've found that very helpful as well, and so 725 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 1: I've been glad to have that. So yeah, those are 726 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 1: some of the things we've I mean, it's really been 727 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: a growing experience. The other thing is that you know, 728 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,719 Speaker 1: no situation lasts forever. We've certainly, I mean we've had 729 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,160 Speaker 1: wonderful nanny's, but we know that in general, after two 730 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 1: or three years they decide to move on. That's to 731 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,120 Speaker 1: be expected. I've never felt like I wanted someone to 732 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,759 Speaker 1: move on, which is good, but you know, people want 733 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 1: to do other things sometimes, or they move or you know, 734 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 1: so that's life. I was going to mention with respect 735 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:44,080 Speaker 1: to the no situation lasting forever, is that it is expensive. 736 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,400 Speaker 1: It's very expensive to have multiple layers of childcare in place, 737 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,280 Speaker 1: but it's not permanent. So you know, when you're thinking 738 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,480 Speaker 1: about it with respect to your budget, I do know 739 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: that this is a somewhat temporary expense. I mean, once 740 00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,359 Speaker 1: you have multiple school age kids or kids that are 741 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 1: old enough that can actually you know, stay in the 742 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,640 Speaker 1: house by themselves, that does eventually happen. You know, you 743 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,560 Speaker 1: may find your outlay of costs to be much less. So, 744 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 1: I mean, I think I remember thinking of this as like, oh, 745 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,319 Speaker 1: when I was in residency, like how how could I possibly, like, 746 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: you know, pay that forever? But the truth is, you know, 747 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,200 Speaker 1: you're not. I'm sure that means other expenses are going 748 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: to come up, but you won't be paying for college 749 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 1: and childcare hopefully simultaneously, unless your kids are really you'd 750 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,359 Speaker 1: have to have a really far age. Yeah. But even 751 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 1: for some people, like knowing that you're gonna have the 752 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,279 Speaker 1: multiple layers when your children are prior to kindergarten, and 753 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 1: then maybe after that considering something more flexible and less 754 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,439 Speaker 1: expensive like in O pair or outside daycare, it could work. 755 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 1: But for those young childhood years, like those intense like 756 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 1: zero to five years, you know, I hate to say 757 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,600 Speaker 1: it makes sense to borrow from your future self, but 758 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,200 Speaker 1: in this particular case, if you feel like you can 759 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,040 Speaker 1: make those numbers work, it actually may makes sense. Yeah. 760 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,040 Speaker 1: I mean a couple of things to think about with this. 761 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:05,400 Speaker 1: First is, don't charge the cost of childcare solely against 762 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,640 Speaker 1: your own salary. If you are co parenting with someone, 763 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 1: it is a joint expense. And I know that the 764 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 1: mindset people go through is like, oh, I'm only charge, 765 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,280 Speaker 1: especially if you are the lesser earning party in a couple, 766 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,080 Speaker 1: which many women, for whatever reason happen to be. The 767 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,960 Speaker 1: mindset is to charge the whole childcare expense against the 768 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: lower earning party. And then for many cases, women are 769 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: not making that much more after taxes than what their 770 00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:30,920 Speaker 1: child care costs would be, and so that could be 771 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,040 Speaker 1: very discouraging. You're like, well, why am I even working again? 772 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,680 Speaker 1: If you don't want to go back to work, that's great, 773 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,640 Speaker 1: but I would not use that as the argument because 774 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 1: a it's a joint expense, so it's split between you 775 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,040 Speaker 1: and your partner if you are co parenting with someone. Second, 776 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,360 Speaker 1: it's kind of like saying, well, I'm not going to 777 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 1: go to college because because for a couple of years 778 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,160 Speaker 1: I'll be spending more than I'm taking in. I mean, 779 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: this is an investment in your lifelong earning potential. Eventually, 780 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 1: if you stay in the workforce, your salary will rise 781 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,400 Speaker 1: and your childcare costs will fall. So like an economist 782 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,800 Speaker 1: would not look at this as a point in time 783 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,239 Speaker 1: sort of calculations. Really, you have to amortize it over 784 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,360 Speaker 1: your entire life. And there's very good evidence that women 785 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,719 Speaker 1: who take a couple of years out of the workforce 786 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:18,839 Speaker 1: never regain their earning potential. One of the numbers from 787 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,120 Speaker 1: an economist named Sylvia Ann who's looked at a lot 788 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,200 Speaker 1: of this, is that taking three years out winds up 789 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,720 Speaker 1: in a thirty seven percent reduction in overall earning lifetime 790 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 1: earning potential. So that's a huge hit, right. Viewed that way, 791 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: like a couple of years of paying for full time 792 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:39,600 Speaker 1: childcare is it's an investment. Now, I've had colleagues, you know, 793 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,720 Speaker 1: because I'm I'm in pediatric endochronology, which yes, is a physician, 794 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,160 Speaker 1: but it's not a terribly high paying field. And I've 795 00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,440 Speaker 1: i had a colleague make that exact argument, which was like, 796 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 1: you know, after taxes, this is like all of my salary, 797 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,200 Speaker 1: et cetera. But yeah, you have to look at the 798 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:53,960 Speaker 1: short term and the long term and what do you 799 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,440 Speaker 1: want to be doing and what is what is your 800 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,160 Speaker 1: you know, career trajectory going to look like ten fifteen 801 00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,839 Speaker 1: years from now. And I agree with you. You have 802 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,080 Speaker 1: to look at it as an outlay from both parties, 803 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 1: not from your own, Like that is just not how 804 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: the math works, so I think that's a really important point. Well, 805 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,200 Speaker 1: we could go on about this all day, but I 806 00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,480 Speaker 1: know you people don't want to listen to a podcast forever. 807 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,399 Speaker 1: It's got to end at some point. This has got 808 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,319 Speaker 1: to be like a long community sorry commute, so maybe 809 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:19,920 Speaker 1: you get this on the way home as well. But 810 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:21,880 Speaker 1: this is a topic we'd love to talk about. If 811 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:23,960 Speaker 1: you have questions about this, feel free to send them 812 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,400 Speaker 1: to us. You can email me el vander kamat yahoo 813 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:30,960 Speaker 1: dot com. Sarah. Let's talk our love of the weeks. Now, 814 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,719 Speaker 1: obviously we both love our childcare setups at this point. Yes, 815 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,520 Speaker 1: I do super in love with my childcare setup, but 816 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,560 Speaker 1: love it. But your other love this week, My current 817 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,480 Speaker 1: love is this is really basic and I feel like 818 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 1: kind of like duh about this one. But I am 819 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,879 Speaker 1: kind of love in the library right now. I never 820 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,640 Speaker 1: use the library at big admission of guilt when we 821 00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,560 Speaker 1: lived in North Carolina, and it took me a while 822 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,320 Speaker 1: to kind of figure out the system here. But my 823 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 1: husband has turned me on to reserve it books. So 824 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,879 Speaker 1: I don't really have time or maybe I just don't 825 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,040 Speaker 1: have the willingness to go in and like browse around. 826 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,000 Speaker 1: But you can actually just reserve whatever you want online 827 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,680 Speaker 1: and pick it up just like you were, you know, 828 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,279 Speaker 1: going to a store and getting free loot. And it's 829 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,680 Speaker 1: like we actually in Miami Beach have this mobile library, 830 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,000 Speaker 1: which I don't know if this isn't other communities, but 831 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,400 Speaker 1: they'll they'll drive around the locations near you and you 832 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:25,200 Speaker 1: can actually deliver the books you've ordered to your mobile library. 833 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,960 Speaker 1: So I feel like I have this like free book 834 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 1: delivery service that should have been really really obvious that 835 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:33,880 Speaker 1: I am just now learning to enjoy. And we use 836 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,160 Speaker 1: it for kids books too, because you know, you don't 837 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:40,000 Speaker 1: necessarily want I certainly love buying books. I'm not against 838 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,120 Speaker 1: it if it's right, I'm sure, I'm like, this isn't. 839 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: But and and the truth is, there are many books 840 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,200 Speaker 1: that like I'm invested in and I want to own, 841 00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 1: like a favorite author, Laura, I own. I think I 842 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,279 Speaker 1: own like all of your books. So if that makes 843 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:57,520 Speaker 1: you feel any better, support that you can everyone buy my, 844 00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:01,000 Speaker 1: borrow the other ones. And when it's ref friends especially, 845 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,920 Speaker 1: you know, you often want to own it, or if 846 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,560 Speaker 1: you want to pass it to friends. But when it's 847 00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,640 Speaker 1: just like trying out some new fiction, or if it's 848 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:08,960 Speaker 1: kids books that you kind of want to have a 849 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 1: rotating selection. Try out your library if you haven't, because 850 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,960 Speaker 1: you may find it as useful as I have a 851 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:18,000 Speaker 1: great idea. Libraries are wonderful and it's a great way 852 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,319 Speaker 1: to entertain kids too, Like if you know you've got 853 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,560 Speaker 1: them on a rainy Saturday, bring them to the kids 854 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,840 Speaker 1: library in your community. It's a great way to spend 855 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,640 Speaker 1: some time and then have them have something to do 856 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,480 Speaker 1: when they come home. So I was going to do 857 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:29,839 Speaker 1: a different level of the week, but now that we're 858 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,200 Speaker 1: on the book topic, I'm gonna I'm going to do 859 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,080 Speaker 1: my book love of the week, which is that I 860 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,520 Speaker 1: have for several years been reading the Modern Missus Darcy 861 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,760 Speaker 1: blog Me too, which I love. We both love this blog. 862 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:45,360 Speaker 1: It's and Vogel is a woman who lives in Kentucky. 863 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 1: I want to say, but she is a reads everything, 864 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,800 Speaker 1: and of course now it's become her job to read everything. 865 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:56,920 Speaker 1: But her book recommendations are awesome. She will put posts 866 00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,000 Speaker 1: which are like ten books that are over six hundred 867 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 1: pages that you won't mind reading or something like that, 868 00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,360 Speaker 1: or or ten paid ten books that will make you 869 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,239 Speaker 1: want to book a trip and so there's just these 870 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,920 Speaker 1: lists of books, and so if you're trying to figure out, well, 871 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,440 Speaker 1: what should I read next, which, by the way, is 872 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,600 Speaker 1: the name of her podcast, What should I Read Next? 873 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,640 Speaker 1: These are great recommendations and I have almost never gone 874 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,440 Speaker 1: wrong from her descriptions. I read some of her descriptions 875 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:21,719 Speaker 1: and I'm like, Oh, that's really not going to be 876 00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:23,960 Speaker 1: a book for me. But if I read her description 877 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,839 Speaker 1: and it sounds like a book for me, it always is. 878 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,359 Speaker 1: So I would I would recommend that if you know, 879 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,200 Speaker 1: listen to what Should I Read Next? Or read Modern 880 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,560 Speaker 1: Missus Darcy, and then get your list, put it on 881 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:39,240 Speaker 1: hold at your library, and maybe even if you're like Sarah, 882 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,719 Speaker 1: the library will come to you with these titles and 883 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,520 Speaker 1: you'll be reading a lot more. We're going to do 884 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,680 Speaker 1: an episode later on how to find more time to read, 885 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,840 Speaker 1: so that'll be another one you'll have to listen for. 886 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,880 Speaker 1: So this brings us to the Q and a section 887 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,880 Speaker 1: which Sarah, We've got. We've got a question about mental 888 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 1: load this week. Do you do you have them? And 889 00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,319 Speaker 1: I don't know if we can fully do it justice 890 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,440 Speaker 1: in this segment, but we can at least start the question, 891 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,160 Speaker 1: said my question is about the mental load of your job. 892 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,200 Speaker 1: How do you check out of work mode when you're home. 893 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm not in medicine, but as a teacher, Thank you. 894 00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,239 Speaker 1: I love teachers, especially this time of year. My job 895 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,279 Speaker 1: is pretty all consuming September through June. Even if I'm 896 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 1: not at work, I'm thinking about it. How could that 897 00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:20,120 Speaker 1: lesson go better? How could I help that class work 898 00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,840 Speaker 1: better today? Am I giving enough feedback? This is my 899 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,640 Speaker 1: first school year with the child of my own, and 900 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:29,240 Speaker 1: I worry about this. I don't have an easy answer 901 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 1: for you. I do think some people are much more 902 00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:35,480 Speaker 1: natural compartmentalizers than others, and I think over the years, 903 00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:41,320 Speaker 1: I have sort of moved towards pretty heavy compartmentalizing, both 904 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:45,640 Speaker 1: because I find I'm more effective in whatever realm I'm 905 00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,440 Speaker 1: in and if I'm not thinking too much about the 906 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,360 Speaker 1: other one, and because it's kind of just more enjoyable 907 00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,719 Speaker 1: for me and for me My biggest strategy with this 908 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,840 Speaker 1: is my common strategy for a lot of things, but 909 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,640 Speaker 1: writing things down planning. So if I have concern like 910 00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:03,239 Speaker 1: that at work, like you know, something's bothering me, I'll 911 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,000 Speaker 1: write down in my calendar for the next day. At 912 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,919 Speaker 1: little checkbox that's like discussed with office manager this ex 913 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,799 Speaker 1: concern because once it's in physical form somewhere that I 914 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,560 Speaker 1: can see that, I'm gonna handle it later. I'm not 915 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,279 Speaker 1: going to be thinking about it the whole time I'm 916 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,960 Speaker 1: doing the kids' bedtime routine. If I don't do that, 917 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,680 Speaker 1: if I don't have something to kind of release that 918 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,560 Speaker 1: idea that's hanging over my head, then it comes back 919 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,160 Speaker 1: to me and floats back to me and floats back 920 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,400 Speaker 1: to me. So for me, planning really really and I 921 00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:33,440 Speaker 1: guess sort of scheduling scheduling time to be frustrated or 922 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,840 Speaker 1: fred about different things has really helped me separate the 923 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:40,719 Speaker 1: realms and it's like a necessary survival thing for me. Yeah, 924 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,600 Speaker 1: I would agree with that a lot, making notes of 925 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,120 Speaker 1: the time when you're going to think about it. But 926 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:48,480 Speaker 1: I would also suggest possibly viewing this from a different 927 00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,880 Speaker 1: perspective too, which is it's not a bad thing to 928 00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,759 Speaker 1: be enough into your job that you want to think 929 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:58,160 Speaker 1: about it. Like, I love that this teacher is saying, 930 00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:01,040 Speaker 1: how can I help my class work better? How can 931 00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,920 Speaker 1: I make that lesson go better? Like what feedback do 932 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,239 Speaker 1: I have for myself about how I presented it? That's 933 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 1: what makes you better at your job over time, And 934 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,439 Speaker 1: so how much worse if you weren't thinking about these things, right, 935 00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,040 Speaker 1: Like if you could just like, oh, I don't care 936 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 1: about my job, you know, anymore than what I've done 937 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,239 Speaker 1: on any given day. So I would say, if you 938 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,359 Speaker 1: have it from that perspective, write down when you're going 939 00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,200 Speaker 1: to think about it, or maybe give yourself a little 940 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,960 Speaker 1: bit of time at night as sort of this is 941 00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,359 Speaker 1: my thinking about how I could improve on the day, 942 00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,840 Speaker 1: maybe writing in a journal of like this went, well, 943 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,360 Speaker 1: these are some things I'd like to do better. I 944 00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:38,880 Speaker 1: think having that reflective time can also help you keep 945 00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,120 Speaker 1: a good perspective on it, or maybe sort of blending 946 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,399 Speaker 1: the two. See if you can find a time when 947 00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,040 Speaker 1: you're not going to think about it, so let it 948 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:47,919 Speaker 1: ruminate the rest of the time. Like Laura is saying, 949 00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:49,600 Speaker 1: like maybe if it's healthy for you to kind of 950 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:53,279 Speaker 1: be there, then that's okay. But then maybe say to yourself, well, 951 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,920 Speaker 1: but except for between the hours of you know, seven 952 00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:59,080 Speaker 1: and eight thirty, I'm going to be fully you know, 953 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,960 Speaker 1: focused on something. So kind of a combination approach. Well, 954 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,880 Speaker 1: thank you all so much for listening to this. This 955 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:09,240 Speaker 1: has been episode for on childcare and other such things, 956 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:15,280 Speaker 1: and we will be back next week with more. Thanks 957 00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,280 Speaker 1: for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox 958 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:22,719 Speaker 1: dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and 959 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,880 Speaker 1: you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 960 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,200 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 961 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,840 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 962 00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,080 Speaker 1: life work together.