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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: You know, when I was a single woman in adulthood,

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Speaker 2: I value me time, I value solitude, and you don't

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Speaker 2: get a lot of that when you're a mom and

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Speaker 2: you're married, and so I still carve out time to

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Speaker 2: have that because that is important to me. But I

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Speaker 2: want to be intentional about my relationship with myself because

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Speaker 2: although there are some women that being a mother is

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Speaker 2: like they feel is their destiny, and everyone's entitled to

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Speaker 2: their own feeling and what their destiny is and how

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Speaker 2: they define their purpose. But for me, being an individual

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Speaker 2: and having that tarry time, I guess you could call it,

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Speaker 2: that is important to me. Today's episode is sure to

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Speaker 2: provide you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If

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Speaker 2: you have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode,

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Speaker 2: please leave us a review to let us know we're

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Speaker 2: on the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday,

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Speaker 2: so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace

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Speaker 2: dot com to access our exclusive after show and other

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Speaker 2: bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker.

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Speaker 2: In a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood,

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Speaker 2: please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything

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Speaker 2: from five roids to fake friends, and create a safe

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Speaker 2: space where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's

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Speaker 2: Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. I'm hosting

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Speaker 2: a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you

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Speaker 2: how to create your impactful podcast and how you can

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Speaker 2: generate multiple streams of income. You can visit podcast with

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Speaker 2: Terry dot com to register for free. I hope to

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Speaker 2: see you there.

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Speaker 4: Our quote of the day in the end, I'm the

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Speaker 4: only one who can give my children a happy mother

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Speaker 4: who loves life. I'm gonna say that one more time

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Speaker 4: for the people in the back. In the end, I'm

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Speaker 4: the only one who can give my children a happy

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Speaker 4: mother who loves life. Tea. That is a powerful quote

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Speaker 4: to ground us in our conversation today. What comes up

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Speaker 4: for you period?

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Speaker 2: Well, first time when I first heard that quote, because

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Speaker 2: I saw it, of course before we started recording, and

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Speaker 2: I saw it and it felt like it was more

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Speaker 2: like our conversation is about rediscovering yourself after motherhood, and

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Speaker 2: I felt like this quote was centered around the child.

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Speaker 2: But then when you read it again before we started recording,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, wait, wait, wait, this brings me

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Speaker 2: back to that quote that I've heard years ago where

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Speaker 2: they talk about happiness being an inside job, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, it was like push, mind blown because I'm like, dang,

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Speaker 2: this is saying like, Mama, you the only one that

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Speaker 2: can give the child a happy mother that enjoys life,

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Speaker 2: meaning that you got to get yourself together, make sure

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Speaker 2: you're good, because you're the only one that can do that.

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Speaker 2: It can't be your partner, not your job, not anything

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Speaker 2: else outside of you. Like it's our job as moms

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Speaker 2: to make sure we're good so that we can then

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Speaker 2: be that for ourselves and then give that to our

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Speaker 2: child and our partner and our family and all that

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Speaker 2: good stuff.

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Speaker 4: Oh exactly, exactly. Do you know what's interesting is that's

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Speaker 4: immediately how I heard it, right, But I think it

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Speaker 4: was because I was already grounding myself in our topic

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Speaker 4: for today, and I was like, oh, this captures our

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Speaker 4: topic perfectly right. That essentially, if you want to be

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Speaker 4: a happy mother or have set a good example, a

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Speaker 4: healthy example for your kids, it's not dependent on what

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Speaker 4: your children are doing. It's not dependent on your partner.

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Speaker 4: Like you said, it is an inside job. It is

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Speaker 4: the work that you have to do to become who

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Speaker 4: you want to be. So we ready to do this,

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Speaker 4: We ready to talk about what it means to me.

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Speaker 2: We could just drop the mic right now. That quote

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Speaker 2: is powerful, but yes, girl, let's dive on in dom.

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Speaker 2: So let me just tell you. I was talking to

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Speaker 2: my husband the other day and I want to share

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Speaker 2: something with you that I thought was just it really

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Speaker 2: boggled my mom when I thought about it. And you've

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Speaker 2: been on this journey with me for a while, like

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Speaker 2: trying to get pregnant. But I was thinking about my

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Speaker 2: journey and I was like, damn, the past five to

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Speaker 2: six years have been dedicated really to motherhood in away

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Speaker 2: from me, even though my daughter's only fifteen months. Like

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Speaker 2: I feel like my body's been dedicated to science for

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Speaker 2: the past five six years because we were trying to

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Speaker 2: get pregnant for two years unsuccessfully and then we had

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Speaker 2: to go through or we chose to go through a

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Speaker 2: series of fertility treatments, right, and then that was like

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Speaker 2: that included a different tests before we got to the treatment.

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Speaker 2: It was like, Okay, we've got to figure out what's

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Speaker 2: happening and why aren't you getting pregnant. Then it was

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Speaker 2: the treatments, right, five rounds of IUI, which lady, we

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Speaker 2: did episodes about this, But that's intrauterine in its insemination,

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Speaker 2: which is a type of artificial insemination, then getting pregnant,

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Speaker 2: and then from that being pregnant for ten months, right, yep.

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Speaker 2: And I've been nursing for fifteen months. So I'm like,

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Speaker 2: this has been a wild journey and I'm finally now

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Speaker 2: fifteen months later, at a point where I feel like,

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Speaker 2: for the most part, I'm like in my I want

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Speaker 2: to say back to myself, but you never really go back, right,

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Speaker 2: So I'm like in the new space of being comfortable

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Speaker 2: in my body and where I'm at. But that took

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Speaker 2: a toll on me mentally, spiritually, physically.

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Speaker 4: And that's five to six years is a long time, right,

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Speaker 4: it is. It is a long it's a long time

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Speaker 4: for that's a whole doctorate, yes, Lord.

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Speaker 2: And the thing is that I would love to hear

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Speaker 2: your perspective on mommy guilt, because I do want to

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Speaker 2: say that someone may be listening like, well, girl, you

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Speaker 2: wanted a child, But I'm like, I am not a

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Speaker 2: mommy shame right at all, because I get it. Like

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Speaker 2: I remember talking to one of my friends and she

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Speaker 2: has kids, and they were like, you know, just asking

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Speaker 2: my kids in the background, and she was like yelling

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Speaker 2: on the phone, and I feel like there was a

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Speaker 2: part of me it was just like oh, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, you know what, I don't know what it's

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Speaker 2: like to have this many kids and to have no

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Speaker 2: help and to be stressed out to the max. So

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, I'm not judging because you don't. I

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Speaker 2: don't know herson situation, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what it's like to be there. And

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Speaker 2: I feel like as women or as a woman that

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Speaker 2: desperately wanted this baby, who paid big bucks to get

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Speaker 2: this baby through all these fertility treatments, it's okay to

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Speaker 2: be tired, Like it's okay. There are days when I

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Speaker 2: need a break. There are days and I feel frustrated

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Speaker 2: and overwhelmed by motherhood and I just want all the

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Speaker 2: moms to know that it's okay even if you were

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Speaker 2: super fertile and you had a different journey than me, Like,

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Speaker 2: it's okay for moms to be tired. It's okay for

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Speaker 2: moms to be over it. There's no judgment at all.

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Speaker 2: And I had to have that conversation with myself a

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Speaker 2: few times because I know there were days where I

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Speaker 2: was like, Yo, this is a lot. Almost every day

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm like, this is a lot, because

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Speaker 2: it is a lot. It is so much work. It's

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Speaker 2: worth it, and I don't regret it. But Mom, if

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Speaker 2: you're out there and you do regret it, like it's

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Speaker 2: okay to have all those feelings, Like we're humans, and

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Speaker 2: I feel like we need to hold space for women

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Speaker 2: to have those feelings because people often oh, well you

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Speaker 2: signed up for oh you won the baby, okay, and

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Speaker 2: I still be tired.

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Speaker 5: Like what do you think about that time? Would friends?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, as I hear you say that, like, I feel

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Speaker 4: like shaming and judging moms is not a good thing, right,

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Speaker 4: And I also think that a lot of it comes

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Speaker 4: from our own stuff, right, that where you are in

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Speaker 4: life kind of sets the tone for how you engage

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Speaker 4: with others, how you perceive others, how you respond to

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Speaker 4: various situations. Because as you were saying that, I thought about,

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Speaker 4: like my twenty something year old self right, and I

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Speaker 4: own that in that time period, I was in that

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Speaker 4: stage like most of us in our twenties, that think

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Speaker 4: that we have it all figured out, and was judging

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Speaker 4: folks around me, judging myself, judging folks around me based

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Speaker 4: on this idea lie perfect image right of what a

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Speaker 4: woman should be, what life should look like. And I

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Speaker 4: think that that's the space that a lot of us

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Speaker 4: fall into until we live a little and have gone

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Speaker 4: through some shit and then eat some humble pie and

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Speaker 4: start to develop more empathy for those and compassion for

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Speaker 4: those around us, recognizing that we don't know everything, and

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Speaker 4: we don't know everyone's journey or story. That while we're

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Speaker 4: sitting here judging that mom who can't keep her kids

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Speaker 4: quiet while they're while she's on a phone call, if

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Speaker 4: we were in her shoes, would we be able to

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Speaker 4: keep our kids quiet while we're on a phone call.

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Speaker 4: Let me find a woman who keep their kids, keep

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Speaker 4: multiple kids quiet the entire time and they're not napping.

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Speaker 2: Let me know where where she at Those where she at.

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Speaker 4: She needs to be writing, she needs to be making

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Speaker 4: millions off of sharing her secret. Because I don't know anyone,

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Speaker 4: and I know a lot of moms, I don't know

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Speaker 4: anyone who can make that happen one hundred percent of

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Speaker 4: the time.

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Speaker 2: the right foot, because if I don't get as many

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Speaker 5: Does it?

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Speaker 2: No need for a million different pills and supplements to

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Speaker 2: let's get back to the show. That's just facts. I'm

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Speaker 2: with you there because I know when I was younger,

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Speaker 2: I used to be very judgmental. I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of that had to do with my upbringing and you know,

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Speaker 2: being very religious and things like that, but being very judgmental,

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Speaker 2: but I was also it all started within, like I

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Speaker 2: was very judging right and judgmental of myself, and that

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Speaker 2: then was projected out onto other people. But it's funny

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Speaker 2: because it's so easy to say, oh, I would never

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Speaker 2: do that. That used to be my thing, girl, but

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Speaker 2: oh I would never do that. I would never And

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Speaker 2: then you get I got in some situations or I

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Speaker 2: hadne did some things I said I would never do,

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Speaker 2: and I said, you know what I'm going to I

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Speaker 2: ain't saying shit that I'll never do because I don't

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Speaker 2: know until you're at in that situation. So sometimes the

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Speaker 2: hypotheticals are annoying. And people that talk about having kids

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Speaker 2: and it's like, you don't know what it's like because

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Speaker 2: you ain't done this yet, so it's hard to, you know,

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Speaker 2: say so yes we are. We are no mommy shamers

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Speaker 2: over here. But Dom, I would love to know what

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Speaker 2: have you noticed when it comes to your friends and family, because,

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Speaker 2: as you all know if you are an avid listener,

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Speaker 2: doctor Dom is not a mother, but she is a

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Speaker 2: stellar auntie and god mommy and Auntie don loves the kids. Okay,

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Speaker 2: she sweet auntie to my baby and to her nieces

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Speaker 2: and yes and nephews. So don what if you noticed

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Speaker 2: when it comes to like your friends and family, when

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Speaker 2: it comes to them just embarking on this motherhood journey,

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Speaker 2: and how have you supported them?

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Speaker 4: I think the first thing is that it changes you,

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Speaker 4: Like you mentioned earlier, right, it changes you. It changes

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Speaker 4: how you engage with those around you. It changes how

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Speaker 4: you show up for yourself. What I've noticed in my friends,

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Speaker 4: particularly those who have kids in their thirties, because again

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Speaker 4: I think that there is something to be said about

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Speaker 4: just our overall lifes man development, and how we show

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Speaker 4: up in our teens versus our twenties, versus our thirties

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Speaker 4: versus our forties.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 4: I think you know, when I look at my friends

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Speaker 4: who had kids before twenty five and how they showed

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Speaker 4: up for their kids, how they showed up in life

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Speaker 4: in general is different than how they show up now, right.

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Speaker 4: And I think the thing that's also beautiful to see

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Speaker 4: is how this generation of moms is, at least in

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Speaker 4: my friend circle, intentional about parenting. I notice how they

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Speaker 4: are really taking time to go within and look at

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Speaker 4: how they were raised and examine what they want to

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Speaker 4: incorporate in raising their own children versus the things that

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Speaker 4: they want to change and shift around. And it can

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Speaker 4: be hard to do that, especially if the people who

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Speaker 4: raised you are still in your life, because I've seen

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Speaker 4: some of my friends have some very interesting arguments or

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Speaker 4: heated discussions with their parents around their parents taking a

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Speaker 4: to my friends changing how things were done right. And

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Speaker 4: the reality is that it's not about the parents. It's

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Speaker 4: not about it's not about saying, oh, well, you are

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Speaker 4: so fucked up as a parent that I got to

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Speaker 4: go and do this completely different. It's not about that.

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Speaker 4: It's about I understand that you did the best you

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Speaker 4: could with what you had in that moment, and I

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Speaker 4: am equipped with different knowledge, I am equipped with different tools,

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Speaker 4: and so because I'm equipped with something different, I am

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Speaker 4: going to do different And that can be hard for

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Speaker 4: the parents to sit with. But I think that my

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Speaker 4: friends are being very intentional on it. Like I said,

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Speaker 4: it's beautiful to see how they are being very intentional

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Speaker 4: with their parenting. But then that also changes how they

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Speaker 4: show up as moms or as women. I should say,

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Speaker 4: don that is powerful. I feel like that could be

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Speaker 4: a whole nother episode.

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Speaker 2: I just had to write that down, and we might

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Speaker 2: as well, just dive right into what do many mothers

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Speaker 2: struggle with after becoming a mom. So I just summed

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Speaker 2: up what you said like in the notes here, lady,

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Speaker 2: we'll add it in the show notes. But breaking negative

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Speaker 2: generational cycles like that is a that is a real thing.

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Speaker 2: And I don't necessarily experience that at that level because

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Speaker 2: I'm not, like, I don't live close to family, and

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Speaker 2: so I can only imagine know how that can be

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Speaker 2: when it.

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Speaker 5: Comes to like discipline.

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Speaker 2: Right, Like I was with you said that, I was

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Speaker 2: thinking about the fact that, you know, even though I

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Speaker 2: have a fifteen month old and she, you know, sometimes

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Speaker 2: will have little pantrums, I've never like popped her. But

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Speaker 2: growing up, that was the things you just did that

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Speaker 2: no matter really, no matter what the age, as long

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Speaker 2: as when you know that they understood you, like pop

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Speaker 2: that little hand. Now, I'll grab that little hand, like

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Speaker 2: I that's our little thing. We'd be like ah, and

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Speaker 2: she knows what it means. Or I'll give her the

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Speaker 2: look and she'll be like oh. I could see she's

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Speaker 2: like oh man and be doing this. But that's a

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Speaker 2: big thing for me because growing up physical, like the

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Speaker 2: physicality of it all was like a thing for us,

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Speaker 2: like we grew up in a very physical household where

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Speaker 2: you'd hit or do other things right, And so I

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Speaker 2: would say breaking negative generational cycles the mom guilt, which

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Speaker 2: we talked about. I think some new moms also struggle

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Speaker 2: with body image. I know for me, I did like,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna we're about to get little TMI off,

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Speaker 2: but you know how we do. Okay, this is a

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Speaker 2: grown woman podcast. But I personally, even before I had

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Speaker 2: a baby, I was into, like I like to take

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Speaker 2: sexy pictures and like, you know, take little you know,

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Speaker 2: little news or whatever, no face, no case, no ladies,

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Speaker 2: So just remember that and taking pictures like no face.

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Speaker 2: You know, you got to careful out here. But I

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Speaker 2: say all that to say I was looking at older

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Speaker 2: pictures that I took, and I was looking at now

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Speaker 2: pictures now and down. We talked about this. Before I

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Speaker 2: was just like I did not appreciate my stomach as

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Speaker 2: much as I did then, Like THEE I never thought

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Speaker 2: about the text of my lower abdomen until after I

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Speaker 2: had a baby. And now I'm like, oh it's a

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Speaker 2: little wrinkly, But before I was just.

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Speaker 5: Like, girl, why did you appreciate this body?

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Speaker 2: Like body image, right, that has been a thing girl,

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Speaker 2: Time management.

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Speaker 4: Cool child, yep, fitting all the things in Kudos to

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Speaker 4: parents because I be out here, it's just me, myself

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Speaker 4: and I and I be out here. How I got

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Speaker 4: time for all the things. And I think about y'all,

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Speaker 4: my mom friends out there, and I'm like, oh, bless

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Speaker 4: y'all because right, because y'all gotta keep the motee with

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Speaker 4: the babies, and.

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Speaker 2: Girl, i'd be like, what the hell, what is happening?

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Speaker 2: So we got time management travel, like I know for me,

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Speaker 2: especially nursing.

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Speaker 5: Girl.

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Speaker 2: We'll talk about this later because this was a highlight

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Speaker 2: for my mommy journey. But when we went to La together,

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Speaker 2: that was my first time away like that, and you know,

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Speaker 2: I was going through it on a photo shoot and

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Speaker 2: gorge just hell trying to pump out. I remember pumping

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Speaker 2: in my lift after I got off the plane, like

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Speaker 2: it was just it was a whole thing that I

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Speaker 2: never thought i'd have to deal with because I wasn't.

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Speaker 2: I didn't experience it yet. So travel, I would say

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Speaker 2: career as well. And my career definitely is taking it back.

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Speaker 2: You know, has been on the back burner since having

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Speaker 2: a baby. Mental health yes, it's another one, and that

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Speaker 2: I would say, me time, Like, how do you have

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Speaker 2: me time? On the babies walking in the bathroom, there's

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Speaker 2: like no privacy, it's just your mom me time. Anything

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Speaker 2: you would add to that list or elaborate on, I

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Speaker 2: think that.

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Speaker 4: Those are some of the the heavy hitters, right. The

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Speaker 4: other thing that I would add is finances, right, how

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Speaker 4: you prioritize your money changes, right, because babies are, babies

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Speaker 4: are expensive. Child see y'all because I'm selfish, I'm selfish

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Speaker 4: in that regard, but it's babies are expensive, diapers are expensive. Daycare, Lord,

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Speaker 4: the pricess that I hear for daycare sounds like college tuition,

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Speaker 4: Like it's it's it's insane to me.

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Speaker 2: More than San Francisco Ran, I know in San Francisco

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Speaker 2: for like a nice quality. More than your rank, which

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Speaker 2: is like more.

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Speaker 4: And is already high. So come on, yeah, I would say,

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Speaker 4: you know, looking at that list, like I see where

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Speaker 4: all of those things shift over time throughout that journey

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Speaker 4: of motherhood, right, Like I think about career, and I

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Speaker 4: think about how moms have to be intentional in the

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Speaker 4: way that some the way that dads might not have

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Speaker 4: to be, right, that mom, and so there's oftentimes that

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Speaker 4: conversation of am I in a position to take time

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Speaker 4: off work? Right? And if I am, what does that

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Speaker 4: look like when I come back? And I know that's

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Speaker 4: been your journey, so we can talk about that, and

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Speaker 4: then also thinking about those who don't have that as

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Speaker 4: an option, right, And so I've seen it and I've

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Speaker 4: seen it also with students who are in school, right.

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Speaker 4: They're in school full time that and at all levels,

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Speaker 4: whether it's undergrad or graduate.

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Speaker 6: And there's no maternity leaving in graduate school, so if

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Speaker 6: you have a baby, you don't get time off.

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Speaker 4: And if you take time off, that means you are

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Speaker 4: missing classes, you are missing steps in your program. And

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Speaker 4: so that is a real serious question to think about

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Speaker 4: in terms of your career identity when you become a

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Speaker 4: mom and what shifts, And yeah, it's a lot to

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Speaker 4: think about.

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Speaker 5: It is.

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Speaker 2: And Lady, right before we recorded, I posted something on

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Speaker 2: Instagram to see if anyone had feedback. So I was

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Speaker 2: just checking our Instagram to see if anyone wanted to

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Speaker 2: chime in on this topic. So, Lady, if you're listening,

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Speaker 2: visit us her Space podcast on Instagram so you can,

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Speaker 2: you know, catch up with us and all that good stuff.

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Speaker 2: But you are spot on with that. I will say

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Speaker 2: that I'm really glad that she brought up finances though,

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Speaker 2: because I thought about as you were saying. Now, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh yeah, I definitely added the baby to the budget now,

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Speaker 2: like all get certain monies for her. I'm like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: I got to get these diapers or get these snacks.

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Speaker 2: What we have to do. So when it comes to

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Speaker 2: what's changed after becoming a mom, I remember when I

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Speaker 2: was pregnant. When I was trying to get pregnant, I

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Speaker 2: was like, I wonder how this baby's going to change me?

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Speaker 2: Like what is life going to be like? Because as

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Speaker 2: a person that likes to plan, I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: see how much I could like plan and prepare for

434
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 2: it and mentally get ready. But I feel like you

435
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 2: really can't until you're in it. It's just this is

436
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 2: the most beautiful, chaotic experience ever, right, And so I

437
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 2: have a little list and now just stop me whenever

438
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: something resonates. But the first for me would be I

439
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 2: would say that I was pretty adventurous before having a child,

440
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 2: and now I would say I'm very I would say

441
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: I'm more on the conservative side in regards to like

442
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 2: things like skydiving, Like I used to want to go

443
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 2: skydiving or bungeing jumping, but there are certain risks that

444
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 2: I'm just like, I'm not taking.

445
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 5: I don't want to die.

446
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,479
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to bring my demise any sooner. Like

447
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: then hopefully it's that way down the line when I'm older.

448
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 2: But like, I want to be here, I don't need

449
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 2: to go do that. I've gone ziplining, I've done a

450
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: lot of great things, and I'm like, I'm cool on skydiving,

451
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,959
Speaker 2: even roller coasters, But I've been looking at roller coasters

452
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 2: these days and the crazy stuff that happens at these parks,

453
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I've done the six Flood, I've done

454
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 2: all that in my younger years. I'm good because I

455
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 2: don't need to be going out like that with a child.

456
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, I'm cool.

457
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 4: No, that's real. That's a real thing. Like when I

458
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 4: think about it, I hadn't thought about those specific things

459
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 4: like skydiving and roller coasters, but that does make me

460
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 4: think about this overall concept of your decisions impact your child, right,

461
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 4: and so are you willing to make a decision that

462
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 4: could take you away from your child, So whether that's

463
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 4: something that could accidentally kill you or doing like as

464
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 4: The thing that next came up for me was like,

465
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 4: am I willing to go to jail for that? Because

466
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,880
Speaker 4: if you end up going to jail, your child has

467
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 4: to deal with that, right like your child is.

468
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: Impact one mm hmmm, So you don't have that too, lady.

469
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 2: We're going to jump into seven tips that'll help you

470
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 2: or that have helped me and rediscovering myself after motherhood,

471
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 2: but we want to I want to dive into some

472
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 2: of these changes first and then we're going to jump

473
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: in the next one. For me, dom I would say,

474
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 2: are my priorities now? I wasn't pressed to like buy

475
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 2: a home before having a baby, because we just moved

476
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 2: around freely, and I was just like, oh, I want

477
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 2: to live here, and I want to live in this city,

478
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 2: in the city. But now I value stability in a

479
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 2: way that I didn't before, and I want her to

480
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 2: be able to have a home that she grows up

481
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 2: in and where we can create memories and where we

482
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 2: have a yard.

483
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 5: And stuff like that.

484
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 2: But before, like I remember, back in the day, even

485
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 2: like I would just stay at raggedy hotels that always

486
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 2: traveling because I'm like, oh, it's just a quick little trip.

487
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 2: Now my standards have just risen and my priorities are

488
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 2: way different, Like there are certain places I'm just not

489
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 2: going to take my child, and I'm like, uh, we

490
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 2: got to get top notch, we got to get high quality.

491
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: We being boogie over here, And that's just something that

492
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 2: has changed.

493
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 4: So no, that makes sense because your child's safety is

494
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 4: a concern, right, so, and how you want your child

495
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 4: to grow up that matters, and so yeah, you're right,

496
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 4: that's certain priorities change. So no, you're not gonna be

497
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 4: you know, staying at the raggedy hotel because baby can't

498
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 4: be in that raggedy hotel. Like, yeah, it really is

499
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 4: a real question of like, Okay, is this okay for

500
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 4: my child? Is this environment safe for my child to

501
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 4: be in? You know, that's a real important question to ask, actually,

502
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 4: because then it also makes me think about just environments.

503
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 4: Just asking yourself that question makes you think about all

504
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 4: environments in general, Like, Okay, so maybe you have some

505
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 4: friends that you know, they cool people. However, they might

506
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 4: not be child friendly, child safe, and they might not

507
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 4: live in or frequent child safe environments, and so it

508
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 4: then becomes a question of I'm not gonna not be

509
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: their friend, but I know that I can't bring my

510
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 4: child in that space. So if I choose to maintain

511
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 4: this friendship, we got to meet in a different We

512
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 4: got to meet in a different space, or you're gonna

513
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 4: have to catch me when I'm having a child free

514
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 4: moment exactly.

515
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 2: Okay, heavy on the exactly, cause I'm thinking of a

516
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 2: few people right now. I'm like, yo, you be doing

517
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: too much. The next one, girl, This is one of

518
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 2: my favorite ones, I think because I used to have

519
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: a lot of trouble doing this prior to the baby,

520
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 2: and it's saying no.

521
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 5: One.

522
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: Kids are amazing excuses because I feel like if you

523
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 2: have a child and like someone is, you know, pestering

524
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 2: you about doing something, and like your child sick or

525
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: something happens with the child, it's like the child is

526
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 2: a priority. So that makes it easier. But I also

527
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: would just say in general, like I do say no

528
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 2: more often because I value my time more. And also,

529
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: my child is gonna come over. She's the priority over

530
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 2: most other things, you know, and so it's like, yeah, sorry,

531
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 2: I can't do this, and so I think saying no

532
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 2: just in general sometimes I know that can be tricky

533
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: for some of us. So that's one. And then also, Girl,

534
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 2: enjoying the simple things. I mean, I think kids really

535
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 2: help you remember to value the simple things in life.

536
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 2: I told you we went to the zoo over the

537
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 2: weekend and it was literally I just I was so

538
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 2: excited don On the ride there, I.

539
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 5: Was like, oh my god, we're going to the zoo because.

540
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 2: I know that she's going to be excited because she

541
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: loves the animals and those they're you know, the sounds

542
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: and the names. And so we were looking at the

543
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 2: elephants and I think I told you this in text.

544
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,959
Speaker 2: She was like, hi elephant, and she was waiting at

545
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 2: an elephant and I was just like, oh my goodness, girl.

546
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 2: And then we saw the lions and she's like, hi lion,

547
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 2: and she started going raw.

548
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 7: I was I was wondering, Oh my gosh, she did

549
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 7: that when we were together. So yes, she did, girl.

550
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 7: She did not know how to act. She was just

551
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 7: so excited. And I'm like the simple things like without

552
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 7: a child, I don't care about the sounds that the

553
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 7: elephant makes or or a lion makes. But the kids

554
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 7: really make you appreciate the small things.

555
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 5: So I really.

556
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 4: No, I think that that's a really good point that,

557
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 4: like they that being the wonderment of a child makes

558
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 4: you really step back and look at and appreciate some

559
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 4: of the small things in life. So yeah, I would

560
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 4: agree with you on that.

561
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: Now, this list can go on and on, so I'm

562
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: just gonna close out with one of the major changes,

563
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 2: and that is sleep. There's no more sleeping in. Before

564
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 2: having the baby down, sleep was my BSF me and

565
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: my husband. We napped all the time. I remember my

566
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 2: mother in law were always like y'all always sleeping, like

567
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 2: we just love to sleep, Like we just slept because

568
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 2: we could do it. I mean, girl, I would sleep

569
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 2: so much. And so the fact that my life does

570
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 2: not consist of many naps and not a lot of sleep,

571
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 2: now I can't believe that I'm like not bitter and upset,

572
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 2: like angry all day because I don't get in a

573
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 2: lot of sleep. But yeah, no more sleeping in like

574
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 2: we up doing stuff. It's just it's a life of

575
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 2: a parents.

576
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 4: So listen, you know how much I love my seat,

577
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 4: my sleep and prioritize getting some good sleep. So kudos

578
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 4: to y'all, because you know, I think what it is,

579
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 4: and what I've heard people say is that your body adjusts, right.

580
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 5: It does.

581
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 4: You adjust to the new way of sleeping right. And

582
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:34,479
Speaker 4: then for those first few years, it's a lot of

583
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 4: adjusting because when baby is first born, baby is waking up.

584
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 4: You're waking up every three hours or so to feed baby, right,

585
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 4: And then you get to a point where baby can

586
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 4: kind of sleep through the night, but they might be

587
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 4: waking up earlier than you like, so you're used to

588
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 4: so maybe you want to sleep in and maybe you've

589
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 4: adjusted to waking up every three hours and now you're like, okay, wait,

590
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 4: I'm gonna sleep for six hours, and then baby has

591
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 4: a moment where nope, we back to three hours. And

592
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 4: so it's constantly fluctuating, and so I appreciate the ability

593
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 4: of parents to adjust to the needs of their children, because, yeah, sleep.

594
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 5: Is important, Yes it really is. Girl.

595
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 2: I feel you one hundred percent, but you're right. We

596
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 2: definitely do adjust, which is so mind boggling and surprising

597
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: to me because I didn't think I could do this,

598
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 2: and I'm doing it. Don't you see me on it?

599
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 2: You know, we're talking stuff on a regular and I

600
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 2: don't be out of I'm not like, oh my god,

601
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: you know, some days are a little why Like overall,

602
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, we're adjusting. So now lady, we are

603
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 2: going to dive into these seven tips. I do want

604
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 2: to say, like, this is not a one size for

605
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: so all. You know, we're not really on the podcast

606
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 2: preach and telling you got to do things this way

607
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 2: like this is these are just things that I've experienced

608
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 2: in my personal journey that have helped me as I've

609
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 2: rediscovered myself. I really feel like in the past couple

610
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 2: months or so, I've really figured out, Okay for the

611
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 2: most part, like this is who I am now after

612
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 2: you know, becoming a mom and into this journey of

613
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 2: being a mom. And so I'm going to share what's

614
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 2: worked for me. Dom's going to provide her insight and

615
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 2: if it resonates, cool, If it don't, just leave it

616
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,439
Speaker 2: there and you know, pass it on. So number one

617
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 2: is honoring who you were before and what you accomplished.

618
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: And I personally I kind of did like a closing

619
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 2: ceremony for that chapter of life. So I remember going

620
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 2: through my accomplishment's books, I had this Accomplishments book, and

621
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 2: I was really reflecting on the past. I think thirty

622
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 2: one years of life. I think I had her when

623
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 2: I was thirty, No, when I was thirty one, I

624
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 2: think I had her at thirty. I was like reflecting

625
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 2: on all the things, looking at vacation pictures that me

626
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 2: and my husband went on. I was like, oh, wow,

627
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 2: probably never does that again, but it was so nice,

628
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 2: and just looking at all the pictures and reminiscing and

629
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 2: watching the videos, looking at my old body, especially my

630
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 2: tummy and my titties, and being like, Okay, this is

631
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 2: how things used to look. Won't probably look like that anymore,

632
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: but just like embracing like who I was before. And

633
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 2: I will say down, I had a chance to do

634
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 2: so much before having the baby that I don't have

635
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 2: many regrets. And I feel really blessed to say that. So, lady,

636
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 2: I just want to say, if you're listening and you

637
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 2: don't have children yet, if you're waiting for a sign,

638
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: this might be it for you. Don't just have children

639
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 2: for a partner or because other people in your family

640
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 2: are rushing you. Because when I tell you, having my

641
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 2: first child in my thirties was the best thing for me,

642
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 2: I did so much in my career, I did so

643
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 2: much on my own as a single woman and even

644
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 2: as a married woman without children, that when she got here,

645
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 2: we were so excited, like we were waiting for this moment,

646
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 2: and I didn't feel like, oh damn this goddamn babies

647
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 2: in the way, you know what I mean, Like even

648
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: though I want to be able to go have girl

649
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: nights and I'm waiting until I can go fly down

650
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: to see Dom, it's all good. Like we did stuff

651
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 2: before she was here, So I don't feel that. So

652
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 2: just a little little side note there, What do you

653
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 2: think about that?

654
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 5: Don No.

655
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 4: I think that that's important is to really honor that

656
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 4: this is a change, right and that who you were

657
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 4: is still there's pieces of you. Your core is still

658
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 4: and I mean your core is and your personality, not

659
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,240
Speaker 4: the cores and your abdomen.

660
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 2: Of the figure that's all torn up. Okay, I think

661
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 2: it's separated.

662
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 4: Your core as in your personality, who you are on

663
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 4: the inside is gonna still be the same. And I

664
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 4: do think that all of this, like all of the

665
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 4: tips that we're gonna go through, are really addressing your

666
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 4: mental health. Right that again, going back to our quote

667
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 4: of the day that being a happy mother is up

668
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 4: to you, and so part of that is acknowledged. Oh yes,

669
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 4: this is who I was leading up to this point.

670
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 4: And also giving yourself space to think about what you're

671
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 4: carrying with you into this new journey, this new phase

672
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 4: in life, and how you want to integrate and incorporate

673
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 4: motherhood into all of the things that you've done previously,

674
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 4: and knowing that it'll look different, right, Like when you

675
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 4: talked about like taking trips, like you and your husband

676
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 4: taking trips. Okay, so now there's going to be trips

677
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 4: with the three of you, right, But then also thinking

678
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 4: about okay, so, was taking church with your husband was

679
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:45,400
Speaker 4: a priority pre baby, if that's a priority now, like

680
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 4: using it as an opportunity to check in with yourself,

681
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 4: if that's something that's still important, then figuring out how

682
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 4: to make that happen, and knowing that, Okay, it might

683
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,720
Speaker 4: not happen right away, but it's something that we want

684
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 4: to make sure that at some point we make time for.

685
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 2: I love that, and I just want to add down

686
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 2: that in order I believe that in order for us

687
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 2: to move forward, we have to know where we are

688
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 2: and where we've come from and where we've been. So

689
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 2: I do think that Lady, that could be really helpful

690
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 2: on the journey that's going to take us on to

691
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 2: number two, which is make time for the things you enjoy,

692
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 2: whining if you can, and enjoy them solo if possible.

693
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 2: And I know everyone has a different situation in a

694
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 2: different support system, So I don't want to just say

695
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 2: that as like a blanket statement, like everyone has the

696
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 2: ability to do that, but if you do try to

697
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 2: and I know for me that means going back to

698
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 2: the gym, going to the nail shop. I remember the

699
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 2: first time I went to the nail shop after the baby,

700
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 2: I was just like, Ugh, get to go do my thing.

701
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 2: This is like my part of my norm, you know, massages,

702
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: girl time again. Flying down to La with Don that

703
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 2: was such a great time for us. I mean we

704
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 2: went out, we had so much fun. And then date

705
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 2: nights as well. So those are some of the things

706
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 2: that I do. Yeah, make time for the things you

707
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 2: enjoy and try to do things solo possible so you

708
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 2: can kind of have that separation.

709
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 4: I think that's so important. And I think that what

710
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 4: makes that so important is that your children, hopefully will

711
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 4: not always live with you, yes, hopefully, hopefully hopefully. So

712
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 4: what that means then is that you still it's important

713
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:34,479
Speaker 4: to still hold on to your individual identity because when

714
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 4: those kids move out, who are you outside of motherhood?

715
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 4: Because then that goes back to the happiness piece, right,

716
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 4: that you want to have an identity, have a piece

717
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 4: of yourself outside of being a mom, so that one

718
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,320
Speaker 4: you can also as the kids are in the house,

719
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 4: be moder for them what motherhood, what womanhood looks like.

720
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 4: And once they are out of the house, you are

721
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 4: not trying to figure out how to move in with

722
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 4: them because you or you find yourself going into a

723
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 4: depression because you don't know how to do anything but mom.

724
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 2: That is so important. Don We actually have some feedback

725
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,839
Speaker 2: from someone on Instagram, So I just want to shout

726
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 2: out Bianca monitha girl.

727
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: So.

728
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 2: Bianca said therapy helped a lot, also slowly getting back

729
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,760
Speaker 2: to doing the things I used to do before becoming

730
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 2: a mom by reminding myself that I'm more than just

731
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 2: a mom. I'm still me and a woman. Basically what

732
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 2: you just right, I'm like, yes, be out your own point,

733
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 2: so amen to that.

734
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 4: Yes. So then that takes us to write in line

735
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 4: with the tip number three, determine who you want to

736
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 4: be moving forward? Right? So, Okay, even though I know

737
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 4: I just said you want to.

738
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 6: Have a life and an identity outside of being.

739
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 4: A mom, maybe that's not for you, right, Maybe you

740
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 4: know that you will be able to put everything else

741
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 4: on pause, put one hundred percent of yourself and everything

742
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 4: into motherhood and know that when your kids are grown,

743
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 4: that you will be able to pick up and adjust

744
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 4: and then carve out a new identity for yourself. Lady,

745
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 4: If that's you, I support it, But what I also

746
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 4: have seen from experience is that not many people can

747
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 4: actually do that, and so I highly encourage and recommend

748
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 4: determine how you want to integrate and incorporate all the

749
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 4: pieces of you in this point in your journey.

750
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 5: Amen.

751
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: W's so on point, because literally I have been doing this,

752
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,879
Speaker 2: lady like as of late, as I've gotten situated in

753
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: my new place and all that good stuff, And so

754
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 2: for me down there are a couple of questions I

755
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 2: ask myself and I think about determining who I want

756
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 2: to be moving forward, And the first one is what

757
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 2: do I value in this season? Because I've learned that

758
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 2: in order for me to do things well. I can't

759
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 2: optimize for everything in this season. So I have like

760
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 2: about four priorities that I'm really like focusing on and

761
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 2: valuing in this season of my life, and I'll revisit

762
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,280
Speaker 2: them in the next season. And so that's one question.

763
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 2: I've also been thinking about what kind of wife and

764
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 2: mother do I want to be, because like, why not

765
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 2: map that out so I can actually achieve that goal

766
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 2: of what that will look like, you know, and understand

767
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 2: what does that look like in action? And then what

768
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: kind of relationship do I want to have with myself

769
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 2: like I have before, you know, when I was a

770
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 2: single woman in adulthood.

771
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 5: I value me time.

772
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 2: I value solitude, and you don't get a lot of

773
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 2: that when you're a mom and you're married, And so

774
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 2: I car about time to have that because that is

775
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 2: important to me. But I want to be intentional about

776
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 2: my relationship with myself because although there are some women

777
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:10,439
Speaker 2: that being a mother is like they feel is their

778
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 2: destiny and everyone's entitled to their own feeling and what

779
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 2: their destiny is and how they define their purpose. But

780
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 2: for me, being an individual and having that carry time,

781
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 2: I guess you could call it that is important to me.

782
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 2: And then last for me is where does my career

783
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 2: fit into the picture. And so those are just some

784
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 2: of the questions I think about as I determine who

785
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 2: I want to be moving forward. And that takes us

786
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 2: on to number four, which is prioritize your relationship with you. Yes,

787
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 2: that's super important, right, we just talked about that, and

788
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 2: so for me, I think about, you know, what do

789
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 2: I want and need for myself?

790
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 5: Yeah?

791
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 2: I think we ask ourselves that question oftentimes. Right, when

792
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 2: do I have time to be with me? And what

793
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 2: do I do during that time? So I know for me,

794
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 2: we finally am pretty much of a schedule now, and

795
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 2: so for me, around six thirty and seven thirty am,

796
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 2: that is dedicated time. I know the baby's going to

797
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 2: be sleep, and I get up to do the things

798
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 2: I want to do. So whether it's like floss, brush

799
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 2: my teeth, wash my face, just do my thing, do

800
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 2: my breakfast, listen to a podcast or music or whatever,

801
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 2: do my workout, whatever it might be. So that when

802
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: she gets up now I can fully focus on her

803
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 2: and I'm not trying to scramble around and do my

804
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: thing and do her thing, even though some days it

805
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 2: ends up like that because you know the schedule isn't

806
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,320
Speaker 2: always perfect, but that is idea. I have a plan

807
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,240
Speaker 2: at least in place.

808
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 4: And lady, as you're listening, if you are a mom,

809
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 4: I know you resonate with that. But if you are

810
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 4: not a mom, and you are friends with family, you

811
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 4: have family that are moms, I would say I would

812
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: encourage you to support that for the moms in your life, right,

813
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 4: support them prioritizing time for themselves. So if that looks like,

814
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 4: hey girl, I'm gonna come over, and I know that,

815
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 4: like right now, you just need a moment to take

816
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 4: a bath, listen, have it set up, have everything set up,

817
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 4: have dinner set up. I will come and make sure

818
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 4: the kid dinner's prepared. Auntie don might not be the

819
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 4: one doing the cook you might not want that, but

820
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 4: if dinner is already prepared, I can come in and

821
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 4: watch the kids so you can go and take a bath, right,

822
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 4: Or if you and hubby want a date night, then

823
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,800
Speaker 4: I can come out, come and babysit so that y'all

824
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 4: can get a date night.

825
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 5: Right.

826
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 4: And So it's about supporting the moms in your life,

827
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 4: and if you are a mom asking for that, support

828
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 4: so that you can have some of that time to yourself.

829
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 4: And no, you're not going to be able to It

830
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 4: might be rare that you get a whole day just

831
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 4: you buy yourself away from everybody. But think about what

832
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 4: you need for you you, because sometimes it literally is

833
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 4: somebody take these children for five minutes so that I

834
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,439
Speaker 4: can go to the bathroom in peace without worrying about

835
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 4: them banging on the door or picking the lock to

836
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 4: barge in. Somebody give me those five minutes, and if

837
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,839
Speaker 4: I just have those five minutes, I'm good to go

838
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 4: for the next week. So figure out what it is

839
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 4: that you need to prioritize your relationship with you and

840
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 4: ask for support. Those mouths don't get fed Boom.

841
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 5: Number five.

842
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 4: Yes, finding new ways to connect with your people. Right.

843
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 4: So like in the example that I get just gave,

844
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 4: what it might look like is your homegirl who doesn't

845
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 4: have kids, but it's okay with being around kids because

846
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 4: that's something you want to check in with. Not every

847
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: everybody likes the babies, so checking in and maybe it's

848
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 4: babies are gonna join us from run right exactly.

849
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 5: I was.

850
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 4: Partaking the Mimosa's just yet we got we got about

851
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 4: another twenty years for that. But she's gonna join us

852
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 4: for brunch and we're gonna still have our time. Yeah,

853
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 4: And what that looks like is Auntie dom is gonna

854
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:34,959
Speaker 4: share some of the food on her plate, and we're

855
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 4: gonna read or we're gonna read some books and then

856
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 4: we're gonna do the thing. We're gonna do it so

857
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 4: that Domine get their time together and Terry doesn't feel

858
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:55,359
Speaker 4: pressured to have to figure out, Okay, well what am

859
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 4: I gonna do with the baby and how do I

860
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 4: entertain her entertained while I'm trying to have a conversation.

861
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 4: Auntie Don's going to join in and help support that. Yes,

862
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 4: and that also might look like finding parent parent groups

863
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 4: or other mom friends.

864
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 2: Yes, and Dom is speaking from a real life example

865
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: because the sitter canceled, the daycare was closed, and so

866
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,879
Speaker 2: BABYZ joined us for brunch. And I think I think

867
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:28,879
Speaker 2: you made a really good point too, Dom. You want

868
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 2: to make sure that people are kid friendly, Like if

869
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 2: you're going to be hanging out with a friend and

870
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 2: you have to like if you weren't kid friendly, I

871
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 2: probably would have been like, oh girl, let's reschedule another time.

872
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: You know what, I mean, because that could mess up

873
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,879
Speaker 2: the energy too, like if you're feeling like someone's giving

874
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 2: your child a certain type of vibe. But you were

875
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 2: so kind, and obviously you love the kids, but you

876
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 2: were so kind and accommodating. And the baby was definitely

877
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 2: trying to pick Dom's food off her plate, and I

878
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 2: was just.

879
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 5: Like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. But it worked out.

880
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 5: We had a really good time, so fun.

881
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 2: The pictures are so freaking cute too, don Oh my goodness,

882
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: it's so excited. I wonder if she remembers you from when,

883
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 2: you know, all that time ago we read your house.

884
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:04,760
Speaker 5: Who knows.

885
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 2: But yeah, even like being creative, like I have FaceTime

886
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 2: dates with my mother in law. We'll just it'll just

887
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 2: be her and I. My husband's away, you know, in

888
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 2: the living room somewhere, the baby's sleep and it's just

889
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 2: her and I catching up, right, Or some of my

890
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 2: girlfriends will be on FaceTime, Like even FaceTime dates. That

891
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 2: works too if you have to get creative. But connecting

892
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:25,280
Speaker 2: with your people, your village, your community is just so important.

893
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 2: So that takes us to number six, which is get help.

894
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 5: Now.

895
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: I want to emphasize this one because yes, we know

896
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 2: that it takes a community. It takes a village, right,

897
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 2: We know the community is important we're raising children, but

898
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 2: for us, we're living in a space where we're not

899
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 2: very close to family. And so one of the things

900
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 2: we did early on was we used this website. I'm

901
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,399
Speaker 2: going to call them out, lady, just so you can

902
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 2: look at them too. They're not a sponsor, but I

903
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 2: just want to I want to give you a resource

904
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 2: that I've actually used Urban sitter and so not vouching

905
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 2: for all the sitters on there, but I know I've

906
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 2: had a good experience. And so basically, we found two

907
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 2: college students who we vetted and shadowed and you know,

908
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 2: watched on the camera and all that kind stuff. And

909
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,280
Speaker 2: I think one of them might be listening, so hey girl,

910
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 2: she listened to the podcast. But we've found them and

911
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 2: they've been watching the baby since I think she was

912
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 2: around three months or so. And so now as of

913
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:18,439
Speaker 2: late now that we're in our news space, we've called

914
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 2: them over and watched the baby and we've gone for

915
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 2: date night. And just having someone here that you trust

916
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 2: and you know is going to keep it, you know,

917
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 2: just take care of your child has been so helpful,

918
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 2: especially not being close to you know, grandparents and aunties

919
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 2: and family. So figure out who your support system is

920
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 2: and keep them close because it comes in handy.

921
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 4: Like I said earlier, clothes mouths don't get fed, so

922
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 4: people your support system won't know how to help if

923
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 4: you don't say what you need, right and so, and

924
00:50:55,480 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 4: with getting help, I also think about help in other ways,

925
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 4: so getting help with daycare, getting help, going to therapy, right,

926
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 4: talking to a financial advisor because having kids changes your

927
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 4: financial plans, So thinking about going to the doctor, finding

928
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:20,919
Speaker 4: a good pediatrician, so connecting with other moms or other

929
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 4: parents to find out what are the good resources out there? Right,

930
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 4: who is the good pediatrician, who does have the good daycare?

931
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 4: What is the good website to find a good sitter?

932
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,240
Speaker 4: Those are other ways in which you're asking for help

933
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 4: that we don't often think about as maybe asking for help.

934
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 4: And then that takes us to number seven, which I

935
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 4: think is probably the top. Right, take care of you.

936
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 4: You know what they say, put your your mask on

937
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 4: first before you help anybody else. So, and you cannot

938
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 4: pour from an empty cup, so figure out again what

939
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,760
Speaker 4: do you need to do to fill up your cup?

940
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 4: What does taking care of you look like? What does

941
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 4: that self care look like? Maybe that looks like the

942
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 4: example that you gave of having that hour in the

943
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:27,919
Speaker 4: first thing in the morning before the baby gets up,

944
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 4: so that you can do the things that pour into you.

945
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 5: Right.

946
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 4: That might look like going to therapy. That might look

947
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 4: like regularly schedule doctor's appointments, whatever the specialist might be

948
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 4: that you need to make sure that your health is

949
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 4: at its optimal performance. Right. That might look like having

950
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 4: your sitter on regular rotation so that you can go

951
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 4: and get that manni petting. Right, So identifying the things

952
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,840
Speaker 4: that need to happen for you to take care of you.

953
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 4: We know that sleep is not always a good thing.

954
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 4: But eating right or hell, eating at all. Let me

955
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 4: just be clear, because I think about I think about

956
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 4: all my new moms out there. Eating period is important.

957
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 4: Making sure that you are putting food in your body

958
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 4: so that you have fuel to be able to show

959
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,280
Speaker 4: up for the babies.

960
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 5: I love it.

961
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 2: I do want to just add a couple of things

962
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 2: that I'm doing right now, lady. I want to add

963
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 2: some free and some paid options. So dom I finally,

964
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 2: we didn't get a chance to catch up and talk

965
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 2: about this. But I finally got a trainer because I've

966
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 2: been struggling girl, and I've not been consistent with any

967
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 2: of the workouts, none of that.

968
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:44,879
Speaker 5: So now I have a trainer, and I had to drop.

969
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:46,959
Speaker 2: I chose to drop a little bag for this because

970
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,839
Speaker 2: I'm like, I need to make sure my eyes shows up.

971
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 2: So nutrition coach and a trainer and lady in this

972
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 2: season of my life. Although I love to cook and

973
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 2: I'm a good cook, I am just it's it's a

974
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 2: lot to cook right now in life, you know, and

975
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 2: I think about the cleanup and all that. So I

976
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 2: now I'm using a meal prep service that I like.

977
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,920
Speaker 2: Finally found one that has like good quality food that

978
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,919
Speaker 2: I like, So I'm doing that. But then also those

979
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 2: are some paid options. But today I tested out walking

980
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 2: to go pick the baby up from daycare, and so

981
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,280
Speaker 2: it took me about thirty minutes to get there, thirty

982
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,280
Speaker 2: minutes to come back. So our walk cause my training

983
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 2: was like you need to be trying to get ten

984
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,720
Speaker 2: thousand steps today, I'm like, god, damn.

985
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 5: So I'm at with nine.

986
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 2: Thousand, seven hundred and ninety two oh seven hundred ninety

987
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: two okay today, So that walk was amazing. It made

988
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 2: my body felt so good. So I was like, I

989
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 2: may try to implement this often because that way I'm

990
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 2: listening to like my parenting podcasts, walking to go with

991
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 2: the Baby coming back, and now I've gotten, you know,

992
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 2: some exercise for today. So it may look creative when

993
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 2: you think about what your self care and taking care

994
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 2: of you looks like. But I just wanted to share

995
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 2: a couple of them because you know, you don't have

996
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 2: to commit to it for a lifetime, even if it's

997
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 2: for a season, like that's okay, And so I think

998
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:59,040
Speaker 2: that's the most important thing to remember. And then we

999
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 2: have a couple of episode that we believe that you

1000
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 2: will enjoy. But first I think we should do a

1001
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 2: recap of the tips.

1002
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 4: Yes, so number one honoring who you were before and

1003
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 4: what you accomplished. Number two, make time for things you

1004
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 4: enjoy when and if you can and enjoy them solo.

1005
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:28,320
Speaker 4: Number three. Determine who you want to be moving forward.

1006
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 4: Number four. Prioritize your relationship with you. Number five, find

1007
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 4: new ways to connect with your people. Number six get help,

1008
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 4: and number seven take care.

1009
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 2: Of you all right, lady. And the episodes that we

1010
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:54,280
Speaker 2: believe will compliment this particular episode. The first is season

1011
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 2: ten episode eight, New Mom who Is Three tips for

1012
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 2: navigating the change and friendships for new moms. We have

1013
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 2: season twelve, episode ten, Post Pardon, Depression and feeling Unprepared

1014
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 2: for motherhood with April Hernandez Castillo. We have episode We

1015
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,279
Speaker 2: have season twelve episode seven, and that's Supporting Parents who

1016
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 2: Breastfeed with Courtney Stalwarts. So be sure to check those out, lady,

1017
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:20,040
Speaker 2: and also leave us some refus on iTunes, Lady. Our

1018
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 2: iTunes has been super dry as of late, so please

1019
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 2: leave us some reviews if you enjoyed this episode, and

1020
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 2: follow us on Instagram so you can stay connected and

1021
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,800
Speaker 2: see some of our content there. It's at her Space

1022
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:32,759
Speaker 2: podcast and we appreciate you for listening. We're gonna go

1023
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 2: record the after show, so hopefully we see you on

1024
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 2: Patreon so you can catch the after show.

1025
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 5: Thank you.

1026
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 3: Hey, lady, this is doctor dom here from the Cultivating

1027
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 3: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

1028
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 3: state of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

1029
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 3: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

1030
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 3: Brusard dot com.

1031
00:56:55,640 --> 00:57:00,080
Speaker 4: That's d R d Omi ni.

1032
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:08,200
Speaker 3: Que b r ou Ssard dot com to schedule a

1033
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 3: free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

1034
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1035
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:24,600
Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1036
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 3: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1037
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 3: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1038
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 3: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1039
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 3: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

1040
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 3: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1041
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1042
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

1043
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 1: and be sure to take the Patreon tab to get

1044
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses.

1045
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 2: And our weekly after show and before we meet again,

1046
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 2: repeat after me. Just because I can do it all

1047
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 2: doesn't mean I have to do it all.