WEBVTT - Episode 268: Love Yourself, First (Feat. Stephanie Santiago) 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:05.040 What's up. It's a lip service. I'm Angela yee, I'm 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:09.800 Gigi McGuire, I'm Stop with Santiago, I'm Luria. Yeah. And 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:11.840 this is this the first time we've all been together. 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:17.880 Just pandemic. Yeah, ye gang ball here. So we wanted 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:21.680 to do a check in and update with everybody. So, 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:24.640 you know, let's start with your gig. You are in Atlanta. 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:28.400 I am in Atlanta. I am living my very happy 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:34.040 single life. I have a puppy. It's like and I 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:38.080 am currently on only fans popping it like I'm dropping 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:42.000 it nine UM. And also I've been cast it on 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:45.080 season two of Beyond the Pole on we TV UM 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:48.720 we do You coronavirus special that we'll be airing any 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:51.840 day now. It's a ninety minute one episode special called 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:56.040 UM living in Living in Lockdown or on lockdo UM, 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.520 and season two is gonna start whenever they give us 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:00.600 a green light. It was supposed to start in August 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.720 and here we are down in September and we haven't 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:05.160 started yet. So as soon as the network can figure 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.319 out what's going on with UM production and this whole 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.320 COVID situation, then we will start filming. And that's what 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.720 will be occupying my time? So you'll be on the series. Yes, 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:17.720 I am officially a cast member of Seasons who beyond 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:24.000 the whole Look, we're not even doing Toast? Why not should? 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:30.720 I'm so happy I'm get from the bottom. What congatulations? 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:34.200 G you have you been dating at all? I have 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.000 been dating. I'm single with a whole bunch of boyfriends 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:40.760 and no real relationship. Okay, nobody that you feel like 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.479 you could lock down with. I don't want to down. Okay, 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:46.640 now I'll tell you you you know I want. I 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:50.920 want my freedom right now. Maybe eventually, but right now 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:55.520 I'm just enjoying the freedom. Okay, I Larry, Yeah, let's 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.520 check in with you. Well, y'all know, um I talk 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.080 about it before another the episode. I've been working from 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:05.360 home just like you, ye, and just focusing on my 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:07.960 morning show. We're doing good. We um. We hit a 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.000 number one and a few of the markets were in 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.840 so that's really good. Bully and the Beast podcast is 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.280 doing amazing ever since quarantine. Right now, I'm in l A. 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:18.680 So I don't think I'm just in a hotel because 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:23.359 I'm sucking. Um. I needed very can tell that's a hotel. 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:27.200 But it looks like a hotel to me. But I 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.280 took a little vacation. I'm in l A. I needed 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:33.360 to clear my mind a little bit. And um, yeah, 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:37.079 as far as dating, I'm definitely dating. I'm having fun 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.560 and I'm happy. So you know, if y'all have sex, 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.919 you have to have sex with the mask on. I'm 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:51.400 not popping my pussy just yet. I'm just you know, 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.600 I'm still holding that part down. So uh, you gotta 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.240 do a lot to get some poom poom. But that's it, 0:02:57.400 --> 0:02:59.320 like you know, And I told y'all I was starting 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.680 to work on music sick again, So that's that's good 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:03.720 for me. It's more of like, ah, I'm not taking 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.160 it as like a job like I was before, more 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.000 like a hobby something that it's fun to me and 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:12.320 I like to do. So that's cool. And we gotta 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:15.079 finish that lip service team Timmy was talking about. Yes, 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:17.600 we're working on that. I actually spoke a black youngster 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:20.280 because I remember he said he was gonna give us 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:23.040 yeah exactly, so we're still gonna do that. I spoke 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:25.280 to him about it. So we will be knocking that 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:29.040 out very soon. And I'm ready to get back to work. 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.440 So we need a cure that y'all could all take. 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.600 Because I'm not taking a vaccine. I just want to 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:35.760 make sure we're supposed to take it. I don't think 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:40.040 so I could come outside. I don't want to take 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:44.080 a vaccine. You know. I'm sorry now on my nose. 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:45.600 I feel like I've been I had to do that 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.800 a few times. How was it she was talking about 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:53.760 another thing being stuck up her nose? What's not in? 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:59.160 I don't know what you do? Break my question, Sorr. Yeah, 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.520 I'll send you. I've seen go now right. You always 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:03.320 say that you don't mind having sets with the ex 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.400 is because and it's not a new number for you, 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.760 it's not a new notch off the table. Yeah, that's 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.280 off the table. Like and even like being in l A. 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:14.120 There's like a couple of guys that I did before 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.080 and it's like, oh, I see you're out here, and 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:20.600 I'm like, oh yeah, Like I'm not. I'm off the 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.800 whole EXX wave. Like I don't even speak to my 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:26.440 X anymore at all. Like I'm good, Like I don't 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:30.680 want no exits even around. I'm claiming it's extra money 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:36.200 all right now. Stefanie listen. I'm happy to have you 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.680 here because I know that you've been having a journey 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:41.920 to go through on your own, and you know we 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:46.120 support you as your sisters here on lip Service. So 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:48.760 we did notice like the last couple of the times 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.320 that you were on things were a bit off, like distracted. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:54.120 So I wanted you to be able to have the 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:55.880 floor right now to just kind of talk about some 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.960 things that you've been going through. Okay, to start off, 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.560 I'm doing earning well right now. Thank you God, and 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:06.080 thank you for everyone who's supports me and that I 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:11.080 appreciate it. But um so since quarantine, I was, UM, 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:13.560 I had a really bad drug problem. I was popping 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:17.480 a lot of pills. I was doing xanax, perkasats of 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:21.200 baked Vikadin's. UM I was just doing a lot of 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:22.880 drugs because I had a lot of time I was 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:24.880 in the house, So I was doing a lot of 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:29.360 drugs and I ended up really um messing up my health. 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.480 I was really sick, and um I decided to go 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:37.160 on a fath journey and I got baptized and UM 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.240 I went to a holistic doctor and they looked me 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:42.279 in my eyes. I didn't tell them what I was doing, 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:44.800 and they said, you have a drug addiction and if 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.760 you don't stop, you're gonna die, and within the next 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:52.560 fifteen years. So I'm in my thirties. That's not a 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:56.800 long time. That's that's too that's too young to die. 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:00.599 So I decided to do the withdraw all that home 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:06.000 by myself. And I've been cleaned for about seven weeks now. 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:10.800 I haven't done any drugs, so you know, I'm feeling 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:16.040 really healthy. Um, I'm feeling like I'm able to travel again. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.960 And like lor Rielle said, I'm I'm I'm planning on 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:20.760 going to l A. And I got a lot of 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.239 things to work on in l A. I didn't feel 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.160 healthy enough. I was scared to leave New York and 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:29.400 New Jersey because I was worried about where I was 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:34.880 gonna get my drugs. But everything, you know, came in order. 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.800 The withdrawals were really hard, and I did it by myself. 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:41.039 I got and you know, it was the probably the 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:44.680 worst experience I've ever experienced in my entire life. It 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:48.440 was more painful than giving birth to a baby. And 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:52.320 it lasted for hellng. The withdrawal lasted about two weeks 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:55.120 like for it to be completely gone. The worst was 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:58.680 the first five days and then you know, I felt 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:02.400 better after are like two weeks, but it really ruined, 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:07.120 like hercocets really ruined my stomach, Like my stomach was 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:09.239 so bad. I had to go to the doctor because 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.400 I thought I was done for me. I thought I 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.760 gave myself at the disease, and they just so, you know, 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:17.520 you gotta get off of pain killers. You're not in pain, 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:20.480 so you gotta get off of pain killers. And I'm like, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:22.800 I'm already off of them, and they're like, okay, so 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:26.160 now it's time to heal. So I've been healing, and 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.360 you know, I've been really deep in my faith. I 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:31.920 know that's not the most interesting thing to talk about 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.120 on the service, but I think it's somebody. It's it's 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.400 something that people should know. You know, you like you 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:43.160 can overcome addiction. You can you you can be strong 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:45.800 enough on your own. I didn't have any friends here 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.880 helping me. I did it all by myself, even though 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:52.200 that's dangerous and you should have someone there to take 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:54.440 care of you and support you. But you know, I 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.560 had my mom on the phone and my sister on 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.680 the phone, and they weren't around to be here for me, 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:02.400 but was able to do it by myself. And I'm 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:06.200 just very grateful that I caught myself before I got worse. 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.400 I have been doing I have been doing the pill 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:13.280 since November, and then I got really bad during quarantine. 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:18.400 Now I'm completely sober. Do be smoking weed like twice 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:22.040 a day? Though? What made you did? What made you 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:25.960 even started taking pills? What? Okay, that's a good question. 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:28.520 And we made start taking pills as I was going 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:31.880 through two breakups at the same time. So last year, 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.760 I don't know people, if you, if you follow me, 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:38.280 my friends know, I was engaged to a Puerto Rican guy. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:42.720 I remember, so um I left him to go be 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:44.520 with the guy that I've been with for a couple 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:47.679 of years. Remember that, And of course me and him 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:49.600 broke up again. And you know what, I was just like, 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.559 you know what, I'm checking out. That's it. I want 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:55.079 to check out. So when right before the pandemic hit, 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:58.800 I sent them boat to hell I and I decided 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:03.400 to just knock up on drugs. I stocked up on toil, paper, um, 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:09.760 water and percocets. It was like taking them yourself from Yeah, 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:11.760 I just wanted to check out. I just wanted to sleep, 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.280 like like I will wake up and be like okay, 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:17.760 going back to sleep, like I mean I was up to. 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:23.599 I was up to like taking sixteen percocets a day stuff, 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.200 you know what I mean. And I was even doing 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:29.040 when I did Xanax. It wouldn't work for me because 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.280 my body was so immune to it. I was taking 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.880 like four bars a day whenever I did that, I 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.200 just so I could go to sleep, and I was 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.680 waking up really sick. I was waking up like uh, Papa, 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:46.360 taking more pills. So you know, I'm not gonna lie. 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:49.000 I probably would have continue to take pills, like wean 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:52.520 myself off of this one and start another one and 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:55.080 then wean myself over that one, like we I will 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.720 wean myself off as of a xanax to take percocets, 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:02.839 and then I will I would try Perkess. It's it's 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:06.960 it's the worst with draws ever, like where you know xanax, 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.120 we can get off of them, you get a little shaky, 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:13.160 but Percocess makes you sick like a Heroin at it. 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:18.080 It is Heroin. It's like Heroin and pilform. So that 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:20.160 was the worst, Like I would weave myself up with 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:23.680 the zannis and I started taking percoceses, percuss, perkos, perkases. 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:25.960 It was my favorite, even though I've always hated it 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.079 the first time, as that Perks said, I was a 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:30.200 kid and I never liked it. I don't know what 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.240 made me. I do know what made me do it. 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:35.600 The um I started talking to a guy. I never 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.800 had sex with him. I started talking to this guy 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:40.240 and he was like, oh, no, you shouldn't take zannas, 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:45.640 you should just take percocets, right, So I was like okay, 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:48.600 And then I got really addicted to the percoseys, Like 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:51.280 I don't even think I've ever been as addicted to 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.560 I was abusing Xanax, but I don't think I was 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:59.160 as addicted to it as I was a percocets. You know, 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.000 I was telling you earlier. I think it is so 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:03.839 important that people that you surround yourself with two because 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:07.960 those influences on you can be really positive or negative. 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:10.120 You know, for somebody to tell you don't do that, 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.720 it's just take these precos ats like that, somebody that 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:16.240 cares about your fine, it's like worse or whatever. They 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.240 came step what was your turning point when you just knew, like, 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.480 I can't do this anymore. It's it's coming too much. 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:25.800 When the holistics doctor told me I was gonna die 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.719 because listen, this is the truth. My mother has a 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:33.880 drug problem. She's been doing drugs for thirty years. He 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.600 told me, listen, your mother could do all the drugs 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:39.920 she wants and lived to a hundred. You are not 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:45.520 gonna live past forty five. That's like tomorrow, right fast 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.200 years ago by, and I'm I'm planning. I'm still looking 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:51.840 good at forty five. What like, I don't want to 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.120 I don't want to die. And then I lost I 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:58.320 mean taking purpose. As I lost like thirty pounds. I 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.920 was getting really skinny, and everybody he was noticing it. 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.320 And I don't really care about what people think because 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.880 I like being skinny. Yeah, I thought you wanted to 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:10.760 be skinny. When after that, before he skinny and you'll 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.680 stop eating. So you know, I didn't know myself so 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:18.240 I could. But then I noticed that I was getting skinny, 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.360 Like I was looking at myself like, oh ship, I 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.160 don't got no legs, like what about my legs? My legs? 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:27.640 Talking about what about my legs. What was that about 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:29.560 the other side effects? And now you said, yes, stomach 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.199 was really messed up. Um, the side effects of withdraw 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:34.960 no like before that, you know, while you were on 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.560 the job, I was really constipated. I was really I 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.240 had a bad attitude. I was treating people bad. Another 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.319 side effect of it, it was making me a little depressed. 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:48.000 Like I would wake up crying for my dreams. I 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.880 wouldn't even remember the dreams, so I was crying. That's 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:54.600 that's a sign of depression. It was just it was ever. 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:56.440 It didn't do anything good for me. The only thing 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.920 good it did for me was let me sleep m 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.680 and for And to be honest, I've been clean for 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.760 over a month and I sleep like a baby now, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.760 Like I I sleep so much better. Like even before 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.640 I go to sleep, I don't smoke weed because I'm 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.120 scared that it's gonna give me anxiety. And I just 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:18.439 go to sleep without smoking in the nighttime, Like if 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:20.520 I smoke too late, I know I'm gonna stay until 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:23.200 three o'clock in the morning, because I it doesn't put 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:28.200 me to sleep. Like just being natural drinking, like just 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.280 drinking some water or drinking a tea before I go 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.760 to sleep, I'm not right out, you know, And I 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:37.240 wanted them to talk about this on lip service because 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:40.160 I'm not ashamed of it at all. I'm not embarrassed. 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.200 I feel like it's something that should be spoken about 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:46.960 because there's a lot of people out there doing pills, 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.400 and you know, they wrap about it and they think 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.760 it's okay, and you know, whatever floats your boat. I'm 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.319 not judging anyone. I'm not judging anyone for their habits, 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:00.000 but you know it's not good for you. Like enough 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.280 other thing. They told me, it's God for a bid 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:05.920 if I got into an accident. You know, none of 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.080 the painkiller drugs will work on me if I had 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.120 to go into the emergency thirdary or something like that. 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.520 So I I mean, I don't think I'm gonna get 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:17.880 into an accident, God forbid, but you know, you never 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:20.880 know what's gonna happen. And that scared me a lot too, 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.560 you know what I mean. Did you ever feel like 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.840 you took too many pills and like maybe at one point, 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.000 you know, you were scared, like to even go to 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.280 sleep or anything like that. Because I know there's people 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.320 that they do take a lot of pills. Too, and 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.280 it's like, you know, was that fear ever in your mind? 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:40.000 Like I might not wake up? That's a good question 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.920 too at one time, because it's one thing getting your 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.840 drugs from the pharmacy, and it's a whole other thing 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:48.960 getting them from the street, you know what it is. 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:52.920 One time I had gotten some xanax and they looked 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:56.240 a little funny, and um, I took them and they 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.600 made me crazy, like I was walking into walls and 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:03.840 falling on the floor and everything. And I ended up 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:10.080 buying a drug tests from the pharmacy and I tested 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:12.800 the drug. It was fencing al and the drug it 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:16.160 was so you know, if you wouldn't put too much 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:18.080 at that, they could have killed you. A lot died. 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:21.000 I would have died. And that's exactly what they told me. 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.560 They said that what's gonna happen is one day I'm 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.360 gonna take a pill and I'm gonna knock the wake up. 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:30.320 And that is crazy that No, I not really bought it. 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:31.880 I got it. I got the drug tests in my 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.720 cabinet because I bought the wrong one. First. It was 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:37.760 just like weed and you know, regular drugs, and I 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:39.160 was like, oh no, this isn't the right one, So 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:40.640 I had to go and buy the one. It's like 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:44.080 thirty different drugs they tested, they test for so whatever, 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.800 I boiled up some water, I let the pill, you know, 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.240 I let the pill this like, I let the pill 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.880 sick water, and then I poured it into the cup 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.120 and it was spence on al inside of the pill 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.960 with the street zan acs. I bought them up the street. 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.840 They were blew So did you know who the person 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:04.280 that gave them to you? Did you confront them about it? 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.640 Or actually did come front up about it? And I 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.720 went and I got my money back because I was 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.840 pissed off and they could have killed you. And you 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:15.720 don't know who else he's doing that too. Also, that's 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:19.080 what I'm saying. I'm like, it's mother, it's people like 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:24.200 you that are killing people out here, you know, for money. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:26.800 It just doesn't make sense. So from there, I stopped 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.520 getting I stopped getting any pills from the pharmacy, I 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.200 mean from the from the I will only get my 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:36.440 pills from from like somewhere. I knew that it was 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:40.560 coming from the pharmacy. So you know, our mutual friend 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:45.080 that you's what it pills from. Um, you scared him 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:47.480 one day to the point where he felt like he 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:51.320 couldn't even get you drunk anymore. The same I've answering 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:55.080 my calls. He told me. Not figured that, you know. 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.360 He said that it was frequent and it was a lot, 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.520 and he's like, you know, steps, my girl, you my folks, 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:03.440 you know, so I'm gonna look out for her. But 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.240 once it started to scare me, he said, what happened 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:06.919 was he gave you a lot one day and then 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:09.440 he texts you and you didn't respond, and he he said, 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.440 all that could go through his head was like you odeed, 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.680 and like we're some ghost and we're on the show 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:15.359 together and we're friends. And he was just like I 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.480 couldn't head that on my conscious. So I just really 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.720 had to just like stop, he stop. He stopped answering 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.600 my calls. And I appreciate that, But girlfriend, I was 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.040 driving from you know, I was driving from New New 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.760 York to Philly to go see him. You know that, 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:30.439 even when I was with my man out there, I 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:35.320 was like hit him. I was like, because I just 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.720 wanted it so bad, and it's like I felt like, 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:41.359 you know, when you're addicted to something, you were like, 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.720 I'm not just so I just was to sleep, you 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:45.760 know what I mean, Like, I'm not really trying to 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.560 get high, but that's if you need something to sleep, 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.479 If you need a hard drug to sleep every single night, 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.600 you have a drug, especially if you're not getting it 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.920 from you know, a doctor, right, you know what I mean? 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.679 So I knew that's why he wasn't answering. Um, he 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:05.120 wasn't answer in my toals and I respect that about him. 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:09.280 You know that. You know that as this people are listening. 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:12.320 They might have like a friend who's addicted to pills. 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.840 What would you tell them? Because sometimes you can't talk 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.639 to someone like do you feel like anybody could have 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:19.440 told you listen, girl, you gotta slow down, like you 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.520 need to stop doing this, and you would have listened, 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:23.840 Like what would you tell somebody? I think you gotta 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:26.800 do it on your own? Is that? Like? You know, 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:29.800 you encourage your friends. Out of my friends tried to 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.480 give me the advice like yourself, slow down, slow down 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:37.720 and look even our folks, um, jeez, folks, was like, no, 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:39.920 I'm not I'm not giving it to her no more. 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:43.679 You know, So I had friends like that, But I 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.920 really feel like you need to take it upon yourself 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:49.919 unless it's someone who has experienced that. I would have 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:53.520 took took the advice. Like if someone would have told me, like, hey, 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:56.720 step I was on precoss and I was taking sixteen 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:00.359 a day and I almost died from the withdrawal, I 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:02.720 probably would have been a little scared. But you know how, 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:06.800 you know how people are, especially people with strong personalities 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:10.080 and strong heads like me. I'm like, I'll listen to 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:12.879 your advice and I'll respect it and i'll take But 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.760 for me to take advice is a whole different story. 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:19.320 And I still do what you want exactly. I'm still 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:21.560 gonna do what I want. But I have to say, 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:24.920 as soon as I found out what I was doing, 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.840 because they told me deefinitely, look how skinny you are. 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.920 The first thing that happens before you die is your 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:34.800 body starts to eat you up. And then I looked 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:37.399 at myself in the mirror. I got bones in my chest, 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:41.120 my I have words sticking out. I mean, I'm like, damn, 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:44.720 my little that's crazy. But you can see like my 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:47.000 face sinking. And I had to go get fillers. So 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.040 that way I went and looked so sick in the 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:53.040 face because it was literally making me sick. Now, what 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:55.679 was it with youral process? Like for somebody that is 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:57.840 watching and they're like, okay, I want to kick this, 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:02.919 Like what was that? Like? How it you get started? Okay? 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:07.119 So I there all my purposes until I ran Now 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:11.840 I had bought I had bought seven of them. Now 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.040 I'm gonna tell you the cost of it too, because 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:16.040 I want you to understand how much money I was 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.600 spending on this drug too. I bought seventy purposes that 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:24.840 ran me about two thousand dollars or less. Maybe a 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:28.520 little less because in pandemic they're really expensive. So but 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:30.720 you know, I'm like whatever, I'm being money only care. 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:35.280 So I brought seventy of them and I took all 0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:37.679 of them. I took all of them about five days. 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:41.240 Oh my gosh. So I was like, all right, I 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:43.520 ain't got no more. I'm buying no more. That's it. 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:48.240 This is the day that I'm gonna stop. So the 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:53.560 first day it was feverintials during a pandemic. That's really scary. 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:56.440 I was like, oh shift, I got the fucking coronavirus. 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.280 And my mom was like, no, idiot, you're going through 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:04.280 withdrawals lax so I'm like, okay, mom, And then the 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:10.160 next day it goes to heart like the worst contractions 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:13.359 and your stomach the worst cramps. I mean, I was 0:21:13.400 --> 0:21:16.720 so cramped up I couldn't even move, Like every time 0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:18.679 I got up to use the bathroom, I was like 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:23.520 bent over like an old lady because it hurts so bad. Then, 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:25.919 I know, we talked about ship on the show. I 0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:30.359 always say, girls, don't We're being real and serious right now. 0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:37.040