1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: What's up. It's a lip service. I'm Angela yee, I'm 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 1: Gigi McGuire, I'm Stop with Santiago, I'm Luria. Yeah. And 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: this is this the first time we've all been together. 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: Just pandemic. Yeah, ye gang ball here. So we wanted 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: to do a check in and update with everybody. So, 6 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: you know, let's start with your gig. You are in Atlanta. 7 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: I am in Atlanta. I am living my very happy 8 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: single life. I have a puppy. It's like and I 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: am currently on only fans popping it like I'm dropping 10 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: it nine UM. And also I've been cast it on 11 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: season two of Beyond the Pole on we TV UM 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: we do You coronavirus special that we'll be airing any 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 1: day now. It's a ninety minute one episode special called 14 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 1: UM living in Living in Lockdown or on lockdo UM, 15 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: and season two is gonna start whenever they give us 16 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: a green light. It was supposed to start in August 17 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 1: and here we are down in September and we haven't 18 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: started yet. So as soon as the network can figure 19 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: out what's going on with UM production and this whole 20 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,320 Speaker 1: COVID situation, then we will start filming. And that's what 21 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: will be occupying my time? So you'll be on the series. Yes, 22 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: I am officially a cast member of Seasons who beyond 23 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: the whole Look, we're not even doing Toast? Why not should? 24 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm so happy I'm get from the bottom. What congatulations? 25 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: G you have you been dating at all? I have 26 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: been dating. I'm single with a whole bunch of boyfriends 27 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,760 Speaker 1: and no real relationship. Okay, nobody that you feel like 28 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: you could lock down with. I don't want to down. Okay, 29 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: now I'll tell you you you know I want. I 30 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: want my freedom right now. Maybe eventually, but right now 31 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: I'm just enjoying the freedom. Okay, I Larry, Yeah, let's 32 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: check in with you. Well, y'all know, um I talk 33 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: about it before another the episode. I've been working from 34 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: home just like you, ye, and just focusing on my 35 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: morning show. We're doing good. We um. We hit a 36 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: number one and a few of the markets were in 37 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: so that's really good. Bully and the Beast podcast is 38 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: doing amazing ever since quarantine. Right now, I'm in l A. 39 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 1: So I don't think I'm just in a hotel because 40 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: I'm sucking. Um. I needed very can tell that's a hotel. 41 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 1: But it looks like a hotel to me. But I 42 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 1: took a little vacation. I'm in l A. I needed 43 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: to clear my mind a little bit. And um, yeah, 44 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: as far as dating, I'm definitely dating. I'm having fun 45 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: and I'm happy. So you know, if y'all have sex, 46 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: you have to have sex with the mask on. I'm 47 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: not popping my pussy just yet. I'm just you know, 48 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: I'm still holding that part down. So uh, you gotta 49 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: do a lot to get some poom poom. But that's it, 50 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: like you know, And I told y'all I was starting 51 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: to work on music sick again, So that's that's good 52 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: for me. It's more of like, ah, I'm not taking 53 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: it as like a job like I was before, more 54 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: like a hobby something that it's fun to me and 55 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: I like to do. So that's cool. And we gotta 56 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 1: finish that lip service team Timmy was talking about. Yes, 57 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: we're working on that. I actually spoke a black youngster 58 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: because I remember he said he was gonna give us 59 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: yeah exactly, so we're still gonna do that. I spoke 60 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: to him about it. So we will be knocking that 61 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: out very soon. And I'm ready to get back to work. 62 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: So we need a cure that y'all could all take. 63 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: Because I'm not taking a vaccine. I just want to 64 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: make sure we're supposed to take it. I don't think 65 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: so I could come outside. I don't want to take 66 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: a vaccine. You know. I'm sorry now on my nose. 67 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: I feel like I've been I had to do that 68 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: a few times. How was it she was talking about 69 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: another thing being stuck up her nose? What's not in? 70 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: I don't know what you do? Break my question, Sorr. Yeah, 71 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: I'll send you. I've seen go now right. You always 72 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,320 Speaker 1: say that you don't mind having sets with the ex 73 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: is because and it's not a new number for you, 74 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: it's not a new notch off the table. Yeah, that's 75 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: off the table. Like and even like being in l A. 76 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: There's like a couple of guys that I did before 77 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, I see you're out here, and 78 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, Like I'm not. I'm off the 79 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: whole EXX wave. Like I don't even speak to my 80 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: X anymore at all. Like I'm good, Like I don't 81 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: want no exits even around. I'm claiming it's extra money 82 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: all right now. Stefanie listen. I'm happy to have you 83 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: here because I know that you've been having a journey 84 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: to go through on your own, and you know we 85 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: support you as your sisters here on lip Service. So 86 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: we did notice like the last couple of the times 87 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 1: that you were on things were a bit off, like distracted. 88 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: So I wanted you to be able to have the 89 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: floor right now to just kind of talk about some 90 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: things that you've been going through. Okay, to start off, 91 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 1: I'm doing earning well right now. Thank you God, and 92 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: thank you for everyone who's supports me and that I 93 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: appreciate it. But um so since quarantine, I was, UM, 94 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: I had a really bad drug problem. I was popping 95 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: a lot of pills. I was doing xanax, perkasats of 96 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: baked Vikadin's. UM I was just doing a lot of 97 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: drugs because I had a lot of time I was 98 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: in the house, So I was doing a lot of 99 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: drugs and I ended up really um messing up my health. 100 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 1: I was really sick, and um I decided to go 101 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: on a fath journey and I got baptized and UM 102 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 1: I went to a holistic doctor and they looked me 103 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: in my eyes. I didn't tell them what I was doing, 104 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 1: and they said, you have a drug addiction and if 105 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: you don't stop, you're gonna die, and within the next 106 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: fifteen years. So I'm in my thirties. That's not a 107 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 1: long time. That's that's too that's too young to die. 108 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 1: So I decided to do the withdraw all that home 109 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: by myself. And I've been cleaned for about seven weeks now. 110 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 1: I haven't done any drugs, so you know, I'm feeling 111 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:16,040 Speaker 1: really healthy. Um, I'm feeling like I'm able to travel again. 112 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: And like lor Rielle said, I'm I'm I'm planning on 113 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: going to l A. And I got a lot of 114 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,239 Speaker 1: things to work on in l A. I didn't feel 115 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,160 Speaker 1: healthy enough. I was scared to leave New York and 116 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: New Jersey because I was worried about where I was 117 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: gonna get my drugs. But everything, you know, came in order. 118 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: The withdrawals were really hard, and I did it by myself. 119 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,039 Speaker 1: I got and you know, it was the probably the 120 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: worst experience I've ever experienced in my entire life. It 121 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: was more painful than giving birth to a baby. And 122 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: it lasted for hellng. The withdrawal lasted about two weeks 123 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: like for it to be completely gone. The worst was 124 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: the first five days and then you know, I felt 125 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: better after are like two weeks, but it really ruined, 126 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 1: like hercocets really ruined my stomach, Like my stomach was 127 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,239 Speaker 1: so bad. I had to go to the doctor because 128 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: I thought I was done for me. I thought I 129 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: gave myself at the disease, and they just so, you know, 130 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: you gotta get off of pain killers. You're not in pain, 131 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: so you gotta get off of pain killers. And I'm like, 132 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: I'm already off of them, and they're like, okay, so 133 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: now it's time to heal. So I've been healing, and 134 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: you know, I've been really deep in my faith. I 135 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: know that's not the most interesting thing to talk about 136 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: on the service, but I think it's somebody. It's it's 137 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: something that people should know. You know, you like you 138 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: can overcome addiction. You can you you can be strong 139 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: enough on your own. I didn't have any friends here 140 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: helping me. I did it all by myself, even though 141 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: that's dangerous and you should have someone there to take 142 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: care of you and support you. But you know, I 143 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: had my mom on the phone and my sister on 144 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: the phone, and they weren't around to be here for me, 145 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: but was able to do it by myself. And I'm 146 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: just very grateful that I caught myself before I got worse. 147 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: I have been doing I have been doing the pill 148 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: since November, and then I got really bad during quarantine. 149 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: Now I'm completely sober. Do be smoking weed like twice 150 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: a day? Though? What made you did? What made you 151 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: even started taking pills? What? Okay, that's a good question. 152 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: And we made start taking pills as I was going 153 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: through two breakups at the same time. So last year, 154 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: I don't know people, if you, if you follow me, 155 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: my friends know, I was engaged to a Puerto Rican guy. 156 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: I remember, so um I left him to go be 157 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: with the guy that I've been with for a couple 158 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: of years. Remember that, And of course me and him 159 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: broke up again. And you know what, I was just like, 160 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm checking out. That's it. I want 161 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:55,079 Speaker 1: to check out. So when right before the pandemic hit, 162 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: I sent them boat to hell I and I decided 163 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: to just knock up on drugs. I stocked up on toil, paper, um, 164 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: water and percocets. It was like taking them yourself from Yeah, 165 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: I just wanted to check out. I just wanted to sleep, 166 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: like like I will wake up and be like okay, 167 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: going back to sleep, like I mean I was up to. 168 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:23,599 Speaker 1: I was up to like taking sixteen percocets a day stuff, 169 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I was even doing 170 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: when I did Xanax. It wouldn't work for me because 171 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: my body was so immune to it. I was taking 172 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: like four bars a day whenever I did that, I 173 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: just so I could go to sleep, and I was 174 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 1: waking up really sick. I was waking up like uh, Papa, 175 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: taking more pills. So you know, I'm not gonna lie. 176 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: I probably would have continue to take pills, like wean 177 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: myself off of this one and start another one and 178 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: then wean myself over that one, like we I will 179 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: wean myself off as of a xanax to take percocets, 180 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,839 Speaker 1: and then I will I would try Perkess. It's it's 181 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: it's the worst with draws ever, like where you know xanax, 182 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: we can get off of them, you get a little shaky, 183 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: but Percocess makes you sick like a Heroin at it. 184 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: It is Heroin. It's like Heroin and pilform. So that 185 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: was the worst, Like I would weave myself up with 186 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 1: the zannis and I started taking percoceses, percuss, perkos, perkases. 187 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: It was my favorite, even though I've always hated it 188 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 1: the first time, as that Perks said, I was a 189 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: kid and I never liked it. I don't know what 190 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: made me. I do know what made me do it. 191 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: The um I started talking to a guy. I never 192 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: had sex with him. I started talking to this guy 193 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: and he was like, oh, no, you shouldn't take zannas, 194 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: you should just take percocets, right, So I was like okay, 195 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: And then I got really addicted to the percoseys, Like 196 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: I don't even think I've ever been as addicted to 197 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 1: I was abusing Xanax, but I don't think I was 198 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 1: as addicted to it as I was a percocets. You know, 199 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: I was telling you earlier. I think it is so 200 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,839 Speaker 1: important that people that you surround yourself with two because 201 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: those influences on you can be really positive or negative. 202 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: You know, for somebody to tell you don't do that, 203 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: it's just take these precos ats like that, somebody that 204 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: cares about your fine, it's like worse or whatever. They 205 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: came step what was your turning point when you just knew, like, 206 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore. It's it's coming too much. 207 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: When the holistics doctor told me I was gonna die 208 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,719 Speaker 1: because listen, this is the truth. My mother has a 209 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: drug problem. She's been doing drugs for thirty years. He 210 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: told me, listen, your mother could do all the drugs 211 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: she wants and lived to a hundred. You are not 212 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: gonna live past forty five. That's like tomorrow, right fast 213 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 1: years ago by, and I'm I'm planning. I'm still looking 214 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: good at forty five. What like, I don't want to 215 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: I don't want to die. And then I lost I 216 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: mean taking purpose. As I lost like thirty pounds. I 217 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: was getting really skinny, and everybody he was noticing it. 218 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,320 Speaker 1: And I don't really care about what people think because 219 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: I like being skinny. Yeah, I thought you wanted to 220 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: be skinny. When after that, before he skinny and you'll 221 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,680 Speaker 1: stop eating. So you know, I didn't know myself so 222 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: I could. But then I noticed that I was getting skinny, 223 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: Like I was looking at myself like, oh ship, I 224 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: don't got no legs, like what about my legs? My legs? 225 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: Talking about what about my legs. What was that about 226 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: the other side effects? And now you said, yes, stomach 227 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,199 Speaker 1: was really messed up. Um, the side effects of withdraw 228 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: no like before that, you know, while you were on 229 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: the job, I was really constipated. I was really I 230 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: had a bad attitude. I was treating people bad. Another 231 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,319 Speaker 1: side effect of it, it was making me a little depressed. 232 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: Like I would wake up crying for my dreams. I 233 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: wouldn't even remember the dreams, so I was crying. That's 234 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: that's a sign of depression. It was just it was ever. 235 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,440 Speaker 1: It didn't do anything good for me. The only thing 236 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: good it did for me was let me sleep m 237 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 1: and for And to be honest, I've been clean for 238 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: over a month and I sleep like a baby now, 239 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: Like I I sleep so much better. Like even before 240 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: I go to sleep, I don't smoke weed because I'm 241 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: scared that it's gonna give me anxiety. And I just 242 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 1: go to sleep without smoking in the nighttime, Like if 243 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 1: I smoke too late, I know I'm gonna stay until 244 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 1: three o'clock in the morning, because I it doesn't put 245 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 1: me to sleep. Like just being natural drinking, like just 246 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: drinking some water or drinking a tea before I go 247 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: to sleep, I'm not right out, you know, And I 248 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: wanted them to talk about this on lip service because 249 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: I'm not ashamed of it at all. I'm not embarrassed. 250 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: I feel like it's something that should be spoken about 251 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of people out there doing pills, 252 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: and you know, they wrap about it and they think 253 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 1: it's okay, and you know, whatever floats your boat. I'm 254 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,319 Speaker 1: not judging anyone. I'm not judging anyone for their habits, 255 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: but you know it's not good for you. Like enough 256 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: other thing. They told me, it's God for a bid 257 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: if I got into an accident. You know, none of 258 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 1: the painkiller drugs will work on me if I had 259 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: to go into the emergency thirdary or something like that. 260 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: So I I mean, I don't think I'm gonna get 261 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: into an accident, God forbid, but you know, you never 262 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: know what's gonna happen. And that scared me a lot too, 263 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Did you ever feel like 264 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: you took too many pills and like maybe at one point, 265 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: you know, you were scared, like to even go to 266 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 1: sleep or anything like that. Because I know there's people 267 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: that they do take a lot of pills. Too, and 268 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, was that fear ever in your mind? 269 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: Like I might not wake up? That's a good question 270 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: too at one time, because it's one thing getting your 271 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: drugs from the pharmacy, and it's a whole other thing 272 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 1: getting them from the street, you know what it is. 273 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: One time I had gotten some xanax and they looked 274 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: a little funny, and um, I took them and they 275 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: made me crazy, like I was walking into walls and 276 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 1: falling on the floor and everything. And I ended up 277 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: buying a drug tests from the pharmacy and I tested 278 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 1: the drug. It was fencing al and the drug it 279 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: was so you know, if you wouldn't put too much 280 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 1: at that, they could have killed you. A lot died. 281 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: I would have died. And that's exactly what they told me. 282 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 1: They said that what's gonna happen is one day I'm 283 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: gonna take a pill and I'm gonna knock the wake up. 284 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: And that is crazy that No, I not really bought it. 285 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: I got it. I got the drug tests in my 286 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: cabinet because I bought the wrong one. First. It was 287 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: just like weed and you know, regular drugs, and I 288 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: was like, oh no, this isn't the right one, So 289 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 1: I had to go and buy the one. It's like 290 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: thirty different drugs they tested, they test for so whatever, 291 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: I boiled up some water, I let the pill, you know, 292 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: I let the pill this like, I let the pill 293 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: sick water, and then I poured it into the cup 294 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: and it was spence on al inside of the pill 295 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: with the street zan acs. I bought them up the street. 296 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: They were blew So did you know who the person 297 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: that gave them to you? Did you confront them about it? 298 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: Or actually did come front up about it? And I 299 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: went and I got my money back because I was 300 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 1: pissed off and they could have killed you. And you 301 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 1: don't know who else he's doing that too. Also, that's 302 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm like, it's mother, it's people like 303 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: you that are killing people out here, you know, for money. 304 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 1: It just doesn't make sense. So from there, I stopped 305 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: getting I stopped getting any pills from the pharmacy, I 306 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: mean from the from the I will only get my 307 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: pills from from like somewhere. I knew that it was 308 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: coming from the pharmacy. So you know, our mutual friend 309 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: that you's what it pills from. Um, you scared him 310 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: one day to the point where he felt like he 311 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: couldn't even get you drunk anymore. The same I've answering 312 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: my calls. He told me. Not figured that, you know. 313 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 1: He said that it was frequent and it was a lot, 314 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: and he's like, you know, steps, my girl, you my folks, 315 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: you know, so I'm gonna look out for her. But 316 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 1: once it started to scare me, he said, what happened 317 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,919 Speaker 1: was he gave you a lot one day and then 318 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: he texts you and you didn't respond, and he he said, 319 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: all that could go through his head was like you odeed, 320 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,680 Speaker 1: and like we're some ghost and we're on the show 321 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 1: together and we're friends. And he was just like I 322 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 1: couldn't head that on my conscious. So I just really 323 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 1: had to just like stop, he stop. He stopped answering 324 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: my calls. And I appreciate that, But girlfriend, I was 325 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: driving from you know, I was driving from New New 326 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 1: York to Philly to go see him. You know that, 327 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 1: even when I was with my man out there, I 328 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 1: was like hit him. I was like, because I just 329 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: wanted it so bad, and it's like I felt like, 330 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: you know, when you're addicted to something, you were like, 331 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 1: I'm not just so I just was to sleep, you 332 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I'm not really trying to 333 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: get high, but that's if you need something to sleep, 334 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,479 Speaker 1: If you need a hard drug to sleep every single night, 335 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: you have a drug, especially if you're not getting it 336 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: from you know, a doctor, right, you know what I mean? 337 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 1: So I knew that's why he wasn't answering. Um, he 338 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 1: wasn't answer in my toals and I respect that about him. 339 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 1: You know that. You know that as this people are listening. 340 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: They might have like a friend who's addicted to pills. 341 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: What would you tell them? Because sometimes you can't talk 342 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 1: to someone like do you feel like anybody could have 343 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,440 Speaker 1: told you listen, girl, you gotta slow down, like you 344 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: need to stop doing this, and you would have listened, 345 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 1: Like what would you tell somebody? I think you gotta 346 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: do it on your own? Is that? Like? You know, 347 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: you encourage your friends. Out of my friends tried to 348 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 1: give me the advice like yourself, slow down, slow down 349 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: and look even our folks, um, jeez, folks, was like, no, 350 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,920 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not giving it to her no more. 351 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: You know, So I had friends like that, But I 352 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: really feel like you need to take it upon yourself 353 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: unless it's someone who has experienced that. I would have 354 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 1: took took the advice. Like if someone would have told me, like, hey, 355 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: step I was on precoss and I was taking sixteen 356 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 1: a day and I almost died from the withdrawal, I 357 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: probably would have been a little scared. But you know how, 358 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,800 Speaker 1: you know how people are, especially people with strong personalities 359 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: and strong heads like me. I'm like, I'll listen to 360 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,879 Speaker 1: your advice and I'll respect it and i'll take But 361 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: for me to take advice is a whole different story. 362 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: And I still do what you want exactly. I'm still 363 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: gonna do what I want. But I have to say, 364 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,920 Speaker 1: as soon as I found out what I was doing, 365 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 1: because they told me deefinitely, look how skinny you are. 366 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 1: The first thing that happens before you die is your 367 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: body starts to eat you up. And then I looked 368 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,399 Speaker 1: at myself in the mirror. I got bones in my chest, 369 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,120 Speaker 1: my I have words sticking out. I mean, I'm like, damn, 370 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: my little that's crazy. But you can see like my 371 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: face sinking. And I had to go get fillers. So 372 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: that way I went and looked so sick in the 373 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 1: face because it was literally making me sick. Now, what 374 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 1: was it with youral process? Like for somebody that is 375 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: watching and they're like, okay, I want to kick this, 376 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:02,919 Speaker 1: Like what was that? Like? How it you get started? Okay? 377 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,119 Speaker 1: So I there all my purposes until I ran Now 378 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 1: I had bought I had bought seven of them. Now 379 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you the cost of it too, because 380 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 1: I want you to understand how much money I was 381 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: spending on this drug too. I bought seventy purposes that 382 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: ran me about two thousand dollars or less. Maybe a 383 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: little less because in pandemic they're really expensive. So but 384 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like whatever, I'm being money only care. 385 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 1: So I brought seventy of them and I took all 386 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: of them. I took all of them about five days. 387 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. So I was like, all right, I 388 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: ain't got no more. I'm buying no more. That's it. 389 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 1: This is the day that I'm gonna stop. So the 390 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: first day it was feverintials during a pandemic. That's really scary. 391 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: I was like, oh shift, I got the fucking coronavirus. 392 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: And my mom was like, no, idiot, you're going through 393 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: withdrawals lax so I'm like, okay, mom, And then the 394 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:10,160 Speaker 1: next day it goes to heart like the worst contractions 395 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: and your stomach the worst cramps. I mean, I was 396 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: so cramped up I couldn't even move, Like every time 397 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,679 Speaker 1: I got up to use the bathroom, I was like 398 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: bent over like an old lady because it hurts so bad. Then, 399 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,919 Speaker 1: I know, we talked about ship on the show. I 400 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: always say, girls, don't We're being real and serious right now. 401 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: I had a massive diarrhea for like a week, including cramps. 402 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,119 Speaker 1: I had to like drink bottles of pepto bismol to 403 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: make myself feel better. When the Sword of work, it 404 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: didn't work that good, but it helped, you know, stop 405 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: the diarrhea. And from there it went to just being 406 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 1: really tired, like feeling really like like, oh my god, 407 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: I have danage you to do anything. And then I 408 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,119 Speaker 1: got hungry. Then I started wanting to eat. My appetite 409 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 1: came back. That's when I knew I was starting to 410 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 1: heal up because my appetite came back. But the worst, worst, worst, worst, 411 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,160 Speaker 1: worst is the first five days. The first five days 412 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,199 Speaker 1: five If you could get through the first week, you 413 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: could get through it because I'm telling you. It started 414 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 1: from fever and chilled throwing up. I forgot about that part. 415 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 1: It was fever and show throwing up, um, a little coughing, 416 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: a little coughing. I'm telling you, I stood to a corona. 417 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:36,959 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't thank God, and um. Then 418 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: it went to the terrible cramps diarrhea every ten twenty minutes. 419 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 1: So imagine your stomacher and really really bad and then 420 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: having to get up every ten minutes to go sit 421 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 1: on the toilet and kill yourself on the toilet. You're 422 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 1: like and mad pain sitting on the toilet. It was awful. 423 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: You're throwing up and you're shipping at the same time. 424 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: It was terrible. I know body there to help me, 425 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,719 Speaker 1: but I felt like I had God with me. I know, 426 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: I know that's I know that that's what you need 427 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,880 Speaker 1: with you. Yeah, but I know I know a lot 428 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: of people, you know, they're like what she's talking about. 429 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 1: She making on the internet talking about God on the time. 430 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: You know, God, I love hoes. God loves and some 431 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 1: love hols. Read the Bible, Bird loves all his children. Guys, 432 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: let me ask you a question. When you were going 433 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: through it, those really hard days. Did you ever think 434 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: to yourself, like or what was the motivation to get 435 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 1: you not to be like, you know what, let me 436 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: just take a pill to make this feel better again. 437 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: And I had other pills. I have vikings Ins in 438 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: the house, and I had Zannis and I was like, 439 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 1: I'm not taking any of that. Ship Um. The motivation 440 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 1: and the motivation was the strength inside of me. I 441 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,440 Speaker 1: was like, I'm stronger than these pills. These pills don't 442 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: run my life. I run my life. God runs my life. 443 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: So I had the pills right there on my table 444 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: and looking at them like nope, nope, nope, I'm not 445 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080 Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm not taking that. The most I 446 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: took was motran and Thailand. All that's it. That's the 447 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: only medicines that I took, besides I'll say a pepo business, 448 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: Pepto bismo, motoring, and Thailand. At the same time, I 449 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,880 Speaker 1: was doing four motorants or emotion eight hundred and two 450 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: thailannels at the same time, just so I could, you know, 451 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 1: get any kind of thing, really I could. It didn't 452 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 1: work that good, but it helped. If anything, it probably 453 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 1: was a plausibo to make you feel like it was 454 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,640 Speaker 1: doing something exactly. It was my mind exactly. That's how 455 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 1: I feel like, Oh okay, I think I'm getting work. Yeah, 456 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 1: but it was probably just in my mind, you know. 457 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: But also you are super religious, and I feel like 458 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: it comes out more when you get drunk or when 459 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,199 Speaker 1: you did used to be unpelled. So what did that 460 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: say to you? You know what I mean? Like through 461 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: through those times, even that's a that's that's good, that's 462 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: a the observation all real, because when you're doing wrong 463 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: is when God is like what are you doing? Like, 464 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 1: like what's up? Like, oh, you want to be in 465 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: faith or you wanna get drunk? Which one? You know 466 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: what I mean? And I totally agree with you. I 467 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 1: was that one time, all right, one time I was 468 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 1: so high, I was so fucked up on I was 469 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: so fucked up on percocets, right, I was just sitting there, 470 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: sitting there, so fucked up on perkose that I had 471 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: a hallucination of my guardian angels telling me, like, you're 472 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: doing the wrong thing. And I was just like, oh, 473 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,680 Speaker 1: I'm dreaming, I'm bugging right now. I'm bugging. I'm totally bugging. 474 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: So when I came out to trance. I was like, yo, 475 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,200 Speaker 1: I wasn't bugging. That was like like I just had 476 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: a moment, But that still did it made me stop? 477 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: That still that it made me stop. I was like, oh, well, 478 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: I guess I'm just stripping out. That was that high. Yeah, 479 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 1: I was like you said, and you you guys know, 480 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: I've been on a faith journey for a couple of years, 481 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 1: and right now I feel like I'm closer to my 482 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: faith than i've ever been, you know what I mean. 483 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 1: So as when as soon as I got baptized, and 484 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: you know, I went and stow the person that I 485 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: needed to see to tell me what was going on 486 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: in my life, I didn't even tell them I had 487 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 1: a drug problem, and they knew from looking in my eyes. 488 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: You they thought they thought they thought that I was 489 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: doing cocaine. They thought that I was doing cocaine. They 490 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: asked me if I sniff coke, and I was like, oh, um, 491 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,120 Speaker 1: I automatically through. It's like he sees that I'm skinny, 492 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 1: so he thinks I'm sniff of coke and I'm like, no, 493 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not sniffing coke. I don't sniff cooke. 494 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: I was like, um, he's like, but you have another 495 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: drug problem. And I'm like, yeah, I do pills and 496 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: he's like, oh, that's even worse than doing coke. He 497 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: was like, um, he was like okay. He looked at me. 498 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: He was like, yeah, you're gonna die. You're gonna die 499 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 1: before you turn forty five if you keep taking these pills. 500 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: He's like, when you went to get baptized, just after 501 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 1: I got baptized. So I shook. It scared the ship 502 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,439 Speaker 1: out of me. Like, I have a son. I have 503 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: a fourteen year old son. You know, I wouldn't want 504 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,399 Speaker 1: him to live like that with his mom and knowing 505 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 1: that his mom died from doing drugs. Like my mom 506 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: is in my life, still in my dirties, and she's 507 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: been partying in her whole life. And I feel very blessed, 508 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: but I know that, you know, she's like she has 509 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: alien blood, Like she's different. She's it's not like I'm 510 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: not as strong as she is. And I don't think 511 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: the drugs that she was doing when I was a 512 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 1: kid is the same drugs that they have now, you 513 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 1: know what I mean? So, do you know what your 514 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,639 Speaker 1: triggers are? Staff like what you have to stay away 515 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 1: from to make sure she stay clean. My triggers are 516 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 1: when my boyfriend's got me depressed, like when my boyfriends 517 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: that's when the father. I don't thought about anything. I 518 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 1: don't shuss all about anything at all. I don't stress 519 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 1: out about money, even if I if I'm not rich, 520 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: I don't stress out about money. I don't stress out 521 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 1: about material things. I don't stress out about anything. But 522 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,520 Speaker 1: a man does something wrong to me, I forget. I'm 523 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,360 Speaker 1: like already over and already check out, time to lights out, 524 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: I'm going to sleep. I'm going to sleep for a month. 525 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 1: I don't even want to deal with this, but that 526 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,879 Speaker 1: was my trigger. That was my trigger. I um, you know, 527 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: I'm still dealing with the same guy I've been dealing 528 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,840 Speaker 1: with for the for so long, and he ain't going nowhere. 529 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: Like that's That's another thing that I've realized in this time, 530 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: Like no matter what happens, he's gonna be there, whether 531 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: we're fighting or not. He ain't going nowhere. What does 532 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,440 Speaker 1: he think about all of this? Like what what did 533 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,720 Speaker 1: he do while you were going through everything with he 534 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: supportive with you know, Like what what role did he 535 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 1: actually fighting we were actually fighting? And when he saw 536 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: that I would um because he knows me, so he 537 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 1: knew that I was doing something different. So when he 538 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 1: saw that I was um on that I was getting baptized, 539 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 1: when he saw that I was wearing, you know, a 540 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 1: white handkerchief and you know, getting baptized into my religion. Um, 541 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 1: he hit me up right away like, I'm so proud 542 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 1: of you. I know this is something you've been wanting 543 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: to do for a long time. I love you so much, Like, 544 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're doing these ceremonies. I'm so like 545 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,479 Speaker 1: and that was like, wow, I cannot believe it, Like 546 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: so I can't lie. He was very supportive. He asked 547 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 1: me what made me He was like, I know it's 548 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 1: me that made you do this. And I'm like, no, 549 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: it's not you that made me do this. I've been 550 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,040 Speaker 1: on this journey before I met you. I've been on 551 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: this journey on his Spade journey for like seven years. 552 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,680 Speaker 1: So it's like, it's just you making me feel terrible 553 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: about things, just pushed me further to want to go 554 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: and to my faith. It's not because of you, It's 555 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: just I took a bigger step while we were fighting. 556 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,640 Speaker 1: What was he doing about you? Were taking pills. What 557 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: was like, was he doing them too? Or was he like? 558 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 1: What was his thing when um too? But he would 559 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 1: be like, oh, oh, what's wrong. You can't sleep here? 560 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: Take a pill? Oh you're upset? Okay, okay, yeah, go 561 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 1: take one of your pills because you got it bad. 562 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 1: We go take one of your pills. So he didn't care. 563 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,680 Speaker 1: He didn't care. You don't care if I was doing 564 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: drugs or not. You didn't getting funk? And what was 565 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 1: his reaction to you becoming clean? When I told him? 566 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm I'm I'm in ceremony and 567 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,280 Speaker 1: you know, I'm doing all of this spur so that 568 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 1: way you don't stress me out and I don't have 569 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: to take drugs to go to sleep. And he's like, oh, 570 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: you're not taking drugs to go to sleep. I'm like, 571 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: I'm not taking drugs at all. I'm just fighting through it. 572 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, I'm so proud of you baby 573 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: when you come home up and give you a gift. Uh, Like, bro, 574 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: I don't need should reward me for something that I 575 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 1: decided to do myself. Like the reward is me being healthy. 576 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 1: The reward is is is me being able to get 577 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 1: up and go and do what I want to do, 578 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 1: to have to have my house the way it's supposed 579 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: to be, to be organized, to organize my life, organized, 580 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,800 Speaker 1: my career, organized my home. You know that's the reward 581 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,280 Speaker 1: for me. It's not you, because you're not going anywhere. 582 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: But if he's a trigger right at some former fashion, 583 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: how do you think that's gonna play a part on 584 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 1: your recovery and your new journey? Like? Is that a 585 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 1: positive thing? You know what I mean? Like one thing, 586 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: one thing I have to say is you know, I 587 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 1: do love this guy. I do love this guy, but 588 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:45,880 Speaker 1: I know I don't got a future with him. He's 589 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:47,920 Speaker 1: not the man that I'm gonna marry. I know that 590 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: for sure. If I don't, we're not getting married. It 591 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 1: is what it is. I don't expect for him, man, 592 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 1: I never. I mean maybe in the beginning I thought, 593 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: oh maybe it's me the guy don't marry when you else? 594 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: I body, you know what I mean? But I know 595 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: him really well, just like he knows me really well. 596 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 1: So I feel like at this point, after after everything 597 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 1: I've been through in faith and um and getting sober, 598 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: he there's nothing he could do to get me to 599 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 1: get me upset at this point, like he tries, he 600 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,120 Speaker 1: has tried too, but there's really nothing he could do. 601 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 1: It sounds like he's not good for you though stuff. 602 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 1: And if he's trying to get you upset, and you know, 603 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: I know he's not, y'all, don't wan't to talking about 604 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,360 Speaker 1: y'all know you, we know, but you know you. We 605 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: don't want to say too much. And if you know, 606 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: you're not gonna end up with him, if he's trying 607 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: to do things to upset you, and you know it 608 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 1: is like you said, you know when you get upset, 609 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship, when you're fighting, this is 610 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 1: what you return to. So now you've got to figure 611 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: out how are you gonna handle things differently because he's toxic. 612 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: It sounds as though and if you're intoxifying yourself. I 613 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: just think that when those people come in your space, 614 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: it's a negative it can cause negative things. And I 615 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 1: think you look so great right now. You sound so positive, 616 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,080 Speaker 1: You sound amazing, like I'm happy for I see the 617 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 1: different honestly, like and you know, Stephanie, when we did 618 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,720 Speaker 1: some Loot Service episodes and I was actually just doesn't 619 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,480 Speaker 1: look like she's well, and she's here in present I 620 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 1: was she's dead high or waiting to get high. So 621 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 1: we're like, is it over? Is it over? Do you 622 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 1: think if I go over here? Though? Stevie Poppico right, 623 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,479 Speaker 1: this is the best that I've seen you in a 624 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 1: long time. And we don't want to say too much 625 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 1: because we don't want to be triggers as far as 626 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,000 Speaker 1: like to make you upset, you know what I mean. 627 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: We want to support you as friends. But sometimes you 628 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: could push a person the wrong way, you know what 629 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 1: I mean, and and saying things to them and they 630 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: could shut down and not want to talk to you. 631 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 1: So that's why it was also difficult for us, like 632 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 1: we would, if anything, have conversations like, well, what can 633 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: we do? But at the same time, you did have 634 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:56,440 Speaker 1: to come around yourself and and figure it out, and 635 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 1: you did, and I think that's amazing. But I will 636 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: feel like we have to kill this nigga is and 637 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 1: I do. I do I feel that way because he's 638 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: obviously something is not all the way positive with him, 639 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 1: you know. You know it's funny because my sister gave 640 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: me the same advice. You like stuff even though you 641 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 1: think the things that he does can't bother you. One 642 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 1: day it might and you might just go off the 643 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: rails again. So I'm I mean moving forward. Honestly, I 644 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 1: don't think I'm gonna give him another year. I don't 645 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,359 Speaker 1: think so it's been for and I don't I don't 646 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,919 Speaker 1: really think I'm gonna like I know, I know that 647 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get what I want no matter what. And 648 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 1: it's like, do you want to be in a relationship 649 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,359 Speaker 1: that's going nowhere? Because that's what you're gonna get over there, 650 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,319 Speaker 1: right And I just don't want you to slide back 651 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 1: in because I know it could be just one day 652 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,640 Speaker 1: something goes wrong and he's not gonna discourage it. No, 653 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 1: no hold going by the bills for me, okay, And 654 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,560 Speaker 1: that's not what you need right now. You've got too 655 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: many great things happening. And it's crazy because it's not 656 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,399 Speaker 1: like you don't have options of plenty other men, men 657 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 1: that are trying to talk to you. But I know 658 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,640 Speaker 1: when we have this habit and this love for a 659 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,479 Speaker 1: certain person, we stick around. I mean, everybody excel inch, 660 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:16,040 Speaker 1: but like every like we all have been through something 661 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,719 Speaker 1: where we've stayed in toxic situations. And I felt like 662 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: That's why now, like even me talking to you about it, 663 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: I know that I've been in a situation where things 664 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 1: were going great and positive and this man who has 665 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:33,720 Speaker 1: nothing was able to bring me back down to ground zero. 666 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,839 Speaker 1: But I had to fight back up through it. And 667 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,359 Speaker 1: I don't want to see that happen when you know, 668 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 1: we want you to be doing great, We want you 669 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,799 Speaker 1: to be president like this Stephanie. Yeah, we love this 670 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: Stephanie like it's the other one that scares us, you 671 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:48,799 Speaker 1: know what I mean? But how can we talk because 672 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 1: you'll snap at us too. You have before. That's what 673 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: I'm saying. I get nasty, you know, I get nasty 674 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,480 Speaker 1: when I'm on the joke, especially when I'm coming all 675 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 1: for them. When we were on tour, I was looking 676 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 1: at danas everywhere, everywhere, everywhere we went for one of 677 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 1: my friends. I got you dance, we get then we 678 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,360 Speaker 1: get something in Atlanta. We got some in Atlanta, we 679 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 1: got some in La. You're gonna stop being a guy, 680 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: Jamn the neighbler. Yeah, it's like right here, my friend 681 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,760 Speaker 1: tell her, okay, when any time she asked you about 682 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:27,360 Speaker 1: some ship like that? No, we already know the next 683 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 1: in adderall in Atlanta. We gonna have to cut g 684 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:34,239 Speaker 1: off in a second, like I can mest somebody tell 685 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,640 Speaker 1: Laurie y'all I was addicted to adderall and I was like, well, yeah, 686 00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 1: I had to check that. And the guy I was like, 687 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,080 Speaker 1: if she's addicted to adderall, I got a problem with 688 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: her because she didn't give me nothing. I never had 689 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,080 Speaker 1: adderall in my life. I was like, and it was 690 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:48,960 Speaker 1: an artist too, and I'm like this and he was 691 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: saying in front of other people and I had to 692 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: shut hand down, like, bro, no, it was can I 693 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 1: say who it was? Yeah? It was Joe Betton. It 694 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,200 Speaker 1: was Joe Betton telling people I'm addicted to add run 695 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,640 Speaker 1: and I was like, dude, I've never done adderall in 696 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: my life. He was like, I don't even got much 697 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,319 Speaker 1: for him to say that. I have no idea where 698 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 1: he got that from. He said it's a need though, 699 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 1: and I was like caught off guard, Like he was like, 700 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,759 Speaker 1: you know because then just addicted the adderall And I 701 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: was like like, I wasn't gonna tell my friend, Like 702 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 1: Joe was cool, but Angela's my friend friend like in 703 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,839 Speaker 1: real life, no industry ship. So I'm like, what would 704 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,839 Speaker 1: you addint that the adderall, bitch, and now I need 705 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 1: the adderall. And you didn't get like. I never why 706 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,800 Speaker 1: you didn't give me a yeah, Like I tell you 707 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: what I do, I've done. I have no problem with that. 708 00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:37,960 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I did it shroom the 709 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: other day. I'm never doing shrooms again in life. Like Arizona, 710 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: I got him from Arizona. There was albino something. When 711 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 1: I tell y'all, I just freaked the funk out, like 712 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, because I had him. I 713 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,880 Speaker 1: would never do them. I thought I was getting kidnapped. 714 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,120 Speaker 1: I'm just like fun that ship I was seeing ship 715 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:04,399 Speaker 1: like and it was I took a little. Drugs are bad, bay. 716 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,439 Speaker 1: But Stephanie, and let's all make sure that we keep 717 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,000 Speaker 1: on continuing to check in on Stephanie even when we're 718 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,440 Speaker 1: not doing an episode, just to see how you're doing. 719 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,239 Speaker 1: And I am happy that you decided to share this 720 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,520 Speaker 1: because there's so many people we all know somebody that 721 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 1: has had problems with pills, and you know, we're just 722 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: happy that you were able to catch yourself. We do 723 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:34,320 Speaker 1: not want this to ever happen again. We love this healthy, 724 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 1: beautiful Stephanie. That we have here with us if you 725 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:39,920 Speaker 1: need anything from myself question and we're here. I know 726 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: we're going out next week to catch up and sit 727 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,160 Speaker 1: down and talk, but I'm just you know, I'm just 728 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 1: cautious about this, dude, because you don't need negative influences 729 00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,360 Speaker 1: in your life. And I understand that we care about 730 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 1: people and whatever. But back to with Lord rialhi. Um. 731 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,240 Speaker 1: You know, I spoke to my sister and our sisters. 732 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,080 Speaker 1: You know, she very supportive and she lives not too 733 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,120 Speaker 1: far from me, so she's been coming to visit me 734 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 1: and cook for me and things like that, and she 735 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 1: told me the same thing. She's like, stuff, I know 736 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 1: you love them, you know, I know you love them, 737 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,680 Speaker 1: but sometimes you just gotta let people go, like if 738 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,320 Speaker 1: they're not if they're not good for your health, especially 739 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: because you're the one thing having a broken heart. But 740 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: it's a whole other thing when you're killing yourself with 741 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,879 Speaker 1: substances right for being the price, you gotta love you 742 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:31,200 Speaker 1: more than you left someone else exactly, because that's exactly 743 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,319 Speaker 1: where I feel like my faith took me because I 744 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,280 Speaker 1: felt like I was I feel like I'm so close 745 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,479 Speaker 1: to my faith and it makes me love myself so much. 746 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,960 Speaker 1: It makes me feel like I um, you know, like 747 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 1: I'm so proud of myself, Like I know I can 748 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,840 Speaker 1: feel the love of God because I could feel the 749 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,920 Speaker 1: love for myself, because that's what God really wants you 750 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,719 Speaker 1: to do. He wants you to love what He gave you, 751 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,480 Speaker 1: and that's your life. You know what I mean. And 752 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,560 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, guys, I know I noticed. Is live serious, Listen, 753 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,719 Speaker 1: we know all about it. This is helped anybody else. 754 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 1: And that's what Little Serce is about too. It's not 755 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,880 Speaker 1: just about relationships and sect it is you know, relationship 756 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,920 Speaker 1: with yourself is it really just that's important and honesty 757 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,040 Speaker 1: and also no judgment, like that's what Let's service is. 758 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,279 Speaker 1: This is a no judgment place for us to be 759 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 1: honest and to help other people too with our own 760 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,959 Speaker 1: personal stories and journeys and help each other the best 761 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,919 Speaker 1: we can. And I really wanted to share this because 762 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,680 Speaker 1: I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not embarrassed that I was, 763 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 1: that I fell into a whole of addiction. I'm not 764 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 1: embarrassed my mom. You know my mom with my mom 765 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,120 Speaker 1: has a bad, bad addiction. And you know, I mean, 766 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,400 Speaker 1: she was good and she's fine and everything, but you know, 767 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:47,400 Speaker 1: not everybody's the same. And and I've never been ashamed 768 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,880 Speaker 1: that because my mom was a great mom. She you know, 769 00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,480 Speaker 1: we were never abused, and she showed us a lot 770 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 1: of love and and spoke brook values into us. But 771 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,799 Speaker 1: you know, she she did party and it is what 772 00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 1: that is, what it is. She's good person, but she 773 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,200 Speaker 1: she has her issues. And you know, not that I 774 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,960 Speaker 1: didn't want to end up like my mom, but you know, 775 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:10,319 Speaker 1: seeing my mom, I should know better. You know what 776 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,000 Speaker 1: I mean. And she doesn't want that for you either, No, 777 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:14,959 Speaker 1: not at all. When I told her I was clean, 778 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,279 Speaker 1: she didn't want to talk to me when I was 779 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,560 Speaker 1: doing when I was doing the pills. At first she 780 00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 1: was like take this, this will get you all for this. 781 00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:22,960 Speaker 1: I'll take this, this will get you all for that. 782 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,319 Speaker 1: But then I started calling her like hey man, can 783 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,920 Speaker 1: I get some more of that? And she was like, 784 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: don't call me. I'll say you over this because then 785 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,640 Speaker 1: you started becoming addicted to that. And even my sister, 786 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,560 Speaker 1: my sister was like, Stephanie, is don't get you doing drugs. 787 00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,879 Speaker 1: I'm not talking to you. And you have your son 788 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,439 Speaker 1: and I have my son. I didn't so I told 789 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,359 Speaker 1: my son's father and he told me anything I need 790 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,200 Speaker 1: if I needed him to come and help me out. 791 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: And he has a he has a whole wife, he 792 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,680 Speaker 1: has a girlfriend. But he he was like, stepping you listen, 793 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:54,760 Speaker 1: you're the daughter my mom. Excuse. I was like, what 794 00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:01,239 Speaker 1: problems like that? You know you're something, you're you're the 795 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,000 Speaker 1: mother of my son, and you know, anything you need, 796 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:05,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there for you to have. You got 797 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,440 Speaker 1: to go to the hospital. I'll take you to the hospital. 798 00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:09,520 Speaker 1: Anything you need, I'm gonna help you with it. I 799 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,399 Speaker 1: don't want to see you like this. But he knew 800 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,680 Speaker 1: right off the bat. But now I was doing drugs 801 00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,319 Speaker 1: because he knows me real good. We were together for 802 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,959 Speaker 1: seven and a half years, so he knew right away. 803 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,439 Speaker 1: He never saw me so skinny. And I'm not gonna 804 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:28,440 Speaker 1: lie like me skinny. I'm really remember health plasticated. Okay, healthy, 805 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:32,320 Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying. It's one thing being skinny 806 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:37,440 Speaker 1: and a whole different thing, big healthy skinny. Right, And please, 807 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,279 Speaker 1: people that are listening, don't think like I want to 808 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,840 Speaker 1: lose weight. Let me go buy a sephny purpose that 809 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,480 Speaker 1: makes that breaking And Stephanie so can you admit now 810 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:54,720 Speaker 1: on this podcast that girls do Ship? You're annoying Angela? 811 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,800 Speaker 1: All right, this is the one and all this time, 812 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:03,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna admit girls Ship. That's it. Somebody I supposed 813 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:11,239 Speaker 1: to wre recorded it never just saying all right, well listen. Yeah, 814 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 1: thank you guys so much, and thank you Stephanie for 815 00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,480 Speaker 1: being self open and transparent with us, because you don't 816 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:18,279 Speaker 1: know how many people this could be helping right now. 817 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: And that's why I wanted to do it. I really, um, 818 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,880 Speaker 1: like I said, I'm not embarrassed, and no one should 819 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:27,920 Speaker 1: be embarrassed. You just take care of yourself. It's so important, 820 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,480 Speaker 1: especially in these times I was I was messing up 821 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,320 Speaker 1: my immune system. I could have really got even sicker 822 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,520 Speaker 1: from doing all those shrugs. So right, and in particular 823 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,759 Speaker 1: right now with coronavirus, it is a tough time for 824 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,359 Speaker 1: people who are in the house, who are going through 825 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 1: relationship issues, who are going through financial issues, everything that 826 00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:50,839 Speaker 1: you're going through. We know it's not easy, but that's 827 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,759 Speaker 1: not that's not gonna be the fixed to anything. You know, 828 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 1: it's just making worst. It's stopping you from I've actually 829 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,879 Speaker 1: missed a lot of opportunities because I was too high 830 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,280 Speaker 1: on drugs. To be honest, I mean, I'm very grateful 831 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,839 Speaker 1: that there's other opportunities that are always being an offer 832 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,359 Speaker 1: to me. How you guys in my life, and I'm 833 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,400 Speaker 1: very grateful for you guys. I'm always grateful for you guys. 834 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,560 Speaker 1: You know. Um. But of course there was a lot 835 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,400 Speaker 1: of things that I missed out on because I was 836 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:23,040 Speaker 1: doing drugs. I didn't want to outside. I'm too lazy. 837 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,359 Speaker 1: I mean, the one thing I could say is I'm 838 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,400 Speaker 1: never lazy to take a shower. I was always in 839 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:31,760 Speaker 1: the show every time she's like, I'm taking a shower 840 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,960 Speaker 1: and brush your feet. Don't forget that gross to the 841 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:42,040 Speaker 1: tooth thing. All right, Well, yeah, please enjoy the rest 842 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,880 Speaker 1: of your week. We'll be back next week. Best that, 843 00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,319 Speaker 1: Stephanie again, thank you. It was nice to have all 844 00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:51,000 Speaker 1: of us on here. And we love you, Stephanie and 845 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,319 Speaker 1: we support you. If you need you already enough you 846 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,680 Speaker 1: need anything from us, like you call us and we're 847 00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,440 Speaker 1: gonna make sure we're there as that's as we can be. 848 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,720 Speaker 1: Thank you. I love you guys. I love you guys 849 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,960 Speaker 1: so much, and we love all of everybody listening to 850 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:15,879 Speaker 1: group group bring it in bad guys, and we love 851 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,719 Speaker 1: you too. Dan. Even though you're not my only Dan, 852 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,840 Speaker 1: I love you