WEBVTT - Learning To Forgive 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.080 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:21.840 on Apple Podcasts. Forgiveness is a deeply personal journey. My 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:25.280 brother Caleb is here at the Red Table. Now. We 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:29.000 grew up with different mothers and on opposite coasts, but 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.360 our father is a shared source of pain. It's about 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:35.840 finding forgiveness for the man who gave us both life 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:48.040 and also hurt us the most. Yes, oh, I love it. 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:55.560 You know I love family, my brother, your uncle, Caleb. Welcome, well, 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.720 thank you for having me. So today we're talking about forgiveness, 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:03.920 and my brother and I will be talking about forgiveness 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:08.119 of a parent. Um and I know that you too 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:12.840 have your forgiveness is yeah to talk about, but I 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:14.880 think we're also going to talk about forgiveness of the 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:18.280 self as well, which is the hardest one, which I 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:21.280 think is which I think is actually the truth is 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:27.200 it's the only one. Our father, ROBSL. Pinkett Jr. Struggled 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:31.080 with drugs and alcohol his entire life. He was not 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:35.000 a part of our childhood and we were forced to 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:38.880 grow up without him. When Rob died from an overdose, 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.240 we would left having to reconcile our feelings and find 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:46.120 forgiveness on our own. Let's tell the story of Robson 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:50.400 all right. So my father and my mother, they they 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.280 divorced when I was two years old. He didn't raise me. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.640 So when you don't raise a child, you really leaving 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.920 your child to the quote on quote wolves right, which 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:06.280 is horrific, especially when the child cannot protect itself. Yet 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:09.760 I'm never I'll never forget this. So the first time 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:12.000 I met my father, I was twelve years old. I 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:13.840 was able to go to Baltimore, but I had to 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:17.320 stay with my grandmother. And he explained addiction, and he 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:19.440 said I was an addict. He know, He said, I 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.959 still amn't at it. He said, I'm recovering. So I 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:23.799 would go to his a A meetings. He would take 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:27.480 me everywhere with him, so I developed a really strong 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:31.000 affinity for him. But while he was sober, there was 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.880 another thing he did. He adopted a young girl. So 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:36.440 we haven't adopted sister, and that was that was a 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:38.960 little jolting for me. The idea that I had a 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:41.920 father that adopted you didn't raise me, but then he 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.400 chose to take on something that he didn't raise. You 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:47.880 didn't raise his first child. He wasn't there for us 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:53.000 as children. He struggled with addiction. He was clean for 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:59.640 how many years? Even years about that he fell off 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:05.120 the wagon. You called me. We brought him out here 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.600 and he was out here for three years. He got clean. 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:09.960 He was clean during that time, and then he fell off, 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:12.240 and then he fell off again, and then he died 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.200 from an overdose. Okay, what did you feel like you 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:19.320 had to forgive rob oh Man him not not not 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:21.359 in there for you as a father, right, not not 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.079 being there. But here's what I mean about forgiveness of 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.000 self and really happen to dive into you. I realized 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:31.080 that my father is dead and gone. Any issue, any 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:34.800 problem is gone for him. So that means who's left 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:38.480 in the equation. So it's like it's it's about it's 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:43.680 about me. But he told me, you know, I'd rather 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:48.760 get hied and be your father. Like that's hardcore when 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:53.040 he said, but there was a reason behind it for him, 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:58.920 and his reason was I was sick and what felt 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:02.920 like he was protected you. I mean that's what he 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:07.040 told me at seven. Yeah, I can't be your father. 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:11.600 I'm a criminal, I'm an addict, and that's just what 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:17.440 it is. Dang. Yeah, wow, what for you was the 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:21.599 pain of not having your father there. So we're we're 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:23.760 now adults now and I'm living in l A, I'm 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:29.839 working in my father decides he's going to relapse. I'm 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:34.080 at home. I'm never I'll never forget this. It's not funny, 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.400 but it's funny because my dad was real. I called him, 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:40.320 I said Dad, he said hey, bo. I said, are 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:43.240 you okay? He said, yeah, get the fight today, son. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:46.720 I said, oh no. I called Jade. I said, Ja, 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:50.159 we got to bring him out. She was like, I 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:53.000 said yeah. She was like, oh man. You know. I 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:56.719 was like, Caleb, I don't want to, like, this is 0:04:56.720 --> 0:04:58.760 our father, and I just like Jada, we have to, 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:00.640 I say, because he's gonna die if we don't do it. 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.719 So there was a lot of resentment and there was 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:09.520 anger there. We both had a lot of resentment. We 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:13.599 had that feeling like we had to be responsible for him, 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:17.000 but he never had to be responsible for us. And 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:21.040 that was that was a hard pill for the attitude 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:24.400 that you guys owed him or something. Yeah. The issue 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.760 for me was when I got into the position that 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:31.680 I got in and then he wanted to have a relationship. 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:37.000 That hurt me absolutely. So when he died from that overdose, 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:43.280 I got the call from Caleb, And the most difficult 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.440 part of him dying like that is because he and 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:52.040 I had had a horrendous fight. When I found out 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:56.200 that he relapsed. I was like, I don't owe you nothing. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.520 You didn't do for me, you didn't do for Caleb. 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:00.960 I don't owe you nothing. It was one of us. 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.359 I had the same conversation with him. I was furious 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:11.040 and he told me that's what the diseases like, this 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.880 is who I am. And that was deep because he 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:17.560 was saying that's who that's who I am. But yet 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.440 I'm still who I am to you. He said, I'm 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.960 still your father. He said, I'll tell you this everything, y'all, God, 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.920 it's because of me. Ask your mama, tell him, tell 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.600 your sayce ask her mom, right, And you know what's 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:34.120 funny is you know what's funny my mom. She'd be like, 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.640 your your father was extremely talented, and I'm like, you're 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.320 doing right. I was like, that's one of the instant, right, 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:42.000 And I said, I give him that right. I know 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:48.760 I didn't get everything from him. Mom, I got that's right, 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.240 very true. But that day, Um, I was getting up, 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:53.880 I was going. I was never forget. I was going 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:55.800 to work. In my phone rang and I saw my 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:58.240 mom calling me. I'm like, Mom, what up? I'm getting ready. 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:00.000 She says, baby, your dad just had a heart attack. 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.560 I need you to come. And I'm like, okay, is 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.000 he ok She said yeah, you just need to come 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.960 to the hospital right now. I'm like, okay, cool. She 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:10.000 calls right back. I'm like my mom, I said, on 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:14.640 mom my way and she said, baby, he's gone, and I, ah, 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:22.600 damn it. Hold on. She said, baby, he's he's he's 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:26.240 he's gone. They need you to come down and identify 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:31.600 the body. And I said okay. And I sat for 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.800 a second and I said, okay, I gotta call Jada. 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:41.200 She picked up. She said hello, and I said Jay, 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:47.480 she said, he's gone, isn't he? I didn't even ask. Yeah, 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:52.800 m M. What I will say about that moment for me, 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:59.800 that's when my brother became a man mm hmm. For 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:05.640 because he had to go identify the body. He had 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:10.480 to take care of the funeral arrangements. He did it all. 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.360 And to have had that happened and I didn't have 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:19.680 to take care of it. He had it The way 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:25.400 you handled it was with so much strength, so much grace. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:28.720 And that's when he really grew up to me in 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:32.840 that moment, you know, So to have my little brother 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:35.600 be able to step up for me, it was an 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:40.559 amazing moment. How did you feel? At first? I felt 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.880 a lot of guilt because of the conversation we had had, 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:49.800 and I never forget. I just had like the most 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:57.640 startling realization that Rob's life wasn't about him being my father. 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:03.280 Rob's life was about Rob being on his journey and 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:06.280 it just so happened along the way. He gave me life, 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:11.240 and in that moment, I realized he was not born 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:14.679 to be my dad. That wasn't the only thing he 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:17.600 was here to do. He's a person first with his 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:22.720 own journey. Wow, that was something coming to that understand, 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.040 and I had to call Caleb and I was like, Caleb, 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:30.960 it didn't have anything to do with us, And that 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:36.400 was like my AHA moment of like utter forgiveness and 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:38.800 just to be able to see him as a human being. 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.920 And that's when I started, even in my own life, 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.679 just tearing down all these titles that keep us all 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:49.120 these labels. We get so caught up in these titles 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.720 and these labels of what people are supposed to be 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:55.880 and how arrogant we are to believe we know who 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:58.560 somebody is supposed to be in what they're supposed to do. 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.120 Like you're my brother, and since you're my brother, you 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.800 need to behave a certain way that I can feel 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:08.319 good about myself. You're my mother, you're my daughter. When 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.400 we when we look to our relationships to be something 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.480 to fill us in a certain manner, you know, And 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:17.360 that that's that is the thing for the last seven 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:21.400 years that I've been in search of as emotional independence. 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.320 When you don't need people to be something for you. 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:29.320 Oh man, that's the real freedom. That's it, right, that's 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:33.280 the real from man. That has been the greatest gift 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:37.240 in my journey is releasing myself from that and releasing 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:40.640 people that love me not feeling like they got to 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:44.400 be something. And I'm continuing that, you know, that journey, 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:48.240 specifically in my relationship with Will and with my kids, 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:52.160 knowing that they don't belong to me I'll never forget 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:55.000 that call because it also really helped me because I 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:58.440 realized that's what I was doing to my father. It 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:04.760 was really interesting to see him with family and children 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:10.280 and maybe like you never did that with me. And 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.800 now I'm feeling angry and a little jealous, and now 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:16.439 I don't want you around. So now you haven't done anything. 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:18.319 You just come and say, hey boy, how are you. 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:22.160 It's our own pain and shortcomings that we want to 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.160 hold on too, and say, this person did this to me, 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.920 so this allows me to feel this way this way. 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:32.079 That justification. Good point that because that victim hood cloak. 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:36.160 Oh yeah, oh baby, that could be a coldsy little 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:39.240 joker right there, that little victim hood cloak. So you 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:42.160 gotta want to let that go. R Yeah, you know, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.040 because it feels good to stay in in the pain 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:48.520 sometimes of it. Some people enjoy it. And you don't 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.120 have to be responsible for yourself, not if not if 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:53.720 somebody else did something to you, because you can't fix it. 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.080 Only they can't, which I think makes you weak, like 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.960 it takes your power away, like in the sense that 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:02.280 they've done something to you, so they owe me. Are 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:04.760 they should be suffering and they're not so. Now you 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:07.600 hold all this rage and you see them smiling doing 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.520 whatever they're doing, and you hate every second that they 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:14.520 breathing happy. But you're the only one that's sick from it. 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:21.080 Forgiveness takes time, reflection. You gotta look at yourself, what 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:25.720 part you played in it, coming to a relationship with expectations, 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.760 because that's where the pain comes from. He didn't do 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:33.320 something that you expected him to do as a father, 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:39.880 right right, Yeah, I wanted to ask you, Willow. You 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:44.560 probably remember Rob so much differently. Oh yeah, definitely. My 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:47.000 initial impression was he was just a very he had 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:50.199 a calm about him. Yeah, but I remember that he 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.640 was very interested in a lot of the esoteric st 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:59.560 and so back then he was he was actually considered 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.920 I'm kind of weird. And what was his talent? Oh? 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:08.840 He Rob could do. He could he could write poetry, 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.559 he could create stories, he could act. He had everything 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.680 that all of us can do in one He would 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.400 his poetry, he would lay down to music. He thought 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:19.800 he could rap. He said he was one of the 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:25.400 first rappers. Been boy, let me tell you something so intelligent, 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:30.760 almost genius. And you know how there's a line between 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:35.200 genius and crazy. Yeah, that was your dad, and I 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.120 think if he had waited and lasted, he would have 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:42.360 found his clanning. Y'all. Yeah, Caleb, have you do you 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:46.160 have any unresolved issues with Rob? I can honestly just 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:48.320 say for me, I'm still I have not been able 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:51.520 to fully forgive myself for the way I treated my 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.400 father before losing him. When I talk about it, I 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:58.040 can start crying like quickly, and that means it's unresolved 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:00.679 within me. So it forces me to who actually do 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.400 so much work to try to get better because I 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:07.400 really felt really bad, you know what I mean, Like 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.240 like I just I felt like I was a bad person. 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:12.800 That's been the thing for me, and I'm getting better. 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.600 It's but it's not fully resolved, so I would definitely 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.920 say that. God, I have a question for you, Geh. 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:26.720 Do you sometimes feel guilty for marrying wrong? I don't 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:32.880 think I do. Yeah. No, all my guilt and shame came, 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:37.680 you know, from my own addiction. And how did you 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:39.760 deal with that game? How did you come to a 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:44.560 place of like forgiveness for myself? Oh my god, it's 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.640 actually because of you. I asked you, why didn't you 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.640 just toss me to the side. Why didn't you just say, 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:56.720 like forgive Yeah, but it listened. When you go through 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.840 that kind of trauma as a child, somebody staying in 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:03.040 of life is not a guarantee, and they just don't 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.080 want a part of you anymore, you know. And I 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:09.440 wanted to understand from Jada's point of view, how she 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:14.200 could forgive me, right, And you said it was because 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:19.040 you saw me changing. Yea. When people continue to repeat 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:22.560 the same behavior, it's hard to forgive because then the 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:27.440 forgiveness is just about words. They're just talking, right, you know, 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:32.440 But your actions matter, right. So I started realizing that, yeah, 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.040 I really am not the same person that I was 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:38.760 back there. I really am changing, right, And I think 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:43.760 the other thing for me, Like I'm sure people would wonder, Okay, 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.240 did you have as much anger towards your mom as 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.080 you did your dad? And it's funny because I feel 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:54.760 like even though you were going through everything you were 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.680 going through, we were still there together. You were always 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:01.240 there no matter what. And I think the thing about 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:06.280 Rob was that he wasn't. He just gave up. Yeah. 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:11.200 Do you think the relationship with your dad affected relationships 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:16.120 with other men in your life. Oh my god, asked 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.720 a freaking lootly because you you don't really realize it, 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:23.720 but you expect your intimate partners too in some way 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:27.120 be the thing that your father wasn't like that is 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.360 not his job booting. Here's the thing that you're gonna 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.760 have to get with, Jada. You'll never have a man 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:37.680 in your life you call daddy ever. I remember going 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:44.320 through a stage with Will watching him father Willow. That 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:48.120 was just like, oh my god, I'll never have that ever. 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:51.800 I always tell Will I'm like, listen, I know your 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:55.680 dad's not perfect, but my god, you have a daddy. Yeah, 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.400 that is the one thing to be able to give 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:02.760 my kids something I did didn't have and be able 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:05.800 to watch it. You know. So what I had to 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.760 stop looking at was that something was wrong or something 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:13.080 wasn't right because poor little Jada didn't have a daddy. 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:17.359 I had to learn how to stop focusing on what's 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:24.040 not going well, focus on what's going well. Do you 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.560 have anybody in your life you need to forgive or 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:35.600 any moments of I definitely had to forgive um, you 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.600 and Daddy, you know. For that hole with my hair thing. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:43.160 It was mostly Daddy because he was so like harsh 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:48.199 at certain times. I always say, many daughters, it was 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:51.879 like a couple of years honestly, like trying to regain 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:55.639 trust for not feeling like I wasn't listened to or 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:59.320 no one cared what I felt during that time, because 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.920 it wasn't that you didn't want it, It just they 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:04.880 weren't listening to how you wanted the experience to before. 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.880 You had to forgive myself because I felt guilty because 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.840 I was like, everyone is trying to make me better, 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:16.120 trying to make my dream, but I didn't really understand 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:20.360 what my dream and tails you could have. You know, 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:24.480 I'm still you know, trying to. Yeah, that is one 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:27.320 of the hardest things to do is to forgive yourself. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.960 But when you forgive yourself and when you learn to 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:35.080 treat yourself better, then you treat others better. You treat 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:40.040 others others kindness. I heard a real interesting quote that said, 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:48.040 treat yourself like you're somebody you care about it like, oh, like, 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:56.920 actually start loving yourself. Love is every everything. It's so funny. 0:18:57.160 --> 0:18:59.879 Will talks about this quote that you gave him that 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.360 he says all the time, and it's when he wants 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:06.440 to sound really smart to people. He'll say, my wife 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:10.680 Jada always says that true love is blue. It's not red. 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:15.119 Most people think it's red and red just passionate. But 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.880 love is actually peace. But it doesn't it doesn't always 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:21.480 look how you think. Well, that's because nobody thinks that 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:23.399 love is blue. They think of it is red. So 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:26.840 everybody's looking for something that is screaming red. We got 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:30.600 to get a blue table, down nose, red table is 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:33.160 the thing. But that's your own quote, and that's actually 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:35.240 a Jada one. But the idea that it's blue and 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:39.960 it's so deep, Yes, that's real talk. Wow, this was great, 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:43.160 you guys, you guys, thank you for having me so 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:52.159 cool on our next Red Table Talk. I celebrate anything black. 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:57.000 I inevitably get a million comments. Are they coming from 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:02.320 people I dated some really wonderful white man but you're 0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:04.800 dating someone at the top of the food chain. And 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:12.840 then understand, all right, right, that was great, Ye that 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:15.120 was nice, guys, like thank you for that because they've 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:18.840 actually made me look at stuff a lot, like, yeah, 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:21.720 you still got work to do here and we all 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:26.200 do yeah, yeah, yeah, that is that is life right there. 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.040 To join the Red Table Talk family, and become a 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.440 part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook dot com 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:35.760 slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:40.040 of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook, Watch, Westbrook Audio, 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:41.399 and I Heart Radio.