WEBVTT - S1: Ep 1 - No Turning Back 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:08.400 I wonder if you could tell me that story about 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.720 the time that a sister had to go to the 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:15.160 hospital and he thought, this is going to be my chance. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:19.880 So one of the sisters she had been in the 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:23.560 hospital recently and she needed to go back and have 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:27.920 a checkup. It felt like this opportunity fell from heaven 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.760 into my lap and I would escape. 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.760 Why didn't you just walk out, just tell someone I'm leaving, 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:41.400 and just walk out the door. 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:45.400 We always went out two by two. We were never 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:50.600 allowed just to walk out and do something, so I 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.159 wouldn't have been able to go, you know, more than 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:56.400 five or six paces before somebody ran up to me 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:02.760 and said, where are you going? But I knew, because 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:05.800 I had been in that hospital and was familiar with it, 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:09.240 that there was a room where there was a collection 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:14.640 of clothes that the patients had left behind, So I 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:18.200 knew where that was. I could find myself some clothes there, 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:24.000 some normal clothes. I thought, I'll drive in with this 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:28.679 sister who's ill, and then when we get there, I 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.400 would just leave. I would leave her there, and I 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:35.319 would have at least a few hours before anybody figured 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:44.559 out what I'd done. So I took some phone tokens 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:48.400 and I got in the car and they're in that car. 0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:52.880 On the way to the hospital. I was perspiring. My 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:57.400 hands were clamming, my heart was raising. It was so hot. 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.680 And as we left the city and we drove towards 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.960 the seashore, there was a breeze and it started just 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:09.240 to feel really nice, and there were palm trees, and 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.440 there was the sky and you could see the water 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:15.280 off in the distance. It was like a breath of freedom. 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:16.200 It was like. 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:21.680 A way to breathe again. And I just wanted more 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:27.760 and more of that air, that freedom, that life, that light. 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:31.040 I thought, this is my chance. I just have to 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:31.600 take it. 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:55.560 There's a box in Mary Johnson's house, a boxy rarely opens. 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.799 Well, you know, I've been talking with you lately about 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:01.840 all of these things, and so I brought this box 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.560 down from the top of my bookcase because I think 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:09.080 these things do help me remember better and get back 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.919 into the feeling. 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.160 We all know this box, the one full of memories 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:20.600 of a version of yourself that with time and experience 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:24.799 becomes more distant, hard to relate to. But we keep 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.640 these things as proof out of you. It's there in 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.600 case we need reminding. Mary's box holds mementos from twenty 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:35.240 five years ago, a time when she was devoted to 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:38.560 a different world, an insular community that asked her to 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:40.960 separate from her family and her past, to focus her 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:42.920 life on one thing love. 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:46.680 Well, first, there's this plastic display case like you might 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:50.480 get some earrings in or something like that, and underneath 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.720 it's just little tiny pieces of Mother Teresa's hair. 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.000 Wow, it's probably four strands or something. 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:01.640 Would you say, Yeah, that looks like strands, and they're 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:03.800 arranged in a cross shape. 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:07.160 So I mean it's hair of a saint that you 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:09.640 have in a box on your bookshelf. 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:11.680 And it is not only hair of a saint I 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.760 have an box on my bookshelf, but the hair of 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:17.200 a woman that I knew and had a very complicated 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:18.120 relationship with. 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.080 Mary Johnson has these strands of hair in her keepsake 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:26.400 box because in nineteen eighty she made a vow, a 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.200 vow to devote herself to serving the poor and God. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.479 She became a religious sister with the Missionaries of Charity, 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.159 the Catholic Order formed by Mother Teresa. 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.159 So I did spend a lot more time alone with 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:44.160 her than most sisters had the opportunity to do. And 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:47.000 I loved her. I loved her deeply. 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:50.840 Mother Teresa helping the poorest of the. 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:55.920 Poor, Revered by popes and presidents, queens and princesses. 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:56.799 Particularly. 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.920 Anything that's known about her is shouted in mystery and myth. 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:05.120 Though fiercely private, the small nun in a white and 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.600 blue sorry became an icon, and thousands of women abandoned 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.440 their previous lives to follow her. 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:15.599 We were to love, be unlovable. 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:19.680 You feel God is asking you to do something, It 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.160 doesn't matter how hard it is. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.480 She was so close to God, and you knew it 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.919 when she was there, and everything changed. You know. 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.440 I heard about Mother Teresa when I was a kid. 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:36.800 She seemed like the ultimate example of selflessness, of someone 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.919 who saw poverty and actually did something about it. She 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:44.000 seemed like this perfect person with a simple message. But 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.560 the more people I've talked to, the more I've realized 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:51.279 how little I understood her, how unusual her spirituality actually was, 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:55.919 how her legacy was filled with controversy, and how thorny 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:58.920 and complicated her order could be for the people inside it. 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:05.800 The order was wired that you had very little time to. 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:10.120 Think you're only getting input from one source, you isolated 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:11.080 from everyone else. 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:13.480 That's what I mean by Brian washing. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:15.400 They become the voice of God for you. 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:16.400 That's all they keep saying. 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:18.000 Under your valleve obedience right. 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:21.800 One doesn't always know where to draw the line between 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:23.160 religion and cult. 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:26.839 When Mary was nineteen years old, she dropped out of 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.320 college and joined Mother Teresa's Order of Nuns. There was 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.440 no legal contract, nothing physical that bound her to the group. 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.000 She could leave at anytime, but from the beginning she 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:41.120 was convinced there was no turning back. As she went deeper, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.000 she learned more secrets about this way of life. She 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:48.039 saw vows taken to extremes. She felt the rigidity of rules. 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:52.120 How separate this society, this culture, this world really was. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.560 Many former sisters like Mary entered the Order seeking love 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:00.599 and purpose, only to lose themselves along the way, And 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:01.839 it was a long road back. 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.760 My story is the story of a woman who disappoints 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:09.360 the most admired woman in the world. 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:20.200 From a cocoa punch and iHeartMedia, this is the turning 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:24.360 I'm Erika Lance Part one, No turning back. 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:42.480 Mother Teresa was busy as usual, saving the world, and 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:44.120 I mean that quite literally. 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.280 It's nineteen eighty five. Ronald Reagan's in front of the 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.320 French doors of the West wing of the White House. 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:53.480 Her order of the Missionaries of Charity is spread throughout 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.200 the world, serving the poorest of the poor. 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.280 Mother Teresa stands beside him in her white and blue 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:01.480 sorry a foot shorter than he is. 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:05.200 Mother Teresa is a heroine of our times. And to 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:09.400 the many honors she has received, including the Nobel Peace Prize, 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:14.280 we add with deep affection and endless respect, the Presidential 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:24.760 Medal of Freedom. 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:33.559 I am most doneworthy of this generous gift of our President, 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:40.800 said Reagan and his wife and new people of United States. 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:45.839 But I accept it for the greater glory of God 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:50.600 and in the name of the millions of poor people. 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:57.079 For this gift, in spirit and in love will penetrate 0:08:57.360 --> 0:09:00.880 the hearts of the people. For in giving it to me, 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:05.400 you are giving it to them. 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:10.160 Mother Teresa founded her congregation of Sisters in Kolcutta, India 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:13.880 in nineteen fifty. She called them the Missionaries of Charity 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:17.720 MC's for short, and she became famous for tending to 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:20.599 what she called the poorest of the poor, especially in 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:23.319 her home for the dying. She explained her mission with 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:24.280 a Bible passage. 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:29.280 Jesus said, I was hungry and you gave me to eat. 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.600 I was naked, you clothe me. I was homeless and 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:38.000 you took me in. I was seek and in prison, 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.360 and you visited me, and you took care of me. 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:45.920 Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity believe that each sick person 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:47.960 on the street is Jesus in disguise. 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:53.160 That's the same Jesus and the distressing disguise of the poor. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:57.520 The Missionaries of Charity are still headquartered in Kolcutta, but 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.319 Mother Teresa expanded her mission far beyond Indian She founded 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:04.880 convents in other countries, and she created new MC branches 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:08.160 for fathers and for brothers. As her order grew, so 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:11.880 did Mother Teresa's fame. People loved her message. She spoke 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:15.000 of love, of having compassion for everyone, of doing your 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:18.160 small part to help others. It's a message that appealed 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:22.320 to Mary Johnson. Mary grew up in Michigan and Texas 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:25.440 in a Catholic family. She was the oldest of seven kids, 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.280 and at a young age she had a special relationship 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:29.120 with a higher power. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.400 I had always found church to be something I enjoyed 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:37.800 if it didn't last too long. I enjoyed Catholic school 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:41.440 when I was in class, but on the playground at 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.840 lunch time, I really don't have any friends, and so 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.480 I would find some place on the distant side of 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.600 the playground and I would just talk to God. And 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:52.040 I think that's kind of where it started for me. 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:55.920 In second grade, Mary's teacher told the class to write 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:57.600 about what they wanted to be when they grew up. 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:02.040 Boys, you could be fireman, you could be doctors, you 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.439 could be policemen. And she gave this long list of 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:10.520 careers possibilities, and then she said, girls, you could be 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:14.280 nurses or teachers. So write your essay. 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:14.800 Now. 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.960 I didn't know what to do because I wanted to 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.480 be either an archaeologist or the director of the New 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:24.119 York Philharmonic. I used to watch Leonard Bernstein on television 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:25.680 and I just loved that, and I thought it was 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.239 just the best thing in the world. 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:32.120 Just two options for girls neither interested Mary. Here's what 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:33.080 she wrote in the end. 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.720 When I grow up, I will be whatever God wants 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:40.319 me to be. I have figured that way God has 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.080 learning more possibilities, and he said, than the sister does. 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:49.160 And so I thought that's it. But somehow it wasn't 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.280 just an essay for me. It was like a pact. 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.720 It was like, okay, God, you show me what you want, 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:56.320 and I will do that thing. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:59.880 When Mary was twelve years old, her parents got in 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.440 to charismatic Catholicism. They were pretty involved in it. The 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:06.160 local group often met at their house. They'd pray and 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.640 speak and sing in tongues. But Mary didn't quite connect 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.520 with that type of spirituality. She waited for her own 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:17.200 message from God. In high school, Barry joined the debate team. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.280 She wrote for the high school newspaper, and then when 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.400 she was a senior, the message arrived. 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:28.520 And I was walking past our library, which had glass windows, 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:30.959 and I saw the cover of Time magazine and there 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:36.920 was this face of this wrinkled nun with a white 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.719 veil with blue stripes, and she had these eyes. And 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:45.079 I took that magazine from the shelf and I started 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:46.959 reading in the bell rank for French class, and I 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.000 didn't care. I just sat there and I read about 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:54.199 this not in Calcutta, who was doing these fantastic things 0:12:54.320 --> 0:13:00.800 with taking in dying people and caring for them. 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.520 She was attracted to the MC's focus on love and 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:06.320 working with the poor, but it was their commitment to 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.040 the vow of poverty to live like those they were 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:10.600 serving that grabbed her. 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:14.640 I mean, the Missionaries of Charity took poverty really seriously. 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.840 And one of the places in the Bible where Jesus 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.400 talks about poverty is during that Summon on the mount 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:26.720 when he says, stop worrying about everything. Look at the 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.400 birds of the air, Look at the lilies of the field. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:31.920 See how your heavenly Father takes care of them. He 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:34.240 knows what they need me make sure they get it. 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.240 It's gonna be less for you. He has every hair 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.800 on your head counted. What do you think He's gonna 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:45.200 let disaster strike? No, No, just consider the lilies. 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:49.720 The article just pulled her in like nothing before. 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:53.840 This was like my whole heart on fire. And I 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.120 really felt like that was God talking to me. And 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:57.920 by the time I got up, I said, this is 0:13:57.960 --> 0:13:59.920 what I gotta do. And I went home and started 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.600 writing letters and trying to figure it out. 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.680 Mary wrote to Mother Teresa and asked to join her order. 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:10.040 You know, And it's kind of that impulsivity of a teenager. 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.800 It was the summer of nineteen seventy seven when Mary 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.880 arrived in New York City. She made her way through 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.560 the city to a new life as a missionary of charity. 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.880 I'd never been in a big city like that before. 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:49.440 Enormous buildings and these wide streets and all of these 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:52.800 people out on the street, so many cars, so much action, 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:54.720 and it was exciting. 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.640 Mary was headed to the Bronx. That's where the main 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.480 empcy house in the United States is, and it's where 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.760 she'd joined new Sisters in training. She carried a cardboard 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.520 box tied with string. It held two skirts and two blouses. 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:12.120 That's all the Sisters said she'd need. New York was 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:14.720 a different place. In the summer of seventy seven, a 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:17.320 widespread blackout shut down the city and led to looting. 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:21.120 It had nearly gone bankrupt just two years before. Landlords 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.320 were setting fire to their own buildings to cash in 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.200 on insurance, and one of the biggest manhunts in New 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:28.360 York City history was on for the son of Sam, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:33.480 serial killer who was shooting and murdering young women. But 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.200 when Mary arrived, what she noticed was the energy. 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:41.880 I do remember very clearly emerging from the subway station 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:47.000 there and walking into all of this sound, Spanish music, 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:53.160 Spanish speaking. I'd see mangoes on the sidewalk there in 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:57.520 front of the fruit stand, and just all the excitement 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.600 and the energy of the South Bronc in the summer 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:05.080 of nineteen seventy seven. There were these groups, especially of 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:10.520 young men and older boys, gathered around boomboxes and doing 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:17.960 these enormous gymnastic moves is very very impressive breakdancing, and 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.680 it's just feeling like I had walked into a completely 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.120 different world than the one I'd known. 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.760 The convent looked like any other house in the area, 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:31.480 a simple brick building. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.720 So I ring the doorbell and wait a little while, 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.600 and wait a little while, and then finally sister Rochelle 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.000 comes down. She welcomes me with a big smile, and 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:42.840 she knows my name, and she knows what I'm there for. 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:46.360 They've been waiting for me. And I went inside and 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:50.800 everything inside was quiet. Rossel whispered to me. She says welcome, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.560 and she says, let's go say hello to Jesus. 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.640 After a quick stop to pray in the chapel, they 0:16:57.640 --> 0:17:00.480 climbed to the stairs to the refectory room, where they 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.640 did most everything. They ate their meals in the refectory, 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.600 studied how to be a sister. In the refectory, inside 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.359 was a plywood table, two benches, and a stool. 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:13.600 I was kind of amazed at how bare it was, 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:14.919 how minimal it was. 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.600 On the wall hung side by side images of Mother 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.119 Teresa and Jesus. There was also a plaque with the 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:25.119 motto for new Sisters, a quote from the Gospel of John. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:30.600 Jesus must increase and I must decrease. Then Sister Rochelle 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:34.359 showed her the dormitory, a sacred space that must stay silent. 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:37.520 They were never to speak inside it. It was one 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.159 room with thirteen cots and they were really close together, 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:43.680 just enough room between them to get into bed. Mary 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:45.800 was excited for this unadorned life. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.480 Things can weigh you down so much, and there was 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.479 a sense of freedom to it. How are you going 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.159 to get along with just these few little things? But 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.000 it's nice. It's the lilies of the field and the 0:17:57.040 --> 0:18:00.200 birds of the air don't need more much. 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.480 Mary arrived in time for adoration. She and the other 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:08.200 sisters filed into a pewless chapel, They knelt in rose 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:09.960 and put their heads to the floor. 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:16.880 The center of this life was God. Nothing else mattered 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:21.320 in the way that those moments of prayer did that time, 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:23.080 that time with God. 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:29.119 They're chanting mixed with the sounds from outside backfiring cars, boomboxes. 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:32.359 She felt like she'd entered a distant, peaceful planet she 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:37.880 didn't understand. She prayed, You'd have the strength for this life. 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.640 At dinner that night, Mary and her twelve new sisters 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:43.200 gathered around that plywood refectory table. 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.840 And ster Carmeline said, Praise Beee Jesus Christ, and everybody 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:52.520 there started clapping their hands and singings, we welcome, welcome sister, 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:57.320 We welcome, welcome sister. We welcome welcome sister from our hut, 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:01.520 just as they had sung to each new sister who 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.359 arrived and would continue to sing to each one after me. 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:40.240 When a woman enters the Missionaries of Charity, she starts 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:44.040 as an aspirant. Mary's aspirancy would last six months. She 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:47.160 wore a conservative blouse and skirt. The white sorry would 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:50.960 come later. She quickly learns that days in the Missionaries 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:54.640 of Charity were strictly regimented a bell rang to signal 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:55.919 time for a new task. 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:03.280 The bell marked absolutely everything we did, and whenever it rang, 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:07.760 whatever it rang, Mother told us we were to stop 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:11.760 immediately doing whatever we were doing, because the bell was 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.120 the voice of God. 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:18.360 The sisters had a tight timetable. Wake up at four 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:21.800 forty in the morning, pray, make beds, clean the house 0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:24.960 only twenty minutes for that, wash clothes by hand at 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:28.480 ten mass, eat breakfast all before eight o'clock, then go 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.560 out to work in the community. There was also the 0:20:31.640 --> 0:20:34.600 kneeling and praying hours of it every day. 0:20:35.840 --> 0:20:38.239 I loved the fact that prayer was so central to 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:42.160 the lives of the missionaries of charity, but my knees 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:43.200 hurt like hell. 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:48.879 There were times for spiritual reading and instruction, and they 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.719 got thirty minutes of what they called recreation, basically when 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:53.520 they all sat in the refectory and caught up on 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:58.360 work like mending clothes. The aspirants reported to a mistress 0:20:58.359 --> 0:21:01.760 in charge, the aspiring mistress. She taught them how to 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:02.560 follow the rules. 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:08.400 I was under very close scrutiny, and my aspirant mistress 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:11.800 would correct every mistake she saw, and she'd do it 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:15.720 publicly and she'd do it loudly, kind of like the 0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:17.000 drill sergeant. 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.239 The idea behind the Mission of Charity training is just 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:24.840 like military training, to break you down into nothing. 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:28.440 This is Kelly Dunham. She also joined the Missionaries of 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:31.359 Charity and began her training in the same convent as Mary, 0:21:31.800 --> 0:21:34.359 but seventeen years later, in nineteen ninety four. 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:38.000 In those first months, it seemed like the whole idea 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:40.520 was to make you feel as alone as possible, with 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:42.639 the idea that you would depend only on God. 0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:45.520 Kelly says that like in boot camp, you did what 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:47.840 you were told, whether or not it made sense to you. 0:21:48.720 --> 0:21:50.960 She struggled with that, but she loved the moments of 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:54.560 beauty working as a group for a cause, and their 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:58.320 nightly songs. After evening prayer, all of the sisters would 0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:01.560 walk outside and stand around a statue of Mary, the 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:02.399 Mother of Jesus. 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:05.040 Then you sing a little song to Mary, and everyone 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:07.560 does like a little silent prayer, and usually touches the statue. 0:22:07.560 --> 0:22:09.840 I think, on the feet and then goes up. Created 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:13.200 a moment, a moment of honoring something bigger than yourself. 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:15.880 And it's just like by candle lights, right, So it's 0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:20.159 actually extremely like poignant, and it's a moment, right like 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:23.280 it's a moment. I still can almost get tearful thinking 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.640 about that. And I can remember one night we were 0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:29.399 all standing around the statue of Mary with all the sisters, 0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:33.280 their faces reflected lighted up by just the candle light, 0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:35.359 and I remember thinking, Oh, man, I get to be 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:47.440 with all these beautiful women the rest of my life. 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:49.560 Mary Johnson had been in the convent for two weeks 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:52.600 when there is a big announcement Mother Teresa was coming. 0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:56.480 We got so excited, you know, it just shouted there, 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:01.199 just oh so excited. She told us during dinner, so 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:03.680 it was a time when we could speak, and we did. 0:23:04.359 --> 0:23:07.120 Mary couldn't believe she'd finally meet this woman people called 0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:07.879 a living saint. 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:10.960 You know, I'd heard about saints, some of saints had 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:14.840 these abilities where they could read people's souls. If she 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:18.640 was like that, she probably wouldn't like me, I thought. 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:20.840 And the other thing I was scared about was what 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:24.880 would happen if it turned out I didn't like her. 0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.800 I decided what I would do was I would go 0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:32.480 to the top of the staircase because Mother Tresa would 0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:34.840 come in the front door and if I positioned myself 0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:38.320 just right on those stairs, i'd be able to see her. 0:23:39.000 --> 0:23:42.359 And when the door opened and Mother was the first 0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:46.399 one to come in, and I saw her there, this tiny, 0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:50.119 short woman with so many wrinkles, and she just looked 0:23:50.160 --> 0:23:53.560 so small and so determined. And the aspirants who had 0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:57.840 been waiting and were down there on that floor, Oh, Mother, Mother, 0:23:58.000 --> 0:24:00.359 and they were saying things, and she would It was like, 0:24:01.080 --> 0:24:04.400 let me say hello to Jesus. First, Mother must say 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:07.160 hello to Jesus. It was the first time I heard 0:24:07.200 --> 0:24:09.760 her talk about herself in the third person, which was 0:24:09.760 --> 0:24:11.959 something she did all the time. But I didn't know that. 0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:13.320 Then I thought, Ooh. 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:13.520 Mother. 0:24:13.680 --> 0:24:16.560 Teresa looked utterly focused as she took off her sandals 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:19.320 and walked to the chapel. Then she knelt to pray. 0:24:19.760 --> 0:24:25.160 I had never seen anyone somehow that connected with God. 0:24:26.119 --> 0:24:28.840 I felt that something holy was happening there. 0:24:38.040 --> 0:24:40.960 One day, Mother Teresa sat down at the Aspirens table 0:24:41.040 --> 0:24:44.199 to talk with the young women entering her order. She 0:24:44.280 --> 0:24:47.840 shared a clear message, one that would reverberate in Mary's 0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:49.879 mind for the next twenty years. 0:24:50.480 --> 0:24:53.800 God called you to come here. Jesus did not call 0:24:53.920 --> 0:24:57.480 your sister did not call your neighbor. Jesus called you 0:24:58.040 --> 0:25:02.800 to be here. And she said God has called you. 0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:06.040 You must be faithful for life, or pack up and 0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:09.960 go home right now. And she was so clear and 0:25:10.040 --> 0:25:15.399 so strong and not a little bit scary, and she 0:25:15.520 --> 0:25:18.240 was saying, just to people who had been there for 0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:22.120