WEBVTT - Sorry, Not Sorry 0:00:00.270 --> 0:00:04.930 We can split hairs on mass capitalism and mass consumerism 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:05.890 and what it's doing in this country. 0:00:06.010 --> 0:00:07.740 Anyways, let's start the podcast. 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:10.360 I think we already did start. 0:00:27.870 --> 0:00:31.950 Welcome to the Rage Pod. We are in season two. 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:34.560 I'm here with the Tara Erickson. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:35.660 I'm here with D-Bar. 0:00:35.820 --> 0:00:39.560 This week, we decided to eliminate I'm sorry out of 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.350 our dialogue, unless we really fucked up. Because then if 0:00:42.390 --> 0:00:44.760 we really fucked up, you could say I'm sorry. But 0:00:44.810 --> 0:00:48.120 in general, women tend to apologize a lot more frequently 0:00:48.180 --> 0:00:50.720 than men do. I think primarily because they have a 0:00:50.740 --> 0:00:54.580 lower threshold for perceiving offensive things. 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.340 They just aren't used to saying, I'm sorry. 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.540 They have just a lot of confidence and don't think 0:00:59.580 --> 0:01:03.450 they're at fault as much as maybe women do, which 0:01:03.530 --> 0:01:06.470 is unfortunate. So that's where we've been this week. 0:01:07.370 --> 0:01:08.650 You know what I'm not sorry about? 0:01:08.670 --> 0:01:12.110 Is I just used one of Wendy's rolling papers to 0:01:12.590 --> 0:01:13.790 pat down. 0:01:13.450 --> 0:01:16.050 My shiny skin. I'm not sorry about that. 0:01:16.430 --> 0:01:18.630 Well, so you were mentioning that like, what is offensive 0:01:18.650 --> 0:01:20.640 to men is different than what is offensive to women. 0:01:20.660 --> 0:01:22.420 And I think, I don't know about you two, but 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:24.860 I have sort of known about this. 0:01:24.900 --> 0:01:28.240 I'm sorry, complex, particularly in regard to women for quite 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:28.600 some time. 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.960 I would imagine you two, your women, I'm sure you're 0:01:32.340 --> 0:01:32.809 aware of it. 0:01:32.819 --> 0:01:35.980 There was like that Amy Schumer sketch where it was like, 0:01:36.060 --> 0:01:38.060 it was about a bunch of women in a corporate 0:01:38.100 --> 0:01:41.140 office and they could never actually get to their presentation 0:01:41.420 --> 0:01:43.340 because they were all saying, I'm sorry. 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:44.400 And they ran out of time. 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:47.059 I think for me, one of the things that was 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:50.720 interesting to think about was in terms of what's offensive. 0:01:50.940 --> 0:01:54.560 It still feels like the burden is on women to 0:01:55.020 --> 0:02:00.360 not take things as offensively, as opposed to maybe let's 0:02:00.420 --> 0:02:05.410 look at the system, sort of the emotional matrix through 0:02:05.420 --> 0:02:08.429 which men and women look at things. And maybe some 0:02:08.470 --> 0:02:11.650 of it is that we're just a little bit more 0:02:11.830 --> 0:02:15.560 thoughtful and empathetic I don't think all of that needs 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:19.920 to get thrown out the window. Yes, will society perhaps 0:02:20.020 --> 0:02:25.079 perceive some of that in certain settings as weak or 0:02:25.100 --> 0:02:27.640 a lack of confidence, but I also think we need 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:32.230 to re-look at what are things that we value in 0:02:32.290 --> 0:02:36.630 people and not just in someone working for someone, but 0:02:36.790 --> 0:02:41.090 also in leaders. I think empathy is a really, really 0:02:41.190 --> 0:02:45.389 strong value. There were times when I said, I noticed 0:02:45.410 --> 0:02:47.900 myself saying, I'm sorry. Like for instance, I'm on the 0:02:47.910 --> 0:02:50.680 phone with my mom and she's got chronic pain. And 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.000 anytime she tells me that she's in pain, I say, 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:53.720 I'm sorry. 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:54.780 And I mean it. 0:02:55.340 --> 0:02:57.760 I am sorry that she has to go through that. 0:02:58.300 --> 0:03:01.180 And she said, my mom was a psychologist. And so 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:03.209 I had told her about this and I asked her, 0:03:03.220 --> 0:03:04.919 I was like, do you think that was an I'm 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:05.880 sorry fail? 0:03:06.419 --> 0:03:09.260 And she said, no, because when you say that, that 0:03:09.380 --> 0:03:10.200 makes me feel good. 0:03:10.220 --> 0:03:12.780 It makes me feel that like my pain is being recognized. 0:03:13.460 --> 0:03:15.970 And in that moment, maybe I feel a little bit 0:03:16.060 --> 0:03:16.870 less alone. 0:03:17.130 --> 0:03:21.370 Looking at this in a binary way is also very 0:03:21.410 --> 0:03:25.740 problematic because we're getting into areas of like, should we 0:03:25.790 --> 0:03:28.780 just be operating like men because men have power in 0:03:28.820 --> 0:03:30.720 the world? So in order to get what we want 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:33.830 from the people that have power, But that doesn't also 0:03:34.250 --> 0:03:35.620 solve long-term issues. 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.800 And I think as women and young girls, we pick 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:42.860 up that habit very young, apologizing to smooth things over, 0:03:43.060 --> 0:03:48.240 avoid conflict, making sure everybody else feels comfortable. And I 0:03:48.750 --> 0:03:51.530 think it's interesting when I brought this up to Steve, 0:03:51.950 --> 0:03:53.210 he said, what's the topic this week? 0:03:53.250 --> 0:03:55.430 And I said, we're going to eliminate I'm sorry from 0:03:55.490 --> 0:03:56.310 our vocabulary. 0:03:56.350 --> 0:03:57.130 And he was like, what? 0:03:57.150 --> 0:03:57.220 Why? 0:03:58.250 --> 0:04:00.450 And it was such a foreign concept to him. And 0:04:00.470 --> 0:04:03.830 I said, no, it's actually a thing amongst women where 0:04:03.950 --> 0:04:08.250 women tend to over-apologize. Erica, you gave the example about 0:04:08.650 --> 0:04:11.390 your mom. And I do think that's warranted versus I 0:04:11.430 --> 0:04:13.780 was on an airplane and me and this woman both 0:04:13.970 --> 0:04:16.140 kind of like she walked by and bumped my leg. 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:17.380 And at the same time, we looked at each other 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:19.800 and we were like, sorry, you know, is that necessary? 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:23.540 You know, so Tara, what were some of your observations 0:04:23.620 --> 0:04:25.140 about your sorries this past week? 0:04:26.390 --> 0:04:28.470 Oh, I mean, it's basically the same thing. 0:04:28.510 --> 0:04:30.890 It was like I was in the restroom and I 0:04:30.930 --> 0:04:32.909 was walking out and some girl was like. 0:04:33.130 --> 0:04:36.560 Didn't even bump into me, just walked in front of me. 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.940 And I was like, oh, sorry. And then she's like, sorry. 0:04:40.460 --> 0:04:41.839 I'm like, oh, my God, shoot. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:44.640 I just messed up because I don't think it actually 0:04:44.690 --> 0:04:47.270 warranted that. The other time was that I walked into 0:04:47.310 --> 0:04:50.529 a room. I got scared because I didn't know someone 0:04:50.570 --> 0:04:51.450 was in that room. 0:04:51.610 --> 0:04:56.930 And I went, oh. Sorry. Because that's like when someone. 0:04:56.630 --> 0:04:58.670 Freaks out, it's like when you're driving in the car, 0:04:58.790 --> 0:05:01.510 you're like, everything's fine. And someone goes like, you're like, 0:05:01.650 --> 0:05:04.390 oh my God, you scared the actual living shit out 0:05:04.430 --> 0:05:08.029 of me. I said, sorry for my behavior just immediately. 0:05:08.290 --> 0:05:10.170 It was just when I walked in the room, I 0:05:10.190 --> 0:05:12.710 got really scared and they were like, oh no, you're fine. 0:05:14.050 --> 0:05:16.010 And do you think that was something that you were 0:05:16.150 --> 0:05:19.970 actually sorry or were you trying to communicate excuse me, 0:05:20.630 --> 0:05:23.450 or I feel awkward. I didn't mean to inconvenience you, 0:05:23.470 --> 0:05:24.850 but it just comes out as sorry. 0:05:25.150 --> 0:05:28.750 Yeah, that's what it is. Cause I use it literally 0:05:28.790 --> 0:05:29.409 all the time. 0:05:29.450 --> 0:05:31.690 Like if I open the gate to go walk the 0:05:31.710 --> 0:05:34.370 dog and someone is a little too close, but they've 0:05:34.410 --> 0:05:35.890 like already looped around. 0:05:35.910 --> 0:05:38.490 I'm like, oh, sorry. It's not like I hit them 0:05:38.510 --> 0:05:39.049 with a gate. 0:05:39.150 --> 0:05:43.370 I'm just constantly saying it because I think I'm inconveniencing 0:05:43.430 --> 0:05:44.930 people by being around. 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.520 Oh, that's a horrible way to feel. 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:50.159 Do you really think that way? 0:05:50.220 --> 0:05:52.750 Like, do you really, does that, does that narrative go 0:05:52.790 --> 0:05:55.330 through your head when that happens? Like, oh, I'm inconveniencing 0:05:55.350 --> 0:05:56.529 people just being around. 0:05:57.470 --> 0:05:58.900 Do those words come into your brain? 0:06:00.250 --> 0:06:04.450 Um, probably not probably just like, oh, sorry, like, I'm here. 0:06:04.529 --> 0:06:06.020 I'm probably in the way. 0:06:06.550 --> 0:06:09.410 So that's not like that would be, you know, I'm 0:06:09.450 --> 0:06:13.330 not the healthiest of people mentally, but I wouldn't put 0:06:13.350 --> 0:06:15.599 that in my brain every day. But I think that's 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:19.360 probably where that would. There's a part of that. 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:21.640 And what do we do about that? 0:06:21.740 --> 0:06:23.960 I feel like we've got to change that. I have 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:26.800 a young woman that I work with. And she's on 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.339 my team. And part of the feedback I gave her 0:06:29.420 --> 0:06:33.480 was you have to stop apologizing. She'd sneeze and say, 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:36.510 I'm sorry. She was sick and say, I'm sorry. Like, 0:06:36.529 --> 0:06:39.030 I'm just like, stop apologizing. That's the one thing you 0:06:39.050 --> 0:06:42.670 need to change. And I think we all can benefit 0:06:42.870 --> 0:06:47.330 from not over apologizing, still be empathetic. And, you know, 0:06:47.390 --> 0:06:50.150 I found myself saying sorry a lot of the same 0:06:50.210 --> 0:06:52.830 way that you did with your mom, Erica, where I'm 0:06:52.850 --> 0:06:54.830 sorry that happened to you. And I'm sorry to hear 0:06:54.850 --> 0:06:56.590 that you're going through that. I feel like those are 0:06:56.670 --> 0:06:59.910 good sorries, but I also caught myself like Steve was 0:06:59.950 --> 0:07:01.590 waiting for me and I said, Oh, I'm sorry. 0:07:01.610 --> 0:07:03.170 I was watching a cat video. Like, I don't need 0:07:03.190 --> 0:07:06.730 to apologize for that. Well, were you keeping him? 0:07:07.870 --> 0:07:08.510 Like a second. 0:07:08.529 --> 0:07:13.800 Well, I feel like that was fucking warranted. You were 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:17.400 keeping him because you were glued to your fucking phone, 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:19.380 which ties to a whole other episode. 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:20.280 That's right. You're right. 0:07:20.340 --> 0:07:20.780 You're right. 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:22.900 I'm totally on board with that. Sorry. 0:07:23.020 --> 0:07:23.310 Okay. 0:07:23.580 --> 0:07:25.910 You know, it's funny. It was, I was cracking up 0:07:25.930 --> 0:07:30.190 when you said that Steve was like, why? He was like, ew, why? 0:07:30.630 --> 0:07:31.570 Like cracked me up. 0:07:31.690 --> 0:07:36.210 But it's funny bringing up like sort of the male perspective, 0:07:36.710 --> 0:07:42.640 because I know with Ben completely opposite of my mom, um, he, 0:07:42.940 --> 0:07:46.080 it's not just that he doesn't think I need to say, 0:07:46.140 --> 0:07:47.800 I'm sorry if something bad has happened. 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:51.750 He doesn't want it. He doesn't like it. 0:07:52.260 --> 0:07:55.790 It for some reason makes him feel like weak or 0:07:55.850 --> 0:07:59.070 that he is burdening me by me saying that. And 0:07:59.110 --> 0:08:03.930 it's like, no bro. Like that's just my empathetic reflex. 0:08:04.970 --> 0:08:08.330 I have to stop myself from saying that to him 0:08:08.370 --> 0:08:10.150 because I know that's. 0:08:09.830 --> 0:08:10.590 What he needs. 0:08:11.500 --> 0:08:16.840 Even though it is like totally just autopilot. 0:08:16.220 --> 0:08:17.990 And not in a way that I'm not connected to it. 0:08:18.020 --> 0:08:22.270 Like I really do feel that maybe in some. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:26.890 Ways in terms of things that we can do. 0:08:27.490 --> 0:08:31.290 I was reading an article about this and it showed 0:08:31.310 --> 0:08:34.770 that there's a lot of health benefits to the idea 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:38.120 of saying, I'm sorry, we don't want to completely eliminate it. Like, 0:08:38.540 --> 0:08:41.620 taking ownership for saying, I'm sorry, when you've done something 0:08:41.660 --> 0:08:45.110 is really important. And also not saying it with the 0:08:45.179 --> 0:08:48.050 idea that you're going to get it and it's okay. 0:08:48.250 --> 0:08:48.929 I forgive you. 0:08:48.990 --> 0:08:53.890 You can't like, we shouldn't really be setting out to say, 0:08:53.929 --> 0:08:56.310 I'm sorry, just to get that gratification of like, Oh, 0:08:56.410 --> 0:08:57.130 it's okay. 0:08:57.210 --> 0:08:58.370 Like if you're truly. 0:08:58.130 --> 0:09:01.710 Just sorry about hurting someone, you just say, Hey, you know, 0:09:01.910 --> 0:09:02.630 I did this thing. 0:09:02.650 --> 0:09:04.250 I fucked up and I'm sorry. 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.319 And even if, Even if it's not all your fault, 0:09:07.380 --> 0:09:10.060 maybe just owning the part, the piece that's your fault 0:09:10.100 --> 0:09:13.870 instead of saying, I'm sorry, but it was because of X, Y, Z, right? 0:09:14.050 --> 0:09:16.750 If we just said, I'm sorry, Mort, and there was 0:09:16.770 --> 0:09:21.450 something that happened at Disneyland, actually, where I was racing 0:09:21.970 --> 0:09:25.670 literally like an ostrich. I was running like an ostrich, 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:28.700 holding my daughter, trying to. 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:30.520 Make it to the fucking bathroom, which. 0:09:31.500 --> 0:09:34.620 in this one area, like there isn't a bathroom for 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:35.880 way too far. 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:37.939 And it's near the Tiki lounge. 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:43.420 And so I get to the bathroom and she, my kids, 0:09:43.780 --> 0:09:46.450 especially one of my kids, they're afraid of the sound 0:09:46.470 --> 0:09:46.920 of the flush. 0:09:46.970 --> 0:09:50.210 They're very audibly sensitive. And so she wouldn't use the bathroom. 0:09:50.230 --> 0:09:51.370 And I was like, oh my God, oh my God, 0:09:51.429 --> 0:09:54.429 oh my God, fuck. And luckily we were very like 0:09:54.490 --> 0:09:55.970 prepped for this trip. We had walkies. 0:09:56.330 --> 0:09:58.930 And so I'm walking Ben and I'm like, stat, I 0:09:58.970 --> 0:10:01.119 need you to get your stats. he had diapers and 0:10:01.140 --> 0:10:02.579 I was like okay if we can't get to the 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:04.920 bathroom I'm gonna throw a diaper on her it was 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:07.819 code red for me and I needed him to match 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:11.700 my energy and he was not and I was like 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:13.880 I need you to fucking get here this is like 0:10:14.179 --> 0:10:17.270 EMT we need to get that diaper on her before 0:10:17.330 --> 0:10:20.059 she is peeing everywhere outside this tiki lounge. 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:24.179 He was like mad at me for being so intense. 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:28.099 And I was like, I needed you to, to recognize 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.520 what was going on in that moment. 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:31.660 Had nothing to do with you. 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:35.170 But also I kind of just wanted him at the 0:10:35.330 --> 0:10:37.810 end of it to go, man, I'm so sorry. 0:10:37.590 --> 0:10:38.390 You were in that position. 0:10:39.030 --> 0:10:39.630 I really did. 0:10:39.650 --> 0:10:43.270 Cause the acknowledgement, I wanted the fucking acknowledgement. And for 0:10:43.330 --> 0:10:46.410 some reason, I think sometimes not with all men, but 0:10:46.610 --> 0:10:49.270 certainly one that I'm in a relationship with. That is like, 0:10:49.460 --> 0:10:52.820 that's a challenge because he doesn't want the, I'm sorry. 0:10:53.500 --> 0:10:53.780 Right. 0:10:54.940 --> 0:10:57.280 But I want the, I'm sorry. Let's say you're running late. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:10:57.880 I read this. 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:00.679 I thought this was interesting. Instead of saying, I'm sorry, 0:11:00.700 --> 0:11:03.380 I'm late. Thank you for your patience. 0:11:03.620 --> 0:11:04.020 Yes. 0:11:05.070 --> 0:11:07.689 That's like a redirect that you can do. Or if 0:11:07.730 --> 0:11:11.839 you say something offensive, instead of saying, I'm sorry, because 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.140 now when you say, I'm sorry, there is a level 0:11:14.179 --> 0:11:16.850 of victimhood in it. You say, thank you for pointing 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:19.750 that out. I really appreciate that. So those are like, 0:11:19.990 --> 0:11:22.390 I don't know, two little instances, but. 0:11:22.750 --> 0:11:24.630 It's like a real doctor move. 0:11:25.770 --> 0:11:26.770 A doctor move. 0:11:27.410 --> 0:11:30.360 Yeah. Because you'll be waiting in the fucking waiting room 0:11:30.410 --> 0:11:31.130 three hours. 0:11:31.170 --> 0:11:33.320 You get in the room. They're like, thanks for your patience. 0:11:33.340 --> 0:11:35.140 You're like, yeah, I've only been here four and a 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:36.559 half goddamn hours. 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:37.420 But you know what? 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:41.050 It's great about that. Not, I mean, is it their 0:11:41.130 --> 0:11:42.030 fault entirely? 0:11:42.490 --> 0:11:45.670 No, it's not. I'm still just like, yeah, I get it. 0:11:45.830 --> 0:11:46.970 Thank you for your patience. 0:11:47.090 --> 0:11:50.740 To me, it's like, oh God, doctors have his trigger warning. 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.460 Let me turn the corner on this one because this 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.220 is something that I found interesting and I. 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:56.900 Just looked it up. 0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:02.960 Serial predators, scammers, and manipulators explicitly target overly polite people 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:07.130 because they know these individuals prioritize social manners over their 0:12:07.250 --> 0:12:10.929 own safety. And if anyone's ever listened to My Favorite Murder, 0:12:11.290 --> 0:12:13.250 they're always saying, fuck politeness. 0:12:13.370 --> 0:12:13.770 Yeah. 0:12:13.890 --> 0:12:17.650 Predators view constant apologies, I'm sorry, as a clear indicator 0:12:17.770 --> 0:12:21.650 of weak boundaries. And that's scary. So, you know, women 0:12:21.770 --> 0:12:24.940 out there, don't, you know, don't be quick to say 0:12:24.980 --> 0:12:27.500 I'm sorry to a strange man that you bumped into 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:28.280 in the parking lot. 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.699 Yeah, I feel like in general, we can say I'm 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.300 sorry less to men. I would say that's a safe 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:35.359 route to go. 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:35.720 Yeah. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:37.990 There was this cool article, a New York Times article. 0:12:38.650 --> 0:12:41.270 where this woman was talking about the health of saying 0:12:41.330 --> 0:12:43.990 I'm sorry. And one of the things that she said 0:12:44.050 --> 0:12:47.610 was non-defensive listening to the hurt party is at the 0:12:47.710 --> 0:12:52.700 heart of offering a sincere apology. So instead of being like, okay, 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.700 I fucked up and I'm the one, I am stewing 0:12:55.740 --> 0:12:56.880 in my own shame. 0:12:56.900 --> 0:12:57.819 Make me feel better. 0:12:57.860 --> 0:12:59.080 You make me feel better. 0:12:59.140 --> 0:13:02.400 Because I'm feeling shame for what I did. And so 0:13:02.420 --> 0:13:03.990 even though I'm going to say I'm sorry, it's going 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:04.950 to be with this condition. 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.030 Well, because this was happening. Oh, and because like, I 0:13:07.070 --> 0:13:09.089 was really upset about this. I was really depressed. You just, 0:13:09.230 --> 0:13:10.230 you just say, I'm sorry. 0:13:10.429 --> 0:13:14.710 Did you ever find yourself consciously stopping the sorry before 0:13:14.730 --> 0:13:15.470 it came out of your mouth? 0:13:16.010 --> 0:13:16.810 I don't think I did. 0:13:16.830 --> 0:13:19.449 No, I don't think I was that skilled. I don't 0:13:19.470 --> 0:13:20.190 think I did either. 0:13:20.330 --> 0:13:23.260 Tara, did you, were you able to like, stop Asari 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:24.340 dead in its tracks? 0:13:24.740 --> 0:13:27.440 There was only one time at work, it was me, Andrew, Roxy, 0:13:27.460 --> 0:13:31.840 and I went, I'm Su-ba-la-sa-ba. 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:38.170 What are we, what are we shooting? Like, I was like, 0:13:39.490 --> 0:13:42.770 and they didn't even ask. They were like, that's just Tara. 0:13:43.170 --> 0:13:45.670 Cause I'll do that sometimes if I like say a 0:13:45.730 --> 0:13:47.690 word wrong or I'm like, what word am I trying 0:13:47.730 --> 0:13:49.650 to do? And whatever, I'll just be like, hold on, 0:13:49.670 --> 0:13:53.310 let me compute. So it did happen one time and 0:13:53.470 --> 0:13:55.070 nobody asked about it. 0:13:55.870 --> 0:13:56.610 What about you, Wendy? 0:13:56.650 --> 0:13:58.390 Did you find her? You said you didn't. 0:13:58.700 --> 0:13:59.839 I didn't. I didn't. 0:13:59.940 --> 0:14:03.319 But I noticed every time I said it unnecessarily. 0:14:03.660 --> 0:14:03.920 Right. 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.480 You know, it was interesting. 0:14:05.540 --> 0:14:07.760 The again on the plane, there were a lot of 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.000 sorry's flown around on the plane. And the woman that 0:14:11.020 --> 0:14:12.709 was sitting next to me, she probably got up three 0:14:12.750 --> 0:14:13.770 times and every single time. 0:14:13.650 --> 0:14:14.270 She was like, I'm sorry. 0:14:14.970 --> 0:14:16.309 And I was like, no problem. And then I'd come 0:14:16.330 --> 0:14:17.770 back and, you know, try and plug in my phone. 0:14:17.809 --> 0:14:18.330 I'm like, I'm sorry. 0:14:18.429 --> 0:14:20.270 Like, we just kept, like, kept I'm sorry-ing each other. 0:14:20.470 --> 0:14:23.410 That is unnecessary. And I think as women, we should 0:14:23.430 --> 0:14:25.830 be more aware of it. And it's okay to just say, 0:14:25.870 --> 0:14:28.840 excuse me. You don't have to apologize for you taking 0:14:28.900 --> 0:14:29.340 up space. 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:31.260 How long was that flight? 0:14:32.180 --> 0:14:33.620 Like five hours, four and a half. 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:35.420 She had to get up three times? 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:37.660 Yeah. Okay. 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:40.460 My mom has to get up every 20 minutes. Her 0:14:40.500 --> 0:14:41.450 bladder is a peanut. 0:14:41.610 --> 0:14:42.850 Wow. Okay. 0:14:42.870 --> 0:14:43.290 Okay. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:48.680 I think maybe one I'm sorry and the rest excuse me. 0:14:48.700 --> 0:14:53.210 Or maybe it's never an I'm sorry. 0:14:53.270 --> 0:14:55.130 Maybe it's always an excuse me. 0:14:56.490 --> 0:14:58.770 Why should, like, why should, I'm just, you know, just 0:14:58.990 --> 0:15:00.290 to have a conversation here. 0:15:00.770 --> 0:15:02.570 Why should she be saying I'm sorry? She has to 0:15:02.610 --> 0:15:05.070 use the bathroom. The bathroom's there to be used. And 0:15:05.150 --> 0:15:06.590 she's not sitting in the aisle seat. 0:15:07.050 --> 0:15:08.010 Pick an aisle seat. 0:15:09.250 --> 0:15:10.870 It was gone when she booked the ticket. 0:15:11.070 --> 0:15:14.210 Not available. Okay. Well, then, when I'm sorry, you rest 0:15:14.270 --> 0:15:16.630 excuse me. No, I don't even. 0:15:16.670 --> 0:15:18.890 But why ever an I'm sorry in that situation? 0:15:18.930 --> 0:15:20.130 She doesn't really need to. 0:15:20.530 --> 0:15:23.780 But a little bit jokingly, I'm like, bitch, it's. 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.640 A four-hour flight. You had to get up three to 0:15:25.660 --> 0:15:28.740 four times. That's a lot. I'm trying to sit here 0:15:28.860 --> 0:15:31.739 and watch a movie, and your butt is in my 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:33.360 face now three times. 0:15:34.170 --> 0:15:36.890 First of all, I'm actually proud of this woman. It 0:15:36.930 --> 0:15:38.250 means that she is hydrating. 0:15:38.270 --> 0:15:40.310 You get so dehydrated when you've traveled. 0:15:40.330 --> 0:15:42.310 And she's moving. You shouldn't be sitting saddened either. 0:15:42.330 --> 0:15:43.750 And she's moving, she's circulating. 0:15:44.170 --> 0:15:47.900 But meanwhile, Tara's, you know, got to watch her fucking 0:15:47.940 --> 0:15:50.620 Love Island, and she is not having none of it. 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:51.230 Not having it. 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.520 That's why I choose the aisle seat, so I can 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:55.440 get up, I can move my legs, I can pee 0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:56.360 as much as I want. 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.920 Am I ruining anybody's. 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:02.080 Viewing experience of some major cinema? 0:16:02.100 --> 0:16:02.160 No. 0:16:03.620 --> 0:16:05.840 No, but you're the one that needs to sit on 0:16:05.860 --> 0:16:08.630 the inside because that way you're never going to be 0:16:08.670 --> 0:16:12.830 disrupted with your reality shows because you'll be in the inside. 0:16:12.850 --> 0:16:14.570 See, I think the logic is backwards. 0:16:16.010 --> 0:16:19.120 Well, no, because I have the same problem. I also 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.320 like to get up and move and go to the bathroom. 0:16:21.340 --> 0:16:21.400 Oh! 0:16:22.420 --> 0:16:28.610 Oh, wow. Oh, okay. So yeah, we'll just be super hypocritical. 0:16:28.660 --> 0:16:30.630 We'll just, you know, we are ashamed. 0:16:32.830 --> 0:16:34.770 That's why I choose the aisle seat. 0:16:34.950 --> 0:16:37.450 I don't have to bug anybody. I do that at 0:16:37.490 --> 0:16:39.830 the movie theaters. I do it at a concert. 0:16:39.970 --> 0:16:42.130 If you're going to take me anywhere and you don't 0:16:42.220 --> 0:16:44.460 get me an aisle seat, I'm not coming with you. 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.080 But you're missing the other part of it that you're 0:16:47.140 --> 0:16:51.550 not affording the same a courtesy to the person sitting 0:16:51.610 --> 0:16:52.050 next to. 0:16:52.050 --> 0:16:54.750 You that you have. Like if you were sitting in 0:16:54.790 --> 0:16:56.460 their seat, then you would need to get up. 0:16:56.590 --> 0:16:59.690 Because Tara's like, bitch, book the seat. Book the seat 0:16:59.710 --> 0:17:00.550 you need to have. 0:17:00.430 --> 0:17:00.870 On the edge. 0:17:00.910 --> 0:17:01.330 Oh my God. 0:17:01.410 --> 0:17:04.530 This woman had to book a last minute flight because 0:17:04.570 --> 0:17:05.290 her mom died. 0:17:05.550 --> 0:17:05.990 Oh God. 0:17:06.869 --> 0:17:09.270 She is hairy, like trying to make it all work 0:17:09.369 --> 0:17:10.770 at wherever her job is. 0:17:11.350 --> 0:17:12.550 Her husband isn't with her. 0:17:12.609 --> 0:17:13.990 Her wife isn't with her. 0:17:14.050 --> 0:17:15.439 He was in the window, didn't move the. 0:17:15.410 --> 0:17:16.670 Whole fucking time. He was in the window. 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.780 She's like her cortisol is just like skyrocketing. 0:17:20.820 --> 0:17:22.970 And meanwhile, Tara's like, yeah, all that's fine. 0:17:22.990 --> 0:17:26.230 You still owe me a fucking sorry for booking a 0:17:26.310 --> 0:17:29.490 window seat that you had to book at the last minute. 0:17:29.510 --> 0:17:30.980 And it was the only available one. 0:17:31.180 --> 0:17:34.840 I know. Here's why I don't travel. I guess that 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:35.360 might be why. 0:17:35.790 --> 0:17:38.910 But no, really, most time, I feel more bad for 0:17:38.970 --> 0:17:41.110