Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of existrensial crisis.
Speaker 1: That's courtesy of Maniche all right on the discord in
Speaker 1: reference to Barbie. I guess probably generally everybody going through
Speaker 1: an existential crisis these days.
Speaker 2: On sign of Jack that is Miles, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1: Dang computer lag is I muted instead of turning video off. Uh,
Speaker 1: dank computer lag is. Give me an existrential crisis. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you, tell you what, and I'm good with technology. Miles.
Speaker 1: How are you doing?
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm great, I'm great.
Speaker 1: Just just blew me away with the a rendition of
Speaker 1: cash and cash out the twenty one Savage verse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, but.
Speaker 1: Only only the ad list.
Speaker 3: You got to just do the ad libs because when
Speaker 3: you hear how many times he says twenty one in succession,
Speaker 3: it's impressive. That's why you he says one. I was
Speaker 3: well on twenty one. It's just bless him, bless him.
Speaker 3: One of our greatest, one of the greatest British art.
Speaker 2: Sports. Yeah, British exports, remember that.
Speaker 3: Remember he got deported for a little bit and then
Speaker 3: everyone had almost twenty one Savage being a brit meme.
Speaker 1: It was just really important sports.
Speaker 3: Just actual terrible immigration laws is what that story was about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, should we tell the people some things
Speaker 1: that are trending.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, the Rock, it's a rock.
Speaker 1: Themed episode on The Rock. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Uh
Speaker 1: just made a historic donation to help striking actors who
Speaker 1: aren't Dwayne the Rock Johnson just gave a seven figure
Speaker 1: donation to the SAGA After Foundation Relief Fund, which provides
Speaker 1: emergency assistance to union members during strike action. It's a
Speaker 1: fund that you can donate too. Yeah, it's definitely worthwhile
Speaker 1: to help the.
Speaker 3: I mean, at this point, why don't we why don't
Speaker 3: we let the Rocks and the you know, top three,
Speaker 3: top two percent of actors, you know, give back a
Speaker 3: little bit. I think I think I think they got
Speaker 3: a good group right there, fertile group to start opening
Speaker 3: their pocket books there. But yeah, they say like it's
Speaker 3: gonna be like it's gonna benefit tens of thousands of
Speaker 3: actors and union members. Uh when because all that money
Speaker 3: just went in there, So okay the Rock figure. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean good to see that, because that's truly when
Speaker 3: you hear the cynicism of the networks and saying shit,
Speaker 3: although they deny. They're saying it in that way about
Speaker 3: being like no, just do it till they literally can't
Speaker 3: handle it anymore financially and then we'll be fine.
Speaker 2: That.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those kinds of funds that support striking union members
Speaker 3: are very important and also just generally for all the
Speaker 3: other people who are tangentially connected to too, like production
Speaker 3: like ye aren't in unions, who are also not fucking working,
Speaker 3: like costumers or makeup artists or crew and things like that.
Speaker 3: Those are the funds I think that also, you know,
Speaker 3: could could use some support too. But I think just
Speaker 3: like anything, man, we're dealing with a lot of workers coming,
Speaker 3: you know, you just stepping up to figure out how
Speaker 3: they're going.
Speaker 2: To get what they're owed. So could to see the
Speaker 2: rock be on the right side of that.
Speaker 1: Rather Fast X money around, by the way, Fast which
Speaker 1: I remember we talked about how it was it didn't
Speaker 1: live up to the domestic box office, but it's I
Speaker 1: think still like all the reports about you know, how
Speaker 1: well Barbie did over the weekend internationally, Fast X like
Speaker 1: was massive, was like one of the biggest movies, yeah, worldwide.
Speaker 2: That is wild to think that it did better than
Speaker 2: Fast X. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, good for you, Barbs.
Speaker 1: I feel like, speaking of not not to shoehorn everything
Speaker 1: into Barbie, but with Ryan Gosling's triumphant turn as Ken,
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, and and the rock pulling this,
Speaker 1: I feel like the Himbos are having a real moment
Speaker 1: right now, you know.
Speaker 2: Finally beef Steak, you know, for the people, for beef
Speaker 2: Steak for the people, my favorite album. We have.
Speaker 1: A list of the ten US places with the shortest
Speaker 1: average marriages, and Texas is number three. I don't know
Speaker 1: why that that feels fun to uh throw in the
Speaker 1: face of Texas.
Speaker 2: Wow. Number one is d C.
Speaker 1: DC's only ten and a half years.
Speaker 3: Wow yeah wait so wait wait with the shortest So
Speaker 3: DC's a ten and a half your marriage Alaska sixteen.
Speaker 1: Sixteen, Texas is seventeen. That's a big leap. Something's going
Speaker 1: on in DC?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what the fuck's going on in DC? Is it? Like?
Speaker 3: Because part of you was thinking, like, oh, are like
Speaker 3: sort of short marriages? Like is it because like sometimes
Speaker 3: you have people who get married for financial reasons, like
Speaker 3: if there's like a military base nearby or something like that, but.
Speaker 1: Not something something with taxes. I don't know, but yeah,
Speaker 1: Texas number three. Uh, California. I was expecting California to
Speaker 1: show up there, not even in the top ten. It's
Speaker 1: not in here. Yeah, California is in it for the
Speaker 1: long haul. Nevada in Oklahoma at seven, Utah would not
Speaker 1: have expected, but it's it's in the top ten.
Speaker 2: Hey, divorce is allowed, you know, it happens, it does
Speaker 2: it does?
Speaker 3: I mean I wonder how much you know, I feel
Speaker 3: like because the divorce rates aren't they're going down, aren't they?
Speaker 2: In the Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think they have been actually because people are just
Speaker 1: less likely to rush into marriage, So that it makes
Speaker 1: sense that a place like Texas or like a you know,
Speaker 1: stereotypically conservative place would have it because it's the place
Speaker 1: that most people are more more likely to rush into
Speaker 1: marriage than they.
Speaker 2: What's that median age? So in.
Speaker 3: Whoa, that's fucking wild too, Okay, So median age of
Speaker 3: first marriage in DC is thirty one point ninety five,
Speaker 3: Ascar's twenty eight, Texas is twenty eight, of Nevada thirty
Speaker 3: and a half, Utah twenty five point eight, Colorado twenty
Speaker 3: nine point five.
Speaker 2: So a lot of I don't know, I don't know
Speaker 2: what to make of this. Folks.
Speaker 3: But I have a feeling that, just like myself, I
Speaker 3: put our marriage off for a long time because watching
Speaker 3: my parents' shitty marriage unfold before my eyes. I had
Speaker 3: a front row seats to the Lake Show for that one.
Speaker 3: Wasn't fucking with it. So it's like, nah, not like
Speaker 3: this at all. The Jack Nicholson of divorce, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: the really speak. Yeah, that's why Jack Quickle was an impresions. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 3: raising your eyebrows every once in a while. French's mustard
Speaker 3: skittles are a thing. Jacks on your twenty twenty three
Speaker 3: bingo card.
Speaker 1: Mainly, I want to talk about this because the headline
Speaker 1: for the Today Show, so the Today Show media in turn,
Speaker 1: congratulations on being the last person to be reached by
Speaker 1: the That wasn't on my twenty twenty one bingo card. Yeah, meme,
Speaker 1: and think it's still still cool because that is the headline.
Speaker 1: Frenches Mustard skittles are not was not on our twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three bingo card. But here we are, so just
Speaker 1: like a nice throwback, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I love it.
Speaker 3: You know, I wonder if I wonder if the intern
Speaker 3: was trying to say, no, don't do that.
Speaker 2: That is the most washed fucking saying on the internet
Speaker 2: right now. Just don't. And then some older head was like, no,
Speaker 2: I just heard that yesterday. I think it's really funny.
Speaker 3: It's like, could you imagine if you did if you
Speaker 3: had bingo cards for the random things you thought would
Speaker 3: happen in a year.
Speaker 2: That just get you thinking.
Speaker 1: So Matt Lower's former producer who got busted down to
Speaker 1: just controlling the website.
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly, Yeah, but I mean, what do you must
Speaker 3: smack it so fresh?
Speaker 2: Are you? I'm not put off by this, actually, I'm.
Speaker 3: Oh, I just like one of the first time. I'm like,
Speaker 3: go on, because I like mustard. I'm kind of weird.
Speaker 3: I fuck with my I was a little concerned. I'm
Speaker 3: a little twisted, Okay.
Speaker 1: I was a little concerned because the bag does have
Speaker 1: a rainbow on it, so I thought it was going
Speaker 1: to be mustard skittles mixed in with the all the
Speaker 1: flavors of the rainbow. But it does appear that it's
Speaker 1: just just mustard skittles in there, so right, you're safe
Speaker 1: to dump them on top of your hot dog, which
Speaker 1: is the other thing that they released.
Speaker 2: Have a little tang to it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know, that's like it.
Speaker 2: It's just weird.
Speaker 3: Normally, like when I hear candy be like savory food
Speaker 3: flavor type things, I'm like immediately know, but party me.
Speaker 3: I think yesterday I accidentally put a ton of mustard
Speaker 3: on a bite of food I was eating, and I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is going to be ruined, and
Speaker 3: I just I just ate it and I was like,
Speaker 3: you know what, that wasn't too bad.
Speaker 2: No, I have an open mind with the skittles.
Speaker 1: Now, I've been known to put an extra dollup of
Speaker 1: mustard on a like half eaten hot dog, you know,
Speaker 1: on the on the bite part, just to get it
Speaker 1: a little spiced up. Okay, Miles, Yeah, I am a
Speaker 1: little fucked up. I'm a little sick in the head.
Speaker 3: Go ahead, listeners, call CPS on me, But I'm not
Speaker 3: going to stop eating mustard like this.
Speaker 1: Anyways. Let's take a quick break and we're going to
Speaker 1: come back and talk about another rock story. We'll be
Speaker 1: right back. Hell yeah, and we're back. And Trader Joe's
Speaker 1: has issued a recall on cookies that may contain rocks.
Speaker 1: And this is one of those recalls that just ruins
Speaker 1: all cookies for me. I won't I won't be eating
Speaker 1: How are we getting rock in the cookies? I mean rocks?
Speaker 1: So I in the past year, you know, in doing
Speaker 1: some homemade split pea soup, was made aware of the
Speaker 1: problem of rocks and split peas little pebbles and split peas,
Speaker 1: like during the sorting process. Sure they're just incapable of
Speaker 1: like there's just like, yeah, we've given up on this.
Speaker 1: There's probably some rocks in your split peas. So when
Speaker 1: you're watching them, just like look for any of them
Speaker 1: that wiggle differently or look like rocks, because they probably
Speaker 1: are lentils. Recently, Yeah, lentils similar problem. Apparently super producer
Speaker 1: Brian has experienced rocks and potatoes and yeah, like bit
Speaker 1: into a potato and had a chipped muller because of it.
Speaker 2: And that's and that's not him just lying again, I know.
Speaker 1: So I fact checked it because I was like, we
Speaker 1: have to have the conversation again with Brian about lying
Speaker 1: about all the ways that the chip is.
Speaker 3: We think you're cool even if you didn't chip your
Speaker 3: tooth on a potato.
Speaker 2: Do we still think you're cool?
Speaker 1: But yeah, there there's actually a Wisconsin University Wisconsin dot
Speaker 1: Edu paper by you Guessed It, Jeb B Qualquahouan and
Speaker 1: Larry K. Binning about embedded stones being found sporadically in
Speaker 1: the flesh of chipping potatoes wow, and not being effectively removed,
Speaker 1: and the whole paper is like, how the fuck did
Speaker 1: those get there?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Growers and processors have suggested maybe the potatoes grew around them.
Speaker 1: Maybe the stones were pressed into the potatoes while being harvested, loaded, unloaded,
Speaker 1: or even by the pressure placed on the tubers while
Speaker 1: being transported.
Speaker 2: Or maybe they're being put there by Joe Biden.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you, I'd like to see.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I guess.
Speaker 3: The things that are almond windmill cookies and dark chocolate
Speaker 3: chunk almond cookies.
Speaker 2: How the fuck again? You get fucking rocks in there?
Speaker 2: That would really upset me?
Speaker 3: Like a cookie, you you feel like you're safe from rocks.
Speaker 2: When eating a cookie, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: And I wore other vegetables, but fucking cookies, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Sometimes there will be a nut in there that's a
Speaker 1: little too hard. I don't like. I don't really fuck
Speaker 1: with nuts and cookies.
Speaker 3: No, I don't like this. And oh see, okay, Brian
Speaker 3: just said in the chat, this is where we agree.
Speaker 3: Cookies are my safe. I feel safe when you eat
Speaker 3: a cookie that should be drama, drama free indulging. You know,
Speaker 3: I don't need to think about if I'm eating a
Speaker 3: fucking geode or some ship.
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to eat a nice chocolate chip cookie
Speaker 2: or some ship.
Speaker 1: Come on, you do you like nuts? Do you like
Speaker 1: a walnut in your cookie?
Speaker 2: Uh? Hm?
Speaker 1: For me, that's some ship. I don't like.
Speaker 2: No the hip hop fifty yesterday.
Speaker 1: Hey man, you know it's still it's still, you.
Speaker 2: Know, the one type.
Speaker 3: So I'll I'm usually not because I think back to
Speaker 3: like childhood where my grandmother only made like fucking like
Speaker 3: cookies with nuts and shit.
Speaker 2: And it felt like to adult for me.
Speaker 3: Love a macadamia nut, like a white chocolate macadamia cookie.
Speaker 2: I'll eat that shit all day.
Speaker 3: But and I like walnuts, not that I dislike them,
Speaker 3: I just I guess in cookies, I like to go
Speaker 3: back to child mode and I just wanted to be simple,
Speaker 3: sugar sweet, that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm baby.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't like any any sort of nuts, even like
Speaker 1: peanut butter cookies. I don't like it to be the
Speaker 1: crunchy peanut butter. I want them to be soft and smooth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I just want the cookie flavor to be
Speaker 3: peanut with like those nondescript like Manila envelope colored chips
Speaker 3: that are in them. I'm presuming our peanut butter, yeah whatever,
Speaker 3: we call them.
Speaker 1: Not peanut butter chip your tooth, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 2: Hold that ol Trader Joe's.
Speaker 1: And then in China we also learned of a dish,
Speaker 1: a rock based dish, literally the world's artist dish.
Speaker 3: Just the hardest dish you could eat, homie. But yes,
Speaker 3: I saw this on I saw I saw this on
Speaker 3: TikTok with the kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The sturf fried stones.
Speaker 1: A traditional stur fry featuring stones.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It just reminds me of like when you're a kid
Speaker 3: and there's like a little bit of flavor left on
Speaker 3: something that isn't edible and you just put that shit
Speaker 3: in your mouth to get the last bit of the
Speaker 3: flavor off.
Speaker 2: And I always bring this up, like the little paper
Speaker 2: on the on the.
Speaker 3: Cut off, Yeah, the cupcake paper chewing that yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: scrape that ship, the scrapings of a cupcake paper.
Speaker 1: Do your kids say that some of the most delicious,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you to them. Or they just just scrape
Speaker 1: it off your teeth, yeah that, or scrape it off
Speaker 1: with your teeth, not off your teeth exactly.
Speaker 3: Or you get the little bit of cheese from a
Speaker 3: cheeseburger on the paper when you unwrap the cheeseburger and
Speaker 3: you like, I'm having that. I'm having that. I'm not
Speaker 3: leaving that. That's money on the table. So trust me,
Speaker 3: you're coming with me.
Speaker 1: We got more reports from people who have worked for
Speaker 1: Steven Crowder who say he's uh, not that cool, say
Speaker 1: he exposed himself to them and swapped drugs regularly in
Speaker 1: the office.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the drug swapping sounds like he's like, yo, he
Speaker 3: was taking edibles, percosets, other prescription pills that he would
Speaker 3: get from the staffers and they will like trade. But
Speaker 3: then also had a quote habit quote had a habit
Speaker 3: of passing out prescription drugs fairly freely cool. So he's
Speaker 3: just trying to be cool man as he makes am
Speaker 3: you know, tries to make sense of the chaos of
Speaker 3: his soul as he can hear it rot in real
Speaker 3: time from inside his own skull.
Speaker 2: So I get that.
Speaker 3: And then the other thing was the exposing, Like they
Speaker 3: said one time he did it like he had his
Speaker 3: balls out or some shit for a quote unquote comedy sketch.
Speaker 3: Also then would also send like fucking weird text messages
Speaker 3: with like crude either memes or pictures of his dick.
Speaker 1: I guess no, he sounds he sounds cool, like yeah,
Speaker 1: fun time.
Speaker 2: There's a quote they said.
Speaker 3: Two other staff members said Crowder exposed himself to male
Speaker 3: staffers as a quote regular occurrence quote.
Speaker 2: It usually happened when he was in a really good
Speaker 2: sort of manic mood. So while we were all disgusted
Speaker 2: by it, it was never welcomed.
Speaker 3: It was preferable to him being in a bad mood
Speaker 3: and how he treated people that taste Holy shit, God,
Speaker 3: I hope.
Speaker 1: I hope Steven's in one of the moods where he
Speaker 1: exposes himself to us today, Like that's that's the best.
Speaker 3: Please be in manic scroat show mode. Yeah then agro
Speaker 3: scream at me mode. But yeah, uh well, I mean
Speaker 3: just from that one clip we saw him talking to
Speaker 3: his pregnant wife, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: So do you need to know anything more about this person?
Speaker 2: That would be surprising.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then also in the category of abusive people
Speaker 1: who don't seem that fun to work with, Elon Musk
Speaker 1: just you know. So, it was reported this morning that
Speaker 1: Lebron James's son, Brownie James, suffered at cardiac ress during
Speaker 1: basketball practice at the University of Southern California. He's now
Speaker 1: out of the ICU and in stable condition, but truly,
Speaker 1: you know, just horrifying, so scary for him and his family.
Speaker 1: And for some reason this prompted Elon Musk's brain to
Speaker 1: conclude that he should weigh in on this issue, obviously
Speaker 1: as the foremost doctor xing, I guess are we calling
Speaker 1: it that, tweeting to his millions of followers that this
Speaker 1: was probably because he's like, how could I turn this
Speaker 1: moment of like, you know, tragedy for a family into
Speaker 1: a moment of just like you know, genuinely damaging misinformation
Speaker 1: for the populace. So he tweeted that it was probably
Speaker 1: because of the COVID vaccine because myocarditis is a known
Speaker 1: side effect.
Speaker 3: Okay, do you know about COVID though, because that's the
Speaker 3: real like it's like eleven times greater for adults.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Risco carditis and young men was seven times higher
Speaker 1: after a covid in infection than after vaccination.
Speaker 3: But again, this is all because the suddenly dyed crowd. Yes,
Speaker 3: UH needs to have this guy because it also, you know,
Speaker 3: it's wild. I didn't mention this. That game I went
Speaker 3: to on Sunday at the Rose Bowl. This guy, Shaka Hislop,
Speaker 3: who is one of the like sort of like touchline reporters.
Speaker 3: He was doing a pregame like sort of intro to
Speaker 3: the game. He fucking passed out in the broadcast and like,
Speaker 3: I was hot as shit inhumid and I'd imagine I
Speaker 3: don't know if he was wearing a wool suit, like
Speaker 3: pardon me, could see like he just was heat exhaustion.
Speaker 3: But whatever happened, dude, the fucking anti vax crowd hopped
Speaker 3: on that shit almost immediately immediately the vaccinated, Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: people passing out on camera, it's always the vaccine, and
Speaker 3: even even even before.
Speaker 2: The vaccine, it was the vaccine.
Speaker 1: Also, cardiacress is the leading cause of death and young athletes,
Speaker 1: like this is a thing that unfortunately isn't isn't that uncommon?
Speaker 1: But of course yeah, they're they're just ready to politicize
Speaker 1: it as soon as something happens, and their dear leader
Speaker 1: is you know, he's like, I got you guys.
Speaker 2: Remember Reggie Lewis died on the court.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that was definitely the vaccine though that one
Speaker 1: all right, well, unfortunately, those are some things that are
Speaker 1: trending on this Tuesday afternoon. We are back tomorrow with
Speaker 1: a whole last episode of the show. Until then, be
Speaker 1: kind to each other, be kind to yourself, get the vaccine,
Speaker 1: don't do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk
Speaker 1: to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Fight Bite