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Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of existrensial crisis.

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Speaker 1: That's courtesy of Maniche all right on the discord in

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Speaker 1: reference to Barbie. I guess probably generally everybody going through

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Speaker 1: an existential crisis these days.

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Speaker 2: On sign of Jack that is Miles, Yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Dang computer lag is I muted instead of turning video off. Uh,

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Speaker 1: dank computer lag is. Give me an existrential crisis. I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you, tell you what, and I'm good with technology. Miles.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm great, I'm great.

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Speaker 1: Just just blew me away with the a rendition of

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Speaker 1: cash and cash out the twenty one Savage verse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, but.

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Speaker 1: Only only the ad list.

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Speaker 3: You got to just do the ad libs because when

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Speaker 3: you hear how many times he says twenty one in succession,

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Speaker 3: it's impressive. That's why you he says one. I was

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Speaker 3: well on twenty one. It's just bless him, bless him.

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Speaker 3: One of our greatest, one of the greatest British art.

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Speaker 2: Sports. Yeah, British exports, remember that.

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Speaker 3: Remember he got deported for a little bit and then

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Speaker 3: everyone had almost twenty one Savage being a brit meme.

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Speaker 1: It was just really important sports.

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Speaker 3: Just actual terrible immigration laws is what that story was about.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, should we tell the people some things

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Speaker 1: that are trending.

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Speaker 2: To Yeah, the Rock, it's a rock.

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Speaker 1: Themed episode on The Rock. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Uh

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Speaker 1: just made a historic donation to help striking actors who

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Speaker 1: aren't Dwayne the Rock Johnson just gave a seven figure

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Speaker 1: donation to the SAGA After Foundation Relief Fund, which provides

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Speaker 1: emergency assistance to union members during strike action. It's a

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Speaker 1: fund that you can donate too. Yeah, it's definitely worthwhile

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Speaker 1: to help the.

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Speaker 3: I mean, at this point, why don't we why don't

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Speaker 3: we let the Rocks and the you know, top three,

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Speaker 3: top two percent of actors, you know, give back a

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Speaker 3: little bit. I think I think I think they got

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Speaker 3: a good group right there, fertile group to start opening

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Speaker 3: their pocket books there. But yeah, they say like it's

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Speaker 3: gonna be like it's gonna benefit tens of thousands of

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Speaker 3: actors and union members. Uh when because all that money

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Speaker 3: just went in there, So okay the Rock figure. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean good to see that, because that's truly when

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Speaker 3: you hear the cynicism of the networks and saying shit,

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Speaker 3: although they deny. They're saying it in that way about

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Speaker 3: being like no, just do it till they literally can't

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Speaker 3: handle it anymore financially and then we'll be fine.

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Speaker 2: That.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, those kinds of funds that support striking union members

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Speaker 3: are very important and also just generally for all the

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Speaker 3: other people who are tangentially connected to too, like production

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Speaker 3: like ye aren't in unions, who are also not fucking working,

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Speaker 3: like costumers or makeup artists or crew and things like that.

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Speaker 3: Those are the funds I think that also, you know,

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Speaker 3: could could use some support too. But I think just

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Speaker 3: like anything, man, we're dealing with a lot of workers coming,

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Speaker 3: you know, you just stepping up to figure out how

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Speaker 3: they're going.

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Speaker 2: To get what they're owed. So could to see the

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Speaker 2: rock be on the right side of that.

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Speaker 1: Rather Fast X money around, by the way, Fast which

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Speaker 1: I remember we talked about how it was it didn't

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Speaker 1: live up to the domestic box office, but it's I

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Speaker 1: think still like all the reports about you know, how

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Speaker 1: well Barbie did over the weekend internationally, Fast X like

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Speaker 1: was massive, was like one of the biggest movies, yeah, worldwide.

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Speaker 2: That is wild to think that it did better than

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Speaker 2: Fast X. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, good for you, Barbs.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, speaking of not not to shoehorn everything

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Speaker 1: into Barbie, but with Ryan Gosling's triumphant turn as Ken,

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Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, and and the rock pulling this,

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Speaker 1: I feel like the Himbos are having a real moment

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Speaker 1: right now, you know.

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Speaker 2: Finally beef Steak, you know, for the people, for beef

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Speaker 2: Steak for the people, my favorite album. We have.

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Speaker 1: A list of the ten US places with the shortest

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Speaker 1: average marriages, and Texas is number three. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why that that feels fun to uh throw in the

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Speaker 1: face of Texas.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Number one is d C.

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Speaker 1: DC's only ten and a half years.

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Speaker 3: Wow yeah wait so wait wait with the shortest So

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Speaker 3: DC's a ten and a half your marriage Alaska sixteen.

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Speaker 1: Sixteen, Texas is seventeen. That's a big leap. Something's going

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Speaker 1: on in DC?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what the fuck's going on in DC? Is it? Like?

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Speaker 3: Because part of you was thinking, like, oh, are like

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Speaker 3: sort of short marriages? Like is it because like sometimes

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Speaker 3: you have people who get married for financial reasons, like

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Speaker 3: if there's like a military base nearby or something like that, but.

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Speaker 1: Not something something with taxes. I don't know, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: Texas number three. Uh, California. I was expecting California to

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Speaker 1: show up there, not even in the top ten. It's

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Speaker 1: not in here. Yeah, California is in it for the

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Speaker 1: long haul. Nevada in Oklahoma at seven, Utah would not

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Speaker 1: have expected, but it's it's in the top ten.

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Speaker 2: Hey, divorce is allowed, you know, it happens, it does

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Speaker 2: it does?

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Speaker 3: I mean I wonder how much you know, I feel

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Speaker 3: like because the divorce rates aren't they're going down, aren't they?

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Speaker 2: In the Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think they have been actually because people are just

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Speaker 1: less likely to rush into marriage, So that it makes

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Speaker 1: sense that a place like Texas or like a you know,

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Speaker 1: stereotypically conservative place would have it because it's the place

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Speaker 1: that most people are more more likely to rush into

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Speaker 1: marriage than they.

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Speaker 2: What's that median age? So in.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, that's fucking wild too, Okay, So median age of

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Speaker 3: first marriage in DC is thirty one point ninety five,

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Speaker 3: Ascar's twenty eight, Texas is twenty eight, of Nevada thirty

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Speaker 3: and a half, Utah twenty five point eight, Colorado twenty

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Speaker 3: nine point five.

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Speaker 2: So a lot of I don't know, I don't know

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Speaker 2: what to make of this. Folks.

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Speaker 3: But I have a feeling that, just like myself, I

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Speaker 3: put our marriage off for a long time because watching

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Speaker 3: my parents' shitty marriage unfold before my eyes. I had

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Speaker 3: a front row seats to the Lake Show for that one.

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Speaker 3: Wasn't fucking with it. So it's like, nah, not like

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Speaker 3: this at all. The Jack Nicholson of divorce, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 3: the really speak. Yeah, that's why Jack Quickle was an impresions. Yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 3: raising your eyebrows every once in a while. French's mustard

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Speaker 3: skittles are a thing. Jacks on your twenty twenty three

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Speaker 3: bingo card.

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Speaker 1: Mainly, I want to talk about this because the headline

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Speaker 1: for the Today Show, so the Today Show media in turn,

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Speaker 1: congratulations on being the last person to be reached by

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Speaker 1: the That wasn't on my twenty twenty one bingo card. Yeah, meme,

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Speaker 1: and think it's still still cool because that is the headline.

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Speaker 1: Frenches Mustard skittles are not was not on our twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty three bingo card. But here we are, so just

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Speaker 1: like a nice throwback, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I love it.

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Speaker 3: You know, I wonder if I wonder if the intern

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Speaker 3: was trying to say, no, don't do that.

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Speaker 2: That is the most washed fucking saying on the internet

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Speaker 2: right now. Just don't. And then some older head was like, no,

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Speaker 2: I just heard that yesterday. I think it's really funny.

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Speaker 3: It's like, could you imagine if you did if you

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Speaker 3: had bingo cards for the random things you thought would

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Speaker 3: happen in a year.

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Speaker 2: That just get you thinking.

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Speaker 1: So Matt Lower's former producer who got busted down to

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Speaker 1: just controlling the website.

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Speaker 3: Yeah exactly, Yeah, but I mean, what do you must

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Speaker 3: smack it so fresh?

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Speaker 2: Are you? I'm not put off by this, actually, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I just like one of the first time. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: go on, because I like mustard. I'm kind of weird.

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Speaker 3: I fuck with my I was a little concerned. I'm

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Speaker 3: a little twisted, Okay.

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Speaker 1: I was a little concerned because the bag does have

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Speaker 1: a rainbow on it, so I thought it was going

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Speaker 1: to be mustard skittles mixed in with the all the

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Speaker 1: flavors of the rainbow. But it does appear that it's

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Speaker 1: just just mustard skittles in there, so right, you're safe

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Speaker 1: to dump them on top of your hot dog, which

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Speaker 1: is the other thing that they released.

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Speaker 2: Have a little tang to it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know, that's like it.

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Speaker 2: It's just weird.

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Speaker 3: Normally, like when I hear candy be like savory food

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Speaker 3: flavor type things, I'm like immediately know, but party me.

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Speaker 3: I think yesterday I accidentally put a ton of mustard

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Speaker 3: on a bite of food I was eating, and I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is going to be ruined, and

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Speaker 3: I just I just ate it and I was like,

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Speaker 3: you know what, that wasn't too bad.

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Speaker 2: No, I have an open mind with the skittles.

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Speaker 1: Now, I've been known to put an extra dollup of

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Speaker 1: mustard on a like half eaten hot dog, you know,

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Speaker 1: on the on the bite part, just to get it

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Speaker 1: a little spiced up. Okay, Miles, Yeah, I am a

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Speaker 1: little fucked up. I'm a little sick in the head.

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Speaker 3: Go ahead, listeners, call CPS on me, But I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to stop eating mustard like this.

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Speaker 1: Anyways. Let's take a quick break and we're going to

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Speaker 1: come back and talk about another rock story. We'll be

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Speaker 1: right back. Hell yeah, and we're back. And Trader Joe's

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Speaker 1: has issued a recall on cookies that may contain rocks.

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Speaker 1: And this is one of those recalls that just ruins

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Speaker 1: all cookies for me. I won't I won't be eating

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Speaker 1: How are we getting rock in the cookies? I mean rocks?

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Speaker 1: So I in the past year, you know, in doing

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Speaker 1: some homemade split pea soup, was made aware of the

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Speaker 1: problem of rocks and split peas little pebbles and split peas,

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Speaker 1: like during the sorting process. Sure they're just incapable of

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Speaker 1: like there's just like, yeah, we've given up on this.

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Speaker 1: There's probably some rocks in your split peas. So when

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Speaker 1: you're watching them, just like look for any of them

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Speaker 1: that wiggle differently or look like rocks, because they probably

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Speaker 1: are lentils. Recently, Yeah, lentils similar problem. Apparently super producer

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Speaker 1: Brian has experienced rocks and potatoes and yeah, like bit

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Speaker 1: into a potato and had a chipped muller because of it.

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Speaker 2: And that's and that's not him just lying again, I know.

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Speaker 1: So I fact checked it because I was like, we

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Speaker 1: have to have the conversation again with Brian about lying

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Speaker 1: about all the ways that the chip is.

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Speaker 3: We think you're cool even if you didn't chip your

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Speaker 3: tooth on a potato.

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Speaker 2: Do we still think you're cool?

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Speaker 1: But yeah, there there's actually a Wisconsin University Wisconsin dot

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Speaker 1: Edu paper by you Guessed It, Jeb B Qualquahouan and

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Speaker 1: Larry K. Binning about embedded stones being found sporadically in

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Speaker 1: the flesh of chipping potatoes wow, and not being effectively removed,

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Speaker 1: and the whole paper is like, how the fuck did

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Speaker 1: those get there?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: Growers and processors have suggested maybe the potatoes grew around them.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the stones were pressed into the potatoes while being harvested, loaded, unloaded,

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Speaker 1: or even by the pressure placed on the tubers while

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Speaker 1: being transported.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe they're being put there by Joe Biden.

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Speaker 1: Yes, thank you, I'd like to see.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I guess.

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Speaker 3: The things that are almond windmill cookies and dark chocolate

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Speaker 3: chunk almond cookies.

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Speaker 2: How the fuck again? You get fucking rocks in there?

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Speaker 2: That would really upset me?

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Speaker 3: Like a cookie, you you feel like you're safe from rocks.

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Speaker 2: When eating a cookie, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: And I wore other vegetables, but fucking cookies, motherfucker.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes there will be a nut in there that's a

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Speaker 1: little too hard. I don't like. I don't really fuck

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Speaker 1: with nuts and cookies.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't like this. And oh see, okay, Brian

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Speaker 3: just said in the chat, this is where we agree.

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Speaker 3: Cookies are my safe. I feel safe when you eat

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Speaker 3: a cookie that should be drama, drama free indulging. You know,

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Speaker 3: I don't need to think about if I'm eating a

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Speaker 3: fucking geode or some ship.

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Speaker 2: I'm just trying to eat a nice chocolate chip cookie

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Speaker 2: or some ship.

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Speaker 1: Come on, you do you like nuts? Do you like

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Speaker 1: a walnut in your cookie?

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Speaker 2: Uh? Hm?

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Speaker 1: For me, that's some ship. I don't like.

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Speaker 2: No the hip hop fifty yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Hey man, you know it's still it's still, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, the one type.

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Speaker 3: So I'll I'm usually not because I think back to

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Speaker 3: like childhood where my grandmother only made like fucking like

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Speaker 3: cookies with nuts and shit.

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Speaker 2: And it felt like to adult for me.

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Speaker 3: Love a macadamia nut, like a white chocolate macadamia cookie.

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Speaker 2: I'll eat that shit all day.

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Speaker 3: But and I like walnuts, not that I dislike them,

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Speaker 3: I just I guess in cookies, I like to go

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Speaker 3: back to child mode and I just wanted to be simple,

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Speaker 3: sugar sweet, that's it.

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Speaker 1: I'm baby.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I don't like any any sort of nuts, even like

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Speaker 1: peanut butter cookies. I don't like it to be the

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Speaker 1: crunchy peanut butter. I want them to be soft and smooth.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I just want the cookie flavor to be

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Speaker 3: peanut with like those nondescript like Manila envelope colored chips

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Speaker 3: that are in them. I'm presuming our peanut butter, yeah whatever,

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Speaker 3: we call them.

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Speaker 1: Not peanut butter chip your tooth, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Thank you?

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Speaker 2: Hold that ol Trader Joe's.

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Speaker 1: And then in China we also learned of a dish,

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Speaker 1: a rock based dish, literally the world's artist dish.

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Speaker 3: Just the hardest dish you could eat, homie. But yes,

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Speaker 3: I saw this on I saw I saw this on

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Speaker 3: TikTok with the kids.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. The sturf fried stones.

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Speaker 1: A traditional stur fry featuring stones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It just reminds me of like when you're a kid

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Speaker 3: and there's like a little bit of flavor left on

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Speaker 3: something that isn't edible and you just put that shit

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Speaker 3: in your mouth to get the last bit of the

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Speaker 3: flavor off.

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Speaker 2: And I always bring this up, like the little paper

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Speaker 2: on the on the.

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Speaker 3: Cut off, Yeah, the cupcake paper chewing that yeah, oh yeah,

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Speaker 3: scrape that ship, the scrapings of a cupcake paper.

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Speaker 1: Do your kids say that some of the most delicious,

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you to them. Or they just just scrape

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Speaker 1: it off your teeth, yeah that, or scrape it off

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Speaker 1: with your teeth, not off your teeth exactly.

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Speaker 3: Or you get the little bit of cheese from a

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Speaker 3: cheeseburger on the paper when you unwrap the cheeseburger and

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Speaker 3: you like, I'm having that. I'm having that. I'm not

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Speaker 3: leaving that. That's money on the table. So trust me,

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Speaker 3: you're coming with me.

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Speaker 1: We got more reports from people who have worked for

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Speaker 1: Steven Crowder who say he's uh, not that cool, say

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Speaker 1: he exposed himself to them and swapped drugs regularly in

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Speaker 1: the office.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the drug swapping sounds like he's like, yo, he

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Speaker 3: was taking edibles, percosets, other prescription pills that he would

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Speaker 3: get from the staffers and they will like trade. But

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Speaker 3: then also had a quote habit quote had a habit

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Speaker 3: of passing out prescription drugs fairly freely cool. So he's

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Speaker 3: just trying to be cool man as he makes am

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Speaker 3: you know, tries to make sense of the chaos of

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Speaker 3: his soul as he can hear it rot in real

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Speaker 3: time from inside his own skull.

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Speaker 2: So I get that.

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Speaker 3: And then the other thing was the exposing, Like they

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Speaker 3: said one time he did it like he had his

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Speaker 3: balls out or some shit for a quote unquote comedy sketch.

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Speaker 3: Also then would also send like fucking weird text messages

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Speaker 3: with like crude either memes or pictures of his dick.

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Speaker 1: I guess no, he sounds he sounds cool, like yeah,

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Speaker 1: fun time.

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Speaker 2: There's a quote they said.

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Speaker 3: Two other staff members said Crowder exposed himself to male

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Speaker 3: staffers as a quote regular occurrence quote.

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Speaker 2: It usually happened when he was in a really good

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Speaker 2: sort of manic mood. So while we were all disgusted

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Speaker 2: by it, it was never welcomed.

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Speaker 3: It was preferable to him being in a bad mood

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Speaker 3: and how he treated people that taste Holy shit, God,

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Speaker 3: I hope.

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Speaker 1: I hope Steven's in one of the moods where he

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Speaker 1: exposes himself to us today, Like that's that's the best.

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Speaker 3: Please be in manic scroat show mode. Yeah then agro

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Speaker 3: scream at me mode. But yeah, uh well, I mean

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Speaker 3: just from that one clip we saw him talking to

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Speaker 3: his pregnant wife, Jesus Christ.

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Speaker 2: So do you need to know anything more about this person?

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Speaker 2: That would be surprising.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then also in the category of abusive people

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Speaker 1: who don't seem that fun to work with, Elon Musk

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Speaker 1: just you know. So, it was reported this morning that

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Speaker 1: Lebron James's son, Brownie James, suffered at cardiac ress during

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Speaker 1: basketball practice at the University of Southern California. He's now

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Speaker 1: out of the ICU and in stable condition, but truly,

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Speaker 1: you know, just horrifying, so scary for him and his family.

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Speaker 1: And for some reason this prompted Elon Musk's brain to

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Speaker 1: conclude that he should weigh in on this issue, obviously

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Speaker 1: as the foremost doctor xing, I guess are we calling

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Speaker 1: it that, tweeting to his millions of followers that this

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Speaker 1: was probably because he's like, how could I turn this

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Speaker 1: moment of like, you know, tragedy for a family into

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Speaker 1: a moment of just like you know, genuinely damaging misinformation

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Speaker 1: for the populace. So he tweeted that it was probably

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Speaker 1: because of the COVID vaccine because myocarditis is a known

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Speaker 1: side effect.

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Speaker 3: Okay, do you know about COVID though, because that's the

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Speaker 3: real like it's like eleven times greater for adults.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Risco carditis and young men was seven times higher

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Speaker 1: after a covid in infection than after vaccination.

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Speaker 3: But again, this is all because the suddenly dyed crowd. Yes,

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Speaker 3: UH needs to have this guy because it also, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's wild. I didn't mention this. That game I went

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Speaker 3: to on Sunday at the Rose Bowl. This guy, Shaka Hislop,

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Speaker 3: who is one of the like sort of like touchline reporters.

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Speaker 3: He was doing a pregame like sort of intro to

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Speaker 3: the game. He fucking passed out in the broadcast and like,

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Speaker 3: I was hot as shit inhumid and I'd imagine I

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Speaker 3: don't know if he was wearing a wool suit, like

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Speaker 3: pardon me, could see like he just was heat exhaustion.

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Speaker 3: But whatever happened, dude, the fucking anti vax crowd hopped

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Speaker 3: on that shit almost immediately immediately the vaccinated, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: people passing out on camera, it's always the vaccine, and

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Speaker 3: even even even before.

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Speaker 2: The vaccine, it was the vaccine.

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Speaker 1: Also, cardiacress is the leading cause of death and young athletes,

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Speaker 1: like this is a thing that unfortunately isn't isn't that uncommon?

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Speaker 1: But of course yeah, they're they're just ready to politicize

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Speaker 1: it as soon as something happens, and their dear leader

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Speaker 1: is you know, he's like, I got you guys.

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Speaker 2: Remember Reggie Lewis died on the court.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that was definitely the vaccine though that one

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Speaker 1: all right, well, unfortunately, those are some things that are

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Speaker 1: trending on this Tuesday afternoon. We are back tomorrow with

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Speaker 1: a whole last episode of the show. Until then, be

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Speaker 1: kind to each other, be kind to yourself, get the vaccine,

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Speaker 1: don't do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk

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Speaker 1: to you all tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Fight Bite