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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: My sister expected to live rent free in my house

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Speaker 2: after refusing to help and.

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Speaker 3: I bet you live rent free in her head.

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Speaker 2: Now, ooh, a little backstory. I twenty seven female, married

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Speaker 2: my husband thirty two male. We have two kids, eleven

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Speaker 2: female and two male. Two years ago, I asked my

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Speaker 2: little sister, who was twenty at the time and we'll

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Speaker 2: turn twenty two in a month, to come live with

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Speaker 2: us and help out with the kids as I needed.

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Speaker 2: She was in a bad relationship and needed a place

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Speaker 2: to stay at first. It was for her to get

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Speaker 2: back on her feet since she was getting out of

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Speaker 2: the situation. And by the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 2: glad Prize fifty three forty And if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slide showcase

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Speaker 2: Storytime subbur at it. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we're

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Speaker 2: here to give good advice. Goofly, but we don't have

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Speaker 2: all the answers. We just know what we'd do, so

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Speaker 2: tell us what you would do down in the comments.

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Speaker 2: The initial agreement was that we would pay her two

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Speaker 2: hundred dollars per week to watch our four month old

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Speaker 2: at the time Monday till Friday, six thirty to two pm.

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Speaker 2: She could use my car anytime she needed, and she

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Speaker 2: wanted an afternoon job, which was totally fine she happily accepted.

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Speaker 2: A month later, she told us she was getting depressed

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Speaker 2: being inside every day and that she couldn't do this anymore.

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Speaker 2: I told her that was okay. Her mental health was

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Speaker 2: very important, but she should still be able to watch

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Speaker 2: the kids when we needed her to, like on date nights,

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Speaker 2: so we found someone else to watch our kid. Fast

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Speaker 2: forward two years later. She works full time, doesn't pay

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Speaker 2: any bills, and doesn't help around the house, not even

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Speaker 2: washing dishes, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, or buying

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Speaker 2: groceries like things the house needs. She provides no help

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Speaker 2: at all. Last week, my husband and I went out

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Speaker 2: for a bit, mind you. We asked her the weekend

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Speaker 2: before if she could watch the kids, and she said yes.

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Speaker 2: Within an hour of us being out, my husband and

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Speaker 2: I received this message from her. I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: say this to get this off my chest. This isn't

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Speaker 2: an attack, and this isn't me being ungrateful. I just

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Speaker 2: want you guys to try to consider my point of view.

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Speaker 2: My point of view is that I don't appreciate being

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Speaker 2: used as a service whenever it's convenient for y'all. I

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Speaker 2: understand this is all I'm good for, but there are

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Speaker 2: some days where I don't want to come home after

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Speaker 2: a nine hour shift and watch a baby. I didn't

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Speaker 2: decide to have children, you guys did. The only person

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Speaker 2: whoever appreciates me for it and only thanks me for

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Speaker 2: it is my husband. So it has been building up

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Speaker 2: inside me and causing resentment that my own sister will

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Speaker 2: refuse to recognize my accomplishments because it's what I'm supposed

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Speaker 2: to do. I appreciate staying here rent free, and I've

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Speaker 2: appreciated the opportunity being given to me, but I don't

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Speaker 2: feel like I should dedicate my life to you guys.

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Speaker 2: It feels like now I'm being asked to watch the kids,

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Speaker 2: like it's already a given and that it's not something

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Speaker 2: I can ever say no to. When I do say no,

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Speaker 2: I'm treated like Voldemort. It feels like an obligation when

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Speaker 2: it should feel like a choice. I felt like the

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Speaker 2: time frame should have been more discussed because I was

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Speaker 2: under the impression I was watching him until six thirty,

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Speaker 2: not nine thirty. Thank you again for taking the time

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Speaker 2: to read this, and again, I'm not attacking. I just

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Speaker 2: want to ask for more clarity. Hey, silly, just saying

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Speaker 2: the words I'm not attacking you and then attacking them

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean you didn't just attack them.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you said you felt like Voldemort.

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Speaker 3: I'm also kind of though, like lo Kia, I want

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Speaker 3: more information about what that agreement looked like.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean you've already had the deal, it's been

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Speaker 2: modified where it was like first you were watching them

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Speaker 2: all the time, and you go, hey, I can't do this,

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Speaker 2: I need more time. I want to go outside. I

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Speaker 2: want less respect, and she goes, Okay, we'll figure it out.

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Speaker 2: We'll find someone else to watch our kid all week.

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Speaker 3: Like, why didn't we just have a conversation like that again?

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Speaker 3: My thing is like the only way that I'd ever

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Speaker 3: be like, Okay, maybe this sister has like some like

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Speaker 3: correct means, and I don't think she does. Is like genuinely,

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Speaker 3: if you guys had agreed on six thirty and you're

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Speaker 3: not coming back till nine pint thirty at zeftup.

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Speaker 2: So at this point, that is all she's good for

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Speaker 2: watching the kids for us for a few hours once

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Speaker 2: or twice a week. The accomplishment she is referring to

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Speaker 2: is getting her high school diploma at the age of

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Speaker 2: twenty one, because she dropped out a few months before graduating.

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Speaker 2: She still uses my car when needed to go to

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Speaker 2: her boyfriend's house or work. At this point, I am

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Speaker 2: fed up and can't take it anymore. My husband tells

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Speaker 2: me she's my sister and I need to handle it

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Speaker 2: because he's tired of taking care of a grown adult.

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Speaker 2: So would I be the a hole if I asked

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Speaker 2: her to leave my house and she refuses to watch

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Speaker 2: the kids when needed, and there are comments, But first

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Speaker 2: I'd just like to say, this whole deal was contingent

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Speaker 2: upon per helping you with the kids.

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Speaker 3: Right. If she's not gonna do that, yeah, get her out.

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Speaker 2: So I think you can go back and say, hey,

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Speaker 2: this deal, this situation is no longer what we had

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Speaker 2: agreed upon. Let's get back to a place that works

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Speaker 2: for both of us, or you're gonna have to start

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Speaker 2: helping with the bills around here.

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Speaker 4: Koifishy Fishy says, not the a hole. Here's what you say.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like this arrangement is no longer working for

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Speaker 2: everyone involved, and it's time for you to find other housing.

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Speaker 2: Living rent free for two years while she works full

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Speaker 2: time means she should have some savings. If she doesn't,

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Speaker 2: that is on your sister. Give her a written notice

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Speaker 2: to vacate with the number of days required by state

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Speaker 2: and or local laws, and she's considered a tenant. Love

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Speaker 2: Lola Hart says, this is the direction. I would go.

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Speaker 2: See how much time you're required to give her as

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Speaker 2: notice and ask her to move out by that date

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Speaker 2: with written notification. And if any family members complains about family,

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Speaker 2: tell them that they're welcome to house her for two years,

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Speaker 2: rent and chore free as well.

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Speaker 4: Talk to me.

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Speaker 2: Seven oh one says, not the a hole. She says,

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Speaker 2: it's a give and she'll watch the kids, even though

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Speaker 2: you hired a nanny so she wouldn't have to watch

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Speaker 2: the kids. She has enjoyed your largess for long enough.

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Speaker 2: Just don't frame it as a punishment. Tell her you're

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Speaker 2: glad you were there for her when she needed it,

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Speaker 2: and after thinking about her text, you can't have her

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Speaker 2: feeling used. You'd like to give her two months to

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Speaker 2: find her own place unless she'd like to leave immediately.

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Speaker 2: Put it in riding and don't back down. Don't go

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Speaker 2: back and forth over what was agreed and whether or

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Speaker 2: not you're angry. She doesn't deserve your energy. She's an

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Speaker 2: ungrateful booty butt who has started to not just take

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Speaker 2: it for granted, but is trying to drive a wedge

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Speaker 2: between you and your husband. Only he thanks me according

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Speaker 2: to her, No, no, this will not do ope. She's

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Speaker 2: a drain on your resources, both emotionally and financially. Let

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Speaker 2: her go somewhere she'll get all the appreciation she thinks

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Speaker 2: she deserves. Ditch digger girl, Yes, this is good. Any

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Speaker 2: discussion of emotions would immediately bet with You're absolutely right.

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Speaker 2: We have both been getting increasingly frustrated and we really

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Speaker 2: should not have let this seet this far. I'm happy

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Speaker 2: we were able to give you these last two years

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Speaker 2: to build up your savings, but I love you too

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Speaker 2: much to let our relationship get strained any further judgment

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Speaker 2: not the ahole and honestly like I get it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that little you know super genius crafted comment right there

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Speaker 2: there is going to deteriorate the relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's obvious.

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Speaker 3: I like the phrasing of like the first or I

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Speaker 3: think maybe the second commenter's suggestion and then that one though,

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Speaker 3: like kind of mix it in where it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: things aren't working anymore, we're not holding up bargain parts.

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Speaker 3: And because of that, like, and because I'm hoping to

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Speaker 3: save anything we have, like I am gonna give you

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Speaker 3: notice like you should move out kind of thing, like,

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Speaker 3: and that might not do anything, it might still ruin

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Speaker 3: your relationship, but I feel like adding some bit of like,

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Speaker 3: and it's because I care about you. It's because I

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Speaker 3: love you, like but like we need distance kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for your inputs. That definitely helped me

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Speaker 2: make the right decision for my family. Like many of

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Speaker 2: you suggested I do, I sat her down and I

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Speaker 2: did apologize for not showing any appreciation and the fact

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Speaker 2: that she felt used, And I also pointed out that

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Speaker 2: her watching the kids once or twice a week, it

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Speaker 2: was never last minute, is her only way of contributing

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Speaker 2: to the house. And of course, like many of you predicted,

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Speaker 2: she started yelling that I am attacking her and that

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Speaker 2: I only took her out of the situation to benefit

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Speaker 2: me and not her. I did confirm that the previous

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Speaker 2: agreement was something I thought would benefit both of us,

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Speaker 2: not just me. I told her since this new living

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Speaker 2: arrangement is not working for anyone at this point, and

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Speaker 2: since she doesn't want to watch the kids, she has

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Speaker 2: sixty days to find better living arrangements. She stated she

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Speaker 2: never said she didn't want to watch the kids, and

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Speaker 2: I cut her off, stating that as her older sister,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to ruin our relationship, so it's best

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Speaker 2: for her to find another place to live. She immediately

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Speaker 2: tried to back pedal.

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Speaker 3: Immediately was like, wait, wait, I all watch them though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, no, wait, I never said I wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: I just said I really don't like it, and that

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Speaker 2: you're abusing me, and that I feel like I'm being

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Speaker 2: used because her feeling appreciated or not being used, her

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Speaker 2: mental health is very important and it does matter. I

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Speaker 2: even apologize for treating her as my own child, like

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Speaker 2: taking care of her, taking her to all our family

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Speaker 2: vacations for free. I really thought I was helping her,

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Speaker 2: but now I realized I was her her and now

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Speaker 2: she has a great opportunity to grow and live the

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Speaker 2: life she wants to. By the way, we live in

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Speaker 2: San Diego, California. Minimum rent for one bedroom is two thousand.

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Speaker 2: I wish her the best of luck and there are

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Speaker 2: some comments. How did she react to this? Says k M. Flushing.

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Speaker 2: Opie says she started crying and said this wasn't her

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Speaker 2: intentions for things to get way out of hand, and

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Speaker 2: I told her we can't go back. Everyone needs to

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Speaker 2: move on. Van Dreesen says her actions met consequences and

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Speaker 2: she realized she overplayed her hand. Good for you, that

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Speaker 2: was the perfect response. Your sister will face the real

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Speaker 2: world and enjoy her life like she wanted. And Aide

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Speaker 2: Lucas says, I just read your previous post. She's just

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Speaker 2: upset her free ride is over. Don't put a penny

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Speaker 2: into the house so her money is her own, doesn't

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Speaker 2: lift a finger to help with chores, complains when she's

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Speaker 2: asked to watch the kids a couple days a week.

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Speaker 4: She's had two years of.

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Speaker 2: Free accommodation and full maid service with free vacations thrown in.

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Speaker 2: No wonder, she's backtracking and doesn't want to leave. Chances

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Speaker 2: are she's not saved as from the two years of

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Speaker 2: free housing. The term hobo sexual springs to mind, and

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Speaker 2: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: Wow, well wow, there.

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Speaker 2: You go standing on business and you go, hey, hey,

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Speaker 2: it's okay. You're gonna thank me for this one day.

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Speaker 2: Probably you know, I know you're upset now, and that's

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Speaker 2: the end of this story.

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Speaker 4: We're gonna go on to the next one.

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Speaker 5: My father told me I've always been the problem, so

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Speaker 5: I gave up on them.

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Speaker 4: Well takes one to know one.

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Speaker 5: I'm twenty three female, graduated from college last year and

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Speaker 5: moved back home with my parents while I search for

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Speaker 5: a job. It's been tough, no interviews, feeling unaccomplished, and

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Speaker 5: losing the independence I once had in college. However, I

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Speaker 5: was still actively applying for jobs, networking and working on myself,

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Speaker 5: so I don't consider myself lazy. By the way, this

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Speaker 5: comes from username Boring issue twenty eight thirty four, And

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Speaker 5: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 5: our slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Vincent, I'm Sophia, and

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Speaker 5: we're here to give good advice goofy, but we don't

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Speaker 5: have all the answers, we just know what we would do.

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Speaker 5: I still made an effort to grow and get a

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Speaker 5: job while also struggling with depression and severe anxiety. All

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Speaker 5: he ever wanted was to work hard and for my

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Speaker 5: parents to see me in a positive light. So regarding

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Speaker 5: the title for context, my dad and I have always

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Speaker 5: had a complicated relationship. I will disclaim that he never

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Speaker 5: hit me. He worked hard at his job. We have

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Speaker 5: a nice house, and we have never struggled financially, and

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Speaker 5: I've always felt blessed with that. But growing up with

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Speaker 5: my dad, we had good moments, but there was also

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Speaker 5: a lot of tension. He often spoke to me in

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Speaker 5: a passive, aggressive tone, became impatient when teaching me things,

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Speaker 5: and was just always emotionally unavailable. He values respect above everything,

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Speaker 5: but in his eyes, if I slip up once, that

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Speaker 5: mistake defines me, no matter how much good I've done otherwise.

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Speaker 5: I was always a good kid, never partied, never drank

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Speaker 5: or did about always communicated where where I was. I

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Speaker 5: always consider myself very kind and compassionate, and I would

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Speaker 5: never intentionally hurt someone. But he would still label me

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Speaker 5: based on small mistakes like attitude or forgetting to do

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Speaker 5: a chore. I admit when I was a kid and

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Speaker 5: a teenager, I would respond poorly to his aggressive tone

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Speaker 5: of voice, and I would give him attitude right back.

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Speaker 5: But I've grown a lot since then. Since moving back home,

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Speaker 5: I've tried to step up. I clean grocery shop and

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Speaker 5: bring him food while he works from home, even check

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Speaker 5: in on him at his office. We've had many conversations

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Speaker 5: about life updates, but it always felt like he was

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Speaker 5: always waiting for me to slip up. If there was

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Speaker 5: something small that I did, like maybe leave the cereal

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Speaker 5: box out on the counter or something, He'll wait until

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Speaker 5: he's angry with me about something else and then bring

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Speaker 5: it up and call me dirty. Keep in mind he

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Speaker 5: and my mother constantly leave dishes out in the sink

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Speaker 5: and on the counter daily, even after I unload the

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Speaker 5: dishwasher every day. I don't leave dishes out, just a

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Speaker 5: cereal box. Once, he also brought up unrelated past issues

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Speaker 5: from as long as five years ago, completely change the

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Speaker 5: story of what actually happened to make me look bad.

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Speaker 5: I ignored that part and told him that I was respectful.

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Speaker 5: I do not have a problem with doing what he

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Speaker 5: asked me to do. I will happily do it. I

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Speaker 5: already apologized about the trash and said it wouldn't happen again,

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Speaker 5: So why did it have to keep being mentioned? It

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Speaker 5: was one time I forgot, one time. I continue to

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Speaker 5: tell him that I feel like he still sees me

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Speaker 5: as some braddy kid, no matter how much I try

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Speaker 5: to grow, and won't ever just treat me like an adult.

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Speaker 5: He then got my face and said, fine, you want

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Speaker 5: to be treated like an adult. The second you make

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Speaker 5: another mistake, I'm coming for you.

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Speaker 4: I'm scared, I'm coming for you.

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Speaker 5: We mean this, Yeah, this is what are you doing here?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 5: This is like you need to get out of this house. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: to have like other family that you can live with.

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Speaker 6: Or I just it is unreasonable to expect anyone, or

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Speaker 6: from anyone, perfection. You're gonna make mistakes. You're human.

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Speaker 5: I told him, I officially give up. I'm done. He

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Speaker 5: said fine, and added, relationships go both ways. If I'm

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Speaker 5: the only one owning up to my mistakes and actively

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Speaker 5: trying to change, and not you, then nothing will ever

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Speaker 5: be fixed. That's the problem. His response was, You're the problem.

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Speaker 5: You've always been the problem. It's been two months since

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Speaker 5: my dad has ignored me completely. He communicates through my

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Speaker 5: mom when he needs something from me, but otherwise he's

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Speaker 5: basically just pretends I don't exist. My mom admits she

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Speaker 5: doesn't agree with how he handled it, and my dad

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Speaker 5: told her he's just backing off because he thinks talking

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Speaker 5: makes things worse, but that he's also hurt that I

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Speaker 5: said I give up and I'm done. In the past,

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Speaker 5: I've always apologized after arguments, but this time I haven't

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Speaker 5: apologies never actually fixed things with him. Trying to change

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Speaker 5: and show him my growth as a person has never

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Speaker 5: actually fixed anything. This time, I meant what I said.

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Speaker 5: I've given up trying. Now I feel anxious in my

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Speaker 5: own home, afraid of making mistakes, and don't feel like

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Speaker 5: I can live in peace in the house. All of

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Speaker 5: this has seriously messed with my mental health, and I

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Speaker 5: feel like the only way to heal is to move out,

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Speaker 5: which is my goal to do in a few months.

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Speaker 5: I know saying I give up wasn't the best choice

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Speaker 5: of words, but I am so emotionally drained. I am

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Speaker 5: at my wits end. Am I the ahole?

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Speaker 6: No, you have a very complicated relationship with your father

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Speaker 6: because of his own issues. That's not saying that you're

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Speaker 6: a perfect person, but I think it seems much more

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Speaker 6: like your dad has a lot of his own insecurities

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Speaker 6: that he's projecting onto you, and that's not your cross

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Speaker 6: to bear.

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Speaker 5: Okay, we got an update. I graduated over a year

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Speaker 5: ago with a BA in Communications and Media Studies. After graduation,

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Speaker 5: I spent several months creating an award winning short film

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Speaker 5: while job hunting creative great During that time, I worked

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Speaker 5: at a pet store for twelve dollars an hour, applied

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Speaker 5: to jobs constantly, helped at home, and stayed active by

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Speaker 5: taking some training classes. I was never lazier just sitting

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Speaker 5: around at home, but the job market was extremely challenging,

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Speaker 5: which took a toll on me emotionally, as I felt

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Speaker 5: unaccomplished despite working hard in school. After eight months of persistence,

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Speaker 5: I was finally hired as an office assistant, where I've

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Speaker 5: now been working for two months and saving to move

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Speaker 5: to my own apartment in December. Good wins all around,

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Speaker 5: wins all around. My relationship with my dad remains tense.

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Speaker 5: We don't have real conversations, though I still greet him

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Speaker 5: and stay true to myself. I've been battling low self worth,

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Speaker 5: self blame, and replaying how I could have handled things differently,

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Speaker 5: which has made it hard to not internalize this distance.

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Speaker 5: I will also mention my mother, since I didn't mention

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Speaker 5: her much in the initial post. My mom has always

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Speaker 5: been more supportive than my dad and has always tried

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Speaker 5: to be part of my life. She checks in, often,

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Speaker 5: gives me advice, and even helps with my dog. She

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Speaker 5: disagrees with how my dad handled things, though she also

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Speaker 5: tells me I was wrong to say I give up.

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Speaker 5: She lectured me about how words hurt and how family

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Speaker 5: is important, and she's sad that I've recently distanced myself

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Speaker 5: so much from them.

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Speaker 6: I just don't think your mom fully understands the situation either.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, have you communicated how you feel fully with your

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Speaker 5: mother as well? She feels caught in the middle, saying

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Speaker 5: my dad and I both acted out of anger and

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Speaker 5: were both in the wrong. She also says that I

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Speaker 5: should be the one to talk to him when I'm

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Speaker 5: emotionally ready and apologize. I said no, not because I

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Speaker 5: am too stubborn or don't care. I have always apologized always,

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Speaker 5: even when I knew I didn't do anything. My dad's

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00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 5: will still hold a grudge and not accept it. While

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Speaker 5: I rely on my mom for many things, I've chosen

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Speaker 5: to process this elsewhere. People have also asked if I

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Speaker 5: and anyone else I could talk to. Yes, I do.

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Speaker 5: I've been with my boyfriend for three years, congratulations, and

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Speaker 5: he's been my biggest support, though my struggles sometimes affect

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Speaker 5: our relationship. He helped me recognize toxic habits I picked

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Speaker 5: up from home, and I've been able to identify them

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Speaker 5: too and to fix them. He makes me feel like

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Speaker 5: myself again, and now we're discussing marriage. I spent a

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Speaker 5: lot of time at his place, but remain considerate too

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Speaker 5: of his roommates and my parents' rules while I live

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Speaker 5: at home. Also regarding the New York trip, my boyfriend's

377
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Speaker 5: brother was getting married there and his family wanted me

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Speaker 5: to be at the wedding with them. I was initially

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Speaker 5: not going to go because I could not afford to fly. Still,

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Speaker 5: they really wanted me to go there and bought me

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Speaker 5: a round trip ticket so I could attend the wedding

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Speaker 5: with them. So no, I was not just going on

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Speaker 5: trips without a job or anything like that. I don't

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Speaker 5: do that. In fact, I have never been anywhere on

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Speaker 5: trips without my family. That was my first time, and

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Speaker 5: my boyfriend's family generously paid for me. Regarding family or relatives,

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Speaker 5: I do not have anyone who lives in this state

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Speaker 5: where I live. I do have a sister, she's ten

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Speaker 5: years older than I am. She lives in another state,

390
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Speaker 5: though too. She does not speak to my dad often.

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Speaker 5: It only comes home once or twice a year. We

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00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 5: were never really close growing up because our age gap.

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Speaker 5: But I reached out to her about everything, and she

394
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,399
Speaker 5: told me she's gone through this same thing at my

395
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Speaker 5: age and gave me some advice as far as updates

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Speaker 5: on still living at home, it has been difficult. The

397
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,879
Speaker 5: first month after the incident was awkward and uncomfortable, and

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00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 5: I'm still anxious just coming downstairs. I feel like I've

399
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,439
Speaker 5: never have time to myself. Someone is always home when

400
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 5: I'm home, someone always has to go in the kitchen

401
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 5: when I'm in the kitchen. Someone is just always there.

402
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,160
Speaker 5: My long commute keeps me away from home more during

403
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 5: the week, though, which helps, and while things are still strained,

404
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 5: my my dad has started greeting me again. One of

405
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,239
Speaker 5: the main reasons I'm still living at home is that

406
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Speaker 5: I am fortunate with what I have here. I live

407
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 5: in a large house with my own nice sized bedroom

408
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:15,439
Speaker 5: and bathroom, and my mom often cooks dinner and helps

409
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 5: me with my dog, sometimes gas, and sometimes groceries. This

410
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 5: support allows me to save as much as possible so

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00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 5: that by December I'll be ready to take on everything independently.

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Speaker 5: While living at home could be challenging, I'm grateful for

413
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 5: her help, and what keeps me going is knowing these

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00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,360
Speaker 5: challenges won't last forever.

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Speaker 6: I think talking to your sibling, talking to your mom,

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Speaker 6: and then maybe when you feel up to it, having

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Speaker 6: another conversation with your dad that's.

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Speaker 3: Not ruled by emotion.

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Speaker 5: How do you feel about them not apologizing and waiting

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Speaker 5: for their dad to apologize.

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Speaker 6: I think it is. The thing is I think he

422
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 6: needs to apologize first because of this history of you

423
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 6: always apologizing. However, I don't think that means you don't

424
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Speaker 6: have to like you can't talk to him. I think

425
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 6: you can still come to a conversation and say, hey, Dad,

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Speaker 6: I want to talk to you. This is how I feel,

427
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Speaker 6: this is what you have been making me or like

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Speaker 6: I don't know, this is how your actions have made

429
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Speaker 6: me feel in the past. Maybe there's a better way

430
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 6: to word this and just have a very frank conversation,

431
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 6: not having emotions, hopefully trying not to have your emotions

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Speaker 6: come in. If he starts saying, well, I don't know,

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Speaker 6: and you go, okay, wait, I just want to like

434
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 6: finish this point and then you can talk. And that

435
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 6: doesn't have to mean that you apologize in that conversation,

436
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,159
Speaker 6: but it does open up a conversation if you want that.

437
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 5: Another update. Right now, I'm focusing on working, saving and

438
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 5: still talking with my mom and my boyfriend and my therapist.

439
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 5: I am learning to become my own cheerleader, to stop

440
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 5: seeking constant approval from my parents, and to show up

441
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 5: for myself. I still feel sadness when I think about

442
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 5: the good times with my dad. He wasn't like this

443
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 5: every single day, and I always cherish the good memories

444
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 5: and moments. He's done many things for me over the years,

445
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 5: and I will never discredit that, and I am grateful.

446
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,159
Speaker 5: But years of brushing aside his behavior have taken an

447
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 5: emotional toll on me, and this time I won't be

448
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 5: the one apologizing first. I'm open to listening if he

449
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 5: ever wants to have a real conversation, though I don't

450
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 5: know if things will ever be the same. For now,

451
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 5: I'm taking it one day at a time, focusing on

452
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 5: my independence, my growth, and the hope that things will

453
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 5: keep getting better. Thank you everyone for all who shared

454
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 5: your advice.

455
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 4: There you go.

456
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 7: Yeah, good luck copy.

457
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 5: Good luck copy.

458
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 6: Familial the arguments and relationships can be tricky.

459
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 7: It's tough.

460
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

461
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 4: on to the next one. I reported my sister for

462
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 4: a hip of violation because I've had enough.

463
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 5: Oooh, she dirty.

464
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 6: I twenty eight female come from a very dysfunctional and

465
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 6: toxic family. I have no contact with one of my

466
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 6: sister's twenty seven female. I will call her Sarah and

467
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 6: have been for years. There is no repairing the relationship,

468
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 6: and trust me when I say that it's for a

469
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 6: good reason. My mother of fifty three female is also

470
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 6: extremely toxic, so I keep strict boundaries and only speak

471
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 6: to her on my terms. By the way, this comes

472
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 6: from that palpatatation thirty six fifty three. And if you

473
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 6: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

474
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 6: slash Okay storytime Separated.

475
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,120
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia and I'm Vincent and we're here to give

476
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 4: good advice.

477
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 6: Gooflee before ally answers, really know what we do, so

478
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 6: let us know what you would do in the comments.

479
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 6: Despite me wanting nothing to do with Sarah, my mom

480
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 6: constantly updates me on her life. I hate gossip and drama.

481
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 6: I do not even use social media and I've told

482
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 6: my mother repeatedly that I don't want updates, but she

483
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 6: ignores that. The part that has bothered me for years

484
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 6: is that my sister works as a nurse at the

485
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 6: county jail, and she constantly shares private inmate information with

486
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 6: my mom, stuff she could only know from her job

487
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 6: as their nurse. My mom then repeats all of it

488
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 6: to me, even though I never ask and do not

489
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 6: want to know. Examples she tells my mom when specific

490
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 6: people are booked in and when they have blood draws done,

491
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 6: even before they're fully processed in the sipstom, even before

492
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 6: they are fully processed in the system, or before the

493
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,640
Speaker 6: info is made public. If he has told my mom

494
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 6: about conversations she has had with inmates during their specific

495
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 6: medical procedures, which she describes in detail. She has shared

496
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 6: details about inmates cases and all of their personal history.

497
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 6: For one individual, she even shared back over twenty years

498
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 6: of work history for him and that he used to

499
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 6: work at the Department of Corrections and that is why

500
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 6: they never sent him to prison for the spicy sleep

501
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 6: offenses and why they kept everything hot shosh. One of

502
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 6: the most disturbing examples was when my mom told me

503
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 6: not to go to a specific coffee shop because the

504
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 6: guy who works there has aids. I asked how she knew.

505
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 6: She tried to say I just know, but I called

506
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 6: it out again and asked, did Sarah tell you? She

507
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 6: admitted yes, and then described the guy in detail. I

508
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 6: told her that was deeply messed up, not just a

509
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 6: moral but illegal, and that my sister was stupid for

510
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 6: sharing this information to begin with, and that she my

511
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 6: mom was even stupider and making it worse for my

512
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 6: sister by spreading it. Every time, I tell my mom

513
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 6: it's wrong and that Sarah is violating people's rights big time,

514
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 6: but I never report anything because I drama and I

515
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 6: do not want to poke my nose in anyone else's business,

516
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 6: especially my sister. So I just move on because I

517
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 6: genuinely hate drama and want no part of their chaos

518
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 6: or my sister's life. I figure karma always catches up anyways.

519
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 6: Now for what happened today. A little less than two

520
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 6: weeks ago, I lost someone fifty three female, incredibly close

521
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 6: to me, someone who is like a second parent. I

522
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 6: will call her my other parent. She was in my

523
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 6: life since I was fourteen, half my life. She passed

524
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 6: away unexpectedly in her sleep. I did not tell my

525
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 6: mom because I knew she would twist it, victimize herself,

526
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 6: or say awful things. There was just no point I

527
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 6: should not that my mom has been diagnosed with bipolar

528
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 6: and refuses to take medication anymore. She also claims she

529
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 6: does not have borderline personality disorder, but I think she

530
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 6: just refuses to admit that she's the poster child for it.

531
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 6: Everyone close to her agrees with this. Today I mentioned

532
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 6: I was coming to town for the funeral and casually

533
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 6: mention the loss. My mother immediately went off, saying she

534
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 6: was disgusted I had ever referred to her as a

535
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 6: second parent. My mother only ever met her a few times.

536
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 6: She literally knows nothing about her. Despite that, I stayed

537
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,919
Speaker 6: calm and respectful, but definitely defended the woman who loved

538
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 6: me selflessly and genuinely when my mother would not. So, yeah,

539
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 6: my mother has a long, long history of doing twisted

540
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 6: things to some of my siblings and me and justifying

541
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 6: it as tough love. But the point with all that

542
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 6: is my mom was a very big believer about the

543
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 6: whole being accountable and teaching us lessons the hard way.

544
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 6: At least that's how she justifies her behavior. She states

545
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 6: to this day how it was so hard for her

546
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 6: to make those decisions and do that to her own children,

547
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 6: but how she does not regret it because it is

548
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 6: what made us successful today.

549
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 4: That's crazy. She's like, I really hated I hated that

550
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 4: I had.

551
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 6: To treat you terribly, but honestly, I don't hate it

552
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 6: because you deserved it.

553
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 5: That's so messed up. Yeah, it's like, you know, I

554
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 5: hated neglecting you, neglecting you, but I had to do

555
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 5: it to make you the champ you are.

556
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 4: Yay, You're welcome, champ.

557
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 5: I was a jerk so you could win.

558
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 6: It'sk In Guardians of the Galaxy in a is it

559
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 6: the second or third movie? It guess the second movie

560
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 6: where Peter, Yeah, Peter's dad is like.

561
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 4: I felt so bad putting that tumor into her head.

562
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 7: And then Peter's like, what, that's what it sounds like.

563
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 5: It's a cheap excuse for neglect and inability.

564
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,400
Speaker 6: Anyways, I tend to view these freakouts with her as

565
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 6: basically talking to a mentally ill person. My brother and

566
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 6: I came to that realization a long ago. That is

567
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 6: the only way we can handle it. So I was

568
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 6: just going to ignore her and go about my life.

569
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,679
Speaker 6: But that's when she crossed a line. She sent a

570
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 6: text that said she knew about the fact my other

571
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 6: parent had passed as soon as it happened. And if

572
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 6: that my other parent meant so much to me, I

573
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 6: should have been the one taking care of her. So

574
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 6: her son was not the one who had to find

575
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 6: her passed away. That literally made my blood run cold,

576
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 6: because she had no way of knowing who found her.

577
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 4: Not the sister again.

578
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,679
Speaker 5: Uh wait, so now the sister's basically saying, like the

579
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 5: sisters divulging secrets about the investigation. It seems like it,

580
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, screw this lady. Oh yeah, I don't I

581
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 5: love family?

582
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 3: Yeah?

583
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 5: This is there is this a no contact situation.

584
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 6: I think it's getting to that point, because you can't

585
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 6: trust your sister with any information and your mom doesn't

586
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 6: take any accountability, you would at least want a distance yourself.

587
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 5: And at least with what your mom said, she's actively

588
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 5: trying to hurt you.

589
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, that information was not public when it was shared.

590
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 6: It was shared with only a very select few people.

591
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 6: The situation is still under investigation. We do not even

592
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 6: have the toxicology report. There's only one person who could

593
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 6: have told my mom anything that soon or known details

594
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 6: about the case. She crossed a line. Not only did

595
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 6: she blast personal information about someone I love like that,

596
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 6: but she knew about her passing the entire time and

597
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 6: never even bothered to check in on me. I stayed

598
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 6: calm and replied back to her that I'm thankful for

599
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 6: her and all the things I've learned from her, especially

600
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 6: the one lesson that made the biggest impact on all

601
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 6: my life, that accountability matters. When someone breaks the law,

602
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 6: you gotta report it because that's how people learn. Accountability

603
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 6: matters more than anything and will make a difference in

604
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 6: the long run.

605
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 7: Even when it's hard.

606
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 6: You gotta do it and report people you love. I

607
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 6: said that HIPPA is federal law and that Sarah keeps

608
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 6: violating it by sharing protected confidential information.

609
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: Yes it is.

610
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 6: I was not doing her any favors by keeping quiet

611
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 6: about it anymore. That I need to keep Sarah accountable

612
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 6: and do the right thing, throwing your mom's words right

613
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 6: back into her face. I like it.

614
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 5: I love it. It's getting creamy and rich.

615
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, that soup is stirred to perfect you.

616
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 5: It's some nice revenge bisk you got going there.

617
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 6: Insulted me and said my logic was bad, but I

618
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 6: did not respond because I was too busy viling a

619
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 6: hippa complaint with every single incident documented in great detail.

620
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 6: But here's why I'm torn. I don't talk to my sister,

621
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 6: but I also don't wish harm on her. Part of

622
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 6: me feels guilty because if they take this seriously, this

623
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 6: report could.

624
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 3: Ruin her career.

625
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 6: And I feel kind of guilty about reporting her because

626
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 6: I only did it now because of how emotional and

627
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 6: angry the situation made me, not purely because it was

628
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 6: the right thing to do. I am a firm believer

629
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 6: of live and let live, and that karma always works

630
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 6: things out on its own, and there's absolutely no justification

631
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 6: trying to make it happen sooner. So I just feel

632
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 6: really grimy about.

633
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 3: The entire thing.

634
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 6: But at the same time, she really has been violating

635
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 6: HIPPA for years and still is innocent. People's medical information

636
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 6: and personal business has been spread around town. She clearly

637
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 6: does not care about confidentiality. I did not lie about

638
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 6: anything I said in the report. It was literally all

639
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 6: the truth. Realistically, though, I do not know if anything

640
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 6: will come from it. She constantly brags that all the

641
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 6: deputies protect her and will not let anything that happen

642
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 6: to her, and her husband is a sheriff too with

643
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 6: the Sheriff's department, So realistically, I bet nothing happens and

644
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 6: my complaint doesn't even get taken.

645
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 3: Seriously, live and let live.

646
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 5: But the thing is the way she's living is actively

647
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 5: hurting people.

648
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: It is That's the thing.

649
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 6: You know that it's been actively hurting people too.

650
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 5: And she feels like she can do this because these

651
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 5: are people who are in jail. So like when you

652
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 5: said innocent people stuff.

653
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 7: Like, no, they're in jail.

654
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, But also it's so hard to make a life

655
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 5: after jail. But to have that stuff shared on top

656
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 5: of it, yeah, is just like adding another cinder block

657
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 5: to a person who's already.

658
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 6: Absolutely absolutely especially the telling op that, like a man

659
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 6: at the coffee shop, coffee shop has you know, an

660
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 6: illness that is completely personal and should not be shared,

661
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 6: you know, very personal medical information.

662
00:31:58,560 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 4: And I'm just.

663
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 6: Wondering who else she's telling yeah, because if she's telling

664
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 6: ohp immediately, oh, don't go to that coffee shop, I

665
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 6: bet she's telling her friends don't go to the coffee shop.

666
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 4: And I guess.

667
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 6: All this worrying was for nothing. I'm not really sure

668
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 6: how I feel about that. I guess fifty to fifty

669
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 6: part of me does want it to happen, but part

670
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 6: of me does not. But I hate trauma. I never

671
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 6: interfere in anyone's life. But I feel like this crossed

672
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 6: so many lines that I genuinely feel morally torn. I

673
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 6: hate to admit it, but I think I let my

674
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 6: emotions get the best of me on this one.

675
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 3: So am I the ale?

676
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 6: Am I in the wrong comment one?

677
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 4: Not the ale?

678
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 6: I think the guy who was just working at a

679
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 6: coffee shop and got his dirty laundry blasted out in

680
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 6: public where anyone could have overheard. He deserves basic privacy.

681
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,239
Speaker 6: Reporting is protecting him and others like him. If she

682
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 6: does get consequences, it's because she ruined her own career.

683
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 6: Comment two says, you're the ale for not reporting the

684
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 6: violations for so long. You're the ale to yourself for

685
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 6: keeping in contact with your egg donor after everything she

686
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 6: keeps doing to you. My condolence is on the loss

687
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 6: of your real mother. I really think you need therapy

688
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 6: to deal with everything you've been through. Op He says,

689
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 6: I needed to hear this. Thank you, and that's the

690
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 6: end of that story. But yeah, I think those comments

691
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 6: have a lot of great points.

692
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 5: That's another thing like if someone is doing something illegal

693
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 5: and you don't do anything about it, your inaction can

694
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 5: also make you culpable.

695
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna

696
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 4: go on to the next one.

697
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 7: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're.

698
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 3: Going to get back to the stories.

699
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 7: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

700
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 3: My husband had a secret family, and his sister exposed

701
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 3: everything at our dinner table, not the dinner table. My husband,

702
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 3: we will call him Tyler, and I grew up in

703
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 3: a very small town. We've known each other practically our

704
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 3: entire lives and started dating our sophomore year of high school.

705
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 3: Long story short, we were madly in love and planned

706
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: to get married after college. By the way, this comes

707
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 3: from kinda Sour Penguin, and if you want to submit

708
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

709
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 3: sub read it. I'm Carly, I'm Angie. We're here to

710
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 3: give good advice goofy, but we don't have all the answers.

711
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: We really know what we would do, so let us know

712
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments. As OPI says,

713
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 3: he planned to go to the same school as me,

714
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 3: about an hour and a half away, but ended up

715
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 3: staying in our hometown because his mom was diagnosed with

716
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 3: stage four canther during our senior year. She passed away

717
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 3: fourteen months later. He started working construction and decided that

718
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 3: he wanted to keep doing that instead of going to school.

719
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 3: After I graduated from college, I moved back to our hometown.

720
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 3: We got a place together, and he proposed shortly after.

721
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,320
Speaker 3: We have now been married eight years and have two kids,

722
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 3: seven female and four male. I have little contact with

723
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 3: my family. My parents are divorced and I have one

724
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 3: younger sister. My sister and I talk the most, but

725
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 3: our contact is still pretty minimal and generally on social media.

726
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 3: Because Tyler and I have been together for so long,

727
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 3: his family has become my family and we all spend

728
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 3: a lot of time together. His older sister, Tess thirty three,

729
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 3: is one of my best friends. Last night, we were

730
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: at my father in law's house having dinner. Tyler, myself,

731
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 3: our children, Tess, Tess's son ten, and my father in

732
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 3: law were all there. Tess has been staying with her

733
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 3: dad for a few months because her husband cheated, but

734
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 3: she announced during dinner that she was going to be

735
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: moving back into their home this weekend. This threw us

736
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 3: all for a loop because she had been telling everyone

737
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 3: she was going to file for divorce. Her dad told

738
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 3: her she could stay with him as long as she

739
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,399
Speaker 3: needed and he did not want to see her rush

740
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 3: into any decisions. Tyler agreed with this and said she

741
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 3: deserved better. Apparently this center over the edge because she

742
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 3: snapped that if she deserved better, then I deserved better.

743
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 3: Everyone froze, including me. I was finally able to ask

744
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,399
Speaker 3: what she meant, but Tyler told her to shut up

745
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,840
Speaker 3: and told our kids to get their things so we

746
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 3: could leave. Tess told him he had no right to

747
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 3: say what anyone deserved and that she was done keeping

748
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 3: his secret. She looked at me and said, he has

749
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: never been loyal to you, then left the table.

750
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 4: Whoa dude?

751
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 7: She trying to make dramatic, right, she sure does.

752
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 3: Luckily my kids were in the other room, as was

753
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 3: their cousin. I do not want to get into everything

754
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 3: that was said, but basically we got into a huge fight,

755
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:28,760
Speaker 3: and he admitted to having a continuous affair with another girl.

756
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 3: We went to high school with not another girl from

757
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 3: high school high school between him, Tess and my father

758
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 3: in law, I learned that they started hooking up while

759
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 3: I was in college. Shortly before the wedding, she gave

760
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 3: him an ultimatum and he had planned to leave me,

761
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 3: but ended up going through with the wedding. During our reception,

762
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,439
Speaker 3: she was there as a guest because I obviously had

763
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 3: no idea what had been happening. They were both very

764
00:36:56,680 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 3: wasted and left to talk. They ended up having icy

765
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 3: sleep on our wedding night. He said he was done

766
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 3: after this, but then she told him she was pregnant

767
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 3: and was going to tell me.

768
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh.

769
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 3: He somehow convinced her not to, but has maintained a

770
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 3: relationship with her since. He says this was never serious

771
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 3: for him, but he did not want her to tell

772
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 3: me and felt she would if he cut things off.

773
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,720
Speaker 3: He literally has another child who's a few months older

774
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 3: than our daughter. I do not even know what to

775
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 3: do at this point. I am in complete shock. I

776
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 3: have cried NonStop since he keeps texting and calling, saying

777
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 3: our family is the only thing that matters to him,

778
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 3: and though he loves his son, he has never loved her.

779
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 3: I do not want to stay married to this man,

780
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 3: but as someone who grew up with divorce parents, I

781
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 3: also know how traumatic this can be for kids. If

782
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 3: I left, I would have no family left, and that

783
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 3: breaks my heart. I cannot believe my entire relationship has

784
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 3: been a sham. We have been together longer than we

785
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 3: have been apart, and I just do not even know

786
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 3: how to function right now, and we have an update.

787
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,959
Speaker 3: I got a lawyer and a therapist for myself. Both

788
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 3: have been extremely helpful. The kids recently also started therapy

789
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,840
Speaker 3: after Tyler essentially cut all ties with them. For the

790
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 3: first few weeks, he reached out almost obsessively as did

791
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 3: his family. Once my lawyer arranged exchanges of the kids

792
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 3: at a neutral location and I filed the divorce paperwork.

793
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 3: I was able to finally change my numbers so they

794
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 3: could no longer contact me. So the divorce.

795
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 7: Divorce is happening.

796
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 3: Good, Good for you.

797
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 6: Good.

798
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 3: For a while he was picking up the kids, but

799
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 3: the visits were really difficult for them. My daughter would

800
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,919
Speaker 3: be crying when I picked them up, and after one

801
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:53,360
Speaker 3: visit she said, Daddy does not love us anymore. Oh,

802
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 3: oh my god, which shattered my heart. He would pick

803
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 3: them up, take them to get food from a drive through,

804
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 3: put them in front of the TV, and go to

805
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 3: his room for basically the rest of their time together.

806
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 3: Side note, we were able to come to an agreement

807
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 3: through our lawyers that he would pick them up at

808
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 3: our location on Sunday mornings and drop them back off

809
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 3: that evening. This was the only day he felt worked

810
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 3: with his schedule and he did not want more time

811
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: with them. The location allowed us to drop off and

812
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 3: pick up without having contact with each other. As of

813
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 3: about three weeks ago, he stopped showing up to pick

814
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 3: them up for visits at all.

815
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, you just got stood up at the

816
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 7: neutral location. Dude, that's awful.

817
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 3: So far, therapy has been really good for my daughter

818
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: and she enjoys going. My son is only four, so

819
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 3: they have mostly done play therapy and sometimes bring me

820
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,359
Speaker 3: in as well, but overall it's been helping both of them,

821
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 3: I think. As for Tess, we talked a few times

822
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 3: after everything happened, but I told her I needed some space.

823
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 3: After talking with my therapist about this, I started to

824
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 3: realize that she ended up telling me more because of

825
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 3: anger towards Tyler than loyalty to me. I used the

826
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 3: term loyalty lightly because if she had been a loyal friend,

827
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 3: this never would have happened. It still hurts to know

828
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 3: she knew the truth for years, even before the wedding,

829
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: and chose to act like my best friend. She did

830
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 3: give me more information while we were talking, though, and

831
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 3: the other woman, Brie, and her and Tyler's daughter live

832
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 3: in a nearby town, so I had no contact with

833
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 3: her and had not seen her since shortly after our wedding.

834
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 3: They were still close enough for Tyler to see them

835
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 3: fairly often. He works in construction, so he works long days,

836
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 3: and I never second guessed this. The company he works

837
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 3: for also does a lot of work in that town,

838
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,359
Speaker 3: so he would drop by and see them. I am

839
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 3: still unsure how he managed to have two families, but

840
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 3: he did occasionally stay overnight for a few days for

841
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 3: out of town work, or so he said, so I

842
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 3: assumed he did have some extended time with them. Brie

843
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 3: also obviously knew about us, so I suppose she did

844
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,760
Speaker 3: not expect much. He was able so if I financially

845
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,719
Speaker 3: support them some. From the sounds of it, we had

846
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 3: one shared account for bills and such, but other than

847
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 3: that we each did our own thing. From what Tess said,

848
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 3: he was giving Brie money every month, but I do

849
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 3: not know specifics. His daughter had not met Tess in person,

850
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 3: but they had spoken on the phone a few times.

851
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 3: She was vague on those details, and honestly, I don't

852
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 3: want to know anymore. At this point, the divorce is

853
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 3: still in the works, with Tyler not participating in the

854
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 3: exchanges anymore. I will be seeking full custody. I had

855
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 3: wanted to give him the opportunity to be a part

856
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 3: of the kids' lives because they have nothing to do

857
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 3: with the drama, but clearly he has other priorities. I

858
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 3: have heard through the grapevine that he and Bri are

859
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 3: together together now and that he is pretty much living

860
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 3: with her. The kids and I continue to stay with

861
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,759
Speaker 3: my sister and this has gone extremely well. When I

862
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 3: showed up on her doorsteps sobbing my eyes out, she

863
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: was clearly like, what the heck are you even doing here? Lol?

864
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 3: But we have had some great conversation and have worked

865
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 3: out our differences for the moment most part, she has

866
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 3: been really great support. The kids love her and her dog,

867
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: so that is a huge plus too. We may end

868
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 3: up moving back into our house, but at this point

869
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 3: I don't want to. We will see how things play

870
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 3: out in the divorce. The biggest thing for me when

871
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 3: I first posted was the absolute heartbreak of losing my family.

872
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 3: I've realized I can find new supports in my life

873
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 3: and will be okay without Tyler and his family. Many

874
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,360
Speaker 3: said they were not my real family. I now have

875
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 3: my sister in my life again, and I do have

876
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 3: some friends from work I'm good friends with. Wowow, what

877
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 3: a whirlwind is a crazy story.

878
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 7: This is so crazy. I'm glad the kids are in therapy.

879
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's heartbreaking, That's honestly just awful. As a parent

880
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 3: that he just dipped after that.

881
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, so so messed up. But yeah, I'm glad they're

882
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 7: getting therapy. I feel like things will slowly start to

883
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 7: get better. I would hope, like at the very least

884
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 7: obviously that's traumatizing for young kids still, but like, at

885
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 7: the very least they're still young when this is happening,

886
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 7: so that they will have, you know, a lot of

887
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 7: life to uh live with, like understanding and being okay

888
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 7: with the situation.

889
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 3: And at least they don't need to be in near

890
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,320
Speaker 3: gross Tyler.

891
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 7: Yeah exactly, you e will, Tyler.

892
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 3: I've started to spend more time with a few of

893
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 3: them outside of work, and I have one coworker that

894
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 3: is kids around the same age as mine, so we've

895
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 3: done some play dates. My therapist has been encouraging me

896
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 3: to step out of my comfort zone. Eek. I have

897
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 3: not reached out to my parents. My sister also does

898
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 3: not have contact with them, and we plan to keep

899
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 3: it that way. I also obviously have some issues from

900
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: my childhood that were unaddressed but are now being addressed

901
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,800
Speaker 3: and explored in therapy. That is the end of that story. Well, okay,

902
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 3: well good, honestly, like good for op though, for taking

903
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 3: action so quick with like.

904
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't deserve this, No, not at all. Yeah,

905
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 7: that is honestly really impressive. A lot of people will

906
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 7: get stuck because you're in that relationship for so long.

907
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 3: Right, I feel like, we know, forget these like massive

908
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 3: cheating stories where like the immediate next update is and

909
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 3: I divorced him divorce.

910
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly. It's very refreshing. So there, and that's the

911
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 7: end of this story. We're going on to the next one.

912
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:18,320
Speaker 7: My wife left me for her coworker, then came back

913
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 7: for more.

914
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 3: You're letting her back.

915
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 7: I thirty four male, was married to my ex wife,

916
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 7: thirty four female, for ten years. In June of last year,

917
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 7: I started noticing things were off between us. I asked

918
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 7: her to go to dinner to hash out why we

919
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 7: were feeling so distanced from each other. Throughout the dinner,

920
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 7: she seemed to blow off my concerns and even laughed

921
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 7: some of them off. By the way, this comes from

922
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 7: Learn Lessons sixty five and if you want us to

923
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 7: make your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,

924
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 7: story time, separate it.

925
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 3: I'm Angie, I'm Carly.

926
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 7: And we're here to give good advice, goofully, but we

927
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 7: don't have all the answers. We just know what we're

928
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 7: doing in this situation. But let us know what you

929
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 7: would do in this situation, and Opie says on the

930
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 7: drive home, I flat out asked her if she even

931
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 7: me anymore. Her reply was no. I asked her if

932
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 7: she wanted a divorce, and she replied yes. She basically

933
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 7: stated that she had lost the butterflies for me a

934
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 7: long time ago and loved me, but wasn't in love

935
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 7: with me anymore. Geez, yeah, that's love to hear. I

936
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 7: was absolutely shocked and heartbroken. We had just decided to

937
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 7: buy a house in May and then put the earnest

938
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 7: money down for a new construction home. One of her

939
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,760
Speaker 7: comments while looking at models was I like this layout

940
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 7: so in the future I can watch the kids play

941
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 7: from the bedroom. The night she told me she wanted

942
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,399
Speaker 7: a divorce, I begged and cried for us to make

943
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 7: it work. She told me that she was willing to

944
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 7: give it a shot. We started with marriage counseling and

945
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,959
Speaker 7: multiple sessions throughout the week. I had to take work

946
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 7: off because I couldn't eat, sleep, or even think straight.

947
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 7: I would spend my time crying at home, just waiting

948
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 7: for her to come back for work. I moved into

949
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 7: the guest room because I felt like I had failed

950
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 7: as a husband. By the end of that week, I

951
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,320
Speaker 7: started thinking about how none of this made sense. Even

952
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:03,720
Speaker 7: my mother asked, are.

953
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 3: You sure she's not seeing someone on the side.

954
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 7: I decided to look at her MacBook, which had a

955
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 7: few synct messages from early May. I saw one in

956
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 7: particular that said, hey, cutie, what are you up to

957
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 7: today from one of the cooks at the restaurant where

958
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 7: she was a manager. Instead of correcting him, she responded

959
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,399
Speaker 7: like normal. I couldn't wait for her to get off

960
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 7: work and told her to come meet me in the

961
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 7: parking lot. I told her to give me her phone,

962
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 7: and the look on her face gave it all away.

963
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 7: I saw all the pictures and messages that they had

964
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 7: been sending each other. I left, then went home to

965
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 7: trash every picture frame of us. She eventually came home

966
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 7: and asked if reconciliation was even possible. I told her

967
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 7: to let me see her phone and recovered all the

968
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 7: messages between her and the affair partner over the last

969
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,240
Speaker 7: few months. She tried to lie and say they only kissed.

970
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 7: Then she shared more and more information, and then finally

971
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 7: so that they had spicy sleep once. The next text

972
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 7: showed that they had been together since April. Oh my god,

973
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 7: it's so long. That is so long. Come to find

974
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 7: out that week I was bawling my eyes out for her.

975
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 7: She was doing spicy related stuff with him at work,

976
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 7: in the restaurant. They had been meeting up at parks

977
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 7: and having spicy sleep in his car. She would tell

978
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 7: me that she was going to the gym or taking

979
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 7: my dog on a walk, and U said as an

980
00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 7: excuse to see him. She admitted that she would pleasure

981
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 7: him at the restaurant. In the walk in behind the trash.

982
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 7: Can you need.

983
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 3: You we walk in, that's all the food.

984
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 7: Oh my god, dude, that's so bad.

985
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 3: You're her restaurant should get a bad rating. Yes, got

986
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,240
Speaker 3: health inspection rating.

987
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:50,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

988
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 7: She wanted to reconcile, then I didn't. Then I wanted to,

989
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,279
Speaker 7: and then she didn't. It was a back and forth

990
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 7: of mixed emotions between both of us. After discovery, she

991
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 7: tells me that she she needs to close that chapter

992
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 7: with her a fair partner, So she's going to call

993
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 7: him from across the street. Well, she calls me when

994
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 7: she's in the parking lot with her a Fair partner

995
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 7: and his girlfriend tracking his phone somehow. I decided to

996
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 7: try and reconcile with her, and we do have an

997
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 7: update to but oh my gosh, why Yeah, I feel

998
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 7: like this is kind of beyond saving dude.

999
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 3: I thought for sure after you went home and trashed

1000
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 3: all the photos of you two, then that was a

1001
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 3: pretty clear sign you were.

1002
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 4: Over it, right right.

1003
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 3: I know it's probably just coming from anger.

1004
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 7: But like, that's just so sad that she can be

1005
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 7: like treating him like this and he's still so like

1006
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 7: in love with her, So so sad. I'm not proud

1007
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,959
Speaker 7: of myself, but that's okay. At the end of the day,

1008
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 7: I'm human and I'm learning. I loved and tried as

1009
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 7: hard as I could, and even though I got spat on,

1010
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 7: at least I tried everything. This all takes place from

1011
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 7: July of last year until pretty recently. After a week

1012
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 7: of back and forth, we decided to try and reconcile.

1013
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 7: She blocked the Fair partner, gave me access to her

1014
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:09,359
Speaker 7: location and access to her phone anytime I asked. At

1015
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 7: the time, I had already initiated the divorce since she

1016
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 7: had initially asked for one. I was going back and

1017
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 7: forth on letting it go through, but my brother said

1018
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:18,800
Speaker 7: to me, no matter what you guys want to try,

1019
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 7: the old relationship has passed away. I usually don't tell

1020
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 7: you how to live your life, but this one thing

1021
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 7: I'm not asking.

1022
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 4: Let it go through.

1023
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 7: You can build a new relationship if that's what you

1024
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 7: really want. We tried to reconcile, but I was just

1025
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 7: angry or sad. No matter how many dates we went on,

1026
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 7: we were always arguing, and I couldn't let go of

1027
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 7: the anger or pain. I asked the same questions over

1028
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 7: and over about the affair. In hindsight, I think we

1029
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 7: made the choice to reconcile way too quick, and the

1030
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 7: choice to get a marriage counselor way too slow. I

1031
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 7: started getting even more frustrated because I felt like she

1032
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,479
Speaker 7: wasn't doing her part. I was recommending the books to read.

1033
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 7: I was recommending what type of marriage counselor to find.

1034
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 7: In my head, she had all this energy to stay

1035
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 7: up and talk to her affair partner till three or

1036
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 7: four am while I was asleep, But anytime I wanted

1037
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 7: to talk about the affair. It was too much for her.

1038
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 7: I was angry about the affair, angry about her efforts,

1039
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 7: angry about the way everything went down, just angry. The

1040
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 7: divorce finally went through, but we were still living together

1041
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 7: trying to make everything work. We decided maybe we needed

1042
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 7: a little time apart because the reconciliation wasn't working She

1043
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 7: had just finally found a marriage counselor and we were

1044
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 7: only about to start the second couple's counseling session. We

1045
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 7: decided to take a week apart, but no seeing other people.

1046
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 7: So I went to visit a friend. I was hanging

1047
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 7: out with two happy couples, which basically made me want

1048
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 7: to lose it. So I came back and told her,

1049
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 7: I'm giving you your space to think I won't bother you.

1050
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 7: The very next day, I saw her leave work and

1051
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 7: go to a chain restaurant. Since she was still sharing

1052
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:56,320
Speaker 7: her location, she was there from five pm till after midnight.

1053
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 7: She hadn't come home by one am, so I checked

1054
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,320
Speaker 7: her location and saw her sitting in a parking lot.

1055
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 7: I drove to her and guess who she was sitting

1056
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 7: in her car with. We had a big blow up.

1057
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 7: She didn't come home that night. The next day, she

1058
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 7: told me that she didn't love me again, even though

1059
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 7: we had been saying it for the last few months.

1060
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 7: She decided to get an Airbnb and find an apartment.

1061
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 7: I had warned her that if we were doing this

1062
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 7: reconciliation thing, I was taking a risk, and if she

1063
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 7: broke my heart again, I was going to go scorched earth.

1064
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 3: And we're like, actually gonna do that, right, right, Actually,

1065
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 3: not gonna go back to her a third time, right right?

1066
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 7: Since I had most of the text messages between them

1067
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 7: showing they did stuff in the restaurant, I sent it.

1068
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 4: To her HR and her manager.

1069
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, whah yeah, Oh my gosh. They were both fired

1070
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 7: a week later, and she had just been promoted like

1071
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 7: three weeks before firing. Oh, oh my gosh. Is this

1072
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 7: scorched earth or is this just like you doing your thing.

1073
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 3: I think that's semi scorched her because you are taking

1074
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:03,760
Speaker 3: away income for somebody.

1075
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 7: That's huge.

1076
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 3: That's really been huge.

1077
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 7: I wish I could say this made me feel incredible.

1078
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 7: She moved out, but we had a dog together, so

1079
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 7: every once in a while she came over to walk him.

1080
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 7: Once again, I didn't learn We started hooking up physically again,

1081
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 7: but this time we said that it was purely physical.

1082
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 4: Mind you.

1083
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 7: This is after I got her fired. At this point,

1084
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 7: we were hanging out a lot, being physical, going on dates,

1085
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 7: but she kept telling me it was only physical every

1086
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 7: time I asked. Since she told me that, I assumed

1087
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 7: she was still seeing the affair partner as well. I

1088
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 7: started dating other women and having my own life. At

1089
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 7: the beginning of this year. Came up that I was

1090
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 7: dating other women, and she blew up because she thought

1091
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:45,840
Speaker 7: that we were maybe working towards something.

1092
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 4: I thought it was just physical. You told me.

1093
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 7: I asked you so many times, and each time you

1094
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 7: told me that was just physical. Make up your mind. Yeah,

1095
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,320
Speaker 7: I told her, this.

1096
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 4: Is once again the same problem.

1097
00:52:57,560 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 7: You can't communicate your needs and you expect me to

1098
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 7: know and behave Accordingly, we decided to go no contact

1099
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 7: one more time to see where our emotions were at.

1100
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 7: We had one last phone call that lasted six hours.

1101
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 7: We sent memes and videos that we had saved for

1102
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 7: each other during or no contact. Oh my gosh, that

1103
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 7: is like so funny and like kind of cute, but

1104
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 7: also like weird guys.

1105
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 3: Like.

1106
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 7: We decided that whatever this was just wasn't working. I

1107
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 7: asked her, honestly, do you still love me after everything

1108
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:29,919
Speaker 7: we put each other through? And she said, of course

1109
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 7: I do, but I can't give you what you need

1110
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 7: to heal.

1111
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 3: She's doing her.

1112
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,279
Speaker 7: Own therapy now and finally getting her depression taken care

1113
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,320
Speaker 7: of through medical treatment. That felt like the first honest

1114
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 7: thing I'd heard from her in a long time. She

1115
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,800
Speaker 7: said she knows she messed up bad, but in the future,

1116
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 7: if I haven't blocked her on everything, she'll come find

1117
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 7: me and that I'll be more than justified to tell

1118
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:53,280
Speaker 7: her to go screw herself. I said goodbye, and she said,

1119
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 7: see you later. People will criticize her, and she deserves it.

1120
00:53:57,360 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 7: People will also criticize me for being such a push

1121
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 7: and I deserve it as well.

1122
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:02,839
Speaker 3: It's always easy.

1123
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 7: Until you're in the situation. Am I still angry, Sure,

1124
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 7: but I'm more sad than anything. I really looked forward

1125
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 7: to the house and the future kids. It really just

1126
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 7: broke something in me. Am I still naive and believe

1127
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 7: she will change for the better and come running back.

1128
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,839
Speaker 7: Probably a small part of me is if I'm being

1129
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 7: honest with myself, But it's not like I'm sitting around

1130
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:24,840
Speaker 7: waiting either. I wish I could say everything is rainbows

1131
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 7: and butterflies.

1132
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 3: Now.

1133
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 7: I make great money in the six figures range. I

1134
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 7: work out four to five times a week. I'm interviewing

1135
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,240
Speaker 7: for a position that could raise my salary even more

1136
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:35,440
Speaker 7: and will get me a fresh start in a new city.

1137
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,240
Speaker 7: I've been on lots of dates, currently dating a beautiful

1138
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 7: woman who makes double what I make. We're taking it

1139
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 7: slow because I may leave the city.

1140
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 3: I know he's dating somebody now, but I'm scared for

1141
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 3: that small part of delusion of like but what if

1142
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 3: she comes back now?

1143
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 7: No? No, Yeah, I feel like it's normal, like when

1144
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:55,719
Speaker 7: you're fresh out of a breakup to still think that

1145
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 7: you're like yeah, like things will work out, Everything will

1146
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 7: be fine. You gotta I realize later that like you

1147
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 7: shouldn't want that, Like we fin like a.

1148
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 3: Three or four count at that point, Like come.

1149
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 7: On, come on, you've already tried to get If it

1150
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,360
Speaker 7: could work out, it would have, so you deserve better.

1151
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 7: Just keep going, man, you're doing well in all your

1152
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 7: other aspects of life, and emotionally, eventually that's going. Your

1153
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 7: emotional aspect of your life is going to come together again.

1154
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 7: Promise you. We had already separated everything when the divorce

1155
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 7: went through, so I kept most of the finance as

1156
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 7: I always made more money, no debt and no kids.

1157
00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 7: I do therapy every week. Gim and therapy are the

1158
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,959
Speaker 7: two best friends of a divorcing man. I would say,

1159
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 7: even though all this is going for me, something just

1160
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 7: doesn't feel right. I'm not sure if something is just

1161
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 7: broken inside of me for good or time will change it.

1162
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 7: At this point, I just take it a day at

1163
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,240
Speaker 7: a time. And that's the end of that story.

1164
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:55,319
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axilattel host. Here. We're going

1165
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 3: to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes

1166
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors. I just discovered my wife's

1167
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 3: affair before our anniversary trip.

1168
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 7: Ah, such bad timing.

1169
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 3: I'm thirty eight, male wife thirty five female, together twelve

1170
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: years and married for four years. Nine weeks ago was

1171
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:19,800
Speaker 3: d day, a week before our four year wedding anniversary.

1172
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 3: It was the night before our wedding anniversary trip to

1173
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 3: the south of France that I'd planned and paid for.

1174
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from John Major Sexy and

1175
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 3: if you want us submit your own stories. Go to

1176
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:37,920
Speaker 3: the rsage Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and

1177
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice. Goofily, but we don't

1178
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

1179
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 3: Let us know what you would do in the comments.

1180
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,719
Speaker 3: As op says, I had dropped the dog off at

1181
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:50,959
Speaker 3: the citter, driven to Tesco for some dinner shopping while

1182
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 3: my wife was supposed to be home packing before the

1183
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:58,360
Speaker 3: five am taxi to the airport. I recall precisely the

1184
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 3: moment my world as I it ended. At ten thirty

1185
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 3: one PM, I got a simultaneous SMS and WhatsApp message

1186
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:11,800
Speaker 3: from an unknowing number divulging the affair. He was a colleague,

1187
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:15,400
Speaker 3: of course cliche and claimed he'd had spicy sleep with

1188
00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 3: her one hundred and fifty times over the last twelve months,

1189
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 3: and that they had a secret house and life together.

1190
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 7: Oh my god, why are you keep in count?

1191
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 3: First of all, one hundred and fifty times, one hundred

1192
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 3: and fifty times every two and a half days. He

1193
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 3: said she loved him and wanted his kids, and that

1194
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 3: he couldn't handle the lies anymore. What sort of man

1195
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 3: sends a message like that? I knew immediately what he

1196
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:46,440
Speaker 3: was doing and trying to do, but it didn't make

1197
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 3: it any less true. I took one look up from

1198
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 3: my phone and my wife on the sofa curled up

1199
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 3: and knew from her face it was all true. She

1200
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 3: admitted to the affair. I said most of the details

1201
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 3: he had made up to hurt me and throw a grenade,

1202
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:04,160
Speaker 3: as she has ended the affair recently and refused to

1203
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 3: leave me for him, and he was acting out lucky me.

1204
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: It fel like gaslighting and playing with semantics, and she

1205
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 3: had no answers. He said it was twelve months, but

1206
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 3: maybe it was only six or nine months? Who cares

1207
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 3: on the number. It was a prolonged period, right, was

1208
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 3: it over? Did she ever love him? Did she still

1209
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 3: love him? All the usual questions, and she remained fairly emotionless,

1210
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 3: and not a single tear was shed. I can almost

1211
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 3: fathom how a one night stand or spicy sleep can

1212
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 3: happen caught up in the moment Christmas party. I get it.

1213
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 3: It's still disgusting and deplorable behavior, but I can almost

1214
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 3: understand how it can happen, Although whether I'd feel any different,

1215
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 3: I don't know. For me, it's the emotional side of

1216
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 3: the affair that cuts deeper. Did she say she loved

1217
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 3: him and that she saw herself having his kids when

1218
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 3: we were trying for four years for a baby and

1219
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 3: we're about to start if how much more messed up

1220
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 3: can you get? Don't get me wrong. No relationship is perfect,

1221
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:08,360
Speaker 3: and I'm far from a perfect husband. But I had

1222
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 3: given her everything I could to provide for her and

1223
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 3: for us, from five star holidays, the big house, the

1224
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 3: expensive engagement ring and wedding, nice clothes, a lifestyle to match,

1225
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 3: and I love her family like her nieces and nephews

1226
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:26,440
Speaker 3: are my own children. I had had depression for the

1227
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:28,640
Speaker 3: last five years, so she had had to put up

1228
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 3: with a lot, and with it a decline in libido

1229
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 3: and my affection. I accept I was lacking in that department,

1230
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 3: and the baby making had become mechanical and harrowing as

1231
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 3: it wasn't successful, so spicy sleep was no longer fun.

1232
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 3: Despite her gaslighting, I know that's no excuse to have

1233
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 3: an affair, and she can f off with the lies

1234
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 3: of my alleged emotional abuse. Yes, we argued over stupid

1235
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 3: crap like the dishwasher or taking out the bins, But

1236
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 3: what couple doesn't. Did we get carried away sometimes with

1237
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 3: name calling in yes, both of us did and said

1238
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 3: things we regret. I feel she's painted a narrative that

1239
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 3: I was some devil and horrid husband who was awful

1240
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 3: to her. To justify her actions. Every time I bring

1241
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 3: up the affair, she goes back to this, before you

1242
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 3: found out, what was your excuse for how you treated me?

1243
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 3: You never wanted Spikey sleep and showed me no affection

1244
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 3: and treated me terribly. She says it so much that

1245
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 3: I'm questioning my sanity and whether I'm the piece of

1246
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 3: crap or her. She denied all the gory details of

1247
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 3: his message, of course, and said that the part about

1248
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 3: being in love and wanting kids was fake news, and

1249
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 3: that there was no house, but that he had rented

1250
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 3: an airbnb in town short term for the rendezvous. Of course,

1251
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:46,919
Speaker 3: she'd say that though, as she knew, the worst parts

1252
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 3: would hurt me and be the nail in her coffin,

1253
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 3: and the relationship well, I went into a complete state

1254
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 3: of shock that night, and I'm only just coming out

1255
01:00:56,520 --> 01:01:00,040
Speaker 3: of nine weeks later. All those times in my but

1256
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 3: I thought she'd been a bit strange or sketchy, but

1257
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,479
Speaker 3: ignored them as this was my wife and she'd never

1258
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 3: do something like that. The last person you'd suspect, the

1259
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:13,080
Speaker 3: classic girl next door type, always putting others before herself.

1260
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 3: I was gaslighted into going on holiday and implored not

1261
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 3: to tell a living soul, especially the family. I admit

1262
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 3: if any family found out, they'd never forgive her. So

1263
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,440
Speaker 3: I didn't tell a living soul, and I let it

1264
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 3: eat away at me inside. We spent like ten days

1265
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 3: out there and acted like nothing had happened, and posted

1266
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 3: on Instagram and socials. What a perfect, happy couple we were.

1267
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 3: My classic survival technique to escape and bury my head

1268
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 3: in the sand. Emotions were up and down, though, and

1269
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 3: have continued to be. One minute, I want her close

1270
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 3: and to be with her, to e f for brains

1271
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 3: out and to f him out of her. Then I

1272
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 3: feel absolutely vile, hatred, disgust, and resentment. I never know

1273
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 3: how I'll feel on any given day or hour. I'll

1274
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 3: go and from affectionate to pushing her away very quickly.

1275
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 3: I'll make snide remarks and hurtful comments to make her

1276
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 3: feel an ounce of the pain she's made me feel.

1277
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 3: Why because she hasn't appeared to show any remorse or contrition.

1278
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 3: She says she does, but what are words anymore? I

1279
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 3: want actions? Where are the tears and the begging? Actions

1280
01:02:19,840 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 3: to prove I can trust her ever again. Ever since then,

1281
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,400
Speaker 3: she has been more affectionate and needy, talking about kids

1282
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,400
Speaker 3: and our future together and seducing me into spicy sleep

1283
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:31,800
Speaker 3: as she wants a family, but it feels like she

1284
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 3: wants to trap me, as she knows I won't leave

1285
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 3: her if she's pregnant with my child. In France, it

1286
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 3: was a some of the most passionate spicy sleep we

1287
01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 3: ever had in years, and the first few days of

1288
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 3: D Day, but I felt disgusted with myself after each time. Luckily,

1289
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 3: due to the IVF, we both had to get STD

1290
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:52,400
Speaker 3: tested a week before the holiday, so I knew we

1291
01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 3: were both clean, although she must have been worried about

1292
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:58,640
Speaker 3: the results. Luckily, she didn't get pregnant on holiday, and

1293
01:02:58,680 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 3: I've avoided spicy sleep ever since. I refused to go

1294
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 3: to the IVF clinic when we got back, and that's

1295
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 3: all on ice. We had some hard conversations on that

1296
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 3: holiday about what was needed to move forward and ever

1297
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:14,480
Speaker 3: trust again. Obvious was for her to cut all contact

1298
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 3: with him and that one of them had to quit.

1299
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,800
Speaker 3: She said he was due to resign and if not,

1300
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 3: she would. I promised to be a better husband and

1301
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 3: give her what she needed emotionally and physically, but that

1302
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:26,840
Speaker 3: it would take time to be able to do that again.

1303
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 3: We came home from France and I got another vile

1304
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 3: message the night before our fourth wedding anniversary from the

1305
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 3: affair partner, this time with sordid, spicy sleep details of

1306
01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 3: what they had done together in sick detail. I knew

1307
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:44,960
Speaker 3: immediately it was all true. You haven't blocked this dude.

1308
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,200
Speaker 3: Ow I would have blocked this dude.

1309
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 7: But no, yeah, I don't want to know about all that.

1310
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 3: He's gross. I felt ate and sick. She took my

1311
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:57,600
Speaker 3: phone and deleted the message and blocked him. I questioned

1312
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,160
Speaker 3: how he knew we were back and that it was

1313
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 3: our anniversary. He had planned that message accordingly, the timing

1314
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 3: was too perfect. Then it came out she had messaged

1315
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,880
Speaker 3: him on holiday, in her words, to tell him to

1316
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 3: back off and leave her alone. Of course, none of

1317
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:15,040
Speaker 3: those messages existed anymore. That was her first test, and

1318
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 3: she had failed. She had also deleted all previous messages

1319
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 3: with him too. His message said they'd exchanged thousands, which

1320
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 3: I believe and can only fathom the hurtful things I'd read.

1321
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:29,040
Speaker 3: Before D Day, I had handed in my notice for

1322
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 3: a new job. She encouraged me to apply for that

1323
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 3: would allow a better work life balance to raise a family,

1324
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:38,240
Speaker 3: leaving a firm and a team I loved for the

1325
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 3: better of our family. Luckily, my workload then fell off

1326
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 3: a cliff or I don't know how I'd cope. I

1327
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:48,920
Speaker 3: compartmentalized everything, telling myself get through the next month, and

1328
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 3: then you are going traveling. I tried doing therapy, but

1329
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,720
Speaker 3: I think it was too soon. But I did eventually

1330
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,160
Speaker 3: crack and had to tell my two best friends and

1331
01:04:57,200 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 3: have an outlet. They are as shocked as me, but

1332
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 3: are supporting me. I asked her a few times to

1333
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,320
Speaker 3: move out and give me space. She refused each time,

1334
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,439
Speaker 3: as I think she knows when she's out of sight,

1335
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 3: I may come to my senses. She's here on the

1336
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:13,280
Speaker 3: first two weeks of my trip, having been booked before

1337
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:15,280
Speaker 3: I knew, and part of me can't wait for her

1338
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 3: to leave and go home so that I can be

1339
01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 3: on my own In my head. I've told myself three

1340
01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 3: weeks on my own will be my thinking time and

1341
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:25,560
Speaker 3: my decision making time. But I'm also scared I'll just

1342
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:29,439
Speaker 3: break down mentally. I'm torn between loving her and hating her.

1343
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 3: I'm not sure I have the strength to leave her

1344
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:35,040
Speaker 3: or the strength to work through it. Financially, separating right

1345
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 3: now would be disastrous. I've just quit my job and

1346
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 3: gone traveling on my savings, and the new job isn't

1347
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:43,880
Speaker 3: for another month, so I won't get paid until December.

1348
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 3: Then we have a huge mortgage together and a dog together.

1349
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 3: How do I unpick all that? What a head ache?

1350
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 7: Man?

1351
01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:54,160
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think that three weeks though, Like, even if

1352
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 3: you spiral is going to be such good thinking time? Yeah,

1353
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:00,440
Speaker 3: And like why not spiral in another country? Right? You

1354
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 3: can distract yourself so easily if you have to, But

1355
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:05,040
Speaker 3: you can also go to beautiful places and just think

1356
01:06:05,080 --> 01:06:05,760
Speaker 3: if you want to.

1357
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:07,880
Speaker 7: It'll just give you like a fresh perspective.

1358
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1359
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 7: No, obviously it's gonna be on your mind and not

1360
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 7: just gonna like forget about it, but it'll be a

1361
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:15,520
Speaker 7: nice moment to like open your mind up and be like, whoa,

1362
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,360
Speaker 7: there's actually so much else in this world to look

1363
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 7: at into experience, and then this isn't this doesn't mean

1364
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 7: everything you know?

1365
01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:26,560
Speaker 3: Agreed. I guess my question is whether I'm being sensible

1366
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:28,960
Speaker 3: to think I should continue to pretend to play happy

1367
01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:32,120
Speaker 3: families and blindside her a year from now until I've

1368
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,200
Speaker 3: rebuilt my savings and got my ducks in a row.

1369
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 3: I may just check out physically and emotionally in that

1370
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 3: time and can avoid spicy sleep until I can approach

1371
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 3: this quietly and calmly. Or is it better to rip

1372
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,919
Speaker 3: the band aid off and walk away as once a cheat,

1373
01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 3: always a cheat. I feel like my decision making and

1374
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:52,479
Speaker 3: sense of judgment are hugely impaired. I thought I picked

1375
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:55,680
Speaker 3: a good egg, not a rotten apple. I mean, I

1376
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:57,680
Speaker 3: certainly want to stay with her a year just to

1377
01:06:57,840 --> 01:07:00,919
Speaker 3: plan to leave. You find it will be the same

1378
01:07:01,040 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 3: eventually either way.

1379
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:06,280
Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, exactly. I think if you want to leave,

1380
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 7: just you just got to leave it, it'll make things worse.

1381
01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:11,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, you'll just get more resentful. I feel like

1382
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,800
Speaker 3: if you try to wait a year, like by halfway

1383
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:15,760
Speaker 3: through the year, you'll just rip the band aid off then.

1384
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,320
Speaker 7: Yeah, like it'll happen at some point. Just do now,

1385
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 7: and then you have that whole year to get over

1386
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 7: it and to work through it.

1387
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story, yep.