WEBVTT - Why So Many Murders? 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:07.840 Hey, it's Sauce on the Side. I think this is 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:11.680 like maybe episode nine or something. We're getting so high 0:00:11.720 --> 0:00:11.960 up there. 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:12.600 We just need to stop. 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:13.600 Calvin, I love it. 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:16.239 According to Andrew, by the way, the voice you hear 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:17.560 is Diamond at this moment. 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:21.040 Hi, Hi Diamond, my producer, I love you. According to Andrew, 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:23.480 it's going really well. He said, our numbers are killing it. 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:25.320 But he also could be lying. So do you want 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:27.920 to trust him? Yeah, we're gonna trust him today. 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:29.360 Yeah, no, you know what, You're right. 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:32.840 Andrew is a liar and a cheat and a menace 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:38.519 to society. Andrew, Andrew's sketchy, So this podcast could. 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:40.720 Be completely tanking. I'm glad you put that in my head. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:41.120 Thank you. 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:42.960 Well, maybe he should be burned today. 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:46.519 Oh we should burn Andrew burn books. 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.519 I'm super excited. I think you're a little excited too, 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.360 very excited. So, as we talk about all the time, 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:56.520 Sauce on the Side is a side of me at 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:59.160 Baby Hot Sauce, we get to talk about and talk 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:02.120 to people about things that we don't talk about on 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:02.600 the Big Show. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.440 We had an archaeologist last week. It was great. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:10.120 We've had OnlyFans, content creators we are going to have scientists, 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.600 so we're going to have doctors, and today we're going 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:18.360 to have Holly Madison. Yes, formerly of The Girls next Door. 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:21.800 And I say formerly because she has come a long 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.240 way since that time and she's I believe, a completely 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:28.199 different person than what people probably saw on that show. 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.000 I did not watch the show, did you? 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:32.640 I watched the show. I probably shouldn't have been watching 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.639 the show. How old you're like? Four? H probably like nine? Okay, 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:38.800 And I'm very excited to see what she's like. 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:40.320 Did you see her in the green room? 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:40.640 Oh? 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:41.600 Yeah, she looks great. 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.679 She looks amazing, incredible. There's just so much going on 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:46.280 with her, Like, I know, she's got a podcast, she's 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.560 got a true crime series on the way, she wrote books, 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.440 she's recently been diagnosed with a form of autism. There's 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.080 just a lot to talk to Holly about. And then 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:56.840 of course, you know all this elicious stuff. I wonder 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:58.000 if she's going to get into it, and I kind 0:01:58.040 --> 0:01:58.600 of hope she does. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:01:59.560 I can't wait. 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:01.640 Yeah, do you have questions for her? 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.160 I don't know. I think I'm sick of asking questions. 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:04.400 Why. 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:06.240 I just want to listen for a second. 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:06.440 You know. 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:09.360 I think it's important to highlight, which I believe we 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:11.079 did in the episode where we got to know you, 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:15.160 that you working in radio have zero desire to. 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:16.200 Be on the radio. 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:17.520 Yeah, just like do you. 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:19.840 I watch well, I love it and I hate it. 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:22.919 I love it because I know that you're here to work. 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:24.720 You want to work, and you want to get to 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:26.880 know like behind the scenes stuff. You want to be 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:31.880 a decision maker and an influencer, not online, an actual, 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.880 real life influencer over the music people are listening to. 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:38.200 But you have no desire to ever get the spotlight. 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:39.200 Why. 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:41.200 It's very weird the spotlight. 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:41.600 Yeah. 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:45.680 And I just think that you can't want to be 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.600 in the spotlight and then ask for privacy. And I 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:51.480 like to keep my life very private. 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:52.400 We're very private. 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:55.080 So it's like I can't if I want to be 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:58.120 out there, then I can't complain about people being in 0:02:58.160 --> 0:02:58.720 my business. 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:00.480 You can. I do it all the time talking. 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.840 About in my business, you know. So it's like I'll 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:03.440 stay back here. 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.560 Somebody left one comment like, oh, I'm so sorry you 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.280 and Brandon broke up. One No, we didn't. 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:09.880 Two. I was like, shut the fuck up. 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:11.840 Why would you even comment something like that on this picture, 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.000 Like why did I get so mad? I don't want 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:15.600 I just I don't even know where that came from. 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:18.920 But I was incensed for no reason. 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:22.000 But I'm the person who like pays attention to things 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:25.040 like that, Like I'm very into making sure the couples 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:28.720 are still together. I would never comment, you know, yeah, 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:30.440 it just takes it to another level, like you're a 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:33.760 little too invested, right, meanwhill But. 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:35.960 If we're actually friends, like you would ask. 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:37.520 Me, hey, is there something wrong with you and Brandon? 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:40.080 But when it's just like a random hey what happened? 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:41.480 Or Hey, I'm so sorry, and we make a lot 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:42.760 of assumptions, I'm like, oh my god. 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:46.080 But since your life is out there to a certain extent, 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:50.400 that just leaves room for people to make the assumptions. 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:52.600 You know, oh, you haven't posted him in a while, 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.080 you should know that you need to post him or 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:56.840 we're gonna think that you guys broke up. So it's 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:59.080 very like you know you're right. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:02.960 But also, I'm not a reality star. I'm not saying like, hey, 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:06.880 follow my life. We're radio people. We have a morning 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:09.440 show where we play around and then a podcast where 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.920 we interview other people. So I want to like shine 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:13.640 that light on other people and be the person that 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:14.040 gets to. 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.280 Shine the light on other people. I think that's really fun. 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:18.599 And then because of that in my head, I don't 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.800 know anybody anything. You do, Diamond, go to hell? 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:22.839 Make your page private? 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:23.880 You know I can't. 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.960 I tried, you did, Yeah, I can't do it because 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.799 I guess however, I signed up for Instagram or wherever 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:32.600 I am now that got that. I have that blue 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:35.760 check which I got in like twenty seventeen. Did you 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:37.240 know you can check when people got the check? 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:38.840 No, but I want to check. 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:39.960 I'll show you how. 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:41.320 Somebody give me a check. 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:43.840 Apparently I'm a public figure, and if you're a public figure, 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:44.800 you're not allowed to go private. 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:46.359 Oh okay, no, then I don't want it. 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:48.040 Then you don't have to be a public figure. With 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:50.320 the new blue check mark, you could just buy it. 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.080 You can just buy it and be you know, anybody 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:53.040 anywhere doing anything. 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:55.560 I know, to which I say, take that check mark, 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:56.799 then take care of let me go private. 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:58.839 Anybody could be you know whatever. 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:01.279 I think we've talked longer at this moment than we 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.160 have ever talked. In the intro of a podcast. You're 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:05.359 getting comfortable diamonds. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:07.040 Oh no, You're gonna love this. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:09.479 I can't wait. Just come on, bring Holly in. 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:10.600 Yeah, let's bring good. 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:16.479 Holly Madison is here, and thank you so much for 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:17.039 joining me. 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:18.200 Thanks for having me. 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.680 I stayed up all night reading everything about you. I 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:23.560 have my basic knowledge, but now I feel like I 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:26.440 know you so much better and I'm fascinated by all 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:27.640 of the things that you've been doing. 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:28.279 Well. 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.239 Okay, so you know Holly Madison from the Girls next Door. 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.520 Now you're about to have a true crime series, Yes, 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:35.560 the Blonde. 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.200 Yeah, it's my second true crime series. It's called Lethally Blonde. 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.679 It's on ID. My first one was called The Playboy 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.839 Murders and it was about murders. We did two seasons 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.560 of it. It was about murders involving people in the 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:50.240 playboy world, and this show Lethally Blonde is kind of similar, 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.280 but it's not Playboy specific. Every case, whether it's the 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.120 victim or the perpetrator, involves somebody who's on the fringes 0:05:56.120 --> 0:06:00.000 of the adult entertainment industry. It's just as good as 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:02.000 as The Playboy Murders in my opinion, but it's something 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:04.400 like edgier and more current, I think, so I'm really 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:05.200 excited about it. 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:06.800 What made you get into true crime? 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.320 Well, I've always loved the true crime genre since I 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.080 was a kid. Like I used to love staying up 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.840 late when I could to watch unsolved mysteries, and I've 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.200 always been fascinated by it. But I was approached by 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.960 the producers about the Playboy Murders, and at first I 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:20.640 didn't want to do it. My agent told me about it, 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:22.560 and I'm like, I've done way too many Playboy things. 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.000 I'm up to my ears. I don't want to do it, 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:25.680 and he's like, well, just look at the deck. I'm 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:27.120 gonna send it over to you and let me know 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:28.600 what you think. So I looked at the deck and 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:30.760 they had outlined all the cases they wanted to cover, 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.800 and I was just fascinated because so many of the 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.080 cases I'd never heard of, and some of them were unsolved. 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:38.400 I thought they were really important to tell. But most 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.120 of all, I thought, this is a show I would 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:43.280 actually watch even if I wasn't involved. So that made 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:44.680 me really excited to be a part of it. 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.920 I'm also obsessed with true crime, probably to the point 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.080 where I fall asleep watching it, and I heard it 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:52.720 makes you a psychopath in some capacity, like you fall 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.120 asleep watching murder. That's not healthy, and honestly it's not. 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.520 There have been times I wake up screaming. But I 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:00.320 think this stuff is fascinating. And you having worked mostly 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:03.919 with this atmosphere, this environment, does this do any of 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:06.679 these shock you? Or are you kind of like, yeah, 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:08.080 that was the vibe that was going on. 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.520 No, they're definitely shocking because a lot of them, even 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:14.400 the Playboy ones, they would happen in people's lives like 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.520 after you know, they left Playboy, and you know, their 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:18.520 lives take different twists and turns and things like that. 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.080 So there was a lot to learn, a lot of 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.240 shocking stuff, a lot of stuff I could relate to 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:25.160 you as well. So yeah, there's I mean, it goes 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:26.760 all over the place. So definitely. 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.160 Do you think there's any reason or any common thread 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.800 with why this happens so much in this particular industry? 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:36.119 You know, I think industries like Playboy or the adult 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:40.200 entertainment industry, they're kind of high pressure in the way 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.000 that there's a lot you can that can be gained potentially, 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.400 so it can get pretty competitive. And like jealousies can 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.520 be stoked. Not for everyone, of course, but that can happen. 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.280 So I think sometimes when you're in these high stakes 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.480 environment it can contribute a little bit. 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.680 So now with Lethally Blonde, we're going down a somewhat 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.640 different alley, but still all of it's adult entertainment adjacent. 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:02.040 Have you guys doing some of these because you said 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:02.960 some are unsolved? 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:03.360 Ye? 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.280 Have there been any of these episodes that aired and 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.920 then people reached out to you with any information? 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:10.200 Not yet. 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.880 I think it's every true crime producer's dreamed. Yeah, their 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.080 work maybe help make a difference in some way, whether 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.520 it inspires somebody with any kind of information to come forward. 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:20.680 I did get a lot of people reaching out and 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:22.600 telling me about cases I didn't know about that we 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:26.880 could possibly cover and playboy murders, so that that's helpful. 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:28.840 Are you guys going to go down that path exploring? 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:29.520 I think so? 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:30.520 Yeah? 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:31.680 Tell any crowdsourcing. 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:35.440 Social media is a gift and a curse in so 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:38.520 many ways because everybody has an opinion and everyone can contribute. 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:41.880 But then everyone has opinion and everyone can contribute, so 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:42.600 what do you do with that? 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:44.559 But it's great in these scenarios that you can kind 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:46.880 of explore some more stuff, but you're doing so much 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.920 more than that. You also have a podcast now with 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:54.079 Bridget correct and it is called Girls Next Level. 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:56.480 You want to talk about it. It seems like it's 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:57.520 doing really well. Thank you. 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.079 Yeah, it totally is. We have an amazing following. The 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:03.400 love our listeners so much. We started doing it because 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.960 I was doing YouTube reacts to old episodes of Girls 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:10.160 next Door, and I kept texting Bridget because I'd watched 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.640 these back. I hadn't watched them since they first aired 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:15.040 like fifteen years ago, and I was like, oh my god, 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.000 you remember this or I forgot about that, or do 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:19.360 you remember this one time? And I was sending her 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:22.120 so many voice notes. She was probably so annoyed with me, 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:23.920 but we were having these long convos. I'm like, this 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:25.920 should just be a podcast. This would be really fun. 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.360 So we started doing it and it took off. I 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.600 think it really resonates with people, whether or not they've 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:32.440 seen the show, just because when I go back and 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.280 watch these episodes, like every episode makes me think of 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.839 like a different topic that is still relevant today, or 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.560 people can find relatable, whether it's like diet culture or 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:45.360 body dysmorphia or relationship dynamics. It like sparks all kinds 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:47.120 of conversations. 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:48.080 And it's great that you guys get to have this 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.120 voice now and go back and say, hey, this is 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.280 actually what things were kind of like really behind the 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.360 scenes versus what you all were able to see when 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:58.760 you watch back and you obviously had these reactions to it, 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:02.120 How do you feel about why watching you fifteen years ago. 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.480 A lot of cringe moments. I think anyone would say 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:06.920 that about watching video con cells from fifteen years ago. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.680 Though sometimes we get triggered by certain little things that 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.000 we're not expecting, but most of the time we have 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:15.199 a sense of humor about it. So we're covering a 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.720 lot of good times too, laughing about a lot of things. 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:19.760 We have guests on the show, people who were on 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:22.400 the show with us and friends from those days, and 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.600 it's been a good excuse to connect with people that 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.120 we haven't seen in person for a long time. So 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:28.280 it's a really fun process. 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:31.480 When you say that things are triggering when you watch 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.160 it back and you realize, hey, you know what that's 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:33.960 kind of triggering? 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.240 Is it in any way eye opening? And like Hey, 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:37.680 I need. 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.839 To talk to somebody about this or in itself without 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.280 talking to someone, just like a therapy session for you. 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.160 One hundred percent. It's a therapy session in front of 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.440 so many people. So thank you listeners for being my therapist. 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.719 Oh wow, So they talk you through it? 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.719 They do. People leave a lot of amazing feedback, like 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.840 on our Patreon or on our Instagram page, and they're 0:10:57.880 --> 0:10:59.439 so nice about it, and I love it. 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.959 Do you find so many more people relating to you 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:03.880 than you ever thought, because that has to feel, at 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.640 some point a bit isolating to have been part of 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:07.920 this thing that no one else was part of. 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:10.199 Absolutely. I think in the beginning, you know, I was 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:12.600 on a reality show where only certain parts of my 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.880 personality were shown and a narrative was created, and I 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.600 was kind of turned into kind of a cartoon character. 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.840 And when that was all anybody saw, it felt really stifling. 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:23.880 But as I've been able to be honest, whether it's 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:26.440 through my book or through other interviews, I feel like 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.560 people understand me more and more. So it's just like 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.240 the more authentic you can be out there, you know, 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:32.160 it helps. 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:34.920 I'm sure when you talk about things like body dysmorphia 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.640 or if you ever touch on eating disorders, because and arguably, 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.040 somebody would look at you and say, she's beautiful, she's perfect, 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.880 she has everything going for her, and you would look in. 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:45.400 The mirror and not think that same thing. 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.760 Yeah, it was a hard place for me to feel beautiful. 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:52.240 I felt like that relationship was toxic in many ways. 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.320 But one of the ways was I was always made 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.600 to feel like I wasn't beautiful enough, which doesn't really 0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:00.480 make sense because you look at his situation where girlfriends 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:02.360 all kind of have to meet a certain standard to 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.040 be there in the first place. But I still felt like, Oh, 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:06.959 I'm not pretty enough to be in the magazine. Even 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:08.800 after I was in the magazine, you know, things like that. 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:12.840 So I was always comparing myself and was never good enough. 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:14.679 I didn't start to feel okay about the way I 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.040 looked until I started working at the Playboy Studio. I 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:19.600 took over as the director of the Playmate shoots. Oh wow, 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:23.240 And it was interesting because one might think that might 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.200 be kind of like a hard place to be, like 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.480 seeing all these beautiful women come in, But I felt 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.440 like being in the magazine was something I'd wanted to 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.080 do for so long, so helping other people with it 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.800 and trying to make their workdays fun and you know, 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.600 helping them with their dreams and just like getting behind 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.600 other women and supporting other women and you know, helping 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.880 them look their best and feel their best. It really 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:45.400 kind of turned that around for me, Like I still 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.600 have some weird like dysmorphia and things left over from 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.280 those years, because how could I not. But I feel 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.200 like working with the other women really helped. 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:56.240 I make this joke all the time, but it's really 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.120 not a joke. I think I have body dysmorphia in 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:00.839 the opposite direction where I'll leave the house and I'm like, oh, 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.440 you look good, and then I see pictures and video 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.000 and I'm like, who the hell that looks terrible? 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:08.480 This is awful. So I see myself from the other way. 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.560 No, I do that too. There's well, there's something about 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.160 a mirror. You're looking at yourself, you're seeing you know, 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:16.320 you you and movement and everything, and then I see 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.680 a picture and everything's frozen. And there's something about the 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:21.600 way our eyes focus on that you find all the. 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:24.200 Flaws, every single one of them. And at least for me, 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.520 if I don't find them someone else will truly point 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:26.880 them out. 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:27.679 Thank you for that. 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:30.400 You know, people are lined up and I hate it. 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:31.320 I hate it. 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:33.920 But when you said you took over as the director 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:35.920 for some of these Playboy shoots, how did you do 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.280 things differently than the people before you? 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:41.400 I didn't do a lot differently. I worked there for 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:44.000 two years, so part of it was me just learning everything, 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:46.640 learning how they already did things. And I was a 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.760 big fan of the pictorials in the first place, so 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.640 I didn't want to change too much. But we did 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:52.920 make a lot of changes. One of the photographers, one 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:55.120 of the staff photographers in particular, had a lot of 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.720 changes he really wanted to make. He wanted to switch 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.800 from film to digital because in two thousand and seven, 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.760 when I first started working there, they were still shooting 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.320 everything on film. I believe they were keeping a whole 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.719 film development company in business just pay and it was 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.960 so expensive. So we switched to digital. We cut a 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.840 ton of costs and didn't lose inequality in my opinion, 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.600 and things like that. So there were a lot of changes, 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:20.120 but it was also it was kind of fifty to 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.720 fifty me learning what they were already doing and getting 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.920 that down and trying to make it a smooth or 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:27.560 easier process. We definitely cut the shoot days down it 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:31.280 used to be because of the technology to shoot a centerfold, 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.640 a playmate would be standing in the same pose for 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:38.560 like two weeks sometimes two week Yeah, of the same shoot. 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.280 We're trying to get everything perfect. But we got it 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:43.720 to where we would shoot a centerfold in the morning, 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.240 we'd print it out big, drive it over back to 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.040 the mansion for him to see, and then he'd call 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:49.680 me on lunch and say if it's approved or not, 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:51.880 and if he didn't like it, we could make whatever 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.320 change he wanted by the end of the day and 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:54.680 get it by the end of the day. Like, I 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:56.640 don't think we ever had a centerfold shoot that took 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:58.400 longer than a day, So that felt good. 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:01.040 What do you think is the hardest part about those shoots, 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:04.120 having shot them and having been in them. 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.920 Gosh, I don't know. I think just trying to make 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:09.080 sure you get enough content because they wanted so much 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:12.440 content for online and you know, for special editions of 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:17.000 Playboy and the pictorial, so you wanted to get somebody 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:20.040 looking their absolute best in so many pictures, Like back 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.280 in the sixties, when they would shoot a centerfold, it 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.480 would be one photo for the centerfold and then there'd 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:26.560 be like a handful for the rest of the magazine, 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:28.800 So you'd have to get like six good pictures kind of. 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.040 But when I was working there, it's like you had 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:34.480 to get just a stock pile. So it's a challenge 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:35.840 to get it all in that short amount of time. 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:37.280 And I just feel like it would be very cold, 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:39.920 and I'd want to eat, and these are all things 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:41.440 that are not going to work out very well for 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:54.440 the shoot. In general, you were talking about during some 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:56.440 of the time in the mansion, or just in general 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.040 with all the crime that you're now investigating in a 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:00.400 sort of highlighting. 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.480 Jealousy was a huge issue. 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.080 Was that the case inside the like how many women 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:06.320 lived in the mansion at one time? 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.520