1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeartradio podcast. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 2: All Right, So, Dirk Spentley and wife of nineteen years Cassidy, 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 2: made some headlines this week because he said that they 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 2: sleep on two mattresses. I decided to separate church and state. 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 2: So he revealed that years ago, I decided to separate 6 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 2: church and state, and I got rid of our bed instead. 7 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 2: He and Cassidy used two platform beds with separate box 8 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 2: springs and mattresses, a setup that allows her to move 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 2: around all she wants and still gives them space if needed, 10 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: but recently admitted He admitted his restless sleep has made 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 2: things difficult. It's terrible. She used to sleep on the couch. 12 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 2: Now there's an extra room we have and she'll go 13 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,160 Speaker 2: sleep in there, adding that they're working on getting back 14 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: on track once he's home from touring. Do you think 15 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,279 Speaker 2: couples should always sleep in the same bed, even if 16 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 2: it means sacrificing sleep? And I think this is a 17 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 2: very important topic because we have differing opinions on this. 18 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: I don't think there's different opinions, though, I think there's 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: a problem with my snoring therefore effectiously, which I've got 20 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: a consultation at the Snoring Place on Thursday for lasers treatment. 21 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 2: I really don't think it's that. I think it's you 22 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 2: should do sleep apne and people say when they snore 23 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 2: it's I think it's like eighty percent. I don't know them, 24 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 2: but probably butchering that statistic. But they say that it's 25 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 2: really a sleep apnea issue is snoring. 26 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: Possibly, which is why I feel like some points during 27 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: the day where I could just sleep right. 28 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 2: So I don't know if I think you should look 29 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 2: into that as opposed to the laser. 30 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: Well, it's a free consultation. The first one enemy, so 31 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: I can't do me any harm. Those layser a laser on. 32 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 2: Memory consultations are such a joke because they'll be like, 33 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 2: this is free, but for now this package pay this 34 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 2: because they're going to find an issue. It's like when 35 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 2: you take your car to an oil place. They're going 36 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 2: to find something else that you need your car to do. 37 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 2: It's got ten other problems. 38 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: But it still doesn't make the consultation is still free. 39 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,519 Speaker 1: I don't they don't need They can upsell all they want. 40 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: Doesn't mean I bite on it. But the foss one's free. 41 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,639 Speaker 2: Right, But they're not doing a treatment. They're just saying 42 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 2: you have a breathing problem. 43 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: No, they do a treatment to see if you feel 44 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 1: a difference. Oh, anyway, your question was that I feel 45 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 1: that couples should sleep in separate beds. Absolutely not. 46 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 2: Listen. I hear you, and I do agree with that. 47 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 2: Having said that, I do think there are times when 48 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: I would like to For example, if I have a 49 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 2: if I have to get up really if you have 50 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 2: to get up really early and I am maybe filming 51 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 2: the next day or something, I will say, Babe, do 52 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 2: you mind if you could sleep in the guest bed, 53 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 2: or I'll go sleep in the guest bedroom because I 54 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 2: don't want interrupted sleep because I need to sleep. 55 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: I think with that that John in the last I 56 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: know what you you. 57 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 2: Do get frustrated about that because it's like you want 58 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 2: to sleep in the same room. It's so important for 59 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 2: you to sleep in the same room, which I love 60 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 2: and I think it's great. But also I know we've 61 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 2: talked about this so many times on here, but how 62 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 2: much I need in value sleep to operate as a 63 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 2: mother and as a wife, and so everybody I know, 64 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 2: but I really need it, and so I would be 65 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 2: I'm more free about going Yeah, once we cuddle and connect. 66 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: I think it's when you okay, hey, all right, it's 67 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 2: the end of the night, eight o'clock, we're going into 68 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: separate rooms watching I think that's a problem. But I 69 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 2: think if you're doing the deed and you're cuddling or 70 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 2: having sex, whatever it is, and then being like, hey, 71 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 2: peace out, I'm going to go snore in the other room, 72 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 2: I would be like, see you later. I have no 73 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 2: problem with that. 74 00:03:54,520 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: Look acceptable, and I'm modest. You better start to switch 75 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: that mind out. 76 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 2: I mean, obviously we don't do that, but but for 77 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 2: things I have asked, like, hey, I really need to. 78 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: When there's listen, if your sleep's going to be compromised 79 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: and you've got something that you need to get off 80 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: that's very important, that you need to get up early, whatever, 81 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: then I think it's a it's a discussion and we'll 82 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:24,239 Speaker 1: always find the solution for it. But sleeping in separate beds, 83 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 1: because nah, it's just listen. They found a decent solution 84 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: where they'll get two different box rings and two different 85 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 1: mattress right against each other. 86 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 2: I think that's kind of cool. 87 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: I don't think that's a bad solution because then when 88 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: your movie don't wake me up when I move, I 89 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: don't because we roll around a lot because of the 90 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: terrible bags. 91 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, well I think that too. And it's like when 92 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 2: you say to me, I'm going to get up so 93 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 2: early and I'm going to sneak out of the room. 94 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 2: It's like when you sneak out of the room at 95 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 2: five in the morning to go work. I wake up 96 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 2: and I can't fall back asleep because my back hurts, 97 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 2: you know. So it's things like that where it's I 98 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:04,799 Speaker 2: don't seeing an issue if on certain occasion nights or mornings, 99 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: if the people sleep opposite. But I do think being 100 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: in a pattern of not sleeping could rise could it 101 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 2: could cause issues? 102 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 1: No, I think And I think now tho'se those beds 103 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: were it's it's one bed, but there's two separate mattresses 104 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: and you can adjust the mattress like odd mattress, soft mattress. 105 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 2: When did we become fifty? But I agree with you, 106 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 2: it's like for old people. 107 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 1: So any of those amazing companies that feel like fire 108 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 1: in one of those special. 109 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 2: Beds, Yeah, because we don't want to we don't want 110 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 2: to buy it too spensive. They're expensive. They are expensive, 111 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,359 Speaker 2: but then you got to think you spend what eighty percent, 112 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: I'm back to eighty percent. 113 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: I like eighty percent is too soft. 114 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,359 Speaker 2: Our mattresses quite soft. I think soft. 115 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: It's too soft. 116 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 2: It's really computing. 117 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: We were in a hotel downtown a few nights ago, 118 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,039 Speaker 1: and it was nice because the mattress is harder and 119 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 1: my back wasn't this so my. 120 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:58,159 Speaker 2: Back was still sore. But yeah, but I think I 121 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 2: appreciate you working on the snoring. And I think if 122 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 2: someone needs this is what I would say. If your 123 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:08,720 Speaker 2: partner snores like my husband does, or you need some 124 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 2: extra sleep, I think it's fine to do a separate 125 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 2: like once a week, stay k in your house somewhere else, 126 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 2: somewhere else so that you can get sleep. You'll have 127 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 2: a better marriage if you get sleep. 128 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: Courage separation in people's households. 129 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 2: I'm just saying. I think it's a stayk in your 130 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 2: own house so that way you can get a good 131 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 2: night's sleep because we both need it. Will be better, 132 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 2: will be better spouses to each other with that sleep 133 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:45,600 Speaker 2: and not hearing your snoring and me tossing and turning 134 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 2: because I've got a b back. No Okay, well let 135 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 2: me know how it works. In y'all's household. Influencer Cat 136 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 2: Clark defends letting her fourteen year old daughter travel alone 137 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 2: for a concert. 138 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: Don't read this one. 139 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,839 Speaker 2: It's a little bit long, so I'm just let's just paraphrase. 140 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 2: I mean, would you let. 141 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: She was flying to a different state with her friend 142 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: or a concert and she's only fourteen on their own? 143 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: What are my thoughts? Are my thoughts? How you don't 144 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: do that? Especially with two girls? 145 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, I'm not here 146 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: to like blame or I don't want to like mom 147 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: shame or like so a parent about her choices. You know, 148 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 2: I'm trying to think. I mean, at fourteen, listen, I 149 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,040 Speaker 2: think it's different. I hear your point about girls, but 150 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 2: I will say at fourteen, I mean I was at 151 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 2: a job I was working, and I think whomen I 152 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,240 Speaker 2: were more mature. Then again, a fourteen year old, like, 153 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 2: I get the why do you look at me like that? 154 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: We are girls? Girls mature faster than boys. That is 155 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 2: actually scientifically proven. 156 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 1: Okay, And thought I thought you meant girls were more 157 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: mature and the era were you with? Fourteen? 158 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying in general, girls mature faster. Of course, 159 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 2: I hear your point about there are a lot of 160 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 2: sickos I personally wouldn't allow I would go with but 161 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 2: you know, I'm not gonna sit here and mom shame 162 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 2: another mom about her her choices. I don't. I wouldn't 163 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 2: feel comfortable about jolly doing it. But I think there 164 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 2: is something. I mean, obviously it sounds like she went 165 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 2: with a friend. 166 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 1: I think there's different things like Troy that when I 167 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: lived in Aberdeen and he would you would fly up 168 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 1: and see me from London, but he was getting a 169 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: chaperone it. I think so he'd be on a British 170 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: Airways and they'd have a chaperone at that point, which 171 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 1: is fine, just someone in the early airline that knows 172 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: he's flying on his own and they and they make 173 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: sure that he's yeah. 174 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,679 Speaker 2: And I think that there's a lot of kids that 175 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 2: that do that, that have I've sat next to kids 176 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 2: that are way younger than fourteen, you know, that fly 177 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 2: to their other parent and like you said, they have 178 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 2: a chaperone within that. I think because it's a concert, 179 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 2: that's maybe where people are getting an uproar about it. 180 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 1: Oh, to be fair, She's even said here she doesn't 181 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: know if she made the right. 182 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 2: Decision, but she made the decision and now she you 183 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: know what I mean. Like it's one of those things 184 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 2: where we learn as parents something's like, oh, probably, Like, 185 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 2: for example, I had a very bad parenting moment letting 186 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 2: Jolie swim in the wide open ocean with dolphins. I 187 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 2: think back on that now, going, I it was not 188 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: with sharks. Having said that shark, yes, they do live 189 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 2: in the ocean. But I've thought back on that and gone, 190 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 2: I don't think I should have let her do that, 191 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 2: because but she was wanting to so brave, so like 192 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 2: the only person that wanted to jump in with these 193 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 2: other two girls that I you know that they were 194 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 2: the volunteers, chaperones there you got the chaperones and so 195 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 2: and the boat guy. I trusted him saying they've never 196 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 2: seen a shark out here with these dolphins. But yeah, 197 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 2: we were in the middle of an ocean. And I've 198 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 2: thought back to that parenting moment, going, I don't think 199 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 2: I should have done that. 200 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,839 Speaker 1: I think every mother and father will will think back 201 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: to parents in moments and be like that was about 202 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: rescue shouldn't have done that. 203 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, like if I'm not jumping in, there's a reason 204 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 2: maybe I shouldn't let my daughter jump in. 205 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 1: But in a voice that at the time, but. 206 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 2: Also like, you know, this is a moment too for 207 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 2: it's like be brave and they're saying it's fine. 208 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: It risks. So what age would you let haw flicy 209 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: concert with them? Mates? Sixteen? 210 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 2: Listen, there's a this is very gray. I'm not letting 211 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 2: her go to a concert by herself personally, like for 212 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 2: a very long long time. To fly to one, that's 213 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 2: a whole other thing. 214 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: It's a tough balance between suffocating them and alowing them. 215 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,079 Speaker 2: I would say she could fly home to fourteen to 216 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 2: visit Nana and Papa. I would let her fly by 217 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 2: herself at fourteen to Michigan, would you Yeah? I think 218 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 2: I would. I mean again, it's my niece and nephew 219 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 2: came to see me when they were fourteen, you know. 220 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 2: Against it's all chaperone by the the you know, airports 221 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 2: and stuff and airlines, and I feel like they maybe 222 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: maybe they don't do a good job. I don't know, 223 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 2: but yeah, I think it, But it'd be something that 224 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 2: they would want to do you know, like, if they're 225 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: eager to want to do that, I'm not going to 226 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 2: hold them back from But to go to a concert, 227 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 2: that's a lot of grey. I know Nana's picking her 228 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 2: up at this time, and you know going to their 229 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 2: house that it's a little bit different, I think, but 230 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 2: I don't. Again, I don't, yeah, because I don't know this. 231 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 2: I don't know the situation. 232 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: In America, you can drive at fifteen, so there's another 233 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: type of freedom where you can go toever state you want. 234 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 2: Which I don't think kids should drive that early. 235 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,959 Speaker 1: It should be like UK seventeen, age seventeen, you can 236 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: start lessons at seventeen. 237 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,599 Speaker 2: One hundred percent think that should be the case. I 238 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,560 Speaker 2: got my license, my permit at like fourteen, in like 239 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 2: ten months or it was like the earliest I could 240 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 2: get it. I got my driving permit because I just 241 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 2: could not wait to drive. But I just I like 242 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,840 Speaker 2: the fact that the driving age is older. I can't imagine, 243 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 2: and I think it's now having kids fifteen getting there. No, 244 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 2: I like seventeen seventeen feels better. 245 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: It's just I mean, fifteen is so young because your 246 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: peripheral vision even matured at a point where you pick 247 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: things up like Choice seventeen. That's skills Show eighteen. He's 248 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,440 Speaker 1: eighteen the skills with them driving on the roads with 249 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,760 Speaker 1: all these and the problem is so many people on 250 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 1: the phones. 251 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think cars should have a thing where 252 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,199 Speaker 2: you can't be on your phone, like it locks your phone. 253 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 2: I agree, where you should get in and you you 254 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 2: have to it just it turns off, it goes unless 255 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 2: it's like an emergency. 256 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 1: Like all the motorcycle accidents these days are because people 257 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: in cars. I had the motorcyclist spoiler on the phones. 258 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, makes sense. Sad Gwyneth Paltrow makes rare comment about 259 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 2: being a step mom to Brad's called Chuck's daughter. I 260 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 2: have two beautiful step children who are the same age 261 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: as mine, she said during an interview of the Goop podcast. 262 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 2: When I became a stepmother, when I knew I was 263 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 2: going to become a stepmother, I was like, shit, I 264 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 2: had no idea how to do this. There's nothing to read. 265 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: What do I do? Where do I step in? How 266 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 2: do I do this? And she said she gave some 267 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 2: insight on how difficult it can be to establish yourself 268 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 2: as a stepmom and a blended family shows. You know, 269 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:13,839 Speaker 2: there's no book on this. Nobody tells us what to do, 270 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 2: and in fact, all of the existing media around what 271 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 2: a stepmother is casts us into this evil, villainous light. 272 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 2: So it's kind of like trying to avoid land minds, minds, 273 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 2: and then you're going into a family with dynamics, and 274 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 2: there's all kinds of fear around loss and what does 275 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 2: this person mean? She said, But for myself a minute, 276 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 2: I decided and fully embodied the idea that my step 277 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 2: kids were my kids, and I love them just as 278 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,119 Speaker 2: much as I gave them the same rules and boundaries 279 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 2: and just kind of wholeheartedly went for it. And the 280 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 2: easier the whole thing got. And now it's pretty great. 281 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 2: How do you think your transition has been to being 282 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: a stepparent? 283 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: Really easy? I think we've touched on this before because 284 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: there really easy kids. But it is different, and I 285 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: say that's with the utmost respect, and it's deffinerent in 286 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: a way because Troy Roman they have they have one 287 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: mom and one dad, so they rely on I'm going 288 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: to say, this was sounding like you have you have 289 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: one dad, right, Troy doesn't have a stepdad. Jolie and 290 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: Jace have their dad and they have me as a 291 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 1: step dad. Now there's a different dynamic because Roman and 292 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: Troy rely on me as their only dad, whereas I 293 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: know that Joeli and Jes I've always got the the 294 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: dad as well as me. So it's a different dynamic 295 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: of not that you love them less, but it's a 296 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: different dynamic knowing that, Okay, they have the the dad 297 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: who rely on they don't need to. They don't solely 298 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 1: rely on me for the fathering instinct and the fathering 299 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: morals and values, and but to. 300 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 2: Play Devil's advocate to that their dad only has them 301 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: eight days a month, you have them more than their dad, 302 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 2: so you have more of a I mean, that's just 303 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 2: that's just facts, factual of what it is. You know, 304 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 2: he is eight to nine days it the most, you 305 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 2: know what I mean. 306 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just it's just different when a little person 307 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: has like Roman relies on me solely as his only dad, 308 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: whereas Joe and Jesse I've got a dad and a stepdad. 309 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: But in terms of the transitioning, your question really easy 310 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: because you've raised them properly, You've raised them as this 311 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 1: kind thoughtful kids. Now they're kids and they have their moments, 312 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: of course, the particularly Jes at times, but they're incredible 313 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: and they're and they're they're actually really easy, the transitions 314 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 1: not being. 315 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 2: But you have such a big role though because of 316 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 2: the time that you have them. So it's like you 317 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 2: you on paper, you have more time than their dad, 318 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 2: so like you have big shoes to fill because you're 319 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:13,959 Speaker 2: their time is spent more with you as a dad figure. 320 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 2: So like, I think it's important for you to have 321 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 2: to know that so that you're because they're going to 322 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 2: remember that you know, and the morals and the things 323 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 2: that you lay out as a dad. Yeah, and I 324 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,479 Speaker 2: need that help too. 325 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: No, And that's another part of it where some things 326 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: you'll say, will you will you step in? Will you 327 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,359 Speaker 1: step in? Not so much now, but well yeah, you 328 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 1: still sometimes say it. But it's still different to step 329 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: in when it's a step bild than it as your 330 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 1: own less and blood feels different because your step it's 331 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 1: almost like and it's not that you're stepping on someone, 332 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 1: but it's almost like you're stepping in on someone else's 333 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 1: toes or stepping in and you might overstep a boundary 334 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: or not so much now, but definitely previously. 335 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 2: Right, and now it's different. 336 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, now it's different because they expect to be a 337 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,440 Speaker 1: voice from me. They expect it to be They still 338 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: always go to you most of the time the things, 339 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 1: because that's what they're still used to, that's what they've 340 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 1: been used to, that's what they're still programmed to do. 341 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: But it will change and I'll gradually even itself out 342 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 1: where they don't just always ask you for things. They'll 343 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 1: come to me for things. 344 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. When they come to you, though, you have to 345 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 2: actually respond without saying do it yourself, or they're not 346 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 2: going to come to you, and then it's always going 347 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 2: to be a me. And that's the problem. 348 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: Again. We've had this conversation. Right when they ask me something, 349 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: I'll tell them, can you do it yourself first? And 350 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: you go and do it. And sometimes I don't communicate 351 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: it something. I communicate it like a Scottish person, not 352 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 1: do it yourself. Yeah, when I should communicate it, we'll 353 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: try and do it yourself first, and if you can't 354 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: do it, then come me and I I help you. 355 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 2: Right, But I think they're at their age now where 356 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: they've dried and they need help, which is why they're asking. 357 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 2: So I think we just need to you know, I 358 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 2: think you should own that role a little bit more. 359 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 2: What role, like the fact that how much you have 360 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 2: them and like you are a huge like you are 361 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 2: their stepdad and like take that. 362 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: In well, but I need to own it a little 363 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 1: bit more. 364 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 2: I think, so knowing that how much do you have 365 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 2: them versus you know, and like really helping in that way. 366 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 1: I don't think I don't own it right now. Okay, okay, 367 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: continue to. 368 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 2: Be continue, done, done, done, do it yourself all right. Well, 369 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 2: on that note, let's see you next week.