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Speaker 1: Hi there, and welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks. My name is Kat and Couch Talks is

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Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy, where I

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Speaker 1: answer questions that you guys send into me at Catherine

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Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. And here we are.

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Speaker 1: Disclaimer number one, I have some bad allergies, so my

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Speaker 1: voice probably sounds like I have some bad allergies. Bear

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Speaker 1: with me today as we do this. And then also,

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Speaker 1: as always, I want to let you guys know that

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Speaker 1: this is not therapy. This is just a therapist trying

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Speaker 1: to answer some questions that you guys send in. So

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Speaker 1: let's get into it. I have two great questions today.

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Speaker 1: We always keep them anonymous, so of course, first question

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Speaker 1: is anonymous, and here it is. So I've been in

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Speaker 1: therapy for about a year and I started going after

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Speaker 1: a tough breakup. I feel pretty good now. So my

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Speaker 1: sessions often are just like catching up on my week,

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Speaker 1: and I've been feeling kind of bored. I also don't

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Speaker 1: know how to like stop going. How do you know

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Speaker 1: when you're done with therapy and how do you tell

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Speaker 1: your therapist if you are done? Such a good question.

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Speaker 1: So first thing, what often brings somebody into therapy isn't

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Speaker 1: actually the main thing we end up working on. So

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go into this assuming and thinking that

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Speaker 1: the thing that you really needed to work on that

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Speaker 1: wasn't just the breakup has been processed and resolved and

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Speaker 1: all that. This is a very common thing to wonder.

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Speaker 1: And my number one encouragement is do not worry about

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Speaker 1: your therapist feelings in this. And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: that's part of your question, but I'm just putting that

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Speaker 1: out there. A healthy therapist doesn't get their feelings hurt

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Speaker 1: when a client wants to stop coming or take a break.

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Speaker 1: That is actually kind of our goal. Our goal is

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Speaker 1: to help you not need us. Now, there are people

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Speaker 1: who just love therapy and we'll go every week for

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Speaker 1: the to their lives. They just are going to go

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Speaker 1: all the time. That's okay. Sometimes they will just process

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Speaker 1: their weeks, and sometimes there will be a real muddy

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Speaker 1: work to do as the seasons in their life change.

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Speaker 1: You really don't need a crisis to go into therapy

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Speaker 1: and to stay in therapy if you want to stay

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Speaker 1: in it and you have the resources to do that. However,

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Speaker 1: if you do feel good and want to take a break,

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Speaker 1: then literally all you have to do is tell that

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Speaker 1: to your therapist. Now, a sign of still having work

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Speaker 1: to do is when a client goes to therapist right

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Speaker 1: or start yeah, just like stops responding and cancels appointments

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Speaker 1: and all that. To me, that signals that there's something

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Speaker 1: up and their stuff won't let them have a possibly

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversation. So if you're afraid to tell your therapist

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Speaker 1: that you want to take a break or it's not

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Speaker 1: working out, or really afraid to tell your therapist anything,

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Speaker 1: there's probably something underneath that. I think therapy is like

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Speaker 1: a safe experiment space for the real world, and how

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Speaker 1: you interact with me in my room usually mirrors how

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Speaker 1: you interact with the world outside in my room. So

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Speaker 1: if there is a desire to just like you know,

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Speaker 1: an Irish exit, probably means there's something going on. I

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Speaker 1: would also just encourage you to just simply bring this

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Speaker 1: up with your therapist. It actually can be a very

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Speaker 1: helpful and soothing experience to have a session where you

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Speaker 1: just process progress and recognize the work you've done. And

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Speaker 1: if you're on the fence of whether you should be

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Speaker 1: ending or not, that is something that you can talk

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Speaker 1: about and together you can try to navigate me as

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Speaker 1: a human that doesn't know. You can't come up with

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Speaker 1: ways that you would know if your work is complete,

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Speaker 1: although I really don't know that if it's ever really complete.

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Speaker 1: We just have seasons of our life where we want

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Speaker 1: to dig into it more. I always also end, like

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Speaker 1: we call them termination sessions with an open door, so

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Speaker 1: any time that a client would feel the need to

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Speaker 1: come back, they can. And it's kind of weird to

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Speaker 1: have this person you talk to all the time and

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Speaker 1: knows all your stuff just like be gone. So I

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Speaker 1: think it's really helpful to know that this is not

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Speaker 1: a breakup. It's just like a pause or a transition.

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Speaker 1: So that's what I would really tell you, is like

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Speaker 1: to know if it's time for you to take a

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Speaker 1: break or not. It's a conversation that you have with

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Speaker 1: your therapist. And if you're too afraid to have that conversation,

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Speaker 1: I would really ask yourself why, because there's probably a reason.

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Speaker 1: And if the reason is I don't want to hurt

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Speaker 1: my therapist feelings, go listen to the codependency episode because

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Speaker 1: it is our job as therapists take care of ourselves,

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Speaker 1: not yours. So I hope that was helpful, and let's

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Speaker 1: go into the second question. Second question, I am in

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Speaker 1: the early stages of grad school for counseling, and your

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Speaker 1: podcast has been really helpful during this experience. I like

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm in the early stages, so we are

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Speaker 1: learning about the basics. Still. As we learned about self disclosure,

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Speaker 1: it made me wonder about how you handle sharing parts

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Speaker 1: of your life to the public and maintaining boundaries with clients.

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Speaker 1: How do you know what is too much and does

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Speaker 1: it get in the way with your clients when you

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Speaker 1: share stuff on your podcast and on Instagram and also

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Speaker 1: in general. I would just love to know your thoughts

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Speaker 1: on self disclosure. Okay, really great question. Also, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: start with what self disclosure is because I don't know

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Speaker 1: if everybody knows what it is. And I got one

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Speaker 1: of the best emails ever from a listener pointing out

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Speaker 1: that I say something. I don't know if this was

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Speaker 1: an email or a d M, but basically, I guess

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Speaker 1: I've been saying this a lot, and I'm so sorry

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Speaker 1: because I didn't even know I was saying it. But

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Speaker 1: I guess often when when therapist jargon or stuff is used,

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Speaker 1: I'll just say, oh, nobody listening to this knows what

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Speaker 1: that means. We need to explain it when like, I

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Speaker 1: bet a bunch of you guys do know what it means.

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Speaker 1: And I don't mean to like make you guys feel dumb.

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Speaker 1: I'm working on not saying that. So for those of

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Speaker 1: you who don't know it, self disclosure is also thank

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Speaker 1: you to that person who sent that message. For the

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Speaker 1: people that don't know what self disclosure is, it is

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Speaker 1: really just telling a client anything about your personal life.

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Speaker 1: So in school, the way we learned about it and

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Speaker 1: how it was expressed and taught to us, I kind

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Speaker 1: of took the stance that I would never ever self

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Speaker 1: disclose anything to my clients, and I was going to

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Speaker 1: be very strict and have the most black and white

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Speaker 1: boundaries ever. And then I actually started being a therapist

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Speaker 1: and realized that that's a very weird way to build

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Speaker 1: a relationship, and so I don't operate that way. I

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Speaker 1: operate from a very heavy attachment lens. So most of

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Speaker 1: my work is built on connection and building a safe

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Speaker 1: relationship with my clients. Out some ways I do that,

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Speaker 1: and how I do that is sharing parts of me

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Speaker 1: with my clients, so I do end up using self

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Speaker 1: disclosure as a therapist in my room. Now, a simple

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Speaker 1: question that I ask what I'm getting ready to do

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Speaker 1: that in a therapy office relationship is am I saying

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Speaker 1: this to help me? Or am I saying this to

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Speaker 1: help my client? And if I'm saying that to help me,

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Speaker 1: I don't say it because that's not what that space

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Speaker 1: is for, and it really blurs the boundaries of that relationship.

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Speaker 1: Now I self disclose a lot, I really do. However,

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Speaker 1: I only self disclose about certain parts of my life.

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Speaker 1: I do talk a lot about my history with my

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Speaker 1: eating disorder, and I'll talk about parts of my family

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Speaker 1: and parts of old relationships and experiences with friends. But

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Speaker 1: I'm only telling certain parts that I think would be helpful,

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Speaker 1: and I'm telling parts that I have completely processed and

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Speaker 1: work through, and I'm telling them as a way to

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Speaker 1: help somebody have either an understanding that things can get better,

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Speaker 1: or to relate or to use as a metaphor. I'm

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Speaker 1: not telling it because it's like on my mind and

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Speaker 1: I need to talk about it. When it comes to

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Speaker 1: Instagram and the podcast, it's kind of the same. I

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Speaker 1: don't post anything on my Instagram or say anything on

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Speaker 1: the podcast that I wouldn't want a client to know,

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Speaker 1: basically because I know a lot of my clients may

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Speaker 1: or may not follow my Instagram or look at it.

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Speaker 1: And I also know they listen to the podcast. Now

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Speaker 1: I don't follow them. That's unethical. I would not do that.

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Speaker 1: And you know, at the same time, I'm a human

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Speaker 1: and just because I'm a therapist, it doesn't mean I

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Speaker 1: can't live my life and I can't be censored all

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Speaker 1: the time in case a client sees or here's what

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Speaker 1: I say or do. Because here's the thing. I also know.

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Speaker 1: I know that clients will google me and look up

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Speaker 1: my Facebook. I guess now they do Instagram. But that's natural,

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Speaker 1: it's we're curious, we want to do that, and I

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Speaker 1: know people do that, and so I can't just go

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Speaker 1: around the internet make sure there's like no trail of

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Speaker 1: me anywhere. And also like I've run into clients at

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Speaker 1: like bars and restaurants in public before. And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: live out out to my office and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to feel like I can't do that. I believe that

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Speaker 1: I live a healthy human lifestyle and so I'm not

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Speaker 1: really nervous about a client seen something about my life

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Speaker 1: and and being like having some judgment about that in

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Speaker 1: terms of, oh my god, she's a fraud. I'm not perfect.

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Speaker 1: I mess up. I don't do things that I feel

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Speaker 1: that I would be feeling shame for if a client

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Speaker 1: found out about them. However, I also want privacy, so

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Speaker 1: I don't share much personal stuff on my Instagram, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't. I used to have two instagrams and it

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Speaker 1: was too much work and I was annoyed with it.

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Speaker 1: So I just have like my professional work one. I

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Speaker 1: don't share a lot of personal stuff. Every once in

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Speaker 1: a while, I'll post a picture of my friends or something,

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Speaker 1: but I don't post things that I would have used

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Speaker 1: to post to my personal Instagram to that Instagram. It

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Speaker 1: just because I do value privacy and having something of

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Speaker 1: my own. The work here really is to maintain a

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Speaker 1: professional relationship versus a friendship when it comes to all

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Speaker 1: this stuff. And this is hard because you we're going

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Speaker 1: to have as a therapist, and like I have clients

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Speaker 1: that I would be friends with if we met in

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Speaker 1: another capacity. Yes, that is true. This isn't a bad thing.

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Speaker 1: It just means that I have to be more careful

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Speaker 1: and how I show up and how much of me

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Speaker 1: I present, and how I share that information. I can

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Speaker 1: tell a story about myself to a client that I

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Speaker 1: would tell to a friend, but it will sound different

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Speaker 1: because the goal in telling that story to each person

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Speaker 1: is going to be different. And in the end, it

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Speaker 1: really comes down to what kind of therapists you're going

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Speaker 1: to be. I attract a very specific certain type of client,

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Speaker 1: and that's okay. I like that. That's the client that

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Speaker 1: I work well with. I don't attract other kinds of clients,

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Speaker 1: and that's also okay. I wouldn't work well with them,

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Speaker 1: and that's cool. Everybody gets to have their own kind

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Speaker 1: of opinion in kind of therapist they jive with, jive with.

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Speaker 1: It is so weird the kinds of things that come

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Speaker 1: out of my mouth sometimes when I'm talking, because I

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Speaker 1: don't use that word either, but we're gonna go with

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Speaker 1: it anyway, carrying on. Some people don't want their therapists

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Speaker 1: to share anything about themselves, and some people love it

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Speaker 1: and eat it up. And you know, I remember one

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Speaker 1: of my therapists shared something with me years ago when

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Speaker 1: I was processing a devastating breakup, and it was probably

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Speaker 1: the most meaningful thing that this therapist said to me

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Speaker 1: in three years and the three years that I saw her,

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Speaker 1: she basically told me about the ending of a relationship

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Speaker 1: that she had and talked about where her life is

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Speaker 1: now and kind of this some of the in between.

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Speaker 1: And that's exactly what I needed to hear. I needed

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Speaker 1: proof from not a friend, from somebody that's seeing me

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Speaker 1: in this different capacity who does have a bias of me.

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Speaker 1: I needed proof that I wasn't always going to feel

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Speaker 1: this way, and I wasn't always going to feel and

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Speaker 1: think the way I was feeling and thinking. It was

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Speaker 1: really helpful for me to see that she could be

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Speaker 1: happy and successful and x y Z and she used

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Speaker 1: to feel like me, and so I can have what

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Speaker 1: she has. I don't even know if I'm explaining that

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Speaker 1: the best way, but it was so helpful and so wonderful.

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Speaker 1: And that's also one of the reasons that I share

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Speaker 1: some things because I know what it's like to get

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Speaker 1: that and receive that information. I know there's other people

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Speaker 1: like me that really long for that and really connect

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Speaker 1: that way. So I hope this all so answered your

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Speaker 1: question a little long when did? But I think we

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Speaker 1: like it that way. Better than. If you have any

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Speaker 1: other questions about that, like, feel free to shoot them

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Speaker 1: to Catherine Att you need Therapy podcast dot com, and

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Speaker 1: I can dive into that a little deeper. But that's

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Speaker 1: kind of just how I operate. And self disclosure isn't

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Speaker 1: always good. It's not always bad. You've got to use

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Speaker 1: your brain and you might overshare sometimes it's a learning experience.

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Speaker 1: You just then don't do it again the next time. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I hope you guys have the day you need to

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Speaker 1: have today, whether it's Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, whatever day, and

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Speaker 1: I will talk to you guys on Monday