WEBVTT - What Would You Do In My Situation? - 7.29.26

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<v Speaker 1>It is time now for my Strawberry Letter for today,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting,

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<v Speaker 1>and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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<v Speaker 1>dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

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<v Speaker 1>reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to read this letter right here, right now.

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<v Speaker 2>You never know it could be yours.

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<v Speaker 3>You never know it could be yours. Buckle up and

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<v Speaker 3>hold on tight. We got it for you here. It

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<v Speaker 3>is Strawberry Letter.

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<v Speaker 1>Now if you thank you? Subject, What would you do

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<v Speaker 1>in my situation? Dear Stephen Shirley, my wife. My wife

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<v Speaker 1>had a side dude, and I'm trying to figure out

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<v Speaker 1>my next move. She admitted to having sex more than

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<v Speaker 1>a few times with the guy that she works with.

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<v Speaker 1>She said it was over and she wanted to come clean.

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<v Speaker 1>I told her she could keep seeing him because I

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<v Speaker 1>was done with her. I started sleeping on the sofa

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<v Speaker 1>in our bedroom and I let her have the bed.

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<v Speaker 1>Then she started staying out all night, and she said

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<v Speaker 1>she might as well do whatever she wants to do

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<v Speaker 1>since I didn't want her anymore. For weeks, she begged

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<v Speaker 1>to have sex with me, but I just couldn't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I still can't. She used to yell and scream at

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<v Speaker 1>me at night, late at night, so our twins quickly

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<v Speaker 1>caught on to what was going on. She figured since

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<v Speaker 1>they're eighteen and grown in her eyes, that they should

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<v Speaker 1>know what was going on. They sided with me, and

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<v Speaker 1>now they won't speak to their mom. They want her

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<v Speaker 1>to move out, but I cannot put her out because

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<v Speaker 1>it would make me look bad.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a respectable.

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<v Speaker 1>Job and the rumors would be bad for me in

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<v Speaker 1>my professional and personal life. My best friend said that

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<v Speaker 1>I should forget what people think and move on with

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<v Speaker 1>my life. But it's not that simple. My wife and

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<v Speaker 1>I have spent all of our savings on the children,

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<v Speaker 1>and they both got new cars for graduation. I cannot

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<v Speaker 1>afford to start over. I'm fifty four and broke. The

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<v Speaker 1>twins will be moving out eventually, so I'm holding out

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<v Speaker 1>until I can move into one of their rooms when

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<v Speaker 1>they leave. The tension is heavy in the house. So

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<v Speaker 1>if you were me, would you move out and start

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<v Speaker 1>over from the bottom or stay in the house. Wow,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, there's so much going on in this letter

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<v Speaker 1>from your wife cheating to her coming back, and then

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<v Speaker 1>wanting you and saying it was over and it's a

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<v Speaker 1>guy at the job. Okay, you say you're done though, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you said you're done. So if you're sure that you're

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<v Speaker 1>done with this situation, why don't you and your wife

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<v Speaker 1>get a divorce? And never suggests that to people. That's

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<v Speaker 1>your own, you know, situation and problem to work out.

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<v Speaker 1>But in this case, since you're done and she'd cheated,

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<v Speaker 1>you can, you know, end this marriage, sell the house.

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<v Speaker 1>The money that you make off the sale can be

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<v Speaker 1>split between the two of you, and hopefully it would

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<v Speaker 1>be enough for you both to start over. You're the

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<v Speaker 1>one that wants to start over and it's done with

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<v Speaker 1>the wife. The money you make off the house, like

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<v Speaker 1>I said, it can be split. Hopefully you can you

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<v Speaker 1>you know, can find something reasonable. You're not alone, I

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<v Speaker 1>have to tell you that, because most men hate the

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<v Speaker 1>idea of some side dude sleeping with their wife and

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<v Speaker 1>being with their wife in any kind of way, and

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<v Speaker 1>they rarely take their wives back.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're not alone in that area.

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<v Speaker 1>Women, on the other hand, are the ones who will

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<v Speaker 1>forgive their husbands, you know a lot of the times,

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<v Speaker 1>not all the time, but they do it at a

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<v Speaker 1>more steadily paced than men. I'll just say that they

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<v Speaker 1>stay with the husbands usually. It sucks that your wife's

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<v Speaker 1>cheating has turned your life upside down and messed everything up.

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<v Speaker 1>It sucks that your children are no longer speaking to her.

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<v Speaker 1>She's ruined that relationship. This is a mess. And yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I do think that you guys probably should split up,

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<v Speaker 1>make a clean break. You get your own space, and

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<v Speaker 1>she has her own space. Nephew, Tommy started from the bottom.

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<v Speaker 1>Now I'm here, all right, let's try to break it down.

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<v Speaker 1>Tom going to try to give you some ready to

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<v Speaker 1>live approach. How about that something that's gonna try to

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<v Speaker 1>make some sense that if I can. All right, I've

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<v Speaker 1>been mad with myself twenty five years, twenty five years,

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<v Speaker 1>so maybe I can help.

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<v Speaker 3>You with just what what a normal relationship look like.

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<v Speaker 3>Ain't no side, dude, ain't no sex. A few times

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<v Speaker 3>with somebody and that that ain't that. It ain't out

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<v Speaker 3>all night hanging out. I don't know where you're at.

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<v Speaker 3>You coming and going like you want to. Uh, you

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<v Speaker 3>ain't in the house acting the food big and for sex.

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<v Speaker 3>You ain't screaming to the top of your lungs in

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<v Speaker 3>front of the kids now they know what's going on.

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<v Speaker 3>You live in a mess, so you try and hold on.

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<v Speaker 3>You're trying not to start from the bottom all over again.

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<v Speaker 3>Well you may have to. I think you got to.

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<v Speaker 3>You're gonna have to start somewhere, but you got to

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<v Speaker 3>put an end to this mess that you're in. You

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<v Speaker 3>already you pretty much have decided you don't want this

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<v Speaker 3>no more, and I agree with you. I wouldn't want

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<v Speaker 3>this either. I would not want to go another first.

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<v Speaker 3>So now you're sleeping somewhere else. You're waiting on one

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<v Speaker 3>of the kids to leave so you can sleep in

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<v Speaker 3>that room while we doing all that? Why are we

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<v Speaker 3>doing all that? As Shirley said, let's get rid of

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<v Speaker 3>his house. Let's at least have a conversation enough to say,

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<v Speaker 3>we're gonna get rid of this house. Whatever we get,

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<v Speaker 3>let's just break it down the middle. You go your way, out,

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<v Speaker 3>go my way. That's what you want. But you're also

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<v Speaker 3>worried about what other people think. And that's your problem.

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<v Speaker 3>At this point, when everything is broken down to beat

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<v Speaker 3>this band, they can't be about what everybody else think.

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<v Speaker 3>Probably half the people see what is broken anyway, So

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<v Speaker 3>quit worrying. About that, worry about how you're gonna fix this,

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<v Speaker 3>and how you keep your relationship with your children. That's

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<v Speaker 3>what's important. How do you take care of yourself, how

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<v Speaker 3>do you keep your relationship with your two children and

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<v Speaker 3>make sure that they're straight as they get ready to

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<v Speaker 3>go off to school and they get ready to start

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<v Speaker 3>their adulthood. That's what you want to be focused on.

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<v Speaker 3>As far as her, Let's figure out how we can

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<v Speaker 3>resolve this in a man of where it doesn't explode.

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<v Speaker 3>It doesn't explode the way she do when she in

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<v Speaker 3>there trying to have sex and you don't want it

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<v Speaker 3>no more. Let's let's just figure out how can we

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<v Speaker 3>do that. Now here's a yes. Because the last thing

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<v Speaker 3>you should be wanting is to live in this house.

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<v Speaker 3>It's too much to happen in this house, all right,

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<v Speaker 3>It's got too many memories in it. You don't want

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<v Speaker 3>to be here. So I suggest a nice let's just

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, they're not gonna like it, but let's just

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<v Speaker 3>start Saturday morning a nice little garage. Say just start

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<v Speaker 3>bringing start with one room, just start bringing everything, putting

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<v Speaker 3>it out on the yard, and we're gonna start making

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<v Speaker 3>a little money so we can start having some coins

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<v Speaker 3>so we can eventually we go another two weeks. We

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<v Speaker 3>probably gonna have a whole living room, dining room out there.

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<v Speaker 3>We get rid a piece by piece.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, nephew, thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>Coming up, we'll have part two of our responses to

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<v Speaker 1>this strawberry letter at twenty three minutes after. The subject

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<v Speaker 1>is what would you do in my situation? We'll talk

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<v Speaker 1>about it right after this fell hall car too. You're

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<v Speaker 1>listening hardy warning.

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<v Speaker 1>It is time now to recap the Strawberry letter. The

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<v Speaker 1>subject is what would you do in my situation? Mann

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<v Speaker 1>wrote this letter. He said his wife has a side guy,

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<v Speaker 1>side piece, side dude, and he's trying to figure out

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<v Speaker 1>his next move. His wife admitted to having sex more

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<v Speaker 1>than a few times with this guy.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a guy from work.

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<v Speaker 1>She said it was over and she wanted to come clean,

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<v Speaker 1>so she was honest about everything with her husband. Her husband,

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<v Speaker 1>needless to say, did not like this. He says he

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<v Speaker 1>is through with his wife, but they're having some financial

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<v Speaker 1>difficulties because they both used up their savings to buy

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<v Speaker 1>their twins cars and so he says he's fifty four

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<v Speaker 1>and broke now, so he doesn't have anywhere to go. Basically,

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<v Speaker 1>he's waiting for the twins to become eighteen so he

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<v Speaker 1>can move into one of their rooms hopefully.

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<v Speaker 2>He said.

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<v Speaker 1>The tension is really heavy in the house. If you

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<v Speaker 1>were me, what would you do? Would you move out

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<v Speaker 1>or start from the bottom or stay in the house. Meanwhile,

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<v Speaker 1>his wife is still in the house and she's screaming

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<v Speaker 1>at him every night to come and have sex with her,

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<v Speaker 1>but he won't do it because again he's done with her.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Junior, what do you say? What I say?

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<v Speaker 5>You know, like times said, he'd been married twenty five years,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, and he got a healthy marriage and that's good.

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<v Speaker 5>But I'll tell you right now, you can be married

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<v Speaker 5>four years and know this ain't right. You could be

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<v Speaker 5>married yesterday and know this ain't right. I just don't

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<v Speaker 5>understand this. She came in and confessed she had a

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<v Speaker 5>side and she had sex with him a few times.

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<v Speaker 5>Now you sitting there listening to this, I don't know

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<v Speaker 5>what we're doing here. We're doing way too much. This

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<v Speaker 5>is way too much we were doing. You know, we

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<v Speaker 5>be being kind way too much. We've been doing way

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<v Speaker 5>too much. We sleeping in different areas in our own home,

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<v Speaker 5>way too much. Because of a confession that she made

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<v Speaker 5>that she's sleeping with another guy that's a cowork. We're

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<v Speaker 5>doing way too much.

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<v Speaker 2>And so what would I do. I'm not leaving my home.

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<v Speaker 5>This ain't where y'all having sex at. I'm not leaving.

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<v Speaker 5>But you finnah go. You finna get out, You finna go.

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<v Speaker 5>This ain't even healthy. You ain't got to take this.

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<v Speaker 5>You do not have to take this. This is what

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<v Speaker 5>you don't understand. You keep talking about what should I do?

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<v Speaker 5>You're not doing nothing.

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<v Speaker 3>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>You wrote us, so that means she's still in there.

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<v Speaker 5>You didn't it took time to write this letter, but

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<v Speaker 5>you let her stay. This is what you're doing. This

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<v Speaker 5>is not a great position for you to be in.

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<v Speaker 5>You're doing way too much. Your kids got to hit

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<v Speaker 5>us too. Now she's so crazy. She said, I'm the eighteen,

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<v Speaker 5>so I might well gonna tell them, And the kids

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<v Speaker 5>got enough sense to know, well, Mama, you wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>The kids know.

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<v Speaker 5>So if the kids know, then that means you should

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<v Speaker 5>just protect your children, and said you are the ones

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<v Speaker 5>that gonna be gone over that with your man gonna

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<v Speaker 5>be that gon't be what your side do because you

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<v Speaker 5>don't want her to know you ain't got to have

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<v Speaker 5>sex with her.

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<v Speaker 3>It ain't.

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<v Speaker 5>It ain't gonna be the same.

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<v Speaker 2>That's that guilt sex.

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<v Speaker 5>Like, if I just get them back in this bedroom,

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<v Speaker 5>I can fix this.

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<v Speaker 2>I can stay.

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<v Speaker 5>No you can't. No, no, you can't. You can't fix

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<v Speaker 5>not set Saint Finn fix it. It's gonna it's gonna

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<v Speaker 5>make You'll be in a whole world of hurts after that.

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<v Speaker 5>So what you do is says, she don't want to leave.

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<v Speaker 5>Let Brenda start coming over. Not your side chick, Brenda,

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<v Speaker 5>your main chick.

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<v Speaker 2>Now let her see Brenda. Let let Brenda come in there.

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<v Speaker 5>You need somebody who understands you in eye contact, that

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<v Speaker 5>makes statements.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the woman you need. She don't deserve you.

0:10:57.080 --> 0:11:01.839
<v Speaker 5>And look you there in your eyes, she don't deserve you.

0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:02.600
<v Speaker 5>You better than that.

0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:03.960
<v Speaker 2>M hmm.

0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:06.199
<v Speaker 5>I'm gonna be here for you.

0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:07.079
<v Speaker 2>See, you need.

0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.719
<v Speaker 5>Somebody to build you back up. God, she got somebody.

0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:11.719
<v Speaker 5>But it ain't gonna be the same though, because he

0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:12.920
<v Speaker 5>ain't the same man you are.

0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:18.360
<v Speaker 2>That's the fine. He ain't even half the man you are. Wow.

0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.160
<v Speaker 5>See that that's a that's a cheap way for him

0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:23.439
<v Speaker 5>to say, I got you know you didn't. You freed me,

0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:23.959
<v Speaker 5>is what you.

0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.920
<v Speaker 2>Did, because now I know what I got. Now you

0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:31.200
<v Speaker 2>know what you got? Uh huh you you you got?

0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:34.040
<v Speaker 5>You got somebody who never appreciated you. The only thing

0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.520
<v Speaker 5>you got good at this whole deal is your kids.

0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.760
<v Speaker 5>You ain't broke, you rich. You got to twins. That's

0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.520
<v Speaker 5>who you're working for. Man, you don't need her.

0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:51.320
<v Speaker 3>Okay, Yeah, we're running short on funds, though, we're running

0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.480
<v Speaker 3>short on funds. But just just a recommendation. They twins,

0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.400
<v Speaker 3>can't we They pretty much go everywhere together? Can we.

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:00.240
<v Speaker 2>Together? Day?

0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:05.199
<v Speaker 5>You may have to, you know what I'm saying. Outfit

0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:07.120
<v Speaker 5>Somebody go with a shirt, somebody go with a jeans.

0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.440
<v Speaker 2>Find a different time you ain't. Haven't got y'all not

0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:10.600
<v Speaker 2>gonna look like for a while.

0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:13.280
<v Speaker 3>That's all.

0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:18.440
<v Speaker 2>Let me ask you guys something. You can't go ahead?

0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:19.240
<v Speaker 2>Did I go ahead?

0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.160
<v Speaker 1>I want to ask you guys something as men, because

0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:26.720
<v Speaker 1>I know this is hard. You know, more women forgive

0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.800
<v Speaker 1>their husbands and take them back when they cheat than

0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:33.040
<v Speaker 1>men take their wives back when they cheat. Why what

0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.000
<v Speaker 1>is that is because you guys are so territorial or

0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:39.360
<v Speaker 1>what is that about that men don't usually take their

0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.199
<v Speaker 1>wives back after their wives cheat.

0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:43.840
<v Speaker 5>I got you a house, I got you a car.

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.079
<v Speaker 5>What do you mean I'll give you a place. I've

0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.000
<v Speaker 5>given you safety. You find it in somebody else. They

0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.760
<v Speaker 5>ain't got to do it. Get everything that I built

0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.120
<v Speaker 5>and didn't got to put in no work. That's where

0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:53.560
<v Speaker 5>you need to be.

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 2>That's what I don't think.

0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 3>I don't I don't think a man can get U

0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:02.079
<v Speaker 3>the visual out of his head. Yeah that's someone that's

0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:04.920
<v Speaker 3>someone that's been with what's his I don't think a

0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.160
<v Speaker 3>man can get that out of his head. The territory

0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:11.520
<v Speaker 3>for for for women who have been able to get

0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:12.120
<v Speaker 3>it out and.

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:16.000
<v Speaker 2>Go on and and uh some women, yeah, you know

0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 2>a lot of them.

0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:20.000
<v Speaker 3>Move on and accept your apology and keep it moving

0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 3>and fix your relationship. I bout down to them, but

0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:27.960
<v Speaker 3>but for men, it's that visual, not that you saw it,

0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.000
<v Speaker 3>but you are imagining it. You're just not gonna ever

0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:32.959
<v Speaker 3>get that out of to It's just not gonna leave

0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.160
<v Speaker 3>your head, all right. That's why I don't understand this

0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.760
<v Speaker 3>whole threesome message. I can't get that out of mind,

0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:38.600
<v Speaker 3>all right.

0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Leave your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram at

0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:46.240
<v Speaker 1>Steve Harvey FM, and check out the Strawberry Letter podcast

0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:49.319
<v Speaker 1>and the free iHeartRadio app coming up next to this

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0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Right after this, you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning

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<v Speaker 2>Show