Speaker 1: It is time now for my Strawberry Letter for today,
Speaker 1: and if you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting,
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Speaker 1: going to read this letter right here, right now.
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Speaker 3: You never know it could be yours. Buckle up and
Speaker 3: hold on tight. We got it for you here. It
Speaker 3: is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1: Now if you thank you? Subject, What would you do
Speaker 1: in my situation? Dear Stephen Shirley, my wife. My wife
Speaker 1: had a side dude, and I'm trying to figure out
Speaker 1: my next move. She admitted to having sex more than
Speaker 1: a few times with the guy that she works with.
Speaker 1: She said it was over and she wanted to come clean.
Speaker 1: I told her she could keep seeing him because I
Speaker 1: was done with her. I started sleeping on the sofa
Speaker 1: in our bedroom and I let her have the bed.
Speaker 1: Then she started staying out all night, and she said
Speaker 1: she might as well do whatever she wants to do
Speaker 1: since I didn't want her anymore. For weeks, she begged
Speaker 1: to have sex with me, but I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I still can't. She used to yell and scream at
Speaker 1: me at night, late at night, so our twins quickly
Speaker 1: caught on to what was going on. She figured since
Speaker 1: they're eighteen and grown in her eyes, that they should
Speaker 1: know what was going on. They sided with me, and
Speaker 1: now they won't speak to their mom. They want her
Speaker 1: to move out, but I cannot put her out because
Speaker 1: it would make me look bad.
Speaker 2: I have a respectable.
Speaker 1: Job and the rumors would be bad for me in
Speaker 1: my professional and personal life. My best friend said that
Speaker 1: I should forget what people think and move on with
Speaker 1: my life. But it's not that simple. My wife and
Speaker 1: I have spent all of our savings on the children,
Speaker 1: and they both got new cars for graduation. I cannot
Speaker 1: afford to start over. I'm fifty four and broke. The
Speaker 1: twins will be moving out eventually, so I'm holding out
Speaker 1: until I can move into one of their rooms when
Speaker 1: they leave. The tension is heavy in the house. So
Speaker 1: if you were me, would you move out and start
Speaker 1: over from the bottom or stay in the house. Wow,
Speaker 1: I mean, there's so much going on in this letter
Speaker 1: from your wife cheating to her coming back, and then
Speaker 1: wanting you and saying it was over and it's a
Speaker 1: guy at the job. Okay, you say you're done though, right,
Speaker 1: you said you're done. So if you're sure that you're
Speaker 1: done with this situation, why don't you and your wife
Speaker 1: get a divorce? And never suggests that to people. That's
Speaker 1: your own, you know, situation and problem to work out.
Speaker 1: But in this case, since you're done and she'd cheated,
Speaker 1: you can, you know, end this marriage, sell the house.
Speaker 1: The money that you make off the sale can be
Speaker 1: split between the two of you, and hopefully it would
Speaker 1: be enough for you both to start over. You're the
Speaker 1: one that wants to start over and it's done with
Speaker 1: the wife. The money you make off the house, like
Speaker 1: I said, it can be split. Hopefully you can you
Speaker 1: you know, can find something reasonable. You're not alone, I
Speaker 1: have to tell you that, because most men hate the
Speaker 1: idea of some side dude sleeping with their wife and
Speaker 1: being with their wife in any kind of way, and
Speaker 1: they rarely take their wives back.
Speaker 2: So you're not alone in that area.
Speaker 1: Women, on the other hand, are the ones who will
Speaker 1: forgive their husbands, you know a lot of the times,
Speaker 1: not all the time, but they do it at a
Speaker 1: more steadily paced than men. I'll just say that they
Speaker 1: stay with the husbands usually. It sucks that your wife's
Speaker 1: cheating has turned your life upside down and messed everything up.
Speaker 1: It sucks that your children are no longer speaking to her.
Speaker 1: She's ruined that relationship. This is a mess. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I do think that you guys probably should split up,
Speaker 1: make a clean break. You get your own space, and
Speaker 1: she has her own space. Nephew, Tommy started from the bottom.
Speaker 1: Now I'm here, all right, let's try to break it down.
Speaker 1: Tom going to try to give you some ready to
Speaker 1: live approach. How about that something that's gonna try to
Speaker 1: make some sense that if I can. All right, I've
Speaker 1: been mad with myself twenty five years, twenty five years,
Speaker 1: so maybe I can help.
Speaker 3: You with just what what a normal relationship look like.
Speaker 3: Ain't no side, dude, ain't no sex. A few times
Speaker 3: with somebody and that that ain't that. It ain't out
Speaker 3: all night hanging out. I don't know where you're at.
Speaker 3: You coming and going like you want to. Uh, you
Speaker 3: ain't in the house acting the food big and for sex.
Speaker 3: You ain't screaming to the top of your lungs in
Speaker 3: front of the kids now they know what's going on.
Speaker 3: You live in a mess, so you try and hold on.
Speaker 3: You're trying not to start from the bottom all over again.
Speaker 3: Well you may have to. I think you got to.
Speaker 3: You're gonna have to start somewhere, but you got to
Speaker 3: put an end to this mess that you're in. You
Speaker 3: already you pretty much have decided you don't want this
Speaker 3: no more, and I agree with you. I wouldn't want
Speaker 3: this either. I would not want to go another first.
Speaker 3: So now you're sleeping somewhere else. You're waiting on one
Speaker 3: of the kids to leave so you can sleep in
Speaker 3: that room while we doing all that? Why are we
Speaker 3: doing all that? As Shirley said, let's get rid of
Speaker 3: his house. Let's at least have a conversation enough to say,
Speaker 3: we're gonna get rid of this house. Whatever we get,
Speaker 3: let's just break it down the middle. You go your way, out,
Speaker 3: go my way. That's what you want. But you're also
Speaker 3: worried about what other people think. And that's your problem.
Speaker 3: At this point, when everything is broken down to beat
Speaker 3: this band, they can't be about what everybody else think.
Speaker 3: Probably half the people see what is broken anyway, So
Speaker 3: quit worrying. About that, worry about how you're gonna fix this,
Speaker 3: and how you keep your relationship with your children. That's
Speaker 3: what's important. How do you take care of yourself, how
Speaker 3: do you keep your relationship with your two children and
Speaker 3: make sure that they're straight as they get ready to
Speaker 3: go off to school and they get ready to start
Speaker 3: their adulthood. That's what you want to be focused on.
Speaker 3: As far as her, Let's figure out how we can
Speaker 3: resolve this in a man of where it doesn't explode.
Speaker 3: It doesn't explode the way she do when she in
Speaker 3: there trying to have sex and you don't want it
Speaker 3: no more. Let's let's just figure out how can we
Speaker 3: do that. Now here's a yes. Because the last thing
Speaker 3: you should be wanting is to live in this house.
Speaker 3: It's too much to happen in this house, all right,
Speaker 3: It's got too many memories in it. You don't want
Speaker 3: to be here. So I suggest a nice let's just
Speaker 3: I mean, they're not gonna like it, but let's just
Speaker 3: start Saturday morning a nice little garage. Say just start
Speaker 3: bringing start with one room, just start bringing everything, putting
Speaker 3: it out on the yard, and we're gonna start making
Speaker 3: a little money so we can start having some coins
Speaker 3: so we can eventually we go another two weeks. We
Speaker 3: probably gonna have a whole living room, dining room out there.
Speaker 3: We get rid a piece by piece.
Speaker 2: All right, nephew, thank you.
Speaker 1: Coming up, we'll have part two of our responses to
Speaker 1: this strawberry letter at twenty three minutes after. The subject
Speaker 1: is what would you do in my situation? We'll talk
Speaker 1: about it right after this fell hall car too. You're
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Speaker 1: It is time now to recap the Strawberry letter. The
Speaker 1: subject is what would you do in my situation? Mann
Speaker 1: wrote this letter. He said his wife has a side guy,
Speaker 1: side piece, side dude, and he's trying to figure out
Speaker 1: his next move. His wife admitted to having sex more
Speaker 1: than a few times with this guy.
Speaker 2: It's a guy from work.
Speaker 1: She said it was over and she wanted to come clean,
Speaker 1: so she was honest about everything with her husband. Her husband,
Speaker 1: needless to say, did not like this. He says he
Speaker 1: is through with his wife, but they're having some financial
Speaker 1: difficulties because they both used up their savings to buy
Speaker 1: their twins cars and so he says he's fifty four
Speaker 1: and broke now, so he doesn't have anywhere to go. Basically,
Speaker 1: he's waiting for the twins to become eighteen so he
Speaker 1: can move into one of their rooms hopefully.
Speaker 2: He said.
Speaker 1: The tension is really heavy in the house. If you
Speaker 1: were me, what would you do? Would you move out
Speaker 1: or start from the bottom or stay in the house. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: his wife is still in the house and she's screaming
Speaker 1: at him every night to come and have sex with her,
Speaker 1: but he won't do it because again he's done with her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Junior, what do you say? What I say?
Speaker 5: You know, like times said, he'd been married twenty five years,
Speaker 5: you know, and he got a healthy marriage and that's good.
Speaker 5: But I'll tell you right now, you can be married
Speaker 5: four years and know this ain't right. You could be
Speaker 5: married yesterday and know this ain't right. I just don't
Speaker 5: understand this. She came in and confessed she had a
Speaker 5: side and she had sex with him a few times.
Speaker 5: Now you sitting there listening to this, I don't know
Speaker 5: what we're doing here. We're doing way too much. This
Speaker 5: is way too much we were doing. You know, we
Speaker 5: be being kind way too much. We've been doing way
Speaker 5: too much. We sleeping in different areas in our own home,
Speaker 5: way too much. Because of a confession that she made
Speaker 5: that she's sleeping with another guy that's a cowork. We're
Speaker 5: doing way too much.
Speaker 2: And so what would I do. I'm not leaving my home.
Speaker 5: This ain't where y'all having sex at. I'm not leaving.
Speaker 5: But you finnah go. You finna get out, You finna go.
Speaker 5: This ain't even healthy. You ain't got to take this.
Speaker 5: You do not have to take this. This is what
Speaker 5: you don't understand. You keep talking about what should I do?
Speaker 5: You're not doing nothing.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: You wrote us, so that means she's still in there.
Speaker 5: You didn't it took time to write this letter, but
Speaker 5: you let her stay. This is what you're doing. This
Speaker 5: is not a great position for you to be in.
Speaker 5: You're doing way too much. Your kids got to hit
Speaker 5: us too. Now she's so crazy. She said, I'm the eighteen,
Speaker 5: so I might well gonna tell them, And the kids
Speaker 5: got enough sense to know, well, Mama, you wrong.
Speaker 2: The kids know.
Speaker 5: So if the kids know, then that means you should
Speaker 5: just protect your children, and said you are the ones
Speaker 5: that gonna be gone over that with your man gonna
Speaker 5: be that gon't be what your side do because you
Speaker 5: don't want her to know you ain't got to have
Speaker 5: sex with her.
Speaker 3: It ain't.
Speaker 5: It ain't gonna be the same.
Speaker 2: That's that guilt sex.
Speaker 5: Like, if I just get them back in this bedroom,
Speaker 5: I can fix this.
Speaker 2: I can stay.
Speaker 5: No you can't. No, no, you can't. You can't fix
Speaker 5: not set Saint Finn fix it. It's gonna it's gonna
Speaker 5: make You'll be in a whole world of hurts after that.
Speaker 5: So what you do is says, she don't want to leave.
Speaker 5: Let Brenda start coming over. Not your side chick, Brenda,
Speaker 5: your main chick.
Speaker 2: Now let her see Brenda. Let let Brenda come in there.
Speaker 5: You need somebody who understands you in eye contact, that
Speaker 5: makes statements.
Speaker 2: That's the woman you need. She don't deserve you.
Speaker 5: And look you there in your eyes, she don't deserve you.
Speaker 5: You better than that.
Speaker 2: M hmm.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be here for you.
Speaker 2: See, you need.
Speaker 5: Somebody to build you back up. God, she got somebody.
Speaker 5: But it ain't gonna be the same though, because he
Speaker 5: ain't the same man you are.
Speaker 2: That's the fine. He ain't even half the man you are. Wow.
Speaker 5: See that that's a that's a cheap way for him
Speaker 5: to say, I got you know you didn't. You freed me,
Speaker 5: is what you.
Speaker 2: Did, because now I know what I got. Now you
Speaker 2: know what you got? Uh huh you you you got?
Speaker 5: You got somebody who never appreciated you. The only thing
Speaker 5: you got good at this whole deal is your kids.
Speaker 5: You ain't broke, you rich. You got to twins. That's
Speaker 5: who you're working for. Man, you don't need her.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, we're running short on funds, though, we're running
Speaker 3: short on funds. But just just a recommendation. They twins,
Speaker 3: can't we They pretty much go everywhere together? Can we.
Speaker 2: Together? Day?
Speaker 5: You may have to, you know what I'm saying. Outfit
Speaker 5: Somebody go with a shirt, somebody go with a jeans.
Speaker 2: Find a different time you ain't. Haven't got y'all not
Speaker 2: gonna look like for a while.
Speaker 3: That's all.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you guys something. You can't go ahead?
Speaker 2: Did I go ahead?
Speaker 1: I want to ask you guys something as men, because
Speaker 1: I know this is hard. You know, more women forgive
Speaker 1: their husbands and take them back when they cheat than
Speaker 1: men take their wives back when they cheat. Why what
Speaker 1: is that is because you guys are so territorial or
Speaker 1: what is that about that men don't usually take their
Speaker 1: wives back after their wives cheat.
Speaker 5: I got you a house, I got you a car.
Speaker 5: What do you mean I'll give you a place. I've
Speaker 5: given you safety. You find it in somebody else. They
Speaker 5: ain't got to do it. Get everything that I built
Speaker 5: and didn't got to put in no work. That's where
Speaker 5: you need to be.
Speaker 2: That's what I don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't think a man can get U
Speaker 3: the visual out of his head. Yeah that's someone that's
Speaker 3: someone that's been with what's his I don't think a
Speaker 3: man can get that out of his head. The territory
Speaker 3: for for for women who have been able to get
Speaker 3: it out and.
Speaker 2: Go on and and uh some women, yeah, you know
Speaker 2: a lot of them.
Speaker 3: Move on and accept your apology and keep it moving
Speaker 3: and fix your relationship. I bout down to them, but
Speaker 3: but for men, it's that visual, not that you saw it,
Speaker 3: but you are imagining it. You're just not gonna ever
Speaker 3: get that out of to It's just not gonna leave
Speaker 3: your head, all right. That's why I don't understand this
Speaker 3: whole threesome message. I can't get that out of mind,
Speaker 3: all right.
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