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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called Defecto or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. Rest your

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Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to

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Speaker 1: The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go listen to

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Speaker 1: see by. So I have a confession to make I

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Speaker 1: low key. Sometimes I'm happy when the kids get in

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Speaker 1: the way a k. A. Cock block because I'm in

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Speaker 1: the mood anyway, so it saves me. Guys, I don't

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Speaker 1: even think I have just one sound bite for this episode.

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Speaker 1: I'm tired of all of y'all, you and damn kids

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Speaker 1: dead as he and we're the Ellis. You may know

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Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading

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Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'm

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Speaker 1: making me most days. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast

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Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about. Through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial Mattie couple. Dead ass is a

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillows off

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead as starts. Now. Let

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Speaker 1: me begin this story time by saying that when you know,

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Speaker 1: when people say that kids will mess up your love life,

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Speaker 1: and people will be like, no, that's not true. Yes

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Speaker 1: it is, it is true. I'll give you an example.

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Speaker 1: Last week, I ain't even have to take story time

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Speaker 1: that far back. Thursday, me and Cadeen, ain't you know,

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Speaker 1: we ain't do nothing in about three four days. So

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Speaker 1: I'm my I'm already on high. So now it's Thursday

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Speaker 1: and it's getting late at night, Case falling to sleep,

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Speaker 1: Case falling to sleep, and I'm like, yo, yo, yo, yo, listen.

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Speaker 1: She's like, no, let's watch a movie real quick, and

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Speaker 1: we go upstairs. I'm like fine, So we decided to

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Speaker 1: watch Parasite. So we put Parasite in and we're getting

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Speaker 1: towards the end of the movie and I'm doing what

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Speaker 1: I typically do when I watch movies. I watch movies

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Speaker 1: and I glanced at her watch movies, and a glance

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Speaker 1: at her because I want to make sure she's still

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Speaker 1: up because at the end of this movie, I'm about

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Speaker 1: to go get my thing thing done. All right, I'm

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Speaker 1: watching the movie. The movie is about the end. I

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Speaker 1: looked to my right and I see a little afro

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Speaker 1: next to Codein. I'm like, twelve thirty cats got out

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Speaker 1: of bed. No, this was two am. Remember, Oh no,

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Speaker 1: it was two am. It was am. Cats got out

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Speaker 1: of bed and just came downstairs and got right on

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Speaker 1: the couch next to me. And we're just sitting there

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Speaker 1: the whole time, standing right at me. Looked at me

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Speaker 1: in oyes. So this is what pissed me off. Codein

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Speaker 1: says to me, baby baby, because now we we we

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Speaker 1: we go upstairs, we brush our teeth every we were

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Speaker 1: laying in the bed. She goes, pay bad. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: put them to sleep. Right once I put them to sleep,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna wake you up. I'm fading in and out

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Speaker 1: of that type of sleep. You know, that type of

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Speaker 1: step people talk about when they sleep but they not

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Speaker 1: really sleep and they feel like someone got pressure on

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Speaker 1: their chests and they can't get up. I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: in and out of that secause I don't want to

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Speaker 1: go to sleep because I still want some booty. Right.

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Speaker 1: All I hear is out I turned over. He's still up,

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Speaker 1: k knocked out out like a light. So man, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I ain't gonna do myself like a light

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Speaker 1: me a light me. I want to sleep. It was

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Speaker 1: pissed the next morning, So why I creep? Yeah? Been

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Speaker 1: on the down low. No, it's supposed to know, so

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Speaker 1: I creep. Yeah. So Jackson role Mo don't know what

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Speaker 1: we do. A tension goes to show asleep, Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting up by myself and I really don't know

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Speaker 1: when I'm gone. Doc's sleep. Yeah, that's what you should

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Speaker 1: have saying. That's exactly what you should have saying. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, because Jackson ro Rod be know

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Speaker 1: when and kids, this is my life. I can't believe.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad I think that's song because you're able to

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Speaker 1: remix that perfectly because instead of trying to creep around

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Speaker 1: obvious sleep, I believe it's just my life. I'd be

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Speaker 1: sleeping and I'll be down. I can't believe this is

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Speaker 1: my life. This is your whole, entire life babe, But

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Speaker 1: I mean it's funny. We we take funny. It's funny

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Speaker 1: to know, it's funny to me, it's only funny in retrospect,

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Speaker 1: because I kid you not, y'all. Like our kids literally

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Speaker 1: have like the most opportune times to come and try

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Speaker 1: to interrupt whenever we're trying to get a little moment

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Speaker 1: freaky like yo. And the thing is, we picked creep

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Speaker 1: because we tried. I think we told you before about

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Speaker 1: the whole closet situation. We try to wait till late

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Speaker 1: late at night, tired, and they still be up or

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Speaker 1: just moving around the house like like you just trying

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Speaker 1: to be quiet, and then you're here, momy, what are

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Speaker 1: you doing? Like go read a book or do something.

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Speaker 1: And the best is just like I want to get

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Speaker 1: in the middle, like that's Cairo and Cass this thing

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Speaker 1: the middle and they fight for like who's in the middle,

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Speaker 1: Like who's in the middle in the middle of nothing. Okay,

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Speaker 1: But the best part for me, at least after your

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Speaker 1: story time, was the fact that you said when I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, let me just wait till cats falls asleep.

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Speaker 1: I my body. Whenever I'm tired, We'll just shut down.

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Speaker 1: I don't care what I want. I could be hungry.

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Speaker 1: I could just be like, you know, I might need something.

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Speaker 1: At that point in time, I had to pee, but

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Speaker 1: I just won't get up because I'm just that tired. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: Deval is just like, oh, she said, if you said

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Speaker 1: I can get something, I'm gonna stay up. You don't

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Speaker 1: care how tired you are. Was one time on his deathbed,

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Speaker 1: I kid, y'all not. This man had like a hundred

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Speaker 1: and four fever, And I thought to myself, Oh, I'm good,

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Speaker 1: I'm good tonight. I got Jackson in bed, he's sick

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Speaker 1: like I'm good. And I got in bed. Who's rolling

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Speaker 1: his little hot ass over onto me. Yea, I was

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Speaker 1: trying to give you this warm wood. Imagine what that

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Speaker 1: feel like, it's warmed up. I was trying to teach that, guys,

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Speaker 1: you're welcome. You're welcome. Imagine that feeling. That is so weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he heated that thing up for you. So today we're

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Speaker 1: going to discuss intimacy, of course, in a relationship, but

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Speaker 1: we're gonna take a deep dive into the changes that

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Speaker 1: happened in a relationship when you have kids. Number One,

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Speaker 1: um as both of your body changes, and we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go back a little bit to talk about some of

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Speaker 1: the issues Condine and I have had and some of

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Speaker 1: the unresolved issues, and then speak a little bit about

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Speaker 1: how we're working to fix them, because we're both unfinished products,

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Speaker 1: absolutely still working on stuff, still working on some stuff,

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Speaker 1: and we think it's only fair. You know, we've spoken

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Speaker 1: in the past about sex and intimacy. We've had some

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Speaker 1: experts on the show, but we listen to letters about

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Speaker 1: intimacy and time and finding time for your balance and

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Speaker 1: how me, particularly from women, how I'm able to balance

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Speaker 1: everything and the wants and the needs of my spouse,

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Speaker 1: like how that happens. So think about this as like

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Speaker 1: part three of our unofficial Intimacy series, where we talk

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Speaker 1: about a couple of things and how it's worked for

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Speaker 1: us or not worked for us over the span of

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Speaker 1: our eighteen year relationship and almost ten years, and also

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Speaker 1: an update to to where we are. I think that

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Speaker 1: we are transparent with you guys, and for sure we

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Speaker 1: want to let you guys know that we're still working,

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Speaker 1: you know, just like all of you guys are still working.

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Speaker 1: We don't have the magic potion because some guys ask

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Speaker 1: me like, yo, bro, how to do Ask me, say, bro,

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Speaker 1: how you get condin to want to have sex on

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Speaker 1: the time? And I was like, what make you think

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Speaker 1: that want to have sex on time? Watching a one

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Speaker 1: minute video? Watch you on Instagram and you still make

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Speaker 1: you all into each other. And that's when I had

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Speaker 1: to realize, like, you know what, I think we should

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Speaker 1: you know, let people know that you know, we're just

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Speaker 1: still an ongoing process. It is, and we've said time

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Speaker 1: on time and time again that this podcast for us

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Speaker 1: is almost like a level of therapy where we're able

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Speaker 1: to talk about things and there's always a new revelation

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Speaker 1: whenever we sit down in these chairs side by side.

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Speaker 1: So and we just had an argument a couple of

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Speaker 1: days ago, I mean, it's only right to share share

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Speaker 1: with the family. Let y'all know what's going on. Our

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Speaker 1: spiraling off of your story about Thursday with Kaz leads

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Speaker 1: us to another dramatic Friday. You will not believe the

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Speaker 1: theatrics that went down in our household when we're trying

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Speaker 1: to get out the house for date night. My kids

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Speaker 1: have a way of making me feel so guilty about

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Speaker 1: leaving the house sometimes just to go spend time with day,

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Speaker 1: Daddy like yo, full on, full on Academy Award performance

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Speaker 1: Cairo trying, full tears, teams reaching out in slow motion. Right,

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Speaker 1: it was all stead brother, Daddy is out of here

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Speaker 1: with your mom's bro. He really was. And he was

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Speaker 1: like and then there was like the choking, hyper ventilating

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Speaker 1: the coffee. He was about to vomit, like there was

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Speaker 1: all that going on and that was just his night.

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Speaker 1: Jackson has his nights when he's just like, I want

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Speaker 1: you to leave, Like it's almost as if they rotate,

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Speaker 1: like let me tag you in, it's you tonight, like

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Speaker 1: this is the hey, this is you had the first

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Speaker 1: Friday of the month. I had the last Friday of

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Speaker 1: the month, and cash you pop up randomly at t

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Speaker 1: am some mornings and then we lit. We covered that

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Speaker 1: covers three out of the fourth fridays, and then on

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Speaker 1: the fourth Friday, care falls asleep. That's about right. So

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Speaker 1: the val being here frustrated, that's about right. And and

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Speaker 1: this is the truth, Yo, I don't feel that there's

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Speaker 1: enough empathy giving two men who are trying their hardest

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Speaker 1: to be monogamous and not being able to do the

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Speaker 1: things that they are supposed to be able to do

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Speaker 1: with the one woman that they are supposed to live

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Speaker 1: the rest of their life with. I feel like all them.

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Speaker 1: I feel like all the empathy goes towards women like

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Speaker 1: I feel, and I feel like it's unfair. I'm being honest.

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Speaker 1: It is unfair. It is so unfair. What's so unfair

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Speaker 1: about it? Your your main excuse for anything we do

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Speaker 1: is I had three whole boys. If I talk about

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Speaker 1: washing dishes, I talked about washing dishes. You have so

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Speaker 1: many things, three boys, one eight years ago, one three

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Speaker 1: years ago, and one two years ago. Still tired and

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Speaker 1: my body is still evolving and changing after those boys.

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Speaker 1: So don't sit here and try to man explain like

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Speaker 1: how I'm supposed to feel. After the fact, I didn't

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Speaker 1: say how you're supposed to feel. All I'm saying that

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Speaker 1: there's no empathy given towards men. Empathize with you because

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Speaker 1: y'all feel because this is what women say. Because we

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Speaker 1: don't have children, our life is easy. We never tired,

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Speaker 1: even though I am the most involved parents ever, I'm

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Speaker 1: never tired. I've never done anything in my life, and

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Speaker 1: I have no reason to. I'm supposed to just sit

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Speaker 1: here and wait for whenever you're ready. I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that you're not tired. I I do appreciate you as

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Speaker 1: a father and a working husband and as a provider

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Speaker 1: like all of that. I've said time and time again.

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Speaker 1: I get it. But however, I'm just saying, our body

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Speaker 1: is functioned differently. You are tired, and that does not

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Speaker 1: take away from the fact that you still want to

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Speaker 1: get some ass. Whereas with me, when I'm tired, my

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Speaker 1: body shuts down and I don't want nobody poking at me.

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Speaker 1: I understand, and I'm like, you know what, let me

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Speaker 1: let me try to do you know, try to figure

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Speaker 1: out a way to balance and do other stuff. But

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Speaker 1: then when it comes to me saying you know what,

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Speaker 1: I think I made me a little more like this

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Speaker 1: is like de Val, I had a baby. It's like, yo,

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Speaker 1: how long are you going to use the fact that

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Speaker 1: you had a baby as a reason why you're tired?

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Speaker 1: How many It's not just the baby or the actual

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Speaker 1: physical act of caring and having a baby. It's then

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Speaker 1: now we have to then raise the show together, So

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Speaker 1: you throw that into the mix alonge parenting and everything.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to everything the way

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Speaker 1: you want it. All the way, but an empathy trying

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Speaker 1: to meet you halfway. I feel like that's my empathy

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Speaker 1: is like, Okay, I don't feel like doing it tonight,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna muster up the strength to do it.

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Speaker 1: It may not be the frequency that you want or

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Speaker 1: the way in which you wanted in that moment, but

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Speaker 1: you're still getting it. Now ask the question, because let's

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Speaker 1: be honest. Let's be honest. If he wants to have

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Speaker 1: sex every day, right, and you don't want to have

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Speaker 1: sex every day, that's seven times out of the week

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Speaker 1: he wants to have sex. You don't want to have sex,

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Speaker 1: But he already says, you know what, I know she's

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Speaker 1: not gonna have sex every day, So let's have sex

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Speaker 1: every two days. So that leaves two more times, two

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Speaker 1: times out of the week that we can't have sex,

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Speaker 1: and only two times out of the seven that we

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Speaker 1: do have sex. You act like you really don't want

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Speaker 1: to have sex, or you let me know that you're

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Speaker 1: not in the mood. What kind of enjoyable sex is

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Speaker 1: that for a man who's already who's already uh compromise

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Speaker 1: on the fact that he's not going to have sex

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Speaker 1: as much as he wants, but then when we do right,

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Speaker 1: but then a week But then when he does have sex,

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Speaker 1: you have to let it know that I'm doing this

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Speaker 1: because you want to have it and I'm still not

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Speaker 1: in the mood. Do you think that's enjoyable for man?

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Speaker 1: Being honest, do you still get unit at the end.

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Speaker 1: That's not the point, It's not the Point's not the point.

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Speaker 1: What if men or me, for example, did that to

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Speaker 1: you when it come to the things you wanted, Rather

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Speaker 1: than give it to you the way you want, I

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Speaker 1: just do it in your way and let you know

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Speaker 1: I'm only doing this because you wanted. I would be

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Speaker 1: seen as the worst husband in the world. Think about it.

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Speaker 1: Just think about it for a second. You wouldn't You

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Speaker 1: wouldn't accept that from me. Men want to be wanted

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Speaker 1: the same way women want to be wanted. Right. You

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Speaker 1: want to feel you want to be romanticized, you want

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Speaker 1: to be taking out on dates, you you want to

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Speaker 1: feel like a woman. Right. I understand that. I just

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Speaker 1: feel like it's daunting for me because this is something

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Speaker 1: we argue about all the time, folks. So when the

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Speaker 1: val be getting into his his ways with it, a

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Speaker 1: lot of times I'm just like that we spoke about

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Speaker 1: this already, Like you can't just speak on things and

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Speaker 1: then go back to doing what you're doing, because then

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Speaker 1: that doesn't work for sure. And I know for me,

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Speaker 1: I've been guilty of that. I've been like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna change this, and then I wasn't consistent with it.

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Speaker 1: So I will be fair and say that within our

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Speaker 1: relationship there's things that I wasn't necessarily consistent with. One

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Speaker 1: thing that has been consistent with is one of sex

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Speaker 1: every day. That's something that we just that's not just

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Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen. It's not healthy for me either,

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Speaker 1: and it's not healthy for you. And we've and we've

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Speaker 1: compromised on that. I think there can be a solution,

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Speaker 1: and and to be honest, I think the the solution

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Speaker 1: comes with effort. And that's what I think. That's why

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Speaker 1: I said the thing about empathy. Right, Even if you

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Speaker 1: think about our podcast that we did and I talked

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Speaker 1: about we talked about chores. Every time I mentioned the

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Speaker 1: chore that I was willing to do as a man,

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Speaker 1: all the women cheered, right, All the women cheered if

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Speaker 1: it was hemping gas, whether it's opened the doors pulling

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Speaker 1: out chairs, paying all of the rent, paying the mortgage,

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Speaker 1: paying the builds, all the women chaired. The minute I

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Speaker 1: mentioned a chore that a woman is supposed to do,

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Speaker 1: all the women was just like she had three whole boys.

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Speaker 1: So then it's like there is no empathy for a

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Speaker 1: man who was trying to do everything he's supposed to

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Speaker 1: do in this in his relationship to be the best

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Speaker 1: husband he can be and still requires the romanticism and

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Speaker 1: the things you want from his wife because it's not

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Speaker 1: just about the sex for us. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: the problem. When you just turn over and you just

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Speaker 1: throw your butt and say here, you're gonna get your

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Speaker 1: not anyway, that's not romantic to us. That's not making

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Speaker 1: us feel wanted the same way. Come Valentine is they

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Speaker 1: If Valentine's they happened, and I don't have flowers diamonds dinner,

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Speaker 1: you're not gonna feel special. If I just come in

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Speaker 1: the house and throw flowers that you say here, just

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Speaker 1: take it, you would look at me like, really, that's

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Speaker 1: what I get. But constantly men are approached that way

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Speaker 1: when it comes to sex because you feel like that's

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Speaker 1: what we need. We just well, I mean to be

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Speaker 1: honest too, that's what a lot of men at least

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Speaker 1: and what in conversation that I've heard or overheard with men,

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Speaker 1: then sometimes they talk about, yeah, I'm just trying to

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Speaker 1: get my note and run, like you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And to be honest, I think a lot of women

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Speaker 1: probably feel that, like, bro, you need some release, right

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Speaker 1: if you're gonna get it, get it however you gotta

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Speaker 1: get it. You're saying it now, which is a little

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Speaker 1: bit different to me, like, oh, so there is like

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Speaker 1: a process that you guys want, So it's not necessarily

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Speaker 1: about hitting it and running. You want a whole a

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Speaker 1: whole episode to happen. You want like something to happen.

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Speaker 1: I think that people confused it too. If you ask

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Speaker 1: a man if you're trying to get his nuts, and

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Speaker 1: this is a man who's not trying to be monogamous,

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Speaker 1: he's probably trying to get his nut. He's on the chase.

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Speaker 1: So he has the chase, right, he meets different women, right,

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Speaker 1: those women are dressed up, those women out there looking nice.

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Speaker 1: It's the whole chase and the thrill of the hunt

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Speaker 1: that excites him. Right. So when he gets that and

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Speaker 1: he finally gets his release after the thrill of the hunt,

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Speaker 1: he feels accomplished. So at that point, even if the

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Speaker 1: girl is just like whatever, I'm gonna turnover and just

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Speaker 1: give it to you, then there's an accomplishment there because

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Speaker 1: there was a process to get to it. No, because

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Speaker 1: the hunt was the process. Typically, if you're on the hunt,

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Speaker 1: if you're a single man and you're on the hunt

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Speaker 1: for looking for women, that woman, that's that woman you

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Speaker 1: meet in a in a in the bar or the club,

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Speaker 1: is not going to turn him and say he'd take it.

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Speaker 1: That woman is probably on the hunt like you. So

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Speaker 1: they have that passionate one night stand. That's something that's

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Speaker 1: exciting for the both of them, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So now he's he's trying to find he gets the hunt.

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Speaker 1: The hunt is, he's on the prow he's looking for

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Speaker 1: different women, and once he gets the payoff, the hunt

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Speaker 1: was part of the payoff. So once you found a

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Speaker 1: woman who you want to be monogamous with and the

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Speaker 1: hunt is no longer there because you have the woman

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Speaker 1: you want to spend the rest of your life with

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Speaker 1: and there's no hunt, the payoff isn't this grand because

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Speaker 1: there is no hunt. So now it's like I'm not chasing,

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Speaker 1: I'm not hunting. I'm just she's just giving it to

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Speaker 1: me this way. So my thing is for especially for

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Speaker 1: husbands who their life can become monotonous if everything is

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Speaker 1: about the kids and then work and then the kids

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Speaker 1: and then work, and then when their wife comes in

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Speaker 1: and then it's just like here, just take it. There's

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Speaker 1: no hunt there, you know what I'm saying. No, So

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Speaker 1: so this makes me think of like when you talk

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Speaker 1: about this hunt, looking at the course of our relationship

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Speaker 1: over the past almost eighteen years, married almost ten years,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like the very beginning of the relationship

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Speaker 1: absolutely free. Kids were just getting to know each other.

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Speaker 1: There's all that excitement around that, and then their transitions

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Speaker 1: into this monogamous relationship where we're together and then we

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Speaker 1: get married and then you have kids and how different

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Speaker 1: things are once you have children. So that's pretty much

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Speaker 1: what you're alluding to, like the hunting part of it,

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Speaker 1: and being in the very beginning of a relationship versus

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Speaker 1: like because montonous. Because like I'm openly saying, and I'll

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Speaker 1: say this a thousand times, your body is going to

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Speaker 1: be different after having three children. You're gonna be tired, right,

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Speaker 1: and there's there's gonna be times where you're not gonna

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Speaker 1: want to have sex, and I'm gonna want to have sex.

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Speaker 1: We already know that, like that's already a thing. But

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Speaker 1: what I think is missing is that I don't think

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Speaker 1: women understand what's missing for us when it comes to sex.

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Speaker 1: If you think it's just the nut, then you're missing

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Speaker 1: the whole point. You understand what I'm saying, And there

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Speaker 1: are things that you've done that have kind of excited

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Speaker 1: me that if we like did that stuff consistently, it

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Speaker 1: would add to it outside of just being like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's just monotonous having sex, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So it's it's not really just so much about the frequency.

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Speaker 1: I know for a fact, we can't have sex as

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Speaker 1: much as I want to have sex. Your body can't

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Speaker 1: take it like with and that's it. Some people say this, right,

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Speaker 1: men and women, it isn't natural to be monogamous, right,

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Speaker 1: It isn't normal, It isn't natural. Isn't normal to be monogamous? Right?

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Speaker 1: I would agree with that, it isn't natural, isn't normal

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Speaker 1: to be monogamous, But I will say this, and this

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Speaker 1: will be my counter argument. You've never been great at

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Speaker 1: anything in life, doing anything natural or normally. You see

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I'm not trying to be natural

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Speaker 1: or normal. I'm trying to do something great. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to spend my life and build it with one person,

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna have to do something great to make

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Speaker 1: it work. It sacrificing, making sacrifice. Anything that it takes

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Speaker 1: to be great takes an immense amount of sacrifice. Think

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Speaker 1: about your greatest athletes, think about your greatest entertainers. They

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Speaker 1: sacrifice a ton of stuff that people who are considered

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Speaker 1: to be normal do in order to be great. It's

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Speaker 1: crazy when you talk about that and like the level

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Speaker 1: of sacrifice because to me, it's almost like and I'm

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Speaker 1: not trying to make like downplay it or make it

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Speaker 1: seem like it's comical, but to be a great person,

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Speaker 1: I want to just have to sacrifice the quality of

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Speaker 1: my sex life. To me, that just seems crazy because

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Speaker 1: sex is sex isn't if it was crazy? Why is

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Speaker 1: it so crazy for a man to want to have

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Speaker 1: sex with somebody else? Right? Well, because you like, again,

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Speaker 1: like you just said, it's not normal or natural for

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Speaker 1: people to naturally want to be monogamous. I get it,

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Speaker 1: But I'm just saying I guess because in my mindset

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Speaker 1: where I value sex on my like you know, list

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Speaker 1: of things is just not up there with you, per se,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm a parent now, I have kids, I have

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Speaker 1: a whole career, like we're building this together. So for me,

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Speaker 1: when I look at my list of things and like

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Speaker 1: where things fall on that totem pole, sex is just

425
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 1: not up there for me personally, and it is there

426
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: for you. But if I say I want to have

427
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 1: sex with someone else, it's a problem, right of course.

428
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: So then sex is up there because that's a note.

429
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: That's because that's a deal breaker for you. You You can't

430
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: say sex and you throw I'm talking about sex within

431
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 1: the not want to say confines, but within our relationship.

432
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 1: When you throw a whole another person and intad it

433
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: makes them that just completely throws every Either way, sex

434
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 1: is a priority for you because if I choose to

435
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 1: have sex with someone else other than you, that's a dealbreaker. Absolutely,

436
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: So then sex is a priority. The problem is people

437
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: making a non priority when they want to. So we

438
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: got to have sex, and then we have to have

439
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: like subcategories under it. It is quality of sex, frequency

440
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 1: of sex, sex with one person. Like, I guess there's

441
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 1: like subcategories to it, because like you're saying to me,

442
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: now sex not being on my total poll or being

443
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 1: far up. Now you're telling me like, oh, well, if

444
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 1: I had cheat with somebody else then, because that's always

445
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: your argument because sex wasn't important for you, you wouldn't matter.

446
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: It wouldn't matter having sex me, I guess you having

447
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: seen having sex, right, Okay, so I have to subcategories

448
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:47,880
Speaker 1: sex as it looks to the vow. Yeah, because we're partners,

449
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: were teammates. Okay, so I need to correct that. Maybe

450
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: I need to put that little subcategory in under sex

451
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: for me because it's quality frequency, I feel about it,

452
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: how he feels about it. I can't just say sex

453
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: with missing. I can't just say sex and not include you.

454
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 1: You are my sex life. So when I think about

455
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 1: sex and I just include myself, I think about myself.

456
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,919
Speaker 1: That's so selfish. That's why for me, what if I said, well,

457
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 1: if she's not willing to have sex every day, that's

458
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 1: a deal breaker because that's what I need. That's that's

459
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,719
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, so that's why, but that's why

460
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: there's a company, and that's also sex amidst children, and

461
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: which which creates I'm at to drop this down because

462
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 1: that creates a whole different entity of problems when you

463
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: come with children. Because here's the bottom line, there is

464
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: never enough time in the day for us to do

465
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: all the things that we really want to do or

466
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 1: need to do. We prioritized by doing the things we

467
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: need to do first, and then the things we want

468
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 1: to do end up at the bottom of the totem pole. Right.

469
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: And the reason why I think this is an important

470
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: conversation is because, like you said, sex, sex for you

471
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: is not as important that one thing always ends up

472
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: at the bottom, but that one thing is not a

473
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: one thing always for me. That's that's a neat thing.

474
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,239
Speaker 1: So when it ends up at the bottom of your

475
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: totem pole, but it's high on my total pole, I'm

476
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 1: left feeling as if I don't be a cute little

477
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: exercise for us to do, or even for every married

478
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 1: a sexercise, or it's not even just like because that's

479
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 1: a whole another thing. It's exercise. Think of something else,

480
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:23,199
Speaker 1: but you know, maybe just reevaluating and jotting down a

481
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 1: list of things and where it falls in terms of

482
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: not because I don't think we've ever really sat and

483
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 1: done that as a couple, and I think it may

484
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 1: even be a cute little exercise just to kind of

485
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: see where our head is, especially in this space now,

486
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: because naturally, being together in the very beginning with what

487
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: we wanted to needed from each other and for ourselves

488
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: is completely drastically changed to now. So maybe that we

489
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: can might do that on date night next time. You

490
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: know what I mean when we try to challenge ourselves

491
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,199
Speaker 1: to keep our phones down, writing down list you just

492
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: turned date night in the homework night, Well that's better

493
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 1: than like you being on your phone during date night

494
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: or me being on my phone. Like we try to

495
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 1: make sure we put our phones down. I'll be looking

496
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 1: at you and I'll be into you, and he'd be

497
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: ready to go home. And do you know what, So

498
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: here we all it's still that all roads still lead

499
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: back to that because it's been a couple of days, right,

500
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 1: it's been a couple of days. And speaking of which,

501
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 1: like making time for it when you're parenting, like scheduling

502
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: it in I thought about that if that's a thing

503
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 1: or do we just seize the opportunities when they present themselves.

504
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: I like the whole season the opportunity when it presents

505
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: itself because it offers a little bit of spontaneity, which

506
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: I think the thrill in that was always a good

507
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: thing for us, and being able to be spontaneous, like

508
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 1: the fair of getting caught things like that. I was

509
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 1: going to say that that that's fun, but my issue

510
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 1: with that is sometimes I'm just not in the mood

511
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: for sex at all. So it's like, yeah, I could

512
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 1: be spontaneous in my mind right now, but like there,

513
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: if my body can only do what my mind is

514
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,919
Speaker 1: telling me to do, it becomes the disconnect. I know,

515
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: and I understand. I understand. I don't think about I

516
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: think you think I disregarded a lot, and it's not

517
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: me disregarding it. It's me like thinking to myself, damn,

518
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: all right, the kids asleep, my mom's not here. I

519
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 1: could totally just like spontaneous, pop up and do something

520
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 1: right now, but god damn, I just don't really want

521
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: to because my body is just not wanting to do it,

522
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: and my mind it sounds good. But if I can

523
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: get my body to respond, I completely understand that. I

524
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: completely understand that. But but then you have to ask yourself,

525
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 1: like if I if I am in a relationship with

526
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 1: my partner, right, that may be fine for you, but

527
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: is everything you're gonna do just going to be based

528
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: around you and it's just because you're not in the

529
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:25,919
Speaker 1: mood or you don't need it, Does that mean that

530
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: your partner has to just go without it because you're

531
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 1: not in the mood. And that's where the sacrifice, And

532
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: that's what the sacrifice is because it's the same thing

533
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,480
Speaker 1: myself in the mood. Because it's the same it's the

534
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: same thing for men like you. Guys expect us to

535
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: do things that you want to do even when we're

536
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: not in the mood. And if we're not doing it,

537
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: you say that what we don't put no effort, we're

538
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,239
Speaker 1: not trying hard enough, and then we have to do

539
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: it right. So it's funny because I'm looking at our

540
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 1: rundown and it's one of the questions, askess, did you

541
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: figure out any surefire waves to get in the mood

542
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: when you're in a hurry? I don't know, that's what

543
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: you think. That's me and and and let me tell

544
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 1: y'all sister is my sisters out there, UM, if you're

545
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: looking for sure wire, sure fire ways. I think it

546
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 1: was at one of the the live shows I shouted out, um,

547
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: one of the young lady that I met at the

548
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: mom ference UM last year, and she has a sex

549
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 1: toy stop shop online, so I literally sometimes just I

550
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: had hit her up while back. I said, send me

551
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: a couple of your best sellers. So that send me

552
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 1: a couple of like what's your top threes, four or

553
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: five skews? Send them to me so I can experiment

554
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: with them. Because I'm going to be completely honest, there's

555
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 1: sometimes that I have to go to my little bag

556
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 1: of tricks. And this is something I'm planning to activate

557
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 1: more because you know, New Year knew me, and I'm

558
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: trying to activate this more. So it may require me

559
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 1: to like get myself going first a little bit, just

560
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: to even remotely get myself into some kind of Got

561
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: a question and that should be work. I got a

562
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: serious question. This is a question that I know I'm

563
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: gonna ask on behalf of all men. Right. When a

564
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: woman says she wants to be monogamous, does she know

565
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 1: what that entails? By asking the man that she wants

566
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: to only want to be with them, or does she

567
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: feel I want him to be monogamous and only want

568
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 1: to have sex when I want to have sex. That's

569
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: a serious question because men don't know. We don't get it.

570
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: I don't get it. I mean naturally not. I don't

571
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: think it's a thing where you're just like I don't

572
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: think we realize maybe I'm I can't speak for all

573
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: women but me personally. First of all, I'll always say

574
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: that I don't think I was adequately prepared for marriage

575
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 1: being with one person, Like there's a lot of ship

576
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: that I just did not know. And that's something that

577
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: we talked about now actively through like devoce Truth and

578
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: Caneine's Truth on my blog where we're gonna be kind

579
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,479
Speaker 1: of recapping the past ten years of our relationship and

580
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: like how everything started, what our mindset was when we

581
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: first started dating, to like when we first decided that

582
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 1: we were going to get married. I felt ill prepared

583
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: for that because I really didn't have Like now I

584
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: understand the value and having like a mentor someone who's

585
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: maybe a little older than you that can really say,

586
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: you know, what says this is that this is what

587
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: you have to look forward to. These are some of

588
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 1: the things that you may have to do when you

589
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 1: don't want to do them. One thing I remember, mom,

590
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: I'm saying to me prior to getting married. She was

591
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: and she said it from a place of like she

592
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: kind of just threw it out there, and I'm not

593
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: sure where it came from, but she was just kind

594
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: of like, I just don't start any bad habits that

595
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 1: you don't intend on keeping up. And I didn't know

596
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: what that meant, because I don't it could have been

597
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: with sex. It could have been with but I didn't

598
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: think necessarily I was adequately prepared for that. So for me,

599
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: I didn't equate monogamy and marriage to just having sex

600
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: with my husband whenever he wants it, however he wants it. Like,

601
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: that's not something that I was prepared for. No, it wasn't.

602
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: So it's funny though, because when I was getting married,

603
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: all the married men said, be prepared to not have sex.

604
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: That be prepared to not have sex. I was like that,

605
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 1: I said, y'all, y'all capt him right now. That's because

606
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: I started the bad habit and having it or whenever

607
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: you wanted it before that. And then we went ahead

608
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: and got married and had we had issues with sex

609
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: before we got married. But I don't think it was

610
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: I don't think it was the whole marriage thing. I

611
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: think it was be prepared to not have sex once

612
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: you decide that you want to be with one woman

613
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life or you're trying to

614
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: be so it wasn't like or be prepared to like

615
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: not have as much sex once you have children or anything.

616
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: It was just like through the course of your marriage

617
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: and then no. But then when they said once you

618
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: have kids, forget about it, people did say, once you

619
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: have kids, forget about it. But listen, I've heard I've

620
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: heard things change over time and you find something like

621
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: I don't. But I'm gonna be honest, I don't think.

622
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: I don't think it's just the forties. I look at

623
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: our life the past three years. We've gone through a

624
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 1: lot of change because you were pregnant and then pregnant again,

625
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: and then you will deal with postpartum. Then we were

626
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: going through transitions with our careers, and then we were moving.

627
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: So realistically, there hasn't been any consistency for us to

628
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: even get in the routine. Like a lot of these

629
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: things that we listen to things that would help have

630
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 1: a routine. What is our routine if you don't have one,

631
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: and my routine is arguing about this stuff all the time,

632
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: any think routine about it at least twice a week.

633
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 1: So it's funny to hear you say that because I

634
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: feel like that in turn, because I'll be trying to

635
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: figure out the problem a little bit. Man. I think

636
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 1: that supports me a little bit because it's like you're saying, Katine,

637
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: and I will admit that in the past three years,

638
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: we really haven't had any routine with anything. So I

639
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: feel like that's in turn, you're saying, Okay, Katine, I

640
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: kind of sort of understand how you might feel. Maybe

641
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: we can. I've always said I've always said I understand

642
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 1: how you feel. That doesn't mean that I'm trying. I'm

643
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: not trying to push for change, and I think that

644
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: that's what the problem is. I like to talk things out.

645
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: While I'm trying to figure things out. I'm not blaming you.

646
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to take the blame. I'm trying to

647
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: figure out what the issue is. If we can figure

648
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: out what the issue is, we can work together. The

649
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: problem is once we talk out what the issues are.

650
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: You tend to get defensive and you feel like I'm

651
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: attacking you. But my thing is is like, if you

652
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: can take compliments or you can take me praising you

653
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: for things that I think that you do greatly, you

654
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: should be able to take the criticism when I think

655
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: that you can do. I don't get defensive. I don't think.

656
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: I know you always say I get defensive, but sometimes

657
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: the defense is not really me trying to just back

658
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: my opinion or my views. It's just being frustrated or

659
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: just being like feeling helpless in that moment, like understanding

660
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: that damn you know what I mean. It's not me

661
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: trying to just defend the way I feel all the time.

662
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: You tell me that all the time. I hate when

663
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: you say I get defensive because I can. I can

664
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: feel free, and I should be able to explain the

665
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: way I feel about something without you thinking I'm being defensive.

666
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: Not being defensive. I'm just telling you how I feel

667
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 1: about it. I hear that. But I mean there are

668
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: people who say they and this is the truth, that

669
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: they appreciate that I I love my wife, but they

670
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 1: don't feel like I give a fair portrayal about people

671
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: who who do want sex more, needs sex more from

672
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: their partner. They're feeling and they're always talking about that, y'all.

673
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: I do talk about it, but I praise you a

674
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 1: lot more than not talking about our deficiencies and what

675
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: we have and the people feel like, well, they figured

676
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: it out and we haven't, but we have figured out something.

677
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: Just for the record, Like for example, and you mentioned it,

678
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: the closet thing that you that you started doing was

679
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: freaking dope because through the closet thing, I felt it

680
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: became spontaneous, you know, so I felt like it was

681
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: like random. It almost felt like the hunt, you know

682
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like like the kids will be going

683
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: for a nap and you would give me a look

684
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: and you would walk away somewhere, and then we would

685
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: go have our time there and we would be trying

686
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: not to get caught by your mom. And that that

687
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: reminds me of what it's like when you're dating you

688
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 1: only have a little bit of time between classes or

689
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 1: your roommate comes back. Always the best part And just

690
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: for a quick context, if people don't know about the closet,

691
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 1: it's just the thing that Devil and I have now

692
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: where I'll like either give him a look or I'll

693
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: shoot him a text message if I'm in another room

694
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: and he's downstairs or something, and I'll be like, meet

695
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: me in the closet. And that brings me down to

696
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: things like, you know, a quickie, Like we were looking

697
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: at fatherly dot com, which is funny. I felt like

698
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: it was necessary to look at fatherly because we're trying

699
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: to look at it from the father perspective, Like things

700
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: that men struggle with getting their wife back after having children,

701
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: and like how how to be flexible with that. So

702
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: for example, having a wife that her body has changed,

703
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: she doesn't feel good, she's going through parts postpartum, she

704
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be touched because you just had a

705
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 1: whole baby in her, and then it's now breastfeeding. Like

706
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 1: there's so many things to keep taking too kind of sinderation.

707
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: So on the site it did talk about breaking it

708
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: down to a quickie, so being flexible, um, moving the

709
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: furniture if there's a moving the furniture or finding a

710
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: closet or a room. The other night, did we in

711
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 1: the den in front of the TV? Oh? We did?

712
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: That was a good one. That little ottoman was popping

713
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: it's a perfect height. But also then also to being

714
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: prepared for walking, so like having to lock the door,

715
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: which we don't have locks in our need to lock

716
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: on our room door. Um, but having locks on the

717
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: door is being prepared for the kids busting in is

718
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 1: their quick way to feed, feed the maneuver so that

719
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: they don't catch you in the act or something like that. Um.

720
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: So that's just funny because you know, there's a different

721
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: ways according to this this website family dot com that

722
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: tells you how you can kind of deal with it.

723
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: And then there's also you know, getting a babysitter or

724
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: just if you have the means to do that, just

725
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 1: allotting the time, and that's when it almost becomes like

726
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: a scheduling thing. So sometimes scheduling doesn't seem as fun

727
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 1: because I like, you have schedule. I don't think it's

728
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: a scheduling. I think it's I think what you said

729
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: is very very important, right because you have so much

730
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: other things going on, and your body does work differently

731
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: for you than it does for me. Sex isn't as

732
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,240
Speaker 1: a priority, so when you're putting around, because I've already

733
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,359
Speaker 1: admitted that we already don't have enough time for the

734
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: things that we need in the day. The things that

735
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 1: we want always fall to the bottom. So if it's

736
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 1: not a priority because your body is just not there,

737
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: it's always going to be at the bottom. But I

738
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: think it's also being cognizant of the things that your

739
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 1: partner may need, not only just the things that you need,

740
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 1: and say, you know what, let me just find this

741
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 1: quick little six or seven minutes, do you know what

742
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: I'm saying, To make sure that they're taking care of

743
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: you know. And and I think that we often as

744
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: people lose sight of our partner while we're doing going

745
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: through all the things that we have to do as

746
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: a family, you know what I'm saying. So, like I

747
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: said this the other day, I was so focused on

748
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 1: building an empire doing this that I forgot the most

749
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: important part of being a father was time and the

750
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: time I spend with my son. It's the same thing

751
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: with my wife. I spent so much time trying to

752
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: provide and make sure you have everything that I forget

753
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: the time that we spend as partners. And that's not

754
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 1: just the time that we spend having sex, but it's

755
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 1: also the time we spend. What I listened to you

756
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: talk about the things that are important to you, us

757
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: going out on a date away from the kids, and

758
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 1: letting you be a woman and not worried about being

759
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,280
Speaker 1: a mom, because I know some people struggle with, especially

760
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 1: maybe first time parents, getting out being with each other

761
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 1: and then still talking about the kids, right, you know

762
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 1: what I mean, which is like, which is probably one

763
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 1: of the sure fire ways. Like I used to do

764
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: that in the very beginning, and then by the third child,

765
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: you're just like, okay, Jackson, let me face t have

766
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 1: me real quick, text me, text me if you're good.

767
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 1: You're good, everybody's reading, nobody's bleeding. Great. But you know,

768
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: that was something that we had to learn too. So

769
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: you know, I think first time parents probably deal with that,

770
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: especially moms who are very attached in the beginning, and

771
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: being able to say, you know what, I'm going to

772
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: take a night to just really focus on my husband

773
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 1: or focus on my wife a significant other, how how

774
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: it works out for you, and being sure to just

775
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: let so you know. But it also leads me to

776
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: is thinking about intimacy and like the definition of intimacy

777
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 1: and how that can change throughout the course of your relationship.

778
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: Intimacy Intimacy for us is not just sex. Intimacy can

779
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 1: can be that because right exactly, so, it's also and

780
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to even be physical, you know what

781
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like, sometimes the intimacy is just in being

782
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 1: able to like sit with you, talk to you, look

783
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 1: at you in your face, Like some of my favorite

784
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: times with you is date night, being able to just

785
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: look at you across the table, you know what I mean.

786
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes You're like, I'll sit next to you, and I'm like, no,

787
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: sit across from you, so I can actually just look

788
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 1: at you. And that's sometimes great because it gives me

789
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: a chance to really just like look you in the

790
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: eye and just have conversation like we used to. We

791
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of that time because so much

792
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 1: of our time is consumed with rushing here, rushing there,

793
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 1: you know, tossing a kid in your way, three kiss

794
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 1: the keys, like somebody always have somebody has something to do,

795
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: Like we're gonna be leaving here to rush Jackson, you know,

796
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 1: to to his martial arts class. Like it's just it's

797
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:05,800
Speaker 1: just always every day. It's literally every day. It's literally um.

798
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: But I think as the kids are getting older, it's

799
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,919
Speaker 1: starting to get a little bit easier. Would you say?

800
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 1: I think for me it is because I feel like

801
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: I'm finally starting to kind of get my body back,

802
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,359
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm feeling good about myself. I've been

803
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: working out lately, really trying to like take care of

804
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: myself internally and externally. Um, do you think it's gotten better?

805
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 1: It happens. It's gotten weight. First of all, our sex

806
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: life is gotten way better than what has been the

807
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: past couple of years, especially because I think you've gotten

808
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 1: more confident with your body. I liked you and was

809
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 1: attracted to you at the through the entire point. Like

810
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: you always talk about how much you weighed. I think

811
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,399
Speaker 1: you got up to one seventy. I thought you were

812
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: attractive in one seventy and you didn't understand it. And

813
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: what I didn't understand was how can how could she

814
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: not see how beautiful she is when I can see it?

815
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: And I didn't understand that Like that, like when you

816
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 1: say you don't understand how someone can need that, I

817
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 1: didn't understand how someone could not feel attractive, Like I

818
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 1: thought you were beautiful at hundred and seventy pounds and

819
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: really didn't matter to me. I think you're attractive in

820
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: a hundred and forty pounds really doesn't matter to me.

821
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: I just think you look good. So for me it

822
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: was learning the psyche of my partner while she's going

823
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: through things. So I think over years you've gotten more

824
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 1: confident with how you look, so things have gotten better.

825
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: I feel like we're starting to get in a little

826
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: bit of a routine with the kids because Jackson is

827
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,919
Speaker 1: in school, Cayro and cats go down for their naps

828
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: at a particular time, and you're able to find your

829
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: time in your space to kids naps. And lastly, I

830
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 1: think that because we have some space in distance, because

831
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: you travel, I travel. The film, when we do see

832
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 1: each other, that electricity comes back because that hunt and

833
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: chased almost right, because honestly them, I'm only going to

834
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: see her before I have to fly back out. So

835
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 1: we get it in in those times where I know

836
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be back for a while. Somebody,

837
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: please cast about in a movie so he can he

838
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: can go away for a little bit cash deviuce so

839
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:05,919
Speaker 1: I don't got to have sex, please please, because I'm

840
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 1: tired and I don't need a little break. How about that?

841
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: But I mean, the good thing is that the intimacy

842
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: is there, the attraction is still there, the intimacy is

843
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: still there on different levels. Um, and for sure, and

844
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 1: I know, I feel like your role to me has

845
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: changed a little bit after kids. For sure. Um, it's

846
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: almost like you're like becoming Well You've always been a

847
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: cheerleader for me, but I feel like you have to

848
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: kind of be You're a cheerleader for me in the

849
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 1: bedroom almost, if that makes sense. Yeah, you're always coaching

850
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: me up and let me know, Like you know, I'm

851
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: still attracted to you. I only want to be with

852
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: you like because I amn't know. Because and the thing is,

853
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: I am and I'm going to be unapologetic about this.

854
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,879
Speaker 1: I Am not going to apologize for how much I

855
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 1: love my wife and how much I physically want my wife.

856
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to apologize for that because we're here

857
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: so often when when women say, and I get these things, Hey,

858
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 1: I had a baby, had two babies, and I'm not

859
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: the same with my husband doesn't look at me to say,

860
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: he doesn't touch me on affectionate and I can understand

861
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 1: how that could hurt someone. So for me, I'm gonna

862
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: be unapologetic. I want you all the time like I do. Like,

863
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: that's just I do. I think that you're beautiful. So

864
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be apologetic and say, hey, I'm

865
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: gonna curb my appetite for my wife. No, this is

866
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 1: why I picked her to spend the rest of my

867
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: life with. And I'm unapologetic. I want you, baby, You're

868
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 1: gonna have to deal with it. Just want to cuddle sometimes,

869
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: so could we just cuddle? I do be cuddling, but

870
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 1: when I poke you, that's not my problem. There's certain

871
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: things you can't control. The certain things I can't control.

872
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 1: Want to cuddle under my fluffy red blanket. I got

873
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: this amazing blanket. I was just telling Triple about it.

874
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: There was a Christian but yeah, I got a really

875
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 1: great um blanket that I just like to cuddle. And

876
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: then cuddle has always turned into something else. But you

877
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: know what, we'll take the good with the bad. Yeah,

878
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: you gotta take the good with the bad. It's a

879
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: bad actually calls it bad. Guys. Listen, I'm standing up

880
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 1: for us today, fellas. I'm gonna get some heat for it.

881
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 1: I don't give a ship. We got to talk about

882
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: what we need in these relationships. Yo. They always say

883
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: always no. They always say to men like, you know,

884
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,760
Speaker 1: you guys need to be more vulnerable, speak to your women.

885
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: And then when we speak and like, I don't want

886
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: to talk about this no more. You wanted me to

887
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and speak. I'm speaking on the things that

888
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 1: matter because it matters to you. You know, you know

889
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 1: what we should do this season. We should get you

890
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: with some men on here, Like how about I turn

891
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: over my mic and my headphones to a couple of

892
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: guys to come in. I'm with you. I could talk

893
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: about some stuff. I'm so with it. And then I

894
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: think that would be awesome for like the ladies to

895
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,840
Speaker 1: tune in so they can hear. They can hear our perspective,

896
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: to hear I got some women to be transparent, right.

897
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: But but then I will say this, don't listen with

898
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 1: the intent to hear us say all the things you

899
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: want to hear. Listen. You'll have to tell that as

900
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 1: a disclaimer in the very yes, you have to listen

901
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 1: to that you can hear how we honestly feel, because

902
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 1: what happens is is when people tend to speak about

903
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 1: how they honestly feel, it may not be what you

904
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: want to hear. So you get upset about it, It's

905
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 1: not my problem. If you honestly want to learn and

906
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: you want to get an insight to the perspective of

907
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 1: your significant other than what they may be going through,

908
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: you gotta be willing to listen. And that's that's the

909
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 1: bottom line, because you're gonna do your woman's episode and

910
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna listen. One of the greatest things that I've

911
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: done since we started this podcast was listening to sham Booty.

912
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: I listened to her a lot because I want to

913
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 1: understand that dynamic and I feel like I've become a

914
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 1: better husband because now I want to understand that things

915
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: that can help you in that process. You know what

916
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I look at you always learning. I love

917
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying alone, I honestly am I'm trying to do.

918
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: I'll be sure to listen to so I can hear

919
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: from other men, because of course I'm only hearing your

920
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 1: perspective all the time for the most part. You know

921
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 1: what I mean. But that may be helpful as a

922
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: woman to listen to it and just try to I mean,

923
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:39,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I agree with everything, or I may not

924
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: take everything from it, but it helps, you know, that's

925
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: the whole point of this guy's exactly right. And you

926
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 1: know there's a point to adds, right, we gotta take

927
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 1: a break for that. There's a whole point to that.

928
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: He's got to get paid for sure. Well, we're gonna

929
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 1: take a quick break and move into listening letters after

930
00:42:55,320 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 1: we get into some ads. So stick around, folks. This

931
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: for the record. There it is a win for the ages.

932
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,280
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.

933
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am

934
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here

935
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,

936
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell.

937
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: You realized Tiger Wood doesn't know who he is best

938
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: in the history of Gaul, no question in my mind.

939
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,

940
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that

941
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

942
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,

943
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app. All right, So we went

944
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: into the email box to see what you guys were

945
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: submitting to dead as Advice at Gmail dot com you

946
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: want to go ahead and read the first list to

947
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: letter baby. All right, let's check this. So all right,

948
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,240
Speaker 1: So here's my situation. I've been with my now fiance

949
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 1: for a total of seven years. Within those seven years,

950
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 1: we've welcomed to kids. I am lonely and I don't

951
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:31,320
Speaker 1: feel like I have a partner. I feel like I

952
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 1: have a roommate. He comes home, we talk about bills,

953
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,919
Speaker 1: the kids, and the news. I've spoken to my partner

954
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: and explained my love language to him, which is physical

955
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: touch and words of affirmation. I explained to him that

956
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 1: I am lonely and I need those things because that's

957
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 1: how I connect with my partner. He blows me off

958
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 1: and says that I'm too needy. I speak his love language,

959
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: acts of service and receiving gifts. I make sure the

960
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 1: house is clean, and I don't bother him. He says

961
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: that I let myself go after having kids, and he's

962
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 1: a visual person, but even when I'm dolled up to

963
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: the nines, he doesn't react. I have a vision of us.

964
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: I want us to be a team and I want

965
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: to feel the fields. But I just feel like we

966
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 1: are separate and there are no fields to make things worse.

967
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: To make things worse, my previous partner gave me an

968
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: s T I one I can't get rid of. So

969
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 1: I can't get rid of. So when I told my

970
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: partner this year is ago away before the kids, and

971
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,720
Speaker 1: there was clearly a misunderstanding, I recently had a flare

972
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 1: up seven years later and reminded him. He realized he misunderstood,

973
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 1: and now I am like a walking disease and he

974
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 1: doesn't want that. He doesn't want He's been tested and

975
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: doesn't have it. What should I do? I've never felt

976
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: so lonely in my life. Should I call off this engagement?

977
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,399
Speaker 1: This is really deep. Um. Based on what she says,

978
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 1: it sounds like he may he may have an issue

979
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: if he says it was a misunderstanding with the s

980
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: T I, Um, I think it may be a misunderstanding

981
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: that he was not aware of. That might be the

982
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: root of this entire thing. It seems that may be

983
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: the of it, and maybe he feels a little deceived

984
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,839
Speaker 1: or I don't know. When he says it's a misunderstanding,

985
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how it was a misunderstanding. But um,

986
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 1: in that being said, maybe that's the reason why at

987
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 1: this point, he's maybe a little distant, you know. Well,

988
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 1: I wonder if he felt to see before because they

989
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: have two kids. I don't know whether he she explained

990
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: that before the kids are after, but if they had

991
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 1: two kids after, that means he was still, you know,

992
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: and they've been together for seven years and then she

993
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 1: said she had a flair up seven years later, So

994
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,360
Speaker 1: I'm not sure of the time frame there, but it

995
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 1: seems like he kind of disconnected a little bit or

996
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: clocked out. And it could have also been to um,

997
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: you know, once you have children and you're you're working,

998
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: and that there's the bills, and there's like there's certain routine, monotonous,

999
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 1: like mundane things that always have to be discussed, you know,

1000
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,319
Speaker 1: like for even for us, like dev just like all right,

1001
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 1: it's close to the first of the month of the

1002
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 1: fifteenth that we have discussions about like the bills, Like

1003
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 1: nobody wants to sit and discuss bills because you know,

1004
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: that's that's just kind of daunting after a while. And

1005
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: then you know, the kids are the kids, of course

1006
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 1: it's unavoidable. And then the news. But his failure to

1007
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 1: acknowledge your love language, I think it's probably also another

1008
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: big issue too. Um so everything else aside him not

1009
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 1: putting forth the effort to just try to at least

1010
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: give you a little bit of what you require. I

1011
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 1: think it's an issue, especially if you guys are looking

1012
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 1: to do this for like the long haul and be married.

1013
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: I agree if I, in listening to Cadein explain that

1014
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: my biggest issue was that him disregarding your feelings when

1015
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 1: you've been transparent with him. If you've been transparent, he says, hey, babe,

1016
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to work towards it. Let's do this together.

1017
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: That's one thing. When he says that you're just needy

1018
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: and disregards you, that means that he's not willing to

1019
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:43,840
Speaker 1: put in the work. And that's an issue now. Is

1020
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: going to become more of an issue later on for sure.

1021
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I think that you may have

1022
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: to make some decisions about where you want to move forward,

1023
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: because ultimately, you don't owe anybody anything. It doesn't matter

1024
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 1: if you have children with them or not. You have

1025
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 1: one inaliable right on this world, and that's to survive

1026
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 1: by any means necess terry. And the second right is

1027
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: to be as happy as you can while trying to survive.

1028
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: So if this person is not going to try to

1029
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: help you be happy in your survival on this planet,

1030
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 1: I say, you just cut your cut your losses, right man,

1031
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: Maybe figure out a way to co parent and you know, yes,

1032
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: so that at least the kids can grow up in

1033
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: a healthy, somewhat co parenting environment. So good luck to you,

1034
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,959
Speaker 1: sith yes, ma'am, all right, HiPE canein and devol onto.

1035
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 1: The second question. I've been in a healthy, strong relationship

1036
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend for a year now. He's twenty six

1037
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: and I'm twenty three. The only thing between us that

1038
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: hasn't been good is sex. Sometimes it feels amazing and

1039
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,879
Speaker 1: sometimes it just doesn't. At the end of it, most

1040
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: of the time, I feel unsatisfied. My boyfriend straight up

1041
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: asked me if I felt like the sex between us

1042
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: is whack, and I answered yes. For clarity, he's the

1043
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: second person that I've ever had sex with, and before him,

1044
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: I can say that I wasn't very sexually active. I

1045
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 1: acknowledge that I haven't been sexually free with myself, meaning

1046
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: I don't really know much about my own body. There

1047
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: we go. This issue has made us question whether we're

1048
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: a fit to be together, but we don't believe in

1049
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 1: breaking up without trying first. We love each other and

1050
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:10,240
Speaker 1: made a vow to commit through it all. The greatest

1051
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: thing about this is that he acknowledges our struggle and

1052
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 1: as a man, is willing to do anything to fix it.

1053
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: I would appreciate any advice on this. Love you guys,

1054
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 1: I think that they're on the right path. Like, listening

1055
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: to that was so dope, because he's acknowledging that he's

1056
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 1: acknowledging that he feels that there's a disconnect. And he

1057
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: asked her what she felt, and she was honest and

1058
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 1: said yeah. But then she acknowledged the fact that there

1059
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: are certain things that she doesn't know about herself. The

1060
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: fact that they're willing to do that and be committed

1061
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: to each other, I think is a recipe for success.

1062
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 1: For sure. That's pretty mature of them. For her and

1063
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: for sure, I mean, like you said to piggyback off

1064
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: that I think what stood out for me that was

1065
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 1: highlighted in this whole thing is that I don't really

1066
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 1: know much about my own body as a woman. I

1067
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: can say, there's so much to learn about your body,

1068
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:04,240
Speaker 1: so much to learn about what triggers you, what turns

1069
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: you on, what turns you off, Like, there's so much

1070
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:12,239
Speaker 1: that you should learn about yourself externally and internally, and

1071
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: then you can kind of guide him and let him

1072
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: know what you like and what you don't like. So

1073
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 1: this might be an actual fun exploration process for you,

1074
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, to see what you like

1075
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,239
Speaker 1: and try different things, and and you know, see if

1076
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: it means that there's just more touching and feeling going on.

1077
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I think Shan's book would be great for

1078
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: them to even take a look at, or even like

1079
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 1: her Instagram page, that would be great for her to

1080
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 1: look at, because that also too, we'll give you a

1081
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 1: little bit more insight as to things that women typically want,

1082
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,279
Speaker 1: or realizing how you may be different than another person.

1083
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: Some of it is down to anatomy, like just looking

1084
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 1: at your anatomy, looking at your vagina and saying you

1085
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 1: know what and understanding why it works the way it works.

1086
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 1: And you can potentially unlock some amazing things once you

1087
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 1: know what you like and and listen to professionals. Don't

1088
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: just run with misconceptions of what you think could be wrong.

1089
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: I've done that, and I know Codeine has done that,

1090
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,479
Speaker 1: and I've learned things recently, like in the last couple

1091
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: of months by by reading Shan's booking and listening to

1092
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 1: some of her things she has on YouTube. About Codeine's body,

1093
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: I was like, yo, I thought this whole time, I

1094
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 1: thought it was me or this whole time, I thought

1095
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 1: Codein was just this way, And then I found out

1096
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 1: and then I tried it, and then we had discussions

1097
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 1: about it, Like he and I were very open about it,

1098
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: and I wasn't funny about it, like, oh, don't go

1099
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: sit and watch the women talk about other women's bodies

1100
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: and whatnot, Like No, I think that that was actually

1101
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 1: very gratifying for me to know that he took the

1102
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 1: interests to know, Okay, we can set this up a

1103
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 1: nach or we can do things differently. How can we

1104
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 1: do that? Um, so go out. And it's also too

1105
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 1: maybe learning what to not not taking as advice. For example,

1106
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: I've spoken to a friend of mine a little while

1107
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:50,279
Speaker 1: back about, you know, her husband watching porn and just

1108
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 1: trying to just like reinvent that or the same thing

1109
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 1: that he's seen a point and she's just like, what

1110
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: is this And he's just like, now I was watching

1111
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: this video and the girl she looked like she like

1112
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 1: that and then be out And I'm like, that is

1113
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: acting like you know what I mean. You have to

1114
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 1: kind of take some from it and then you know,

1115
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: applying where you think is necessary, but also to I

1116
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: think the la the lines of communication that the two

1117
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 1: off you have right now at three and six, Um,

1118
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,800
Speaker 1: it's pretty healthy, So keep it up and try some

1119
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 1: new things. And I think it's important for you guys

1120
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 1: to know that this conversation that you guys are going

1121
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: to continue to have about each other's bodies and learning

1122
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: each other is not gonna end. And this is part

1123
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: of the reason why it's important for us to continue

1124
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,359
Speaker 1: to have this conversation, so that people don't feel like, well,

1125
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: I've done it and it didn't work and it's it's over.

1126
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 1: Because that's this is that has never been an ending

1127
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: point for Codeine and I. You know, it's always been.

1128
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: We have so many other aspects of our relationship that

1129
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,800
Speaker 1: we adore and long and want to build on that

1130
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 1: We're not going to let sex be the sole thing

1131
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 1: that completely ends us. We're just gonna keep working at it.

1132
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: And um, this example, this question is an example because

1133
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: I always get questions like, hey, it about I try

1134
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 1: what you said and it should didn't work, so and

1135
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, the shoul didn't work for me neither,

1136
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:00,839
Speaker 1: because me and Cadine are still trying to find a way.

1137
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:04,320
Speaker 1: So the fact that they're talking about it, just just

1138
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 1: keep working at it. And that's the best part because

1139
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: you did not argue about it and we debate, but

1140
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: we have great sex, and I think in parts of

1141
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 1: it we have great sex because we're constantly trying to

1142
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 1: figure each other out, like the puzzle and the frustration.

1143
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: Don't have bad sex. We have amazing but it's just

1144
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,799
Speaker 1: sometimes the route to get there is a little tricky. Yes,

1145
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: you know, it's a little tricky. So keep at it, folks,

1146
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 1: And if you want to be featured as one of

1147
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 1: our listener letters, don't be shy, go ahead and email

1148
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Right

1149
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 1: moment of truth time, My moment for truth on on

1150
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 1: this episode is very simple. Learning your partner never stops.

1151
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 1: People look at us and based on what they see,

1152
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 1: feel like we figured it out. And I'm here to

1153
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: let people know that we're still trying to figure it

1154
00:53:56,719 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 1: out and we're still in love through the process of

1155
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: figuring it out. Like I adore this woman. I appreciate her.

1156
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,839
Speaker 1: I know she loves and adores me. But we're still

1157
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:12,360
Speaker 1: individuals trying to balance our personal needs and personal warrants

1158
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 1: with our collective needs and warrants. And the best part

1159
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:18,400
Speaker 1: of this aspect of life is in order to be

1160
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: great at anything, it takes an immense amount of sacrifice.

1161
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 1: So if you're trying to be normal or natural, let's

1162
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 1: say this isn't normal and natural, then you're right, it's

1163
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 1: not normally natural. But nobody has done anything great by

1164
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 1: being normally natural. That was like a two folded moment

1165
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 1: of truth. I like that, it's moment of truth y

1166
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:41,640
Speaker 1: And I love you your tights on I wore these

1167
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 1: on purpose. These are my good tights. You know, this

1168
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 1: levels of the tight game, but the leggings game, there's

1169
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 1: levels to it. So this was a good one today. Um,

1170
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,840
Speaker 1: but I think my moment of truth is something that

1171
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,760
Speaker 1: I actually just clicked to me actually through our conversation today,

1172
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:57,439
Speaker 1: and that was when I talked about my list of things,

1173
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: like we're sex fell on the total pole and I

1174
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,480
Speaker 1: joked about there being a subcategory when it came to sex,

1175
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 1: and like different like bullet points underneath that I never

1176
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 1: thought about adding to the bullet points sex as it

1177
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: pertains a devot or sex how devot. Maybe I always

1178
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: was just like, well, sex is not important to me

1179
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 1: like that, so it's just not up there. But I

1180
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: think I need to do more of the considering, like, Okay,

1181
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,479
Speaker 1: it's not important to me right now in this moment,

1182
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: but how my devo feel about it in this moment.

1183
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 1: Appreciate that, you know, because I'll be I'll be honest

1184
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 1: and knowledgement that as frustrating as I get sometimes with

1185
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: this whole back and forth that we go through, like

1186
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: I can say that I probably don't pay enough attention

1187
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,959
Speaker 1: to how you might potentially be feeling in that moment.

1188
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:40,520
Speaker 1: So that's my moment. Sure, I want to walk away

1189
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 1: with that and just let people know or let the

1190
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: listeners know, like it may be worth it for you

1191
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: to really investigate how and why sex or intimacy or

1192
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 1: lack thereof, how it falls on your partner's list of

1193
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: things for wants and needs and trying to maybe see

1194
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 1: if we can shift it up back and forth a

1195
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 1: little bit, you know, that's what's up. I think that

1196
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 1: would be pretty dope. What do you think I do?

1197
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,799
Speaker 1: I think it's dope sounds. Be sure to follow us

1198
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 1: on social media. That's I am Devout, And if you're

1199
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

1200
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 1: Thank you, folks. Dead as Dead Ass is a production

1201
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 1: of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Solgico and No Opinion.

1202
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 1: Our executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple

1203
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 1: and Kristin Torres. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannett,

1204
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 1: our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan burns

1205
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 1: Head Last but not Least. We are mixed by Andy

1206
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 1: Kristen's We'll Fact. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth.

1207
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 1: We have a podcast going on right now. It's part

1208
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 1: of the Stitching network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Getting

1209
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to

1210
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,760
Speaker 1: the Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please,