WEBVTT - I Want to Live 0:00:04.813 --> 0:00:12.773 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:15.493 --> 0:00:18.213 All Right, welcome back everybody. We are here for another 0:00:18.253 --> 0:00:22.613 episode of Comeback Stories. So by acknowledging and honoring the 0:00:22.653 --> 0:00:26.093 month of October as mental health awareness Month, we are 0:00:26.133 --> 0:00:29.133 going to dive deep today on this topic with our guests, 0:00:29.693 --> 0:00:33.613 former Major leaguer turned mental health advocate Drew Robinson. So 0:00:33.693 --> 0:00:37.413 I first learned about Drew from the ESPN documentary Alive, 0:00:37.893 --> 0:00:41.893 The Drew Robinson Story, and since then our relationship has 0:00:41.973 --> 0:00:45.173 been coach client and I just consider him one of 0:00:45.173 --> 0:00:47.973 my close friends. He's been on our podcast before, but 0:00:48.173 --> 0:00:51.293 his story and what he's doing today in the world 0:00:51.413 --> 0:00:55.333 is absolutely worthy of a round two. So welcome back 0:00:55.333 --> 0:00:56.693 to the show, Drew Robinson. 0:00:58.133 --> 0:01:00.053 Yeah, appreciate it, man, I'm looking forward to it. I 0:01:00.693 --> 0:01:03.533 was pumped when he reached out. Always good catching up 0:01:03.573 --> 0:01:05.053 with you guys talking shop. 0:01:06.133 --> 0:01:11.013 Yeah, we will. There's a few guests that I think, 0:01:11.373 --> 0:01:13.973 you know, are worthy of every season coming on and 0:01:14.093 --> 0:01:16.853 just as your story obviously, but you're one of our 0:01:16.893 --> 0:01:19.653 friends and you're just a huge inspiration to vote thereon 0:01:19.693 --> 0:01:22.693 and I I mean my personal opinion, I don't know 0:01:22.813 --> 0:01:26.693 of a better comeback story on this planet than the 0:01:26.733 --> 0:01:29.493 one that you have, and that will we'll hear some 0:01:29.693 --> 0:01:31.933 and maybe we won't tell the whole story, so they 0:01:31.973 --> 0:01:35.173 can go back and listen to your initial episode. But 0:01:35.333 --> 0:01:38.333 I don't know, I mean just the comeback in itself, 0:01:38.493 --> 0:01:41.013 and I'll let you get into that a little bit. 0:01:41.013 --> 0:01:43.973 But most importantly, like what you're doing it, what you're 0:01:43.973 --> 0:01:47.253 doing with it now and how many lives you're impacting 0:01:47.333 --> 0:01:51.133 and saving is just it. It's amazing, man. I'm so 0:01:51.173 --> 0:01:51.693 proud of you. 0:01:53.733 --> 0:01:57.093 Yeah, man, I appreciate it. It's always nice to get those 0:01:57.653 --> 0:02:01.493 words of encouragement and reminders. I feel like I have 0:02:01.533 --> 0:02:03.653 a good fuel source of my own. But it's always 0:02:03.733 --> 0:02:06.933 nice hearing those things again. It only adds to the 0:02:06.973 --> 0:02:10.413 fire of trying to use it for good and learn 0:02:10.533 --> 0:02:14.213 one of the hardest lessons and teach or just kind 0:02:14.213 --> 0:02:16.213 of share some of the lessons learned from it. So 0:02:16.253 --> 0:02:18.853 it's always nice to be reiterated. 0:02:20.093 --> 0:02:21.813 I feel like I'm going to go right into coaching 0:02:21.813 --> 0:02:23.973 mode with you and ask you how did it? What 0:02:24.133 --> 0:02:26.573 came up for you as you were getting acknowledge there, 0:02:26.693 --> 0:02:29.613 Like how did that feel? If you're being honest? 0:02:31.493 --> 0:02:33.813 Yeah, man, I just think whether we like to admit 0:02:33.813 --> 0:02:36.973 it or not, no matter where we're at in our journey, 0:02:37.253 --> 0:02:40.333 we all like words of affirmation. We all like external validation. 0:02:40.493 --> 0:02:44.373 So I've experienced searching for that. To an extreme word, 0:02:44.373 --> 0:02:47.373 it actually becomes detrimental, but just kind of feeling like 0:02:47.413 --> 0:02:51.413 that that validation just kind of like I said that, 0:02:51.533 --> 0:02:56.253 those feel goods, feeling proud of myself seeing whatever work 0:02:56.253 --> 0:02:59.733 I'm doing reaching some people, which is really what I'm 0:02:59.773 --> 0:03:02.253 doing for So it just kind of feeds the ego 0:03:02.293 --> 0:03:04.173 a little bit, but not too much to where it's 0:03:04.773 --> 0:03:07.093 running my life. So it just kind of feels good 0:03:07.093 --> 0:03:09.813 to hear from others, especially if someone I respect so much. 0:03:11.093 --> 0:03:14.093 So, how are you doing, Like, how's your comeback going? 0:03:14.693 --> 0:03:16.973 What have you been up to since since last time 0:03:16.973 --> 0:03:19.293 we talked on the show. 0:03:20.453 --> 0:03:23.973 Yeah, it's going well, It's been a lot, but like 0:03:24.013 --> 0:03:26.693 I said, my life has definitely changed and changed for 0:03:26.693 --> 0:03:27.093 the better. 0:03:27.133 --> 0:03:28.613 But I'm good. 0:03:28.653 --> 0:03:32.973 I think it's been fun to take time to reflect, 0:03:33.013 --> 0:03:35.933 take time to talk about it openly like this, because 0:03:35.973 --> 0:03:39.573 it really just kind of enforces reinforces all the lessons 0:03:39.613 --> 0:03:43.333 I'm trying to learn and trying to seek more clearly 0:03:43.333 --> 0:03:43.973 for myself. 0:03:44.053 --> 0:03:46.573 So I'm doing well. There's times where I get to 0:03:48.013 --> 0:03:50.813 have to learn or have to relearn the same lessons. 0:03:50.853 --> 0:03:54.453 But I think overall, I'm enjoying the fruits of my 0:03:54.533 --> 0:03:58.093 mental health labor or fruits of my work by putting 0:03:58.093 --> 0:04:02.293 in the healing work, and I'm being able to find 0:04:02.293 --> 0:04:04.293 a little bit more clarity, a little bit more stability, 0:04:04.533 --> 0:04:06.413 a little bit more perspective each day. 0:04:08.493 --> 0:04:13.093 When you talk about lessons that might be being repeated, 0:04:13.173 --> 0:04:16.573 like what's could you give me an example or an 0:04:16.613 --> 0:04:21.453 instance of like a lesson that maybe you're not learning 0:04:21.493 --> 0:04:24.013 that keeps repeating itself, that keeps showing up in life 0:04:24.013 --> 0:04:24.333 for you. 0:04:26.813 --> 0:04:28.733 Yeah, I mean, we're going to start with that one, 0:04:28.773 --> 0:04:31.533 But no, I think I think the most common one 0:04:31.573 --> 0:04:34.133 that comes in big and small waves is just the 0:04:34.213 --> 0:04:38.573 idea of control. I'm constantly having to be reminding myself 0:04:38.693 --> 0:04:41.013 or reframing the idea of like letting go at times 0:04:41.013 --> 0:04:43.973 and not having to control or obsessively control every little 0:04:44.053 --> 0:04:47.973 niok and cranny in my life, every circumstance, every scenario, 0:04:48.053 --> 0:04:50.093 everything I'm doing and try to make it exactly how 0:04:50.093 --> 0:04:50.453 I want. 0:04:50.573 --> 0:04:50.733 So. 0:04:51.453 --> 0:04:53.413 I can't tell you how many times I journal or 0:04:53.413 --> 0:04:56.213 tell people or think to myself. The quote that you 0:04:56.253 --> 0:04:59.133 and I work on so much is which is detached 0:04:59.133 --> 0:05:02.613 from any expect outcome. So I think the lesson of 0:05:02.693 --> 0:05:05.493 just like letting go and not need always to be 0:05:05.533 --> 0:05:08.693 in control and trusting God, trusting the universe, trusting myself 0:05:08.813 --> 0:05:11.733 that things will just kind of work out, and creating 0:05:11.933 --> 0:05:14.213 a little bit more of that space for peace in 0:05:14.253 --> 0:05:18.253 my mind. For those I don't know, those tedious everyday 0:05:18.293 --> 0:05:21.293 occurrences that I sometimes trip up, tripover. 0:05:25.933 --> 0:05:29.733 So for the audience that maybe has not heard your story, 0:05:29.773 --> 0:05:32.893 how do we condense this? So I definitely recommend anybody 0:05:32.893 --> 0:05:35.533 that's listening, because you're not going to get the full story. 0:05:35.533 --> 0:05:37.213 You're gonna want to listen to it on the first 0:05:37.213 --> 0:05:39.773 episode we had with Drew, and then you can also 0:05:39.893 --> 0:05:43.773 check out his ESPN documentary Alive. I would listen to 0:05:43.773 --> 0:05:46.653 it on our podcast first and then watch the show. 0:05:46.973 --> 0:05:48.573 I think it'll be a good I think we dove 0:05:48.893 --> 0:05:52.333 pretty deep, and I love the emotion that was that 0:05:52.373 --> 0:05:55.773 came along for that first episode that we did together. 0:05:55.933 --> 0:05:59.493 But yeah, maybe you can just give us I don't know, 0:05:59.613 --> 0:06:01.453 is there a cliff Notes version of your story? 0:06:02.853 --> 0:06:03.533 Yeah, for sure. 0:06:03.573 --> 0:06:05.653 I think it's a good idea of listening to something 0:06:05.693 --> 0:06:09.533 before him, because my articulation and my understanding has gotten 0:06:09.573 --> 0:06:11.693 so much deeper than when I did that initial filming. 0:06:11.733 --> 0:06:15.693 So having some more context going into it, with the 0:06:15.773 --> 0:06:19.293 visuals and more of the professional setup, I think does help. 0:06:19.493 --> 0:06:21.653 I know it's helped me when I rewatched at times. 0:06:21.693 --> 0:06:25.653 But yeah, I guess the condensed version. I I'm from 0:06:25.733 --> 0:06:28.213 Las Vegas. I grew up playing sports my whole life, 0:06:28.453 --> 0:06:31.773 and I was always undersized and had an older brother 0:06:31.813 --> 0:06:34.813 that was the exact opposite, who was like the prodigy 0:06:34.853 --> 0:06:38.333 of his age group his whole life, and kind of 0:06:38.333 --> 0:06:40.453 growing up in his shadow. Growing up trying to keep 0:06:40.533 --> 0:06:45.213 up with him and just trying to prove myself just 0:06:45.293 --> 0:06:46.933 kind of set me up for not feeling like good 0:06:47.013 --> 0:06:49.893 enough at times. And when I did eventually hit my 0:06:49.933 --> 0:06:52.853 growth spurt, which was pretty late, I and You got 0:06:52.933 --> 0:06:56.333 lucky enough to become be drafted by the Texas Rangers 0:06:56.333 --> 0:07:00.173 out of high school, that like, still not good enough, 0:07:00.293 --> 0:07:02.893 still kind of in the shadow of somebody or something. 0:07:03.773 --> 0:07:09.053 The comparison, the insecurities, the people pleasing. All these things 0:07:09.053 --> 0:07:12.533 that I kind of naturally learned throughout my childhood followed 0:07:12.533 --> 0:07:15.693 me into my adulthood, and I was lucky enough to 0:07:15.733 --> 0:07:18.413 play parts of twelve professional seasons, with parts of three 0:07:18.413 --> 0:07:21.653 of them at the major league level and achieved my 0:07:21.733 --> 0:07:24.373 childhood dream. But my career and really my life path 0:07:24.373 --> 0:07:27.133 turned into another example of helpings didn't always go as planned, 0:07:27.173 --> 0:07:29.453 and I've learned now that that's not always such a 0:07:29.453 --> 0:07:31.733 bad thing, but in the moment, that wasn't necessarily case. 0:07:31.853 --> 0:07:37.173 And a couple current events that I called the three 0:07:37.293 --> 0:07:40.853 Ingredients for rest of a disaster that happened leading up 0:07:40.853 --> 0:07:44.333 to the quarantine in twenty twenty got me to really 0:07:44.413 --> 0:07:47.973 dark place mentally and emotionally, and I was able to 0:07:48.013 --> 0:07:50.653 convince myself my life wasn't worth living anymore, and unfortunately 0:07:50.693 --> 0:07:55.533 attempted suicide in April of twenty twenty and fortunately survived, 0:07:56.373 --> 0:08:01.053 had an awakening, committed my life and myself to finding 0:08:01.053 --> 0:08:03.413 the healing, finding the support, and asking for help for 0:08:03.493 --> 0:08:09.133 real for once, maybe a comeback to baseball afterwards, And 0:08:09.413 --> 0:08:11.293 since then, I've just been doing anything I can to 0:08:11.333 --> 0:08:13.413 try to help people learn from my mistake or my 0:08:13.493 --> 0:08:15.333 lesson learned, whatever way they want to look at it. 0:08:15.893 --> 0:08:18.133 I just my goal is to just try to help 0:08:18.133 --> 0:08:21.013 anyone not feel the way I felt or experience things 0:08:21.053 --> 0:08:25.013 I experienced internally beforehand, and let them know that I 0:08:25.053 --> 0:08:26.613 could have been I could be doing this, I could 0:08:26.613 --> 0:08:29.493 have found this healing, this journey without the attempt to 0:08:29.493 --> 0:08:31.133 attach my name. So I'm really just trying to heal 0:08:31.173 --> 0:08:32.933 out loud to prevent others from dying silently. 0:08:36.133 --> 0:08:40.093 Man Drew, I appreciate you as always just being the 0:08:40.453 --> 0:08:41.813 man that you are in a time that we get 0:08:41.813 --> 0:08:46.213 to talk or spend Man, and I hope people can 0:08:46.253 --> 0:08:48.773 see from this episode and you coming back to the 0:08:48.813 --> 0:08:53.893 show that you have an amazing comeback and an amazing story, 0:08:53.933 --> 0:08:58.573 but it doesn't just end right there that you're still 0:08:58.573 --> 0:09:01.373 continuing to learn. You're still continuing to live. And just 0:09:01.413 --> 0:09:03.253 like with Donnie and I with the show, we feel 0:09:03.253 --> 0:09:05.493 like with comeback stories, like the meaning of this show 0:09:05.573 --> 0:09:08.773 is evolving some like not only is it the comeback 0:09:08.853 --> 0:09:12.573 story bouncing back from your adversity, but the idea of 0:09:12.573 --> 0:09:16.293 like keep coming back, like no matter what it is 0:09:16.293 --> 0:09:18.213 that's in your life that you're going up against, like 0:09:18.293 --> 0:09:21.093 keep coming back to your practices, keep coming back to 0:09:21.333 --> 0:09:22.973 your center. You know what I'm saying. And I look 0:09:22.973 --> 0:09:26.573 at the shirt that you're wearing right now, it says KFG. 0:09:26.613 --> 0:09:29.253 If you want to elaborate on on what that means, 0:09:29.573 --> 0:09:32.813 and also, you know, how does that apply to your 0:09:32.813 --> 0:09:35.973 life today? What are you still trying to to keep 0:09:35.973 --> 0:09:36.533 going through? 0:09:37.573 --> 0:09:38.293 Yeah? KFG. 0:09:38.653 --> 0:09:46.853 Just it's acronym for keep having going, Yeah, yeah, keep 0:09:46.853 --> 0:09:52.333 sucking going. It's just a blunt reminder, a little aggressive reminders, 0:09:52.413 --> 0:09:54.933 keep going, whether I'm feeling some type of way of 0:09:54.933 --> 0:09:58.653 that day or not. Just another one of my pieces 0:09:58.653 --> 0:10:01.613 of apparel that has little reminders on it. But I 0:10:01.653 --> 0:10:06.013 love that that statement I questioned because that's probably the 0:10:06.053 --> 0:10:08.733 other main lesson that I am reminded of often is. 0:10:08.653 --> 0:10:10.573 That it is a continuous process. 0:10:10.613 --> 0:10:14.773 It's not a the switch that goes off that one 0:10:14.813 --> 0:10:17.773 day I wake up healed, or I find a new 0:10:17.813 --> 0:10:21.333 connection or new meaning to something or learning lesson and 0:10:21.333 --> 0:10:23.293 then all of a sudden I have it. It's like 0:10:23.653 --> 0:10:27.493 not a tool that I just kind of obtained. It's 0:10:27.773 --> 0:10:31.453 a continuous thing. And I just like to always think 0:10:31.493 --> 0:10:34.253 about the concept of like, it's not healed or fixed 0:10:34.293 --> 0:10:36.573 like the ed to any word. It's the ig part 0:10:36.613 --> 0:10:40.613 of healing, fixing and learning, growing all these things, because 0:10:40.653 --> 0:10:43.733 at one point in my journey after my attempt, when 0:10:43.733 --> 0:10:45.893 I had a very controlled environment. There wasn't much on 0:10:45.933 --> 0:10:47.653 my plate because I was just physically healing at that 0:10:47.693 --> 0:10:50.133 time and people were taking care of me physically and emotionally. 0:10:50.853 --> 0:10:53.173 There was a time where I was naively believing that 0:10:53.213 --> 0:10:54.573 I was never going to have a bad day again. 0:10:54.693 --> 0:10:56.813 How could I if I ever started feel something, I 0:10:56.893 --> 0:10:59.773 just look back to my my near death experience in 0:10:59.813 --> 0:11:04.293 survival experience, and whatever I'm going through can't be that bad, 0:11:04.333 --> 0:11:06.293 so I never have a bad day again. But these 0:11:06.373 --> 0:11:07.973 last two and a half years, I've learned that that's 0:11:08.013 --> 0:11:12.853 not the case, and I've try to teach myself, learn myself, 0:11:12.853 --> 0:11:15.293 and try to help others learn that once you commit 0:11:15.373 --> 0:11:18.933 this could commit yourself to these things, it really is 0:11:18.973 --> 0:11:21.813 a never ending journey, and it becomes an empowering journey 0:11:21.853 --> 0:11:24.013 instead of a daunting journey. And it's something that I 0:11:24.053 --> 0:11:26.693 find a lot of joy and for filming in, although 0:11:26.733 --> 0:11:29.173 at times it does get incredibly overwhelming and stressful, but 0:11:29.733 --> 0:11:31.253 that's also all part of it as well. 0:11:33.653 --> 0:11:35.493 What are some of your tools I know you have. 0:11:35.653 --> 0:11:38.373 I know you're armed, and you've been doing a ton 0:11:38.453 --> 0:11:41.773 of work to sharpen these tools and have them readily 0:11:41.813 --> 0:11:45.253 available in your toolbox. But you know, dere Darren and 0:11:45.293 --> 0:11:47.773 I and Drew and I, we talk a lot about 0:11:47.813 --> 0:11:52.173 pattern interrupts and how everything is really our where our 0:11:52.173 --> 0:11:55.733 tension goes, where our tension goes, energy flows, and so 0:11:55.933 --> 0:11:59.093 what works for you, like what has been working for 0:11:59.213 --> 0:12:01.733 you as far as those little tools where you can 0:12:01.813 --> 0:12:05.013 redirect your focus and look at your t shirt or 0:12:05.373 --> 0:12:10.013 some of the deeper, more extensive or intensive work that 0:12:10.093 --> 0:12:11.173 you've done around healing. 0:12:12.573 --> 0:12:15.013 Yeah, I think the deeper one that I'm incredibly proud 0:12:15.053 --> 0:12:19.053 of is just dedicating or committing to therapy work. I 0:12:19.133 --> 0:12:23.813 find a lot of pride and joy fulfillment, passion and 0:12:23.973 --> 0:12:26.373 committing to that. These last three and a half years, 0:12:26.413 --> 0:12:28.733 I maybe have gone one time where I've gone longer 0:12:28.773 --> 0:12:32.093 than a week in between sessions, and I just make 0:12:32.133 --> 0:12:34.253 it a non negotiable that I'm going to go to 0:12:34.293 --> 0:12:37.413 therapy and talk about it openly and brag about it 0:12:37.453 --> 0:12:40.693 and continue to learn from it and explore it in 0:12:40.733 --> 0:12:43.893 those sessions. And then I think the other two that 0:12:43.973 --> 0:12:46.853 I would consider a part of my trifecta for my 0:12:46.933 --> 0:12:53.573 own self care is exercise and journaling. So combination of therapy, 0:12:53.813 --> 0:12:58.013 regular exercise and journaling are like my three active go tos, 0:12:58.053 --> 0:13:01.533 and then the in the moment smaller things. Definitely our 0:13:01.533 --> 0:13:06.173 pattern interrupts, like you said, and really just like as 0:13:06.173 --> 0:13:09.773 if I'm talking to myself as a different person conversation 0:13:09.853 --> 0:13:13.453 with myself, So that internal voice talking to myself, thinking 0:13:13.493 --> 0:13:15.813 to myself, or catch trying to catch myself thinking to 0:13:15.853 --> 0:13:17.973 myself as if I'm someone that I love or something 0:13:17.973 --> 0:13:20.613 that I care about, because fortunately for me, a lot 0:13:20.653 --> 0:13:23.053 of my troubles is because I get so hard on 0:13:23.093 --> 0:13:26.493 myself and I just say like unfathomable things to myself 0:13:26.493 --> 0:13:31.213 over minor inconveniences, and I just belittle myself and I 0:13:31.253 --> 0:13:33.613 would never ever talk that way to anyone else that 0:13:33.653 --> 0:13:37.253 I care about. So trying to catch myself and talk 0:13:37.333 --> 0:13:39.053 to myself or think to myself the same way that 0:13:39.133 --> 0:13:41.253 I would to a friend who's going through something or 0:13:41.693 --> 0:13:44.573 someone I care about who made a little mistake and 0:13:44.933 --> 0:13:47.413 really helps me get back to the big picture of perspective, 0:13:47.493 --> 0:13:49.373 because a lot of times it starts with just asking 0:13:49.413 --> 0:13:54.573 a question like is this gonna disrupt your piece in 0:13:54.733 --> 0:13:57.253 five minutes or is this gonna affect things a week 0:13:57.293 --> 0:13:58.933 from now? And a lot of times the question the 0:13:59.013 --> 0:14:01.093 answer is no and allows me to kind of like 0:14:01.133 --> 0:14:05.053 relax in that moment. So pattern interrupts self talk habits 0:14:05.933 --> 0:14:09.573 and like reframing practices that just kind of take my 0:14:09.573 --> 0:14:12.813 attension off of that initial trigger are the smaller in 0:14:12.853 --> 0:14:15.933 the moment practices I like to do, and I think 0:14:15.933 --> 0:14:19.013 the combinations thats like somatic stuff. So like whenever I'm 0:14:19.053 --> 0:14:21.733 biling stress and I catch myself in those moments, usually 0:14:21.773 --> 0:14:25.333 a very innate subconscious thing that follows is a really 0:14:25.373 --> 0:14:27.813 deep breath that I'm not trying to do, but that 0:14:27.893 --> 0:14:30.173 like bigger breath and kind of reset the nervous system 0:14:30.213 --> 0:14:31.813 allows me to kind of like calm down a little 0:14:31.813 --> 0:14:35.493 bit a little bit. But at the same time, the 0:14:35.533 --> 0:14:37.773 continuous process is that I'm not great at it, but 0:14:38.013 --> 0:14:39.533 it's definitely getting better than it was three and a 0:14:39.533 --> 0:14:40.173 half years ago. 0:14:42.293 --> 0:14:45.493 When I hear about your trifecta moving, writing, talking, and 0:14:45.533 --> 0:14:50.053 it sounds like freedom, Like that's that's freedom. Right to 0:14:50.133 --> 0:14:52.893 move your body is to move stuck energy. When you're 0:14:52.893 --> 0:14:56.573 moving and breathing with purpose, your your energy can't be destroyed, 0:14:56.573 --> 0:14:58.613 but it can be shifted, right, it can be moved, 0:14:59.173 --> 0:15:01.253 And I think that's the importance of movement. I mean 0:15:01.293 --> 0:15:04.653 every morning, it's like very clear why I move my body. 0:15:04.733 --> 0:15:07.573 It's all for my mind. It's so that I can 0:15:07.613 --> 0:15:10.573 be free from myself, ultimately just getting out of my 0:15:10.573 --> 0:15:13.973 own way. But moving writing. We've talked a lot about 0:15:14.493 --> 0:15:17.533 on our show about journaling, how the process of it's 0:15:17.653 --> 0:15:19.733 getting out what's inside of you, because if you don't 0:15:19.733 --> 0:15:21.893 get it out, it's going to turn on you and 0:15:22.053 --> 0:15:24.373 eat you up from the inside out. So there's the 0:15:24.413 --> 0:15:27.293 writing component and then there's the talking component of it. 0:15:27.813 --> 0:15:30.173 So I think it's cool that I'm just weaving in this. 0:15:30.693 --> 0:15:32.933 I heard the word freedom as you talked about those 0:15:32.973 --> 0:15:37.413 three and I think also the quote of to be 0:15:37.533 --> 0:15:40.533 free is to free others. And I look at Darren 0:15:40.533 --> 0:15:42.613 and I look at you, Drew, and it's like, this 0:15:42.693 --> 0:15:45.413 is what you guys are doing in your life, through 0:15:45.413 --> 0:15:48.173 the mess and through the pain. So I'm not sure 0:15:48.173 --> 0:15:49.813 if I even have a question in there, but I 0:15:49.893 --> 0:15:53.093 just I really want to well first acknowledge the both 0:15:53.133 --> 0:15:56.133 of you, but I think like this is really what 0:15:56.293 --> 0:15:59.293 sets us free. Would you guys agree? 0:15:59.613 --> 0:16:02.213 Yeah, I think the word release came to mind when 0:16:02.213 --> 0:16:05.253 you're talking about freedom. Those acts that I do or 0:16:05.253 --> 0:16:07.893 those acts that I do are really just a space 0:16:08.173 --> 0:16:10.453 to allow me to release a lot of those things 0:16:10.533 --> 0:16:14.493 or be more free because one quote that one of 0:16:14.493 --> 0:16:17.733 our team psychologists always says that the body always keeps score. 0:16:17.893 --> 0:16:19.773 So if you're not getting it out, if you're not 0:16:20.013 --> 0:16:24.973 purging it, all the ugliness, all the unorganizedness, your body's 0:16:24.973 --> 0:16:27.773 going to remember it so that next minor inconvenience you 0:16:27.893 --> 0:16:32.293 might react disproportionately to the inconvenience because your body is 0:16:32.333 --> 0:16:34.733 storing all those things from the past, and you might 0:16:34.813 --> 0:16:37.053 just have a blow up over something so small, which 0:16:37.533 --> 0:16:39.973 I say you or other people might, when really it's like, 0:16:40.013 --> 0:16:42.853 that's what happens with me. So if I'm not releasing 0:16:42.893 --> 0:16:46.213 those things in my journal in therapy, no matter how 0:16:46.213 --> 0:16:49.613 irrational or dramatic I feel it might be, when I 0:16:49.693 --> 0:16:51.733 release it in those safe spaces, it allows me to 0:16:51.733 --> 0:16:53.813 have a little bit more free up space to react 0:16:53.933 --> 0:16:57.573 or respond in a way that I'm more okay with 0:16:57.693 --> 0:17:00.733 or not as triggered with. And I really think the 0:17:00.733 --> 0:17:03.333 intention of past it too is so important. Like the 0:17:03.453 --> 0:17:06.373 exercise part, Like the intention that I have with my 0:17:06.413 --> 0:17:09.373 exercise has completely shifted from when I was eighteen just 0:17:09.373 --> 0:17:12.373 trying to look good without a shirt like I do it, 0:17:12.573 --> 0:17:16.093 like you said, for my mental health, for my stability 0:17:16.173 --> 0:17:20.173 and my emotional stamina. So trying to create some adversity, 0:17:20.213 --> 0:17:23.613 intentional adversity, to try to be present. If I'm not present, 0:17:23.693 --> 0:17:26.533 I might get hurt if I'm not paying attention, having 0:17:26.573 --> 0:17:29.093 to turn off the noise of putting my phone down, 0:17:29.093 --> 0:17:30.893 all those things, All the intention that I put into 0:17:30.933 --> 0:17:33.573 my or what I think I'm doing it for, is 0:17:33.773 --> 0:17:39.093 way different than it was ten years ago, Drew. 0:17:39.133 --> 0:17:42.413 I I think of you. I think of you pretty 0:17:42.413 --> 0:17:45.853 often when I think of myself, and I want to 0:17:45.853 --> 0:17:49.493 know how you feel about this, Like me being somebody 0:17:49.533 --> 0:17:52.133 who's like on the front lines for recovery, us and 0:17:52.213 --> 0:17:54.933 mice on the front lines for mental health. You know, 0:17:55.013 --> 0:17:58.893 people are looking to us for inspiration. We've had, you know, 0:17:59.013 --> 0:18:05.013 great feats in you know, mental strength, mental toughness. Do you. 0:18:05.213 --> 0:18:07.853 I sometimes can feel like whenever there's like a slip 0:18:07.893 --> 0:18:12.493 in my routines or any time whereas like mentally I 0:18:12.493 --> 0:18:14.533 don't really feel that strong. I kind of feel all 0:18:14.533 --> 0:18:17.493 over the place. I kind of feel like a fraud 0:18:17.573 --> 0:18:20.613 because I'm kind of like the guy that's out front. 0:18:20.693 --> 0:18:23.893 You know, leading the charge like do you do you 0:18:23.933 --> 0:18:26.053 feel that way? Like how do you if you do, 0:18:26.133 --> 0:18:28.173 how do you keep yourself from dwelling in that space 0:18:28.213 --> 0:18:31.893 for so long? I'm asking for me because sometimes I 0:18:31.933 --> 0:18:32.973 find myself caught in that. 0:18:33.853 --> 0:18:39.373 Yeah, No, that's something that's obviously it's a new like 0:18:39.533 --> 0:18:41.533 ripple to the concept. That's something I've been doing my 0:18:41.533 --> 0:18:43.813 whole life is guilt trip myself for all kinds of things. 0:18:43.853 --> 0:18:48.693 But this, this new part of my identity that is 0:18:48.813 --> 0:18:52.333 attached to me definitely has allowed or created a new 0:18:52.453 --> 0:18:56.413 level of or new concept of guilt tripping myself into 0:18:56.813 --> 0:19:00.053 how dare you feel down? Or how dare you feel stressed? 0:19:00.093 --> 0:19:03.653 Or how dare you feel ungrateful? Or whatever the negative 0:19:03.693 --> 0:19:06.973 thought is when you survive what you survive, or you. 0:19:06.853 --> 0:19:07.973 Have what you have, or you're. 0:19:07.813 --> 0:19:10.813 Living a life that you're living, and that like internal 0:19:10.893 --> 0:19:13.933 monster just beats me down. It makes me feel so 0:19:16.133 --> 0:19:19.093 I don't know, regretful or guilty for feeling down ever. 0:19:19.173 --> 0:19:21.733 But that's where the work comes in, the fruits of 0:19:21.733 --> 0:19:25.973 my labor comes in of understanding that the acceptance part 0:19:26.053 --> 0:19:28.293 or just like anything, all the concept I'm learning is 0:19:29.933 --> 0:19:32.213 adding up to the idea of knowing that I can't 0:19:32.253 --> 0:19:34.573 expect myself to be at my one hundred percent best 0:19:34.613 --> 0:19:37.533 every second of every day, and that's okay, Like this 0:19:37.693 --> 0:19:41.853 is just a temporary feeling. Having that understanding has allowed 0:19:41.893 --> 0:19:44.413 me to get through so many times of uncertainty or 0:19:44.453 --> 0:19:49.253 just internal struggle or extreme internal struggle because it's so 0:19:49.253 --> 0:19:52.773 applicable to a lot of scenarios. So just kind of 0:19:52.853 --> 0:19:57.093 understanding that it's temporary. But like you said, I say 0:19:57.093 --> 0:19:59.453 these things as if I'm not struggling with them at times, 0:19:59.493 --> 0:20:02.213 But there is that little voice in the back of 0:20:02.253 --> 0:20:03.893 my head that is trying to tell me the things 0:20:03.933 --> 0:20:06.933 that I've learned, or try to help me reinforce the 0:20:06.973 --> 0:20:09.693 things that I've learned to help them not feel as 0:20:09.733 --> 0:20:11.053 severe in those moments. 0:20:11.613 --> 0:20:13.693 But yeah, it's something I definitely still struggle with. 0:20:13.813 --> 0:20:16.973 I I talk a lot about how for twenty seven 0:20:17.013 --> 0:20:22.133 years I became a vet at pessimism and ugliness and 0:20:22.573 --> 0:20:25.293 being mean to myself. So I really am still just 0:20:25.333 --> 0:20:27.533 a three year rookie, yet becoming a little bit more 0:20:27.893 --> 0:20:31.253 loving and caring and accepting of myself and allowing some 0:20:31.333 --> 0:20:34.253 of this the stuff to shine through. But it doesn't 0:20:34.253 --> 0:20:36.813 always happen as efficiently as I would like. But it's 0:20:37.053 --> 0:20:38.093 all part of it, right. 0:20:38.893 --> 0:20:40.653 Yeah, I mean, man, that's a good way to pick 0:20:40.733 --> 0:20:43.933 to paint the picture. It's like I mean, at least 0:20:43.933 --> 0:20:49.093 in my sobriety slash spiritual slash mental health journey, I'm 0:20:49.093 --> 0:20:51.013 six years old, so that makes me like a first grader, 0:20:51.053 --> 0:20:54.173 and I'm first graders are just kind of still scattered 0:20:54.173 --> 0:20:58.253 all over the place sometimes, so exactly, I love that picture. 0:20:59.333 --> 0:21:00.613 I think that I really forget it. 0:21:00.733 --> 0:21:01.773 It's like another language. 0:21:01.813 --> 0:21:03.333 It's like when I'm if I were to try to 0:21:03.413 --> 0:21:06.373 learn a full different langth which like however long it 0:21:06.413 --> 0:21:08.933