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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 2: I'm an og okay start time podcast hosts. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 2: two minutes.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 1: before we get into this episode. Yeah, we got some

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Speaker 1: ads coming up, so stick around. Stick around.

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Speaker 3: My husband hates our open marriage. Now that I'm enjoying it.

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Speaker 2: Uh oh, became a little too fun.

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Speaker 3: I thirty five female, am in an open relationship with

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Speaker 3: my husband thirty six mail. It was over the summer

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Speaker 3: he mentioned it to me. I wouldn't say I was

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Speaker 3: totally for it, but it took some getting used to.

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Speaker 3: Now everything is going great, but recently my husband keeps

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Speaker 3: changing the rules. By the way, this comes from Princess

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Speaker 3: Protect And if you want to smit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime separate it. So

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Speaker 3: once I started dating Evan forty five Mail, that's when

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Speaker 3: he started acting differently.

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Speaker 2: Uh oh.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I agreed on a don't ask, don't

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Speaker 3: tell policy, little military thing here, but he's pestering me

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Speaker 3: about the details of our relationship. I give him a

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Speaker 3: little here and there, but never the explicit stuff. Everything

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Speaker 3: positive I mentioned about Evan, he downplays or critiques. Last week,

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Speaker 3: I planned a date with Evan and asked him to

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Speaker 3: watch the kids.

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Speaker 2: He agreed.

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Speaker 3: He was to get back home by nine, but texted

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Speaker 3: me to say he's doing overtime that night. I was

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Speaker 3: left scrambling for a sitter at the last minute. This

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Speaker 3: isn't the first time he has done this. Luckily, this

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Speaker 3: time I got ahold of a sitter, but I could

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Speaker 3: not stay as long as I was hoping for. Afterward,

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Speaker 3: he acted as if everything was okay. He began policing

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Speaker 3: me when I left the house and began picking my

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Speaker 3: outfits apart, expressing concern about how the neighbors would perceive me.

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Speaker 3: To avoid conflict, I started wearing jackets to cover up

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Speaker 3: before heading out. Then came the issue of Evan dropping

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Speaker 3: me off. He worried about the neighbors seeing a strange

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Speaker 3: car pull.

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Speaker 2: Up at night.

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Speaker 3: This forced me to do lunch dates. It wasn't a bother.

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Speaker 3: I would bring my laptop to Evan's and work at

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Speaker 3: his place. However, I preferred the dinner dates because I

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Speaker 3: got a chance to dress up more, changing up the

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Speaker 3: time seemed to alleviate some tension, but I still feel

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Speaker 3: like I was compromising too much. He didn't even want

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Speaker 3: me to drive to the dates. But when Evan pays

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Speaker 3: for an uber or drops me off, it's an issue.

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Speaker 3: It makes no sense. The breaking point was when Evan

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Speaker 3: sent flowers to the house. My husband lost it, claiming

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Speaker 3: it's dangerous for a strange man to know our address

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Speaker 3: when we have kids inside. I will say he was

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Speaker 3: right about this. I did drop the ball. However, he

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Speaker 3: insisted that I shouldn't bring home any gifts at all

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Speaker 3: going forward, arguing it violated our don't ask, don't tell rules. Well,

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Speaker 3: maybe you shouldn't ask about where the flowers came from.

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Speaker 2: There you go there, you don't ask, I won't tell.

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Speaker 3: You used to joke about me not getting chivalry in

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Speaker 3: my open relationship, and now that I'm getting dates, it's

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Speaker 3: a big deal. I asked him if he doesn't take

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Speaker 3: the women he sleeps with on dates, and he says, no,

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Speaker 3: it's strictly spicy sleep and none of that lovey wbs

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Speaker 3: that I'm doing. I confronted my husband about these rules

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Speaker 3: and he just brushed it off like it was nothing,

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Speaker 3: saying it's just a respect thing. I was really enjoying this,

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Speaker 3: but he's sucking the fun out of it, and it

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Speaker 3: just feels highly stressful.

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Speaker 2: And there are some comments.

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Speaker 4: But what do you think if this is one of

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Speaker 4: the boundaries that are just kind of like set in

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Speaker 4: an open relationship of like you know, no feelings involved, songs,

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Speaker 4: like mostly just physical, then like I could understand that,

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Speaker 4: But at the same time, it kind of feels like

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Speaker 4: it's like, I don't know, he's getting too mad if

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Speaker 4: they didn't set those boundaries already.

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Speaker 3: Personally, I think that you guys are not cut out

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Speaker 3: for a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I think he's getting jealous.

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Speaker 3: I think, yeah, you want to do all these dates,

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Speaker 3: which is totally fair because you guys had made certain rules,

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Speaker 3: but now he's getting jealous. And if you want to

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Speaker 3: keep this relationship, then you need to come together and say, oh,

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Speaker 3: maybe this isn't working. Yeah, we're not able to do

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Speaker 3: this without jealousy and feelings.

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Speaker 1: Getting in the way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and maybe you could have that conversation and come

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Speaker 3: to a new agreement about the rules, yeah, and what

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Speaker 3: they should be, or maybe it's just like okay, let's

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Speaker 3: close it because right working.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think before conversation, Like, he shouldn't get mad

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Speaker 4: yet because it's still within the rules that they already set.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you need to change the rules, you

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Speaker 3: need to change the rules. Like yeah, za sucks and

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Speaker 3: it seems like he is changing them or you know,

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Speaker 3: moving the goalpost here. But if you want to keep

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Speaker 3: your marriage, you guys have to figure it out. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that's just the way it is. Comments my wee

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Speaker 3: chicken says, your husband wanted to have a wife and

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Speaker 3: to still sleep with whoever he liked.

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Speaker 2: He didn't want that for you. Come on, now, surely

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Speaker 2: you realize that.

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Speaker 3: To me, it seems like husband wanted nsa spicy sleep

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Speaker 3: with people other than his wife without any of the

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Speaker 3: emotions that come with either an additional girlfriend or hurting

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Speaker 3: his wife. However, a wife found someone who also respects

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Speaker 3: and appreciates her and isn't using her like a hole.

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Speaker 3: Oh jeez, Like how a husband is doing his part

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Speaker 3: of the open. Yes, it's an aggressive way to put that,

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Speaker 3: so I think this is extra incensing for him. He's

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Speaker 3: emotionally removing himself just to get extra kitty. She found

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Speaker 3: someone who will put up with the weird rules and

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Speaker 3: treat her well. It's not just the spicy sleep, it's

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Speaker 3: that she's getting treated well. My witchkin says, yeah. Not

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Speaker 3: everyone can enjoy spicy sleep with random one night strangers.

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Speaker 3: Clearly that's not her bag and he should have known that.

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Speaker 3: Or maybe he did, and that's why he thought it

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Speaker 3: would all fall into place nicely for him. Maybe he

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Speaker 3: thought he could have it all while she was at home,

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Speaker 3: not sleeping with anyone else. Dappered Animal says not the

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Speaker 3: a whole question. Does your husband actually hook up with

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Speaker 3: other women? Reading between the lines, I wouldn't be surprised

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Speaker 3: if things weren't working out for him. If this is

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Speaker 3: going to work, you can't just agree, don't ask, don't tell,

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Speaker 3: and call it a day. Rules have to be in place.

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Speaker 3: If you only want spicy related relationships outside of the

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Speaker 3: marriage without emotional intimacy. That's a fine rule if.

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Speaker 2: You agree to it.

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Speaker 3: It's also fine to change the rules after they've been established,

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Speaker 3: but that should be based on a conversation where everyone

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Speaker 3: is on the same page.

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Speaker 2: I agree with that. Yeah, it's like you guys might

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Speaker 2: realize that you actually.

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Speaker 3: Are not okay with something, or you are okay with

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Speaker 3: something you don't know until you've done itt.

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Speaker 2: Oh, but you need to communicate.

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Speaker 3: He shouldn't be able to change or establish the rules

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Speaker 3: on his own and get mad that you haven't been

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Speaker 3: following them. Oh, he says, I think he does. He

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Speaker 3: dresses up on the weekend to go out and comes

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Speaker 3: in late. We both agreed to emotional intimacy ons casual.

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Speaker 3: It's just the nippicking that's too much. I don't mind

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Speaker 3: having a discussion, but when I'm met with it's not

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Speaker 3: that's serious. That's when I get pissed. Corpuscular oscillate says,

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Speaker 3: you need to see this for what it is. He

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Speaker 3: opened the marriage without understanding that it meant you would

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Speaker 3: be going on takes too.

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Speaker 2: He never wanted the.

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Speaker 3: Rules to be fair, so starting from the premise is

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Speaker 3: only going to get him subverting any discussions. He just

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Speaker 3: thought about all the fun he would be having. Now

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Speaker 3: he's treating you like crap because he can't stand that

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Speaker 3: what is good for the gander is good for the

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Speaker 3: You need to bottom line it for him. Open marriages

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Speaker 3: are not easy to maintain. Most couples can't handle it.

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Speaker 3: The only way to handle it is to set clear

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Speaker 3: rules and follow them. One thing I will say is

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Speaker 3: that your partner needs to be your I'm Mary, So

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Speaker 3: if both of you are putting all your efforts into

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Speaker 3: getting laid outside of the relationship, you'll trash the marriage.

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Speaker 3: You need regular date nights and check ins, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: It also takes a lot of trust and respect or

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Speaker 3: your partner. In other words, you need to put in

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Speaker 3: work into your marriage to make it work. Open or closed.

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Speaker 3: There's plenty of literature out there on how to make

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Speaker 3: this work if you really want it to. But it

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Speaker 3: is work. Opening a marriage isn't a quick release valve

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Speaker 3: to save a marriage for people who aren't good and

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Speaker 3: communicating and take their spouse for granted and there is

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Speaker 3: an update. Do you have any little thought?

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Speaker 2: I think those commons said it very well. Yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, It's just like communication is important, it is hard,

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Speaker 4: and obviously this is you know, running into one of

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Speaker 4: the reasons why it's so hard. It's like, oh, wait

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Speaker 4: a second, maybe I have different feelings that.

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Speaker 3: I thought I did about this whole situation abolutely, And

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Speaker 3: she went into it being like I don't know, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, and it seems like he kind of pushed

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Speaker 3: her to yeah, and then she realized, oh, yeah, this

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Speaker 3: is actually I like this. Yeah, but I feared that

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Speaker 3: that might be because she likes who she's like going

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Speaker 3: on dates swep, rather than the actual experience of being

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Speaker 3: in an open pass.

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Speaker 2: I was wondering that. I was like wondering.

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Speaker 4: If her husband takes her out on dates and does

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Speaker 4: those nice.

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Speaker 3: Things, because he said like, oh, none of that romantic ba.

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Speaker 3: So I'm like, yeah, not do that for you.

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Speaker 4: Either, right, Like, that's probably why she likes like you said, like,

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Speaker 4: probably why she likes that so much.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys were right. This was a crap show.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, I'm not sure where to start, but

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Speaker 3: we are getting a divorce. Oof yoicks, Wow, that's not good.

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Speaker 3: In fact, did not change and became way more possessive

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Speaker 3: and controlling while changing the rules. Everything I did was

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Speaker 3: either wrong or inconsiderate. Evan had planned a weekend trip

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Speaker 3: to Cabo to celebrate a new business venture. I asked

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Speaker 3: my husband if he was okay with it weeks in advance.

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Speaker 3: He enthusiastically agreed, mentioning I deserve the trip. He even

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Speaker 3: told me to make sure I floot his phone with picks.

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Speaker 3: I told him I was gonna stay with Evan the

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Speaker 3: night before for easier commute. He insisted on taking me

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Speaker 3: to the airport instead, since it was our last night

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Speaker 3: until Tuesday. However, when it was time to leave, he overslept,

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Speaker 3: despite urging him to get up, to the point that

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Speaker 3: I pulled the covers off and turned off the air.

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Speaker 3: He spent an hour in the bathroom. Then, to make

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Speaker 3: matters worse, he didn't fill the tank. I told him

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Speaker 3: the evening before I called an uber, which was another

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Speaker 3: hour late. Cheese, My gosh, how are you not missing

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Speaker 3: your flight?

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Speaker 2: Where do you live? But luckily I got to enjoy

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Speaker 2: my trip.

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Speaker 3: Wow, okay, okay, I mean it seems like you really,

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Speaker 3: you know, planned ahead.

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Speaker 2: I let it slide and moved on. Boil boy.

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Speaker 3: I wish I never went on that trip because things

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Speaker 3: got worse. It's like I was being punished for the trip.

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Speaker 3: He became incredibly invasive in my personal relationships. He wanted

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Speaker 3: to know what my spicy sleep life with Evan was like,

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Speaker 3: if he was better, et cetera. He used to play

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Speaker 3: it off like it wasn't a big deal to him

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Speaker 3: that I caught him snooping through my phone. It was

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Speaker 3: too much. I didn't understand because Evan was no longer

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Speaker 3: the only man I was seeing, but Evan triggered him

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Speaker 3: the most. There is a little bit left to this story,

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Speaker 3: is any final thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely not surprised.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, I did get the feeling from the start

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Speaker 4: when he was moving the goalpost already, It's like, this

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Speaker 4: feels so like not even like he's just defended and

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Speaker 4: he's just jealous, Like it feels controlling and feels like

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Speaker 4: absolutely there's probably you know, a double standard to all this,

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Speaker 4: and and there is that double standards.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, and it also just felt like, oh,

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Speaker 3: he was realizing that she had better relationships with these

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Speaker 3: people that she was going on dateswe species the Evan. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he was like, Oh, this guy actually cares about me

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Speaker 3: and like wants to romance me, and my husband just

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Speaker 3: wants to look up with other women.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So hopefully things were got with Evan. I hope.

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Speaker 3: So seems like he wants to be with you. If

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Speaker 3: that wasn't enough, he had his friends over for boys night.

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Speaker 3: I was getting ready for girls night. Before I left,

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Speaker 3: he said out loud, you're really gonna leave me to

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Speaker 3: go f him in front of his friends. What about

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Speaker 3: that don't ask, don't tell policy. I'm just gonna tell

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Speaker 3: all of your friends. Yeah, why are you so concerned

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Speaker 3: about what the neighbors think? With all the cars driving

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Speaker 3: out and get you wear in the embarrassment and humiliation

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Speaker 3: I felt even typing this. I just sat in my

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Speaker 3: car and cried so much, and that's when I knew

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Speaker 3: it was done. He apologized, mentioned he was wasted, and

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Speaker 3: I'll buy it one bit. He has never acted like this.

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Speaker 3: This open relationship has left me drained mentally and emotionally,

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Speaker 3: and it wasn't even my idea to begin with. I

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Speaker 3: have filed for divorce, but he keeps begging for reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: But I can't. Before anyone comments, I know you told

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Speaker 2: me so. A can this? It of both?

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Speaker 3: Eighty five twenty four says he didn't want an open marriage.

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Speaker 3: He wanted your permission to sleep with others while you

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Speaker 3: were not allowed the same. Not the ale then or now,

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Speaker 3: enjoy yourself. Christine MFM eighty four says this not the

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Speaker 3: a hole. Ope, if he ever says anything in front

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Speaker 3: of people again, call him out and say he was

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Speaker 3: the one who wanted the open relationship you're wanted to

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Speaker 3: sleep around and didn't realize you'd be having fun too.

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Speaker 3: A canvas Kita both says, I also wonder if it's

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Speaker 3: not working out for him as much as he hoped

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Speaker 3: it would. Christina MFM says, Yeah, I probably slept with

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Speaker 3: whoever he wanted to sleep with and it wasn't as

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Speaker 3: great as he thought, and he isn't getting as many

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Speaker 3: girls as he thought he would. Boo Boo says, isn't

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Speaker 3: that how these stories usually go? Husband demands open marriage

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Speaker 3: so he can screw around, discovers that he's not that

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Speaker 3: attractive and women aren't lining up to be with them

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Speaker 3: while their wives are picking up guys right and left.

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Speaker 3: Then demands their wives stop meeting others and the wives meanwhile,

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Speaker 3: I've found there are much better men out there than

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Speaker 3: the a holes they married and file for divorce. But

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Speaker 3: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: My wife gave up on our daughter and I don't

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Speaker 4: know how to make it work again.

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Speaker 2: Don't give up on your wife.

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Speaker 4: My twenty seven male families is wait. My twenty seven

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Speaker 4: male family is broken, and I'm trying to resemble reassemble

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Speaker 4: the pieces.

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Speaker 2: I need advice for context.

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Speaker 4: My wife twenty nine, female and in our childhood's sweethearts

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Speaker 4: married now for around five years. I know we became

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Speaker 4: parents and got married pretty young, but we've made it work.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Throwaway rad Love Fool

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r slash okay story time at subreddit. So

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Speaker 4: my wife's a small business owner. She turned a passion

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Speaker 4: into a career. I'm really happy for her. When she started,

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Speaker 4: I promised her that since my work hours were flexible,

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Speaker 4: I'd hold things down at home so she could focus

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Speaker 4: on building her business.

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Speaker 2: We were a team until we weren't.

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Speaker 4: My wife's an extreme workaholic, and it's come between our family.

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Speaker 4: We are not in a good place. Our daughter ten female.

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Speaker 4: Her caregiving is solely on me. The time my wife

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Speaker 4: and daughter spend together is made up mostly of short

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Speaker 4: replies or silence. Our daughter isn't disrespectful, she's a good kid.

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Speaker 4: She's just not as comfortable with her mom. My wife

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Speaker 4: and I have had a lot of talks about the

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Speaker 4: state of our family, with the business well off the

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Speaker 4: ground and her not needing to personally oversee everything as often.

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Speaker 4: We're working on reconnecting. It's been an uphill battle. Recently

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Speaker 4: we had a bad fight. She's told me she's given

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Speaker 4: up on trying with our daughter, your ten year old daughter.

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Speaker 4: What she said, she's not good at it and she's

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Speaker 4: just going to stay in her lane.

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Speaker 2: Your lane is mother.

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Speaker 4: I told her that she couldn't decide to clock out

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Speaker 4: on our daughter during rocky stints. She said that she's

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Speaker 4: emotionally exhausted from repeatedly striking out. She feels like she

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Speaker 4: can't do anything right in our daughter's eyes. She said,

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Speaker 4: I have it easy that our daughter prefers me, and

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Speaker 4: even made sure that her whole class knew it. The

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Speaker 4: class jab was about a school assignment. Our daughter had

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Speaker 4: to interview someone she admired, and she asked me my

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Speaker 4: wife was hurt. She still feels a way about it.

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Speaker 4: She accused me of not understanding she comes home to

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Speaker 4: a child that she carried, not respecting her, that our

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Speaker 4: daughter is an expert critic when it comes to her.

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Speaker 4: She went into a huge rant. The way she talked

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Speaker 4: about her rubbed me the wrong way. I told her

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Speaker 4: most of the complaints weren't our daughter's creation. She asked

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Speaker 4: me what I meant and I laid it out that

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Speaker 4: she hasn't gone out of her way to connect with

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Speaker 4: our daughter, and she shut me down. She went into

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Speaker 4: how she busts her but for our family, and the

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Speaker 4: least I could do is show up for her.

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Speaker 2: All I do is show up for her.

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Speaker 4: Including holding down responsibilities that we are supposed to share.

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Speaker 2: We are and childless. It's no longer those me and

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Speaker 2: her against the world days. I need to show up

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Speaker 2: for our daughter too. She just kept saying that she

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Speaker 2: has a lot on her plate and how I'm supposed

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Speaker 2: to be her piece. I refuted, the only piece that

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Speaker 2: ever seemed to matter these days was hers.

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Speaker 4: She said that our daughter and I are too of

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Speaker 4: a kind and began sarcastically apologizing for her sacrifices, and

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Speaker 4: if the business is what's driving us apart, then she'll

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Speaker 4: renounce it.

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Speaker 2: She'll make do.

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Speaker 4: I asked if we could skip her martyrrougimee and actually talk,

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Speaker 4: but the fight only escalated. I called the fight a

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Speaker 4: complete waste of time, but she interpreted that as me

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Speaker 4: calling her a waste of time. It was the worst

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Speaker 4: fight we had in a while. Our daughter was at

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Speaker 4: her grandparents, so she didn't hear anything. Yeah, that's good.

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Speaker 4: We're at an impasse. Beings are still tense. I don't

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Speaker 4: know how to clear the air or how to reach

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Speaker 4: her about our daughter. She can't dismiss her like some

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Speaker 4: disgrunt old customer at work. In a lot of ways,

360
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Speaker 4: I feel like.

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Speaker 2: A single parent.

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Speaker 4: I don't believe she's being honest with herself about our issues.

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Speaker 4: She's a distant figure who has a habit of talking

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Speaker 4: at our daughter instead of to her. There are a

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Speaker 4: lot of broken promises, nothing ever mended. She doesn't try engaging.

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Speaker 4: Our daughter loves anime, but my wife doesn't hold back

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Speaker 4: on overly criticizing it in front of her. Our daughter

368
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,040
Speaker 4: got into k pop, but to my wife, it's just

369
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Speaker 4: some bothersome noise around the house or in the car.

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Speaker 4: Our daughter has stage fright. Yet she joined a school

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Speaker 4: play because she knows her mom loves theater. Oh, my

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Speaker 4: wife promised her that she would come and she did it.

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Speaker 2: That literally, my heart just said, my parents.

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Speaker 3: I think maybe my mom or dad missed like one

375
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Speaker 3: play each Yeah, and that was because of like extenuating circumstances. Yeah, otherwise,

376
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Speaker 3: have never missed any of my shows.

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Speaker 2: Me too. I can't play.

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Speaker 1: That's cool. I'm so happy for you guys.

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Speaker 2: Oh was there a show that you were in key on?

380
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,639
Speaker 1: Yeah? My mom never came to my baseball gamesh sucked.

381
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Speaker 1: I won it.

382
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Speaker 2: Wow.

383
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 1: And the lady's like, we're gonna take a picture of

384
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Speaker 1: the yearbook and they're like, where are your parents? And

385
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Speaker 1: I'm like, they didn't come.

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Speaker 2: Stop.

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Speaker 3: I'm just like looking at this mom and she's like, well,

388
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Speaker 3: my kid doesn't even like me. It's like, you're not there.

389
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Speaker 2: Yeah. And it's so.

390
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Speaker 3: Obvious to me that she's not putting an effort as

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Speaker 3: a parent, just by the fact that her immediate reaction

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Speaker 3: is I'm hands off now, Well, I'm not gonna put

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Speaker 3: an effort. It's like, well, you probably weren't put an

394
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Speaker 3: effort in before if that's your immediate reaction exactly.

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Speaker 4: So the worst part was seeing our daughter realize that

396
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Speaker 4: she wasn't there. My wife never apologized. She gave her

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Speaker 4: work was busy, I promise next time speech. She offered

398
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Speaker 4: to bring our daughter with her on take your Kid's

399
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Speaker 4: work Day. I thought it would be good for them

400
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,080
Speaker 4: and a chance for our daughter to see more of

401
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,719
Speaker 4: what her mom does. But our daughter called me upset

402
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 4: and wanted me to pick her up. She said her

403
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,640
Speaker 4: mom had immediately left her with the subordinate and went

404
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 4: a wall. When my wife checked in on her, they fought.

405
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,359
Speaker 4: She told our daughter that a braddy attitude won't be

406
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Speaker 4: tolerated in her workplace.

407
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Speaker 1: She and I had it out later.

408
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 4: She apologized to our daughter and blamed blowing up on

409
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Speaker 4: work frustration. She offered to bring her back another day,

410
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,359
Speaker 4: but our daughter refused. My wife always felt that she

411
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 4: was bad at articulating her feelings. She feels she comes

412
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 4: off aggressive. That's partly why she leaves our daughter's caretaking

413
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 4: to meet. But this fight has me questioning the nature

414
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Speaker 4: of our relationship.

415
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: I don't doubt that she loves our daughter.

416
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,479
Speaker 4: I saw it first handed during the pregnancy and in

417
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,639
Speaker 4: our private conversations. She couldn't stop gushing about her. I

418
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 4: felt her love and the little things. I don't know

419
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 4: something changed over time. My wife isn't close with her parents.

420
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 4: She usually has me talk with them on her behalf.

421
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 4: She has a mindset that parents and kids don't have

422
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 4: to be close. She believes that since she turned out fine,

423
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Speaker 4: so will our daughter.

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Speaker 3: And so that makes sense. She didn't have that type

425
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 3: of relationship with her parents, and it's like, oh, well,

426
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 3: it's totally normal for your mom to or your mom

427
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,440
Speaker 3: to not come to your shows and to not come

428
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Speaker 3: down to give your events. So I don't have to

429
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Speaker 3: come to my kids.

430
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 4: I'm failing to help their relationship and our own. We

431
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 4: barely have quality time. Intimacy is shot when we're out together,

432
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 4: we aren't really together because in public she's hyper aware

433
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 4: and has her business persda on. I don't know what

434
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,720
Speaker 4: else to do. I'm at a loss. I'm not trying

435
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,240
Speaker 4: to bash my wife. I just want everyone to be okay.

436
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 4: I'm in a fight for my family right now. How

437
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 4: do I mend my wife's and daughter's relationship while also

438
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 4: repairing my marriage? And there are some comments, but I

439
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 4: want to hear your comments, Sophia.

440
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,719
Speaker 3: Well, I think you have that conversation with your wife,

441
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 3: your daughter not being there. Maybe see if you can

442
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 3: get her into like therapy with you. Yeah, do some

443
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 3: marriage counseling, counseling, because you guys are not on the

444
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 3: same page on how you want to raise your daughter. Yeah,

445
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 3: that's the issue here, which like preferably you would have

446
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,560
Speaker 3: talked about that before you had a kid. It seems

447
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,560
Speaker 3: like you had a kid pretty young. Yeah, so it

448
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,719
Speaker 3: makes sense why you aren't exactly on the same page.

449
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 2: So get on the same page.

450
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you need to tell her, Hey, if you

451
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,119
Speaker 3: want our daughter to have a relationship with you, you

452
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,159
Speaker 3: to like you in the way that she likes me.

453
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 3: You have to put an effort, and I know you

454
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 3: can do for the family, And I would hope that

455
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 3: like they can put in a lot of effort for

456
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 3: the marriage.

457
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 4: Because then, like if they just separate, the dad is

458
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 4: obviously gonna have like more custody over the daughter.

459
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: Solo parent, which is already what.

460
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 4: He is, so it'll just make their relationship even worse.

461
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 4: So hopefully they really can work together and maybe just

462
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 4: do family things together. I mean, I don't know how

463
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 4: much of that they're doing, but like it doesn't have

464
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 4: to be one on one with the mom, absolutely, But

465
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 4: there are some comments, no words, just dogs, says kids

466
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 4: can tell when their parents don't like them.

467
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 2: This is on your wife. She can step up and

468
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 2: get help or not.

469
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: But either way, you might.

470
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 4: Want to find someone to talk to your kid about

471
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 4: how she feels about her mom. Wikipedia two two says

472
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 4: one of my very first memories was coming down the

473
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 4: stairs and hearing my parents arguing. My mother was screaming,

474
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,360
Speaker 4: and I opened the door worried, just as she shouted,

475
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 4: I never wanted her, I.

476
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:56,240
Speaker 2: Never loved her.

477
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:56,919
Speaker 1: Ouch.

478
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,880
Speaker 4: They both looked at me, and my mother said real quick, Oh,

479
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 4: but I love you now, don't worry. Yikes, man, dude,

480
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 4: that's rough. I was Opie's daughter's age when my mother

481
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 4: came to me and said, I'm going to leave your father.

482
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 4: I need to be selfish and think about me for

483
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 4: a change. So she took my brother and left us.

484
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 4: She was going to tell me that they were both

485
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 4: off on holiday, and Dad would have had to tell

486
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 4: me when they were gone what was really happening. But

487
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 4: he made her tell me, and we haven't had a

488
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 4: relationship since Dad passed away in twenty fifteen. She tried,

489
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 4: but I don't know you, lady, my parent has passed away.

490
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 4: My gosh, this is a crazy side story from Lena's commenters.

491
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

492
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 4: Commentary, Ope, this is your daughter's future if you don't

493
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 4: get everyone therapy. Stat Janna Banana sixty seven says first comment,

494
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 4: your wife did not turn out.

495
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, honestly, you know bringing It's like a generational trauma,

496
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 3: right It didn't you know, come to any of her

497
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 3: stuff or have a relationship with her.

498
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 4: So she diding the same with her good Yeah, she

499
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 4: is so now far from okay, It isn't funny. Second,

500
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 4: you cannot fix the relationship between your wife and child.

501
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 4: Your wife has chosen to disengage from parenting, and I

502
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,880
Speaker 4: am sure your daughter feels like her mother doesn't care

503
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 4: or even like her. It may take years to repair

504
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 4: that relationship, but it will have to be your wife

505
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 4: that puts in the hard work and makes the family

506
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 4: a priority. I agree with the other comments that you

507
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: all need family and couples counseling. This is a very fractured,

508
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,199
Speaker 4: dysfunctional family. You cannot fix this alone. So you have

509
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 4: one more comment before an update. Crippled Cryptid says, your

510
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 4: first point is what immediately stuck out to me too.

511
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 2: The wife claims that she and her parents aren't close.

512
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 2: Yet she's fine, so therefore the daughter will be too. However,

513
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 2: her main complaint is that she's not close with her daughter.

514
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 2: How she has a problem with that, So she's.

515
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,919
Speaker 4: Either being dense or just isn't being honest with herself

516
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 4: when she claims that she genuinely sees no issue with

517
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 4: her parents' relationship but has issues with the same dynamic

518
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 4: with her daughter.

519
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,120
Speaker 2: That's a really good point. Honestly.

520
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wouldn't have put it together in that exact way,

521
00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 4: but yeah, that makes sense.

522
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: She's definitely not happy with how their relationship is.

523
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 3: No, she's like expressing desire for it, but she doesn't

524
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 3: know how to achieve it exactly.

525
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 4: And we do have an update, so sixteen days later,

526
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 4: Oh okay, thank you to everyone who reached out.

527
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 2: It helped a great deal. My twenty seven male.

528
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 4: Original post was pretty much the first time I talked

529
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,199
Speaker 4: about any of this.

530
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,959
Speaker 2: I wanted to give an update.

531
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 4: My wife, twenty nine female, and I had a serious

532
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 4: discussion about everything. It took us a while to get

533
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 4: there because things were still tense after our last fight

534
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 4: and our mini spats in between. Our daughter noticed the

535
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 4: rift between her mom and me. She asked me about it,

536
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 4: and I'm not proud of that. I never wanted her

537
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 4: involved in our fights. It was a larger wake up call.

538
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have to let it drag out. My wife

539
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 4: asked if we could talk and we both apologized for

540
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 4: the fight. She was worried that I was calling it

541
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 4: quits after how bad our last fight was. She took

542
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 4: us not recovering as quickly as usual in my distance

543
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 4: as me being done.

544
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 2: She wanted to make a gesture for our marriage.

545
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: I told her that.

546
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 4: Her harsh action towards our daughter had made me question

547
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 4: our relationship. She said that she felt bad for intensely

548
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 4: ranting about our daughter. She was overwhelmed and used the

549
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 4: situation as the old one.

550
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 1: To wing bag.

551
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 2: She loves our daughter.

552
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 4: But is at a loss as a parent. I told

553
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 4: her that we'd all keep being at a loss in

554
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 4: our current state. We're disconnected as a couple in a family.

555
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 4: I feel like a single parent and alone in our marriage.

556
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 4: Our current way isn't working. Her lack of presence is

557
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 4: the common root cause. I didn't feel like our daughter

558
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 4: or I actually mattered and were more put up with

559
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 4: by her. That statement really bothered her. She denied it

560
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 4: and promised our family does matter to her. She said

561
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 4: that she knows things aren't good right now, but she

562
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 4: wants our family. She gets frustrated and says so that

563
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,439
Speaker 4: she doesn't mean, but it doesn't equate to how she

564
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 4: actually feels. I told her that it's not just her words,

565
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 4: it's her actions, her harshness, and how she chooses everything

566
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: over our family every single time, while expecting us to

567
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 4: just have smiles on our faces. We're not props and

568
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 4: I can't enforce a relationship between her and our daughter.

569
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 4: She said that she has trouble with contentment and it's

570
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 4: an endless chase. She has this new to keep chasing

571
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 4: after an inner feeling that she's always felt that she missed.

572
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: We talked about the feeling before. It's a high and

573
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 4: feeling hole interesting. She said that she thought our relationship

574
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 4: was the answer. She thought our daughter was the answer,

575
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 4: and then she thought her business would completely fill that void.

576
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 4: She said she doesn't know how to be with our daughter.

577
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 4: When our daughter was a baby, everything was easier. That

578
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 4: our daughter would get excited when she came home from work,

579
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 4: and no matter what she did or didn't do, she

580
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 4: had her daughter's love. But she's older now and barely

581
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 4: seems to like being in the same room as her

582
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 4: and clings to me. I asked if she's considered them.

583
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 4: Maybe our daughter is hurting from her criticism and broken promises.

584
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 4: My wife feels that she's doing better than her parents.

585
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 4: Well she might be, yeah, but if the bar is

586
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 4: really low, it's really low because she can't still be

587
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 4: low but above that bar, yeah, it's like I think.

588
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 3: You know, I know parents who have been like, well

589
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 3: I didn't hit the kids, but I worked all the time.

590
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, okay, at least they don't

591
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 2: feel bad. You're you right, right, But this isn't you know,

592
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 2: this is like really deep is sitting home?

593
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh man.

594
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 2: It's fine, look at me, cute. I'm gonna give you

595
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 2: a treat. Treat, she said.

596
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 4: All our daughter knows is the grandpa and grandma who

597
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 4: adore her over FaceTime.

598
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 2: She doesn't know what they were like.

599
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 4: Her childhood was staying in a child's place, doing what

600
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 4: was expected of you, representing the family, and attitudes weren't tolerated.

601
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 4: There wasn't a problem that they couldn't solve with the belts.

602
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 4: My wife so that she doesn't believe in the belt

603
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 4: as disciplined. But she doesn't know how to be with

604
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 4: our daughter and fears that she's aggressive when she's communicating,

605
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: So she leaves our daughter to mete.

606
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 1: I'd nailed that one.

607
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, you really did.

608
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 4: She doesn't feel she's good as a mother to an

609
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,479
Speaker 4: older child or with expressing personal feeling.

610
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 2: She said, I knew what her parents were like.

611
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 1: She's right.

612
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 4: My in laws ran an unforgiving household. My wife was

613
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 4: pretty much a latchkey kid.

614
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: Okay.

615
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 3: It's basically like they come home, are they like leave

616
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 3: and they come home whenever. You know, they got their

617
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 3: own key and they but you know, they take care

618
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 3: of themselves at home and parents are gone, and they

619
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 3: just kind of like the key's in the latch.

620
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: You know, basically they're at home alone. Is the latchkey kid?

621
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 2: I see. Yeah.

622
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 4: My father in law was always working and my mother

623
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 4: in law was busy with her community engagements. Feelings were

624
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 4: compared to complaining, and there were certain expectations of my wife.

625
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 4: I was seventeen and my wife was nineteen when we

626
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 4: had our daughter. Of course, the criticisms weren't ideal, but

627
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 4: my in laws made you feel their disapproval. There wasn't

628
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 4: support to be found from them. They told my wife

629
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 4: that if she was grown enough to make a baby,

630
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 4: then she was grown enough to take on responsibilities on

631
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 4: her own. My in laws have melted out a lot now,

632
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 4: but my wife is no contact with them. She used

633
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 4: her business to pay off their house, and that was that.

634
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 4: I'm the buffer between them. I'm accustomed to being my

635
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 4: wife's protector. That was always our dynamic, especially during the

636
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 4: pregnancy when everyone had commentary were comedians, or when guys

637
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 4: would talk about her. Looking back, I think that's part

638
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 4: of why I made excuses for her actions with our daughter.

639
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 4: I told my wife that I'm in love with her,

640
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,160
Speaker 4: but our daughter can't be at the expense of our relationship.

641
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 4: We're at a crossroads. Something needed to change. Counseling isn't

642
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 4: an option anymore. It's happening for our daughter and me.

643
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 4: I want for us to come through this as a family.

644
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 4: If she refuses counseling, I'd respect her decision, but her

645
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 4: answer would give me my answer on what I needed

646
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 4: to do. For the best of our daughter. We'd have

647
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 4: to separate for the time being. My wife said, if

648
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: it's between counseling or losing our family, then she chooses counseling.

649
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 4: She wants to keep working on her marriage and reconnecting

650
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 4: as a family. We're not props. I asked if this

651
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 4: was really what she wanted. If we do this, it

652
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 4: can't be her showing up in word only but looking

653
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 4: for any reason to skip out. She said, what we

654
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 4: built means something to her, and losing that has become

655
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 4: more real to her now. I talked with our daughter

656
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 4: about her feelings on counseling too. I didn't just want

657
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 4: to randomly throw an appointment on her. She was pretty

658
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 4: open to the idea. I think it's because she's close

659
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 4: with my parents and she knows that they do counseling.

660
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: My wife and I are officially in counseling.

661
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 3: Now.

662
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 2: Okay, look, how's that. That's great.

663
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 4: We're trying a conjoint therapy approach for right now. It's

664
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 4: a new experience for us. Prior to this, my wife

665
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 4: was never big on counseling, but she has been showing up.

666
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 2: He hasn't flaked, and there is a little bit more

667
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 2: to the story. But I think this is going a

668
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 2: really positive way.

669
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Again, it seems like they were not on the

670
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 3: same page about parenting because they were so young. So young,

671
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 3: it probably didn't even have a conversation. No, everyone, you know,

672
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 3: this is kind of what I've always thought of. You know,

673
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 3: when I get into the relationship and I'm ready to

674
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,959
Speaker 3: have a kid, Like, have that conversation before you get married,

675
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 3: before you yes, or even close to having kids, how

676
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 3: do you want to raise your kid, you know, like

677
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 3: if you are religious or not religious, like, have all

678
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 3: of those questions answered before the kid is even there. Yeah,

679
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 3: because these are all important things and you want to

680
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 3: make sure that you're on the same page.

681
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

682
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And I think we've definitely got a lot of

683
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 4: insight on the wife and she just has personal things

684
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 4: that she's dealing with, for sure. Yeah, but it sounds

685
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 4: like she kind of has like a good understanding at

686
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 4: least to start with on what she needs to work on. Yes,

687
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 4: so I think that's great, Like it sounded like what

688
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 4: she was saying was really good things to be aware

689
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 4: about and amazing things to bring into therapy.

690
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I have really high hopes for her.

691
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 3: I don't think we need to just like you know, no, No,

692
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 3: I think if she was wholly unreceptive, sure, but she's not.

693
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a little bit more into the story. So

694
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 4: there has been some improvement with my wife and daughter.

695
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 4: My wife has pulled back on criticism and asking our

696
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 4: daughter questions recently, we went to an amusement park as

697
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,239
Speaker 4: a family, and they had a good time together on

698
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 4: some rides. My wife asked to pair with our daughter

699
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 4: on a few games too. It was the first time

700
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 4: in a long time I saw them share a laugh.

701
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 4: I don't know what the future holds, but I want

702
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 4: to be hopeful for my family. Maybe it's not too late.

703
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 4: I want the best for everyone involved. Our daughter will

704
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 4: be starting middle school soon, and I told my wife

705
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 4: that she'll need both of us. I'm hoping this road

706
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 4: isn't the end of my family. I want us to

707
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 4: have to come through this together. When I chose a

708
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,479
Speaker 4: life with her, it wasn't because we were having a baby,

709
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 4: so let's stick together. It was because I love her

710
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 4: and want to be with her. I want to make

711
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 4: this work. But that is the end of that story.

712
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 4: I think that's a great start. I think you guys

713
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 4: are on the prepare path. See family things together. You're

714
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 4: laughing together, joking around.

715
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 3: No one knows how to parent, literally, no one knows

716
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 3: how to do it. You think you do, so, I've

717
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 3: heard you right. You go into it and then you

718
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 3: realize you have no idea what you're doing. Yeah, and

719
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 3: you can only learn as you go.

720
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then people say that once you think you

721
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 4: figure it out with one kid, you have another one

722
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 4: and it's a completely different person.

723
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

724
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 3: Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but

725
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 3: here's three of its bads from our sponsors.

726
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 1: I asked my husband to check on my pregnant friend.

727
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: Her husband god furious.

728
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 2: Know what the men allowed around her.

729
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: Really quick trigger warning for all of our viewers. This

730
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 1: story does talk about miscarriage and loss of pregnancy at

731
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: certain points, so if you can't hear that, please do

732
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 1: not listen to this story. Listen to a different one.

733
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm writing this post because my best friend Kate,

734
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: her husband Bert, called my husband tim and a hole.

735
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: I have historically kept my opinion of Bert's behavior to

736
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: a minimum on the grounds that good friends say their

737
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: peace once and then love each other through crap relationships.

738
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: But I'm asking internet strangers to be the judge. By

739
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: the way, if this comes from user crap Kid Throwaway,

740
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

741
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay story time subreddit. So I

742
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: am traveling for work. My friend Kate is stuck at

743
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: home working at seven months pregnant on modified bedrest. Generally

744
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: during the week, I drop over once or twice to

745
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: bring her family some dinner. Tim cooks extra portions once

746
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: a week to share. I generally cheer her up and

747
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: read her oldest a couple of bedtime stories so mom

748
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 1: can go to bed early and get some sleep. Bert

749
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: works an office job, stressful, I'm sure, but during her pregnancy,

750
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: he's been working longer and longer hours salaried, not overtime.

751
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: She's been sad and a bit lonely. Yes, I've suggested

752
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: counseling with that for background. This evening, she and I

753
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: were texting about six o'clockish and she got a craving

754
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: for tacos at a place near my house and importantly

755
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 1: near Bert's office. She says. She asked him to grab

756
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: her some on his way home. He says he's not stopping,

757
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: he's got work at home and she should just door

758
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 1: dash something close. Super ill husband right there. Yeah, this

759
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: makes her extremely sad, she says, irrationally sad. But you

760
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: be the judge of that, because he used to surprise

761
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: her with her favorite tacos and now he can't even

762
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 1: be bothered. Oh, when she asks him to go. Yeah,

763
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: as one does. I tell Tim, my husband, I'm three

764
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 1: states away, So it was just part of our chat

765
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: as I was getting back to the hotel and getting

766
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: ready for a work dinner. I get back from dinner

767
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: and Tim had gone and picked up her tacos, remembered

768
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: the bag of things I'd collected for her and the

769
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: kid were in my car, and pulled a tunic casserole

770
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: from the freezer. Bert hates tunic casserole. He dropped them

771
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: off on the porch and just texted her that there

772
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: were some things I wanted her to have. Then Bert

773
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: gets home. Did he bring taco's coloring books or a

774
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: good attitude? No, he did not. He called Tim to

775
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: tell him that he was an a hole for showing

776
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 1: him up.

777
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 2: Oohoo.

778
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 1: This is giving the exact same energy as like the

779
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 1: parent that shows up to the parent teacher conference, Like, so,

780
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: why are you giving my son school supplies? Yeah? What

781
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: so you think I can't give my own kid? Yeah, pencils.

782
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: It's like, well, he was showing up to class with

783
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: nothing to write with, so I gave him pencils. I

784
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 1: can actually take care of my own son. Thank you.

785
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: He's like, well, then, do it right. So more colorful

786
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: language was also used, including some fairly sexist nonsense. He

787
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: also texted me telling me to keep my husband away

788
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 1: from his wife. Tim did respond rudely when Bert called, Ca,

789
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 1: says he told Bert he was a failure as a human,

790
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: a man, a father, and a husband. Okay, dang, not

791
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: getting tacos. I don't know if that warrants that much.

792
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 4: But yeah, but also I would believe that he is correct.

793
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 4: I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised

794
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 4: that all was true.

795
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: Apparently that caused Bert to scream expletives so loud. Their

796
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 1: daughters started to cry. Not good, which is on Bert

797
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 1: and not Tim. Yeah, if your daughters and around the corner,

798
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: don't shout so loud and angry that you actually scare her. Yeah,

799
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,240
Speaker 1: you're failing again as that parent, right.

800
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 2: Exactly, Jesus.

801
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 1: Tim Ben hung up on Bert, blocked him, and texted

802
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 1: Kate that if she needed someone in an emergency, she

803
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: knew where to call, but he wasn't putting up with

804
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: her crap husband any longer. It's a giant cluster f

805
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: and I have no idea what's going to happen my

806
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 1: husband feels bad things have escalated so much, particular release

807
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: since their daughter was crying. He feels like an a

808
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: hole at the moment. Obviously, Bert thinks he's an a hole.

809
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 1: I think he's a sweet man. What do you guys think?

810
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: Am I the ahole? Has no consensus? But op was

811
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: not the a hole and there are some relevant comments.

812
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 1: But first I say Tim's not the a hole. Yeah,

813
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: because Tim Bert should have known, Oh I shouldn't scream

814
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: and scare my child around the corner.

815
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I think like maybe he didn't need

816
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 4: to kind of stoop to Bert's level and be and

817
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 4: just like, you know, name call pretty much.

818
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: But you know, is he wrong?

819
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Yeah. Op On what Kate thought

820
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 1: about Bert's attitude towards Tim, Opie says she's super pissed

821
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: at Burt. It'll probably blow over, but at the moment,

822
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 1: she's extremely angry with him. She doesn't think Tim. She

823
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 1: doesn't think Tim meant any harm, except that, of course

824
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: the tunic castrole was a bit petty. Could Kate stay

825
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: with Opie and Tim? How is that even? Wait? But

826
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: how was that even petty? He just knows that the

827
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 1: pregnant woman likes tuna casserole. Could Kate stay with Opi

828
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: and Tim? Opie says, She's always welcome, of course, but

829
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 1: I don't think she'd move their daughter out of the neighborhood.

830
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: I think they're going to work it out. She does

831
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 1: love him very much. That said, he's at a hotel tonight,

832
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 1: and I don't think that's happened before. Commenter number one says,

833
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: no good deed goes unpunished. That being said, you guys

834
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 1: are way too involved in their lives. You're cooking for

835
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: them multiple times a week. Opie says, yeah, she's on

836
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: bed rest. We have a meal train. I do Wednesday

837
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: and sometimes I'm sorry, does this comment or not know

838
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 1: what friends are?

839
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a very nice thing to do.

840
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 1: What you're like, way too involved in their lives. It's

841
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 1: almost like you care about them and want them to

842
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: like be good and make sure that they're okay while

843
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: they're seven months pregnant on bed rest. Opie says, yeah,

844
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,399
Speaker 1: she was on bed rest. We have a meal train.

845
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,800
Speaker 1: I do wins and sometimes Fridays. Her sister does two days.

846
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: Several of her friends trade off on other days because

847
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: you know, that's what friends do. For each other. I

848
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: guess is Kate able to stay with someone family or friends.

849
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: Op says her daughter is at the sister's house tonight.

850
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: She has a daughter about the same age. So they

851
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 1: do this all the time. We're going to rotate staying

852
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 1: over until the night nurse can start. And I think

853
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 1: on Tuesday they did have a part time nanny, but

854
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: that was the affair partner.

855
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 3: So whoa interesting uh big news about this couple.

856
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, her sister has been filling in since she was

857
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 1: put on bed rest. Update. Oh my god. Yeah, So

858
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: first of all, Okay, leave this man.

859
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

860
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: I know you have kids, but like, this is just

861
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:53,959
Speaker 1: not this is not good. He cheated on you, yeah.

862
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 1: Does he want to take care of you while you're pregnant?

863
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 4: Yeah?

864
00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: He fundamentally does not care about you, Adate. Oh darn it.

865
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: The TLDR version is they are separating for unrelated reasons.

866
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 1: I find that highly dubious at best. I apologize for

867
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: screwing up the title last time. Blah blah blah blah

868
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. This update is shared with Kate

869
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:22,720
Speaker 1: and Tim's permission for reasons Bert can go f himself. Okay,

870
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 1: Bert did email Tim this morning to apologize. Bert said

871
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 1: he had forgotten I was out of town and he

872
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 1: didn't realize that Tim was dropping off the meal trained food.

873
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: It was a weird email for many reasons, but Tim

874
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: responded politely, if non committal. Tim hasn't changed his view

875
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: of Bert, in part because of what happened between Burt

876
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: and Kate. This afternoon. Bert also texted me to apologize,

877
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 1: but I didn't get his message until after I landed,

878
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: and by then everything else had happened. I've elected not

879
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:56,240
Speaker 1: to respond, okay. Bert went home around noon after staying

880
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: at a hotel last night. Kate's sister had taken their

881
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: daughter to the park so Burt and Kate could talk

882
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: it out. The short version is that Bert has been

883
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 1: avoiding Kate because she's not happy during this pregnancy. I

884
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: mentioned in a comment that Kate had been married previously,

885
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: and shortly after her first husband passed away, she had

886
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,839
Speaker 1: complications in a pregnancy that forced her on bedrest. Unfortunately,

887
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 1: her son did not make it. The current pregnancy is

888
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: bringing up a lot of painful memories, and she's scared

889
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: she won't be able to make it to full term.

890
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: So yes, she is not as cheery as she was

891
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: when she was pregnant with their daughter. It's a difficult time.

892
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: Bert is frustrated and angry that she's not happy, so

893
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 1: he's been staying late and ignoring her until she stops

894
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: doing that.

895
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,240
Speaker 2: How do we think this is a solution?

896
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 1: Everyone watching this, I just want you to clap for

897
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 1: me for having the willpower to not throw this through

898
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: the camera.

899
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that.

900
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 1: Is I don't even I would have no response for that.

901
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 1: If I'm Kate and my husband says, hey, so because

902
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: of all of the reasons that were just said, you're

903
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 1: upset and I can't deal with it, I'd be like, oh, well,

904
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 1: you can go ahead and just get your stuff. Yeah,

905
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: there's just nothing to say. That is one of the

906
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 1: dumbest things I've ever read. Yeah, there's no need to

907
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 1: even try to reply to it to make him understand anything, ye,

908
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: because he'll never.

909
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 2: Understand exactly exactly.

910
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: I know that sounds horrid, but I think they could

911
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 1: have worked through those feelings now. But as he was

912
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: explaining how he felt, he said she should be glad

913
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: her son wasn't there, because other eyes, she wouldn't have

914
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: this life at all.

915
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Oh.

916
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 4: That is so beyond terrible. How much fire is inside

917
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 4: of you right now?

918
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: Do you remember that scene from the Spider Man No

919
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: Way Home movie where Spider Man gets tackled through like

920
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 1: ten floors of a building. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm

921
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: imagining doing to this guy.

922
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 4: Right.

923
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just gonna leave it at that.

924
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, yep.

925
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: That one still knocks the wind out of me. It's

926
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: so cruel. She did talk to him about that statement,

927
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: but the explanation doesn't get better. In any event, for her,

928
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: that was just the end, thank God, as it should be. Gosh.

929
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: She told me she was just done. They can work

930
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: out joint custody, but the marriage was over. She called

931
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: her sister and she and her husband encouraged Bert to leave. Currently,

932
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: Kate's not angry or sad or panicked. She's just done. Personally.

933
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: I'm surprised since they've weathered some fairly crappy things, including

934
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 1: infidelity by him, but I guess that was the line.

935
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: In any event, her D and D friends are over

936
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: there for Saturday night games and they are eating waffles.

937
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: She thought it was important for the Internet to know

938
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: that waffles are appropriate separation food. Well, at least her

939
00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: spirit's not crushed, at least in terms of her well being,

940
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,280
Speaker 1: which many kind souls were worried about. They have a prenup.

941
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 1: The house is hers, his family property is his. I'm

942
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 1: sure there will be a fight over custody, but she

943
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,280
Speaker 1: will be financially okay. In any event, she has family

944
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: and friends who will help and support regardless of what happens.

945
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: And we are just gonna skip right. We've got an update, Chapelle. Okay,

946
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: a month has gone by, yep, let's see what's going on.

947
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: I'm excited holiday update.

948
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 1: I guess whether you think this is a happy update

949
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: depends on whether a holes abandoning their kids is a

950
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: net positive or not. I think if your dad is

951
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,879
Speaker 1: this guy, yeah, I'd much rather not have one.

952
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess. And if I was her, I wouldn't

953
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:49,320
Speaker 2: want him to have custody anyway. But still definitely sucks.

954
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: Just based on that one statement alone. He's like, you

955
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 1: shouldn't be able to raise children.

956
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and then you throw everything else on top

957
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 2: of that.

958
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: Terrible. Kate and Burt are still separated. It took her

959
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: few weeks, but she finally spoke to her attorney and

960
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,359
Speaker 1: asked them to start the paperwork. One problem has been

961
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: locating him for service and scheduling parenting time so it

962
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't appear that she's withholding his child. The night he

963
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 1: was escorted out, he apparently went to a hotel, then

964
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: told his boss he had to work remotely, where the

965
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: f was that option, and then moved home to his mother.

966
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: So this whole time he could have been working from

967
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: a home to help his wife too. What a scumbag.

968
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

969
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: Kate has reached out to him multiple times to schedule

970
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 1: parenting time and only found out last week that he

971
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: wasn't in the state. What this guy is just it's fine,

972
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: this is fine, all, this is fine. Imagine wow, just yes.

973
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: She finally called his mom to see if she wanted

974
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 1: to come and see her grandchild for Thanksgiving and learned

975
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,800
Speaker 1: that he was there the entire time. In any event,

976
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: they finally made a parenting schedule, and, at an attorney's suggestion,

977
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: agreed he could have the first holiday since the separation.

978
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 1: He was supposed to come down on Wednesday and pick

979
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,479
Speaker 1: up their daughter for a few days so she could

980
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: spend time with his side of the family. So we

981
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 1: planned a friends giving and to keep her spirits up

982
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: since her little one would be away for the first time.

983
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 1: Fun no, but it's what families do. Anyway. He didn't

984
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:23,800
Speaker 1: show Thursday morning, still no Bert. Oh. Kate was worried

985
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: since he was supposed to drive down, so she called

986
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: his mom again. Bert was fine, but didn't feel up

987
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: to dealing with this. Yep, hurt it myself with my

988
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,439
Speaker 1: own two years, which are we surprised It's the same

989
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: thing he said about his own pregnant wife.

990
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

991
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. She's like, Ah, you're just in a bad mood

992
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 1: and I just can't deal with it. Oh God, just

993
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: like we have to start learning like which people are

994
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 1: ready for relationships and which aren't, and if they're not,

995
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: don't just chase them. Kiddo was thankfully still asleep, so

996
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 1: she didn't have the joy of watching her mom have

997
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: a complete and utter meltdown. Kate didn't have the greatest

998
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: of herself, and knowing her pos husband was completely indifferent

999
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: to his daughter was just too much. She was sobbing

1000
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: so hard she couldn't breathe, and then started to have contractions,

1001
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,839
Speaker 1: and then her sister and I started panicking. Oh God,

1002
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: had we've been thinking. Clearly, we probably both would have

1003
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 1: remembered that she had BH with both pregnancies and calmly

1004
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: assessed the situation after she wasn't so overwrought. Instead, I

1005
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: panic dialed her OB and we rushed her to the hospital.

1006
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:29,439
Speaker 1: She's fine, the baby's fine. The kiddo has now more

1007
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: screen time and junk food in two days than her

1008
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 1: mother has let her have in her entire life. Because

1009
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: I'm not a great babysitter. Kate will be in the

1010
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: hospital for a few more days as her OB is

1011
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 1: concerned with her stress levels. Her sister's husband called Bert,

1012
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: but thus far he has not made any attempts to

1013
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 1: do something useful, like, I don't know, take care of

1014
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: his own child, so I guess there won't be a

1015
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: fight over custody. A crappy update, but it's been a

1016
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: crappy weekend. If anyone knows how to cheer up a

1017
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: little girls missing her parents that doesn't involve McDonald's and Bluie,

1018
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,359
Speaker 1: please let me know. If there was still Toys r Us,

1019
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: I'd probably be bankrupt. And there is an update. I

1020
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: think this is again for.

1021
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 4: The best, right Like, it still sucks for sure, but

1022
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 4: it's not really this situation was never really going to

1023
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 4: just be good. You know, You're just you're kind of

1024
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 4: in it, so it's might as well have the lesser

1025
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 4: of two evils.

1026
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, at least that's how I view it. I mean,

1027
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 1: I feel like you could logic it that it's like

1028
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 1: it'd be better to know for a fact that you

1029
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: don't like how your dad treats you instead of just

1030
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,760
Speaker 1: but it's really like you don't.

1031
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 2: It's just for the best it can. Yeah, there's like

1032
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 2: pros and cons to both, I suppose.

1033
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,959
Speaker 1: Update. Thank you all for the suggestions, particularly a user

1034
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: for shaking my brain loose. I had a sewing room

1035
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 1: full of supplies and hadn't even thought of craft. We

1036
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: spent all day today designing and making doll clothes and

1037
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: matching scrunchies for her, her mom, her aunt, her uncle

1038
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 1: or cousin, et cetera. She's happy and tired, and I

1039
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: to be more grateful for Internet strangers. On the less

1040
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 1: good news, Kate is going to be in the hospital

1041
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 1: for the duration of her pregnancy. She and the baby

1042
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: are fine, but due to some complications, they want her

1043
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: to stay there until she delivers. Kitto is staying with

1044
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: us until tomorrow. We live close to the hospital, but

1045
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: she'll be heading back to sister's place, which is close

1046
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: to her preschool, tomorrow night. Kate wants her to have

1047
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 1: as much normalcy as feasibly possible. I'm still worried, but

1048
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: the doctors are great and seem to have it under control,

1049
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: and there are some relevant comments. Do not think that

1050
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 1: eventually Bert will wake the f up, or we'll meet

1051
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: with a lawyer who will tell him some very harsh

1052
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: truths and he'll realize that if he doesn't fight for

1053
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: and to get custody, the child support you have to

1054
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 1: pay will be higher than if he had fifty to

1055
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 1: fifty or primary custody. They may have a prenup, but

1056
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:48,480
Speaker 1: prenups have nothing to do with child support, which is

1057
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: a right of the child, not a right of the parent.

1058
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 1: Tell your friend to keep a detailed log of all

1059
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 1: these interactions with they're soon to be x, or do

1060
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 1: it for her while she's emotionally incapacitated. Have her send

1061
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: an email to Bert and his mom, or a text message,

1062
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: anything written down that essentially says so. We collaborated on

1063
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 1: a holiday custody schedule. I gave you first holiday since

1064
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: our separation with our daughter. Out of good faith and

1065
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: of wanting to show that we can co parent peacefully.

1066
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 1: You agreed, and then you let her down at the

1067
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: very last minute because you didn't feel up to dealing

1068
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 1: with this. She has to do the same for all

1069
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: the interactions that are verbal, so she can have a

1070
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 1: paper trail to show a judge encourage her to keep

1071
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: on reaching out to Burt in the name of collaborative

1072
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 1: co parenting, so he can never win the argument of

1073
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: she withholds the children from me your honor all in

1074
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: writing or followed by writing summarizing the content of the

1075
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: conversation if it happens verbally. If she can't do that

1076
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 1: because of her health condition or her and her emotional state,

1077
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 1: she can have someone else do all of that for

1078
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: her while she's c seed on the emails. I might

1079
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: be dealing with the last weeks of pregnancy and separation

1080
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: and it's hard, but I'm still doing all that I

1081
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: can as a mother to make sure it doesn't impact

1082
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 1: our children negatively and make sure the trans processes smooth

1083
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,760
Speaker 1: and co parenting as possible. Is the message you want

1084
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 1: to be able to display to a judge. If it

1085
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 1: comes to that, do not rile Bert up and make

1086
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 1: sure that your friend does not either. But when he

1087
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 1: acts unhinged, despondent, or irresponsible, bring it up in writing.

1088
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 1: Always talk about Burt in good terms, at least in

1089
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 1: front of the daughter. So we can't have the parental

1090
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 1: alienation defense. Have your friend squeaky clean, so there is

1091
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: nothing he can grab on to for custody. No, I

1092
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: acted terribly, but so did she your honor, it will

1093
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 1: be all So the plaintif was being a dismissive turned

1094
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: aggressive butt hat the entire time, while the defendant was

1095
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: being as collaborative and in good faith as she could be.

1096
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: Primary custody to the defendant, Ope says, this is the

1097
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: exact advice her attorney gave us yesterday. Thank you all right,

1098
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 1: that was very solid advice on how to go about

1099
00:50:55,880 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 1: the custody agreement. Because, yes, in a legal sense, especially

1100
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 1: when it comes to something like this, you always want

1101
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 1: to cover your booty. We have a third update, Okay,

1102
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:15,280
Speaker 1: one month later, it's a boy relations We're at birth.

1103
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 2: Whoo.

1104
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone still cares, but Kate safely

1105
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: delivered a perfectly healthy little boy on Thursday and is

1106
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: now back home. Her sister was by her side and

1107
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,720
Speaker 1: it all went fairly quickly after she was induced. Bert

1108
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 1: is still missing in action. Last we heard he was

1109
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 1: in Alaska with his brother.

1110
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 2: What what he's on the run?

1111
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 3: Man?

1112
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 1: He really is? Ia dude? Yeah, Oh my god. Kate's

1113
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 1: lawyer has been managing communications to keep the evidence trail

1114
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 1: as pristine as possible. He has been served, but of

1115
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 1: course these things take time. The little one asks about

1116
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 1: her dad every single day, and it breaks my heart,

1117
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: but I guess there's no help for that. We are

1118
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: following the therapist's advice and lee legal advice on that subject.

1119
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: I think it will get easier now that her mom

1120
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 1: is finally home. On the home front, Kate is thrilled

1121
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 1: to be out of the hospital. We have all huddled

1122
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 1: up for a plan to help her over the next

1123
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 1: few months while she recovers. I'm on duty today, but

1124
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 1: everyone is currently napping, so it's quiet and peaceful. She

1125
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 1: asked for tacos, so Tim is making a taco run

1126
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 1: for lunch in about an hour or so. God, for

1127
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: the love of God, don't let Burt hear about that,

1128
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: or he's gonna fly back from.

1129
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 2: Alaska just to not give you tacos.

1130
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: Yeah. I probably won't be updating again, but I did

1131
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: want folks to know she and her son made it

1132
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: through with flying colors. Hooray. We have some irrelevant comments

1133
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: to finish the story off. Congratulations to Opie's friend Kate

1134
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 1: on her successful pregnancy and birth of her son. Oh yeah,

1135
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 1: come in number one. I know it's gonna take years

1136
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 1: or decades, but in my mind, there will be a

1137
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 1: day where Kate is very happy that Tim decided to

1138
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 1: deliver tacos and she got rid of this sorry excuse

1139
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: of a man. I agree all the best, op I

1140
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: would love to get an update, but I understand if

1141
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 1: that's the end. Opie replies, to be honest, I think

1142
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 1: that's why she asked for tacos. Tim has been feeling

1143
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 1: crappy for how everything went down and how his bluntness

1144
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: in his mind contributed to Kate's complications in the kiddo's distress.

1145
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: Seeing Kate happy and relaxed, surrounded by her family and

1146
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 1: everyone devouring tacos definitely cheered him up. It certainly cheered

1147
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 1: me up. Comment or two says I'm glad you're Okay, Now,

1148
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: if possible, I have a question for you. Do Bert's

1149
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 1: parents approve of what he's doing? Please keep us posted

1150
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 1: until your friend gets his revenge on this pest Opie says,

1151
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: I don't know what Bert's mom thinks. I called her

1152
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: to let her know when Kate was scheduled to be

1153
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 1: induced and to invite her to Christmas at Kate's request,

1154
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: and she never responded. Bert's father passed away a few

1155
00:53:55,560 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: years ago, which precipitated some of Bert's worst behaviors. See,

1156
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 1: we're all complicated monkey people like we always there's always something.

1157
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1158
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've only met his brother a handful of times,

1159
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: but given how he treats his wife with tremendous devotion,

1160
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 1: I was surprised to hear Bert was there. I would

1161
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: have expected his brother to chew his butt out and

1162
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 1: send him home. But who knows what Bert is telling

1163
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:28,720
Speaker 1: his family about the separation. It's very odd. I'm extremely curious,

1164
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: but sticking strictly to the path the attorney has laid

1165
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: out for all communication, which is a very smart thing

1166
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,720
Speaker 1: to do. Kate might get some answers when the divorce

1167
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: response is filed, but his attorney has gotten an extension,

1168
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 1: so that won't be for a few months. Comment number three, Op,

1169
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 1: it's just a suggestion of mine. But since there's a

1170
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 1: possibility that the brother is being deceived, would it be

1171
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 1: more would it be more receptive to send an anonymous

1172
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,880
Speaker 1: message telling him what's really going on. It's just a

1173
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 1: suggestion because Bert really is an a hole and ne

1174
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: it's too soft for a little which. Look, people are bad,

1175
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: people are good, But like getting yourself wrapped up and

1176
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 1: like being the arbiter of justice getting revenge, it's probably

1177
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,839
Speaker 1: not It's probably not gonna make your life any better. Yeah, op,

1178
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 1: says Kate's sister. And I both thought the same thing,

1179
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 1: but her attorney said absolutely not. We will just have

1180
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 1: to wait for it all to come out in the wash.

1181
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 1: Comment for I am so glad that you are all

1182
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 1: doing as well as can be. Wishing some peace and

1183
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 1: love in the new year. And that is the end

1184
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 1: of that story, the end.

1185
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 2: Wow. Well, I wish you peace and love of the

1186
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 2: new year. May God.

1187
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: Birt's gone and he's gonna be gone forever.

1188
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 2: Yep, ding dong, the bird is gone.

1189
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 1: Ding dong, the bird is gone. The bird is gone

1190
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:59,320
Speaker 1: this day, ding Dong, The bird is gone this day.

1191
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1192
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute

1193
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: break from asper more sponsors.

1194
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:08,879
Speaker 4: My parents refuse to believe I had a concussion. It's

1195
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:10,320
Speaker 4: making everything worse.

1196
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: Ah your head.

1197
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 4: Some much needed context before I get to the story.

1198
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 4: Before this happened, I already had a history of at

1199
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 4: least two concussions.

1200
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 1: The first one I.

1201
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 4: Got in middle school after I fell off a swing

1202
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 4: set mid swing, and the second after I hit my

1203
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 4: head on my garage door like a dumb But there

1204
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 4: have been several other instances of head injuries, but not

1205
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,919
Speaker 4: enough to be labeled as full on concussions. By the way,

1206
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 4: this comes from Hidden Snicker and if you want to

1207
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1208
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 4: story time is step Preddit. So.

1209
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 2: My parents are divorced and at the.

1210
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 4: Time I was living with my dad full time, as

1211
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 4: my mom had punted me out of her house freshman

1212
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:45,280
Speaker 4: year of high school.

1213
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 2: For several months.

1214
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 4: Up to this point, I had been planning to go

1215
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 4: to Legoland with my father to celebrate my eighteenth birthday

1216
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 4: and January twenty twenty four, how fun and it was

1217
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 4: something that I was really looking forward to. Now to

1218
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 4: the story a little over a year ago. Just during

1219
00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 4: December twenty twenty three, when I was seventeen, I just

1220
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 4: turn eighteen. I was visiting my younger brother fourteen at

1221
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 4: the time, and my mother for dinner. After dinner, me

1222
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 4: and my brother had a small scuffle over who got

1223
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 4: to sit in the front seat. As siblings do. I

1224
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 4: love that that's still happening at seventeen and fourteen.

1225
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,759
Speaker 2: Dude, that still happens at twenty three and twenty eight.

1226
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 3: We literally will push each other out of the wood

1227
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 3: to get the fussy.

1228
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: But during the scuffle, my.

1229
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 4: Brother had accidentally slammed the car door right onto the

1230
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 4: side of my head. Now, my brother rock climbed six

1231
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 4: days a week, and I'm pretty scrawny, so we hit

1232
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 4: my head pretty hard. As I went to sit in

1233
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 4: the backseat, my head started to really hurt. During the ride,

1234
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 4: I brought up how the car door had hit my head.

1235
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 4: My brother refused to acknowledge that he had even hit me,

1236
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 4: let alone.

1237
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 1: Apologize heit what.

1238
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 2: I got pretty upset by this, That makes sense.

1239
00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:45,440
Speaker 4: When we made it to my mother's house, I asked

1240
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 4: her why she didn't do anything about it before I

1241
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 4: got into my car and drove back to my dad's place.

1242
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 4: By the time I got there, I was bawling my

1243
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:55,439
Speaker 4: eyes out. Oh my gosh. I don't even fully remember why.

1244
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 4: I just remember being in pain and telling my dad

1245
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,680
Speaker 4: how my brother had accidentally hit me with a car door.

1246
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 2: I refuse to apologize. Now the details get a.

1247
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,919
Speaker 4: Little fuzzy, so I don't exactly remember the exact dates

1248
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 4: of everything. I only vaguely remember going to the doctors

1249
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 4: and getting diagnosed with the concussion. Since this was December,

1250
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 4: this was right before finals in my birthday, December sixteenth.

1251
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 4: I talked to my school about the concussion, and they

1252
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 4: were understanding enough to let me freeze my grades and

1253
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 4: not take any finals, which were all eights and I

1254
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 4: think two b's. They told me to go home and

1255
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 4: get some rest, no problem. That is so nice of

1256
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 4: your professors. I feel like that's so rare, so that

1257
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 4: to happen. Yeah, here's where the BS started. Basically, immediately,

1258
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 4: my dad and mom began pressuring me to take the

1259
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 4: finals so I could raise my B grades, which were

1260
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 4: in my hardest classes. I tried to explain to them

1261
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 4: that I shouldn't be doing that because I need to rest,

1262
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 4: and if I take the exam will concussed. I might

1263
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 4: run the risk of doing extremely poorly on them and

1264
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 4: dropping my grades. But they would not listen. Also, if

1265
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 4: the if the tests are like online or something like

1266
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 4: on a computer, then it's gonna be worse.

1267
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 1: You like, shouldn't do that.

1268
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, my dad told me that I should go to

1269
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 4: the er if I didn't feel well enough to take

1270
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 4: the finals. They kept pushing me to do things while

1271
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 4: I was trying to rest, despite how much I tried

1272
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,800
Speaker 4: to emphasize that I needed to be recovering. During this

1273
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 4: I basically had to miss my eighteenth birthday because I

1274
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 4: was asleep for seventeen whole hours. This, along with the

1275
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 4: fact that it's generally harder to control your emotions after

1276
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 4: you have a brain injury, culminated Yeah, in what I

1277
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 4: can essentially describe as a mental breakdown. I broke into

1278
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 4: tears in the middle of the night, unable to control

1279
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 4: myself as I sobbed in my bed, I texted my

1280
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:24,439
Speaker 4: dad to let him know.

1281
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 2: That I felt like I didn't need to go to

1282
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 2: the er.

1283
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:27,919
Speaker 4: In the morning, he came into my room and asked

1284
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 4: me if I was okay, so I told him through tears,

1285
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 4: my head was really hurting and I don't.

1286
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 1: Know what to do.

1287
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 4: I told him that I probably had to skip the

1288
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:36,040
Speaker 4: rest of my finals, to which he insisted again that

1289
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 4: I should take them. I responded by saying that I'm

1290
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:41,760
Speaker 4: in absolutely no condition to take them. He then said

1291
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 4: that if I'm not feeling better, then we should cancel

1292
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 4: my birthday trip, which upset me even more.

1293
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 2: Because I was really looking forward to it.

1294
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:48,960
Speaker 4: He then left the room, but shortly came back and

1295
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 4: said that he would take me to the er now.

1296
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 2: I was still sobbing. On the way to the hospital

1297
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 2: and getting admitted, the.

1298
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 4: Nurses suggested that we do a CT scan to see

1299
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 4: if there was any possibility of a severe brain injury.

1300
00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 2: They did a CT scan, Thankfully, nothing came up.

1301
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: They said that it was most likely a concussion and

1302
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 4: to take it easy and rest. Two days later, I

1303
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,320
Speaker 4: went back to school to try to do the last

1304
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 4: of my finals like my parents had requested. This proved

1305
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 4: to be a massive mistake, as I almost immediately got

1306
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 4: the worst headache I ever.

1307
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 1: Had in my entire life.

1308
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,479
Speaker 4: I was head down and between my arms at my desk,

1309
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,439
Speaker 4: feeling like my head was going to explode. I don't

1310
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 4: remember the exact events, but I eventually tried to make

1311
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 4: my way to the nurse, and on the way there,

1312
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:26,480
Speaker 4: I vomited into a.

1313
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:27,439
Speaker 2: Nearby trash can.

1314
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

1315
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 4: This really worried me at the time because my concussed

1316
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 4: brain remembered the fact that throwing up can mean a

1317
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 4: severe concussion, and I assumed that my concussion had somehow

1318
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 4: gotten worse. So I asked my dad to pick me

1319
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 4: up from school and asked him to take me to

1320
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 4: the doctor again. In hindsight, it probably was not necessary,

1321
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 4: but remind her I had a concussion and was not

1322
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 4: getting any rest. I was barely thinking straight at this point.

1323
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 4: He said something about asking my.

1324
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 2: Sister, who was twenty, to take me, so I texted

1325
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:51,520
Speaker 2: her asking she could.

1326
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 4: She angrily responded by saying that I don't have a

1327
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 4: concussion and to stop being so dramatic. When I asked

1328
01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 4: what she meant, she said that my dad had told

1329
01:00:59,720 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 4: her lunch yesterday that the CT scan didn't come up

1330
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 4: with anything, so I didn't have a concussion.

1331
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:06,919
Speaker 3: I thought a doctor had already said that she did

1332
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,440
Speaker 3: have a concussion the first doctor she saw, because that

1333
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 3: was yeah, they only said that she might have a

1334
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 3: concussion when she went to the er.

1335
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 2: But the first doctor she saw said that.

1336
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:16,800
Speaker 4: She had a concussion and then was just doing the

1337
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 4: CT scan to see if it was like severe brain injury. Yeah,

1338
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 4: So the dad is probably just like, nah, she's fine.

1339
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 4: Probably like when when parents like ignore mental illnesses, they're like, nah,

1340
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 4: you don't have as she like, you just get.

1341
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 2: Distracted, you can power through. It's like it's just like

1342
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 2: this is like she's literally throwing up.

1343
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1344
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,360
Speaker 4: Literally, A quick Google search will show that concussions don't

1345
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 4: show up on CT scans to begin with. And even

1346
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 4: if my memory is a bit blurry, I do remember

1347
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 4: the nurses telling me I.

1348
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 1: Had a concussion. Yeah, like you said. Yeah.

1349
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 4: So I turned to my dad and asked him what

1350
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 4: was up with him telling my sister I didn't have

1351
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 4: a concussion, but i'd my back. He said that I think.

1352
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 2: Everyone has had enough of this. We just want this

1353
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,760
Speaker 2: to be over with. Yeah, like rope, he wants it

1354
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 2: to be over with.

1355
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not gonna happen, but just ignoring it. Come on,

1356
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 4: as if it wasn't my fault. That I had the

1357
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,439
Speaker 4: concussion and that I was somehow choosing to prolong it.

1358
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:07,439
Speaker 4: It had only been like a week, maybe a week

1359
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 4: and a half at most. My recommended recovery time was

1360
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 4: two weeks, which had probably been extended because again my

1361
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 4: parents were not letting me get the proper rest I needed.

1362
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 4: We eventually got to where my sister was and I

1363
01:02:17,520 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 4: had to convince her to please take me to the doctor,

1364
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:23,480
Speaker 4: all while she was lambasting me for not having a concussion.

1365
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,360
Speaker 4: At the same time, I started getting text from my

1366
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:27,920
Speaker 4: mom doing the same thing and threatening to make me

1367
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 4: pay for the emergency room visit so I would have

1368
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 4: to go into debt when I just turned eighteen. These

1369
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 4: were her words. When I got to the doctor, they

1370
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 4: essentially told me that they didn't think the concussion had

1371
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 4: gotten worse, but me not getting enough for rest had

1372
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:43,960
Speaker 4: worsened some of the symptoms. They also confirmed that yes,

1373
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 4: I had a concussion, and yes they don't show on

1374
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 4: CD scans. So to recap, two separate doctors and medical

1375
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 4: nurse all confirmed that I had a concussion. That is,

1376
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 4: three separate medical professionals who all unanimously agreed that.

1377
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 2: It was a concussion.

1378
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 4: I sent a video of my doctor explaining this to

1379
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 4: my dad, and he said you should show that to

1380
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 4: mom and sister to see what they think.

1381
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:07,960
Speaker 1: I absolutely lost it.

1382
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 4: I yelled at him over text that it was his

1383
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:14,080
Speaker 4: fault that I'm even in the position, and that he

1384
01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 4: needs to take responsibility and admit that he was wrong.

1385
01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:19,400
Speaker 4: He responded by saying, you seem a bit upset. Why

1386
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 4: don't you spend the night at your month. I said,

1387
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 4: there is no way in heck that you were going

1388
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:25,280
Speaker 4: to make me sleep at the same house as my

1389
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 4: mother and sister who were accusing me of faking a concussion,

1390
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,360
Speaker 4: and my brother who gave me the concussion to begin with.

1391
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,600
Speaker 4: At this point, I had left the doctors and was

1392
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 4: beginning to walk on my own to get some food

1393
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,240
Speaker 4: because nobody in my family wanted.

1394
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 1: To pick me up.

1395
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:39,640
Speaker 4: I made it to a small Mexican place and ordered

1396
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 4: some lunch while continuously trying to fight tears. I had

1397
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 4: multiple of my family members immediate and extended messaging me

1398
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,440
Speaker 4: telling me that the concussion was fake and that I

1399
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:49,360
Speaker 4: needed to return my mother's messages.

1400
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, insane.

1401
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 4: We're stupid, and I'm sure the stress is not helping

1402
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:55,000
Speaker 4: with a concussion at all.

1403
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,840
Speaker 3: Oh, pee I again. If you have not already, send

1404
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,959
Speaker 3: a freaking doctor's note to get cauture. Doctor's note, yeah,

1405
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:05,360
Speaker 3: send it to everyone, every mask. Here's my doctor's note. Yeah,

1406
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 3: separate doctors told me I have a concussion.

1407
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 4: Exactly after I had finished eating. I took an uber

1408
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 4: back to school because I didn't know where else to go.

1409
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:15,480
Speaker 4: I felt so unloved and so unsafe by both my parents.

1410
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 4: My head was still hurting and I was barely keeping

1411
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:19,959
Speaker 4: it together. I just wanted to crawl into a hole

1412
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 4: and pass away. This is when my uncle, the only

1413
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,720
Speaker 4: sane person, called me. I broke down on the call

1414
01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 4: and told him everything that happened. He listened and seems

1415
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 4: to understand where I was coming from. He didn't accuse

1416
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 4: me of faking anything. He just wanted to know if

1417
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 4: I was safe because my parents started to realize that

1418
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 4: they didn't know where I was. He suggested that I

1419
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 4: call my mother, and I said I didn't want to

1420
01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 4: because she's just going to yell at me. He said

1421
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 4: that my mother was truly just worried and wanted to

1422
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 4: know where I am. I relented, and he hung up

1423
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,280
Speaker 4: so I could call my mom almost immediately. My mother

1424
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,200
Speaker 4: was aggressive towards me. We spent the next few hours

1425
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 4: arguing on the phone. I won't go into everything that

1426
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:55,160
Speaker 4: was said, but I'll paraphrase a few notable moments. Primarily,

1427
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,920
Speaker 4: she once again accused me of faking a concussion. When

1428
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,400
Speaker 4: I told her that the doctors had confirmed I one

1429
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 4: and that they don't show on a CT scans, she

1430
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 4: said that I must have googled the symptoms of a

1431
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:08,800
Speaker 4: concussion and told the doctor why. They are doing everything

1432
01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 4: in their power to not believe this woman.

1433
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 2: This is insane. I so insane.

1434
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:15,200
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Opa.

1435
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:18,120
Speaker 4: Like, I think if they make you go to any

1436
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 4: more finals, if you've got any like, you just yeah,

1437
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 4: don't do them, find a bench and lay down and

1438
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:25,400
Speaker 4: like go to So.

1439
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:27,520
Speaker 3: I think that you go to your school and you say, hey,

1440
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 3: my parents will not listen to me. Yeah, I cannot

1441
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:34,439
Speaker 3: take these finals. Here is a doctor's note that says

1442
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 3: I have a concussion. Can I please just lie down

1443
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:37,800
Speaker 3: in the nurse's office.

1444
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:40,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's probably very possible.

1445
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:40,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1446
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:40,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1447
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 4: I told her that that's insane because I've literally been

1448
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 4: having the worst headaches of my life and throwing up

1449
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:48,320
Speaker 4: if it's not a concussion, then what is it. She

1450
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 4: said she didn't know, but it couldn't be a concussion

1451
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 4: because concussions don't last this long.

1452
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 2: Not true.

1453
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 4: I was given a two week period to recover and

1454
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:57,240
Speaker 4: I didn't even hit it yet. I said, even if

1455
01:05:57,240 --> 01:06:00,080
Speaker 4: it's not a concussion, I'm still in pain and that

1456
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 4: needs to be taken seriously. She then said that I

1457
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 4: had been going around telling people that my brother slammed

1458
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 4: a card door on my head. Yes, I told her

1459
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 4: that's exactly what happened. He slammed a car door on

1460
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 4: my head. She said that it couldn't possibly be the

1461
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,200
Speaker 4: case because there's no way a card or can give

1462
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 4: someone a concussion.

1463
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:16,720
Speaker 2: Why, girl, I'm so.

1464
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 3: I think all of them have had ten concussions, lost

1465
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:23,520
Speaker 3: massive amounts of brain power.

1466
01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it must be.

1467
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 4: I told her that one, I've already had two concussions

1468
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:31,160
Speaker 4: and multiple head injuries before this, which makes it easier

1469
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:33,160
Speaker 4: for me to have them in the future. And two,

1470
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:36,120
Speaker 4: I only started getting headaches and feeling pain after he

1471
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 4: hit my head.

1472
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:38,280
Speaker 2: What else could it be.

1473
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 4: She then complained that I was making her look bad

1474
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,840
Speaker 4: by telling people that my brother slammed a card door

1475
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:43,280
Speaker 4: on my head.

1476
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:43,560
Speaker 1: Good.

1477
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 4: I clarify that I hadn't even mentioned her to anyone

1478
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 4: before today, and that I acknowledged to everyone I told

1479
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 4: that it was an accident for my brother and I

1480
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:51,520
Speaker 4: just wanted.

1481
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 1: Him to apologize.

1482
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 4: She then yelled at me about how she's not responsible

1483
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 4: for my brother's actions and can't make him do anything.

1484
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 3: We know, that's just asking you to believe that she

1485
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:04,520
Speaker 3: has a concussion, literally, but she can yell at me

1486
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 3: for telling other people why I got a concussion.

1487
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 2: The argument continued from there.

1488
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:10,560
Speaker 4: At one point, she tried to claim that she was

1489
01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 4: a good mother and that I had been nothing but

1490
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 4: a problem child, to which I responded, what kind of

1491
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:17,800
Speaker 4: mother threatens to put their barely eighteen year old kid

1492
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 4: in debt because they might have been faking an injury.

1493
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:22,760
Speaker 4: She made a lot of nasty remarks at me, including

1494
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:27,360
Speaker 4: claiming that the reason why I had tricho tilomania pulling

1495
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 4: your hair uncontrollably because of OCD or general anxiety was

1496
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 4: because I never wanted to change. She finally said that

1497
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:35,800
Speaker 4: she would still pick me up and take me home

1498
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,120
Speaker 4: because she's a good parent who loves me. I told

1499
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 4: her to eat crab and that I'd tell my dad

1500
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 4: where I was, but I genuinely would rather pass away

1501
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 4: than go to her house. She begrudgingly agreed after she

1502
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,160
Speaker 4: realized that it was getting dark and that I wasn't budging.

1503
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:51,080
Speaker 4: While I waited for my dad to pick me up,

1504
01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 4: my uncle called again and asked if I was going

1505
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 4: back home. I told him yes, but I was going

1506
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 4: back to my dad's house, not my mom's. He asked

1507
01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 4: how the call went, and I broke down.

1508
01:07:58,600 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 1: Again and told him everything.

1509
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 4: He did his best to reassure me until my dad

1510
01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:04,560
Speaker 4: picked me up and we silently drove home. I never

1511
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 4: got a single apology from anyone, not my brother for

1512
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 4: giving me the concussion, not my father, not my sister,

1513
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:13,040
Speaker 4: and especially not my mother. To this day, over a

1514
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:15,680
Speaker 4: year later, they still insist that I didn't have a

1515
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:18,679
Speaker 4: concussion because of that effing CT scan.

1516
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:20,400
Speaker 2: There is a little bit more to the story which.

1517
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:25,640
Speaker 3: We have any final thoughts, Ah, man, Uh, your family sucks. Yes, uh,

1518
01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:28,000
Speaker 3: you are eighteen, though your bots are probably about to

1519
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 3: graduate high school.

1520
01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:31,679
Speaker 2: M and then you don't.

1521
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,879
Speaker 3: I mean, it really sucks that they probably won't support

1522
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:37,640
Speaker 3: you own the future medical issues, So try not to

1523
01:08:37,640 --> 01:08:38,040
Speaker 3: get hurt.

1524
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, be careful with her head.

1525
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:39,960
Speaker 1: Please.

1526
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:42,160
Speaker 4: Yes, if there's like a friend's house you could stay

1527
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:44,120
Speaker 4: at or something, or if you could stay at uncle's

1528
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:44,719
Speaker 4: house of he's.

1529
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 2: Nearby, say like, hey, I don't feel safe right right.

1530
01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:48,599
Speaker 2: But there's a little bit more to the story.

1531
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,000
Speaker 4: When I got an inter ear infection during November twenty

1532
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 4: twenty four, they went right back to accusing me of

1533
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,040
Speaker 4: faking it until they realized, oh wait, it's actually real,

1534
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,679
Speaker 4: and then started pretending like it was real the whole time,

1535
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:02,040
Speaker 4: and they never ecuse me of faking it. I didn't

1536
01:09:02,040 --> 01:09:04,280
Speaker 4: go to the er for it until I literally passed

1537
01:09:04,280 --> 01:09:06,200
Speaker 4: out in front of several people because I was so

1538
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:09,000
Speaker 4: scared that it would start my family up all over again.

1539
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:11,960
Speaker 4: I can't even go into an fing hospital or doctor's

1540
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:14,920
Speaker 4: office now without being reminded of what happened. And for

1541
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 4: the crap, Jerry on this crap Sunday. A week later,

1542
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,880
Speaker 4: during Christmas, my siblings didn't get me anything after I

1543
01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 4: spent two hundred dollars getting presents for them. I fing

1544
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:27,680
Speaker 4: hate my entitled family so gosh dang much. I am

1545
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:29,240
Speaker 4: so glad I'm in college town.

1546
01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:33,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, they freaking sock man yeah, that is insane.

1547
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:34,679
Speaker 2: Thought is pretty crazy.

1548
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:39,360
Speaker 4: And dollars for medical bills, yeah, you'll probably need it

1549
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,839
Speaker 2: But that goes just the end of that story.