Speaker 1: Well, I invited you. Hear Gonta made myself perfectly clear.
Speaker 2: But you're a guest to my home.
Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty and I said, no guests, you're.
Speaker 2: O presences presence en. I already had too much stuff,
Speaker 2: So how did you dare to surbey me?
Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Winne.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 3: It's raining, you're hearing the rain. This is actually the
Speaker 3: second time we've started the episode due to whatever the
Speaker 3: circumstances in the world are. But you know, like I
Speaker 3: said in the first recording, we're taking a shower with nature.
Speaker 3: It's erotic, it's you know, it's borderline pornographic, and we're
Speaker 3: having the time of our lives. Let's get into the podcast.
Speaker 3: I love today's guest. It's Eric Edelstein. Eric, welcome back.
Speaker 4: I'm sick. I love this rain. I grew up in
Speaker 4: the Northwest, and it's like Stockholm syndrome. I thing where
Speaker 4: it just feels like home to me.
Speaker 3: You seem very at ease.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's great, right, and I couldn't be calmer at
Speaker 5: this point.
Speaker 4: Oh come on, Although the tornado warning, yeah you told
Speaker 4: me that frightened me slightly. I have no preparedness for
Speaker 4: that at all.
Speaker 3: While Analis was fixing things, you told me that there's
Speaker 3: been a tornado warning.
Speaker 4: It's a slight tornado warning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, tornado is not going to happen. The drama that
Speaker 3: goes on in the LA news from the world.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the hurricane that we had. My moom was so scared.
Speaker 4: She was terrified. She thinks it's like Key West. We're
Speaker 4: having to board things. I'm like, it's about three inches
Speaker 4: of rain. Mom, We're fine. The dogs are still going
Speaker 4: out in it. Like, quit scaring my mother. People in
Speaker 4: the news.
Speaker 3: The texts I get from my parents, and they don't
Speaker 3: help me. They just add to my anxiety. Like just
Speaker 3: wait until you're like you hear that I've been swept away,
Speaker 3: then you can start text.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm nervous enough already.
Speaker 4: Oh you too, huh oh yeah, oh yeah, terrified inside.
Speaker 3: So I wonder where the tornado would even hit.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I think Seami Valley or somewhere probably.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Nice, they love us artistic types. The tornado won't come
Speaker 4: for us.
Speaker 6: Man.
Speaker 3: Come on, I mean, I'm from Salt Lake City and
Speaker 3: we had a tornado like twenty years ago. I think.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was a lot of drama for nothing.
Speaker 3: It was you know, it was something to look at,
Speaker 3: and I think it kind of Oh no, I'm like,
Speaker 3: somebody probably died, and but I can't imagine did somebody
Speaker 3: I don't know? Twenty years ago. It's the past, no
Speaker 3: no history.
Speaker 4: Their daughter's listening right now. It's their favorite pot has
Speaker 4: been the one thing they found since mom died. This
Speaker 4: delightful podcast, and you sit here.
Speaker 3: Mocking now she's finally leaving that review.
Speaker 4: Oh there we go one star. Twenty years ago. My
Speaker 4: mother just went out for a short walk and Bridger.
Speaker 4: That's it, friend, That's how it all starts here.
Speaker 3: Oh have you ever been close to a tornado? I
Speaker 3: feel like the Pacific Northwest is an experienced tornado.
Speaker 4: No, it's pretty rare. It's one of those like Vancouver, Washington,
Speaker 4: where I grew up, had one in like the fifties
Speaker 4: or sixties, but there hasn't been one since. But this
Speaker 4: rain is this is even by Northwest standards? Is it really?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: For the intensity and like the big drops and right,
Speaker 4: it's pretty wild and you know it's the stereotype of
Speaker 4: down your people just don't know how to drive it in,
Speaker 4: so I just that's an excuse for me to stay
Speaker 4: in with my dogs, throw on some TV. You know,
Speaker 4: I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 3: Right as we were discussing in the previous episode we recorded,
Speaker 3: I saw you a couple of nights ago at a
Speaker 3: birthday party for Sarah Tapscott.
Speaker 4: She is the best, and I didn't know this. She
Speaker 4: didn't have a prom, so it was a prom theme party.
Speaker 3: She went to boarding school, and she threw what was
Speaker 3: probably probably more expensive than my high school's prom. Oh
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean that's actually of course it was.
Speaker 3: I think prom cost one hundred dollars. But it was
Speaker 3: an extravaganza tattoos.
Speaker 4: Bridger tattoos, and you and I both ducked the peer
Speaker 4: pressure and came in free. We left in free.
Speaker 3: I came very close just because I walked up like
Speaker 3: I was going to I thought it was a temporary tattoo,
Speaker 3: and then kind of had to just float around like
Speaker 3: I was considering. I wasn't considering.
Speaker 4: No, no, but I acted like I was considering.
Speaker 2: Course.
Speaker 4: And my wife's punk rock enough and has tattoos where
Speaker 4: she would maybe do it, and she gets things like
Speaker 4: maybe i'll get your initials on me, and there was
Speaker 4: a long pause where I think that was my cue
Speaker 4: to perhaps feeling you know what, babe, But those words
Speaker 4: never came. Scared of the needle. I'm not ready yet.
Speaker 4: It's gonna have to be a whole thing and a
Speaker 4: lot more planning before I get my first tattoos.
Speaker 3: I wonder how much they were charging.
Speaker 4: I think it was free. Wasn't it nice?
Speaker 3: Free?
Speaker 4: I think. I hope Scott's got that. I think so.
Speaker 3: But see I came in thinking they were temporary tattoos
Speaker 3: and they were real, So it's like they must simply
Speaker 3: must be charging for these. If they were free, I
Speaker 3: would have gotten one just because of it was a bargain.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just don't want to get cheated. That's most
Speaker 4: of everything in La. You know how much stuff stuff
Speaker 4: I eat that like it's it's free, It's it's free.
Speaker 4: These skittles are free. Scrape for just free, it's free.
Speaker 4: I'm not here to be I'm not here to get cheated.
Speaker 4: It beat the system. Get in here.
Speaker 3: You're not even donating blood?
Speaker 4: No, never, I just hang outside the parking lot let
Speaker 4: them like, Yeah, i'd be plus, I'm coming back any more. Skittles.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if I had known they were free, I probably
Speaker 3: would be sitting here with the tattoo.
Speaker 4: Right would you? Though? Really as.
Speaker 3: The street spot and said go for it, give me
Speaker 3: whatever you want, it's free.
Speaker 4: And what would you've gotten? Like you told me? Or
Speaker 4: maybe thinking of your first what what are you narrowing
Speaker 4: it down to?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think, uh, my dog passed away a
Speaker 3: couple of months ago, and I'm thinking about doing something
Speaker 3: for her. So, but that's that's the beginning and end
Speaker 3: of tattoos for me. I think that would be it
Speaker 3: and then move on. But if someone offers a free
Speaker 3: tattoo at a birthday party, they can do it to
Speaker 3: Sarah Tapscott's face could be on my back right now.
Speaker 4: Ah, your back would be perfect. Come and she would
Speaker 4: love it. You would You would leave the MVP of
Speaker 4: the party, which is, let's be honest, what we're all seeking.
Speaker 4: I want to buzz about me like god, Eric is
Speaker 4: fun Boy just brought.
Speaker 3: Life whispering that from a bush?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Now are you a goodbye person or are
Speaker 4: you an Irish goodbye person? I say this I'm half Irish,
Speaker 4: so I think it's not a slur. I'm hoping.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's a slur. I think that's something sisters.
Speaker 4: In Ireland and kill Kenny. I'm so sorry if I've
Speaker 4: disparaged you, but like I've perfected it.
Speaker 3: It's a great goodbye. It's also that's the same thing
Speaker 3: as a French exit.
Speaker 4: Right, Oh, I've never heard the French exit. What's the
Speaker 4: French exit?
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm I'm just assuming it's the same thing.
Speaker 4: You just walk away, Yeah, And I think that's the
Speaker 4: is an extra forty five minutes, right, And nobody in
Speaker 4: the part, and nobody like Sarah doesn't want forty five goodbyes. No,
Speaker 4: Sarah's having your first goddamn prom and she's duck queen.
Speaker 3: She won queen.
Speaker 4: She won queen.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 4: The rigged election bridge.
Speaker 6: It's a rig It's a nasty little thing they do
Speaker 6: over the east side on sunset.
Speaker 4: It's a nasty little thing they do. But like, she
Speaker 4: doesn't want you and I like. And then there's the
Speaker 4: wait in line for everybody to give the goodbye, and
Speaker 4: you're doing the same time. It's like kaiser. So there's
Speaker 4: a wisp of wind and it's a large man leaving.
Speaker 3: See I made this mistake at this party which I
Speaker 3: was planning on. Just I mean, this is the bridge
Speaker 3: or exit? Is I show up saying I'm leaving? That's
Speaker 3: what I say to the first person. I've been here
Speaker 3: too long, done, but goodbye. Yeah, So every person I
Speaker 3: see is I'm leaving soon, and at least you have something.
Speaker 4: No, what actually was that? It's an Irish or it's
Speaker 4: a French exit in the UK, the Irish exit in
Speaker 4: the US.
Speaker 3: What is happening? Elish exit in Germany? English exit in France.
Speaker 3: So nobody's everyone's pointing fingers.
Speaker 4: I think we're tiptoeing around slurs here and we're just gonna.
Speaker 3: Be light love every culture that Friday.
Speaker 4: That is incredible info every a you know what that is.
Speaker 4: It's a Polish exit and I'm sure it's related to
Speaker 4: Wars in the thirteen hundred.
Speaker 3: They got out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they got out. We were in there. They left,
Speaker 4: didn't even say goodbye. The tanks left. Oh that is amazing.
Speaker 3: I had no clue. Wow, mind blown. But again, people
Speaker 3: should be embracing that exit. It's that the ideal way
Speaker 3: to leave a party.
Speaker 4: No, for those of you on the fence right now,
Speaker 4: don't say goodbye. That doesn't want that, just leave and
Speaker 4: I'll do a slight tiptoe like I saw service in
Speaker 4: the photo booth right, and I kind of then just
Speaker 4: kind of put my head down, you know, as unobtrusive
Speaker 4: as a giant man could be. But I'm like, she
Speaker 4: doesn't want that. She's so she's a prompt.
Speaker 3: She's got all these people to talk.
Speaker 4: Oh so many I did.
Speaker 3: I made a similar move, which was I was ready
Speaker 3: to leave, and I said, I do have to say
Speaker 3: bye to tap Scott, and then of course ran into
Speaker 3: nine other people on my way. There was an extra
Speaker 3: forty five. That's it too much.
Speaker 4: No, it's too much. You just have to put your
Speaker 4: head down and lead.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just leave, be as rude as you possibly can.
Speaker 4: That's it. That's it, and then get lunch with them later.
Speaker 4: And also, the thing I realized is like if people
Speaker 4: are doing a party, right, they don't remember, like it's
Speaker 4: all hazy, of course, And I think that's like the
Speaker 4: joy of my forties is realizing like nobody's sitting there wondering,
Speaker 4: oh my god, you know what Eric left and didn't
Speaker 4: say goodbye, And then there's like calling people, do you
Speaker 4: know what the hell happened that nobody cares.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine what your life would be if you
Speaker 3: were worrying about that?
Speaker 4: That was it for a long time. Really, I used
Speaker 4: to be yeah, you know, base level kind of people pleaser.
Speaker 4: And we're working through a road of access leads the
Speaker 4: palace of wisdom. But yeah, I used to worry about
Speaker 4: offending people too much. Okay, now it's great to like, No,
Speaker 4: they know me, they love me, we're all good. Sarah
Speaker 4: comes over and does craft night with my wife, I'll
Speaker 4: see her again. It's a delight.
Speaker 3: My concern when I'm hosting a party is that I'm
Speaker 3: not talking to people enough. I don't care about the
Speaker 3: goodbyes any of that, but I'm just like, I just
Speaker 3: feel like i'm But that's what happens when you host
Speaker 3: the party.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 3: You just commit to that you're actually not going to
Speaker 3: get to have a meaningful conversation with anyone. No, and
Speaker 3: you'll feel like you're slighting every single person. Oh that's it,
Speaker 3: and that's what it.
Speaker 4: Is, and they're gonna leave that party like you know
Speaker 4: it didn't talk to me. Fucking Bridger.
Speaker 3: I will never go to another never.
Speaker 4: I'm putting his name on the list. You know, good
Speaker 4: luck getting a job at Hulu. That pitch meeting is
Speaker 4: going to get canceled nine times. You know what, because
Speaker 4: we were at a goddamn prom and you did not saga.
Speaker 4: You didn't even come up and say hello. I didn't
Speaker 4: even get an eye contact, nothing, nothing. That's where my
Speaker 4: mind goes, like I'm gonna get blacklisted out and say
Speaker 4: goodbye to enough people. But no, it's it's great.
Speaker 3: And then we were we were talking about prom. You
Speaker 3: did go to prom.
Speaker 4: I went to prom, but I was not cool. This
Speaker 4: was fun because I feel reasonably cool.
Speaker 3: Now where was your at?
Speaker 4: This was at Central Catholic High School in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 3: Oh so it's Catholic Prom and in the gym.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, deeply in the gym like one twentieth of
Speaker 4: Tapscott's budget.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: No, there's no table money at Central Catholic, you.
Speaker 3: Know, none of that balloons maybe so.
Speaker 4: Pres and nuns monitoring. Wow, like with rule. But that
Speaker 4: wasn't an issue for me, Luckily. I was so scared
Speaker 4: and my head was sweating, and oh God, blessed late Bloomer, Bridger,
Speaker 4: late Bloomer.
Speaker 3: I mean, it was not an issue for me.
Speaker 4: That's like you come down here and you're you're in
Speaker 4: the land of like late bloomers and like detention. I
Speaker 4: used to be nothing called jug, which was justice under
Speaker 4: God for me if you make too many jokes and stuff,
Speaker 4: and like some prest and nuns embraced my irreverence. Many didn't,
Speaker 4: so I'd get jug justice under God or like I
Speaker 4: was in Japanese and I just learned how to swear
Speaker 4: and order water, and I learned how to write profanity.
Speaker 4: So I ended up in jug for a while, wrote
Speaker 4: smut for the school paper and got suspended from the
Speaker 4: school paper and ended up in jug.
Speaker 5: What are some Japanese swear words?
Speaker 4: What do you eat shit?
Speaker 3: That's polite?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Chin chin chiboute, which is an invitation for a
Speaker 4: sexual act.
Speaker 3: This is horrible.
Speaker 4: Two years of Japanese and may I have waters music
Speaker 4: by Mosca?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 4: And these are probably butchered and wrong. I feel terrible.
Speaker 4: This is all I know, and I kind of want
Speaker 4: to go back and relearn Japanese because I do love
Speaker 4: the culture so much, but this is embarrassing. It's all
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: And those were those were taught outside of class. You
Speaker 3: learned those outside.
Speaker 4: I learned outside. Yeah, bootleg. Yeah, troubled Kid, man, troubled Kid.
Speaker 3: Have you been to Japan?
Speaker 4: No, I really want to.
Speaker 3: You got to take.
Speaker 4: My wife has been and I really would love to
Speaker 4: go with her.
Speaker 3: You would fit in perfectly in Japan.
Speaker 4: I think I think they'd respond to my enthusiasm. I'm
Speaker 4: also obsessed with Japanese baseball. Oh so I'd love to
Speaker 4: do a Japanese baseball eating trip.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, you do it right. Yeah, maybe, although
Speaker 5: you have to get on that plane that's there in
Speaker 5: lines there and I have not found and I'd be
Speaker 5: curious if you have a great cure for jet lag.
Speaker 5: Yet it just ficks my ass for days, and I
Speaker 5: feel like by the time I'm kind of over and
Speaker 5: I'm leaving and I need to find that perfect man.
Speaker 3: Tough love, It's tough. You just have to immediately embrace
Speaker 3: whatever the hours are and you just have to basically,
Speaker 3: sometimes you have to be awake for twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to take some sort of thing to
Speaker 3: make yourself fall asleep in the middle of the day,
Speaker 3: whatever it takes, and then when you get back, same thing. Really,
Speaker 3: no naps, nothing, no falling asleep early. If you're watching
Speaker 3: TV at night. You have to be sitting in a
Speaker 3: hard chair.
Speaker 4: Oh I love this. This is the fade I say,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do it. I'm soft as pudding and the
Speaker 4: sweet siren call of sleep grabs.
Speaker 3: Course.
Speaker 4: Did you see this Taylor Swift thing where at the
Speaker 4: super Bowl After the game, her boyfriend how are you
Speaker 4: not jet lag? And she just looked at him deadpan. Seriously,
Speaker 4: jet LAG's a choice. That's why you rule the world.
Speaker 3: This is why I'm a Taylor Swift type. See people
Speaker 3: describe me as a tailor Swift?
Speaker 4: Do they really? Uh?
Speaker 3: After today? After today, all.
Speaker 4: Up and down York, there's a buzz damn it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm totally on Taylor's side with you.
Speaker 4: I think she's right. I'm going to do it. You're right.
Speaker 3: People who have jet LaGG are weak and you know
Speaker 3: they need to pull themselves up. They're lazy.
Speaker 4: All right, I'm learning. I'm gonna go to Japan. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna do this. I'm gonna be in a hard chair.
Speaker 4: No sushi, it's on promise.
Speaker 3: Well, I think we should get to something else. There
Speaker 3: is something else I'd like to discuss with you. I
Speaker 3: was obviously very excited to have you here on the
Speaker 3: podcast today. We met the other night, had a wonderful
Speaker 3: conversation there. Now we're here, we've already recorded half a
Speaker 3: podcast and watched it. Kind of just get swept away
Speaker 3: with the digital c But there's some you know, the
Speaker 3: podcast is said, no gifts, and you're already just falling apart.
Speaker 4: You have.
Speaker 3: You brought two gifts? It did clear.
Speaker 4: I had them even wrapped at the Parchment Place on
Speaker 4: Eagle Rock. I did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're gorgeous.
Speaker 4: They are. I wish I could take more credit. And
Speaker 4: she's got like a loaded baked potato thing. I feel horrible. Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm telling you I'm a work in progress. I'm at
Speaker 4: my core defiant. I'm you say, don't touch a stove.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna hold my hand on it and say it's great.
Speaker 4: And I I'm gonna spend the rest of my life
Speaker 4: making this up to you.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm furious. You feel terrible. This is the
Speaker 3: energy you want on a podcast. Ah, you brought two
Speaker 3: gifts too, which feels unfair, totally both of us gifts plural.
Speaker 4: It's in the title if I'm gonna break a rule,
Speaker 4: I'm really I'm gonna break it. I'm spiking the ball.
Speaker 3: I said, no gifts. No, that would be an interesting
Speaker 3: switch of title. Should you drop the s? No?
Speaker 4: No, you went plural, So I went plural.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Now I'm thinking about all the past guests who
Speaker 3: have only brought one gift for the star.
Speaker 4: How's that going for you?
Speaker 3: Slime Ball?
Speaker 4: Was he really twenty five minutes late? He was twenty
Speaker 4: five minutes had blessed he's my favorite's Oh he's incredible.
Speaker 3: Uh well, there are two gifts here? Should I open
Speaker 3: them up?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: The podcast?
Speaker 4: Yeah, this one first of all of it.
Speaker 3: Now, this is like a little like I would say,
Speaker 3: a cake box with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's it's ultimately a failed gift because I
Speaker 4: wanted to kind of cheat and if I'm going to
Speaker 4: completely disregard your feelings in your one role, I'm going
Speaker 4: to do it. Well, okay, so you said on the
Speaker 4: linen parum, who is another? Come on now, that you
Speaker 4: liked the princess cake from quarter Sheet? So I went,
Speaker 4: it's not friend, it's not trust me. So I went
Speaker 4: to quarter Sheet and then I saw there was a
Speaker 4: line of about sixty people outside.
Speaker 3: The place is gotten out of control, insane, and.
Speaker 4: I'm like, there's no way I can discreetly go in
Speaker 4: thereat my way and ask for I don't need that moment.
Speaker 4: So then I started reading the Yelp reviews because I
Speaker 4: also got extremely interesting, like is it as good as
Speaker 4: they say? All the reviews are like, it's worth the wait.
Speaker 3: Best piece of maybe in the United States.
Speaker 4: Right now, I'm so in hours, I'm going to get there. Well,
Speaker 4: if you, apparently corny yelp, if you get there at
Speaker 4: four thirty, yes, then it's a half hour. I'm here
Speaker 4: to beat the system. No, I'm great. Then they open
Speaker 4: and five, then I'm in. But then the only negative
Speaker 4: stuff on Yelp was like, yeah, the princess cake. You
Speaker 4: can get it at Clara's. Clara's in San Gabriel, and
Speaker 4: it's so much cheaper. So I drove out there today
Speaker 4: and then I showed the picture on Yelp and she
Speaker 4: went to me. She's like princess cake. I'm like yeah,
Speaker 4: and she's like we're sold out. We don't add we
Speaker 4: haven't had it in weeks. Wow. So then the guy
Speaker 4: came out and he's like, hold on, why do you
Speaker 4: want a princess cake? And I'm like, oh, well, this
Speaker 4: is great. Podcast, and my buddy said that it was incredible.
Speaker 4: But then I went and like on yelped their piss
Speaker 4: because Groovers are selling it for eleven bucks of slice,
Speaker 4: and this guy's whole like business model changed in front
Speaker 4: of He's like, what do you what do you mean?
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, they're like it's this hit place in
Speaker 4: Echo Park. I went there on Friday and there was
Speaker 4: like forty people outside and they're selling this ki. He's
Speaker 4: like for eleven bucks. I'm like, yeah, groovers are selling
Speaker 4: for eleven bucks, trying to get him to say groover
Speaker 4: but he didn't bite. But then so he's like, all right,
Speaker 4: there's a place in Monrovia that sells it. It's called
Speaker 4: man Checkers, probably not called my Checkings. And then he's
Speaker 4: like I'm gonna go out. He's like they're paying eleven
Speaker 4: bucks of slice, Like they're paying eleven bucks a slice friend,
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I think they're taking your cake and
Speaker 4: slicing it up even and he's like, we haven't stocked
Speaker 4: it for two months because we've had we've had issues.
Speaker 4: And he's like I can't believe. Yeah, this guy might
Speaker 4: go to quarter sheets night and race.
Speaker 3: Holy Drava you're causing in the restaurant.
Speaker 4: That's what I did for your gift. I'm telling you.
Speaker 4: If I'm gonna fly out your rule, I'm gonna flotter man.
Speaker 4: But this is their assortment, Clara's in San Gabriel. It
Speaker 4: looks incredible. It looks like a totally fun assortment.
Speaker 3: Oh these are gorgeous. Come on good. Oh, I know, right, georgeous.
Speaker 4: The wonderful. There's a canoli.
Speaker 3: You can take a picture of them right now.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I wish I could, Grandpa can dar.
Speaker 3: So what you do for a treat?
Speaker 4: Oh, there's so much? Yeah, oh yeah, Vegan, Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: real funny.
Speaker 3: Oh but that's hard to hear.
Speaker 4: It's hard to hear. My god, I feel good. I
Speaker 4: realized I was like inflame for the first forty years
Speaker 4: of my life, just my own choices. It was hard
Speaker 4: to be like, well, I'll try giving up this stuff,
Speaker 4: and then everything I had went away. I'm like arthritis
Speaker 4: in my knee, like my stomach, Like what why don't
Speaker 4: they tell people this?
Speaker 3: Do you ever cheat at all?
Speaker 4: Yes? I went my wife and I we double date
Speaker 4: with our magic friends Tegan and her wife Sophia, and
Speaker 4: we went to this place in Cabo, and I cheated
Speaker 4: and had darry In the first three months back here,
Speaker 4: it was like I don't know if you saw New
Speaker 4: Jack City, but it was like, Chris Rock is the
Speaker 4: guy that's like working in the crack factory even though
Speaker 4: he's a crack addict. And that was me for three months,
Speaker 4: pulling into parking.
Speaker 5: Lots just just six years.
Speaker 4: So horrible, just pints of Ben and Jerry's and like no,
Speaker 4: So I just have to be like no, I wish
Speaker 4: I was one of those people. You strike me as
Speaker 4: a person that can have like three bites of something.
Speaker 3: Oh oh that's not that's not true.
Speaker 4: Really, bless you friends.
Speaker 3: I mean what I have to do is I have
Speaker 3: to control my access. So this is, uh, I'll make
Speaker 3: one cookie a day. Every night, I make one cookie
Speaker 3: and then I eat it. It's amazing really because if
Speaker 3: I make like a whole cookie sheet, I will eat
Speaker 3: every one of them. And so it's like I can't
Speaker 3: do that. So I like, I make it and then
Speaker 3: I turn off the oven. And so there's a huge
Speaker 3: barrier at that point for me to make another. Because
Speaker 3: there was a point when I was eating like nine
Speaker 3: cookies a night and it was like, sure, that's maybe
Speaker 3: a few too many. Now, it's a tough town.
Speaker 4: You know. I feel better if I have a good day. Hey,
Speaker 4: let's have some sweets. If I have a bad day,
Speaker 4: you know, I mean, feel better some sweetweets, you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I have a really hard time controlling myself.
Speaker 3: But I love it. I love it this.
Speaker 4: You know, you can split it up, you can do
Speaker 4: it whatever.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like I should at least, do
Speaker 3: you want to buy a tree? You were first. We're
Speaker 3: gonna see what sort of this will tell us something.
Speaker 4: You figured out the roots of the Irish goodbye.
Speaker 3: And then I will make some assumptions about you. So
Speaker 3: just be careful. Analisa has been very careful. There's a
Speaker 3: lot of thinking. Oh and it looks like is this
Speaker 3: a croissant.
Speaker 4: With cream films inside? I would take a bite right there.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, now we can compare and take a bite.
Speaker 4: Yeah. And this place is amazing. And that's part of
Speaker 4: what I love so much about Los Angeles is all
Speaker 4: these cultures that I mean, like driving out there, there
Speaker 4: were three different like Chinese places I wanted to go to,
Speaker 4: and I was yelping them and like, you know, it's
Speaker 4: an embarrassment of riches. That's the danger for me with
Speaker 4: door Dash is the radius we're in because I can
Speaker 4: get Tai food from ty Town, Chinese food from the
Speaker 4: San Gabriel Valley, which some would say is now the
Speaker 4: best in the world because so many of their chefs
Speaker 4: have come over this right, the Mexican food from East La,
Speaker 4: a bevy of things from the valley, and it's a
Speaker 4: very dangerous radius for me where I'm at.
Speaker 3: I would love to ask you about some of your
Speaker 3: favorite go to restaurants because I have been trapped in
Speaker 3: a cycle. I've got to break free, and I like
Speaker 3: every night dinner rolls around and I panic because there's
Speaker 3: nothing new for me to try.
Speaker 4: Well, you know, what's what kind of food are you
Speaker 4: looking for around here? Because we're neighbors, yes, and you
Speaker 4: know I'm like two and a half miles away.
Speaker 3: We go for Mexican food.
Speaker 4: That's where I thought you were going to go. It's Chicos, Chicos.
Speaker 3: Where's Chos.
Speaker 4: It's so close. You don't have to tell me the
Speaker 4: no no, no, no no, Well, I'll just tell them
Speaker 4: your address. It's one hundred North.
Speaker 3: Fifty, Chicos.
Speaker 4: It's so ridiculously good. It's such a wonderful lunch place.
Speaker 4: If you can, I recommend going in with a friend
Speaker 4: that's famous, and then they'll start treating you with respect
Speaker 4: instead of freezing you out. So he you know, it's
Speaker 4: ironic that people sometimes that respond to a famous person.
Speaker 4: But once I did there, now suddenly I get more
Speaker 4: respect because there's a possibility I might bring a famous
Speaker 4: friend back. Exactly. So Chicos is incredible. Now I went
Speaker 4: for you. I've not yet found an incredible tie place
Speaker 4: in our neighborhood. I go to Sonami Loong, which is
Speaker 4: on Kingsley in Hollywood. It's worth a drive to Tie Town.
Speaker 4: It's got it all on The sign on the side
Speaker 4: is best Noodles in la and I have found that
Speaker 4: to be true. We also loved Git Lata. They love
Speaker 4: celebrities there too.
Speaker 3: I worked at a Thai restaurant during college, so I'm
Speaker 3: a bit of an expert.
Speaker 4: It's so good and it's ridiculous. I mean, I used
Speaker 4: to go to my favorite place in the world that
Speaker 4: I've eaten. The most I've eaten anywhere is a place
Speaker 4: called Rice Walk on the corner of Laurel Canyon and
Speaker 4: moor Park.
Speaker 3: What sort of food is it?
Speaker 4: It's Chinese food and they're like family there, go in
Speaker 4: and say hi to Nancy and Peter. But I used
Speaker 4: to live in an apartment on Las Palmas. It was
Speaker 4: a former one hour motel. I didn't have a kitchen.
Speaker 4: My kitchen was a George Foreman grill on the back
Speaker 4: of a toilet. So they had this incredible lunch special
Speaker 4: and I only went there because my buddy and improv
Speaker 4: class games. Like, dude, I just saw John Goodman at
Speaker 4: a Chinese restaurant by my house.
Speaker 3: Oh celebrity siding. I would die.
Speaker 4: Oh have you never seen him outain about?
Speaker 3: No? And I love that man.
Speaker 4: He's the king, He's my hero.
Speaker 3: He's so good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's I mean, that's why when people get upset
Speaker 4: about the Oscars, I'm like, they didn't nominate John Goodman
Speaker 4: for Lebowski, exactly the whole thing. They didn't nominate Bill
Speaker 4: Murray for Rushmore. Like just celebs nominated, and if something
Speaker 4: is comedic undertones, it doesn't get nominated a lot of times.
Speaker 4: But Goodman's the king. But you also know he's not
Speaker 4: gonna phone in him a Chinese food meal. Oh course,
Speaker 4: So I started eating there, and yeah, I'm weird. Half
Speaker 4: was probably just to see him. But the food is
Speaker 4: so good there. I love them there so much. They're
Speaker 4: still thriving post COVID, but that's my favorite Chinese food place,
Speaker 4: Rice Walk. Now, Chinatown is a whole lot of thing,
Speaker 4: and I'm really obsessed with Chinatown.
Speaker 3: What are you doing in China?
Speaker 4: I think if I ever got an office, i'd be there.
Speaker 4: But there's a place called Golden Tree. Yang Chow is iconic.
Speaker 4: There's that Louisiana place that does Poe Boys that I
Speaker 4: forget the name.
Speaker 3: Most of the food I've been in Chinatown has not
Speaker 3: been Chinese.
Speaker 4: It's a wonderful like microcosm of Los Angeles, and I
Speaker 4: just love it down there. It's so darn fun.
Speaker 3: It's fun to walk around. Oh yeah, there's a good
Speaker 3: coffee place. Thank you Coffee. I believe it's what it's.
Speaker 4: Oh, I haven't been there. I like Burger Lord's there,
Speaker 4: although we've been closer to us here.
Speaker 3: There's there's Scouts, there's a halland Rays.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, halland Raise is phenomen And.
Speaker 3: There was a Mexican place there that I adored and
Speaker 3: now it's gone.
Speaker 4: What's your favorite go to Mexican place.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love Guisados. Uh, there's a place called Terry's,
Speaker 3: which is more love Terry. It's just such a comfortable
Speaker 3: place to be.
Speaker 4: The one on Melrose.
Speaker 3: You have one on in Studio City on Ventura, right. Yes,
Speaker 3: I like that this podcast has become an La visitor
Speaker 3: Scott gate keeping here.
Speaker 4: The gate is wide.
Speaker 3: Open, common We're gonna come here and eat food. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because this one in my dream podcast.
Speaker 4: Did you think that you would love La so much
Speaker 4: coming here? I never did, And and I found the
Speaker 4: great greatest people and the greatest youth, and it gave
Speaker 4: me my dream. And I pinched myself and I'm like,
Speaker 4: it's probably a dreamer simulation we're in, but I'm I
Speaker 4: love it and I'm so happy.
Speaker 5: You're going to a lot of concerts. Yes, what sort
Speaker 5: of concerts are you going to?
Speaker 4: Well, I'm a huge like I'm I'm My friends call
Speaker 4: me the last baby boomer, so I'm super into like
Speaker 4: Neil Young Dylan in the nineties hip hop like tribe
Speaker 4: call quest Day Los Soul. So i have ones coming up.
Speaker 4: I've got some Neil Young shows, Willie Nelson, who will
Speaker 4: be ninety one when I see him and Richard and
Speaker 4: he still.
Speaker 3: Has forever seventy.
Speaker 4: That's the thing. He was seventy at like forty five,
Speaker 4: so you can just kind of cruise to do it ninety one.
Speaker 4: But to me, it's so inspiring because what I love
Speaker 4: about this is David Lynchard say, the arty life, the
Speaker 4: art life is you can keep getting better, buddy, But
Speaker 4: like he is. I went to his ninetieth birthday shows
Speaker 4: and he took it to a whole other level. I'd
Speaker 4: never seen solong like Jango ryin hard hitting vocals like
Speaker 4: the seventies and like let us all strive for that. Wow.
Speaker 4: Like I really hope I go out like Ernest borgnine,
Speaker 4: Like if you hear me dying playing your grandpa in
Speaker 4: a Hallmark movie on a horse, just know like he
Speaker 4: went on how he wanted. It's, you know, better to
Speaker 4: fade away then, you know. So yeah, I'm seeing Neil Willie.
Speaker 4: I'm going to see in next week Cat Power sings
Speaker 4: Bob Dylan. Oh I know, I know.
Speaker 3: I we have a more that's a Bob Dylan show
Speaker 3: you can count on, because I've hearder of Bob Dylan
Speaker 3: shows that are absolute nightmas Well.
Speaker 4: And I'm trying to drag people to Bob, and it's
Speaker 4: so hard because I always told check in and I'd
Speaker 4: always find it interesting and enjoy him. But in twenty nineteen,
Speaker 4: I was in Minds Germany as you are, to see
Speaker 4: a bunch of Neil Young shows because my friend was
Speaker 4: playing in his band. And I'm like, I'm already here.
Speaker 4: Let me check in with Bob because I'm gonna take
Speaker 4: a boat up the rhine. And I went and he
Speaker 4: came out smiling and grinning and like interacting with the audience,
Speaker 4: and it I could not believe it. And I just
Speaker 4: looked and he gave a damn wow. And I looked
Speaker 4: at him and I'm like, this son of a bitch
Speaker 4: is in love. And sure enough, soon after you see
Speaker 4: a ring, he gives such a damn These days, every
Speaker 4: town he's in, he does a separate song for that town.
Speaker 4: So he plays Montreal. He did a Leonard Cohen song
Speaker 4: to honor Leonard.
Speaker 6: Oh.
Speaker 4: Andy's doing these incredible borsh Belt jokes every night, and
Speaker 4: he does these references for when he's in New York.
Speaker 4: You can naturally mention like, so he'll be like Indianapolis.
Speaker 6: This is so good to see Hallan Wilson here, but
Speaker 6: when he was in New York goes, it's so good
Speaker 6: to be here in New York. Thank you him and
Speaker 6: Melville's from here. I'd be like, that's Bob's reference.
Speaker 4: But I always worry I'm gonna drag my friends and
Speaker 4: sit there super close, and he's gonna come out and
Speaker 4: be in different again. It will be awakenings where I'm like.
Speaker 3: He was wide awake, he just cared.
Speaker 4: I'm like he was in love like she left him. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but I also love his new album, so yeah, Bob
Speaker 4: can be can be that way, and that's my worry.
Speaker 4: But cap power singing Bob Dylan that sounds will be credible.
Speaker 4: And also I'm not going to say anywhere near where
Speaker 4: I love. But I'm completely starstruck because Sharon von Atten
Speaker 4: lives in my neighborhood. I've seen her driving. I'm just
Speaker 4: trying to be like cool and oh I pass away. No, right,
Speaker 4: Like I can't believe she's so cool.
Speaker 3: Now I've got to really keep my eyes paced.
Speaker 4: No, I'll tell you her exact address. Well, we'll go
Speaker 4: over there and hang out. Now, each of us pick
Speaker 4: up a copy catcher in the rye we'll just hang
Speaker 4: out in the alley.
Speaker 3: She'll love us. Sharon, please watch out. I'm hurried for
Speaker 3: you now.
Speaker 4: Fired, Sharon, Please please, I just want to give this manifesto.
Speaker 3: Sharon, don't reach out, protect yourself from protect yourself from Eric.
Speaker 3: I value your safety. Please.
Speaker 4: We want to let your gift gift here. This one's
Speaker 4: a little a little bit funnier.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is wrapped up and it's got a car.
Speaker 3: Ch I opened car.
Speaker 4: It's a it's I just feel like in this era,
Speaker 4: it's so rare to get a real apology, and people
Speaker 4: appreciate it so much when they do it, and they
Speaker 4: don't like, no, I didn't do that at all, And
Speaker 4: like when you when you just say you're sorry, it
Speaker 4: means a lot.
Speaker 3: It's a cute, very cute car. Are crushing it and
Speaker 3: somebody crushing grapes with their feet.
Speaker 4: You are crushing This podcast is a joy.
Speaker 3: God bless it is blessed. And it says Bridger, you
Speaker 3: had one damn rule and I and I broke it.
Speaker 3: I will never live this down true A thousand apologies.
Speaker 3: I will never disobey you again. We'll see your pal.
Speaker 4: Eric.
Speaker 3: Thank you for that apology.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Sorry, that puts me in a position of power.
Speaker 4: As it should be. I mean your yard friend.
Speaker 3: Okay, watch it now, I'm going to open the gift.
Speaker 4: Here.
Speaker 3: It's in this incredible wrapping paper with a stuffed baked potato,
Speaker 3: loaded baked potato. I love a loaded baked potato.
Speaker 5: Okay, opening, that's.
Speaker 4: Exactly what you wanted.
Speaker 3: Oh this is see I could never This is why
Speaker 3: I'm not a professional rapper. That's this takes real skill.
Speaker 4: Oh she did two layers. They're phoning the parchment shop.
Speaker 3: It's essentially wearing an undershirt. I'm now getting into the
Speaker 3: gifts undershirt. Okay, we're opening, We're opening. Oh, Val Kilmer,
Speaker 3: I'm your huckleberry. It's the Val Kilmer Memoir.
Speaker 4: And it's signed and it's a first edition. What look,
Speaker 4: I know we've all been to Hellmel Valve's art gallery.
Speaker 4: I'm on the email list. I got a chance to
Speaker 4: get this. I love reading books from character actors and
Speaker 4: wonderful weirdos, and Valves definitely part of that. And I
Speaker 4: thought you might enjoy it or I'm also embrace the regift.
Speaker 4: If you know someone loves Val and I will get
Speaker 4: stuff now and be like I'm gonna regift, and I'm
Speaker 4: up front because you don't want the curb your enthusiasm.
Speaker 4: Somebody else gat in some things, but it's kind. I
Speaker 4: had a fun moment recently. Let me ask you this
Speaker 4: before I start. When you're giving a rap gift, do
Speaker 4: you wear it around? Because I don't because I'm great
Speaker 4: talking to people, But I feel like it invites conversation,
Speaker 4: and so are the Incredible Heroic Future Lauren Michaels, Patrick
Speaker 4: Cott Noir. Did I say last time? Cottner? Okay, Cottoner?
Speaker 4: He's given him the French? I think you know it's
Speaker 4: God bless, God bless So I knew he was a
Speaker 4: fan of Twin Peaks, and I had a Twin Peaks
Speaker 4: Sheriff's hat. Now I'm not going to wear that out.
Speaker 4: I'm thrilled to talk to anybody, but then that invites it.
Speaker 4: And Twin Peaks fans are the best. It was my
Speaker 4: favorite show when I was twelve. But two percent of
Speaker 4: them as they're talking to me are kind of measuring
Speaker 4: their crawl space to see if I would fit for
Speaker 4: a few months. God bless them. So I'm not going
Speaker 4: to give them the reason. So I gave it to
Speaker 4: Patrick because he had me do the monologist at ask show,
Speaker 4: which is a joy. And then there was an improv
Speaker 4: legend in the room and I gave him the hat
Speaker 4: and he's like, you don't want this, man, I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 4: I don't wear stuff from shows I've been on. It's
Speaker 4: you know, like wearing your high school lettermans jacket twos
Speaker 4: after you graduated, At which point the improv legend turned
Speaker 4: around in his Two Broke Girls hoodie and went, hey, oh,
Speaker 4: I guess on And I'm like, I don't think you
Speaker 4: think it was two Broke Girls. It was like something
Speaker 4: trying to copy Two Broke Girls. But hey, check cleared.
Speaker 4: You can look up his networth online. But I felt
Speaker 4: horrible and there was no way to make it up,
Speaker 4: to start on that plateau of basically accusing somebody wearing
Speaker 4: a letterman's jacket. But I always laugh. I had one
Speaker 4: friend where somebody came up to him He's like, oh man, god,
Speaker 4: I'm like, you're wearing the shirt. If you're wearing like,
Speaker 4: I have a glorious rain jacket, but it's got the
Speaker 4: Jurassic World logo on right, and allow myself to wear
Speaker 4: it and it's a great jacket.
Speaker 3: I'm on the same page with you. I mean, there
Speaker 3: are two things that I'll use that I've gotten from
Speaker 3: shows I've worked on. I got a backpack from Kimmy Schmidt,
Speaker 3: but the logo is under the flap.
Speaker 4: It's quality no, no, and if it was on the outside,
Speaker 4: you can put a patch over it.
Speaker 3: I'm on patches, exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The other thing is a hoodie from Black Monday, and
Speaker 3: it's the first thing I've ever been given from a
Speaker 3: TV show that looks good. Oh yeah, so I'll wear
Speaker 3: it like on morning strolls. Sure, but I've you know,
Speaker 3: people should not do this. I've met to write on
Speaker 3: a show and the showrunner was wearing the show's merchandise
Speaker 3: and I just thought, I don't want to work for
Speaker 3: this person.
Speaker 4: They love it. And then I always laugh because I'm
Speaker 4: you know, most often i'm a guest star or recurring
Speaker 4: and when I show up on the day of the
Speaker 4: TV show where everybody's wearing the hoodie they just got
Speaker 4: and you're kind of like, you know, it takes me
Speaker 4: back to junior high where I'm like, oh, I guess
Speaker 4: four episodes did a lot of heavy lifting with the
Speaker 4: exposition I thought. I thought there was a whole buzz.
Speaker 4: It's only supposed to be too. But I guess I'm
Speaker 4: not good enough for the hoodie. It cost you twenty
Speaker 4: six bucks, and everyone's kind of looking at you and
Speaker 4: like judging you for not having the hoodie. Of course
Speaker 4: it's hierarchy, but that's the glorious thing with our town
Speaker 4: is you're reminded quite often of where you are.
Speaker 3: But so you need to take those situations and turn
Speaker 3: them into cool. I have that at home. You could
Speaker 3: just lie about it, and I was just right to
Speaker 3: wear it like the rest of you dorks. Oh they
Speaker 3: sent it to me, yeah, losers. Yeah, mine came a
Speaker 3: personal person showed up at the door. It's got ee
Speaker 3: huge And I'm not wearing that garbage.
Speaker 4: No I'm not. I'm giving it away. I'm regifting it.
Speaker 4: They got to know a sweet producer and Patrick, he'll
Speaker 4: take it. It's his Brandy buys cool stuff on eBay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't wear I mean, and then again podcast merchandise.
Speaker 3: We have a wonderful sweatshirt that I would love to wear.
Speaker 3: Can't do it.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 3: I considered riding over it with a marker, but then
Speaker 3: people are like, oh, this person's something's going wrong.
Speaker 4: Maybe a bigger patch.
Speaker 3: Check eBay for past huge redacted.
Speaker 4: Right, that's it. But like if you're on York and
Speaker 4: you haven't had your coffee yet, you don't want some, Okay,
Speaker 4: So I'm sorry. The episode with Eric was life changing,
Speaker 4: like the stuff about the Irish by and you're like,
Speaker 4: you know, you don't want the invitation, but again, I'm
Speaker 4: sure you're like me, thrilled to do it. And I'm
Speaker 4: also thrilled to walk through my resume with people, because
Speaker 4: it'll drive people crazy if they don't know where I
Speaker 4: where they know me from, especially if I'm not in
Speaker 4: LA and I just rapid fire it, and I'm thrilled
Speaker 4: to walk them through it. Sure I don't need to
Speaker 4: invite that because then they'll click and like, oh, it's
Speaker 4: that right.
Speaker 3: And then sometimes they because there are a million TV
Speaker 3: shows now, they'll be like, well, I've never heard of
Speaker 3: any of those.
Speaker 4: People love that. They love me, like, where do I
Speaker 4: know you're from? I'm like, oh, I don't know. Green
Speaker 4: Room Shameless now we bear Bears, no, and they gleefully
Speaker 4: they love it. Twin Peaks, No, I never watched that. No,
Speaker 4: I don't like that I'm not into day Okay, Clarence, No,
Speaker 4: herbyr enthusiasm. No, and I'll just keep and the glee
Speaker 4: they have and saying they have not watched your parents.
Speaker 3: You're talking about.
Speaker 4: Dad's one day gonna care. He wants me to come
Speaker 4: home and run the shop. Look, Mom, I love you, Dad,
Speaker 4: I love you. Please. This is all working out against
Speaker 4: all odds.
Speaker 3: Okay, So have you read this book?
Speaker 4: I have not.
Speaker 2: I have not.
Speaker 3: I'm curious because his life is.
Speaker 4: He's fascinating, and I have a funny theory with him
Speaker 4: where I kind of think. There's this amazing book called
Speaker 4: The Way of the Actor that Nicholas Cage endorses that
Speaker 4: basically says actors are shamans and you're shape shifting. And
Speaker 4: I kind of think I thought he was incredible on
Speaker 4: the Doors. But I sort of think Jim Morrison came
Speaker 4: in and didn't really leave. Oh because the next ten
Speaker 4: years after he's like, hey, what are you doing? No,
Speaker 4: I'm investigating a killing out on the reservation. What happened?
Speaker 4: Where will it go? Like, let Jim go, let it go.
Speaker 4: But I love him. I think I think he's heroic
Speaker 4: and I love you. As an art gallery and Melrose and.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he's just cool. He was Batman for a second. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but it was torn of fun, did the wild Batman
Speaker 3: of fun. Speaking of actors who have kind of become
Speaker 3: the person whoever played Elvis, what's that guy's name, Austin Butler,
Speaker 3: he's now become Elvis.
Speaker 4: Well, that's right, man, because the spirit Elvis was just
Speaker 4: kind of stick in. You bridge your man, it's a
Speaker 4: wild deal man.
Speaker 3: Well, no one talks that way.
Speaker 4: He went to a speech therapist. Well, I'm an Elvis
Speaker 4: nut and an Elvis snob and may have liberated a
Speaker 4: piece of shag carpet when I toured Graceland. Austin Butler,
Speaker 4: he nailed it, and I went, he went to a
Speaker 4: speech therapist two months ago. Because he's in this.
Speaker 3: I believe he's trying. He's actually trying to get out
Speaker 3: of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's two more movies. I think he's right now,
Speaker 4: and like he's playing like a forties airman and I
Speaker 4: haven't seen it, I'm sure. And look, man, you got
Speaker 4: my six. All right, we're gonna go fly over, We're
Speaker 4: gonna kill Scrooge. Yeah, yeah, but he went, he said
Speaker 4: he had to go to a speech therapist to get
Speaker 4: out of it. But he nailed Sweet kid from Orange
Speaker 4: County started out as a background. Wow, you gotta love
Speaker 4: that story fross A, Los Angeles, but it stuck with
Speaker 4: him for those speeches were amazingly. I'd like to thank
Speaker 4: the Academy.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 3: It was like this person from Tustin.
Speaker 4: I believe. Yeah, I love it though it's commitment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and did the same thing. And uh, the art gallery,
Speaker 3: what's happening there?
Speaker 4: Hell, mel, there's a huge buzz. He chose his pieces,
Speaker 4: he signed an autograph.
Speaker 3: It's all his art.
Speaker 4: It's all his art. It's very absent. It's a lot
Speaker 4: of fun. And I just think there's some kind of
Speaker 4: heroic about your Val Kilmer, just putting your heart out there,
Speaker 4: meeting people, mixing it up. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think once you get to a level of, you know,
Speaker 3: financial success, you do just have to turn the hobby
Speaker 3: into a thing that occupies everyone's space.
Speaker 4: Sure, I just haven't. I did see him once. I
Speaker 4: will say this with so much love and respect. I
Speaker 4: went to see Val Kilmer is Moses, oh maybe fourteen
Speaker 4: years ago. It was a musical about the Old Testament
Speaker 4: and Moses and all this stuff. And I'm like, whether
Speaker 4: it's good or it's bad, it's gonna be awesome. We
Speaker 4: left an intermission because he just he had cut it was. Yeah,
Speaker 4: He's like, I've seen the burning Bush, I have commandments
Speaker 4: laid down from thee And I'm like, oh, val.
Speaker 3: Man, was it a one man show? No.
Speaker 4: They had a whole chorus that was trying so hard,
Speaker 4: and he was just sleep walking through it. Bless his heart.
Speaker 4: I think he cares a lot more now, but I
Speaker 4: think he was Moses.
Speaker 3: What was the tone of this musical? It was like
Speaker 3: Oklahoma time, Yeah, very very much.
Speaker 4: You know, you imagine a community theater putting up a
Speaker 4: medium production of Pippin kind of there, kind of there,
Speaker 4: I mean, almost Guffman esque but without the heart. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: not mean to offend anyone that was in that production.
Speaker 4: Aside from value. You were all incredible. I would have
Speaker 4: been in Valkilmer as Moses as well, but that it
Speaker 4: was now very funny think about But the time, I
Speaker 4: was frustrated because.
Speaker 3: They didn't have much money to leave anything during the intermission.
Speaker 4: I don't do it entertaining.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I just saw rewatched waiting for Guffman
Speaker 3: recently in a movie theater. No, I've never seen it
Speaker 3: in a movie theater. Interesting experience in a movie theater.
Speaker 4: Actually, how was it?
Speaker 2: It was?
Speaker 3: It was good because the movie is wonderful. But the
Speaker 3: movie is like kind of a thing you should watch
Speaker 3: in a quiet space, like because it's small. It's not
Speaker 3: like a huge comedy, you know. It's like a lot
Speaker 3: of the things are very small, the things that make
Speaker 3: you laugh. Oh, but it's such an unbelievable movie. Parker
Speaker 3: Posey is Oh my gosh, unbelievable. I don't know why
Speaker 3: I even bring that up. Movie.
Speaker 4: There's so many incredible movies. I'm gonna go Friday if
Speaker 4: I'm done with work because they're doing a two pm
Speaker 4: matinee at the New Beverly of Rushmore, Oh, which I
Speaker 4: sure never seen it. I've never seen it, and like
Speaker 4: Herman Bloom, Bill Murray and that all, yeah, so incredible,
Speaker 4: but I've never it was one of those I'm sure
Speaker 4: I sign on VHS right for the first time, Grandpa
Speaker 4: over here, but like I've never seen on a big screen.
Speaker 4: I'm super excited. But it is all the funniest moments
Speaker 4: are tiny. Yes, so I'm kind of wondering how it's
Speaker 4: interesting the pain in his face when he's like chucking
Speaker 4: golf balls in the pool, if that will register. But
Speaker 4: oh I love that movie.
Speaker 5: Well, I've got my Val Kilmer memoir here. I might
Speaker 5: actually read this.
Speaker 4: That's interesting. Yeah, this really seals it. Yeah, I'm your
Speaker 4: ice man.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It has different picture screenshots of him from different movies,
Speaker 3: and it says, I'm your top secret age, I'm your
Speaker 3: real genius. What's your real genius? What movie is that?
Speaker 4: I think he's in real Genius.
Speaker 3: Oh that's right. Yeah, oh these are just oh so
Speaker 3: these are the I'm your ice man. Okay, right, I'm
Speaker 3: your oh mad Martigan from uh Willow.
Speaker 4: All right, sure yeah.
Speaker 3: Wow, good for me for family to call that. Wow. Wow,
Speaker 3: I'm your batman, I'm your lizard king, I'm your bank robber,
Speaker 3: I'm your saint, I'm your huckleberry. What's the Saint?
Speaker 4: Thing?
Speaker 3: That's a saint?
Speaker 4: I feel like No, he's in one called the Saint.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 3: Oh it's called the Saint.
Speaker 4: Look at that.
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 4: So good.
Speaker 3: So this is going to kind of cover at least
Speaker 3: up until yeah, nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm a dork with signed books. I like
Speaker 4: like looking at their autograph. I've ordered them. I do
Speaker 4: want to it's a book plate. But my wife is
Speaker 4: a saint because we have so many signed books.
Speaker 3: There it is. Oh yeah, I'm your huckle bab.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 3: I want to just look at the first sentence. I
Speaker 3: love the first sentence of a book.
Speaker 4: Should we read the first and last? Just if you
Speaker 4: do any of the middle.
Speaker 3: It's optional, dear reader, I have a crush on you.
Speaker 4: That delivers unleast you will not need to edit that
Speaker 4: that bit.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's see what the final line is.
Speaker 4: That might be the greatest first sentence.
Speaker 3: All right, here we go. Voldemort is dead. No, that's
Speaker 3: not true. It says it is the energy of eternal love. Well,
Speaker 3: I'll have to read three hundred pages to find out
Speaker 3: what that means.
Speaker 4: We just sold him two hundred books with that.
Speaker 3: First and last two hundred.
Speaker 4: You're right, you're right. I apologize. I'm humble the.
Speaker 3: Games by talking about five thousand.
Speaker 4: No, und you could be lining up outside of hellmel
Speaker 4: Studios on Melrose and Heliotrope.
Speaker 3: I've revived his literary career. We need a sequel. Val
Speaker 3: get on it. I think it's time to play a game.
Speaker 3: Please gift to acurse on release? Is that true?
Speaker 4: Okay? I love this game.
Speaker 3: I need a number between one and ten from you.
Speaker 4: I would say seven, but last few people have sit seven.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go five.
Speaker 3: Okaynna go five. All right, I'm gonna do some like calculating.
Speaker 3: You can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.
Speaker 4: You know, amazingly, how do you say your last name?
Speaker 4: I am about to I'm in a glorious independent movie
Speaker 4: called Outdoor School where I play a teacher, which is
Speaker 4: we're finally breaking free of some typecasting named mister Wineger
Speaker 4: for real, for real, shot in Portland an incredible director
Speaker 4: named Eme Etuk who I met on Twin Peaks, and
Speaker 4: I could not be more excited. And you know, they
Speaker 4: weren't letting me play teachers for a good long time.
Speaker 4: And I'm like a sweet inspirational teacher, where before I
Speaker 4: would have played like, hey you have detention, but I
Speaker 4: play a sweet inspirational teacher. And then I don't know
Speaker 4: if many of your listeners watch Baby Shark's Big Show,
Speaker 4: but I'm Daddy Shark on there, so I swear it
Speaker 4: is incredible family entertainment. If you want to Tasha Rothwell
Speaker 4: and I to help raise your child as we raise
Speaker 4: baby Shark. Please tune in.
Speaker 3: You two would No one would make better parents, right,
Speaker 3: I know what a great couple.
Speaker 4: Boy, she can sing. I am so helped. I auto
Speaker 4: tune a little bit of heart. But I hear her
Speaker 4: temp vocals before. I mean, I'm such a fan because
Speaker 4: of COVID. I've never met her. Oh right, he's like
Speaker 4: Broadway level. It's so good and I'm so humble.
Speaker 3: People who can sing.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I'll get it and like I won't
Speaker 4: hit the note and then look we got him, like
Speaker 4: we didn't get like they'll smile like we got it. Eric,
Speaker 4: I'm like, you're gonna auto tune it.
Speaker 3: By audience demands a pristine vocal.
Speaker 4: These three year olds are please. Oh no, like that
Speaker 4: baritone didn't get it at all? You singing a higher register?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you're playing someone named mister Winegar.
Speaker 4: Isn't that funny?
Speaker 3: That is fascinating And it's such.
Speaker 4: A sweet movie. And it's based on a true story.
Speaker 3: I hope that this is an unauthorized thing about me.
Speaker 3: This is that's right.
Speaker 4: I didn't want to tell you. That's why it's so ironic.
Speaker 4: I was broad here today. It is no I play you.
Speaker 4: There's a couple bodies in your cross space.
Speaker 3: I do not come across well and no, no.
Speaker 4: Not at all. It hurt to play you. I went
Speaker 4: deeply method man.
Speaker 3: You know you had to go to a speech therapist
Speaker 3: to get out of the voice.
Speaker 4: Sure, No, forever I was just walking like you.
Speaker 3: Well, look forward to my letterbox review. This is how
Speaker 3: we play Gift or a Curse. I'm gonna name three things.
Speaker 3: You'll tell me if they're a gift or a curse,
Speaker 3: and why I don't. I'll tell you if you're right
Speaker 3: or wrong, because there are correct answers. Okay, Number one,
Speaker 3: this is from a listener named Alec. Gift or a curse,
Speaker 3: outer space a curse.
Speaker 4: It's such a justification for I believe everything Elon Musk
Speaker 4: is doing. He's just focusing on what we have to get.
Speaker 4: We're gonna get people to Mars, and I'm like, focus
Speaker 4: on here, friend, there's things you can do now. This
Speaker 4: quest for outer space is nothing good. Let NASA explore it.
Speaker 4: I'm grateful that it's there. I'm grateful it exists. I
Speaker 4: believe our son is going to die at some point.
Speaker 4: So that scares me. But let's focus on the Earth,
Speaker 4: not outer space, because that's why, Alec. It's a goddamn curse.
Speaker 3: Absolutely curse, what a waste, the whole thing, get rid.
Speaker 4: Focus here.
Speaker 3: We should just build a ceiling around Earth. Oh, we
Speaker 3: don't need any of that.
Speaker 4: No, none of it. Nothing good comes there.
Speaker 3: And truly, if we go to Mars, it's gonna be
Speaker 3: just garbage, horrible. It's gonna be worse than the worst
Speaker 3: place on Earth, the red Planet, waste of everyone's time.
Speaker 4: No, were we going to death Valley?
Speaker 3: Yes, no permanent death valley.
Speaker 4: No, let it go, No, Alex, no.
Speaker 3: Thank you, And no. Space is just kind of a
Speaker 3: it's a giant tease. Yes, it has produced nothing good, nothing,
Speaker 3: and uh, I mean anything out there doesn't want anything
Speaker 3: to do with us, So go away.
Speaker 4: No, you know who you want to ask about? How
Speaker 4: space is? The fucking dinosaurs? Yes, something came from space
Speaker 4: and killed all of them.
Speaker 3: It's the one thing we got.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 3: Garbage. Outer space is a curse. Good job number two. Uh,
Speaker 3: this is from Alissener named Cali, gift to a curse.
Speaker 3: Crushed ice.
Speaker 4: No, crushed ice is absolutely a curse because I don't
Speaker 4: know if you saw this. There's now science and you
Speaker 4: can back this up and we have the greatest fact
Speaker 4: check on the world right here. Crushed ice is where
Speaker 4: the most botulism and stuff in a fast food restaurant exists. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's the ice machines. That's what's killing people. The way back,
Speaker 4: it was Jack in the box in the in the
Speaker 4: in the Northwest, killing a couple of people. But now
Speaker 4: that ice machine is a petri dish of death, and
Speaker 4: so now potential locd I do not get ice. You
Speaker 4: don't get any of getting I'm getting a straight soda
Speaker 4: or I'll do an unsweet and iced tea.
Speaker 3: No, I here liquly.
Speaker 4: I love my health. I like this ride on this
Speaker 4: planet right now, and I don't want to risk anything
Speaker 4: with that, with that ice.
Speaker 3: I don't like myself as much as any cold drink.
Speaker 4: Oh it's not worth it, man.
Speaker 3: Come on. So you're saying, I'm saying it's a curse.
Speaker 4: I mean you're right, yeah, because of the science, crushed.
Speaker 3: Ice is a curse. This is my I like a
Speaker 3: pebble ice. I love a pebble ice.
Speaker 4: Oh sure, I love sanitary Yeah.
Speaker 3: And ice cube, crushed ice just is it's such a waste.
Speaker 3: It's so close to water. It's either gonna melt or
Speaker 3: become a solid thing almost immediately in the drink. Horrible.
Speaker 3: It's the worst of the ice and you have to.
Speaker 4: Filter the liquid through your lips and then that hits
Speaker 4: my danger teeth and then that's I have cold sense
Speaker 4: in your.
Speaker 3: Mouth is getting cut up everywhere that.
Speaker 4: I didn't descend from animals for this.
Speaker 3: To be eating shards of what is essentially glass, the botulism,
Speaker 3: I didn't even know about this. We're I just learned
Speaker 3: recently that the you know, people are always afraid of
Speaker 3: salmonilla in raw cookie dough. It's not because of the eggs,
Speaker 3: it's because of the flour. No what Apparently because flowers
Speaker 3: raw and apparently that more often carries the bacteria. I mean,
Speaker 3: this was again, this was just told to me and
Speaker 3: I did no fact checking, but it seemed like weird
Speaker 3: and to be true.
Speaker 4: No, well, I believe because people do eat raw eggs.
Speaker 3: Yes, he's been eating them every day.
Speaker 4: It's the whole thing.
Speaker 3: Of course they're doing all of those ra eggs. So
Speaker 3: I think it's the flower. And then like let us
Speaker 3: is always a thing.
Speaker 4: Oh that's it, the romain. You don't want that to
Speaker 4: be your last minute on Earth eating I'm dying. You're
Speaker 4: sitting there, hooked up to tubes, your loved ones are
Speaker 4: saying goodbye, and I'm like, I'm dying because of a
Speaker 4: fucking medium caesar salad. What cruel fate?
Speaker 3: Is this horrible? And again in the caesar salad, the
Speaker 3: raw egg very true. Well, I guess that's a really romain.
Speaker 4: Do you know where the caesar salad was invented?
Speaker 3: Mexico?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: I may have learned that on this podcast.
Speaker 4: Oh that's amazing. I went there last time. I went
Speaker 4: to comic Con. My buddy and I went to Tijuana. Oh,
Speaker 4: we didn't know there's a travel advisory. And it terrified
Speaker 4: the showrunner of the show I was on. And then
Speaker 4: they almost were looking at me scared. Well, guess what
Speaker 4: they all got COVID sharing. Lunch in San Diego. Tijuana
Speaker 4: was fine, and I had where the caesar salad originated,
Speaker 4: the Hotel Caesar, and it was lovely.
Speaker 3: You went to the actually salad so good.
Speaker 4: And I just I love Tijuana. It was very fun
Speaker 4: and the rooms there are beautiful. I didn't stay there,
Speaker 4: but I want you next time. My wife's she's gonna
Speaker 4: have to be convinced. But they're like fifty bucks a night,
Speaker 4: so beautiful.
Speaker 3: I've heard a lot of good things about Tijuana. Apparently
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, it's like Las Vegas. Something bad
Speaker 3: can happen to you if you do risky things.
Speaker 4: If you go to the outskirts lookings for yak. I mean,
Speaker 4: but but you know, friends, we're out of the cocaine
Speaker 4: air anyway fentanyl.
Speaker 3: Oh, we got to get out of the Caca strip.
Speaker 4: It felt very very safe to me, and I would
Speaker 4: love this to be a comic con thing is now
Speaker 4: like you know, get get away. You don't hear about
Speaker 4: the next Marvel drop. Necessarily go downtown, get where the
Speaker 4: Sear salad originated.
Speaker 3: And you had a Caesar salad.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it was so good.
Speaker 3: Did it taste different than like one you'd had in
Speaker 3: the unit?
Speaker 4: Very different? It was like, yeah, yeah, it's like they
Speaker 4: brushed the lettuce leaves. Oh, and it wasn't like you know,
Speaker 4: with like tomato. It was very simple as Caesar himself
Speaker 4: made it because he was an Italian expat living in Tijuana.
Speaker 4: Highly recommend it.
Speaker 3: They're a confusing origin story.
Speaker 4: Come on. Yeah, he didn't make it easy for us,
Speaker 4: but the salad is incredible.
Speaker 3: And it does feel very Italian. Yeah right, okay, you're
Speaker 3: two for two, which I'm very impressed by. Number three.
Speaker 3: This is from a listener named Jennifer. Gift to a
Speaker 3: curse when someone asks, unprompted, if you have plans later?
Speaker 4: Oh, the biggest curse. You're walking into a trap because
Speaker 4: somebody says, I don't care what are you doing tonight?
Speaker 4: All right? Very often that question. It's not if I
Speaker 4: say I'm not doing anything. Why they're not saying, Oh,
Speaker 4: because they've got a bushelful of cash i'd like to
Speaker 4: drop off to you. Oh I've got I've got a
Speaker 4: front row ticket for Neil Young I would like to
Speaker 4: give you. Oh I've got all these gift cards I
Speaker 4: want to give you. No, it's like, oh, my buddy's
Speaker 4: doing a screening. It's on Peko, but you know he's
Speaker 4: a sweet guy or something. Oh you know, what are
Speaker 4: you doing later?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Nothing? Why, well, my friend just started doing stand up
Speaker 4: or oh well there's an improv show at Chuck a Luxor.
Speaker 4: Or for me, this is the curse of the big man,
Speaker 4: and also I'm friendly. It's like, what do you well,
Speaker 4: I kind of need this couch moved, and you know,
Speaker 4: I'm like, there's an app for that. It's sixty bucks.
Speaker 4: Hey never, I'm trying to think of one time somebody
Speaker 4: said what are you doing? Later a couple of weeks
Speaker 4: ago someone asked me invited me to wrestling, but I
Speaker 4: had already done the preemptive lie.
Speaker 3: Oh no.
Speaker 4: Anytime somebody says that I've got plans right and I'm
Speaker 4: like that, that's to me the greatest thing about being married.
Speaker 4: He's like, oh god, I'd love to go got my wife.
Speaker 4: I turned into like the eighties sitcom down, like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I'd love to go to whatever you're about
Speaker 4: to pitch me. But they all bowing chains got me
Speaker 4: doing stuff. She doesn't have me to do anything. She
Speaker 4: gives me the ultimate freedom in this life. I'm saying
Speaker 4: that as an absolute excuse because I don't believe what
Speaker 4: you're gonna pitch me is good.
Speaker 3: Why.
Speaker 4: Because it's a motherfucking curse.
Speaker 3: It's a curse.
Speaker 4: Have you ever been pitched that? And it's been something incredible?
Speaker 3: Eric, You're right, you just won the game. You've won
Speaker 3: the game. This question, to me is on the same
Speaker 3: level of do you know anything about computers? Both of
Speaker 3: these questions. It's just like, there's no good thing that's
Speaker 3: going to happen after this, and unfortunately I'm a bad liar.
Speaker 3: I'm actually I'm probably a good liar if I've got
Speaker 3: enough time and energy, but in these moments, I'm a
Speaker 3: horrible liar and I just say no. I mean, so
Speaker 3: I don't lie. I say you know, and I fall
Speaker 3: into the trap. And it's a horrible feeling, the worst
Speaker 3: feeling in the world, the worst because there's really never
Speaker 3: been a good plan. I don't mind it as spontaneous.
Speaker 3: Do you want to get dinner later? Because we've got
Speaker 3: a specific detail and I can, I can say yes
Speaker 3: or no, but the kind of just cloudy. What will
Speaker 3: I be walking into here? I can't do it.
Speaker 4: No, We'll lead with what you're doing. That's what I
Speaker 4: would say, say, Hey, I have tickets to X tonight, right,
Speaker 4: can you? Because I love a spontaneous lunch because I
Speaker 4: feel like in la if you try to plan a
Speaker 4: lunch where young people have promised, something's gonna come up,
Speaker 4: especially Heaven forbid if you try to plan a lunch
Speaker 4: with three people. Somebody's gonna get something like, Okay, well,
Speaker 4: how does your like stop this awful? But I'll do
Speaker 4: Like if it's like Wednesday at tenth there, I'm like,
Speaker 4: what's the team doing for lunch? Do you want to
Speaker 4: meet a kitchen mouse? That works? Great? Love that spontaneity,
Speaker 4: but you have to lead with what you want. If
Speaker 4: it's the blanket, what are you doing tonight? I'm assuming
Speaker 4: nothing good is gonna happen.
Speaker 3: We're headed to grandma's funeral.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we should be so lucky. That's more fun
Speaker 4: than an improv show.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 4: Sorry, great improv shows like the one Patrick books that's amazing,
Speaker 4: But too often it's you know it's on Peko and
Speaker 4: oh it's just not gonna be good, and like you're
Speaker 4: sitting there and it's it's exhausting. Improv is very fun
Speaker 4: to do. I love doing improv.
Speaker 3: Imp When it's good, it's good when it's bad. It
Speaker 3: is the exact same feeling of being someone describing a
Speaker 3: dream to you, the exact thing except for your now
Speaker 3: like having to clap.
Speaker 4: And lie afterward. Yeah, like I'm forty six now hour
Speaker 4: it's so hard for me to muster it. But but
Speaker 4: you can't do the congratulations or that looks so fun.
Speaker 4: They know what you're doing, so you got But man,
Speaker 4: that was so I'll do one. Oh man, that that
Speaker 4: part where you turned into the cucumber.
Speaker 3: Oh man, how a me thinking about that?
Speaker 4: Oh boy, I saw the cucumber and the space work friend?
Speaker 4: Are you kidding?
Speaker 3: I do think I just thought of a good lie
Speaker 3: you could. A good thing to say is I'll be
Speaker 3: thinking about that for years, because you in your mind
Speaker 3: you can be thinking bad things about it for years.
Speaker 3: Will but the person doesn't know no.
Speaker 4: And I've seen the greatest improvisers do shows and they
Speaker 4: were incredible. I can't remember them, but a bad one
Speaker 4: that I was dragged to, you know, or heaven forbid.
Speaker 4: When when you're single and you watch somebody do a
Speaker 4: bad show, any attraction for me flies out the window.
Speaker 3: Oh of course, You'll be getting into.
Speaker 4: An intimate moment and you're thinking about like horrible Southern
Speaker 4: Voice they did, Hey me, Ma, where are you coming?
Speaker 4: And like, oh my god, any arousal flies out the window,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, I'm thinking about her doing mem and
Speaker 4: it's gone.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, yeah, I'm glad we're on the
Speaker 3: same page.
Speaker 4: Three three, three for three, three for three.
Speaker 3: Very elite group.
Speaker 4: I think we're very friendly people. But there's also, you know,
Speaker 4: just a tiny bit of an honest curmudgeon underneath. That
Speaker 4: is yea, not about lying anymore.
Speaker 3: No, we we see things. We see outer space for
Speaker 3: what it is.
Speaker 4: Fuck yeah. Finally for some of.
Speaker 3: The few, well, it's time for the final segment of
Speaker 3: the podcast. It's called I Said No emails. People write
Speaker 3: into I Said No gifts at gmail dot com begging
Speaker 3: for my world class help and my guest's decent help.
Speaker 3: Will you help me?
Speaker 4: Ding?
Speaker 3: Okay, let's get into the dock here. Let's see this
Speaker 3: is dear Bridger and beautiful guest. That's very nice. About
Speaker 3: a year and a half ago, my husband and I
Speaker 3: were both about to turn forty. Within our families, we
Speaker 3: typically only buy birthday gifts for our kids and nieces
Speaker 3: and nephews. However, my husband's youngest sister declared that we
Speaker 3: should be giving milestone birthday gifts. She organized with her
Speaker 3: siblings and their spouses to chip in money to get
Speaker 3: my husband a sizeable gift card to a golf pro
Speaker 3: shop and a sizeable gift card for myself to my
Speaker 3: favorite bookstore for our fortieth birthdays. The gesture was lovely
Speaker 3: and much appreciated, but I take issue with the fact
Speaker 3: that we had not done this for their older sister,
Speaker 3: older brother, and his wife, who are all now well
Speaker 3: into their forties. Oh it's kind of a nasty pointing
Speaker 3: of the age. My husband and I suspect this is
Speaker 3: all in place as a ramp up to the youngest
Speaker 3: sister's upcoming fortieth this March. This sister's husband also just
Speaker 3: turned forty in December, and because we typically don't exchange gifts,
Speaker 3: this idea of a milestone birthday gift didn't even cross
Speaker 3: my mind. A few days after his birthday, I received
Speaker 3: a text from her saying, was your family going to
Speaker 3: do anything for John's birthday? It was Monday. I didn't
Speaker 3: acknowledge this message because it was so audacious. Are we
Speaker 3: now obligated to organize and give her a milestone birthday gift?
Speaker 3: If yes, should it be so embarrassingly extravagant and outrageous
Speaker 3: to prove that we are all better gift givers just
Speaker 3: to spite her? Oh? My god, thanks for your help.
Speaker 3: Ashley in Toronto, ps, please say hello to Analis for me. Onalise,
Speaker 3: Ashley says hello. Well, first of all, I'm just gonna
Speaker 3: say it. I love this younger sister, right ah. Whatever
Speaker 3: she's doing is so transparent and incredible. She's playing the
Speaker 3: worst chess game. She's playing one D chess, and we
Speaker 3: have to she should pat herself on the back for
Speaker 3: trying to get a big gift. We love a scheme,
Speaker 3: we love a scam, and this younger sister wants something
Speaker 3: big for her fortieth so she waited till the very
Speaker 3: last gift, gave that gift, and is now turning the
Speaker 3: wheels to get herself something. But what should Ashley do?
Speaker 3: Does she have to give her the milestone birthday gift? Well,
Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, she hasn't responded to her text,
Speaker 3: which I love, so she's basically cut her out of
Speaker 3: her life.
Speaker 4: Waiting for you, friend, yes, right light.
Speaker 3: The younger the young sister may just like think Ashley
Speaker 3: is no longer part of her life, so that gift
Speaker 3: may have taken care of itself.
Speaker 4: Wow, which is essentially a gift.
Speaker 3: A gift, But Ashley has a sizeable gift card to
Speaker 3: a bookstore and a sizeable gift card to a golf
Speaker 3: a pro shop. What do golfers call it? Who cares?
Speaker 3: So what I say is regift one of these things
Speaker 3: you or no, don't even do that. Go to the bookstore,
Speaker 3: use your gift card to buy a book to give
Speaker 3: to younger sister. Go to the golf pro shop to
Speaker 3: buy five wood. Is that what you call a club?
Speaker 4: I think I don't. I went. I've hit golf balls
Speaker 4: once and I literally couldn't the ball of the teat.
Speaker 3: Order a silver bell or whatever they call them.
Speaker 4: I think that's it.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's a beautiful gift for the younger sister.
Speaker 4: Yeah. And at the bookstore, you can also get gift
Speaker 4: cards to other places like here's the thing. She is
Speaker 4: playing chess. She's cornered you completely. For this family to
Speaker 4: be able to keep talking. They're also Canadian, which I love,
Speaker 4: and that means that politeness is key in a way
Speaker 4: that Americans aren't. So I think you can use that
Speaker 4: gift card to get other stuff perhaps, but you have
Speaker 4: to get some kind of gift. She absolutely set it
Speaker 4: up like this and bad news. You are cruising to
Speaker 4: buy more milestone gifts as those people who as you
Speaker 4: so eloquently said, are in their late forties. Once they
Speaker 4: hit fifty, the president has been set even bigger. Yeah, now,
Speaker 4: if you want to stop this whole cycle, don't do
Speaker 4: the gift now, because you're on the hook now for
Speaker 4: a bunch of gifts for people when they turn fifty,
Speaker 4: which is more of a milestone than forty in a
Speaker 4: tough economy.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, headed towards financial ruin.
Speaker 4: I think you have to get a gift, but use
Speaker 4: your book card thing to regift or regift something else.
Speaker 4: But like she's set a press in a milestone gifts,
Speaker 4: it's very hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, buy something at the bookstore. Maybe buy a book
Speaker 3: that's really in poor taste, so the sister kind of
Speaker 3: distances herself.
Speaker 4: Be your first book.
Speaker 3: It's a nice, trashy book. Whatever I say is going
Speaker 3: to be a wrong answer for somebody.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, get like some harlequin romance ones.
Speaker 3: I feel like they have a lot of those harlequin
Speaker 3: romances with cowboys.
Speaker 4: Oh well, of course you're out in the range. There's
Speaker 4: nothing else to.
Speaker 3: Do, right, Yeah, get Yeah, the sister will be so baffled,
Speaker 3: show like, maybe I just shouldn't talk to Ashley anymore.
Speaker 4: Which is a gift you got rid of her.
Speaker 3: It's perfect. You got to get rid of the younger sister.
Speaker 3: That's the final final say on this.
Speaker 4: Or if you really want to get passive aggressive, you
Speaker 4: do a homemade gift, oh, like embroider a pillow, like
Speaker 4: find something on Etsy could seem like you did it yourself,
Speaker 4: but something wonderfully tacky, but right. Sometimes you'll give some
Speaker 4: gifts from people and they really think they've nailed it,
Speaker 4: and God blessed they haven't. Yes, but if, like I think,
Speaker 4: Etsy you can find some ridiculous stuff, so find out
Speaker 4: who what kind of music they're into, favorite movie actor,
Speaker 4: Like you can get an embroidered, crocheted pillow of like
Speaker 4: Steven Segall or something that Val Kilmer is Moses. But
Speaker 4: like you can get weird on Etsy and kind of
Speaker 4: keep this thing going. And then you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 4: I guess we have different definitions of milestone.
Speaker 3: There we go. I'm sorry, Yeah, just shift the direction completely. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Red Herring, beautiful Ashley has gotten perfect advice. We've saved
Speaker 3: the family and maybe Toronto as well. Yeah, who knows
Speaker 3: what could have happened to the whole city of Toronto
Speaker 3: would have crumbled started with this beautiful Ashley, don't write
Speaker 3: back in.
Speaker 4: Eric.
Speaker 3: I've had such a wonderful time with you, so fun.
Speaker 4: I'm just so sorry for my agregious bringing to the gift,
Speaker 4: but I feel like you were just so gracious.
Speaker 3: But now I get to just dine on pastry and
Speaker 3: read Val Kilmer as the tornado blasts through my home.
Speaker 4: Please and if your power goes out, this is not
Speaker 4: a hollow offer. By the way, you got carp Blanche
Speaker 4: to come on over and just two and a half
Speaker 4: miles away.
Speaker 3: And we're gonna find Sharon.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh yeah, we'll drive by our house.
Speaker 3: There we go.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, done, Sharon, Sharon. We're so sorry. I swear
Speaker 4: I'm not.
Speaker 3: By a taser.
Speaker 4: Get a big one. I'm a big guy.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 4: So fun.
Speaker 3: Listener, the podcast has come to its end. Turn off
Speaker 3: the iPod. I assume everyone listens to this podcast on
Speaker 3: an iPod. I love you, goodbye, I said no Gifts
Speaker 3: is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear
Speaker 3: friend Analise Neilson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday.
Speaker 3: And we couldn't do it without our guest booker Patrick Cottoner.
Speaker 3: The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle
Speaker 3: worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram.
Speaker 3: At I said, no gifts. I don't want to hear
Speaker 3: any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of
Speaker 3: all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want
Speaker 3: to see pictures of the gifts?
Speaker 2: And I invited you hear.
Speaker 1: Thuna Man myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to me,
Speaker 1: you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
Speaker 1: your presences presence enough.
Speaker 2: And I already had too much stuff, So how do
Speaker 2: you dare to survey me