Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast What is up? Everyone? Welcome
Speaker 1: to an all new episode of Help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: We're here. It is a huge, huge day for Suck
Speaker 1: Army for help I Suck at Dating for so many reasons.
Speaker 1: We have a lot to share with you guys. Before
Speaker 1: we get into all those things that we do, want
Speaker 1: to plug our live show that we're recording next week.
Speaker 1: What is that date, Jared? You know the date. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be August August eighteen. Uh tickets are still on
Speaker 1: sale for that ten dollars gets you onto the live show.
Speaker 1: It's a virtual show, of course, and then thirty dollars
Speaker 1: gets you that special live show plus Beanie package, which,
Speaker 1: let's be real, who the heck doesn't want to suck
Speaker 1: Army Beanie. I wear mind night every night when I
Speaker 1: go to sleep. I wear it most days when I shower,
Speaker 1: we most showers that I take. Um Caitln looks at
Speaker 1: me very strangely whenever I do that, but that's just
Speaker 1: how much I love it. Uh, So get your stuck
Speaker 1: Army Beanie. Be sure to get your ticket for the
Speaker 1: live show. We will share that on our Instagram as well, Jared,
Speaker 1: where can they get tickets for the last show? So
Speaker 1: they can go to help us Second Dating Instagram and
Speaker 1: the link to get tickets is in the bio, so
Speaker 1: you just go there clicking the bio and you'll be
Speaker 1: automatically sent to the website where you can purchase tickets
Speaker 1: for the live event August eighteenth. Like Dean said, um
Speaker 1: are also August eighteenth is Couple's Day, So obviously if
Speaker 1: you suck at dating, you'll be available. So why don't
Speaker 1: you come on down? It's like the price is right,
Speaker 1: You're next. Help I suck at dating, so Jared. For
Speaker 1: the people that don't have Instagram, where can they go
Speaker 1: to get tickets for the live show? They can go
Speaker 1: to h I s A d slash ticks dot com.
Speaker 1: Is that correct, Danielle tick Sarah t i x r
Speaker 1: dot com. Almost there, h I s A d dot
Speaker 1: t i x r dot com. So help us Second
Speaker 1: Dating dot tistar dot com. Perfect. Thank you, Danielle. We
Speaker 1: need in Yale because you speak a lot better than
Speaker 1: I do. Anyways, for those that are listening and want
Speaker 1: to be part of the live show, be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week and get your tickets between now
Speaker 1: and then. But don't wait because tickets are going fast,
Speaker 1: uh and there might be a limited quality quantity. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but get your tickets high said dot tixer
Speaker 1: dot com. Ten dollars, I'll get your ticket. Three dollars
Speaker 1: gets your ticket into Beanie. Anyways, beyond that, beyond our
Speaker 1: love show next week, which we are more than excited
Speaker 1: for we want you to be part of, there is
Speaker 1: some big news, uh among our former co hosts, and
Speaker 1: even some big news with our current co host Um.
Speaker 1: So if you're falling along to this podcast, you'll have
Speaker 1: known that Vanessa was a big part of the podcast
Speaker 1: for a long time, and she still is very near
Speaker 1: and dear to our hearts. And she just recently got
Speaker 1: engaged a couple of days ago, so maybe we can
Speaker 1: give a round of applause for um. She got engaged
Speaker 1: to her boyfriend Josh, and well now fiance. Yep, now fiance. Josh.
Speaker 1: I met Josh before. He's an incredible guy, Josh Wolfe.
Speaker 1: They're up in Canada right now. I can't I haven't
Speaker 1: talked to Vanessa in a while, but I sent her
Speaker 1: a congratulatory text and I think she kind of knew
Speaker 1: from the earl. I don't want to speak for her, obviously,
Speaker 1: it would be great to be able to get Vanessa
Speaker 1: on the podcast and have her kind of relive the
Speaker 1: moment and the relationship up to that point. But I
Speaker 1: do know that when they started dating, she was very
Speaker 1: enamored by him, and she from a very early stage
Speaker 1: kind of thought that he was going to be the one.
Speaker 1: So it's really good to see that, you know, her
Speaker 1: dreams of being a wife and hopefully becoming a mother
Speaker 1: are are coming are coming true, and it's to the
Speaker 1: person that she loves, which is Josh. And he's a
Speaker 1: great guy. Um so yeah, yeah, I mean I would.
Speaker 1: I'm just Ashley and I are super happy for Vanessa.
Speaker 1: We sent her congratulated texts obviously as well. We talked
Speaker 1: to Vanessa like probably ever like foo months, I guess,
Speaker 1: but super happy for her Josh, Like you said, I'm
Speaker 1: just repeating the sediments. Super awesome guy, badass, last name
Speaker 1: Josh Josh. Plus he's got gray hair and like gray beard,
Speaker 1: so he just like looks like a wolf, which makes
Speaker 1: it even more badass. Curious if Vanessa is going to
Speaker 1: change her name because Grimaldi is such they both have
Speaker 1: badass last names, Grimaldi, Vanessa Grimaldi, and so I'm curious
Speaker 1: if she's gonna go by Vanessa wolf now. Um, but
Speaker 1: super happy for her that she's engaged. Uh and um,
Speaker 1: I think, like you said, she's just an awesome person
Speaker 1: who I'm very excited too for her to have a
Speaker 1: family one day, because I think Vanessa is going to
Speaker 1: be the greatest mom. Uh. If anybody is out there
Speaker 1: has ever had the privilege of meeting Vanessa, she gives
Speaker 1: off very warm vibes, very friendly vibes, nurturing vibes, and um,
Speaker 1: you know when she was on the podcast, she really
Speaker 1: you know, she certainly put us in line and took
Speaker 1: care of us. And so I know that she's gonna
Speaker 1: be a great, great mom one day, a wonderful, wonderful wife.
Speaker 1: And Josh is a very lucky guy and he seems
Speaker 1: super nice as well. Uh, they're just a great couple
Speaker 1: and it couldn't be more excited for them. Does this
Speaker 1: mean that she doesn't suck at dating anymore? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: like we've established, you never stopped sucking at dating, right,
Speaker 1: It's kind of Uh, it's kind of something. It's it's
Speaker 1: it's something that you incorporate into your lifestyle. I think
Speaker 1: even when you're married, engaged, or dating someone, so I
Speaker 1: think for all intents and purposes, will say that she
Speaker 1: still sucks at dating. Oh totally. I think we can
Speaker 1: assume that Josh probably doesn't suck at dating and that's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's what it seems like he has together. I
Speaker 1: post I just posted on the help my secondary instagram
Speaker 1: picture of you and I from our my wedding last year,
Speaker 1: and it tell us dancing, and the caption is, uh,
Speaker 1: we might be in relationships, but we're always gonna suck
Speaker 1: at dating. Yeah that's good, that's and that's true. That's
Speaker 1: that's you know, that's what we embody, we embody suck nous.
Speaker 1: We understand that it's part of our relationships, part of
Speaker 1: our life. But you gotta learned to live with the suckiness.
Speaker 1: And that's really what we're all about here on help
Speaker 1: by Sucky Dating. It's it's a way of life, really,
Speaker 1: just always sucking at dating. Just ask my wife. I
Speaker 1: like that everything. I like that. On a Vanessa's engagement day,
Speaker 1: we posted a photo of us too. I posted on
Speaker 1: the story to say congratulations to Vanessa. You did, okay, Okay. Well,
Speaker 1: the reason I posted it was because today is my
Speaker 1: one year anniversary and I was going through wedding photos
Speaker 1: and I saw a great photo of us too, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I want to post this so today. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the other big news that we were talking about
Speaker 1: the top of the episode. Obviously, Vanessa's engagement huge, huge deal.
Speaker 1: But Vanessa is not here, so we care more about
Speaker 1: the people that are here. I wouldn't say we care more,
Speaker 1: we're just, you know, maybe it's a more of a
Speaker 1: I don't know, a topic of conversation because Vanessa can't
Speaker 1: speak on hopefully van podcast you're here. That's that's just
Speaker 1: how it is, you know. So it's one year you've
Speaker 1: been You've been married for a whole sixty five days,
Speaker 1: Crazy Earth has revolved around the sun one full rotation,
Speaker 1: and you are still married to Ashley. It was almost
Speaker 1: a full year since you missed your flight. Uh, well
Speaker 1: I did miss my flight, but I was able to
Speaker 1: book another one. No, it was awesome because you called me.
Speaker 1: I think you were you were supposed to. You flew
Speaker 1: on Friday and then you called me Friday morning and
Speaker 1: you were like, listen, man, my flight I canceled and
Speaker 1: I forget. You said you got rerouted to Boston and
Speaker 1: like all this crazy, and I was like, oh that sucks, man.
Speaker 1: And you said that you couldn't make because so our
Speaker 1: wedding was on a Sunday and Friday. We had a
Speaker 1: boat for like the wedding party, and obviously Dean was
Speaker 1: a grunsman and then you were, and so you couldn't
Speaker 1: make it, but you ended up like making it, I
Speaker 1: think that night and like met up with us. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to rebook a one way flight from l
Speaker 1: A to Boston, which ended up classing me like five bucks.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I can't believe I missed this flight. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then I got in, like I got into Boston
Speaker 1: at like ten pm, and then I had to take
Speaker 1: the train down to Providence, which was like an hour
Speaker 1: and a half or however long it is. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: so I got in pretty late, and when I got
Speaker 1: in pretty late, everyone's like already kind of party in
Speaker 1: and we went to the bar. It was still it
Speaker 1: worked out, don't get me wrong, but yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: It's not my finest moment. It was so funny because
Speaker 1: I felt so bad. You know, you told me this
Speaker 1: story about how the flight got rerouted and all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and then the day of the wedding, I was like, man,
Speaker 1: that's crazy that they canceled your flight and then rerouted
Speaker 1: you and you had to like do all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and You're like, I just lied. I I felt bad.
Speaker 1: I just missed it. I was like, Okay, yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. I didn't want to be honest in that situation, like, oh,
Speaker 1: should I miss my flight to my buddy's wedding? Like
Speaker 1: I was fine, dude, it was great. It made it
Speaker 1: made a great story. But yeah, man, it was one
Speaker 1: year ago. So Ashley and I are in Newport right now, Newport,
Speaker 1: Rhode Island, UM, to celebrate the anniversary because obviously this
Speaker 1: is where we got married, and it's really nice being back.
Speaker 1: It's nice being um, it's nice being home. But it's
Speaker 1: just really nice being back in Newport and reminiscing about
Speaker 1: all the memories that we had from last year. And
Speaker 1: it really was the best weekend of my life and
Speaker 1: specifically the best day of my life. Uh, it was
Speaker 1: just having it's so surreal, um, having everybody that you love,
Speaker 1: you know, everybody that you care about, and you know,
Speaker 1: or mostly everybody you know. Obviously some people you know,
Speaker 1: I can't make it, but UM like having those people
Speaker 1: in your room, you know, under one roof, and especially
Speaker 1: like our lives actually and and mine, you know, we
Speaker 1: have like you know, you and and Tanner and Nick
Speaker 1: and all these producers that were super close with I
Speaker 1: mean obviously one of the producers along form producer was
Speaker 1: the officient at the wedding. And so I feel like
Speaker 1: we have this one side of friends and family, people
Speaker 1: that we love, um that just doesn't know another aspect
Speaker 1: of our life. And it's the same vice versa. We're like,
Speaker 1: you know, our our our parents and sisters and family
Speaker 1: and cousins and everybody that we're so close with back home,
Speaker 1: just they don't know you guys, and you guys don't
Speaker 1: know them. And it's so weird because we're so close
Speaker 1: with both you, you know, both sides. And so that
Speaker 1: was so nice, you know, to have like you there
Speaker 1: and Ben and Nick and and have you guys in
Speaker 1: to interact with like my dad and my cousin and
Speaker 1: my childhood friends, you know, and I have those worlds.
Speaker 1: Merge was was you know, one of the coolest feelings ever.
Speaker 1: And uh yeah, man, one year, So I got the
Speaker 1: one year anniversary is the paper gift? Like, you know
Speaker 1: how like each anniversary has a different gift apparently, so
Speaker 1: I looked it up in the one year is the
Speaker 1: paper one, which is apparently meant to represent the fragility
Speaker 1: of your relationship because it's your only one year in
Speaker 1: so it still could be torn pretty easily, which sounds
Speaker 1: pretty depressing when you really think about it. But whatever.
Speaker 1: Uh so, I I got actually a couple of things,
Speaker 1: like we're gonna I got her like a getaway weekend,
Speaker 1: and I got her necklace that was engraved and and
Speaker 1: then but also I wanted to give her something made
Speaker 1: out of paper because it's the paper anniversary. So I
Speaker 1: got her like this construction paper, and I bought these
Speaker 1: markers and wrote her a little poem on there and
Speaker 1: drew you know, like pink and red hearts. It looked like,
Speaker 1: you know, my four year old niece drew it. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's the thought that counts at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. Um so, so yeah, So we're in
Speaker 1: Newport right now. We're gonna go to dinner later and celebrate.
Speaker 1: And a year later, man still still married. Did she
Speaker 1: get you anything paper related? No, not paper related. She
Speaker 1: did get me something also, though. She got me a
Speaker 1: Red Sox golf bag, which is pretty badass because so
Speaker 1: I have a yeah, I've been New England Patriots golf bag. Dude.
Speaker 1: It's like my pride and joy in Rhode Island, and
Speaker 1: I have Red Sox balls. I have Red Sox club covers,
Speaker 1: a Newham Patriots bag with like a Bruins towel, and
Speaker 1: then back west, I just have like a traditional golf bag.
Speaker 1: Because I was like, well, I'll just buy clubs over here.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna ship them back and forth from, you know,
Speaker 1: across the country. So she bought me a Red Sox
Speaker 1: badass golf bag that I can use in California, which
Speaker 1: is two clubs. Yeah, I do have two sets of clubs, dude.
Speaker 1: I was shipping them back and forth and it was
Speaker 1: like a hunter and twenty bucks each time. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is stupid. I'm just gonna buy a two pair
Speaker 1: of clubs. So married for a year, as the first
Speaker 1: year marriage been what you've expected it to be, hasn't
Speaker 1: been different in any sort of way. What's going on
Speaker 1: with the whole year and actually, as I see her
Speaker 1: trying to steal the mic from you, unbelievable. She always
Speaker 1: comes in on my podcast. I'm working, You're letting come
Speaker 1: on my podcast all the time. I find it entertaining.
Speaker 1: I was just listening upstairs and you go, so yeah,
Speaker 1: a year later, we're still married. As if totally non sarkastically.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just say things. Actually I I
Speaker 1: say nonsense. But you usually do fantastic jobs. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I do a fantastic job. That's funny. Yeah, Dean goes
Speaker 1: one year down, one year ago? Has anything changed? As
Speaker 1: do you think anything's changed in our marriage? She said, no,
Speaker 1: Has it been what you expected it to be though
Speaker 1: the first year? Yeah, I don't. I think it's what
Speaker 1: we expected, Like, not much has changed. Are two of
Speaker 1: our friends got married and they're late twenties, and they
Speaker 1: said that the first year was harder than they initially
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be. But they all didn't
Speaker 1: live together before they got married, So I'm curious if
Speaker 1: that had anything to do with it. Because Ashley and
Speaker 1: I lived together while we were engaged for a full
Speaker 1: year before we got married. I feel like if you
Speaker 1: lived together before you're married, not much changes, you know,
Speaker 1: you just put a ring on it. I feel like
Speaker 1: I guess there is more of like um um gravity
Speaker 1: to our relationship, if that makes sense, because now you know,
Speaker 1: I talk about my wife instead of my fiance or girlfriend,
Speaker 1: which feels more impactful. But you know that scientifically, like
Speaker 1: their stats that show that couples that lived together before
Speaker 1: they're engaged have a highed divorce rate. Think that it's
Speaker 1: because it puts like it's almost like the guy feels
Speaker 1: the pressure to like, Okay, well, this is the next step,
Speaker 1: Like this is just a formula, and it makes it
Speaker 1: feel like the girl feels as if, like he was,
Speaker 1: it was forced upon him, and like that's why I
Speaker 1: always said that I wasn't gonna love with you until
Speaker 1: we were engaged. I also feel like it's a little
Speaker 1: bit of buying the milk for free. If you're living,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're living a life that is um
Speaker 1: very it feels like a marriage, then what's the real
Speaker 1: need to like make it an official? I mean when
Speaker 1: when you think of the concept of marriage is an
Speaker 1: element of stupidity doing Yeah, but you know what I like,
Speaker 1: I like a lovely contract between us. Oh, we're signed.
Speaker 1: She makes a good point, and I say the same
Speaker 1: thing to Caylin all the time too. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: we lived together. It's basically like we're married. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: there's really not much difference except when you guys get married,
Speaker 1: you just bring the government in on it, which, you know,
Speaker 1: like I said, on the surface, sounds pretty stupid. You're like, hey,
Speaker 1: the way I'm going to express my love to you
Speaker 1: more than anything is to bring the government in. Also,
Speaker 1: let me just clarify the whole milk for free thing.
Speaker 1: I am a traditionalist, like the ultimate traditionalist. I have
Speaker 1: like those old school morals and values. I just like
Speaker 1: it that way, okay. I Also, I'm not judging, and
Speaker 1: I don't find there any issue if somebody doesn't want
Speaker 1: to get married in paperwork either. There we go. So
Speaker 1: it sounds like Ashley hates my my mindset and hates
Speaker 1: everything that I represent. But that's okay. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't need Ashley's approval to be happy in my relationship.
Speaker 1: Dean said that he said that you pretty much just
Speaker 1: hate everything about his relationship. Then, basically to the listeners
Speaker 1: out there that you don't like my way of going
Speaker 1: about relationships. That's okay. You know, like you said you're
Speaker 1: a traditionalist, I'm not. I'm not. You're the antithesis of
Speaker 1: a traditionalist. Yes, So like I'm totally that's like the
Speaker 1: Dean way, and I'm totally fine with it because that's
Speaker 1: you and then I and me, And I also even
Speaker 1: think that you probably would consider marry and Kayla one day.
Speaker 1: But like it's also it's not the whole government paperwork.
Speaker 1: You are very very committed. Yeah, I just like to
Speaker 1: go against the grain. You know, just because it's a
Speaker 1: tradition doesn't make it just makes me not want to
Speaker 1: do it, you know. And that's totally fun. And I
Speaker 1: like the way that you have your own set of ways.
Speaker 1: And is Klin traditional? Like does she? She? She is
Speaker 1: very traditional, Yes, And it's it's not a point of
Speaker 1: contention in our relationship whatsoever, but it's definitely a constant
Speaker 1: conversation now we're having not yet. Well, Jared, how would
Speaker 1: you explain yourself? I mean, I'm I'm I'm somewhere in
Speaker 1: between you two. I think, yeah, I'm a traditionalist, but
Speaker 1: I also can go against the grain. Yeah, but with relationships,
Speaker 1: you would always be like he told me very early
Speaker 1: on in our relationship romantic the relationship that he always
Speaker 1: felt like what he was born to be as a husband. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with Yeah, I felt like I but that's
Speaker 1: just my personality exactly. And actually, how has he done
Speaker 1: as a husband in the first year. He's been the
Speaker 1: best husband ever. I made her breakfast in bed this morning.
Speaker 1: I made her French toast. That is a door And
Speaker 1: how is the French toast that it tastes good? It
Speaker 1: was very good. Well, it was kind of weird. It's
Speaker 1: like a health food French toast because, like I am
Speaker 1: trying to cut down dairy, and the local market only
Speaker 1: had all organic stuff, so I couldn't really up and
Speaker 1: make it taste good. And then she has this coconut milk,
Speaker 1: So I don't think it really was the best, but
Speaker 1: it was fine. It was definitely a healthy French Organic
Speaker 1: certainly doesn't mean health food it all. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: non fatty. Yeah, I agree. I think you can, like
Speaker 1: without pesticides and without chemicals. Okay, so before before actually
Speaker 1: before you take off, and before we jump to a
Speaker 1: break to it to get our guests in here. As
Speaker 1: on a scale of one to ten, I want you
Speaker 1: both to rate each other as a partner over the
Speaker 1: past year of married life. Be honest. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't think of anything that you've done wrong. Damn.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure I've done plenty of things wrong.
Speaker 1: Does that mean Jared's a ten out of ten? I
Speaker 1: can't even think of one massive fight we had. No
Speaker 1: we bicker, but we never we never had a blow
Speaker 1: out of fight. We also haven't bickered in a while. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been a long time. We bickered the most. I
Speaker 1: think the hardest month it was probably March in April,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't even that hard. It was just that
Speaker 1: he was quarantine and my parents, and he was really bored,
Speaker 1: and I was really content, and I was like trying
Speaker 1: to make him happy. And I don't know if there
Speaker 1: was anything I had in my control to make him happy.
Speaker 1: I think also, I remember we had a moment in October.
Speaker 1: We're uh. It was bad, not bad, but it was.
Speaker 1: We were in Rhode Island. It was right around Halloween,
Speaker 1: and I remember we were going back to l A.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just remember thinking like I couldn't,
Speaker 1: like I did not want to go back. It was
Speaker 1: like but I remember I got, I got, I was
Speaker 1: a pain in the ass you were. I don't even
Speaker 1: remember this, and I remember everything. I mean, he's always
Speaker 1: pissy when we leave Rhode Island. I know the days
Speaker 1: leading up to the flight back will it won't be
Speaker 1: in the best food. And then, like the first couple
Speaker 1: of days in l A is an adjustment period. But
Speaker 1: for some reason, October doesn't strike me as one of
Speaker 1: those times. Specifically, I remember how I gave you an
Speaker 1: extra I gave you an extra week here. I mean
Speaker 1: we got married here. For Christ's sakes anymore, that is
Speaker 1: not a gift that I gave you. I this is
Speaker 1: just exactly what I imagine. All Right, you guys, You
Speaker 1: guys love the conversation about what's going on at It
Speaker 1: sounds like you're both tend out of ten. Jared, you
Speaker 1: have nothing to improve on, actually nothing to do provalent either.
Speaker 1: Here's one year down, a million more to go stoked
Speaker 1: for you guys. We do have to get to our guests.
Speaker 1: We have to take just an idea for Amy and
Speaker 1: and the producers like, maybe it's a good idea to do.
Speaker 1: I help, I suck a dating one year Marriage podcast.
Speaker 1: I agree with that perhaps we can do that after
Speaker 1: the What women want or what a girl wants always
Speaker 1: has an opinion, doesn't she? All right, well, he used
Speaker 1: at the top of the podcast, We've got some great
Speaker 1: guests coming up. You are not gonna want to miss.
Speaker 1: It's Darcy and Stacy from ninety Day Fiance Before the
Speaker 1: ninety Days. We're gonna take one quick break. We're gonna
Speaker 1: chalk to them, and you're not gonna want to miss
Speaker 1: that conversation because I promise it's gonna be juicy, very interesting.
Speaker 1: So stay tuned. Welcome back to help I suck at dating. Um,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to My wife and I bicker
Speaker 1: usually happens every day, but we have a very loving
Speaker 1: relationship and she's the best wife. She really is. I'm
Speaker 1: a very lucky human being. She's way out of my
Speaker 1: leg anyway, we have two guests on the line right now.
Speaker 1: You know them from d Fiance Before the ninety Days.
Speaker 1: They have a brand new spinoff show which is airing
Speaker 1: August sixteen at ten pm nine Central on t l
Speaker 1: C called Darcy and Stacy. It is Darcy and Stacy Silva.
Speaker 1: How are you guys? Thanks for coming onto the podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you for having us. Yes, oh, of course.
Speaker 1: So you guys are in Connecticut right now? Is that
Speaker 1: where you're from? Yeah, we're currently Connecticut. Um, we're originally
Speaker 1: from here, but we've moved around a lot as we
Speaker 1: grew up and stuff all over the world. Connecticut will always,
Speaker 1: you know, be our where our roots aren't. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: New England. Are you closer to the New York side
Speaker 1: or the Rhode Island side? Rhode Island and you're on
Speaker 1: the right side, I'll tell you that much. The lower
Speaker 1: half of Connecticut. That's pretty much New York at that point.
Speaker 1: You know, they root for Yankees and Mets and Giants
Speaker 1: and all that crap. Um. But Darcy and Stacy, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Of course we're coming on. Help I
Speaker 1: suck a dating now. Fans know you from before in
Speaker 1: the ninety days. But like I just said, you have
Speaker 1: your brand new series, Darcy and Stacy, So tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit about it and what fans can expect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're really excited for the news series. It's kind of
Speaker 1: dives deep into our twin relationship, our bond. Um, it's
Speaker 1: more about our life, our relationships in of family life,
Speaker 1: family life, her kids, good, bad, and ugly. Yeah, get ready,
Speaker 1: a lot of drama. It tends to follows a little
Speaker 1: bit but where we are, but you know, we want
Speaker 1: love in the ends and that you guys get to
Speaker 1: go through school along with us. So we're excited for
Speaker 1: that journey and a lot different than B ninety because
Speaker 1: that was more focused on, you know, my personal relationships.
Speaker 1: But now it's kind of nice to have Stacy, you
Speaker 1: know with me. You're you know, twinning it up. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: so in Darcy, you've so you've been on B ninety
Speaker 1: a couple of times, right, yeah, four seasons, right, and
Speaker 1: then so Stacy has also been on the show, but
Speaker 1: she's been more of kind of like a shoulder for
Speaker 1: you to lean on if you needed it years away.
Speaker 1: But Albania season three and when she was with Tom
Speaker 1: and yeah, yeah, well, and so what's great about this
Speaker 1: is we've seen you on the show a few times.
Speaker 1: We've seen you, you know, obviously, uh, go through that
Speaker 1: whole process and not see the results that you've wanted.
Speaker 1: But Stacy has been there, and so finally we get
Speaker 1: to see the whole sister dynamic kind of play out
Speaker 1: a little bit more, which is gonna be great. Um,
Speaker 1: let's see are twined dynaemic and why we are the
Speaker 1: way we are? Well and so Stacy, but you're so
Speaker 1: you're dating someone too from out of the country now right, Um,
Speaker 1: um Florian we've been together five years. Um, she got
Speaker 1: engaged after the first trip I took to Albania. Um,
Speaker 1: we'm online and Instagram and he had proposed again. So
Speaker 1: you know, luckily because it has approved and now you
Speaker 1: guys get to see his journey. His arrival to America
Speaker 1: was his first international flight, him riding in the US,
Speaker 1: and um, we get to see that journey. I've got
Speaker 1: a question for you guys, what the heck is up
Speaker 1: with the Silva sisters and loving international men so much?
Speaker 1: All right, we'd like to say it's in her blood.
Speaker 1: We've always traveled as kids. I didn't we traveled a
Speaker 1: lot growing up in London, Singapore, Xes, whereas your mind
Speaker 1: was Gary and our children's fathers are East European. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just I've seen the American guy.
Speaker 1: I loved it, and UM, I don't know, it's just
Speaker 1: reconnect with honestly, Yeah, you know, so Darcy, are we
Speaker 1: gonna are we gonna get to see a love interest
Speaker 1: on the show with your sister now or how's that
Speaker 1: gonna work? You guys get to meet Georgie. Um, you
Speaker 1: know he's Bulgarian, he's been in the US, so I
Speaker 1: kind of a little bit of both worlds, you know,
Speaker 1: I met him here and um, America's so guys look
Speaker 1: at to see a little bit more into that relationship.
Speaker 1: And I was over Tom and Jessee over the past.
Speaker 1: I was singing ready to mingle and I, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: not a hot Bullgaran guy. So was Darcy. What was
Speaker 1: it like dating after going on the show ninety Day Fiance?
Speaker 1: Because obviously we only get to see on what we
Speaker 1: see on the show, but we don't get to see
Speaker 1: much of the aftermath. So let's say, after your first
Speaker 1: day on Batch Night Day Fiance, what had kind of
Speaker 1: happened with like your just everyday dating life. I was
Speaker 1: excited to date again. I was single, ready to mingle.
Speaker 1: I mean, Connecticut don't really you know, date around so much.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm not sco to do the dating
Speaker 1: apps or even through Instagram. That's kind of Georgie slid
Speaker 1: in to my d M s and we met up
Speaker 1: in February around the super Bowl time, So that's kind
Speaker 1: of how we met. I can you know, quite a
Speaker 1: few guys are good looking guys, you know, pursue her,
Speaker 1: but at the end of it's what she wants and
Speaker 1: who she feels a connection. Yeah for me. For me,
Speaker 1: I've did a lot of healing and um in her
Speaker 1: work for myself, and I know what I want and
Speaker 1: deserve and now I get to choose. I feel when
Speaker 1: I lean back and let them come to me. I'm
Speaker 1: not thirsty darsty like everybody thinks dangle, darty. You know,
Speaker 1: have you guys ever have you guys ever liked the
Speaker 1: same guy? No? Never. I think we appreciate, you know,
Speaker 1: the guys that we did, you know separately. They're a
Speaker 1: good looking guys like never know since it's the same one,
Speaker 1: so be younger guys, you know, but but never the
Speaker 1: same guy. There's um there's twins that are part of
Speaker 1: the Batchel franchise, Emily and Haley, who were actually on
Speaker 1: the podcast last week and one time Bachelor in Paradise.
Speaker 1: They want on a date with guy. Emily went on
Speaker 1: a date with a guy and then halfway through the
Speaker 1: day Emily switched with Haley and they wanted to know
Speaker 1: if the guy could tell the difference, and if he could,
Speaker 1: that was big bonus points. And if you couldn't when
Speaker 1: it was over, Have you guys done anything like that?
Speaker 1: Actually know what we did? Actually do you do that? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'll have to refresh your memory. But we
Speaker 1: like when we said pillow talk. We had Florien on
Speaker 1: the phone and he's, yeah, well I'm when you finished,
Speaker 1: and that was Stacy, So I was like, hi, my love,
Speaker 1: Hey sexy. But he kind of right, He's like, oh, hey, Dorothy,
Speaker 1: I wasn't a good that's bonus points right there. If
Speaker 1: he's able to tell by the voice, that's incredible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that did happen. I forget about that. Yeah. What is
Speaker 1: it like for you guys now that you're dating Albanian
Speaker 1: and Bulgarian man's men, respectively. Are they in their countries
Speaker 1: during this thing that's going on? Or are they in
Speaker 1: America with you? Georgie has been based here for a while,
Speaker 1: and you know, drying to visit Bulgaria one day when
Speaker 1: you know, when I hopefully get a chip. I love
Speaker 1: traveling anyway, and my daughters are half Hungarian, so it'd
Speaker 1: be nice to go to Europe and do a little toy.
Speaker 1: I love that world. My sons are Serbian and been
Speaker 1: Albania numerous times, Greece, Turkey. I love that yeah vibe
Speaker 1: and um yeah, I mean I think you know they're
Speaker 1: the Eastern European men. Something about them, yeah, something about them.
Speaker 1: But it's nice tell us, tell us about them? What
Speaker 1: is it about them? You think that you like someone
Speaker 1: very family oriented and I don't know, you know, they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't your beautiful baby and you know, just really
Speaker 1: sweet and endearing and the time you can't, you know,
Speaker 1: you can't deny a good looking man. So right, they
Speaker 1: are very family oriented. I've I've only been to a
Speaker 1: few Eastern European countries, but I do remember hearing that
Speaker 1: like family is basically at the center of everything that
Speaker 1: they do. They you know, they stay home and they
Speaker 1: take of their family for as long as they can,
Speaker 1: on all those types of things. And you're saying that's
Speaker 1: what's important to is is obviously gotta have a family. Man.
Speaker 1: It's an amazing bond. And I've been there many times
Speaker 1: and the first and foremost it's nice to have a
Speaker 1: relationship with the guy that has, you know, roots of
Speaker 1: family values and stuff to you. So it's Darcy, I
Speaker 1: got a question for you. So we've seen you love
Speaker 1: and lose a few times, and our podcast obviously has
Speaker 1: helped I suck at dating. So a lot of the
Speaker 1: people that listen to this podcast have struggled through their
Speaker 1: journey for love as well. What advice would you have
Speaker 1: for a listener that's kind of been, you know, heartbroken
Speaker 1: or has gone through maybe a rough break up. What
Speaker 1: kind of advice would you have for them? Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't want to say, suck your seating, but you know
Speaker 1: I've had my fair fair tries at it. But you know,
Speaker 1: just stay stay strong within yourself, love yourself first and foremost,
Speaker 1: you know, hold yourself, hold yourself up higher, just know
Speaker 1: your worth. You know, That's what I had to do
Speaker 1: after Tom and Jesse, I walked away with my head
Speaker 1: held hid because I just felt like I deserved more,
Speaker 1: but I was letting that happen. So I had to
Speaker 1: become stronger with the knee and just you know, just
Speaker 1: let the past go, anything that was deep rooted. Just
Speaker 1: change some patterns in my life too. You know, Hey,
Speaker 1: it very very big heart and I'm very much of
Speaker 1: a yes person. So it's kind of good to kind
Speaker 1: of just start saying no sometimes and not give your
Speaker 1: power away. So it's just you know, learning how to um,
Speaker 1: you know who wants your power. I know you're still
Speaker 1: worth it and for yourself absolutely, and also you're forgetting
Speaker 1: a very very important piece of information. Be sure to
Speaker 1: check those Instagram d m s every once in a
Speaker 1: while because you never know what diamond might be waiting
Speaker 1: the yeah, yeah, I love it, I love it. And
Speaker 1: so okay, so we talked about your guys show that's
Speaker 1: coming out Sunday, August six on TLC. Right, tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit more about what we may be able
Speaker 1: to expect with with what we see on that season. Well,
Speaker 1: you guys are gonna see obviously a lot of trauma,
Speaker 1: some funny, the funny side of me. We're very comedic. Actually,
Speaker 1: you'll see that. You'll get to see our boss bitch
Speaker 1: side because you know we're bosses when we run house
Speaker 1: with eleven together, and our family dynamic she her two
Speaker 1: daughters are a part of it. Will be able to
Speaker 1: see Anko and Aspen growing up and getting to know
Speaker 1: them a little bit more and um seeing their dynamic
Speaker 1: as well. Our our dad who's from just came from China.
Speaker 1: Actually he's been here for you know, five months now.
Speaker 1: But um, you know, good to see kind of like
Speaker 1: why we are the way we are? Where are um
Speaker 1: kind of the patriarch her family and our mom we
Speaker 1: call her Nana. She's just kind of like she's a
Speaker 1: little funny and billy and stuff. So are we gonna
Speaker 1: get to see the love life unfold at all? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely the love life you see's journey with
Speaker 1: Floren and whatever kind of speculation with thanks and scandal
Speaker 1: and helpful, daring spiciness, you know, is it Isn't it
Speaker 1: kind of crappy to know exactly what happens and have
Speaker 1: these feelings towards certain things but not be able to
Speaker 1: share them with the world because the show hasn't aired yet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard enough to give me the spoiler. And but
Speaker 1: you know, you guys will watch it along with us,
Speaker 1: and you'll feel part of it that's worth waiting for.
Speaker 1: I feel so yeah, you definitely won't be disappointed. We're
Speaker 1: looking forward to it very much. So well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for Darcy and Stacy for joining us today.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. Once again, everybody check out their
Speaker 1: brand new show, appropriately titled Darcy and Stacy, which airs
Speaker 1: August six on TLC at ten pm, nine Central. Darcy Stacy,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. You guys are awesome. Thank guys,
Speaker 1: guys look forward to it. Thank you. We are going
Speaker 1: to answer a couple of emails, but before that, we
Speaker 1: are going to take one quick little break. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to help I suck at dating Darcy and Stacy. They
Speaker 1: were very sweet, energetic. I like their vibes a lot,
Speaker 1: so everbody make sure you guys tune into their show
Speaker 1: August sixteenth, once again on TLC ten pm, nine Central,
Speaker 1: and of course it's called Darcy and Stacy. We also
Speaker 1: have another What a Girl Wants, What a Girl Needs? Whatever?
Speaker 1: He all right, I'll stop doing that. We have a
Speaker 1: new No Problem Anytime What a Girl Wants podcast coming
Speaker 1: up on Thursday. Last week, it was hosted by Emily
Speaker 1: and Haley Ferguson. This week, we have two great hosts.
Speaker 1: We have the original Bachelorette, the o g Trista Sutter,
Speaker 1: who's hosting alongside Molly Mesnick now Jason Mesnick. Season of
Speaker 1: The Bachelorette just reaired. When they did, they're doing the
Speaker 1: Bachelor greatest of all time his season just theired. Of course,
Speaker 1: Molly is married to Jason. They have a couple of kids,
Speaker 1: they have a family together. And the interesting thing about
Speaker 1: Jason Mesnick and Molly Mesnick is that originally you guys
Speaker 1: probably know this, but Jason picked someone else, Melissa. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: he picked Melissa, and then after they got engaged in
Speaker 1: the show stopped filming, he had second thoughts and then
Speaker 1: ended up dumping Melissa, got back together with his number two,
Speaker 1: which was Molly, and then now they're married and and
Speaker 1: happily and love. So it all worked out. So it's
Speaker 1: gonna be a great podcast again. Drops this Thursday. What
Speaker 1: a Girl Wants. It's on the Help I Suck a
Speaker 1: dating feed, So it will be this podcast right now
Speaker 1: that you're listening to. Plus a new episode of What
Speaker 1: a Girl Wants. We're just giving you all the great
Speaker 1: content in the world once again, hosted by Trista Sutter
Speaker 1: and Molly Mesic. It's gonna be a great episode. We
Speaker 1: have great hosts, Trista and Molly. It's gonna be a
Speaker 1: good one. I'm loving this What a Girl Wants segment.
Speaker 1: Thing First, the Twins now we've got these two wonderful
Speaker 1: co hosts to jump in and share their story. It's great,
Speaker 1: uh for me specifically because I got to hear from
Speaker 1: people that I maybe I wouldn't normally get to hear from.
Speaker 1: So it's like nice to be able to check in.
Speaker 1: And it's funny but Jason thing where he as you mentioned,
Speaker 1: he chose someone and then decided to dump them and
Speaker 1: then choose the runner up because we saw that obviously
Speaker 1: just recently with Ari and his now life Lauren, who
Speaker 1: have a kid together. So it's almost like that's got
Speaker 1: more success than regular Bachelor's you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think sometimes uh, distance makes the heart grow fonder,
Speaker 1: and when you lose something, I forget, Like you know,
Speaker 1: there's that saying like the only way you truly know
Speaker 1: is to let it go, and I think there's something
Speaker 1: to be said about that. Like for me personally, I
Speaker 1: saw a glimpse of my life without Ashley, which made me,
Speaker 1: you know, really kick it. Gave me a kick in
Speaker 1: the ass and was like wake the hell up and
Speaker 1: and go after this person. I think even you, to
Speaker 1: a certain extent, yours a little bit more minuscule, but
Speaker 1: you obviously broke up with Kalin left Paradise and then
Speaker 1: in the days following were like, what the hell am
Speaker 1: I doing? I missed this girl? Went back and now
Speaker 1: you've been in a relationship for quite some time, a
Speaker 1: happy one. So I think there's you know, not every
Speaker 1: relationship is going to be perfect. I think the whole
Speaker 1: fairytale aspect of of of love is is a little overblown,
Speaker 1: which I think we we all think so and so
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's a little messy, and it's not
Speaker 1: the worst thing to get a glimpse of your life
Speaker 1: without someone and that will really tell if you want
Speaker 1: to be with them or if you want to move on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So this is the advice for anyone that might become
Speaker 1: the bachelor or bachelor at any point, you know, just
Speaker 1: try out your try at your your first place finisher
Speaker 1: for a while, and then if you don't like him,
Speaker 1: try out the second place finisher, uh, and see if
Speaker 1: that works out better for you. I mean, let's let's
Speaker 1: say this, or in Peter's case, just try out the
Speaker 1: fifth place finisher and then that might work out for
Speaker 1: you. You You got to test drive a car before you
Speaker 1: want to buy it. Wow, that is that's Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: got some misogynistic undertones to it. But I guess I
Speaker 1: didn't mean this for men. I'm talking about bachelorettes. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about bachelors. This is not a man or a woman.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I'm just giving your hearts there.
Speaker 1: I agree with you, though there is there is definitely
Speaker 1: some truth to the heart responder with distance sort of thing.
Speaker 1: But is there a badge? I mean, I guess it will.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't work for Hannah and Tyler because they're not together,
Speaker 1: even though it would be a good story if they were,
Speaker 1: but because they you know, she obviously went with Jed
Speaker 1: that didn't work out, and then her and Tyler were
Speaker 1: like hanging out. I think the reason that we see
Speaker 1: it work, the reason that we've seen it happened with
Speaker 1: bachelor's and not bachelorettes. And this is just my stupid,
Speaker 1: dumb opinion, is because men choose women based on different
Speaker 1: things than women choose their men based off of right
Speaker 1: Like men, you know, maybe a little bit more fueled
Speaker 1: by like desire and passion, and women are more more
Speaker 1: driven by like sense and fitting and and and connection
Speaker 1: and those types of things, And so men might go
Speaker 1: for the person that they find attractive for a short
Speaker 1: amount of time, but then realized later on that they
Speaker 1: actually wanted to be with the person that they had
Speaker 1: deeper connection with. Yeah. Women, women use the head with
Speaker 1: their brain in it, while guys sometimes use a different head.
Speaker 1: And it's not the smartest way to approach situations. No, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: clearly clear. But maybe eventually we'll go out of that,
Speaker 1: you know. And I also think just women are smarter,
Speaker 1: let's be honest. Like, Ashley is so much smarter than
Speaker 1: I am. She knows what she's doing, she knows what
Speaker 1: she wants to go after. You know what's interesting about
Speaker 1: bachelor and bachelorette too, Most bachelorettes have picked the person
Speaker 1: they've given their final roast their first impression rose to
Speaker 1: write like Rachel gave her first impression rose to Brian, right,
Speaker 1: and then they're happily married. Uh. You know, Caitlin gave
Speaker 1: hers to Sean. Obviously that didn't work out, but she
Speaker 1: ended up picking him Joe. Joe gave her first impression
Speaker 1: rose to Jordan's. So I think maybe at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, women just know what they want more
Speaker 1: than men. I think that's very accurate too, especially uh, well,
Speaker 1: especially let's let's say you become the bachelorette, right and
Speaker 1: you have the pick of the litter. Essentially, you have
Speaker 1: thirty men who are all super interested in dating you, uh,
Speaker 1: and women just have I think, maybe a better picker
Speaker 1: in them where they can narrow it down and pick
Speaker 1: the person's right for them. Let's let's recount pass bachelorettes.
Speaker 1: We had Hannah Brown, who obviously very famously foibled with
Speaker 1: with her final pick for reasons that were unknown to her.
Speaker 1: So I guess she kind of gets a pass on
Speaker 1: that one. You know, it's not really before that was
Speaker 1: Becca who chose her fiancee. I guess yep, which you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, who knows what's going on right now, but
Speaker 1: at the time, like you know, they've been together ever since.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they're still together. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the story is anyways, point is bachelorettes seem to
Speaker 1: have a better winning percentage than bachelor. Oh totally, Rachel
Speaker 1: still with Brian, Jojo still with Jordan's Uh, Trista still
Speaker 1: with Ryan um and so it's gonna be great to
Speaker 1: be able to hear Trista because she's the o g bachelorte.
Speaker 1: She was bachelor at number one, wasn't she? She is
Speaker 1: Bachelorette Numero uno my friend. Without Without her, we wouldn't
Speaker 1: be here if you think about it, She's like our
Speaker 1: great great great great great great great great great great
Speaker 1: great great grandmother. I mean, I wouldn't tell her that
Speaker 1: because she's probably gonna feel really old. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: get where you're I get what you're selling. But it's like,
Speaker 1: it's like if it's every generation is only a year old,
Speaker 1: so it's like in that sense, she's obviously still very young.
Speaker 1: But but no, you're right. She without Without Trista, you know,
Speaker 1: there is no Bachelorette's Season eleven for me, season for you. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: who knows what would happen. So anyway, listen to what
Speaker 1: a girl wants. That's what we're getting too. Yes, with
Speaker 1: Trista and Molly, it's coming out. I think on Thursday
Speaker 1: of this week. It's gonna be a staple that we
Speaker 1: have for uh, maybe like a month, maybe two months.
Speaker 1: The point is, we don't know how long it's gonna
Speaker 1: be around. But the more you guys listened to it,
Speaker 1: the longer toll be around. I think it's great. I
Speaker 1: want to keep doing it. I would. I think it's
Speaker 1: a fantastic perspective to achieve from the Help by Secondating podcast.
Speaker 1: So yeah, Thursday, Yeah, it's just good to get a
Speaker 1: female perspective, you know. Um, should we get to some emails? Absolutely? Mark,
Speaker 1: you want to read some. I mean, he's on the
Speaker 1: line just listening to us. Oh, thank you. That's so nice,
Speaker 1: and I was enjoying your nonsense. But here are your emails.
Speaker 1: This one's for Dean. My question is directed towards you.
Speaker 1: I know that you recently talked about your experiences within
Speaker 1: busil line. I'm wondering if or how that affected your
Speaker 1: self confidence in the dating world. I'm considering getting in Busilan,
Speaker 1: and I'm nervous about what it will do to my
Speaker 1: perceived self image. I'm typically very confident in social and
Speaker 1: meeting new people, but I'm not sure if I will
Speaker 1: maintain that while I have what I would perceive as
Speaker 1: this very pronounced physical flaw. How do you handle insecurities
Speaker 1: about your image when dating and meeting new people? Oh, Benjamin,
Speaker 1: great question because it's it's very personal, But then he
Speaker 1: broadens it at the end to apply to basically every
Speaker 1: single one, so I appreciate the inclusiveness of that. I
Speaker 1: will say, before I got my invisil line, I got
Speaker 1: in busilon in college. Uh, and I was always like
Speaker 1: a confident guy, similar to what it sounds like Benjamin is.
Speaker 1: But when I had mine visil line in, I almost
Speaker 1: became more confident because it kind of like blurred my
Speaker 1: teeth together. You know how sometimes you use like the
Speaker 1: blurred to it like blurs everything together. So the invisil
Speaker 1: line actually, even when I wore it, it it made my
Speaker 1: teeth look straight because it just looked like it was
Speaker 1: one solid strip of teeth. Kind of silly and stupid thing.
Speaker 1: I had rubber bands with mine visil line too, so
Speaker 1: it was kind of even more pronounced. And I would
Speaker 1: like wear them out to the bars with the rubber
Speaker 1: bands onto like, and they were like stupid, like fluorescently
Speaker 1: colored rubber bands. And I was like flirting with girls
Speaker 1: with invisil line rubber bands in my mouth while I
Speaker 1: was like drinking beer, which is just disgusting in hindsight. Um,
Speaker 1: but it was kind of just one of those things
Speaker 1: where it's like it is what it is. I got them,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear them and then after I finished my
Speaker 1: treatment the first time, the the the improvement that I
Speaker 1: saw like basically opened me up to a whole new
Speaker 1: level of confidence where I could like I would always
Speaker 1: like smile with my hand in front of my mouth
Speaker 1: and do you like subtle things to basically hide my
Speaker 1: crooked tooth. And after my first treatment of invisi line,
Speaker 1: it was like I was like insane. It was like
Speaker 1: I was like smiling. I was like I didn't care
Speaker 1: if anyone saw my teeth from any angle because I
Speaker 1: was like so proud of how they look. So even
Speaker 1: if it's like a year or two years of viziline treatment,
Speaker 1: just to get you to a point where you're like
Speaker 1: super happy with the way that your teeth are or
Speaker 1: at least more confident. Um, I think that it's definitely
Speaker 1: it's definitely worth doing. How long does the infose the
Speaker 1: line take. I think anywhere between the usually a year.
Speaker 1: I think mine took like eighteen months. A year and
Speaker 1: a half is also between a year and a year
Speaker 1: and a half. Ah, But yeah, it's crazy. So to
Speaker 1: Benjamin and to anyone that's thinking about doing something like that,
Speaker 1: I think it's definitely worth it. Uh. Two, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's kind of hard to say because it's like, while
Speaker 1: I'm I'm very pro like braces and and it's actually
Speaker 1: good for you to like, it's good for your bite,
Speaker 1: it's it's healthier, I guess if you think about it. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I should go for it. I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to think of, like on the flip side of it too.
Speaker 1: There's like there's like people out there that want to,
Speaker 1: you know, augment their bodies and all those types of things,
Speaker 1: and in those cases, I would says, I guess go
Speaker 1: for it as well. If it makes you feel more confident,
Speaker 1: if it makes you feel like you're happier in your skin,
Speaker 1: surely go for it. But but yeah, that's my that's
Speaker 1: my advice. So what would you think? What would your
Speaker 1: answer be to the last question, which is a little
Speaker 1: bit more broad, how do you handle insecurities about your
Speaker 1: image when dating and meeting new people just in general? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. I think we both can answer
Speaker 1: this one. Um, I'm gonna say it's hard not to
Speaker 1: like have your insecurities in the back of your head,
Speaker 1: especially when you're meeting new people. Uh, and it's if
Speaker 1: they're ever changing you know, like my insecurities about my
Speaker 1: image now are different than they were three years ago,
Speaker 1: five years ago, eight years ago. Um So, now that
Speaker 1: my teeth are straighter, I think I as I lived
Speaker 1: to last week on the podcast, they're not perfectly straight
Speaker 1: as I would have had wish that they could possibly be.
Speaker 1: Um So, now that that's kind of like an insecurity
Speaker 1: that I'm over. My insecurities rest in the fact that, like,
Speaker 1: I'm less in shape now than I've ever been, so
Speaker 1: I like, you know, I see photos of myself and
Speaker 1: I see like I've got like a fatter neck than
Speaker 1: I usually have, and I'm insecure about that. Or you know,
Speaker 1: my arms aren't as defined as they usually are, so
Speaker 1: I'm insecure about that. It's funny actually, cause I played
Speaker 1: awful lot with my buddies and I always wear long
Speaker 1: sleeve shirts and they're always like, why are you wearing
Speaker 1: a long sleeve shirt? It's a hundred five degrees today
Speaker 1: in the valley. I'm like, dude, I'm just like, you know,
Speaker 1: my arms they're just I'm just a little insecure about
Speaker 1: them right now. So everyone's got insecurities about these types
Speaker 1: of things. It's just a matter of like bypassing them
Speaker 1: and not like that stand in the way of meeting
Speaker 1: and introducing yourself to new people. Yeah, the way I
Speaker 1: try to overcome my insecurities is recognizing and realizing that
Speaker 1: everybody has insecurities. And so even with people that I'm meeting.
Speaker 1: You know, for example, Benjamin, if you're meeting a beautiful
Speaker 1: woman who you're just in awe of and you don't
Speaker 1: know how to approach them because you're nervous with either
Speaker 1: invisiligne or you're nervous about a different flaw that you
Speaker 1: feel like you might have, just always remember that that
Speaker 1: person has insecurities as well, and and and so try
Speaker 1: to remember that that nobody's perfect. And then also I always, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is going to really help
Speaker 1: any buddy, but this helps me is I always think
Speaker 1: I've said this on the podcast before, but I think
Speaker 1: back on high school presentations or college presentations where the
Speaker 1: person that went up there that was so nervous and
Speaker 1: projecting their insecurities because they were scared to speak in
Speaker 1: public and we're sweating and always um, always referencing how
Speaker 1: nervous they were. It always made their presentation way worse
Speaker 1: because they were like every five minutes they be like, sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm just so nervous, and it's like, okay, I get it,
Speaker 1: but like, come on, you can do this. You can
Speaker 1: do it right, compared to the other person who might
Speaker 1: not have as good of a presentation but just went
Speaker 1: up there and was like, screw it, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: you know, try to be as confident as possible, even
Speaker 1: if I'm faking it till I make it. Those I
Speaker 1: just remember those coming off so much better. So when
Speaker 1: a long story short is I try not to project
Speaker 1: my insecurities when meeting two people. I try to just
Speaker 1: like put it to the side for a little while,
Speaker 1: try to forget it's there, and just try to present
Speaker 1: the best version of myself in that moment. And then
Speaker 1: once that moments over, then I can go back to
Speaker 1: having my insecurities. But like in my head for some reason,
Speaker 1: I try to compartmentalize, and that has always helped me
Speaker 1: in the past, especially like being on TV on Bachelor Rette.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget the first night night one I was
Speaker 1: I was super nervous, I was fumbling over my words,
Speaker 1: and I could feel myself feeling so insecure because I
Speaker 1: was shorter than everybody, and I just felt like everybody
Speaker 1: was better looking to me and had better jobs and
Speaker 1: was more successful, and I was like, what the am
Speaker 1: I doing here? And then after night one, I remember
Speaker 1: having this moment with myself, thinking, if I let my
Speaker 1: insecurities get the best of me, I'm going home because
Speaker 1: I will be too nervous to talk to Caitlin. I'm
Speaker 1: going to be too nervous to uh present the best
Speaker 1: version of myself that I can UM. And so I
Speaker 1: like kind of consciously made a decision at that moment
Speaker 1: to be like, just put your insecurities to the side
Speaker 1: right now and just try to be as confident as
Speaker 1: possible quote unquote like fake it, you know, not not
Speaker 1: faking like feelings or anything like that, but just like
Speaker 1: try to like, you know, stand up a little bit
Speaker 1: straighter and really go after what I want and and
Speaker 1: forget about like how I'm insecure about my teeth or
Speaker 1: the fact that, like I have a patchy beard, or
Speaker 1: or the fact that like I'm I'm two inches shorter
Speaker 1: than everybody here. Um. And it really helped me. So
Speaker 1: take that with a grain of salt to build off
Speaker 1: that analogy to you said about a presentation in class.
Speaker 1: The one thing that I always told myself before giving
Speaker 1: a presentation in class was and this applies to the
Speaker 1: insecurity thing as well, is when other people are giving presentations,
Speaker 1: no one pays attention to what they're saying. So it's like,
Speaker 1: if you go up there and give a presentation, you
Speaker 1: just got to realize that no one really cares what
Speaker 1: you're saying, especially the students. Uh. And so that applies
Speaker 1: to insecurities and sense where it's like you might be insecure,
Speaker 1: like for you, like like last week, for instance, when
Speaker 1: I said my tooth is crooked, You're like, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: No one would ever notice that. It's like people don't
Speaker 1: notice your insecurities as much as you do. Um. And
Speaker 1: then on top of that too, Sorry this is we
Speaker 1: both have had long winded answers to this email. But
Speaker 1: one thing that I would recommend as well is like
Speaker 1: just be willing to confront the insecurities. So, like one
Speaker 1: of the biggest things is when I had the crooked tooth,
Speaker 1: I would always like try to hide it. I don't
Speaker 1: want anyone to see it. But if I could go
Speaker 1: back in time, I would be like, yeah, I've got
Speaker 1: a crooked too if it sucks and I want to
Speaker 1: fix it. But like, by by admitting to it and
Speaker 1: like and and talking about it, you kind of like
Speaker 1: take ownership of it. And and I think psychologically speaking,
Speaker 1: it kind of makes you less and secure about it
Speaker 1: because like you're so open about it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Right now, like I'm out of shape, I
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable with my arms being shown, and I
Speaker 1: play golf, but like I tell my friends about it
Speaker 1: and we like laugh about it all together, and I
Speaker 1: think that helps me be like more comfortable with it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, I think the moral
Speaker 1: of that story is you should start wearing short sleeves
Speaker 1: to golf. Embrace these Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see
Speaker 1: what you're saying. But it's like I do. I do
Speaker 1: sometimes like twenty percent of the time. Older short sleep. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I think I think those are both good answers. Hopefully
Speaker 1: the ups Benjaman out a little bit. Let's move on
Speaker 1: to the next one and final one. If Mark is
Speaker 1: willing to read this one from anonymous, always willing and
Speaker 1: delighted to do so. I have someone recently gotten myself
Speaker 1: into a bit of a situation and says anonymous. Over
Speaker 1: the past year, I've ended up sleeping with two of
Speaker 1: the guys in my friends group no strings attached, giving
Speaker 1: myself this reputation that any new guys that under the
Speaker 1: friend group could easily sleep with me, and in the end,
Speaker 1: I've ended up just really screwing myself unintended. There's this
Speaker 1: new guy that's recently started hanging out with us, and
Speaker 1: I'm super interested. He seemed to be interested too, were
Speaker 1: always super flirty. My issue is, I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: he just wants to sleep with me or actually wants
Speaker 1: to get to know me outside of the friend group.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm just wondering if there's any hope that
Speaker 1: this guy would ever date me, or have I destroyed
Speaker 1: my chances. I don't think you've destroyed your chances. I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: everybody has a past, everybody you know everybody, but you
Speaker 1: know majority of people that you meet have had sex
Speaker 1: before you've met them, So you just kind of have
Speaker 1: to accept it as it is. And within this friend group,
Speaker 1: like just I don't know, put yourself out there. There's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with you asking this guy out or letting
Speaker 1: him know that you like him more than a friend
Speaker 1: and and kind of letting him, letting him know your
Speaker 1: goals and expectations, and then see what happens. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess my advice for anonymous, which I wish this was
Speaker 1: a little bit more personally because it's not even that
Speaker 1: bad of an email. Um. But so, I've got a
Speaker 1: lot of friends. A lot of them are single, a
Speaker 1: lot of them are in relationships. A lot of them
Speaker 1: have slept with a lot of people. A lot of
Speaker 1: them have slept with not very many people at all.
Speaker 1: And I think that the ones that are in relationships,
Speaker 1: it's funny because quite a few of them are actually
Speaker 1: in relationships with other friends from the friend group as well.
Speaker 1: And like I said, a lot of them have slept
Speaker 1: with a lot of people, a lot of them haven't
Speaker 1: slept with a lot of people. And the ones that
Speaker 1: has left with a lot of people even in the
Speaker 1: friend group, have just been open and honest about that.
Speaker 1: And I think in this case an anonymous anonymous is case. Um,
Speaker 1: just because you've hooked up with a couple of the
Speaker 1: people in the friend group, doesn't mean that you have
Speaker 1: blown your chance with this guy that you might have
Speaker 1: a crush on. If anything sounds like it's actually got
Speaker 1: a pretty good prospect because you guys are flirty with
Speaker 1: each other. You guys, it seems like you have a
Speaker 1: good connection and and he's interested, and you haven't slept
Speaker 1: together yet. So it's like, if he's willing to put
Speaker 1: in all this legwork and you know, flirt with you
Speaker 1: and is willing to connect with you on a deeper
Speaker 1: level without just immediately trying to like sleep with you,
Speaker 1: it sounds like to me that's a good sign. Because
Speaker 1: while you might think you have a reputation for being
Speaker 1: easy to get with, which you know is debatable, I
Speaker 1: don't know if that's necessarily true or not. This might
Speaker 1: be dating back to Benjamin's you know insecurity that you
Speaker 1: might have Just because you might think you have that
Speaker 1: reputation in the friend group doesn't necessarily mean um, that
Speaker 1: you do or that you will leap with anyone that
Speaker 1: enters the friend group. So it sounds like he's willing
Speaker 1: to take the time to connect with you and understand
Speaker 1: you a little bit more rather than just going straight
Speaker 1: forward the goal that you perceive, which is sex. So um,
Speaker 1: keep building the connection, maybe take some time to sleep
Speaker 1: with him, because it could be one of those things
Speaker 1: where as it happens to all of us, where you
Speaker 1: think it's something more than it is and you're super
Speaker 1: passionate and you dive right into the sheets too quickly,
Speaker 1: and then you realize after the fact that maybe it
Speaker 1: wasn't as much as it was. And then at that point,
Speaker 1: you've slept with three people in the friend group, and
Speaker 1: then later on you might meet someone else that I'm
Speaker 1: just a friend group, and this number goes from two
Speaker 1: to three, and you might be even more insecure and
Speaker 1: uncomfortable about the situation. So just be sure about this
Speaker 1: one before you dive in. Uh, that's my that's my
Speaker 1: advice at least. Yeah, I totally agree. I wouldn't slap
Speaker 1: with this guy. I would let this guy know that
Speaker 1: you have feelings from me, you want to get to
Speaker 1: know him on a more emotional level. And then what
Speaker 1: I would suggest is not only letting this guy know
Speaker 1: you have feelings and letting this guy know that you
Speaker 1: want to pursue a relationship hip with him, not just physical,
Speaker 1: but emotional. I would also let this guy know that
Speaker 1: you've here's the question. I think that it's not the
Speaker 1: worst idea for her to tell him if things progress
Speaker 1: that she has been intimate with the other two guys
Speaker 1: in the friend group, because I feel like it would
Speaker 1: be worse if he hears it from the friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts, because if they're all friends, words
Speaker 1: probably gonna get around. I agree, I wouldn't be surprised
Speaker 1: that this guy already knew, depending on how close he
Speaker 1: is with the other friends though, because guys obviously like
Speaker 1: to talk. They like to kind of like brag, you know,
Speaker 1: as as dumb as it might be, and so I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be surprised if he already knows, uh and so,
Speaker 1: but you're right, I do think that he should know
Speaker 1: from her, So hopefully she can say something and be like, hey, look,
Speaker 1: I'm interested, But I think that you should just know this.
Speaker 1: And it's it's also variable to like, it really depends on,
Speaker 1: you know, how close to friends he is with those guys,
Speaker 1: how close it friends she is, how uh frequent they're
Speaker 1: going to be involved in the friend group with each
Speaker 1: other there, Because it's not like before you express interest
Speaker 1: in someone, you should be like, oh, by the way,
Speaker 1: I slept with this person, this person, and this person,
Speaker 1: especially if they're not like super super close, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I do think it's important to
Speaker 1: tell him, But it really depends on how good of
Speaker 1: friends everyone really is, I think. And there are times
Speaker 1: too where it's like all of friends who like, let's say,
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend who has slept with a couple of
Speaker 1: friends in the friend group, Um, and where was I
Speaker 1: going with this who slept with a couple of friends
Speaker 1: in the friend group, and like she becomes insecure about that,
Speaker 1: but then she likes someone else. There's never like this
Speaker 1: weird friction where it's like, oh I slept, like you know,
Speaker 1: I'm speaking for a friend here, like, oh I slept
Speaker 1: with her, so now I'm gonna like act all holyy
Speaker 1: toity around some other guy that she might be interested in.
Speaker 1: It's always usually pretty pretty amicable and pretty friendly, so
Speaker 1: hopefully that's the case for Anonymous. Hopefully it works out
Speaker 1: in her favor. But good luck, Anonymous, good luck, We're
Speaker 1: here for you. Let us know how it goes. I'm curious.
Speaker 1: I feel good about that one, all right, that I'll
Speaker 1: do it this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: But that's just episode one, because, like we said, Molly
Speaker 1: and Tristo will be hosting What a Girl Wants which
Speaker 1: is dropping on Thursday under the help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating umbrella. So log in to your Spotify account, to
Speaker 1: the iHeart Radio app, the Apple podcast app, wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcast. Log in on Thursday, maybe Friday, uh
Speaker 1: before the end of the week to listen to that
Speaker 1: episode with Molly in triest that you're not gonna want
Speaker 1: to miss it. It's got to be before the end
Speaker 1: of the week. Jared don't want for Friday at midnight.
Speaker 1: I swear to god, it suck Army if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to that podcast Friday at twelve pm Dean and
Speaker 1: I or twelve am Dean and I are going to
Speaker 1: do nothing and listen. You think I'm joking. I think
Speaker 1: I'm joking. I'm gonna be checking the numbers, and Jared
Speaker 1: is absolutely right. If the numbers aren't where I want
Speaker 1: them to be, I'm going to do absolutely nothing about it.
Speaker 1: But you should still tune in because it's gonna be great.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great to hear from some of the
Speaker 1: O G s, so be sure to check that out.
Speaker 1: And of course, of course, as we teased at the
Speaker 1: top of this episode, do not forget to get your
Speaker 1: tickets to our live show next week on August eighteen,
Speaker 1: which is a Tuesday, Singles Awareness Day. Uh, so come
Speaker 1: spend I'm sorry, Couples Awareness Day. So come spend Couples
Speaker 1: Awareness Day alone with us. Help I Second Dating tickets
Speaker 1: or ten dollars, or you can spend thirty dollars to
Speaker 1: get the ticket plus a beanie. Um and honestly like
Speaker 1: a twenty dollar beanie. That that's a pretty gosh darn
Speaker 1: good deal. It's a great deal. It's a great deal.
Speaker 1: You can't and even if you're in a relationship, you
Speaker 1: tag along, come on bye, ask us questions about uh,
Speaker 1: you know, dating questions you have about a relationship that
Speaker 1: you're in, or like Dean said, if you're single and
Speaker 1: you have questions about how to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Do I want to be in a relationship? Does he
Speaker 1: like me? Does she like me? So on and so forth,
Speaker 1: This would be a good This would be a good
Speaker 1: subtle flex. Let's let's say you're dating someone and they're like,
Speaker 1: you know, they've been annoying you a little bit lately.
Speaker 1: Be like, hey, I got us tickets for this live show.
Speaker 1: Help I second dating, And they're gonna be like, whoa
Speaker 1: why would I need to listen to an episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Second Dating? And that's like they're like low
Speaker 1: key way of being, like you need to get better
Speaker 1: at dating, you know what I mean. There's no low
Speaker 1: key or or subtleness. A lot of that is like
Speaker 1: a full on flex of like you need to get
Speaker 1: your ass and gear and get better at dating and
Speaker 1: listen to these two schmucks talk about relationships. So be
Speaker 1: sure to go to high said dot tixer dot com.
Speaker 1: That's h I s A D dot t i x
Speaker 1: R dot com. Once again, a huge congratulations to Vanessa
Speaker 1: grin laal d on getting engaged. Super excited for her.
Speaker 1: H She's just amazing and beautiful and incredible human being
Speaker 1: and we're so so happy for her. Uh and I
Speaker 1: think that is it. So make sure you guys tune
Speaker 1: into What a Girl Wants later this week, and then
Speaker 1: of course we'll talk to you next week where hopefully
Speaker 1: we all suck just a little less. Follow Help by
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast