1 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to a another new episode 2 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: of Couch Talks. My name is Kat And if you 3 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: are new and you are like, what is couch Talks? 4 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,319 Speaker 1: I thought this was You Need Therapy. Catch Talks is 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: the bonus episode that comes out every single Wednesday where 6 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: I answer questions that you guys email into me at 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 1: Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And as 8 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: always a little disclaimer that this podcast is not therapy. 9 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 1: This is just time where a therapist is talking about 10 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: things that you guys might want to hear. And actually 11 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: I always sit in my car before I go to 12 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: work or after. Usually it's before I go into my 13 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: office and talk about the podcast and the episodes on Monday, 14 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: and sometimes I just ramble about anything. And I think 15 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: it was yesterday, which was Monday. Houston, who edits this podcast, 16 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: Thank you Houston. Shout out to Houston. Message being was like, 17 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: you should do a bonus bonus episode of the podcast 18 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 1: called car talks um where you sit in your car 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: and just record yourself on Instagram. And you know what, 20 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start doing it, not regularly, just wonder I 21 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 1: feel like it because I don't need any extra pressure 22 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,320 Speaker 1: for content to be put out in the world. But 23 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: stay tuned for the bonus bonus episode. If you don't 24 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: follow me speaking of on Instagram and you're like, oh 25 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: my gosh, I just have to be a part of 26 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 1: car Talks, you can follow me on Instagram at at 27 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: cat dot defata And while you're at it, you can 28 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: follow the podcast Instagram at you Need Therapy podcast and 29 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: speaking of, Before we get into the questions, I just 30 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: wanted to ask for a little favor for y'all and 31 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: if you have not yet rated the podcast, I would deeply, 32 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: deeply appreciate you doing this. Um, if you go to 33 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts and score to the bottom and rate it, 34 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 1: hopefully you would want to give us five stars. But 35 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: I'm also open to feedback. And if you also feel 36 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: like you have an extra thirty seconds, if you wanted 37 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: to write a comment and and let me know and 38 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: let people know what you love about this podcast, please 39 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 1: go for it. I would so appreciate that. That That means 40 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,839 Speaker 1: a lot to us over here. It is a big 41 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: deal for us. And then if you guys do have 42 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: feedback that's more on the constructive side. I also want 43 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: to hear that I don't want to just hear you 44 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: guys praising me. I also want to make sure that 45 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: this podcast is evolving and becoming what you guys need 46 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,239 Speaker 1: over time. You can always email me feedback as well 47 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 1: at Catherine at You Need Therapy Podcast. So I just 48 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: appreciate hearing from you guys, because I don't see you guys, 49 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: and I don't get to talk to you, but sometimes 50 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: feels like I'm talking to you, but I don't get 51 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 1: to hear back, so that it would just be nice 52 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: and fun and I would appreciate it. Now let's get 53 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: into today's questions. We got to like normal and also 54 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: like normal, we're going to keep him anonymous, and let's 55 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: jump into it. So the first question is, recently, I 56 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: had something to happen in my life that I'm not 57 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: sure how many other people can relate to, but it 58 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: has brought up some interesting emotions. My mom's biological father 59 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: did not raise her. They had met before, but it 60 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: had been twenty five years ago and I'm twenty three. 61 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: I'd never met the man and really hadn't thought about 62 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: him much at all until he unexpectedly died a few 63 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: weeks ago. Though I probably would never have met him. 64 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: If you live many more years. It was very strange 65 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: to realize I will now never have that opportunity. This 66 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: really consumed my thoughts for a couple of weeks, and 67 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: I just sort of wondered about some healthy ways to 68 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: grieve something you've never had, or grieve an opportunity you 69 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: will never have. Okay, So I want to start off saying, 70 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: I bet a lot more people can relate to this 71 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 1: than you think, even if it's a little different context. 72 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 1: I think a lot of us have probably had an 73 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: experience where we have had the opportunity, maybe we didn't 74 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: take it to grieve something like as something that we 75 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 1: never had and grieve something that will never be happens 76 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: more often than you think. So I do appreciate this 77 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: question because it's probably gonna be very helpful to a 78 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: lot of people to want to hear some feedback and 79 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: also just know they're not alone. And I will say, 80 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: you're probably grieving more things than you even realize. This 81 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: is one of those things where it's like, well, I've 82 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: never met him, so I shouldn't care, or nothing that's 83 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 1: different in my life. It hasn't changed anything or it's 84 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: always been this way, so it's not the big of 85 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: a deal, and it shouldn't be that big of a deal. 86 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: It's like one of those kind of things where we 87 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 1: come up with all these thoughts in our heads that 88 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: kind of push us away from leaning into some grief. 89 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: And I do like that you're definitely grabbing onto the 90 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: idea that you are grieving, not the relationship that you had, 91 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 1: but the relationship that you will never have the opportunity have. Now. 92 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: It's complex, and it's really easier to push these kinds 93 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: of things aside, but I feel it's important to pay 94 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: attention to these things because it may bring up other 95 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: stuff that is completely unrelated. But the feelings are similar, 96 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 1: so like the emotions that you're sitting in are similar. 97 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,840 Speaker 1: And what we do a lot of times is we 98 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: attach like experiences to emotions, so the next time we 99 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 1: have an emotion, it pulls up that experience. And if 100 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: we learn to just brush things off because for example, 101 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 1: I've never known any different one of those things that 102 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:08,920 Speaker 1: we make up it should be that big of a deal, 103 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: then that can create patterns of using the same framework 104 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,479 Speaker 1: in different areas of your life when you have the 105 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: same feelings, so you might not be distraught and you 106 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: might not spend hours crying over this hysterically. It may 107 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 1: be a different kind of grief that comes up in 108 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: the form of questions or what ifs, or random scenarios 109 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: make up in your head. And my encouragement you ask 110 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,919 Speaker 1: for some healthy ways to grieve this stuff. My encouragement 111 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: to you is pay attention to it, that's really it, 112 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: and and write things down and when you have the 113 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:40,599 Speaker 1: opportunity speak talk about these things with healthy people. And 114 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: I think there's power and getting stuff out of our 115 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: head and into words and onto paper and conversations. This 116 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: is more about just acknowledgement of feelings than any radical change. 117 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 1: You know. There's the whole stages of grief. Some of 118 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: us are familiar with that, some of us aren't. I 119 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: will say the stages of grief were developed to help 120 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: people learn how to process their income to terms with 121 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 1: their own death, but it's been kind of like used 122 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: in all kinds of grief areas. And they added a 123 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: stage of grief that I think is one of the 124 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: most important. And I don't actually think you can, you know, 125 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: order them as an importance, but this one is very 126 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: important to me. And it's the meaning making stage. So 127 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: we are meaning making people and we do it all 128 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,679 Speaker 1: the time, and a lot of times our meaning making 129 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: ends up being like harmful or hurtful or unkind. But 130 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: I think in any area of our life where we're 131 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: feeling some grief, it is really important and very helpful 132 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: and very healing too, when the time feels right to 133 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: create some meaning out of whatever we're grieving. And it 134 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: can be anything, and like I said, doesn't have to 135 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: be radical meaning. It could be anything. There can be 136 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 1: any kind of purpose and it's not silver lining it, 137 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: it's creating meaning. Those are different things, and so that 138 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: might be something that you process of, Okay, what is 139 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: the meaning that I'm going to grab from this? What 140 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: am I going to take from this? And that's a 141 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: really great way to find some healing in our grief. 142 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: So not big, crazy thing, but really simple things that 143 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: I think sometimes we overlook because they're so simple. Is 144 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: pay attention to it, write it down, speak it, process it, 145 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: just really be in it until it doesn't consume you anymore. 146 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: So thank you for that question. Now, second question, I'm 147 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: somebody who is extremely empathetic. I work with at risk 148 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: youth and their families, so usually I'm good at leaving 149 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: work at work and drawing lines to maintain a healthy balance. However, 150 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: as stress in my personal life has increased, I can 151 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: feel my empathy starting to overwhelm me between things with 152 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: my friends, family, and work. It's really starting to weigh 153 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: down on me. What has helped you combat that throughout 154 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: your life and career? Okay? Also so good, which I 155 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: say this to all the questions, but so good. I 156 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: actually get this kind of question all the time from 157 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,679 Speaker 1: so many different people, whether it's my friends, family, whether 158 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: it's just people I meet that ask what I do. 159 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: There's always that essence of I don't know how you 160 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: do your job or how do you not take on 161 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: so many people's emotions, or how do you have boundaries 162 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: and not just want to like save everybody? And gosh, 163 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: I can't imagine what you do, And like, I get 164 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 1: the sentiment behind that, and I don't think people are 165 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: being trying to be rude or anything when they say that. 166 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: At the same time, that can be very overwhelming because 167 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: I don't see my job as a burden, And to 168 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: be quite honest, for me, it's really not that hard 169 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: to combat this idea of like letting your empathy take 170 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: over you. Usually I will say the beginning of my career, 171 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: when I first started, and then this past year has 172 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: been the most challenging because well, this past year, it's 173 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: kind of obvious things mental health is just you know, 174 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: declined dramatically. Before I get into anything, I will say 175 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: what helped me in the beginning of my career is 176 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: I started going to alan On meetings, which are meetings 177 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: for friends and family members of people who struggle with addiction. 178 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: And I wasn't experiencing that in my life at that time, 179 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 1: but I was working with a lot of people who 180 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: would identify as addicts, and I had to learn some 181 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: boundaries and learned that my job is not to save 182 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: people and all that, and so just being in those 183 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: rooms and hearing the themes of those conversations was very helpful. 184 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: And those places are very welcoming. So that might be 185 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: something you want to try out now. I don't like 186 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: to say or think that I'm jaded or immune to 187 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 1: hearing trauma and people's stories, but I have, I think, 188 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: over the years, developed a degree of armor to protect 189 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 1: myself from feeling responsible for other people and fixing their issues. 190 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 1: I don't feel like, oh my gosh, I've heard it 191 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: all so like I don't ever have feelings when I 192 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 1: hear things, I still have feelings. I kind of had 193 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: a decision where I could like look at the world 194 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: and been like, Wow, this world is so extremely messed 195 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: up because of all of the horrible things I hear. 196 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: I definitely could have gone down that road. I get 197 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: the very icky saturated part of the world, and I 198 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: think that there's so much goodness in the world too, 199 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: and I have to remind myself of that. And so 200 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: that's one of the things that I do is because 201 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 1: I am surrounded by a lot of the ick of 202 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: the world, I have to also make sure that I 203 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: find myself in places where there's a lot of joy 204 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: and celebration as well, because if that's all I see, 205 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: then I'm going to become jaded and just like resent 206 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: full of the world. And just you know, I don't 207 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: want to have that kind of outlook on the world 208 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 1: at all. And I also want to be able to 209 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: show up and be with people in their pain. So 210 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: all that to say, I still get frustrated and I 211 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 1: get really sad sometimes and I'm actually if my clients 212 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 1: are listening to this, I'm known to shed some tears 213 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 1: and sessions with clients. From time to time, I'm not 214 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 1: feeling for them, I'm feeling with them in those moments, 215 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: and so I allow myself to show up and be 216 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 1: very present professionally and also outside of my job. I 217 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: have to make sure that I am showing up and 218 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: getting to see the goodness of the world. To the 219 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: other thing is I'm a seven on the asiagram, So 220 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: this again hasn't been the hardest battle of my career 221 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: of like to take on people's emotions. The hardest battle 222 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: being seven is really allowing people to be sad and 223 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: not trying to fix them. So my m O is 224 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,559 Speaker 1: to avoid pain and feelings. And I'm a very optimistic 225 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: person and that is super helpful sometimes, especially when it 226 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: comes on to taking other people's pain, because I'm great 227 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,719 Speaker 1: at not doing that in one sense and when I'm 228 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: really unhealthy of disavoiding. But I have had to develop 229 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: practices to keep my ability to sit with them and 230 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: be with them and their stuff consistent and not just 231 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: turn into that easy, unhealthy avoidance where I just tried 232 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 1: to like tie everything up with a bout. So I 233 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: think where I really struggled in the like middle of 234 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 1: my career is once I got over the initial like 235 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to save everybody, it's not to put my 236 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: feelings of discomfort of emotions onto other people so they 237 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: have a space to move through it all. And he 238 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 1: all of this to say, this might not be what 239 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,199 Speaker 1: you need, but I am offering my experience and how 240 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 1: kind of I've moved through this. And I know when 241 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: I get stressed, I also like to control more. And 242 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: when I can't control things, I get more stressed, and 243 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,959 Speaker 1: then the cycle continues. Going back to the Instagram. When 244 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 1: I'm in stress, I moved to the low side of 245 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: a one. And so that's the perfectionist and that part 246 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: kicks in my work here is to learn more about 247 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,959 Speaker 1: not being in control, but more about not being in control, 248 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: on allowing people the space and allowing that to be okay, 249 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: for people to have their experiences and for me to 250 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: have mind separately, and we are not attached in that. 251 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: I think that often my super empathetic part comes on louder, 252 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: and this is an attempt to get me to pay 253 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: more attention to that side of me that thinks that 254 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: if I can control those experiences, I will feel better 255 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: and they will feel better. And everything will be better, 256 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 1: but that just doesn't work well. So a lot of 257 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: what I have to do to cope with this is 258 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 1: simple self care, you know. And after my most recent 259 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: panic attack I had, I actually finally started consistently journaling 260 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: every night, and this has helped me for so many reasons, 261 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: and one of them is it is just nice to 262 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: have somewhere to dump my stuff and it's not just 263 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: all brewing and moving inside of me, because I mean, 264 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: I have to write notes and keep notes and be 265 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: organized in my job and get it out that way, 266 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 1: but that's a very clinical, professional thing, and this is 267 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: where I just get to write whatever the heck I 268 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: want and just get it out without sounding right or prettier, 269 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: good or what. I also am very adamant and moving 270 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: my body consistently, but moving my body in a way 271 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: that I actually enjoy and think it's fun. So this 272 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: helps me move some of the junk I carry around 273 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 1: and get it out and I actually envision what things 274 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: I want to release before I do this, And that's 275 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: why intentionality is key for me when it comes to movement. 276 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 1: If I notice myself worrying about calories or anything like that, um, 277 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: when I'm about to go work out or take a 278 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,199 Speaker 1: class or do something, I really have to check myself 279 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: because you will get out of or not get out of, 280 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 1: what you put in or what you don't put into 281 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: a movement practice. And I moved to be kind to 282 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: my body and to take care of my health physical health, 283 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: but I also do it for my mental health. That's 284 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: one of the probably biggest reasons. And that's also why 285 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: I picked the type of exercise and movement I pick. 286 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: So the journal has been a big thing. Moving my 287 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: body with intentionality and moving my body with an idea 288 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 1: of letting go of something has been really helpful. And 289 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: then the last thing is making it obvious to take 290 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: time for myself, making it a big deal to take 291 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 1: time for myself. Often there are days when I just 292 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: don't have it in me to be social or to 293 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: hear anybody else talk after work, like I just don't, 294 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 1: And I had to learn to let that be okay. 295 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: And I had to really practice saying no and learn 296 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: that no is not mean and no's not unkind. And 297 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: this is really hard. But the option here for me 298 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: was engaged in something I don't want to do and 299 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: then feel resentful and then more overwhelmed and then sit 300 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: with that discomfort, or sit with a little discomfort about 301 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: setting a boundary, and then get to actually enjoy my 302 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: time and allow my own needs to be met, and 303 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: then I don't feel overwhelmed and I can create some 304 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: joy there. I honestly think that last one is the 305 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: most important. As someone who gets way down by other stuff, 306 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: which I hear in this question, you need time to 307 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: recharge and reset, and time to just experience yourself as 308 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: a priority and where you're not in charge of in 309 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,320 Speaker 1: any capacity, study of maintaining other people and their feelings 310 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: and their health and their safety. So these are all 311 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 1: again I hear myself saying this over and over. A 312 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: lot of this stuff I talk to you guys about. 313 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 1: It is not radical, it's not crazy. It's not these 314 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: big like oh my gosh, that's changed my life in 315 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: this huge firecracker way. But these things can change your 316 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: life in a very subtle, suite, still good way. And 317 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: I always say, especially and when I'm teaching cycling classes, 318 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: when we're doing these like little little movements that aren't 319 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: these like big like oh my gosh, like big beat 320 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: drops are big exciting whatever. I'm like, it's the little 321 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: things that end up really making the changes. It's staying 322 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: in these little things where it's not the drama around it. 323 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: You have to be more diligent. It's the little things 324 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: that become the big things. And I so believe that. 325 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 1: So if you can just create a practice of having 326 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: these little things, they don't have to be the same 327 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: little things that I am doing, but these little things 328 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: that are consistent for you, it could make a really 329 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: big difference in just how you cope with all of 330 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: the stuff that comes at you, because I assume you 331 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: have a lot of stuff coming at you. So here's 332 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 1: my long winded answer to that second question. Thank you 333 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: guys for being here today and tuning in and listening, 334 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: tuning in as if we're on a radio. Our streaming 335 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: services like radios, they're not. I think it's time for 336 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: me to go. UM. Thank you guys for being here UM, 337 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: and again follow us at you Need Every Podcast and 338 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: me at cat dot de Fata, and if you feel 339 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 1: so compelled, send us a review. We would love that. 340 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: And I will talk to you guys again on Monday.