Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want
Speaker 2: to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim
Speaker 2: and give us time and date, Turmanol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off inside.
Speaker 2: We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 2: about every.
Speaker 1: Scared he was it fine? Malborn. Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Damn ride? Do you need.
Speaker 3: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 3: This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks, this is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 4: Turning down strategically turning down the air conditioning. We've driven
Speaker 4: for a while and really cooled the car down.
Speaker 1: Guys. It is a hot one today.
Speaker 4: It is a scorcher in the city and has been
Speaker 4: for two weeks.
Speaker 1: Quite sometime.
Speaker 5: It's really summer, summer, summer time time for traffic.
Speaker 3: Right now we're driving in it.
Speaker 1: Back to you, Karen, uh, thank you, Chris.
Speaker 6: Oh you dumb female person on a radio show.
Speaker 3: She always says.
Speaker 4: Thank you anyways, sports Sorry, I've always kind of wanted
Speaker 4: to be a radio guy or make fun of them.
Speaker 5: You were like a morning Zoo guy there where you
Speaker 5: were sexist to me right and talked over like, I know,
Speaker 5: even out of dance exactly.
Speaker 1: That's what I was saying.
Speaker 3: You were going to say, sorry, Karen, everything you were
Speaker 3: going to say? What were you going to say?
Speaker 7: By the way, Oh, I was just going to say,
Speaker 7: I mean right right right right right right right right right, Well, anyway,
Speaker 7: we're giving away tickets to the Jambrie Band Explosion, John
Speaker 7: Spencer's Explosion coming at you.
Speaker 4: I had something like that the other night, Karen, Can
Speaker 4: I say something embarrassing about you real quick?
Speaker 3: I don't like, I really don't wait. One time I
Speaker 3: wanted to do though.
Speaker 5: I was listening to one of the one of the
Speaker 5: stations in Los Angeles and the dj a knew Adele
Speaker 5: hit had come out. It was off of her second
Speaker 5: album and it was the I think it was sen
Speaker 5: send my love to your new lover.
Speaker 3: Even though she was eighteen or something when she when
Speaker 3: she a child, when she.
Speaker 5: Uh, well, she was twenty one when she her first
Speaker 5: k album came out.
Speaker 3: What's called that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was.
Speaker 5: Twenty three, but the DJ was breaking down the lyrics
Speaker 5: of some adel song. I think it was semi love
Speaker 5: but I can't remember, and basically just.
Speaker 1: Being like can you believe this? And then there was
Speaker 1: like a.
Speaker 5: Female coat like sidekick that was like I know, she's
Speaker 5: it's crazy.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh so it's all his faults.
Speaker 5: And it was this weird like it was the weirdest,
Speaker 5: the most defensive, where it's like, dude, it's a song
Speaker 5: like you hear dumb bullshit songs all day, why is
Speaker 5: this one under your skin?
Speaker 3: Just because probably, like us, they're just clawing for content.
Speaker 4: Clearly it's either that or now back to the Lama farm.
Speaker 3: We're at the fair all week.
Speaker 1: Corn Dougs, rices have you gone to the ferr yet
Speaker 1: this summer?
Speaker 3: I haven't been to a fair.
Speaker 4: I've been wanting to go to a fair for two
Speaker 4: decades and I haven't been.
Speaker 3: You just want to smell the horse, hey you?
Speaker 5: I would love to go to the fair. There's one
Speaker 5: in Pomona. There's like the you know, Los Angeles County Fair.
Speaker 4: I guess, right, I guess I'm the one that's in
Speaker 4: Orange County, which I think is the OC Fair.
Speaker 3: Of course it is. I guess I went to that
Speaker 3: ten years ago.
Speaker 5: Oh so that's a decade. That's a long time, Chris, Chris,
Speaker 5: that's a long time.
Speaker 4: Hey, who's paying attention to time?
Speaker 3: We're on the air. By the way, it's six h three.
Speaker 3: I guess I'm time right now. Be quiet. Care I
Speaker 3: can't okay, I'm gonna stop being that character.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, because I'm really mad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's actually probably on some level, I'm hurting your feeling.
Speaker 1: I am live it. No, I get the bit.
Speaker 5: There's something about trying to act like a morning DJ.
Speaker 5: And maybe it's just because the women don't ever talk.
Speaker 5: Is I just couldn't think of one fun thing to
Speaker 5: say along with you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like they women on radio shows, morning radio shows,
Speaker 4: because you have to. I still do terrestrial morning radio
Speaker 4: shows to comedy, right, And it's always seems like they're
Speaker 4: in a position where they're just tagging jokes or giving
Speaker 4: actual information, and then the main guy is a guy
Speaker 4: that kind of either wished he was a comedian or
Speaker 4: did it for a little while, or has animosity towards comedy.
Speaker 3: Usually they have some I could have done.
Speaker 4: This, but I had this's broadcast quality voice, and so
Speaker 4: they they kind of mess with you and call you
Speaker 4: out for doing jokes, even though they want you to
Speaker 4: do your jokes. It's never a good Sometimes it's a
Speaker 4: good time, but not that. And I usually feel bad
Speaker 4: for the females that i'd kick because they're yeah.
Speaker 5: Well also I think they're around, they're they're they're they're
Speaker 5: being used for their gender, but they don't get to
Speaker 5: express themselves. They're there to agree, which I think is
Speaker 5: a bummer.
Speaker 1: Not always. I mean, there's there's some cool ones in there.
Speaker 4: And have a radio show, and you guys don't do that.
Speaker 4: We're of course not talking to you.
Speaker 5: I'm only thinking of stuff that happened in nineteen ninety one.
Speaker 1: Ever, if you are.
Speaker 4: On the radio in one, we are talking about your Yeah,
Speaker 4: this is about you personally.
Speaker 5: Have you Now, let's be positive about the radio. Have
Speaker 5: you ever listened to Jonesy's jukebox?
Speaker 3: I loved it.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 3: Because he did not follow the rules.
Speaker 4: He would have long pregnant pauses, would just exhale and
Speaker 4: stop talking, and you adjust your dial. I have a
Speaker 4: dial in eighty one escort just your digital buttons and
Speaker 4: he and then he just start talking again. It's like, oh,
Speaker 4: I must have gone through a dead zone. No, he
Speaker 4: just was comfortable. Yeah, with his own brain farts and.
Speaker 1: Also seemed a little tired.
Speaker 5: But then he would like, then he would have an
Speaker 5: amazing guest because he's a legendary guitar player and musician
Speaker 5: and singer.
Speaker 1: Is all right.
Speaker 5: Then suddenly it would be like someone incredible would be
Speaker 5: on with him, and then they were just like.
Speaker 1: Do a song together. Yeah, and it was the best
Speaker 1: radio show.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: There's something to be said for just putting a guest
Speaker 4: at ease by just talking like a person. Yeah, God's sake. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think he still does that show. It's just not
Speaker 4: on Indy one O three one.
Speaker 5: That's right, I think it's But I do think it's somewhere.
Speaker 5: I believe it exists on NPR perhaps.
Speaker 1: I think k KFPP. What's the public radio in Los Angeles?
Speaker 3: In Cincinnati w k OH WKRP, that's right, yeah, nok.
Speaker 4: You of course, which river divides the country to where
Speaker 4: it's K on one side and W on the other?
Speaker 1: Is it the Ohio River?
Speaker 3: This is a trivia question.
Speaker 4: No, I don't know the answer, but I know it
Speaker 4: is this side of the Mississippi.
Speaker 3: That phrase is goes back to old radio.
Speaker 4: No, you're right, it doesn't. But back to your original Yes,
Speaker 4: it's so hot and my new place. I don't I
Speaker 4: feel bad now because I really don't think it's haunted.
Speaker 4: Maybe it was, and I'm just blocking out my experiences,
Speaker 4: which were.
Speaker 1: Real, right, but it was a misplacing thing, and.
Speaker 4: Now it's being haunted by an extremely hot temperature that
Speaker 4: has only had height. Like I'll be sitting in front
Speaker 4: of my air conditioner and then I stand up and
Speaker 4: my face is immediately sweating.
Speaker 3: I think that means there's no insulation in my place.
Speaker 4: Probably I got a big AC unit, and I've never
Speaker 4: had an air conditioning unit in the city, but I've
Speaker 4: really needed it. Yes, and I've been just sweating in
Speaker 4: my house even though I have that acy it's haunted
Speaker 4: by heat.
Speaker 1: Well. Also hot air rises as we all.
Speaker 3: Yes, so it's up.
Speaker 1: They're waiting for you all.
Speaker 4: That's why hot air ballooning is taking off, Like, God,
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 3: Have you ever hot air ballooned, Chris?
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 6: If there's gonna be a reason to be in a
Speaker 6: basket with your friends, either you're a bunk your poppies
Speaker 6: or you're in a hot air balloon, We'll be right.
Speaker 3: Back with Karen's real life air balloon story.
Speaker 1: I'm back, did you No?
Speaker 5: I've never gone in one, but I really want to
Speaker 5: go to a hot air balloon festival. I believe they're
Speaker 5: in the fall usually, and in places like Colorado, Arizona
Speaker 5: and places with big open swaths of land.
Speaker 4: And there's always a photographer there that's planning to make
Speaker 4: an inspirational poster.
Speaker 5: That you will forward and forward and forward again through
Speaker 5: the email systems and let everyone see.
Speaker 3: That, Karen, opportunities are like clouds.
Speaker 5: See I told you this at your cousin's wedding. I'm
Speaker 5: going to tell you again. Life is like a hot
Speaker 5: air balloon.
Speaker 3: You said I was drunk, and maybe I was.
Speaker 1: But what's important is hot air balloons.
Speaker 3: They are I should do that.
Speaker 4: It's like a casual way to be up in the
Speaker 4: You don't have to bungee John pre parachute.
Speaker 3: You just sit helplessly in a basket.
Speaker 1: I think you're it's dangerous though.
Speaker 3: I think that it is. We all know what happened
Speaker 3: to the Hindenburg.
Speaker 4: But those, I mean, those balloons aren't filled with gas,
Speaker 4: are they?
Speaker 1: That?
Speaker 3: There could be?
Speaker 4: You are next to some kind of a propane tank
Speaker 4: or explosion able unit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, it's explosion able.
Speaker 3: Explosion able.
Speaker 5: Uh do you know Margaret Cho, famous comedian Margaret Cho,
Speaker 5: she was she won a hot air balloon trip.
Speaker 1: Somehow. I believe she won it.
Speaker 3: It's a funny thing to win.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 5: And then she went on it and it crashed and
Speaker 5: they were in the basket and they like had to
Speaker 5: take cover in the basket and it fucking crashed.
Speaker 3: That's horrifying.
Speaker 5: Sorry, I was looking at the I'm looking at the
Speaker 5: asshole in the car behind us that honked and is
Speaker 5: yelling at me because I'm going this limits.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love that. He's my favorite.
Speaker 1: He's a little bald.
Speaker 5: Uh, he's a little angry guy.
Speaker 1: Let's not talk about how much hair he does or
Speaker 1: doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, that's selling people out. And let's also a
Speaker 3: lot of people are out there angry. We don't want
Speaker 3: to persecute them.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true.
Speaker 5: I mean I'm one of those exactly. Let's stop putting
Speaker 5: me under the gun.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's okay for me to be pissed
Speaker 4: all day because I have a glorious head of hair.
Speaker 5: Also, I very attracted the bald men. So let's not
Speaker 5: act like that's a minus.
Speaker 3: You still have your Jason Alexander Wall of the posters.
Speaker 1: The man is fucking hot.
Speaker 3: I mean yes, but you said his bone structure. I
Speaker 3: really don't see it. We're gonna take a right wing call.
Speaker 4: Which is most of the calls that come in because
Speaker 4: we are central to the state. A problem most you
Speaker 4: have is uh racist collars collar? Are you there?
Speaker 1: Ragget? He cut out.
Speaker 5: Oh, luckily the phone systems are down and he can't
Speaker 5: communicate his personal problems to us.
Speaker 3: Oh man, that would have been good radio.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm drinking a hot tumbler of coffee right.
Speaker 5: Now, and I don't know why. It doesn't taste good.
Speaker 5: It doesn't feel good. You need it though, It's like
Speaker 5: my bottle my Bubba. I'm it's so weird that my
Speaker 5: bubba was a blanky.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 4: I've got a new coffee maker and I've been drinking
Speaker 4: quite a bit of coffee.
Speaker 1: How much would you say you drink a day?
Speaker 3: Three cups?
Speaker 4: M yeah, throughout the day, sometimes after eight pm?
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 4: And I think I still just fall asleep with ease.
Speaker 4: Is that a problem?
Speaker 3: Not at all? The guys are jerk too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all these people are losers.
Speaker 3: No hair.
Speaker 4: I guess they come in all chickens. Hey, look, not
Speaker 4: all losers are baldies.
Speaker 1: You know what, I'm going to give it to the
Speaker 1: baldies this time.
Speaker 4: You know what, Say something to make me not feel
Speaker 4: bad about what I jokingly said, because I just started
Speaker 4: to sweat, because I feel like there's if this is.
Speaker 5: A real radio show, would be some kind of me
Speaker 5: up scotty type of joke. If the glove doesn't fit,
Speaker 5: you must have quit type of joke.
Speaker 1: Right here? Did I miss the turn?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: No, we are going to turn right in three blocks, perfect,
Speaker 4: three blocks. We're picking up Caitlin Gill. I'm very excited to.
Speaker 5: See her, one of my favorite comedians. I can't believe
Speaker 5: we haven't had her on yet, have we or did
Speaker 5: me a.
Speaker 1: Long time ago?
Speaker 3: Nope, never have.
Speaker 4: I just I have to think about it, because she
Speaker 4: had a show at the Improblem along the time, around
Speaker 4: the same time that you had business class there, and
Speaker 4: her and Bobcat listening to Bobcat tell stories that am
Speaker 4: were to write here, tell stories about actual celebrities and
Speaker 4: experiences in his life. But she would always call him
Speaker 4: out like he was bragging about being friends with Robin
Speaker 4: Williams or whatever, and yeah, she was.
Speaker 3: So good at roasting him.
Speaker 4: And it's she lived at the time in his basement,
Speaker 4: and I think they're there she is. Yeah, oh oh,
Speaker 4: she's gonna have so much fun.
Speaker 1: She is going to love this. Sorry. Sorry, that was
Speaker 1: my funny prank on your tailin.
Speaker 8: Hi.
Speaker 1: That's a great prink.
Speaker 8: Hi, I know that'd be funny if you just kept
Speaker 8: driving down the street as I panicked and tried to
Speaker 8: get into the car.
Speaker 1: It's just like high school.
Speaker 3: It's so fun to drag your friends.
Speaker 8: Oh man, what a wonderful treat. That was high school memories.
Speaker 8: As soon as he's the.
Speaker 1: Car, right, don't ever forget.
Speaker 5: I just want to make sure that, like nine to eleven,
Speaker 5: you never forget high school.
Speaker 1: Always my brain.
Speaker 8: I was out of high school by nine to eleven.
Speaker 8: I was my freshman year of college.
Speaker 1: That happened. My roommate heard the news like Pacific Coast.
Speaker 8: Time, oh, and was very groggy and didn't understand and
Speaker 8: misheard the word terrorists as Paris and spent woke me
Speaker 8: up like Paris attacked New York. So until we made
Speaker 8: our way to the living room TV, there was a
Speaker 8: brief period of great confusion, not to say the confusion was.
Speaker 1: Alleviated or that I was like relieved at what? Actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: it really.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter if it only got worse.
Speaker 5: You know, my sister did the same thing, but she
Speaker 5: attacked no, just the confusion. When she called, she made
Speaker 5: it sound she goes they attacked the White House, and
Speaker 5: I immediately assumed aliens and.
Speaker 1: Was like what Because the way she was doing it and.
Speaker 5: The level at which the hysteria was happening, I was like,
Speaker 5: she was like, they attacked the White House. They attacked
Speaker 5: the White House.
Speaker 3: I think the posters were not. Yeah, we all thought
Speaker 3: it was going to be a UFO.
Speaker 8: My only image I have of a building exploding, that's
Speaker 8: the White House exploding in Independence Day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all we have to go on.
Speaker 4: When we were in high school, in this senior studio,
Speaker 4: which was the older kids that he enjoyed drawing, they
Speaker 4: had us do a fake magazine cover and I did
Speaker 4: a Time magazine cover and it was of our high
Speaker 4: school burning down.
Speaker 8: It was simpler time when you were allowed to turn
Speaker 8: in such.
Speaker 4: I would have been in so much trouble nowadays, and
Speaker 4: they just I just got away with it.
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1: That's how good the art was.
Speaker 8: There's a lot of early Simpsons of Bart making the
Speaker 8: school explode, Yes, and I feel like they don't do
Speaker 8: that so much in season thirty eight or whatever they're
Speaker 8: on now.
Speaker 1: Well, same with the with Homer strangling Bart.
Speaker 8: Oh right, Yeah, less physical abuse going on in the
Speaker 8: Simpson household in literal strength strangulation.
Speaker 4: Definitely strangle him so hard that his mouth was open
Speaker 4: and his tongue would turn to a snake and jiggle outside.
Speaker 3: To explain animation.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's the best way to enjoy it is when
Speaker 8: somebody tells you about it.
Speaker 1: That's the only way I've seen Rick and Morty.
Speaker 4: So let me talk in detail about certain Tom and Jerry.
Speaker 1: It's a transcription for the blind, but the podcast version.
Speaker 1: Thank you for picking me up.
Speaker 4: Thank you for being picked up and sitting here so
Speaker 4: far and talking.
Speaker 1: I legitimately do need a ride, love. I appreciate what live.
Speaker 3: I assume it's on business.
Speaker 1: It's it is business. I am our.
Speaker 8: Final Destination is not a movie about teens they're dying inevitably,
Speaker 8: but in fact the world famous Hollywood improv which every
Speaker 8: July is taken over by teen tours.
Speaker 3: Oh that's right, I sit there without them letting me know.
Speaker 4: And yes, school bus pulls up, try and make fifteen
Speaker 4: year olds laugh.
Speaker 8: And they usually put them in the main room mixed
Speaker 8: in with regular people. Yes, but they don't anymore. It's
Speaker 8: in the lab. Oh that's good. So it's only them.
Speaker 8: I don't know if it's good or not.
Speaker 4: I think that knowing that and expecting that, and knowing
Speaker 4: that you're not going to be it's not a mixed
Speaker 4: group like adults, I think you'll have fun.
Speaker 3: I would have fun.
Speaker 1: I've already done it three times.
Speaker 8: This week really was the first one was so awful
Speaker 8: that I came back with a plan I died.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm loving this. This is going this is
Speaker 1: all the stronger. This is the Caitlin Gill Superstar Stars.
Speaker 3: Sorry I said that it was going to be fine.
Speaker 3: I didn't know it already wasn't fun.
Speaker 8: One time it was already very much not fine, and
Speaker 8: I was hosting, which means the whole night is just hamstring.
Speaker 8: Why it was I went in so naively confident, which
Speaker 8: are usually my worst sets. Like you'd come to recognize
Speaker 8: that feeling of like I think this is going to
Speaker 8: go fine is like a fourtent procester always Yes, you're
Speaker 8: back against the wall, let's just riff up top, be
Speaker 8: really easy and cat.
Speaker 1: No, it didn't work at all.
Speaker 8: I did him for a single minute, and I was
Speaker 8: telling jokes and it was awful, and they didn't like
Speaker 8: them or me, and they weren't wrong.
Speaker 1: It was my fault.
Speaker 4: Be nervous, be scared, because then you'll fall back on
Speaker 4: your your defense mechanism of self defense funny if humans.
Speaker 8: No, I didn't have no my my funny bone left
Speaker 8: my body entirely.
Speaker 1: It took a vacation.
Speaker 8: It decided I get the night off, but you get
Speaker 8: to stay on stage for fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: I got replaced with the hatred bond.
Speaker 8: Yeah, the fear bone, whatever that was, became all of
Speaker 8: my bones.
Speaker 1: I hate so many bones.
Speaker 8: I so it was not The hosting gig was very
Speaker 8: bad all the way through. Kerseltanovich did an incredible job,
Speaker 8: but only Karoseltanovich on that lineup.
Speaker 1: She's made of iron.
Speaker 8: I think and have children, yes, but I realized after
Speaker 8: that that it wasn't the fact that they are children
Speaker 8: that makes that audience weird. It's the fact that they
Speaker 8: know each other, and audiences are supposed to be strangers another.
Speaker 1: That's crazy and it's insane how much that dynamic changes things.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and like they if humans are apex predators, these
Speaker 8: poor children are like just leaving their dens for the
Speaker 8: first time and hunting on their own. And the only
Speaker 8: animals they know to kill are like the ones that
Speaker 8: are weak and limping. So if you show them weakness,
Speaker 8: they have no other instinct other than to kill you.
Speaker 8: Like they don't know hunt for sport, they don't know
Speaker 8: selecting tasty animals. They just thrive on finding weakness.
Speaker 1: And the and they're doing it to each other. So
Speaker 1: having you be the common enemy.
Speaker 8: So such a relief when they turn on you together.
Speaker 3: Sure you want us to drop you off?
Speaker 8: Well, okay, So the last couple of times have gone
Speaker 8: much better because I leaned into the whole part where
Speaker 8: they know each other.
Speaker 1: I don't do any jokes. I give away most.
Speaker 8: Likely to awards that are all stupid and benign, like
Speaker 8: most likely to ditch the plane home and stay in
Speaker 8: LA and become famous. Wow, most likely to become my accountant,
Speaker 8: just dumb. It ends with beautiful, beautiful. It's been crushing.
Speaker 8: It worked better My hope was like, well they'll maybe
Speaker 8: they'll shout names. Ideally they'll all show shout the same name,
Speaker 8: and without fail, everyone agrees. No matter what the question is,
Speaker 8: they all have someone it's Brian their mind.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 4: Are you asking things like who's most likely to succeed
Speaker 4: or is it more specific?
Speaker 1: Well? I couldn't.
Speaker 8: So the only thing they laugh at is the word fuck, shit, piss.
Speaker 1: But as soon as.
Speaker 8: You're like fucking shitting, pissing, they panic, Like nouns are
Speaker 8: very funny, but verbing those nouns terrifying.
Speaker 1: They want to laugh at fuck they are they.
Speaker 3: Don't fuck the no conjugation snobs.
Speaker 8: So comics bounce back and forth between like dirty stories
Speaker 8: and like, you know, sort of dirty ribs because they
Speaker 8: all laugh at the word fuck.
Speaker 1: But it is tense in there.
Speaker 4: That's funny because when I did it it was with adults.
Speaker 4: It was just regular crowd with kids thrown in, and
Speaker 4: they wanted us to be clean.
Speaker 8: I guess that they go back and like they it's
Speaker 8: always like do what you want, But nobody's been told
Speaker 8: to censor this time around. I can't say they've been
Speaker 8: careful with these lineups. I love you in prov but
Speaker 8: you are not curating.
Speaker 1: Well the best tee performer.
Speaker 4: Maybe they just no money dirty specifically to the things
Speaker 4: they're dealing with, like putting vodka in their buttholes.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, those blow job parties.
Speaker 3: Parties.
Speaker 1: Hold on, Stephen, are you get it? You know?
Speaker 8: I have a vitamin seed drop. Would you like one?
Speaker 3: I might take you up?
Speaker 8: Okay, were back there, so I wanted it.
Speaker 1: I would it might be Oh, it's a great fruit
Speaker 1: for the.
Speaker 3: Last ten minutes. Is Stephen dead in the bag?
Speaker 8: That would be what happened to the right next to you.
Speaker 8: Nice to meet you, by the way, I just laugh.
Speaker 1: At your death. So I was going to tell you
Speaker 1: one time I did that. We of course did. And
Speaker 1: this was, you know, late nineties.
Speaker 5: I was with Lynn Chakraff, the legendary Oadian comedian who's
Speaker 5: the most funny, and we were we both ate it
Speaker 5: astoundingly and then we were sitting but we went and
Speaker 5: sat back behind them and we were we were quietly
Speaker 5: heckling them for the rest of the show. So we
Speaker 5: would just be like sitting there talking to each other,
Speaker 5: and then Lynn would lean forward and go, look that's
Speaker 5: Tommy Hill figure and you would just point to a
Speaker 5: man and then like four of whom would looks over.
Speaker 1: It was so hilarious. We were just like very.
Speaker 5: Randomly bullying them, but in a way they didn't get
Speaker 5: and it.
Speaker 1: Was making us laugh so hard.
Speaker 8: Oh, it feels so good during the tables kids, Yeah,
Speaker 8: I had the power in me.
Speaker 5: Also, they were at the show. We were, heck they were.
Speaker 5: They were all given ice cream Sunday.
Speaker 8: Yeah, they got ice cream right before the show starts,
Speaker 8: which like it's in the day, it's not dark yet.
Speaker 8: They all start by like seven, I want five thirty tomorrow.
Speaker 8: That is not a time for common You do not tell.
Speaker 1: Jokes then, No, but the nuggetings.
Speaker 8: I've never seen more French fries in the lab. They
Speaker 8: must get food, so they all order it and they're
Speaker 8: all rich yaues. They're on a teen tours. It seems
Speaker 8: like birthright for college. It seems like to be a
Speaker 8: specifically Jewish program, and it's like all college tours all
Speaker 8: over the place.
Speaker 5: So they basically come to look at USC and UCLA
Speaker 5: and then they're gonna go watch some comedy.
Speaker 8: Yes exactly, it would be, but it takes two weeks somehow,
Speaker 8: I don't know last night somebody said they were a
Speaker 8: Russian Jew and one kid in the front just scoffed,
Speaker 8: We're all Russian, and it was like, just such a
Speaker 8: weird flex trying to differentiate what kind of like Jewish
Speaker 8: heritage he has and another kid being like common was
Speaker 8: just ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Oh man.
Speaker 8: During the show, my last award is the most likely
Speaker 8: to be qualified to give me a makeover and my first.
Speaker 1: I've done this twice.
Speaker 8: The first time around, I didn't bring anything to give
Speaker 8: me a makeover with, so I had the kitchen give
Speaker 8: me condiments and a plate of napkins, and I just
Speaker 8: turned around from the crowd and let the kid who
Speaker 8: was elected as a sweet boy, who looked very fancy,
Speaker 8: he aggressively painted my face with.
Speaker 1: And it's some got in my eye and it hurts.
Speaker 8: So I turned around glide like the I ended the
Speaker 8: set just eyes all squinted, and one of the sweetest
Speaker 8: staff members was standing by the stage with this pile
Speaker 8: of napkins, like, oh my god, her do okay?
Speaker 1: And I was fine. I washed it all off.
Speaker 8: But I found the staff like huddled outside later, like
Speaker 8: she doesn't look as bad as I thought, and one
Speaker 8: of them like turns to me, like, did you know
Speaker 8: there was siracha in that ketchup?
Speaker 1: Once it hit my eyes, I figured it out.
Speaker 8: So yeah, I got learned my lesson and got a
Speaker 8: single thing of lipstick and state that all I wear
Speaker 8: is lipstick. So I allowed a girl. She had every
Speaker 8: opportunity to paint a giant penis on my face.
Speaker 1: But I commend her. She just did hearts. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: hearts on my cheek.
Speaker 3: Only if you had passed out at a party, would she.
Speaker 1: I like to think that she's a good sort.
Speaker 8: I feel like even at a party, she'd just do
Speaker 8: little flowers. She had more time and elegant litt hummingbird
Speaker 8: she painted my face is intimate, not inappropriately so, but
Speaker 8: like you know, she was near my face.
Speaker 1: How many people are on the show? Rustly want to say?
Speaker 1: It's six?
Speaker 3: Has that going for it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Not too long? Not too many people.
Speaker 8: No, Yes, it moves along at the right pace when t.
Speaker 1: Is a long set. Yeah, if you don't get them back,
Speaker 1: they're gone, they're gone.
Speaker 8: Ever, any estimation of you is immediate and certain, and
Speaker 8: it does.
Speaker 1: They don't shake it.
Speaker 3: There was a daytime already.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is going to be good.
Speaker 4: Five five year old party at a spaghetti factory in Calgary.
Speaker 3: Oh, and they weren't.
Speaker 4: I have a bunch of childlike word jokes though, and
Speaker 4: they were doing okay, they were sweet kids. But then
Speaker 4: I just started someone brought something up. It was like,
Speaker 4: they're leftover pizza and I ate it and they all
Speaker 4: laughed and then I'm like, okay, bring up anything you
Speaker 4: have in front.
Speaker 3: Of you and they started screaming. They had so much
Speaker 3: fun and I just whatever it is. They're pouring mustard
Speaker 3: on ice cream.
Speaker 1: And it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like it was not the best situation
Speaker 4: to put myself in. But the staff was coming out like,
Speaker 4: who's that guy. No one's ever done that well with
Speaker 4: the kids. Yeah, but then they had to clean up.
Speaker 8: They weren't happy about the ketchup on the mic the
Speaker 8: first night around. That's never any any klind of cleaning
Speaker 8: mustard and ice cream ground into carpet.
Speaker 1: Somebody pays for that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ketchup.
Speaker 8: It did this ridiculous thing. Sorry, this ride is just like,
Speaker 8: let me tell you about sets from my past.
Speaker 1: That's all I can think of right now.
Speaker 8: I did a Halloween at the Punchline, where you know
Speaker 8: comics who dressed up did sets, which is sort of
Speaker 8: the tradition. I suppose that's not unique. It's Halloween. But
Speaker 8: I dressed up as the birthday girl. It was my
Speaker 8: birthday and I was just super poudy and complaining. And
Speaker 8: you know, last year, my birthday was on Easter, and
Speaker 8: that sucked because that's Jesus a birthday too, kind of,
Speaker 8: but so was Christmas. And when my birthday was on Christmas,
Speaker 8: it was hair. I was just obnoxious and had all
Speaker 8: like all sorts of birthdays.
Speaker 1: And the finishing. The little cherry on.
Speaker 8: Top was that I only eat cake on my birthday,
Speaker 8: and I can only eat it while people are singing
Speaker 8: Happy Birthday. And I had this piece of red velvet
Speaker 8: cake that I brought, and so the crowd sang Happy
Speaker 8: Birthday while I attempted to eat a whole piece of cake,
Speaker 8: which I was very optimistic I could accomplish, but as
Speaker 8: it turns out, it was hard. I sort of just
Speaker 8: pushed the cake onto and around my face. Sure, I'm
Speaker 8: going to say generously a third of it got into
Speaker 8: my mouth, but the time was moving so quickly and
Speaker 8: I needed to get it out of my hand.
Speaker 1: I got cake all over that stage all over.
Speaker 8: It, and comics just stepped on it all night. I
Speaker 8: did not hear the end of that for a short time.
Speaker 1: I deserved it. I needer to hear about that again.
Speaker 8: My apologies publicly to the San Francisco punchline for the
Speaker 8: time I ground cake into the carpet.
Speaker 3: Oh there, and are they closing or is that a rumor?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I hope not. I did. I was
Speaker 1: just up there in June.
Speaker 3: That's your home club, it's my home club.
Speaker 8: And just in case it closes, went up there and
Speaker 8: for the headlining dates I had in June, I recorded
Speaker 8: a little lot of them and it comes out in August.
Speaker 1: What is the name of the major? Oh you're already
Speaker 1: saying it. I named it after my dog? What major? Oh? Major? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good name. The timing just came up so fast.
Speaker 8: Usually my family would be around, but it was just
Speaker 8: me and the dog up there for those shows. So
Speaker 8: Red Scott, who's the sweet San Francisco comic, just happened
Speaker 8: to be there with his camera and he got this
Speaker 8: ridiculously great picture me and my dog. So that's the
Speaker 8: cover and that's the name.
Speaker 3: I love that. It's a great picture.
Speaker 1: It's so good.
Speaker 3: And then we're going to go. You're doing like a
Speaker 3: tour and I am going with you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming. We're going to the bay.
Speaker 1: That'll be fun.
Speaker 3: It'll be fun.
Speaker 8: Santa Cruz and San Francisco and Petaluma. Yes, yeah, the
Speaker 8: pal the Great Distillery, the gin played on the seventeenth.
Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, I hear. That's good.
Speaker 8: I think it is good. I've done. I've had fun
Speaker 8: doing chosen Pedaloma. The Pedalama Festival was pretty fun.
Speaker 3: There is a Lama festival. I just made reference to
Speaker 3: a Lama fest.
Speaker 8: It's a comedy festival called Lama.
Speaker 5: That's what people is sometimes called Pedaloma when they mispronounced it.
Speaker 8: You know what, I couldn't get to catch on because
Speaker 8: I am from Napa, a neighboring city to Petaluma. I
Speaker 8: always wanted nat people from Napa to be called Napkins.
Speaker 8: And I can't get anyone to jump on board with me.
Speaker 8: I thought it's like right there. I thought it would
Speaker 8: it just be assumed. But it was too good of
Speaker 8: an ideas.
Speaker 1: Come on, what is that?
Speaker 4: Even there's the capital of Montana. It's called Helena. And
Speaker 4: I always wanted to open a handbasket store, to call it,
Speaker 4: Helen a handbasket.
Speaker 3: We'd sell other things and it's good. It's on base.
Speaker 1: I worry.
Speaker 4: We just have listen, let me hear the whole. The
Speaker 4: inventory is going to be all over the place.
Speaker 5: There'll just be handhand baskets, farm basket, but mainly baskets.
Speaker 1: The TV show Basket, Yes, DVD's of the TV show.
Speaker 8: Aber Best Good three Aberdashery is what I was going for.
Speaker 8: I don't even know if I'm saying that right, So
Speaker 8: I can't punt it or portmanteau it unless I actually
Speaker 8: know the pronunciation.
Speaker 3: We are an anti pun?
Speaker 8: Is this a punfrey car? That's why I don't have
Speaker 8: a lid on my coffee and I'm inclined to make puns.
Speaker 1: You gotta tell me before I get in.
Speaker 8: Don't know why bobcat Goldthwaite is my friend, or why
Speaker 8: he would ever give me my phone his phone number,
Speaker 8: because all I did with it for about a solid
Speaker 8: year while I was traveling was just take pictures of
Speaker 8: business pun names and send them and like not even
Speaker 8: high hello, you know, looking forward to see you buddy, Nope,
Speaker 8: just pictures of like folking tie and like you know,
Speaker 8: it's a There was a bunt cake store and I
Speaker 8: can't remember the name of it.
Speaker 1: Nothing bunt cakes that.
Speaker 3: We actually liked. That one that was better than hell
Speaker 3: and a handbasket.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm gonna put hell in a hand That's.
Speaker 5: I think the difference is one was real, actually came
Speaker 5: to the other. One was felt astroligent. It felt fake.
Speaker 3: You didn't like I didn't commit to actually opening the store.
Speaker 3: That's the only problem with the joke.
Speaker 1: I want to see paperwork. I want to see your rental.
Speaker 3: Agree, I want indeed. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Right before you got in the car, Caitlin, I was
Speaker 4: talking about how much fun it was to watch you
Speaker 4: host Uh.
Speaker 3: Why am I calling it? When you were in the
Speaker 3: cranberries with Bob, it was not Those.
Speaker 1: Were big shoes to fill.
Speaker 8: But for the last couple of years I've been trying
Speaker 8: my best. No, I know that, and you can tell
Speaker 8: by my speaking voice that that was would be an option.
Speaker 8: We hosted crab Apples together, the silly show The Problem.
Speaker 4: Kind of roast him and it was really fun because
Speaker 4: like watching two funny siblings.
Speaker 8: We have it's a sibling like relationship. It's very odd.
Speaker 8: I met him at the when the oh Purple Onion
Speaker 8: was still the purple Onion. Oh yeah, his daughter was
Speaker 8: there making fun of him, and we're on the same lineup.
Speaker 8: I just sat down and started making fun of him
Speaker 8: and have not stopped making fun of him for years now.
Speaker 1: It's great.
Speaker 4: Well, he's a fun person to watch be made fun
Speaker 4: of because he just starts giggling.
Speaker 8: Oh, he does start giggling, and I, you know, he's
Speaker 8: the best dude. I'd also, I, you know, have proven
Speaker 8: my loyalty. I did pick the man up from the
Speaker 8: hospital on at least one occasion. He had to have
Speaker 8: shoulder surgery and he went out of the hospital the
Speaker 8: same day, super groggy, like he'd gone all the way under.
Speaker 8: He was on all sorts of pain meds or whatever.
Speaker 8: And he's a sober dude, so a pain med goes
Speaker 8: a long way.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 8: I had to pick him up and he was getting
Speaker 8: dressed to leave, and he was in a little gown
Speaker 8: and he swung his legs over and like I'm going
Speaker 8: to pull up his pants, and I asked him, like,
Speaker 8: are you do you have your underwear on yet? And
Speaker 8: he has a sly little smile like no, And then
Speaker 8: he whipped up his gown and he absolutely had his
Speaker 8: underwear on. He still had the wherewithal to get me
Speaker 8: while in a hospital bed.
Speaker 1: I get, I get as good as I give from
Speaker 1: bobcat Nice.
Speaker 8: I did tour with him for a little while, and
Speaker 8: the number of bookers that presumed the reason I was
Speaker 8: touring with him was because we were boning was all
Speaker 8: of them.
Speaker 3: It was just a.
Speaker 1: Lady.
Speaker 8: I'd like to work there again, but one lady. It
Speaker 8: was a lady that nears it way down. But uh,
Speaker 8: one lady got his one hotel room. That was the
Speaker 8: lady and wouldn't shake it the whole weekend, just like, well,
Speaker 8: are you sure what are you doing with that second room?
Speaker 4: Is it just doesn't know what she's doing because she
Speaker 4: has her job, because she has sex with the club owner.
Speaker 4: I mean, I do I became that person she is.
Speaker 8: That's I'd blame her. I'd shame right now. We'll blame
Speaker 8: and shame.
Speaker 1: Get it. That's what we're all about on the show.
Speaker 1: Get It. That's what we like.
Speaker 8: No puns and blaming and shame. Oh you just spoke
Speaker 8: that podcast into existence a problem.
Speaker 4: We're also going to do one where we talk about Radiohead,
Speaker 4: even though we don't know much.
Speaker 1: About the band.
Speaker 5: They're just gonna kind of chat ignorantly about Radiohead.
Speaker 1: We think people look like Riodhead will be really mad.
Speaker 1: People that don't like it well also be mad. I
Speaker 1: man't imagine a fan base you would anger more.
Speaker 5: Easily and be like, I don't know, I think like
Speaker 5: I think of all their songs, i'd say, come into
Speaker 5: America's probably the best way we'll do stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Is that the one that's like.
Speaker 1: Me Head, Yeah, but with Trumba.
Speaker 3: I like that one with Trumbo.
Speaker 4: Okay, now we are doing the podcast.
Speaker 8: I bought Radioheads Pablo Honey because I was in a
Speaker 8: Tower Records and I feel like I was holding this
Speaker 8: was in that this had to be like ninety four ish.
Speaker 8: I was holding like maybe something dumber. I was a
Speaker 8: big Cake fan. I'm still a big Cake fan. I
Speaker 8: feel like I hid a Cake album but it's gentle.
Speaker 8: And then a cute man approached me and I asked
Speaker 8: for recommendations, and he recommended Radiohead, and I learned so
Speaker 8: quickly the power of a cute smile. I bought a
Speaker 8: Radiohead CD and was determined to like, yeah, I'm never
Speaker 8: gonna see that cute man again. I am a thirteen
Speaker 8: year old child in cargo shorts and birkenstocks and a
Speaker 8: shirt with frogs and they're anatomical names on them. I
Speaker 8: don't I'm not gonna win the prize of Tower Records guy, right.
Speaker 1: You don't know. I still didn'tn't get album already. I
Speaker 1: still did learn all the words to creep. There's nothing.
Speaker 5: I have always found that a really good way to
Speaker 5: trick a guy into liking you is if you you
Speaker 5: find out what bam they're super into, and then you
Speaker 5: pretend you were already into them.
Speaker 1: That's worked like four different.
Speaker 3: Times a lot of movies.
Speaker 5: I'm like, sorry, let me turn down the sevendo while
Speaker 5: I what's that?
Speaker 1: What do you mean to know?
Speaker 3: Like the album Bake Sale?
Speaker 1: You're listening to this?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Can you believe anything? Lou Barlow, I'm the guy, that guy,
Speaker 3: You're that guy I like, I love I Love Saba.
Speaker 1: They were good though I wasn't. It wasn't all fake
Speaker 1: on my side.
Speaker 3: You can listen to it now and it's still good.
Speaker 1: It's still it's super depressing about someone's divorce.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I love an album that's like half while they
Speaker 8: were together and half while they broke up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a.
Speaker 8: Few good ones rumors. I feel like Okay Goes. Color
Speaker 8: of the Blue Sky is underappreciated for being one of
Speaker 8: those albums.
Speaker 4: It's like, if you're listening to the audio of a divorce.
Speaker 4: Look my rides here, and then we look back and
Speaker 4: your legs are broken?
Speaker 1: What did you do? Care? When did you do that?
Speaker 3: I just was silent.
Speaker 1: It was somewhere during the Cake story.
Speaker 8: I just saw the movie Crawl and there's a gratuitously
Speaker 8: broken leg in it.
Speaker 1: I'm going, don't tell me anything else. I'm going tonight. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's just the preview. It's terrific.
Speaker 8: You're gonna have so much fun. Your movie is a previous.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 8: All I can say is you it's excellent. Summer choice. Yay,
Speaker 8: summer time.
Speaker 3: I don't know anything about it is it's scary.
Speaker 1: It gaters. Yeah.
Speaker 5: The poster is my favorite because my friend just sent
Speaker 5: my friend and I Bridger Wininger, we love to go
Speaker 5: see the worst movie we can find, and so then
Speaker 5: and we really genuinely excited and we're disappointed when it's bad,
Speaker 5: even though we know that's the reason we're movie nights.
Speaker 3: I didn't know you did that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we do it. We do it quite a bit.
Speaker 5: And the nun was a big one when that when that,
Speaker 5: what's every Jesus weird stoners?
Speaker 3: That was a bizarre choice.
Speaker 1: And now he's driving straight into traffic and.
Speaker 4: That guy's I think that maybe they're making a bold left.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're just going for it.
Speaker 3: That was a very surprising I was. It threw us
Speaker 3: off subject.
Speaker 1: My heart is racing a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So the poster for this movie is just an alligator,
Speaker 5: a yellow background and alligator.
Speaker 1: It says on the top it says what's the name
Speaker 1: of the.
Speaker 5: Cross, and then on the bottom of it says swim
Speaker 5: Like hell, yep, oh that's great.
Speaker 1: Isn't that the best? What more do you need?
Speaker 4: Have you heard, you guys heard about these math gators?
Speaker 1: Yes you have, Yeah, sure, we all have. Yaho news
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 3: It was the other day on Yahoo doos.
Speaker 4: It's apparently it's been a problem that math really registers
Speaker 4: with reptiles in particular.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I did some further reading. Other animals. Fish they don't
Speaker 4: care about.
Speaker 1: Math, but gators love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they go crazy for the stuff.
Speaker 1: Are you sure the fish don't care? I don't know.
Speaker 3: For fish are more bath salt people.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but they really
Speaker 5: keep their feelings hidden.
Speaker 8: You know, when you're riding with a wild shoal, you
Speaker 8: can never.
Speaker 5: Tell what somebody's going to find that You've got to
Speaker 5: kind of keep the emotions in check.
Speaker 8: Can you imagine trying to do powder drugs under the sea?
Speaker 8: So frustrating?
Speaker 1: What do you even do? Kind of focus?
Speaker 4: It's the same thing that you're about to deal with
Speaker 4: with this show you're going to do.
Speaker 3: They're in a school, so they don't know how to
Speaker 3: act on their own.
Speaker 4: They're all acting the way they feel the other fish
Speaker 4: wanted they hack.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you just got to lean into the pack dynamic.
Speaker 1: It's not one you can fight left left.
Speaker 3: You're good at navigating.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, where you have a plan and you're
Speaker 4: talking at the same time.
Speaker 5: I do, because I realized once we came up on
Speaker 5: Melrose pretty quickly, yes, and then I was like, it's
Speaker 5: too soon.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 8: I do live very close to the Hollywood improv, so
Speaker 8: we are forced to circle the Beverly Grove region.
Speaker 1: We're doing some circles but also that's when the.
Speaker 5: Most interesting thing things happen, like those guys in the
Speaker 5: Money almost killing us Yeah.
Speaker 3: Correct, correct, stuff.
Speaker 8: What a terrible way to go crushed by a mini.
Speaker 1: It's just rude. Yeah, killed by a Mini on Beverly.
Speaker 8: I guess it's got that anch of dignity above smart car.
Speaker 1: It was you know what it was.
Speaker 5: It was that there's a Jason Bourne element to his
Speaker 5: driving instead of it being an emergency, he was laughing.
Speaker 1: So then you're just kind of like you're you're a
Speaker 1: menace and he's.
Speaker 3: In his early twenties, like, it's not I don't buy it.
Speaker 8: That's why I said, stoner in this neighborhood, that's exactly
Speaker 8: who's driving nice cars. This is a rich child haven
Speaker 8: food in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, I am rich in every way but money.
Speaker 8: I also say that from the stage. So I'll just
Speaker 8: save the materials from out of the car. She's calling
Speaker 8: herself on it. Yes, I will sell police. I couldn't
Speaker 8: stop it from happening, but I will address that. Can
Speaker 8: I sort of address that?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 8: I put that fowl air into the car and I'll
Speaker 8: pull it back hands.
Speaker 3: And even though I dropped a big stinker with it.
Speaker 4: I really I have said Helen a handbasket on stage.
Speaker 3: It wasn't just a tweet.
Speaker 8: I was bracing my guilt and shame about delivering food
Speaker 8: in Los Angeles, which I still frequently do for money.
Speaker 8: Got to because it's it's just a soul scarring.
Speaker 5: Experience because you have to go up and actually interact
Speaker 5: with the people who order.
Speaker 8: I do have to give the food to the humans
Speaker 8: in the In this gig economy, you learn your ins
Speaker 8: and outs, and there's a couple of these services where
Speaker 8: and you do not see the tip first. And I
Speaker 8: can't do that anymore. And I can't take one hundred
Speaker 8: and eighty dollars a sushi into the Hollywood Hills for
Speaker 8: a thank you. Yeah, fuck that person, Oh man, I
Speaker 8: know your address. Yeah, I don't understand why you do this. Well,
Speaker 8: you don't aggress the aggrationale.
Speaker 5: I would like to ask a question, and maybe it's
Speaker 5: your own question and I shouldn't be asking it, but
Speaker 5: I got some fucking zankou chick in the other day,
Speaker 5: which when you live in Los Angeles, you know that
Speaker 5: when you're ordering that stuff.
Speaker 1: You need it, you need it and want it.
Speaker 5: It turned It goes from like, oh, this is what
Speaker 5: I'm gonna have for dinner to oh my god, this
Speaker 5: is going to be the best.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die unless I ate this immediately.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And so I order it and the guy comes.
Speaker 5: First of all, it put it not to the Zanku
Speaker 5: closest to my house, but Zanku in Hollywood, which is
Speaker 5: very far away.
Speaker 1: I didn't get that.
Speaker 5: And then the guy shows up. It says he's at
Speaker 5: your house. I look outside, there's no one there. No
Speaker 5: one knocks on my door.
Speaker 1: I'm waiting.
Speaker 3: I'm waiting.
Speaker 1: I look out. I finally look out.
Speaker 5: The guy's parked up in front of the next house,
Speaker 5: but he hasn't gotten out of the car.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 5: And then I look at my app and it says
Speaker 5: food's been delivered, thank you. How much of a tip
Speaker 5: do you want to give? And I keep trying to
Speaker 5: get out of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So he basically said he delivered it or that I
Speaker 5: didn't answer in five minutes.
Speaker 1: But he never got out of the car. Yes, he
Speaker 1: didn't bring it to the door.
Speaker 5: I was supposed to walk out to his motherfucking car
Speaker 5: and he wasn't even parked in front of my house.
Speaker 1: Can I ask was this?
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, this is the worst and the hardest. I
Speaker 8: can tell you a few things that would have happened there.
Speaker 8: First of all, he had like three other orders in
Speaker 8: the car, Okay, that's why it went to Zanku far
Speaker 8: away from you. He was far away from you, And
Speaker 8: that Zanku was either had a bunch of orders or
Speaker 8: was in a cluster of restaurants. Okay, So that dude
Speaker 8: bounced from like sushi to chicken to sandwiches, and you
Speaker 8: were in the middle of that delivery, and either he
Speaker 8: was hungry and ate your chicken. I'm not going to
Speaker 8: roll out that possibility, or the map pin unbeknownst to you,
Speaker 8: or at no fault of yours really did send him
Speaker 8: to that place.
Speaker 1: Maybe he got out of the car, maybe he didn't.
Speaker 8: Maybe he tried to text you and it didn't go through,
Speaker 8: because it goes through like hide your number system. Oh right,
Speaker 8: my bet. He can't leave without waiting that fifteen minutes.
Speaker 8: He can't get to the next stop he's supposed to
Speaker 8: go to.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 8: So there isn't a lot of benefit in stealing the food.
Speaker 8: The most likely circumstances that you got boned by the technology,
Speaker 8: and that guy was unwilling to try hard to deliver
Speaker 8: the food. I'm scrupulous. I like get out and I'll
Speaker 8: hunt it down and I'll actually call you. I have
Speaker 8: like enough complexes about service work that like I do
Speaker 8: it well. I do not blame anyone who just sits
Speaker 8: Nate's the chicken. I got lost in Marina del Reys
Speaker 8: in Astiana apartment complex. I tried to call a guy
Speaker 8: for five minutes, and I just started fucking eating his
Speaker 8: California Chicken cafe. And I did not carry You ordered
Speaker 8: all white meat with no sauces. Sucker, you don't even
Speaker 8: get your food. You're not even low carb. You got bread.
Speaker 5: Well, but my thing was it wasn't fifteen minutes, it
Speaker 5: was five, Yeah, And I tried to text him yeah,
Speaker 5: saying I can see your car, you're not in front
Speaker 5: of the right house.
Speaker 1: And then I watched him race away, so there was
Speaker 1: other whatever it was.
Speaker 5: I just kind of went, what a bummer that you
Speaker 5: have to drive all the way over here, and you
Speaker 5: didn't even like because you won't get out of the
Speaker 5: car right.
Speaker 1: It didn't I because then it wouldn't let me off
Speaker 1: the tip page.
Speaker 5: So I entered zero dollars and zero sue for the tips, Like,
Speaker 5: fuck you dude, you wouldn't just all you had to
Speaker 5: do is walk to my door, which is like ten feet. Yes,
Speaker 5: it wasn't like you had to go through an apartment
Speaker 5: complex or like any kind of a bummer situation.
Speaker 1: It was very odd.
Speaker 8: I feel like I don't use it enough as a
Speaker 8: customer to know, but people sometimes do just meet me
Speaker 8: outside like they were prompted to do so by the app.
Speaker 8: That usually happens if you have a bunch of food
Speaker 8: in the car. It's just insidious, Like that guy had
Speaker 8: cold taco bell and someone else calling it.
Speaker 1: That's another possibility. Oh he's got grass by someone else.
Speaker 1: It happens all the fun.
Speaker 4: I haven't hated at soccer well for a while, but
Speaker 4: I ordered some from the old the last dress I
Speaker 4: was at, it defaulted to that.
Speaker 3: Oh man, I'm in Marina at Delray.
Speaker 4: So he went all the way to Low's Feelies and
Speaker 4: I realized I had my st and I called him.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm so sorry, you're going to the wrong place.
Speaker 4: You don't I'll pay you, you don't have to come.
Speaker 4: He's like, oh, I'm coming. He was like angry about it,
Speaker 4: and it took him like an hour, and then he
Speaker 4: was just on my porch with a fistful cold taco
Speaker 4: bell and he just shoved it in my face. And
Speaker 4: he was sweaty and angry and wearing a Freddy Krueger.
Speaker 8: And I felt to complete your deliveries to get bonuses, right,
Speaker 8: those are the only thing that worked.
Speaker 4: But he was so angry that it was traumatic. I
Speaker 4: didn't want to eat the food. He was so angry
Speaker 4: that I'm like, well, this isn't even safe to eat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's spit on it.
Speaker 4: I went outside to say, hey, man, that was inappropriate.
Speaker 3: Anger.
Speaker 4: Also, here's a handful of cash, like seven bucks, and
Speaker 4: he was peeing on the side of my house, like
Speaker 4: the I understand the ride was a long ride and
Speaker 4: you had to.
Speaker 3: Go to the bathroom. I pulled over to pee.
Speaker 4: But I still gave him that money while he peed
Speaker 4: on my geraniums.
Speaker 8: Well done, both of you were right. It's a horrible
Speaker 8: it's a horrible existence, and people do wait too long,
Speaker 8: and they do get their food just disappeared.
Speaker 3: Aspons.
Speaker 1: I mean, we can believe the name. I think everyone.
Speaker 5: Knows though, But I've used all I've used all and
Speaker 5: the thing I think is funny and that runs.
Speaker 1: Throughout are and it's always dudes.
Speaker 5: Dudes won't come to your door, and it's literally like
Speaker 5: it's honestly like that you pull There was one guy
Speaker 5: that pulled up and I I stood on my porch
Speaker 5: and with my arms crossed, was just like, what are
Speaker 5: you doing? Like the idea that you think you're going
Speaker 5: to work for a delivery app and not get out
Speaker 5: of your car?
Speaker 1: Fuck you? Yeah, yeah, Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 4: I think it'd be fun to do it and just
Speaker 4: put on roller skates and skate up to the door
Speaker 4: like it's the al tide.
Speaker 1: Getting up is the best part.
Speaker 8: Like I've done ride share and I won't because you
Speaker 8: can't ever get out of your car. You're trapped for
Speaker 8: question mark. You don't know how long. Wow, getting up
Speaker 8: is the best part. Breathe the fresh air.
Speaker 1: Yeah, walk around a little bit. I guess I did
Speaker 1: feel bad. It was there was a lot of problems.
Speaker 5: I'm responsible for what comes to my door.
Speaker 1: I'm responsible for what happens in my life. No, you're not.
Speaker 8: Thatt is responsible. It's the worst, uh, you know, unless
Speaker 8: they are a sponsored in which case congratulations. And everybody
Speaker 8: please use it eagerly with the proper code.
Speaker 9: But Henry, he had a song about waffle houses where
Speaker 9: it's just a list of how descriptively how gross they are,
Speaker 9: and they he got a cease and assist letter that
Speaker 9: was like handwritten and so kind that he felt really
Speaker 9: bad and changed.
Speaker 4: He just changed it to an unnamed place. But then
Speaker 4: at the end he accidentally blurt swaffle house.
Speaker 1: So it is so funny.
Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, I remember that it'd be fun to
Speaker 4: get a letter from a business. Please stop the written.
Speaker 4: It's like, god, I'm famous. Like that time Walter Mondale said,
Speaker 4: my mom a Christmas card. I had to see it
Speaker 4: as real ink and of course smudged it. Never heard
Speaker 4: the end of that was and it was real.
Speaker 1: You can't sell it on to R Now.
Speaker 3: That was a genuine It was a real Mondale.
Speaker 1: Well, he also did what did your mom send a
Speaker 1: Christmas card? First? Yeah? Did she initiate the correspondence?
Speaker 4: I think he just liked some of some of the
Speaker 4: work she was doing to support him being elected.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, I thought you meant when working
Speaker 1: at the pganeer or whatever place.
Speaker 4: No, no guest company, No, oh yeah, yeah, no, it
Speaker 4: was just I'm not sure why. I think it was like,
Speaker 4: thank you for ordering the poster. We ordered this, or
Speaker 4: I didn't order it. I as a child when a
Speaker 4: poster arrived and it was Mondale and who was his
Speaker 4: running mate Ferrara, Geraldine Ferrara or Ferraro, not Ferrari, but
Speaker 4: it was the like her as the Scales of Justice
Speaker 4: liberty lady but a brast out. So it was just
Speaker 4: like his running mate with an a exposed titty on
Speaker 4: the poster.
Speaker 1: Who made that poster?
Speaker 3: And it was Jane naked boob I ever saw?
Speaker 1: Did your mom draw that poster? Perp's the work he loved?
Speaker 3: Maybe that was it?
Speaker 1: Oh man, that was it. It was her early poster
Speaker 1: where I can't.
Speaker 3: I hope that guy tripped. I hope he tripped.
Speaker 1: Look how cute that dog?
Speaker 3: Oh, I hope he tripped over his cute dog. That
Speaker 3: dog has one missing eye?
Speaker 1: He does, you're still doing it. I'm going to go.
Speaker 8: Oht My dog was so mad when I left. She
Speaker 8: was not interested, and she wanted to come so badly.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 8: I took her out for a little break, you know,
Speaker 8: just to see if she had to whee before you
Speaker 8: arrived and she just went to the car and stood
Speaker 8: by it. She knew I was leaving. It's like you're
Speaker 8: taking me. We're going to the mall right, I'm going
Speaker 8: to teen tours.
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 5: You can't handle the comedy that's gonna beat. It's going
Speaker 5: to King Props.
Speaker 8: Although the dog is a good a small all right,
Speaker 8: jokes aren't working. She does tricks comer makers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4: But that pack mentality though, of those teens, and would
Speaker 4: just tear that part.
Speaker 1: She's an alpha. She'd lead them twelve.
Speaker 8: Pounds a dog at the front of a pack of
Speaker 8: teenagers just running down Melrose.
Speaker 4: Which is right here, speaking of taking a ride. Closing thoughts,
Speaker 4: closing statements. When is our tour where I know? I
Speaker 4: tell the people?
Speaker 3: Want to make sure you know that you know we know?
Speaker 8: Yes, fifteenth we were at a DNA's comedy lab in
Speaker 8: Santa Cruz. These are all album release parties, all hosts
Speaker 8: for friends Chris Fairbanks and Jackie Kasia And what a tour.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god, that's kind of going to do
Speaker 1: it in a car too, in a real car.
Speaker 8: We're driving up and then we got a little airbnb
Speaker 8: in the North Bay to stay in the.
Speaker 1: Whole darm time. We really cool, and then we stay in.
Speaker 8: We go to San Francisco at the Verity Club on
Speaker 8: the sixteenth me I think Italian for green in this instance,
Speaker 8: a lot of Jerman romantic romance languages. On the seventy
Speaker 8: for at the Griffo in Pedaloma. You can get tickets
Speaker 8: at all those places, or at comedy at Caitlin Gilcomedy
Speaker 8: dot com. Because I lost the rights to Caitlin Gill
Speaker 8: dot com. But that comedy cast. Oh, many of my
Speaker 8: lapsed payments became a website, and I keep getting these
Speaker 8: emails from the sharks that snapped it up that are like,
Speaker 8: if you want your web domain back, it's just five
Speaker 8: thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: I want you to die in a fire for same.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's like a scam.
Speaker 1: It is a scam. It is exactly a scam. But
Speaker 1: comedy was not for me. It's a dumb scam.
Speaker 5: It's like it's not like they're they're finding like recent
Speaker 5: lottery winners, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: No, they're doing it to comics.
Speaker 8: Yeah, start with my taxes first. We're backwards, you're not.
Speaker 8: You got to pick a more appropriate number. Hey, I
Speaker 8: appreciate the belief that that scam artist has in my potential.
Speaker 8: I mean, I shared that belief, or it wouldn't still
Speaker 8: be delusionarily living in Los Angeles. But someday you gotta believe.
Speaker 8: Man if I had five thousand dollars to.
Speaker 1: Sneeze, but.
Speaker 8: Now you have to do Caitlin gil dot ed Yeah,
Speaker 8: I can't gil dot Comedy.
Speaker 1: I guess I'll still take you there now it's Kaitlin
Speaker 1: Gillcomedy dot com. All the tickets are there.
Speaker 8: And then I keep going up to Eureka and Salem
Speaker 8: and Portland and Seattle and a whole bunch of other places.
Speaker 8: I'm road tripping with my dad, which is gonna be ridiculous.
Speaker 8: So Dad will be at the merch table and he
Speaker 8: won't let you walk by without fighting records.
Speaker 1: To look out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when I come back, I'm road tripping with
Speaker 3: my sister.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Back up there, that's super fun. We're gonna have.
Speaker 3: Fun, family comedy, fun drive time.
Speaker 8: My dad's such a goofy fan, and we took this trip.
Speaker 8: I had shows in Portland and they came up. My
Speaker 8: dad and my stepmom and Kathy left a little early.
Speaker 8: Dad and I drove back together. We stay at a
Speaker 8: casino seven Feathers on the way down, and my dad's
Speaker 8: just so hooked. He's like planning roots, like, well, there's
Speaker 8: this casino and I've looked at pictures not there. Yeah,
Speaker 8: it's like if we're in the airbnb's and casinos. He's
Speaker 8: totally hooked. So, yes, we are taking this crazy West
Speaker 8: Coast trip together.
Speaker 4: Any one in this car or taking it? I know
Speaker 4: the answer. Taking a photo in front of that pink wall.
Speaker 4: There's just a pink wall the store that at the
Speaker 4: Paul Smith store and everyone there's a group of people
Speaker 4: waiting to take a photo in front of a wall
Speaker 4: that's simply painted pink, and it's.
Speaker 1: Like it's instagram famous.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like on the probably they mentioned it on
Speaker 4: one of those double decker Star to our buses.
Speaker 1: Are you killing Eve fans? Yes, I'm not murdered.
Speaker 3: Oh it's the show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Speaker 8: Someone asks Eve for a picture to put on their
Speaker 8: Instagram because she's dressed fabulously and her response is just picture.
Speaker 1: Perfect, like no in a life.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's impressive how instagrammable this particular strip is.
Speaker 1: Look at these teens. I know the audiences common.
Speaker 3: They seem like nice.
Speaker 1: Time time all right.
Speaker 8: Lest my final plea if a'll guest second, grab up
Speaker 8: a copy of Major.
Speaker 1: It's available everywhere Major.
Speaker 8: But for now I must step into the purgatory that
Speaker 8: is entertaining kids fourteen to seventeen.
Speaker 3: It's going to be great.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 5: It sucks so bad, but thank you so much for
Speaker 5: being on this. That felt like the shortest ride of
Speaker 5: all time.
Speaker 1: I had a delightful time.
Speaker 3: I think it was good.
Speaker 1: Okay good, Yeah, it felt fast perfect.
Speaker 8: I should say, as a fan of the pod, you
Speaker 8: should know that inevitably your theme song makes me tear up.
Speaker 1: Oh was it really? Every time? I'm a soft touch.
Speaker 8: I have to wear song lesses to concerts like humans
Speaker 8: collaborating to make music makes me cry. But it's rare
Speaker 8: that a recorded song I've heard many times and there's
Speaker 8: a short list really get me.
Speaker 1: But I have to listen.
Speaker 8: Beginning an end because it's always the end one. But
Speaker 8: so whoever else is out there listening that gets a
Speaker 8: little misty eyed when they hear this theme song, you
Speaker 8: are not alone.
Speaker 1: It is one of my favorites. That's the ultimate compliment.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 8: I mean, the mouth worn, the sweet, it's just the best.
Speaker 5: We really didn't come together, and we came together on
Speaker 5: that one, one.
Speaker 3: Of our first come togethers.
Speaker 1: That's the best. Have a great it'll be strong set.
Speaker 1: You're in charge.
Speaker 8: That's right, you're safe me what to do?
Speaker 1: No, I'm a thirty eight year old woman. I'm strong.
Speaker 3: You're a confident.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm gonna I can wear a tuck tin shirt.
Speaker 1: It's totally fine. You're totally mind.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I went if I'm a school bully.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, thank you. Have a good night, you too.
Speaker 3: And I think now is a good time to remind people.
Speaker 3: Go to Apple Podcasts, give us a.
Speaker 1: Good review, rate review, and subscribe.
Speaker 4: And tell your friends, even if it's on the street,
Speaker 4: do grass roots go just go somewhere, write it down
Speaker 4: on a piece of paper, slide it over to a stranger.
Speaker 1: Please, you beg You'll tell.
Speaker 3: Your friends if that's more comfortable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever it takes.
Speaker 4: And oh and our merch. Yeah, a lot of people
Speaker 4: are like, where do you get the merch? You get
Speaker 4: it exactly right dot com.
Speaker 5: That's right on the exactly right website. There's a merch page.
Speaker 5: And I think it has merched from all the podcasts
Speaker 5: that are on exactly right, but most especially the Chris
Speaker 5: Fairbanks designed do you Need a Ride shirt, which I
Speaker 5: love and would wear.
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd wear too.
Speaker 4: But then every time you wear one of your own
Speaker 4: shirts you get rassed by your friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, give your raspberries.
Speaker 1: You deserve it, because that means you're a dumb dick.
Speaker 3: It's just the first shirt my drawer. I do keep
Speaker 3: it in a drawer, This dumb.
Speaker 1: Dick you've been listening to? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 7: D you?
Speaker 8: Why in?
Speaker 1: They are cock?
Speaker 8: Cock?
Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanta way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way you.
Speaker 2: Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim,
Speaker 2: and give us time and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 2: We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about every scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: Do you ride?
Speaker 1: Do you mean.
Speaker 3: With Karen and Cress
Speaker 5: M hm