Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. On Saturday, the world's biggest
Speaker 1: sporting event kicked off the Round of sixteen, with the
Speaker 1: Netherlands scoring yet another victory in the United States, learning
Speaker 1: firsthand why they call it the knockout stages. And this
Speaker 1: was especially humiliating for the US because the Dutch team
Speaker 1: plays in those little wooden shoes. So but but don't
Speaker 1: be sad. Don't be sad. The good news for America
Speaker 1: is the next World Cup will be in the US,
Speaker 1: which means which means all the players will be allowed
Speaker 1: to use guns. Yeah, don't worry. They don't worry. They
Speaker 1: can't use their hands to shoot them. Should be interesting.
Speaker 1: In international news, after months of protests over its strict
Speaker 1: hijab lords, Irun is reportedly considering abolishing its infamous morality police. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, and if that happened, it will be wild.
Speaker 1: Iran might defund the police before Milwaukee. Speaking of morality police,
Speaker 1: some news out of the U s. Supreme Court this morning.
Speaker 1: The Justice has heard arguments on whether a Colorado based
Speaker 1: web designer can refuse to build websites for gay weddings,
Speaker 1: which she says violates her religious beliefs. And I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but what is this web designer's process that making a
Speaker 1: wedding website violates her religious beliefs? Well, it's just like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm adding your hotel block info, time and dat of ceremony,
Speaker 1: a hardcourt video of the two of you reach each other,
Speaker 1: and done out of here. Man, All right, let's move
Speaker 1: on to some of the biggest stories of the day,
Speaker 1: starting with Twitter. It's what Elon Musk vote for his
Speaker 1: midlife crisis instead of Lamborghini. Over the weekend, Elon released
Speaker 1: the so called Twitter Files, which many conservatives had hoped
Speaker 1: would prove that Twitter colluded with Democrats to sense some
Speaker 1: news about Hunter Biden's laptop during the election. Instead, they
Speaker 1: mostly just showed the Biden campaign asking Twitter to take
Speaker 1: down nude photos of Hunter Biden. So yeah, sorry, everyone,
Speaker 1: if you want to see naked people, you've got to
Speaker 1: go to every other website on the Internet. I guess.
Speaker 1: So the Twitter Files turned out to be a major
Speaker 1: letdown for conservatives, right, there was no proof of a
Speaker 1: conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump. But you know who
Speaker 1: doesn't care about any of that, Donald Trump. Former President
Speaker 1: Donald Trump's false claims about the election. Now have him
Speaker 1: calling for the Constitution to be terminated with the revelation
Speaker 1: of massive and widespread fraud and deception in working closely
Speaker 1: with big tech companies, the d n C and the
Speaker 1: Democratic Party. Do you throw the presidential election results of
Speaker 1: out and declared air the rightful winner, or do you
Speaker 1: have a new election? A massive fraud of this type
Speaker 1: of magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations,
Speaker 1: and articles, even those sound in the Constitution. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: The Republican front running for presidents of the United States
Speaker 1: wants to terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn't allow him
Speaker 1: to see Hunter Biden's dick. Yeah, he's like, I want
Speaker 1: to see the pp I want to see it. I
Speaker 1: want to see what I'm dealing with. Do you want
Speaker 1: to see Hunter Biden's dick? Just get a bag of
Speaker 1: cocaine like everyone else. Mr President. Also, why is this
Speaker 1: school news? Can anyone tell me? Right? Like? Why is
Speaker 1: this leaving a head? Like? Donald Trump thinks this undermines
Speaker 1: the election. He thinks that about everything everything. However, the
Speaker 1: math equation starts. His answer is always the same. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter where it is, Like a wait, I could
Speaker 1: come up like I'm sorry, sir. The kitchen says, we've
Speaker 1: run out of the Mickey Mouse pancakes. This is the
Speaker 1: last straw we nature do the election. We do have
Speaker 1: the Donald Duck waffles. It's too late. I'm storming the Capital.
Speaker 1: I'll have those to go please. And look, I get
Speaker 1: that Trump doesn't like to lose. By my man is over,
Speaker 1: You've got to move on. Trump is like one of
Speaker 1: those guys who never stops trying to get back with
Speaker 1: his ex. Like he's texting her years and they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you up, and she's like, yeah, I'm up with my
Speaker 1: kids from my marriage. I'm like, oh, still playing hard
Speaker 1: to get her. I like that like that, But honestly, though,
Speaker 1: what what a start to the Trump campaign? First he
Speaker 1: had dinner with Nazi lovers. Now he's calling to scrap
Speaker 1: the constitution. What's next? What was he gonna give the
Speaker 1: Lincoln Memorial enormous boobs? And still the GOP is gonna
Speaker 1: come out like, well, our person or what I've gone
Speaker 1: with a trall breck up. But I think our President
Speaker 1: Trump's harders on the right players. But enough of Trump
Speaker 1: and he's craziness. Let's calm things that with a news
Speaker 1: story out of Tampa, Florida, when we finally found the
Speaker 1: onset to the quantum physics paradox. What happens when a
Speaker 1: police officer pulls over the chief of police. Tampa's top
Speaker 1: cop has been placed on administrative leave after she flashed
Speaker 1: her badge, apparently using your status as police chief to
Speaker 1: get out of a traffic stop after the deputy proceeds
Speaker 1: to explain to them why they were being pulled over, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, was because they were driving a golf
Speaker 1: card on a public road without the appropriate tags. This happened.
Speaker 1: Is your camera on the police chief in Tampa? Oh,
Speaker 1: how are you doing? I'm doing good. Okay, I'm hoping
Speaker 1: that you'll just let us go to her. Okay, yeah, alright, folks,
Speaker 1: Well have a good night. Oh all right, do you
Speaker 1: ever need you then? Called? Okay? Serious, all thank you, welcome,
Speaker 1: thank you for your service. You know, I don't know
Speaker 1: what's funny in that video. First, First of all, I
Speaker 1: think it's crazy that she asks if the office's buddy
Speaker 1: cam is on before incriminating herself, because what was she
Speaker 1: going to do if the buddy camera was off? Oh,
Speaker 1: it's not recording quick dog wapping off of the head.
Speaker 1: Let's get out of here. Just hit him. And secondly,
Speaker 1: I love how she does that thing, like if you
Speaker 1: notice it, she does that thing that white people do
Speaker 1: where they act like it hurts them to pull rank
Speaker 1: over you. He said, I thing when she's like, she's like,
Speaker 1: do you know it turns out I'm the I'm the
Speaker 1: chief of police. Yeah, that's I didn't want to bring
Speaker 1: it up, but I am. White people love doing that ship. Yeah.
Speaker 1: They'll be at a hotel like can I get a
Speaker 1: late check out from my room, be like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: so we can't accommodate you all, but I do own
Speaker 1: the hotel. Yeah, I'm Brad Radisson. Yeah. That's what I
Speaker 1: love about black people. It's not pretending and black you
Speaker 1: want pretending that it pains them to wield their power
Speaker 1: for you. Doesn't tell you like, sorry, sir, we can't
Speaker 1: do a late checkout for you, like late check out
Speaker 1: for me, bitch, I own this hotel. Should I check
Speaker 1: out what I want? You don't tell the Kuan Radisson
Speaker 1: quing he can check out of his own hotel. I
Speaker 1: tell you can check out now. After this video came out,
Speaker 1: the mayor of Tampa suspended this police chief and because
Speaker 1: of the pressure, she was forced to resign, which can
Speaker 1: I just say is the biggest waste of a scandal
Speaker 1: of all time. This is what you used to part
Speaker 1: you realize there are police chiefs who have stolen millions
Speaker 1: of dollars in drug money. Meanwhile she's out here like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I pulled some strings and drove super slow on the highway.
Speaker 1: But enough about that. Let's move on to a story
Speaker 1: that had the Internet buzzing all weekend, and it's about
Speaker 1: artificial intelligence, which, by the way, is not when you
Speaker 1: regurgitate in the Atlantic article and act like you've thought
Speaker 1: of it for yourself. No, for yours. People have been
Speaker 1: wondering when we would see the next step in natural
Speaker 1: language processing from the world of AI, and it looks
Speaker 1: like the future is already here. A new artificial intelligence
Speaker 1: is astounding the Internet with its ease of use and
Speaker 1: humanlike writing ability. Chat GPT was open to the public
Speaker 1: last weekend and many have already posted their interactions with
Speaker 1: the bot. So far, it's written television scripts, fixed coding errors,
Speaker 1: and even explained scientific concepts in the voice of a pirate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right for yours. People have been saying robots might
Speaker 1: be able to pack boxes, but they will never be
Speaker 1: able to write a poem like human beings. Well, it
Speaker 1: turns out your shitty poetry has some competition because I
Speaker 1: don't know if you've used this chat box, but it
Speaker 1: is insane. Not only can it understand a question you're
Speaker 1: asking and then teach you about the most complicated topics,
Speaker 1: it can design a lesson plan. It can give you
Speaker 1: the information and it's not regurgitating it, it's explaining it
Speaker 1: to you. It can also write out the answers, as
Speaker 1: if a pirate was teaching you. Understand how amazing that is,
Speaker 1: like quantum physics is, but a pirate on top of
Speaker 1: the like. I wish I had this technology as a kid.
Speaker 1: The only reason I failed any subject is because the
Speaker 1: teacher was boring. But if Blackbeard was teaching me about physics,
Speaker 1: I would have remembered everything. Yeah, light operates us both
Speaker 1: a wave and a particle, the same way you can operate.
Speaker 1: That's about here, man, I'm fresh food, walked up lank.
Speaker 1: Don't forget today our homework. Obviously, obviously, obviously this technology
Speaker 1: has a lot of people asking is this going to
Speaker 1: replace my job? As a teacher, or as a receptionist, journalist,
Speaker 1: or even an author. And the truth is, we don't
Speaker 1: really know. But it is interesting to see how our
Speaker 1: fears about a I have shifted radically over the years.
Speaker 1: Right in the eighties and the nineties, we thought that
Speaker 1: in the future people would be like, these damn machines
Speaker 1: are wiping out the human race. And now our fear
Speaker 1: is that in the future we're gonna be like these
Speaker 1: damn machines keep writing love letters to my wife, she's
Speaker 1: gonna leave me. And you gotta admit, you gotta admit
Speaker 1: it's weird that we're this obsessed with robots talking like humans,
Speaker 1: but we all hate talking to actual humans. Right, Like
Speaker 1: everyone's using this like wow, it's like I'm talking to
Speaker 1: my mom. It's like, hey, your mom is actually calling
Speaker 1: you right now. Let it go to whitesmail, Let it
Speaker 1: go to voicemail, asking if it's proud of me. The
Speaker 1: World Cup and today's knockout games, Portugal absolutely obliterated Switzerland
Speaker 1: six goals to one. Yeah, and after this match, now
Speaker 1: I guess we see why Switzerland doesn't get involved in wars.
Speaker 1: But the major World Cup news of today is how
Speaker 1: the North African nation of Morocco pulled an absolutely against
Speaker 1: foot full powerhouse Spain. And I know this won't make
Speaker 1: up for the fact that Spain wants colonized and part
Speaker 1: of Morocco, but it goes a long way. It really does. Oh.
Speaker 1: In international news, the governments of Indonesia has just officially
Speaker 1: banned all sex outside of marriage. Yes, with a penalty
Speaker 1: of up to one year in prison. That's gonna make
Speaker 1: for some weird conversation in Indonesian prisons. You know, there
Speaker 1: has been like I'm here from murder, what are you
Speaker 1: in for? A medio connect with Jason Oh And in
Speaker 1: some major legal use, the Trump organization has been found
Speaker 1: guilty of seven team counts of and other financial crimes.
Speaker 1: And you know what that means. Donald Trump is going
Speaker 1: to prison shoon visit all the lower ranking people who
Speaker 1: did this without his not enjoy his permission. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: we all know that's how that works in the world. Right.
Speaker 1: All the successes in Trump's organization, they're due to the
Speaker 1: genius of Donald Trump. All the crimes he had no ideas,
Speaker 1: Like that's right, folks, I have zero control over the
Speaker 1: things I run, which is why you should vote for me.
Speaker 1: To run the country so I can run it like
Speaker 1: one of my companies, which I don't even run. I
Speaker 1: don't even run. But speaking of fries, speaking of crimes,
Speaker 1: let's move on to our main story. In the run
Speaker 1: up to the midterms, one of the major issues four
Speaker 1: voters across the land was crime. In fact, any time
Speaker 1: you turned on the news, you were bound to see
Speaker 1: stories like this. Business owners across the country are stepping
Speaker 1: up security as they report brazen shoplifting. We've all seen
Speaker 1: the videos. Shop looking at supermarkets across the USA is
Speaker 1: out of control and bag Hall did who copsa walked
Speaker 1: out with all these stolen handbags for shoplifting epidemic highlighted
Speaker 1: by this viral video and a Walgreens last week. Shoplifting
Speaker 1: is up as video of brazen thieves leaving with their
Speaker 1: arms laden with stolen merchandise continue to shock all Americans.
Speaker 1: Shoplifting has gotten so bad this year, right, AID is
Speaker 1: considering literally putting everything behind showcases. Yeah you hear that
Speaker 1: shoplifting has gotten so bad that they're locking everything behind showcases.
Speaker 1: Oh when the person who unlocks the showcase then locked
Speaker 1: behind the showcase too. Yeah, now you screw what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? But yes, almost every day, every day
Speaker 1: the news, we've seen these horrible stories, you know, about
Speaker 1: people blatantly breaking the low and stealing what doesn't belong
Speaker 1: to them. And I don't care what anyone says. There
Speaker 1: is zero excuse for shoplifting, zero excuse even in the
Speaker 1: instances where you find yourself waiting in line forever and
Speaker 1: the six open registers, but the store only decided to
Speaker 1: hire one cashier, which makes you feel like they're taunting you,
Speaker 1: showing you how far there could be, but they just
Speaker 1: don't want it to be, you know. So then you think, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just gonna go and use the self checkout, but
Speaker 1: then there's an error because you can put the item
Speaker 1: in the bagging area, or because you put in too
Speaker 1: early or too late, and now you have to wait
Speaker 1: for the supervisor to come over and ask, oh, are
Speaker 1: you trying to buy this? No, I just enjoy holding shampoo. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm doing. Yet yes I'm trying to buy this.
Speaker 1: Yet I'm trying to buy it. And then inst of
Speaker 1: just like helping you out, they give you that look,
Speaker 1: they give you that look like uh, and then they
Speaker 1: wave the magical little key fob. And then even in
Speaker 1: that instance it is not justified. Even when it's justified,
Speaker 1: it's not justified to steal. But what if I told you,
Speaker 1: What if I told you that the biggest theft isn't
Speaker 1: people stealing from companies. What if I told you the
Speaker 1: biggest theft is companies stealing from people. Well you might
Speaker 1: ask how or why? Well, let's find out in another
Speaker 1: installment of If you don't know now, you know, when
Speaker 1: you take a job, you're making a simple agreement with
Speaker 1: your employee. All right, you do the work, they give
Speaker 1: you pay. That's the very foundation that jobs are built on.
Speaker 1: And yet all over the country, all over the world,
Speaker 1: in fact, employers aren't holding up the end of the deal.
Speaker 1: Imagine working and never getting paid. It's a growing problem
Speaker 1: called wage theft. Wage theft occurs when a worker is
Speaker 1: paid less than they're legally entitled to, such as when
Speaker 1: they're denied pay for working overtime or work off the
Speaker 1: clock without getting paid, or are denied legal meal breaks.
Speaker 1: Sixty seven letter carriers say their paychecks were changed to
Speaker 1: make it look like they worked less hours than they
Speaker 1: actually did. Workers at Heartsease and Carl's Jr. Have filed
Speaker 1: dozens of state and federal complaints, including allegations of wage theft,
Speaker 1: manipulated over time, and unfair labor practices. About ten thousand
Speaker 1: people are saying Hippotli forced them to work off the
Speaker 1: clock to boost the bottom line. Wage theft is the
Speaker 1: costliest crime in the country. The US workers a fifteen
Speaker 1: billion dollars per year, more than carthups, burglaries, and other
Speaker 1: larcenies combined. Yeah, that's right. The costliest crime in the
Speaker 1: United States is actually being committed by corporations. So I
Speaker 1: guess instead of following black people around the store, security
Speaker 1: guards should be hovering over c e o s at
Speaker 1: their desk. As you were looking over there, be like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to go ahead and put that
Speaker 1: persons stlary back where it belongs. I was like, oh, sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't see that. I had that. Yeah, I bet
Speaker 1: you didn't. And I think we can all agree nobody,
Speaker 1: nobody should be doing work that they're not getting paid for,
Speaker 1: because I mean, then that's not a job. Now you're
Speaker 1: volunteering at a fast food restaurant, and who would do that?
Speaker 1: Who's They're like, oh me, I'm not in it. For
Speaker 1: the money. I'm in it for the love of childhood obesity.
Speaker 1: And by the way, by the way, wage theft isn't
Speaker 1: just when companies don't pay employees for the work that
Speaker 1: they've done. In some instances, employers by really shitty ways
Speaker 1: to actually make their employees pay them. For example, there
Speaker 1: was a restaurant owner who confiscated his employees tips at
Speaker 1: the end of their shift and called it god a
Speaker 1: cleaning fee. Yeah. The NFL Oakland Raiders would dock the child.
Speaker 1: Chile does pay for ship like wearing the wrong color
Speaker 1: nail polish. Yeah. But this, this example of creative wage
Speaker 1: theft might be my favorite of all. This is Fantasy
Speaker 1: Gentlemen's Club in Grand Junction. And this is the twenty
Speaker 1: four page class action lawsuit claiming Fantasy Gentleman's Club has
Speaker 1: been exploiting these workers for years. Among other charges, dancers
Speaker 1: accused the club of cutting into their take home pay
Speaker 1: with excessive fines fifty dollars if dancers don't share tips
Speaker 1: with the DJ and security a hundred bucks to change
Speaker 1: the schedule. There's even a fine for complaining to customers
Speaker 1: about their personal lives. I'm sorry what this is The
Speaker 1: biggest bullshit of all. You can't find strippers for complaining
Speaker 1: to customers about their personal lives, all right. First of all,
Speaker 1: how can you even tell that they're complaining and not
Speaker 1: just singing along to the Drake song that's playing. You
Speaker 1: don't know, you don't know. And second of all, if
Speaker 1: trippers couldn't complain about their lives, then how would they
Speaker 1: be able to convince customers and just spending more than
Speaker 1: they plan to help save them from this life? So
Speaker 1: what you're saying is if we go to the champagne room,
Speaker 1: then you can move with me to Chicago? Is that age?
Speaker 1: And there's a lot of reasons businesses are able to
Speaker 1: get away with this. First of all, wage theft tends
Speaker 1: to target people with the least ability to fight back,
Speaker 1: like hourly workers and undocumented immigrants. Making matters worse, the
Speaker 1: government agencies who are supposed to be the watchdogs against
Speaker 1: wage theft are understaffed and undefunded. Oh and when companies
Speaker 1: do get caught stealing, here's what happens to them. McDonald's
Speaker 1: has agreed to pay it's twenty thinks million dollars to
Speaker 1: settle accusations of wage theff. It follows a long running
Speaker 1: class action lawsuit at corporate run locations in California the
Speaker 1: US labor departments as Walmart will pay four point eight
Speaker 1: million dollars in back wages and damages to more than
Speaker 1: forty five hundred employees. Amazon agreed to pay eight point
Speaker 1: two million dollars to settle a wage theft lawsuit, and
Speaker 1: Krispy Kreme was ordered to pay workers more than one
Speaker 1: point one million dollars after investigators found widespread and systematic
Speaker 1: failure to pay workers what they were owed. That's so strange.
Speaker 1: All of this theft occurred, but there was no mention
Speaker 1: of anyone going to jail. But then how will they
Speaker 1: learn their lesson? And before you say, but Trevor, you
Speaker 1: you can't put a corporation in jail, says who? So
Speaker 1: they always say corporations of people. So why doesn't America
Speaker 1: treat them like American people? Huh? Why not? Every time
Speaker 1: every single time a company gets busted stealing their workers wages,
Speaker 1: you know what they should do? They should said that
Speaker 1: the company headquarters should be taken to prison. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what they should just take the pactual headquarters put it
Speaker 1: in prison. Yea you hear that Amazon saying thing Denifer
Speaker 1: is gonna be a lot of harder when you have
Speaker 1: to smuggle that f fry and your butt hole. But
Speaker 1: just because it's all too easy for companies to steal
Speaker 1: from their workers, that doesn't mean workers are powerless. Wage
Speaker 1: theft has been one of the issues driving an increase
Speaker 1: in unionization, and California has just passed the law saying
Speaker 1: that for the first time anywhere in the country, wages
Speaker 1: and payment rules for all fast food workers will be
Speaker 1: set not by employers but by a council of experts
Speaker 1: appointed by the state. Yes, a council our fast food experts.
Speaker 1: So finally a government job that Trump is actually qualified for.
Speaker 1: But for some workers, waiting for the bureaucracy of the
Speaker 1: courts or the governments tends to be just takes too long,
Speaker 1: which is why one construction worker in England expressed his
Speaker 1: anger in a more physical way a row over six
Speaker 1: hundred pounds that will end up costing so much more
Speaker 1: to put rights. This construction worker was so angry at
Speaker 1: allegedly not being paid that he took drastic action, driving
Speaker 1: a mini excavator into the newly finished Hope Help that
Speaker 1: he'd helped film. Okay, okay, I know this seems bad,
Speaker 1: but is it because the guy did the work, didn't
Speaker 1: get paid and then he undid the work. But it
Speaker 1: seems like a fair deal to me, and it reminds me.
Speaker 1: It reminds me of a very wise thing my grandfather
Speaker 1: used to tell me. You'd say, remember, if you want
Speaker 1: to screw someone over, make sure they don't own a
Speaker 1: bulldozer first. And yes, my grandfather was Nelson Mandela. It
Speaker 1: was indeed. So the next time you turn the TV
Speaker 1: on and see all the news about people shoplifting from
Speaker 1: drug stores, before assuming there is a crime, maybe just
Speaker 1: for a moment, think that they could just be getting
Speaker 1: their wages back a totally different way. And if you
Speaker 1: don't know, now you know Ukrainian President Vladimia Zelenski, who
Speaker 1: today is officially declared Time Magazines Person of the Year.
Speaker 1: And you might be happy, but I'll tell you now,
Speaker 1: Vladimir Putin is gonna be so mad the next time
Speaker 1: he's in the waiting room at the dentists. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just gonna be like, no to with magazine. But congrats
Speaker 1: a Latimer Zelensky and the Ukrainian people, and congrats to
Speaker 1: Time Magazine on its annual reminder that Time magazine still exists.
Speaker 1: In more international news, German authorities this morning arrested twenty
Speaker 1: five of Q and On Q and On followers members
Speaker 1: for plotting to storm parliament and overthrow the governments, which, yes,
Speaker 1: is disconcerting news, but once again proof of how inspiring
Speaker 1: American culture is all around the world. Yeah, even in Germany.
Speaker 1: They were like, we should also storms the capital and
Speaker 1: we should also it's called the government, and then they're
Speaker 1: going to hang make pants pants. Oh. In technology news,
Speaker 1: Apple Music has just announced a brand new karaoke mode
Speaker 1: that will allow you to turn down the vocals on
Speaker 1: songs so that you can sing them instead. And I
Speaker 1: love this. This is great news for anyone who was
Speaker 1: thinking I love this adult song, but whatever, it was
Speaker 1: sung by someone who sucks. I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: it will be a lot of fun, you know. And
Speaker 1: now Spotify is also adding this feature to its podcast,
Speaker 1: so you can shout your own COVID theories over Joe Rogan.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be cool. In some legal news, an Illinois
Speaker 1: woman is suing the makers of t g I Fridays
Speaker 1: is Mozzarella sticks Get this because she discovered that they
Speaker 1: contain cheddar cheese but no mozzarella. That's why she's suing.
Speaker 1: And if you ask me, I'm I'm impressed that these
Speaker 1: cheese sticks have cheese in them at all. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like most American cheese products if you look at
Speaker 1: the fine printics like, technically this is sawdust and car
Speaker 1: and Sarah. But we were thinking about cheese when we
Speaker 1: were mixing air. All right, let's move on to some
Speaker 1: of the big stories of the day, starting with Georgia.
Speaker 1: The States sitting in Florida police tell Live because after
Speaker 1: a year of campaigning, an election in November and then
Speaker 1: another runoff election yesterday, the Senate race in Georgia is
Speaker 1: finally mercifully over. In Georgia's closely watched Senate bun off,
Speaker 1: Democrat Raphael Warnock walking away with the wind in the
Speaker 1: nation's final contest of the mid terms, the incumbent narrowly
Speaker 1: defeating his Republican challenger, Herschel Walker and cementing the Democrats
Speaker 1: majority in the Senate now aft advantage. Blocker was handpicked
Speaker 1: by former President Trump and is at least the fifth
Speaker 1: Trump back Senate candidate to be defeated Warnocks when gives
Speaker 1: the party an extra seat to help advance their agenda.
Speaker 1: It is my honor to utter the four most powerful
Speaker 1: words ever spoken in a democracy. The people have spoken. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: congratulations to Rafael Warnock. I mean I thought the four
Speaker 1: most powerful words in the American democracy were here is
Speaker 1: your stick up? But sure, I guess the people have
Speaker 1: spoken works too. But yes, Democrats have now won fifty
Speaker 1: one seats in the Senate, and you realize what that means.
Speaker 1: Basically nothing, um not because they lost the House. But
Speaker 1: still fifty one is bigger than fifty. So it's cool.
Speaker 1: It's cool, and you couldn't have had a race between
Speaker 1: two more different candidates. When you think about it, like
Speaker 1: when you take a moment, when you step away from
Speaker 1: the race, you understand how crazy this was. You had
Speaker 1: Raphael Warnock, a pasta, a pasta who was preaching at
Speaker 1: the same church as m l K and Herschel Walker,
Speaker 1: a man who thinks m l K is how you
Speaker 1: spell milk. But despite that, it was close. It was
Speaker 1: really really cool. In fact, if I was rapping out
Speaker 1: warrn up, my victory speech wouldn't have been me smiling,
Speaker 1: and I would have been a lot more different. He's
Speaker 1: a gracious man. He was talking about democracy in America's promise.
Speaker 1: I would have been up there like, are you people
Speaker 1: kidding me? With this ship? You got to give me
Speaker 1: a two point win over this walking but secting me
Speaker 1: commercial are you kidding me? But he's a better man.
Speaker 1: So that's that. Senator warn Up returns to Washington and
Speaker 1: herschel Walker goes home in defeat. But don't feel bad
Speaker 1: for herschel Guys, he actually took the news quite well. Yeah.
Speaker 1: His people were like, don't get this, don't let us
Speaker 1: get you down her shoulder, and he was like, let
Speaker 1: what get me down? Like the Senate race? He's like,
Speaker 1: you think I should run for the Senate? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: what is it? But let's move on to some major
Speaker 1: news about coronavirus. For most Americans, COVID has become something
Speaker 1: just try to ignore while you live your life, like
Speaker 1: mosquitoes or jury duty. Meanwhile, in China, they've been treating
Speaker 1: COVID like an existential danger right to every man, woman,
Speaker 1: and child. But believe it or not, off the weeks
Speaker 1: of historic protests from the Chinese people, that is all
Speaker 1: about to change. China's government has made a radical shift
Speaker 1: this morning, officially moving away from its strict zero COVID
Speaker 1: policies now. This move appears to be in response to
Speaker 1: widespread protests in recent weeks, including some of the boldest
Speaker 1: demonstrations this country has seen in decades. China's National Health
Speaker 1: Commission held a press conference to announce that mandatory COVID
Speaker 1: testing for most people will end immediately. They'll no longer
Speaker 1: have to show a negative test result in public places,
Speaker 1: and those armies of health workers in hazmat suits will
Speaker 1: stop locking down apartment complexes. Also, people with COVID who
Speaker 1: won't before a stint to state quarantine, they'll be able
Speaker 1: to recover at home. All that and a commitment to
Speaker 1: vaccinating the elderly sounds like common sense, but it's a
Speaker 1: huge climb down for chijin Ping and the Communist Party,
Speaker 1: who watched protests erupt in over twenty cities with calls
Speaker 1: for freedom, not lockdowns. I'm happy for the people of China.
Speaker 1: I genuinely air because I don't know if you were
Speaker 1: following this, but these restrictions were truly wild. I mean,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't even let you quarantine at home. You had
Speaker 1: to spend it at a government's quarantine facility that looks
Speaker 1: like a terminal at LaGuardia, And that's really messed up,
Speaker 1: because the one silver lining of getting COVID is having
Speaker 1: an excuse to get out of plans, you know. But
Speaker 1: China was like, no, no no, no, no no. You've got
Speaker 1: COVID and you've got plans with six hundred strangers. That's
Speaker 1: what you've got. And you know, after hearing this story,
Speaker 1: I would love to see an American citizen and a
Speaker 1: Chinese citizen sit down to talk about COVID because you
Speaker 1: always Americans talking about how they feel as though they
Speaker 1: were oppressed by the COVID restrictions. Here, yeah, the Chinese
Speaker 1: person will be like, it was brutal. I was literally
Speaker 1: boughted up in my home, beaten up by the police,
Speaker 1: and sent to a quarantine camp, and be like, I
Speaker 1: feel you, brother. This one summer I got asked to
Speaker 1: leave an apple beach. We are not different at all,
Speaker 1: my friend, we both suffered. Well, let's move on to
Speaker 1: some news from the world of air travel. If you
Speaker 1: fly a lots, then you know how boarding a plane goes. Right,
Speaker 1: You get to your gates, try to sneak in line
Speaker 1: with the boarding group ahead of yours. You put your
Speaker 1: luggage into the overhead been sideways so no one else
Speaker 1: can use it. And then you sit down and you
Speaker 1: put your phone into airplane mode. And it has to
Speaker 1: be an airplane mode, because if anyone calls you while
Speaker 1: you're on a plane, the plane immediately crashes into an
Speaker 1: elementary school. That's how it works. It's science, right, we
Speaker 1: know this well. It turns out in Europe all of
Speaker 1: that is about to change. Could this be the potential
Speaker 1: end of putting your phone on airplane mode? Maybe when
Speaker 1: you take a flight. Starting in June, airplane mode won't
Speaker 1: be mandatory on flights in the European Union. The European
Speaker 1: Commission re sly ruled that airlines can provide five G
Speaker 1: technology onboard the plane, which allows passengers to send and
Speaker 1: receive calls and text messages. Yes, finally, passengers in Europe
Speaker 1: can make phone calls while on a plane. Because every
Speaker 1: time I've been on a plane, I've voice thought, man,
Speaker 1: I wish everyone was having a different loud conversation right now.
Speaker 1: That baby company the only one who's a lot of
Speaker 1: make noise. Come on, man, I know some people like this.
Speaker 1: I think it sucks. I feel like it's a society.
Speaker 1: We're quickly running out of places that give you an
Speaker 1: excuse not to take a call. You know, you used
Speaker 1: to be able to say, sorry, I wasn't home, I
Speaker 1: MR call the cell phone. Kill that. Then you have
Speaker 1: to pretend you were going into a tunnel. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: I'm Jina. I would look to you other story, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about and then the tunnel has
Speaker 1: got reception, Then subways got reception. Now the planes have
Speaker 1: reception pretty soon. The only excuse you have for not
Speaker 1: being able to get a call is that you're on
Speaker 1: T mobile. But I was not hearing about that. But
Speaker 1: but I mean, I guess if you, if you're any
Speaker 1: need to make a call on a plane. It's not
Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world to have an option.
Speaker 1: But I just hope the pilots don't have access to
Speaker 1: this feature. Folks were major please but hoday when we've
Speaker 1: gotten bod it could be quite botty. Had all right, Greg,
Speaker 1: this is gonna take all of your concentration and skills
Speaker 1: as a pilot that you could do this. Just focus,
Speaker 1: just focus, Oh ship, it's Wendy. That's Wendy, Hey, God,
Speaker 1: what's going on now? I'm not doing anything, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just living my level honestly. Most importantly,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to you, every every single one of you.
Speaker 1: I am. I'm so grateful. I remember, I remember when
Speaker 1: we started the show, we couldn't get enough people to
Speaker 1: fill an audience. And you know, I always think it's good.
Speaker 1: That's how comedy is funny enough. I remember all my
Speaker 1: shows people didn't there weren't tickets, if you know, everyone
Speaker 1: empty seats um and then I when I look at
Speaker 1: this now, I don't take it for granted. Ever, every
Speaker 1: seat that has ever been filled to watch something that
Speaker 1: I'm doing, I always appreciate because I know the empty
Speaker 1: seat that sits behind it. So thank you. Thank you
Speaker 1: to the people who watch, the people who share clips.
Speaker 1: You know, everyone who's had an opinion, everyone who's been
Speaker 1: kind enough and gracious enough to you know, whether even
Speaker 1: if it's a critique, doesn't even have to be praised.
Speaker 1: But some people watching that I don't like it when
Speaker 1: you do this, but I but I watched. I want
Speaker 1: to say I appreciate those people. Even the people who
Speaker 1: hate watched. We've still got the ratings. Thank you. I'm
Speaker 1: eternally grateful to you. And uh this is random for
Speaker 1: some but special shout out to black women. Um, I
Speaker 1: you know, I've I've been I've often been credited with,
Speaker 1: you know, having these grand ideas of people like, oh, Trevior,
Speaker 1: you're so smart and you s The'm like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: who do you think teaches me? You know, who do
Speaker 1: you think has shaped me, nourished me, informed me? You
Speaker 1: know from my mom, my grand you know, my aunt
Speaker 1: told these black women in my life, but then in
Speaker 1: America as well. If you always tell people, if you
Speaker 1: truly to learn about America, talk to black women. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because unlike everybody else, black women cannot afford to around
Speaker 1: and find out. Black people understand how hard it is
Speaker 1: when things go bad, especially in America, but any place
Speaker 1: where black people exist, where it's Brazil with its South Africa,
Speaker 1: wherever it is, when things go bad, black people know
Speaker 1: that it gets worse for them. But black women in particular,
Speaker 1: they know what is Genuinely, He'll always be shocked to
Speaker 1: be like, why do what black women turn out the
Speaker 1: way they do in America? Why do they vote the
Speaker 1: way that? Yeah, because they know what happens if things
Speaker 1: do not go the way it should, they cannot afford
Speaker 1: to go around and find out. And to black women
Speaker 1: who have taught me, all of them, I mean the
Speaker 1: scholars online, the you know, the authors, everybody, the Rock
Speaker 1: Sand Gaze, the Trescy McMillan, Cottons, you know, I'll remember
Speaker 1: the names. You know, the zoet somebodies, the brilliant, brilliant
Speaker 1: women I've taken the time to inform me, to educate me,
Speaker 1: to argue with me, you know, the Toronto books who
Speaker 1: you know, we've laughed with me, talking about everything from
Speaker 1: sexual assaults to just what life is like him. And
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, now, do yourself a favor. You truly
Speaker 1: want to know what to do or how to do
Speaker 1: it or maybe the best way of the most the
Speaker 1: most equitable way talk to black women. They are there
Speaker 1: are a lot of the reason that I'm here, and
Speaker 1: so I'm grateful to them. I'm grateful to every single
Speaker 1: one of you. There has been an honor. Thank you,
Speaker 1: but you are a pustable. Before we go once again
Speaker 1: this holiday season, please consider supporting Feeding America, the largest
Speaker 1: hunger relief organization in the United States. If you want
Speaker 1: to support their amazing work of getting nourishing food to
Speaker 1: the people who need it most. Then please donate at
Speaker 1: the link below. The Daily Show with trevorna Ears Edition.
Speaker 1: Subscribe to The Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content,
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Speaker 1: been a Comedy Central podcast