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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My boss

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Speaker 2: forced me to cancel my vacation, so I decided to quit.

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Speaker 3: Well that's extreme, Dakota.

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Speaker 2: Well, Sophia, it's actually Vacate the Vacation Week on Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime Podcast. So we're unpacking the chaotic, petty, and absolutely

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Speaker 2: unforgettable world of vacation's gone wrong, where the real baggage

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Speaker 2: isn't in your suitcase, it's the people around you.

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Speaker 4: If you're new year and looking for the story. My

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Speaker 4: husband is currently on vacation with his mistress and I'm

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Speaker 4: confronting them. Just click the link in the show notes

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Speaker 4: a description or search.

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Speaker 5: Vacate the Vacation Week on the Okay Storytime Podcast wherever

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Speaker 5: you get your podcasts. New episodes drop all weeks starting

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Speaker 5: July first, and trust us, you'll be booking your solo

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Speaker 5: trips by Friday.

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Speaker 2: Let's dive into this one. I was brainwashed at an

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Speaker 2: early age that loyalty and hard work would add countless

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Speaker 2: zeros to your paycheck. I remained optimistic after receiving year

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Speaker 2: after year of three percent raises and working holidays. I

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Speaker 2: missed my children's first steps, their school functions, and other

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Speaker 2: life events so I could make the CEO more money.

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Speaker 2: After my stepfather passed away, my boss called me during

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Speaker 2: the funeral and asked me to troubleshoot a work issue

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Speaker 2: while my mom cried into my shoulder. That was the

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Speaker 2: moment I had enough. I changed companies and made a

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Speaker 2: personal promise to put family first and my career a

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Speaker 2: distant third or fourth. And this comes from a user

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Speaker 2: named I am Beaker. You want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the our slash showkay story, I'm sub at it,

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia. We're gonna read Beaker's story, and

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Speaker 2: we're gonna have things to say, and you can have

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Speaker 2: things to say too, and you could say them in

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Speaker 2: the comments and maybe we'll read them. Hope, he says.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward to today, I find myself as the person

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Speaker 2: my whole department depends on.

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Speaker 3: Nice.

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Speaker 2: A lot of our clients' work processes run automatically through

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Speaker 2: a custom system I personally built and programmed. I have

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Speaker 2: kept a detailed library of instructions explaining how everything works

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Speaker 2: and how to fix it if something goes wrong. And

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Speaker 2: I have offered multiple times to teach someone else how

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Speaker 2: to do what I do, so the whole company is

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Speaker 2: not depending on just me. My manager told me, no way,

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Speaker 2: we would never do anything to lose you famous last words.

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Speaker 2: Up until that point in life was good. At the

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Speaker 2: beginning of December, a client company called ABC was inspected

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Speaker 2: by the government and found to be breaking the.

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Speaker 4: Rules like the actual ABC.

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Speaker 2: No, probably not. I think that, I don't think. I

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Speaker 2: don't think so Blke.

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Speaker 3: Let's call it Fox.

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Speaker 2: News Alpha Beta Charlie. They hired my company to fix

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Speaker 2: the problem before the end of the year or face

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Speaker 2: almost seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars in five oh

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Speaker 2: so and so company kept dragging their feet and would

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Speaker 2: not give us the information we needed to even get started.

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Speaker 2: I save up my vacation days, specifically so I can

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Speaker 2: take the week between Christmas and New Year's off. Every year,

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Speaker 2: I spend week with my kids to make up for

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Speaker 2: all the time I missed when they were younger, and

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Speaker 2: this time is incredibly precious to me. For weeks leading

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Speaker 2: up to Christmas, I kept reminding my project manager and

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Speaker 2: my manager that I had that time off coming, and

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Speaker 2: I told them I needed ABC Company's information soon so

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Speaker 2: I could finish my part of the work before Christmas Eve.

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Speaker 2: I even offered to work extra hours to make sure

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Speaker 2: everything was done before I left. On Tuesday, my manager

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Speaker 2: called me and told me ABC Company was finally sent

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Speaker 2: over the information I had been waiting on for over

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Speaker 2: two weeks. He looked beaten down because he knew what

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Speaker 2: was coming. I asked him who I should hand things

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Speaker 2: off to since I was leaving after Christmas. My manager

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Speaker 2: then said, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you

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Speaker 2: to work next week. I canceled your time off.

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Speaker 4: I'm canceling my job then bye.

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Speaker 2: I asked what would happen to my vacation days and

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Speaker 2: he said, I'm you know the rules.

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Speaker 4: He's crying.

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Speaker 2: I fought for you, but HR would not budge. After

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Speaker 2: that call, I wrote my resignation letter, said it to

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Speaker 2: automatically send Monday morning at eight am, and closed up

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Speaker 2: shop for the day. Because of my resignation, ABC Company

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Speaker 2: will now facea seven hundred thousand dollars fine since nobody

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Speaker 2: else at the company knows how to operate the system

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Speaker 2: I built and there is no backup. Nice. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: almost like they outright like extorted one of the most

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Speaker 2: important pieces of their company and then didn't expect any

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Speaker 2: consequences from that.

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Speaker 4: Silly, silly, silly.

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Speaker 2: Our other clients are also expecting their monthly, quarterly, and

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Speaker 2: annual reports in the first week of January, and nobody

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Speaker 2: at the company knows how to produce those either. There

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Speaker 2: were six other projects in progress that I was the

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Speaker 2: only person working on, and those are now completely stuck.

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Speaker 2: Seven clients had already paid in advance for upgrades I

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Speaker 2: was supposed to deliver in early twenty twenty two, and

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Speaker 2: I do not know what will happen to those. Please

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Speaker 2: remember family first. You never get that time back.

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Speaker 4: Dang. OPI you said family first, or give me passing away?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guarantee you if you go back to

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Speaker 2: that company, you're gonna end up getting paid more.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, go, you can negotiate.

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Speaker 2: Ooh without me, your entire company falls apart. Let's talk numbers.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sorry, then giving you three percent raises this

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Speaker 5: whole time. Let's talk about thing.

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Speaker 2: No, No, that's different company. Okay, old company.

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Speaker 4: Well, still let's talk about a fifty percent raise.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about how much I need to

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Speaker 2: be paid so that your business doesn't cease to exist. Ops.

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Speaker 2: Some more comments as well. Here's the funny thing. Every

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Speaker 2: other time I gave the company an analysis or a recommendation,

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Speaker 2: they acted on it and ended up in a better

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Speaker 2: financial position because of it. When this pandemic hit and

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Speaker 2: I suggested everyone work from home immediately to prevent people

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Speaker 2: from getting sick, they did so immediately. When I showed

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Speaker 2: them data proving that people were actually more productive working

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Speaker 2: from home, the company decided not to renew their office

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Speaker 2: lease and went permanently remote. When the company wanted to

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Speaker 2: support small businesses, I suggested three specific businesses to invest in.

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Speaker 2: I helped negotiate these deals, and those businesses have since

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Speaker 2: grown over four hundred percent and are breaking their own

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Speaker 2: sales records. However, this one time, if they choose not

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Speaker 2: to listen to me, they may lose big and some

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Speaker 2: more background info here. I understand how businesses work, and

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Speaker 2: we are a small to medium sized company. Before all

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Speaker 2: of this, my manager and I had a genuinely great relationship.

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Speaker 2: The CEO even helped me move into my new house.

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Speaker 2: I fully understood the impact my resignation would have on

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Speaker 2: the company, and that weighed heavily on my mind. Our

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Speaker 2: client is a large company, and large companies are notoriously

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Speaker 2: slow to send over information and get things done. They

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Speaker 2: move at their own pace and act like everyone else

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Speaker 2: has to wait on them, especially when they're the ones

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Speaker 2: who caused the problem to begin with. I would have

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Speaker 2: been open to working half days if someone was available

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Speaker 2: to check my work, or to swap my week off

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Speaker 2: so I could take spring break with my kids instead.

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Speaker 2: But there was no conversation, no compromise offered. It was

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Speaker 2: just a user or lose it on Opie's wife point

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Speaker 2: of view. For the record, my wife was extremely supportive

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Speaker 2: of this decision. She said, quote, I would rather lose

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Speaker 2: the house than lose our family. They my snap for that.

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Speaker 2: Zan that told me I made the right decision for us.

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Speaker 2: My oldest son is nine years old. This will be

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Speaker 2: the third Christmas I have actually spent with him.

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Speaker 4: He probably didn't even remember the ones before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, these are the prime time years. I was forced

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Speaker 2: to work during his first six Christmases, including his very

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Speaker 2: first one. The only memories I have from those years

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Speaker 2: are videos and pictures someone else took. I missed both

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Speaker 2: my son's first steps, oh, their first words, and their

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Speaker 2: first Christmas is.

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Speaker 5: Dang none of those not of though everyone agrees those

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Speaker 5: are kind of like who cares.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like once they have their first steps, it's like,

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Speaker 2: all right, they're stepping.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like wow, there's step poorly, get back to me when.

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Speaker 2: You can run a mile? Yeah, what do you want

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Speaker 2: a gold medal? Get to work Now that you can walk,

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Speaker 2: you can work. Come on, do better, get in the minds.

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Speaker 2: You never get that time back. Yeah, no amount of

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Speaker 2: money can replace that, OPI on his email. I left

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Speaker 2: the phone call without agreeing to anything, but I set

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Speaker 2: the resignation email to send Monday at eight in the morning.

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Speaker 2: I did not want to ruin my manager's holiday weekend,

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Speaker 2: but I also want to be clear that I never

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Speaker 2: once agreed to work that week. My manager told me

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Speaker 2: I had to work next week, that I would lose

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Speaker 2: my vacation time. Wish me a merry Christmas, and ended

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Speaker 2: the conversation.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 5: That's crazy to be like you can't have your vacation,

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Speaker 5: you're actually losing all of that time forever.

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Speaker 4: And also merry Christmas. I hope you have really loved

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Speaker 4: your time with your family whenever you see them.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I can't wait for this. We've got an update. Oh,

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Speaker 2: boil boil boy. So the resignation email went out Monday

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Speaker 2: morning at eight in the morning, ran on the schedule

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Speaker 2: while I was home with my kids where I belonged,

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Speaker 2: and within minutes the chaos began. Oh boy. The first

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Speaker 2: text came in at eight forty two in the morning.

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Speaker 2: My manager asked me to call him as soon as possible,

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Speaker 2: said he understood I was upset, and reminded me that

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Speaker 2: he had been my friend for five years.

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Speaker 3: I was overriend. Please that was overriend.

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Speaker 2: Oh it's almost like you were my friend, right.

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Speaker 4: Crazy, But you were my friend when you took away

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Speaker 4: on my vacation time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it would have been different if you came and said, hey,

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Speaker 2: can we talk about this because something needs to be

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Speaker 2: done and I understand you're gonna be on vacation. He

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Speaker 2: was asking me as a friend, not as a manager,

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Speaker 2: to please reconsider. I did not call. By noon, they

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Speaker 2: had dropped the friendly act entirely. The message read, this

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Speaker 2: is ridiculous. Do you know what your actions are going

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Speaker 2: to do to the company to me. Just call me

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Speaker 2: and we will figure out your vacation, but we need

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Speaker 2: done by Friday. Then came the threat designed to turn

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Speaker 2: my coworkers against me. If you don't finish this, nobody

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Speaker 2: gets a bonus or a pay increase this year. This

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Speaker 2: will be common knowledge.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not gonna be working there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then again, whose fault is that really that

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Speaker 2: you let the guy who the entire company relies on

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Speaker 2: walk out the door because you mishandled his vacation dime?

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Speaker 3: Yep, So now I.

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Speaker 2: Was not just a guy who quit. I was the

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Speaker 2: reason nobody was getting their Christmas bonus. Then things got

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Speaker 2: truly messy. A different client had sent over a broken

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Speaker 2: file and someone on my team had tried to process

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Speaker 2: it manually. The daily reports that government agencies needed to

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Speaker 2: check every single day were completely down, and the company

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Speaker 2: was being fined for every single hour they stayed down.

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Speaker 2: The text read you gotta help us here, call me,

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Speaker 2: followed immediately by dude, log back in and help fix

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Speaker 2: this stuff. Name your price. Family is important, but we

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Speaker 2: are talking about people's jobs on the line. And that

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Speaker 2: was the moment I finally responded. He was waiting for

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Speaker 2: name your price, and.

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Speaker 5: He said, all right, now we're here, I'll work Christmas,

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Speaker 5: but I also want seven hundred billion dollars.

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Speaker 2: And now we're talking. Now you speak in my language.

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Speaker 2: That was the moment I finally responded. I told them

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Speaker 2: I would be happy to return for eighty dollars an hour,

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Speaker 2: a five thousand dollars immediate signing bonus, six weeks of

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Speaker 2: paid vacation, and a twelve month job guarantee noise. Send

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Speaker 2: all that to me in writing, and I would start immediately.

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Speaker 2: The response I got back said, come on, this is ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: I don't even get paid that much. Quit being so

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Speaker 2: full of yourself. Be a team player, log in and

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Speaker 2: save this company. Oh that's crazy. Maybe you don't get

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Speaker 2: paid that much because you can't save the company.

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Speaker 5: That's so crazy to be like, come on, you're being ridiculous,

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Speaker 5: Please save the company.

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Speaker 3: Do anything.

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Speaker 2: Well, we're not gonna do that. When I said name

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Speaker 2: your price, I didn't mean that literally.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I meant save us out of the goodness of

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Speaker 5: your heart.

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Speaker 2: Then they called my father, my emergency contact, the man

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Speaker 2: who had nothing to do with any of this. My

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Speaker 2: response was fast, please stop calling my dad. He has

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with this. You can call me all

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Speaker 2: you want, but do not call my emergency contacts. I resigned.

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Speaker 2: I did not pass away.

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Speaker 4: Why is your dad your emergency contact? Wouldn't it be

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Speaker 4: your wife?

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Speaker 2: Maybe she can't handle emergencies.

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Speaker 3: Very well, Like I'm not ready for the emergencies.

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Speaker 2: The messages kept escalating, from asking to demanding to outright

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Speaker 2: screaming in all capital letters, answer your phone. I would

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Speaker 2: have just sent them a I would have just replied

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Speaker 2: with like, of just a quote of their name, your price,

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Speaker 2: and I'd just be like, I'm just waiting for you

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Speaker 2: guys to send over the contract. I already named it.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead and send it over whenever you're ready.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 2: After that, I set my final offer. I would fix

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Speaker 2: the broken daily reports and train the team on how

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Speaker 2: to handle it going forward for a flat ten thousand

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Speaker 2: dollars and nothing else. No client project, no recurring monthly reports.

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Speaker 7: That was it.

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Speaker 2: Their response was your documentation does not have the answer.

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Speaker 2: You already cost us thirty two thousand dollars today. You

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Speaker 2: want to squeeze another ten thousand? You got greedy over.

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Speaker 4: Chris mess These people are insane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's almost like, I didn't cost you thirty two thousand.

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Speaker 2: The fact that your company had nobody else there who

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Speaker 2: could do my job, and then you pushed me to resign.

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Speaker 2: That might be more than just my fault.

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Speaker 4: Right, It sounds like you cost yourself some money.

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Speaker 2: I reminded them one last time that the answer to

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Speaker 2: their problem was already sitting in the documentation I had

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Speaker 2: left behind. They did not believe me, and that is

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Speaker 2: exactly when the client's own contact called me from a

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Speaker 2: number I did not recognize, and everything.

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Speaker 3: Changed well well, and they.

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Speaker 4: Finally reached the big boss.

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Speaker 2: I think Op's going to cut out the middleman here. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and Thenre's gonna be like, dude, we'll give you five

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Speaker 2: hundred thousand dollars today, just fix all this stuff. Yes,

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Speaker 2: we are a government agency, we have unlimited money.

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Speaker 4: They're they're a project tail Mary, and she's like, I

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Speaker 4: could do whatever I want.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, straight up. Some more comments from OP on the

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Speaker 2: growing fines. The company fails to see a difference between

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Speaker 2: a small cost today and a much bigger cost tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: My CEO s he's a ten thousand dollars expence he

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Speaker 2: has to pay right now. As more of a threat

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Speaker 2: than a forty five thousand dollar expence he might have

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Speaker 2: to pay a month from now. The clock is still ticking.

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Speaker 2: I think they're over seventy thousand dollars in fines now.

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Speaker 3: So stupid, so stupid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like TikTok, dude, you could have just given

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Speaker 2: me that contract and there we go, oh op on

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Speaker 2: the documentation he left behind. The funny thing is I

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Speaker 2: tried multiple times to teach other people how to do

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Speaker 2: what I do. My manager kept saying, you are not

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Speaker 2: going anywhere, this is a waste of time. But I

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Speaker 2: documented every single one of my processes in detail. Here's

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Speaker 2: a little hidden gem I left in the documentation. If

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Speaker 2: you go to the back section of the instructions, you

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00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,640
Speaker 2: will find a troubleshooting guide. Inside that guide, there is

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Speaker 2: a section called broken files. It walks you through exactly

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Speaker 2: how to undo any damage caused by a bad file,

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Speaker 2: reload the correct one, and bring everything back up to

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Speaker 2: date with no missing work. I left the answer in

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Speaker 2: plain sight. They just had to read it and there's

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Speaker 2: another update. And it's crazy that you literally told them

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Speaker 2: this too, and they still were like, nah, just do it,

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Speaker 2: get on do it. And you're like okay, twelve months,

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Speaker 2: job security eighty dollars an hour, five thousand Right now, No,

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Speaker 2: I didn't mean I don't do it because you love me. Oh,

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Speaker 2: we were friends, remember I moved boxes.

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Speaker 5: You were like the good friend who did it however

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Speaker 5: I wanted, and I was the bad friend who didn't

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Speaker 5: care about you.

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Speaker 2: There's a second update. Previously, my manager told me I

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Speaker 2: would have to work the week between Christmas and New

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Speaker 2: Year's even though I had that time off approved back

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Speaker 2: in July. This decision was partly driven by a government

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Speaker 2: client facing a massive fine for breaking the rules, and

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Speaker 2: they had ignored my requests for the information I needed

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Speaker 2: until just days before Christmas. I chose my family over

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Speaker 2: the company and handed in my resignation the monday after Christmas,

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Speaker 2: dyeing the present.

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Speaker 3: Oh boy.

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Speaker 2: Starting the monday after Christmas, my manager began using different

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00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,760
Speaker 2: pressure tactics and was spreading negative stories about me to

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Speaker 2: try to get me to change my mind. The company

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00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,160
Speaker 2: CEO joined in to put more pressure on me. During

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Speaker 2: this time, a different client sent over a corrupted file

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00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,600
Speaker 2: and someone in the department processed it without catching the problem,

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00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,720
Speaker 2: causing an entire set of reports to completely stop working.

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Speaker 2: Because of a promise in the client contract guaranteeing the

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Speaker 2: reports would stay online. The company was now being fined

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00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 2: every single hour those reports were down per report. I

342
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 2: offered several ways to help the company fix the problem quickly,

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Speaker 2: but every offer was turned down so stupid. Throughout the day,

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00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 2: the manager and CEO sent a flood of texts and

345
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Speaker 2: phone calls. One of my coworkers eventually found the instructions

346
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Speaker 2: I had left behind and used them to fix the reports.

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Speaker 2: Later that afternoon, he was officially written up and punished

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Speaker 2: because he was responsible for processing the broken file in

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Speaker 2: the first place and had not found my instructions fast enough.

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Speaker 4: You're going to kick out everyone who can do this job.

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Speaker 2: Did this place always suck and you just noticed it, but.

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Speaker 3: Sounds like it sucks pretty bad?

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Speaker 2: Or did this guy? Is this sky just in a

354
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 2: tail spin and he can't help it. You're going to

355
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Speaker 2: punish the guy who fixed the problem.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is pretty insane.

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Speaker 2: He told me that the manager HR and the CEO

358
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 2: had stayed up all night looking for reasons to punish him.

359
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 2: I told him to start updating his resume. The total

360
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 2: time the reports were down was sixteen hours. Who around

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00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 2: three PM, I got a phone call from a number

362
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,040
Speaker 2: I did not recognize. It was the main contact person

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Speaker 2: from the client company, the person who acts as the

364
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 2: go between for my old company and their client. I

365
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,159
Speaker 2: explained everything to her, how the client had ignored my

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00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,439
Speaker 2: requests for information until just before Christmas, how I lost

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00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 2: a full week of approved vacation time with no real discussion,

368
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,639
Speaker 2: how my manager in CEO had been texting and calling

369
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 2: me since I resigned, and how I had actually offered

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Speaker 2: to come back to help her company meet the government deadline.

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00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 2: The contact person then told me a very different version

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Speaker 2: of events. My manager and CEO had already called her

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Speaker 2: earlier that day and told her that I had quit

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Speaker 2: and was now holding the project hostage to squeeze more

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Speaker 2: money out of everyone. I explained how someone could see

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00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 2: it that way if they wanted to, but that I

377
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 2: was not actively looking to go back. After seeing how

378
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 2: the company treated me both before and after my resignation,

379
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 2: I had no interest in returning. She then asked me

380
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 2: what it would take for me to come back, things

381
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 2: like pay rate, signing, bonus, and so on. She told

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00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,720
Speaker 2: me to hit tight, not to respond to any more

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00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 2: tech from my manager or CEO and that she would

384
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 2: call me back within the hour. Now you're talking. Now

385
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 2: we're talking to the person who can really deliver on

386
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 2: Name your price.

387
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. The other people were just saying things.

388
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,399
Speaker 2: Name your price, but it has to be in the

389
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 2: form of hugs.

390
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, name your price, but it's just a smile.

391
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 2: Name your price, but it's a wife's meat loaf. And

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00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 2: maybe I'll help you move again. And she's not a

393
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 2: very good cook. She is not, but she loves to cook. Yes,

394
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 2: I don't tell her otherwise. Ceow's text. Did the contact

395
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 2: person really call you? Did she give you a piece

396
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 2: of her mind? Manager's text? I bet she's gonna make

397
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 2: you personally pay for that fine. The contact person called

398
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,919
Speaker 2: me back on a group call and asked, what do

399
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,280
Speaker 2: you need to finish this project? What tools, access, and

400
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 2: information do you need? I gave her a complete list

401
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 2: and answered all of her follow up questions about the project.

402
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 5: Oh man, oh p, you really knew how to do this.

403
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,400
Speaker 5: You really handle the situation kind of perfectly.

404
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 7: Yeah.

405
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 2: This is a very golden example of just like setting

406
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 2: a boundary and not letting people who have sort of

407
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 2: made their own bed manipulate you into lying down in it. Yeah.

408
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 4: It truly is almost always better to stand up for yourself.

409
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: Yes, And this whole thing could have been avoided if

410
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 2: the guy had just come to him and said, Hey,

411
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 2: so it looks like this is going to have to

412
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 2: get done during that week you're on vacation. I have

413
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 2: not canceled your vacation because I wanted to talk to

414
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 2: you first and see if you were open to helping

415
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,640
Speaker 2: us out during this time. I know you have instructions

416
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,400
Speaker 2: and other people can maybe do this while you're on vacation.

417
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 2: Are you open to maybe working partial days a couple

418
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 2: days during that week so that you can check their work.

419
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 5: Could have literally said, hey, can you have days and

420
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 5: we'll give you time back later.

421
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:57,439
Speaker 2: Yeah.

422
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 3: Instead they said we're taking everything.

423
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 2: As important as this guy. You deserve to be talked

424
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 2: to before decisions like that are made. Yeah. She then

425
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 2: laid out the offer. Here's what we're going to do.

426
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 2: We're going to hire you directly on a short term

427
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 2: contract to finish building this system for us by the

428
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 2: end of the year, and we will pay you double

429
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 2: the hourly rate you asked for OOO if you finish

430
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,880
Speaker 2: by December thirty. First, wait, so do they want to.

431
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,239
Speaker 3: Give you one sixtieth day.

432
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 2: They want to give this guy one hundred and sixty

433
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,880
Speaker 2: dollars an hour. M okay, if you finish by December

434
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 2: thirty first, you will also get the signing bonus we discussed.

435
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 2: After the new year, we will look at whether there

436
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 2: is a permanent spot for you, but there are no guarantees,

437
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 2: especially if you do not finish the project.

438
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 6: Do we have a deal?

439
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 2: I agreed to the terms and told her to put

440
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 2: everything in writing and that I could start as soon

441
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 2: as their tech team sent me up with access. She said,

442
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,479
Speaker 2: no problem, our legal team already checked the contract and

443
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 2: found a clause that says, if your old company cannot

444
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 2: deliver something they promised to deliver, we're allowed to bring

445
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 2: in someone else and charge your old company for the cost.

446
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 2: I just need them to officially confirm in writing that

447
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 2: they cannot do this work, and then we will send

448
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 2: them the bill for your time.

449
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 5: Hie, So your old company gotta pay anyway, still.

450
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 2: Has to pay.

451
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 8: Nice?

452
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 2: Would you look at that? And now? I bet that

453
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 2: first deal he offered sounds pretty sweet, doesn't it.

454
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, we doubled the first deal.

455
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 2: Said name your price. He said, here's my price. They said, ew, gross,

456
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,479
Speaker 2: Now they're gonna pay double the price, yeah, plus all

457
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: of the fine. Yeah. So congratulations, stupid And that's the

458
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 2: end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

459
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 2: My wife's clinic sent her medical bill to their workplace

460
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 2: and her co workers opened it.

461
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 9: Oh my god.

462
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 2: A few months ago, my wife and I recently went

463
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 2: through IVF. The fertility clinic makes it part of their

464
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 2: process to test all patients for gonorrhea and chlamydia. No

465
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 2: big deal, I guess. Our real issue is that the

466
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,679
Speaker 2: lab company sent the bill to my wife's workplace. And

467
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 2: by the way, this comes from user mount my Blade.

468
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

469
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay, storytime separate it.

470
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Savannah, and we have.

471
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 8: A very special guest with us here today. Go ahead

472
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 8: and introduce yourself.

473
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 6: Hello.

474
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 3: My name is Alyssa Birmaum.

475
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 10: I'm an organizational psychologist, so I have my PhD. Not

476
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 10: in organizing things, but in helping people in organizations really

477
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 10: thrive and do well.

478
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 2: And we're going to be reading some some stories within organizations.

479
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 2: It was addressed to her, but her workplace opened the bill.

480
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 2: That seems like something you could immediately sue them for

481
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: a lot of money for.

482
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 9: Yeah, that feels illegal. It doesn't have her name on it. Also,

483
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 9: why did the company send it to her workplace? That's

484
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 9: like not a mistakey mate.

485
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know who's opening your mail at work.

486
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Yeah.

487
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,679
Speaker 8: I would understand like maybe if it was like not

488
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 8: completely like addressed to them, but it's addressed to her,

489
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 8: So why.

490
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 3: Are they opening it?

491
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 9: I mean there's like on so many levels this is

492
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 9: just like, this is horrible. Yeah, I mortified.

493
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 2: This was really embarrassing for my wife because the HR

494
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 2: lady saw the bill, it only showed a line item

495
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 2: for chlamydia slash gc amplification. In an attempt to save face,

496
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 2: she had to explain our infertility issues, which is hard

497
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: for her to do. Someone in HR opened your mail

498
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 2: and said do you have a gross STD or something?

499
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 2: And they work in HR.

500
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 9: I don't even know what to say. That's horrible.

501
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like, do you just I would say,

502
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 2: try to sue this workplace for as much as you

503
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 2: can take. I usually say that, I mean, it's crazy.

504
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 10: We're like disregarding the fact that like this was sent there,

505
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 10: which what but the fact that someone in HR saw

506
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,120
Speaker 10: someone else's name open the letter and then put someone

507
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 10: in a really uncomfortable position to disclose earlier than they

508
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 10: meant to, which is the hardest thing for most people

509
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 10: to do when they're going through their fertility journeys. I

510
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 10: do a lot of research on the fertility family building space, okay,

511
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 10: and so that is something that people don't want to

512
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 10: share until they're really at their point where they're like,

513
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 10: I'm just for it.

514
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 9: I need to do it.

515
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 10: So my god, I like, I don't even know what.

516
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 10: I don't even know what to say. That's horrible anyway.

517
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 2: Bad bad, bad organization.

518
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 9: What happens?

519
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 2: So, after making some phone calls, it appears that the

520
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:16,719
Speaker 2: fertility clinic filled the forms out correctly and the lab

521
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: company sent the bill to the wrong address. When I

522
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 2: called them, they apologized and said they look into it.

523
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 2: They followed up with us by sending a copy of

524
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 2: the form the clinics sent in, which was filled out correctly.

525
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 2: They claimed it was the clinic's fault, but the form

526
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 2: showed otherwise. We were upset with this but decided to

527
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 2: just move on. That was all a few months ago.

528
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: Today we received the other bill. I guess one for

529
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 2: each of us. I don't know why this one took

530
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 2: so long. This was again sent to my wife's workplace

531
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 2: and again opened.

532
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 3: What.

533
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 2: I don't even open anyone's mail here, and like I could,

534
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: but you know what I mean, it's if Riley's getting

535
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 2: a packaging and I know whatever it's gonna be, I don't.

536
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 2: I still don't open it. I go, brilely use your

537
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 2: packet his mail, so he opens it. It's that easy.

538
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 9: I mean. Also, they've made the mistake before.

539
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,879
Speaker 10: They're like, oh, maybe this is IVF related, Maybe I

540
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 10: shouldn't open it.

541
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:09,479
Speaker 4: Maybe.

542
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's twice as crazy. Twice is crazy.

543
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 9: Once it's crazy.

544
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 2: So is this a hip of violation? I'm not a doctor,

545
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 2: but I'll say yeah, we do have an edit. Thanks

546
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 2: to everyone for their replies. We decided to file a

547
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 2: complaint and let the investigating agency decide if there was

548
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 2: a violation. I mean, what do you I mean, I

549
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 2: would clearly I would leave the company. I mean right,

550
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know, it's.

551
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 10: So easy to say that like an abject I don't know,

552
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 10: but yeah, I mean, definitely file a complaint. This is

553
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 10: multiple offender. Clearly someone in HR was a little open

554
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 10: mail happy.

555
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that has to be it has to

556
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 2: be lawsuit potential.

557
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 8: It's one thing for it to happen once, but then

558
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 8: it happened again.

559
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I still.

560
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 9: Continued to open it again.

561
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 3: It's like, hold on, what are you doing? Don't you know?

562
00:26:59,359 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 6: Yeah?

563
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 10: You really it was very personal the first time, so

564
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 10: I don't know why you continue those mistakes. But also

565
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 10: it's just it's horrifying for the person because now information

566
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 10: is out and now they know that they can't be trusted.

567
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 9: So now it's like how do you continue?

568
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 10: Right, fergility treatment, unfortunately, isn't like a little one off

569
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 10: thing that you do for like two weeks and then

570
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,239
Speaker 10: you're like hmm, but that a way, right, you have

571
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 10: to continue and you have all these challenges and you

572
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 10: don't want to think that someone in HR or sitting

573
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 10: there like following along your journey and your bills, which

574
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 10: is really.

575
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 2: Fun run everyone, and it's yeah, it's a very personal

576
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 2: thing pursuing something like that. It's a personal thing. If

577
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 2: someone reading a piece of paper, it's like, by the way,

578
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 2: no gunrhea for you or Klubydia, good job. I mean

579
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 2: I didn't want anyone in HR seeing that.

580
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 10: I mean, there's a lot of test results that you

581
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 10: end up getting that are in addition to that that

582
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 10: you don't want people seeing, right, that's just part of

583
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 10: the fun. Yeah, someone who's done it quite a bit.

584
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 10: You don't want anyone seeing any of your letters. You

585
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 10: don't want to tell anybody without you choosing to tell them.

586
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 10: And that's just, oh my god, it's such a horrible situation.

587
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 9: I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. Leave your work.

588
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 2: So you could probably own this place if you play

589
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 2: your cards right in the courtroom. But let's see what

590
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 2: the update says, because there is an update. So my

591
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 2: wife and I had put this out of our minds

592
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 2: and hadn't even thought about it in months. However, today

593
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: we received a letter from the lab that we felt

594
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: violated HIPPA. They confirmed that there was a hip of

595
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 2: violation and decided to reimburse us the cost of the

596
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 2: lab work. Amazing of the lab work. Of the lab work.

597
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 2: I think we're playing in a little too shaef, huh.

598
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 2: I think we get a little more aggression.

599
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,479
Speaker 10: I mean, I'm not a lawyer, so I you know,

600
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 10: but I think that's the least you could do. Also,

601
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 10: there's a lot of other things that the lab could cover.

602
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 10: The lab is you're paying a lot for a lot

603
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 10: of things.

604
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 2: They stated they would pass their findings on to the

605
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 2: Office for Civil Rights. Thank you all. In related news,

606
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 2: our first child is due tuesday.

607
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 3: Ah all worth it.

608
00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 2: Congratulations. Now give the child a business to inherit by

609
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 2: suing that. But that is the end of that story. Hey,

610
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 2: it's Smiley Ryley the year from Okay story Tom. We're

611
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 2: going to get back to these stories, but here's three

612
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 2: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors. My coworker keeps

613
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: scheduling meetings but never attends them.

614
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 9: I hate people like that so much.

615
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 2: Honestly, I don't know what to do about this. I'm

616
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 2: working a remote contract role with no schedule. It used

617
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 2: to be a chill job for me, just working independently

618
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: and sending my finished work and updates primarily through email

619
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: to my manager. And by the way, this comes from

620
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 2: user you Netty. If you want to submit your own stories,

621
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime subwurd date.

622
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 8: I'm Dakota, I'm Savannah, and we have a very special

623
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 8: guest with us today.

624
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 3: Please introduce yourself.

625
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,719
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm Melissa Burnbaum, and we're gonna be reading some

626
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: stories with LISTA today and she just gonna give us

627
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: some insight onto, you know, how to move through the

628
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: sort of organizational hierarchy of a workplace full of people

629
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: you might not enjoy all the time.

630
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 2: Recently, we've had a new team member join. She's in

631
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 2: a similar position as me, also remote and on contract,

632
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 2: and we have some overlapping responsibilities that we need to

633
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 2: work together on. I was excited about this at first,

634
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: but I'm getting to the point where I'm frustrated by

635
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 2: how flaky and avoidant she is. As soon as I joined,

636
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 2: I noticed she's very insistent that all of our conversations,

637
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: even just small updates and check ins, need to be

638
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 2: done through virtual calls. I'm fine with this, but honestly,

639
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 2: it's a confusing choice because one, we're in different time zones.

640
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: She's three hours behind me, and two, this isn't our

641
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 2: only responsibility, since we both have either school or another

642
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 2: job outside of this role, So all of our conversations

643
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 2: need to be coordinated in advance, which has begun to

644
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 2: slow things down because I can't get started or advance

645
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 2: on my work until these conversations happen. What's really making

646
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 2: this frustrating is that it's become a very regular thing

647
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 2: for her to never show up and ghost me during

648
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 2: these meetings that she requested. I mean that happens three times,

649
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 2: and I'm like, so there's a new thing. I can't

650
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,479
Speaker 2: do this anymore. I'm gonna be sending you emails and

651
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 2: you'll have to reply to them.

652
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 10: Yeah, I mean, like, this isn't the only form of communication.

653
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 10: I am a huge advocate for video conferencing. I am,

654
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 10: I promise, I know we can connect better through video conferencing. Yeay,

655
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 10: do it, But like it doesn't have to be every

656
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 10: single message and every time you're interacting, right, So, like

657
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 10: there's a place for everything.

658
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 9: So I mean, how many like.

659
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 3: Jokes have you seen? It's like this could have been

660
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 3: an email?

661
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 10: Like, yes, if it could have been an email, like

662
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 10: make it an email or like a Slack message or

663
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 10: like a something like. Right, you're not operating full time

664
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 10: where you're sitting in front of your desk, and if

665
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 10: they're not respecting your time, then you have to work

666
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 10: ASNC and like ASYNC requires you to be able to

667
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 10: be flexible with the way that you're conversing like that's

668
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 10: I'm sorry, that's.

669
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 2: Where to go.

670
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 10: So the way I would frame it isn't like, hey,

671
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 10: you're being ridiculous, Like it would probably be a little

672
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 10: bit more like, hey, maybe we can have a call

673
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 10: like once every x amount of time or about these

674
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 10: types of topics. But otherwise, can we try to make

675
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 10: it a little more because I can't do my work

676
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 10: until I get information from you, So like maybe you

677
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 10: know for something that's not like collaborative, that you need

678
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 10: to be like in person looking at each other.

679
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 3: Right, make that a message.

680
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: Just common sense. Just yeah, just had a little message.

681
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 2: I have a theory about why this. Coworkers like this. Yeah.

682
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 2: My suspicion is that they are petrified of like misunderstanding

683
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 2: or having a miscommunication that will then like negatively emotionally

684
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 2: impact them. It is like they'll beat an email and

685
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: instead of just reading it, they'll beat it in like

686
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,479
Speaker 2: the like a bad voice or whatever. So then they're like,

687
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 2: in order to avoid me getting my feelings hurt for

688
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 2: no reason, we'll just always talk. That's my guess.

689
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 9: It's possible.

690
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 10: But they're also huge pros to having email because then

691
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 10: it's like really in writing, right.

692
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 9: So that's also it's kind of give and take.

693
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 10: I actually have heard some research where like someone was

694
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 10: promoting like even in professional settings using emojis. I don't

695
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 10: know how I feel about that. But also if you're

696
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 10: like saying something a little harsh and even like little smirk,

697
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 10: I don't know.

698
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 9: It's just like pro emogi.

699
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: I'm very pro emoji because it's literally the one thing

700
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 2: missing from like text, yeah, interactions, which is a context clue.

701
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 9: It is a context, right, that's all it is. But

702
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 9: there's also voice notes that is true. Yeah, that makes

703
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 9: things easier too.

704
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 10: If you're like, hey, I want it to be like

705
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 10: a I want to understand how they're feeling, do that

706
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,479
Speaker 10: or do like a like a loom right, like you

707
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 10: record yourself and you talk through things. I do that

708
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 10: sometimes too, right where I'm like, okay, I have like

709
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 10: a five minute to be I have to go through

710
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 10: this thing. But like I record myself, I share my

711
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 10: document then we can like talk about it and then

712
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 10: this way they can kind of work on their schedule

713
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 10: and respond and it's clunkier. But also if they're not

714
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 10: showing up to their meetings, that's a waste of your time.

715
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's also the clunkiest.

716
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 10: Yeah, because then going down from the thing you're doing,

717
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 10: you have to prepare for the meeting like takes you

718
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 10: or removes you from like your flow right, So like, nah,

719
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 10: you have to schedule around that.

720
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 9: That's annoying.

721
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 2: Ohp, he continues, I'll join the meeting and have to

722
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: wait up to thirty minutes for her to join. No

723
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 2: drop it after five yep, yep, I agree.

724
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 10: I always have a role of like at five minutes,

725
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 10: I send a nudge. If it's a really important meeting,

726
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 10: I'll send a nudge at five minutes to wait till ten.

727
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 10: If it's not an important meeting, I'm out of there

728
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 10: five minutes. Email sorry you're not there, okay, sorry?

729
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 8: True, I meant this morning that was online and I

730
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 8: waited fifteen minutes for her.

731
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 3: I was like, that's annoying.

732
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 9: But they are in power, so that's I know. Is

733
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 9: that just power? Like they can do things like that.

734
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: I was like, I will up at eight a send

735
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 2: her a message asking if she can make it, and

736
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 2: only receive a response either hours or days later, with

737
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 2: a simple oh sorry. There's never an excuse or explanation,

738
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 2: just a request to do it. On a later date,

739
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,879
Speaker 2: and then when I join that later meeting, the same

740
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 2: thing happens again.

741
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 10: Wait, if you're not nipping that in the butt, you're

742
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,479
Speaker 10: also a little bit.

743
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 9: Part of the problem.

744
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 10: Like I need to say it, but like you need

745
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 10: a step in. That happens once you're stepping in.

746
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't even hate to say it. I'll say it.

747
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 2: I'll scream it from the mountaintop. You are the problem

748
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 2: as well, Obie, what are you doing nothing? Then nothing's

749
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 2: going to change. Yeah, I would just, honestly, I would

750
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 2: just start sending it emails. I'm not even joking, Op says.

751
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: I've had a request from her for a quick five

752
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 2: minute call to answer something while she troubleshoots an issue,

753
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 2: and it got continuously pushed back and rescheduled by almost

754
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 2: an entire month because she could never commit to the

755
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: times she would request.

756
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 10: This is literally why having a video sent over to

757
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 10: you is the answer. Like they can turn on zoom

758
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 10: by themselves and record it for five minutes, yeah, and

759
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 10: get their answer.

760
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 2: Truly move forward, so many better ways.

761
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 9: To deal with, better ways to deal with things.

762
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 2: Like at this point, yeah, it's truly just go above you.

763
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 2: It's time to go to your manager and be like,

764
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 2: I don't know why she refuses to communicate any other way.

765
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 10: I would say, before you go to the manager, if

766
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,280
Speaker 10: this person doesn't sound like they've talked to their coworker,

767
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 10: I think that's stuff.

768
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,439
Speaker 2: Oh y no, no, no, yep, you're right, you're right. Still

769
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: still nothing. Yeah.

770
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 10: Step zero is like talk to your coworker and try

771
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 10: to like navigate this.

772
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 9: You don't need to escalate to your manager.

773
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 2: Step zero. Step zero do the talking first. Dogging Op says,

774
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 2: I got really irritated and eventually asked her to just

775
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 2: write whatever she needs so I could get to it immediately. Yeah,

776
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 2: but she insisted it needed to be done on a call.

777
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 2: Finally we were able to resolve it during our monthly

778
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 2: check in meeting with the manager, which I guess she

779
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 2: showed up to that one and maybe that's the answer, right, Yeah,

780
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 2: you got a loop in the manager every every time

781
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 2: the meeting with like this. She said, are you able

782
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 2: to see this thing on your end? I said no?

783
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 2: She said, oh, okay, seriously, that's all it was.

784
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 9: It sounds like an email. It's like, yeah, a message.

785
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 2: I was able to get away with not working closely

786
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 2: on anything for a while after that, but recently I'm

787
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 2: relying on her to get context on a project I

788
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 2: need to do, and again I'm dealing with this same routine.

789
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 2: I wasn't able to join our check in meeting at

790
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 2: the beginning of the month because it got rescheduled last

791
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: minute to a time I couldn't attend, so I asked

792
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,240
Speaker 2: her to please fill me in on what was discussed

793
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 2: and what I needed to work on. She scheduled a

794
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: meeting with me to discuss the project, and same thing.

795
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 2: She never joins it. A week later, my manager sends

796
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 2: us both a message asking for progress and I'm message,

797
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 2: you're again asking her to please fill me in so

798
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 2: I can work on it immediately. She responds a week

799
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 2: later saying a call would suffice. I don't know she's

800
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: directly impacting like your job security at this point.

801
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 10: Yeah, I think you really need to take matters into

802
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 10: your own hands. And look, I do think that like

803
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 10: part of this is that you are not working with

804
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 10: other person and you know, like she doesn't care about you.

805
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 9: I don't know if it was it was it a she, Yeah,

806
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 9: she doesn't care about you.

807
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 10: You're not caring about her like you're kind of like

808
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 10: operating on your own right. So first I would say, like,

809
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 10: try to bridge that gap a little bit, because like

810
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 10: you guys aren't caring about each other as humans, Like

811
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 10: she's not respecting your boundaries, and like then you're just

812
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 10: automatically frustrated with her. You're expecting it to be impossible.

813
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 10: You don't want that, right, Like, if you can get

814
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 10: her on a call, I would say, like, try to

815
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 10: become a person with her a little bit more than

816
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 10: just like that transactional because like that's baseline what you need.

817
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 9: You need respect and you don't have that.

818
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 10: The second is like really clearly lay out how it's

819
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 10: affecting you. I know it sounds boring, I'll say it again,

820
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 10: but it's like you gotta say, like in this situation,

821
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 10: this is what happened, Here's how it affected me.

822
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 9: What can we do moving forward?

823
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 8: Right?

824
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,719
Speaker 10: Do you want to either show up to meetings? I

825
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 10: don't say it like that, but you know, essentially, like

826
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 10: we could we could send text messages, we could do

827
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 10: this in these scenarios. Maybe we could do this like

828
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 10: problem solve with her, right, like get her involved in that.

829
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 10: And if it doesn't make a difference, then like start

830
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 10: copying your manager on it. Hey, I love to you know,

831
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 10: I would love to chat, like I know we missed

832
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 10: each other last time.

833
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 9: You don't have to be mean.

834
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 10: Yeah, very could schedule something altogether because you know the

835
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 10: manager is making a difference.

836
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 2: Squeaky clean in the email and you just hit the

837
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 2: manager in the CC and I bet you Yeah, suddenly

838
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: she'll be a lot more responsive.

839
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 10: I will say, though, like I would try the lower

840
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 10: level things first before involving the manager, and then manager

841
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 10: involvement like just a little bit, and then if it escalate,

842
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 10: it's like it's still an issue, Like you need to

843
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 10: function in your job.

844
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 9: They need you to get stuff done.

845
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 10: I don't understand the cadence of like it's been a

846
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 10: month I've done anything of them.

847
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 2: I really got to say. If my boss calls me

848
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 2: and is like, how's it going on the project, I'm

849
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 2: not going to be like, ah, like, hey, send me

850
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 2: that thing so I can start working on it. I'm

851
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 2: gonna be like, yeah, my partner hasn't sent me anything

852
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 2: despite asking for it for weeks, so I haven't been

853
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 2: able to work on it at all for two days now.

854
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 2: I've given her my availability and asked her to call

855
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,359
Speaker 2: me whenever works best for her, and I'm getting ghosted again.

856
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,360
Speaker 2: I'm so over it. At this point, she's just withholding

857
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 2: the information I need to do my work, and now

858
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 2: I'm about to miss a deadline. I don't understand the logic.

859
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,880
Speaker 2: She is not old. She appears to be around my

860
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 2: age or younger, so I don't understand her reliance on

861
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 2: everything needing to be discussed verbally. It's like it's impossible

862
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 2: for her to just write things down.

863
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 9: Maybe there is a reason and nobody seems to know.

864
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 10: But also, this is the point where like, if you

865
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 10: can't get her on the phone soon, that's a question

866
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 10: for your manager. You're right, and you don't even have

867
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,439
Speaker 10: to say it in a way that throws her under

868
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,359
Speaker 10: the rug. I guess it's a little throwing her under

869
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,479
Speaker 10: the rug, But mostly what you need to say is like, Hey,

870
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 10: I'm trying to get this done. I really need some

871
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 10: help with XYZ and I'm having a hard time reaching her.

872
00:39:58,560 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 3: What do you suggest?

873
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 10: Yeah, right, Like it doesn't even have to be like, hey,

874
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 10: this person's impossible to work with.

875
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 9: It's just I'm having a hard time reaching her.

876
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 10: I want to make this deadline, save yourself, have them

877
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 10: problem solve and yeah, if they talk to her like

878
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 10: that's okay, she does someone wrong, like, no, you gotta take.

879
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 2: Action, something must be done. I was thinking maybe this

880
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 2: just gives her an excuse to put things off, or

881
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 2: maybe she does everything as a meeting to look more professional,

882
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 2: but then gets anxious last minute and avoids them. But honestly,

883
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,359
Speaker 2: at this point, it's starting to feel almost deliberate, which

884
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 2: is also odd to me, since she's relatively nice when

885
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm actually able to talk to her. I'm not sure

886
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 2: what to do or if it's worth bringing this up

887
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 2: to my manager, since this is only a contract role

888
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 2: and there's a quick editor for more context. I have

889
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 2: let my manager know about this good after they requested updates.

890
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 2: I followed up with a private message letting them know

891
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 2: I've been unable to get in contact with this coworker.

892
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 2: My manager has sent another message directed at my coworker

893
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: asking for updates. She hasn't responded to it. From what

894
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 2: I can tell, well, I would have been more mad

895
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 2: about it way earlier. I'm not gonna lie. I would

896
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 2: have been way more upset and way more taken action

897
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 2: on this immediately. Yeah, but maybe I don't know. Maybe

898
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 2: if you're a contractor, you don't really have as much

899
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 2: skin in the game, but there's nothing. Maybe it's just me.

900
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 2: Like I've said this before. The thing I that will

901
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 2: make me just like immediately want nothing to do with

902
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 2: you is if you really give me a silent treatment,

903
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: I'll just be like six, so I'll never speak to you.

904
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 10: Well, I mean that's a total lack of respect, right, So,

905
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 10: like you have to be baseline respectful to the person

906
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 10: that you're working with.

907
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 9: And so that's not even just.

908
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 10: Holding them back from their work, it's holding them back

909
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 10: from like feeling like you're doing anything important.

910
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 9: Like you're like, this person doesn't care about me.

911
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 4: Don't want that.

912
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 10: And that's also why it's so important to you know,

913
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 10: be intentional when you actually do get to meet with them. Right,

914
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 10: you're working with a person you're not working with like nothingness,

915
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 10: and they're saying that this person's nice. So maybe there

916
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 10: is something going on in their life.

917
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 2: But we do have a final update, so let's see

918
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 2: hopefully there's something in here to give us some clarity.

919
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 2: Last night, after she failed to call me or provide

920
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 2: her availability during the time frame I had given, I

921
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 2: sent her a follow up message telling her I was

922
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 2: no longer available for a call and that she needed

923
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 2: to send me a written overview of the project because

924
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 2: the deadline was soon. At the same time, I updated

925
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 2: my manager letting him know I was still unable to

926
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 2: get in contact with her. Last night, at nine pm,

927
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,760
Speaker 2: which was six pm her time, I received a text

928
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 2: message from her saying, Hey, this is coworker. Feel free

929
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 2: to call me if you have time today or tomorrow.

930
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 9: I'm at nine pm.

931
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not respectful.

932
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm calling you immediately and I'm saying I'm common after

933
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 2: your job. I don't want to work with you ever again,

934
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,359
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna make sure I don't send me an

935
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 2: email with that information. I don't know. I wouldn't be

936
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,240
Speaker 2: able to deal with this person. I don't I would

937
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 2: not have the patience.

938
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 10: I wouldn't even message until the next day until working hours,

939
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 10: because I think like that is crossing a boundary. You

940
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 10: should never have the expectation that you're gonna be working

941
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 10: late at night unless you absolutely absolutely need to, like

942
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 10: there's a crushing deadline. That's like, you know, but that's

943
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 10: it's not respectable. Message the next day, your manager already knows.

944
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,359
Speaker 10: I'm like, try to clear the air and just it's

945
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 10: totally inappropriate. The manager really needs to step up more.

946
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,800
Speaker 10: Two though, Like that's a big area for the manager.

947
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,959
Speaker 10: That's not your job.

948
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, straight, feel free. I mean the message should have

949
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:20,240
Speaker 2: been like, hey, so sorry to contact you outside.

950
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 9: Of workout raveling.

951
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:21,399
Speaker 10: Yeah.

952
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: I just wanted to say, well, you can call me

953
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 2: tomorrow at any time and we'll be there, but don't

954
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 2: call me tonight. Really was like, yeah, just call me

955
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 2: right now. It is starting to get ridiculous at this point,

956
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 2: I reiterated that I am not available and that she

957
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 2: needs to send me a written overview. I guess I'll

958
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 2: just wait and see now, and that is the end

959
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 2: of that story.

960
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 9: Well, wasn't a happy ending?

961
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't. I would have made

962
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 2: sure she didn't get a happy ending if I was

963
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 2: op cause I be like, how do we even know

964
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 2: what she does? What does she do? What is she

965
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:54,760
Speaker 2: doing all day? When she sent me a message at

966
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 2: six pm her time? Yeah, like what like that's the

967
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: end of the day. What are you doing? What did

968
00:43:59,000 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 2: you do all day?

969
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 10: Sounds like a real manager issue, right, because like at

970
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 10: this point, it's like I've spoken to them, trying to

971
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 10: escalate it. It's not your job to be chasing someone.

972
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 10: It's your job to be doing the things that you

973
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 10: need to do to get your work done right, and

974
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 10: if that's getting in the way, that's why managers exist, right,

975
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 10: So like, Okay, you've done the thing, You've chatted with them,

976
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 10: you've tried. Now it's in the way, right, And you

977
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,239
Speaker 10: can also forward that message to your manager and say,

978
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 10: like getting messages late at night, I really needed this,

979
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 10: I really needed you x y Z, Like what do

980
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,240
Speaker 10: you suggest I do moving forward?

981
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,240
Speaker 2: You know, like, yes, that's to be clear, that's the

982
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: right way to do it. Don't you just become a

983
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:42,000
Speaker 2: very vicious person like I probably would. That's not going

984
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 2: to work as well as it's advice. That person clearly

985
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 2: is no longer contracted for this company. Yeah, it's crazy.

986
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: I feel like that's sure.

987
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 9: That's going to be the update is Yeah, I mean, like,

988
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 9: is she even oh she's contracted.

989
00:44:54,160 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 10: Maybe she's just showing other jabs like maybe I'm just busy.

990
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 9: Yeah, maybe we don't know.

991
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 2: She just keeps calling the wrong person to have a meeting.

992
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 9: She has her whole day filled with meetings and then

993
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 9: she just gets busy.

994
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 2: She's just mixing up like a three and a five

995
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 2: in the phone number. But she's not because she sent

996
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 2: him a text messaards in the middle of that shit

997
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 2: going on. I just want to know. But that is

998
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

999
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 8: My boyfriend had a handprint on his face when his

1000
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 8: parents arrived.

1001
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 3: I had to show them.

1002
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 6: Why he probably deserved it.

1003
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, my then boyfriend now husband has parents who are

1004
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 8: very strict religious, conservative type people like my husband once

1005
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 8: told me I never worried about walking in on them

1006
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 8: having spicy sleep because I was sure they never had

1007
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,439
Speaker 8: any after I was conceived. By the way this comes from,

1008
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 8: I smell like oranges two two one, And if you

1009
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 8: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

1010
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:53,240
Speaker 8: slash okay story time subreddit.

1011
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:56,320
Speaker 7: I'm Savannah, I'm Kean, and we have a very special

1012
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 7: guest here today, Hedy, go ahead and introduce yourself and

1013
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 7: let the people know who you are and which you do.

1014
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 6: I'm Rachel McCrary. I'm a Spicy life coach, so I'm

1015
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:07,479
Speaker 6: Spice World on fans. I'm a business part and I'm

1016
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 6: a spicy little empathic witch. So I can feel your

1017
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 6: feelings for you, interpret them and help you change your life.

1018
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 3: Oooh, shut up.

1019
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 8: I'm so hypnotized by this, lady. I absolutely adore this.

1020
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 7: Thank you Rachel for coming in today, and thank you

1021
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 7: reading these stories with us.

1022
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so excited.

1023
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 6: Me let's get into it.

1024
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 8: We are here to give some good advice goofly, but

1025
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 8: we do not have all of the answers. We don't

1026
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 8: tell you what we would do in this situation, but

1027
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 8: let us know what you would do in the comments.

1028
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 3: As Opie says.

1029
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 8: So, we've been together for three years and he finally

1030
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 8: agreed to let his parents visit since they didn't approve

1031
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 8: of us living together before marriage. We had just bought

1032
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 8: a house together and we're one hundred percent going to

1033
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 8: get married. Anyways. They were supposed to arrive at seven pm,

1034
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 8: and I worked with my boyfriend tirrelessly to make the house.

1035
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,240
Speaker 3: As clean as a and lab Okay.

1036
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 7: That's a that's a Star Wars reference. All right?

1037
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:09,760
Speaker 3: Oh really does that mean clean?

1038
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 6: Gosh hammer Princess Leah bunsh Oh, yeah.

1039
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,800
Speaker 8: My god, I just did that like two weeks ago, stunning,

1040
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 8: I do it again. He taught me how to cook

1041
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 8: Indian food and assured me that me trying to cook

1042
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 8: their food would be good enough for his parents. We

1043
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 8: were both the team and we were going to win

1044
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 8: his parents' approval together. Well, this team sport got a

1045
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 8: little heated. At around six point fifteen, we decided to

1046
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 8: do a little em team building activity together, not the elaborate,

1047
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 8: just a normal intimate session.

1048
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 2: Now.

1049
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 3: I wish I could say it.

1050
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 8: Was a planned thing to remind us we were a team,

1051
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 8: but in reality we were both just really in the

1052
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:55,320
Speaker 8: mood and you know that happens. So we did the deed,

1053
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 8: and while doing it was my first big mistake. I

1054
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 8: had a genius idea out of the blue, something I'd

1055
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 8: seen in videos before, and I just slapped him across

1056
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 8: the face really hard. Neither of us gave it a

1057
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,920
Speaker 8: second thought, really, and by six forty five we were

1058
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 8: done and took a quick shower together.

1059
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:15,840
Speaker 3: We were both.

1060
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 8: Dressed up by six point fifty five and his parents

1061
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 8: arrived right at seven. They came in, we chatted, There

1062
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 8: were hugs and kisses and greetings and all the usual stuff.

1063
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 8: Then my boyfriend sent me to get drinks, non heavy drinker.

1064
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 8: Of course, when I entered the room again with the

1065
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 8: giant tray loaded with glasses. I saw my mistake take

1066
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 8: full effect. My mother in law was inspecting my boyfriend's

1067
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 8: right cheek, which was now bright pink with actual finger marks.

1068
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 3: How hard did I hit him? Apparently very very hard.

1069
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 8: She then looked at me angrily like a mama bear,

1070
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 8: and went off in their language, talking to her son.

1071
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 8: But jess sturainged furiously at me and then his cheek.

1072
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 8: The message was crystal clear. Why was he marrying this

1073
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 8: harmful woman?

1074
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:03,839
Speaker 6: Oh no?

1075
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 8: Now my husband had gone completely red. On one hand,

1076
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 8: his mom thought his future wife was physically harmful, and

1077
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 8: on the other hand, if he didn't correct her, he

1078
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 8: wouldn't have to tell her he'd had spicy sleep A

1079
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 8: small price to pay, right. The poor guy was embarrassed

1080
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 8: beyond human capacity and just stood there like a statue.

1081
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 8: I realized that I had gotten us into the situation,

1082
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 8: so I should be the one to get us out.

1083
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 8: I told his mom that I had slapped him while.

1084
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 3: We were happy spicy sleep.

1085
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 6: Oh no, oh.

1086
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 7: No, why would you say that it's better than the

1087
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:40,560
Speaker 7: other where like oh there being he's like, ohp, he's

1088
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 7: being harmful to him. I mean, I'd rather tell the

1089
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:47,720
Speaker 7: truth than be perceived as like someone who's hurting my partner.

1090
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 6: Well, you can say he accidentally threw out my jewelry

1091
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 6: box or all my spices or something that the mom

1092
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 6: would be like, oh, that makes sense.

1093
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 3: He like did something really bad. I had to punish him.

1094
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, we had a language barrier between us, but everyone

1095
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 8: understands the word spicy sleep. But that wasn't enough for her,

1096
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 8: and from what I correctly interpreted, she was saying something

1097
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 8: like I'm supposed to believe that. Why is she speaking

1098
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:12,439
Speaker 8: for my son?

1099
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 3: Anyway? Now that annoyed me a little.

1100
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 8: What was so hard about believing your son has spicy sleep?

1101
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 8: Not that that was the main issue, but my brain

1102
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 8: was not working properly, especially when I was terrified of

1103
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 8: this whole thing going wrong. So I made another mistake.

1104
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 8: Uh oh, do we want to guess what it is?

1105
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 8: I'm guessing. She just probably was like, listen, we did it.

1106
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, sorry, we were trying to make you a grandchild.

1107
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 8: I caught her hand and led her to the bedroom,

1108
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 8: then opened our fun closet.

1109
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 3: What what why would you do that?

1110
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 6: Why would you do that? That's way too personal to

1111
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 6: show anyone.

1112
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 7: Let alone someone's mother in law.

1113
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 3: I have something to show you. This is what happened.

1114
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 6: Like some things we need to keep to ourselves.

1115
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would never ever in a million years.

1116
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 8: No, No, And there it was, in all its glory,

1117
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:16,319
Speaker 8: our collection of personal items handcuffs, blindfolds, gropes, costumes, a

1118
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 8: gag too, and one item that was an exact replica

1119
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,720
Speaker 8: of my boyfriend's well, you know, plus some other things

1120
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 8: I don't remember.

1121
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 9: That's insane.

1122
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 7: Please, I really hope you didn't say that's a replica

1123
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 7: of your son's stuff.

1124
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1125
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:37,359
Speaker 8: No, Now, you you have just gone down this rabbit hole,

1126
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 8: and I don't know how you're supposed to get out

1127
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 8: of it. Get out of it, like, how how do

1128
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 8: you You're just digging the grave, digging your grave?

1129
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 7: Op Op opened Pandora's box or in this case, Pandora's

1130
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 7: closet like Pandora's.

1131
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, just you know, sorry, bro, we're making a gazillion

1132
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 6: dollars on OIF every month, and then this is how

1133
00:51:59,040 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 6: we're doing it.

1134
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 8: So what I do remember is that the site shut

1135
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 8: her up immediately.

1136
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 6: I mean, my brain's just processing having other people, especially family,

1137
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,760
Speaker 6: into my personal relationship. I think like the lesson there

1138
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 6: is like keep it to yourself, Like why would you

1139
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 6: even want to like just leave it, leave some things

1140
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 6: to just leave for your sacred to your relationship. Yeah,

1141
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 6: and not like it's not everybody's business exactly.

1142
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:33,439
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's you and your partner like family, like love

1143
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 8: them to death.

1144
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 3: But you don't need to know that about me. I

1145
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,399
Speaker 3: don't want to know that about you. No, Like I'm good.

1146
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 4: I feel like this is just this has gone off topic.

1147
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 6: Yeah, I keep it suffering it.

1148
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 8: My mother in law was staring with her mouth open.

1149
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 8: My father in law, who had just been trying to

1150
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 8: diffuse the situation this whole time, had a look of

1151
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 8: pure bewilderment on his face. My boyfriend was looking at

1152
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 8: the closet with absolute horror. The rest of the night

1153
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:02,879
Speaker 8: went surprisingly well. Nobody mentioned the closet. Everyone pretended nothing happen,

1154
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 8: and my boyfriend says that despite having solid reasons not

1155
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 8: to like me, they ended up liking me anyways, especially

1156
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 8: after they heard me sing.

1157
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 3: What what what happened? At this dinner? She's like, hold on,

1158
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 3: I know what to do.

1159
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 7: I know everyone else she's got the voice of an angel,

1160
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 7: But the closet of a someone that's not for them.

1161
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1162
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, and that is how my now husband's parents found

1163
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 8: out just how adventurous their son really was.

1164
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 3: That's the end of that story.

1165
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 6: I don't know if they need to know how adventurous

1166
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 6: he is or she is, or that's a weird story.

1167
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's the end of this story.

1168
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 2: Let's head to the next one.

1169
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 8: I became a professor like I always wanted, and it

1170
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,839
Speaker 8: cost my wife everything.

1171
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 6: What did you put the bell on her credit card?

1172
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 8: Technically this happened several years ago. I took the job

1173
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:00,200
Speaker 8: I had spent ten years preparing for, and it has

1174
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 8: had numerous negative ripple effects. I have a PhD in

1175
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 8: an industry applicable but pretty specific subject area. Competition for

1176
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 8: faculty positions in my field is fierce and generally requires

1177
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 8: postdocs for five or more years and moving around a lot.

1178
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 8: My spouse wasn't interested in that instability and told me

1179
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,400
Speaker 8: she would be willing to move if I found a

1180
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 8: tenure track position, but preferably after she had been in

1181
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 8: her job for five years. So I got a well

1182
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 8: paid industry job, but it did have some opportunities to

1183
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 8: interface with academia at times and even teach occasionally. By

1184
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 8: the way, this comes from Lost Cacti, And if you

1185
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 8: want to submit your own stories, go to the rt

1186
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:45,239
Speaker 8: slash Okay story Times subreddit.

1187
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 7: I'm Savannah, I'm Keon, and we have a very special

1188
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:50,240
Speaker 7: guest here today, Rachel. Can you go ahead and introduce

1189
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 7: yourself of who you are and what you do.

1190
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 6: I'm Rachel. I'm a Spicy life coach. I'm a Spice

1191
00:54:55,200 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 6: World on fans and OFTV and Nycbella on TikTok and Instagram,

1192
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 6: and I give spicy advice and we.

1193
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 8: Are here to give some good advice in a goofy

1194
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:06,240
Speaker 8: little manner.

1195
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 3: But we did not have all of the answers.

1196
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 8: We don't let you know what we would do in

1197
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 8: the situation, but we would love to know what you

1198
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 8: would do in the comments. We're going to read every

1199
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 8: single one and judge them very harshly. As Opie says,

1200
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 8: it was a prestigious organization.

1201
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 3: And I realize that now because whenever I.

1202
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:25,879
Speaker 8: Tell people I worked there, they go on about what

1203
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 8: they think of the work the place does. Looking back,

1204
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 8: I realized that working there was even more of a

1205
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 8: once in a lifetime opportunity than becoming a professor. However,

1206
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,360
Speaker 8: after taking the position, I quickly began to feel stressed

1207
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 8: out from the high work demands and the feeling that

1208
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 8: I wasn't doing what I was meant to do. Shortly

1209
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 8: after I took the job, I was contracted by a

1210
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,879
Speaker 8: colleague about a faculty job opportunity at their university, which

1211
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 8: precisely aligned with the work I did for my dissertation.

1212
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 8: I talked to my wife, who encouraged me to apply

1213
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 8: so as to not have regrets about not trying. So

1214
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,839
Speaker 8: I applied, even though it hadn't been five years in

1215
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:04,000
Speaker 8: her career and the location wasn't as good for her

1216
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 8: industry or really any job not at the university. I

1217
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 8: honestly didn't think I had a chance and figured I

1218
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 8: was just helping the search committee get a larger pool

1219
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,399
Speaker 8: so as to impress and help with future requests for positions.

1220
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 3: Well, I got offered the.

1221
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 8: Job precisely at the moment when I was most strained

1222
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 8: at work. I was putting in sixty hours a week,

1223
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 8: including commute, and was even working at home. After that,

1224
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 8: my wife was doing more and more of the housework,

1225
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 8: and our relationship was strained by how depressed I was

1226
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 8: getting and how little time we had together basically only weekends.

1227
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 8: Even when we were out having fun on weekends, I

1228
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 8: was thinking about work. I would regularly wake up in

1229
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 8: the middle of the night in a panic about work

1230
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 8: or about not doing what I felt like I was

1231
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 8: meant to do. I talked to my wife and she

1232
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 8: gave me permission to accept it. I felt mixed feelings.

1233
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 8: Part of me really thought this was what I was

1234
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 8: meant to do, and that the timing, just when I

1235
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 8: was making my LinkedIn account open to recruiters and starting

1236
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 8: to look for other jobs, was a sign that this

1237
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,800
Speaker 8: was what I should do. But I also really worried

1238
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 8: about the impact on my wife, who would be leaving

1239
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:15,479
Speaker 8: a cushy, well paying job, as well as moving away

1240
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 8: from family and friends. Since I had few friends apart

1241
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 8: from my wife as my friends had moved away after

1242
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 8: finishing graduate school, I felt like I both had to

1243
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 8: accept and also not accept it. So I went with

1244
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 8: what I wanted to do. I now see how incredibly

1245
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 8: selfish that was. It has been several years, and since then,

1246
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 8: so much has gotten worse. For my wife, A stress

1247
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 8: related chronic illness has returned and she is working over

1248
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 8: forty hours a week between a part time job and freelancing,

1249
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 8: yet despite this, is making only a third of her

1250
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 8: old income. There is little room for advancement, and she

1251
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 8: has lost the will to pursue a career path she

1252
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 8: was once passionate about. Because our net income dropped in half,

1253
00:57:57,840 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 8: we are much more worried about money, and my retirement

1254
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 8: savings rate is way less than he used to be.

1255
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 8: A parent in law has been experiencing a paranoia related

1256
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 8: mental illness mental health crisis for over a year and

1257
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 8: is now in danger of becoming homeless.

1258
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:17,240
Speaker 3: And I, yeah, don't know. I guess this just ties

1259
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 3: into the story.

1260
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:21,760
Speaker 8: Okay, And we are a thousand miles away and unable

1261
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 8: to be there to take them to the appointments they

1262
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 8: need to attend in order to get services. If we

1263
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 8: were back there, none of that might have happened, since

1264
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 8: we could have intervened earlier. Oh okay, So they're kind

1265
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 8: of just feeling bad because he took this job and

1266
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 8: now it seems like everything in his life is.

1267
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 3: Now over there. Yeah, now, but that.

1268
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 8: Is like getting worse, like his wife's illness came back.

1269
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 8: You know, if he would have stayed you know in

1270
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 8: the area he could have helped, you know, his family

1271
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 8: member who's now on the verge of homelessness.

1272
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 6: Well, maybe the universe moved them there, and maybe it's

1273
00:58:52,800 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 6: moving it back. Yeah, Like that's the thing is like, well,

1274
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:57,880
Speaker 6: first of all, if your wife is sick, though, I

1275
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 6: feel like that the crazy person of it there is

1276
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 6: not you did your honor your commitments to your spouse

1277
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 6: and take care of that. So that's all I heard

1278
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 6: there is why isn't she the priority? And let's just

1279
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:10,200
Speaker 6: make whatever is going to make her healthy and safe

1280
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 6: is the most important thing, and let's deal with that first.

1281
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 6: In the traage, I feel like this is kind of

1282
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:19,919
Speaker 6: like snowball effect and then and then you fix that

1283
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 6: and then and then you fix the other thing, and

1284
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 6: then you fix the other thing. But focusing on the

1285
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 6: tenth thing in the solar system first is like no,

1286
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 6: what I would just first of all, like figure out

1287
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:31,320
Speaker 6: like what's the root cause of like your make sure

1288
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 6: your wife is like happy and healthy, yeah, and then

1289
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 6: deal with your career and then deal with the crazy person.

1290
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1291
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 8: I think he feels bad because he took this job

1292
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 8: even though he was life Yeah, and now it's like.

1293
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 6: Everything you need to move back. Probably, Yeah, if your

1294
00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 6: wife wants that, Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

1295
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 8: We used to exercise every day, but are always working

1296
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:55,720
Speaker 8: on catching up on housework and no longer half the time,

1297
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 8: so our health is way worse.

1298
00:59:57,880 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 3: I do feel more at.

1299
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:01,000
Speaker 8: Peace about my job and think I am making the

1300
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 8: world better by educating students and skills that will get

1301
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 8: them good jobs, but it is absolutely not worth it

1302
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:08,920
Speaker 8: because someone else could be doing that instead of me.

1303
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 8: The only positive is that my wife and I have

1304
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,160
Speaker 8: more time together, especially because my commute is a ten

1305
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:17,880
Speaker 8: minute walk, and in some ways our marriage has been

1306
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 8: strengthened by that. But that could have happened before if

1307
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 8: I had just gotten a handle on my own anxiety

1308
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,439
Speaker 8: and depression and perhaps found some sort of work from

1309
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 8: home job. I see now that my feeling that I

1310
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 8: had to be a professor was just the result of

1311
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 8: what is essentially brainwashing that one gets in graduate school,

1312
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 8: making one feel that anything sort of a tenure track

1313
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 8: position is a suboptimal career path. If I could get

1314
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 8: in a time machine, I would go back and never

1315
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 8: apply for this job.

1316
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 3: I know this guy really like regrets every.

1317
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 2: Decision I got that.

1318
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 6: I mean definitely. There's a story in there they're telling

1319
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 6: themselves about like what we do in grad school and

1320
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 6: how we're supposed to do this. So they're subscribing to

1321
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 6: that story and they need to drop it because it

1322
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 6: obviously isn't making that. Sometimes it is a simple are

1323
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 6: you happy yes or no? Not me you but no, no,

1324
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 6: just how to solve a problem.

1325
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1326
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 6: Sometimes it's just like way ever complicated with the talkie

1327
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 6: TALKIESS therapy stuff. Are you happy yes or no? Just

1328
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 6: answer the question, I don't falter it no. Okay, well

1329
01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 6: then it doesn't matter about the story and what the

1330
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 6: people said and all of that. Okay, So that's our

1331
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 6: gut saying that we need to make a change. Okay,

1332
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:28,479
Speaker 6: let's unpack that one area of life at a time,

1333
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 6: because we have like our home life, I love life,

1334
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,880
Speaker 6: our spiritual life, at work life, so like which we

1335
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 6: scan which area has the biggest pain point right now?

1336
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 6: Because we can't fix everything at once, so like, let's

1337
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 6: deal with that first. But if it's obviously no, this

1338
01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 6: person's a mess and they're spinning and they're going on

1339
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 6: and on about all these stories of what I should

1340
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 6: have done and what if I didn't do this and stop. Stop. Okay,

1341
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 6: you're not happy, sounds like it, answer the Okay, So

1342
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 6: if it's no which area of life has the biggest

1343
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 6: pain point, let's solve that first and then go to

1344
01:01:58,440 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 6: the next one and then go to the next one

1345
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 6: instead of looking back and why we got here right

1346
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:06,800
Speaker 6: here now, Yeah, let's taking clock to being happy. So

1347
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:09,479
Speaker 6: let's just start solving the problems like whack them all right.

1348
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:11,880
Speaker 3: Some people like love to love.

1349
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 6: To live in the story too, Like I'm this way

1350
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 6: because this happens. Actually, refuse if I have a coaching

1351
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 6: client that comes to me with that story, like three

1352
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,480
Speaker 6: to three weeks in a row, I excuse them because

1353
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 6: I don't feel like that they need coaching. They're ready

1354
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 6: for that, because coaching isn't there. But you're supposed to

1355
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 6: get rid of the problem and or like level up,

1356
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,120
Speaker 6: and I can't. It's frustrating. I have no desire to

1357
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 6: get page just listening to say the same thing every week.

1358
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 6: Yeah right, you're stuck in your story, so you're not

1359
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 6: really ready to change that, and I can't help that.

1360
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 6: And this has to be mutually beneficial and it's not

1361
01:02:43,280 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 6: fun for me, So like bye, like until you're ready to, like,

1362
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 6: look at yourself, look at the problem. Let's operate the

1363
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 6: problem and fix it then, Like I can't because there's

1364
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 6: so many people that have bigger problems than us. Unless

1365
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 6: there's always going to be somebody in the So get

1366
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 6: over it. We landed here, right, you're not happy, right now?

1367
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:09,720
Speaker 6: Fix it? And guess what, no one's worried about what

1368
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:13,080
Speaker 6: you're doing. Yeah, no one cares. Just just just try

1369
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,720
Speaker 6: to make you know. You just fix it if you're

1370
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 6: not happy. Otherwise, there's a lot of stories in there

1371
01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 6: going on and on about what did happen and what

1372
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:21,920
Speaker 6: people think and what should have happened and if I

1373
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 6: didn't do this, Okay, well you did, so let's change it. Yeah,

1374
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 6: let's move on.

1375
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 3: We're not there anymore.

1376
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 6: We've moved on.

1377
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 3: We've all moved on.

1378
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1379
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:33,960
Speaker 8: I think about this almost every day, and when I

1380
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 8: wake up at niously, yeah, yeah, we got that, and

1381
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 8: when I wake up at night, which still occasionally happens.

1382
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 3: And that's literally the end of that story.

1383
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:47,400
Speaker 8: So hopefully this guy, I don't know, what would you

1384
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:49,240
Speaker 8: say if this guy came to you, what would you say?

1385
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:51,840
Speaker 6: Exactly what I just said? Really, of like I don't.

1386
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 6: Are you ready? Are you happy?

1387
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 2: Yes?

1388
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 6: Or now? Are you ready to make a change? Yes

1389
01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:58,640
Speaker 6: or no. I don't like to force people to do things,

1390
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 6: but if they're one of those people that want to

1391
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 6: get stuck in the story, as coaching isn't venting, if

1392
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:05,840
Speaker 6: you want to just have your insurance, pay a therapist,

1393
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:08,800
Speaker 6: listen to the event forever, like go do that if

1394
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:11,439
Speaker 6: you enjoy that process. But like, this is a fix

1395
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:13,880
Speaker 6: it store, so we're going to do some work. So

1396
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 6: if you're ready to like do that, then cool. But

1397
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 6: if I'm not going to listen to the story because

1398
01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:21,960
Speaker 6: I've heard so much stuff and people with the worst

1399
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 6: possible outcomes and situations that are avalanching all at once

1400
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 6: and they still stand up and they're going to make

1401
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 6: a change. So once you see like the worst circumstances,

1402
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 6: you can imagine that have you know, unfortunate chain of

1403
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:37,280
Speaker 6: events and then someone's complaining because they took the wrong

1404
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 6: job and move you're just like, wow, I saw this

1405
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,280
Speaker 6: one navigate out of it. It's blazon So like I'm

1406
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:44,360
Speaker 6: not listening to this right, it's not a contest and

1407
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 6: everyone's problems are valid, but yeah, I do explain right

1408
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 6: away that, like, are you willing to like work on

1409
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:54,320
Speaker 6: yourself and make changes and looking at why you're allowing

1410
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 6: yourself to continue to live in misery and ruminate about

1411
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:58,680
Speaker 6: it because that's where you're stuck.

1412
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 3: Yeah. I agree.

1413
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 6: It's not about the place or the people. It's about

1414
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:06,000
Speaker 6: you or something. You're getting out of being stuck and

1415
01:05:06,040 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 6: liking that story. So when we unlock that, then we

1416
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 6: can see how we do one thing is how we

1417
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 6: do everything, and then once I have the KI, I

1418
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:13,440
Speaker 6: can unlock it everywhere.

1419
01:05:13,840 --> 01:05:14,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1420
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:18,480
Speaker 8: No, it's true some people like will complain but still

1421
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:21,120
Speaker 8: do exactly the same thing, and it's like if nothing changes,

1422
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 8: nothing changes.

1423
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 6: So frustrating.

1424
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

1425
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 2: the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time

1426
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 2: boy host. Here. We're going to get back to the stories,

1427
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 2: but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1428
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,800
Speaker 8: My boyfriend wanted to start in of and I'm very

1429
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 8: much against it.

1430
01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:42,680
Speaker 3: Was he hot, valid freaking question.

1431
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:47,400
Speaker 8: So I, twenty one female, have been with my boyfriend

1432
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 8: twenty seven male for about eight months now. It's been

1433
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 8: great and he is a wonderful and emotionally intelligent guy.

1434
01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:57,800
Speaker 8: At the beginning of our of the relationship. He mentioned

1435
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,600
Speaker 8: that he used to do Instagram lives in his motorcycle

1436
01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 8: helmet and that people would give him donations and he

1437
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 8: often did mildly suggestive things to gain traction, also known

1438
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:13,720
Speaker 8: as freaky Fridays. Well, he stopped for whatever reason and

1439
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 8: he now has a girlfriend, which is me. By the way,

1440
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 8: this comes from it's your uncle real one. And if

1441
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:23,920
Speaker 8: you want to savy your own stories, go to the

1442
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 8: r slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah, I'm Sophia

1443
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,080
Speaker 8: and we have a special guest today.

1444
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:30,680
Speaker 4: Could you introduce yourself please.

1445
01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 6: I am Rachel myof has Spice World. I'm a Spicy

1446
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 6: life coach, an entrepreneur, and I give intuitive advice about

1447
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:38,760
Speaker 6: all kinds of things.

1448
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 3: And she's actually one of the best people I've ever met.

1449
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 8: I'm like, I'm loving this energy and we are here

1450
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,200
Speaker 8: to give some good advice. Goofily, But we do not

1451
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:51,680
Speaker 8: have all of the answers that you seek. We don't

1452
01:06:51,720 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 8: only tell you what we would do in the situation,

1453
01:06:53,560 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 8: but we would love to know what you would do

1454
01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:59,520
Speaker 8: in this situation. So let us know down in the comments.

1455
01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:04,160
Speaker 8: As Opie says, five months into the relationship, he asked

1456
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:07,680
Speaker 8: me if I wanted to do of with him, or

1457
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,880
Speaker 8: if I could make a feet funder's account so we

1458
01:07:10,960 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 8: could make some money together. I was very on and

1459
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 8: off in my decision making. Some days I'd show my

1460
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,720
Speaker 8: excitement about making money with him, and some days I

1461
01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:22,440
Speaker 8: wouldn't be so sure because I felt indifferent about the

1462
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 8: whole thing. I don't like sharing my partner and never have.

1463
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 8: I get jealous very easily, and I still struggle with

1464
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:32,680
Speaker 8: strong insecurities. Well, it's good that we're airing these things out.

1465
01:07:32,760 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 8: Right now, I'm gonna say this doesn't work out because

1466
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 8: there are a lot of things that go into this

1467
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 8: and you have to be comfortable, and it seems like

1468
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:44,439
Speaker 8: you're not at all.

1469
01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think to answer their own question, like, yeah,

1470
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:50,760
Speaker 6: they're literally obviously not comfortable with it. So it depends

1471
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 6: if he wants to do that more than he wants

1472
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:53,960
Speaker 6: to be and in that relationship.

1473
01:07:54,040 --> 01:07:54,240
Speaker 2: Right.

1474
01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, now it's like weighing the options here.

1475
01:07:57,080 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 2: Uh.

1476
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:01,360
Speaker 8: What didn't help is that I was recently diagnosed with cyclotheenia,

1477
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:06,200
Speaker 8: which is a form of bipolar disorder. Ugh, so that

1478
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:10,959
Speaker 8: explains why you're going back and forth right. I wish

1479
01:08:11,080 --> 01:08:13,400
Speaker 8: I had just given him a firm no from the start,

1480
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:16,000
Speaker 8: because one night I flat out told him I wasn't

1481
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 8: going to do feed finders and that I didn't want

1482
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:22,200
Speaker 8: him doing of either. He was a little frustrated that

1483
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,920
Speaker 8: I hadn't said this sooner and hadn't come to a

1484
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:27,519
Speaker 8: decision earlier, since he had the impression I was fine

1485
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 8: with it, but he respected my decision and moved on quickly.

1486
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:34,120
Speaker 8: Now Here I am with a brand new problem with

1487
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:37,679
Speaker 8: this man. After working out in our gym, we were

1488
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:40,080
Speaker 8: chatting on a bean bag and I have no idea

1489
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:42,400
Speaker 8: how it came up, but he eventually said, yeah, I'll

1490
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:46,000
Speaker 8: probably end up trying of Eventually I just sat there

1491
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:49,599
Speaker 8: and gasped. I wasn't in the right headspace, so I replied,

1492
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:50,599
Speaker 8: just do whatever you want.

1493
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:51,519
Speaker 3: I don't care anymore.

1494
01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:54,439
Speaker 8: And long story short, I gave him the silent treatment

1495
01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 8: all night. Okay, so none of this communication is great, Right,

1496
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:00,599
Speaker 8: What is he.

1497
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 6: Going to be doing on there? Because you can literally

1498
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 6: do anything, you can like read books or be horse

1499
01:09:05,400 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 6: training or be a personal like what is he doing exactly?

1500
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:12,200
Speaker 6: So that wasn't really clarified, and that's you know, also

1501
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:14,880
Speaker 6: like there's this misconception of like you're going to put

1502
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:17,479
Speaker 6: something up on a platform and all of a sudden

1503
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 6: people are going to see it. It takes a lot of

1504
01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:21,320
Speaker 6: work to run that back end machine, as you know,

1505
01:09:21,840 --> 01:09:24,439
Speaker 6: it's a lot more than the content. But so unless

1506
01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:26,640
Speaker 6: that person is like really at a business and doing that,

1507
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,320
Speaker 6: I wouldn't be too worried about it. But also like

1508
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:30,520
Speaker 6: that has nothing to do with the fact that like,

1509
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:33,280
Speaker 6: like you're obviously misaligned and what your comfortable level is

1510
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:36,080
Speaker 6: with like your personal self and like society. So you're

1511
01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:38,439
Speaker 6: a misaligned so you should probably just break up. Yeah,

1512
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 6: that seems he seems he seems itching to be on

1513
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:42,519
Speaker 6: the internet.

1514
01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:46,559
Speaker 8: So yeah, it seems he like not only has he

1515
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 8: brought this up before and has kind of maybe had

1516
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:54,040
Speaker 8: a little bit of like amateur experience maybe beforehand, but

1517
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 8: is now you know, he was.

1518
01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:57,320
Speaker 6: Just posting third straps.

1519
01:09:57,439 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 8: Yeah he was, I don't know exactly, Yeah, like kind

1520
01:09:59,840 --> 01:10:02,160
Speaker 8: of like there's traps and like people would like pay

1521
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 8: him and so but now you know, he's like, I

1522
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 8: feel like I would be pretty good at like the

1523
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:11,559
Speaker 8: next level, And she's like I don't really care, you know,

1524
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:12,960
Speaker 8: do whatever you want, but.

1525
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:13,880
Speaker 3: It's like you do care though.

1526
01:10:14,200 --> 01:10:17,320
Speaker 8: Right before we fell asleep, I brought it up and

1527
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:20,599
Speaker 8: asked him if he meant that, and we discussed some things.

1528
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,320
Speaker 8: He explained how he really struggles with money, and I

1529
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:25,960
Speaker 8: explained how it would hurt me to see him flirt

1530
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,759
Speaker 8: with other people and show off his body. I understand

1531
01:10:28,840 --> 01:10:31,599
Speaker 8: his reasoning since money is tight, but keep in mind

1532
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:34,320
Speaker 8: he isn't great with his money to begin with. He

1533
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:37,040
Speaker 8: is in debt from past purchases that I don't think

1534
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:39,240
Speaker 8: we're the best use of credit cards, and without getting

1535
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:42,760
Speaker 8: into all the details, one example is one of those

1536
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:46,680
Speaker 8: adjustable comfort beds. And he also recently financed a very

1537
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:49,360
Speaker 8: expensive truck instead of buying a cheaper but still reliable

1538
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 8: one off Facebook marketplace. Well that's like a I don't know,

1539
01:10:52,520 --> 01:10:57,320
Speaker 8: I feel like that's just more of like opinion, more

1540
01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,720
Speaker 8: like oh I really wanted, like it might have been

1541
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:02,720
Speaker 8: into like dream car or something. And I mean, even

1542
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 8: though he doesn't have the right funds, so he wanted.

1543
01:11:06,360 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 3: You know, I don't know, you can't really say much.

1544
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:09,160
Speaker 3: I guess on that.

1545
01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:11,880
Speaker 6: I mean it's his money, I guess, or.

1546
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:14,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's like his money is the issue and She's like,

1547
01:11:14,680 --> 01:11:16,320
Speaker 8: you could have spent it on like a cheaper car

1548
01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:17,439
Speaker 8: rather than getting a brand.

1549
01:11:17,280 --> 01:11:21,679
Speaker 6: New did so here we are there we well I didn't.

1550
01:11:22,880 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 8: All in all, it's frustrating to see him still want

1551
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:28,080
Speaker 8: to do OF even if it hurts me, just to

1552
01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:30,520
Speaker 8: fix money issues that he caused himself.

1553
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:34,719
Speaker 6: Those are two septs. I think it's just this isn't

1554
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 6: it's not gonna work now?

1555
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:41,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because they are. It is like two separate issues.

1556
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:43,679
Speaker 6: One is about the money people issues. So you're trying

1557
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,800
Speaker 6: to make this thing work that we're fundamental like, so

1558
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:49,200
Speaker 6: you have like your negotiables and you're non negotiables, so

1559
01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:53,000
Speaker 6: you're like non negotiables or not like lining up so

1560
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:58,200
Speaker 6: s we're done here, Yeah, bribabe, exactly like I fum

1561
01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:00,280
Speaker 6: with the truck. Yeah, if I'm with the truck and

1562
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:01,040
Speaker 6: be an event.

1563
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:06,120
Speaker 8: To continue the conversation, he explained that he needed to

1564
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:09,559
Speaker 8: take my feelings into account, yet he never outright said

1565
01:12:09,680 --> 01:12:12,880
Speaker 8: he wouldn't do it. I replied that if he ever

1566
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:16,080
Speaker 8: did start OF, there is no telling what I may

1567
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:18,640
Speaker 8: or may not do, whether that's being okay with it

1568
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,960
Speaker 8: or leaving him. It was an okay discussion, but I

1569
01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:24,840
Speaker 8: now know for sure that there is a big chance

1570
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:27,040
Speaker 8: he is going to start an of even if I

1571
01:12:27,080 --> 01:12:29,880
Speaker 8: am not okay with it. Thankfully, with the help of

1572
01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:32,960
Speaker 8: my bipolar medication, I also knew for sure that it

1573
01:12:32,960 --> 01:12:36,080
Speaker 8: would hurt me deeply, and I was able to communicate

1574
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 8: that clearly. My original plan was to wait it out

1575
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:41,760
Speaker 8: and not think about it until he actually starts, then

1576
01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:42,639
Speaker 8: go from there.

1577
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:46,200
Speaker 6: Oh my god. Now see, this isn't a real authentic

1578
01:12:46,240 --> 01:12:48,960
Speaker 6: relationship where you are and love and like not to

1579
01:12:48,960 --> 01:12:51,080
Speaker 6: be all a bachelorette, but like, are we together for

1580
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:53,439
Speaker 6: the right reasons? Because it seems like you just want

1581
01:12:53,439 --> 01:12:56,200
Speaker 6: a partner in life to be like co dependent on

1582
01:12:56,760 --> 01:12:59,000
Speaker 6: You don't really like love who this person is, because

1583
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,479
Speaker 6: who that person is is a broken person who wants

1584
01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:03,759
Speaker 6: to be naded on the internet. So you not liking

1585
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:06,600
Speaker 6: these things about them means that you're you're trying to

1586
01:13:06,680 --> 01:13:09,000
Speaker 6: change them, and that's not fair to that person. And

1587
01:13:09,040 --> 01:13:12,000
Speaker 6: also you're both agreeing to this partnership. So everyone's fifty

1588
01:13:12,040 --> 01:13:14,720
Speaker 6: percent of fault, but there is probably you have to

1589
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:18,800
Speaker 6: be you have to align brain heart and uh your

1590
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:21,840
Speaker 6: spicy stuff, right, Yeah, So sometimes we align in like

1591
01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:24,040
Speaker 6: one or two of those areas, but usually we need

1592
01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:26,120
Speaker 6: to align in all three in order to have like

1593
01:13:26,280 --> 01:13:29,000
Speaker 6: all long term sustainable relationships. So that's where way we

1594
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,559
Speaker 6: confuse is like one of the but where can I

1595
01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:34,639
Speaker 6: I call it the yeah butts? You heard it your girlfriends?

1596
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:37,000
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, but yeah but he does this or she

1597
01:13:37,120 --> 01:13:40,400
Speaker 6: does that, and it's like, yeah, there's too many ye butts,

1598
01:13:40,439 --> 01:13:42,280
Speaker 6: Like it is what it is. So like you have

1599
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:45,040
Speaker 6: a connection, maybe you have like a certain connection, but

1600
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,880
Speaker 6: the other ones aren't lining up, so eventually you're gonna

1601
01:13:47,920 --> 01:13:49,760
Speaker 6: look for one of the other ones in someone else.

1602
01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:55,200
Speaker 6: So because it's human issure, So bybabe, yeah, love, you

1603
01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:57,160
Speaker 6: go be in your car and I'm gonna go seek

1604
01:13:57,200 --> 01:14:00,600
Speaker 6: a more conservative, norm care person. Yeah that seems to

1605
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:02,840
Speaker 6: be what she really wants, and that's fine, but try

1606
01:14:02,840 --> 01:14:03,880
Speaker 6: to turn this into that.

1607
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:06,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, but anyway, let's finish this up.

1608
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:09,519
Speaker 8: Knowing myself, I would absolutely break up with him, but

1609
01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:12,400
Speaker 8: I'm trying to stay open minded. Besides some close friends,

1610
01:14:12,439 --> 01:14:15,120
Speaker 8: I feel really alone in this decision making and I

1611
01:14:15,240 --> 01:14:16,400
Speaker 8: don't know what else to do.

1612
01:14:16,560 --> 01:14:17,160
Speaker 3: Please help.

1613
01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:20,920
Speaker 8: Any advice is appreciated, and that's the end. I mean, girl,

1614
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:23,400
Speaker 8: just break up, break up, you don't like him.

1615
01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:25,280
Speaker 6: You don't like him, you don't like him, you don't

1616
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:27,720
Speaker 6: like who he really really is, and that's okay. Just

1617
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:30,720
Speaker 6: move on and find someone that you will you can

1618
01:14:30,760 --> 01:14:32,280
Speaker 6: just be your authentic self with, and then you can

1619
01:14:32,280 --> 01:14:34,160
Speaker 6: focus on your own life and not being completely I'm

1620
01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:37,200
Speaker 6: masessed with what he's doing or not doing exactly, which

1621
01:14:37,240 --> 01:14:37,920
Speaker 6: seems the case.

1622
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:40,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of this story.