1 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of You 2 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat. Welcome if you're new, 3 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 1: welcome to our family. As always, I like to give 4 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: a little disclaimer that this is not therapy itself. This 5 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,119 Speaker 1: is just a podcast about mental health and therapy and 6 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: all of the things. And although I'm a licensed therapist, 7 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: I cannot be your licensed therapist unless I know about it. 8 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: So this is more of just a space where we 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: get to really talk about some things that should be 10 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: talked about more in the world and get us thinking 11 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 1: so we can go out and live more joyful and 12 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,639 Speaker 1: more full real lives. Let's get into it. So this 13 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: week I'm pomped so excited about the guest. The last 14 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: couple of weeks I did a couple episodes by myself 15 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: that were more educational, and then I had my friends 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: Savannah on last week, who was awesome talked about sobriety. 17 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,279 Speaker 1: And this week I have an amazing human Her name 18 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: is Caitlin Craws to Be and she is an author, 19 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: a speaker, she is an entrepreneur and you may have 20 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,960 Speaker 1: heard of The Giving Keys. She is the founder of 21 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: that which we talk about. She's also just like a 22 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: cool person, one of the easiest people probably to talk to. 23 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 1: When we recorded this, she started setting up um like, 24 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 1: you know, a professional, normal professional, I guess, and then 25 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 1: as we got more into the conversation, she slowly just 26 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: kind of ended up laying down on her bed, and 27 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: it was just a nice conversation with somebody that just 28 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: immediately felt like a friend and felt like I could 29 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: just have a little talk with and all. Not to say, 30 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,480 Speaker 1: she's amazing and I'm so grateful for her honesty and 31 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: her willingness to talk about her personal life. She actually 32 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: had a new book just come out called Every Word Matters, 33 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: The Key to an Intentional Life, and we talked about 34 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: it in the podcast conversation, So I'm not going to 35 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: spoil that, but I'm just letting you guys know that 36 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: if you like some of the things that she's saying, 37 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: and if you're gravitating towards her energy, like that might 38 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: be something you want to look into. Like I said, 39 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: she's just awesome and really grateful for her to show 40 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: up and be vulnerable. We talked about grieving and transitioning 41 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 1: as the world opens up new opportunities. She was very 42 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: honest with some personal things that she's going through currently. 43 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: Thank you Caitlin for being here. Um, you are somebody's 44 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 1: that I want to keep in touch with and hopefully 45 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: have you back again. And I hope you guys enjoy 46 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: this and I will talk to you guys on Wednesday. 47 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: And for now, here's my conversation with Caitlin. So I've 48 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: known about the Giving Keys because I don't know when 49 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: you started it, but I first saw it at Philanthropy 50 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: in a store in downtown Franklin, and I just thought 51 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: it was like a thing that they were doing, and 52 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, it's everywhere. So can you 53 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: give us, like a cliff Notes version of the company 54 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: why you started it? And I mean, just tell us 55 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: about it. So started Giving Keys almost thirteen years ago. 56 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 1: And I used to do music and acting, so I 57 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: grew up in that world. And then I started a 58 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: website called love Your Flaws Dot Combat Body Image Issues. 59 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: And then my first album one hundred years ago was 60 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: called Flaws about kind of encouraging women to love all 61 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: of our imperfections and all that good stuff. And then 62 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: I was on tour passing through New York in the 63 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: hotel room Key I thought was really cool. It was 64 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: like kind of big and obnoxious, and I put around 65 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: my necklace chain and got compliments on it. And I 66 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: was at a locksmith and had him asked if he 67 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: can engrave love your flaws on the key, and then 68 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: I saw all these other old used keys, and I said, oh, 69 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 1: can you do hope, love, faith, dream, believe all these keys? 70 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: So he did, and I started making jewelry out of 71 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 1: them and selling them on tour at the merchandise tables, 72 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: and I started selling out more than my CDs, so 73 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: I knew there was a missing link. A little by little, 74 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: I came up with this pay it forward movement, like 75 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: get the word that you need, but it's not just 76 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: about us, right um, pass it on to someone you 77 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: feel needs it more than you. So it kind of 78 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: trains you to keep your eyes open for someone else 79 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: who's hurting and going through something and not just focusing 80 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: on ourselves all the time. And then people started writing 81 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: me all these stories like so and so I was 82 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: about to come in suicide. I gave them my key, 83 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: So and I was going through a divorce. I even 84 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: my key. These and So I lost their job. I 85 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: gave them my keys. So on my space so I 86 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: was like, I need to make a website to store 87 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: all these stories read them the website that I knew. 88 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 1: I wanted the money to go to some sort of charity. 89 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,559 Speaker 1: And then I met a young couple that was experiencing 90 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: homelessness on Hollow Boulevard. They lived in a dumpster in 91 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: a cardboard box. I had my aha moment. I was like, 92 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: wait a minute, I should pay you guys to engrave 93 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: the keys. So then I hustled and got them into stores, 94 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 1: and then they saved up money to get their own apartment. 95 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: And then we started partnering up with a bunch of 96 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: other transitional homes and other nonprofits around the issue of 97 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: homelessness and been able to employ over a hundred and 98 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 1: forty people that are trying to transition out of homelessness. 99 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: And yeah, it's crazy. Okay, So I'm hearing you talk 100 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 1: about this. Obviously, this company is amazing. How it grew 101 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 1: is amazing, And my brain is going to you're on 102 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: tour and you're an artist and a musician, and then 103 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 1: this is happening. What happens is that transition of like 104 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: life path are you like, oh my gosh, how is that? 105 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: It sounds very success, all fast and like a good 106 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: way because it's helping others, Like where are you going 107 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,479 Speaker 1: when all this is happening. Because I grew up in 108 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 1: entertainment and my parents did entertainment in the entertainment industry 109 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: and all that, I think that was like always the goal, 110 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: and that was like the value system out here in 111 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,239 Speaker 1: l A. Like everyone moves here to try and become 112 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,679 Speaker 1: successful in those fields. And so that was kind of 113 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 1: like what I thought I was going to do too, 114 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: and that was those were my goals to whatever moderate 115 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: success or things that I did get to do, which 116 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: I'm so lucky that I got to do. It still 117 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,280 Speaker 1: was like you know, the giving keys. It was like 118 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: open heaven on the giving keys. And it was such 119 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: a difference of you know, and I mean and I 120 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 1: great things happened in the other worlds too at different 121 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: seasons of times. But then it was like when I 122 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: was still doing music and I had a record deal 123 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: and and this team behind me and and they were 124 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: wanting me to do more and more and more and more. 125 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: But then I was like always busy doing giving keys 126 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: things because it was just opportunity after opportunity of opportunities. 127 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: So it was like, oh gosh, well I have to 128 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 1: focus on all this because I have so many responsibilities 129 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: now that I have to take care of and follow 130 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: kind of where this is leading. So I never would 131 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,720 Speaker 1: have thought a million years like, oh, I'm going to 132 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: be a jewelry maker, like a nonprofit, you're a giftback 133 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: social entrepreneur. Like that was the furthest thing from my 134 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: mind when it makes me think about because that's just 135 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: a big change. It's changed, and it's something you've never 136 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: thought about. And with every change, change can be exciting, 137 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: but also there's grieving, and every single change exciting is 138 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: that something could be. And so for you, was was 139 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: there a process of you grieving what you thought you 140 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 1: were going to do? Yes, I'm totally just like I 141 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: lay down. Yes, I don't know if this is like 142 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: I we started this podcast that I was sitting and 143 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: now I'm just getting more and more comfortable. I feel 144 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: like you're so personable, and I'm just like, well, I'm 145 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 1: sitting in bed and now I just wasn't comfortable and 146 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: now I'm just laying down and you can see it 147 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: and it's fun and not because it's cozy and it's 148 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,840 Speaker 1: COVID and Um, I do have jeans on. I was 149 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: gonna say, you're gonna be like, hold on, the need 150 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: to put on my pajamas. Let me put some pants on. 151 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: I have jeans on. We're better than me because I'm 152 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 1: wearing leggings. So yeah, it just looks like I have 153 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: on real clothes. What was your question? Again, this is 154 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: important questions. It's gonna lead somewhere. But with the grieving 155 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: process with the change, was there aggrieving? Did you know 156 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: you were going through grieving when you transitioned into this 157 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 1: exciting thing. Oh? I never knew this was gonna be 158 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,120 Speaker 1: a thing for me. This is great, but also to 159 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: do that, I'm letting go of something. And I think 160 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: that one of the reasons change is so hard for 161 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: so many people, it's because there's always a grieving process, 162 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: no matter how exciting what we're moving into can be. 163 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: Was there that for you? Did you notice it? Oh? 164 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: For sure, for sure it was. There was definitely a 165 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: sadness and even just seeing my music team and you know, 166 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: record label people and manager and like my manage or 167 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: at the time, like sold his farm because he was 168 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: kind of banking on me taking off, and you know, 169 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: and and then I didn't and I was doing giving 170 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: keys instead, and just you know, he couldn't afford his 171 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: home anymore. Like stuff like that was just all went 172 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: into the grief of feeling like I'm letting all these 173 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: people down that I wasn't as successful as they thought 174 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: that I was going to be in music, and I 175 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: think and even myself too, and and so there was 176 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: that tension of Okay, God, I trust you that you 177 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: have a plan, and I did all I could do, 178 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: so there's I can't force anything to happen, so I 179 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: have to surrender and accept that this is the way 180 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: that it's going. And but it was definitely hard, and 181 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: I was sad, and I kind of wished that I 182 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: could do both, and I tried multiple times to do both, 183 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: but it was like I felt like so meant to 184 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: be that these were the doors that just kept opening. 185 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: So I just kind of had to surrender and accept. 186 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: But yeah, it was definitely but there was so much 187 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: good coming from it. It felt the worth that I 188 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,599 Speaker 1: was like, well, a point of doing entertainment was so 189 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: I could Growing up, I always say like, oh, I 190 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: want to have like a platform to give back and 191 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 1: say certain things that I'm passionate about to help people 192 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: and write songs to help people or you know, blah 193 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. But now I'm doing it and 194 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: it's just a different way. Yeah, And I think that's 195 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: cool for you to be able to listen to that 196 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: and like, Okay, I'm just gonna go where it feels 197 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: like I'm being led and like not resist this because 198 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: obviously this is something's coming of this and that is 199 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: the essence of that, like both and of like this 200 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: is this is good, it's it's sad and this is 201 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 1: so good. And I'm curious to what that was like 202 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: for you success wise, And I'm curious to where did 203 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: that even drive You mentioned the body image stuff with 204 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 1: in the beginning. Where does that come from? Because a 205 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 1: lot of people who are passionate about certain platforms have 206 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: a reason. Yeah. In my first book, I have two books. 207 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: The second one just came out last year, so exciting days. Yeah. 208 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: In the first book, my friend, his name is Mike Foster. 209 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 1: He has a podcast to which is really cool. It's 210 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: called fun Things. I love that podcast. Yeah, I like 211 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: cry it on that podcast. I cried listening to that podcast. Yeah, 212 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: And so you know, he he said, he said the 213 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: quote in my book you teach best what you need 214 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 1: to learn, and I love that and it's so true. 215 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: So yeah, with love your flaws. That was a way 216 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: for me to try and love my flaws. And I 217 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,679 Speaker 1: had a lot of body image issues growing up and 218 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: a lot of surgeries that went wrong that I had 219 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: all these scars and like femininity issues from them and 220 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: just like deep shame and you know, and it's something 221 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,719 Speaker 1: I'm still, i think forever working through. But it's it's 222 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: such a beautiful process of healing and learning and growing 223 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: and you know, and this is going to be I 224 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,719 Speaker 1: think forever until the day the day that I die, 225 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,080 Speaker 1: and they're just gonna be getting more and more wisdom 226 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 1: and healing and revelation about this particular subject and I'm 227 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: sure a lot of other ones. But yeah, body image 228 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: issues was was always like a big, a big topic 229 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: in my therapy sessions well, and my specialty is eating 230 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 1: disorders and body image. So that's why I'm like that 231 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: sparked my attention with the Giving Keys. A lot of 232 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,440 Speaker 1: is about like words and the power of words, and 233 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: so for you, what has been helpful in that area, 234 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 1: So starting with body image, because you probably know this 235 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: by the work that you've done. The words that we 236 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: choose when we speak to ourselves are so powerful, And 237 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: how did you use that as a way to like 238 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,680 Speaker 1: heal through any of the things that you were struggling 239 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: with with any of that? Yeah, I always say the 240 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 1: way that my mind automatically kind of defaults to the negative, 241 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: and so I have to write positive affirmations down, whether 242 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: it's about myself or my day or my perspective, not 243 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 1: to just get through, but like to enjoy life at all. 244 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 1: It's so important the words that we use in the 245 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: things that we tell ourselves and all the negative tapes 246 00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: that are kind of ingrained from habits and promos, and yeah, 247 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: a lot of us do have that like automatic Like 248 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: where we Go is like the icky side of life, 249 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: and it's a muscle. They're writing the stuff down, the 250 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: saying that they're repeating it. It's like one of the 251 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: things that I dread having to ask clients to do 252 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: because I know what they're thinking, because I know they're like, 253 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 1: that's not gonna work. What's that going to do? I 254 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,320 Speaker 1: have nothing nice to say, or that just sounds cheesy, 255 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: or that it's always that's usually what I get. So 256 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm like almost waiting for that to come before I 257 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 1: even request it. But the only reason I asked people 258 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: to do that is because I know it works, and 259 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: there's a lot of power in repeating the same thing 260 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 1: over and over again. The reason we believe that icky 261 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: stuff is because it's what's been repeated over and over 262 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: and over again, and we have to write a new story. 263 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 1: And for you, do you mind sharing like what were 264 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: some of the things that you did need to kind 265 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: of rewrite, Like what were some messages or stories that 266 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: you needed to rewrite about yourself or the world. Well, 267 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: for myself, I think I grew up in the church 268 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 1: and I was always you know, the purity thing was 269 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: it was a big movement and something that was always 270 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: very important to me. But I think because I had 271 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: particular body image issues in like the feminine departments of 272 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: I think I kind of hid in church as like 273 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: an excuse to stay pure, But really it was because 274 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: I was embarrassed. And so the word and the phrase 275 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: that I believed about myself that had the most potent 276 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: negative belief was the word I'm just disgusting. And that 277 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 1: was and I and I really got to the bottom 278 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 1: of like that was like my core belief deep down, 279 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: and so this is kind of comical. But because I 280 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: felt like such a non sexy central person, like that 281 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: was so foreign, I mean so uncomfortable for me. I 282 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: went to an old therapist a long time ago and 283 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 1: she said, well, because you have this negative belief about 284 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: yourself that you are disgusting and the unsexy and not 285 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: sensual and not feminine and all these things, She's like, 286 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: you need to make theef the new healthy belief, the 287 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: complete opposite, and it has to be very extreme, and 288 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: you need to tell to yourself one million times a day. 289 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: So my so my sentence that I had to tell 290 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: myself was I am the sexiest woman I have ever 291 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: seen in my entire life. And I was like, oh 292 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: my god, I'm so uncomfortable with that, Like, like nothing 293 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 1: feels more uncomfortable and more untrue than that. But she 294 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: was like, act that way in the car, you know, 295 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: when you listen to your music when you're ordering your coffee, 296 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: flirt with the barista and act like the sexiest woman 297 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: you've ever seen in the world, over and over over. 298 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: And I remember just doing it for a couple of 299 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: weeks like and really doing it. It really did start 300 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: to work, and I really did start to feel like 301 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: it's sexy, sassy, little you know. But then I stopped 302 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: because I forgot or got lazy, or life gets in 303 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: the way and I wasn't being I wasn't a routine 304 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: or habit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe it was that. I'm 305 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 1: glad you're saying that, because it is so true that, 306 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: like we create these all these self fulfilling prophecies. If 307 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: we believe something about ourselves, we have the power for 308 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 1: that to be true. The air about you that changes 309 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: how people are perceiving you. If you walk in somewhere 310 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: with like your shoulders hunch and like your head down, 311 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: people are gonna be like, oh, she seems unapproachable and 312 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 1: kind of like timid and scary. If you walk in 313 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 1: a room with your shoulders back and your head up 314 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: and smile, people are gonna like, she looks kind of cool. 315 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 1: I want to go talk to her. Like, So we 316 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: do have the power to transform that either way. But 317 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: it is uncomfortable and hard, like it's awkward. It's awkward 318 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: until it's not. How have you seen it work? The best? 319 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: When you have your clients do it like where where 320 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 1: where have you seen like the real change? Like you 321 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 1: mean like what kinds of people or how they how 322 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: they do it or what they do how long they 323 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 1: have to do it? Well, it's forever, but I I 324 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: mean it's but it's like it's something that I'm like, 325 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: you have to wake up and say how I really 326 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: encourage people to start this as the first thing you 327 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: do when you wake up is you write something kind 328 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 1: down about yourself or something exciting that you're looking forward to, 329 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: Like that's how you're gonna start your day. And then 330 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: also you end your day with something, whether that's a 331 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 1: gratitude or one thing you're you're proud of or grateful for. 332 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: And you might not believe it a d don't lie 333 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: to yourself. So don't just make a complete lie that 334 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 1: you never think will ever ever, ever, ever, ever in 335 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: a hundred million years come true. Find a little bit 336 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: of something that you can grab onto and then every 337 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: day you can transition that into more and more and more. 338 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: But it starts with one little thing. And do it 339 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: when it feels weird, like look in the mirror. I 340 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: do a lot of body image work, so a lot 341 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: of it it's like desensitizing yourself to looking yourself in 342 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: the mirror. It's gonna be really awkward and weird the 343 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: first probably a hundred times you do it, maybe, but 344 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: the more you do it. I think of it as 345 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: a river that you're creating. Rivers get deeper and stronger 346 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: the more that you flow water down them, and if 347 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: you stop pouring water, that is its source of water 348 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 1: that's going to dry up. And so either way you 349 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: have the power to create a really deep river over 350 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,439 Speaker 1: here or stop that river over there. And that's the 351 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 1: metaphor I give people to use, and that I find 352 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 1: really helps people understand that, like, oh it is the 353 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: more I'm giving something energy, the more it's going to 354 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 1: come true. So every time you went in somewhere and 355 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: you're like, I am the sexiest person alive, you started 356 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: to believe it a little more because also you're getting data, 357 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: like you're getting feedback from people and data and responses. 358 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 1: People aren't running away from you and being like, oh 359 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: my god. But we create those big stories in our 360 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: head that like I'm I'm disgusting. I create a story 361 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: about how people are going to look at me and 362 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: think certain things or won't talk to me or X 363 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 1: y Z, and then because of the way I walk 364 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,360 Speaker 1: into a room, I'm like, see, I told you so. 365 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: But I will say it's as simple as affirmations. That's 366 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,719 Speaker 1: why I wanted to ask you. It's simple as affirmation sound. 367 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: It's probably one of the challenging things, most challenging things 368 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 1: for clients to act really do consistently. Why do you 369 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: think that is for me? I I'm like this, this 370 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 1: is just my personality where I'm like, oh, like like 371 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,879 Speaker 1: meditation or mindfulness or stuff like that. I'm like, an 372 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 1: affirmation is not gonna make that big of deal. It's 373 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 1: not going to change my world. It's not like doing 374 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: this like big experiential therapy and a group that's gonna 375 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: like rock my everything. They're very simple things. They're not radical, 376 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 1: And I think that's why. It's because we all want 377 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: these radical changes. And I know I feel this a 378 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 1: lot with with clients that come in, especially new to therapy. 379 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,920 Speaker 1: They want me to change their life in three sessions, 380 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: and they want this big radical experience when it's like 381 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 1: really simple and slow and builds on things. And that's 382 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 1: my experience personally and as a professional. But I don't 383 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: know if you felt that like when I want something 384 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 1: to change and I'm like I need to change now. Yeah, 385 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: but it sounds like for you it wasn't that. I 386 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: mean it was hard, but you were like, Okay, i'll 387 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: listen to my therapist, which is nice to forget. And 388 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 1: then life happens years later, and then you know, and 389 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: then different seasons happened too, and then I get married, 390 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: and then you have kids, and I mean not everybody, 391 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: but I then was like, Okay, now I'm worrying about 392 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: other things instead or other securities. Well, and that's hard too, 393 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: because I would love for you to speak on that. 394 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: It's like you got married and you had kids, and 395 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 1: then like your your priorities shift, and how do you 396 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: maintain that? Like how do you maintain yourself and your 397 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: self worth and what you think of yourself because you 398 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: can get lost and all that, Like how do I 399 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: spend time making sure I'm okay? Um? I think it's 400 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: still a daily weekly. I don't know if the words battle, 401 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: but more like goal that I don't always accomplish. I'm 402 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: really all about like letting ourselves fail and letting ourselves 403 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: be messy and imperfect. And sometimes I go the pendulum 404 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 1: swings a little bit too much to that side where 405 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: I'm not doing enough for myself and the self care 406 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: bit and all of that. Like you said, I I 407 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: like think, like, don't really need to do a meditation. 408 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 1: I'll be fine, you know. But I just started doing 409 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:08,359 Speaker 1: this little daily devotional. It's like a five minute Judas 410 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: Smith that is this guy my my sister in law 411 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: sent me there a little app or whatever. And I've 412 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,479 Speaker 1: just been doing that five minutes a day in the morning. 413 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: And I have my kids like plopped down in front 414 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,439 Speaker 1: of the TV just because I'm like, I need my 415 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: coffee and a little something in my brain before I 416 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,919 Speaker 1: can really go there. And they wake up so early, 417 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: like at five, that I cannot get up before them, 418 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: Like I just can't. Um So, so I'm like, you're 419 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: gonna watch Daniel Tiger on PBS or there are two 420 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: minutes and I'm going to make my copy and do 421 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: my little devotional and set my intentions for the day. 422 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: And it really and I've only been doing it for 423 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 1: the last few weeks maybe, and I and I can 424 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: really tell a difference. So we talked about this a 425 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,679 Speaker 1: little bit before. You are going through a huge transition 426 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: now with the separation of you and your husband, and 427 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: I mean that has to be another whole thing for you. 428 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: The routine you might have had is now shifting, and 429 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: one how are you doing? And to well, first answer 430 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: that question, how are you doing? Oh man? I mean 431 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: every day, an hour is different. So you know, look 432 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: at sha, this was not what I wanted. This was 433 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: literally my worst nightmare. But now that it's happened, I 434 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,160 Speaker 1: feel hopeful for my future. But you know, you can't 435 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: control other people and what they decide. And my husband 436 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: decided he wants to go another path in another way 437 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 1: in his life that I obviously won't get into. But 438 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:35,159 Speaker 1: you know, and I have to work on, yes, grieving it, 439 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: feeling the feelings. I was devastated when it first all happened, 440 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: and the transition has been devastating, not only for myself 441 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,439 Speaker 1: but for the kids, especially when older, when my four 442 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: year old. So I'm okay right now, but I have 443 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: you know, when I don't have the kids and they 444 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 1: go with him for a night or two, I you know, 445 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: have my bawling, my you know, you just cried out, 446 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: because I think that's really important to do that, to 447 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: let yourself agree. But then it's I'm trying to focus 448 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: on the positive. And there are a lot of other 449 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 1: good benefits that are coming from this time and this 450 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: new season that I'm weirdly excited about. Yeah, so I'm 451 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: kind of trying to focus on that as well. So 452 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 1: I'm doing I'm doing as well as I possibly can 453 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: do it with the situation. I wonder for you how 454 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: long it has taken you to like accept that idea 455 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: of like this is sucks, like this is not something 456 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,160 Speaker 1: I would have ever chosen. And also there are some 457 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,879 Speaker 1: good things that are coming from this that I imagine 458 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 1: was not the first thought in your head. Yeah, no, 459 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: not at all. It's a daily practice, and I think 460 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: it's what's helped me a lot is the work that 461 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 1: I have done in the past with I go to 462 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: alan On. Alan On is for those of you who 463 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 1: don't know, it's like a twelve step program for people 464 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 1: that are in relationships with addicts or people that are alcoholics, 465 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: or whether it's your family member, parent, sibling, spouse, friend, whatever. 466 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: So I've been going for about were years and I 467 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 1: have a sponsor and we worked the twelve steps. So 468 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: much of that work is which I've been lagging. I 469 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,880 Speaker 1: need to get on my chapter five when I mean, sorry, 470 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: my step five. When I moved, I still have boxes 471 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: in my garage, so I think my step book is 472 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 1: in the garage somewhere, so I need to maybe find 473 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: it online or something, because I just don't have it 474 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: in me to go through boxes anymore. Um So, yeah, 475 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 1: so that's been really helpful, just like putting into practice 476 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 1: accepting and detaching from someone else and their their stuff 477 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 1: and and um that serenity prayer has been a game changer. 478 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,119 Speaker 1: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I 479 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 1: cannot change for changing things I can, and the wisdom 480 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,359 Speaker 1: to know the difference. So that's been my kind of 481 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 1: like anchoring favorite prayer. I wonder if some of those 482 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 1: like old messages, no matter what they were, that you 483 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 1: thought to to relearn in a different way, did they 484 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 1: pop back up as this was happening. Did you have 485 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,360 Speaker 1: to battle a lot of negative self talk, like what 486 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,719 Speaker 1: were the story worries all up in your head? It 487 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,720 Speaker 1: doubled down On therapy, I've been quitted two different therapists 488 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:09,160 Speaker 1: a week. I'm like, if not now then when now was? Yeah, 489 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: I've been going to and both of us used to 490 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: actually give us marriage counseling too, which is fun because 491 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,360 Speaker 1: they know the situation and they I mean they know him, 492 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 1: they know me and all that good stuff. But one 493 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: of them, Tim, I'm doing E M D R with him. 494 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 1: I've never done it before, is my first time. So 495 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: I've done like four sessions and actually really impressed. Like 496 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,000 Speaker 1: I've I've done a lot of therapy my Licole License 497 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: I was really young, fortunately or unfortunately and not sure um, 498 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: and I feel like it's just wow, like really getting 499 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 1: to the stuff I thought I had like known everything, 500 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: I knew all of my issues and I've already you know, 501 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 1: but it's like, oh wow, it's like really interesting the 502 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: things that are coming up and that I'm kind of 503 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: realizing that I want to work on and need to 504 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: work on. And then my other therapist and it's a 505 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: very different type of there, but she's more like she's 506 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: like this amazing like Grandma Vibe. I love these Mama 507 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,680 Speaker 1: Bear Grandma Bear like like Christian mystic but like so 508 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,680 Speaker 1: smart and just like I just love her brain. She 509 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: does a lot of stuff, but one of the things 510 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: that she's been having me do recently is writing down 511 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: my dreams and like kind of analyzing my subconscious and 512 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 1: it's been so good. Like like, I had this one 513 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,680 Speaker 1: dream where I was in my grandparents backyard and I 514 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: have a pool, but the pool was that bright blue color, 515 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 1: like a like toilet water when you're cleaning a toilet. 516 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 1: And I was carrying these heavy bags and my little 517 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,680 Speaker 1: girl who's one years old, her name's Love, she fell 518 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 1: into the pool and I was a little too far away, 519 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: and she was like wanting to get to me, like mommy, mommy, mommy, 520 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: and I was like too busy quote unquote like doing 521 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,400 Speaker 1: something on the other side, which is something I already 522 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,400 Speaker 1: I do, like feel bad about that happens in her life. 523 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 1: And in my dream, I I thought to myself, like, oh, 524 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 1: my bags are so heavy, there's so much stuff in them. 525 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 1: So maybe on one handle, help me get to the 526 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 1: bottom of the pool faster to like rescue her because 527 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 1: it's so heavy. But then the other hand, I don't know, 528 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: it's going to be so heavy to get back up 529 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: and put, you know, push my feet up. But I did. 530 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 1: I jumped in after her with my heavy bags, got 531 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: to the bottom of the pool. I got her, and 532 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 1: I pushed my legs up and you know, with the 533 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,639 Speaker 1: bags on my back and her and we got to 534 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: the top of the pool and then I woke up. 535 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: So I mean there's a lot in there of the 536 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,399 Speaker 1: symbolism of like her talking about like the cleansing of 537 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 1: the toilet bowl water, you know. Um. But then also 538 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: she gave me homework to clean out my bags, which 539 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 1: I've only done half of, which I need to do 540 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 1: because I sometimes I like hoard a little bit too much, 541 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: Like I really need some things out in my bags. 542 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 1: And then also just when I have gone through some 543 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 1: other things challenges are circumstances that were happening in life, 544 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 1: she was like she would text me things like I 545 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 1: know you have it in you to push yourself off 546 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 1: from the bottom of the pool. You know. She'll just 547 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,160 Speaker 1: like use that language now to describe which to kind 548 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: of encouraged me, which is really special. The thought of 549 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 1: having those bags and like the question of like do 550 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: I need these or I not need these? Should I 551 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 1: drop them? Should I keep them with me? That I mean, 552 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 1: that whole idea is just a whole thing that somebody 553 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 1: could process for a whole session in therapy, because I 554 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,200 Speaker 1: think a lot of times in our lives we'd want 555 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 1: to have this finite answer for everything where why people? 556 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: That's how humans work through stories, and we need a beginning, 557 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,399 Speaker 1: middle and and things need to be clear. And then 558 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: it sounds like you're in the stage of life where 559 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,439 Speaker 1: it's like you're learning as you go and things are 560 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: shifting and changing. And I'm assuming, which I probably shouldn't 561 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: do as a therapist, but assuming that you kind of 562 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: want to know how am I going to get through this? 563 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: What is this going to look like? And have a 564 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 1: lot and there might be some questions you even have 565 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 1: in the ending of that relationship that you want answers 566 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 1: to and that that's just what popped into my head 567 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 1: because you're in a lot of unknown right now, is 568 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: what it sounds like. And how do you deal with 569 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: the unknown? Like how are you coping with? Like this 570 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,200 Speaker 1: is different. I can't plan out a lot of things 571 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 1: right now, and the plans I've had are changing, and 572 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,920 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to focus on the hope of what 573 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,160 Speaker 1: I could have on the other side of this, which 574 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: is a better marriage with probably someone else, or you know, 575 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:18,880 Speaker 1: if a miracle happens, But in just either way, it's 576 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,280 Speaker 1: going to be better than what I had, So that's 577 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,119 Speaker 1: exciting to me. I'm glad to hear you use that word. 578 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,439 Speaker 1: That's one of my favorite words out there, and I 579 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: have a weird relationship with it. But I think the 580 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,159 Speaker 1: idea of like I'm holding onto hope and in a 581 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,959 Speaker 1: mess like that saves a lot of people, which speaks 582 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,439 Speaker 1: back to like, I mean, even just your company, and 583 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: it founded on words being important, and I imagining that 584 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 1: you are are leaning into a lot of that right now, 585 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 1: Like the whole idea of how your company started in 586 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 1: is now twofold coming back to you and it's helping 587 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: you in the same way. Yeah, it's true. Even this 588 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: book that I just wrote. Now, I was recording the 589 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:57,440 Speaker 1: audio book at the studio and Colin and I were 590 00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,719 Speaker 1: right in the middle of selling our house, going through 591 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: this ration, and he came to the studio for me 592 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,959 Speaker 1: to sign the papers selling a house that we had 593 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: boked together. Was the first time ever buying a house 594 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 1: and all that, and and it was such an emotional 595 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,400 Speaker 1: moment of signing you know, a guy there and the 596 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: notary and all this paperwork, and I signed it and 597 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: we hugged in the parking lot and bald like pried 598 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: and bald and I went right back in to record 599 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: this audio book, and every word in the book that 600 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,160 Speaker 1: I had written months prior was everything that I needed 601 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: to here, and it was speaking to me and helping me. 602 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: And even right now, you know, I'm on this podcast 603 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 1: pretty probably sound pretty you know, I don't know the 604 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: word as negative, but just like you know in it 605 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 1: and it's a hard time, but it's like, I know 606 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,880 Speaker 1: my book is not like negative, Nancy. It's very like 607 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: these are things that have worked and that do currently 608 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: help me right now. Well, I don't think you sound 609 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 1: negative at all. And the way that you're processing this 610 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 1: and talking about this now you mean that word hope. 611 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 1: You sound hopeful, which is not a negative thing. Like 612 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: I just think that's a cool thing that you wrote 613 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 1: something that like obviously you believe all that stuff because 614 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,480 Speaker 1: now it's helping you, like, and I just think that's 615 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: so cool that we can be And this goes back 616 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 1: to what you said about the quote from my fosters. 617 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 1: We can be our best teachers if we let ourselves 618 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: think about how easy it is to give feedback to 619 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,480 Speaker 1: friends and family. And I always ask the question to 620 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,479 Speaker 1: clients of like would you say that to yourself, like 621 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,719 Speaker 1: what would you say to a friend. We have the 622 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 1: best things to say to everybody else, but then we 623 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,160 Speaker 1: can't say them to ourselves. And you're in this process 624 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 1: of like, Okay, I'm actually smart and I know what 625 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 1: I need to do. I just have to tell myself 626 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 1: those things. So I think that's very cool, and honestly, 627 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: like I feel for all of that, because it sounds 628 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: like it has been pretty hard and it will be 629 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: good and it can be good now in the middle 630 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: of all that. Now, speaking of all of that stuff, 631 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: and you mentioned the new book a couple of times, 632 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 1: can you just tell us a little bit about that. 633 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: Every chapter we dive into a core word, like a 634 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: Given Keys word hope, love, faith, dream, believe, fearless, let go, peace, love, 635 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: and then the last one is pay it Forward. So 636 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,480 Speaker 1: I think you know, in all these words of the 637 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: Given Keys, you know, all the words that we've sold 638 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: for years and years, and all these words that people 639 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 1: are wearing around their neck, which is awesome, and I 640 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: know it means so much to them and to me 641 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: and to everybody who gets these keys. But but this 642 00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: book really is just a deeper dive into these words 643 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: and focusing on you know, one chapter, one word each chapter, 644 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: and at the end having little journal prompt, which is 645 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,240 Speaker 1: my favorite part, to be able to give us opportunities 646 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: to write down, like what our biggest fears are and 647 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 1: what makes us come alive and um encouraging. Encouraging the 648 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: readers too, you know, so into whether it's their creative 649 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: side or they're oh yeah it's it's it's just so 650 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:59,000 Speaker 1: good and juicy and covers and what we all need, 651 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 1: which are all of these words. I think that's why 652 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: The Giving Keys has been so successful, because we do 653 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,200 Speaker 1: sell all these different words. And no matter who you are, 654 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: everyone needs these words, whether you're rich, are poor, successful 655 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: in the movies, living on the streets, everyone needs everyone 656 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,280 Speaker 1: needs love. I love that sentence. No matter who you are, 657 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: no matter I mean your success, you're not success, your money, 658 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: where you live. Especially in the climate of now, it's 659 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: like we are learning, like the most important things aren't 660 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 1: all of the things. It's like what you said, like 661 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 1: words and language, and so that does sound cool. I 662 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,280 Speaker 1: love a good journal prompt. So I love that thank 663 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: you for doing this, thank you for thank you for 664 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: being here. How can people find you if they're like 665 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: I like what you're saying the best places Instagram. Um, 666 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 1: I mean if you're on Facebook, I'm there too. But 667 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 1: at Caitlin Crosby ce A I T L I N 668 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 1: C R O S B Y The Giving Keys, at 669 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 1: the Giving Keys, is there a best play used to 670 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 1: buy your book? It's available everywhere Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, Target. 671 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: But we do have a website lending page which is 672 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: every Word Matters book dot com. It's it's the link 673 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 1: in my bio. Okay, well, Caitlin, thank you so much 674 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: for being here and having this conversation, and obviously I 675 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: look forward to reading your book and continuing to follow 676 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,160 Speaker 1: along with you on Instagram and now in real life. 677 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: So thank you so much