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Speaker 1: We think that's starting over is this thing that you've

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Speaker 1: messed up so bad, you did the wrong thing for

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Speaker 1: so long, that you need to go all the way

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Speaker 1: back to zero. And I, for one, I've obviously realized

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Speaker 1: that that's not true, and that starting over isn't about

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Speaker 1: what you're leaving behind, It's about what you're bringing with you.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily A body here.

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Speaker 3: You are listening to episode two hundred and sixteen of Hurdle,

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Speaker 3: a wellness focused podcast where I connect with everyone from

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Speaker 3: your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs about

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Speaker 3: their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between. We

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Speaker 3: all go through hurdles in life, and my goal through

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Speaker 3: these discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours

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Speaker 3: and move with intention so that you can stride towards

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Speaker 3: your own big potential and of course have some fun

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Speaker 3: a life long the way. For today's episode, I am

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Speaker 3: chatting with case Kenny. He's a Chicago based writer, host

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Speaker 3: of the new Mindset who disc podcast, as well as

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Speaker 3: a mindfulness expert. Now you may recognize him from his

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Speaker 3: inspirational post it notes and coffee cup sleeves seen reposted

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Speaker 3: all over social media.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to have him on.

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Speaker 3: The show because I love his nobs take on all

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Speaker 3: things mindfulness and it's just super relatable and empowering. Today

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Speaker 3: we talk about his journey to getting to this place,

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Speaker 3: leaving a job as a senior sales director at a

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Speaker 3: tech firm in twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 2: To pursue his passion project.

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Speaker 3: He talks to me about his goal to help others

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Speaker 3: live happier, more fulfilling lives by changing their mindsets in

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Speaker 3: all areas of life, from self worth and empowerment, dating

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Speaker 3: and relationships, career advice.

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Speaker 2: This episode is full of gems.

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Speaker 3: That literally had me nodding my head in agreement basically

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Speaker 3: the entire time of note. I also really appreciated cases

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Speaker 3: vulnerability here getting really honest about how the last let's

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Speaker 3: say five or so years have been really transformative for him,

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Speaker 3: and he felt this sense of responsibility to share his

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Speaker 3: takeaways to help better his community, takeaways that I.

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Speaker 2: For one can say have really helped me.

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Speaker 3: Make sure you are following along with the podcast on

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Speaker 3: social It's over at Hurdle podcast, I Am over at

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Speaker 3: Emily a Body And if you haven't sent the show

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Speaker 3: to a friend, just yet shared how much you love

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Speaker 3: Hurdle on social media. There is no better time than

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Speaker 3: the present to do both of those things. I would

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Speaker 3: love it if you tag the show in your stories

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Speaker 3: this week again over on social at Hurdle podcast.

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Speaker 2: And with that, let's get to a hurdle. Today. I

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Speaker 2: am sitting down with Case Kenny. You may know him.

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Speaker 4: He's an entrepreneur, a Chicago based mindfulness expert, and he's

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Speaker 4: also a host of the podcast New Mindset.

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Speaker 2: Ohots, how you doing today?

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Speaker 1: Case, I'm amazing, How are you?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me, I'm so good.

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Speaker 4: I'm happy to have you here. I want to kick

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Speaker 4: things off right off the bat because I put on

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Speaker 4: the socials that you and I were going to chat,

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Speaker 4: and I am just so curious if the number one

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Speaker 4: comment you get on all of your photos is this

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Speaker 4: man single?

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Speaker 1: I used to until I got a girlfriend, and now

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Speaker 1: that question has kind of subsided to those who actually

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Speaker 1: like listen to the pod and everything. No, I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. I wasn't for a long time. In

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Speaker 1: my thirties, I wrote a book called Singles Your Superpower.

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Speaker 1: So I think a lot of people at a glance,

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Speaker 1: we're like, oh, this is this guy in his thirties single?

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Speaker 1: I was no, not, uh so that's the answer.

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Speaker 2: I was like, what do you guys want me to ask? Case?

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Speaker 4: And like an overwhelming amount of comments included is this

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Speaker 4: man's single?

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Speaker 2: And I just like had a laugh on that.

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Speaker 4: I also think a good place for us to lead

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Speaker 4: off here behind a strong person is a story of

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Speaker 4: someone who said I deserve better and never looked back.

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Speaker 4: That's the quote on your most recent Instagram post. For

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Speaker 4: those that aren't familiar with Case, he's got about four

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Speaker 4: hundred and fifty thousand followers over on social and he

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Speaker 4: is all about sharing these really insightful quotes, tips, tricks,

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Speaker 4: et cetera. That one, specifically, though relevant, I would say,

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Speaker 4: to your journey and what you've been through, you recognizing

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Speaker 4: that maybe you needed to do a little bit better

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Speaker 4: leaving your corporate job and diving head first into this work.

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Speaker 2: So give us a little bit of your backstory. Tell

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Speaker 2: us about how.

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Speaker 4: You came to be the Case Kenny that so many

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Speaker 4: people know and love today.

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Speaker 1: I think a pretty simple story, just one of patience

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Speaker 1: and resilience and stubbornness and all these things put together

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Speaker 1: in like a in a case smoothie. But yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I mean I am thirty four. For a long time,

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Speaker 1: from you know, my early twenties to when I was

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Speaker 1: thirty three, I worked in corporate America, I worked in advertising.

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Speaker 1: I worked in advertising sales, learned a lot about myself

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Speaker 1: at the time. I was in and out of relationships.

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Speaker 1: I was in several relationships, long term relationships in my twenties.

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Speaker 1: Then I was single from like twenty nine to thirty three.

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Speaker 1: So in got had all these experiences, all this input,

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Speaker 1: all this perspective from from corporate job to relationships to

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Speaker 1: being single and everything in between. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: think my story is simply one of just like leaning

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Speaker 1: into my intuition. I started the podcast when I was

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Speaker 1: twenty eight basically just in response to life I had

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Speaker 1: just a relationship had ended. And then also the I

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Speaker 1: was really just like grinding myself at my job. I

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Speaker 1: was working a sales job, so I was traveling like

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Speaker 1: three or four times a week. I was just really

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Speaker 1: really into that era of my life at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I just took a step back. I was like,

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Speaker 1: who am I? Who am I outside of a relationship?

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Speaker 1: Who am I outside of a job? You know? Namely

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Speaker 1: the things that most of us identify by our relationship status,

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Speaker 1: in our career status. And I don't know. I was

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Speaker 1: a little fired up by asking myself that question. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, I don't really know the answer,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like I've been borrowing other people's answers

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Speaker 1: and that's kind of been the direction of my life.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I'm going to do what every

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Speaker 1: white male does. I'm going to start a podcast. And

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Speaker 1: I did, and you know, the purpose of that was

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Speaker 1: to just ask myself questions in a more vulnerable way.

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Speaker 1: It's an easy thing to sit down and maybe journal

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Speaker 1: or like think in your head. It's another thing to

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Speaker 1: like get in front of people. And I just I

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Speaker 1: just did it as a way to push myself. In

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Speaker 1: long story short, the podcast kind of kind of blew

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Speaker 1: up quickly. I just kept pulling on that thread of

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Speaker 1: vulnerability and intention and interest and really came to this

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Speaker 1: topic of mindfulness because what I realized through the process

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Speaker 1: of doing a podcast, doing the social media and all

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Speaker 1: these things, but I was just practicing self awareness in

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Speaker 1: different forms in a practical way. I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: I really like this, and not only that, but like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm wired like to find it easy

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Speaker 1: to practice honesty with myself and then to communicate it

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Speaker 1: to others. So that was in twenty eighteen. Kept pulling

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Speaker 1: on that thread, was working a job at the time.

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Speaker 1: I was at my last job for eight years, really

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Speaker 1: like rose to the ranks there, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: long story short, I started a business around the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I started writing these journals, creating these journals and selling them.

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Speaker 1: I kind of blew up to the point where at

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Speaker 1: the end of last year, I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a leap of faith. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do what interests me and what I'm passionate about and

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Speaker 1: where I can maybe leave an impact in the world.

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Speaker 1: So did that. I joke that I share my feelings

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Speaker 1: for a living because it's kind of tough to describe

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Speaker 1: exactly what I do. I'm a writer, I'm an author,

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Speaker 1: I'm a producer, I do music, So I had to

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Speaker 1: say I share my feelings for a living and I

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Speaker 1: do arts and crafts. One. That's how a lot of

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Speaker 1: people know me on Instagram from the little you know

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Speaker 1: post it notes. So that's the abridge, a bridged version

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Speaker 1: of of how I got.

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Speaker 4: Here and you know what's interesting to me going into this.

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Speaker 4: I introduced you as a mindfulness expert.

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Speaker 2: How do you feel about that?

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Speaker 1: Well, to be honest, I never call myself an expert.

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Speaker 1: I certainly allow other people to call me an expert.

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Speaker 1: I mean authority is important obviously in this space. That's

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Speaker 1: how you make a name for yourself. That's how you

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Speaker 1: get people to pay attention, It's how you make money. Personally,

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Speaker 1: I don't like the words expert, guru, things like that.

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Speaker 1: I try to take a more humble approach. Who am

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Speaker 1: I to call myself an expert? Certainly within dating? Anytime

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Speaker 1: anyone calls me a dating expert, I think it's really funny.

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Speaker 1: I think the value that I have in life is

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Speaker 1: that I'm good at coming up with questions and I'm

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Speaker 1: good at simplifying emotions. If that makes me an expert,

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Speaker 1: so be it. But I would never call myself one

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Speaker 1: because I'm I'm always always learning. I'm just the guy

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Speaker 1: who I've been. I think I've been giving a certain

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Speaker 1: amount of talents in life, talent and I practice it.

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Speaker 1: You think about ten thousand hours, I've spent well more

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Speaker 1: than that writing, reading, you know, doing this content. But

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Speaker 1: I do think a lot, and I practice a lot

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Speaker 1: in the mindfulness space, so I certainly think I have

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Speaker 1: value to offer there. But I just, you know, call

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Speaker 1: myself a guy.

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Speaker 2: What does your mindfulness routine look like these days?

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Speaker 1: Well, to be honest, it's all over the place, because

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Speaker 1: it's so like meta for me, because what I do

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Speaker 1: and the value I offer, Like I say that like

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Speaker 1: my podcast, for instance, is my form of therapy, Like

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Speaker 1: I go to therapy, but I say the podcast is

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Speaker 1: my form of therapy. Every day, like today's Monday, for instance,

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Speaker 1: the last three hours I got up, I've been writing.

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Speaker 1: I've been doing some summaries in my pod, like I'm

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Speaker 1: growing through that experience. So for me, that's mindfulness. I

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Speaker 1: also journal, of course, that's like my whole life. But

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Speaker 1: music plays a large part of my mindfulness routine. Like

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Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever written anything of real worth

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Speaker 1: unless I was listening to music. I think my most creative,

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Speaker 1: vulnerable side comes out with music. I do a lot

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Speaker 1: of in the music industry as well. But yeah, usually

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Speaker 1: it's some combination of sitting in my chair over looking

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Speaker 1: the Chicago River I live downtown, and listening to the

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Speaker 1: right music, and then you know, giving myself a prompt.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like mindfulness is all about giving yourself a prompt,

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Speaker 1: giving yourself a question, giving yourself something to respond to.

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Speaker 1: I think about life a lot, and it's like, what

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Speaker 1: is the purpose of life? I think the purpose of

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Speaker 1: life is the is the answer is to find answers,

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Speaker 1: various answers throughout all spectrums. But the thing that way

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Speaker 1: I think we often skip is asking ourselves the right questions.

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Speaker 1: We're just like hoping for answers. So I think I

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Speaker 1: spent a lot of time giving myself answers through the.

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Speaker 5: Form of you know, vulnerable tough questions, something that a

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Speaker 5: lot of people are nervous to do, especially when it

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Speaker 5: comes to starting, which, as you know, can definitely be

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Speaker 5: the hardest part.

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Speaker 4: I do want to talk with you about starting, specifically

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Speaker 4: when it came to getting vulnerable sharing your thoughts, your feelings,

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Speaker 4: your sentiments over on social media before it completely blew up,

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Speaker 4: but just at that beginning part. Talk to us about

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Speaker 4: how that felt for you and how you got more

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Speaker 4: comfortable opening up there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like the best question, because that is the

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Speaker 1: toughest part, and it was the toughest part, especially for me,

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Speaker 1: Like again, like I joke about the whole not an

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Speaker 1: expert thing. I'm a regular guy, I think, but like

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Speaker 1: really am I'm kind of like in my former branding.

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Speaker 1: I've kind of evolved past it. But I used to

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Speaker 1: call myself a dude bro guy because I mean, I

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Speaker 1: like I like the Lift Weights, I like house music,

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Speaker 1: I like to eat Chipotle, like really average in that sense,

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Speaker 1: Like I'll say, bro, dude, I'll do the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: It is what it is. So that was my identity,

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Speaker 1: and especially I worked in sales and I was an

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Speaker 1: account executive and it rose all the way up to

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Speaker 1: vice president and yeah, identified a lot by money and

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Speaker 1: success and these things. Right, So it was a very

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Speaker 1: stark contrast. All of a sudden, people are like, wait, Kit,

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Speaker 1: you're that guy sharing these these little sensitive quotes on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: So admittedly, like that your your toughest critics, if you

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Speaker 1: want to call them that, are always your close friends,

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Speaker 1: like they live in the back of your mind, and

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Speaker 1: they were very so. But it was just this like this,

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Speaker 1: this this new version of me that was in stark

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Speaker 1: contrast to this old one. And I you know, I

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Speaker 1: went in circles for a long time, acting like I

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Speaker 1: didn't really care, like, oh no, no, no, that's just something

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Speaker 1: silly I do. On the side, I don't really care

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Speaker 1: about that. That's just for fun whatever. Whereas that wasn't

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Speaker 1: true at all. I just said that to kind of

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Speaker 1: escape the pressure of, you know, being that guy who

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Speaker 1: did that thing. So it took a long time to

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Speaker 1: be honest, to like really embrace that. But you know,

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Speaker 1: I just came to this conclusion, and I did an

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Speaker 1: episode on this the other day that like anyone who

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Speaker 1: like tries something compassionately, who's willing to be a beginner,

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Speaker 1: who's willing to share their feelings, Like if anyone clowns

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Speaker 1: on you and makes fun of you, like that's embarrassing

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Speaker 1: for them. So like I just like flip the script.

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Speaker 1: I was like, anyone who like makes fun of someone

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Speaker 1: else for trying, like they're the ones, Like they're the

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Speaker 1: ones who should be judged, not you and I. And

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Speaker 1: then you know, everyone is so like overwhelmingly supportive of me,

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Speaker 1: it's insane. So eventually I was just like, I get

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Speaker 1: a lot of value to this. I enjoy it. I've

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Speaker 1: always wanted to write and have a platform, so I

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Speaker 1: just went all in and then of course, like once

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Speaker 1: you start to realize that it actually helps people and

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Speaker 1: people are supporting and sharing it, it becomes very like,

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Speaker 1: all right, okay, so I'm doing the right thing, but

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Speaker 1: it took me a long time to get here. Certainly

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna deny that. But now I'm all in

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Speaker 1: and I won't shut.

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Speaker 2: Up, so you know, somewhat and I won't shut up.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's kind of that sentiment of like one

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Speaker 4: person telling you that you're a weirdo, when really that

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Speaker 4: is just like the biggest compliment, right, because it means

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Speaker 4: that you're willing to differentiate your perspective fantastic.

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Speaker 1: I'll take that all day, like very much. So like

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not like trying to be weird and different.

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Speaker 1: I just like I just I have an aversion to

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Speaker 1: like being comfortable. Like I really realized the power of

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Speaker 1: getting out of my comfort zone, doing something different, challenging myself.

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Speaker 1: These are the things I talk about all day, So

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Speaker 1: I really try to be in line, of course with

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Speaker 1: the advice I give. Like that's the power of being

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Speaker 1: in like the wellness space. It's like you're giving yourself

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Speaker 1: this massive incentive to be the person you try to

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Speaker 1: be on your platform. So it's like really cool. It's like,

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Speaker 1: if I sit down, I've done foreigner episodes on everything,

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Speaker 1: Like it's great for me to be like I need

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Speaker 1: to be the man that I say, am I need

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Speaker 1: to be the guy who gives the advice and like

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Speaker 1: to me, I like, that's really motivating. I have this

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Speaker 1: like compass that I'm like, I need to do this

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Speaker 1: thing even though it makes me uncomfortable. I need to

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Speaker 1: do it. I can't give that advice and not do it,

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Speaker 1: So it's good for me.

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Speaker 2: So many things to double click on here.

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Speaker 4: The first thing for someone listening to this who hears

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Speaker 4: about what you've done and hears you say I've learned

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Speaker 4: to get comfortable being uncomfortable, what advice do you have

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Speaker 4: to offer to them when it comes to embracing that shift,

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Speaker 4: embracing that discomfort.

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Speaker 1: Discomfort is a great sign that you're actually respecting your intuition.

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Speaker 1: I think, like I talk a lot about this thing

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Speaker 1: where we live in the gray of life, whether that's

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Speaker 1: in our personal lives, our careers, or in our relationships.

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Speaker 1: The gray is this ambiguous zone where we're doing what

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Speaker 1: we think we're supposed to be doing. We're in a

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Speaker 1: comfort zone based on other people's expectations and so on

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Speaker 1: and so forth. When you're doing something that makes you uncomfortable,

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Speaker 1: to me, that's the clear sign that you're not in

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Speaker 1: the gray anymore. And I think that's the ultimate objective

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Speaker 1: in life, is to be out of the gray. When

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Speaker 1: you're out of the gray, you're you're determining what's true

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Speaker 1: for you. You're not borrowing other people's truths, you're not

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Speaker 1: borrowing other people's expectations or timeline. So for me, it's

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Speaker 1: like I see discomfort for what it is. It's this

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Speaker 1: amazing thing that is proof that I'm getting out of

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Speaker 1: the gray. And I do all these episodes I like

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Speaker 1: to like, I don't want to say gamify. I don't

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Speaker 1: really like that word about. Like I came up with

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Speaker 1: this concept of awkward points, Like anytime I'm awkward, anytime

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Speaker 1: I feel awkward, anytime I feel uncomfortable, embarrassing, whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: I give myself a point and I pretend it's like

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Speaker 1: a country fair. I can cash them in at the

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Speaker 1: end for a big freaking teddy bear. But that's confidence.

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Speaker 1: You're caching points in for confidence, and like that's life,

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Speaker 1: Like how do you get anything? How do you get experience?

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Speaker 1: How do you get confidence? How do you get success? Well,

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Speaker 1: it's on the back of your experience. So anytime I

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Speaker 1: go through something like man, that was awkward, I'm like, great,

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Speaker 1: give myself a point because one I realized that doesn't

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Speaker 1: change my worth, and two it's giving me slowly but

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Speaker 1: surely that the confidence till next time. They're not even

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Speaker 1: second guess myself. So I just I always try to

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Speaker 1: find the value in those experiences as practically as I can.

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Speaker 4: Over four hundred episodes, that's such a great accomplishment.

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Speaker 2: Congrats on that.

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Speaker 4: When you dove into podcasting, what would you say was

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Speaker 4: one of the hardest parts? And then the second question

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Speaker 4: to piggyback on this is, I'm sure that people always

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Speaker 4: ask you for a reference point. I'm where to jump

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Speaker 4: into the show, maybe an episode that you would highly recommend,

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Speaker 4: So let's make sure we throw that into the mix too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, podcasting is very difficult, you know yourself. It's like,

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Speaker 1: it's a very difficult platform to grow. It's tough to

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Speaker 1: be discovered, like you really, you know, it's you need

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Speaker 1: to have a following and you tell them about it

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Speaker 1: and then off to go and then if you have

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Speaker 1: good content, it's rewarded. Of course people start to share.

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Speaker 1: But I think initially one I mean, I had massive

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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. Initially, Why would anyone listen to me? I

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Speaker 1: didn't go to school for this, I'm not studied in this.

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Speaker 1: Why would anyone listen to case Kenny give advice? So again,

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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome there. I mean, I think the biggest thing

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Speaker 1: ever that I did for myself was just be consistent.

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Speaker 1: I mean, pat myself on the back. I suppose before

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Speaker 1: Under episodes over four and a half years of like

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Speaker 1: ups and downs and everything, never missed an episode that

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Speaker 1: was just me being in love with the process and

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Speaker 1: again like finding therapy through the process. So I think

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Speaker 1: it's really essential that whatever you do, whatever platform you create,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a podcast or music or writing, it's like

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Speaker 1: you have to find value that it offers you. Like, yes,

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Speaker 1: of course you're creating for other people intuitively as a creator,

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Speaker 1: entertainer entertainer, but you have to find a way that

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Speaker 1: it speaks to you. And I just anytime I sit

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Speaker 1: down twice a week for four and a half years,

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Speaker 1: I get value from it. And that's always been big

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Speaker 1: for me. And then as far as where to start,

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Speaker 1: there's no starting point. I would recommend anywhere. To be honest,

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Speaker 1: it is kind of cool. Some people message me like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I want a road trip. I listened to two hundred

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Speaker 1: episodes and like, wow, that's a lot of case. But

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Speaker 1: it's probably pretty It's probably pretty cool to see me

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Speaker 1: developed from twenty eight to thirty four. I mean, those

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Speaker 1: are pivotal years, right, So you start at episode one

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Speaker 1: when I was twenty eight and compare it to episode

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Speaker 1: four hundred and fourteen. I think I released today. That'll

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Speaker 1: that'll give you a good if you really care about me,

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Speaker 1: that'll give you a good contrast of how much I've grown,

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Speaker 1: or maybe how much you could grow.

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Speaker 4: Whoever's listening so on your journey, Like, what is it

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Speaker 4: that you're hoping that people are seeing from what you

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Speaker 4: have to offer?

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Speaker 1: Now?

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Speaker 2: What are you most proud of yourself for stepping into?

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Speaker 1: That's a great question, I would say. I mean, my

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Speaker 1: whole thing is like, I'm not afraid to hop on

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Speaker 1: my podcast and talk about a cliche. I'm really not.

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Speaker 1: I used to be very averse to that. Right, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to shout out you deserve more. And I used

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Speaker 1: to be like, what like, But I'd like, my whole

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Speaker 1: thing is that we as humans, we're wired to know

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Speaker 1: things right. We have a great thing called intuition that

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Speaker 1: that taps us on shoulder when something is right or wrong.

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Speaker 1: But life does this thing where we let life and

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Speaker 1: noise and pressure and timelines drown that out. So I

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Speaker 1: think it's my job just to help people return to

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Speaker 1: that place of truth in themselves. And I think the

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Speaker 1: biggest thing that I've realized and the biggest thing that

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Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself because again, I always thought I

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Speaker 1: was going to be a career corporate guy in that sense.

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Speaker 1: And then on the personal side, I always used to

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Speaker 1: be not that being introverted is a bad thing at all.

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Speaker 1: I think it's it's great, But I used to be,

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Speaker 1: you know, quiet imposter syndrome, introverted. Oh I need to

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Speaker 1: be like them, I need to be like him, so

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Speaker 1: on and so forth. I think the biggest thing I'm

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Speaker 1: proud about is defining a truth for me, defining the

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Speaker 1: right way for me. I have this SoundBite that I

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Speaker 1: always repeat because I think it's powerful. It's that there's

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Speaker 1: no right way to live your life. But there is

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Speaker 1: a wrong way, and the wrong way is to think

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Speaker 1: that there is a right way, namely someone else's right way,

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Speaker 1: borrowing their blueprint, their timelines, so on and so forth.

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Speaker 1: And that used to be me. And when I was

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Speaker 1: single twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, I used to be like, oh, man,

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Speaker 1: I need to be like that because he looks happy

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Speaker 1: and he's single, So I need to go to the club.

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Speaker 1: I need to have a roster, I need to be

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Speaker 1: doing these things. And I realized through experience and now

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Speaker 1: I don't need to do that. That's not what makes

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Speaker 1: me happy. And say, with my job, I used to go, oh,

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Speaker 1: I need to have this paycheck, this money, this watch,

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Speaker 1: so on and so forth. I was like, no, I

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Speaker 1: don't need it. These are the things I need. So

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Speaker 1: defining my truth as you know, cliche and cheesy as

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Speaker 1: that is, has been so liberating and it feels so

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Speaker 1: good because I've realized that just because social media can

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Speaker 1: pinpoint all these people who maybe are happy or maybe

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Speaker 1: or not, who knows, that doesn't mean that I need

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00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,639
Speaker 1: to emulate them. I could find my own way in

433
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: every essence of life, not just careers, because that's the

434
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 1: easy area. But dating, for instance, like why are you dating?

435
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 1: You don't have to date just because everyone else is dating.

436
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 1: You don't have to do this, you know, to do that.

437
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 1: So that's just been so liberating for me, especially in

438
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 1: the year twenty twenty two, where you know, the Internet

439
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 1: has really enabled us to do anything to find that true.

440
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 1: So I'm proud about that for myself, and I just

441
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: encourage people to, you know, find a way to do

442
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 1: that themselves.

443
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 4: I know you have the mindset one of your mindset

444
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 4: journals that title their catch feelings for Yourself and find

445
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 4: inner Peace, And basically what you're describing here really sounds

446
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 4: like your journey to quote unquote catching feelings for yourself.

447
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 4: Can we talk about like that idea and why it's

448
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 4: so important to do just that to kind of get

449
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,360
Speaker 4: to this place where not only do you appreciate yourself,

450
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,439
Speaker 4: but then you also become your own biggest hype human.

451
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think objectively everyone would want that, right, Who

452
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to love themselves? Who doesn't want to truly

453
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 1: love themselves? But again, life pressure social media does this

454
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 1: thing where we're so focused on some other validation, mostly

455
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: in the form of relationship status, right, especially as we

456
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: get older, we start to be like, well, I gotta

457
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 1: hurry up, I gotta hustle up, and falling behind that

458
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: We forget about that need. We forget about the fact

459
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: that a relationship really shouldn't be two halves coming together.

460
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: It should be two whole people coming together to complement

461
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 1: each other, to understand each other, to inspire each other.

462
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 1: We forget that a lot. So I love that catchphrase.

463
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: You know, there's all those memes about you know, catch flights,

464
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 1: not feelings, catching feelings for other people, and like catch

465
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 1: feelings for yourself.

466
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

467
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: I wrote a book called Single as You're Superpower because

468
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: I believe soul powerfully in the power of being single truly,

469
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 1: and I think if we can come back to that,

470
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: if we can truly respect ourselves and love ourselves, then

471
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 1: we don't fall into a lot of the pitfalls in

472
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 1: modern dating or modern anything really where there's two people involved,

473
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: you know, namely seeking external validation being smitten by a compliment.

474
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: I always give the dating advice that you should only

475
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 1: date people you like, and really, well, yeah, obviously, but

476
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: it's like we forget that when we're in the moment

477
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 1: if someone shows us attention compliments us. We throw a

478
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 1: lot of things out the window. We forget that those

479
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: feelings we caught for ourselves because I'm like, gosh, here's

480
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 1: this person you know showing the affection. We forget do

481
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 1: we actually like these people? So I think finding some

482
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: source of truth where you know who you are are,

483
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,719
Speaker 1: what you stand for, you like, if not love what

484
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 1: you see in the mirror, and that could be a

485
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: lifelong journey, of course, But finding a way to establish

486
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: these truths for yourself, I think, while being patient is

487
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: the greatest gift you can give yourself, whether that's in

488
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 1: your career, what you stand for, what you're passionate about,

489
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 1: in dating, whatever it may be. And I think journaling,

490
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: of course is a great way to do that. But

491
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 1: being intentional about it, I think is the greatest gift

492
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 1: you can give yourself.

493
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 4: I love this, like catchphrase slash the title of your book,

494
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 4: single is your superpower. And I'm sure you know for

495
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 4: those that maybe haven't read the book yet or are

496
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 4: just new to your content, the dms and the messages

497
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,479
Speaker 4: and the comments that you're getting are really people just

498
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 4: asking how do I embrace my singlehood? Like how do

499
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 4: I get to this place where I actually feel like

500
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 4: it's a superpower. And as a woman here in my

501
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 4: mid thirties who loves being single and has totally gotten

502
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 4: to that point, it's so interesting for me to see

503
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 4: those questions come in as well, like where do you

504
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 4: start from? An advice POV When it comes to someone

505
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 4: who says like I just like I don't feel comfortable alone.

506
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: I like, I see you taking yourself out to do

507
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 4: X or hy Like how do I even begin doing that?

508
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 3: Like?

509
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 2: Where do you even start? When these messages come in?

510
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, So, I mean the biggest thing for me is

511
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 1: I try to be practical because it's easy to sit

512
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 1: down and be like being singles a time to love

513
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: yourself and all these things. And I agree with every

514
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 1: single cliche. Right, there is no time like being single

515
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: where you can truly be selfish, you could do whatever

516
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 1: you want. You don't have a partner, you don't have kids,

517
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: you don't have like, you don't have those things. So

518
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: I mean, practically, I think that's huge and we shouldn't

519
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 1: skip over practical obvious answers. So for one, let's consider that.

520
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: For two, I always do this little thing where I

521
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: talk about a habit I have which is. I like

522
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 1: to ask older generations a question. I've been doing it

523
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: for years. I've heard hundreds of answers. We're talking my parents, parents' parents,

524
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,919
Speaker 1: any older generation, you know, maybe sixty and above. I

525
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: like to ask them the question of what do you

526
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: regret in life? A real, you know, upper of a question.

527
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: And I love to ask that question because it gives

528
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 1: me a lot of perspective. And I've heard hundreds of answers.

529
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: When it comes to relationships, I have never heard an

530
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: older generation, an older person, someone with life experience, say

531
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 1: I regret being single. I've never ever ever heard that.

532
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: The answer I always hear when it comes to dating

533
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: and relationships is I regret staying in a relationship. I

534
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: regret jumping into a relationship too early. I regret getting

535
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 1: married too early. I regret staying in a relationship I

536
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: know had run its course. Things like that, right being

537
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: in the wrong relationship. So practically, I always try to

538
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: offer that as a starting point here, because the biggest

539
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: thing that we allow to pressure ourselves is time. Is time,

540
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: Like we're getting older, I've been single for this long,

541
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: I'm feeling lonely, I'm feeling pressure. So on and so forth.

542
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: So take that anecdote for what it's worth, you know,

543
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 1: crowdsourced wisdom of life, being able to get out of

544
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 1: your present because we're so in our present to take

545
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: a step back and zoom out and realize what may

546
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: be true. So I always offer that as a point.

547
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: But then I mean what I referenced earlier, I mean

548
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 1: it's like, what point in life is there where you

549
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: can truly do whatever you want. I think from my

550
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: single years twenty eight to thirty three, I went through

551
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 1: version case one point zero through six point zho I

552
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: it's so many different leveled up versions of myself that honestly,

553
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: if I think about it, I don't think I would

554
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: have had that growth if I was still in a relationship.

555
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 1: So take that for what it's worth. But I think ultimately,

556
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: like one of the most powerful things is like we

557
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: need to come back to like why we date? Why

558
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: do we date in life? I think a lot of

559
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: people don't have a strong answer for that. They're dating

560
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: as in aversion to being alone. And I talk a

561
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 1: lot about loneliness and things like that, are really trying

562
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: to break it down practically, But I think a lot

563
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: of the times the reason we get so down on

564
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: ourselves when we're singles because we haven't taken the time

565
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: to really understand why we should date, why we're maybe

566
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: not ready to date. You know, I always ask people like,

567
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 1: why are you dating? And I get a lot of

568
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: answers of, oh, that's just what you're supposed to do.

569
00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: I want to leave a legacy, I want to have

570
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 1: a family, and I of course think those are fine answers,

571
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: But I think we need something a little bit more personal,

572
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 1: a little bit more self focused, self centered. And I

573
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: think if you could sit down compare all these things

574
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 1: that I'm thrown out, you might come to a realization, Oh,

575
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 1: you know what, you know, I deserve that I would

576
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 1: be great to have a partner, But here's all the

577
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: things that I'm looking to do right now. And coming

578
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: back to that truth, I think is really empowering. It's just

579
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: we have to create a centerness that isn't going to

580
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: be thrown by hopping on social media. Seeing your friend

581
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: got married, seeing your hometown person got engaged, these things

582
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: that really throw us for a loop. Grounding ourselves in

583
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 1: something I think is very powerful.

584
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 2: What would you say the biggest hurdle was for you?

585
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 4: During those five years of single them, what do you

586
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 4: think when you look back on that time, you're most

587
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 4: proud of yourself for overcoming.

588
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: Ooh, it's a good question. Honestly, I would say most

589
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: recently for it. So like I think about like male

590
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: mentalities in straight relationships, male mentalities towards dating. It's like

591
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 1: I think, especially as a man, when you're like single

592
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 1: for a long time, it's very easy to stay in

593
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: that zone. Like I remember several occasions where it's like,

594
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 1: anytime something like starts to get remotely serious as a man,

595
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: you feel this discomfort coming up. And I think it's natural.

596
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: I think women feel it too, of course, right, no

597
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: one's immune to that discomfort of oh my gosh, like

598
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 1: maybe this is serious, maybe there's something here, and so

599
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: on and so forth. However, I think men, myself very

600
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: much included, see discomfort as a sign to retreat. And

601
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 1: there are many relationships I think when I was single,

602
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: and you know, I was dating and doing these things,

603
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 1: but when it came to that point, I retreated because

604
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: I saw discomfort as a sign that you should retreat,

605
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: Whereas discomfort is a sign that you should challenge the

606
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: discomfort and see what's on the other side of it,

607
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 1: and not retreat as a gut reaction. So I think

608
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: being single for that time I saw many I recall

609
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: many instances where I retreated where who knows where those

610
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 1: relationships could have led the relationship I'm in now. I

611
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: think I'm proud of myself because she's obviously amazing, and

612
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: you know, there's a reason were together. But that was

613
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 1: pure challenging of that discomfort. I remember very clearly having

614
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: conversations with her where I just wanted to retreat back

615
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: to being single because that was what I knew and

616
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: that was what I was comfortable with. That was where

617
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: I owned everything and there was no variable that could

618
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: take that from me. But challenging that discomfort, I think

619
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: as a man is necessary, of course, but is contrary

620
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: to I think a lot of conditioning. So for myself,

621
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: proud of that in that instance. And I think a

622
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: lot of men, you know, most of my audience as women,

623
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: but I try to talk to men. Yeah, I think

624
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: men need to see discomfort. Everyone needs to see discomfort

625
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: as you know, something you should check yourself on, but

626
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: it's something you need to challenge before backing out of first.

627
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,680
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648
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 3: drink l mnt dot com slash hurdle to get a

649
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: free sample back with your purchase today.

650
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 4: Someone hears you say all of this and they think, like,

651
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 4: that is me. I am so used to to retreating,

652
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 4: to being that person that pulls away from the discomfort.

653
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 2: But how do you stop doing that?

654
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 4: What do you tell to the person who wants to

655
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 4: know how do I get myself out of this place?

656
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 4: Or maybe the person that's so frustrated that they keep

657
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 4: running into this hurdle, right, they keep finding themselves getting

658
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 4: to a point where they're opening themselves up, they're getting vulnerable,

659
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 4: but every single time the retreat is happening, maybe it's

660
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 4: on their part or maybe it's on the other side.

661
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I you know, it's tough because I wish

662
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: there was a blueprint was like follow these three steps

663
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: and you'll be fine. I mean, but I think ultimately,

664
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: like the most practical answer I can give is like

665
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: I think anytime where we're not truly inform with ourselves, right,

666
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: that's where our actions don't follow our intuition. Our intention

667
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: isn't isn't closed behind I really do think a lot

668
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 1: of that comes from miscommunication, truly, truly, truly, Like all

669
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 1: the advice I always give is the simplest, of course,

670
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: it's what we know is that you should voice your feelings,

671
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: you should voice your intention, you should voice how you're

672
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: feeling to a partner and see how they react, See

673
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: how they react. Because a lot of the times that

674
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: where we retreat unnecessarily or we end up in a

675
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: situation that doesn't serve us, it's because early on we

676
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: didn't ask the question that was causing overthinking. We didn't

677
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: ask the question that the answer could have given us

678
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: some clarity instead of us allowing us to retreat to

679
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 1: that place of conditioning. It's like, you know, I think

680
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: about dating. There's this thing called Carpman's drama triangle, which

681
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: is basically a a guy much smarter than me who

682
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: came up with this idea. The roles that we play

683
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: in response to conflict in relationships. Right, you could either

684
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 1: be the victim, well, it's me, poor me, I can't

685
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: do anything. You could be the persecutor, which is someone

686
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: who blames out it's all your fault, you did this,

687
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: Or you could be the rescuer. I could fix you,

688
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: I could help you, I could change you. I think

689
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: we all fall into one of those roles ultimately when

690
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: we find conflict in a relationship or following a relationship.

691
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: But the key to escaping that triangle, same with the

692
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: key to escaping attachment styles, for instance, to getting to

693
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: a secure attachment is communication. It's challenging yourself through whatever

694
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,479
Speaker 1: it is, whether it's journaling or therapy or you know,

695
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: anything that you could do meditation, and then it's communicating

696
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: that so that there's no misinterpretations. There's no misinterpretation, like

697
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: I truly think, and I think a lot of people agree. Unfortunately,

698
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: the reality of human interaction is that even your soulmate's

699
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: going to like hurt you unintentionally. It's not because they

700
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: wanted to, it's not because they had some dark plan,

701
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: but that we're humans, We're complicated. We come to each

702
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: other with past, presence, future, different, different visions and all

703
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: these things. It's like, how can we understand the why

704
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: behind it? That's the ultimate thing that matters. And intentionally

705
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: hurting someone okay, you know, whips, let's see what we

706
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,879
Speaker 1: do next, but let's understand the why. And I think

707
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 1: we need to be better about communicating how we're feeling.

708
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: I mean, this is simple advice, of course, but you know,

709
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 1: for women, I talk to a lot of women, it's

710
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: like women don't want to come off as crazy or

711
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: too much or to this or to that, so they

712
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,399
Speaker 1: stay quiet and these things build and build and build,

713
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: until all of a sudden it explodes. Men, on the

714
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: other hand, don't say anything. We just run on a

715
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: robot mode. And where where we have all these innate

716
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: fears and insecurities that we allow lead us to these places.

717
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: So ultimately, I think it all comes back to introspection

718
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: followed by this level of communication that is going to

719
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: get you the answer you need. It might not be

720
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: the answer you want, but it's an answer you need. And

721
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: I think ultimately in life, if we're worried about time

722
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,720
Speaker 1: passing us by, like why would we want to invest

723
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: more time in something that might not be right, Let's

724
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: get the answer we need. It might hurt, might be rejection,

725
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,280
Speaker 1: feel bad, But I would much rather have that clarity

726
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 1: than look back a year from now and be like

727
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,439
Speaker 1: man I invested, I continue to invest because I wasn't

728
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: willing to challenge my conditioning the role I play, So

729
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 1: on and so forth.

730
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 4: You mentioned during those single years, going through these moments

731
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 4: where you could have been like, well, what if I

732
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 4: was willing to speak up?

733
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,439
Speaker 2: Or what if? What if? What if?

734
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 4: You know, the what if is something that plagues so

735
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 4: many right this idea of what if the relationship went

736
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 4: a different way? What if this wasn't going on in

737
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 4: my life right now? What if work wasn't complicated? What

738
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 4: if my family didn't have an interruption? How do we

739
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 4: let go of the what if?

740
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough one. I mean a lot of

741
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,439
Speaker 1: different things. If you're religious, you can you can turn

742
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,919
Speaker 1: to your faith. You can understand and believe that something

743
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: the better is coming. I come back to like the

744
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: idea of like right person, wrong time, that kind of idea.

745
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people have different feelings on

746
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: that that. You know, you know, sometimes life truly can

747
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: get in the way, busy this, busy that. But I

748
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: mean I think about life, I think about dating. I

749
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 1: don't think there's ever a perfect time for anything. I

750
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 1: think anything worth having is going to involve discomfort, and

751
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 1: so I mean I think if you can understand that

752
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 1: and understand that, for one, you deserve someone who is

753
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: willing to embrace discomfort, whether that's a man coming out

754
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: of his conditioned training to be a certain way, or

755
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: whether that's you and a gut check in the mirror,

756
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 1: being like, is work really too busy to prevent you

757
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: from at least trying from at least trying it. Let's

758
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 1: be real, like you, if you truly wanted something and

759
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 1: you didn't want to throw it away, even if you

760
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 1: didn't know what it had, even if you were just

761
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: like you were like, man, this might have potential, then

762
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: you would be willing to embrace the suck, even if

763
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: you're moving on Tuesday and it's going to be a

764
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: long day. Like, I think we talk ourselves out of

765
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: things a lot. We talk ourselves out of trying a lot,

766
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 1: out of seeing again everyone male female. However, you identify

767
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 1: discomfort as a sign that we should retreat, and I

768
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 1: think ultimately if you do retreat, then just accept it.

769
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 1: Then you weren't ready. Don't overthink it. That's the if

770
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: the what IF's gone to be Like listen, I could

771
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: psychoanalyze this all day, but the fact that I didn't try,

772
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: the fact that they didn't try, the fact that neither

773
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: of us were willing to embrace this comfort. That's the

774
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: sign I need, and I'm going to move on because otherwise,

775
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 1: then you get to that zone of well, maybe I

776
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: could have changed their mind and they would have embraced it,

777
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: or maybe I can go back. We can't do that.

778
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: We need to give ourselves a path forward. So I

779
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: lean on that example a lot.

780
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 4: You can't get down on yourself for somebody else's habits,

781
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 4: somebody else's decisions, right Like, if that person isn't willing

782
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,959
Speaker 4: to open up to you to give you what you've

783
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 4: already established you need, then you have to come to

784
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 4: a place of acceptance that it wasn't the thing that

785
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 4: you needed at all exactly.

786
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 1: I mean, I think the greatest gift you can give

787
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: yourself is clarity. Why can't we embrace it even if

788
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 1: it's not the answer we want. Why can't we just say, great,

789
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: got the answer I needed. Now we can move on.

790
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 1: Like That's I think that's the greatest gift to give yourself.

791
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 1: You can be like, all right, it's like it's not

792
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 1: binary and then it's one or zero, But at least

793
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: you could be like, I needed this, I didn't get it.

794
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be someone who chases. I'm not

795
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: going to do that, so I'm going to move on.

796
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: It's tough, of course, we're all wired humans to hang

797
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: on to things and overthink. But I think trying to

798
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: take a step back practically and understand that in that

799
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: sense is that's another gift we can give ourselves.

800
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:19,399
Speaker 2: To pivot a little bit.

801
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 4: I know, in when your team originally reached out to me,

802
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 4: they highlighted that you have done so much of this

803
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 4: on your own. I'd love if you could share a

804
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 4: little bit about the struggles that you've had as a

805
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 4: solo preneur of sorts, right, how you've had to show

806
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 4: up during the moments when maybe you didn't know exactly

807
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 4: what you were going to talk about in those you know,

808
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 4: two sessions a week, Like, how did you keep showing

809
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 4: up for you to build what you have built thus far?

810
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would certainly say it's something I'm still learning.

811
00:38:55,640 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: I mean, being a solo preneur, a solo it's wild

812
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: and especially because like things kind of blew up quickly

813
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 1: for me on the business front. So like I've been

814
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: podcasting for a while, but it was about two years

815
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: in before I started like making serious money from it

816
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: with the journals and that kind of blew up over

817
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: COVID and all these things. But all, you know, all

818
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: the while, I've kind of realized that, you know, I

819
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: am great at doing things solo, Like I have this

820
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,880
Speaker 1: this motivation that comes from just being purpose driven, and

821
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,479
Speaker 1: I think that's always guided me, Like it's not work.

822
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 1: It certainly is not work, and I do quote work

823
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 1: a lot, but it's not work. I love it. I

824
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: truly truly love it. But I mean I wouldn't I'm

825
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 1: gonna wouldn't lie. I mean, it is very stressful, especially

826
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: coming from a corporate world where you know I did

827
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: well for myself quite well, and you know that was

828
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: because I was like, I'm good at sales, I'm good

829
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: at managing a team. I can do this thing like

830
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: no problem. Now it's like any money I make is

831
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 1: a direct result of my effort. And if you have

832
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 1: a bad month or a bad quarter, it's like, man,

833
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: am I not good enough? Is my effort not good enough?

834
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: We go back to this imposter syndrome idea, And of

835
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: course it's like, I'm sure you can relate. It's like

836
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 1: being in this world if we want to call ourselves

837
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: influencers or whatever it may be. It also becomes a

838
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: popularity contest, which is a tough pill to swallow. No

839
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: one wants to be in a perpetual popularity contest. That

840
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: kind of sucks. So it's all these things, all these

841
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 1: things balancing that doing it alone. I mean, I have

842
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: like a publicist, I have a team, I have some freelancers,

843
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 1: graphic designers, things like that. But it's like, ultimately, like

844
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,720
Speaker 1: big decisions still come back to me, and I overthink

845
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 1: them all the time. Am I doing the right thing?

846
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: Am I doing this right or this wrong? But I

847
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: think ultimately my decision to leave my job was like

848
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: me saying, I trust myself. I trust myself to do this.

849
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: Whether I make the right decision or not, I can

850
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 1: react to the outcome. And I'm very grounded in that,

851
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 1: and I think I'm making the right decisions. But most

852
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 1: of all, I just like I enjoy it. As long

853
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 1: as I get up every morning and I'm excited to

854
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: do this, I'm excited to hop on your platform and

855
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 1: talk about these things, then I trust that I'm in

856
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 1: the right direction. I think the moment that I'm like,

857
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this anymore, then maybe that's

858
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: a evaluation, but I think, you know, being a solo

859
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: preneur and artist whatever I call myself, I think it's

860
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: the right path for me. It's a challenging one, but

861
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 1: I think it's most rewarding. What greater reward is there

862
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: than to see a one to one, right, I think

863
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: it's easy to get lost and working for another company,

864
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: but to be like, here's what I offer, and here's

865
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: how it helps people, and here's how I can support

866
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: myself through that. So really, it absolutely is a privilege.

867
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 4: I've been marinating on this idea of be okay with

868
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 4: changing the plan. Like, yes, our goals they change and

869
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 4: evolve o our time and things that we want. But

870
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 4: we oftentimes go into a certain goal envisioning that the

871
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 4: way to get there involves X and y. But sometimes

872
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 4: you might realize halfway through that involves like M and N,

873
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 4: and you have to let go of how you thought

874
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 4: it was going to look.

875
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: Right, I that's my favorite subject.

876
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: Oh talk to me about your favorite subject.

877
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,280
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I keep saying, I keep repeating these phrases.

878
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: But the greatest gift you can give yourself, the fifth

879
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: greatest gift you can give yourself is a willingness to

880
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: change your mind. I talk a lot about the power

881
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: of starting over, like it's my favorite subject, because realistically,

882
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,959
Speaker 1: I've start over. I've started over dozens of times, most

883
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: recently quitting my job. And I think about this topic

884
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 1: of starting over. I think about the people that I

885
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: know who are the most successful in their industry or

886
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,359
Speaker 1: who finally found their soulmate. They started over. They were

887
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: willing to start over many, many, many times. And that's

888
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 1: in direct contrast to I think of how we're conditioned

889
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: to look at starting over. We think that's starting over

890
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: is this thing that you've messed up so bad, you

891
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: did the wrong thing for so long, that you need

892
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 1: to go all the way back to zero. And I've,

893
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: for one, I've obviously realized that that's not true, and

894
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 1: that starting over isn't about what you're leaving behind. It's

895
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 1: about what you're bringing with you. If we can rewire

896
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,279
Speaker 1: ourselves to realize that, it takes vulnerability, takes optimism, but

897
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: to realize that if a relationship ended, what are you

898
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: bringing with you? What are the new standards, the new vision,

899
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 1: the new you know of radar you have for red

900
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 1: flags that you're bringing with you. That's amazing for myself

901
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: leaving my job. Man, case you're like, I remember one

902
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: day I had quit and I was talking to someone like, man,

903
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: you threw that away. I was like, ooh, brutal wording.

904
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 1: Threw that away, like ouch, they didn't mean it. But

905
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 1: I was like, that could have caused me to spiral.

906
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: But I was like, no, no, no, no no. When I

907
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: didn't throw anything away, here's all the things that I'm

908
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: bringing with me. And I could have listed all the things,

909
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: my mentality for sales, the way that I improved, how

910
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: I can speak, my standard, my passion for what I do. Contrast,

911
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: is a powerful thing. How do you know what you

912
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: want to do unless you've done what you don't want

913
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: to do. How do you know what love is unless

914
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: you've experienced the opposite of love? All these things, So

915
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: I look at that and I'm like, starting over is

916
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: the greatest thing ever. If you can prove to yourself

917
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: and show yourself what you're bringing with you and talk

918
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: yourself out of this mentality that's starting over is a

919
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: zero sum game where you're starting over from zero. It's

920
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 1: just not true. So I lean on that a lot,

921
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 1: and I'm always willing to start over. I never see

922
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 1: it as failure. I see it as here's the building

923
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 1: blocks of what I'm bringing with me, and the next

924
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: one is going to be even better. Pure optimism, of course.

925
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 1: But again, I think we can look at things practically,

926
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 1: like literally as practical as like write down a list

927
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: of things you're bringing with you, like literally, I've got

928
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: post it notes. Ever, like I encourage people to do that.

929
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you said that term building blox.

930
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 4: I mean whether the experiences are good or they are bad,

931
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 4: and you obviously have the opportunity to change that label

932
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:25,280
Speaker 4: over time. But all of these experiences cumulatively have informed

933
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,760
Speaker 4: who you are today, So then you can move forward

934
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 4: and choose to use them to your advantage, making these

935
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,280
Speaker 4: things that maybe in the moment weren't easy, these hurdles,

936
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 4: these hurdle moments, we can transform those difficult times into

937
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 4: our biggest strength.

938
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 2: But that's a choice, right, Like that is your opportunity.

939
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 4: So you have to be the person that's like, yes,

940
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 4: I choose to do the best I can with what

941
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 4: I have.

942
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean truly, I try not to live in

943
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,320
Speaker 1: la la land of self development where I'm like, well,

944
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 1: just you know, let's do our best, like let's get real.

945
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 1: Like a statement, like a statement that I lean on

946
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 1: a lot, is the people who hurt you helped you.

947
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 1: But the only way you're going to realize that and

948
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: the only way you can escape victimhood. Talking back to

949
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 1: the drama triangle is exactly what you said, is deciding

950
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: what they gave you, what you can give yourself as

951
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 1: a result, like literally again doing an inventory of those things.

952
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 1: And these are all personal choices and it's a challenge

953
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 1: to our conditioning. The reason that attachment styles Cartman's drama

954
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: triangle or a thing is because it's true, like we

955
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: go way back to childhood. Even there's another saying that

956
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,240
Speaker 1: we're all victims of victims, Like how do we develop

957
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: the mentalities we have when we inherited a lot of them?

958
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: And where do they come from? Well, they were inherited.

959
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 1: It's like again to talk about intuition, like we have

960
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 1: truths inside of us that have been eroded and pushed

961
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: down based on other people's conditioning, and then our own conditioning,

962
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: and then life and the noise and distraction. It's like

963
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: the seventh gradest gift we can give ourselves is to

964
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: find a way to come back to what those are

965
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,720
Speaker 1: through whatever it is, to find purpose in whatever happens.

966
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 1: That like that we can succeed because of our past,

967
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 1: not despite it. It's like it's wordings, it's positioning, it's

968
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:10,320
Speaker 1: things like that, And I think it's the most practical

969
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: thing in the world. And I think a lot of

970
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: people struggle with this because we're inherently emotional people. But

971
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 1: trying our best to objectively look at our lives and

972
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 1: come up with these truths is really empowering and it

973
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: feels great.

974
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 2: That phrase victim of a victim.

975
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: You know.

976
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 4: I was at a woman's empowerment conference, let's call it that,

977
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 4: over the weekend, and during so many of these large

978
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 4: group shares, women were referencing having trauma as a part

979
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 4: of their childhood. Now, obviously, trauma can look so different

980
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 4: and come in so many different forms, but it was

981
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 4: an important reminder and something worth reiterating is that everyone

982
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 4: has passed trauma, period and you show up to your

983
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 4: experiences today bringing that with you. So to walk into

984
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 4: your experiences recognizing that it's all around you and that

985
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 4: everyone has their own like shit, for lack of a

986
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 4: better word, like that helped you navigate moving forward.

987
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so too. It's for one, it leads

988
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 1: us to be a little bit kinder to ourselves, and

989
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 1: I think that's important. You got to start from place

990
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: of kindness. But two, it fires you up to challenge it.

991
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 1: It's like I would be fired up. I didn't ask

992
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: for this, this was given to me. You know, Let's

993
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: challenge it, let's move on. Like one of the exercises

994
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: that I do, I do a lot of mindfulness of

995
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: speaking events like guided journaling. One of the things that

996
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,479
Speaker 1: it's exercise I have is called the Best Revenge in Life.

997
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: It's a weird title, but I encourage people to sit

998
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: down this idea of the best for the saying is

999
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: the best revenge in life is to not be like

1000
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 1: your enemy, right, And I'm like, well, who's my enemy?

1001
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: The enemy of case would be the opposite of case,

1002
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: that is someone who is I don't know, lazy, not empathetic,

1003
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 1: mean whatever. For instance, I encourage people to sit down

1004
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 1: and describe their enemy, that is, the person who is

1005
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: the opposite of who they strive to be, and then

1006
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: to sit down and be proud of yourself and realize

1007
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: that you're not that person. You're not that person, because

1008
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: you're holding on to what's true to you amidst things

1009
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 1: like conditioning and trauma and so on and so forth.

1010
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,479
Speaker 1: I think the greatest changes we can perform in life

1011
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: come from a place of pride. We need to find

1012
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 1: a way to be proud of ourselves because otherwise we're

1013
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 1: always going to be chasing something and something and something,

1014
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: and we're never going to hack away at that conditioning.

1015
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: But to sit down and do a silly exercise like that,

1016
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 1: to be like here is the opposite of who I

1017
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 1: strive to be. And you know what, I'm pretty grateful

1018
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: because I'm at those things. I'm still I'm struggling, but

1019
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: I'm hanging on to what I stand for and what

1020
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: I want. I should be proud of myself and to

1021
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: use that as a springboard for challenging these things that

1022
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: we're talking about, great motivation, great catalyst for that. We

1023
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 1: just have to find our way, find a way to

1024
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 1: put ourselves in a headspace where that's possible instead of

1025
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: resorting to overthinking comfort all this is the way it is.

1026
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: It is what it is.

1027
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 4: Things like that, Yeah, and like rid ourselves of these

1028
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 4: preconceived notions that an exercise like that, like you deemed

1029
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 4: it to be silly, Like it's not silly. It's not

1030
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 4: silly to want to figure out how you can become

1031
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 4: a better you, how you can feel more comfortable in

1032
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 4: your skin, how you can identify the kinds of people

1033
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,720
Speaker 4: that you want in your life life going forward.

1034
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 2: Like there is a time and a place for all

1035
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 2: of it.

1036
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 4: Because as we were really kicking off our conversation with earlier,

1037
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 4: you'll never regret investing that time in yourself now something

1038
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 4: that I wanted to double click on that you said before,

1039
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 4: kind of referencing yourself as an influencer, what would you

1040
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:20,479
Speaker 4: say has been the hardest part for you as more

1041
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 4: eyes come on to your feed, your page and it

1042
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:25,839
Speaker 4: does keep growing as it is.

1043
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I said, I feel like I

1044
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: live in la la land sometimes because people are so

1045
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: kind to me. I don't know. I mean, I think

1046
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,359
Speaker 1: a lot of times people come at me and they'll

1047
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 1: be like, well, you know that's because you're privileged, and

1048
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 1: you know it's easy for you to say these things

1049
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: you've never been through the experience. And then I always say,

1050
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely, I've lived the privileged life in many many senses,

1051
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: so I try to really stay rooted in that, and

1052
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,839
Speaker 1: I think, you know, leading with empathy is the way

1053
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 1: to go the more, especially in the self development space,

1054
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: which is an inherently emotionally triggering space, it's very easy

1055
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,959
Speaker 1: for people to come at you, but don't. I don't

1056
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 1: really you know about that. I try to stay grounded

1057
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: in that I'm helping other people, I'm helping myself, and

1058
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 1: you know, so be it. But I never, you know,

1059
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: to be honest, if I could, I would delete social media.

1060
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: It's just not something that I want to be known for.

1061
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: It helps amplify my message and it's a gift to

1062
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: even have the platform. But it's not like I never

1063
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 1: said out to I want to have a big social

1064
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: media following. I want to be a writer. I want

1065
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 1: to be someone who has a value to add the world.

1066
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,800
Speaker 1: And you know, when people disagree, that's that's fine. When people,

1067
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: you know, can't see from my perspective, that's fine. But

1068
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:33,439
Speaker 1: you know, having the ability for people even to listen

1069
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 1: in the first place far overshadows anytime people might disagree

1070
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 1: or hate. It's the Internet, it is what it is.

1071
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 1: So I try to try to stay readered in that.

1072
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:43,959
Speaker 4: How do you stay kind and bring that empathy when

1073
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 4: it is someone who doesn't approach situations like that on

1074
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 4: the other side.

1075
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: Honestly, because I have to back to my comment earlier,

1076
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 1: it's like, I use my podcast as the motivation to

1077
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 1: be that person, to be the person who gives that advice.

1078
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,919
Speaker 1: And if I were to throw back at someone who

1079
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: was disrespectful to me, that would be in direct contrast

1080
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: to the advice I give, and that's I'd be a

1081
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,800
Speaker 1: huge hypocrit And if I'm a hypocrite, why should anyone

1082
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 1: listen to me? Like truly? Like that sounds probably more

1083
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: noble than than it actually is, but like, why should

1084
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 1: anyone listen to me if I don't take my own advice? Truly?

1085
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 1: So I try, really try to stay rooted in being

1086
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: motivated by myself in like a very meta weird way,

1087
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: like I need to be the guy that I portray

1088
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: myself to be. Otherwise what's the point? And the whole

1089
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 1: thing collapses on itself. So of course I make mistakes,

1090
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: but I motivate myself. I guess, question Mark, now.

1091
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:36,879
Speaker 4: How does that advice apply to the person that isn't

1092
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 4: case Kenny? When that question is asked and someone is

1093
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 4: met with adversity or anger or frustration or a rude comment,

1094
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 4: and they want to approach with these feelings of empathy

1095
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 4: and like understanding.

1096
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 2: It's not always that easy.

1097
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 4: So what do you say to that person who wants

1098
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 4: to embrace more of that kind of attitude.

1099
00:51:56,120 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 1: I'd say, it's just it's changing your priorities. Like for me,

1100
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: I always used to like my goal in life is

1101
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: I want to be happy. Right. I think that's a

1102
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 1: lot of people's goals, and it's a fine goal, but

1103
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 1: I struggle with that a lot because happiness is this

1104
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 1: random thing. It could be taken from you, devoid of

1105
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: your own effort. It's this very up and down things.

1106
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: So I've totally reached changed my goal for myself, which

1107
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: I would recommend for other people if they're willing to.

1108
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 1: I just want to be proud of myself. That is

1109
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: something I can always control, Like, no one can take

1110
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 1: that from me. You can throw a lot of things

1111
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:26,719
Speaker 1: at me. I can go through bad luck, bad luck,

1112
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 1: bad luck, horrible things, but your sense of pride ultimately

1113
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 1: comes from how you react to those things. So in

1114
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 1: that instance, if that person was gearing up to get

1115
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 1: all angry at some Internet stranger or whatever is happening.

1116
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: Are you proud of yourself in that moment? Yes or no?

1117
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 1: If that's your test for how to look at yourself

1118
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 1: every day, every hour, then I think you're going to

1119
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: be motivated to be like, no, no, no, I really want

1120
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 1: to leash out lash out of this person, but I'm

1121
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 1: going to be proud of myself in this moment. I

1122
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 1: think it changes how you look at life and again,

1123
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: pure self control when it comes to things like that.

1124
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: But changing my priority in life is I just want

1125
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: to be proud of myself. It manifests itself in the

1126
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 1: form of looking at the dirty dishes over there and

1127
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 1: being like, I should I should clean those Otherwise I'm

1128
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: not proud of myself. The big things like I need

1129
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 1: to be honest with this girl instead of leading her on.

1130
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 1: I need to be like whatever it may be big small,

1131
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 1: that's been really life changing for me. Frankly. And where

1132
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 1: does confidence come from? Where does fulfillment come from? It

1133
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 1: comes from self pride, self esteem. We're talking about self esteem.

1134
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 1: But I think if we change our priorities a little

1135
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 1: bit about like what we want to be zoomed out

1136
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 1: in life, it can really change then how we handle

1137
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: the little things zoomed in in life?

1138
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 2: For sure? Are you proud of yourself? I love I

1139
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 2: love that question.

1140
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 4: Someone comes to your Instagram page, they see this guy

1141
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 4: with a hell of a lot of followers, all of

1142
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,280
Speaker 4: these post its and sayings and whatnot. When you look

1143
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 4: in the mirror, what is it that you see looking

1144
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 4: back at you?

1145
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 2: I see a guy.

1146
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,800
Speaker 1: I see a guy who's grown up a lot, frankly,

1147
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: I see a guy who's grown up, who's matured, frankly practically.

1148
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:03,800
Speaker 1: But I also I just see someone who was willing

1149
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 1: to get in their feels and just be honest and vulnerable.

1150
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 1: Like I see that progression. I see. I could scroll

1151
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 1: back to my old Instagram posts and it's like I

1152
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 1: was like quoting like rap lyrics and stuff like just

1153
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 1: like trying to be someone I wasn't. And now I'm

1154
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: posting about healing, So I mean, cool, freaking cool. I

1155
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 1: love it, like proud of that, because again, I'm not

1156
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 1: doing it for anyone else, I'm doing it for me.

1157
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:29,279
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm proud of that.

1158
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,239
Speaker 2: What are you excited about right now?

1159
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: Oh so much. I'm working on a new book. I'm

1160
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 1: working on a lot of music. Music's a big part

1161
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,560
Speaker 1: of my life, and I'm privileged to have access to

1162
00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:43,839
Speaker 1: some some great people in the music industry and we're

1163
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 1: making some music and combining music and mindfulness, and yeah,

1164
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 1: I'm just excited to see where that takes me and

1165
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: just doing more of what I love. I always just

1166
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 1: joked and I'm pulling on this string, but it's a

1167
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 1: very long string, like there's no end to it. So

1168
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 1: I'm just like continuing to pull on and see where

1169
00:54:58,000 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: it takes me.

1170
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 2: What kind of music.

1171
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 1: It's all electronic music, like how stance, not typically something

1172
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 1: that you'd associate with like mindfulness, like most people associate

1173
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: like very very calming music. But I think there's a

1174
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 1: lot of power in melodic, progressive, repetitive music combined with mindfulness.

1175
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: And I won't shut up about it. I'm always like

1176
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: promoting my my music projects because I think it's I

1177
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 1: think it's the next big wave of wellness and mindfulness.

1178
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,319
Speaker 1: So I love it and I love to dance. I

1179
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: don't portray I just think it's fun.

1180
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 4: If I right now, before I ask you this final question,

1181
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,720
Speaker 4: give you the floor. Is there anything that you feel

1182
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 4: as though you haven't addressed? Just yet that is worth

1183
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 4: sharing to this demo. And I know that that's a

1184
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 4: very open ended question. But hurdlers that are working on

1185
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 4: this journey that you and I have talked over the

1186
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 4: last fifteen minutes, you know, whether they're single or attached

1187
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 4: to really coming into their own and being proud of

1188
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 4: what they have to offer and moving forward with excitement

1189
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 4: and optimism.

1190
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:05,799
Speaker 2: What do you have to say to that?

1191
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I lean a lot on like the words

1192
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 1: we use right the stories we tell ourselves. If we

1193
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:14,879
Speaker 1: end on one last gift that I say we could

1194
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 1: give ourselves, it would be find a way to use

1195
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 1: more powerful and empowering words in your life. Like I'm

1196
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,439
Speaker 1: an author, so I have a weird relationship with words.

1197
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: I'm in words all day, every day, and I think

1198
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 1: if we could find a way to come back to

1199
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 1: more powerful words, the way that we describe ourselves, the

1200
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 1: way that the goals we set for ourselves, we're we're

1201
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: going to be free to go out and do that thing.

1202
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:36,919
Speaker 1: I just released a book called The First Inner Piece.

1203
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: It's a manifestation journal, and the whole point of that

1204
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 1: was basically in reaction to how I see a lot

1205
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:45,520
Speaker 1: of people think about manifesting right, picture what you want,

1206
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: vision board, the secret. I deserve this these things, and

1207
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 1: I think that's great. But I think the true essence

1208
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: of manifesting is knowing why you're worthy of that thing.

1209
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: Show yourself and it goes back to everything that we've

1210
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,879
Speaker 1: been talking about here, showing why you should be prouder

1211
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 1: the things that you are doing, and use words and

1212
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: sentences and narratives to support that. If you're always telling

1213
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 1: yourself a story that you know, all men are this

1214
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 1: and all women are that, or my talent will never

1215
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 1: be good enough for this, how do you expect to

1216
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 1: go out and receive a reality that is directly the

1217
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 1: opposite of that? You know? You could you could call thing.

1218
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 1: We can call this religion, faith, karma or whatever. Maybe

1219
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 1: law of attraction. I think it's just practical tell yourself

1220
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 1: a more redeeming story. I'm the kind of person who

1221
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 1: does this. Here are all the verbs that I do.

1222
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: Here's the things that I'm proud of of myself that

1223
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: I think is just so empowering, And ultimately it does

1224
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: pay off because it's reconditioning, it's challenging. All the things

1225
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: we talked about, the conditioning, but coming back to the

1226
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 1: way that you speak to yourself, absolutely manifest it in itself,

1227
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: in the way that you act, in the things you

1228
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 1: accept or don't accept in other people. And I think,

1229
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 1: I think it's it's the greatest way that you could

1230
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 1: change your life. Change the way the verbs you use,

1231
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 1: the adjectives you use, the way that you look at yourself,

1232
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 1: and the goal you set for yourself. And and I

1233
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 1: think your actions follow, your reactions follow, and most importantly,

1234
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: like what you will put up with in life also follow.

1235
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: So I would I would, I would lead with that case.

1236
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 4: Right now, you have an opportunity to offer yourself a

1237
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 4: piece of advice. Looking back, let's say, at the beginning

1238
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 4: of this journey, which is filled with moments of imposter

1239
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 4: syndrome and trying to figure out what your verbs were,

1240
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 4: where you were going, what you were moving with, you

1241
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 4: have an opportunity, knowing what you know now, to offer

1242
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 4: yourself a piece of advice at that hurdle moment.

1243
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 2: What do you tell yourself.

1244
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I would give the advice that I still

1245
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 1: try to give my advice today, which is something I

1246
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 1: think we all struggle with, which is when we want

1247
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 1: something more, when we want to grow more, be more,

1248
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: do more, or whatever it is, we very much turn

1249
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 1: our back on what we have and we get in

1250
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 1: this kind of anxious, ungrateful state. So the advice that

1251
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 1: I give myself today that I would give myself much

1252
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 1: louder when I was younger, is the absence of what

1253
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 1: I want doesn't negate the presence of what I have.

1254
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 1: And I'm just so big on that because just because

1255
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,160
Speaker 1: I don't have something that I'm working hard toward towards,

1256
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that what I have, what I've done,

1257
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 1: what I'm building is irrelevant. And we need to stay

1258
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,920
Speaker 1: grounded in that. Find a way to be proud of myself,

1259
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 1: find a way to be grateful for what I have.

1260
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 1: Even when I was on episode ten and I was like,

1261
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 1: I want to be a top twenty podcaster, just be

1262
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 1: proud of the ten episodes I've done while working for

1263
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 1: the more. And that's the advice I would give myself

1264
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 1: because I honestly I still struggle with that. It's like

1265
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:27,000
Speaker 1: being a writer, content creator, influencer or whatever it is.

1266
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 1: It's like we're always wanting more, We're always feeling the

1267
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,480
Speaker 1: pressure to do more, be more. That sometimes we forget

1268
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 1: the gift that we've been given and I've created for ourselves.

1269
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: So I would just come back to that that the

1270
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 1: absence of what I want doesn't negate the presence of

1271
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: what I have.

1272
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 4: The absence of what I want doesn't negate the presence

1273
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 4: of what I have. I love that, Case Kenny. I'm

1274
00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 4: so glad that we were able to make this happen.

1275
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:49,880
Speaker 4: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do

1276
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 4: they keep up with you? Give us the details?

1277
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for giving me a platform.

1278
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: That was a great chat. Case Kenny on socials, Case

1279
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,280
Speaker 1: dot Kenny on Instagram. The podcast is new, my I said,

1280
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 1: who dis new? Mindset whodiss dot com if you're interested

1281
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: in the journal. And then I host the radio show

1282
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 1: called Zendisco for on the music side if you want

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Speaker 1: to do a little dance while listening to my thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 4: I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast Another

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Speaker 4: Hurdle Conquered.

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Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.