Speaker 1: Welcome to This Country Life. I'm your host, Brent Rieves
Speaker 1: from coon hunting to trot lining and just general country living.
Speaker 1: I want you to stay a while as I share
Speaker 1: my stories and the country skills that will help you
Speaker 1: beat the system. This Country Life is proudly presented as
Speaker 1: part of Meat Eaters Podcast Network, bringing you the best
Speaker 1: outdoor podcast the airways have to offer. All right, friends,
Speaker 1: pull you up a chair or drop that tailgate. I
Speaker 1: think I got a thing or two to teach you.
Speaker 1: Minding your Manners Part two. It's part two of Minding
Speaker 1: your Manners, and this week we're going to hit a
Speaker 1: few specifics on having some good ones and the impressions
Speaker 1: you give off when using them or not using them.
Speaker 1: In today's world, where most folks communicate through texts, posting
Speaker 1: videos on social media, our window of creating an accurate
Speaker 1: representation of ourself has diminished into only a few seconds
Speaker 1: or maybe even a single picture. The same thing applies
Speaker 1: to the impression we give others. After all, when we're
Speaker 1: downloading our first impression, someone new they're doing the same
Speaker 1: thing with us. Funny how that works. Good stuff to
Speaker 1: talk about today. But first I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: a story. Alexis and I were traveling last week and
Speaker 1: got into a shuttle at the airport to take us
Speaker 1: to our hotel. I was making casual conversation with the driver,
Speaker 1: who was more or less my age, and responded yes,
Speaker 1: sir to a question that he asked me. Now, he
Speaker 1: told me I didn't have to say yes sir to him,
Speaker 1: and in the same breath he said, man, you have
Speaker 1: a nice voice. You ought to do something in radio.
Speaker 1: Alexis started and looked out of the window, and I said, well,
Speaker 1: I kind of am in that business. I have a
Speaker 1: podcast where I talk about different things each week. And
Speaker 1: he said, well, what was last week's show about? And
Speaker 1: I told him manners being respectful, and that I had
Speaker 1: specifically addressed the interaction that we had just had. I
Speaker 1: told him that it was more related to his position
Speaker 1: as the captain of that bus in a way of
Speaker 1: me showing him respect as an adult, than it was
Speaker 1: a statement about his age. We had a very interesting
Speaker 1: conversation about the observations he made about people he encountered,
Speaker 1: either in his daily life or through his job driving
Speaker 1: that shuttle. His totally unsolicited opinion was that rural people,
Speaker 1: adults and children alike seemed to be more mindful of
Speaker 1: using manners than others. Now, he didn't say that folks
Speaker 1: in the city were rude by any means, just that
Speaker 1: there seemed to be a correlation between people from all
Speaker 1: over the nation that lived close to the land in
Speaker 1: the way that they talked to one another. Who better
Speaker 1: to make that observation than a man who spends his
Speaker 1: days talking to people from all over. Now, by the
Speaker 1: time he got us to the hotel, he was on
Speaker 1: my side about the advantages associated with good manners. He
Speaker 1: even walked us in and told the lady behind the
Speaker 1: desk to take good care of us because, and I quote,
Speaker 1: these are good people. Now, I don't think there would
Speaker 1: have been any difference in the way the folks at
Speaker 1: the hotel treated us had he not gone in and
Speaker 1: said that. But I'm convinced that the only reason he
Speaker 1: did was because of the impression he got of us
Speaker 1: on the ride there. For all he knew we were
Speaker 1: polite bank robbers on the lamb and hiding in the
Speaker 1: mountains of Montana. But either way, having good manners work
Speaker 1: to our advantage. While our manners had painted a picture
Speaker 1: to our shuttle driver betraying us as good people. The
Speaker 1: only other information he had to go was our outward
Speaker 1: appearance to back up his assumption about our character. It's
Speaker 1: that old first impressions deal. First impressions happen when a
Speaker 1: person first encounters another and they each form a mental
Speaker 1: image of that person. The accuracy of that impression varies
Speaker 1: depending on the observer, the person being observed, and the
Speaker 1: setting in which they meet. And I'm sure the shuttle
Speaker 1: driver's impression of me was held by having my wife
Speaker 1: Alexis with me. That Gal spreads joy and happiness like confetti,
Speaker 1: and her beautiful smile and friendly personality. But every one
Speaker 1: of these now the same thing can be said when
Speaker 1: you flip the coin. Let me give you an example.
Speaker 1: Robert Alvin Fry married my grandfather's sister, Arlie May Reeves
Speaker 1: in nineteen thirty six, and for the next sixty four
Speaker 1: years they would beat together until Uncle Bob passed away
Speaker 1: in June and Aunt Arli May six months later in
Speaker 1: December of two thousand. Uncle Bob had been a blacksmith,
Speaker 1: a farmer, and was a storyteller like no other. He
Speaker 1: was a true Southern gentleman, and my recollection was that
Speaker 1: he loved my Aunt arl of May like nothing else.
Speaker 1: I remember him telling the following story of a church
Speaker 1: homecoming to a group of friends and relatives who sat
Speaker 1: visiting in the shade while Uncle Bob and the others
Speaker 1: told stories of days gone by. In the early nineteen seventies,
Speaker 1: Uncle Bob and Aunt arl of May were taking a
Speaker 1: trip on a commercial jet. He said it was the
Speaker 1: first plane ride for each of them, and if to
Speaker 1: find gravity and leaving the confines of the Earth wasn't
Speaker 1: enough reason to make him nervous, it was also at
Speaker 1: the height of the airline hijacking craze, and he wasn't kidding.
Speaker 1: I checked. From nineteen sixty one to nineteen seventy three,
Speaker 1: there were one hundred and fifty nine airliners hijacking. Over
Speaker 1: half of them were diverted to Cuba. He said it
Speaker 1: had gotten so commonplace about a plane being hijacked to
Speaker 1: Cuba that it was on the news just about every day,
Speaker 1: either the ongoing saga from one of the day before
Speaker 1: or a new one that had just happened. He said
Speaker 1: they were some of the first aboard and sat and
Speaker 1: washed his others got on and found their seats. Uncle
Speaker 1: Bob said he watched and I quote as a rough
Speaker 1: looking fellow with shaggy hair, a beard, and dirty clothes
Speaker 1: sat down in a seat across from where he and
Speaker 1: ain't arli May were sitting. He said it made him
Speaker 1: a little uneasy. They didn't see a lot of hippies
Speaker 1: in New Edinburgh, Arkansas, and it wasn't like he wasn't
Speaker 1: nervous enough already, he said. The fellow leaned back and
Speaker 1: went to sleep before they took off, and after they'd
Speaker 1: gotten off the ground, he and ain't arli May had
Speaker 1: begun to relax and get a little more at ease
Speaker 1: with flying. About thirty minutes into the flight, he said,
Speaker 1: the stewardess came walking down the aisle with the big
Speaker 1: tray of little sandwiches. She'd stop at every row of
Speaker 1: seats and off from up, and if the passengers wanted
Speaker 1: something to eat, they'd reach and take one small sandwich
Speaker 1: off the tray. He said that he done got hungry
Speaker 1: because he was too nervous to eat the night before
Speaker 1: the flight, and it skipped breakfast earlier that day. He said,
Speaker 1: boy I was looking forward to getting one of them
Speaker 1: sandwiches and could hardly wait for her to get to
Speaker 1: where we were sitting. Finally, she got to Uncle Bob's
Speaker 1: row and was looking at Uncle Bob and aunt Arli
Speaker 1: May and asking if they'd like a sandwich. About that time,
Speaker 1: he saw the hand of that rough looking fellow reach
Speaker 1: over into that tray and grab every sandwich on it
Speaker 1: and wreke all of them off into his lap and
Speaker 1: start eating. He said. It startled the stewardess, and it
Speaker 1: scared him so bad that he stood up and shouted,
Speaker 1: oh lord, we're Cuba bound. The stewardess got him back
Speaker 1: seated and went to get more sandwiches. The rough looking
Speaker 1: fella apologized to Uncle Bob and and Ardebay and told
Speaker 1: him that it had been a while since he had
Speaker 1: anything to eat. He was a nice fella, he was
Speaker 1: just a little bit down on his luck. They had
Speaker 1: a good visit afterwards and got to the destination without
Speaker 1: diverting to Cuba. But it was the first impression and
Speaker 1: a lack of manners that had painted a different picture
Speaker 1: and how their brief relationship would go. So while the
Speaker 1: old saying of you never get a chance to make
Speaker 1: a first impression is correct, there's another one about judging
Speaker 1: a book by its cover. That's just as accurate, and
Speaker 1: that's just how that happened. Let's talk about hats, and
Speaker 1: why would you take a hat off when you walk
Speaker 1: in someone's house. Well, if it was our house, it
Speaker 1: would be to keep my mama from knocking it off
Speaker 1: your head. You didn't wear a hat in the house.
Speaker 1: Removing your hat indoors dates back to medieval times when
Speaker 1: knights would take their helmets off as a sign of
Speaker 1: goodwill and friendship. I'm sure that's correct, but it may
Speaker 1: have been a more of a functionality issue. I'd like
Speaker 1: to see one of them try to eat some corn
Speaker 1: on the cob while wearing one of them, be like
Speaker 1: Spider Man trying to eat anything. That dude did not
Speaker 1: think that suit out when he was sewing it up,
Speaker 1: Not like I would have anyway. But taking your hat
Speaker 1: off shows respect to the folks you're visiting, that you
Speaker 1: value their time and you're not about to jump up
Speaker 1: and leave now. If you're only going to be there
Speaker 1: for a minute or two. You tell them that when
Speaker 1: you get there that you can't stay, and you keep
Speaker 1: your hat in your hand until it's time to go.
Speaker 1: That's having manners and showing respect, whether they know it
Speaker 1: or not. But when is it okay to where you
Speaker 1: had inside? According to Miss Manners, any place that's considered
Speaker 1: a public place is socially acceptable. But someone's home or
Speaker 1: that ain't one of them. There's exceptions, like when part
Speaker 1: of an official uniform like police officers, in some instances
Speaker 1: when the military they not the military, they got their
Speaker 1: own set of rules. But in general, wearing a hat
Speaker 1: inside is no bueno. A restaurant, in a cafe their
Speaker 1: public places. But you won't catch me wearing a hat
Speaker 1: at any table, or any male member of my family
Speaker 1: for that matter. Ladies, however, according to custom, get a
Speaker 1: pass if it's part of their outfit. Now, my grandpa
Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of time for watching NFL football,
Speaker 1: but he had a lot of respect for the Dallas
Speaker 1: Cowboys old coach Tom Landry. He'd heard coach Landry wouldn't
Speaker 1: wear his hat when they played in a domed stadium.
Speaker 1: He thought that showed class. Bear Bryant was the same way.
Speaker 1: When I asked why he wasn't wearing his hat for
Speaker 1: a game in a super dome, Coach Bryant would say,
Speaker 1: because my mama told me to well, that's reason enough
Speaker 1: for me too. The national anthem. For me, that's an
Speaker 1: old brainer. I removed my cover and I hold it
Speaker 1: over my heart. Removing my hat and stand the waile
Speaker 1: it's played. Is my overt declaration of support for the
Speaker 1: dream that this nation was founded on, in a way
Speaker 1: to show my respect for those who've paid the ultimate sacrifice.
Speaker 1: For all of us to have our own individual opinions
Speaker 1: about everything left right or in the middle, that should
Speaker 1: be something we could all agree on. What about opening
Speaker 1: the door or waiting for someone to go through, or
Speaker 1: holding the elevator, or letting the person with half as
Speaker 1: many groceries as you have go in front of you?
Speaker 1: Are we in that big of a hurry not to
Speaker 1: do these little things? I always hear that quote, this
Speaker 1: fast paced world in which we live? Well, who made
Speaker 1: the rule that it had to be fast? Are we
Speaker 1: not in charge of the pace in which we live?
Speaker 1: I know I am, and probably much to the dismay
Speaker 1: of those behind me. But I operate best at the
Speaker 1: speed of happiness. And if it makes me happy and
Speaker 1: doesn't hurt someone else, or even better yet, if it
Speaker 1: makes me happy it makes someone else happy to then
Speaker 1: that's the route I'm taking. Let's talk about food, which
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite subjects. At any gathering for food,
Speaker 1: it is taboo to fix your plate before you guess
Speaker 1: do and if you don't have any guests, the kids
Speaker 1: and the ladies get their plates fixed first, and the
Speaker 1: head of the household he eats last. Now, y'all, don't
Speaker 1: get your drawers in a wat over that head of
Speaker 1: the household quote. I ain't the boss of my wife.
Speaker 1: We have a partnership based on love and respect. But
Speaker 1: I firmly believe it is absolutely my duty to protect
Speaker 1: her in every other member of this home, whether they
Speaker 1: live here or just simply guessed, that's my responsibility as
Speaker 1: a husband, a father, and a host. The tradition of
Speaker 1: that person eating last, at least in our family was
Speaker 1: started by my grandpa and was the exact opposite of
Speaker 1: how it was when my grandpa was growing up. One
Speaker 1: time I asked him why he always ate last, and
Speaker 1: he told me that when he was a kid that
Speaker 1: sometimes there might not be a lot for him to eat,
Speaker 1: so the men that were working would eat first. They
Speaker 1: needed the nourishment to keep working and keep putting food
Speaker 1: on the table. The ladies followed up because their work
Speaker 1: was just as important. They're at home, and the kids, well,
Speaker 1: they got what was left, if there was anything. He
Speaker 1: said he'd gone to bed hunger more than once as
Speaker 1: a child, and vowed to never have one of his
Speaker 1: kids or grandkids suffer the same fate. I can say
Speaker 1: without a doubt that I never saw him fix a
Speaker 1: plate until everyone else had theirs and was sitting down.
Speaker 1: How about the old last biscuit dilemma? Two or three
Speaker 1: folks with some sopping left to do, and you look
Speaker 1: up and there ain't but one biscuit left. Everybody wants it,
Speaker 1: but who gets it? Well, in my house, if you
Speaker 1: reach for it without asking if anyone else wanted it,
Speaker 1: you were automatically out of the running. My mama would
Speaker 1: have throat punched you. She taught us to ask if
Speaker 1: anyone else wanted it, and if they did, offer it
Speaker 1: to them. If it was one of my brothers and
Speaker 1: they took it without offering to share half with the
Speaker 1: one asking, whamo, automatic throw punch from the lady that
Speaker 1: baked them. My brother Tim once circumvented this by picking
Speaker 1: up the last one, asking if anyone wanted it, And
Speaker 1: when I said I did. He licked all over it
Speaker 1: when my mama wasn't looking and tried to hand it
Speaker 1: to me, and for that reason I was out anyway,
Speaker 1: that clown, aside offering to share it, shows consideration for
Speaker 1: the folks around you. And if you'll consider someone's feelings
Speaker 1: over something as insignificant as it's a biscuit, and when
Speaker 1: it comes to more important things, if there is something
Speaker 1: more important than a homemade biscuit, you won't think twice
Speaker 1: about doing it then either. And how about meeting folks
Speaker 1: and having a conversation with him that was just as
Speaker 1: important as my raisin. I remember I was eight or
Speaker 1: nine years old and had gone to work with my
Speaker 1: dad and we were at the regional office in Rising,
Speaker 1: Arkansas to get whatever he needed before we set out
Speaker 1: to work, visiting the area of chicken farms. He had
Speaker 1: a new boss, and when he walked in the room
Speaker 1: where we were, he called his boss my name and said,
Speaker 1: this is my baby boy brand. He introduced me to
Speaker 1: folks that same way until he left this earth. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was sitting in a chair and his boss walked
Speaker 1: over to where I was to shake my hand. I
Speaker 1: stuck my hand out to shake his but made the
Speaker 1: near fatal mistake of not standing up before his boss
Speaker 1: had turned My hand loosened. My dad said, get your
Speaker 1: butt up out of that chair. You don't shake a
Speaker 1: man's hand sitting down. I stood up like that sea
Speaker 1: was on fire, and it embarrassed me, but I never
Speaker 1: forgot it. Lesson learned here's something else when shaking a
Speaker 1: man's hand, look him dead in the eyes and use
Speaker 1: a firm grip. There's nothing worse than trying to shake
Speaker 1: a man's hand, and it winds up feeling like you
Speaker 1: just holding hands with a fellow you don't know. With
Speaker 1: the love of humanity. There ain't enough lava soap flowing
Speaker 1: out of that volcano to wash that experience away. And
Speaker 1: every time that happens, it sends a message to me
Speaker 1: that this cat probably did not kill a turkey last year.
Speaker 1: I respect turkey hunters, and I never met one that
Speaker 1: didn't have a firm handshake. I mentioned looking in a
Speaker 1: person's eyes when he shake their hand. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you about a fellow I used to work with. He
Speaker 1: would never look you in the eyes when he talked
Speaker 1: to you. It was the most distracting thing ever. The
Speaker 1: whole the conversation with him. He is a great guy
Speaker 1: and we have a lot of common interest. He could
Speaker 1: have told me the secrets of the Pyramids, but I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have heard him during any conversation we ever had.
Speaker 1: I was bobbing and weaving like I was in the ring,
Speaker 1: dodging jabs from Mike Tyson, just to meet his gaze.
Speaker 1: I've known him for fifteen years and I couldn't swear
Speaker 1: in court. The man has pupils. If you want someone
Speaker 1: to pay attention to you, or show them that you
Speaker 1: respect them enough to listen to him, look them in
Speaker 1: the eyes when you're talking. Get a friend to look
Speaker 1: at you, but not in your eyes while you're talking
Speaker 1: to him, and tell me that ain't weird. Ps. If
Speaker 1: you're talking to someone you don't know and they don't
Speaker 1: look you in the eyes while you're talking, they probably
Speaker 1: didn't kill a turkey last year either. Back in October
Speaker 1: of twenty nineteen, we went to Disney World. Spent a
Speaker 1: whole month there one week. Don't get me wrong, I
Speaker 1: had fun riding the teacups, seeing Bailey dressed up like Cinderella,
Speaker 1: and having my picture maybe winning the Pooh. I'd hunted
Speaker 1: hard the whole first week of Arkansas's September bear season,
Speaker 1: but I had to fly to Florida to have my
Speaker 1: picture made with a bear. Anyway, my biggest issue was
Speaker 1: riding that bus back and forth from the hotel. There
Speaker 1: was only so many seats, and I think in a
Speaker 1: week's worth of trips that I got to sit in
Speaker 1: one two or three times. I usually had one when
Speaker 1: we got on the bus, but then some lady or
Speaker 1: someone's grandma would wind up having to stand up, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't in good conscience keep my seat while they stood.
Speaker 1: I wasn't the only one giving up my seats like that,
Speaker 1: but there was a lot more men who didn't, and
Speaker 1: I've often wondered why, because it seemed so commonplace and
Speaker 1: respectful to do it, how long for the day when
Speaker 1: doing that would bring more attention than not doing it.
Speaker 1: We all see these viral videos of events that happened,
Speaker 1: good or bad, and whatever the incident is. If it's
Speaker 1: in a large crowd, you can see multiple people filming
Speaker 1: it with their phones when sometimes they should be in
Speaker 1: there helping the folks involved. It's second nature now to
Speaker 1: be observers and not participants. Not participating usually completely removes
Speaker 1: you from legal responsibility. Should whatever your witness and go sideways.
Speaker 1: But what about social responsibility? As inhabitants of this spinning
Speaker 1: rock we find ourselves on, am I my brother's keeper? Yep? Sure,
Speaker 1: whe am. If we all started looking out for one another,
Speaker 1: just a little more than just looking at one another,
Speaker 1: it might make a difference for someone. I know I've
Speaker 1: told this before, but it bears repeating. When I was
Speaker 1: the commander of a shift of uniform deputies, at the
Speaker 1: end of each shift briefing before we all hit the
Speaker 1: road to patrol our areas, the last thing I always
Speaker 1: told them was to be safe. Try to make a
Speaker 1: difference in someone's life that day. That's pretty and it's
Speaker 1: your challenge this week. If you see something you feel
Speaker 1: compelled to respond to on social media, do it as
Speaker 1: if that person was standing in front of Be nice
Speaker 1: if that called on it started trending. Anyway. I hope
Speaker 1: you're staying cool and eating plenty of watermelons. This summer
Speaker 1: has been blistering down here in the old heat Dome,
Speaker 1: and watermelon time is just about over. And even though
Speaker 1: I know there's bands of folks out there, my great
Speaker 1: uncle Bob and I would describe as rough fellas sprinkling
Speaker 1: salt on watermelons like a crop duster. Well, I hope
Speaker 1: y'all get plenty too without having to make an unscheduled
Speaker 1: stop in Cuba. This is Brent Reeves signing off. Y'all
Speaker 1: be careful.