1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and ninety one, 11 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: which is airing in late February of twenty twenty three. 12 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: We're going to be talking all things allowances in this episode. 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: Allowances in three parts, first adult allowances, then kit allowances, 14 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: and then making allowances. That is various rules in our 15 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: lives and where we make exceptions. So, Sarah, did you 16 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: get an allowance growing up? I did. I don't have 17 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: a firm memory of exactly how it worked, but I 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: believe it was something between maybe five dollars and ten dollars, 19 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: depending on my age, and it was a little bit inconsistent, 20 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: not on purpose, but because I think my dad just 21 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: forgot to give it out. Sometimes he was the one 22 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 1: who would dole it out, and it was I think, 23 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 1: and again memory a bit fuzzy, but I think it 24 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: was inconsistently taken away for various things, like there wasn't 25 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: a clear policy that if you didn't do X, Y 26 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: and Z, you didn't get it. But I feel like 27 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: if we really made our parents mad, they were like, well, 28 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,480 Speaker 1: we're not giving you your allowance this week. So if 29 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: I remember that wrong, parents, and you're listening, feel free to, 30 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: you know, pop in on the show notes and leave 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: a corrective note. But that is how I remember things 32 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: playing out. Yes, as we'll talk about later in this episode, 33 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: you should always assume people are listening if you start 34 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: talking about them. And do you think your allowance had 35 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: any effect on your you know, because this is where 36 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: this all goes with, like allowances, theoretically it's about is 37 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: giving your kids spending money, and it's also teaching kids 38 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: about money. Do you think it taught you anything about 39 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: money or no? No? I mean I guess it was 40 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: helpful because my parents, I would say, are probably what 41 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: I would call under buyers and so would not necessarily 42 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 1: dole out much of anything for like little fun purchases. 43 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: So I guess it was nice to have like a 44 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: defined amount that was mine. And because it wasn't very 45 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: much money, I was pretty soon looking for other opportunities 46 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: to earn, like babysitting and camp counselor jobs and things 47 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 1: like that. So, I mean, I don't know. I will 48 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,800 Speaker 1: admit that I would get my allowance, then I would 49 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: walk to the shopping center by some like terrible paperback 50 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: book and a clearly Canadian and walk home with like 51 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: twenty five cents left. All right, I never did that. 52 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: That was not my experience of I sort of just 53 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 1: squirreled mine away for the most part to putting it 54 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: in stars or whatever. Although you know, I opened a 55 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: savings account at some point, but I'm not sure that 56 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 1: my allowance does necessarily wound up in there per se. 57 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: I think I got three dollars for like forever, I 58 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: don't know, it was mostly three dollars, And then when 59 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: I was away at school for my junior and senior 60 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 1: year of high school, I got ten dollars a week 61 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: I think when I was there, which was a little 62 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: harder to make stretch you know, for like buying various 63 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: snacks or personal hygiene items and whatever. But yeah, I 64 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,920 Speaker 1: don't know that it really affected anything about my adult 65 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: experience of money. I mean partly in that my experience 66 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: of earning money has never been like an allowance, right, 67 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: Like I have had only one job in my life 68 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: where I got a regular paycheck, you know, post college, 69 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: like I, you know, worked in fast food restaurants and 70 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: drug stores and whatever where I got paychecks like during 71 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: high school and college. But yeah, no it was so 72 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: I haven't had that experience at all, And so it's 73 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 1: a very very different sort of thing in any case, 74 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: And who knows how many people will be more like 75 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: me in the future. But I don't know how you 76 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: work that as an allowance of the vagaries of self employment. 77 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: The funny thing about that story is that, like, well, 78 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: I guess both of us had similar we had similar 79 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 1: allowance experiences, but both of us and our spending habits 80 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,040 Speaker 1: as children are kind of align with where they are 81 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: as adults. So maybe it has less to do with 82 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 1: what your parents do and more of those innate human qualities, 83 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 1: like we often talk about how our kids can be 84 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: very different even with the same environment. So I think 85 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: that's kind of fascinating because even back then I was 86 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: like happy to kind of like spend out on experiences 87 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: my allowance. Today that will get to I tend to 88 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: spend that too, So yeah, very yeah, it's funny. I mean, 89 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: I tend to agree with you that people are who 90 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: they are, and many of these things we do as 91 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: parents are in order to teach our children certain things. 92 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: And you may be teaching them on the margins within 93 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 1: you know how they were going to react to certain things, 94 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, they're ten. These are innate 95 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: to themselves. And yes, you know, whether you get an 96 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: allowance or not, if you like to spend money, you're 97 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,239 Speaker 1: going to spend money. And whether you get an allowance 98 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: or not, if you are not generally given to spending 99 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 1: money you prefer to kind of squirrel it away, then 100 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: you will do that. But speaking of adult allowances, we 101 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 1: would have started with that because I think, well, there's 102 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: some controversy one might say about kid allowances, and I 103 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: think the research is all over the place in terms 104 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: of what it does do with kids and money. When 105 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: we were researching this, found a lot of very positive 106 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: things about adult allowances because then it's not money coming 107 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 1: from the outside that you had nothing to do toget 108 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: or any you know, you earn this money. You and 109 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: your spouse if you have one, you know, brought this 110 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: money into the household and then it is being allocated 111 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: out for doing fun things. So, Sarah, you guys get 112 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: an allowance, why don't you talk about the adult allowances 113 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: in the younger household? Sure? So, I mean, first, I 114 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: have to say my husband and I I think both 115 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: tend to or it's being fairly free with money, but 116 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: we both have savings goals, and while we don't necessarily 117 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 1: want to retire early, we want to be responsible and 118 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: make sure we've saved enough for some kind of retirement 119 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: and things we want to do for our kids. So 120 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: for us, the allowance has two benefits. First of all, 121 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: it's money that we feel like we can spend freely 122 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,719 Speaker 1: on frivolous things without asking, which is, in my opinion, 123 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: just a really nice thing to have. And there's been 124 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: many times when like I'll say I'm going to do 125 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: something and it's like I'll be like and it's with 126 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: my allowance, and it's like oh great, or same with him, 127 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: Oh I'm going to buy this giant expensive beer brewing 128 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: kit with my allowance. Okay, wonderful. Enjoy that right, So 129 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: it definitely is fun to have that, but it also 130 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 1: keeps us responsible because once your allowance is gone, you 131 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 1: don't get to keep spending on frivolous fun stuff. And 132 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: so you know, we have a lot of our money 133 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: that automatically goes into various savings buckets and other money 134 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: that goes into more short term savings buckets. But because 135 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: you need a budget, we know that the money in 136 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: our allowance has been already earmarked as such, and so 137 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: it just works really really well for us. Recently, I 138 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,359 Speaker 1: invested in my running coach that's with my allowance. I 139 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: will admit I have a couple of like female upkeep 140 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: things I don't keep in this category, like specifically my 141 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: hair streetening, because I do feel that society places different 142 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: pressures on men and women, and I don't want my 143 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: allowance to necessarily have to take the heat for that. 144 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: I guess my rationale, as fair or unfair as it 145 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: might be, is that we can both enjoy me feeling 146 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 1: confident and not having to spend lots of time on 147 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 1: my hair. You can certainly rationalize that any way you want, 148 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: but it's true there. I mean, like, for instance, well, 149 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: you do you include makeup in your allowance? I mean 150 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: because I would presume Josh does not wear makeup expect 151 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: him to, but I actually don't because I feel like 152 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: can make up. Well, there's no real logic. I just 153 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: probably because my makeup overall is cheaper by more than 154 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: my hair, so it doesn't bother me. And I guess 155 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: for me, there's such a range that I could spend 156 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: on makeup where it does really feel self indulgent if 157 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: I make certain choices versus like if I want straight 158 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: low upkeep hair, it's going to cost a certain thing. 159 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: And like I've kind of I've been doing it since 160 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: two thousand and seven. It's just like a part of 161 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: my life upkeep at this point. So yeah, this is 162 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: not rational or logical, so you know, feel free to 163 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: call me out on that. I understand, But makeup does 164 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: go within our allowance, and hair and perhaps other appearance 165 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: upkeeper purchases would go outside of my allowance. Yes, okay, 166 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: And why did you guys start doing this though? I 167 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: mean because I feel like I you started it in 168 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: the time that I have known of the shoe box. 169 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: I think, oh yeah, I think we started it when 170 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 1: we started with wine app okay, because before we had 171 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: wineap we weren't tracking, so it was very difficult. And 172 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: you know what, it was fine, like we didn't tend 173 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: to have fights about money, but I think we also 174 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: we had certain like rules about certain amounts that you 175 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: were supposed to talk to the other person about, and 176 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: like sometimes that got humbersome because like what if I 177 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: did want something frivolous but I felt like I had 178 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: kind of saved up for it. I think there was 179 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: like an argument about a hair straightener that I bought 180 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: that was it's all about straight hair? Did I This 181 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: was a long time ago, that was like very expensive. 182 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: I believe I was pregnant and I couldn't get Japanese straining, 183 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: so I like dumped a bunch of money into some 184 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: expensive hair strainer, which I still own but never use 185 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: because I get my hair strained. And my husband was like, 186 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: why would you spend that on that? And it's like 187 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: that's the kind of thing where yes, it was above 188 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,839 Speaker 1: our thing and I didn't have quote permission. And by 189 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: the way this fight ended, like it wasn't like a 190 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: fight fight like it was fine, but with an allowance, 191 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: that kind of thing is a non issue. Or if 192 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 1: I want to splurge on we include tech in our allowance, 193 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: so if you want to like upgrade your phone, that's 194 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: an allowance purchase as well. Although that brings me to 195 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: a question like do you need to then save up 196 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: your allowance month to month? Can you borrow against a 197 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: future allowance? Like how does this work? Is there like 198 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: a credit line with the allowance? We don't get that granular. 199 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: I have definitely borrowed against my allowance in the past. 200 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: I don't think he's needed too necessarily. And you know, 201 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: if I do that, like let's say I'm using two 202 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 1: months at once, I just make a note of it, 203 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: and then the next month, I don't put anything in 204 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,960 Speaker 1: my bucket, or you could put like negative the way 205 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: why not works, you could put negative in there. So yeah, 206 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: you can borrow against the future allowance, or you can 207 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: think about like, oh, I want to upgrade my phone 208 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: this year, so I should probably you know, set aside 209 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: a bit every month so that by December I can 210 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: buy my new phone in full. That's okay, gotcha? And 211 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: have either of you ever like violated the terms of 212 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: the budget of the allowance, I don't think so. I 213 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: mean I did ask for kind of like a little 214 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: bonus when I turned forty. I don't know if you 215 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 1: guys remember, but it was the pandemic and I wanted 216 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: to upgrade my wardrobe. I kind of took funds that 217 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: we were going to use to take a trip, but 218 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: it was COVID, so we didn't. So that would be 219 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: sort of like a way that I padded my allowance 220 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: for that very particular thing. But it was like an 221 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: agreement in a very specific circumstance. So no, I think 222 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: we're both quite honest. And yeah, I would say the 223 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: biggest wiggle room is with the stuff like my hair, 224 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 1: but he knows about that. Yeah. No, It's interesting. When 225 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: I was researching this topic, I came across a lot 226 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,080 Speaker 1: of very positive writings and various economics things about this 227 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 1: concept because it's freedom within guardrails, and so it's certainly 228 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,559 Speaker 1: helpful if either party has a tendency to overspend. As 229 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: you're not arguing about the particulars, there's the parameter of 230 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: the allowance. But also if you struggle with spending, some 231 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: people really like it because then you're not comparing this 232 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 1: sweater against say, your retirement, which is something that people 233 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,199 Speaker 1: might do, It's like, no, no, this money is earmarked 234 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,680 Speaker 1: for things like sweaters because the retirement bucket has already done. 235 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: And that's separate from this allowance, which is supposed to 236 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: be sort of frivolous spending. It can keep couples from 237 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: fighting over smaller purchases. The downsides the only ones we 238 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: really sort of came up. There's the question of what 239 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: falls into the allowance category. So what is discretionary, what 240 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: is required? What is sort of feels required, as in 241 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: like hair straightening, even if you know somebody looking at 242 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 1: that may not all agree with that, for instance. Or 243 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: also what is a hobby versus a personal expense? So 244 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: if one party, say in your marriage, enjoys purchasing lots 245 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: of plants, let's say, is that a hobby or is 246 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: that for the house in the yard? I don't know. 247 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 1: You'd have to agree on that kind of thing, and 248 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: you also, I guess the other thing to be careful 249 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 1: of is if one person is a spender and one 250 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 1: is a saver, you have to make sure the allowance 251 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 1: is high enough that the person who likes to spend 252 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: doesn't feel like controlled or deprived, and that might not 253 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: be something that the saver would naturally do, like they 254 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: might not put it at an amount that they would, 255 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 1: but you know, it can work for a lot of people. 256 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 1: Have you changed the number over time? Does it get 257 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 1: in fact? Is it tied to the CPI or anything 258 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: like that. No, and we're probably due for another quote 259 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: raise given inflation, although I feel like in order for 260 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: that to happen, we also have to have an equivalent race, 261 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,079 Speaker 1: like getting the CPI inflation. You're getting that. So, yeah, 262 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: we did increase it in twenty twenty two about fifteen percent, 263 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 1: and that's the only increase we made in many many years. 264 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,199 Speaker 1: We may have done an increase several years probably actually 265 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: don't remember, but we did do one in twenty twenty two. 266 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: Sounds good. Yeah, we don't actually do this because both 267 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: of us are fairly frugal people, and so there's just 268 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,559 Speaker 1: not a whole lot of stuff that gets bought along 269 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: those lines. There are occasionally, but then it's kind of 270 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: rare enough that you know, it doesn't doesn't wind up 271 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: mattering that much. But yeah, something to keep in mind. 272 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick ad break and we 273 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: will be back talking about kid allowances. Well, we are 274 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,479 Speaker 1: back talking all things allowances. We opened with a discussion 275 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 1: of adult allowances, the fun money. Some couples and families, 276 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: you know, assign the adults there so that everyone can 277 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: spend on what they wish without arguing about it or 278 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: asking about it, or feeling like they're trading off their 279 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 1: retirement to do so. Kid allowances kind of a different matter, Sarah, 280 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: you guys are doing kid allowances right, So why you've 281 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: gotten a very elaborate system which you do not manage. Yeah, 282 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: I will say I don't feel particularly impassioned one way 283 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 1: or the other, especially with the kids, the ages that 284 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: my kids are about giving an allowance or not. But 285 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 1: for whatever reason, we decided to do it, and Josh 286 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: manages it pretty much entirely. Like I don't keep track 287 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 1: of when they give the money out. He figures out 288 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: how to account for their allowances and why not and 289 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 1: all of that. There are some elaborate parts of it. 290 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: So first of all, the formula is your age times 291 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: fifty cents plus fifty cents. I mean, I don't know, 292 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: I don't know, Sarah had sent me, you know, age 293 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 1: times fifty cents and I was like, oh, yeah, that 294 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: makes total sense. She's like, no, no, no, I was corrected. 295 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: It's age times fifty plus fifty. Maybe the kids negotiated 296 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: for that extra fifty cents. Good for them, I'm not sure. 297 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: So that's weekly. Often it is not given out weekly, 298 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: but he does keep track of when he gives it out, 299 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: basically using yaps, so that you know every couple of months. 300 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: I feel like they're getting a lump sum. However, there 301 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: is an elaborate daddy bank system where like if you 302 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: save money, it has some crazy high rate like fifty 303 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: percent interests or something like which I told him. I 304 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: was like, this could get out of him, like how 305 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 1: many times can their money double before we're just out 306 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: of money? I don't know. So there's this and then 307 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: also we do encourage donation, and I do feel like 308 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: the fact that we're giving out in the slump sum 309 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 1: actually helps them want to donate, because I think if 310 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: they were just getting like eight bucks or whatever, it 311 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: might be hard. But if it's like, oh, we owe 312 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 1: you for a month and here's fifty dollars, then they're 313 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 1: more likely to say, oh, I want to give fifteen 314 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 1: dollars to this cause I heard about So that's pretty cool. 315 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: In fact, Annabel the last time she got allowance, she 316 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 1: kept maybe a third of it invested in the Daddy 317 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: bank a third of it, and then donated about a 318 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: third of it. So and we didn't like tell her 319 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: to do that, but I thought it was great. So 320 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: they use their allowance for things like, oh, I want 321 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: to go to Target and get something random. Oh, you 322 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 1: know a gift shop somewhere. Usually it's that kind of 323 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: a context. It's not like to buy things they need like, 324 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,479 Speaker 1: you know, ballet shoes or some soccer equipment, or even 325 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: like their toiletries. Like Evandibal wants a certain type of 326 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: leaving conditioner, I'm going to probably buy that for her. 327 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: I think, you know, we could get to the point 328 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: where it starts to feel like some of the things 329 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: they ask for are more wants than needs. But right now, 330 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: like practical items, we pretty much pay for. Yeah, that 331 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 1: makes sense. We are also not doing kid allowances. This 332 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 1: is I got an allowance growing up. My husband did not, 333 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 1: and I think he feels that not getting one is 334 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 1: a better idea. I don't know that it really matters 335 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: one way or the other. As we discussed earlier. Kids 336 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,919 Speaker 1: are who they are, but he felt very strongly about it, 337 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,640 Speaker 1: so I didn't push. We got some We did our 338 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: research for this episode. T ro Price does surveys on 339 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 1: these various things. About seventy five percent of parents do 340 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: get an allowance. The majority of parents, it turns out, 341 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 1: tie this two chores, and the most common reason for 342 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,439 Speaker 1: this is that parents want children to learn the value 343 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: of working for money. Right, So the idea of you 344 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 1: do a job, you get paid. That's the idea. Now 345 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: there are some obvious issues with this is I'm sure 346 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 1: people are flagging, like if the payment is tied to 347 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 1: the chores, a kid can decide they don't want to 348 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: do the choor right, like I don't want the money. 349 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: If you're the kind of kid who squirrels away as money, 350 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,679 Speaker 1: they may have enough in there that they're like, screw it, 351 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: I'm not taking out the trash for the next month, 352 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 1: which may not be an acceptable answer in your house, 353 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 1: in which case, you know, what do you do? And 354 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: so some families separate the two. They say you do 355 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 1: specific chores because you are part of the family, you 356 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: get an allowance as a way to learn to manage money. However, 357 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 1: it turns out that there is some research saying that 358 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: this is maybe loosely none of this is very strong, 359 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 1: but like loosely correlated with less financial savvy in adulthood, 360 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: because the idea is the money always just comes, as 361 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: opposed to the reality where very few of us in 362 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 1: life have the experience where the money just comes, I 363 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: don't know, from your trust fund or your dividend fund, 364 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: that whatever got set up for you, as it doesn't 365 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: happen that way from most people. And so there's also 366 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 1: a third category which is more like what we are in, 367 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: which is that children don't get an allowance. They ask 368 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 1: if they want money for something specific. And it turns 369 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: out that that is good for negotiating skills that people learn. 370 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 1: You know, what's a good argument, what is worth asking 371 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: for and what is not. And so in life, you know, 372 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: if you are going to be in a situation where 373 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,439 Speaker 1: you're going to wind up negotiating a lot, as it 374 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: turned out I would as supposed to money coming in 375 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: every week or whatever, that that can be helpful to 376 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: figure out how to do that. But it's funny people 377 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: have very strong feelings about this. That was the other 378 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,280 Speaker 1: thing I took away ours is not tied to chores either. 379 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: We do require the kids to help out in various ways, 380 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: but we've never linked the two systems. Yeah, well that 381 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: is what it is. You know. The amount was also 382 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 1: entirely like arbitrary, So a lot of people did have 383 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,199 Speaker 1: a rule of thumb, like x amount per year, but 384 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 1: it was like a lot of it was just arbitrary too, 385 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: like because if it's being tied to chores, like this 386 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,120 Speaker 1: is the amount I will pay you to take out 387 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: the trash, or this is the amount I will pay 388 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: you for x. The mean amount of the kid allowance 389 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,239 Speaker 1: was nineteen dollars and thirty cents per week, though I 390 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: suspect this is probably affected by some outsider high amounts. 391 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,280 Speaker 1: I was telling Sarah about a family I had heard 392 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: of that gave their children three hundred dollars a month 393 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: clothing allowances, which you know, had to get in on 394 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: that elvis. I wanted three hundred dollars a month clothing alone. 395 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 1: So you know, yeah, similar to you we pay for clothes. 396 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: So far, we've just said, you know, it's not been 397 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:19,639 Speaker 1: totally outside the realm of whatever. Although there was a 398 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 1: pretty crazy Nordstrom shopping trip that my husband and Jasper 399 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,680 Speaker 1: took at one point that I just am not going 400 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: to he wasn't looking at price tags and then they 401 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 1: got to this anyway. But for the most part, it's 402 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: like Target and Old Navy, so all good, and then 403 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: we buy books since I say books is something I 404 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: want you to be doing. I'm generally very favorable to 405 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: non screen activities. Kid asks me for something non screen, 406 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: I'm often inclined to get it, and activity stuff we 407 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,399 Speaker 1: pay for all that, So sports equipment or if you 408 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: are traveling with your school team somewhere, we would cover 409 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: that as well. Your clothes thing hasn't gotten your kids 410 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: were uniforms right, So yes, although prior to Sleepwoy Camp 411 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 1: last summer, there's a very popular chain of stores that 412 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,639 Speaker 1: caters to the Sleepway Camp crowd and they also label 413 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: all your clothes and we had a shopping spree there 414 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,720 Speaker 1: that was like a little bit. I don't think Josh 415 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 1: was thrilled that way. So yeah, the uniforms definitely help, 416 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: and for the most part, I enjoy sometimes splurging on 417 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: some clothes and then filling in the gaps with Target, 418 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 1: so it kind of balances itself out. I will say 419 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: I think this is like possibly an upcoming challenge because 420 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: even though she's attending the same school, for the middle school, 421 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 1: uniforms are not required. It's part of like an escalation 422 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 1: of privilege. And so she's already like, oh, I want 423 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: to do a shopping spree for middle school. But she 424 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: mentioned going to that fancy store plus Gap and Target, 425 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, like we can get a couple 426 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: nice things and then everything else at Target and it'll 427 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: be great. Yeah. Yeah, And you've hired your kids for 428 00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 1: special things, right, you know, like outside of the nose 429 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: chores that are required. Yes, actually I left one thing 430 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,919 Speaker 1: out of here. But one thing we've hired them to 431 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,439 Speaker 1: do is shred paper, which you get like a dollar 432 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 1: per bag. The bags are not like huge, so you 433 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,399 Speaker 1: know that's a good job. And then I have quote 434 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: hired Annabel for like four hours of keeping everybody quiet 435 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 1: while I did talahealth during the pandemic. But that's not 436 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,480 Speaker 1: a typical occurrence I have had. Annabel in particular, I 437 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,719 Speaker 1: think she might be like, so far the most entrepreneurial 438 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: will have all kinds of schemes and things. She wants 439 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,639 Speaker 1: to sell her services she's already talked about being a 440 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: mother's helper. She wants to sell organizing services, which is 441 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: if you saw her room, you might wonder that was 442 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: a physician healed itself, right, exactly, No, but I think 443 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: she would be great, and so she has all these ideas. 444 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,920 Speaker 1: So at least I can tell you that our allowance 445 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: has not quashed her desire to earn additional money, even 446 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,919 Speaker 1: if I'm not sure she knows what she wants to 447 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: spend it on. So that's awesome. I love it well 448 00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: as the kids are who they are, right, if she 449 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: interested in money, then she's going to be interested in 450 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: money allowance or not. Do you think you're gonna have 451 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 1: them have real jobs when they're teenagers? Yes? I think so. 452 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: I mean we were actually talking about it yesterday about 453 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: like what teenagers do with their free time, and if 454 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 1: they're like really deep into various passions and they're like 455 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 1: learning and growing and that's great and enjoying it and 456 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: that's what is preventing a job, then I think I'd 457 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:29,680 Speaker 1: be behind that. But if they're not, and instead it's like, oh, 458 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: I have all this free time, I could play video games. 459 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to really encourage a job. And I had 460 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: a lot of jobs, and I think many of them 461 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 1: were really great learning experiences. Help me figure out what 462 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 1: I enjoyed doing, what I didn't enjoy doing, and just 463 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: have that little bit of sense of independence and sort 464 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 1: of like self value in a way as a teen. 465 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: So I am pro job as long as you know 466 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,400 Speaker 1: they understand their first job is to focus on schoolwork, 467 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: and yeah, explore other passions as well. Yeah so, and 468 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: Jasper's mentioned, you know, hope the work at Starbucks. He 469 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 1: enjoy's Starbucks. At some point, the one issue is like 470 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: needing a ride to get there, and so it becomes 471 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,640 Speaker 1: then more that the grown ups in your household are 472 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,360 Speaker 1: exercising the responsibility of getting you there, and so I'm 473 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 1: kind of hoping like, well, let's just wait until you 474 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 1: actually can drive yourself. I think that's a reasonable thing 475 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 1: because then it's the kid getting the experience. Although I 476 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: know many families who do make that commitment, and I 477 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: admire that they are willing to do that. Yeah, we've 478 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: hired the kids for things like, you know, babysitting. Obviously 479 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: that's a need that we have. I normally do not 480 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 1: ask the kids to babysit for Henry all that much, 481 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 1: just because I mean, they have their things that they're doing. 482 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 1: But if it's something that I for instance, I've had 483 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 1: like an evening virtual talk and I didn't have anyone else, 484 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,680 Speaker 1: and so the kids took Henry, like my big kids 485 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: took Henry, and I paid them for that because I 486 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: felt that that was a reasonable thing to compensate for. 487 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: We have paid Sam to build ikea furniture and he 488 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,000 Speaker 1: is quite good at it. It turned out that so 489 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: when we ordered a bunch of stuff like Ikia links 490 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: you up to task grabbit if you want to hire 491 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: somebody from task grabbit to come assemble it, and looking 492 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,800 Speaker 1: at the prices they were charging, like Sam, could you 493 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,119 Speaker 1: cut us a deal like less than that? He would, 494 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 1: so he assembled the various desks and chairs and things 495 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: like that. And yeah, we've also paid for outside things, 496 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 1: like when we had a big party in the fall, 497 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 1: we had the older three kids direct parking and we 498 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: paid each of them for that. That you know, was 499 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 1: something that you would have had to kind of hire 500 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: a parking attendant to do. I mean, you know, you 501 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 1: would have had to hire an adult to do because 502 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: you couldn't have them park on our road, and so 503 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: they had to park certain places in our yard and 504 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 1: that worked well. I thought that was a fair thing 505 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: to pay for. I think that's awesome. They feel useful. 506 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: You're getting actual help. They're kind of like learning what 507 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,359 Speaker 1: it feels like to work, like in a very tiny, 508 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: measured out amount. I think that's that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, Well, 509 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: part three of this Allowances episode is about making allowances, 510 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 1: so exceptions to various things. And Sarah, you had a 511 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 1: blog post recently about you could have a rule like 512 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: about when you exercise. Oh yeah, that was kind of 513 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,440 Speaker 1: a I didn't mention that in the notes, but well, 514 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,439 Speaker 1: this is more just like the idea that sometimes you 515 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,159 Speaker 1: might have a rule that then you might need to 516 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,439 Speaker 1: reevaluate the role, like maybe the rule made sense at 517 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: a given time in your life, but now your kids 518 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 1: are older and you're in a different place, or your 519 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,639 Speaker 1: work is more flexible. And I used to feel like 520 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,480 Speaker 1: if I did not work out in the morning, then 521 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: that's it. I could just like right off the day. 522 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: It like wasn't going to happen. I was never going 523 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: to do it. And recently sometimes I have just worked 524 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 1: out later. In fact, I have not gone running yet today, 525 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: and I've planned to go after we are finished, And 526 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: yes it's going to be hot, but I live in 527 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: Florida and that's just the reality. And you run a 528 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: little slower, that's okay. So I've learned it break my 529 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,400 Speaker 1: own rule, because it turns out my rule was kind 530 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: of taking away from my flexibility in a way that 531 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: didn't totally make sense. So yeah, yeah, totally true. Yeah no, 532 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,400 Speaker 1: I mean, well, we all have certain rules and some 533 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: make more sense. I mean, we were both listing out 534 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,119 Speaker 1: our house rules, Like we have one that at age 535 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,880 Speaker 1: eight you start making your own lunch. Up until age eight, 536 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,960 Speaker 1: you can have an adult make your lunch for you, 537 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,439 Speaker 1: but once you turn to eight you need to be 538 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 1: responsible for that. You can buy lunch. Our kids can 539 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 1: buy lunch at school, but so that they have a choice. 540 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,880 Speaker 1: Then at that point you can buy or you can 541 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 1: make your own. So Alex recently turned eight and he 542 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 1: is now making his own lunch, and I have to 543 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: say it's been very responsible about it. I found a 544 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,480 Speaker 1: lunch in the fridge this morning. She must have made yesterday. 545 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: I don't even know, So that's pretty exciting. If he 546 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 1: was thinking a day ahead, like doing it the night before. 547 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: I mean when I was making lunches, I wouldn't do 548 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: it the night before. But if a child wants to 549 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: have that concept, that's totally good. Shoes off in the house, 550 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,119 Speaker 1: you do something musical, something physical as an activity. No 551 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 1: screens at the table if you're I mean like eating 552 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: with multiple people. If it's just you having a bowl 553 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: of cereal, you are allowed to look at a phone. 554 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 1: You know, my bedtime is eleven PM. No food in 555 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: the rooms. But then we wind up making some exceptions, 556 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: like Alex isn't doing anything musical because I don't think 557 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 1: he would sit still to do music lessons and practice, 558 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: and I think it would just be a bad experience. 559 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,440 Speaker 1: So I'm kind of waiting until they introduce instruments in 560 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 1: fourth grade in his school, and so he'll be able 561 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: to choose an instrument, and then it'll be part of 562 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: the school, and then I'll hire a private teacher so 563 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: that he can actually really learn it. But I think 564 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 1: it would behoove us to wait for that point. Of course, 565 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: this has caused all sorts of unhappiness among other people 566 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 1: who feel that they spent years before fourth grade learning 567 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: how to play instruments and learning how to do things, 568 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 1: and I are am I not making him and I'm 569 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,600 Speaker 1: the most unfair mommy ever. So anyway, that is a 570 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: hilarious resentment, Like I never would have called that one, 571 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: but interesting. We have a I will say, if you 572 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 1: ever wanted to like loosen that rule. Our variation is 573 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: something active and something artistic, so that if you don't 574 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: feel inclined to play an instrument specifically, you could do 575 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: drama or some kind of visual art or something like that. 576 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 1: You know that makes sense. Yeah, well it does color 577 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: with markers all the time, So there you go that. Sorry, 578 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 1: how about you, Sarah? What exceptions are? What rules do 579 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: you have that? Yeah, we have a lot of similar ones. 580 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: We generally don't like screens. I would say even if 581 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: any equals one, we don't really a low screens at 582 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: the table. We pretty much limit eating to the kitchen 583 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: and dining area unless we are watching a movie and 584 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 1: then popcorn or whatever treat is being served, go for it. 585 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 1: One rule we have is generally screen time starts after 586 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: one pm on a week and my husband actually was 587 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: lobbying yesterday to change it to two or three pm, 588 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: just so that, like I don't know, to encourage more 589 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: other stuff. Our kids do not really read much at all, 590 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,240 Speaker 1: So usually if we do something act they have often 591 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: have sports, just sling active in the morning and we 592 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: come home and we would love them to do a 593 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: little bit of reading before they dive into their virtual 594 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: reality helmet or whatever they're going to do. So we'll see, 595 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 1: we'll see, and then that way we would feel better 596 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,760 Speaker 1: about just letting it continue until infinity the next day, 597 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,680 Speaker 1: really like, so we'll see what happens with that with 598 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: the acception, and usually we say you have to clean 599 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,640 Speaker 1: up sort of basically pick not like deep cleaning, but 600 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: just not have your toys and stuff everywhere prior. But 601 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 1: then every once in a while we make an exception 602 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: and we're just too tired and we say, go take 603 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,239 Speaker 1: your screen, do whatever you want, just leave us alone. 604 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: And that happens, and that's when I'm like so happy 605 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 1: that I like don't have a two year old because 606 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,320 Speaker 1: a two year old cannot follow those instructions and our 607 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 1: kids actually can. And if we need that emergency nap, 608 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 1: then it's there for us. An emergence snap is there. Yeah, 609 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 1: my bedtime is eleven PM, but I will definitely stay 610 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: up later if I have a good reason, or sometimes 611 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 1: if I don't have a good reason, because honestly, I 612 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,560 Speaker 1: would naturally stay up later. And I think it's funny 613 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: because we had a long weekend recently, right before we 614 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: were recording this, and I generally do get up by 615 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: seven thirty. I mean I would naturally, I think, wake 616 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: up seven to seven thirty. But right now we need 617 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 1: to be up at six thirty to get the kids 618 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 1: to school. Curiously, we are now going to start different 619 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 1: start times in the fall, but it doesn't help us 620 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 1: that much because they just shifted around. So the idea 621 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 1: is high school student. Currently high school student start at 622 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 1: seven thirty, and they are shifting that to eight forty. 623 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 1: But the middle school moves earlier, but not much well, 624 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: from eight fifteen to eight and then elementary moves to 625 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 1: nine twenty so they can run the buses. But because 626 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: we're currently doing Sam has jazz band, which meets before school, 627 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: I mean, we'll see if they just moved that earlier, 628 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: like then we don't win at all with the middle school, 629 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 1: but anyway, we'll see. So I will stay up late. 630 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: No food in the room. I keep finding food in 631 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: a certain child's room. And this is the only child 632 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: who doesn't have a rug in the room, So on 633 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,240 Speaker 1: some level it is okay, but you kind of have 634 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: to pick your battles and maybe there will be an 635 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: insect experience at some point that will then teach a 636 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: valuable lesson, but we shall see. And yeah, so that's 637 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:35,240 Speaker 1: what we've got going here. A natural consequence, Yes, natural 638 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 1: consequences question. I want to hear your answer to this 639 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: Eric question we got from a listener your husband's. Do 640 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 1: they listen to the podcast? Do they ever have strong 641 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,080 Speaker 1: feelings about the topics? Do you bounce ideas or topics 642 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: off of them? And in general how involved are they 643 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: in your career decisions? And I guess in general, So, Sarah, 644 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,640 Speaker 1: what was your answer for this one? Yes, so Josh listens. 645 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 1: I had to ask him. I knew he listened sometimes, 646 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,800 Speaker 1: I did not think he listened all the times. And 647 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 1: I wanted a breakdown of which podcasts and he first said, like, oh, 648 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: twenty five percent of both of them, and He's like, no, 649 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:10,600 Speaker 1: I think it's actually a little more than that now 650 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 1: because I'm running more and I tend to listen to 651 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,720 Speaker 1: them while I'm running. And I'm very flattered by that 652 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: because I mean, he knows what's going on in my life, 653 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: so it's really really nice that he does listen to 654 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 1: some of my podcasts. So he said about maybe thirty percent. 655 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 1: And he does sometimes suggest topics or have a comment 656 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,760 Speaker 1: when we've had a episode where he feels like I 657 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 1: would have added this angle or something like that. Sometimes 658 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 1: I take it very well. Sometimes I'm like not as 659 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:41,680 Speaker 1: open to feedback. Probably depends on my mood and how 660 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: I felt about the particular topic, but I do. I 661 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: really love that he listens and that he actually has 662 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,360 Speaker 1: things to say, So it's great, So keep doing it. 663 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,479 Speaker 1: And then career decisions, I'd say I have made all 664 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: of my own career decisions, from quitting my PhD to 665 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 1: taking the program director job to going part you know, 666 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 1: all those shifts have in me. None of them were suggested, 667 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 1: although maybe there were various points when I was exhibiting 668 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: such stress that the possibilities of changing direction were maybe 669 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: like brought up to me gently, not pushed on me 670 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 1: at all, but you know, like just a reminder that 671 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 1: you can do what you want to do. And in general, 672 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,960 Speaker 1: I have just always felt like he has helped me 673 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 1: think through pros and cons and provided support, but that 674 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: I've never had pressure to go into any particular direction. Yeah, 675 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 1: And I think it's also that both of us are 676 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,040 Speaker 1: making career decisions within somewhat of a narrow lane, and 677 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,880 Speaker 1: that like, I mean, if I was saying, oh, by 678 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,120 Speaker 1: the way, I'm thinking of taking a job in Sacramento, 679 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:41,640 Speaker 1: I think that would be more involved feedback and discussion 680 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: than was like should I take on this different podcast 681 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: versus this or you know whatever. That's not something that 682 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 1: you would really do feedback on per se. Yeah, Michael listens. 683 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes I will think he isn't because he hasn't mentioned anything, wow, 684 00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,120 Speaker 1: and then he'll pop out something like he was talking 685 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,399 Speaker 1: about the Nick soon and episode that you guys had 686 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 1: done that's a recorded or there. He's also not into 687 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: inbox zero and neither am I. So he's like, you know, 688 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 1: I don't know that you guys you were advocating in boxero. 689 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, wasn't me, it was Sarah. That's okay. We 690 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 1: are you know, neither of us into inbox sero. But 691 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,280 Speaker 1: we can all disagree, agree to disagree on that. Yes, 692 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 1: But yeah, I would say in general, I think we 693 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,279 Speaker 1: both have learned that as a general podcasting note, you 694 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: should assume that anyone you mentioned is possibly listening to 695 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,760 Speaker 1: the show. The thinly disguised person you are talking about 696 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,320 Speaker 1: is listening to it. They know what the thin diskies 697 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:40,440 Speaker 1: is that you know. It's just as you should assume 698 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: that your children, your husband, your neighbors, your kid's teachers, you're, 699 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,520 Speaker 1: you know whatever else, everyone is listening. Even if they aren't. 700 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 1: You should just assume that they are, because somebody might 701 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,439 Speaker 1: tell them, or they might listen to it like five 702 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 1: years later. Yeah, that's what I mean too. This is 703 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,920 Speaker 1: this content is ever green. I mean, Genevieve could pull 704 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 1: up her baby episodes someday and like, hey, mom, you 705 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,960 Speaker 1: study cryed a lot, Like thanks for sharing the detail 706 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,840 Speaker 1: of that horrible, horrible diaper change, right exactly, yes, exactly, No, 707 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,279 Speaker 1: It's very true. And that's that's also why I like 708 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 1: the idea of like an anonymous blog. I've always felt 709 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 1: like is very dangerous because like someone's gonna figure it out. 710 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:19,880 Speaker 1: It's better to just be completely like this is me 711 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,040 Speaker 1: and to remember you have an audience. Yeah, or sometimes 712 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,359 Speaker 1: other people just figure it out. I once figured out 713 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,279 Speaker 1: an anonymous blog like who a person was? I mean 714 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: I'm not sure how deep cover they were, but you know, 715 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,879 Speaker 1: I figured out multiple anonymous. Yeah, it's not that hard. 716 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,880 Speaker 1: Most people are not that good at disguising themselves eventually, 717 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,080 Speaker 1: if you read like consistently because you pick up loop 718 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,719 Speaker 1: people there. I was like, yeah, yeah, and I know 719 00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 1: where you live now, I know. Oh that sounds forabilia. Yes. Anyway, 720 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,239 Speaker 1: all right, Sarah Love of the week. What do you 721 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 1: have this week? Yeah, so video game Truck as a 722 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,759 Speaker 1: home birthday option. So if you don't want to go 723 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: to a place that you want people to come to 724 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 1: your house, but you don't want to have to like 725 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:04,160 Speaker 1: have any pressure of entertaining anyone, video game Truck is 726 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,920 Speaker 1: the way to go because everyone will go on that truck, 727 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:10,600 Speaker 1: play their games, be happy, adults and kids alike sometimes. 728 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: And it's actually a very low maintenance, low work birthday 729 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,879 Speaker 1: party as a host. And we did it two years 730 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,520 Speaker 1: in a row and I will probably do it again 731 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:21,120 Speaker 1: next year. Cameron wants it again. Yeah, well we have 732 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,680 Speaker 1: done it two years in a row as well. We 733 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,920 Speaker 1: did it for Sam, you know, in twenty twenty one, 734 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 1: and we did it in twenty twenty two. It's yeah, 735 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,520 Speaker 1: very easy, just book. It's a semi competitive industry too, 736 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: if you live in a reasonably large city, because it's 737 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,680 Speaker 1: not that hard to start a business doing this, Like 738 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: you just need a truck and a couple game consoles 739 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,480 Speaker 1: and then the people to staff it. But we, uh yeah, 740 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,239 Speaker 1: park it in your driveway. It's good. I'm a big fan. 741 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,120 Speaker 1: My love of the week. We have a portrait of 742 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: Henry up in the hall now. So a couple of 743 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,960 Speaker 1: years ago, four years ago, we got portraits taken of 744 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 1: the four kids we had at the time in fall. 745 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:01,120 Speaker 1: So there's nice colorful leaves in the background, and in 746 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,240 Speaker 1: our old house. We hung these in a wall perfectly 747 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:09,400 Speaker 1: spaced with like four you know. And then we had 748 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 1: another kid, and eventually he noticed that he was not 749 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,120 Speaker 1: part of the portrait series, you know, we had them 750 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: up here. He's like, well, I'm not here, you know, 751 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,760 Speaker 1: where's Henry? And the we took some pictures this fall, 752 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,280 Speaker 1: he you know, so they would match it, like the 753 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,120 Speaker 1: bright fall colors. And now that has hung up on 754 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 1: the wall as well, So we have a complete set 755 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,920 Speaker 1: of all five children, even if they are separated by 756 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,960 Speaker 1: about three four years. In terms of creating a so 757 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,920 Speaker 1: Alex and Henry look pretty similar at age in terms 758 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,720 Speaker 1: of even though they are obviously quite different. But people 759 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:44,839 Speaker 1: get to look at it, they can ask about it, 760 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: you know, and we'll mention that that they weren't all 761 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,359 Speaker 1: taken at the same time. I love it. Complete set, 762 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,120 Speaker 1: complete set, Yes, anyway, this has been best of both worlds. 763 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: We have been talking all things allowances, both adult allowances, 764 00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,520 Speaker 1: kid allowances, making allowances in our lives. We will be 765 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,920 Speaker 1: back next week with more on making work and life 766 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:08,000 Speaker 1: fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah 767 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,000 Speaker 1: at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox 768 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,759 Speaker 1: on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura 769 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,080 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both 770 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on 771 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,720 Speaker 1: making work and life work together.