1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey lady, is doctor Dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: fm to get started. Hey lady, If you're looking for 11 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 1: an extra dose of that behind the scenes content Terry 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,200 Speaker 1: and I put out after every episode, go to Perspace 13 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: podcast dot com. Click Wisdom Wednesdays with Terry and you 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: will be taken to our Patreon page, where, for a 15 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: limited time, you will have free access to our content. 16 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: We hope you check it out and become a subscriber. 17 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 2: I mean, I think. 18 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: About our conversation that we had with doctor Candice Hargins 19 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, right of just being in 20 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: touch sensually, right that not even necessarily trying to achieve 21 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: like sexual pleasure. But the thing that resonated with me 22 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: was about Okay, well, take some coconut oil or some 23 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: shade butter and just massage your own body, right, And 24 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: so I think it's even small things like that that 25 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:33,199 Speaker 1: allow us to get in touch with what really feels 26 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: good for us. And I think even in that act, 27 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: then we could get to a space of like what 28 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: doctor James was saying about, recognizing that, oh, it's not 29 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: just my genitalia that receives pleasure, that, oh, me nicely 30 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: massaging this coconut oil into my elbow feels really good, 31 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: or maybe my hip feels really good. You know, like 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: places on the body that we wouldn't necessarily associate with 33 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: sexual pleasure. We can learn to have those spaces become 34 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: pleasure zones for us. Welcome to her Space, a podcast 35 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: dedicated to uplifting women like you. We're your hosts doctor 36 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist. 37 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 38 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 39 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 40 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 41 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 2: black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry here 42 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 2: from the Herspace podcast, and I have a question for you. 43 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 2: Do you want to start your own podcast? Have you 44 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 2: been thinking to yourself, you know what, I want to 45 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 2: start a podcast, but you just haven't taken the leap. 46 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: If that's you, I got you. I'm hosting a free 47 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how to 48 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 2: create your own podcast from start to finish. So visit 49 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 2: Terry Limax dot com and click on the pink link 50 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: in the middle of your screen and register for my 51 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 2: free podcasting masterclass. All right, lady, Today we have a 52 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 2: very special guest, and I have a feeling that this 53 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 2: is going to be a fun episode with a lot 54 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: of laughter, So get yourself ready. Okay, we have doctor 55 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 2: James Radley. He is a professor and chair of the 56 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 2: Counseling and Human Services Department at Lincoln University and the 57 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 2: director of the Sex Therapy program at Council for Relationships 58 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. As a scholar practitioner, he is a 59 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 2: licensed professional counselor and maintains a practice in the states 60 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 2: of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. He is the founding editor 61 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 2: of the scholarly Interdisciplinary journal the Journal of Black Sexuality 62 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 2: and Relationships. Doctor Wildey received his Doctor to Philosophy degree 63 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 2: in education from the University of Pennsylvania with a concentration 64 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: in educational leadership and human sexuality education. There's so much 65 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 2: more that we could share about, doctor Wildy, but we're 66 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 2: just gonna go ahead and dive into the conversation. So 67 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 2: I want to also say shout out to a Philly native, 68 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 2: a fellow Philly native here, doctor Wildey. Welcome to her space. 69 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me, and a shout 70 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 3: back to you from the City of Brothers. We love 71 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 3: so great to be on her podcast with two dynamic ladies, 72 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 3: and I'm looking forward to this conversation this morning. Even 73 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 3: though it's what it's seven o'clock for y'all at ten 74 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 3: o'clock for me. We're gonna get it started. We're gonna 75 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 3: get turn it up and have a dynamic conversation. 76 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: Yes, that's right, that's right, yes, And we are going 77 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: to dive right into this dynamic conversation with our quote 78 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: of the day now, Doctor Wiley. This quote may sound 79 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: pretty familiar to you because it's one of yours. 80 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 3: I wasn't ready for that, but okay, let me cross 81 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 3: my finger. Hopefully I said from halfway intelligence. We go there. 82 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: Our quote of the day, the best of sex is 83 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: the best of you. All right, So hopefully you found 84 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 1: that quote to be halfway intelligent or halfway reflective of 85 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: your intelligence. But what we're curious about is. 86 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,280 Speaker 3: What does that really mean? Best of sex is the 87 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 3: best of you? Probably when I offered it. A lot 88 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 3: of my work is centered around ideologies around feminism, and 89 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 3: most ideologies around feminism centered themselves around individual empowerment. Right, 90 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 3: so what do I need in order to be the 91 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 3: best person for me? What do I need in order 92 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 3: to be the best person for me within the context 93 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 3: of a relationship, the sex comes from me, starts with me, 94 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 3: and ends with me. A lot of times people are 95 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 3: thinking that their partners are responsible for their own pleasure. 96 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 3: But then how limiting is that that people surrender their 97 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 3: power to other people, surrender their sexuality to other people. 98 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 3: But if I reclaim my power and reclaim my sexual self, 99 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 3: now my pleasure and my sexual self is up to me. 100 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, okay. 101 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 2: We're gonna do this. 102 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 3: We're gonna do this. 103 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 1: Okay. So there's a bunch of pieces where I could 104 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 1: hop in But where I really want to hop in 105 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 1: is this notion of empowerment and understanding that a person's 106 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: sexuality is based on themselves as an individual and not 107 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 1: the responsibility of another person. Historically, that is how a 108 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: lot of women have been socialized, and so how do 109 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: we break from that socialization? 110 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 3: Right? So, the roundabout answer is that some families, many families, 111 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:22,119 Speaker 3: teach their girls to be passive. They teach their girls 112 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 3: to be passive. They teach your girls to be dependent. 113 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 3: They teach their girls, to some extent, be caretakers and nurtures. 114 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 3: And although those trades are fine, but when it comes 115 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 3: to them having the kinds of sexual experiences that some 116 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 3: girls may want, it's limiting that you got to wait 117 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 3: on a man, or wait on a partner or somebody 118 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 3: to come and give you an orgasm. How limiting is 119 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 3: that you got to wait on somebody to come and 120 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 3: take you out to dinner or two the movies, And 121 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 3: if you don't have a partner, then you just sitting 122 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 3: at home. How limiting is that? So if you look 123 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 3: at some of the fairy tales that we have for 124 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 3: our children, Cinderella had to wait on some dude to 125 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 3: find the damn shoe to come and bring her back 126 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 3: her shoe that she lost out of negligence. She was 127 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 3: the only one in the story who had to curfew, right, 128 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 3: and she had to go home. And long story short, 129 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: this dude found this shoe. He traveled all throughout the 130 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 3: land assuming that it ain't no hen hook up with 131 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 3: nobody else because everybody was trying to get with the friends, right, 132 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 3: And then he show up. He put the shoe on 133 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 3: her foot, and then she get to leave right then 134 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 3: snow white and the seven doors. She running through the 135 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 3: woods and then she falls. She rendered herself unconscious. Then 136 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 3: she got these seven dudes who got to find her. 137 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 3: They take her back to the spot, to the trap, right, 138 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 3: we can keep your funky. 139 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 2: Right of course, yes, oh yes, these. 140 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 3: Seven dudes gonna take her back to the trap. She 141 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 3: lay in there unconscious and you know all of them 142 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 3: had to try to take a kiss out of her. 143 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 3: So what does that mean when we talk about necrophilia. 144 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 3: You got these dudes who are in the kissing bodies 145 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 3: that are rendered in a course, come on now. So nevertheless, 146 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 3: she had to wait on some other dude to come 147 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 3: and make out with her comatose body. To wake her 148 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 3: up so that way she can have that. So, nevertheless, 149 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 3: we teach our girls to be passive and submissive and 150 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 3: dependent and all those other things. And what's unfortunate, like 151 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 3: I said, is that when they get to their adult relationships, 152 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 3: they continue to be dependent, and they continue to bend 153 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 3: themselves and contort themselves to their partner's needs rather than 154 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 3: claiming their own sexuality and their own sexual selves in 155 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 3: doing whatever it is that they want to do to 156 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 3: experience pleasure. 157 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 2: That is so powerful and what a way to take 158 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 2: our power back as women. It really goes up against 159 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 2: everything we learned about I know, in my religious household, 160 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 2: everything we learned about masturbation. Right, It's like, why not 161 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: explore your body so you can know how to get 162 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 2: yourself off before you introduce it to someone else, right. 163 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 2: And so it makes me think about the times that 164 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: we're in right now, doctor James. And so when you 165 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 2: think about any trends that you may have noticed as 166 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 2: it relates to sex and intimacy since we've been in 167 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 2: this time of COVID nineteen, is there anything that comes 168 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 2: to mind for you around that? 169 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 3: And I just had this conversation with some other folks 170 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 3: so the trends are so we're assuming that some people 171 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 3: are doing the quarantine right, and you know you're with 172 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 3: your partner short term, long term, y'all get booed up 173 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 3: for these four or five six months right to the hope, 174 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 3: maybe possibly to the exclusion of others. To y'all in 175 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 3: y'all house all day, every day, with your kids, with 176 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 3: your mom and daddy who you taking care of. Ain't 177 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 3: nobody leaving. So intimacy comes in a different form because 178 00:10:55,280 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 3: before the quarantine, we were together and I see you, 179 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 3: but then I could go home, or I could see 180 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 3: you and we could go to our separate rooms. But 181 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 3: now we're all in the same room because we got 182 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:12,359 Speaker 3: to teach our kids. Everybody learning from home, right, So intimacy, 183 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 3: what I share with my couples is that, look, you know, 184 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 3: you have to be intentional about carving out time to 185 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,079 Speaker 3: have the kind of intimate encounter that you may want 186 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 3: to have, and it may come in a different form. 187 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 3: So we not having chandelier, are hanging sex when mom 188 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 3: and dad in the other room. You got the kids 189 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 3: trickling in. You got your kids here for the weekend, right, 190 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 3: So now they up in all hours of the night. 191 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,599 Speaker 3: So we got to come up with some sort of 192 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 3: intimacy place. So what I talked to my couples about, like, 193 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 3: you know, when's the last time you done had your 194 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 3: elbows tickle? Right, So that's going to be our sign 195 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 3: that we need to meet up in the car. Right, 196 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 3: we can go out back and meet up in the car. 197 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 3: Or we don't necessarily have to leave our property. Right, 198 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 3: we can go right in the back of the house 199 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 3: a palm where you live. We can go to that stairwell. Right. 200 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 3: So you have to be creative and imaginative around what 201 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 3: intimacy looks like as well as how intimacy is expressed. 202 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 3: So now when folks come and see me, we got it. 203 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 3: We work out hand signals. So for those of you 204 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 3: on this her podcast, for those of you who are 205 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 3: baseball enthusiasts, you got a first base coach and a 206 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,680 Speaker 3: third base coach. You got the batter in the box. 207 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 3: Of the batter steps out of the box, looks down 208 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 3: at the third base coach. The first base coach. You 209 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 3: got hand signals going on. First base coach is telling 210 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 3: you to bunt or whatever. So now I got my 211 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 3: couples doing this like this means that I want you to, 212 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 3: you know, have some sex with me tonight. Tickle the nose, 213 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 3: you scratch your chin, that means that I want you 214 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 3: to go down on me. You got to get some 215 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 3: of this koochie. You got to get some of this 216 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 3: d tonight. Come on now her podcast folks. And if 217 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 3: I go like this, if I reach on my other arms, 218 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 3: that means that I want you to kiss my hairy armpits. Right, 219 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 3: it's come on. I know it's some HERB podcast folks 220 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 3: out there, and to kiss an armpits right that this 221 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 3: is this is the no judgment free zone. So yes, 222 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 3: it is. We got to work out some signals. We 223 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 3: got to do something in order to have in order 224 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 3: for us to continue to have the passionate relationship for 225 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 3: the intimacy that we'd want to have. 226 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,320 Speaker 2: I love that lean into creativity. 227 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: Yes, and I can imagine that leaning into that creativity 228 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 1: could enhance the relationship, add some extra excitement. But what 229 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 1: about for those people, because I've heard in some instances 230 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:38,839 Speaker 1: that quarantine has significantly decreased people's sex drive, and like. 231 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 2: People who may be. 232 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: Living alone or not partnered, they're not masturbating as much 233 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: as they used to. 234 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 2: They don't feel a need to. 235 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 1: Go out and or find ways to seek pleasure. Would 236 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: you consider that problematic or would you consider that part 237 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: of the times, or or something else. 238 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 3: I would say it's part of the times where the 239 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 3: unemployment rate is what whatever it is, and you with 240 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:18,760 Speaker 3: your partner, and your partner is making overtures for sex, well, 241 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 3: how the hell we gonna have sex? And you've been 242 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 3: sitting at home all damn day watching court TV. You 243 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 3: sitting up there watching TV all day, and you think 244 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 3: you're gonna get some And then when you when you 245 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 3: trying to crawl up all on me, that you you 246 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 3: just thinking I'm gonna be all into you. And I've 247 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 3: been working hard, I've been taking care of the kids, 248 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 3: taking care of your parents, taking care of your brother. 249 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 3: And your brother don't even want to wear a mask 250 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 3: when he come up in this house, and I'm thinking 251 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 3: about and you trying, and you trying to come up 252 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 3: in here, You trying to get some sugar. Hell no, 253 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 3: absolutely not, get your shit together. You're not running the 254 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 3: streets right, You're not coming up in the streets thinking 255 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 3: I'm just gonna give it up to you. And you 256 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 3: know what if you got a problem with me. Master. 257 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 3: You know what I tell my couples, Masturbation doesn't have 258 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 3: to be a solo activity. You can you can sit 259 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 3: right over there in the corner in time out and 260 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 3: watch me play with myself with all my outs. I 261 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 3: love it so again, it's about being taken into account. 262 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 3: You know what the challenges are because some people, again, 263 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 3: they're struggling with unemployment, they're struggling with systemic oppression, they're 264 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 3: struggling with racism, they're struggling with all these different macro 265 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 3: level dynamics that then filter themselves down into the relationship. 266 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 3: And if you and I weren't really that close before 267 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 3: the quarantine, now I got to spend all day, every 268 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 3: day with your tired ass. You send up there playing 269 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 3: video games twenty four seventy three sixty five, or you 270 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 3: on your phone, you tweeting out, you on Instagram, you 271 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 3: posting up all these nasty pictures for everybody else. I'm sorry, 272 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 3: let me be sex positive, all these all these sexy 273 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 3: pictures on Instagram. And then you come to bed, You 274 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 3: got rollers in your head, you got crust in your eye, 275 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 3: Your ass ain't been washed in two three days, talking 276 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 3: about what I need to bathe for been nowhere. So 277 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 3: now it's not going down like that. It's not it's 278 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 3: not you pleation. 279 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 2: I love it, but it's the real. That is the real, 280 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 2: That is the honest God truth right there. And so 281 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 2: doctor James when it comes to dating in this time, 282 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 2: because I've definitely chatted with some friends who are dating 283 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 2: and they're just like, it's hard. So whether it's dating 284 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 2: or shoot, we're all grown here, whether you're trying to 285 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 2: hook up, how do you do that safely when our 286 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 2: safety is a huge concern right now? 287 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 3: Well, unfortunately, sometimes people throw safety out the door. They 288 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 3: get online, meet somebody tender, humble batch, E harmony, E harmony, 289 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 3: that's what I'm showing my age here. They get on 290 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 3: like and they meet these folks Johnny, Joeyce, Sarah look 291 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:09,719 Speaker 3: look real good, like oh he fine, she fine? They fine, 292 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 3: So I'm gonna go out. They may wear their mask 293 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 3: on that first time. But then because just because we've 294 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 3: been chatting, just because we've been instant messaging or whatever, 295 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 3: the assumption is that he or she takes care of themselves. 296 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,359 Speaker 3: And unfortunately, a lot of people expose themselves to whatever 297 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 3: based upon how attractive somebody is. So when you go out, 298 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 3: you gotta protect yourself because you can carry, you know, 299 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 3: the virus around for you for at least a couple 300 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 3: of weeks, and half of us black folks, half of 301 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 3: us ain't been tested. We making the assumption that just 302 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 3: because we live on the same block in the same town. Hell, 303 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 3: I was driving around North Philadelphia, everybody riding, ain't nobody 304 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,400 Speaker 3: got their damn mask on, like put you They at 305 00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 3: the corner of standing outside and smile with each each other, 306 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 3: and it's like, come on you, like really, so if 307 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,880 Speaker 3: you dating, you know, put your mask on, you want 308 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 3: to be with somebody. Continue to have conversations about protecting 309 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 3: yourself and not even wearing a mask that damn it, 310 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 3: wear a damn condom. If you out, you know, just 311 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,880 Speaker 3: because you see somebody who look good, ain't no sense 312 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 3: you hop it in the bed with them and not 313 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,959 Speaker 3: wearing a condom. Then you got past partners coming up 314 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 3: out the wood works and they sit at home lonely, 315 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 3: right they looking for somebody, and they calling up all 316 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,199 Speaker 3: them exits that they didn't want to deal with. And so, 317 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 3: you know, have conversations about not only protecting yourself from 318 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 3: the virus, but also protecting yourself from sexy transmitter infection. 319 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 2: All right, so beware of those, hey, big head text 320 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 2: messages right where what you're. 321 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:53,000 Speaker 3: Doing, what you're doing, what you did? 322 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,360 Speaker 2: Can we do nothing together? 323 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 3: Right right? Let me on through. When's the last time 324 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 3: you went to go get tested? Your ass ain't coming 325 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 3: up over here? Not only you ain't been tested, but 326 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 3: I know your ass is quarantining you'd invade when we 327 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 3: were in the relationship. Now that I know your ass 328 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 3: ain't been doing not I know your ass nasty. You're 329 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 3: not over here and crawling in my bed with these 330 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:24,479 Speaker 3: douvet covers, with these silk sheets, with my sixteen hundred 331 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 3: count sheets that I got imported from Egypt. Come on, now, 332 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 3: you not crawling your nasty ass in the bed. 333 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 2: Go wise, all of that, all of that, all of that, 334 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 2: all of that. 335 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: Now, let's say that we told this person, yeah, keep 336 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 1: your nasty ass at home. You ain't washed, your ass 337 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 1: ain't coming over here. 338 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 3: Can't come over, can't come over. I can't can't, can't can't. 339 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,719 Speaker 1: How do we focus on our selves then, because at 340 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: some point we are going to get horny, we are 341 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: going to want something right, So then how do we 342 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:12,200 Speaker 1: focus on How can we use this time to focus 343 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: on understanding our bodies and our own like liberated pleasure? 344 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 3: Right, So, first we have to learn about our own 345 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,400 Speaker 3: bodies and what turns us on and what turns us off. 346 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 3: What turned me on before COVID nineteen may be significantly 347 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 3: different now that I've been in quarantine. That again, I 348 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 3: may like the backs of my knees touched or tickled. 349 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 3: I may like behind my ears rubbed or whatever. I 350 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 3: may want the base of my chin to be massaged. Right, 351 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,679 Speaker 3: So when we spend time with our partners, we have 352 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 3: to be open and willing and courageous enough to teach 353 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 3: reteach our partners that we find pleasure in other areas 354 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 3: of our More often than not, when people come in 355 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 3: to see me for sex therapy, they're very genitally focused. 356 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 3: They're only focusing in on the bulba, the penis, maybe 357 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 3: the behind and maybe the and that's it. But you know, 358 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 3: we have a myriad of parts that can be ridging 359 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 3: its zones. And so if we're not willing to learn 360 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 3: it on our own, then how can we expect our 361 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 3: partners to read our minds and know that you know, 362 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 3: we like our eyebrows correct, right, So it's about having 363 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 3: those empowered conversations for my clients and for couples to 364 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 3: have a different experience of themselves. 365 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 2: And I'm assuming that this time period that we're in, right, 366 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 2: this unprecedented time period is bringing up a lot of 367 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 2: reflection for folks. And so let's say that there is 368 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 2: a couple and they haven't had these conversations before. They 369 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,199 Speaker 2: weren't this you know, intimately connected as it relates to 370 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 2: discussing their pleasure and you know what turns them on? 371 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 2: Do you have any tips on how to navigate that conversation? 372 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 2: And this is brand new territory for a couple. 373 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 3: I would say that, hey, honey, I got on the 374 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 3: her podcast and I heard a wonderful conversation about pleasure 375 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 3: and maybe even about fantasy and desire. And I was 376 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 3: curious to learn more about what turns you on and 377 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 3: what turns you off, as well as maybe what you 378 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 3: even fantasize about. So some couples may be like, huh, 379 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,680 Speaker 3: let me turn on her podcasts and see what they 380 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:32,119 Speaker 3: actually said, right, So then they hear us having conversations 381 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 3: about different rogenas zones and you a person can say 382 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 3: to his or her partner that, Okay, if you're not 383 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,960 Speaker 3: quite sure what turns me on, let's have a conversation 384 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 3: about it. But I'm going to put my hand over 385 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 3: yours and I'm going to guide your hand over my 386 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,440 Speaker 3: body where I like to be touched. So folks would 387 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 3: have to be willing to slow down, they're genitally performative 388 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:04,119 Speaker 3: previous experience, insist and take time out to allow themselves 389 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 3: to be guided by their partners over where they would 390 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:08,120 Speaker 3: like to be touched. 391 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 1: I love that, Yeah, And so then what that brings 392 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 1: me to then is how are folks having therapy during 393 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: times of quarantine? Like how are you because like I 394 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,639 Speaker 1: know that, like some of the work that I'm doing 395 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: is telehealth, right, and so how is that working? How 396 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 1: is couples therapy? How is sex therapy working over the 397 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: computer or maybe in some cases over the phone. 398 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 3: It's a little bit different obviously because we're not in person, 399 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 3: But you know, I am able to see enough and 400 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,679 Speaker 3: do a zoom call. I'm able to see enough with 401 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 3: my couples for those couples where it is face to face, 402 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 3: where you know, if in fact we are going to 403 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 3: do some form of or I invite my couples to 404 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 3: do some form of sense A focus exercises. I literally say, 405 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 3: put your hand over your partner's hand, and place your 406 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 3: partner's hand over your body where you would like to touch, 407 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 3: and place your partner's hand over your body where you 408 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 3: would like for his or her hand to go to. 409 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 3: And they can understand that that yeah, and they can 410 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 3: understand and they can actually see me do it. And 411 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 3: then you know, sometimes I'll have clients, you know, pull 412 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 3: out whatever toys, like, oh, you got toys under the bed, 413 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,959 Speaker 3: you got toys in the closet. Where the hell did 414 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 3: is come from? So you know, I'm like, all right, well, 415 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 3: let's pull them out, you know, pull or pull out 416 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,040 Speaker 3: what you would like to feel comfortable fun intent. So 417 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 3: then they out, and then you know, we talk about 418 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 3: it and talk about what the interpretations of having those 419 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 3: toys mean. But then we also have to have a 420 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 3: conversation around the notion of secrecy in the relationship. That 421 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 3: sometimes partners don't feel comfortable talking about their toys because 422 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 3: there's been some sort of impediment or some sort of 423 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 3: relational obstruction that hasn't allowed them to feel liberated or 424 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 3: feel free enough to talk about it. So then and 425 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 3: if they don't want to bring their toys out, and 426 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 3: I bring my toys out, like, look, okay, you can 427 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 3: play with this vibrating and play with still do you 428 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 3: can play with these cups, you can play with these 429 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 3: blind folks, you can play with these restraints, you can 430 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,959 Speaker 3: play with these claps, whatever it is, and you know, 431 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 3: then we can have a conversation. 432 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,760 Speaker 2: And would you say there are any signs. Let's say 433 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 2: there is a couple that's listening and a woman has 434 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 2: gone to her partner like you got to listen to 435 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 2: the her Space podcast and see what doctor James Wattlin 436 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 2: is talking about, and they think that they may be 437 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 2: ready for couples counseling? Are there any signs that a 438 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 2: couple would benefit in scheduling a session with a therapist. 439 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 3: So, sometimes couples may struggle with communication. They may struggle 440 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 3: with the interpretations of the communication, which is, yes, it's 441 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,719 Speaker 3: important that you talk to your partner, but then you 442 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 3: are also learning about your partner when he or she 443 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,399 Speaker 3: isn't saying anything. So what do those times mean that 444 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,200 Speaker 3: for one person it may like we ain't got none 445 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 3: to talk about? But then sometimes people feel a certain 446 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 3: level of disconnect. We all in the house all day 447 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 3: every day, ain't nobody saying anything, And one person is 448 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 3: saying like, oh, well, he must here, she must be tripped. 449 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 3: He or she is always on their phone and you talk, 450 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 3: you chatting up everybody else, But you ain't got nothing 451 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 3: to say to me, So you know we can have 452 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,959 Speaker 3: That's a particular signal for folks to come in for therapy. 453 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 3: Then sometimes a couple struggle with parenting issues where yes, 454 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,360 Speaker 3: we're at home, we talk about getting it in. You 455 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 3: ain't really horny, I ain't really horny. So then you know, 456 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,879 Speaker 3: are we supposed to be having sex right now? What 457 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 3: are you entitled? Are you? Are you entitled to my body? 458 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 3: And if we do have sex, you know, can it 459 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 3: be as fulfilling as it may have been or not 460 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 3: before COVID nineteen. Now that your mom and daddy staying 461 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 3: with us, and your mom and daddy getting up three, four, 462 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 3: five times at night, I'm not having that. I'm not 463 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,159 Speaker 3: ready for him or her to be looking at me 464 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,919 Speaker 3: sideways when they hear me yelling your name out, like 465 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 3: why you got to yell four o'clock in the morning 466 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 3: and Thenaddy knock on the door talking about what y'all doing. 467 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,479 Speaker 1: Mom and Daddy should know, though, because that's how we 468 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:08,160 Speaker 1: all got here. 469 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, they know that they don't want to talk about 470 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 3: and that's the difference. Factly, and then you. 471 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 2: Can see that whole picture vividly. Thank you, doctor d. 472 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 3: Okay. 473 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,920 Speaker 1: But speaking of Mamma and Daddy though, so one of 474 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 1: the things that people don't often like to acknowledge is 475 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 1: that older folks are still sexual beings. Yeah, and so 476 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,199 Speaker 1: Mom and Daddy are staying in our house. 477 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 3: They're getting it in. I don't think they not. They 478 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 3: getting it in. Mom and Daddy. They got they toys, 479 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 3: they got their restraints, they got they swings, they got 480 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 3: they clamps. They want it all. They want it all. 481 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 3: They got all kind o keink related items, and don't 482 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,880 Speaker 3: they probably doing threesomes and orgies. 483 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 1: Come right, But you're right, because as soon as you 484 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,360 Speaker 1: started saying that, I was like, no, we don't want 485 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: to think about Mom and Daddy in their seventies, like 486 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: ha orgies when you're right, Oh, they be up in there. 487 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:35,080 Speaker 3: Come on, now, you're right, You're. 488 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 2: Right, we don't. 489 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: We might not want to acknowledge that, but you are 490 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 1: absolutely right. 491 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 2: That like at any age. 492 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, And so now I'm going to swing it all 493 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 1: the way back around to our kids. 494 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 2: M h. 495 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,200 Speaker 1: And so what messaging do you think that we should 496 00:28:55,200 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 1: be giving our young kids about their bodies and sexual 497 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 1: health during this time? 498 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 3: Yeah? I think we as parents and our guardians that 499 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 3: we need to teach our kids to be body positive 500 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 3: and sex positive and teach our kids one the medically 501 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 3: appropriate language. So for kids I've worked with, you know, 502 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 3: we say that this is my head, these are my eyes, 503 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 3: these are my nose, it's my mouth, these are my booties, 504 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 3: or these are my breasts right or chest or this 505 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,040 Speaker 3: is my stuff, This is my pp this is my snatch, 506 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 3: this is my whatever. But this is my vulva, this 507 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:38,760 Speaker 3: is my penis. And so one, we have to give 508 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 3: or equip or empower our kids with medically accurate terms, right, 509 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 3: that's one. But then two, we need to teach our 510 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 3: kids the value of consent, right, And we also need 511 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:58,240 Speaker 3: to teach our kids the value of negotiating their bodies 512 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 3: with people or not. Right. So, if it's mom and dad, 513 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 3: we may need to bathe our smaller children, but then 514 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 3: it may not be appropriate for cousin Bob or Uncle 515 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 3: John or aunt Susy to bathe our kids. We have 516 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 3: active conversations about that for our Once our kids reach puberty, 517 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 3: we talk to them about their physiological changes, and we 518 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 3: talk about wet dreams, right, nocturnal emissions, And then we 519 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 3: talked about monarchy or the onset of one's menstruation or 520 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 3: girls menstruation, and we talk about all these different changes 521 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 3: that occur in a body. And then also talk with 522 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 3: our kids about how their identities may shift. Right, so 523 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 3: you're going to spend time with this group of friends, 524 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 3: You're gonna spend time with this group of friends, You're 525 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 3: gonna spend time with another group of friends, and then 526 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 3: pulling it all together in a way that says, this 527 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 3: is what our family believes in terms of healthy sexuality 528 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 3: or our healthy sexual selves, which is this is maybe 529 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 3: we should wait until we're in a committed relationship, or 530 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 3: wait until you're in a committed relationship before you have 531 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 3: sexually intimate contact with somebody, right, Or maybe you should 532 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 3: have the skills to have a conversation about what liking 533 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 3: somebody means, or what loving somebody need means, or what 534 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 3: friendship may mean and so as we continue to have 535 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 3: these conversations with our kids, our kids feel empowered. 536 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 2: So it sounds like being upfront, not being around the 537 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 2: bush using cold words, but just being real with them 538 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 2: is going to go a long. 539 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 3: Way, right exactly. 540 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 2: That's powerful. Now, Doctor James, we have a segment on 541 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 2: our show that typically shifts up the energy. So I 542 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 2: want to tell you a little bit about this segment, 543 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 2: and then we're going to invite you to participate with 544 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 2: us if you feel comfortable. 545 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 3: All right, So. 546 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,640 Speaker 2: No pressure, of course, no pressure, no pressure. No one's 547 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 2: listening here. So because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the 548 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 2: multifaceted woman, and we believe that it's okay to be 549 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 2: classy and ratchet and pay for you to you know, 550 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 2: you could be elegant and still dance to strip club music, 551 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 2: we want to invite you to the oh you clatch 552 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 2: it segment? So do you take on the challenge? 553 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 3: I get, I had a conversation about Come on now. 554 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,719 Speaker 2: Okay, let's let's do it. So we'll start with an 555 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 2: easy question outside of your profession, what topic can you 556 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 2: talk about all day long? 557 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,320 Speaker 3: M Pittsburgh Steelers? 558 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 2: All right, there we go the Pittsburgh Steelers. 559 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 3: Week three and one this year. You know the Titans 560 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 3: they duck this this past weekend talking about COVID nineteen 561 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 3: and so you know, we we got a young, hungry 562 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 3: bunch with our feels leader Ben Roethlisberger coming back. So 563 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 3: you know, we ready for these Eagles this weekend. We're 564 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,760 Speaker 3: gonna they're gonna come into town. We're gonna beat them down, 565 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 3: and we're gonna send them back on their way. But 566 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 3: you know, the NFC East raggedy, so they'll still be 567 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,640 Speaker 3: at the top of the division with a one and 568 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 3: four record. I recognize that, but that's not a championship 569 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 3: caliber team. But you know, I'm gonna turn into CBS. 570 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,800 Speaker 3: I get you had the game to be on CBS 571 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 3: this weekend. I'm gonna tune in. I'm not going down. 572 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 3: I'm not going to Pittsburgh because the COVID nineteen and 573 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 3: the quarantine. But I'm be right in front of that 574 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 3: TV watching my boys. So yeah, I can talk about 575 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,480 Speaker 3: it all day. 576 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 2: Yes, I know our sports going crazy right right and 577 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 2: all the way up to twenty twenty. 578 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: I know we have some fans from other teams who 579 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:37,440 Speaker 1: are gonna be listening, like M. 580 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 3: We're not with it, but that means I need to 581 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 3: spend more time on your show. That's all that. It's 582 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 3: a lot of non believers out there. Come on, y'all, 583 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 3: there's plenty room on this bandwagon. 584 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 1: I'm from New Orleans, so I can't. 585 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,239 Speaker 2: That's another topic for another day to right. 586 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: So our next question, twork or two steps or neither? 587 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,960 Speaker 3: I would say both, Like who wants a woman or 588 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:15,240 Speaker 3: person man? Whoever? Who can only do one? Y'all just said, 589 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 3: y'all try to be classy and ratchet. Come on, now, 590 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 3: give it to me both ways right the time. 591 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 2: I love it. 592 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 3: Step. I want you to feel comfortable enough in your 593 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 3: skin to twork, and the time that is time to twork, 594 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 3: I want you to feel comfortable enough with me to 595 00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 3: two steps. So yeah, you gotta be versatile. 596 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,040 Speaker 2: He said. I want both of them switch it up 597 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,319 Speaker 2: for me. Okay, okay, now, doctor James, how do you 598 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:47,000 Speaker 2: want to be remembered? M. 599 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,760 Speaker 3: I just want to be remembered a good dude, family dudes, 600 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 3: good husband, definitely, good father, professionally, probably a provocateur. I 601 00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 3: run in you know, a few conservative circles, and I 602 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,439 Speaker 3: to find myself to be the outlier the black sheet, 603 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 3: probably because you know, I mean, I want to do 604 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 3: sexuality education, but you know, I as a provocateur, I 605 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 3: want people to be able to think differently about themselves, 606 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:15,759 Speaker 3: the relationships that they construct and maintain or sever and 607 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 3: feel empowered enough to make a different set of decisions 608 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 3: based upon you know what we've. 609 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:27,920 Speaker 2: Talked beautiful, Thank you for that. I love that. 610 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: And now we're gonna switch that up. We're gonna go 611 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:35,080 Speaker 1: all the way to the other side. And now professionally, 612 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 1: you like to be a provocateur, now to really be provocative, 613 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 1: what would your stripper name be? 614 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:44,680 Speaker 3: Y'all allowed to cuss on here? 615 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm excited for this one. 616 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 3: That's a good question. The first thing that came to 617 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 3: my mind. Well, I'm scared to say, because I don't 618 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 3: know what the reason, you know what my stupid name 619 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:06,720 Speaker 3: would be that Ninja James. Here we come. 620 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:18,919 Speaker 2: Let's tell you everybody then James. 621 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 3: All right, so. 622 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 2: People start commenting on social media with that name, doctor James. 623 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 2: Don't don't believe. 624 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,719 Speaker 3: Much for that, but I had that name James. 625 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:36,640 Speaker 2: There we go, doctor James. This was so fun, so enlightening, 626 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,880 Speaker 2: and we really just want to first acknowledge you for 627 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 2: the work that you do in the field that you're 628 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 2: in being oftentimes, I'm sure the representative for us right 629 00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,719 Speaker 2: being in the spaces that you occupy. And we're really 630 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 2: excited that we had a chance to have this conversation. 631 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,839 Speaker 2: And we love for our listeners to know where can 632 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,160 Speaker 2: they connect with you if they're interested to sign up 633 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 2: for therapy, purchase your books, give us your info. We 634 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 2: want to connect them with you. 635 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 3: So for you younger folks, you got to follow me 636 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 3: on Instagram or Twitter, PhD James w You can find 637 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 3: me at Dr James Wadley dot com. That's my website. 638 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 3: Google me. I come up in any number of different places, 639 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:16,879 Speaker 3: and shit, that's all I got is Google my name 640 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:20,000 Speaker 3: and I come up. But you know, I'm blessed. I'm fortunate. 641 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 3: I have a lot of chalented people around. Meduced a 642 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 3: few books, not just me, but the people in my circle. 643 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,400 Speaker 3: First book that I wrote was Would You Marry You? 644 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,360 Speaker 3: Came out about ten years ago and it's a provocative 645 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 3: book about people thinking about thinking about how they present 646 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,040 Speaker 3: themselves to others and whether or not they would marry themselves. 647 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,960 Speaker 3: My second book was lost in found box, so people 648 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,120 Speaker 3: give up portions of themselves or all of themselves to 649 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 3: build or maintain a relationship, and then they look up, five, ten, 650 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,839 Speaker 3: twenty thirty years from now they realize that they've lost 651 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,719 Speaker 3: themselves and like, well, who'll get down on my eigh 652 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 3: So the book is about rediscovering oneself. The third book 653 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,920 Speaker 3: that I came out with is edited Ricky Siegel, based 654 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,640 Speaker 3: out of Florida. It's the Art of Sex Therapy Supervision. 655 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 3: It's a book for nerds, and yeah, it's a book 656 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 3: for nerds and that you know, if you have an 657 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,480 Speaker 3: interest in doing sex therapy supervision, you can read the 658 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,200 Speaker 3: contributions of scholars around the country. That book won the 659 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 3: American Association Sex Educator's Council and Therapists Book of the 660 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 3: Year Award in twenty nineteen. And then my last book 661 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,440 Speaker 3: is The Handbook of Sexuality Leadership. And that book was 662 00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,839 Speaker 3: written because I wanted people to think about how they 663 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:35,320 Speaker 3: impacted influence not only marginalized communities but communities in general, 664 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,239 Speaker 3: that we can have influence over people we never never 665 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 3: even come into contact. Book. So there's four books. I'm 666 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:46,279 Speaker 3: working on. My next documentary. First documentary was Raw The 667 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 3: Real Drugs race and sex and Trenton and it looked 668 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 3: at components of intersectionality as well as how people manage 669 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:57,799 Speaker 3: those oppressed identities around addiction. And then my next documentary 670 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:02,920 Speaker 3: is on restorative This is called the Philadelphia Restorative Justice Project, 671 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 3: where we look at both conservative and liberal ideologies around 672 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,920 Speaker 3: activism what that looks like. So wear a number of 673 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,320 Speaker 3: different hats and I do a number of different things, 674 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 3: and it's pretty cool. It's pretty cool to be a 675 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 3: black male sex therapist. 676 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:19,919 Speaker 2: Yes, it is. 677 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,600 Speaker 3: Wow, wow, wow wow. 678 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:27,720 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today in her space. 679 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,560 Speaker 3: And you know what, Dominique I forgot. You know, we're 680 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,680 Speaker 3: supposed to be going down to Saint Thomas for our 681 00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 3: fifth Bring Round Table series. So we host an event 682 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,520 Speaker 3: association of Black sex ologists and clinicians. We meet down 683 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,800 Speaker 3: in Saint Thomas every year, and we went on Zoom 684 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,560 Speaker 3: last year and I mean you could see the sadness 685 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:50,759 Speaker 3: in people's eyes. So this year, I'm like, look, I'm 686 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 3: gonna be in Saint Thomas. We can all be in 687 00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:58,040 Speaker 3: our rooms and have our meeting, right, and then we 688 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:02,600 Speaker 3: can social distance on the beach. Right. So there's that 689 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,200 Speaker 3: that's coming up in the last week. And April Carnival 690 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,759 Speaker 3: may or may not be going on, but Saint Thomas 691 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,839 Speaker 3: it's a place for healing, it's a place for restoration, 692 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 3: and so everybody be in their own hotel rooms. We 693 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 3: can come out and get us some Emerald sunsets. But 694 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 3: we'll be right there on that island, and then this 695 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,440 Speaker 3: time next year we'll be in Santa Marta, Colombia for 696 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 3: our international lecture series. So yeah, that's those are the 697 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:26,719 Speaker 3: other hats to. 698 00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 2: That where that's amazing. I need to I think I'm 699 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,480 Speaker 2: in the wrong field. That sounds incredible and your work 700 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 2: is very impressive, doctor James Roby, and we just want 701 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 2: to thank you again for being in her space. 702 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, y'all need to come down to Saint Thomas and 703 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:45,719 Speaker 3: do a podcast. Yes, yes, come on. 704 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,640 Speaker 2: I was the reason to get me there, don So 705 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,160 Speaker 2: there we go, right there, we got a reason. 706 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:56,319 Speaker 3: Now we can figure the budget now. Yes, we're going 707 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,759 Speaker 3: to make it happen. Thank you so much for having 708 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,799 Speaker 3: me and honor to be on your show. And I 709 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,920 Speaker 3: if I can offer my sentiment or be of me 710 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 3: support to you all, please just let me know. 711 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:07,359 Speaker 2: Thank you. 712 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:12,040 Speaker 4: We so appreciate it. Hey, lady, it's doctor Dom here 713 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,360 Speaker 4: from the Herspace Podcast. Do you have a burning question 714 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,200 Speaker 4: you're dying to get feedback on. Do you want an 715 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,920 Speaker 4: unbiased perspective on a situation you're facing. If so, visit 716 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 4: herspacepodcast dot com and click ask doctor Dom under the 717 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 4: start here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions 718 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,720 Speaker 4: and answer them at random. 719 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 720 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 2: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments, 721 00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,160 Speaker 2: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, please 722 00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,000 Speaker 2: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing 723 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,440 Speaker 2: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release 724 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,920 Speaker 2: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes 725 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,840 Speaker 2: and visit herspace podcast dot com and enter your email 726 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,520 Speaker 2: address to get updates about our live events and all 727 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,160 Speaker 2: the new beginning that we have for this year. 728 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:06,400 Speaker 4: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 729 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:10,799 Speaker 4: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 730 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,600 Speaker 4: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 731 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:18,040 Speaker 4: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 732 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:22,799 Speaker 4: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 733 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,759 Speaker 4: someone you know is in need of mental health care. 734 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:30,440 Speaker 4: Please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today 735 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:32,880 Speaker 4: or contact your insurance provider. 736 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,120 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 737 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 738 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,480 Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 739 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,760 Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 740 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 2: after me. Although my plans may change, I will stay 741 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,040 Speaker 2: committed to my purpose. 742 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,320 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady,