Speaker 1: Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Hey everyone, welcome to the Holy Human podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for once again joining me my
Speaker 1: guests on the show today. Is one of the most genuine,
Speaker 1: giving and driven humans that I know, and I'll get
Speaker 1: to telling you who he is in a moment, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk him up first before I tell
Speaker 1: you his name. He's one of those friends whose text
Speaker 1: always include let me know how I can support you,
Speaker 1: and I almost feel bad when I don't text you
Speaker 1: back telling me how he can, because I know he
Speaker 1: genuinely means it where most people don't. He genuinely, genuinely
Speaker 1: wants to support me and all of his friends and
Speaker 1: everything that we do. I first met him when he
Speaker 1: reached out to me over Instagram and asked if we
Speaker 1: can meet for lunch. He wanted to have me on
Speaker 1: his podcast, but he wanted to get to know me
Speaker 1: before the podcast. I usually I don't care who you are,
Speaker 1: but I don't say yes to an invitation like that
Speaker 1: at all. But something in me told me to go
Speaker 1: against my usual avoidance of people and say yes. So
Speaker 1: I did, and then the rest is history, which we'll
Speaker 1: get into whether he knows this or not, he for
Speaker 1: sure will after this podcast. He's been one of the
Speaker 1: main influences and me starting this Holy Human podcast and
Speaker 1: creating a chant record, which we'll get into the stories
Speaker 1: around that as we go along. Lewis House wants to
Speaker 1: see other succeed, which is somewhat a rarity in the
Speaker 1: world these days. He is as magnetic as they come,
Speaker 1: and for me, his influence in my life came out
Speaker 1: of nowhere, and I'm certainly glad it did. He's a
Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author of the School of
Speaker 1: Greatness and The Mask of Masculinity. He's a highly respected
Speaker 1: lifestyle coach and motivator, a former professional football player to
Speaker 1: Sport All American, and he remains a competitive athlete. He's
Speaker 1: an all around gray dude. And I'm so happy the
Speaker 1: roles have reversed and I get to have him on
Speaker 1: my podcast this time. So without further ado, whose House?
Speaker 1: Everyone wording you with me? Hi, Hey, welcome, Welcome to
Speaker 1: my Holy Human podcast. Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. I'm so glad you're doing this. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: you are one of the reasons that I'm doing this,
Speaker 1: just so you know that's good. Well, I think you've
Speaker 1: really encouraged me to use my voice in a new way.
Speaker 1: It was because I came on your a podcast that
Speaker 1: you asked me to chant right there. It's amazing, thank you,
Speaker 1: And I got so much feedback from people asking me
Speaker 1: to please do a record of that, and so that
Speaker 1: put it in my mind. And then coming to do
Speaker 1: your Summit of Greatness and speaking and being with you
Speaker 1: up there and getting to chant and have people chant
Speaker 1: back at me and leading that whole live moment was
Speaker 1: so magical, was unbelievable. It was so cool. I still
Speaker 1: get chills thinking about no I just saying that. I
Speaker 1: was like, it was the first moment of the event
Speaker 1: and it was just like quiet. You came on stage
Speaker 1: after an eruption of applause and then you just sat
Speaker 1: down and uh you know, sat on the stage and
Speaker 1: you did your thing and people were in tears, and
Speaker 1: I was like, your voice is feeling for so many people,
Speaker 1: and they need to hear your voice in this in
Speaker 1: this in this manner, in this fashion, in this creative way,
Speaker 1: because you've been doing it for so long in a
Speaker 1: in a different way which has been extremely effective and
Speaker 1: inspirational in its own right. But I think with the
Speaker 1: world struggling so much, and so much uncertainty and insecurity
Speaker 1: for people, and mental health and overwhelming stress and anxiety,
Speaker 1: we need people like you who can provide a gift.
Speaker 1: And you've got an incredible gift, thank you. We need
Speaker 1: more vulnerable people, people who are willing to share their stories.
Speaker 1: I mean, all of us have stories that live inside
Speaker 1: of us. We are one big, giant human story, and
Speaker 1: we all need to be sharing our stories, and especially
Speaker 1: at this moment in time, because there are stories are
Speaker 1: what connect us, and we can look at someone else
Speaker 1: and here, here's someone else's story and say, I am
Speaker 1: not alone in this world and there's so much division
Speaker 1: and so much ah, there's there's just everything feels so lost.
Speaker 1: I even I feel very lost at this moment, and
Speaker 1: I think that can be a very good thing. That's
Speaker 1: a great It can be a great thing to be lost,
Speaker 1: because you also have so much opportunity within that moment
Speaker 1: to create a new you, a new world. And so
Speaker 1: I feel like we are in such need of connecting
Speaker 1: through story at this moment. Absolutely, I agree, and I
Speaker 1: think it's unfortunate that we need pain or some type
Speaker 1: of breakdown in order for us sometimes to really get
Speaker 1: growth and to improve and to have a breakthrough. But unfortunately,
Speaker 1: that's how human beings work until there's some type of
Speaker 1: major breakdown where it really affects us. Right, that's we
Speaker 1: need to step back and have reflection. That's why I
Speaker 1: think it's so important to to listen to meditation or
Speaker 1: to listen to your chance, or to journal, because when
Speaker 1: we can reflect on the pain, then we can have progress.
Speaker 1: And that's that's what we need. More of reflection you have,
Speaker 1: I know you've gone through a lot of pain in
Speaker 1: your life. Do you feel like, now, at this point
Speaker 1: in your life, you can actually choose those moments of
Speaker 1: change or do you still feel like you have to
Speaker 1: go through a painful moment to to continue to grow.
Speaker 1: I feel like, for the things I've already learned, I
Speaker 1: don't need to go through those moments of pain anymore
Speaker 1: because I can see it when it comes up. If
Speaker 1: something triggers me, I can see it and say no,
Speaker 1: I've already learned that lesson and a much calmer in
Speaker 1: my reactions to situations. Two events, for example, UH, twelve
Speaker 1: years ago, I was uh playing football, I was chasing
Speaker 1: the dream to make the NFL, but I was only
Speaker 1: in the Arena Football League, so I was getting paid
Speaker 1: two d fifty dollars a week. But it was like
Speaker 1: the greatest moment of my life because I was getting
Speaker 1: paid to do what I loved. You probably can relate
Speaker 1: to our under empathize with the singer songwriters who have
Speaker 1: become famous after a while. But they they played for
Speaker 1: three people in those smoky bars for so many nights,
Speaker 1: but they made sixteen dollars from the door, and it
Speaker 1: was like, Man, I'm getting paid to sing my music.
Speaker 1: That's how it felt for me. And I got injured
Speaker 1: and I had to stop playing, so my dream was
Speaker 1: essentially crippled. Imagine not only losing your vocal chords and
Speaker 1: not being able to do your dream anymore. This is
Speaker 1: what happened to me as an athlete. And this was
Speaker 1: right in two thousand seven, going into two thousand and
Speaker 1: eight two nine, when the economic crisis hit. Back then,
Speaker 1: when the housing crisis and people are losing jobs, all
Speaker 1: these things were happening. I went through the worst of it. Then.
Speaker 1: I was feeling so much pain, so much uncertainty. I
Speaker 1: had no money, I was living on my sister's couge
Speaker 1: for a year and a half, trying to figure out
Speaker 1: who am I, what am I gonna do with the
Speaker 1: rest of my life? Who would ever give me any money?
Speaker 1: What are my skills? I have no idea what my
Speaker 1: value is or why I'm here anymore, because my dream
Speaker 1: is over. And that was painful. But it's so funny
Speaker 1: because it took a couple of years for me to
Speaker 1: figure things out. It took a lot of humiliation, being humble, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, asking for advice, asking for help over and
Speaker 1: over again until I was able to get out of
Speaker 1: it and figure out what I need to do to improve.
Speaker 1: And it's funny because in March when COVID hit uh,
Speaker 1: I remember saying, oh, this is why I went through
Speaker 1: that much pain us. Now it can be a source
Speaker 1: of inspiration. I can provide a safe space and environment.
Speaker 1: I can give perspective to people that are going through
Speaker 1: that now. And I have felt like the last eight
Speaker 1: months have been challenging in their own way, but I
Speaker 1: haven't lost myself. I feel like people are coming to
Speaker 1: my platform and to me more than ever because of
Speaker 1: the way I'm reacting and responding and the way I'm
Speaker 1: able to shift and adapt and take care of my
Speaker 1: health and my routines. And I think it's I'm grateful
Speaker 1: that I went through the pain in the past because
Speaker 1: it allows me to be prepared in the present. And
Speaker 1: it's funny because in the moment, when it seems like
Speaker 1: it's so chaotic for our lives are happening, I'm going
Speaker 1: through a breakup or I'm losing my business or whatever,
Speaker 1: it feels like, gosh, why is this happening to me?
Speaker 1: And it's not until we can actually reflect and look
Speaker 1: in the future and say, this is happening for me
Speaker 1: in a powerful way, and I need to trust and
Speaker 1: have faith in the future that I need this specifically
Speaker 1: to happen. And when order for something greater to happen,
Speaker 1: then I feel like you're talking directly to me at
Speaker 1: the moment. It's one of the hardest things to do
Speaker 1: to to have hindsight now is something I learned the
Speaker 1: hard way. I went through a breakup a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago. It was kind of a nasty breakup because
Speaker 1: the person I was dating took things public that wasn't true,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I wasn't able to really share
Speaker 1: my side of the story ever, but people just took
Speaker 1: this little thing and then they gossiped and they spread
Speaker 1: and whatever they wanted to spread, right, But for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. All
Speaker 1: these people that I thought I could trust in my
Speaker 1: friends and relationships, now I see them talking about my
Speaker 1: back or spreading these things, and it was very hurtful,
Speaker 1: and I remember thinking, man, this is not fair. This
Speaker 1: sucks um And it was kind of like this two
Speaker 1: three months window of like, man, this is really you know,
Speaker 1: this is kind of doesn't feel good. But I kept
Speaker 1: saying to myself, I need to have hindsight. Now, this
Speaker 1: is happening in my favor. This is going to bring
Speaker 1: me better perspective, it's gonna make me more humble. I
Speaker 1: want to know who my real friends are. It's gonna
Speaker 1: eliminate distractions from my life that are holding me back.
Speaker 1: And all those things were true as I look back
Speaker 1: a couple of years now, I found out who my
Speaker 1: real friends were. I I reorganized my priorities, like, I
Speaker 1: improved my life and I took ownership of it. So
Speaker 1: we gotta have hindsight now. Yeah, absolutely, that is something
Speaker 1: I remind myself of all the time is this is
Speaker 1: happening for me? I mean to be honest, when you
Speaker 1: were just saying, you know, uh, being on someone's couch
Speaker 1: and your sister's couch and not knowing what you're gonna
Speaker 1: do with your life. Look, I've been on my own
Speaker 1: couch now since March, and I've been I was touring
Speaker 1: my whole life since I was thirteen. I have not
Speaker 1: come off the road like this ever. You know, I've
Speaker 1: had all of these ideas. I had the idea to
Speaker 1: do a podcast, I've had the idea to do a
Speaker 1: chant record, and I'm working on a new album also
Speaker 1: in the middle of all of this. But at the
Speaker 1: beginning of this year, my question was, Oh, I'm touring
Speaker 1: so much. I wonder, like where I'm gonna have the
Speaker 1: time to create all this new stuff. And then bam, hello,
Speaker 1: and so now I have all this time. But in
Speaker 1: the midst of all of that, yes, I still have
Speaker 1: things I'm creating, and I still know who I am.
Speaker 1: But there's a piece of me that is really kind
Speaker 1: of renewing and creating. I'm creating new avenues and new
Speaker 1: ways once again for me to utilize my gifts. And
Speaker 1: that's scary. As shit like it is scary. It's scary
Speaker 1: as ship. When you have your your livelihood just and
Speaker 1: I know so many people understand that ripped out from
Speaker 1: under you, Like you know, you get injured all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you that's your livelihood, whether you're making two
Speaker 1: or fifty bucks or millions of dollars, is gone. I
Speaker 1: think it's interesting the idea of identity because anytime we
Speaker 1: strip our identity or identity is stripped from us, whether
Speaker 1: it's I'm choosing not to do something, I'm retiring from something.
Speaker 1: When you see an athlete who's been doing someboding for
Speaker 1: so long on this so you know what, I'm retiring,
Speaker 1: a lot of them go through depression for a few
Speaker 1: years because they're holding onto the the the identity of
Speaker 1: the past that is no longer there. And it's almost
Speaker 1: like we need to have an identity death. We need
Speaker 1: to kill the death of that person and allow for
Speaker 1: a rebirth. Like you talked about, this takes time. This
Speaker 1: isn't just like Okay, I'm gonna kill this old way
Speaker 1: of me that I've been doing for twenty years and
Speaker 1: be this new person overnight. There is a an offseason
Speaker 1: that needs to happen in sports for you to reflect
Speaker 1: on the season, and for you to rest and to
Speaker 1: try different things and to recover and then to train
Speaker 1: again and try to develop new skills, work on weaknesses,
Speaker 1: to develop new skills, to prepare for the new season.
Speaker 1: And there were many seasons where I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I don't think I want to play this
Speaker 1: sport anymore, whether it be in high school or college.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm done with this. I've I've taken
Speaker 1: this to as far as I want to have accomplished things,
Speaker 1: So I just don't care as much anymore and I'd
Speaker 1: rather go do this. And I think that's part of
Speaker 1: I use a lot of sports analogies, but I think
Speaker 1: for me, holding onto the glory days of an old identity,
Speaker 1: an old relationship we are a part of for a
Speaker 1: decade that is no longer there. It's very hard to
Speaker 1: let go of an identity of you with another person.
Speaker 1: This is why it takes time to to grieve and
Speaker 1: let go it. And that's a that's just a challenging process.
Speaker 1: That's why I see a lot of artists someone who's
Speaker 1: done this great as Madonna. I think she's reinvented herself
Speaker 1: every five years and it's like, Okay, this was great
Speaker 1: in the past in my twenties and thirties, but it
Speaker 1: no longer works for me. So I need to reinvent
Speaker 1: for what's gonna work for me now to make an impact,
Speaker 1: to give my message out there, uh, and to have
Speaker 1: fun in her stage of life. So it's it's a
Speaker 1: challenging thing to kill the ego and the identity and
Speaker 1: how do you So what we're talking about is that
Speaker 1: space in between, right, So there's the in between space.
Speaker 1: Talk about that in between space for a moment and
Speaker 1: how how do you allow yourself grace in that in
Speaker 1: between space? Isn't it? There's a I can't remember the
Speaker 1: exact quote from yo Yo Ma, but I think he
Speaker 1: said the music is the notes between is like played
Speaker 1: in between the notes, when the melody is in between
Speaker 1: the notes. I'm not sure if that's the exact quote,
Speaker 1: but something like my I heard that quote from Yoyoma
Speaker 1: something like that, and then I heard my friend Rob Bell,
Speaker 1: who's a spiritual teacher, and he says, like love is
Speaker 1: you create love in the space between coming together of
Speaker 1: two people. It's not when you're around the person all
Speaker 1: the time. It's actually when you're not around them when
Speaker 1: you get experience the love and to see how deep
Speaker 1: the depth of love is. And I think when we
Speaker 1: have space in between something, that's when we can truly
Speaker 1: reflect and see what is here. Where's the magic, Where's
Speaker 1: the juice? It's the pause, you know. It's not when
Speaker 1: someone's speaking non stop. It's when they stop and allow
Speaker 1: you to sink it in of that moment. And I
Speaker 1: think we have conditioned ourselves with the idea of being
Speaker 1: the most productive we can be, filling up our plates
Speaker 1: and and overflowing our plates with things to do that
Speaker 1: we don't spend enough time stopping. And it's funny. I
Speaker 1: was just listening to a book on audio today called Essentialism,
Speaker 1: which uh he literally right when I stopped it. He
Speaker 1: literally said, some of the greatest thinkers and artists of
Speaker 1: our past and of today schedule in fun and nothing
Speaker 1: time in their scout and their calendars, like two hour
Speaker 1: blocks of nothing to allow themselves to think and problem
Speaker 1: solve and ask themselves those questions, as opposed to filling
Speaker 1: up their calendar all day long. So I think it's
Speaker 1: something to be aware of. Is the space between the
Speaker 1: doing is where we can really create some magic. All right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick breath, but we'll be right
Speaker 1: back with much more. Louis in a super simple way
Speaker 1: I found to really connect from home. Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 1: We are here with my friend Lewis House. One of
Speaker 1: my practices that I've been doing while I've been at
Speaker 1: home is to go outside and sit, not breathe, not
Speaker 1: like not distract myself with the meditation or whatever else
Speaker 1: it is I'm doing, Like literally go outside and by
Speaker 1: the way, nature is the best TV screen of life
Speaker 1: that we'd never ever turn on, and so like just
Speaker 1: to walk outside and sit. And I started doing it.
Speaker 1: When I started doing it was like three or four
Speaker 1: minutes because it's very activating because we always have something
Speaker 1: going on and so and now I can I can
Speaker 1: go out and sit for a good like thirty forty
Speaker 1: minutes just like and during that time, I'll want to move,
Speaker 1: i want to get up, but I'm like, just just sit,
Speaker 1: just be, just be, And and there is there's some
Speaker 1: magic there because we allow in the way when you're
Speaker 1: talking about in that space, it allows for things to
Speaker 1: start pouring into us, like we That for me is
Speaker 1: the moment where I connect with with everything. We we
Speaker 1: really start to feel our connection with with nature, with others,
Speaker 1: with the universe, with God. And that's some some of
Speaker 1: the times where we actually well. For me, I actually
Speaker 1: just sit still and allow things to come to me.
Speaker 1: That's the receiving time. You know, we talked, we're always doing.
Speaker 1: It's like and I think it's so challenging for a
Speaker 1: lot of us to receive, to receive ideas, to receive love. Um,
Speaker 1: that for me has been has been a challenging piece
Speaker 1: is receiving in the in the in the law of attraction,
Speaker 1: you know, philosophies or war Old they'll say, anytime you're
Speaker 1: chasing something, you're resisting it. You're acting like you don't
Speaker 1: have it, and therefore it you'll resist it or it
Speaker 1: will resist you. But when you allow and you allow us,
Speaker 1: and you act as if you know what this is
Speaker 1: coming to me, I'm going to allow this to happen
Speaker 1: through my daily actions and by trusting the process, uh,
Speaker 1: then you allow for it to come. It's it's like
Speaker 1: when you've ever had a needy boyfriend in the past,
Speaker 1: you're like someone needs you, You're like, okay, get away,
Speaker 1: or needy girlfriend you're like, uh, you don't trust yourself
Speaker 1: enough to be alone in your own space. You need
Speaker 1: someone else to bring you that thing. Then that thing
Speaker 1: will reject you. So it's uh, I think it's powerful
Speaker 1: you're doing that. My girlfriend is reminding me to do
Speaker 1: this more and more as a someone who wants to,
Speaker 1: you know, create and achieve and make things. I'm reminded to, like,
Speaker 1: you know what takes some time in the morning and
Speaker 1: just sit with our dog and let our dog with
Speaker 1: my face for ten minutes and just not be in
Speaker 1: production mode or productive mode and allow for these kind
Speaker 1: of beautiful moments in between the actions. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: interesting how my chant record came through because it was
Speaker 1: I would sit in meditation and then press play on
Speaker 1: my phone and then just start singing, and I would
Speaker 1: see what felt good, and when something ended up feeling good,
Speaker 1: that was it, and then I'd expand upon it. And
Speaker 1: so I literally was sitting there going, I'm yours, like
Speaker 1: I'm your vessel come through me, and I think that,
Speaker 1: you know it's that trust piece. Actually have trust tattooed
Speaker 1: on my wrist um and I did it years ago
Speaker 1: because I knew I needed to trust the universe. More
Speaker 1: myself more, and I need to dress others more. And
Speaker 1: so it's that trust piece that's so important that I
Speaker 1: feel like we're all being we all have an invitation
Speaker 1: to really lean into. Like I almost feel like there's
Speaker 1: there's no other option at this point, Like we have
Speaker 1: we have to trust, trusting the process, and I think
Speaker 1: trusting yourself to have discernment with the people you're working with,
Speaker 1: because you obviously we talked about an our interview. You've
Speaker 1: got you know, burned so many times by people's people,
Speaker 1: a lot of people closest to you, uh, and not
Speaker 1: even just the media or the industry, but people close
Speaker 1: to you for many years. And I think that's hard
Speaker 1: for someone who gets taken advantage of or burned in
Speaker 1: that way to figure out, Oh, do I trust myself
Speaker 1: to make decisions on the people around me? But trusting
Speaker 1: the processes of something I have written down all the time.
Speaker 1: Do you find it easier these days? Like all the
Speaker 1: all the work that you've done on yourself, and you know,
Speaker 1: do you do you find that it's do you find
Speaker 1: that that becomes an easier thing to do? It is
Speaker 1: just because I'm learning to trust and surrender more and
Speaker 1: more there's so many things that have happened this year
Speaker 1: that are out of our control. And I am witnessing
Speaker 1: a lot of people that I know, whether publicly or privately,
Speaker 1: a lot going it to consume their thoughts, consume their
Speaker 1: their heart, consume their entire emotions to where it cripples them.
Speaker 1: And I see them in the way they're posting online,
Speaker 1: I see them in the way they communicate with me,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I could consume my thoughts around. I
Speaker 1: don't have control over the election. I don't have the
Speaker 1: control over this thing. I don't have the control over
Speaker 1: what people are doing in business. I don't have control
Speaker 1: over my employee. I could. I could obsess over this,
Speaker 1: and it will make me sick. It'll make me physically sick,
Speaker 1: emotionally sick, mentally sick, and I'll make poor decisions. So
Speaker 1: a leader, what I've learned, doesn't react to the environment
Speaker 1: in a negative way. Reacts from a place of vision. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me go back to my vision. I have no
Speaker 1: control over anything that's happening except for the way I
Speaker 1: show up my actions, my intentions, my words. Uh, how
Speaker 1: I schedule things, the things I watch, and the things
Speaker 1: as I say I can control the way I respond,
Speaker 1: and so it's just putting into practice not reacting from
Speaker 1: a place of anger all the time, because that anger
Speaker 1: really doesn't make me feel good. And then I am
Speaker 1: a ripple effect in my personal relationships, in my business,
Speaker 1: and so I come from a place of vision as
Speaker 1: often as I can. I'm not perfect. That's still react
Speaker 1: in a negative way here and there, but I am
Speaker 1: able to see things differently at thirty seven than it
Speaker 1: was at thirty three, you know, seven, And I'm sure
Speaker 1: I have a long way to go still, um, but
Speaker 1: I can notice it a lot faster and it's I
Speaker 1: feel just so much more inner peace. And I think
Speaker 1: that's the thing that a lot of people are missing,
Speaker 1: is how to cultivate inter peace because we live in
Speaker 1: such a negative state of mind as opposed to a
Speaker 1: beautiful state of mind. And um, I want to be
Speaker 1: in a beautiful state. Yeah, I think we all desire
Speaker 1: that so deeply, But no one can give that to us.
Speaker 1: No one can give us a beautiful, peaceful state. It's
Speaker 1: something we must cultivate moment to moment based on the
Speaker 1: tools we developed for ourselves, whether it be therapy tools
Speaker 1: or other mantras. Or meditation or time, whatever may be
Speaker 1: for each individual. I am constantly looking to develop new
Speaker 1: tools in order for us to cultivate more beautiful states
Speaker 1: of mind than uh, negative states of mind. And what
Speaker 1: my meditation teacher calls a suffering state. If we're not
Speaker 1: if we're not in a beautiful state, then we are
Speaker 1: in a suffering state. And we can choose to be
Speaker 1: in a beautiful state more frequently by utilizing the tools
Speaker 1: of our of our that we have available for us.
Speaker 1: And for example, every day, something is going to happen
Speaker 1: that could upset us. It can potentially upset us, let
Speaker 1: us down, hurt us. Uh, someone breaks their words, someone
Speaker 1: doesn't show up on time, someone in the and uh,
Speaker 1: you know when you're driving, up set you, cutting you off,
Speaker 1: someone hurts you in a massive way. And I am
Speaker 1: not saying we shouldn't feel the feelings of pain and
Speaker 1: hurt and upset and grief and loss. I think these
Speaker 1: are all powerful emotions to feel. But when we stay
Speaker 1: in these motions of a negative state more frequently, it's
Speaker 1: really hard to lead our lives. It's really hard to
Speaker 1: be there for our friends and family, it's really hard
Speaker 1: to create our dreams at a high level when we're
Speaker 1: suffering more frequently than when we're in a beautiful state.
Speaker 1: And so I just feel like it's my responsibility to
Speaker 1: cultivate the tools I need in order to be in
Speaker 1: a beautiful state. Well, and it is about that flow
Speaker 1: between the two I have found of it's not about
Speaker 1: denying those feelings. It's not about not feeling those feelings
Speaker 1: that are more quote un challenging. Um, there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with those, like you said, but it is about like
Speaker 1: it starts to be like, how how can I feel those?
Speaker 1: And then how quickly can I come back into equanimity?
Speaker 1: And it becomes this dance that we get better and
Speaker 1: better at with, like you're saying, with the tools that
Speaker 1: we used to cultivate that dance. But it's uh, it's
Speaker 1: that really to me is the the practice. The life
Speaker 1: practice is first off, life is the practice, right, Like,
Speaker 1: what we're getting at is to be able to live.
Speaker 1: I feel like what we're getting at is being able
Speaker 1: to live in a more in a flow state where
Speaker 1: we're not denying. We're not denying the shadow, we're not
Speaker 1: denying the light, we're not denying the human, we're not
Speaker 1: denying the holy, like we flow back and forth and
Speaker 1: allow the whole experience to be lived through us. Now,
Speaker 1: that's not easy to do. It's and it can be
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable. And I think part of the tools that
Speaker 1: I have been, you know, cultivating, is being able to
Speaker 1: live in that discomfort, to be able to expand my
Speaker 1: container of how much I can hold with grace and
Speaker 1: love and you know, and just the challenge of sitting
Speaker 1: on my couch and you know is that is a
Speaker 1: practice for me. That is a practice. How can I
Speaker 1: do this with with as much grace and love and
Speaker 1: kindness for myself as possible? And how can I not
Speaker 1: allow my head to spin out, because it's the first
Speaker 1: thing that wants to do. It's so easy to get
Speaker 1: spun out. I mean, for you, what's your main tool
Speaker 1: right now to to cultivate that kinder frame of mind?
Speaker 1: I just have compassion for myself. Compassion being the tool
Speaker 1: I guess my you know, I'm grateful that I have
Speaker 1: a block away from me. I have my studio that
Speaker 1: I go to from my my apartment that I'm living in.
Speaker 1: I think it'd be very challenging def compassion if I
Speaker 1: was only in my apartment all day long from the
Speaker 1: last eight months, so having a place to go my
Speaker 1: my girlfriend is living with me and she is there
Speaker 1: pretty much all day. So having compassion for her, knowing
Speaker 1: that her identity has shifted a lot during this time,
Speaker 1: and me not getting frustrated but understanding and how a
Speaker 1: perspective that this is something we're going through right now.
Speaker 1: And what it does for me is that compassion forces
Speaker 1: me to level up my my skills and um, there's
Speaker 1: certain things that I don't want to do, but I'm
Speaker 1: learning how to do better, becoming a better listener, being
Speaker 1: more patient when I'm just like, no, let's let's move on,
Speaker 1: let's do this, come on, just like get over it.
Speaker 1: But it's like, okay, no, it doesn't work that way
Speaker 1: for everyone. So I need to have a lot of patients,
Speaker 1: which I typically don't have. I need to be a
Speaker 1: little bit better listener, even when I feel like I've
Speaker 1: communicated exactly what I need to communicate. You know, all
Speaker 1: these things make me better, and so I look at
Speaker 1: it as this is all happening in my favor for
Speaker 1: something greater in the future. I need to have hindsight now,
Speaker 1: which constantly brings me back to hindsight now this concept.
Speaker 1: In a year, I will look back to this challenging moment,
Speaker 1: this challenging conversation, this month, whatever it may be, and
Speaker 1: I'll say I needed that exactly for this reason a
Speaker 1: year from now. And so I keep putting myself in
Speaker 1: the future now, and that that space between gives me
Speaker 1: perspective from that time and that distance, and um, that's
Speaker 1: what's really helpful. But you know, I'll give an example.
Speaker 1: My my girlfriend's uh, former TV producer who she worked
Speaker 1: with every single day for a few years, just passed
Speaker 1: away suddenly two days ago. And I only met her
Speaker 1: a few times, so it's not like she was a
Speaker 1: friend of mine, but I met her a few times,
Speaker 1: but her energy impacted me in a powerful way. And
Speaker 1: this isn't and she's she didn't even speaks English, so
Speaker 1: I didn't even have a conversation with her, but her
Speaker 1: energy was very impactful. And it was very sad that
Speaker 1: she died very drastically in the last couple of days
Speaker 1: out of the blue. And as I was sitting in
Speaker 1: kind of comforting my girlfriend and she's kind of watching
Speaker 1: the TV and the news about it, and she's why
Speaker 1: stching these videos that they made about this woman who
Speaker 1: passed away, she's reflecting on it. I'm watching these videos
Speaker 1: and I'm in tears for a good five to ten
Speaker 1: minutes watching this with her, allowing myself to feel, allowing
Speaker 1: myself to sink into it. Even though this wasn't a
Speaker 1: close friend of mine, I had met her, and just
Speaker 1: watching someone's life, a beautiful life, slip away and be
Speaker 1: gone made me so sad, made me so sad, and
Speaker 1: it gave me perspective of man, these things that I'm
Speaker 1: frustrated with right now don't matter, Like these things don't matter.
Speaker 1: When tomorrow I could be gone, When tomorrow my girlfriend
Speaker 1: could be gone, when my mom could be gone, I
Speaker 1: don't know. We don't know. And one day I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be sitting around talking to my friends and you won't
Speaker 1: be here. Or one day you're gonna be sitting around
Speaker 1: talking to your friends about this conversation we had and
Speaker 1: I would no longer be here. Hopefully that is not
Speaker 1: for decades for either one of us. But we don't know.
Speaker 1: And I could be gone tomorrow, You could be gone tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Something we don't know. And I think that tool of
Speaker 1: death and perspective around death brings me back into a
Speaker 1: place of perspective of it could all like things are
Speaker 1: so fragile, we have no idea when it's gonna be over.
Speaker 1: Why suffer when we the opposite of joy is so
Speaker 1: much better? And again I felt sadness in that moment,
Speaker 1: and I felt sadness the last few days. But I said,
Speaker 1: what can I do in this moment for my life
Speaker 1: to lead with a sense of purpose and vision, to
Speaker 1: make a better impact with the gifts that I have,
Speaker 1: so that if I die tomorrow, I was living my
Speaker 1: vision just the way this woman was living her vision
Speaker 1: at a high level, high energy, positive, powerful, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: at least she went out impacting people, living her truth.
Speaker 1: And that's the way. That's the tool that I want
Speaker 1: to have to interest saying yeah, it's funny because this
Speaker 1: podcasts has definitely stretched me beyond my comfort whatever. Why
Speaker 1: do you think no, I just because I'm doing something
Speaker 1: completely different. First of all, I've never been on the
Speaker 1: the questioning side of things, Like I'm always the receiver
Speaker 1: of questions that I I'm great at being able to
Speaker 1: come back and answer things, but to to have to
Speaker 1: be to be on the other side of things is
Speaker 1: challenging for me, and it's terrifying. I've literally you should
Speaker 1: have seen me before we got on. I'm literally breathing,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's gonna be okaying, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: I can't even tell You're doing amazing. You're very natural.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. But it's um, it's new, and
Speaker 1: I think I don't I don't think I don't like
Speaker 1: people seeing my uh my process. Like ever since I
Speaker 1: was yeah, you know, like ever since I was little.
Speaker 1: I I did this one thing and I did really
Speaker 1: freaking well, and I perfected it and and I perfect
Speaker 1: I've perfected the art of the interview also of being
Speaker 1: on the other side, like I've I've had all of
Speaker 1: these things that I just I know I can do,
Speaker 1: and I've that has been my I won't even call
Speaker 1: it comfort zone. It's actually been my my death like
Speaker 1: it's been it has. It's been the death of a
Speaker 1: piece of me that I haven't allowed out and allowed
Speaker 1: to grow. And this new challenge is is part of
Speaker 1: my growth and I know I'm I'm choosing it now
Speaker 1: and I know I have to do this for myself
Speaker 1: because you talk about vision, and I think of where
Speaker 1: I want to be in a year from now or
Speaker 1: even when I'm done with the first you know series
Speaker 1: of these podcasts. I think about where I'm going to be,
Speaker 1: and I know what I have to do to get there,
Speaker 1: and I know I have to sit in this damn
Speaker 1: discomfort of feeling fear and doing it anyway. And you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I look at going to your your event,
Speaker 1: when I came to your event, and I told you,
Speaker 1: I'm terrified, like I'm terrified of being seen in this
Speaker 1: way because it's a new way for me and this
Speaker 1: is a new way for me to be seen. So
Speaker 1: when I think of I think I I completely agree
Speaker 1: with you on the vision part is like, Oh, I
Speaker 1: have this dream, I have this I have this almost
Speaker 1: like this bodily feeling that I know where I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to be. I know what's going to be on the
Speaker 1: other side of that, and I have to have to
Speaker 1: do this right now for myself. I have to make
Speaker 1: these choices in order to get there. And that's what
Speaker 1: I feel like. That's what vision does, is it gives
Speaker 1: you the drive and the will to be able to
Speaker 1: sit in the discomfort. Here's a here's an exercise I
Speaker 1: try to do every year for myself at the end
Speaker 1: of the year, most people think of like, Okay, let
Speaker 1: me reflect on the year and what I accomplished in
Speaker 1: my news resolutions. I think of my um my fear list.
Speaker 1: I think, in order to become fearless, I need to
Speaker 1: create a fear list. Oh gotta love this. Okay, tell
Speaker 1: me more. And so every year I try to find
Speaker 1: three big fears at the end of the year, or
Speaker 1: it could be at any time during the year, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, this is something I'm afraid of, and
Speaker 1: I put it on my fear list. And this list
Speaker 1: I'll rank at the end of the year, and I'll say,
Speaker 1: what are the things that are holding me back the most?
Speaker 1: What are these fears? I have five fears, twenty fears whatever.
Speaker 1: It could be something small. It could be like I'm
Speaker 1: afraid to have conversations with my family about this thing.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to launch a chant uh you know record,
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to open up about soriosis. All these different things, right,
Speaker 1: whatever they are. Create a list and then and then
Speaker 1: circle the top three the ones that make the top
Speaker 1: of the list the greatest fears, and I make it
Speaker 1: my mission to go all in on those fears. That
Speaker 1: next year so that they no longer on are on
Speaker 1: the list, so that I fully have embraced it. I've
Speaker 1: become you know, uh, I've become bad man essentially, where
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of the bats, and then I become the
Speaker 1: bat because I live in the darkness with the bats,
Speaker 1: so that they don't I'm not afraid of them anymore,
Speaker 1: and then I have power over on them. And it's
Speaker 1: it's something that I try to do every year. This
Speaker 1: year it's it's Spanish. It's been something for twenty years
Speaker 1: I've been wanting to learn, and I'll always download a
Speaker 1: Spanish app and I'll always do this thing, but I
Speaker 1: never fully commit. So this year I finally committed. I'm
Speaker 1: doing three days a week private lessons an hour at
Speaker 1: a time. I'm paying for it. I found a teacher
Speaker 1: and it's scheduled in my calendar and I tell you what,
Speaker 1: I am horrible. I am so bad, and it's it.
Speaker 1: I hate it. It's so much insecurity around it. Because
Speaker 1: I usually do things that i'm really good at at,
Speaker 1: or natural at, picking up or an extension of something
Speaker 1: i'm good at so that I can excel at it.
Speaker 1: I'm not excelling at this and it's painful, and it's sucks,
Speaker 1: and it hurts the ego, all these things, but it's
Speaker 1: exactly what I need. And it's also gratifying the fact
Speaker 1: that I'm proud of myself for showing up consistently, even
Speaker 1: if I'm not learning it as quick as i'd like,
Speaker 1: even if I sound like a second grader half the time.
Speaker 1: It's great for my ego. It's great for my growth,
Speaker 1: and I focus on that. Also another thing, I think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna saw this. I haven't taken out, but I
Speaker 1: haven't VISI line in and I have been like afraid
Speaker 1: of getting bracest for the last twenty years, and it's
Speaker 1: something I'm like, ah, but it's I'm gonna look insecure. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, people are gonna see my teeth and make
Speaker 1: fun of me. I'm on camera, I take photos like
Speaker 1: this isn't gonna look good. It's gonna hurt my brand.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, it's just it's not okay.
Speaker 1: I just need to lean into this and accept it
Speaker 1: and trust the process. That this is more important for
Speaker 1: my health because my actually back teeth were not actually touching.
Speaker 1: It's more important for my digestion because I wasn't able
Speaker 1: to chew my food properly, more than vanity than anything.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do I want, you know, decades of
Speaker 1: health or do I wanna um uh for a couple
Speaker 1: of years of pain or continue to be insecure about
Speaker 1: this for the rest of my life. And so there's
Speaker 1: things that I do that I don't want to do
Speaker 1: every year and they served me at the greatest level,
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful and proud of myself for taking
Speaker 1: it on that it builds my confidence and also increases
Speaker 1: my humility at the same time. Yeah, that's key you
Speaker 1: talk about brand I when I look at you and
Speaker 1: when I see all the things that you post on
Speaker 1: social media, I I find you first of all, I
Speaker 1: adore you, and I find you so very warm, and
Speaker 1: I do. But you feel so upbeat and driven and
Speaker 1: like fearless, And do you feel do you feel that
Speaker 1: way inside or is there or do you even do
Speaker 1: you ever feel like you can't show a piece of you?
Speaker 1: Because that is so that's so much of your message.
Speaker 1: I choose to create that inside so that it becomes
Speaker 1: on the outside. Like if I'm not feeling good for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, or from feeling a little groggy in the
Speaker 1: morning for something or whatever. Um, I have tools where
Speaker 1: when I walk into a room, I I tell myself something.
Speaker 1: I have a mantra. I'm like, I'm gonna bring the
Speaker 1: joy even if I'm not feeling it. And so when
Speaker 1: I walk through a doorway typically and I know someone's
Speaker 1: in there in the next room, whether it's my office
Speaker 1: or an event or whatever may be, literally just lift
Speaker 1: act as if like there's a string pulling from on
Speaker 1: top of the doorway. It's pulling me up. When I
Speaker 1: walked through the door, and I'm just say and I smile,
Speaker 1: instantly walked the door, lift your shoulders back, put your
Speaker 1: head up, and smile, and you start to attract that
Speaker 1: energy to you. You start to notice it in other places,
Speaker 1: and you start to become it. So it's just it's
Speaker 1: a I wouldn't call fake it till you make it.
Speaker 1: It's just create it and become it. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you need to choose joy. You need to choose uh,
Speaker 1: being outgoing when you don't when you feel introverted. You
Speaker 1: need to choose to work out when you want to relax.
Speaker 1: You need to choose these to meditate when you are
Speaker 1: feel stressed. You need to choose this, and it's a
Speaker 1: moment by moment choice. And I'm not perfect all the time. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm not always happy, and sometimes with my brand online,
Speaker 1: I feel like so many people are dependent on me
Speaker 1: to bring some type of positive energy or to have
Speaker 1: the answers or whatever it may be. UM, I I
Speaker 1: feel like I have shared enough vulnerabilities that I'm still
Speaker 1: allowing myself to open up when I need to UM
Speaker 1: from my from myself online. But again, I try. I
Speaker 1: try to just work on these things all the time.
Speaker 1: In my interviews that I do, I'm doing therapy. I'm
Speaker 1: doing it with other people and myself. I'm being vulnerable
Speaker 1: in my videos and audios and my long form content, UM,
Speaker 1: being vulnerable with my team, with my girlfriend, with my family.
Speaker 1: So I feel like I'm doing it all the time
Speaker 1: so that I don't suppress those emotions and get trapped
Speaker 1: into a state of depression. All Right, we're gonna take
Speaker 1: a brief pause, but when we come back, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be tackling the very vulnerable topic of vulnerability. Welcome back.
Speaker 1: You talk about vulnerability. How what makes you choose to
Speaker 1: be vulnerable? Because it's scary, I mean, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like you can walk. I don't feel like you can
Speaker 1: be vulnerable without fear, some sort of fear walking along
Speaker 1: right beside that. Terrified, terrified. I mean, member when I
Speaker 1: when I opened up about sexual abuse seven years ago,
Speaker 1: it took me. I recorded the first off. I probably
Speaker 1: talked about it for Yeah. I thought about doing an
Speaker 1: episode on it for six months. Um, it took me.
Speaker 1: It took me twenty five years just to tell a
Speaker 1: soul about it, and then it took me six to
Speaker 1: nine months of like, Okay, let me tell my family,
Speaker 1: let me tell my friends one on one, and terrified
Speaker 1: to tell one person. As I continued to tell more people,
Speaker 1: I kept asking myself, do I need to tell more people?
Speaker 1: And I came to the decision of yes, because I
Speaker 1: felt like this still had power over me, this story
Speaker 1: of being sexually abused, the fear of people judging me
Speaker 1: if they knew this about me. I was like, no
Speaker 1: one would ever love me if they knew that I'd
Speaker 1: been sexually abused by a man. People would make fun
Speaker 1: of me for the rest of my life. It was
Speaker 1: just the stories that I had made up, and so
Speaker 1: the first time of sharing it with someone a family member.
Speaker 1: I was like, they may disown me. I don't know,
Speaker 1: they may blame I have no idea. It's the unknown.
Speaker 1: And when the opposite happened, which was total love, total acceptance,
Speaker 1: total I'm here for you, and deeper vulnerability and trust
Speaker 1: and connection, I was like, wow, really, the thing I've
Speaker 1: been most afraid of has actually brought me closer to
Speaker 1: the people in my life, has actually created more empathy
Speaker 1: and compassion between each other. I was like, wow, okay,
Speaker 1: let me share this with a friend of mine. Now
Speaker 1: my family knows they have to love me well. A
Speaker 1: friend accept me. And then I started sharing with a
Speaker 1: friend and another friend, and I was like, wow, they
Speaker 1: accept me. And I remember thinking, after a period of time,
Speaker 1: like I was still stuttering. As I would tell the story,
Speaker 1: as I would bring the attention to someone, as I
Speaker 1: would share this vulnerability, I would still get really sweaty.
Speaker 1: I'd still you know, stumble. I was just like still nervous,
Speaker 1: which made me realize that this is a big fear
Speaker 1: of mine, and personally, I do made a decision I'm
Speaker 1: going all in on this until it no longer consumes me.
Speaker 1: Because I was coming from a place of reaction a
Speaker 1: lot of the times in my life when I felt
Speaker 1: abused uh or taken advantage of, or like something wasn't
Speaker 1: fair to me, it would bring me back to that
Speaker 1: place of sexual abuse. And it was almost like I
Speaker 1: was recreating the sexual abuse in all these little moments
Speaker 1: of my life, triggered by the feeling of being abused.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, that does not serve my vision,
Speaker 1: that does not serve my joy, and that does not
Speaker 1: help me inspire the people. So I need to do
Speaker 1: the work and heal this. And I learned for my
Speaker 1: process was telling more people one by one by asking
Speaker 1: them if I could share with them something. And then
Speaker 1: I decided, I think I should share this on my podcast,
Speaker 1: and so I found someone to help guide the conversation
Speaker 1: because I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: I'm terrified of this. I need someone who can guide me.
Speaker 1: We recorded it and I held it for six months.
Speaker 1: I had it on my blog like ready to publish,
Speaker 1: but I was like, this is gonna ruin me, Like
Speaker 1: my friends, my family has to love me, my friends
Speaker 1: support me. My audience, I don't know, they may like
Speaker 1: make memes about me. I was just I was so unsure,
Speaker 1: and this was seven years ago. This is, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: I had never really seen other men who kind of
Speaker 1: looked like me and fit my archetype open up about
Speaker 1: sexual abuse. I wasn't seeing it happening or just open
Speaker 1: up and be vulnerable online in general. I just wasn't
Speaker 1: seeing it happened seven years ago, so it was terrifying
Speaker 1: to me. I saw women do this, but men needed
Speaker 1: to be strong and be this thing or whatever. And
Speaker 1: I was like, man, this is gonna really hurt my brand,
Speaker 1: my business, like all these things, but it was more
Speaker 1: of a it wasn't an option anymore. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't care if everyone unfriends me. I don't care
Speaker 1: if the world criticized me for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: This will set me free by doing this. And I'm
Speaker 1: doing this and if it helps one person sin who
Speaker 1: one man who's been sexually abused and who has been
Speaker 1: a prisoner of this abuse for their whole life, It'll
Speaker 1: be worth it for me to lose everything if I
Speaker 1: can help one person. And this is why when I
Speaker 1: saw your post a week ago, I was so I
Speaker 1: was smiling. I was so happy because I knew I
Speaker 1: knew internally I didn't know this about you, but I
Speaker 1: knew internally this was something that you've been You must
Speaker 1: have been insecure with for a long time to be
Speaker 1: able to not be able to talk about it openly.
Speaker 1: You must have felt like a prisoner in some sense
Speaker 1: in your own heart and mind. And that's why I
Speaker 1: was so proud of you for being completely vulnerable. It's
Speaker 1: not like you're just like, oh, check out my arm
Speaker 1: i psoriasis. You were like, I am a naked human
Speaker 1: being in the woods, completely naked for the world to
Speaker 1: see my body, and how it's not, you know, quote
Speaker 1: unquote perfect, and I was just like, I was so happy.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to hug you right then. And if
Speaker 1: you'll notice, you know that that post has sixty likes,
Speaker 1: almost six thousand comments, essentially fifty times more than the
Speaker 1: average post of a photo that you would get. And
Speaker 1: as I'm sure you're still having kind of an emotional
Speaker 1: hangover from this, where thousands of probably women and men
Speaker 1: are messaging you saying I've been going through something similar
Speaker 1: my entire life or my adult life and have been
Speaker 1: so insecure. Thank you for giving me the permission to
Speaker 1: not feel shame. Thank you for giving me the power
Speaker 1: to share this with a close friend. And by you
Speaker 1: taking on your fear list, you're becoming more fearless and
Speaker 1: you're empowering other people to do the same. And that's
Speaker 1: where the beauty and yeah, that was that was so
Speaker 1: powerful for me to do and it is. It's as
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed when I was two years old, so
Speaker 1: I've lived with this my whole life and I hadn't
Speaker 1: hadn't had a break out in sixteen years, I guess,
Speaker 1: And so this time I was like, I'm being given
Speaker 1: this for a reason. I'm going to use this for
Speaker 1: all its worth and I'm going to free myself from
Speaker 1: something that I felt such shame around, like I never
Speaker 1: wanted to go out in a bathing suit. In fact,
Speaker 1: this summer we went on a boat with friends and
Speaker 1: I literally wore like long pants and a T shirt.
Speaker 1: I still still was was just like I can't and
Speaker 1: these are people I know love me and accept me,
Speaker 1: and I I still hid. There was still this little
Speaker 1: girl in me that was like like you're saying, will
Speaker 1: I be accepted? Will they love me? And I know
Speaker 1: I had to accept that piece of myself, like I
Speaker 1: I know it came back in this time for a reason.
Speaker 1: While I was sitting at home, while I was letting
Speaker 1: my head spin out, like whatever it may be, like,
Speaker 1: it all came rushing up and back to me to
Speaker 1: be to be shifted. And I I've done enough work
Speaker 1: to know like, oh, here's a lesson. I'm going time going,
Speaker 1: I'm going to learn this so I don't have to
Speaker 1: do this again. And you know, I really did take
Speaker 1: it and utilize it. And I I wanted, like you
Speaker 1: did with sexual abuse, to be able to number one,
Speaker 1: come out of my own hiding and to free myself
Speaker 1: from that cage. And number two, I know there's so
Speaker 1: many people out there who not only experienced horiasis, but
Speaker 1: need the permission to find freedom like that, Really, whatever
Speaker 1: it is that you're hiding. My my friend always says,
Speaker 1: we're only as sick as our secrets, and and it's
Speaker 1: so true. It's like, and we talk about stories and
Speaker 1: sharing our stories, like you know, look, you didn't hear
Speaker 1: a lot of men that fit your archetype talking about
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, because you have to lead the way sometimes
Speaker 1: and and there has to be people that eat the way.
Speaker 1: And it is amazing to me people who commented on
Speaker 1: that photo of mine and you know, talk about how
Speaker 1: much they're still hiding and whether or not they have
Speaker 1: it as a woman in the society to have to
Speaker 1: be perfect and think that we have to use all
Speaker 1: the photoshop on our photos and all the things. Like
Speaker 1: I I have photos of me that I just did,
Speaker 1: um from a photo shoot, and before I released this,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we have to photoshop all of
Speaker 1: that out. And I know, look, I know I used
Speaker 1: I will completely use photoshop for what it needs to
Speaker 1: be used for. Um. You know, it has a time
Speaker 1: of place. But I felt the other day I looked
Speaker 1: at that photo and I was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: I want to photoshop that out of that. I think
Speaker 1: I want people to experience another piece of me besides
Speaker 1: that photo. Like there's there's such power in it. There
Speaker 1: really is that vulnerability. I know. I read where you
Speaker 1: said that it's like a superpower, and it's I think
Speaker 1: the biggest superpower that we hold it within us. Well,
Speaker 1: I think what I've learned. I mean, I was getting
Speaker 1: a lot of results in my life as an athlete
Speaker 1: and then transitioning into business in my twenties and late twenties,
Speaker 1: but it was something I guess it was right around
Speaker 1: when I hit thirty, when I started opening up about
Speaker 1: the sexual abuse. It was something about like being vulnerable,
Speaker 1: really truly being vulnerable. There was like I created a
Speaker 1: deeper sense of trust with people, my my friends, my family,
Speaker 1: and also kind of my community. It was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I liked you before, Louis. You're nice, you were fun,
Speaker 1: you were like you achieved, like you did awesome things.
Speaker 1: But now I really trust you and I'm you know, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm not going to be
Speaker 1: perfect my whole life. But it's like this sense of like, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just believe him more, like everything he does, like
Speaker 1: I just something about it. I just feel a little
Speaker 1: bit more trustworthy. Even if you trusted people trust you before,
Speaker 1: it's like, now I really trust her. H if she's
Speaker 1: willing to go out and share that, like she's real.
Speaker 1: And I think that's that's something that people can learn,
Speaker 1: is it. It's a superpower in the fact that you're
Speaker 1: strengthening your late relationships with the people around you, whether
Speaker 1: you have an audience and a platform or not, You're
Speaker 1: deepening relationships and the the true um key to success
Speaker 1: in life is relationships. And so if your relationships are
Speaker 1: at a seven because you're not vulnerable and people don't
Speaker 1: trust you, you're gonna get seven results in those relationships
Speaker 1: and in life. But if you're fully open again with
Speaker 1: the right context, I think there's a There are some
Speaker 1: people that are just throwing up vulnerabilities all day long
Speaker 1: on social media to use it for attention. Uh, when
Speaker 1: it's a consistent day after day after day, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: there's there's a game behind this, so you have to
Speaker 1: be really careful about how you're doing this. I think
Speaker 1: there can be manipulation because then it's like the sympathy,
Speaker 1: there can be a manipulation to that. Also, that's the
Speaker 1: shadow side of vulnerability. I believe that we're seeing. I
Speaker 1: feel like people are turning vulnerability into a business and
Speaker 1: it's and and it's yeah, and it's it's kind of oh,
Speaker 1: it's almost like the person that's revealing something, it's like,
Speaker 1: have you really processed that yet to be able to
Speaker 1: reveal that? Are you just using it for manipulation? There
Speaker 1: is there is a shadow side to that or for
Speaker 1: likes or for yeah, And I think you gotta and
Speaker 1: you gotta check yourself before you post something to ask
Speaker 1: is this to serve people? Or is this for me
Speaker 1: to get attention when I'm not getting right now? And
Speaker 1: I remember asking many when I opened up with the
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, and I again, I held it for six
Speaker 1: months before I published the interview that I did. I
Speaker 1: remember asking many female leaders in the space and saying, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about doing this. Will you please look this over.
Speaker 1: When you look over the post, we listen to it
Speaker 1: and make sure that I'm not doing anything out of integrity,
Speaker 1: for manipulation, for whatever people thinking I'm using this to
Speaker 1: get attention, because my whole intention is to set myself
Speaker 1: free and to support any other men who might have
Speaker 1: gone through this. And so I got feedback from women
Speaker 1: who I trusted and respected to kind of like give
Speaker 1: me permission. And that's the way I did it. And um,
Speaker 1: when you're opening up about something big like that, I
Speaker 1: think it's you know, get some trusted advisers. When I
Speaker 1: admire you so much for for revealing that piece of you,
Speaker 1: because you're right like I because of that story, I
Speaker 1: feel like I know, I feel like I know why
Speaker 1: you do the things that you do, Like you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, like it's it's it's great to be able
Speaker 1: to It's like, oh, I see where his passion comes
Speaker 1: from and helping people. And you know, it's like you said,
Speaker 1: I trust you. I trust that your intentions are coming
Speaker 1: from a beautiful place and a place where you know
Speaker 1: you want to you want to help set people free,
Speaker 1: and that, to me is is so beautiful because we
Speaker 1: need more men like you in the world. I appreciate that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I appreciate that I received that. And again it's I've
Speaker 1: had many years where I was not my best and
Speaker 1: I think I had to go through pain, go through
Speaker 1: hurting myself, hurting other people in order to realize okay,
Speaker 1: pain is allowing me to reflect again. This guy interviewed
Speaker 1: Ray Dalio, who wrote a book called Principles. He's one
Speaker 1: of the richest people in the world. He created a
Speaker 1: formula called pain plus reflection equals Progress for his life.
Speaker 1: Is one of his main principles. And I think one
Speaker 1: pain can be a great thing because if we allow
Speaker 1: ourselves to reflect in the pain. If we do nothing
Speaker 1: and we don't reflect and we just keep going into it,
Speaker 1: then that's not gonna get progress. But when we hurt
Speaker 1: someone and we feel that pain when someone hurts us
Speaker 1: and we feel that pain, and we take a moment
Speaker 1: to reflect and say, Okay, did I truly do something
Speaker 1: wrong here? If I did, let me own and and
Speaker 1: take responsibility and reflect on what I can create moving forward,
Speaker 1: the actions I can take moving forward. And so I
Speaker 1: think I've just been I've I've hurt people, people have
Speaker 1: hurt me. You know, all these different things have happened
Speaker 1: in my life where I'm like, I've reflected a lot.
Speaker 1: And that was one of the reasons why I started
Speaker 1: School of Greatness was because I was like, I want
Speaker 1: to learn from people. I want to reflect, and I
Speaker 1: want to be able to open up as well. And
Speaker 1: I think, and I think it's beautiful that you're doing this,
Speaker 1: and I'm curious, is your record, Well, it will be
Speaker 1: out when this is right, Yeah, when this airs will
Speaker 1: be out. Yes. So I'm sending it to you, so
Speaker 1: you have it. I'm so excited for that. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. Yes, text me, I want to. I want
Speaker 1: to listen to that asap. I feel like that's gonna
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna heal me. And so many people
Speaker 1: to text to you. Um, I just want to finish
Speaker 1: out our conversation. I think music is obviously one of
Speaker 1: the most incredible um gifts that we have been given
Speaker 1: in this world art forms. It really does take us
Speaker 1: to so many places internally. Um, it connects us in
Speaker 1: such a deep way. And I'm always curious about people's
Speaker 1: playlist and what music is influencing your life at maybe
Speaker 1: could be at this moment or like, what do you feel?
Speaker 1: What songs? What five songs we call this the Holy Five?
Speaker 1: What five songs do you feel like? Uh, speak to
Speaker 1: your life this moment or your whole life. I try
Speaker 1: to do my best of putting us together at the
Speaker 1: last minute. UM. I listen to a lot of Latin music,
Speaker 1: Latin pop. This is for whatever. I'm a big sauca dancer.
Speaker 1: I've been tell us a dancing for year, almost fifteen
Speaker 1: years now, and something about Latin music. Saw some music,
Speaker 1: Latin pop music that just when I'm not feeling good,
Speaker 1: it on. It's like the beat makes you move, and
Speaker 1: when we get into our bodies and express ourselves, we
Speaker 1: start to feel a little bit better. So does are
Speaker 1: That's something that gets me in a beautiful state that genre.
Speaker 1: But I have, uh, I have some key songs that
Speaker 1: I like that I have on repeat a lot, So
Speaker 1: that's what I thought about. I don't know these are
Speaker 1: my top five of all time, but I think these
Speaker 1: are songs that I put on repeat for certain reasons.
Speaker 1: One is, uh, don't Stop Believing. As kind of cheesy
Speaker 1: as that is, Journey, I don't know why, I just
Speaker 1: don't about it. It's like I can listen to any time,
Speaker 1: it never gets hold. There's certain there's certain songs that
Speaker 1: I'm like. I When I like a song, I'll listen
Speaker 1: to it a thousand times over three weeks, and then
Speaker 1: I don't want to listen to it anymore. This song
Speaker 1: I can listen to over and over and it still
Speaker 1: gets me. Uh, So, don't stop believing. I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: a big movie soundtrack guy. Um so charit's of Fire.
Speaker 1: I'm not even sure the name him with the song,
Speaker 1: but it's just the slow mo like build up. It's
Speaker 1: just an inspirational instrumental. Yes, No, that song is his
Speaker 1: killer for sure. I think it's called vent Van Vangelists
Speaker 1: or something like that. But that song, what is it?
Speaker 1: Van gillis? Oh is the artist? Yes? Oh? Interesting? I
Speaker 1: never knew that interesting. There you go. Yeah. Um I'm
Speaker 1: a big fan of the Last Mohicans theme song. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I have to revisit that. I need to that.
Speaker 1: It's it's amazing. It's this instrumental theme song that just
Speaker 1: he's running through the woods like trying to go save
Speaker 1: his woman and like killies people. You know, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: Um that's song. I'm I really like, uh I the
Speaker 1: Tiger back to movie themes. Yeah, but he's training in Russia,
Speaker 1: like preparing to go against the Russian uh. And then
Speaker 1: I like, there's a song I put on repeat for
Speaker 1: whatever reason over the years, Testo. I think it's called
Speaker 1: adagio for strings. Interesting. Sure if that's how you say it, okay,
Speaker 1: but it just it just gets me in the zone.
Speaker 1: I love you like you get these are like in
Speaker 1: your zone songs which yeah, another one out to say,
Speaker 1: Shepherd Moon, Shepherd's Moon and yeah, oh wow, I'm a
Speaker 1: big I'm a big Enya fan. And uh I listened
Speaker 1: to Watermark by en Yeah, Shepherd's Moons. It's really really beautiful.
Speaker 1: You should listen to Shepherd Moons before you, uh think
Speaker 1: about a chance. There might be a good chance that
Speaker 1: comes out of that that that track. Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: and yeah, I don't. It's funny. I don't know the
Speaker 1: names of the songs, but I remember that, Yes that's her, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's her. The Shepherd moont either Shepherd's Moon or Shepherd Moon.
Speaker 1: Listen to that after this one. It's a It's such
Speaker 1: a beautiful piece. I think you'll like it. I'll check
Speaker 1: it out if the two guests now that I've had
Speaker 1: on the podcast so far, everybody has such different views
Speaker 1: of music, and that's why I love music so much,
Speaker 1: like it speaks to people so differently. Your second here view,
Speaker 1: you are my second interview. You're doing amazing. Seem like
Speaker 1: you've done a thousand thank you. No I have not,
Speaker 1: but I appreciate that. So thank You're doing great. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm excited for this. I think people need to hear
Speaker 1: this side of your voice, which is a more I guess,
Speaker 1: vulnerable side for you, and I think it's perfect for you,
Speaker 1: It's perfect for your audience. And um, I can't wait
Speaker 1: for the chance. What's the chant album called? The Chant
Speaker 1: album is actually called Chant the Human and the Holy.
Speaker 1: So the Chance that I wrote for your event is
Speaker 1: actually that's the first thing that kicked everything on. No way, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's the name of the album, The Human and
Speaker 1: the Hole was that it was that a chance that
Speaker 1: you made for the event ors, that's something you were
Speaker 1: working on, is like, it was a chance. I sat
Speaker 1: down one day in meditation and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I know I want. I've had such a desire to
Speaker 1: be able to to meld my spirituality and my music
Speaker 1: and do it live, and so I just he was
Speaker 1: literally I don't know, maybe a week before and I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, well, something's gonna come through if I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to share it. And I sat down and I
Speaker 1: started singing, I am human, I am Holy Grace for
Speaker 1: news me, it's love that guides me, and it just
Speaker 1: came flowing out. I'm like, well that's it. There you go. Wow.
Speaker 1: I feel like in every one of these episodes throwing
Speaker 1: out an idea here, just take you for whatever you one.
Speaker 1: Every one of them should open with like a seven
Speaker 1: to ten second part of one of your chance songs
Speaker 1: or finish with a yes. We have been discussing that
Speaker 1: to play around. So yeah, yeah, you're on the same
Speaker 1: page for sure. I could be great. Yeah, well, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, and I greatly appreciate you and
Speaker 1: all that you do in this world. I am grateful
Speaker 1: for you. I'm glad we're friends. I'm glad you're you're
Speaker 1: doing this and I've always got your back. Thank you.
Speaker 1: That's always and that wraps up this episode with Louis House.
Speaker 1: I want to thank you and Louis for joining me
Speaker 1: on this continuing journey to be more Holy Human. Holy
Speaker 1: Human with Lean Rhymes is the production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Listen and follow Holy Human on the I Heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts.