WEBVTT - Fake it Til You Make It 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.400 Swine Down with Janet Kramer and i'm Heeart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.080 I hate stink and I'm so sorry right now, I'm 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:11.120 just glad you stink. Will see who outstinks each other. 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:12.360 I'm me tell you about four. 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:14.920 I'm glad this is an audio. Let me tell you 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:19.239 about forty and hormones. Yeah, how is forty? It's like great, 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:23.000 it's great. I promise, come on, come, come, come, come, 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:27.160 come with a kick drum. Come come, Janna, come come 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:32.480 and the kick drum. Come come. It's just the hormones. Sorry, 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:40.199 I had to Okay, the hormones, like which hormones, all 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:46.680 of them just they're all out against me. Yeah, it's 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:48.320 just like the sweat. I just feel like I have 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:51.519 never and maybe it's just after Legend because I was 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.200 your three year old son. Yep, Jason, Legie, you are 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:59.840 about the same age, which is same with Julian Love. Yeah, 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:03.360 we really have a mating season, don't we. We did? 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:07.360 We did ship was sailed? Yeah, since I had him, 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:09.800 I just feel like I'm but I've also tried natural 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:15.080 deodorance and those don't work for me. I feel like 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:20.000 like bad, here's my thing, and I I really you know, 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.160 I've I've talked about I think it was every gosh, 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:25.000 what's that one natural one I've I've tried a few 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:29.480 and they have worked. But I just stink. No, you don't, no, no, 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:32.720 I do like I need the Have you always been stinky? 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.040 I like my mom's stinky, Like I love you, but 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:36.440 you know, I think I like I just have like 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:39.120 a like and my eggs used to always be like refreshing. 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.319 I needed something to be always would be like and 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.520 I'm like, hey, that's hurtful. He just looks so hot 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.120 all the time. I need you to stink once in 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:49.080 a while. Leave for the rest of the America to 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:54.280 see saink creamer. It's like when you dig in my 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:55.640 head and you're like, is there a weave in there? 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:57.080 And I'm like, no, it's all I've got. Please just 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:00.440 leave me alone. I'm just very envious of like thick 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:04.480 and full hair. I'm envious of you. Well anyways, but 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:06.760 I apologize. I just got off a plane, so it's 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:12.560 a little had a show. You had a show. I'd 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:14.240 like to see you out there doing what you're meant 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:16.840 to do. Honey, good for you. It was fun. By 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:20.360 the way, this is Kristen Brust. She's a local guest. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.000 I mean a local guest, an avid guest. I would 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:27.720 to say that on wind down. Reoccurring reoccurring, Yes, a 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:31.440 reoccurring guest, Ankle, you are local to my heart. And 0:02:31.480 --> 0:02:33.640 she's so sweet. She wrote me the cutest little sticky 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:36.280 note you were stronger than ever. And she wrote these 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.160 adorable little sticky notes all over my house because she's 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:43.160 just she's a gem. Well, I'm here for you, Kramer. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:48.160 You're stronger than ever. You're so sweet. Hi, Mark, I 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.680 haven't seen you in a minute. Hi, Janna, Hi, how 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:52.200 are you Ben? 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:55.560 I'm good. 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:59.720 Yeah, it was good. It was it was a very transformation. 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:07.040 That's not the right word. No, it's a very it 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:10.679 was a shift opening mm hmm. Is that good? 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:11.040 Yeah? 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:16.280 Pivotal, pivotal, Yeah, pivotal, pivotal. We're throwing big words at her, 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.119 and I like pivotal. You know it's good. I will say, 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.799 I signed up for this retreat. I don't want to 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.720 say where it's at, but I'm so excited. I know 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:28.040 it's long, right, it's a week. I want to go. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:32.760 I'm I've never been more excited. You should be. That's 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:35.320 a really that's like a I don't have you ever 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:39.840 done a week by yourself? Just chilling, focusing on yourself. 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.680 So I I wanted to. You know, it's really interesting 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:45.440 is after my divorce, I was just kind of like 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.760 I'm good, Like I knew I wasn't good. Yeah, but 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:53.120 like I think I was. Oh, I've been doing it 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:55.119 for so long, and then I just kind of wanted 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:56.320 to like put band aids on it. 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:56.640 Well. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:04:00.600 Sure, also survival, Sure to say you're good. You had 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:04.440 kids to think about? Oh yeah, but I think there 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:06.280 was But I did this. Did you see him? Oh? 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:08.280 And you're so sweet. You're such a good friend. You 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.200 totally edited my caption. Oh I did because I said 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.360 steam and nuts stream and you're like, hey, best friend, 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.960 put an R and stream. I was like, it's too 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:18.160 good of a post. I was like, this is captivating, 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.440 but I do see an error in line fifteen. If 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:22.040 you could just throw an R in there so that 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.560 everyone doesn't throw rocks in their steam, and then it's 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.240 gonna I think it's going to really move mountains. This 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:29.920 place is really going to help some people. Yeah, So 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.279 I but I did that, and I tell you what, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.640 there were so many things that I was holding onto 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:36.760 that I didn't even know I was holding onto. Is 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:38.240 this the one you told me that Amy might do 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:39.960 with me? That will be amazing? 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:40.360 Yeah. 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.360 I mean she made me write on rocks like what 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.839 I was still holding onto from my past, and I 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:49.960 put him in the stream at Sarah's house or like 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:53.120 you know, on her land, and it was like insane, 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.520 like the weight that I felt lifted off of me. 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:57.440 It was really incredible. 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:02.520 It's I mean, to Saravirise his house with all my rock. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.000 Yeah, I'll be like enjoying my peaceful like. 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:13.520 Tossing it being stone. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:20.920 I'm like building a damn. Oh yeah, but that's yeah, yeah, okay, 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.080 but I'm really excited. It's gonna be fun. Yeah, it's 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:24.720 gonna be really good for you. I think, what do 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:29.799 you do? So it's like this, it's this place where 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:34.360 you I can read you the thing. It's pretty amazing, basically, 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:38.400 I will say this. It's a place where I think 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.200 for a long time, I have stayed in things because 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:46.560 I thought that I deserved it, and I have I 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:50.400 have made I have How do I say this? I've 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.360 I've stayed in things because I thought I deserved it. 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:54.560 I stayed and it was it was all a mirror 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.479 of how I thought of myself, like what I thought 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:02.680 I deserved, and I think it's realizing like I deserve 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:08.080 so much more than that. And but I but I 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.920 it's like I need. And someone told me a really 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:11.880 good friend went to this and he was just like 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.479 he said, it was an amazing place, and just like 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.279 to really just love yourself because then that's when you're 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:21.120 gonna find, you know, and that's when you're gonna really 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:28.520 attract what you know, healthy And does that make sense? Yeah, 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:30.080 Like I feel like that's the end of the podcast. 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:32.320 So it's been great chatting with you that I can. 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:35.039 But I mean, truthfully, that's it. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:38.960 Like what I keep saying to you is you're like true, 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.119 like you are stronger than ever. You're getting more whole 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.120 than you were before. Like the focus on health is 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:48.600 what you're really working on. So things that or even 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.960 people that came into your life a year ago or 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:55.040 six months ago or those people may not even fit 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:58.640 anymore because you've transitioned into a more whole and healthy 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:03.400 human along the way. Yeah, and also realizing, like if 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:06.880 I see things that are going to bring up my past, trauma, 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:09.920 Like why am I Like, that's just not healthy for 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:13.680 me to stay. No, you know, and you know, and 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.760 that's the thing, like I think a healing because I'm 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:18.480 always going to be healing, and I think there was 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.400 a piece of me for sure that like I always 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.440 it's like, well, I ever get over my ex. I'm 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:27.400 over my ex. I'm over your ex for sure, Like 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:29.120 that's what you're wondering. Yeah, And it's like I don't 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:30.720 want to keep it's not I'm not I don't want 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:32.400 to keep talking about my ax, like I want to 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:35.680 help it. I want to be a voice of like 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.680 this is how I got through really tough seasons, whether 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:40.120 you want to stay or whether you want to leave. 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:46.200 But I've forgiven him, like through this last like few weeks, 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.480 Like there's something that it's like when I release that, 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.560 I was like and I saw this thing where it's 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.280 like I don't need to carry that anymore. No, and 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:56.400 it's like I forgive him. I wish it like and 0:07:56.440 --> 0:08:00.160 it's like there's like this really amazing feeling that I'm 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:01.920 like and I don't have to hold on to it anymore. 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:04.320 And the people around you should be supporting you in 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:08.120 the letting go, yeah, and not you're not that person, 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:11.280 and so they don't. You don't get to be stuck 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.440 in that relationship anymore, and no one gets to verbally, 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:19.200 physically whatever it is, keep surrounding you with the old 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:21.400 memories or like. But it was also me though too, 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:23.280 like I for sure was like I've talked about it 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:26.560 all the damn time. Yeah, well he's still very you 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.560 have kids, I think, yeah, And like they always say, 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.960 like healing isn't linear all of that, Yeah, but I 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.559 think it was just just going through it's like hard season. 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:39.480 It's like you almost have to. I realize now it's 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:42.960 like you you really need to. I don't know, because 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.080 it's like still I still don't I say that, but 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.199 I'm gonna like I'm not even gonna finish my thought 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.760 because I feel like you, I think I'm always going 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:52.800 to have what quote unquote baggage. I'm always going to 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:55.160 have trust issues, I think. I don't. I don't know 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:57.400 if that'll ever go away. That's not do you know 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.120 what I mean? I think it'll go away. And if 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:03.480 someone ignites my trust issues, that's going to be I 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:05.560 can't stay in that. And I you know, like that's 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:08.960 something that I know now that it is not healthy 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:12.720 for me to stay in something that causes me to 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:16.720 like yeah, backtrack, backtrack, or feel like I'm you know, 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.000 being the same thing. But I also but I also 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.920 think I've let my Sorry, I think I've I've been 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:28.240 so afraid to let love in. And I think it's 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:30.840 because I didn't love myself. I'm watching from my seat, 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:36.160 you trusting yourself more, and that's when I think you'll 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.440 be able to lean into people a little more because 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:41.400 you'll trust yourself. Yeah, because no matter what, the bottom 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:43.080 falling out just means you're back with a person that 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.440 you trust, which is you. It's less intimidating. 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:45.760 Yeah. 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.760 But I also don't want to push people away though either, 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:50.080 you know. But there's a reason I think why I 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.120 push certain people away. There's a gut need to be pushed, 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.079 there's a gut thing, or there's a whatever, there's something 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:59.920 that I'm not listening to and staying ground and end 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.600 communicating that from a good place. Yeah, And I think 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.480 that's the work that like I just had like just 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:09.640 light bulb moments with our our therapist Amy and just 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:13.120 letting go of like my my like letting go of 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:15.680 those rocks, letting go of the like it was just 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.160 it still sucks, like of sure, of course, but I'm like, 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.440 I don't I do I forgive them, I forget like 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:24.320 it's it's a it's so nice to just feel it's lighter. 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:28.320 It's so much lighter. I know. So in a roundabout version, 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.839 I'm going to this place just to to cement it, 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:36.080 like I'm cementing what I've learned the last few weeks. 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.439 I'm excited for you to be alone with yourself for 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:40.760 me too. And then you have to give your phone 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:42.560 away and they're like, is that a problem? I was like, 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:46.800 I will throw it at you, like here, take it good? Yeah. 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:48.760 Do we get to write you letters that you need 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:52.600 to read while you're there, like camp send you like 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:55.880 a snack pack and a letter. And I'm so. I 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:58.120 was talking to Shanna Burgess, She's so sweet. She reached 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.600 out to me because she was saying that she you know, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.440 she went to when it was life changing. So I'm 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:05.760 I just I'm really excited because now I feel like 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:11.040 all it's it's sad that I've realized it now, you know, 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:16.360 I've had to kind of walk through certain stages of things. 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.240 But it's nice to go Okay, I'm really happy to 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.920 be right here and I feel like finally I'm kind 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:25.520 of on the not the other side, but I'm I'm 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:30.480 I'm really like tapping into it. Yeah, you just keep 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:33.760 elevating along the way. Yeah it feels good, it does. 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:39.080 But you're also getting cozier with yourself along the way. Yeah, 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.520 I do, Like, yeah, we don't. Well, you are, you're 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.199 a good person. You should cozy up with yourself once 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.440 in a while. At my core, I'm a good person. 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:50.640 Right at your core, you're a great person. Thank you, 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:53.679 And you're a healthy person. You just have to give 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.679 yourself some time. Yeah, and I don't want to. I 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.040 don't ever be like defined by like, oh, she's got 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:02.600 a lot of issues. It's like no, I I everybody 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.319 in freaking America has issues. That's why people are listening. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:10.040 It's true. People are just tru Yeah, we all have issues. 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:12.200 The thing is this, like everyone just feels like we 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:14.200 have to be like ashamed of that. It's like the 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:16.480 minute you give it light, it can't breathe anymore. It's perfect, 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.079 you know, Like my marriage is not perfect all the time. 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.520 Oh I amen, anybody. Yeah, the whole church, just that. 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.640 I mean, did you hear them? Like, do I know? 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:29.360 I am going through a little phase with myself right 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:31.079 now where I'm just like I need to talk better 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:35.920 to myself. I'm hard on myself. So we're just we're 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.199 all just trying to do stuff. Yeah, And I found 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:43.040 myself too, like when I don't love myself, I get 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:46.760 I'm not nice to like no, and it's like that's 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:50.160 not who I am. No, that's not whoever like I'm 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:52.240 that just that's not who I am. I also think 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.760 there's certain people that don't bring out the best in 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:58.520 us too, and it's not their fault, like it doesn't 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:00.719 have to be well, they bring out the triggers and 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:02.480 the like the drop and then then it's like, well, 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.000 well that's not who we are. But then that's a cycle, 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.120 that's just a yeah, and at the core, it just 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:10.840 may not be a match. Like I was am divorced before, 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:13.520 had a previous husband before my current husband, and I 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:17.200 he's a fine person, he just he wasn't my person, 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.080 you know, like a good dude. And I at some 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.640 point was like he is just not going to go 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.600 live his best life because I'm never gonna let him 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:28.280 m hm, because that's who I am when I'm with him. 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.160 I need him to be like a cheerleader and you know, 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:36.880 and he just was young, and I'm like, dude timing too. 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.200 I think that people need to come together at the 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.920 right time. Yeah, yeah, the two thousand and eight version 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:48.000 of me is like, oh, same season. Yeah, twenty fourteen 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:53.400 was hit or missed too. 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.760 So the point of you don't want to be known 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.800 as the person with issues. There's a study recently that 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:08.800 one of the best things people want to see in 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.160 a dating app or when they meet somebody. One of 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.360 the most appealing things about somebody in the first date 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.360 is to find out that they're in or have been 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.680 in therapy, because I think the most desirable people are 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.280 the ones that realize they have issues and are working 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.240 on them, which is where you are right now. That's 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.840 a great place to be because so many people live 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.320 in denial of their own issues, refuse to face their 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.320 own issues, and those are the people that you need 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.120 to stay away from, and unfortunately you've spent some time with. 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.400 But those are the best people, the ones that understand it, 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:41.640 because we are all messed up in our own ways 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.840 and the ones that get that and are working on that, 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.400 those are the people that you want to be with. 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:49.320 Ownership is hot, Mark, Ownership is absolutely And that's the thing, 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.520 like I've kind of always said, like I don't have 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:55.840 the prettiest past, Like I have felt so much shame 0:14:55.960 --> 0:15:00.640 about my past, and it's like I don't want to 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.200 carry it. I don't want to have to like feel that. 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:06.840 And it's like and I will never judge a human 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:12.640 being for you're going to make me cry. This is 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.800 us as we describe it, Like I will never judge 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:18.840 a human being for anything they do in their past 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:22.600 because I give an immense amount of grace to people. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:25.400 I mean to the point where Sarah the other day 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:27.400 was just like you give so much grace and you 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:32.640 give so much like room and space. Yeah that like 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:35.760 it's almost like too much in a way where it's 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:38.520 like it's now people will take advantage of you. But 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:43.880 it's like I just want honesty, Like if I ask 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.480 you a question about your past, just be honest, right, 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.960 Like don't be loop holy, Yeah, just be honest. And 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.240 I think it's like and just with and I'm talking 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.640 I'm not talking about relationships I'm talking like friendships and 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.200 just like and just having that like you said, like 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.800 the having the depth and the awareen of like who 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:05.760 you are as a person, like you know, doing the work. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.600 And I know some people hate that term, but it's 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:13.680 like it's it's there's no perfectly healed person. No, there's 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:16.920 everyone has their stuff and it's just not bringing out 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.920 the worst, but also like realizing, you know, triggers that 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:21.440 come along the way, and I don't know, it's just 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:28.160 I think it's I finally did sit down with myself 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:33.040 and say, I was so shameful about divorce, the most 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:35.800 shameful I could be. I was shameful about relationships before 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:37.680 that too, because I cared about what people thought so 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:41.040 much that I was like, you know, a failed relationship 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:42.840 for an EmPATH is like it might as well just 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:44.040 be like first degree murder. 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.080 It's like it just feels like that. 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.520 It's like, if I've failed at connecting with another human 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.560 for the rest of my life with one human, then 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:53.440 I might as well just be like what's my worth, 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:54.920 you know, and what does it say about you? 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:55.280 Yeah? 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:55.520 You know? 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:57.760 Yeah? And then I remember just getting to a point 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.160 where I was like I am so tired of being 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:05.199 shameful because I just freaking love hard. Like when I 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:08.160 decide I am going to be with a person, I 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:11.640 decide and it is just like aggressive, you know. It's 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.120 why I'm on your couch right now. When I decide, 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:17.520 it's like forever and I that's not a bad thing. 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.960 In fact, the world could use a few more of us, 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:23.000 I feel like. And so instead of it looking like 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:24.840 a shameful past me, it was just like, you know what, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.480 I would rather love the wrong people and try really 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.480 hard or love not They're not bad people, but just 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.840 the wrong people for me and at least gave my 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.680 all then have something to show for it than to 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:39.119 have not tried it with them. Yeah, And I think 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:43.120 where I've had a hard time as i've I've always 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.439 like I look back in my past and like I 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:48.600 was just like love me, love me, love me, like 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:53.320 you know, And it's just I didn't love myself enough 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:56.840 and I and I stood by things that were not good. 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:58.640 And it's like if I was to tell my daughter, 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:00.320 if I was to tell my friends, what would they 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:03.360 say to me? That's how I should look at myself, 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.560 That's how I should see myself. And you know, I 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:09.399 think letting go of the letting really truly go of 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.000 the past and having that inner forgiveness and his for 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.280 I mean, and you know, to forgive him. It's just 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.399 letting all that go. Has just been like I got 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:20.920 a piece of me back. Yeah, a chunk, a big one, 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:23.040 a big, big, big, big chunk, and then the other 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.520 chunk is still it will always be. You know, I 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.160 don't think I'll ever be. No one's like I said, 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.040 no one's perfect. We're all going to have our moments 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:36.280 and traumas and our quote unquote baggage. But you know, 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:39.880 I think it's a good job. I think it's good. 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:42.320 I think it's good. And then the conscious choice to 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.879 just reiterate those decisions, like everything you do from the 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:50.760 acceptance and the putting rocks in the stream from that, 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:55.440 every little step is like compound interest. So every time 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:58.040 you don't settle, every time you say, you know what, 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:00.359 I don't think that's the right person for me, or no, 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:03.240 thank you, or whatever it is, that's just compound interest 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:05.280 on top of a really good choice. So it's the 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:07.679 investment you made in the trust in yourself and then 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:11.320 the compound interest of that, Like that looks really healthy 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:15.520 as it grows. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be. 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:18.800 I don't know. I think sometimes we put pressure on 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:20.960 ourself because we're so all or nothing that it's like, oh, 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.359 now I messed up because I accidentally, like, like, you know, 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:26.200 liked a wrong person or something, and it's like not really. 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:31.400 I think people will come together when the right time, 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:33.679 and yeah, if they're meant to, it always ends up 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:38.200 working out. And sure does God kind of lets you no, Yeah, 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:44.080 and God shaping that personally shaping you. M h, it's good. Yeah. 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:48.560 Oh love life friends. I think it's just everything though, 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:50.760 it's like how I like how I want to. Even 0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:52.040 when I was traveling with the airport, I was just 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:53.320 like I felt I was like I was so happy. 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.879 I was like, hi, you know, it's just like that's 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:59.480 the OG channel. Yeah, it's like she's bad. Yeah, it 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:02.280 is literally like she's back. I felt this. My friend 0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:04.280 Kat was like, you know what, I'm not putting KB 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:06.359 in your cup. She made us all like these like 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:08.600 key little customized cups. She's like, I'm not putting KB 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.119 in your cup. I'm putting Kristin because Kristin from Detroit 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:13.960 needs to come back yeah, and I was like, oh, Michigan, 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:18.159 Kristen is in there, and she's just I really like people. Yeah, No, 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:20.440 I I same. I was just like I am I 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:25.200 felt that was like I feel like I just feel good. 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:27.240 And here's the thing too, which is something I've always 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:30.199 wanted to say, is when I got asked to do 0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:36.520 maybe another book, she I love Maditor. I know she's 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:38.320 listening and I love you, but she was like, let's 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:40.280 wait until you have a relationship. And I was like no, 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:44.320 Like I I don't want people to say to me, oh, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:46.840 but you like you're so happy and like you look 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:49.359 so happy, Like I want to be happy because I'm happy. 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:52.360 Well you are in a relationship with myself. Yeah, Like 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:56.320 that's the That's like, that's the like, that's what I 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:58.240 want people to see, Like I'm happy no matter I'm 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:00.480 i'm with someone, if I'm not with someone, if I'm 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:02.520 with my kids, if I'm with you, Like I just 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.600 want like that's like that's me right, Like that's what 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:08.040 I want. Like I don't want a man to define 0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:10.240 my happiness. I don't want you know, my kids, Like, 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:12.880 I just want to be myself and happy. Michigan Channel 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:14.440 Lake Girl like that, and I was like, I felt 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:16.160 that today in the airport and I was like, okay, 0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:18.480 I'm here. I had this moment where I was like, well, 0:21:18.520 --> 0:21:20.280 we get to see each other in July and Michigan, 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.919 and I was like that we need I was like, 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:26.640 I need us to just be like laked together. Yeah's 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:33.600 toes in the lake, sweatshirts mess. That's not a zac 0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:38.679 ground flood. That care on my hand. I let you 0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:43.800 take over the musical interlop. Oh man. I just think 0:21:43.800 --> 0:21:46.640 there is I think we I think two things. One, 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:49.760 we spend so much time trying to fix things that 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:54.960 aren't really broken, and I think we can just pour 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:57.960 into ourselves and remember what's good. And two, I think 0:21:59.080 --> 0:22:01.000 we just take those cracks and we just go Okay, 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:02.480 this needs to be fixed and we do the work. 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:06.439 But it's like sometimes there's like the inner you. It 0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:09.280 just needs to be found again too, because I think 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.560 like pretty things about me got buried by what the 0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:15.199 things people said about me. They it just got buried. 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:17.199 And I'm like, actually, I like me. I like that 0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:19.000 I'm overly friendly. I like that I know that the 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:22.600 Southwest Guy is a Sagittarius and his favorite color is green, 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:24.879 Like I want I just like people. Yeah, you know, 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:27.880 I want to person next to me. Yeah, I want 0:22:27.880 --> 0:22:29.440 to know too much. I want to know. Why did 0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:30.320 I get to meet you today? 0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:30.720 David? 0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:31.399 You know? 0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:34.000 Yeah, and that's how I met freakin Sarah Gretzky was 0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:37.199 which you've never met her, but on a plane I have, 0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:42.919 Oh you have. Actually, this is where we do. This 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:44.920 is where is where we do like a medical house 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:48.320 call for people with mom dementia. Everything is fine, that's right. 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:51.879 I did a show with you and the stage Okay, 0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:53.879 I remember now it's all coming back to me. I 0:22:54.760 --> 0:22:57.359 had those years out of my life. Yeah, but I 0:22:57.359 --> 0:23:02.560 think the black out here was my major blackout years. 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:07.880 I think how I met you on a plane, No, 0:23:09.280 --> 0:23:12.560 damn it, we met We met Texas. Yeah, but it 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:15.200 was crazy because I was just like and we jumped 0:23:15.240 --> 0:23:16.960 on each other and you were like, oh my gosh, 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:19.560 I'm gonna I'm gonna text you this product, like but 0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:26.600 that's what here's my coat. I wasn't influencer. I liked 0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:30.240 how we just were so like friendly with each other. 0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:34.000 And that's when I liked you. Yeah, I love you, well, 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:36.480 love you. I will just say this, whether you are 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:38.960 in a relationship, whether you're not in a relationship, whether 0:23:39.000 --> 0:23:42.720 you're single, married, friendships, whatever, just be happy with yourself 0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:46.640 and know that you're okay, flaws and all. Yeah, you're 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:49.960 a really great person then and you oh yeah, I 0:23:50.000 --> 0:23:53.320 was talking to everybody else, but then they're really great people. 0:23:54.520 --> 0:23:57.400 We just let the noise seep in. Yeah, no more noise, 0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:00.560 no noise, no noise, no explaining, no noises, no need, 0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:04.600 no need. If you know my heart, no need. Yeah, right, cheers. 0:24:04.960 --> 0:24:06.560 Let's take a break and then we've got a really 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:22.399 awesome guest on. All right, so just let us know 0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:25.240 when they come on, we'll start talking about that. Okay. 0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:28.239 So we're going to have a married couple on our 0:24:28.240 --> 0:24:33.959 show next, DJ Envy who's on the Breakfast Club and 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:37.640 Gia his wife. They've been together for twenty years, are 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:44.119 married for twenty years. They've been together for twenty seven years. 0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:47.480 There's like that's older than the people that work on 0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:52.960 your show. It's older than Riley. So they have a 0:24:53.000 --> 0:24:57.080 book out right now called Real Life, Real Love, Life, 0:24:57.160 --> 0:24:59.879 Lessons on Joy, Pain and the Magic that holds Us Together, 0:25:00.560 --> 0:25:05.640 which I love when couples write a book together because 0:25:05.680 --> 0:25:07.880 I feel like it's so. I mean, granted mine didn't 0:25:07.880 --> 0:25:09.800 work out, but I know that's where you're going. I 0:25:09.800 --> 0:25:12.439 know that was what the know that I was. But 0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:14.280 I will just say I think there's something that's still 0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:15.800 like for of the couples that have read the book, 0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:17.199 Like I had met someone at my show last night. 0:25:17.200 --> 0:25:19.000 They're like, I read your book, and I was kind 0:25:19.040 --> 0:25:20.919 of like, ooh, sorry, just like, no, it was so 0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:24.000 helpful for us, because I think everyone's journey to the 0:25:24.119 --> 0:25:26.800 end is different, but there's still like, I think there's 0:25:26.800 --> 0:25:29.320 something about like Mike, when Mike and I were able 0:25:29.320 --> 0:25:35.440 to do and and talk about messes in our marriage 0:25:35.520 --> 0:25:39.520 and the non perfect stuff, and people need to hear that. Yeah, 0:25:39.600 --> 0:25:44.240 and I think it's inspiring for other couples. And so 0:25:44.320 --> 0:25:47.000 it just got released on April nineteenth. It's Apriline Teeth. 0:25:47.000 --> 0:25:50.840 It's available on Amazon. But in there she wrote, and 0:25:51.000 --> 0:25:52.520 it's in the pres loot right now, is that she 0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:57.120 has faked an orgasm for ten years with Homeboy. Well, 0:25:57.160 --> 0:26:00.840 I mean, I hope it's Homeboy, because if not, she 0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:03.000 doesn't even look old enough to be married for twenty 0:26:03.040 --> 0:26:08.160 seven years. She doesn't, but she's stunning. Yeah, she's beautiful. 0:26:08.320 --> 0:26:10.760 That's a real Could you fake it for that long? 0:26:11.960 --> 0:26:13.320 I want to talk about it now before they come on, 0:26:13.320 --> 0:26:15.720 because it's gonna make me uncomfortable to talk about. I 0:26:15.720 --> 0:26:18.280 mean what I could not fake it? I mean, have 0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:20.800 you ever faked before? Yeah? I have two? Why do 0:26:20.920 --> 0:26:21.840 we as marriage? 0:26:21.840 --> 0:26:21.959 Though? 0:26:22.000 --> 0:26:25.119 I'll tell you that, Oh, pressing from low cash is 0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:29.920 getting after it. He knows how to ride that whatever. No, yeah, 0:26:31.320 --> 0:26:32.280 well that was dirty. 0:26:32.400 --> 0:26:35.560 I got to ride that one. He doesn't actually do 0:26:35.680 --> 0:26:36.440 their riding there. 0:26:36.480 --> 0:26:42.600 But that's fine, Okay, I'm hot. I have faked it 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:46.520 a few times, actually more than a few times in 0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:50.240 my past relationships. I want to ask this a fix, 0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:53.879 but I go for it. In Mike's marriage, well, we 0:26:53.920 --> 0:26:55.359 didn't have sex that much for me to fake it, 0:26:55.400 --> 0:27:05.560 but I I ten times? Yeah I did, but like 0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:06.080 not a lot. 0:27:07.520 --> 0:27:09.399 And why is it just to get it over with 0:27:09.600 --> 0:27:11.240 or is it to satisfy his ego? 0:27:11.560 --> 0:27:13.600 So I will say this in my in my relationship 0:27:13.640 --> 0:27:19.800 with my Mike, I I didn't care about coming. Does 0:27:19.840 --> 0:27:22.280 that make sense? I just wanted to please him so 0:27:22.440 --> 0:27:25.320 badly because I think of my like wanting to feel 0:27:26.280 --> 0:27:33.320 loved and chosen that I definitely just wanted to make 0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:36.480 him happy, so EGO and that set then a precedent 0:27:36.840 --> 0:27:42.080 to not reciprocate. So that was my fault, Okay, I 0:27:42.080 --> 0:27:43.840 think for sure. And then in the end of it, 0:27:43.880 --> 0:27:45.480 I was kind of like, all right, homegirl needs to 0:27:45.480 --> 0:27:47.240 have an orgasm, so like, can I pull out my 0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:48.920 vibrator or can we because I'm like, then I started 0:27:48.920 --> 0:27:50.480 to get frustrated about it because I'm like, you're also 0:27:50.480 --> 0:27:51.879 dealing with a lot of and it's not even if 0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:54.640 it's not great sex, then it's like yeah, And that's 0:27:54.680 --> 0:27:56.840 a huge piece for me, is like I'm a very 0:27:56.880 --> 0:27:58.760 sexual person. I love that to be a part of 0:27:59.119 --> 0:28:02.800 our relationship. Like something happened and I was like, guys, 0:28:02.800 --> 0:28:04.359 it was even kind of crazy for me, And they're like, 0:28:04.359 --> 0:28:05.520 if it was something. 0:28:05.240 --> 0:28:09.640 Crazy for you, like exiting. 0:28:09.240 --> 0:28:16.439 The building, So but I think, yeah, I think. And 0:28:16.480 --> 0:28:18.879 then just to make them feel good about themselves, I 0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:22.680 don't know, but I guess, and I never told them. 0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:27.600 I think I've I've told one person that I that 0:28:27.680 --> 0:28:29.480 I have and just because it was like I just 0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:31.720 didn't I don't know, I just wanted to turn you 0:28:31.760 --> 0:28:35.399 on or whatever, and I just wasn't feeling it. But 0:28:35.560 --> 0:28:39.400 now I'm like, M like, if we're doing this, like 0:28:39.440 --> 0:28:41.920 I don't care how long it takes, let's go. Also 0:28:42.000 --> 0:28:44.800 like let's learn each other. Yeah, like let's be in this. 0:28:51.600 --> 0:28:55.800 I feel like guys could technically fake though before you have. 0:28:56.440 --> 0:28:59.360 I have when I uh I got to go FA 0:28:59.560 --> 0:29:03.680 check my people. Sometimes I'm tired. 0:29:04.200 --> 0:29:05.120 I just want it to be. 0:29:06.560 --> 0:29:09.480 And uh yeah, you know I've only done a couple 0:29:09.480 --> 0:29:10.479 of times when I have done it. 0:29:10.760 --> 0:29:12.080 Oh, I thought you meant sex in general. 0:29:12.160 --> 0:29:15.400 I was like, wow, oh no, no that too, but okay, okay. 0:29:15.760 --> 0:29:19.240 I think it's interesting though, because I feel like with guys, 0:29:19.360 --> 0:29:21.840 and I'll say this like I've definitely been hard on 0:29:22.080 --> 0:29:25.680 past guys that I've slept with, the like if they 0:29:25.720 --> 0:29:27.760 couldn't come, I'd be like, why can't like it? Then 0:29:28.080 --> 0:29:30.640 I made it so personal about that I wasn't pretty enough, 0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:34.240 I wasn't you know, sexy enough. I wasn't doing the 0:29:34.320 --> 0:29:36.120 right moves for them, and I made it such a 0:29:36.120 --> 0:29:40.280 personal and negative thing where it's like guys have probably 0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:42.760 just as maybe not just as much. I don't know. 0:29:42.800 --> 0:29:46.160 I don't know y'all's things down there, but like you 0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:48.400 have you can be mental too, where we can be mental, 0:29:49.280 --> 0:29:52.240 and I feel like we take it. It's like it's 0:29:52.240 --> 0:29:54.440 so hypocritical of like a woman to be like, how 0:29:54.480 --> 0:29:56.000 could you not when it's like but we don't all 0:29:56.040 --> 0:29:59.600 the time, But why do women take it so personal? 0:30:00.120 --> 0:30:02.000 I would take it personal? I mean I would be 0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:05.240 I would be devastating. So now granted with like my 0:30:05.280 --> 0:30:07.080 ex it was like, but I bet you wouldn't do 0:30:07.120 --> 0:30:09.600 that if like what and like that's like that was 0:30:09.640 --> 0:30:11.400 really crappy in me to continue to bring in like 0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:15.800 the past, you know, so like slightly warranted though, but 0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:18.360 it doesn't matter, like those are my those are my reactions, 0:30:18.400 --> 0:30:20.719 like I should have handled them in general, just going 0:30:20.760 --> 0:30:22.440 to give a lot of grace there, but my bad. 0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:25.400 I'm now healing on the other side and trying to like, 0:30:25.480 --> 0:30:29.200 you know, I'm just trying to say, like and even 0:30:29.200 --> 0:30:32.680 in you know, other dating relationships, I just get so 0:30:33.440 --> 0:30:36.000 down about it and it's like that's not it's not 0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:39.480 how it's not fair. Men really do go through it though, seriously, 0:30:39.680 --> 0:30:42.719 And I have read several articles even just recently about 0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:45.560 like as they get older, it just becomes like something 0:30:45.760 --> 0:30:50.440 like they they need sometimes help. That's a real thing. 0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:54.240 Mm hmmm. It's interesting though, because hearing Easton you say 0:30:54.240 --> 0:30:57.400 that you faked it, I would actually be more upset 0:30:57.440 --> 0:31:01.320 about you faking it then you not coming at all. 0:31:01.440 --> 0:31:04.440 Does that make sense? But yet I would get more 0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:06.880 mad at But but then I just say these words 0:31:06.880 --> 0:31:08.400 like it's no big deal, and she really feels like 0:31:08.400 --> 0:31:12.160 I'm in fifth grade. I'm sweating. It's no big deal 0:31:12.200 --> 0:31:14.600 to you. I mean, you know, I know it is. 0:31:14.640 --> 0:31:17.080 It's fine. You just say it like a doctor. Yeah. 0:31:17.240 --> 0:31:22.000 Well no, I would say, you're semen. Yeah, it's just yeah, 0:31:22.040 --> 0:31:25.959 it's it's very interesting. How would you like me to say? 0:31:25.960 --> 0:31:29.719 Penis penis? Penis penis? No, you know, like my three 0:31:29.800 --> 0:31:31.920 year old's like a penist with a tea at the end. 0:31:36.520 --> 0:31:38.320 Jason the other day speaking, he goes, I have a 0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:41.160 vagina and I was like, oh, well you don't. But 0:31:41.600 --> 0:31:43.960 you know, we can always talk about that in the future. 0:31:45.960 --> 0:31:48.200 That's what a neurologist should be called. The eurologist should 0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:52.400 be called a penis. 0:31:52.640 --> 0:31:53.680 Or some of that. Plays the piano. 0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:55.640 I know, it was like it was. 0:31:55.560 --> 0:31:57.680 Somewhere between his private parts and the piano. I just 0:31:57.720 --> 0:32:02.000 can't figure it out. But penist, well, this just got 0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:04.000 really off topic. But I just want to say, like, 0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:08.120 let me rhynd around this again. Don't be a hypocrite. 0:32:08.400 --> 0:32:10.960 If he he like, don't don't get him all. You know, 0:32:11.560 --> 0:32:13.760 it's okay. If you guys aren't. It doesn't mean he 0:32:13.800 --> 0:32:16.560 doesn't think you're sexy. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't 0:32:16.560 --> 0:32:19.240 mean anything. Sometimes you're just not in it. But just 0:32:19.240 --> 0:32:21.000 don't lie about it. Don't fake We don't. Girls, we don't. 0:32:21.040 --> 0:32:23.400 Let's not fake it, guys, don't fake it. Just be 0:32:23.520 --> 0:32:25.640 like you're so sexy. This is what I would say, 0:32:25.640 --> 0:32:27.680 say like you're so sexy, I'm just so tired, or 0:32:27.720 --> 0:32:31.280 something like give me a little love tap or something 0:32:31.360 --> 0:32:33.280 like say I'm good looking or something, and to like 0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:35.040 lessen the blow of you not coming. There's some other 0:32:35.080 --> 0:32:39.080 things they could do as well. What guys if they 0:32:39.120 --> 0:32:41.160 don't want to do that anymore. Oh So that's where 0:32:41.160 --> 0:32:43.239 I get like, like, oh no, don't worry about it. 0:32:46.040 --> 0:32:50.680 And this is where we differ. This is where we differ. 0:32:51.840 --> 0:32:56.520 I like, you have not completed the job. You have 0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:58.520 not completed the tasket hand. I do not let a 0:32:58.520 --> 0:33:04.960 contractor leave my house without things working properly. There's other things. 0:33:05.000 --> 0:33:08.440 Can we just talk about how how uncomfortable Catherine would 0:33:08.440 --> 0:33:10.440 have been on this podcast. Catherine would have been out. 0:33:10.480 --> 0:33:12.600 I honestly had a vision of her dropping her headphones 0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:17.720 and rolling. You're welcome, Catherine for having this conversation while 0:33:17.720 --> 0:33:21.720 you're not on here. Oh man, let's take a break. 0:33:34.720 --> 0:33:37.760 So we are really excited to have both of you on. Obviously, 0:33:37.760 --> 0:33:40.040 you have your new book that just came out on 0:33:40.080 --> 0:33:43.440 Amazon and just kind of running through it because obviously 0:33:43.480 --> 0:33:46.960 I haven't had a chance to read it yet. What 0:33:47.440 --> 0:33:51.080 for you? I mean, because you guys talked about the 0:33:51.120 --> 0:33:55.160 infidelity in the book or no, yes, we do, you do? Okay? 0:33:55.600 --> 0:33:57.520 So was that a heart? So I wrote a book 0:33:57.520 --> 0:33:59.400 with my ex who also he's not my ex, but 0:33:59.480 --> 0:34:01.240 we we wrote a book when we were still together 0:34:01.280 --> 0:34:05.560 about infidelity and his past affairs. And for you, like, 0:34:05.800 --> 0:34:10.319 was that what? Why did you guys decide to write 0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:10.719 about it? 0:34:12.360 --> 0:34:14.279 Well, the whole book we decided to write because I 0:34:14.320 --> 0:34:18.520 feel like it's one thing that we don't do enough right, 0:34:18.680 --> 0:34:20.920 you know, especially for men. Right we can go to 0:34:21.000 --> 0:34:23.000 the barbershop and we could talk about our favorite sneak 0:34:23.000 --> 0:34:25.480 as our favorite basketball player. We could talk about music, 0:34:25.840 --> 0:34:27.799 but never do we ever get a chance to talk 0:34:27.800 --> 0:34:30.359 about relationships, right. I wish there was a time when 0:34:30.360 --> 0:34:31.879 I can go to the barbershop and be like, Yo, 0:34:32.000 --> 0:34:33.920 my girl is bugging or my wife is bugging. 0:34:33.960 --> 0:34:34.520 She just did this. 0:34:34.760 --> 0:34:36.959 What can I do? What do you suggest? We don't 0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:40.160 have those platforms to open up. So that's why we 0:34:40.200 --> 0:34:42.080 wrote the book to have those platforms and to have 0:34:42.160 --> 0:34:44.840 those conversations, like you know, we talked about in the 0:34:44.840 --> 0:34:47.960 book my wife fake and orgasms. I had no idea, 0:34:48.320 --> 0:34:50.760 but you know, we waited ten years to have that discussion, 0:34:51.120 --> 0:34:53.240 and I wish I could have had that discussion earlier 0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:54.040 with some of my peoples. 0:34:54.040 --> 0:34:56.160 And the same thing with my infidelity. 0:34:56.200 --> 0:34:58.399 I wanted to be able to talk and talk how 0:34:58.440 --> 0:35:00.960 I've changed and evolve from that s situation. That was 0:35:01.080 --> 0:35:04.399 very difficult to write about because not because what I did, 0:35:04.400 --> 0:35:06.200 but who I was hurting. You know, I'm hurting my 0:35:06.280 --> 0:35:08.399 best friend, I'm hurting the person I say I love, 0:35:08.440 --> 0:35:11.160 I'm hurting my wife. I'm hurting the person that is 0:35:11.280 --> 0:35:13.840 everything to me. And I didn't realize it. And I 0:35:13.840 --> 0:35:16.800 didn't realize it because I didn't know the definition of love. 0:35:17.000 --> 0:35:19.279 Like it's easy we always say, yeah, I love you? 0:35:19.400 --> 0:35:19.840 I love you? 0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:21.719 But do we know what that means? Like do we 0:35:21.920 --> 0:35:24.439 look and say, what does the definition of love? 0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:24.719 Like? 0:35:25.560 --> 0:35:27.919 If I really love somebody, do I want to hurt them? 0:35:28.160 --> 0:35:32.000 I really love somebody? Do I want to lie to them? 0:35:32.320 --> 0:35:34.520 Do I want to keep things from them? Do I 0:35:34.520 --> 0:35:37.800 still get butterflies? And I didn't necessarily know that definition, 0:35:37.920 --> 0:35:40.080 so to write it is kind of just trying to 0:35:40.680 --> 0:35:43.040 encourage people to talk about different things in their relationship 0:35:43.040 --> 0:35:44.280 and it's not surface issues. 0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:49.960 How far out are you guys from the cheating time? 0:35:50.160 --> 0:35:54.640 Twelve years? Okay? I and kind of brief story like 0:35:54.680 --> 0:35:57.560 I have also been in. I was in a relationship 0:35:57.560 --> 0:35:59.920 where my husband had cheated. We ended up writing a 0:36:00.120 --> 0:36:04.040 book together talking about the affairs. We unfortunately didn't make it. 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:09.520 But for you, what was the turning point when you're 0:36:09.560 --> 0:36:11.600 kind of like, okay, I do trust this man? Like 0:36:11.640 --> 0:36:14.040 how how many? Because I remember Max? Like can you 0:36:14.080 --> 0:36:16.400 just get over it? Or like move on? It's the past, 0:36:16.440 --> 0:36:17.799 and like how long are you going to It's like 0:36:18.000 --> 0:36:20.360 I don't know how long? You know, Like I don't 0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:22.560 I don't know these are and I'm trying to let 0:36:22.600 --> 0:36:24.040 go of it. It's not an easy thing to let 0:36:24.120 --> 0:36:27.480 go of. But I'm just curious, like for you, like, 0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:29.880 was there a turning point where you're like okay, and 0:36:29.920 --> 0:36:32.320 what did you do to get to that other side 0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:33.640 to be where you guys are at today. 0:36:34.440 --> 0:36:37.160 Well, what you just said was one of the reasons 0:36:37.239 --> 0:36:40.360 why it was very important to me to write the 0:36:40.400 --> 0:36:42.960 book and to share what we shared in the book, 0:36:43.239 --> 0:36:46.480 because a lot of the time, when there is a 0:36:46.480 --> 0:36:54.799 misstep infidelity, the person who made that misstep feels entitled 0:36:55.160 --> 0:37:00.080 to the forgiveness, They feel entitled to the moving on 0:37:00.280 --> 0:37:03.040 of it. They entited, they feel entitled for you to 0:37:03.160 --> 0:37:07.120 get past it in a timely fashion that doesn't seem 0:37:07.160 --> 0:37:10.960 to inconvenience that. Meanwhile, all the while, they are the 0:37:11.000 --> 0:37:13.719 ones that made the decisions to put you and the 0:37:13.800 --> 0:37:17.839 relationship in that predicament in the first place, Yet they're 0:37:17.920 --> 0:37:20.600 not willing to do the work that it takes to 0:37:20.680 --> 0:37:25.520 remedy that situation. So I was very very clear once 0:37:25.600 --> 0:37:30.080 I decided that I was going to forgive, it wasn't 0:37:30.280 --> 0:37:35.160 just on me. I wasn't going to forgive to take 0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:38.439 the burden off of him. I was forgiving to take 0:37:38.480 --> 0:37:40.759 the burden off of me so that I didn't have 0:37:40.800 --> 0:37:43.920 it on my back, so that I wasn't carrying around 0:37:44.120 --> 0:37:48.920 that resentment and harboring that hurt every day. I forgave 0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:52.440 for me, and he just happened to be someone that 0:37:52.560 --> 0:37:56.400 benefited from that forgiveness. But once I decided to forgive, 0:37:57.160 --> 0:38:00.400 he was held to a standard. There was things that 0:38:00.440 --> 0:38:03.680 were required of him. He had to do the work 0:38:04.320 --> 0:38:08.200 to try to gain back everything that he single handedly 0:38:08.880 --> 0:38:13.320 had lost in our relationship. So what made me decide 0:38:13.400 --> 0:38:17.439 that we were going to go belonghoul was the fact 0:38:17.440 --> 0:38:20.799 that he was willing to do the work and pay 0:38:20.880 --> 0:38:25.440 all of the reparations to restore our relationship to what 0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:29.800 it once was. And for me, the key was until 0:38:30.400 --> 0:38:34.440 where you felt as though he was saying, I apologize, 0:38:34.440 --> 0:38:35.400 what more do you want from me? 0:38:35.520 --> 0:38:35.880 Blood? 0:38:36.840 --> 0:38:41.000 He didn't approach it with that mentality. He approached it 0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:45.520 with the until mentality. I am going to do everything 0:38:46.120 --> 0:38:51.560 humanly and spiritually possible to restore this relationship until you 0:38:51.640 --> 0:38:55.520 were healed, until you're able to try it again, until 0:38:55.719 --> 0:38:59.600 I'm back in your good graces, until until until I 0:38:59.640 --> 0:39:02.880 don't care how long it takes. One day, we were 0:39:02.920 --> 0:39:05.439 having this conversation yet again, as we were pulling into 0:39:05.480 --> 0:39:07.440 the garage and he said to me, and I remember 0:39:07.480 --> 0:39:10.920 this vividly, I will spend every day of the rest 0:39:10.960 --> 0:39:14.440 of my life making up to you and proving to 0:39:14.480 --> 0:39:16.440 you that I want to be with you and no 0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:19.160 one else but you. You and our family is all 0:39:19.200 --> 0:39:21.840 that I want. I don't care what it takes. I 0:39:22.040 --> 0:39:27.080 knew what his intention was once he realized the wrong 0:39:27.280 --> 0:39:32.720 in his way, and I I couldn't help but take 0:39:32.800 --> 0:39:36.920 in how hard he was willing to work to restore us. 0:39:37.280 --> 0:39:41.080 That's beautiful. That's really beautiful, like and Amy Tira up. Yeah, 0:39:41.280 --> 0:39:45.480 And because I think you did something with your shame 0:39:45.480 --> 0:39:47.960 where I think a lot of guys hold on to 0:39:48.040 --> 0:39:51.239 it and they project it, wouldn't I feel like dj NV, 0:39:51.400 --> 0:39:53.640 like what did you Because there's something that you must 0:39:53.640 --> 0:39:55.319 have done with that shame piece that you didn't let 0:39:55.400 --> 0:39:59.160 it project onto you know, your wife? 0:40:00.400 --> 0:40:00.839 What do you mean? 0:40:00.880 --> 0:40:01.520 What's shame piece? 0:40:01.760 --> 0:40:04.040 So like my ex, like he felt so much shame 0:40:04.200 --> 0:40:05.920 that that's why he never he wanted me to get 0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:10.600 over it, or he you know, or he was upset 0:40:10.719 --> 0:40:13.480 or angry and his projection that was all his shame. 0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:17.160 Yeah, I mean, that's why it's hard for me to 0:40:17.239 --> 0:40:18.880 read the book and even to do the audible of 0:40:18.960 --> 0:40:20.160 the part because you have to relive it. 0:40:21.080 --> 0:40:22.839 But at that point I didn't care about the shame. 0:40:22.880 --> 0:40:25.000 I didn't care how I looked. I didn't care how 0:40:25.040 --> 0:40:27.359 it made me feel. I care about who I hurt. 0:40:27.400 --> 0:40:29.319 And I heard her. So if I. 0:40:29.280 --> 0:40:31.200 Had to eat that for twenty years, I'm going to 0:40:31.239 --> 0:40:33.799 eat it for twenty years because I heard her, like 0:40:33.880 --> 0:40:34.759 I did this to her. 0:40:34.880 --> 0:40:37.280 She didn't do it to me. She didn't do anything 0:40:37.320 --> 0:40:39.040 to me. I did it to her. So however long 0:40:39.040 --> 0:40:40.120 it would it took, I don't care. 0:40:40.440 --> 0:40:42.600 You know, if I need to whatever I need to 0:40:42.640 --> 0:40:44.439 do to make this right and to make her feel 0:40:44.480 --> 0:40:46.360 comfortable and to make her trust me again and to 0:40:46.520 --> 0:40:48.680 allow her to heal, I was able to do it. 0:40:48.800 --> 0:40:51.160 Do you, guys, take some time to like decompress after. 0:40:51.160 --> 0:40:53.200 Do you do interviews like this, because I'd imagine that 0:40:53.560 --> 0:40:56.120 you wrote about it, which is therapeutic in its own way. 0:40:56.520 --> 0:40:58.920 You share about it on these interviews. When you get 0:40:58.920 --> 0:41:01.360 off of interviews like this, most likely people are asking you. 0:41:01.440 --> 0:41:04.279 I'd imagine a lot about it, and I love you 0:41:04.320 --> 0:41:07.000 being a voice of it, both of you and just 0:41:07.239 --> 0:41:11.000 your such advocates for the healing on both sides, because 0:41:11.040 --> 0:41:13.719 resentment isn't sexy. And I lived that life too for 0:41:13.760 --> 0:41:16.399 a while where I was resentful. But that doesn't look 0:41:16.400 --> 0:41:19.200 good on me at all. Do you when you take 0:41:19.400 --> 0:41:21.880 when you get done with these interviews, do you do 0:41:21.920 --> 0:41:23.600 you have to have some time just in private time 0:41:23.640 --> 0:41:24.960 with y'all so that you can just kind of get 0:41:24.960 --> 0:41:26.840 back on the same page. Does it bring up anything? 0:41:26.880 --> 0:41:29.440 Do you just feel like, good work, we got this. 0:41:30.680 --> 0:41:30.879 No? 0:41:31.120 --> 0:41:35.760 And the reason why is because for me, the forgiveness 0:41:35.960 --> 0:41:36.560 is real. 0:41:36.760 --> 0:41:40.560 That's right, it was, that's amazing, and. 0:41:42.320 --> 0:41:46.640 It was thorough and mind you, I didn't forgive in 0:41:46.840 --> 0:41:48.520 the matter. I didn't decide I was going to forgive 0:41:48.640 --> 0:41:52.239 and then it was executed within weeks months. It took 0:41:52.320 --> 0:41:57.440 me years to forgive thoroughly. It took me years to 0:41:57.680 --> 0:42:01.960 learn how to not have the urge or the need 0:42:02.280 --> 0:42:06.680 to punish him to make him hurt the way that 0:42:06.960 --> 0:42:10.440 I hurt. I feel that I am fair. You know, 0:42:10.480 --> 0:42:12.600 you go through something like this, and both of you 0:42:12.640 --> 0:42:14.400 said that you've been through something like this, so you 0:42:14.440 --> 0:42:17.280 can understand it seems as though everything in the world 0:42:17.320 --> 0:42:19.480 after that happens to you. Kind of goes back to 0:42:19.560 --> 0:42:24.680 cheating you turn on Netflix. The first three suggested shows 0:42:24.880 --> 0:42:26.640 have to do with cheating. If you look at a 0:42:26.680 --> 0:42:30.280 billboard and it seems to do a billboard, it's cheating 0:42:30.280 --> 0:42:30.840 on the billboard. 0:42:31.800 --> 0:42:36.000 The radio divorce one one. 0:42:36.239 --> 0:42:40.839 It seemed as though I was inundated with things that 0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:45.800 would cause me to remember, and every time I felt 0:42:45.800 --> 0:42:48.560 that way, I wanted to make sure that he felt 0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:50.520 that way too, Like it's not going to just be 0:42:50.719 --> 0:42:53.879 me suffering, it's going to be you. I had that 0:42:54.000 --> 0:42:57.960 need to to punish him, But once I got closer 0:42:58.000 --> 0:43:02.279 with God, I realized it's not my job to punish. 0:43:02.640 --> 0:43:05.960 That is not my job. If I'm going to forgive 0:43:06.000 --> 0:43:09.000 and I'm going to move forward, I have to relieve 0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:13.520 myself of all of those urges because those urges aren't 0:43:13.600 --> 0:43:17.560 rooted in godliness, They're not rooted in goodness. So I 0:43:17.600 --> 0:43:22.000 had to change my perception. But then once I got 0:43:22.080 --> 0:43:25.520 through it, and I got to a point where I said, 0:43:26.000 --> 0:43:30.960 you are a changed person. You are in fact, not 0:43:31.400 --> 0:43:34.680 that person that did those things and that hurt me. 0:43:35.120 --> 0:43:38.920 At that point, you are humble, You are loving, and 0:43:38.960 --> 0:43:42.439 you are willing, and you prove it every single day 0:43:42.760 --> 0:43:46.520 you do not deserve the things that I feel the 0:43:46.680 --> 0:43:49.040 urge to make you feel, so I am not going 0:43:49.080 --> 0:43:52.359 to do it anymore. And once I started walking down 0:43:52.440 --> 0:43:56.839 that path, my forgiveness was thorough and I was, in 0:43:56.920 --> 0:44:00.440 fact healed. And it's funny because people will ask me 0:44:00.600 --> 0:44:03.560 now like you can laugh about some of the things 0:44:03.560 --> 0:44:06.680 that happen or find a joke in there somehow, some way, 0:44:06.880 --> 0:44:10.520 And it's because I'm free because of the work that 0:44:10.680 --> 0:44:13.839 he did to prove to me the degree to which 0:44:13.920 --> 0:44:16.400 he loves me. And we talk about it in the 0:44:16.440 --> 0:44:19.319 book in a section called the New Deal. And the 0:44:19.560 --> 0:44:24.719 New Deal is about those reparations, and it's about the 0:44:24.760 --> 0:44:29.279 restoration that has to happen and the steps that the 0:44:29.320 --> 0:44:32.680 person that offended as well as the offender have to 0:44:32.719 --> 0:44:37.319 go through to regain yourselves individually and yourselves as a 0:44:37.320 --> 0:44:41.200 whole to see that beauty in the relationship again. And 0:44:41.239 --> 0:44:44.080 it's a very intense. It's probably one of my favorite 0:44:44.120 --> 0:44:47.400 chapters in the entire book because when people ask me, 0:44:47.680 --> 0:44:50.560 how did you forgive? You open up the book and 0:44:50.600 --> 0:44:51.959 it's right there in the New Deal. 0:44:52.560 --> 0:44:55.719 Oh God, I love it, like I'm I'm ready to 0:44:55.840 --> 0:44:58.240 read it. Yeah. Well, It's also like having a second 0:44:58.280 --> 0:45:01.480 marriage inside of your marriage, Like you guys get a 0:45:01.560 --> 0:45:03.799 chance at marrying each other again in a different way 0:45:03.840 --> 0:45:08.480 and knowing each other stronger. What is what is to you, 0:45:08.480 --> 0:45:11.120 guys real love? Like, what does real love look like 0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:11.440 to you? 0:45:13.360 --> 0:45:13.600 Hmm? 0:45:14.960 --> 0:45:19.960 Well, like I said before, is the definition of not 0:45:20.000 --> 0:45:22.400 wanting to hurt my partner, not wanting to lie to 0:45:22.480 --> 0:45:26.759 my partner, to be absolutely positively honest, to understand that 0:45:26.840 --> 0:45:29.560 she is part of me in this relationship. What people 0:45:29.600 --> 0:45:32.440 don't know is when you have a relationship, you're supposed 0:45:32.480 --> 0:45:34.319 to be on the same team, right, And a lot 0:45:34.320 --> 0:45:35.759 of times we don't look at it like that, Like 0:45:35.800 --> 0:45:37.080 when we get into it, when we used to get 0:45:37.080 --> 0:45:39.680 into arguments, it was me trying to destroy her or 0:45:39.680 --> 0:45:43.480 her trying to annihilate me. That's not what real love is. 0:45:43.880 --> 0:45:46.200 Like love which is should be an understanding. It should 0:45:46.200 --> 0:45:48.920 be us against the world. And once we figured that out, 0:45:49.000 --> 0:45:53.000 it made our relationship stronger. I would say one thing, 0:45:53.640 --> 0:45:56.120 people talk about everything that we went bad with bad 0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:58.560 in our relationship, right if you read it in the book, 0:45:58.680 --> 0:46:00.440 and I used to think, damned what I would have 0:46:00.600 --> 0:46:03.920 changed that? And no, I wouldn't because at the end 0:46:03.960 --> 0:46:07.400 of that, it made our relationship strong. It was it 0:46:07.440 --> 0:46:10.080 made us to find what real love is. So now 0:46:10.080 --> 0:46:12.120 we're at a point where, like you know, before, if 0:46:12.120 --> 0:46:14.040 I left my phone at home, I would be like, 0:46:14.040 --> 0:46:16.040 oh my gosh, what's going to be on my phone. 0:46:16.239 --> 0:46:17.560 Now I'm like, well, I could leave my phone for 0:46:17.600 --> 0:46:19.080 weeks here to take my phone. Matter of fact, babe, 0:46:19.080 --> 0:46:22.239 can you post something on Instagram for me? And you 0:46:22.280 --> 0:46:23.360 know what I mean to the point where if you 0:46:23.360 --> 0:46:25.040 ever see a caps of mind and it's felt wrong, 0:46:25.080 --> 0:46:26.120 I did it if it felt right. 0:46:26.360 --> 0:46:30.080 She usually did, Like it does this relationship too, Yeah, 0:46:30.160 --> 0:46:33.080 she always she always like, hey, best friend, I love you. 0:46:33.160 --> 0:46:36.920 But at an art of the thing, yeah. 0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:42.400 With that relationship where we have access to each other's everything, 0:46:43.120 --> 0:46:47.480 passed words, Instagram, emails, pictures and phones everything. 0:46:47.000 --> 0:46:49.120 Well, if nothing to high, then what's the you know. 0:46:49.120 --> 0:46:52.600 There's nothing to hide. But let me tell you there 0:46:52.600 --> 0:46:53.360 will be people. 0:46:53.880 --> 0:46:54.520 There'll be women. 0:46:54.640 --> 0:46:57.080 Let's just say it could be men, but for this case, 0:46:57.120 --> 0:47:00.120 I'll just say women that will read the book and 0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:03.880 then present that idea to their partner, and their partner 0:47:03.960 --> 0:47:07.279 would turn it on them and say, yeah, but you 0:47:07.280 --> 0:47:09.720 should trust me enough that you would never want. 0:47:09.560 --> 0:47:10.560 To go through my phone. 0:47:10.719 --> 0:47:13.480 Yeah, and that's a mind bleep. There's a section in 0:47:13.520 --> 0:47:18.040 the book about mind bleeping, which is where you ignore 0:47:18.080 --> 0:47:21.520 the obvious, you ignore what you see, you ignore your 0:47:21.560 --> 0:47:26.239 intuition because you're being led by the fact that you 0:47:26.320 --> 0:47:29.400 want this relationship to work so badly that you're damn 0:47:29.480 --> 0:47:32.960 near willing to believe and accept anything. 0:47:33.680 --> 0:47:36.239 So yeah, I mean, that's a that's a really good point. 0:47:36.520 --> 0:47:41.240 Someone that I had had dated, you know, after whatever, 0:47:42.040 --> 0:47:44.640 a little a little blip, but I remember I had 0:47:44.640 --> 0:47:47.319 a question about something and he's like, you know it's 0:47:47.360 --> 0:47:49.080 it's on my phone, Like, you just need to trust me. 0:47:49.120 --> 0:47:51.560 And I was like, well, I have trusted could I 0:47:51.600 --> 0:47:53.600 see it? Like just to and he was just like, no, 0:47:53.640 --> 0:47:55.040 you just need to trust me. And I was always 0:47:55.120 --> 0:47:56.799 kind of like, well, if there was nothing, really, then 0:47:56.840 --> 0:47:59.840 why didn't you just show me correct build the trust, 0:48:00.120 --> 0:48:03.120 like right? Or was I just asking for too much, 0:48:03.360 --> 0:48:05.600 you know, like or was that just all my trust 0:48:05.600 --> 0:48:08.680 baggage issue? Like was that not fair of me to say? Well, 0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:10.160 if you're saying it, can I see what you said 0:48:10.160 --> 0:48:11.839 if that's really what you said, just to like kind 0:48:11.840 --> 0:48:14.080 of like help me and heal, like you're not and 0:48:14.160 --> 0:48:16.000 help you know, hold my heart in that space or 0:48:17.200 --> 0:48:17.440 that was. 0:48:17.440 --> 0:48:18.759 A mind lib Let me tell you I have a 0:48:18.800 --> 0:48:20.960 twenty year old daughter, right, and my twenty year old 0:48:21.040 --> 0:48:23.520 daughter had a boyfriend and the boyfriend went through her 0:48:23.560 --> 0:48:25.720 DMS and she was like fine. 0:48:25.800 --> 0:48:27.520 So my daughter was like, let me see your DMS. 0:48:27.640 --> 0:48:28.279 They were on the boat. 0:48:28.320 --> 0:48:30.600 He ran upstairs in the boat, came down ten minutes, 0:48:31.200 --> 0:48:32.880 came down ten fifteen minutes later, say he and now 0:48:32.920 --> 0:48:33.359 you can see. 0:48:33.760 --> 0:48:35.319 I was able to be like, do you know why 0:48:35.320 --> 0:48:36.480 he came by fifteen minutes later? 0:48:36.520 --> 0:48:36.600 Right? 0:48:36.640 --> 0:48:38.400 And she's like, no, why, I said, because he erased 0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:40.640 everything he didn't want you to see. And I said, 0:48:40.680 --> 0:48:42.640 you know, and he was mind bleeping. You say no, 0:48:42.840 --> 0:48:45.960 well trust me, no, no, it's not it. No, if 0:48:46.000 --> 0:48:48.000 you have nothing to hide, give me your phone, like 0:48:48.040 --> 0:48:49.880 you just took mine, but he couldn't see it. 0:48:49.960 --> 0:48:53.319 Let me answer your question from my point of view. 0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:57.760 You asking to see whatever it was that you wanted 0:48:57.800 --> 0:49:02.279 to see, shows in and of itself that there was 0:49:02.440 --> 0:49:07.799 trust that was missing. Your intuition told you that you 0:49:07.800 --> 0:49:11.120 don't need to be able to explain that. That is 0:49:11.200 --> 0:49:16.960 what our intuition is because if in your relationship his 0:49:17.160 --> 0:49:21.080 actions coupled with your actions created an environment where you 0:49:21.200 --> 0:49:24.120 felt secure, you would have never had the intuition to 0:49:24.160 --> 0:49:27.080 say to him, I'd like to see can you show 0:49:27.120 --> 0:49:30.960 that to me? And if a person cares about you 0:49:31.480 --> 0:49:34.799 and your feelings, they're going to forego their pride and 0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:37.440 the protectiveness of the phone to say, well, it's none 0:49:37.480 --> 0:49:39.880 of your business, really and say, you know what, I 0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:42.560 care a lot more about you than my pride. So 0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:44.839 if me showing this to you is going to give 0:49:44.840 --> 0:49:48.120 you security and help to grow our trust, then go ahead, 0:49:48.320 --> 0:49:51.640 take a look at it. But if they don't, it 0:49:51.640 --> 0:49:54.280 either means that there is in fact something to hide, 0:49:54.680 --> 0:49:57.919 or be that there's not, but they value their own 0:49:57.960 --> 0:50:00.600 pride more than your security, and that would have to 0:50:00.600 --> 0:50:03.040 be built. And if you knew that you had I 0:50:03.080 --> 0:50:05.840 have access to Sean's phone, how many times have I 0:50:05.880 --> 0:50:07.839 ever looked in your phone? 0:50:08.280 --> 0:50:08.440 Well? 0:50:08.440 --> 0:50:09.680 See the thing? Like, I don't want to be in 0:50:09.680 --> 0:50:13.760 a relationship where I actually ever in my life want 0:50:14.080 --> 0:50:16.000 or feel the need to look at someone's phone. Ever, 0:50:16.680 --> 0:50:19.960 I don't ever ever I did that for seven years. 0:50:20.040 --> 0:50:22.399 I don't want to do that anymore. In the next 0:50:22.600 --> 0:50:25.000 like I just do well, I do not want that, 0:50:25.080 --> 0:50:27.120 And it's like, but I do know I come with 0:50:27.120 --> 0:50:29.200 trust issues, so at the times I might ask, and 0:50:29.239 --> 0:50:31.360 it's like, is that an unhealthy thing for me to 0:50:31.440 --> 0:50:32.840 ask in that situation? 0:50:33.880 --> 0:50:37.800 No, because your partner should care about you enough knowing 0:50:37.840 --> 0:50:41.640 that you may have trust issues. So it's about being 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:45.919 each other's keeper. You should provide an environment for him 0:50:45.920 --> 0:50:50.360 in which he feels comfortable and that he can he 0:50:50.440 --> 0:50:53.000 can function in a loving way, and he should do 0:50:53.320 --> 0:50:55.880 the same for you. Like I said, I have the 0:50:55.920 --> 0:50:59.080 ability to go through his email, his phone, his Instagram, 0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:02.400 all the social media, but I never had because he's 0:51:02.520 --> 0:51:06.960 provided me the comfortability that I don't find it necessary 0:51:07.440 --> 0:51:10.000 at all. And furthermore, if I was in a relationship 0:51:10.040 --> 0:51:12.520 where I felt as though I had to, I would 0:51:12.600 --> 0:51:14.200 not be in that relationship. 0:51:14.360 --> 0:51:14.560 Yep. 0:51:14.760 --> 0:51:18.920 Amen, After your partner knowing who you are and what 0:51:18.960 --> 0:51:21.520 your needs are and maybe having a conversation about that, 0:51:21.800 --> 0:51:23.920 letting them know, like I need to be able to 0:51:24.000 --> 0:51:27.520 build trust because maybe I've been hurt before or I've 0:51:27.520 --> 0:51:30.279 been betrayed before, so there's a learning curve with me. 0:51:30.800 --> 0:51:34.239 But if there's nothing to hide, then you will hide nothing. 0:51:34.200 --> 0:51:36.279 Right, okay, all right, well I don't feel as like 0:51:36.320 --> 0:51:39.640 crazy then thank you. This is actually the most like 0:51:39.719 --> 0:51:43.920 divinely timed conversation we could have. Yeah, well, I'm I'm 0:51:44.680 --> 0:51:46.600 I know, I'm not married, but I'm going to read 0:51:46.600 --> 0:51:48.040 your book because it sounds like there's a lot of 0:51:48.040 --> 0:51:50.880 things that can help me in relationships to come and 0:51:51.160 --> 0:51:55.120 current and past and all. So thank you. And I 0:51:55.120 --> 0:51:58.160 really appreciate you guys being just a vessel for people 0:51:58.200 --> 0:52:03.880 that are going through her times and that. I love this. 0:52:03.880 --> 0:52:07.440 This is what I wanted. I wanted the this, the heartache, 0:52:07.560 --> 0:52:11.360 but to turn into beauty and but only half of 0:52:11.400 --> 0:52:13.480 the But I love that you guys are doing that. 0:52:13.560 --> 0:52:15.920 So I'm just saying too and it does. That's the 0:52:16.360 --> 0:52:19.960 DJ MVP yep for sure. But I love you guys. 0:52:20.000 --> 0:52:21.239 Thank you so much for coming on to be an 0:52:21.239 --> 0:52:24.640 authentic and just being very vulnerable. And everyone go get 0:52:24.640 --> 0:52:27.040 their book on Amazon right now, real life, real love. 0:52:27.840 --> 0:52:30.359 Thank you guys so much, really appreciate it. I love 0:52:30.400 --> 0:52:33.480 y'all so much. I'm proud of you for speaking truth. 0:52:33.920 --> 0:52:36.200 We live in Nashville. I used I used to live 0:52:36.200 --> 0:52:38.120 in LA but now I live here. 0:52:38.160 --> 0:52:40.200 So yeah, all right, Well next time we come to 0:52:40.239 --> 0:52:41.520 nash a person. 0:52:41.320 --> 0:52:45.600 Let's do it seriously. Let me hug your next Okay, bye, guys, Seya, 0:52:45.760 --> 0:52:49.440 thank you so much, appreciate it. They're amazing. 0:52:49.480 --> 0:52:50.000 I love them. 0:52:50.160 --> 0:52:50.759 I love you. 0:52:51.480 --> 0:52:51.920 I love you. 0:52:52.000 --> 0:52:54.800 That was the most timely conversation. It was so good 0:52:55.280 --> 0:52:58.239 and so real and just honest but like strong. I 0:52:58.320 --> 0:53:02.839 just yeah, what's meant, We'll stay, what's not, we'll go, 0:53:03.000 --> 0:53:04.960 And that's okay. And if it's not a hell yes, 0:53:05.000 --> 0:53:08.880 then it's a hell now. Yeah, amen to that. I 0:53:08.920 --> 0:53:12.200 have another one good too. They show you who they are, 0:53:12.320 --> 0:53:12.839 Believe them. 0:53:13.480 --> 0:53:13.680 Yeah. 0:53:13.800 --> 0:53:18.040 I like that with friends with and co workers with everything. Yeah, 0:53:18.120 --> 0:53:20.799 really like that's that's kind of my motto in life. Now, 0:53:21.320 --> 0:53:23.320 all right, guys, have a great week and see you 0:53:23.400 --> 0:53:23.799 next week.