Speaker 1: Swine Down with Janet Kramer and i'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: I hate stink and I'm so sorry right now, I'm
Speaker 2: just glad you stink. Will see who outstinks each other.
Speaker 3: I'm me tell you about four.
Speaker 2: I'm glad this is an audio. Let me tell you
Speaker 2: about forty and hormones. Yeah, how is forty? It's like great,
Speaker 2: it's great. I promise, come on, come, come, come, come,
Speaker 2: come with a kick drum. Come come, Janna, come come
Speaker 2: and the kick drum. Come come. It's just the hormones. Sorry,
Speaker 2: I had to Okay, the hormones, like which hormones, all
Speaker 2: of them just they're all out against me. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: just like the sweat. I just feel like I have
Speaker 2: never and maybe it's just after Legend because I was
Speaker 2: your three year old son. Yep, Jason, Legie, you are
Speaker 2: about the same age, which is same with Julian Love. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we really have a mating season, don't we. We did?
Speaker 2: We did ship was sailed? Yeah, since I had him,
Speaker 2: I just feel like I'm but I've also tried natural
Speaker 2: deodorance and those don't work for me. I feel like
Speaker 2: like bad, here's my thing, and I I really you know,
Speaker 2: I've I've talked about I think it was every gosh,
Speaker 2: what's that one natural one I've I've tried a few
Speaker 2: and they have worked. But I just stink. No, you don't, no, no,
Speaker 2: I do like I need the Have you always been stinky?
Speaker 2: I like my mom's stinky, Like I love you, but
Speaker 2: you know, I think I like I just have like
Speaker 2: a like and my eggs used to always be like refreshing.
Speaker 2: I needed something to be always would be like and
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, that's hurtful. He just looks so hot
Speaker 2: all the time. I need you to stink once in
Speaker 2: a while. Leave for the rest of the America to
Speaker 2: see saink creamer. It's like when you dig in my
Speaker 2: head and you're like, is there a weave in there?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's all I've got. Please just
Speaker 2: leave me alone. I'm just very envious of like thick
Speaker 2: and full hair. I'm envious of you. Well anyways, but
Speaker 2: I apologize. I just got off a plane, so it's
Speaker 2: a little had a show. You had a show. I'd
Speaker 2: like to see you out there doing what you're meant
Speaker 2: to do. Honey, good for you. It was fun. By
Speaker 2: the way, this is Kristen Brust. She's a local guest.
Speaker 2: I mean a local guest, an avid guest. I would
Speaker 2: to say that on wind down. Reoccurring reoccurring, Yes, a
Speaker 2: reoccurring guest, Ankle, you are local to my heart. And
Speaker 2: she's so sweet. She wrote me the cutest little sticky
Speaker 2: note you were stronger than ever. And she wrote these
Speaker 2: adorable little sticky notes all over my house because she's
Speaker 2: just she's a gem. Well, I'm here for you, Kramer.
Speaker 2: You're stronger than ever. You're so sweet. Hi, Mark, I
Speaker 2: haven't seen you in a minute. Hi, Janna, Hi, how
Speaker 2: are you Ben?
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was good. It was it was a very transformation.
Speaker 2: That's not the right word. No, it's a very it
Speaker 2: was a shift opening mm hmm. Is that good?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Pivotal, pivotal, Yeah, pivotal, pivotal. We're throwing big words at her,
Speaker 2: and I like pivotal. You know it's good. I will say,
Speaker 2: I signed up for this retreat. I don't want to
Speaker 2: say where it's at, but I'm so excited. I know
Speaker 2: it's long, right, it's a week. I want to go.
Speaker 2: I'm I've never been more excited. You should be. That's
Speaker 2: a really that's like a I don't have you ever
Speaker 2: done a week by yourself? Just chilling, focusing on yourself.
Speaker 2: So I I wanted to. You know, it's really interesting
Speaker 2: is after my divorce, I was just kind of like
Speaker 2: I'm good, Like I knew I wasn't good. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: like I think I was. Oh, I've been doing it
Speaker 2: for so long, and then I just kind of wanted
Speaker 2: to like put band aids on it.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 2: Sure, also survival, Sure to say you're good. You had
Speaker 2: kids to think about? Oh yeah, but I think there
Speaker 2: was But I did this. Did you see him? Oh?
Speaker 2: And you're so sweet. You're such a good friend. You
Speaker 2: totally edited my caption. Oh I did because I said
Speaker 2: steam and nuts stream and you're like, hey, best friend,
Speaker 2: put an R and stream. I was like, it's too
Speaker 2: good of a post. I was like, this is captivating,
Speaker 2: but I do see an error in line fifteen. If
Speaker 2: you could just throw an R in there so that
Speaker 2: everyone doesn't throw rocks in their steam, and then it's
Speaker 2: gonna I think it's going to really move mountains. This
Speaker 2: place is really going to help some people. Yeah, So
Speaker 2: I but I did that, and I tell you what,
Speaker 2: there were so many things that I was holding onto
Speaker 2: that I didn't even know I was holding onto. Is
Speaker 2: this the one you told me that Amy might do
Speaker 2: with me? That will be amazing?
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean she made me write on rocks like what
Speaker 2: I was still holding onto from my past, and I
Speaker 2: put him in the stream at Sarah's house or like
Speaker 2: you know, on her land, and it was like insane,
Speaker 2: like the weight that I felt lifted off of me.
Speaker 2: It was really incredible.
Speaker 3: It's I mean, to Saravirise his house with all my rock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be like enjoying my peaceful like.
Speaker 3: Tossing it being stone.
Speaker 2: I'm like building a damn. Oh yeah, but that's yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: but I'm really excited. It's gonna be fun. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: gonna be really good for you. I think, what do
Speaker 2: you do? So it's like this, it's this place where
Speaker 2: you I can read you the thing. It's pretty amazing, basically,
Speaker 2: I will say this. It's a place where I think
Speaker 2: for a long time, I have stayed in things because
Speaker 2: I thought that I deserved it, and I have I
Speaker 2: have made I have How do I say this? I've
Speaker 2: I've stayed in things because I thought I deserved it.
Speaker 2: I stayed and it was it was all a mirror
Speaker 2: of how I thought of myself, like what I thought
Speaker 2: I deserved, and I think it's realizing like I deserve
Speaker 2: so much more than that. And but I but I
Speaker 2: it's like I need. And someone told me a really
Speaker 2: good friend went to this and he was just like
Speaker 2: he said, it was an amazing place, and just like
Speaker 2: to really just love yourself because then that's when you're
Speaker 2: gonna find, you know, and that's when you're gonna really
Speaker 2: attract what you know, healthy And does that make sense? Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like I feel like that's the end of the podcast.
Speaker 2: So it's been great chatting with you that I can.
Speaker 3: But I mean, truthfully, that's it.
Speaker 2: Like what I keep saying to you is you're like true,
Speaker 2: like you are stronger than ever. You're getting more whole
Speaker 2: than you were before. Like the focus on health is
Speaker 2: what you're really working on. So things that or even
Speaker 2: people that came into your life a year ago or
Speaker 2: six months ago or those people may not even fit
Speaker 2: anymore because you've transitioned into a more whole and healthy
Speaker 2: human along the way. Yeah, and also realizing, like if
Speaker 2: I see things that are going to bring up my past, trauma,
Speaker 2: Like why am I Like, that's just not healthy for
Speaker 2: me to stay. No, you know, and you know, and
Speaker 2: that's the thing, like I think a healing because I'm
Speaker 2: always going to be healing, and I think there was
Speaker 2: a piece of me for sure that like I always
Speaker 2: it's like, well, I ever get over my ex. I'm
Speaker 2: over my ex. I'm over your ex for sure, Like
Speaker 2: that's what you're wondering. Yeah, And it's like I don't
Speaker 2: want to keep it's not I'm not I don't want
Speaker 2: to keep talking about my ax, like I want to
Speaker 2: help it. I want to be a voice of like
Speaker 2: this is how I got through really tough seasons, whether
Speaker 2: you want to stay or whether you want to leave.
Speaker 2: But I've forgiven him, like through this last like few weeks,
Speaker 2: Like there's something that it's like when I release that,
Speaker 2: I was like and I saw this thing where it's
Speaker 2: like I don't need to carry that anymore. No, and
Speaker 2: it's like I forgive him. I wish it like and
Speaker 2: it's like there's like this really amazing feeling that I'm
Speaker 2: like and I don't have to hold on to it anymore.
Speaker 2: And the people around you should be supporting you in
Speaker 2: the letting go, yeah, and not you're not that person,
Speaker 2: and so they don't. You don't get to be stuck
Speaker 2: in that relationship anymore, and no one gets to verbally,
Speaker 2: physically whatever it is, keep surrounding you with the old
Speaker 2: memories or like. But it was also me though too,
Speaker 2: like I for sure was like I've talked about it
Speaker 2: all the damn time. Yeah, well he's still very you
Speaker 2: have kids, I think, yeah, And like they always say,
Speaker 2: like healing isn't linear all of that, Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: think it was just just going through it's like hard season.
Speaker 2: It's like you almost have to. I realize now it's
Speaker 2: like you you really need to. I don't know, because
Speaker 2: it's like still I still don't I say that, but
Speaker 2: I'm gonna like I'm not even gonna finish my thought
Speaker 2: because I feel like you, I think I'm always going
Speaker 2: to have what quote unquote baggage. I'm always going to
Speaker 2: have trust issues, I think. I don't. I don't know
Speaker 2: if that'll ever go away. That's not do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? I think it'll go away. And if
Speaker 2: someone ignites my trust issues, that's going to be I
Speaker 2: can't stay in that. And I you know, like that's
Speaker 2: something that I know now that it is not healthy
Speaker 2: for me to stay in something that causes me to
Speaker 2: like yeah, backtrack, backtrack, or feel like I'm you know,
Speaker 2: being the same thing. But I also but I also
Speaker 2: think I've let my Sorry, I think I've I've been
Speaker 2: so afraid to let love in. And I think it's
Speaker 2: because I didn't love myself. I'm watching from my seat,
Speaker 2: you trusting yourself more, and that's when I think you'll
Speaker 2: be able to lean into people a little more because
Speaker 2: you'll trust yourself. Yeah, because no matter what, the bottom
Speaker 2: falling out just means you're back with a person that
Speaker 2: you trust, which is you. It's less intimidating.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I also don't want to push people away though either,
Speaker 2: you know. But there's a reason I think why I
Speaker 2: push certain people away. There's a gut need to be pushed,
Speaker 2: there's a gut thing, or there's a whatever, there's something
Speaker 2: that I'm not listening to and staying ground and end
Speaker 2: communicating that from a good place. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 2: that's the work that like I just had like just
Speaker 2: light bulb moments with our our therapist Amy and just
Speaker 2: letting go of like my my like letting go of
Speaker 2: those rocks, letting go of the like it was just
Speaker 2: it still sucks, like of sure, of course, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't I do I forgive them, I forget like
Speaker 2: it's it's a it's so nice to just feel it's lighter.
Speaker 2: It's so much lighter. I know. So in a roundabout version,
Speaker 2: I'm going to this place just to to cement it,
Speaker 2: like I'm cementing what I've learned the last few weeks.
Speaker 2: I'm excited for you to be alone with yourself for
Speaker 2: me too. And then you have to give your phone
Speaker 2: away and they're like, is that a problem? I was like,
Speaker 2: I will throw it at you, like here, take it good? Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do we get to write you letters that you need
Speaker 2: to read while you're there, like camp send you like
Speaker 2: a snack pack and a letter. And I'm so. I
Speaker 2: was talking to Shanna Burgess, She's so sweet. She reached
Speaker 2: out to me because she was saying that she you know,
Speaker 2: she went to when it was life changing. So I'm
Speaker 2: I just I'm really excited because now I feel like
Speaker 2: all it's it's sad that I've realized it now, you know,
Speaker 2: I've had to kind of walk through certain stages of things.
Speaker 2: But it's nice to go Okay, I'm really happy to
Speaker 2: be right here and I feel like finally I'm kind
Speaker 2: of on the not the other side, but I'm I'm
Speaker 2: I'm really like tapping into it. Yeah, you just keep
Speaker 2: elevating along the way. Yeah it feels good, it does.
Speaker 2: But you're also getting cozier with yourself along the way. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I do, Like, yeah, we don't. Well, you are, you're
Speaker 2: a good person. You should cozy up with yourself once
Speaker 2: in a while. At my core, I'm a good person.
Speaker 2: Right at your core, you're a great person. Thank you,
Speaker 2: And you're a healthy person. You just have to give
Speaker 2: yourself some time. Yeah, and I don't want to. I
Speaker 2: don't ever be like defined by like, oh, she's got
Speaker 2: a lot of issues. It's like no, I I everybody
Speaker 2: in freaking America has issues. That's why people are listening.
Speaker 2: It's true. People are just tru Yeah, we all have issues.
Speaker 2: The thing is this, like everyone just feels like we
Speaker 2: have to be like ashamed of that. It's like the
Speaker 2: minute you give it light, it can't breathe anymore. It's perfect,
Speaker 2: you know, Like my marriage is not perfect all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh I amen, anybody. Yeah, the whole church, just that.
Speaker 2: I mean, did you hear them? Like, do I know?
Speaker 2: I am going through a little phase with myself right
Speaker 2: now where I'm just like I need to talk better
Speaker 2: to myself. I'm hard on myself. So we're just we're
Speaker 2: all just trying to do stuff. Yeah, And I found
Speaker 2: myself too, like when I don't love myself, I get
Speaker 2: I'm not nice to like no, and it's like that's
Speaker 2: not who I am. No, that's not whoever like I'm
Speaker 2: that just that's not who I am. I also think
Speaker 2: there's certain people that don't bring out the best in
Speaker 2: us too, and it's not their fault, like it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be well, they bring out the triggers and
Speaker 2: the like the drop and then then it's like, well,
Speaker 2: well that's not who we are. But then that's a cycle,
Speaker 2: that's just a yeah, and at the core, it just
Speaker 2: may not be a match. Like I was am divorced before,
Speaker 2: had a previous husband before my current husband, and I
Speaker 2: he's a fine person, he just he wasn't my person,
Speaker 2: you know, like a good dude. And I at some
Speaker 2: point was like he is just not going to go
Speaker 2: live his best life because I'm never gonna let him
Speaker 2: m hm, because that's who I am when I'm with him.
Speaker 2: I need him to be like a cheerleader and you know,
Speaker 2: and he just was young, and I'm like, dude timing too.
Speaker 2: I think that people need to come together at the
Speaker 2: right time. Yeah, yeah, the two thousand and eight version
Speaker 2: of me is like, oh, same season. Yeah, twenty fourteen
Speaker 2: was hit or missed too.
Speaker 1: So the point of you don't want to be known
Speaker 1: as the person with issues. There's a study recently that
Speaker 1: one of the best things people want to see in
Speaker 1: a dating app or when they meet somebody. One of
Speaker 1: the most appealing things about somebody in the first date
Speaker 1: is to find out that they're in or have been
Speaker 1: in therapy, because I think the most desirable people are
Speaker 1: the ones that realize they have issues and are working
Speaker 1: on them, which is where you are right now. That's
Speaker 1: a great place to be because so many people live
Speaker 1: in denial of their own issues, refuse to face their
Speaker 1: own issues, and those are the people that you need
Speaker 1: to stay away from, and unfortunately you've spent some time with.
Speaker 1: But those are the best people, the ones that understand it,
Speaker 1: because we are all messed up in our own ways
Speaker 1: and the ones that get that and are working on that,
Speaker 1: those are the people that you want to be with.
Speaker 2: Ownership is hot, Mark, Ownership is absolutely And that's the thing,
Speaker 2: like I've kind of always said, like I don't have
Speaker 2: the prettiest past, Like I have felt so much shame
Speaker 2: about my past, and it's like I don't want to
Speaker 2: carry it. I don't want to have to like feel that.
Speaker 2: And it's like and I will never judge a human
Speaker 2: being for you're going to make me cry. This is
Speaker 2: us as we describe it, Like I will never judge
Speaker 2: a human being for anything they do in their past
Speaker 2: because I give an immense amount of grace to people.
Speaker 2: I mean to the point where Sarah the other day
Speaker 2: was just like you give so much grace and you
Speaker 2: give so much like room and space. Yeah that like
Speaker 2: it's almost like too much in a way where it's
Speaker 2: like it's now people will take advantage of you. But
Speaker 2: it's like I just want honesty, Like if I ask
Speaker 2: you a question about your past, just be honest, right,
Speaker 2: Like don't be loop holy, Yeah, just be honest. And
Speaker 2: I think it's like and just with and I'm talking
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about relationships I'm talking like friendships and
Speaker 2: just like and just having that like you said, like
Speaker 2: the having the depth and the awareen of like who
Speaker 2: you are as a person, like you know, doing the work.
Speaker 2: And I know some people hate that term, but it's
Speaker 2: like it's it's there's no perfectly healed person. No, there's
Speaker 2: everyone has their stuff and it's just not bringing out
Speaker 2: the worst, but also like realizing, you know, triggers that
Speaker 2: come along the way, and I don't know, it's just
Speaker 2: I think it's I finally did sit down with myself
Speaker 2: and say, I was so shameful about divorce, the most
Speaker 2: shameful I could be. I was shameful about relationships before
Speaker 2: that too, because I cared about what people thought so
Speaker 2: much that I was like, you know, a failed relationship
Speaker 2: for an EmPATH is like it might as well just
Speaker 2: be like first degree murder.
Speaker 3: It's like it just feels like that.
Speaker 2: It's like, if I've failed at connecting with another human
Speaker 2: for the rest of my life with one human, then
Speaker 2: I might as well just be like what's my worth,
Speaker 2: you know, and what does it say about you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And then I remember just getting to a point
Speaker 2: where I was like I am so tired of being
Speaker 2: shameful because I just freaking love hard. Like when I
Speaker 2: decide I am going to be with a person, I
Speaker 2: decide and it is just like aggressive, you know. It's
Speaker 2: why I'm on your couch right now. When I decide,
Speaker 2: it's like forever and I that's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2: In fact, the world could use a few more of us,
Speaker 2: I feel like. And so instead of it looking like
Speaker 2: a shameful past me, it was just like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I would rather love the wrong people and try really
Speaker 2: hard or love not They're not bad people, but just
Speaker 2: the wrong people for me and at least gave my
Speaker 2: all then have something to show for it than to
Speaker 2: have not tried it with them. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 2: where I've had a hard time as i've I've always
Speaker 2: like I look back in my past and like I
Speaker 2: was just like love me, love me, love me, like
Speaker 2: you know, And it's just I didn't love myself enough
Speaker 2: and I and I stood by things that were not good.
Speaker 2: And it's like if I was to tell my daughter,
Speaker 2: if I was to tell my friends, what would they
Speaker 2: say to me? That's how I should look at myself,
Speaker 2: That's how I should see myself. And you know, I
Speaker 2: think letting go of the letting really truly go of
Speaker 2: the past and having that inner forgiveness and his for
Speaker 2: I mean, and you know, to forgive him. It's just
Speaker 2: letting all that go. Has just been like I got
Speaker 2: a piece of me back. Yeah, a chunk, a big one,
Speaker 2: a big, big, big, big chunk, and then the other
Speaker 2: chunk is still it will always be. You know, I
Speaker 2: don't think I'll ever be. No one's like I said,
Speaker 2: no one's perfect. We're all going to have our moments
Speaker 2: and traumas and our quote unquote baggage. But you know,
Speaker 2: I think it's a good job. I think it's good.
Speaker 2: I think it's good. And then the conscious choice to
Speaker 2: just reiterate those decisions, like everything you do from the
Speaker 2: acceptance and the putting rocks in the stream from that,
Speaker 2: every little step is like compound interest. So every time
Speaker 2: you don't settle, every time you say, you know what,
Speaker 2: I don't think that's the right person for me, or no,
Speaker 2: thank you, or whatever it is, that's just compound interest
Speaker 2: on top of a really good choice. So it's the
Speaker 2: investment you made in the trust in yourself and then
Speaker 2: the compound interest of that, Like that looks really healthy
Speaker 2: as it grows. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think sometimes we put pressure on
Speaker 2: ourself because we're so all or nothing that it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: now I messed up because I accidentally, like, like, you know,
Speaker 2: liked a wrong person or something, and it's like not really.
Speaker 2: I think people will come together when the right time,
Speaker 2: and yeah, if they're meant to, it always ends up
Speaker 2: working out. And sure does God kind of lets you no, Yeah,
Speaker 2: and God shaping that personally shaping you. M h, it's good. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh love life friends. I think it's just everything though,
Speaker 2: it's like how I like how I want to. Even
Speaker 2: when I was traveling with the airport, I was just
Speaker 2: like I felt I was like I was so happy.
Speaker 2: I was like, hi, you know, it's just like that's
Speaker 2: the OG channel. Yeah, it's like she's bad. Yeah, it
Speaker 2: is literally like she's back. I felt this. My friend
Speaker 2: Kat was like, you know what, I'm not putting KB
Speaker 2: in your cup. She made us all like these like
Speaker 2: key little customized cups. She's like, I'm not putting KB
Speaker 2: in your cup. I'm putting Kristin because Kristin from Detroit
Speaker 2: needs to come back yeah, and I was like, oh, Michigan,
Speaker 2: Kristen is in there, and she's just I really like people. Yeah, No,
Speaker 2: I I same. I was just like I am I
Speaker 2: felt that was like I feel like I just feel good.
Speaker 2: And here's the thing too, which is something I've always
Speaker 2: wanted to say, is when I got asked to do
Speaker 2: maybe another book, she I love Maditor. I know she's
Speaker 2: listening and I love you, but she was like, let's
Speaker 2: wait until you have a relationship. And I was like no,
Speaker 2: Like I I don't want people to say to me, oh,
Speaker 2: but you like you're so happy and like you look
Speaker 2: so happy, Like I want to be happy because I'm happy.
Speaker 2: Well you are in a relationship with myself. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: that's the That's like, that's the like, that's what I
Speaker 2: want people to see, Like I'm happy no matter I'm
Speaker 2: i'm with someone, if I'm not with someone, if I'm
Speaker 2: with my kids, if I'm with you, Like I just
Speaker 2: want like that's like that's me right, Like that's what
Speaker 2: I want. Like I don't want a man to define
Speaker 2: my happiness. I don't want you know, my kids, Like,
Speaker 2: I just want to be myself and happy. Michigan Channel
Speaker 2: Lake Girl like that, and I was like, I felt
Speaker 2: that today in the airport and I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm here. I had this moment where I was like, well,
Speaker 2: we get to see each other in July and Michigan,
Speaker 2: and I was like that we need I was like,
Speaker 2: I need us to just be like laked together. Yeah's
Speaker 2: toes in the lake, sweatshirts mess. That's not a zac
Speaker 2: ground flood. That care on my hand. I let you
Speaker 2: take over the musical interlop. Oh man. I just think
Speaker 2: there is I think we I think two things. One,
Speaker 2: we spend so much time trying to fix things that
Speaker 2: aren't really broken, and I think we can just pour
Speaker 2: into ourselves and remember what's good. And two, I think
Speaker 2: we just take those cracks and we just go Okay,
Speaker 2: this needs to be fixed and we do the work.
Speaker 2: But it's like sometimes there's like the inner you. It
Speaker 2: just needs to be found again too, because I think
Speaker 2: like pretty things about me got buried by what the
Speaker 2: things people said about me. They it just got buried.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, actually, I like me. I like that
Speaker 2: I'm overly friendly. I like that I know that the
Speaker 2: Southwest Guy is a Sagittarius and his favorite color is green,
Speaker 2: Like I want I just like people. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: I want to person next to me. Yeah, I want
Speaker 2: to know too much. I want to know. Why did
Speaker 2: I get to meet you today?
Speaker 3: David?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's how I met freakin Sarah Gretzky was
Speaker 2: which you've never met her, but on a plane I have,
Speaker 2: Oh you have. Actually, this is where we do. This
Speaker 2: is where is where we do like a medical house
Speaker 2: call for people with mom dementia. Everything is fine, that's right.
Speaker 2: I did a show with you and the stage Okay,
Speaker 2: I remember now it's all coming back to me. I
Speaker 2: had those years out of my life. Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: think the black out here was my major blackout years.
Speaker 2: I think how I met you on a plane, No,
Speaker 2: damn it, we met We met Texas. Yeah, but it
Speaker 2: was crazy because I was just like and we jumped
Speaker 2: on each other and you were like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna text you this product, like but
Speaker 2: that's what here's my coat. I wasn't influencer. I liked
Speaker 2: how we just were so like friendly with each other.
Speaker 2: And that's when I liked you. Yeah, I love you, well,
Speaker 2: love you. I will just say this, whether you are
Speaker 2: in a relationship, whether you're not in a relationship, whether
Speaker 2: you're single, married, friendships, whatever, just be happy with yourself
Speaker 2: and know that you're okay, flaws and all. Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: a really great person then and you oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: was talking to everybody else, but then they're really great people.
Speaker 2: We just let the noise seep in. Yeah, no more noise,
Speaker 2: no noise, no noise, no explaining, no noises, no need,
Speaker 2: no need. If you know my heart, no need. Yeah, right, cheers.
Speaker 2: Let's take a break and then we've got a really
Speaker 2: awesome guest on. All right, so just let us know
Speaker 2: when they come on, we'll start talking about that. Okay.
Speaker 2: So we're going to have a married couple on our
Speaker 2: show next, DJ Envy who's on the Breakfast Club and
Speaker 2: Gia his wife. They've been together for twenty years, are
Speaker 2: married for twenty years. They've been together for twenty seven years.
Speaker 2: There's like that's older than the people that work on
Speaker 2: your show. It's older than Riley. So they have a
Speaker 2: book out right now called Real Life, Real Love, Life,
Speaker 2: Lessons on Joy, Pain and the Magic that holds Us Together,
Speaker 2: which I love when couples write a book together because
Speaker 2: I feel like it's so. I mean, granted mine didn't
Speaker 2: work out, but I know that's where you're going. I
Speaker 2: know that was what the know that I was. But
Speaker 2: I will just say I think there's something that's still
Speaker 2: like for of the couples that have read the book,
Speaker 2: Like I had met someone at my show last night.
Speaker 2: They're like, I read your book, and I was kind
Speaker 2: of like, ooh, sorry, just like, no, it was so
Speaker 2: helpful for us, because I think everyone's journey to the
Speaker 2: end is different, but there's still like, I think there's
Speaker 2: something about like Mike, when Mike and I were able
Speaker 2: to do and and talk about messes in our marriage
Speaker 2: and the non perfect stuff, and people need to hear that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I think it's inspiring for other couples. And so
Speaker 2: it just got released on April nineteenth. It's Apriline Teeth.
Speaker 2: It's available on Amazon. But in there she wrote, and
Speaker 2: it's in the pres loot right now, is that she
Speaker 2: has faked an orgasm for ten years with Homeboy. Well,
Speaker 2: I mean, I hope it's Homeboy, because if not, she
Speaker 2: doesn't even look old enough to be married for twenty
Speaker 2: seven years. She doesn't, but she's stunning. Yeah, she's beautiful.
Speaker 2: That's a real Could you fake it for that long?
Speaker 2: I want to talk about it now before they come on,
Speaker 2: because it's gonna make me uncomfortable to talk about. I
Speaker 2: mean what I could not fake it? I mean, have
Speaker 2: you ever faked before? Yeah? I have two? Why do
Speaker 2: we as marriage?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 2: I'll tell you that, Oh, pressing from low cash is
Speaker 2: getting after it. He knows how to ride that whatever. No, yeah,
Speaker 2: well that was dirty.
Speaker 3: I got to ride that one. He doesn't actually do
Speaker 3: their riding there.
Speaker 2: But that's fine, Okay, I'm hot. I have faked it
Speaker 2: a few times, actually more than a few times in
Speaker 2: my past relationships. I want to ask this a fix,
Speaker 2: but I go for it. In Mike's marriage, well, we
Speaker 2: didn't have sex that much for me to fake it,
Speaker 2: but I I ten times? Yeah I did, but like
Speaker 2: not a lot.
Speaker 1: And why is it just to get it over with
Speaker 1: or is it to satisfy his ego?
Speaker 2: So I will say this in my in my relationship
Speaker 2: with my Mike, I I didn't care about coming. Does
Speaker 2: that make sense? I just wanted to please him so
Speaker 2: badly because I think of my like wanting to feel
Speaker 2: loved and chosen that I definitely just wanted to make
Speaker 2: him happy, so EGO and that set then a precedent
Speaker 2: to not reciprocate. So that was my fault, Okay, I
Speaker 2: think for sure. And then in the end of it,
Speaker 2: I was kind of like, all right, homegirl needs to
Speaker 2: have an orgasm, so like, can I pull out my
Speaker 2: vibrator or can we because I'm like, then I started
Speaker 2: to get frustrated about it because I'm like, you're also
Speaker 2: dealing with a lot of and it's not even if
Speaker 2: it's not great sex, then it's like yeah, And that's
Speaker 2: a huge piece for me, is like I'm a very
Speaker 2: sexual person. I love that to be a part of
Speaker 2: our relationship. Like something happened and I was like, guys,
Speaker 2: it was even kind of crazy for me, And they're like,
Speaker 2: if it was something.
Speaker 3: Crazy for you, like exiting.
Speaker 2: The building, So but I think, yeah, I think. And
Speaker 2: then just to make them feel good about themselves, I
Speaker 2: don't know, but I guess, and I never told them.
Speaker 2: I think I've I've told one person that I that
Speaker 2: I have and just because it was like I just
Speaker 2: didn't I don't know, I just wanted to turn you
Speaker 2: on or whatever, and I just wasn't feeling it. But
Speaker 2: now I'm like, M like, if we're doing this, like
Speaker 2: I don't care how long it takes, let's go. Also
Speaker 2: like let's learn each other. Yeah, like let's be in this.
Speaker 2: I feel like guys could technically fake though before you have.
Speaker 2: I have when I uh I got to go FA
Speaker 2: check my people. Sometimes I'm tired.
Speaker 5: I just want it to be.
Speaker 6: And uh yeah, you know I've only done a couple
Speaker 6: of times when I have done it.
Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you meant sex in general.
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, oh no, no that too, but okay, okay.
Speaker 2: I think it's interesting though, because I feel like with guys,
Speaker 2: and I'll say this like I've definitely been hard on
Speaker 2: past guys that I've slept with, the like if they
Speaker 2: couldn't come, I'd be like, why can't like it? Then
Speaker 2: I made it so personal about that I wasn't pretty enough,
Speaker 2: I wasn't you know, sexy enough. I wasn't doing the
Speaker 2: right moves for them, and I made it such a
Speaker 2: personal and negative thing where it's like guys have probably
Speaker 2: just as maybe not just as much. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know y'all's things down there, but like you
Speaker 2: have you can be mental too, where we can be mental,
Speaker 2: and I feel like we take it. It's like it's
Speaker 2: so hypocritical of like a woman to be like, how
Speaker 2: could you not when it's like but we don't all
Speaker 2: the time, But why do women take it so personal?
Speaker 2: I would take it personal? I mean I would be
Speaker 2: I would be devastating. So now granted with like my
Speaker 2: ex it was like, but I bet you wouldn't do
Speaker 2: that if like what and like that's like that was
Speaker 2: really crappy in me to continue to bring in like
Speaker 2: the past, you know, so like slightly warranted though, but
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter, like those are my those are my reactions,
Speaker 2: like I should have handled them in general, just going
Speaker 2: to give a lot of grace there, but my bad.
Speaker 2: I'm now healing on the other side and trying to like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm just trying to say, like and even
Speaker 2: in you know, other dating relationships, I just get so
Speaker 2: down about it and it's like that's not it's not
Speaker 2: how it's not fair. Men really do go through it though, seriously,
Speaker 2: And I have read several articles even just recently about
Speaker 2: like as they get older, it just becomes like something
Speaker 2: like they they need sometimes help. That's a real thing.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. It's interesting though, because hearing Easton you say
Speaker 2: that you faked it, I would actually be more upset
Speaker 2: about you faking it then you not coming at all.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense? But yet I would get more
Speaker 2: mad at But but then I just say these words
Speaker 2: like it's no big deal, and she really feels like
Speaker 2: I'm in fifth grade. I'm sweating. It's no big deal
Speaker 2: to you. I mean, you know, I know it is.
Speaker 2: It's fine. You just say it like a doctor. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well no, I would say, you're semen. Yeah, it's just yeah,
Speaker 2: it's it's very interesting. How would you like me to say?
Speaker 2: Penis penis? Penis penis? No, you know, like my three
Speaker 2: year old's like a penist with a tea at the end.
Speaker 2: Jason the other day speaking, he goes, I have a
Speaker 2: vagina and I was like, oh, well you don't. But
Speaker 2: you know, we can always talk about that in the future.
Speaker 1: That's what a neurologist should be called. The eurologist should
Speaker 1: be called a penis.
Speaker 5: Or some of that. Plays the piano.
Speaker 3: I know, it was like it was.
Speaker 2: Somewhere between his private parts and the piano. I just
Speaker 2: can't figure it out. But penist, well, this just got
Speaker 2: really off topic. But I just want to say, like,
Speaker 2: let me rhynd around this again. Don't be a hypocrite.
Speaker 2: If he he like, don't don't get him all. You know,
Speaker 2: it's okay. If you guys aren't. It doesn't mean he
Speaker 2: doesn't think you're sexy. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't
Speaker 2: mean anything. Sometimes you're just not in it. But just
Speaker 2: don't lie about it. Don't fake We don't. Girls, we don't.
Speaker 2: Let's not fake it, guys, don't fake it. Just be
Speaker 2: like you're so sexy. This is what I would say,
Speaker 2: say like you're so sexy, I'm just so tired, or
Speaker 2: something like give me a little love tap or something
Speaker 2: like say I'm good looking or something, and to like
Speaker 2: lessen the blow of you not coming. There's some other
Speaker 2: things they could do as well. What guys if they
Speaker 2: don't want to do that anymore. Oh So that's where
Speaker 2: I get like, like, oh no, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: And this is where we differ. This is where we differ.
Speaker 2: I like, you have not completed the job. You have
Speaker 2: not completed the tasket hand. I do not let a
Speaker 2: contractor leave my house without things working properly. There's other things.
Speaker 2: Can we just talk about how how uncomfortable Catherine would
Speaker 2: have been on this podcast. Catherine would have been out.
Speaker 2: I honestly had a vision of her dropping her headphones
Speaker 2: and rolling. You're welcome, Catherine for having this conversation while
Speaker 2: you're not on here. Oh man, let's take a break.
Speaker 2: So we are really excited to have both of you on. Obviously,
Speaker 2: you have your new book that just came out on
Speaker 2: Amazon and just kind of running through it because obviously
Speaker 2: I haven't had a chance to read it yet. What
Speaker 2: for you? I mean, because you guys talked about the
Speaker 2: infidelity in the book or no, yes, we do, you do? Okay?
Speaker 2: So was that a heart? So I wrote a book
Speaker 2: with my ex who also he's not my ex, but
Speaker 2: we we wrote a book when we were still together
Speaker 2: about infidelity and his past affairs. And for you, like,
Speaker 2: was that what? Why did you guys decide to write
Speaker 2: about it?
Speaker 6: Well, the whole book we decided to write because I
Speaker 6: feel like it's one thing that we don't do enough right,
Speaker 6: you know, especially for men. Right we can go to
Speaker 6: the barbershop and we could talk about our favorite sneak
Speaker 6: as our favorite basketball player. We could talk about music,
Speaker 6: but never do we ever get a chance to talk
Speaker 6: about relationships, right. I wish there was a time when
Speaker 6: I can go to the barbershop and be like, Yo,
Speaker 6: my girl is bugging or my wife is bugging.
Speaker 5: She just did this.
Speaker 6: What can I do? What do you suggest? We don't
Speaker 6: have those platforms to open up. So that's why we
Speaker 6: wrote the book to have those platforms and to have
Speaker 6: those conversations, like you know, we talked about in the
Speaker 6: book my wife fake and orgasms. I had no idea,
Speaker 6: but you know, we waited ten years to have that discussion,
Speaker 6: and I wish I could have had that discussion earlier
Speaker 6: with some of my peoples.
Speaker 5: And the same thing with my infidelity.
Speaker 6: I wanted to be able to talk and talk how
Speaker 6: I've changed and evolve from that s situation. That was
Speaker 6: very difficult to write about because not because what I did,
Speaker 6: but who I was hurting. You know, I'm hurting my
Speaker 6: best friend, I'm hurting the person I say I love,
Speaker 6: I'm hurting my wife. I'm hurting the person that is
Speaker 6: everything to me. And I didn't realize it. And I
Speaker 6: didn't realize it because I didn't know the definition of love.
Speaker 5: Like it's easy we always say, yeah, I love you?
Speaker 5: I love you?
Speaker 6: But do we know what that means? Like do we
Speaker 6: look and say, what does the definition of love?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 6: If I really love somebody, do I want to hurt them?
Speaker 6: I really love somebody? Do I want to lie to them?
Speaker 6: Do I want to keep things from them? Do I
Speaker 6: still get butterflies? And I didn't necessarily know that definition,
Speaker 6: so to write it is kind of just trying to
Speaker 6: encourage people to talk about different things in their relationship
Speaker 6: and it's not surface issues.
Speaker 2: How far out are you guys from the cheating time?
Speaker 2: Twelve years? Okay? I and kind of brief story like
Speaker 2: I have also been in. I was in a relationship
Speaker 2: where my husband had cheated. We ended up writing a
Speaker 2: book together talking about the affairs. We unfortunately didn't make it.
Speaker 2: But for you, what was the turning point when you're
Speaker 2: kind of like, okay, I do trust this man? Like
Speaker 2: how how many? Because I remember Max? Like can you
Speaker 2: just get over it? Or like move on? It's the past,
Speaker 2: and like how long are you going to It's like
Speaker 2: I don't know how long? You know, Like I don't
Speaker 2: I don't know these are and I'm trying to let
Speaker 2: go of it. It's not an easy thing to let
Speaker 2: go of. But I'm just curious, like for you, like,
Speaker 2: was there a turning point where you're like okay, and
Speaker 2: what did you do to get to that other side
Speaker 2: to be where you guys are at today.
Speaker 4: Well, what you just said was one of the reasons
Speaker 4: why it was very important to me to write the
Speaker 4: book and to share what we shared in the book,
Speaker 4: because a lot of the time, when there is a
Speaker 4: misstep infidelity, the person who made that misstep feels entitled
Speaker 4: to the forgiveness, They feel entitled to the moving on
Speaker 4: of it. They entited, they feel entitled for you to
Speaker 4: get past it in a timely fashion that doesn't seem
Speaker 4: to inconvenience that. Meanwhile, all the while, they are the
Speaker 4: ones that made the decisions to put you and the
Speaker 4: relationship in that predicament in the first place, Yet they're
Speaker 4: not willing to do the work that it takes to
Speaker 4: remedy that situation. So I was very very clear once
Speaker 4: I decided that I was going to forgive, it wasn't
Speaker 4: just on me. I wasn't going to forgive to take
Speaker 4: the burden off of him. I was forgiving to take
Speaker 4: the burden off of me so that I didn't have
Speaker 4: it on my back, so that I wasn't carrying around
Speaker 4: that resentment and harboring that hurt every day. I forgave
Speaker 4: for me, and he just happened to be someone that
Speaker 4: benefited from that forgiveness. But once I decided to forgive,
Speaker 4: he was held to a standard. There was things that
Speaker 4: were required of him. He had to do the work
Speaker 4: to try to gain back everything that he single handedly
Speaker 4: had lost in our relationship. So what made me decide
Speaker 4: that we were going to go belonghoul was the fact
Speaker 4: that he was willing to do the work and pay
Speaker 4: all of the reparations to restore our relationship to what
Speaker 4: it once was. And for me, the key was until
Speaker 4: where you felt as though he was saying, I apologize,
Speaker 4: what more do you want from me?
Speaker 5: Blood?
Speaker 4: He didn't approach it with that mentality. He approached it
Speaker 4: with the until mentality. I am going to do everything
Speaker 4: humanly and spiritually possible to restore this relationship until you
Speaker 4: were healed, until you're able to try it again, until
Speaker 4: I'm back in your good graces, until until until I
Speaker 4: don't care how long it takes. One day, we were
Speaker 4: having this conversation yet again, as we were pulling into
Speaker 4: the garage and he said to me, and I remember
Speaker 4: this vividly, I will spend every day of the rest
Speaker 4: of my life making up to you and proving to
Speaker 4: you that I want to be with you and no
Speaker 4: one else but you. You and our family is all
Speaker 4: that I want. I don't care what it takes. I
Speaker 4: knew what his intention was once he realized the wrong
Speaker 4: in his way, and I I couldn't help but take
Speaker 4: in how hard he was willing to work to restore us.
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. That's really beautiful, like and Amy Tira up. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And because I think you did something with your shame
Speaker 2: where I think a lot of guys hold on to
Speaker 2: it and they project it, wouldn't I feel like dj NV,
Speaker 2: like what did you Because there's something that you must
Speaker 2: have done with that shame piece that you didn't let
Speaker 2: it project onto you know, your wife?
Speaker 1: What do you mean?
Speaker 5: What's shame piece?
Speaker 2: So like my ex, like he felt so much shame
Speaker 2: that that's why he never he wanted me to get
Speaker 2: over it, or he you know, or he was upset
Speaker 2: or angry and his projection that was all his shame.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, that's why it's hard for me to
Speaker 6: read the book and even to do the audible of
Speaker 6: the part because you have to relive it.
Speaker 5: But at that point I didn't care about the shame.
Speaker 5: I didn't care how I looked. I didn't care how
Speaker 5: it made me feel. I care about who I hurt.
Speaker 5: And I heard her. So if I.
Speaker 6: Had to eat that for twenty years, I'm going to
Speaker 6: eat it for twenty years because I heard her, like
Speaker 6: I did this to her.
Speaker 5: She didn't do it to me. She didn't do anything
Speaker 5: to me. I did it to her. So however long
Speaker 5: it would it took, I don't care.
Speaker 6: You know, if I need to whatever I need to
Speaker 6: do to make this right and to make her feel
Speaker 6: comfortable and to make her trust me again and to
Speaker 6: allow her to heal, I was able to do it.
Speaker 2: Do you, guys, take some time to like decompress after.
Speaker 2: Do you do interviews like this, because I'd imagine that
Speaker 2: you wrote about it, which is therapeutic in its own way.
Speaker 2: You share about it on these interviews. When you get
Speaker 2: off of interviews like this, most likely people are asking you.
Speaker 2: I'd imagine a lot about it, and I love you
Speaker 2: being a voice of it, both of you and just
Speaker 2: your such advocates for the healing on both sides, because
Speaker 2: resentment isn't sexy. And I lived that life too for
Speaker 2: a while where I was resentful. But that doesn't look
Speaker 2: good on me at all. Do you when you take
Speaker 2: when you get done with these interviews, do you do
Speaker 2: you have to have some time just in private time
Speaker 2: with y'all so that you can just kind of get
Speaker 2: back on the same page. Does it bring up anything?
Speaker 2: Do you just feel like, good work, we got this.
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: And the reason why is because for me, the forgiveness
Speaker 4: is real.
Speaker 2: That's right, it was, that's amazing, and.
Speaker 4: It was thorough and mind you, I didn't forgive in
Speaker 4: the matter. I didn't decide I was going to forgive
Speaker 4: and then it was executed within weeks months. It took
Speaker 4: me years to forgive thoroughly. It took me years to
Speaker 4: learn how to not have the urge or the need
Speaker 4: to punish him to make him hurt the way that
Speaker 4: I hurt. I feel that I am fair. You know,
Speaker 4: you go through something like this, and both of you
Speaker 4: said that you've been through something like this, so you
Speaker 4: can understand it seems as though everything in the world
Speaker 4: after that happens to you. Kind of goes back to
Speaker 4: cheating you turn on Netflix. The first three suggested shows
Speaker 4: have to do with cheating. If you look at a
Speaker 4: billboard and it seems to do a billboard, it's cheating
Speaker 4: on the billboard.
Speaker 5: The radio divorce one one.
Speaker 4: It seemed as though I was inundated with things that
Speaker 4: would cause me to remember, and every time I felt
Speaker 4: that way, I wanted to make sure that he felt
Speaker 4: that way too, Like it's not going to just be
Speaker 4: me suffering, it's going to be you. I had that
Speaker 4: need to to punish him, But once I got closer
Speaker 4: with God, I realized it's not my job to punish.
Speaker 4: That is not my job. If I'm going to forgive
Speaker 4: and I'm going to move forward, I have to relieve
Speaker 4: myself of all of those urges because those urges aren't
Speaker 4: rooted in godliness, They're not rooted in goodness. So I
Speaker 4: had to change my perception. But then once I got
Speaker 4: through it, and I got to a point where I said,
Speaker 4: you are a changed person. You are in fact, not
Speaker 4: that person that did those things and that hurt me.
Speaker 4: At that point, you are humble, You are loving, and
Speaker 4: you are willing, and you prove it every single day
Speaker 4: you do not deserve the things that I feel the
Speaker 4: urge to make you feel, so I am not going
Speaker 4: to do it anymore. And once I started walking down
Speaker 4: that path, my forgiveness was thorough and I was, in
Speaker 4: fact healed. And it's funny because people will ask me
Speaker 4: now like you can laugh about some of the things
Speaker 4: that happen or find a joke in there somehow, some way,
Speaker 4: And it's because I'm free because of the work that
Speaker 4: he did to prove to me the degree to which
Speaker 4: he loves me. And we talk about it in the
Speaker 4: book in a section called the New Deal. And the
Speaker 4: New Deal is about those reparations, and it's about the
Speaker 4: restoration that has to happen and the steps that the
Speaker 4: person that offended as well as the offender have to
Speaker 4: go through to regain yourselves individually and yourselves as a
Speaker 4: whole to see that beauty in the relationship again. And
Speaker 4: it's a very intense. It's probably one of my favorite
Speaker 4: chapters in the entire book because when people ask me,
Speaker 4: how did you forgive? You open up the book and
Speaker 4: it's right there in the New Deal.
Speaker 2: Oh God, I love it, like I'm I'm ready to
Speaker 2: read it. Yeah. Well, It's also like having a second
Speaker 2: marriage inside of your marriage, Like you guys get a
Speaker 2: chance at marrying each other again in a different way
Speaker 2: and knowing each other stronger. What is what is to you,
Speaker 2: guys real love? Like, what does real love look like
Speaker 2: to you?
Speaker 4: Hmm?
Speaker 6: Well, like I said before, is the definition of not
Speaker 6: wanting to hurt my partner, not wanting to lie to
Speaker 6: my partner, to be absolutely positively honest, to understand that
Speaker 6: she is part of me in this relationship. What people
Speaker 6: don't know is when you have a relationship, you're supposed
Speaker 6: to be on the same team, right, And a lot
Speaker 6: of times we don't look at it like that, Like
Speaker 6: when we get into it, when we used to get
Speaker 6: into arguments, it was me trying to destroy her or
Speaker 6: her trying to annihilate me. That's not what real love is.
Speaker 6: Like love which is should be an understanding. It should
Speaker 6: be us against the world. And once we figured that out,
Speaker 6: it made our relationship stronger. I would say one thing,
Speaker 6: people talk about everything that we went bad with bad
Speaker 6: in our relationship, right if you read it in the book,
Speaker 6: and I used to think, damned what I would have
Speaker 6: changed that? And no, I wouldn't because at the end
Speaker 6: of that, it made our relationship strong. It was it
Speaker 6: made us to find what real love is. So now
Speaker 6: we're at a point where, like you know, before, if
Speaker 6: I left my phone at home, I would be like,
Speaker 6: oh my gosh, what's going to be on my phone.
Speaker 6: Now I'm like, well, I could leave my phone for
Speaker 6: weeks here to take my phone. Matter of fact, babe,
Speaker 6: can you post something on Instagram for me? And you
Speaker 6: know what I mean to the point where if you
Speaker 6: ever see a caps of mind and it's felt wrong,
Speaker 6: I did it if it felt right.
Speaker 2: She usually did, Like it does this relationship too, Yeah,
Speaker 2: she always she always like, hey, best friend, I love you.
Speaker 2: But at an art of the thing, yeah.
Speaker 7: With that relationship where we have access to each other's everything,
Speaker 7: passed words, Instagram, emails, pictures and phones everything.
Speaker 2: Well, if nothing to high, then what's the you know.
Speaker 4: There's nothing to hide. But let me tell you there
Speaker 4: will be people.
Speaker 5: There'll be women.
Speaker 4: Let's just say it could be men, but for this case,
Speaker 4: I'll just say women that will read the book and
Speaker 4: then present that idea to their partner, and their partner
Speaker 4: would turn it on them and say, yeah, but you
Speaker 4: should trust me enough that you would never want.
Speaker 5: To go through my phone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's a mind bleep. There's a section in
Speaker 4: the book about mind bleeping, which is where you ignore
Speaker 4: the obvious, you ignore what you see, you ignore your
Speaker 4: intuition because you're being led by the fact that you
Speaker 4: want this relationship to work so badly that you're damn
Speaker 4: near willing to believe and accept anything.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I mean, that's a that's a really good point.
Speaker 2: Someone that I had had dated, you know, after whatever,
Speaker 2: a little a little blip, but I remember I had
Speaker 2: a question about something and he's like, you know it's
Speaker 2: it's on my phone, Like, you just need to trust me.
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I have trusted could I
Speaker 2: see it? Like just to and he was just like, no,
Speaker 2: you just need to trust me. And I was always
Speaker 2: kind of like, well, if there was nothing, really, then
Speaker 2: why didn't you just show me correct build the trust,
Speaker 2: like right? Or was I just asking for too much,
Speaker 2: you know, like or was that just all my trust
Speaker 2: baggage issue? Like was that not fair of me to say? Well,
Speaker 2: if you're saying it, can I see what you said
Speaker 2: if that's really what you said, just to like kind
Speaker 2: of like help me and heal, like you're not and
Speaker 2: help you know, hold my heart in that space or
Speaker 2: that was.
Speaker 6: A mind lib Let me tell you I have a
Speaker 6: twenty year old daughter, right, and my twenty year old
Speaker 6: daughter had a boyfriend and the boyfriend went through her
Speaker 6: DMS and she was like fine.
Speaker 5: So my daughter was like, let me see your DMS.
Speaker 5: They were on the boat.
Speaker 6: He ran upstairs in the boat, came down ten minutes,
Speaker 6: came down ten fifteen minutes later, say he and now
Speaker 6: you can see.
Speaker 5: I was able to be like, do you know why
Speaker 5: he came by fifteen minutes later?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 6: And she's like, no, why, I said, because he erased
Speaker 6: everything he didn't want you to see. And I said,
Speaker 6: you know, and he was mind bleeping. You say no,
Speaker 6: well trust me, no, no, it's not it. No, if
Speaker 6: you have nothing to hide, give me your phone, like
Speaker 6: you just took mine, but he couldn't see it.
Speaker 4: Let me answer your question from my point of view.
Speaker 4: You asking to see whatever it was that you wanted
Speaker 4: to see, shows in and of itself that there was
Speaker 4: trust that was missing. Your intuition told you that you
Speaker 4: don't need to be able to explain that. That is
Speaker 4: what our intuition is because if in your relationship his
Speaker 4: actions coupled with your actions created an environment where you
Speaker 4: felt secure, you would have never had the intuition to
Speaker 4: say to him, I'd like to see can you show
Speaker 4: that to me? And if a person cares about you
Speaker 4: and your feelings, they're going to forego their pride and
Speaker 4: the protectiveness of the phone to say, well, it's none
Speaker 4: of your business, really and say, you know what, I
Speaker 4: care a lot more about you than my pride. So
Speaker 4: if me showing this to you is going to give
Speaker 4: you security and help to grow our trust, then go ahead,
Speaker 4: take a look at it. But if they don't, it
Speaker 4: either means that there is in fact something to hide,
Speaker 4: or be that there's not, but they value their own
Speaker 4: pride more than your security, and that would have to
Speaker 4: be built. And if you knew that you had I
Speaker 4: have access to Sean's phone, how many times have I
Speaker 4: ever looked in your phone?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 2: See the thing? Like, I don't want to be in
Speaker 2: a relationship where I actually ever in my life want
Speaker 2: or feel the need to look at someone's phone. Ever,
Speaker 2: I don't ever ever I did that for seven years.
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that anymore. In the next
Speaker 2: like I just do well, I do not want that,
Speaker 2: And it's like, but I do know I come with
Speaker 2: trust issues, so at the times I might ask, and
Speaker 2: it's like, is that an unhealthy thing for me to
Speaker 2: ask in that situation?
Speaker 4: No, because your partner should care about you enough knowing
Speaker 4: that you may have trust issues. So it's about being
Speaker 4: each other's keeper. You should provide an environment for him
Speaker 4: in which he feels comfortable and that he can he
Speaker 4: can function in a loving way, and he should do
Speaker 4: the same for you. Like I said, I have the
Speaker 4: ability to go through his email, his phone, his Instagram,
Speaker 4: all the social media, but I never had because he's
Speaker 4: provided me the comfortability that I don't find it necessary
Speaker 4: at all. And furthermore, if I was in a relationship
Speaker 4: where I felt as though I had to, I would
Speaker 4: not be in that relationship.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 4: Amen, After your partner knowing who you are and what
Speaker 4: your needs are and maybe having a conversation about that,
Speaker 4: letting them know, like I need to be able to
Speaker 4: build trust because maybe I've been hurt before or I've
Speaker 4: been betrayed before, so there's a learning curve with me.
Speaker 4: But if there's nothing to hide, then you will hide nothing.
Speaker 2: Right, okay, all right, well I don't feel as like
Speaker 2: crazy then thank you. This is actually the most like
Speaker 2: divinely timed conversation we could have. Yeah, well, I'm I'm
Speaker 2: I know, I'm not married, but I'm going to read
Speaker 2: your book because it sounds like there's a lot of
Speaker 2: things that can help me in relationships to come and
Speaker 2: current and past and all. So thank you. And I
Speaker 2: really appreciate you guys being just a vessel for people
Speaker 2: that are going through her times and that. I love this.
Speaker 2: This is what I wanted. I wanted the this, the heartache,
Speaker 2: but to turn into beauty and but only half of
Speaker 2: the But I love that you guys are doing that.
Speaker 2: So I'm just saying too and it does. That's the
Speaker 2: DJ MVP yep for sure. But I love you guys.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on to be an
Speaker 2: authentic and just being very vulnerable. And everyone go get
Speaker 2: their book on Amazon right now, real life, real love.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much, really appreciate it. I love
Speaker 2: y'all so much. I'm proud of you for speaking truth.
Speaker 2: We live in Nashville. I used I used to live
Speaker 2: in LA but now I live here.
Speaker 5: So yeah, all right, Well next time we come to
Speaker 5: nash a person.
Speaker 2: Let's do it seriously. Let me hug your next Okay, bye, guys, Seya,
Speaker 2: thank you so much, appreciate it. They're amazing.
Speaker 3: I love them.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 3: I love you.
Speaker 2: That was the most timely conversation. It was so good
Speaker 2: and so real and just honest but like strong. I
Speaker 2: just yeah, what's meant, We'll stay, what's not, we'll go,
Speaker 2: And that's okay. And if it's not a hell yes,
Speaker 2: then it's a hell now. Yeah, amen to that. I
Speaker 2: have another one good too. They show you who they are,
Speaker 2: Believe them.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like that with friends with and co workers with everything. Yeah,
Speaker 2: really like that's that's kind of my motto in life. Now,
Speaker 2: all right, guys, have a great week and see you
Speaker 2: next week.