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Speaker 1: Swine Down with Janet Kramer and i'm Heeart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: I hate stink and I'm so sorry right now, I'm

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Speaker 2: just glad you stink. Will see who outstinks each other.

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Speaker 3: I'm me tell you about four.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad this is an audio. Let me tell you

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Speaker 2: about forty and hormones. Yeah, how is forty? It's like great,

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Speaker 2: it's great. I promise, come on, come, come, come, come,

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Speaker 2: come with a kick drum. Come come, Janna, come come

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Speaker 2: and the kick drum. Come come. It's just the hormones. Sorry,

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Speaker 2: I had to Okay, the hormones, like which hormones, all

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Speaker 2: of them just they're all out against me. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: just like the sweat. I just feel like I have

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Speaker 2: never and maybe it's just after Legend because I was

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Speaker 2: your three year old son. Yep, Jason, Legie, you are

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Speaker 2: about the same age, which is same with Julian Love. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we really have a mating season, don't we. We did?

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Speaker 2: We did ship was sailed? Yeah, since I had him,

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Speaker 2: I just feel like I'm but I've also tried natural

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Speaker 2: deodorance and those don't work for me. I feel like

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Speaker 2: like bad, here's my thing, and I I really you know,

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Speaker 2: I've I've talked about I think it was every gosh,

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Speaker 2: what's that one natural one I've I've tried a few

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Speaker 2: and they have worked. But I just stink. No, you don't, no, no,

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Speaker 2: I do like I need the Have you always been stinky?

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Speaker 2: I like my mom's stinky, Like I love you, but

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Speaker 2: you know, I think I like I just have like

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Speaker 2: a like and my eggs used to always be like refreshing.

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Speaker 2: I needed something to be always would be like and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, that's hurtful. He just looks so hot

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Speaker 2: all the time. I need you to stink once in

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Speaker 2: a while. Leave for the rest of the America to

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Speaker 2: see saink creamer. It's like when you dig in my

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Speaker 2: head and you're like, is there a weave in there?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's all I've got. Please just

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Speaker 2: leave me alone. I'm just very envious of like thick

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Speaker 2: and full hair. I'm envious of you. Well anyways, but

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Speaker 2: I apologize. I just got off a plane, so it's

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Speaker 2: a little had a show. You had a show. I'd

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Speaker 2: like to see you out there doing what you're meant

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Speaker 2: to do. Honey, good for you. It was fun. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this is Kristen Brust. She's a local guest.

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Speaker 2: I mean a local guest, an avid guest. I would

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Speaker 2: to say that on wind down. Reoccurring reoccurring, Yes, a

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Speaker 2: reoccurring guest, Ankle, you are local to my heart. And

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Speaker 2: she's so sweet. She wrote me the cutest little sticky

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Speaker 2: note you were stronger than ever. And she wrote these

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Speaker 2: adorable little sticky notes all over my house because she's

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Speaker 2: just she's a gem. Well, I'm here for you, Kramer.

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Speaker 2: You're stronger than ever. You're so sweet. Hi, Mark, I

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Speaker 2: haven't seen you in a minute. Hi, Janna, Hi, how

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Speaker 2: are you Ben?

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Speaker 1: I'm good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was good. It was it was a very transformation.

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Speaker 2: That's not the right word. No, it's a very it

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Speaker 2: was a shift opening mm hmm. Is that good?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Pivotal, pivotal, Yeah, pivotal, pivotal. We're throwing big words at her,

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Speaker 2: and I like pivotal. You know it's good. I will say,

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Speaker 2: I signed up for this retreat. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: say where it's at, but I'm so excited. I know

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Speaker 2: it's long, right, it's a week. I want to go.

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Speaker 2: I'm I've never been more excited. You should be. That's

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Speaker 2: a really that's like a I don't have you ever

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Speaker 2: done a week by yourself? Just chilling, focusing on yourself.

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Speaker 2: So I I wanted to. You know, it's really interesting

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Speaker 2: is after my divorce, I was just kind of like

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Speaker 2: I'm good, Like I knew I wasn't good. Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: like I think I was. Oh, I've been doing it

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Speaker 2: for so long, and then I just kind of wanted

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Speaker 2: to like put band aids on it.

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Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 2: Sure, also survival, Sure to say you're good. You had

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Speaker 2: kids to think about? Oh yeah, but I think there

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Speaker 2: was But I did this. Did you see him? Oh?

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Speaker 2: And you're so sweet. You're such a good friend. You

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Speaker 2: totally edited my caption. Oh I did because I said

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Speaker 2: steam and nuts stream and you're like, hey, best friend,

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Speaker 2: put an R and stream. I was like, it's too

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Speaker 2: good of a post. I was like, this is captivating,

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Speaker 2: but I do see an error in line fifteen. If

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Speaker 2: you could just throw an R in there so that

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Speaker 2: everyone doesn't throw rocks in their steam, and then it's

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Speaker 2: gonna I think it's going to really move mountains. This

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Speaker 2: place is really going to help some people. Yeah, So

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Speaker 2: I but I did that, and I tell you what,

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Speaker 2: there were so many things that I was holding onto

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Speaker 2: that I didn't even know I was holding onto. Is

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Speaker 2: this the one you told me that Amy might do

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Speaker 2: with me? That will be amazing?

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean she made me write on rocks like what

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Speaker 2: I was still holding onto from my past, and I

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Speaker 2: put him in the stream at Sarah's house or like

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Speaker 2: you know, on her land, and it was like insane,

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Speaker 2: like the weight that I felt lifted off of me.

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Speaker 2: It was really incredible.

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Speaker 3: It's I mean, to Saravirise his house with all my rock.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be like enjoying my peaceful like.

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Speaker 3: Tossing it being stone.

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Speaker 2: I'm like building a damn. Oh yeah, but that's yeah, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: but I'm really excited. It's gonna be fun. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: gonna be really good for you. I think, what do

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Speaker 2: you do? So it's like this, it's this place where

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Speaker 2: you I can read you the thing. It's pretty amazing, basically,

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Speaker 2: I will say this. It's a place where I think

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Speaker 2: for a long time, I have stayed in things because

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Speaker 2: I thought that I deserved it, and I have I

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Speaker 2: have made I have How do I say this? I've

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Speaker 2: I've stayed in things because I thought I deserved it.

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Speaker 2: I stayed and it was it was all a mirror

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Speaker 2: of how I thought of myself, like what I thought

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Speaker 2: I deserved, and I think it's realizing like I deserve

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Speaker 2: so much more than that. And but I but I

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Speaker 2: it's like I need. And someone told me a really

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Speaker 2: good friend went to this and he was just like

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Speaker 2: he said, it was an amazing place, and just like

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Speaker 2: to really just love yourself because then that's when you're

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Speaker 2: gonna find, you know, and that's when you're gonna really

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Speaker 2: attract what you know, healthy And does that make sense? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like that's the end of the podcast.

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Speaker 2: So it's been great chatting with you that I can.

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Speaker 3: But I mean, truthfully, that's it.

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Speaker 2: Like what I keep saying to you is you're like true,

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Speaker 2: like you are stronger than ever. You're getting more whole

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Speaker 2: than you were before. Like the focus on health is

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Speaker 2: what you're really working on. So things that or even

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Speaker 2: people that came into your life a year ago or

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Speaker 2: six months ago or those people may not even fit

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Speaker 2: anymore because you've transitioned into a more whole and healthy

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Speaker 2: human along the way. Yeah, and also realizing, like if

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Speaker 2: I see things that are going to bring up my past, trauma,

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Speaker 2: Like why am I Like, that's just not healthy for

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Speaker 2: me to stay. No, you know, and you know, and

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Speaker 2: that's the thing, like I think a healing because I'm

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Speaker 2: always going to be healing, and I think there was

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Speaker 2: a piece of me for sure that like I always

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Speaker 2: it's like, well, I ever get over my ex. I'm

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Speaker 2: over my ex. I'm over your ex for sure, Like

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Speaker 2: that's what you're wondering. Yeah, And it's like I don't

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Speaker 2: want to keep it's not I'm not I don't want

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Speaker 2: to keep talking about my ax, like I want to

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Speaker 2: help it. I want to be a voice of like

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Speaker 2: this is how I got through really tough seasons, whether

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Speaker 2: you want to stay or whether you want to leave.

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Speaker 2: But I've forgiven him, like through this last like few weeks,

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Speaker 2: Like there's something that it's like when I release that,

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Speaker 2: I was like and I saw this thing where it's

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Speaker 2: like I don't need to carry that anymore. No, and

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Speaker 2: it's like I forgive him. I wish it like and

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Speaker 2: it's like there's like this really amazing feeling that I'm

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Speaker 2: like and I don't have to hold on to it anymore.

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Speaker 2: And the people around you should be supporting you in

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Speaker 2: the letting go, yeah, and not you're not that person,

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Speaker 2: and so they don't. You don't get to be stuck

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Speaker 2: in that relationship anymore, and no one gets to verbally,

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Speaker 2: physically whatever it is, keep surrounding you with the old

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Speaker 2: memories or like. But it was also me though too,

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Speaker 2: like I for sure was like I've talked about it

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Speaker 2: all the damn time. Yeah, well he's still very you

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Speaker 2: have kids, I think, yeah, And like they always say,

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Speaker 2: like healing isn't linear all of that, Yeah, but I

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Speaker 2: think it was just just going through it's like hard season.

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Speaker 2: It's like you almost have to. I realize now it's

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Speaker 2: like you you really need to. I don't know, because

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Speaker 2: it's like still I still don't I say that, but

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna like I'm not even gonna finish my thought

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Speaker 2: because I feel like you, I think I'm always going

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Speaker 2: to have what quote unquote baggage. I'm always going to

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Speaker 2: have trust issues, I think. I don't. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if that'll ever go away. That's not do you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean? I think it'll go away. And if

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Speaker 2: someone ignites my trust issues, that's going to be I

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Speaker 2: can't stay in that. And I you know, like that's

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Speaker 2: something that I know now that it is not healthy

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Speaker 2: for me to stay in something that causes me to

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Speaker 2: like yeah, backtrack, backtrack, or feel like I'm you know,

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Speaker 2: being the same thing. But I also but I also

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Speaker 2: think I've let my Sorry, I think I've I've been

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Speaker 2: so afraid to let love in. And I think it's

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Speaker 2: because I didn't love myself. I'm watching from my seat,

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Speaker 2: you trusting yourself more, and that's when I think you'll

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Speaker 2: be able to lean into people a little more because

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Speaker 2: you'll trust yourself. Yeah, because no matter what, the bottom

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Speaker 2: falling out just means you're back with a person that

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Speaker 2: you trust, which is you. It's less intimidating.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But I also don't want to push people away though either,

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Speaker 2: you know. But there's a reason I think why I

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Speaker 2: push certain people away. There's a gut need to be pushed,

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Speaker 2: there's a gut thing, or there's a whatever, there's something

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Speaker 2: that I'm not listening to and staying ground and end

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Speaker 2: communicating that from a good place. Yeah, And I think

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Speaker 2: that's the work that like I just had like just

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Speaker 2: light bulb moments with our our therapist Amy and just

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Speaker 2: letting go of like my my like letting go of

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Speaker 2: those rocks, letting go of the like it was just

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Speaker 2: it still sucks, like of sure, of course, but I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't I do I forgive them, I forget like

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Speaker 2: it's it's a it's so nice to just feel it's lighter.

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Speaker 2: It's so much lighter. I know. So in a roundabout version,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to this place just to to cement it,

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Speaker 2: like I'm cementing what I've learned the last few weeks.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited for you to be alone with yourself for

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Speaker 2: me too. And then you have to give your phone

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Speaker 2: away and they're like, is that a problem? I was like,

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Speaker 2: I will throw it at you, like here, take it good? Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Do we get to write you letters that you need

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Speaker 2: to read while you're there, like camp send you like

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Speaker 2: a snack pack and a letter. And I'm so. I

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Speaker 2: was talking to Shanna Burgess, She's so sweet. She reached

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Speaker 2: out to me because she was saying that she you know,

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Speaker 2: she went to when it was life changing. So I'm

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Speaker 2: I just I'm really excited because now I feel like

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Speaker 2: all it's it's sad that I've realized it now, you know,

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Speaker 2: I've had to kind of walk through certain stages of things.

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Speaker 2: But it's nice to go Okay, I'm really happy to

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Speaker 2: be right here and I feel like finally I'm kind

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Speaker 2: of on the not the other side, but I'm I'm

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Speaker 2: I'm really like tapping into it. Yeah, you just keep

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Speaker 2: elevating along the way. Yeah it feels good, it does.

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Speaker 2: But you're also getting cozier with yourself along the way. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I do, Like, yeah, we don't. Well, you are, you're

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Speaker 2: a good person. You should cozy up with yourself once

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Speaker 2: in a while. At my core, I'm a good person.

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Speaker 2: Right at your core, you're a great person. Thank you,

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Speaker 2: And you're a healthy person. You just have to give

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Speaker 2: yourself some time. Yeah, and I don't want to. I

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Speaker 2: don't ever be like defined by like, oh, she's got

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Speaker 2: a lot of issues. It's like no, I I everybody

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Speaker 2: in freaking America has issues. That's why people are listening.

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Speaker 2: It's true. People are just tru Yeah, we all have issues.

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Speaker 2: The thing is this, like everyone just feels like we

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Speaker 2: have to be like ashamed of that. It's like the

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Speaker 2: minute you give it light, it can't breathe anymore. It's perfect,

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Speaker 2: you know, Like my marriage is not perfect all the time.

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Speaker 2: Oh I amen, anybody. Yeah, the whole church, just that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, did you hear them? Like, do I know?

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Speaker 2: I am going through a little phase with myself right

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Speaker 2: now where I'm just like I need to talk better

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Speaker 2: to myself. I'm hard on myself. So we're just we're

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Speaker 2: all just trying to do stuff. Yeah, And I found

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Speaker 2: myself too, like when I don't love myself, I get

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Speaker 2: I'm not nice to like no, and it's like that's

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Speaker 2: not who I am. No, that's not whoever like I'm

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Speaker 2: that just that's not who I am. I also think

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Speaker 2: there's certain people that don't bring out the best in

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Speaker 2: us too, and it's not their fault, like it doesn't

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Speaker 2: have to be well, they bring out the triggers and

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Speaker 2: the like the drop and then then it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: well that's not who we are. But then that's a cycle,

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Speaker 2: that's just a yeah, and at the core, it just

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Speaker 2: may not be a match. Like I was am divorced before,

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Speaker 2: had a previous husband before my current husband, and I

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Speaker 2: he's a fine person, he just he wasn't my person,

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Speaker 2: you know, like a good dude. And I at some

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Speaker 2: point was like he is just not going to go

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Speaker 2: live his best life because I'm never gonna let him

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Speaker 2: m hm, because that's who I am when I'm with him.

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Speaker 2: I need him to be like a cheerleader and you know,

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Speaker 2: and he just was young, and I'm like, dude timing too.

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Speaker 2: I think that people need to come together at the

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Speaker 2: right time. Yeah, yeah, the two thousand and eight version

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Speaker 2: of me is like, oh, same season. Yeah, twenty fourteen

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Speaker 2: was hit or missed too.

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Speaker 1: So the point of you don't want to be known

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Speaker 1: as the person with issues. There's a study recently that

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Speaker 1: one of the best things people want to see in

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Speaker 1: a dating app or when they meet somebody. One of

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Speaker 1: the most appealing things about somebody in the first date

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Speaker 1: is to find out that they're in or have been

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Speaker 1: in therapy, because I think the most desirable people are

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Speaker 1: the ones that realize they have issues and are working

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Speaker 1: on them, which is where you are right now. That's

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Speaker 1: a great place to be because so many people live

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Speaker 1: in denial of their own issues, refuse to face their

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Speaker 1: own issues, and those are the people that you need

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Speaker 1: to stay away from, and unfortunately you've spent some time with.

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Speaker 1: But those are the best people, the ones that understand it,

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Speaker 1: because we are all messed up in our own ways

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Speaker 1: and the ones that get that and are working on that,

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Speaker 1: those are the people that you want to be with.

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Speaker 2: Ownership is hot, Mark, Ownership is absolutely And that's the thing,

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Speaker 2: like I've kind of always said, like I don't have

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Speaker 2: the prettiest past, Like I have felt so much shame

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Speaker 2: about my past, and it's like I don't want to

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Speaker 2: carry it. I don't want to have to like feel that.

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Speaker 2: And it's like and I will never judge a human

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Speaker 2: being for you're going to make me cry. This is

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Speaker 2: us as we describe it, Like I will never judge

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Speaker 2: a human being for anything they do in their past

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Speaker 2: because I give an immense amount of grace to people.

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Speaker 2: I mean to the point where Sarah the other day

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Speaker 2: was just like you give so much grace and you

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Speaker 2: give so much like room and space. Yeah that like

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Speaker 2: it's almost like too much in a way where it's

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Speaker 2: like it's now people will take advantage of you. But

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Speaker 2: it's like I just want honesty, Like if I ask

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Speaker 2: you a question about your past, just be honest, right,

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Speaker 2: Like don't be loop holy, Yeah, just be honest. And

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Speaker 2: I think it's like and just with and I'm talking

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Speaker 2: I'm not talking about relationships I'm talking like friendships and

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Speaker 2: just like and just having that like you said, like

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Speaker 2: the having the depth and the awareen of like who

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Speaker 2: you are as a person, like you know, doing the work.

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Speaker 2: And I know some people hate that term, but it's

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Speaker 2: like it's it's there's no perfectly healed person. No, there's

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Speaker 2: everyone has their stuff and it's just not bringing out

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Speaker 2: the worst, but also like realizing, you know, triggers that

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Speaker 2: come along the way, and I don't know, it's just

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Speaker 2: I think it's I finally did sit down with myself

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Speaker 2: and say, I was so shameful about divorce, the most

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Speaker 2: shameful I could be. I was shameful about relationships before

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Speaker 2: that too, because I cared about what people thought so

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Speaker 2: much that I was like, you know, a failed relationship

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Speaker 2: for an EmPATH is like it might as well just

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Speaker 2: be like first degree murder.

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Speaker 3: It's like it just feels like that.

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Speaker 2: It's like, if I've failed at connecting with another human

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Speaker 2: for the rest of my life with one human, then

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Speaker 2: I might as well just be like what's my worth,

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Speaker 2: you know, and what does it say about you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? And then I remember just getting to a point

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Speaker 2: where I was like I am so tired of being

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Speaker 2: shameful because I just freaking love hard. Like when I

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Speaker 2: decide I am going to be with a person, I

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Speaker 2: decide and it is just like aggressive, you know. It's

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Speaker 2: why I'm on your couch right now. When I decide,

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Speaker 2: it's like forever and I that's not a bad thing.

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Speaker 2: In fact, the world could use a few more of us,

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Speaker 2: I feel like. And so instead of it looking like

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Speaker 2: a shameful past me, it was just like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I would rather love the wrong people and try really

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Speaker 2: hard or love not They're not bad people, but just

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Speaker 2: the wrong people for me and at least gave my

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Speaker 2: all then have something to show for it than to

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Speaker 2: have not tried it with them. Yeah, And I think

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Speaker 2: where I've had a hard time as i've I've always

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Speaker 2: like I look back in my past and like I

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Speaker 2: was just like love me, love me, love me, like

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Speaker 2: you know, And it's just I didn't love myself enough

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Speaker 2: and I and I stood by things that were not good.

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Speaker 2: And it's like if I was to tell my daughter,

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Speaker 2: if I was to tell my friends, what would they

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Speaker 2: say to me? That's how I should look at myself,

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Speaker 2: That's how I should see myself. And you know, I

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Speaker 2: think letting go of the letting really truly go of

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Speaker 2: the past and having that inner forgiveness and his for

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Speaker 2: I mean, and you know, to forgive him. It's just

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Speaker 2: letting all that go. Has just been like I got

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Speaker 2: a piece of me back. Yeah, a chunk, a big one,

353
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Speaker 2: a big, big, big, big chunk, and then the other

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Speaker 2: chunk is still it will always be. You know, I

355
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Speaker 2: don't think I'll ever be. No one's like I said,

356
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Speaker 2: no one's perfect. We're all going to have our moments

357
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Speaker 2: and traumas and our quote unquote baggage. But you know,

358
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Speaker 2: I think it's a good job. I think it's good.

359
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Speaker 2: I think it's good. And then the conscious choice to

360
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Speaker 2: just reiterate those decisions, like everything you do from the

361
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Speaker 2: acceptance and the putting rocks in the stream from that,

362
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Speaker 2: every little step is like compound interest. So every time

363
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Speaker 2: you don't settle, every time you say, you know what,

364
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Speaker 2: I don't think that's the right person for me, or no,

365
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 2: thank you, or whatever it is, that's just compound interest

366
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Speaker 2: on top of a really good choice. So it's the

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Speaker 2: investment you made in the trust in yourself and then

368
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: the compound interest of that, Like that looks really healthy

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Speaker 2: as it grows. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think sometimes we put pressure on

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Speaker 2: ourself because we're so all or nothing that it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: now I messed up because I accidentally, like, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: liked a wrong person or something, and it's like not really.

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Speaker 2: I think people will come together when the right time,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, if they're meant to, it always ends up

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Speaker 2: working out. And sure does God kind of lets you no, Yeah,

377
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Speaker 2: and God shaping that personally shaping you. M h, it's good. Yeah.

378
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Speaker 2: Oh love life friends. I think it's just everything though,

379
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Speaker 2: it's like how I like how I want to. Even

380
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Speaker 2: when I was traveling with the airport, I was just

381
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Speaker 2: like I felt I was like I was so happy.

382
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Speaker 2: I was like, hi, you know, it's just like that's

383
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Speaker 2: the OG channel. Yeah, it's like she's bad. Yeah, it

384
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Speaker 2: is literally like she's back. I felt this. My friend

385
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 2: Kat was like, you know what, I'm not putting KB

386
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Speaker 2: in your cup. She made us all like these like

387
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 2: key little customized cups. She's like, I'm not putting KB

388
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 2: in your cup. I'm putting Kristin because Kristin from Detroit

389
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 2: needs to come back yeah, and I was like, oh, Michigan,

390
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:18,159
Speaker 2: Kristen is in there, and she's just I really like people. Yeah, No,

391
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Speaker 2: I I same. I was just like I am I

392
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Speaker 2: felt that was like I feel like I just feel good.

393
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Speaker 2: And here's the thing too, which is something I've always

394
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,199
Speaker 2: wanted to say, is when I got asked to do

395
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Speaker 2: maybe another book, she I love Maditor. I know she's

396
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: listening and I love you, but she was like, let's

397
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Speaker 2: wait until you have a relationship. And I was like no,

398
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Speaker 2: Like I I don't want people to say to me, oh,

399
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 2: but you like you're so happy and like you look

400
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 2: so happy, Like I want to be happy because I'm happy.

401
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 2: Well you are in a relationship with myself. Yeah, Like

402
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 2: that's the That's like, that's the like, that's what I

403
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 2: want people to see, Like I'm happy no matter I'm

404
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 2: i'm with someone, if I'm not with someone, if I'm

405
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 2: with my kids, if I'm with you, Like I just

406
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 2: want like that's like that's me right, Like that's what

407
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 2: I want. Like I don't want a man to define

408
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 2: my happiness. I don't want you know, my kids, Like,

409
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Speaker 2: I just want to be myself and happy. Michigan Channel

410
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Speaker 2: Lake Girl like that, and I was like, I felt

411
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Speaker 2: that today in the airport and I was like, okay,

412
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Speaker 2: I'm here. I had this moment where I was like, well,

413
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Speaker 2: we get to see each other in July and Michigan,

414
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Speaker 2: and I was like that we need I was like,

415
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Speaker 2: I need us to just be like laked together. Yeah's

416
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 2: toes in the lake, sweatshirts mess. That's not a zac

417
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Speaker 2: ground flood. That care on my hand. I let you

418
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 2: take over the musical interlop. Oh man. I just think

419
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 2: there is I think we I think two things. One,

420
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 2: we spend so much time trying to fix things that

421
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 2: aren't really broken, and I think we can just pour

422
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: into ourselves and remember what's good. And two, I think

423
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 2: we just take those cracks and we just go Okay,

424
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Speaker 2: this needs to be fixed and we do the work.

425
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,439
Speaker 2: But it's like sometimes there's like the inner you. It

426
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: just needs to be found again too, because I think

427
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 2: like pretty things about me got buried by what the

428
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,199
Speaker 2: things people said about me. They it just got buried.

429
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,199
Speaker 2: And I'm like, actually, I like me. I like that

430
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 2: I'm overly friendly. I like that I know that the

431
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: Southwest Guy is a Sagittarius and his favorite color is green,

432
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 2: Like I want I just like people. Yeah, you know,

433
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,880
Speaker 2: I want to person next to me. Yeah, I want

434
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 2: to know too much. I want to know. Why did

435
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 2: I get to meet you today?

436
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 3: David?

437
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 1: You know?

438
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's how I met freakin Sarah Gretzky was

439
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,199
Speaker 2: which you've never met her, but on a plane I have,

440
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 2: Oh you have. Actually, this is where we do. This

441
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: is where is where we do like a medical house

442
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 2: call for people with mom dementia. Everything is fine, that's right.

443
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 2: I did a show with you and the stage Okay,

444
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 2: I remember now it's all coming back to me. I

445
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,359
Speaker 2: had those years out of my life. Yeah, but I

446
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 2: think the black out here was my major blackout years.

447
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 2: I think how I met you on a plane, No,

448
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 2: damn it, we met We met Texas. Yeah, but it

449
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 2: was crazy because I was just like and we jumped

450
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 2: on each other and you were like, oh my gosh,

451
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna text you this product, like but

452
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 2: that's what here's my coat. I wasn't influencer. I liked

453
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 2: how we just were so like friendly with each other.

454
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: And that's when I liked you. Yeah, I love you, well,

455
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: love you. I will just say this, whether you are

456
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 2: in a relationship, whether you're not in a relationship, whether

457
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 2: you're single, married, friendships, whatever, just be happy with yourself

458
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,640
Speaker 2: and know that you're okay, flaws and all. Yeah, you're

459
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 2: a really great person then and you oh yeah, I

460
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 2: was talking to everybody else, but then they're really great people.

461
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 2: We just let the noise seep in. Yeah, no more noise,

462
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 2: no noise, no noise, no explaining, no noises, no need,

463
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 2: no need. If you know my heart, no need. Yeah, right, cheers.

464
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 2: Let's take a break and then we've got a really

465
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 2: awesome guest on. All right, so just let us know

466
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 2: when they come on, we'll start talking about that. Okay.

467
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,239
Speaker 2: So we're going to have a married couple on our

468
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:33,959
Speaker 2: show next, DJ Envy who's on the Breakfast Club and

469
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 2: Gia his wife. They've been together for twenty years, are

470
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 2: married for twenty years. They've been together for twenty seven years.

471
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 2: There's like that's older than the people that work on

472
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 2: your show. It's older than Riley. So they have a

473
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 2: book out right now called Real Life, Real Love, Life,

474
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 2: Lessons on Joy, Pain and the Magic that holds Us Together,

475
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 2: which I love when couples write a book together because

476
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 2: I feel like it's so. I mean, granted mine didn't

477
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 2: work out, but I know that's where you're going. I

478
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 2: know that was what the know that I was. But

479
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 2: I will just say I think there's something that's still

480
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: like for of the couples that have read the book,

481
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,199
Speaker 2: Like I had met someone at my show last night.

482
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 2: They're like, I read your book, and I was kind

483
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 2: of like, ooh, sorry, just like, no, it was so

484
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: helpful for us, because I think everyone's journey to the

485
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 2: end is different, but there's still like, I think there's

486
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 2: something about like Mike, when Mike and I were able

487
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 2: to do and and talk about messes in our marriage

488
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: and the non perfect stuff, and people need to hear that. Yeah,

489
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 2: and I think it's inspiring for other couples. And so

490
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: it just got released on April nineteenth. It's Apriline Teeth.

491
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 2: It's available on Amazon. But in there she wrote, and

492
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 2: it's in the pres loot right now, is that she

493
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 2: has faked an orgasm for ten years with Homeboy. Well,

494
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 2: I mean, I hope it's Homeboy, because if not, she

495
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: doesn't even look old enough to be married for twenty

496
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 2: seven years. She doesn't, but she's stunning. Yeah, she's beautiful.

497
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 2: That's a real Could you fake it for that long?

498
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: I want to talk about it now before they come on,

499
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 2: because it's gonna make me uncomfortable to talk about. I

500
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 2: mean what I could not fake it? I mean, have

501
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 2: you ever faked before? Yeah? I have two? Why do

502
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 2: we as marriage?

503
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 5: Though?

504
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 2: I'll tell you that, Oh, pressing from low cash is

505
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 2: getting after it. He knows how to ride that whatever. No, yeah,

506
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 2: well that was dirty.

507
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: I got to ride that one. He doesn't actually do

508
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 3: their riding there.

509
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 2: But that's fine, Okay, I'm hot. I have faked it

510
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 2: a few times, actually more than a few times in

511
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 2: my past relationships. I want to ask this a fix,

512
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 2: but I go for it. In Mike's marriage, well, we

513
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 2: didn't have sex that much for me to fake it,

514
00:26:55,400 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 2: but I I ten times? Yeah I did, but like

515
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: not a lot.

516
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 1: And why is it just to get it over with

517
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: or is it to satisfy his ego?

518
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: So I will say this in my in my relationship

519
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 2: with my Mike, I I didn't care about coming. Does

520
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 2: that make sense? I just wanted to please him so

521
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 2: badly because I think of my like wanting to feel

522
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 2: loved and chosen that I definitely just wanted to make

523
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 2: him happy, so EGO and that set then a precedent

524
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 2: to not reciprocate. So that was my fault, Okay, I

525
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: think for sure. And then in the end of it,

526
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 2: I was kind of like, all right, homegirl needs to

527
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 2: have an orgasm, so like, can I pull out my

528
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 2: vibrator or can we because I'm like, then I started

529
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 2: to get frustrated about it because I'm like, you're also

530
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 2: dealing with a lot of and it's not even if

531
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 2: it's not great sex, then it's like yeah, And that's

532
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: a huge piece for me, is like I'm a very

533
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 2: sexual person. I love that to be a part of

534
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 2: our relationship. Like something happened and I was like, guys,

535
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 2: it was even kind of crazy for me, And they're like,

536
00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 2: if it was something.

537
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:09,640
Speaker 3: Crazy for you, like exiting.

538
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:16,439
Speaker 2: The building, So but I think, yeah, I think. And

539
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 2: then just to make them feel good about themselves, I

540
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 2: don't know, but I guess, and I never told them.

541
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: I think I've I've told one person that I that

542
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 2: I have and just because it was like I just

543
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 2: didn't I don't know, I just wanted to turn you

544
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 2: on or whatever, and I just wasn't feeling it. But

545
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 2: now I'm like, M like, if we're doing this, like

546
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 2: I don't care how long it takes, let's go. Also

547
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 2: like let's learn each other. Yeah, like let's be in this.

548
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 2: I feel like guys could technically fake though before you have.

549
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: I have when I uh I got to go FA

550
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 2: check my people. Sometimes I'm tired.

551
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 5: I just want it to be.

552
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 6: And uh yeah, you know I've only done a couple

553
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,479
Speaker 6: of times when I have done it.

554
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you meant sex in general.

555
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, oh no, no that too, but okay, okay.

556
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: I think it's interesting though, because I feel like with guys,

557
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 2: and I'll say this like I've definitely been hard on

558
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 2: past guys that I've slept with, the like if they

559
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 2: couldn't come, I'd be like, why can't like it? Then

560
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 2: I made it so personal about that I wasn't pretty enough,

561
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 2: I wasn't you know, sexy enough. I wasn't doing the

562
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 2: right moves for them, and I made it such a

563
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: personal and negative thing where it's like guys have probably

564
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 2: just as maybe not just as much. I don't know.

565
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: I don't know y'all's things down there, but like you

566
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: have you can be mental too, where we can be mental,

567
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 2: and I feel like we take it. It's like it's

568
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: so hypocritical of like a woman to be like, how

569
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 2: could you not when it's like but we don't all

570
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: the time, But why do women take it so personal?

571
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: I would take it personal? I mean I would be

572
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 2: I would be devastating. So now granted with like my

573
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 2: ex it was like, but I bet you wouldn't do

574
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: that if like what and like that's like that was

575
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 2: really crappy in me to continue to bring in like

576
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 2: the past, you know, so like slightly warranted though, but

577
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter, like those are my those are my reactions,

578
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,719
Speaker 2: like I should have handled them in general, just going

579
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: to give a lot of grace there, but my bad.

580
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 2: I'm now healing on the other side and trying to like,

581
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 2: you know, I'm just trying to say, like and even

582
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 2: in you know, other dating relationships, I just get so

583
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 2: down about it and it's like that's not it's not

584
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 2: how it's not fair. Men really do go through it though, seriously,

585
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,719
Speaker 2: And I have read several articles even just recently about

586
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: like as they get older, it just becomes like something

587
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 2: like they they need sometimes help. That's a real thing.

588
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. It's interesting though, because hearing Easton you say

589
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 2: that you faked it, I would actually be more upset

590
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: about you faking it then you not coming at all.

591
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 2: Does that make sense? But yet I would get more

592
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 2: mad at But but then I just say these words

593
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 2: like it's no big deal, and she really feels like

594
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: I'm in fifth grade. I'm sweating. It's no big deal

595
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 2: to you. I mean, you know, I know it is.

596
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: It's fine. You just say it like a doctor. Yeah.

597
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 2: Well no, I would say, you're semen. Yeah, it's just yeah,

598
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,959
Speaker 2: it's it's very interesting. How would you like me to say?

599
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,719
Speaker 2: Penis penis? Penis penis? No, you know, like my three

600
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 2: year old's like a penist with a tea at the end.

601
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 2: Jason the other day speaking, he goes, I have a

602
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 2: vagina and I was like, oh, well you don't. But

603
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 2: you know, we can always talk about that in the future.

604
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: That's what a neurologist should be called. The eurologist should

605
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: be called a penis.

606
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 5: Or some of that. Plays the piano.

607
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 3: I know, it was like it was.

608
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 2: Somewhere between his private parts and the piano. I just

609
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 2: can't figure it out. But penist, well, this just got

610
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: really off topic. But I just want to say, like,

611
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 2: let me rhynd around this again. Don't be a hypocrite.

612
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 2: If he he like, don't don't get him all. You know,

613
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 2: it's okay. If you guys aren't. It doesn't mean he

614
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 2: doesn't think you're sexy. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't

615
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: mean anything. Sometimes you're just not in it. But just

616
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 2: don't lie about it. Don't fake We don't. Girls, we don't.

617
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 2: Let's not fake it, guys, don't fake it. Just be

618
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 2: like you're so sexy. This is what I would say,

619
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 2: say like you're so sexy, I'm just so tired, or

620
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: something like give me a little love tap or something

621
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 2: like say I'm good looking or something, and to like

622
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 2: lessen the blow of you not coming. There's some other

623
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 2: things they could do as well. What guys if they

624
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 2: don't want to do that anymore. Oh So that's where

625
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,239
Speaker 2: I get like, like, oh no, don't worry about it.

626
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 2: And this is where we differ. This is where we differ.

627
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 2: I like, you have not completed the job. You have

628
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 2: not completed the tasket hand. I do not let a

629
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 2: contractor leave my house without things working properly. There's other things.

630
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 2: Can we just talk about how how uncomfortable Catherine would

631
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 2: have been on this podcast. Catherine would have been out.

632
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 2: I honestly had a vision of her dropping her headphones

633
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 2: and rolling. You're welcome, Catherine for having this conversation while

634
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 2: you're not on here. Oh man, let's take a break.

635
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 2: So we are really excited to have both of you on. Obviously,

636
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 2: you have your new book that just came out on

637
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 2: Amazon and just kind of running through it because obviously

638
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 2: I haven't had a chance to read it yet. What

639
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 2: for you? I mean, because you guys talked about the

640
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 2: infidelity in the book or no, yes, we do, you do? Okay?

641
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: So was that a heart? So I wrote a book

642
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 2: with my ex who also he's not my ex, but

643
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 2: we we wrote a book when we were still together

644
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 2: about infidelity and his past affairs. And for you, like,

645
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 2: was that what? Why did you guys decide to write

646
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:10,719
Speaker 2: about it?

647
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 6: Well, the whole book we decided to write because I

648
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 6: feel like it's one thing that we don't do enough right,

649
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 6: you know, especially for men. Right we can go to

650
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 6: the barbershop and we could talk about our favorite sneak

651
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 6: as our favorite basketball player. We could talk about music,

652
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 6: but never do we ever get a chance to talk

653
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,359
Speaker 6: about relationships, right. I wish there was a time when

654
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 6: I can go to the barbershop and be like, Yo,

655
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 6: my girl is bugging or my wife is bugging.

656
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 5: She just did this.

657
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,959
Speaker 6: What can I do? What do you suggest? We don't

658
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 6: have those platforms to open up. So that's why we

659
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 6: wrote the book to have those platforms and to have

660
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 6: those conversations, like you know, we talked about in the

661
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 6: book my wife fake and orgasms. I had no idea,

662
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,760
Speaker 6: but you know, we waited ten years to have that discussion,

663
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 6: and I wish I could have had that discussion earlier

664
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 6: with some of my peoples.

665
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 5: And the same thing with my infidelity.

666
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 6: I wanted to be able to talk and talk how

667
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 6: I've changed and evolve from that s situation. That was

668
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,399
Speaker 6: very difficult to write about because not because what I did,

669
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 6: but who I was hurting. You know, I'm hurting my

670
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,399
Speaker 6: best friend, I'm hurting the person I say I love,

671
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 6: I'm hurting my wife. I'm hurting the person that is

672
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 6: everything to me. And I didn't realize it. And I

673
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,800
Speaker 6: didn't realize it because I didn't know the definition of love.

674
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 5: Like it's easy we always say, yeah, I love you?

675
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 5: I love you?

676
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 6: But do we know what that means? Like do we

677
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,439
Speaker 6: look and say, what does the definition of love?

678
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: Like?

679
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 6: If I really love somebody, do I want to hurt them?

680
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 6: I really love somebody? Do I want to lie to them?

681
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 6: Do I want to keep things from them? Do I

682
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,800
Speaker 6: still get butterflies? And I didn't necessarily know that definition,

683
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 6: so to write it is kind of just trying to

684
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 6: encourage people to talk about different things in their relationship

685
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,280
Speaker 6: and it's not surface issues.

686
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 2: How far out are you guys from the cheating time?

687
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:54,640
Speaker 2: Twelve years? Okay? I and kind of brief story like

688
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 2: I have also been in. I was in a relationship

689
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: where my husband had cheated. We ended up writing a

690
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 2: book together talking about the affairs. We unfortunately didn't make it.

691
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: But for you, what was the turning point when you're

692
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: kind of like, okay, I do trust this man? Like

693
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 2: how how many? Because I remember Max? Like can you

694
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 2: just get over it? Or like move on? It's the past,

695
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 2: and like how long are you going to It's like

696
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 2: I don't know how long? You know, Like I don't

697
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 2: I don't know these are and I'm trying to let

698
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: go of it. It's not an easy thing to let

699
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 2: go of. But I'm just curious, like for you, like,

700
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 2: was there a turning point where you're like okay, and

701
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 2: what did you do to get to that other side

702
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 2: to be where you guys are at today.

703
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 4: Well, what you just said was one of the reasons

704
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 4: why it was very important to me to write the

705
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 4: book and to share what we shared in the book,

706
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 4: because a lot of the time, when there is a

707
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 4: misstep infidelity, the person who made that misstep feels entitled

708
00:36:55,160 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 4: to the forgiveness, They feel entitled to the moving on

709
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 4: of it. They entited, they feel entitled for you to

710
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 4: get past it in a timely fashion that doesn't seem

711
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 4: to inconvenience that. Meanwhile, all the while, they are the

712
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 4: ones that made the decisions to put you and the

713
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 4: relationship in that predicament in the first place, Yet they're

714
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 4: not willing to do the work that it takes to

715
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 4: remedy that situation. So I was very very clear once

716
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 4: I decided that I was going to forgive, it wasn't

717
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 4: just on me. I wasn't going to forgive to take

718
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 4: the burden off of him. I was forgiving to take

719
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 4: the burden off of me so that I didn't have

720
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 4: it on my back, so that I wasn't carrying around

721
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 4: that resentment and harboring that hurt every day. I forgave

722
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 4: for me, and he just happened to be someone that

723
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 4: benefited from that forgiveness. But once I decided to forgive,

724
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 4: he was held to a standard. There was things that

725
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 4: were required of him. He had to do the work

726
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 4: to try to gain back everything that he single handedly

727
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 4: had lost in our relationship. So what made me decide

728
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,439
Speaker 4: that we were going to go belonghoul was the fact

729
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 4: that he was willing to do the work and pay

730
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 4: all of the reparations to restore our relationship to what

731
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,800
Speaker 4: it once was. And for me, the key was until

732
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 4: where you felt as though he was saying, I apologize,

733
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 4: what more do you want from me?

734
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 5: Blood?

735
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 4: He didn't approach it with that mentality. He approached it

736
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 4: with the until mentality. I am going to do everything

737
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 4: humanly and spiritually possible to restore this relationship until you

738
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 4: were healed, until you're able to try it again, until

739
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 4: I'm back in your good graces, until until until I

740
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 4: don't care how long it takes. One day, we were

741
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 4: having this conversation yet again, as we were pulling into

742
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 4: the garage and he said to me, and I remember

743
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 4: this vividly, I will spend every day of the rest

744
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 4: of my life making up to you and proving to

745
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 4: you that I want to be with you and no

746
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 4: one else but you. You and our family is all

747
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 4: that I want. I don't care what it takes. I

748
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 4: knew what his intention was once he realized the wrong

749
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:32,720
Speaker 4: in his way, and I I couldn't help but take

750
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 4: in how hard he was willing to work to restore us.

751
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. That's really beautiful, like and Amy Tira up. Yeah,

752
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 2: And because I think you did something with your shame

753
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 2: where I think a lot of guys hold on to

754
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: it and they project it, wouldn't I feel like dj NV,

755
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 2: like what did you Because there's something that you must

756
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 2: have done with that shame piece that you didn't let

757
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: it project onto you know, your wife?

758
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

759
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 5: What's shame piece?

760
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: So like my ex, like he felt so much shame

761
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: that that's why he never he wanted me to get

762
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 2: over it, or he you know, or he was upset

763
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 2: or angry and his projection that was all his shame.

764
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, that's why it's hard for me to

765
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 6: read the book and even to do the audible of

766
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 6: the part because you have to relive it.

767
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 5: But at that point I didn't care about the shame.

768
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 5: I didn't care how I looked. I didn't care how

769
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 5: it made me feel. I care about who I hurt.

770
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 5: And I heard her. So if I.

771
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 6: Had to eat that for twenty years, I'm going to

772
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 6: eat it for twenty years because I heard her, like

773
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 6: I did this to her.

774
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,280
Speaker 5: She didn't do it to me. She didn't do anything

775
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 5: to me. I did it to her. So however long

776
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 5: it would it took, I don't care.

777
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 6: You know, if I need to whatever I need to

778
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,439
Speaker 6: do to make this right and to make her feel

779
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 6: comfortable and to make her trust me again and to

780
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 6: allow her to heal, I was able to do it.

781
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 2: Do you, guys, take some time to like decompress after.

782
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 2: Do you do interviews like this, because I'd imagine that

783
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 2: you wrote about it, which is therapeutic in its own way.

784
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 2: You share about it on these interviews. When you get

785
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 2: off of interviews like this, most likely people are asking you.

786
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 2: I'd imagine a lot about it, and I love you

787
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 2: being a voice of it, both of you and just

788
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 2: your such advocates for the healing on both sides, because

789
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 2: resentment isn't sexy. And I lived that life too for

790
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 2: a while where I was resentful. But that doesn't look

791
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 2: good on me at all. Do you when you take

792
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 2: when you get done with these interviews, do you do

793
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 2: you have to have some time just in private time

794
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: with y'all so that you can just kind of get

795
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 2: back on the same page. Does it bring up anything?

796
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 2: Do you just feel like, good work, we got this.

797
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: No?

798
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 4: And the reason why is because for me, the forgiveness

799
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 4: is real.

800
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 2: That's right, it was, that's amazing, and.

801
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 4: It was thorough and mind you, I didn't forgive in

802
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 4: the matter. I didn't decide I was going to forgive

803
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 4: and then it was executed within weeks months. It took

804
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 4: me years to forgive thoroughly. It took me years to

805
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 4: learn how to not have the urge or the need

806
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 4: to punish him to make him hurt the way that

807
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 4: I hurt. I feel that I am fair. You know,

808
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 4: you go through something like this, and both of you

809
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 4: said that you've been through something like this, so you

810
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 4: can understand it seems as though everything in the world

811
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 4: after that happens to you. Kind of goes back to

812
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 4: cheating you turn on Netflix. The first three suggested shows

813
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 4: have to do with cheating. If you look at a

814
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:30,280
Speaker 4: billboard and it seems to do a billboard, it's cheating

815
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 4: on the billboard.

816
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 5: The radio divorce one one.

817
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 4: It seemed as though I was inundated with things that

818
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 4: would cause me to remember, and every time I felt

819
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 4: that way, I wanted to make sure that he felt

820
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 4: that way too, Like it's not going to just be

821
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 4: me suffering, it's going to be you. I had that

822
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 4: need to to punish him, But once I got closer

823
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 4: with God, I realized it's not my job to punish.

824
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: That is not my job. If I'm going to forgive

825
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 4: and I'm going to move forward, I have to relieve

826
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 4: myself of all of those urges because those urges aren't

827
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 4: rooted in godliness, They're not rooted in goodness. So I

828
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 4: had to change my perception. But then once I got

829
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 4: through it, and I got to a point where I said,

830
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 4: you are a changed person. You are in fact, not

831
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 4: that person that did those things and that hurt me.

832
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 4: At that point, you are humble, You are loving, and

833
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,439
Speaker 4: you are willing, and you prove it every single day

834
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 4: you do not deserve the things that I feel the

835
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 4: urge to make you feel, so I am not going

836
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 4: to do it anymore. And once I started walking down

837
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 4: that path, my forgiveness was thorough and I was, in

838
00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 4: fact healed. And it's funny because people will ask me

839
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 4: now like you can laugh about some of the things

840
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 4: that happen or find a joke in there somehow, some way,

841
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 4: And it's because I'm free because of the work that

842
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,839
Speaker 4: he did to prove to me the degree to which

843
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 4: he loves me. And we talk about it in the

844
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 4: book in a section called the New Deal. And the

845
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 4: New Deal is about those reparations, and it's about the

846
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 4: restoration that has to happen and the steps that the

847
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 4: person that offended as well as the offender have to

848
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 4: go through to regain yourselves individually and yourselves as a

849
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 4: whole to see that beauty in the relationship again. And

850
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 4: it's a very intense. It's probably one of my favorite

851
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 4: chapters in the entire book because when people ask me,

852
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 4: how did you forgive? You open up the book and

853
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:51,959
Speaker 4: it's right there in the New Deal.

854
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 2: Oh God, I love it, like I'm I'm ready to

855
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 2: read it. Yeah. Well, It's also like having a second

856
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: marriage inside of your marriage, Like you guys get a

857
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 2: chance at marrying each other again in a different way

858
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 2: and knowing each other stronger. What is what is to you,

859
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 2: guys real love? Like, what does real love look like

860
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 2: to you?

861
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 4: Hmm?

862
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 6: Well, like I said before, is the definition of not

863
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 6: wanting to hurt my partner, not wanting to lie to

864
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 6: my partner, to be absolutely positively honest, to understand that

865
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 6: she is part of me in this relationship. What people

866
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 6: don't know is when you have a relationship, you're supposed

867
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,319
Speaker 6: to be on the same team, right, And a lot

868
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 6: of times we don't look at it like that, Like

869
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 6: when we get into it, when we used to get

870
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 6: into arguments, it was me trying to destroy her or

871
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 6: her trying to annihilate me. That's not what real love is.

872
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 6: Like love which is should be an understanding. It should

873
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 6: be us against the world. And once we figured that out,

874
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 6: it made our relationship stronger. I would say one thing,

875
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 6: people talk about everything that we went bad with bad

876
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 6: in our relationship, right if you read it in the book,

877
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 6: and I used to think, damned what I would have

878
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 6: changed that? And no, I wouldn't because at the end

879
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 6: of that, it made our relationship strong. It was it

880
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 6: made us to find what real love is. So now

881
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 6: we're at a point where, like you know, before, if

882
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 6: I left my phone at home, I would be like,

883
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 6: oh my gosh, what's going to be on my phone.

884
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 6: Now I'm like, well, I could leave my phone for

885
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 6: weeks here to take my phone. Matter of fact, babe,

886
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 6: can you post something on Instagram for me? And you

887
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 6: know what I mean to the point where if you

888
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 6: ever see a caps of mind and it's felt wrong,

889
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 6: I did it if it felt right.

890
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 2: She usually did, Like it does this relationship too, Yeah,

891
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 2: she always she always like, hey, best friend, I love you.

892
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 2: But at an art of the thing, yeah.

893
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 7: With that relationship where we have access to each other's everything,

894
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 7: passed words, Instagram, emails, pictures and phones everything.

895
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: Well, if nothing to high, then what's the you know.

896
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 4: There's nothing to hide. But let me tell you there

897
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 4: will be people.

898
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 5: There'll be women.

899
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 4: Let's just say it could be men, but for this case,

900
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 4: I'll just say women that will read the book and

901
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 4: then present that idea to their partner, and their partner

902
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 4: would turn it on them and say, yeah, but you

903
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,720
Speaker 4: should trust me enough that you would never want.

904
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 5: To go through my phone.

905
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's a mind bleep. There's a section in

906
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 4: the book about mind bleeping, which is where you ignore

907
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 4: the obvious, you ignore what you see, you ignore your

908
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 4: intuition because you're being led by the fact that you

909
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 4: want this relationship to work so badly that you're damn

910
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 4: near willing to believe and accept anything.

911
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 2: So yeah, I mean, that's a that's a really good point.

912
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:41,240
Speaker 2: Someone that I had had dated, you know, after whatever,

913
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: a little a little blip, but I remember I had

914
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 2: a question about something and he's like, you know it's

915
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 2: it's on my phone, Like, you just need to trust me.

916
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I have trusted could I

917
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: see it? Like just to and he was just like, no,

918
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 2: you just need to trust me. And I was always

919
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 2: kind of like, well, if there was nothing, really, then

920
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 2: why didn't you just show me correct build the trust,

921
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 2: like right? Or was I just asking for too much,

922
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: you know, like or was that just all my trust

923
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 2: baggage issue? Like was that not fair of me to say? Well,

924
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 2: if you're saying it, can I see what you said

925
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:11,839
Speaker 2: if that's really what you said, just to like kind

926
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 2: of like help me and heal, like you're not and

927
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 2: help you know, hold my heart in that space or

928
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 2: that was.

929
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 6: A mind lib Let me tell you I have a

930
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 6: twenty year old daughter, right, and my twenty year old

931
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 6: daughter had a boyfriend and the boyfriend went through her

932
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:25,720
Speaker 6: DMS and she was like fine.

933
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 5: So my daughter was like, let me see your DMS.

934
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 5: They were on the boat.

935
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 6: He ran upstairs in the boat, came down ten minutes,

936
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 6: came down ten fifteen minutes later, say he and now

937
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 6: you can see.

938
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 5: I was able to be like, do you know why

939
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 5: he came by fifteen minutes later?

940
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 2: Right?

941
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 6: And she's like, no, why, I said, because he erased

942
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 6: everything he didn't want you to see. And I said,

943
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 6: you know, and he was mind bleeping. You say no,

944
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 6: well trust me, no, no, it's not it. No, if

945
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 6: you have nothing to hide, give me your phone, like

946
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 6: you just took mine, but he couldn't see it.

947
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 4: Let me answer your question from my point of view.

948
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,760
Speaker 4: You asking to see whatever it was that you wanted

949
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 4: to see, shows in and of itself that there was

950
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:07,799
Speaker 4: trust that was missing. Your intuition told you that you

951
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 4: don't need to be able to explain that. That is

952
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 4: what our intuition is because if in your relationship his

953
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 4: actions coupled with your actions created an environment where you

954
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 4: felt secure, you would have never had the intuition to

955
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 4: say to him, I'd like to see can you show

956
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 4: that to me? And if a person cares about you

957
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 4: and your feelings, they're going to forego their pride and

958
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 4: the protectiveness of the phone to say, well, it's none

959
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 4: of your business, really and say, you know what, I

960
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 4: care a lot more about you than my pride. So

961
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 4: if me showing this to you is going to give

962
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 4: you security and help to grow our trust, then go ahead,

963
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 4: take a look at it. But if they don't, it

964
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 4: either means that there is in fact something to hide,

965
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,919
Speaker 4: or be that there's not, but they value their own

966
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 4: pride more than your security, and that would have to

967
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 4: be built. And if you knew that you had I

968
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,840
Speaker 4: have access to Sean's phone, how many times have I

969
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 4: ever looked in your phone?

970
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 5: Well?

971
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:09,680
Speaker 2: See the thing? Like, I don't want to be in

972
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:13,760
Speaker 2: a relationship where I actually ever in my life want

973
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: or feel the need to look at someone's phone. Ever,

974
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 2: I don't ever ever I did that for seven years.

975
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that anymore. In the next

976
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 2: like I just do well, I do not want that,

977
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 2: And it's like, but I do know I come with

978
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 2: trust issues, so at the times I might ask, and

979
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 2: it's like, is that an unhealthy thing for me to

980
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 2: ask in that situation?

981
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 4: No, because your partner should care about you enough knowing

982
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 4: that you may have trust issues. So it's about being

983
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,919
Speaker 4: each other's keeper. You should provide an environment for him

984
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 4: in which he feels comfortable and that he can he

985
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 4: can function in a loving way, and he should do

986
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 4: the same for you. Like I said, I have the

987
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: ability to go through his email, his phone, his Instagram,

988
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 4: all the social media, but I never had because he's

989
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 4: provided me the comfortability that I don't find it necessary

990
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 4: at all. And furthermore, if I was in a relationship

991
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 4: where I felt as though I had to, I would

992
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 4: not be in that relationship.

993
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 2: Yep.

994
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 4: Amen, After your partner knowing who you are and what

995
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,520
Speaker 4: your needs are and maybe having a conversation about that,

996
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 4: letting them know, like I need to be able to

997
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 4: build trust because maybe I've been hurt before or I've

998
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 4: been betrayed before, so there's a learning curve with me.

999
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,239
Speaker 4: But if there's nothing to hide, then you will hide nothing.

1000
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 2: Right, okay, all right, well I don't feel as like

1001
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 2: crazy then thank you. This is actually the most like

1002
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 2: divinely timed conversation we could have. Yeah, well, I'm I'm

1003
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 2: I know, I'm not married, but I'm going to read

1004
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 2: your book because it sounds like there's a lot of

1005
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 2: things that can help me in relationships to come and

1006
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 2: current and past and all. So thank you. And I

1007
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 2: really appreciate you guys being just a vessel for people

1008
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 2: that are going through her times and that. I love this.

1009
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 2: This is what I wanted. I wanted the this, the heartache,

1010
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:11,360
Speaker 2: but to turn into beauty and but only half of

1011
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 2: the But I love that you guys are doing that.

1012
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: So I'm just saying too and it does. That's the

1013
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 2: DJ MVP yep for sure. But I love you guys.

1014
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on to be an

1015
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 2: authentic and just being very vulnerable. And everyone go get

1016
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 2: their book on Amazon right now, real life, real love.

1017
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much, really appreciate it. I love

1018
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 2: y'all so much. I'm proud of you for speaking truth.

1019
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 2: We live in Nashville. I used I used to live

1020
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 2: in LA but now I live here.

1021
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 5: So yeah, all right, Well next time we come to

1022
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 5: nash a person.

1023
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 2: Let's do it seriously. Let me hug your next Okay, bye, guys, Seya,

1024
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 2: thank you so much, appreciate it. They're amazing.

1025
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 3: I love them.

1026
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:50,759
Speaker 2: I love you.

1027
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 3: I love you.

1028
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 2: That was the most timely conversation. It was so good

1029
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 2: and so real and just honest but like strong. I

1030
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 2: just yeah, what's meant, We'll stay, what's not, we'll go,

1031
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 2: And that's okay. And if it's not a hell yes,

1032
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 2: then it's a hell now. Yeah, amen to that. I

1033
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 2: have another one good too. They show you who they are,

1034
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 2: Believe them.

1035
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1036
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 2: I like that with friends with and co workers with everything. Yeah,

1037
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 2: really like that's that's kind of my motto in life. Now,

1038
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:23,320
Speaker 2: all right, guys, have a great week and see you

1039
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:23,799
Speaker 2: next week.