WEBVTT - It's Gonna Be Great! 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:04.720 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Michael Coughlin, and I 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:11.240 heard radio podcast wind Down on location Beach Front. We 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:13.600 are in a beach front room right now. We're in Wilmington, 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:19.040 North Carolina. This is just adults in socks. Right now. 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:21.560 We have like a room full of like adults don't 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:25.400 like their socks. Isn't it weird? It's like there's no 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:27.800 one between. I do not like wearing socks. So when 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:30.600 you go to a person's house, I think it's so weird. 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.960 If a grown person, grown adult is just walking around 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:36.920 in socks, I just I find it so bare feet 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:40.760 is okay, shoes is obviously normal, but walking around the socks, 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:43.800 walking around socks, I just think it is so silly. 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:45.920 I can't do it. But then at the same time, though, 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.680 I'm like, well, what if you don't have like, you know, 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:51.040 what if I don't know if I want someone walking 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:55.680 around barefoot too, if they're like, like, if you have 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.440 other adults coming to your house, you shouldn't enforce the 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:01.840 take off your shoes policy. We don't do that, but 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.160 I do know some people that do. But again, it's 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:09.839 like if it's like your core close group of friends 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:14.119 or family, or like immediate family, Okay, fine, shoes off 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:19.120 for socks off. Like she's irregardless if it's your closest 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:21.840 friends or your immediate family. If you want to make 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:23.919 them take their shoes off and there in socks, fine, 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.520 But you don't have a big group of friends or 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.039 a big family, everyone take your shoes off. You're meeting 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:32.720 other grown men in their socks. I just think it's 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:35.040 so weird, which is why I don't wear socks, and 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.000 in general, I don't wear socks. I mean, I know, 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:39.120 we all know you wear two pairs of socks, but 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:43.320 I just I just don't like wearing socks. I don't. 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.280 It's so because it's just when, because you know when 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:47.840 you're gonna take your shoe off. I don't want to 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:51.760 be stuck in socks one because they're always mismatched. To 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.240 which Janna tried to do my laundry more time. This 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:57.280 is the last time I had to do my whoa, 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.000 this is the last time. This is when I told 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.920 or not to touch my socks. But later laundry. I've 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:07.680 the last months I've done your socks. Yes I have. 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:09.560 I've folded all of them and just I just put 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:11.680 them away. You don't know us. Six months since we've 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:13.639 moved to Nashville, I've been folding your socks and doing 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:16.959 them right and unfolding them out of the other ones 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:21.840 because the doubles. Anyways, I don't I don't have to 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:23.880 put up cameras or something because I don't have any 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:28.600 proof of this. Yes, wow, yeah, I haven't really noticed that. Yeah, 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:30.640 because I put them away for you. I've been putting 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:34.720 away you were closes for you. Anyways, I appreciate you 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:38.680 the notice that I've like put your clothes away when 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.959 you have I've acknowledged, but I've done your socks. Maybe 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:49.280 there's a light load that week wasn't okay moving about 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:58.400 socks anyways. That just messed everything up. Now everyone's all rattled. Everyone. 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:01.320 They sit in the room with us, like, this is 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:05.720 what this podcast is about. Glad, I'm not listening to 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:09.720 this one. She's upset about the fact that he doesn't 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:13.120 remember that she puts away his socks. But go ahead. So, 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:15.200 and it's been a year since I put away your socks. 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:17.480 So we're here in Wilmington, North Carolina for a one 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:22.000 tree year. I really needed to finish that. Our listeners 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:25.280 do not need to hear the rest of that. Okay, 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:28.960 we're here in Wilmington, North Carolina for one Tree Hill convention. Yes, 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:35.400 and you're excited. I'm so excited. I'm so pumped. The 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:39.840 fans love my love, love my Tree Hillers. Every time 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:44.240 I ever um perform somewhere, I always think my Tree Hillers. 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:47.360 I always dedicated a song to them because there they 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:49.360 were there for me from the very beginning. I mean 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:51.880 so much so that tonight when I was saying that 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:55.680 to them, I started crying. And I'm so silly, why 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:59.760 because I do hate crying on stage. It makes me 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.240 and on the podcast, what you did that last week? 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:06.120 But like not it's not to a bunch of people, 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:09.200 get it. You know, I'm still embarrassed, but not to 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.880 like but it's seeing it, but it's real. Well, yeah, 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.440 that that emotion was real, just because I'm I'm super 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:19.920 thankful for that. Who knows, I wouldn't have never gotten 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.920 a record deal ever, right, I would not have got 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.280 a record deal in a million years. It launched you. 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:27.800 It was your it was your launching pad. So I 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:29.359 just wanted to say thank you. And so when I 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.159 said that, I just I just I just kind all 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.800 choked up understandably, so, but I just I've always loved 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:38.120 my Tree Hillers and I've always appreciated them, and so 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.800 that's why, you know. And then I said I won't 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:42.320 give up on you. And then I said I won't 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:46.480 give up. Well, I will say I've been uh enjoying 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.120 being here and kind of witnessing all of it and 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.440 seeing you in this element of where like Janet Kramer 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:57.840 was born, the place you were conceived, you know, and 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.880 just to see the support because I've always seen that 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.240 your shows, even before I even knew what the heck 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:05.520 a One Tree Hill. Well, here's the thing, because because yeah, 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.760 because obviously people who listen to this podcast know that 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:11.320 Mike never watched One Tree Hill and you know, um, 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.680 and so I mean, granted I haven't seen all of 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:17.960 them either, but but but but but you know, when 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:19.719 he go to shows, I would say, all right, where 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.160 am I One Tree Hiller is at? And I mean 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:27.520 every single show, the crowd goes louder than I mean, 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:29.839 the crowd goes crazy. Even my band guys are always 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:33.240 like whoa, because it's just they overpower their own Yes 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.400 they do, which is why again I'm always so thankful 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:37.840 for them, and you know, and you were like, who 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:40.800 are these one Tree hillers? And now you were able 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:42.720 to meet them and see them. I was I never 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:46.000 really got it. So I figured and those of you 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:48.240 who are at the show to I understand this, heard 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:50.080 this story, but I'm gonna say for our listeners who 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:53.160 weren't there in the crowd. But I was like, all right, 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.280 we're coming to Wilmington. I've been putting off watching any 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.000 of the show I've seen, like the time you saying 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.800 I saw the at and I think the time you're 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.960 like in the bathtub slitty wrist or something spoiler alert. 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:09.520 So I was like, all right, let me download some 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:11.479 episodes to watch on the way to Wilmington's too, like 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:14.400 One Free Hill Country. So I do that and I'm watching. 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.400 I download the first Chevel that Jana is in in 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:20.440 season seven, and I just keep looking over at her 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:24.920 and she's like what finally like take my headphones off. 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:29.160 I'm like, you're the worst. I'm like, Alex do pray sucks. 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.560 I was like, I've caught myself like looking over you 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:37.440 with a face like damn, but it was it was 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:40.040 just your character. Yeah. I was like, this is so 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:43.000 started out that. I was like, this is so not you, 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:47.359 first of all, So it's weird for me to be like, okay, 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:50.279 you're like straight up actually like this is acting. Yeah, 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:52.240 you know what I mean, Like, this is so not you. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:55.479 It's the farthest thing from your character. So it's just 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:58.239 weird to see because I mean, my character was an 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.160 alcoholic drug user. I've never touched a drug or been 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:03.560 drunk in my life. So it was just like so polar, 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:08.599 just mean to everybody, and you know, yeah, so I 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.320 was just like my whole and that's what I was 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:11.680 asking the crowd, and I was like, how do you 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:17.320 guys like her? The character? It's just the character, I mean, yeah, 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:21.440 I mean I think she becomes redeemable. I'm gonna we'll 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:23.720 talk more about that later, but yeah, because you're like, 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:25.800 why do you why how do people end up liking you? 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.080 So yeah, I'm very intrigued to find out. Okay, so 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:36.000 we're going to talk to Daphne Zunigaum, who played Brooks Mom. Yes, yes, hey, 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:52.640 but first let's take a break. Hello Hi Daphne. Hello, wait, 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:54.920 let me pour some more one Oh my god, yeah 0:07:54.920 --> 0:08:00.480 I just poured them too, my girl. Hi, Daphne Hi 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:07.080 Dianna on the line. You also have my husband, Mike. Hi, Mike. UM, 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.960 my husband wants to ask if you want the opera 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.680 turned down? By the way, I never knew he loved opera. 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:15.400 I've been together thirteen years. You never liked the learning 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:20.440 about never arned? Don't turn down? I come, he's playing 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.000 opera and he said, do you want me to turn 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:26.720 the opera down? Does he want to be an opera singer? No? 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:28.960 But it's like I didn't even know I liked opera, 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.240 Like I've known him for twelve thirteen years. Okay, well, 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:35.720 so this is since this is a relationship podcast. Um, 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:37.839 you've been with him for thirteen years, so are you? 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.320 So it's so you're still finding out things about your 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:44.280 husband that you didn't know he liked. For example, Yes, yes, 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.880 what are you finding out about your husband thirteen years later? 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:56.280 Oh my god? Well, UM, that's a good question. Let's see. Um, 0:08:56.320 --> 0:09:00.839 it's so funny because I know so much about him, 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:04.119 and I have to be careful not to just assume 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:07.600 what he's gonna say and predict what he's gonna want 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:12.320 and expect the fame. All thing that I know and 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:14.960 that doesn't give him any room to like, you know, 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.080 be spontaneous or change it up a bit, because I'll 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.160 be like, you know, I think that's more of I 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:24.920 know so much about him that it's like, um, it's 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.160 more of that, like I try to anyway. So I 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.120 was a little bit thrilled about the opera. As my point, 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.920 it was like, oh, this is kind of sexy. You're like, okay, 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:37.400 I go like literally, then she started singing Christmas opera 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.600 like Silent Night, like so here we are a random 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:43.600 you know, February Friday, and I'm like, so we're listening 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:51.920 to Christmas music? Yeah, how do you think after thirteen years? Like, 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:55.160 what do you do that changes things up? Well, Jannah, 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:58.520 not only are we thirteen years together, but um, I'm 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:04.640 like five older than and he's older than me. So hot. Um, well, 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:06.559 you know, just even if it's is it, yeah, do 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.400 you still make sure you do the date nights? Do you? 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:15.560 You know? What? What's what's different now than than it was? Well, 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:18.440 you know it's weird is that we I think because 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:22.640 I we each waited so long, like he like, we 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:24.360 were older when we met, so even though it was 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.080 thirteen years ago, we I was in my mid forties. 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.400 He was like he was fifty, no, in his fifties 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:36.079 and he so so we really liked each other. Like 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:40.600 we spent seven as most, but we he doesn't get 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:42.960 up and he works at home because in office here 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.720 and when I'm not working, I'm here. So we spent 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.559 a lot of time together and I'm just grateful we 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:52.960 get along. You know, we just got along, and so 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:58.600 I feel like effort definitely goes into it, Like it's 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:00.240 not like if I were with someone that I didn't 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.520 know that well and love as much. Now it's like 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:06.439 I want to do this. I want to see him happy. 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:09.440 I want to see him and for him a sister natural. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.040 I came home the other day and there's like roses everywhere, 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:16.600 like what and yeah, I mean he just because he 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.800 went to the farmers market and he put a you know, 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:20.920 a bouquet over here and went up in the room 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:23.800 and and I went out the other day and then 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.120 I bought some for him, just because it's a Tuesday, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.920 that kind of thing, like it just becomes this familiar. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:35.080 I think it's overall, we've learned to treat each other 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.520 well and listen to each other, and that makes it 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:44.319 day to day fun and exciting and you know we 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:49.240 have serious life issues to deal with two. But um 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:51.200 so I think it's like that it kind of blends. 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.720 I don't know, we really get along, but yeah, of course, 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.880 you know, we kind of drive each other cz. I mean, 0:11:56.920 --> 0:12:01.559 I feel like that one year of Mary to years 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:04.600 of marriage. But do you think the communication is what's 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.920 grown throughout those years or what do you think is 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.160 kind of gotten better than you know, and what's maybe like, 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.560 oh I need to do better at this. Okay, Well, 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:22.000 the way we communicate is changed, and so just by nature, 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:26.600 I'm I go to, uh, you know, being loud and 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.080 I need to be heard, and I'm like, I get 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:32.360 very you know, angry. If I feel like I'm not, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.720 I get triggered, as it were, from like when I 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.480 wasn't heard as a child or as a freaking actress 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:41.960 for thirty years or whatever. My I would go to 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.440 like you know, zero to sixty in a second and 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:49.360 just react. And he tends to go inward. His motive 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:54.040 dealing with difficulty, and especially if someone's if I'm angry, 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:57.320 is to go inward. And that's a terrible bonding Chattern 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:00.840 because that just makes me more angry. So I have 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:05.120 literally had to work on that and you know, talk 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:09.040 to my therapists about it and and really not take 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:13.960 his niceness for granted. So here we are and years later, 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.679 and I don't do that anymore. I just I just 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:18.920 don't because I realized with him, I don't need to 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:22.680 and but I do need to say. I need to 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.960 know that you're listening to me right now, you know, 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.160 like and one thing, Janna, I don't. I don't know 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:32.160 your guys relationship, Mike, but I I read this book 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.880 called The Female Brain, and there's the same writer. She's 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.800 a neuroscientist, and she wrote a book The Male Brain too. 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.920 What she said is more of a pamphlet. But we 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:46.920 are simple creatures. But um, you know, I've learned things 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:50.080 like just because I'm feeling something in the moment and 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:52.040 it feels really intense and I need to be heard. 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:55.520 I need him to know this, and he can't necessarily 0:13:55.559 --> 0:14:00.200 take it all in, so I have to go. I 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:04.720 have to be respectful of how he can take it 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.640 in and how how and when. So if I have 0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:10.679 something really important to say, I'll say, David, I need 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.880 to say, I want to talk about you know this 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.760 one thing. Can we at lunch or this afternoon, can 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:20.360 we discuss blah blah blah, you know, maybe just twenty minutes. 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:24.040 Then he can file it away and know and agree 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:26.800 to it, and then he can give me all of 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:29.720 his listening. But if I see what I think tends 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:33.040 to happen is we look for an opening, right like 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:37.160 we look for an opening in the guy's attention, and 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:40.000 then we just want to fill it all in Jesus 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:44.320 was listening another thing, you know. But and and they 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.640 just can't take it. And and David, what does his 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:49.800 eyes will start to glaze over? Are used to I 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.640 should say? And I'm like, no, listening to me, And 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:58.400 he's like, I can't please stop talking, you know. And 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.440 so that's in a lesson, a lesson to learn. And 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:04.760 over the years of getting to know each other, it 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:09.920 really is like, yeah, I had to go, okay, if 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.880 I have something important to say, and it's like I 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.440 need his full attention. I need to say, you know, 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.280 at this time, what time is good? Let's talk, whether 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:22.560 it's trips we're going to take, or jobs, or finances 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.640 or the neighbor or the whatever it is. It can't 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:29.800 be like I'm inspired, and so I just can't say it. 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:31.480 And if he had something to say to me, I 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.240 could take it in, but he can't, and it's not fair, 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:38.280 like we communicate differently and take things in differently. What 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.480 would you attribute that to? What would you attribute that 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:45.920 to most, Daphne with is it just maturing in yourself 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.120 or the therapy work that you're doing to be able 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.040 to look in the mirror and be like, Okay, I 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.440 need to change how I'm delivering this because I feel 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.800 like just in janinize relationship, it's it's taken some time 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:59.520 for us to to really, you know, spend our individual 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:03.280 therapiesons actually talking about ourselves and not the other person, right, 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:05.440 And I feel like that's for everyone that's new in therapy. 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.400 You go in, you feel like it's a place to 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:10.840 vent about your partner, your significant significant other. But now 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.000 Gina and I both have therapists that are like, are 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.560 you here to talk about them or yourself? Because I'm 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.600 here to talk about you. And so again, is it 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.640 something like within yourself, like what helped you realize Okay, 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:24.040 this is what I need to do and not worry 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:28.520 about what David needs to do. Yes, absolutely, right, and I, 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:33.960 you know, when I got into therapy, gosh years ago, 0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:36.880 I thought, I'm going to be there from us. I'm 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.280 gonna know a couple of sessions, deal with this crazy 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.560 guy that I was into and fix him and then 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:46.360 I'll see you later, Andre, you know. And she kept 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:48.280 bringing it back to me, bringing it back to me, 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.320 and I'm like, listen, I'm really smart. Don't trust me, 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:58.200 I'm not help Yeah, and so yes, it's definitely um. 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:01.720 But she would point out, like, you know, I think 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:08.119 guys have they have a frailty that the world doesn't 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:12.480 really encourage or accept, and so they've learned to, you know, 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:18.000 keep it in. And when I would see that I'm 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:24.200 hurting this guy that I love so much, that really 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:28.000 hit me, like it it hurt him. The way I 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:31.800 would act out it hurt him. I could walk away 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:35.040 from a explosion or whatever because I was used to 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:37.720 it and I didn't grow up with role models of 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:42.520 men that had that, you know, could listen and respected 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.600 and were sensitive. And so when I saw she helped 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:47.560 me see that. So to answer your question, like he 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.680 she would say, do you see how that hurts him? 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:54.640 And that he can't leave a situation like that, like 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:59.159 you can and he and he, and sure enough I 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:01.479 would see he'd be quiet for a while, you know, 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.160 like for a day even the next day, and it's 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.960 just and so that I learned not only doesn't hurt 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.680 him and I don't want to do it, but the 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:15.960 union and the closeness that I was wanting is fractured. 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.080 It's not there the next day in the silence and 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.760 the hurt and the remnants of this acting out. And 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.200 so I got really aware of that, and I thought, wow, 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:28.800 it's hurting what I want to because I believe it 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:33.280 or not. In those emotional expressions, I wanted nothing other 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.800 than being so close and excuse my language, and trusting 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:40.199 and and I want him to have my back. And 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:43.680 I just wanted to like be so close and my 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:48.199 behavior I had to really realize it. And so, you know, 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:51.840 I'm still an expressive person. But I will you know, 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.280 have my blow off in the you know, in the 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:56.680 car or you know, not road rage to other people, 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.480 but like all my own or I'll do it in 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.919 my head. I'll have a little monolog, get out of 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:07.080 my system, and then you know, treat him more skillfully 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:09.080 and be with him. And I get what we want 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:12.600 out of that, and ever since that has changed, and 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:14.240 by the way he's had to come out of his shell, 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:16.920 we both had to change for sure. And I appreciate 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:18.800 you saying that because I feel like that is still 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:22.760 something that you know, society is catching up on with that. Men, 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:28.040 we can be and we ultimately want to be sensitive creatures. 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:30.680 We are sensitive creatures, but like you said, we're kind 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.199 of taught otherwise from a general statement, um as a 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:37.240 general species. But even I mean, Janna and had Janna 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:39.960 and I had a situation earlier today where she kind 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.760 of made a joke about something and it hurt my feelings, 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:46.960 and when she kind of noticed that, you know, she 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.320 playfully just kind of be like, oh, don't be sensitive, 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:53.320 And it was just I think there's still that common 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:57.159 misconception at times where it's just we're supposed to just 0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:00.560 take it and let it roll off of us more 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:03.280 than maybe females, where it's like, if I would have 0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:05.840 said a similar thing, it would have to be this 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.160 big like I'm you know, I'm sorry and I didn't 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:10.080 mean it, and it would have been taken as so 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:12.760 much more. But it's like, men, it's like we're just 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.280 supposed to be, like, why are you getting upset about that? 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:19.199 Like your guy like you don't be sensitive, you know. 0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:22.760 So it's a thing that we're still navigating. Yeah, no, 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:26.679 I know, I know. And um, I you know what 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:29.919 I realized. The more work that you and Jannah do 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:35.160 with yourselves and we all do with ourselves and and 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:39.280 and then with our partners, the better the more each 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:41.800 gender is going to get what they want, you know, 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:47.520 the more like the more you guys can talk through 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:51.159 that or yeah, like if I hurt David's feelings or 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:55.000 he hurts mine, by the way, because you know, guys 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:58.119 also to protect that might be flippant about things or 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:02.840 say things about women like you know whatever, and that 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:08.520 might upset me. And so I feel like, um, it 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:12.000 goes both ways, and it is. It's interesting, this whole 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:16.199 relating in a real conscious Our goal is to be 0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:19.480 in conscious relationships. You guys are both in there. You're 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.600 trying to be conscious human beings, and I don't think 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:26.199 our world has conditioned us for that. So we have 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:31.199 to forge it ourselves and with support of like minded people. 0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:37.400 Because you look out there that hello tender hookups. I mean, 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:40.200 you know what I mean? It's like, which is fine. 0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:42.200 I know people that have met on that. But and 0:21:42.640 --> 0:21:47.800 but it's like, where's our model not a brought on 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:52.280 ground for conscious relationships? Sure, any of our our society 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:56.520 in general, because we objectivized both. And it's and I think, guys, 0:21:57.200 --> 0:21:58.879 you know, the other thing I might say symtom on 0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:02.000 the topic of in women in relationships is another thing 0:22:02.040 --> 0:22:05.160 that I used to want from the man, and I've 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:08.959 learned that with and you know, David gets a benefit 0:22:09.000 --> 0:22:12.320 of my twenty years affairly and I have you know, 0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:17.720 but um is that women want to work out everything 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:21.280 like we work through stuff verbally. We think about it, 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:23.880 we talk about it, we talk with our girlfriends. All 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:27.040 we do is talk. It's like to get to this 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:31.040 emotional intelligence about things and then figure it out. And 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:36.639 men don't a and be you know, they shouldn't have 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:40.520 to like the like in a relationship. He shouldn't have 0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:43.640 to deal with every blip on my screen. He just shouldn't. 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:47.399 And so I think often we have to learn Janna 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:51.159 to like, oh dear. If it's really intense, then you 0:22:51.200 --> 0:22:53.280 pick up the phone and it's either a therapist or 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:55.920 your friend or your work or something. And it's like 0:22:56.200 --> 0:22:59.200 I need to do it because usually when we because 0:22:59.200 --> 0:23:01.040 that's what I've been trying to was like, okay, instead 0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:05.400 of me either lashing out or word vomiting, word vomiting 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:08.440 all over him, I'll call a friend, I'll call you know, 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:10.720