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Speaker 1: Trust me? Do you trust me?

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Speaker 2: All right?

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Speaker 1: Ever was trus This is the truth, the only truth.

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Speaker 3: If anybody ever tells you to just trust them, don't Welcome.

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Speaker 1: To trust Me.

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Speaker 3: The podcast about cult, extreme belief and manipulation from two

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Speaker 3: mentally ill girlies who've actually experienced it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to say mentally ill, mama's so badly, I don't.

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Speaker 3: It's the MS, it's the alliteration.

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Speaker 2: I'm so glad you didn't. I'm gonna forget you even

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Speaker 2: mentioned that.

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Speaker 1: Mamas all right.

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Speaker 3: This week, we're joined by legendary comic actor and author

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Speaker 3: of Sure I'll Join Your Cult, Maria Bamford. We're going

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Speaker 3: to discuss her alarming ocd ina truth of thoughts she

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Speaker 3: had as a kid, which primed her to later seek

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Speaker 3: out support in the form of a variety of groups,

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Speaker 3: and the cultishness of twelve step programs like That's Anonymous

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Speaker 3: and the various ones that you've all attended.

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Speaker 2: She'll share about her struggles with eating disorders, going to

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Speaker 2: treatment in her twenties, the controversial Suzuki method by which

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Speaker 2: Maria was taught to play the violin as a child,

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Speaker 2: and which programs and treatments she's found most helpful for

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Speaker 2: her mental health.

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Speaker 3: Lovely, and we're going to keep this short because this

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Speaker 3: is a longer episode. Obviously, Maria is an icon and

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Speaker 3: we wanted to talk to her for a long time.

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Speaker 1: So Megan, really really quick, do you have a culties thing?

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Speaker 1: I do?

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Speaker 2: I tried to start my own cult this week. Basically

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Speaker 2: my cat is very ill. She has phase cancer out

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Speaker 2: of nowhere. So I was like, you know what, you

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Speaker 2: know how cults and we've both been in cults, but

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Speaker 2: they just cherry pick different modalities and like stick them

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Speaker 2: all together, you know. Yeah. I was like, okay, dolphin

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Speaker 2: sounds are going to heal her. Ruba MacIntyre so she

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Speaker 2: has like a little bit of Ruba in her, you know,

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Speaker 2: and like affirmations like it kept being like you are

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Speaker 2: not so, And I made my own little call and

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Speaker 2: the tumor in her face started to get smaller, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, did I just make

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Speaker 2: up like a method to cure cats? And then I

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Speaker 2: took her to the doctor today and he was like, wow,

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Speaker 2: I've never seen cancer grow this fast before. Begon Oh okay,

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Speaker 2: so you know you see what you want to see.

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Speaker 3: I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And I

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Speaker 3: really did cherry picked some shit.

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Speaker 2: I thought I'd found the secret to currying cat cancer,

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Speaker 2: but I was delusional. So anyway, my cat is an icon,

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Speaker 2: just like Maria. Please, somebody out there, go adopt a

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Speaker 2: cat from your shelter. It will change your life forever.

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Speaker 2: She's even saved my life when a robber was trying

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Speaker 2: to break in. So go get yourself a cat. What

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Speaker 2: about you? What's your cultiest thing?

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Speaker 3: It's not really anything other than that. I saw a

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Speaker 3: post about this concept called the Seven.

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Speaker 2: Daughters of Eve. Huh.

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Speaker 3: The post is like making an argument that heritability is

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Speaker 3: that the word that I want is actually it goes

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Speaker 3: through women because of mitochondrial DNA, and I don't fucking

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Speaker 3: understand it. And it seems like that book is highly

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Speaker 3: oversimplified and like maybe partially fictional in the scientific community.

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Speaker 3: But anyway, I just saw it and I was like,

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Speaker 3: if this were a cult and it were called the

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Speaker 3: Seven Daughters of Eve, and the premise of it was, oh, actually,

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Speaker 3: like women, I don't know, that feels like something I'd

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Speaker 3: be into.

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Speaker 1: And that's the extent of my cultures thing.

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Speaker 2: Because we're keeping it short today. The cult would just

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Speaker 2: be women are the actual gods.

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Speaker 1: It trace us back to several core clan mothers.

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Speaker 4: Sick.

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Speaker 1: I'm men, there's.

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Speaker 3: Seven daughters of Eve that we all are allegedly say

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Speaker 3: no more. Their ancestors are all of our ancestors. So anyway,

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Speaker 3: of course, I would like pray to the seven daughters

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Speaker 3: of Eve.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, wonder you wanted to call us mentally ol mamas.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I had got mamas on the mind.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got mamas on the mind. Okay, that makes sense. Well,

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Speaker 2: my mam is Maria. Shall we talk to her. Let's

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Speaker 2: do it.

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Speaker 3: Welcome Maria Bamford to trust me in the studio.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much for being with us. We're so excited.

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Speaker 2: We're excited having me.

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Speaker 5: I went through some of the on your instagram, some

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Speaker 5: of the people you've covered for cults, and I'm just

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Speaker 5: delighted that my book, which interestingly enough, the publisher they said,

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Speaker 5: can we use this as a title because cult books

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Speaker 5: sell better than anything, and because that is a punchlage

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Speaker 5: one of my jokes. Sure I'll join your cult because

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Speaker 5: I was invited to go to something called Life Springs,

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Speaker 5: and I went and then they started locking the doors

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Speaker 5: and I was like, hey, I got to go, and

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Speaker 5: they wanted me to.

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Speaker 1: They're like, do you have a credit card?

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Speaker 6: I'm like, no, my poverty, because if I had money,

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Speaker 6: I would be living in the Scientology building and.

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Speaker 3: In every wellness call, in every New Age coal yeah,

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Speaker 3: every twelve step coal.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, so lucky.

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Speaker 1: Yess Yeah, no cash. No, that's the key, key.

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Speaker 2: It really is. Before we begin, I want to point

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Speaker 2: out a few similarities. Marianne and I have. Okay, both blonde,

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Speaker 2: bombshell comedians.

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Speaker 1: Obviously can't stop. I don't stop.

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Speaker 2: Also, both big Dave Berry fans. Oh yes, yeah.

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Speaker 1: When I was a kid. Yes, I mean now I

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Speaker 1: get mad at myself.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, come on, Maria, yeah wait, I don't remember who.

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Speaker 2: He wrote for this Miami newspaper, like very funny comedy stories.

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Speaker 5: He was a columnist, and it was just it was

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Speaker 5: just like slice of life things.

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Speaker 1: Did I just go, oh my god, come on, have

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Speaker 1: a little class. But we didn't. We didn't. We loved it.

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Speaker 1: Loved it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And Andy Rooney too, Andy Rooney don't even getting started.

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Speaker 3: Also, both Midwest girls too, so I'm a west girl.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna have this and my ex was on her show,

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Speaker 3: so one of the Lucas brothers.

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Speaker 5: Oh, they were very nice on the show. That's all

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Speaker 5: I have to say about that. I hope, uh, I hope.

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Speaker 5: It was an excellent ending, was there good?

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Speaker 3: No, David, long and drawn out, but you know we're

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Speaker 3: all good now, it's all good.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: We made a short together actually after we broke up.

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Speaker 1: So isn't that funny? Yeah, Like, I just I'm going

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Speaker 1: through it.

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Speaker 5: I just finished a divorce and yeah, I love him

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Speaker 5: far more now that it's over.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah, sometimes its just sometimes it be like that

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Speaker 3: as they say, yeah, well anyway, sorry, I had to

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Speaker 3: have something in common too.

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Speaker 2: I had to know if anybody back there wants to

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Speaker 2: join that, and they're welcome. So but we will we

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Speaker 2: will start with your experiences.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, okay, So you were saying before we were

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Speaker 3: recording that some people were like, well, there's no real

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Speaker 3: cults in here, but we are here to say a

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Speaker 3: lot of these things are very cult eat and we

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Speaker 3: want you to tell us about some of them now.

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Speaker 5: The primary one that I'm still in that I adore

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Speaker 5: and I know it's illegal in the cult to say it,

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Speaker 5: but I am in debtors Anonymous, which is very hot

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Speaker 5: in most the most expensive cities in the world. If

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Speaker 5: you go to La San Francisco, Johannesburg, Tokyo, it is

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Speaker 5: popping off. People are into that Twelvester program because it's

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Speaker 5: impossible to make enough money to pay rent.

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Speaker 1: But if you can make it a spiritual issue.

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Speaker 5: Wait a minute, and anyways, I love Twelter programs because

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Speaker 5: they're free.

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Speaker 1: They are free.

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Speaker 5: Now of course the issue is yeah, it just has

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Speaker 5: all the the problems that come with peers peers telling

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Speaker 5: each other stuff.

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Speaker 3: I went to one Debtor's Anonymous meeting when I was really,

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Speaker 3: really poor, and my friends, who were like new to

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Speaker 3: twelve step, were like, the only answer to anything is

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Speaker 3: a twelve step program, so you have to go to

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Speaker 3: debtors Anonymous. And I was like, I don't relate to

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Speaker 3: people who are spending a lot of money, you know,

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Speaker 3: like I'm just poor. And then they were like, okay,

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Speaker 3: try under Earners Anonymous.

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Speaker 6: Yes, oh that's rough trage.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I'm sorry, but I just can't identify

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Speaker 3: as an under earth. I can't have this be part

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Speaker 3: of my identity. So I didn't go back, but I

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Speaker 3: did eventually stop under earning for a while.

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Speaker 2: Oh there's a bare conversation that we had about like

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Speaker 2: just being an artist yea, and.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, everything like capitalism, Like there are these social issues

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Speaker 5: that are yet and they call it in twelve step programs.

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Speaker 5: They call anything that can't be handled sexism, racism, colonialism, ableism.

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Speaker 5: They call that an outside issue, right, so it can

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Speaker 5: never be brought up. So that is really heartbreaking because

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Speaker 5: you just go, well, clearly, there's a hell of a

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Speaker 5: lot of white people here, Like like if somebody shares,

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Speaker 5: especially in the money related program, if they go, uh,

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Speaker 5: you know, you know it's a white guy saying.

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Speaker 1: You know, finally I knew my true worth and.

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Speaker 5: Paid off a million, You're just like, yeah, well, we're

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Speaker 5: not all going to be having.

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Speaker 1: That situation, right.

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Speaker 5: And it totally helped me because I moved to LA

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Speaker 5: thirty years ago and I just didn't know how to

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Speaker 5: have a full time job, so people because I just

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Speaker 5: lived it as a hippie and uh, you know, would

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Speaker 5: my rent was very low in Minneapolis and I would

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Speaker 5: just busk for nobody's busking In Los Angeles, I busk.

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Speaker 1: Playing the violin poorly.

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Speaker 5: Oh damn yeah, and bad news, and uh, I moved

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Speaker 5: out to LA and I just sunk so fast, so

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Speaker 5: far God, because like I already had like seven thousand

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Speaker 5: medical debt because I went to the Planned parenthood and

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Speaker 5: had a terrible allergic reaction and yeah, just all the stuff.

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Speaker 1: Couldn't pay my rent.

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Speaker 5: My landlord accepted sex for it was just like, uh yeah,

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Speaker 5: So it was like and I had been another toast worker.

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Speaker 5: I've been overused anonymous because I had had bolimia and

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Speaker 5: that was suggested to me by a suicide hotline. Again

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Speaker 5: totally problematic, but and yet free people you can call

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Speaker 5: day or night totally understand what you're talking about, who

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Speaker 5: are like.

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Speaker 7: Hey, I yeah, I mean, I'm trying to do my best,

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Speaker 7: but I just had three extra large pizzas and you know,

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Speaker 7: I mean, I wish I could get over there, but

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Speaker 7: I don't feel well.

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Speaker 5: It's it's I like that pure counseling aspect to it,

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Speaker 5: where it's like nobody's looking down on you or or

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Speaker 5: watching you in the bathroom. It's like harm reduction totally.

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Speaker 5: What can you do that's a little bit better than

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Speaker 5: you did before? Like, I think one of the first

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Speaker 5: suggestions somebody told me and dad's anonymous, was like, call

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Speaker 5: everyone you know and see if they have a room

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Speaker 5: to rent or like a couch, so you're at least

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Speaker 5: in a safe space, like you're in a place where

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Speaker 5: you're not gonna there's not gonna be sexual abuse. And

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Speaker 5: I was robbed and mugged in that apartment too.

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Speaker 4: So oh my goodness.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I like so serious. And it was like, or

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Speaker 5: it felt felt serious. I looked, yeah, that seems serious

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Speaker 5: when I look at retrospect and you go, of course, like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I mean I lived Minneapolis. I mean I didn't live

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Speaker 5: in a greats neighborhood in Mineapolis either, but it's like,

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Speaker 5: uh yeah, it's just that sort of I think I

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Speaker 5: always had that assumption. And I grew up into luth Minnesota,

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Speaker 5: where you know, on the on the pill hill side

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Speaker 5: of town, you know, where my dad was a physician.

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Speaker 5: So it's like nothing, nothing bad's ever happened to me.

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Speaker 5: So it's like what what But that kind of calm

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Speaker 5: sense stuff that just wasn't coming to my brain because

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Speaker 5: I was in so much panic. They said, you know,

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Speaker 5: I remember, yeah, somebody in the program said, hey, you

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Speaker 5: have uh, you have an English degree. You can type

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Speaker 5: fifty words for a minute. Why don't you try to

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Speaker 5: get a job as a receptionist or a secretary. And

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Speaker 5: I was like, well, how would I do that? Like

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Speaker 5: just really simple things that I just Yeah. So in

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Speaker 5: that way it was extremely helpful in the way that,

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Speaker 5: you know, it doesn't help a whole lot of other things,

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Speaker 5: like mental health issues, Like I know, anytime I've had

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Speaker 5: a mental health crisis, like they've been like, why don't

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Speaker 5: you work the steps again? Just feels like you haven't

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Speaker 5: had a clean, heavy down ninth. And you're just like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: that's that's the part that's not great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, when it's the answer to every problem as opposed

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Speaker 3: to the problem that you're there for. Yeah, which I

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Speaker 3: go to alan On sometimes, Yeah, alan On, I should

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Speaker 3: go more. I don't have the pure support because I'm

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Speaker 3: too scared to talk to.

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Speaker 5: But everyone's terrif but elean On, it's can be hardcore.

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Speaker 3: Everyone's really type A and they all know each other

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Speaker 3: really well, and I'm I'm like, Okay, well goodbye, I

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Speaker 3: guess I won't. That's interesting nice to hear stories, and

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Speaker 3: I find them very helpful. Because there are tendencies of

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Speaker 3: people in that program that I very much relate to.

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Speaker 3: But also sometimes I will hear stories like that that

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Speaker 3: are like.

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Speaker 1: It was, is it the answer to that problem we

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Speaker 1: were having?

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Speaker 3: Or is such as like a normal life problem that

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Speaker 3: you're applying this framework to.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this rigid like the whole thing about Like people

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Speaker 5: have a certain opinions about somebody who's an addict, like

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Speaker 5: do you stop showing up for that person altogether? Or

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Speaker 5: you know some people, Yeah, there's some sort of and

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Speaker 5: maybe this is a Los Angeles thing where they'll say.

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Speaker 1: You know, that person was toxic and I just cut

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Speaker 1: them on my life.

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Speaker 5: Nobody's toxic. Everybody's toxic, you know what. I'm like you,

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Speaker 5: I do not cut people out of my life. Everybody

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Speaker 5: goes home like I don't give a shit, you know

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Speaker 5: like that that makes me.

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Speaker 1: That makes me so mad.

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Speaker 5: I love alan On for it really helps me with

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Speaker 5: show business because it feels like show business is an

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Speaker 5: alcoholic Like it's like somebody coming home drunk.

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Speaker 1: Who I love.

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Speaker 5: I love show business like, I love how exciting it is.

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Speaker 5: I love how it's really fun at parties. And then

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Speaker 5: I just sometimes it's mean and I can't remember my name.

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Speaker 2: So high cloves are so yeah, it'll just kick you

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Speaker 2: down a fly to stairs.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you as a child are so interesting.

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Speaker 3: I mean, first you get your OCD diagnosis, which we

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Speaker 3: both can also relate to.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, we're all obsessive here.

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Speaker 1: It's such a good tree.

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Speaker 3: And you developed an eating disorder, Like, can you tell

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Speaker 3: us a little bit about your childhood and like some

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Speaker 3: of the some of the stuff you were dealing with?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well I'm sure, yeah, everybody has. I mean I

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Speaker 5: was very privileged childhood, let's just put that out there.

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Speaker 5: My parents were very liberal and down for but they

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Speaker 5: in the seventies they sent me to a therapist, which

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Speaker 5: I think that.

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Speaker 1: Was very rare, la ahead of their time, out of.

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Speaker 5: Time, and I was, yeah, I just stopped being asleep

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Speaker 5: night because I was worried I was gonna rape murder people.

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Speaker 5: I watched a lot of TV and I wasn't even

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Speaker 5: sure what those things were, but I was like, I'm

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Speaker 5: probably gonna do it. Yeah, And I would clench my

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Speaker 5: fists and just stay up all night trying to.

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Speaker 1: Make sure that I didn't do that to my family.

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: And then finally I told my family or I told

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Speaker 5: my mom about it. My Mom's like, oh god, honey,

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Speaker 5: well it's okay if you're gay.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 5: So then yeah, they sent me to a therapist and

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Speaker 5: I basically just slept during those sessions. And the diet culture,

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Speaker 5: which same thing we have now is still was still

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Speaker 5: a thing.

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Speaker 1: My mom was always on a diet.

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Speaker 5: So I started dieting, and that just makes OCD worse

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Speaker 5: because your brain isn't functioning at the full level, and yeah,

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Speaker 5: you start making weird, weird choices and uh yeah, so

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Speaker 5: I think I was, and I wasn't. The vomiting believe

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Speaker 5: that was sort of exercise bliemag whereight you know, not

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Speaker 5: eat for five days then binge fron you know, then

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Speaker 5: run ten miles then And that got worse and worse

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Speaker 5: up until like the age of nineteen. And then I

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Speaker 5: called the suicide hotline from college and they gave me

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Speaker 5: the the the number for oha oh a. And yeah,

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Speaker 5: I ended up going through treatment program when I was

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Speaker 5: twenty later, just because I just didn't know how to eat.

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Speaker 5: And Oway wasn't super helpful with that. Like everyone's like,

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Speaker 5: what's your triggers, Well.

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Speaker 1: You got to stay away from the.

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Speaker 5: Trigger pretty soon you're just eating communion wafers and like

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Speaker 5: sunny Delight, Like it's like, it's so So I went

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Speaker 5: to a tribute program. They taught me, you know, how

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Speaker 5: to just normalize eating everything. Yeah, and uh, because there's

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Speaker 5: some Yeah, it's just a bunch of people trying to

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Speaker 5: help each other and it can be a mess.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So I've had really good experience and that I haven't

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Speaker 5: had the OCD thing. I don't think I dealt with

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Speaker 5: that to abroun. I'm thirty five. I just was too

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Speaker 5: ashamed to tell anybody all the weird thoughts I was

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Speaker 5: having in my head.

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Speaker 1: And but once I.

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Speaker 5: Googled it, I googled some of the thoughts I've been having,

348
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Speaker 5: it was like all this just OCD came up, like

349
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Speaker 5: the International CD Foundation. They're like, yeah, that's not weird.

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Speaker 2: The difference between OCD and somebody who's like actually thinking

351
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Speaker 2: those thoughts just like the shame.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And it was really nice to hear that everybody

354
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Speaker 5: has those thoughts. It's just some people you just go, oh,

355
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Speaker 5: and then they never think it. They go that was weird,

356
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Speaker 5: and they.

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Speaker 4: Let it go.

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Speaker 1: They let it go. They don't go, oh.

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Speaker 5: It's that must mean something about me and not it

360
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Speaker 5: means I have to stay indoors right and never open

361
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Speaker 5: my eyes again.

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Speaker 1: I because I have lasers, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

364
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 4: I was telling Megan earlier about.

365
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Speaker 3: Intrusive thoughts that I have about harming, About harming something

366
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Speaker 3: I love very much.

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Speaker 2: And thought you would never do.

368
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Speaker 3: But but it fixates all the things that you value

369
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Speaker 3: and the things that you aggressively don't want to do.

370
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Speaker 3: It's like, what if I did that thing that I

371
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 3: want to do less than anything, But yeah, it.

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Speaker 1: Kills whatever you love.

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Speaker 5: And like the postpartum that's a classic thing that people

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Speaker 5: like afraid I'm gonna smile my baby, I'm gonna hurt

375
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Speaker 5: my baby, and you know very specific ways that are

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Speaker 5: just like the.

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Speaker 1: Thought is so awful.

378
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 5: Because your brain is so creative, it'll come up with

379
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 5: the ideas and yeah, so it was really nice when

380
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 5: I got help for that and all that. There's a

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Speaker 5: lot of help online now through the OCD Foundation International

382
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:35,199
Speaker 5: ioc DF. They have support groups and then also the

383
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 5: free resources, and then there's some for profit groups that

384
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Speaker 5: I think no CD dot com I think is a

385
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 5: place you can find treatment, but it is.

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Speaker 2: Right see those specialized treatments will get Yeah, but it's

387
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 2: worth it.

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00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 4: It's worth it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think that that is. I mean, I

390
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 5: think so sad too, is that when things are you

391
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Speaker 5: can't I cant help because you don't have the money.

392
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Speaker 1: Is it just makes me ill. Oh, I know, And

393
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Speaker 1: that's what I love.

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Speaker 5: I do like about twelve star groups and any kind

395
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 5: of religious organization. You just go, Wow, there's the free cake,

396
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 5: you know, like that's pretty cool. You know, that's good,

397
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 5: and it's a place where you are welcome no matter what.

398
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 5: Like I used to go to these meetings on Sunset

399
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,199
Speaker 5: Boulevard and oftentimes it was like a DA meeting, but

400
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 5: people who were who were just hanging out in the

401
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 5: corner were coming just to sit down, and it just

402
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 5: it made me laugh, just see because you're just like, yeah, sure,

403
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,440
Speaker 5: I mean, you don't have a place to live, you're

404
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 5: clearly in debt. Well, you know, let's chit chat. And

405
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 5: I have one guy who we were set up in

406
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,640
Speaker 5: a like a two person non person sharing thing and

407
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,360
Speaker 5: he looked like he was a little on. Well anyways,

408
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 5: I shared and then he was going to share, and

409
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 5: then he said he was not I don't think in

410
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 5: twelve star programs at all. But he was just like,

411
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 5: why why are you so sad? You know you're so pretty?

412
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: Why you so sad? And I was like, yeah, right on, man,

413
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 1: what the fuck am I talking about? Cut to the

414
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: chase there?

415
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah.

416
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 5: And I know it's you're not supposed to say your

417
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 5: name so that people if they don't like you, or

418
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 5: let's say, I all of a sudden start doing cract

419
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 5: cocaine on the parking lot, they don't.

420
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: Go, oh, it didn't work.

421
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 5: But then I also think that's a weird nineteen thirty

422
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 5: five idea about advertising, Like, yeah, it's not going to

423
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 5: work for some people, isn't it. Yeah.

424
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Speaker 1: I just don't think there's one solution for everybody.

425
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 2: No, But I get very mad when you say, oh god,

426
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 2: I know so you know that's that's when and then

427
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 2: people argue with me.

428
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 5: I'm a secretary of one meeting and I am guess

429
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 5: what general service rep to the World Service Conference.

430
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Speaker 2: My god, Maria, you really really are doing the thing.

431
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 5: It is so deeply boring, And I think that's what

432
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 5: meditation is all about, is just like sitting through a

433
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 5: painful Roberts Rules of Order Business meeting two pros, two cons.

434
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 5: Can we have the motionary stated, okay, I guess we are.

435
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 5: Instead of one dozen donuts, we're gonna buy two dozen

436
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 5: donuts on the treasury this week.

437
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: It's grounding, it's helpful.

438
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 2: No, no, no, it's really nice, so weird. I'll go

439
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 2: in and I'll just pick the Ebstein files and they're

440
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 2: like a vision for you, and I guess, okay.

441
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 5: It's so yeah, it's very because there aren't a lot

442
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 5: of I know. I went to a church when I

443
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 5: lived in philos Felis for a while. I talked to

444
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 5: the priest and I said, hey, man, it is okay.

445
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 5: I'm an atheist and I am I don't believe in God,

446
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 5: but I believe. I believe in cognitive behavioral science. I

447
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:03,919
Speaker 5: believe that looking en up people's eyeballs is useful. And

448
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 5: I said, hey, can I just come to the church

449
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 5: just to you know, look into people's eyes and bring

450
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 5: my dog? And and he said it was fine, you know,

451
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 5: because I think those groups it is really helpful, like

452
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 5: to sing together experience.

453
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 2: Do you still go at all?

454
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: I don't.

455
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 5: I went to the Unitarian church, but then Unitarians the unicorns,

456
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 5: the one that I went to was Orange Boulevard. And

457
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 5: here's the problem. The new person that they have wanted

458
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 5: us all to kind of hold hands and hug halfway

459
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 5: through the thing. And I was just like no, no, no, no.

460
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 5: And it's like a woman. It's a woman running the she.

461
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 1: Should know better. Yeahs like they're teenagers here.

462
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 5: You don't tell adults sick and hug Like no, right

463
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 5: gets a choice, you get to go.

464
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: No.

465
00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was doing the anti hug movement listeners you

466
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 2: can't see.

467
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 4: I also went to the unitary well.

468
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 3: I went to one in Koreatown a couple of times,

469
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 3: which I also because I'm like you, I'm like, I

470
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 3: don't think I'm not. I'm a science scoal you know,

471
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,400
Speaker 3: but but I want that community and I want that

472
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 3: a little bit of structure and people to be helping

473
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 3: each other.

474
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 2: It seems nice to me. I'm a magical thinker, so

475
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 2: I really love a good like pie in the sky.

476
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 5: I don't mind like a spiritual like if somebody wants

477
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:39,360
Speaker 5: to like pour some oh what is that called the

478
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 5: there's like waters and then they blow smoke in your face.

479
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 1: And you lensing.

480
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've had it happened to me where the jingle bells.

481
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: I'm sure.

482
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 5: I'm like, right on, that feels good, Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah,

483
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 5: can't possibly harm me.

484
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 2: Exactly.

485
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 5: I've already eaten Hogandaws today.

486
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 2: Well, I want to talk about your family, about your

487
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 2: first original cult, but before I do, I will just

488
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 2: say I was the normal bulimic type, and I never

489
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 2: knew that your bollimic type actually existed.

490
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 1: I thought that that was like.

491
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 2: A rumor that books would put in there, because that's

492
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 2: so much extra effort that I'm.

493
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,199
Speaker 5: Well, my aunt was already a vomiting bleimic, and so

494
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 5: that was like a no no in our family.

495
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't do like angel we did.

496
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 5: And so I'm like, well, I clearly can't do that,

497
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,479
Speaker 5: but I'm going to put some weights on my legs

498
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 5: and walk into the blizzard for two or three hours

499
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 5: and see if I can work off this ice cream cake.

500
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: I mean, just the sheer energy.

501
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 5: Off.

502
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it's all horrible, but your Angelie is

503
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 2: actually very fascinating. We jotted her down because she seems

504
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 2: like she was in a cult herself.

505
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, so she was an est and then she

506
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 5: was in Diamond Hart and she was Diamond Heart until

507
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 5: she passed and.

508
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: Diamond art for diamond, I have no.

509
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 5: It's a very inexpensive cult. So it's I went to

510
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 5: one workshop and one of the exercises was one person

511
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 5: talks for thirty five minutes and then the other person

512
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 5: talks for thirty five minutes. Oh and you're matched up

513
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 5: with somebody, and it was kind of stressful. So I

514
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 5: don't She loved it, so I don't know, and she

515
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 5: made friends with it, but I don't think it's it's

516
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 5: not a big cult because it's uh, it does it's

517
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 5: not a lot of fun.

518
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 2: Cool is not the Lazarus one that involved the Lazarez.

519
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 5: No, Lazarus is this guy. He's out of Florida. He

520
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 5: started channeling a prophet called Lazarus and then I want

521
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 5: to say, there's something about him killing his wife for something. Anyways,

522
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 5: she my aunt channeled voices or said she did, and

523
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 5: which it is hilarious because I do voice, you know,

524
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 5: it's just yeah, it's genetic.

525
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: So but yeah, so I.

526
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 5: Think I don't know what was going on with my aunt.

527
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 5: She was a very kind of a cold person. She

528
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 5: was not very warm, and I hope I'm different from her,

529
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,439
Speaker 5: Like I remember I moved to La and she's She

530
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 5: invited me over to their place in Thousand Oaks and said,

531
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 5: I just needed to let you know that I consider

532
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 5: you biologically related, but we I have chosen family and

533
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 5: I have no obligation to you.

534
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, so I should head out.

535
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 5: You're like yeah, And then she made me that we

536
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 5: made a vegan dinner where there was just enough food,

537
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,640
Speaker 5: there was just enough food for each person, and then

538
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 5: she had me do an an A gram test where

539
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 5: I was a seven. And then she sent me back

540
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,959
Speaker 5: with a garbage bag filled with super tampas because she

541
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 5: had just gone through menopause. And I was like, I

542
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 5: don't know, it feels like we're chosen family.

543
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 8: Now I've gone through the hoop, I've.

544
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: Gotten through it. So what was her original family?

545
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 5: You know?

546
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 2: Like, but I think all of our I think every

547
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 2: person in the world is in their family is called Yeah.

548
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 3: Of course, parents are children's cult leaders.

549
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 5: This is normal, this is yeah, this is how we

550
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,479
Speaker 5: do things, and yeah, you don't realize how fucked up

551
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 5: it is. Like you go out in the world and

552
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 5: you're like, oh, yeah, let me see my mom. Mom

553
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 5: did her best, but she was she was pretty whipped up.

554
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 5: I think she had a bit of manic uh depression.

555
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 5: She would get really obsessed with a cleanliness. And yeah,

556
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 5: the Suzuki methods. Can you tell us what that is? Well,

557
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 5: if you've ever heard try to Teach to try the violin,

558
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 5: it's out of Japan. And what they discovered is that

559
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 5: kids learn languages at such an early age because they

560
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 5: have to survive. They have to Yeah, they have to

561
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 5: be able to communicate when they're hungry, cold, or whatever

562
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 5: it is. So somebody said, why don't we start teaching

563
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 5: a music at the age of two, because then they'll

564
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 5: have something else to hustle for. So that's the thing.

565
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 5: You start at the age of two and you are

566
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 5: taught a stringed instrument or the piano or whatever it is,

567
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 5: and you learn by ear, so you have to those

568
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 5: songs are played over and over and over and over again.

569
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 5: And then you're about sixteen years in and because your

570
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 5: parents have paid for these lessons and they're so proud

571
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 5: of you that you have this freakish talent that you

572
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 5: feel like you can't quit.

573
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: And that's that's where it becomes a cult.

574
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 5: Where it's I know some people have had a great

575
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 5: experience with that. I I just they never ask, oh,

576
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 5: do you like this song?

577
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 1: I like this music? Yeah.

578
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 5: As a person, you know, I lose myself in creative activities,

579
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 5: like with comedy and stuff.

580
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, I really enjoy that. Nobody ever asked, oh,

581
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 1: did you really enjoy that right concerto? You practice for

582
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: six hours? I mean, you just can't. It's I think

583
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: it's just like acting.

584
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 5: You should not Kids should not be acting before the

585
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 5: age of you know, before their parents.

586
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: Uh.

587
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 5: You know, self esteem is associated with their skill level.

588
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: Like I just that. I don't know.

589
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 5: I just don't really worries me. I know it's it's

590
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 5: it's good to start young. But I think only for

591
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 5: kids who really are drawn to it. You know.

592
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't drawn to it.

593
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 5: My mom said, well, they want to play the violin

594
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 5: or do ballet, and I was like.

595
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: Belly sucks.

596
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 2: Violin.

597
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 1: It is violin.

598
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 5: It is I don't know what it is, so and

599
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 5: uh I picture it like that.

600
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 3: Wait, why am I blaking on? What the movie is called?

601
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 3: Not my tempo? That one clash whiplash? It was it

602
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 3: whiplash your whole childhood.

603
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 5: It wasn't like that. No, I mean I wasn't that high. Yeah,

604
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 5: I wasn't that good for one thing. But yeah, that

605
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 5: same feeling of pressure. And what I realized now for

606
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 5: absolutely no reason, like I wasn't good. Nobody in our

607
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 5: program was that good. You were good enough to busk, though,

608
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 5: good enough to busk.

609
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: But like she, the teacher.

610
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 5: Who ran this whole program, knew that, she knew none

611
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 5: of us are going to be making a living as

612
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 5: a classical violinist. So like take the gas, Like what like,

613
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 5: why are we, you know, getting disappointed in children?

614
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: Yeah? But also I've never had children, so I have

615
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: no idea.

616
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure like day one, i'd be like, play

617
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 2: the violin. I don't have them there.

618
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 3: But I wish my parents had made me play piano

619
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: because they had to take lessons. Because a lot of

620
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 3: Mormons take piano lessons, at least they did where I

621
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 3: grew up. I have not fact checked that, but where

622
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 3: I grew up, a lot of Mormons take piano, and like,

623
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 3: eventually I think I was like I didn't like being

624
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 3: forced to do it, so I stopped playing. But now

625
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm a singer, I should be able to

626
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 3: play piano.

627
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: Why didn't they make me do it?

628
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, but also maybe I wouldn't like music as much

629
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 3: if if that had happened.

630
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 2: Everything happens for a reason. Everything I heard that in

631
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: the program. I do think that OCD thinking comes from

632
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 2: having a lot of pressure about something stupid.

633
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 5: Okay, yes, yes, yeah, that there's some uh you're supposed

634
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 5: to there's a right way to do things.

635
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 2: Yes, I got to be perfect, and like some of

636
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: your brain kind of knows, but like why and then

637
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 2: it asks that and you try to be like shut

638
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 2: up because you can't think about that, and then you

639
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 2: kind of go.

640
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 3: It does seem like a lot of people coming out

641
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: of colds, A lot of people we've talked to like

642
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: its seem to exhibit OCD symptoms that like who knows

643
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 3: if they would have had that before. It's hard to say,

644
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 3: Like some of us are born with it, and maybe

645
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 3: she's born with it.

646
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: Maybe it was induced by the cold.

647
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, what type of Mormonism were you born into?

648
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've talked about it, but I yeah, well

649
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: mainstream originally.

650
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 3: Oh and then when I was twelve, my mom and

651
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 3: I believed in a self proclaimed prophet and there's that's

652
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 3: a whole other story.

653
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, my parents, they they were just episcopalion. So it

654
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 5: was basically like just look nice, like keep it high

655
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 5: and tight and uh and no, we aren't going to

656
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 5: do any of the things where you invite the poor

657
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 5: for dinner, right Like I would often ask, I go,

658
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 5: why are we inviting the schizophrenic guy over for supper?

659
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 5: Because it seems like he could use a meal, And honey,

660
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 5: we're not going to invite Francis. The man is building

661
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 5: a bridge, he says, He's building a bridge around the world.

662
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like convenient Christianity, right, Yeah.

663
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:16,720
Speaker 1: For sure.

664
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 3: It seems like for you a lot of a lot

665
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 3: of this came from your own brain, Like you write

666
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 3: in the book about how you got obsessed with Richard Simmons.

667
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 4: Oh yes, yes, and like mugcakes. You were making mugcakes.

668
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: You've been on the mug cake.

669
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 4: Just discovered mugcakes two years ago.

670
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: I don't understand how she knew about them so young.

671
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 5: Well, if you just ask access to the baking materials,

672
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 5: if you're Mormon, you gotta I mean you get your flour,

673
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 5: your sugar, your egg, your milk. Scoot scoot scoot, scoot

674
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 5: scout you'll maybe cocoa mix it up, butter.

675
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 1: You put that in a microwave, Something's gonna happen. I'm delicious. Yeah, yeah, I.

676
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 5: Mean it's pretty No, it's not very good, but you're binging.

677
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,399
Speaker 5: You're just trying to, you know, hurt yourself. So it's

678
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 5: not about the flavor at a certain.

679
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 3: Point, right, right, do you feel like you have a

680
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 3: little cult leader in your brain that's like you have

681
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 3: to do this exactly last way.

682
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 5: For sure, Like I mean, like right now, I'm and

683
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 5: I'll be honest, like I've been having some problem with depression.

684
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 5: Just yeah, feeling really down. I don't know whatever is

685
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 5: the divorce or who knows, Like we went through the

686
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 5: fires in Altadena and yeah, and I think, oh, oh,

687
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,320
Speaker 5: but this is so dumb that I'm feeling this bad,

688
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 5: like when everything's great, you know, like I'm just you know,

689
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 5: things couldn't be going better. I have lots of friends,

690
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 5: I have a very happy relationship with my my ex husband,

691
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 5: and like I shouldn't yeah, I shouldn't need help, you know.

692
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 5: And then it's like, well but Riah, if you're thinking

693
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 5: all the things that you think of when you're depressed,

694
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 5: you got to call somebody. You know, you've got to

695
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 5: call so and I have called all the people and

696
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 5: called all my friends and you know, but there's some

697
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 5: sort of thing where I go, oh, you shouldn't ever

698
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 5: need help again or ongoing, right, like that's that's that's embarrassing.

699
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean I relate where you feel like

700
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 2: you've used up the goodwill of your friends totally. Yeah,

701
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm in the dumpster again. I'm so sorry.

702
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 2: And it's like you just want to be on your

703
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 2: best behavior for a while. Yeah, and then it's like,

704
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 2: oh fuck, I need you guys again.

705
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 1: Sorry. Yeah, totally that's what everybody.

706
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's I mean, you're gonna bore and irritate people

707
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 5: who love you and vice versas.

708
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

709
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 4: So yeah, I still struggle with that one, wouldn't I

710
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:38,919
Speaker 4: just don't tell anyone.

711
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: I tell my mom.

712
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 3: I tell my mom it's good, and I subject wherever

713
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 3: I'm dating to it generally.

714
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: I asked my.

715
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: Mom the other day, I said, is it ethical to

716
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 2: be happy in a world in which there's so much suffering?

717
00:36:53,920 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 2: And she goes, I don't know. I was like, okay, okay, okay, cool,

718
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: I'll take that one to my friend's done.

719
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,399
Speaker 5: That's a that's a great question though, Like I think

720
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 5: about that. Yeah, Like I just did a benefit last

721
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:18,439
Speaker 5: night for kids who are in the internment camps, who

722
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 5: getting money for people who people don't have any money

723
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:29,240
Speaker 5: to buy food in Texas, one of those those detention centers.

724
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: And you know, it's like.

725
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 5: Okay, well we had we did some comedy on Zoom

726
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 5: for an hour and a half, raised four thousand dollars.

727
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: A good job everybody. Yeah, and then it's like like,

728
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 1: I go, is that enough? I don't. I don't think

729
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: that's enough.

730
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 5: I mean, if we're gonna be honest, I should be

731
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 5: out at the Adelanto Center every twenty four hours checking

732
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 5: in on people out there, which is an hour and

733
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:57,839
Speaker 5: a half from LA.

734
00:37:58,520 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: Like it's there's never enough.

735
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 4: He does never feel like enough.

736
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 3: Especially yeah, when you're someone who actually cares, which is about.

737
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 2: A lot of people don't know. I know, and and

738
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 2: and if you have a little bit of OCD, it

739
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 2: really makes it a lot worse. And there's no like,

740
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 2: whatever good I do, I feel even worse than not

741
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 2: doing it at all.

742
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 1: So I still do it. But it's just like if.

743
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 3: You aren't literally devoting your life but even if you

744
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 3: were to devote your life, like the amount of good

745
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 3: you could do as an individual is still so you know, like, well.

746
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 5: And there's there's a couple of stories. If there's one

747
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,600
Speaker 5: guy who he gave away. He had millions dollars, he

748
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 5: gave everything away, and then he started giving, he started

749
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:39,959
Speaker 5: donating organs. Yes, and he sort of traveled, I think,

750
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 5: I want to say, only by walking. But yeah, he

751
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 5: had been a million multimillionaire. But then yeah, had I

752
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 5: think a form of OCD where it's like, well, man,

753
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 5: you can't at certain point, you can't give everything or

754
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 5: you're going to die.

755
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

756
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I do this thing with money where money I

757
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 5: give eleven percent of incommation charity.

758
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 4: I wrote a note about that.

759
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: Yes, so it's so OCD.

760
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 5: It's like and I go over the calculations over and

761
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 5: over again, like what's truly eleven percent?

762
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: Am I really giving enough? Should I count that?

763
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 4: Tell us why it's eleven?

764
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: Though?

765
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 5: It's one percent better than the Jews Christians are Muslims?

766
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 5: And is that virtue signaling like a lighthouse?

767
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 2: So you're one percent more than religious?

768
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm going I'm making it in I mean, I'm making.

769
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: It into all the heavens. Heavens is sure? I mean

770
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 1: that is one. Yeah, it feels like there is an answer.

771
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: We're going to land on an answer for exactly the

772
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 3: right amount of good to do. But of course there

773
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 3: isn't an answer, and all we're doing is doing our best,

774
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 3: which means we have to live in the gray.

775
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 4: But nobody likes that.

776
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 3: When you and then that's where we join CLT yes,

777
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 3: that's why they give us the answers, and.

778
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: I do love that.

779
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 5: I like, I don't know if you watch the most

780
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 5: recent Netflix called Thing that was so horrifying with the kids,

781
00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 5: little kids in it, and.

782
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: The one yeah, the one about my mom.

783
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 5: You know, okay, no, no is it Uh it's on

784
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 5: Neflix's with oh gosh, what is It's not Keep sweet

785
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 5: and obey, but.

786
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, trust me, that's my mom. That's your Mars scenery.

787
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: Is my mom? Oh my god?

788
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 5: Oh oh oh.

789
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I didn't know that.

790
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 4: Oh it's okay, a lot of people don't. I'm in

791
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 4: it for like two.

792
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 3: Seconds and people who know, who listened to this podcast

793
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 3: didn't know that it was my mom.

794
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

795
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean you just go, oh, it is so

796
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 5: nice to be a part of a group and like

797
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,280
Speaker 5: everyone eating meals together, I mean, like the Duggers or whatever.

798
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 5: You just go, well, I can see how that would

799
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 5: be fun, but then yeah.

800
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 1: The horrifying.

801
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 5: Like oh no, and yeah, and how close everything is.

802
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 5: Like I remember, but we had a teacher in high

803
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 5: school who he would really befriend all the theater students,

804
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 5: most of the girls, and he would take he would

805
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 5: drive us all home from school or after play practice,

806
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 5: and of course, of course like internative like oh god,

807
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 5: Like he would drive me home and I he'd spend

808
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:24,240
Speaker 5: like an hour telling me about like seventeenth century literature,

809
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 5: and I'm like, okay, I guess I'm supposed to listen

810
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 5: to this. Yeah, and I wish you would just compliment

811
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 5: me again and what a great actor I am. But yeah,

812
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 5: like how vulnerable we all are to somebody who says

813
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 5: they care and is trying to do something good what's

814
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 5: best for us, or or somebody who says they're a prophet.

815
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, do you think that your teacher was

816
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 3: like grooming you or was he just born?

817
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 5: Yeah?

818
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:58,360
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I mean there's.

819
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 5: Just no way, it's so girl. I mean, I don't

820
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 5: know if he would say that, I'm sure he would say,

821
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 5: I just thought you were a very talented kid. But

822
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 5: I think, no, like, you don't do that. You don't

823
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 5: spend that amount of time with children away from their parents,

824
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 5: talking to them about adult things. It's weird, that's creepy.

825
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 5: I'm grateful that my neighbor actually reported him being in

826
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 5: the car with me. Our neighbor told my mom was like,

827
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 5: mister Blackburn, is spending an hour and a half with

828
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 5: your daughter in the car, you know, on the street.

829
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: And I've seen it, and I just I'm concerned. And

830
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 1: you were driving?

831
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: Why was not so long?

832
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 4: Were just sitting in the sitting in the car in

833
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 4: the car?

834
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 2: Weird?

835
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 5: So and I was like sixteen and seventeen, and my

836
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 5: mom was like, Maria, something going on with the black

837
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 5: I'm like, no.

838
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: He's just talking to.

839
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 7: F waring shit and occasionally told me I'm a good performance.

840
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 7: And that's all I was waiting for.

841
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: I was waiting for him to say, you have a

842
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:11,720
Speaker 1: real gift.

843
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 2: I just want to be told we're good.

844
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 3: We want to be told how to live and what

845
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 3: the answers are and that we're good.

846
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:19,959
Speaker 7: Yeah.

847
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 2: Starkly from modern day life.

848
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 5: So and I'm so sorry because I don't mean to

849
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 5: cross back over into your But has alan On helped

850
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 5: you with that experience of of like detaching from it,

851
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 5: Like are you still in contact with people who live

852
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 5: in the community or well, So, I didn't grow up.

853
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 3: In that extreme of a community. So our little cult

854
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 3: experience which was years, years and years ago when I

855
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 3: was a kid and did pretty quickly, so okay, and

856
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 3: that was more like this one particular extremely manipulative man

857
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 3: who now has a whole following. But so it doesn't

858
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 3: necessarily connect to that so much. But do I love

859
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 3: a fucked up guy?

860
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 1: I do.

861
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:08,720
Speaker 4: Love someone I can fix.

862
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 2: I sure do.

863
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, they do have transformation. I try to write

864
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 5: a joke about this about divorce. Like my husband and

865
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 5: I everyone both of us wanted to get married. We

866
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 5: both want to have that experience I think of being married.

867
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 5: And also like, he's a lovely, very funny guy, but

868
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 5: he has a very different way of seeing the world

869
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 5: in my opinion, a dark, darker way. I see it

870
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 5: in a very fluffy way, which we're both wrong. We're

871
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 5: both wrong. The world is not either.

872
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: All dark nor all light.

873
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 5: But we both I think thought we would change the

874
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 5: other person or the other person would change it. Instead,

875
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 5: we both just doubled down unfortunately. But I think I

876
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,800
Speaker 5: went in going, oh, I'm gonna help this person see

877
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 5: the world in a wonderful way. Oh, and we basically

878
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,320
Speaker 5: that is saying, oh, I think you're wrong.

879
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 1: I wish I had not done that.

880
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 4: I think I know more than you.

881
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, well, yeah, both people are like great,

882
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 3: as soon as they see the light, they'll understand my

883
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 3: point of view. Yeah, And like, I think there's this

884
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 3: really interesting book on relationships where it's like when you

885
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,280
Speaker 3: first enter one, you both think that you're the baby

886
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 3: and the other.

887
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 2: Ones the adult, and like that's how you attach. And

888
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 2: then you both realize that you're trying to be the

889
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,600
Speaker 2: babies and are making the other person the adult, and

890
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 2: you hate each other because be the adult and the baby.

891
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 2: Right I'm I was like, yeah, that's that makes sense.

892
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 2: But yeah, all that attachment stuff is just yeah, it

893
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 2: makes it makes these groups work extra hard and that's

894
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 2: extra bad. Yeah.

895
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like I think I had insecure attachment,

896
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 5: and then my mom wasn't really she really pay attention

897
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 5: that much, Like I think I don't think she would

898
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 5: have had children had it not been the time. I

899
00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 5: just I think we were kind of warring to her, like,

900
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 5: and so in order to get her attention, you had

901
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 5: to do something impressive, play the violin. My sister ended

902
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 5: up going to med school, had four kids, you know,

903
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 5: had an insanely beautiful, gorgeous house, like and you know,

904
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 5: once I started doing show business, my mom was like, oh, well, well, well.

905
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: She liked that. Oh yeah.

906
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 5: She was on her deathbed and I was like, there

907
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 5: and my mom said, honey, you've got to go. You've

908
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 5: got to go because you just got an offer from

909
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 5: Meredith Fiara to do twenty five words or less. It's

910
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 5: a game show. You get back to and I'm like,

911
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 5: oh my god, what's wrong with you? Like yeah, I

912
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 5: was like, no, I'm trying it. It turns out I'm going

913
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 5: to stay here. But yeah, my mom loves show business.

914
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 5: She just yeah, loved a shiny object. But yeah, there's

915
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 5: this sense of kind of like, uh, you've got to

916
00:46:57,880 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 5: earn your keep kind of feeling.

917
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 1: I really I.

918
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 3: Think so she is kind of your original cult leader. Yes,

919
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 3: you write in the book, Yeah.

920
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 2: They all are, yeah, yeah, not mine mine.

921
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: So your mom did puppets, right, yeah, okay, and so

922
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: did I. You did puppets too.

923
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,399
Speaker 2: Ventriloquism, Yeah, so great. Would you like to see it?

924
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 2: I'm dying it. Dang it almost hand good. I think

925
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 2: i'm too. You guys think I'm doing it.

926
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,359
Speaker 4: You guys are so good at ventriloquism.

927
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 2: Wow, this is really weird. I really am not out.

928
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 4: You're also not seeing all the of the letters.

929
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 1: But honestly pretty good.

930
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was like a no good for for having

931
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 3: never never tried, no skill.

932
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 4: It's honestly pretty.

933
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:50,720
Speaker 1: Easy to ventral.

934
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 2: I don't say that. It is not it is not.

935
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 5: No Nina Kanti do you know her? No, she is

936
00:47:56,239 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 5: a very famous ventriloquist out of London. She's she's great,

937
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 5: She's incredible.

938
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:05,760
Speaker 3: Oh I thought I knew all the vliss me Na Kanti,

939
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 3: Nina Kanti, Zina Kanti. She's cool, she does look cool.

940
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 3: She's like I was not a cool ventriloquist.

941
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 2: No.

942
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 4: I had a giant lollipop puppet that I did.

943
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,879
Speaker 3: Bring out for a screening last year that I had

944
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:25,760
Speaker 3: because they were like, you have to introduce your film

945
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 3: with something besides a Q and A like, do something else,

946
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 3: and they were like, please do ventralocism for us.

947
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 4: So I busted out my lollipop puppet.

948
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 2: It was a hit. You yeah, come on.

949
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 1: My god, yeah, got to bring out a puppet.

950
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 2: I mean, you say in your book that people ask

951
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 2: you to play the violin sometimes at parties, and you're like, oh,

952
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 2: all the way off.

953
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 5: Well, and also that's a party killer. I mean, somebody

954
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 5: playing the violin, I want to tell what you're playing, plan.

955
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:52,879
Speaker 1: What you're playing.

956
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 5: If you're playing something insane, that's great, but I'm not

957
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 5: that good.

958
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: I'm not that good. So it was no.

959
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 5: It's just sort of like, oh, that's cool that you

960
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 5: can do that to such an extent, so you just

961
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 5: don't do it anymore. Oh no, no, I really. When

962
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 5: I moved to La thirty years ago, there were two

963
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 5: other women doing violin and stand up at the same time.

964
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 5: There was a one named June Melby and then another Galway.

965
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 5: It never ended up meeting, but I was like, oh god,

966
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 5: I can quit, I can quit, and so then I just, uh,

967
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 5: I ditched the violin.

968
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 2: But oh oh I love the violin.

969
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 5: Oh I know, I love I love it. If somebody

970
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 5: else is playing it, that's.

971
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, so good.

972
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 2: Well I do think that that's a pretty serious cult.

973
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 2: The way you describe it in the book, it's my

974
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 2: numbing Oh yes, yeah, it's intense.

975
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, and there's no questioning, and it's like there's no like, hey, wait,

976
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 5: well am I staying for eight weeks at an international

977
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:53,280
Speaker 5: music camp?

978
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 3: Yeah?

979
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 1: Oh wow by myself. Yeah, I'm only eleven.

980
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 7: Log I've been practicing for four hours a day.

981
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,720
Speaker 1: And what is the end game here? Like the endgame?

982
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 5: I wish somebody had said it's because I was.

983
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,399
Speaker 1: I wasn't that good. So unless I don't believe, No, no, no,

984
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 1: I believe.

985
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 5: But there's levels of like if if a kid isn't

986
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 5: enjoying it, why are you pushing him for further? Because

987
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:26,919
Speaker 5: that that's the crazy part where you just go, Yeah,

988
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 5: there's unless they love it and can't get enough. Awesome,

989
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 5: Oh my god, that keep doing it. But uh yeah,

990
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 5: if you're just going, I just want a good better Yeah,

991
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 5: but that's me, that's me.

992
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 3: I know.

993
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 1: Some people like to improve and that's fun for them.

994
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 2: While speaking of improvement, Dale Carnegie, nice you thank you

995
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 2: joined the Carnegie with your father.

996
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: Yes, my dad.

997
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 5: My dad was a depressive and so he would sign

998
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 5: himself up for certain things, and he I was not

999
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 5: doing well in high school, and so he signed me up.

1000
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:02,920
Speaker 1: We both went to Dale Carnegie.

1001
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 5: And it was it was I think it was probably

1002
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 5: on the edge of me going into a hypomanic episode

1003
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 5: because I felt so fired up. Like they you do

1004
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 5: some public speaking, but it's also about kind of handling

1005
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 5: social anxiety.

1006
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 1: It teaches you.

1007
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,800
Speaker 5: How to you. You don't criticize, cood never or complain.

1008
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 5: You compliment people. The sweetest sound of a person's ear

1009
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,280
Speaker 5: is the sound of their own name, So you say

1010
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 5: people's names.

1011
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 1: I'm Maria, Marian. What do you do Marian? Do you gosh?

1012
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 1: I really love your eyeglasses, Marian, Marian?

1013
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:37,320
Speaker 2: We did it?

1014
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 1: Who did it? You did?

1015
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 3: For folks who don't know who Dale Carnegie is. He

1016
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 3: wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People.

1017
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,240
Speaker 5: It's a very classics from the nineteen twenties or thirties,

1018
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 5: and still it totally works. It is if you can't

1019
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,320
Speaker 5: do it, wrote because otherwise it sounds a little spooky.

1020
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 5: I remember I brought those skills to college and all

1021
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 5: those like stop talking like that, Why are you asking me?

1022
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 5: Why are you seeing my name? Getting me to say yes?

1023
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 5: To questions.

1024
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 2: What were some of the teachings is just like.

1025
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 5: Just like I think, expect and gratitude, like just sort

1026
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 5: of like these accepted Buddhist sort of acceptance things of like.

1027
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:24,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, people aren't gonna like it.

1028
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 5: Not not out of one hundred are you're not going

1029
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,919
Speaker 5: to make the sale, but then one you just need

1030
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 5: that one. And I used it in like yeah, it

1031
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 5: was the junior year, and uh, because of the OCD

1032
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 5: I had, I was very frightened of talking to people,

1033
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 5: and so it just helped me get to know everyone's

1034
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 5: names and have very surface connections with everybody. And I

1035
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 5: guess what that meant. I was the winner for Alic Queen. Yes,

1036
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 5: I was hell yes, hell yeah.

1037
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: So all you need to do is, yeah, ask people

1038
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: how they're doing or in compliment them on something. Way.

1039
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 1: I got a boyfriend.

1040
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 5: I compliment him like every day and he's just like,

1041
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 5: what is going on?

1042
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 1: But he didn't know the machinations? Yeah yeah, but I

1043
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: was learning in.

1044
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 5: The basement of the Duluth Public Library with a bunch

1045
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 5: of business people.

1046
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,720
Speaker 3: Do we think every cult leader has read that book?

1047
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 3: Do we think that that's like an effective it's good?

1048
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: Have you read it?

1049
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 2: No, but what's the new book that everybody's It's like

1050
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 2: how to be a sociopath? Essentially, it's like very popular

1051
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,720
Speaker 2: insphere Laws of the forty eight Laws of Power.

1052
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:34,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1053
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that one's creepy. It's like leave people fearing for

1054
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 2: your read it. No, I mean I just saw an

1055
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 2: article about it.

1056
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:43,320
Speaker 1: It's so sad.

1057
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 3: When someone tells me they've read that book, I get concerned.

1058
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,840
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, no, I was like, this is it's like

1059
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 2: how to be soullessts, how to have power over people.

1060
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1061
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:56,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so that's kind of I think the next

1062
00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,839
Speaker 2: generation of that, unfortunately, isn't like connecting and complementing. It's

1063
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:04,839
Speaker 2: dominating and nagging and being like you're not enough and

1064
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 2: then you get the power.

1065
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 5: I was on a set earlier this year and yeah,

1066
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,680
Speaker 5: and it was really scary. It was like not really unpleasant,

1067
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,440
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh, I wonder if this is

1068
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 5: a way of living, like this person who's in charge

1069
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 5: of this set, like because it's clearly like they are

1070
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 5: all in on their point of view for for how

1071
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 5: this is going, like just uh you mean just mean

1072
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 5: And I was like wow, And it's been working for

1073
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 5: a long time because a person's very successful, and you know,

1074
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 5: so you just go, God, I guess I'm.

1075
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 1: Just doing it all wrong.

1076
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:47,280
Speaker 2: Totally.

1077
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 5: Oh well, this'll take my free waters and my spark popcorn.

1078
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, I feel like we're starting to turn

1079
00:54:58,239 --> 00:54:59,920
Speaker 3: against those people. The other day, I had lunch at

1080
00:54:59,920 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 3: the friend who was telling me about someone who I

1081
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:05,439
Speaker 3: love as an actor, who I learned is very very

1082
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 3: mean and never heard that before, and apparently word is

1083
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:12,720
Speaker 3: spreading and no one wants to give that very talented,

1084
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:16,280
Speaker 3: very very talented person jobs anymore, because people are eventually

1085
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:18,919
Speaker 3: getting to be like, let's just not have people yelling

1086
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 3: at people anymore on set.

1087
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's not I didn't see it in

1088
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 1: this one.

1089
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 5: I was just like, oh, this person's worked for years

1090
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:30,279
Speaker 5: and there's all the reports out there that say they're

1091
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 5: douche and everyone was like.

1092
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: And I stop reporting. I need to know who it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yours.

1093
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:37,359
Speaker 5: Yes.

1094
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:41,360
Speaker 1: So it's I don't know. Yeah.

1095
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 5: I think it's just sort of sad, and I'm mad

1096
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,320
Speaker 5: at myself. I think I'm mad at myself that I

1097
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 5: didn't at least say something while I was there, just like,

1098
00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 5: because I've got nothing to lose like, what do I

1099
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 5: get to lose to go up and tell this person, hey,

1100
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,720
Speaker 5: stop it, like just stop, Like would I have nothing

1101
00:55:58,800 --> 00:55:59,280
Speaker 5: to lose?

1102
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 1: Like they could have fired.

1103
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 2: Me, like who cares?

1104
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:05,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I.

1105
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 5: Did not have the courage. I just didn't have the courage.

1106
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 5: And I was just like, oh, I love my love

1107
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:14,239
Speaker 5: my insurance. So I'd prefer to just shit talk them

1108
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 5: anonymously on a podcast.

1109
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 3: I mean, when someone's being mean, it's just hard, Like

1110
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 3: when someone's being mean in a position of authority, you know,

1111
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 3: even though obviously you're very successful and you probably don't

1112
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 3: need the job, they're still.

1113
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 5: Well and yeah, and the feelings, yeah, that' needing like

1114
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 5: far as uh capitalism, Yeah, because that's like the never

1115
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 5: ending monster of how much money you need.

1116
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: And that's really interesting in DA.

1117
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 5: It's like you'll talk to some people who are like, yeah,

1118
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,759
Speaker 5: I live on a limited budget, I have disability and

1119
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,560
Speaker 5: I just love it, you know, I'm just you know,

1120
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 5: who are really enjoying their lives but are kind of

1121
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 5: at peace around money. And then there are people who

1122
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 5: have millions of dollars who are depressed or anxious or

1123
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 5: really grabby. Yeah, I've dated guys who are like still

1124
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 5: mad about some second house that they had in nineteen

1125
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 5: ninety nine. It's just like, shut the fuck up, second house. Yeah, yeah,

1126
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 5: what are you talking about?

1127
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 3: Like, I mean, we talk about this all the time,

1128
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 3: but American capitalism is so cold, like it convinces so

1129
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,280
Speaker 3: many of us that in order to be worthy, we

1130
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:22,880
Speaker 3: have to achieve this unattainable thing.

1131
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 4: Elon Musk is not a happy person. Sorry.

1132
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 2: It's not only that you don't get the reward if

1133
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 2: you don't do it, and this is true of so

1134
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,200
Speaker 2: many cults. You get so punished if you don't do it.

1135
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 2: I remember being younger and being like, I'm going to

1136
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 2: rely on the universe and fuck the man and fuck

1137
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 2: the capitalistic state and all these things. I was like

1138
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 2: twenty something, and then I went to the dentist two

1139
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,960
Speaker 2: years later and they're like, you have seven thousand dollars

1140
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 2: worth of cavities because I hadn't been going to the dentist,

1141
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 2: and like you didn't apply.

1142
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 1: For and you're like fuck.

1143
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, So it's it's coercive.

1144
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 1: You have to comply.

1145
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent.

1146
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 3: I owe thousands of dollars right now because I went

1147
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 3: to the emergency room.

1148
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: Sorry, I went to the emergency room.

1149
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 5: Oh and here's the tip if you ever want to

1150
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,080
Speaker 5: pay off debt in a very slow way that's irritating

1151
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:10,640
Speaker 5: to people. Mine. I already went to collections my medical debt.

1152
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 5: So you send them a letter every month acknowledging the

1153
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 5: debt and saying you can't contact me by phone, only

1154
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:24,360
Speaker 5: by mail, because sometimes they'll it's illegal. There's still protections,

1155
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 5: consumer protections that they can't call you if they're calling

1156
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 5: you at all. So then you send either a letter

1157
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 5: or payment every month. And I did it for eight

1158
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 5: years and sometimes would send two dollars which they would

1159
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:45,479
Speaker 5: send back. And anyways, yeah, you don't have to pay

1160
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 5: debts off the way they have you, especially if your

1161
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 5: credit score is already low. But also for hospitals, hospitals

1162
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 5: have to charge off a certain amount that isn't going

1163
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 5: to be paid back. So while you're in the hospital,

1164
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 5: if you can have someone talk on your own, behalf

1165
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 5: of and go hey, they don't have insurance or any money,

1166
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 5: and then leave immediately once you're.

1167
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:06,760
Speaker 1: Put to know.

1168
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 3: So I hate that we live in a system where

1169
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 3: we have to think about that though, where we have

1170
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 3: to think of tricks for how to pay less money

1171
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 3: for our health care.

1172
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:16,160
Speaker 2: Sorry.

1173
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 3: I was having stabbing pain in my abdomen that day. No, no, no,

1174
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 3: my bad.

1175
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 5: It's it's no, it's it's uh yeah, no, it's not good.

1176
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 1: It's not good. So sad. I'm sorry for even No Darry.

1177
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 2: I once had a panic attack and I ran into

1178
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,400
Speaker 2: the Rustic End and I was like, I'm dying.

1179
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 1: It was like the middle of the day. What a

1180
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 1: good place.

1181
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 2: If they do they called nine one one, and I

1182
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 2: mean I was like melting down and I was like,

1183
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:48,360
Speaker 2: I'm not on drugs. I'm a normal girl.

1184
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: Please help me.

1185
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,760
Speaker 2: And the ambulance comes up. They guessed my age and

1186
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 2: wait correctly, so I was like, you guys should work

1187
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 2: for the circus. And then they they were like, you're

1188
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 2: a panic attack and they drove me home and said

1189
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 2: don't tell anyone I had.

1190
01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 5: Wow, Like, ambulances are so nice because they know it'll

1191
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 5: a lot.

1192
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 2: Have charged me so much money. Yeah, like and you're

1193
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 2: already having anxiety. Oh my god. Yeah, it's crazy.

1194
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 4: That's really nice to be I know, I know.

1195
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 1: That's a great story.

1196
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 2: So the system sometimes is nice. Yeah, I mean people,

1197
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say it's the people. People sometimes are. Also,

1198
01:00:27,760 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 2: they were the hottest guys I've ever seen. I was

1199
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 2: wearing a sports bar with holes in it. They had

1200
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 2: to take off my shirt to get my like the

1201
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 2: little things on me. Okay, but myles, the holes are

1202
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,120
Speaker 2: hot though. No, they weren't like nipple or like cools.

1203
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 2: They were like moth holes, you know what I mean.

1204
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:45,160
Speaker 2: They were like gross And yeah, it was just burned

1205
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:45,440
Speaker 2: in here.

1206
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 3: But yes, when this is not really to anything. But

1207
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 3: when you thought you were dying, what did you think

1208
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 3: it was a heart attack?

1209
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:51,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1210
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 2: I had taken to adderall that day and I'd gone

1211
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 2: to the Las Velis library and i read Chris Barley's

1212
01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:01,600
Speaker 2: book that's like three hundred pages by him. It's about him, Okay,

1213
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 2: And I finished it and the library and goes, did

1214
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,160
Speaker 2: you just read that whole book? And I go yeah,

1215
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:12,200
Speaker 2: and she goes, that was really fast, And I thought, okay,

1216
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:15,040
Speaker 2: was it too fast? And then I like exited my

1217
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 2: body and was like, I died. I'm dying. I don't

1218
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 2: know why. It freaked me out so much. I was

1219
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 2: trying to walk home as fast as I could, and

1220
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 2: then it just overtook me.

1221
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: I completely.

1222
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 5: Have you read Anxiety Land by Jemma Coral. No no

1223
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 5: new graphic novel just out in hardcover. Jemma Coral is

1224
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 5: a hilarious artist illustrator who wrote a beautiful memoir all

1225
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 5: in pictures and it's all about panic attacks. It's really beautiful, cool.

1226
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 5: Panic attacks are the worst.

1227
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 3: When I went to the er for my panic attack,

1228
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 3: it was because I thought my brain there's something. I

1229
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 3: thought I had hit my head and that I just

1230
01:01:57,640 --> 01:01:59,880
Speaker 3: didn't know that I had a brain injury and that

1231
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 3: something was terribly wrong.

1232
01:02:01,120 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 4: I was gonna die because of my brain. Oh god,

1233
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:05,440
Speaker 4: I didn't.

1234
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 2: It was fine, You're fine.

1235
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 5: I Yeah, I had a couple and yeah, because I

1236
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 5: I had this idea I was going to move to

1237
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,520
Speaker 5: Australia with. It was moving in with an Australian clown.

1238
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 5: It was it's a great idea.

1239
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 4: Clowning is very hot now, so it's hot now.

1240
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, and this isn't This is probably twenty years ago,

1241
01:02:27,680 --> 01:02:33,840
Speaker 5: so not as hot. And this guy was occasionally did

1242
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 5: meth So anyways, not when my well thought audio. But

1243
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 5: I started having panic attacks and I didn't know what

1244
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 5: they were. Yeah, it's just a weird thing where you

1245
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 5: don't know what they are. But once you know what

1246
01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:48,959
Speaker 5: they are, it's like, oh, okay, but they can still

1247
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 5: keep happening.

1248
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:50,480
Speaker 1: I didn't.

1249
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 5: I only had like three, so that it sounds miserable.

1250
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 5: They keep happening. That's off happening.

1251
01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 2: And people say, well, stop thinking about bad things, and

1252
01:02:57,520 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm literally thinking about nothing. Sometimes I'm literally

1253
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 2: just like, oh do I want this peanut butter? And

1254
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 2: then I'm like, I'm dying. Also, my heart starts.

1255
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 3: Telling an obsessive person to stop thinking about something. I'm sorry,

1256
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,120
Speaker 3: it's just weird, and all you're to do is think

1257
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 3: about that thing worse and worse and worse.

1258
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 2: The brain is just a weird thing where you can

1259
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:19,040
Speaker 2: be consciously thinking something but unconsciously like freaking out about

1260
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:20,640
Speaker 2: something and you don't even know what. I don't even

1261
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 2: know what caused some panic attacks that I've had in

1262
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 2: my life, and I'm not on Medicasian. I appreciate in

1263
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 2: your story how seriously you've taken your mental health. And

1264
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 2: there's so many people who have grown up like Lola

1265
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 2: and I have high control groups, and you know, like

1266
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 2: therapy is often looked down in those groups, and it

1267
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 2: sounds like you were sent earlier than most people because

1268
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:44,160
Speaker 2: your parents were.

1269
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were down. They were down. They're kind of hippies,

1270
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 1: and they're like, we're just going to send you over

1271
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:54,040
Speaker 1: to this woman. She's a social worker, and she'll let

1272
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 1: you lay on her couch and you can just take

1273
01:03:56,160 --> 01:04:03,400
Speaker 1: a nap. Yeah, what were you in? What was the

1274
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:04,480
Speaker 1: situation you were in?

1275
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 2: Oh, it's called the two by twos.

1276
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: It's a it's a cult.

1277
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 3: Go no, Matthew ten and says Jesus sent his disciples

1278
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 3: at two by two.

1279
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:16,439
Speaker 2: Oh, I know, I would have I would have thought

1280
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:16,919
Speaker 2: noah too.

1281
01:04:17,200 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1282
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:20,560
Speaker 2: So that's a little cult that's starting to come into

1283
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 2: the news more and more. It's not a little cult. Actually,

1284
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 2: it's kind of slightly big. And the ministers live with us,

1285
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,480
Speaker 2: so you can see how that would be a problem.

1286
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:34,600
Speaker 2: Little known, little little known, little known, but notorious. And yeah,

1287
01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 2: I'm so impressed with how you take care of yourself.

1288
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:42,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, you know, I think going to do

1289
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:43,400
Speaker 1: it for you. Oh god, no.

1290
01:04:43,520 --> 01:04:46,320
Speaker 5: And well, in Los Angeles makes it easy, you know,

1291
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:50,720
Speaker 5: it's it's a very welcoming community here. Everybody's you know, groovy,

1292
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 5: and I mean some of the things like that are embarrassing.

1293
01:04:56,280 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 5: I think about having and it's it's not yeah, it's

1294
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 5: not a huge disability, but you know, like I have,

1295
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:05,440
Speaker 5: I have a bit of a tremor.

1296
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 8: You know, oh my god, time I take a beta blocker,

1297
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 8: please go ahead, make it go away.

1298
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:16,560
Speaker 1: Or that I don't.

1299
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 5: I can't work on a TV show full time like

1300
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 5: I need like twelve thirteen hours of sleep.

1301
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:23,840
Speaker 1: I can't do it.

1302
01:05:24,040 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 5: I can do a guest star, I can show up

1303
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 5: for that, and but I need a lot of sleep.

1304
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:32,360
Speaker 5: The meds that I'm on that seem to work are

1305
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 5: ones that really take me out of the game for

1306
01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 5: twelve hours. And I wish, I wish, I wish, I

1307
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 5: wish I could do that kind of work. But I

1308
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 5: just can't. And it's okay, it's okay. Or I try

1309
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:47,640
Speaker 5: to tell myself that that's that's okay. And I have

1310
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:52,160
Speaker 5: plenty of other friends who have The artistic community is

1311
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 5: so much warmer than other jobs where other jobs are

1312
01:05:55,920 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 5: like we cannot build a ramp to this, you know,

1313
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 5: you know, but yeah, and I love about the Internet

1314
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 5: is you can find your people, Like I mean, people

1315
01:06:11,920 --> 01:06:15,439
Speaker 5: come to see me because I have talked about mental

1316
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:19,520
Speaker 5: health issues and I'm not going to be perfect on stage,

1317
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:21,720
Speaker 5: which I'm grateful for that.

1318
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 1: And thank you beautiful Internet that never does anything.

1319
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 2: Wrong, the perfect place on earth.

1320
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, and also yeah, i'd have a very supportive family

1321
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 5: all that stuff. So I'm yeah, a lot of things

1322
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:43,440
Speaker 5: have really worked out for me.

1323
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 3: Well yeah, do you think that if one of these

1324
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 3: support systems started getting really culty?

1325
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:52,160
Speaker 4: Do you think you'd end up in a real one?

1326
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 5: Oh? God, moving in somewhere. I don't think so at

1327
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 5: this late date. Like, yeah, have you ever been to.

1328
01:07:01,520 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 1: The Eco Village? No?

1329
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 5: No, it's in Filipino Town, historic Filipino Town here in

1330
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 5: Los Angeles, and it has the element of a chosen community.

1331
01:07:11,480 --> 01:07:16,840
Speaker 5: It's uh, lower rents and you can actually I think

1332
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 5: it's you rent to maybe rent to own. And it's

1333
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 5: vegetarian and they have bike sharing I think, and they

1334
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 5: also have shared kitchen, spased shared uh what do you

1335
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 5: call it? Like workspaces like you can do crafts and

1336
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 5: stuff like that. Anyways, they have I think they have

1337
01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 5: a tour every Sunday and they'll serve you some soup

1338
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:42,880
Speaker 5: if you're interested. I went down there and I was like.

1339
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can do it.

1340
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 5: It's just like it's when there's too there's just one

1341
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:54,320
Speaker 5: too many rules where you're like, uh, yeah, so we've

1342
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 5: got to meet once a week to talk about sh

1343
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 5: like on no, it's too much somebody, and even doing

1344
01:08:02,840 --> 01:08:07,760
Speaker 5: service with twelve step groups like I just go that

1345
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:11,880
Speaker 5: that's enough for me, where I just go, this is crazy.

1346
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:16,080
Speaker 5: People were just all everyone's crazy, everyone's cookie for cocoa puffs,

1347
01:08:16,439 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 5: And the fact that any decisions get made on a

1348
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:25,320
Speaker 5: group level of any organization is unbelievable, truly. Yeah, so yeah,

1349
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:27,200
Speaker 5: but I yeah, I don't think. I don't think I would.

1350
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:28,360
Speaker 5: I'm pretty sure I wouldn't.

1351
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:31,840
Speaker 1: But yeah, who knows good? But that's good. You're still

1352
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:34,519
Speaker 1: you can never be can never be sure?

1353
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I don't want to ever say that I

1354
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:39,040
Speaker 5: wouldn't because what if there's a fun one.

1355
01:08:39,320 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 2: Oh no, that would that would get me.

1356
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,080
Speaker 3: But being resistant to being told what to do is

1357
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,920
Speaker 3: a really great way to tell you.

1358
01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 5: Yoga like yoga, I know, that's that's a problem here

1359
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:52,800
Speaker 5: in Los Angeles. You get into yoga and there's hot

1360
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:57,000
Speaker 5: yoga and people act very serious and it's made up.

1361
01:08:57,280 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 1: Yoga is made up. It's not real.

1362
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:04,760
Speaker 5: Saying all these phrases that nobody knows what they mean,

1363
01:09:05,080 --> 01:09:08,679
Speaker 5: and then but they have some spiritual strength to them.

1364
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:11,320
Speaker 5: No they don't, right, but he's been to India. I

1365
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:16,040
Speaker 5: don't think you've been to India, and Mandy and yeah.

1366
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:17,960
Speaker 2: But if but it's like Dale Carnegie, if you believe

1367
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:19,599
Speaker 2: it's working, then just might.

1368
01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:21,280
Speaker 1: Be all working. Then it's working.

1369
01:09:21,560 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 3: But breathing deeply and stretching, stretching and you know, like

1370
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:26,919
Speaker 3: saying something meditative.

1371
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:28,640
Speaker 4: Sure of course that's going to be helpful.

1372
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 1: Something helpful.

1373
01:09:29,600 --> 01:09:32,760
Speaker 5: I in order to participate with yoga, because I know

1374
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:37,439
Speaker 5: I want to move my carcass is, I have to

1375
01:09:37,479 --> 01:09:41,840
Speaker 5: listen to true crime podcasts during the whole thing because

1376
01:09:42,439 --> 01:09:47,599
Speaker 5: I just must. I cannot bear listening to the pseudo

1377
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 5: religious whatever the hell is going on in yoga. I

1378
01:09:53,320 --> 01:09:57,760
Speaker 5: just go, this isn't this isn't happening, nothing's happening. No,

1379
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:02,720
Speaker 5: you can't touch my lower back, and a me like no, no, no,

1380
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 5: no no. And I know they are good people, the yogi's.

1381
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:07,400
Speaker 5: I know they're very kind and gentle.

1382
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:10,800
Speaker 2: Many of them we've also talked to. We've heard about

1383
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 2: many who are not.

1384
01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:13,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's some that are really gross.

1385
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,720
Speaker 5: There's room yeah yeah, yeah, so but that I know

1386
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,600
Speaker 5: that has been a problem them. I've wear my EarPods

1387
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:23,639
Speaker 5: to the yoga class and they're like, I haven't heard pods,

1388
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,879
Speaker 5: and so I've just said, you know, I have sound issues.

1389
01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 4: Teller chopping someone's body whole time came.

1390
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:38,080
Speaker 5: Out and just and I just kind of barely follow

1391
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:43,960
Speaker 5: along with whatever I just do down dog the whole time.

1392
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:50,280
Speaker 5: Because they also the act as if it's all supposed

1393
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 5: to feel good to everyone. I'm like that the snake one,

1394
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:58,680
Speaker 5: the super Snake, where you cobra Cobra, it never has

1395
01:10:58,680 --> 01:10:59,280
Speaker 5: felt good to me.

1396
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:02,479
Speaker 1: Baby Cobra neither neither.

1397
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:05,320
Speaker 5: I never want a Cobra, and I just as I

1398
01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:07,320
Speaker 5: get older, I just go, what if it's not good

1399
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:10,760
Speaker 5: for me, I'm just not a cobra person, and it's

1400
01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:12,879
Speaker 5: just stop stop the violence.

1401
01:11:14,040 --> 01:11:16,880
Speaker 3: I do really appreciate when the instructor is like, whatever

1402
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:17,720
Speaker 3: feels good to.

1403
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:21,320
Speaker 1: You, you don't have to do that. Yeah, that's how

1404
01:11:21,320 --> 01:11:24,000
Speaker 1: it should be great. I am driven mad.

1405
01:11:25,320 --> 01:11:28,240
Speaker 5: When they say we're going to need two blocks and

1406
01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:32,040
Speaker 5: a strap, and we're going to need two all the

1407
01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:36,400
Speaker 5: issues of Women's Day magazine from the nineteen sixties, and

1408
01:11:36,439 --> 01:11:38,320
Speaker 5: then we're going to need a picture of your mother

1409
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:42,080
Speaker 5: to have that on your phone, So take a second

1410
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:43,040
Speaker 5: to set that up.

1411
01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:43,879
Speaker 2: A bolster.

1412
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:47,839
Speaker 1: A bolster? What what's a bullster?

1413
01:11:48,320 --> 01:11:50,120
Speaker 2: It's like a little thing that they make you get.

1414
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:54,400
Speaker 1: Oh, I like you if we can.

1415
01:11:54,320 --> 01:11:58,400
Speaker 5: Just take the blanket and what you fold it into

1416
01:11:57,920 --> 01:11:59,200
Speaker 5: sem like.

1417
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:02,400
Speaker 1: The slice, it makes it.

1418
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:05,800
Speaker 2: Very But I go to like the Yen yogas where

1419
01:12:05,840 --> 01:12:08,920
Speaker 2: it's not hard, where they're like we're sitting for an

1420
01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 2: hour and I'm like great, and you like put one

1421
01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 2: leg out a little bit, and I only like this.

1422
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 3: I like the sculpt ones because I'm like, I want

1423
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:17,879
Speaker 3: to feel like I'm working out and making.

1424
01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:19,400
Speaker 2: My butt look better if I'm going to be doing this.

1425
01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:22,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know I'm wrong, I'm probably wrong, but just

1426
01:12:22,960 --> 01:12:25,679
Speaker 5: for me, for me, it's because I have dear friends

1427
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:26,400
Speaker 5: who adore you.

1428
01:12:26,439 --> 01:12:28,280
Speaker 2: Okay, you're not wrong, Okay, you're not.

1429
01:12:28,280 --> 01:12:28,600
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1430
01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:31,840
Speaker 2: I want to ask about Okay, So, like, what is

1431
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:35,519
Speaker 2: the cult of having your dreams come true? What does

1432
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:39,800
Speaker 2: it feel like to be famous?

1433
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:41,880
Speaker 1: Well, it's just like this. You guys are doing it.

1434
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:44,640
Speaker 1: You know, you have a successful podcast.

1435
01:12:44,720 --> 01:12:49,840
Speaker 5: It's just this and then it's happened, and then people

1436
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 5: are like, so, how did you get a podcast? And

1437
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:55,200
Speaker 5: you're like, well, I mean it's not that interesting and

1438
01:12:55,240 --> 01:12:59,639
Speaker 5: that that's exactly what it is, is just going I uh, yeah,

1439
01:12:59,640 --> 01:13:01,320
Speaker 5: I always and to have a TV show made, and

1440
01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:04,160
Speaker 5: that was hilarious. Got to have a TV show made,

1441
01:13:04,280 --> 01:13:09,040
Speaker 5: and yeah, it was unreal and and it was just

1442
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:13,320
Speaker 5: beyond my abilities, like I have, uh just because the

1443
01:13:13,360 --> 01:13:17,000
Speaker 5: meds I'm on just could barely do it like they'd have.

1444
01:13:17,800 --> 01:13:19,680
Speaker 5: They got for the second season they got me a

1445
01:13:19,760 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 5: tent on stage so that I could fall over in

1446
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:26,920
Speaker 5: a heap like between takes because I was just so tired.

1447
01:13:27,160 --> 01:13:31,920
Speaker 5: And and that's embarrassing because when the Union guys are like.

1448
01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:35,240
Speaker 7: I drive in from Santa Clarita, I had two hours

1449
01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:37,720
Speaker 7: of sleep and I'm ninety five years old.

1450
01:13:39,920 --> 01:13:44,200
Speaker 5: And I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry, so but yeah, it

1451
01:13:44,360 --> 01:13:49,920
Speaker 5: just feels incredible and uh embarrassing and uh delightful and.

1452
01:13:50,880 --> 01:13:54,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, do you feel like you could be the cult leader?

1453
01:13:54,479 --> 01:13:55,960
Speaker 1: And if you were, what would it be?

1454
01:13:56,200 --> 01:14:00,559
Speaker 5: Well that that's kind of the part where I remember

1455
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:06,760
Speaker 5: once I had an experience of fame where it felt dishonest,

1456
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:08,800
Speaker 5: like it felt like, oh, this is not what I

1457
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:09,960
Speaker 5: want to be famous for.

1458
01:14:10,080 --> 01:14:12,480
Speaker 1: I was a target, a spokesperson.

1459
01:14:12,680 --> 01:14:17,160
Speaker 5: Yeah at second, and people started recognizing me from that,

1460
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:20,720
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh no, Like I really like

1461
01:14:20,800 --> 01:14:25,480
Speaker 5: doing the character. But I was like this capitalistic, consumerist,

1462
01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 5: lonely person, this lonely sad character that I'm doing, and

1463
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:31,839
Speaker 5: people are going.

1464
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:32,320
Speaker 1: That's me.

1465
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:34,000
Speaker 2: I do that.

1466
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,200
Speaker 8: I go shopping alone and by the things I can't

1467
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:42,640
Speaker 8: afford from from a company that doesn't pay its workers.

1468
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:47,760
Speaker 5: Well, just like me Merry Christmas. Like I'm just like,

1469
01:14:47,920 --> 01:14:53,280
Speaker 5: oh no, so I yeah I am. I definitely uh

1470
01:14:53,800 --> 01:14:57,240
Speaker 5: solve that problem by talking about it publicly and then

1471
01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:58,040
Speaker 5: they fired me.

1472
01:14:59,080 --> 01:14:59,680
Speaker 1: That'll do it.

1473
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:03,000
Speaker 3: I love that part of your book though, because I

1474
01:15:03,080 --> 01:15:05,040
Speaker 3: was like, I feel like I would do this. I

1475
01:15:05,080 --> 01:15:07,960
Speaker 3: would freak out about doing the unethical thing, and then

1476
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:09,840
Speaker 3: I would lose the job and not have any money anywhere.

1477
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:12,960
Speaker 5: Well, and I remember I remember this guy when he

1478
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:15,760
Speaker 5: was offered a spokeperson job, this guy who I knew

1479
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:18,760
Speaker 5: from the groundlings, and he was like he said, yeah,

1480
01:15:18,800 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 5: I don't want to be known for that, and I

1481
01:15:20,439 --> 01:15:23,679
Speaker 5: was like, you are such a fucking idiot, Like that's

1482
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:24,639
Speaker 5: good money.

1483
01:15:24,680 --> 01:15:25,840
Speaker 1: You could buy yourself a house.

1484
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:29,479
Speaker 5: But now I'm like, oh, I kind of I get it,

1485
01:15:29,600 --> 01:15:32,000
Speaker 5: Like you know, if you don't know how long we

1486
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,720
Speaker 5: don't nobody knows how long we have on earth, and

1487
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:37,200
Speaker 5: you go. The reason I wanted to be a creative

1488
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:41,200
Speaker 5: person was to say these particular things, or represent these things.

1489
01:15:41,240 --> 01:15:44,080
Speaker 5: And if I'm throwing it all out the window on

1490
01:15:44,120 --> 01:15:49,000
Speaker 5: some level to say that doesn't matter, Like how you

1491
01:15:49,240 --> 01:15:53,560
Speaker 5: treat people doesn't matter. Like Target makes all stuff overseas

1492
01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:58,040
Speaker 5: by people. There's no environmental rules, there's no I mean.

1493
01:15:58,200 --> 01:15:58,759
Speaker 1: It's bad.

1494
01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:01,680
Speaker 5: It's just as bad as Walmart or any other or

1495
01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:04,719
Speaker 5: all the fast fashion places.

1496
01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:05,640
Speaker 1: It's bad.

1497
01:16:06,080 --> 01:16:08,839
Speaker 5: They don't pay their employees, so that's why it seems

1498
01:16:08,840 --> 01:16:11,479
Speaker 5: like they're giving money to charities, because the charities that

1499
01:16:11,640 --> 01:16:17,240
Speaker 5: employees are using, they're going to food shelves. So that, yeah,

1500
01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:20,599
Speaker 5: I just go, do I want to be the face

1501
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:21,000
Speaker 5: of that?

1502
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:22,080
Speaker 1: Now?

1503
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,200
Speaker 5: I have no control over you know, I'm sure my

1504
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:28,519
Speaker 5: comedy is being done on serious you know, on different

1505
01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:32,360
Speaker 5: things where it's has different advertisers that I have no control.

1506
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:37,080
Speaker 5: But at least it's not me saying this is the greatest.

1507
01:16:37,240 --> 01:16:40,400
Speaker 5: And also I just can't trust trust myself not to

1508
01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:43,400
Speaker 5: shit talk stuff. I just I adore it so much

1509
01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:45,559
Speaker 5: and it's something that brings me a lot of joy

1510
01:16:46,320 --> 01:16:51,839
Speaker 5: is to find out the dirty details, including on myself,

1511
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:53,160
Speaker 5: like I like to tell myself.

1512
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:57,240
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's impossible to navigate in a world that is,

1513
01:16:57,520 --> 01:17:00,000
Speaker 3: like in the society we live in where the only

1514
01:17:00,080 --> 01:17:04,520
Speaker 3: way to make money in the entertainment industry is via corporations.

1515
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:07,280
Speaker 5: Yes, and it's totally all great. I work, all my

1516
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:10,160
Speaker 5: stuff is through Live Nation, all the shows. It's all

1517
01:17:10,200 --> 01:17:14,720
Speaker 5: through this monopolizing corporate entity that I charges all these

1518
01:17:14,720 --> 01:17:19,360
Speaker 5: ticket fees. Ticketmaster is awful, and I haven't had the

1519
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:24,240
Speaker 5: willingness or the energy to do you know, independent ticketing,

1520
01:17:24,400 --> 01:17:26,680
Speaker 5: which you can do if you put the effort in.

1521
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:29,519
Speaker 5: I know that there are people who do it, and

1522
01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:33,760
Speaker 5: I just I just haven't had the wherewithal to do that.

1523
01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:36,679
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean you have depression though, Are you struggle

1524
01:17:36,720 --> 01:17:39,439
Speaker 2: with depressions? So like the people who care the most

1525
01:17:39,479 --> 01:17:41,840
Speaker 2: are usually depressed and then they don't have enough energy

1526
01:17:41,880 --> 01:17:45,040
Speaker 2: to start their own thing, whereas the psychopaths are just

1527
01:17:45,120 --> 01:17:47,280
Speaker 2: they need one hour of sleep at night, right, But

1528
01:17:47,400 --> 01:17:49,280
Speaker 2: these not sucking the energy from their brain.

1529
01:17:49,320 --> 01:17:49,920
Speaker 1: I mean, it couldn't.

1530
01:17:49,960 --> 01:17:51,280
Speaker 3: It just comes back to the same thing we were

1531
01:17:51,280 --> 01:17:53,599
Speaker 3: talking about at the beginning. Which is that like, we

1532
01:17:53,640 --> 01:17:55,519
Speaker 3: can only do so much. We have to just be

1533
01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:58,479
Speaker 3: doing our best. There isn't a clear right answer. If

1534
01:17:58,520 --> 01:18:01,200
Speaker 3: there were, we would all have checked the boxes. And

1535
01:18:01,240 --> 01:18:04,439
Speaker 3: that's why none of us are in the religious structures

1536
01:18:04,479 --> 01:18:06,599
Speaker 3: we grew up in because we know that that's not real.

1537
01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:10,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that there's no Yeah, there's no real

1538
01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:14,120
Speaker 5: I mean, which is so sad because I would I

1539
01:18:14,160 --> 01:18:17,400
Speaker 5: do wish there was some way that everything something could

1540
01:18:17,439 --> 01:18:20,320
Speaker 5: be good or you.

1541
01:18:20,280 --> 01:18:24,360
Speaker 1: Know, things can be good, which is what about doctor

1542
01:18:24,400 --> 01:18:25,160
Speaker 1: Browner's soap?

1543
01:18:25,640 --> 01:18:27,640
Speaker 2: Isn't that Yeah.

1544
01:18:28,720 --> 01:18:32,599
Speaker 1: It's a B corp. It's a B corporation and they.

1545
01:18:32,520 --> 01:18:36,600
Speaker 2: Think it's yeah, that could be good. Listen, some organizations

1546
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:38,839
Speaker 2: are good. Companies are trying.

1547
01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:41,120
Speaker 1: Some you know, we're doing our best.

1548
01:18:41,479 --> 01:18:42,360
Speaker 2: We're trying.

1549
01:18:42,560 --> 01:18:44,720
Speaker 5: Did you find that out with the Unitarian Church? Like

1550
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:47,360
Speaker 5: I felt like Unitarians every week it would be.

1551
01:18:47,360 --> 01:18:52,639
Speaker 7: Like guess what, guess what other shit is going down?

1552
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:56,200
Speaker 7: Wake up and smell the decaf, like.

1553
01:18:56,200 --> 01:18:58,960
Speaker 5: Where they would be telling you about some other injustice

1554
01:18:59,040 --> 01:19:03,360
Speaker 5: that you had to oh, like I donate money too,

1555
01:19:04,120 --> 01:19:06,920
Speaker 5: or protest on behalf of or.

1556
01:19:07,240 --> 01:19:09,200
Speaker 3: I only went a couple of times I do, but

1557
01:19:09,439 --> 01:19:13,160
Speaker 3: it did definitely was giving, like there's a new thing

1558
01:19:13,240 --> 01:19:15,920
Speaker 3: we need to be working on, which I think is good.

1559
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,320
Speaker 3: And I'm also very involved in like act social justice

1560
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:21,280
Speaker 3: and political activism and stuff, so there's.

1561
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:22,000
Speaker 1: Definitely a lot of that.

1562
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:24,280
Speaker 3: But but what I've learned and like trying to do

1563
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:25,720
Speaker 3: my part to be a good person is that like,

1564
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:27,400
Speaker 3: there's no way I'm going to be able to tackle

1565
01:19:27,439 --> 01:19:30,080
Speaker 3: every issue. There's just no way, Like, like there's like

1566
01:19:30,200 --> 01:19:32,960
Speaker 3: seventeen things that are all equally urgent and important all

1567
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:35,680
Speaker 3: at the same time and devastating and people, it's so

1568
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:39,360
Speaker 3: fucked up. And I'm like, I am one person though, Yeah,

1569
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:42,439
Speaker 3: and as long as like I'm trying to be plugged

1570
01:19:42,439 --> 01:19:45,720
Speaker 3: into this like larger work, that's all I can do.

1571
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:47,160
Speaker 2: That's all I can do.

1572
01:19:47,920 --> 01:19:49,920
Speaker 4: That's yes, trying to be aware.

1573
01:19:50,479 --> 01:19:54,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I think about my mom. My mom

1574
01:19:54,439 --> 01:19:56,640
Speaker 5: was I feel like she was a great lady and

1575
01:19:57,000 --> 01:20:00,920
Speaker 5: you know, but she's you know, she shopped Nordstrum, she

1576
01:20:01,680 --> 01:20:05,679
Speaker 5: got her so she like nice things, and uh, yeah,

1577
01:20:06,479 --> 01:20:08,280
Speaker 5: we're not perfect. Nobody's perfect.

1578
01:20:08,600 --> 01:20:11,280
Speaker 2: No, Sometimes you got to shop at north Strum.

1579
01:20:10,960 --> 01:20:15,000
Speaker 5: Right, sometimes it is the only place available, and then

1580
01:20:15,040 --> 01:20:16,160
Speaker 5: what and then what?

1581
01:20:16,760 --> 01:20:18,679
Speaker 4: Sometimes you just gotta go to stores.

1582
01:20:18,960 --> 01:20:21,400
Speaker 1: You gotta go. Sometimes you go to Marshalls.

1583
01:20:21,520 --> 01:20:25,519
Speaker 3: You know, I love you to Marshalls. Don't get me

1584
01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:30,240
Speaker 3: started on Mars. But yeah, it's it's it's complicated. Yeah,

1585
01:20:30,479 --> 01:20:32,439
Speaker 3: it seems we're all really doing our best.

1586
01:20:33,040 --> 01:20:35,439
Speaker 2: We can do all we can do. I'm trying to

1587
01:20:35,439 --> 01:20:37,960
Speaker 2: think of like one more really good cult question.

1588
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:41,200
Speaker 5: If you could design I'll ask you, guys, if you

1589
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:45,200
Speaker 5: could design a cult that you think would be harmless,

1590
01:20:45,360 --> 01:20:46,400
Speaker 5: would be wonderful.

1591
01:20:46,920 --> 01:20:49,519
Speaker 1: What what would that look like? And what would you be? Called?

1592
01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:51,080
Speaker 2: The slumber Parties.

1593
01:20:51,760 --> 01:20:56,519
Speaker 5: Oh that's really nice, and you have ready to go

1594
01:20:56,960 --> 01:20:57,640
Speaker 5: it just popped in.

1595
01:20:58,160 --> 01:21:02,160
Speaker 1: I love it. That's good. I love that too. Slumber parties.

1596
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:04,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would be a big giant house where everybody

1597
01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:07,439
Speaker 2: has their own room and and we all live together,

1598
01:21:07,479 --> 01:21:09,080
Speaker 2: and we grow stuff in our garden and we have

1599
01:21:09,160 --> 01:21:10,360
Speaker 2: our animals and stuff.

1600
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:14,280
Speaker 3: But we we have slumber parties every night. Sounds like

1601
01:21:14,360 --> 01:21:17,360
Speaker 3: your old house. Yeah, we's just trying to move back

1602
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:21,120
Speaker 3: into your old house, well minus some of the yeah.

1603
01:21:20,720 --> 01:21:24,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but but it would be only women and

1604
01:21:25,880 --> 01:21:30,680
Speaker 2: like lots of miniature ponies, positive affirmations.

1605
01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:32,559
Speaker 1: We would read the party. We'd read a lot of

1606
01:21:32,920 --> 01:21:35,759
Speaker 1: like silly stuff. Would there be a chore wheel?

1607
01:21:36,240 --> 01:21:40,160
Speaker 2: No, okay, no I don't. I don't want to live

1608
01:21:40,200 --> 01:21:42,680
Speaker 2: with that. Many people get out of my space. You're not.

1609
01:21:43,920 --> 01:21:46,200
Speaker 5: When I pictured the slumber parties, I thought it would

1610
01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:48,799
Speaker 5: just be like once a month, and that's when you get.

1611
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:54,400
Speaker 2: As a permanent state. No, no, no, that's.

1612
01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:56,519
Speaker 1: Not my difficulty. How about it? Was he what's yours?

1613
01:21:56,800 --> 01:21:59,960
Speaker 3: I think it would be well when you she's a

1614
01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:02,000
Speaker 3: slumber parties, I thought of summer camp, which to me

1615
01:22:02,080 --> 01:22:02,840
Speaker 3: seems so fun.

1616
01:22:02,880 --> 01:22:04,080
Speaker 4: I want adult summer camp.

1617
01:22:04,080 --> 01:22:05,679
Speaker 3: But for me, it would be just once a month

1618
01:22:06,160 --> 01:22:07,800
Speaker 3: and we would learn as a cult, and we would

1619
01:22:07,880 --> 01:22:11,439
Speaker 3: learn a skill. Okay, and the leadership would be voted

1620
01:22:11,479 --> 01:22:13,680
Speaker 3: on every year. So it's democratic.

1621
01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:17,280
Speaker 1: But what's your call? But still, if she says it's

1622
01:22:17,280 --> 01:22:18,160
Speaker 1: a cult, it's a cult.

1623
01:22:18,280 --> 01:22:19,200
Speaker 2: It's a good cult.

1624
01:22:19,439 --> 01:22:21,320
Speaker 1: It's a good cult. But what would your like toxic

1625
01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:21,760
Speaker 1: cult be?

1626
01:22:22,160 --> 01:22:23,479
Speaker 2: Oh, it'd be.

1627
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:29,599
Speaker 3: Some productivity cult for sure, you take Maxims stuff.

1628
01:22:29,720 --> 01:22:31,400
Speaker 2: Yeah. Or it'd be a political cult.

1629
01:22:31,520 --> 01:22:34,000
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean I'm very deep a DSA, so

1630
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:35,120
Speaker 3: it would probably just be DSA.

1631
01:22:35,439 --> 01:22:37,720
Speaker 1: Oh DSA DSA again.

1632
01:22:37,600 --> 01:22:39,480
Speaker 4: Democratic Socialists of America.

1633
01:22:39,800 --> 01:22:42,960
Speaker 1: But you know, what leadership changes gets voted on.

1634
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:45,320
Speaker 4: It's democratic. That's why the word democratics in there.

1635
01:22:45,400 --> 01:22:47,200
Speaker 2: That's my cult. Nice love it.

1636
01:22:47,640 --> 01:22:49,040
Speaker 4: We're trying to help make the world better.

1637
01:22:49,160 --> 01:22:51,439
Speaker 2: My summer party cull only one later me.

1638
01:22:51,720 --> 01:22:54,080
Speaker 3: Okay, but I still want to do my adult summer

1639
01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:54,519
Speaker 3: camp though.

1640
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:54,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1641
01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:55,679
Speaker 2: I think that's a good idea.

1642
01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:57,920
Speaker 1: I like adult summer camp. That's fun.

1643
01:22:58,120 --> 01:23:03,720
Speaker 5: Yeah. I think I'd like everybody to live on the

1644
01:23:03,760 --> 01:23:08,160
Speaker 5: same block. Like all the friends live on the same

1645
01:23:08,439 --> 01:23:12,599
Speaker 5: black and the problem is what happens is there's one

1646
01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:16,200
Speaker 5: friend who's probably easier to be with than any of

1647
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:18,960
Speaker 5: the other friends, and so everyone ends up at their

1648
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,640
Speaker 5: house and hopefully they're okay with that.

1649
01:23:22,640 --> 01:23:23,280
Speaker 1: I like that.

1650
01:23:23,439 --> 01:23:25,439
Speaker 2: I like that too. Yeah, I would join it.

1651
01:23:25,479 --> 01:23:27,040
Speaker 3: I want to live on Yeah, I don't want to

1652
01:23:27,080 --> 01:23:28,680
Speaker 3: live in a house with my friends, but I do

1653
01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:30,520
Speaker 3: want to live on the block with my friends.

1654
01:23:30,800 --> 01:23:37,479
Speaker 5: Friends, and then uh learn dances, oh, like you know,

1655
01:23:37,560 --> 01:23:40,240
Speaker 5: sort of viral dances.

1656
01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:44,040
Speaker 4: Dances once a week, okay, okay.

1657
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:49,000
Speaker 1: Okay, or maybe roller skating, right, I mean, I'm just

1658
01:23:49,439 --> 01:23:53,200
Speaker 1: these are suggestions I'll join.

1659
01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:54,280
Speaker 2: I like that one.

1660
01:23:55,520 --> 01:23:59,920
Speaker 5: And lots of animals. All the animals miniature ponies for sure.

1661
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:03,759
Speaker 3: My mom's house maybe is a combination of both of yours.

1662
01:24:04,120 --> 01:24:06,200
Speaker 2: Take us there because she has so many animals.

1663
01:24:06,280 --> 01:24:07,800
Speaker 1: Where's your mom at where she lives?

1664
01:24:07,880 --> 01:24:10,439
Speaker 3: She's in southern Utah, in that same town from the dock.

1665
01:24:11,680 --> 01:24:15,519
Speaker 3: They've got a donkey, they've got a miniature cow, they've

1666
01:24:15,560 --> 01:24:21,360
Speaker 3: got a horse. I think they still have the miniature horse, chickens, cats, dogs.

1667
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:23,960
Speaker 3: I think I think I'm missing one and a ton

1668
01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:26,320
Speaker 3: of rooms. And people will come stay there when they're

1669
01:24:26,320 --> 01:24:29,400
Speaker 3: like transitioning out of pligamy.

1670
01:24:29,760 --> 01:24:32,360
Speaker 5: So you know, your mom has been through the whole

1671
01:24:32,479 --> 01:24:36,880
Speaker 5: thing of something going well or beings like she's had

1672
01:24:36,960 --> 01:24:40,920
Speaker 5: a massive success, right, like just in terms of what

1673
01:24:41,080 --> 01:24:44,519
Speaker 5: that documentary I'm sure was. I mean, it seemed like

1674
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:47,040
Speaker 5: a goal of hers to get those kids, like she

1675
01:24:47,240 --> 01:24:51,200
Speaker 5: really that's a huge success, means so meaningful.

1676
01:24:51,360 --> 01:24:55,679
Speaker 3: For sure, huge success, but the process, the process wasn't

1677
01:24:55,720 --> 01:24:56,160
Speaker 3: so great.

1678
01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:58,639
Speaker 2: But yeah, the result was good in the end.

1679
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:00,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. How is she doing now?

1680
01:25:01,040 --> 01:25:02,320
Speaker 2: Is she's good?

1681
01:25:02,439 --> 01:25:03,759
Speaker 4: She's good, She's really happy.

1682
01:25:03,840 --> 01:25:04,679
Speaker 1: Yeah. Good.

1683
01:25:05,240 --> 01:25:08,160
Speaker 2: Do you have any any further thoughts on Colts?

1684
01:25:08,479 --> 01:25:13,840
Speaker 5: Well, just that uh, it's okay. You know, I've often

1685
01:25:13,880 --> 01:25:16,360
Speaker 5: thought that sometimes it's good to join a cult just

1686
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,519
Speaker 5: for a week, just to just to get the initial

1687
01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:22,720
Speaker 5: high that you can when everyone's like, oh you're a

1688
01:25:22,720 --> 01:25:25,200
Speaker 5: hot product and they're like, oh, who's the new talent,

1689
01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:30,599
Speaker 5: and then you abruptly pull out. So you go Yanky

1690
01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:34,920
Speaker 5: Winky's Jehovah Witnesses seven full days. You just go all

1691
01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:37,760
Speaker 5: the surfaces, all the parties, say yeah, oh I'm all in,

1692
01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:44,240
Speaker 5: and then get out. I think that might be sort

1693
01:25:44,280 --> 01:25:48,000
Speaker 5: of a slightly healing and entertaining thing to do if

1694
01:25:48,040 --> 01:25:50,720
Speaker 5: you've got the strength of character that you know. I'm

1695
01:25:50,760 --> 01:25:52,200
Speaker 5: never I would never really join.

1696
01:25:52,640 --> 01:25:55,599
Speaker 1: That's what you are saying, But that's what we know.

1697
01:25:55,800 --> 01:25:56,080
Speaker 3: I know.

1698
01:25:56,160 --> 01:25:57,680
Speaker 1: But then they use their tactics.

1699
01:25:58,040 --> 01:26:00,840
Speaker 2: But sometimes I just really get like a solid couple

1700
01:26:00,920 --> 01:26:03,200
Speaker 2: months of love bombing, and then I'm like bye the.

1701
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:05,640
Speaker 4: Love part Oh no, god, no, no, I've gotten out

1702
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:06,040
Speaker 4: a few times.

1703
01:26:06,120 --> 01:26:08,120
Speaker 3: That intermittent We talk about it all the time, that

1704
01:26:08,200 --> 01:26:10,639
Speaker 3: intermittent reinforcement is a real bitch.

1705
01:26:10,720 --> 01:26:13,160
Speaker 2: Sometimes yeah, sometimes it doesn't work and I end up

1706
01:26:13,200 --> 01:26:16,519
Speaker 2: with them. But sometimes I've gotten really lucky where the

1707
01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:19,360
Speaker 2: cognitive business is not high and I'm like, I'm gonna

1708
01:26:19,439 --> 01:26:20,640
Speaker 2: leave before you turn me in.

1709
01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:23,439
Speaker 3: I liked that you said the Jevah's Witnesses parties, as

1710
01:26:23,439 --> 01:26:25,479
Speaker 3: though the Jehovah's Witnesses have these great.

1711
01:26:25,600 --> 01:26:27,280
Speaker 1: For me dude, my hut.

1712
01:26:27,360 --> 01:26:30,439
Speaker 5: My ex husband was raised in the Jehovah Witnesses, and

1713
01:26:30,479 --> 01:26:34,919
Speaker 5: he said that because you couldn't there, couldn't have holidays

1714
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:37,000
Speaker 5: or anything. What it meant was that there was like

1715
01:26:37,400 --> 01:26:42,760
Speaker 5: constant parties, like roller skating parties, picnics, like all this

1716
01:26:42,880 --> 01:26:45,040
Speaker 5: shit where you did all this stuff together. I mean,

1717
01:26:45,040 --> 01:26:48,360
Speaker 5: there's some really good things about it, like, yeah, they

1718
01:26:48,920 --> 01:26:51,879
Speaker 5: people really hung out a lot because you're not supposed

1719
01:26:51,880 --> 01:26:54,600
Speaker 5: to do anything with anybody else. You can't go to sports,

1720
01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:58,400
Speaker 5: you can't participate in uh dances at school.

1721
01:26:58,520 --> 01:27:00,000
Speaker 1: Like it really sucked.

1722
01:27:00,320 --> 01:27:00,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1723
01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:07,280
Speaker 3: So yeah, but they throw a wager for the other members.

1724
01:27:07,439 --> 01:27:12,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, this is nice. Well yeah the book. Sure,

1725
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:13,200
Speaker 2: I'll join your culture.

1726
01:27:13,240 --> 01:27:16,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, check it out. It's available at your library. I'm sure,

1727
01:27:16,120 --> 01:27:18,800
Speaker 5: there's no wait. It's also available on audiobook. I do

1728
01:27:18,840 --> 01:27:22,719
Speaker 5: a very nice job of doing an audiobook, So if

1729
01:27:22,760 --> 01:27:24,080
Speaker 5: you're bored, check it out.

1730
01:27:26,080 --> 01:27:31,200
Speaker 2: Also buy it and buy it, but also don't.

1731
01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:36,200
Speaker 3: From an independent book bookseller, en bookstore, used bookstore.

1732
01:27:37,000 --> 01:27:41,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, do all the things and uh yeah, enjoy yourself.

1733
01:27:42,040 --> 01:27:44,960
Speaker 2: Follow Maria on all of her socials and go to

1734
01:27:45,080 --> 01:27:53,040
Speaker 2: her her concert her concerts, concerts, sorry the concert, go

1735
01:27:53,240 --> 01:27:58,960
Speaker 2: to the you go to her shows, and certainly we

1736
01:27:59,080 --> 01:28:00,439
Speaker 2: will be seeing you. I'm sure.

1737
01:28:00,720 --> 01:28:01,960
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you so much for having me.

1738
01:28:02,000 --> 01:28:02,720
Speaker 5: Thank you, thank you.

1739
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:06,160
Speaker 1: Wow wow wee wa.

1740
01:28:06,640 --> 01:28:09,639
Speaker 2: That was an amazing conversation with Maria.

1741
01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:13,160
Speaker 1: You w yeah, that's right.

1742
01:28:16,080 --> 01:28:19,400
Speaker 2: Indeed, And usually we ask each other would you join

1743
01:28:19,479 --> 01:28:22,639
Speaker 2: the cult? We would both join whatever cult Maria's leading.

1744
01:28:23,040 --> 01:28:24,479
Speaker 2: I think we can leave it at that. What do

1745
01:28:24,560 --> 01:28:25,880
Speaker 2: you think? I agree?

1746
01:28:26,280 --> 01:28:27,960
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, go rate.

1747
01:28:27,920 --> 01:28:31,120
Speaker 2: Us five stars, go buy some merch if you so please.

1748
01:28:31,320 --> 01:28:33,040
Speaker 2: You can find it at a what was it.

1749
01:28:34,040 --> 01:28:40,160
Speaker 1: Exactly right store dot com. We know our links really well,

1750
01:28:40,760 --> 01:28:41,960
Speaker 1: so go check us out.

1751
01:28:42,040 --> 01:28:44,920
Speaker 2: Leave us five stars. I just said that, and as always,

1752
01:28:44,960 --> 01:28:47,479
Speaker 2: remember to follow your gut, watch out for red flags,

1753
01:28:47,600 --> 01:28:50,040
Speaker 2: and never ever trust me.

1754
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:51,200
Speaker 1: Bye bye.

1755
01:28:53,479 --> 01:28:56,800
Speaker 4: This has been an exactly right production hosted by me Lola.

1756
01:28:56,600 --> 01:28:59,800
Speaker 2: Blanc and me Megan Elizabeth. Our senior producer is.

1757
01:29:00,760 --> 01:29:02,519
Speaker 4: This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

1758
01:29:02,720 --> 01:29:05,960
Speaker 2: Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain, and our guest booker

1759
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:07,160
Speaker 2: is Patrick Kottner.

1760
01:29:07,479 --> 01:29:09,880
Speaker 4: Our theme song was composed by Holly Ambert.

1761
01:29:09,600 --> 01:29:13,599
Speaker 3: Church Trust Me as executive produced by Karen Kilgareth, Georgia

1762
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:16,639
Speaker 3: Hartstark and Danielle Kramer. You can find us on Instagram

1763
01:29:16,680 --> 01:29:19,080
Speaker 3: at trust Me podcast or on TikTok at trust Me

1764
01:29:19,200 --> 01:29:22,559
Speaker 3: coult podcast. Got your own story about cults, extreme belief

1765
01:29:22,640 --> 01:29:26,200
Speaker 3: our manipulation, Shoot us an email at trustmepod at gmail

1766
01:29:26,240 --> 01:29:28,679
Speaker 3: dot com. Listen to trust Me on the iHeartRadio app,

1767
01:29:28,800 --> 01:29:31,400
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.