1 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 1: Route Force. If it doesn't work, you're just not using enough. 2 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: You're listening to soft web Radio, Special Operations, Military Nails 3 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: and straight talk with the guys in the community. 4 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: You guys have probably seen the ads already for the 5 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 2: Bear Skin hoodie. Right well, if you've been waiting to 6 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 2: get yourself one, now is the time. It's officially hoodie season. 7 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: Cold mornings, windy days, surprise snow, and right now bear 8 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 2: Skin is running their biggest deal of the year. We're 9 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 2: taking sixty percent off this Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Now, 10 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 2: this is some old fleece. 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Text rad to three six nine twelve again, 19 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 2: that's r A D to three six nine twelve and 20 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 2: they'll text you a link so you can lock in 21 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 2: sixty percent off before the sale disappears. Don't wait till 22 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 2: the weather gets really bad. Grab a bear Skin now 23 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 2: while this Black Friday deal is live. And one more thing. 24 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 2: When you support bear Skin, you're also supporting the Fallen 25 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 2: Outdoors and the Hope for the Warriors Veterans program, So 26 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 2: you're not just buying great gear, you're backing a cause 27 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 2: that matters. Grab your bear Skin while this Black Friday 28 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 2: deal is still live. So there's a lot of sales 29 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 2: going on right now. We all want to let you 30 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 2: know about what we have to offer here at soft Rep. 31 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 2: And you've heard of Black Friday, you've heard of Small 32 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 2: Business Saturday, you've even heard of Cyber Monday. But here 33 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: at soft Rep December, through all of the month of December, 34 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 2: we will be offering one dollar annual memberships. After the 35 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 2: year it will revert back to the full price. So 36 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 2: you can take advantage right now and go and click 37 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 2: on the link and you can get soft rep dot 38 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 2: com for one dollar, just one dollar, all the latest 39 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 2: and greatest from all the special operators in the community 40 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 2: that are reporting here at soft reap dot com, and 41 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 2: you get yours truly, my podcast and who doesn't want 42 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 2: to support that, So go check out soft rep dot 43 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 2: COM's membership where you can get in for just one 44 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 2: dollar through the month of soft Rep December. This is 45 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,919 Speaker 2: Rad saying happy holidays and keep it real people peace. 46 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 3: Hey, what's going on? 47 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 2: I think that this is on and welcome to another 48 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 2: episode of Software Radio. 49 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 3: That's right. 50 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 2: I am your host, Rad, and I want I want 51 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 2: to welcome you, my newest listener, my newest viewer, thank 52 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 2: you for tuning in, and to those of you who 53 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 2: have repeated yourselves and our veterans of the show, welcome 54 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 2: back to another awesome episode. First, before I introduce you 55 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 2: to my guest, who's awesome, I want to talk about 56 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 2: the merch store, all right, so my guy Callum, we'll 57 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 2: post it up right here, a link to click on 58 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,959 Speaker 2: the merch store. I usually say it's soft rep dot 59 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: com forward slash merch, So you go to it. 60 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,119 Speaker 3: Check it out. 61 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 2: We've got branded goods, you've got soft rep shirts, the 62 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 2: cool copy off copy, the operator coffee mug. I'm calling 63 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 2: it a copy mug. We'll go with that. And then 64 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,839 Speaker 2: also we have the book club. Right, I keep saying, Hey, 65 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: you know, go to the gym work out well. Your 66 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 2: brain also needs the same enlightenment, and so reading a 67 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 2: book is like going to the gym for your mind. 68 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 2: Now we have soft rep dot com forward slash book 69 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 2: hyphen Club. That's a book hyphen Club at softwarep dot com. 70 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 3: Go check it out. 71 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 2: It's curated by all the special operators behind the scenes 72 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 2: for folks like you who would love to read a 73 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 2: cool book. Now, perhaps we can get my next guest. 74 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 2: Here's book in the book club. We'll work that out 75 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,279 Speaker 2: at the end of the show, but in the meantime, 76 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 2: I would like to introduce Melissa Como. 77 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,039 Speaker 3: First of all, welcome to the show. Melissa, Thank you 78 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 3: so much. 79 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 4: Fred, happy to be here. 80 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 2: We are happy now as you can see you know 81 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 2: we have Melissa myself and Melissa Como is a Marine 82 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 2: Corps spouse and director of the American Red Cross Military 83 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,599 Speaker 2: Veteran Caregiver Network, and she's a writer. She is known 84 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 2: for her book Sleeping with the War, published in twenty 85 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 2: fifteen by the War Writers Campaign. The book offers a 86 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,839 Speaker 2: family and caregiver perspective on life after combat. She served 87 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 2: as an Arizona Fellow to the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, and 88 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 2: in that role was honored to help bring to fruition 89 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 2: the Hidden Heroes Congressional Caucus for Military and Veteran Caregivers. 90 00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 3: She is recognized. 91 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 2: She is a recognized advocate for the military veteran community 92 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 2: and continues to support caregivers in her current role with 93 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 2: the American Red Cross. 94 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 3: Military Veteran Caregiver Network. 95 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,040 Speaker 2: Before joining the network, Melissa served as the executive director 96 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 2: of Lives of Promise, a San Diego based nonprofit that 97 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 2: supports military families facing PTSD diagnosises. She has also offered 98 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: peer support to marines and their families at the Wounded 99 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 2: Warrior Battalion West. Melissa has a background in accounting and 100 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,039 Speaker 2: IT project management. She lives in Texas. Is married to 101 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 2: a US Marine who was medically retired after nearly thirteen 102 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,799 Speaker 2: years of service, including four combat deployments to both Iraq 103 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 2: and Afghanistan. I mean, really, welcome, Welcome to the show. 104 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 4: Thank you. It's been a while since I've heard a 105 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 4: bio of mine. So I forgot I did all. 106 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 2: That, and there's more. I'm sure there's so much more, 107 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 2: So let's just talk about. First of all, I was 108 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 2: unaware there was an American Red Cross Caregiver Network. 109 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 3: For veterans. 110 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,719 Speaker 2: You are not you can totally tell us about that. 111 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: Let me know all about that right now. 112 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,839 Speaker 4: Oh gosh, So this is certainly a life project for me. 113 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 4: I built it out of a desire to build more 114 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:14,840 Speaker 4: support for people going through wounds, illness, injuries back when 115 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 4: my own husband was injured. When I was looking for support, 116 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 4: everything that popped up was a military spouse opportunity, right 117 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 4: like going back to school, commissary coupons, you know, childcare needs, 118 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 4: you know, fund base activities. There was nothing that indicated 119 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 4: there was support for someone who was going to be 120 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 4: a long term caregiver for someone coming back with injuries. So, 121 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 4: you know, the internet is the Internet, and so we 122 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,160 Speaker 4: you know, you scour and you try to find places 123 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 4: where you know people are talking about situations you're going through. 124 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 4: And I found a few other people all over the 125 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 4: country that were going through the same thing I was. 126 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 4: Their husband was in a military treatment facility. The diagnosis 127 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 4: was not looking good. Things looked like it was going 128 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 4: to be the end of the military career. A lot 129 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:00,359 Speaker 4: of uncertainty, a lot of scare, a lot of just 130 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 4: overwhelmed to what the next steps of life were going 131 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 4: to look like. So I got the opportunity to serve 132 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 4: as a fellow for the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. And once 133 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 4: I learned that word, that word caregiver, my whole support 134 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 4: system changed. The very first person that ever called me 135 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 4: a caregiver was a nurse and I was sitting there 136 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 4: and it was at Balboa Hospital down in San Diego, 137 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 4: and this nurse comes out and she goes, Oh, are 138 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 4: you Steven's caregiver? And I was like, whoahah, whoa, whoa, whoa. 139 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 4: I'm like, no, no, no, I'm just his wife. I'm 140 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 4: just his wife, right like, because I always you know, 141 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 4: and I think most people when they think of a caregiver, 142 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 4: they think of someone who's taking care of perhaps an 143 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 4: elderly person. And so I quickly was like, no, no, no, 144 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 4: my husband's young, you know, like I just that word 145 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 4: did not click at all. And so this very kind nurse, 146 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 4: and if I ever get to meet her again, I 147 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 4: want to give her the biggest hug because she told 148 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 4: me you're probably both and that that word changed everything. 149 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 4: And so I got to do some advocacy on caregiver issues. 150 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 4: I got to launch the Hidden Help for Our Hidden 151 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 4: Heroes Congressional Caucus in Washington, DC, and really beyond that, 152 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 4: just build a network of other people going through this experience, 153 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 4: so that peer support element. And so in twenty seventeen, 154 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 4: we came to the American Red Cross with about one 155 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 4: thousand caregivers with a secure online community with best practice 156 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 4: peer support that we got to learn from the Tragedy 157 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 4: Assistance Program for Survivors, which you might know about. They 158 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 4: do phenomenal work in the survivor space, and so we 159 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 4: leaned into their twenty five plus years of best practice, 160 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 4: evidence based peer support for survivors, which has a lot 161 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 4: to do with grief. There's a lot of grief and 162 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 4: caregiving as well, and we changed the program to support 163 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 4: those who are caring for wounded, ill injured, or aging 164 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 4: service members. And so we're at the Red Cross, We're building, 165 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 4: We've got phenomenal volunteers. The program just continues to grow, 166 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 4: gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and today we're serving 167 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,959 Speaker 4: almost fourteen thousand caregivers with this type of peer support 168 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 4: that meets them where they are right We're beaming into 169 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 4: their living rooms, we're chatting with them in hospital settings. 170 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 4: We are really really that network of support that can 171 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 4: catch you no matter where you are on your caregiving journey, 172 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 4: and it's so personal. So all of our team, the 173 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 4: other caregivers that work for me, they get it from 174 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 4: that very personal connection to all of our volunteers who 175 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 4: are also very connected to the military, maybe their caregivers themselves, 176 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 4: maybe their parents served. Just it's such a heart centric, 177 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,319 Speaker 4: really laser focused on how we can best support each 178 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 4: other through all types of wounds, illness, entry, aging, fit exposure, 179 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 4: you know, hospital stays, amputations, anything we. 180 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 3: Can be there for you, a traumatic, brave. 181 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 2: You're just hitting all of my feels right now because 182 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 2: you know, as the son of a Green Beret and 183 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 2: my mother was his caregiver. So my dad, you know, 184 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 2: was medical discharged in the early nineties from his Green 185 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 2: Beret job where he was constant. You know, it was 186 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 2: like hey, hey, Jackie, you're at the office, you're running 187 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 2: with your guys, you're doing all these missions, all this 188 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,719 Speaker 2: different stuff, and then all of a sudden it came 189 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: to a halt with a seizure and then that was 190 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 2: like his out, Like right there, he had to get 191 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 2: out because of seizure's medical and they attribute it to 192 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 2: some jumps out of airborne jumping out of the airplanes 193 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 2: and head injuries, and. 194 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 3: So my mom flashed forward. 195 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: I'm no longer here either, but for his rest of 196 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 2: his life, from forty one through sixty five, she was 197 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 2: his caregiver. And I would watch my mom wheel my 198 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 2: dad to the VA through the Salt Lake City VA, 199 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 2: which is not a short hallway, okay, the hallways of 200 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 2: the VA here are super long. And she's just moving 201 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 2: along with my dad while she's breaking. And so now, 202 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I was a as a son, 203 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 2: as a caregiver to my mom and dad, I learned 204 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 2: to embrace caregiver. Like what you said, Yes, my dad, 205 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 2: that wasn't old per se. He was in his forties 206 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 2: when he first started to get out processed. But that's 207 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 2: young because I'm forty forty eight now. So yeah, right, 208 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 2: So I just see my dad and I'm like, wow, 209 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 2: you know, like when you were forty eight, you know, 210 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 2: mom was taking you to the VA. You were having 211 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 2: all these health issues going on, you know, your heart 212 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 2: was happening all these things, and the whole time she 213 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 2: was just like just kind of like walking left and 214 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 2: right on herself, hurting herself, moving dad through the hospital 215 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 2: and just trying to do the best to move a 216 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 2: two to three hundred pound man in a wheelchair, you know, 217 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 2: as a care just that alone, you know. 218 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that Mom did all of it. 219 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 2: I was there too, But once I got married and 220 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 2: I had my family, and mom and Dad started going 221 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 2: to their appointments. You know, Mom would take Dad and 222 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 2: now she again is the whole breadwinner at home. And 223 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that it's just moms that are the breadwinners. 224 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 2: At what I'm saying is when Dad deployed, Mom was home. 225 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 2: Mom took care of the kids, Mom took care of 226 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 2: the dad's side of life. Mom took care of the 227 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 2: mom's side of life, and the family unit was still 228 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 2: whole when dad was gone. Now that Dad is injured, 229 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: Mom has to pick up that whole, same balla wax 230 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 2: and become that whole person again. Now she's taking care 231 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 2: of her love my dad to the day he was 232 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 2: charting everything, charting and writing and her own whiteboard at 233 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 2: home and diastolic and systolic and why's blood pressure dropping? 234 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 2: And a total nurse. She could have been doctor Quinn, 235 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 2: medicine woman in the prairie. I would have had my 236 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 2: mom do surgery on me. She became that engulfed in 237 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 2: caregiving for my father to make sure that hey, maybe 238 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 2: I don't have taken him the VA. If I know 239 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 2: what's going on, maybe I can keep an eye on 240 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 2: him here, you know. And the nurses all looked at 241 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 2: my mom's charts. She'd come in with the charts and 242 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 2: give them to the nurses and they're like, oh, you're 243 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 2: doing our work for us, right, So I mean as 244 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 2: a caregiver's son or as a caregiver to my parents. 245 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 2: You know, I was totally stoked to have you on 246 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 2: the show today and to talk about this exact thing, right, 247 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 2: because you know, men and women serve in the military, 248 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: So I don't want to just focus on mom being 249 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 2: the only one because also the husband might be a 250 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,680 Speaker 2: dependent as well. Okay, so let's be clear, and the 251 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 2: wife could be wounded and now he is caregiving for 252 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 2: her just as much as my mom caregive for my dad. 253 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,839 Speaker 3: So I want to be like. 254 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 2: Equal here, like the scales, okay, and just call out 255 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 2: both sides of that. And well, awesome to you for 256 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 2: finding that inner love for your husband to be the 257 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 2: caregiver for him. Probably he probably has laid there and 258 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 2: said you don't need to do this, you don't need 259 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 2: to do this, you don't need to do this, you 260 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 2: can do something else, Go do something else. And you're like, no, 261 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 2: I got you. This is a team effort, and so 262 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 2: am I assuming no. 263 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 4: So you know, the military, we're a very proud community, right, 264 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 4: and sometimes having the need for even saying like oh, 265 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 4: I have a caregiver, that can be really stigmatizing. It 266 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 4: can be really hard to admit. So I think part 267 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 4: of my role as being a caregiver is sort of 268 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 4: you know, I call myself the cheerleader sometimes instead, right, 269 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 4: you know, something else because I don't want to my 270 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 4: husband is still a man. Yes, it's an advocate, something 271 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 4: other than caregiver. I've heard other people call themselves the 272 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 4: pit crew. 273 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 3: You know. 274 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 4: There's a lot of ways you can talk about it. 275 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 4: But I love that you said it's kind of a team, right, 276 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 4: because that's what we should lean on. We're a team 277 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 4: within our family, We're a team within our community. And 278 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 4: the more that we can understand and support and share 279 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 4: and talk about all the tough stuff together, the better 280 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 4: we are. The better the like health outcomes are, the 281 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 4: better people's lived experience are. So I'm all about creating 282 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 4: that team and that community and really, you know, it's 283 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 4: not one sided. My husband also takes really good care 284 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 4: of me too, you know. And you can find the 285 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 4: ways that even if you're wounded, ill or injured, you 286 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 4: can still be there for others. You can be there 287 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 4: for your family, for your kids. You know, just because 288 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 4: you have a caregiver doesn't mean it's over right. You 289 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 4: have a lot of love to give and a lot 290 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 4: of ways that you can teach and share. 291 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: And with the individual is in the hospital or being 292 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 2: assessed and you get to go home, you're still, like, 293 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 2: you know, with the day and age of technology, you're 294 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 2: still deep diving the internet and trying to find you know, 295 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: like resources. And you know, how come he can't stay 296 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 2: in a rehabilitation center, you know, until he has like 297 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 2: three days of overnight stay in a hospital. And you 298 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 2: know why won't the VA you know kick in right away? 299 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 2: They know he needs, like to have a twenty four 300 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 2: hour caregiver. And they see my mom doing all this, 301 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 2: you know, and she had MS and sleep at me 302 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 2: and all these other things too. 303 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, so you said your dad's name was Jack. What 304 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 4: was your mom's name? Vicky, Vicky and Jack. 305 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 2: I just want to picture that, Yeah, that's that's his 306 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 2: flag right there. Then my mom's pictures next to him, 307 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 2: because they're just equally to me, and so. 308 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 3: Boy, yeah, no, I don't want to get emotional. 309 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 2: Because I watched my mom push my dad all over 310 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 2: the place and take care of him, and you know, 311 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 2: they took care of me, and so I tried to 312 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: give that back to them as much as I could. 313 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 3: And then when it was my. 314 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 2: Mom's end of days, I was her caregiver. So I 315 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 2: was there for all of it, through all of them. 316 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 2: It's not easy to watch your mom and your dad. 317 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 2: How's the last one to do chess compressions. 318 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 3: On my dad? In the er with the doctors, we 319 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 3: were in a train. 320 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 2: And so, you know, when I was approached to have 321 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 2: you on the show, and I was totally happy because 322 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 2: I've lived. 323 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 3: In that life and I know you have. 324 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 2: And I don't know your husband's ailments or what he's 325 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 2: dealt with, but I know that you as a person 326 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 2: are totally awesome and dealing with it and you know 327 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 2: and don't ever give up on anybody in your family. 328 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 2: I don't know what else to say, you know, I 329 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 2: know that the veterans have at least the VA to 330 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 2: try to reach out to here in the USA. Other 331 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 2: countries they don't have that organization. It's like, oh, you served, 332 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 2: go home, you did your mandatory service. In South Korea, 333 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 2: you were forced to serve, go home after you're done. 334 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, well, what about Like I have these 335 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,880 Speaker 2: issues in my head, deal with it, go back to work, 336 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 2: year back in society. At least in the US we 337 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 2: have at least the Veterans Administration. We can get frustrated with. Okay, 338 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 2: like I'm frustrated. You know, why is my doctor not 339 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 2: the same doctor today? You know, why is it a 340 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 2: different doctor coming in that the other one looked and 341 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 2: already knew about all these things and all these issues. 342 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 2: I don't know if you experienced that, but doctors changed 343 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,919 Speaker 2: with the VA all the time, so the continuity of 344 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 2: care is never the same. 345 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 4: That's where a caregiver comes from. 346 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:41,679 Speaker 3: Correct. 347 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 4: We've worked with three different VA systems, and you'll hear 348 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 4: that expression you've been to one VA, You've been to 349 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 4: one VA, Right, They're all a little bit different. I 350 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 4: think part of the benefit of our network at the 351 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 4: Red Cross is caregivers can come together and learn strategies 352 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 4: like how do you deal with the changing providers, how 353 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 4: do you deal with you know, maybe a provider that 354 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 4: isn't listening to you with your concerns. How do you 355 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 4: help advocate for your veteran loved one to get the treatments, 356 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 4: the medication, the support they need, and so building safe 357 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,399 Speaker 4: places to talk about that and to build strategies to 358 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,400 Speaker 4: you know, work with the VA, because we are very 359 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 4: lucky to have the VA, just like you said, in 360 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 4: the United States, we have that, we have disability benefits, 361 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 4: we have healthcare, we have education benefits. They are you know, 362 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 4: a big government entity and that can be challenging to 363 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 4: work for, but definitely there are strategies and supports and 364 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,719 Speaker 4: we have the Department of Veterans Affairs for a very 365 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 4: good reason. 366 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 3: Right And with that said, the American Red Cross. 367 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,240 Speaker 2: What would my mom if she was here, what would 368 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,000 Speaker 2: she be able to reach out to the American Red 369 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 2: Cross to have them assist her with what is that 370 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,080 Speaker 2: Rubik's cub and how would we get that aligned? 371 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 4: So the first thing we would do is have her 372 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,119 Speaker 4: just become a member of them Terry and Veteran Caregiver 373 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 4: Network and once you're a member, you're a member. We also, 374 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 4: you know, we talked a little bit about being a 375 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 4: caregiver at end of life, and that's a huge transition 376 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 4: that not enough people are talking about. So I just 377 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,119 Speaker 4: want to point out we do have support for that 378 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 4: end of life caregiving, that caregivers survivor transition, and that 379 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,920 Speaker 4: just becomes ever ever more important. So I want to 380 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 4: make sure we call that out. But if someone just 381 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 4: finds out they're a caregiver, what you're going to do 382 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 4: is you're just going to go to our website Redcross 383 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 4: dot org slash Caregivers. You're going to put your name, 384 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 4: your email, and your zip code in and then we're 385 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,960 Speaker 4: going to do the rest. We're going to reach out 386 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 4: to you. We're going to invite you to whole health opportunities, 387 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,879 Speaker 4: self care opportunities that you can engage with. We're going 388 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 4: to provide resiliency workshops for your caregiver experience so you 389 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 4: can get some real coping skills and some real stress management. 390 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 4: And then we have endless peer support opportunities. Our online 391 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 4: community operates twenty four to seven three sixty five. It 392 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 4: is not a social media site. It is an intentional 393 00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 4: community for caregiver support. So you come in there with 394 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 4: a care giver need. We have amazing volunteers, we have 395 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 4: amazing caregivers in there who can share from lived experience, 396 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 4: they can share from best practice, they can share from 397 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 4: amazing community resources they use themselves. So wonderful recommendations coming 398 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 4: out of there, and then you are a member for life. 399 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,199 Speaker 4: We're going to keep reaching out to you. We're going 400 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 4: to share important updates about the caregiver space. We're going 401 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 4: to share opportunities in your community for you to get engaged, 402 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 4: maybe share opportunities for caregivers at your local VA. But 403 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 4: it's really an all encompassing We're going to reach out 404 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 4: to you all the time. You'll probably get a little 405 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 4: bit sick of all of our outreach, right, That's okay. 406 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,640 Speaker 4: We're here for you, and you know, you can take 407 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,879 Speaker 4: a break, you can pause those emails. But as you know, 408 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 4: caregiving is a journey and sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, 409 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 4: and sometimes you really need that critical support and we're 410 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 4: here for all of it. 411 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, And I love that. 412 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 2: And I just feel like my mom and dad kind 413 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 2: of raised me to be that caregiver laying my whole career, 414 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,479 Speaker 2: my whole life. My mom and dad of always been 415 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 2: just loving of each other and like of the family 416 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 2: and of the neighbors and who needs who's in need, 417 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 2: and who needs this, and you know, working at a 418 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 2: food pantry. My dad's you know, was always doing that 419 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 2: up until like as a donation to his church. He 420 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,159 Speaker 2: would always work at the food pantry because they had 421 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 2: helped him once, you know, like he had had to 422 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 2: get food as a Green Beret from the church because 423 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 2: he didn't make enough money to have food on his table. 424 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,159 Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like, no, you know what read I 425 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 4: have to tell you something like in our caregiver program, 426 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 4: we have amazing volunteers, but in our service to Armed 427 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,959 Speaker 4: forces at Red Cross, we have so many you know, 428 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 4: prior service members, veterans, spouses, military families who come and 429 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 4: they're always giving back with the same sort of you know, 430 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 4: I learned this from my family. This is just who 431 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 4: we are. Or they have that story of how the 432 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,160 Speaker 4: Red Cross helped them one time when they were downrange. 433 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 3: Oh. 434 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 4: I always get choked up when I hear the reasons why, 435 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 4: and I always you know, I'm a little biased. I 436 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 4: do think our veteran community gives back in incredible ways 437 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 4: in they're really leaders in the space of community and 438 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 4: you know, having each other's back. So I love everything 439 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 4: that you're saying. 440 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 2: Oh, well, that's wonderful because I hope our listener out 441 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 2: there is also loving it as well, because I want 442 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 2: them to know that there is a safe space that 443 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 2: they need to reach out and if they're the caregiver 444 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 2: of a loved one, then there's a place that they 445 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 2: can another avenue. 446 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,360 Speaker 3: Right. The American Red Cross. We all know it. 447 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 2: We all know that it means you know, a blood 448 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 2: drive's coming up, okay, or you know there's a disaster, 449 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 2: and who shows up, probably with your blood that you 450 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 2: just donated, you know. Or now and now that I'm 451 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 2: more aware, which is why I stoked to have you on, 452 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 2: is about your American Red Cross? 453 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 3: Is it dot org forward slash Caregivers program? 454 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 4: You yep, you got it? 455 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 3: Ok? 456 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,360 Speaker 4: Cross down or slash caregivers right? 457 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,360 Speaker 2: And and as a as the wife of a marine, 458 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,880 Speaker 2: tell me a little bit about you know, you were 459 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 2: just one day you're just fine and the next day 460 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 2: you're now facing a caregiver situation and what was that? 461 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 3: What happened to your husband? 462 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,879 Speaker 4: If you don't mind, oh no, and thank you for 463 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 4: asking it. So I think a lot of people when 464 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 4: they think of a young caregiver or like I was 465 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,800 Speaker 4: in my early thirties when my husband was injured, I 466 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 4: didn't have that like moment where he came home from 467 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 4: deployment on a medical you know situation like many do. 468 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 4: His progression was actually, you know, I've learned this is 469 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,920 Speaker 4: very common. So he had the onset of a traumatic 470 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,719 Speaker 4: brain injury and ever the marine, right, he was going 471 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 4: to push that down. He did not want to stop 472 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 4: serving the PTSD. You know, in hindsight, I look back 473 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 4: and all of this was very obvious. But at the 474 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 4: time I had a we had our one year old son, right, 475 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 4: So that's taken up a lot of my time and energy, 476 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 4: and I just thought, oh, you know, this is just 477 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 4: how it is when they come back from deployment. Oh, 478 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,399 Speaker 4: this is just hard. And it actually took the Marine 479 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 4: Corps himself. My husband was at the on Camp Pendleton 480 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 4: and something happened and he ended up at the hospital 481 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:05,919 Speaker 4: and that's where everything, all these diagnoses started coming and 482 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 4: it was, you know, bad enough that he got transferred 483 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 4: to the Wounded Warrior battalion. Meaning now your Marine Corps 484 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,959 Speaker 4: career is just medical. It's just getting better, it's just 485 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 4: trying to heal. And we were in that system where 486 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 4: he was for two years, and you know, we got 487 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 4: the unfit for duty, the awful thing they stamp on 488 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:33,000 Speaker 4: the paperwork, and that started a medical retirement process and 489 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 4: that was a lot of grieving and a lot of 490 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 4: loss and a lot of change to our community. And 491 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 4: then you know, it's just been I laugh because it's 492 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:49,360 Speaker 4: now been fourteen years doing this. It's been fourteen years 493 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 4: of new diagnosis, new treatments, new medications, new hospitals moving, 494 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 4: but just keeping someone on track, keeping him engaged in healthcare, 495 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 4: which that's really the key. Writing the roller coaster of 496 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 4: traumatic brain injury, writing the postmat stress disorder, but learning 497 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:12,119 Speaker 4: and growing together and trying to have as happy a 498 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 4: life as we can. Our son just turns seventeen, so 499 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 4: he's older now, and he talks a lot like you read, 500 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,399 Speaker 4: you know, about growing up in a family and seeing 501 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,959 Speaker 4: that and there's a new kind of campaign. They call 502 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,840 Speaker 4: him hidden Helpers, right for children that are growing up 503 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 4: in this dynamic where there's a wounded warrior and a 504 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 4: caregiver and the kids are hidden helpers, and so there's 505 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 4: new efforts to better support and understand their journey. See, 506 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 4: and these things just keep growing. We keep getting better 507 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 4: and more inclusive and comprehensive in our care and concern 508 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 4: for what are community is going through. 509 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's that's that's incredible. And there are hidden helpers, 510 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 2: you know, because there's just are. Because I was one, 511 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 2: my little brother's one, my older brothers one. You know, 512 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 2: we all grew up with Dad being so strong and 513 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 2: always running marathons and rock marching on his own for 514 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 2: six miles in Utah our house. Every other day he'd 515 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 2: go and I'd ride my bike with him. 516 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,280 Speaker 3: So you never thought. 517 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 2: I would always tell the doctor, well, how did he 518 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,920 Speaker 2: go from running marathons a day ago to now this 519 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 2: with his issues? 520 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 3: And they're like, we're just saying that it happened. I'm like, 521 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 3: but like what. 522 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 2: You know, he just went from running to having to 523 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 2: have stints and having to have open heart, having to 524 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 2: you know, et cetera. It's like, and I kept saying 525 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,800 Speaker 2: that for like ten years as it just kept progressing, 526 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 2: you know, like how come? 527 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 3: How come? 528 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,880 Speaker 2: And I just you know, and it was a TBI 529 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 2: traumatic brain injury that occurred to my dad. Like I said, 530 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 2: on those jumps, jumping out of the airplane, So here 531 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,280 Speaker 2: comes my mom, TBI expert. I think she would really 532 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 2: be proud of you. She was an advocate for veterans 533 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 2: and she would She helped him to get to one 534 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 2: hundred percent rating, and she helped other veterans in our community. 535 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 2: They're like, hey, Vicky, g THK, you can help me 536 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 2: file my paperwork and she'd be like, uh, just more 537 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 2: workload pro bono with no additional income coming in. 538 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 3: But she would sit at the desk like a lawyer. Yep. 539 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 4: No, I can relate to that so much because you 540 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 4: can't say no if it needs help with that, you can't. 541 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 4: You have to. You know, you have this information, you've 542 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 4: gone through it, you can share it, but it is 543 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 4: it takes a lot out of you. So you've got 544 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 4: to find the support that you need. You got to 545 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,360 Speaker 4: find breaks, You got to find ways to take care 546 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 4: of yourself and your family, and you know, try to 547 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 4: find bits of joy where you can, because it can 548 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 4: all become very overwhelming. 549 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can just all of a sudden just 550 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,640 Speaker 2: be overwhelmed in that and it can engulf you and 551 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 2: in a moment of despair, yep, you're just like no, 552 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,480 Speaker 2: and then you break through it because you're hardcore and 553 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 2: you're like no, no, no, I got this. 554 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,639 Speaker 3: You're like I've got my kids. 555 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:51,440 Speaker 4: Just keep going. 556 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 3: Push it away, Marine, just push it away. 557 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have time to feel this right now. 558 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 3: What were you doing is not healthy working? 559 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 2: Did you have another job before you were, you know, 560 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 2: full on with American Red Cross? 561 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,160 Speaker 4: I mean yeah, in another life, I was in accounting. 562 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 4: I used to do people's books and taxes and things. 563 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 4: I never I never envisioned this for myself. Yeah, but 564 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 4: it was one of those things where people kept needing 565 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 4: my help and I wasn't going to say no. And 566 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 4: then I used whatever skills I had, what everything I learned, 567 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 4: and the people, the wonderful people I've met along the way, 568 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,199 Speaker 4: all right, and we just kept going, and we just 569 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 4: kept building and trying to lead with that heartfelt understanding 570 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 4: and judgment and just the support we all needed when 571 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 4: there wasn't anything right. 572 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 2: And your book sleeping with the war, I'm just assuming 573 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 2: that you have to deal with the same issues that 574 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 2: come home to you that try to snuggle up next 575 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 2: to you. Okay, every single night, you know, you might 576 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 2: look over at your husband with your eyes open while 577 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 2: he's sleeping and just checking him to make sure his 578 00:28:58,520 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 2: breathing is. 579 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,959 Speaker 3: Going your whatever the case is. 580 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 2: You know, So I can only imagine, you know, the 581 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 2: PTSD you've dealt with from his PTSD that he personally 582 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 2: deals with. Now he brings it home in a different way. 583 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, writing was my self care. So that's how I 584 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 4: dealt with a lot of the heavy stuff. And my 585 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,479 Speaker 4: book is a dark read. If you get it, make 586 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 4: sure you have like an adult coloring book or some 587 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 4: stickers around or something to cheer you up, because it's 588 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 4: a hard read. And I don't know if I would 589 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 4: have published that if I knew I was going to 590 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 4: be where I am. I kind of just was, you know, 591 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 4: throwing all of that pain and all of that raw 592 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,479 Speaker 4: heartache just on the page. And I'm very grateful I 593 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:43,520 Speaker 4: got to write with the Writer's Guild of America and they, 594 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 4: you know, were very encouraging of my story. But I 595 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 4: always say, like I titled my book Sleeping with the 596 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 4: War very intentionally because it allowed me to separate my 597 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,959 Speaker 4: husband from his injuries, from what had happened from the deployments, 598 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 4: from the war or from all of that, and so 599 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 4: laying across from someone that you know has been impacted 600 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 4: by things that. 601 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 3: You really can only imagine. 602 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 4: That is what saved me. And then the ability to 603 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 4: just honor that it was hard for me too, and 604 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,200 Speaker 4: it maybe if it's hard for everyone, we can heal 605 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 4: together and walk forward together. 606 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,720 Speaker 2: And it is hard for everyone, Okay, it is hard 607 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,200 Speaker 2: for everyone who's a caregiver. That's not a lie, okay, 608 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 2: because you know everything's abrupted and they have to now 609 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 2: focus solely. But that's that's what it is. It's it's 610 00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 2: you just you don't realize you're a caregiver. You're just 611 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 2: doing your oath. Yep, yeah, that you gave right and. 612 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 3: You know, and. 613 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, there's there's so many people out there 614 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 2: that deserve to have the benefits and deserve to have 615 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 2: their ratings higher and of their out process of medical 616 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 2: evaluation boards if they went through an METB. You know, 617 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 2: if you're about to go through an METB yourself, and 618 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 2: you're listening to this which is a medical evaluation board 619 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 2: where they're going to sit down and you know, break 620 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 2: down your rating of like oh, what's this? What's that 621 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 2: thirty percent, ten percent? No percent? You know, it's just 622 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 2: kind of like this hit or miss. And then if 623 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 2: you say, well, no, it's not true, and you reapply 624 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 2: and they deny you again, and then you reapply and 625 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 2: you don't change nothing, and that's all of a sudden 626 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 2: you approve, you know. 627 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, the claim system. What I always try to tell 628 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 4: people is you are more than the sum of those 629 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 4: numbers and that arbitrary vamath that we talk about. You 630 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 4: are more than that. And so getting to a place 631 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,440 Speaker 4: where you can tell your medical journey and your injury 632 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:39,120 Speaker 4: story in a way that is humanizing to you because 633 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 4: I you know, we talk about the one hundred percent 634 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 4: that there are people that don't feel worthy because they 635 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 4: only got thirty percent or something. So I'm always telling 636 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,160 Speaker 4: people that number is rather arbitrary. I understand why you 637 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 4: want to get it to where you need to get it, 638 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 4: and we want to help you do that. But you 639 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 4: are more than the sum of that vamath. 640 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, You're way more than the some right, 641 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 2: And so sadly though that some helps with food on 642 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 2: the table, right, you know, getting to one hundred percent 643 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 2: rating if that's where my tax dollars have to go. 644 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 3: Put it there. 645 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 2: If my tax dollars go to the veteran who's should 646 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 2: be one hundred percent and they're like, well, we don't 647 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,200 Speaker 2: want to give them this much because no, give them 648 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 2: my tax dollars, that's where it should go. That's the 649 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 2: proper place to rehabilitate and give them and their caregiver 650 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 2: proper needs at home on the home front, including recreational therapy. 651 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 2: I'm a big proponent of that with my viewership. I 652 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 2: know that pills are out there and doctors prescribe them, 653 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,200 Speaker 2: but they can also prescribe you know, going outside and 654 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 2: getting involved in your local you know, pickleball, or go play, 655 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 2: or go skiing. If you need adaptive skiing. You can 656 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,920 Speaker 2: ask the VA, you know, for like recreational therapy, ask 657 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 2: your advocate there to push a little further for some 658 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 2: recreational therapy. And I know that, you know, Melissa, you're 659 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 2: with the American Red Cross. So if if a veteran 660 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,880 Speaker 2: is listening to this that doesn't. 661 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 3: Have a caregiver. 662 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 2: And they're on they're they're they're just themselves and they're like, 663 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,720 Speaker 2: you know, they're relying on just themselves. Can they still 664 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 2: reach out to the American Red Cross. 665 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 4: Yes, the American Red Cross, and I encourage them to. So, 666 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 4: you know, you're talking about recreational therapy. Yes, I think 667 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,440 Speaker 4: volunteerism is a type of therapy. I really do getting 668 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 4: out of yourself and like, I'm not even saying you 669 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 4: have to volunteer for anything related to the military. You know, 670 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 4: go check people in for a blood drive, sign up 671 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 4: to be a disaster action team member. 672 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 2: You know you Oh, my dad was a food bake 673 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 2: He would unload at the food bake for the church 674 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 2: and stock the warehouse with food. 675 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, because there's something about being physically active. There's something 676 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,240 Speaker 4: about being a part of something. The its proven that 677 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 4: if you help others, you're also helping yourself. So I, 678 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 4: you know, I'll talk to people that do that. But 679 00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 4: I do want to talk about because we've talked a 680 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 4: lot about spouse care and I'm probably you know, the wife. 681 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 4: It's the probably the common way that people think about caregivers. 682 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,280 Speaker 4: But what we see a lot is we have a 683 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 4: lot of veterans in our network, right and they are 684 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 4: veterans who are caring for their battle buddies. These are 685 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 4: veterans who care for their elderly veteran neighbor. 686 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 3: Right. 687 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 4: We see a lot of different relationships. There's parents caring 688 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 4: for their children, right, adult children that got injured before 689 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,440 Speaker 4: they were ever married. We've got siblings that care for 690 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 4: each other, you know, because that's who the family is. 691 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,720 Speaker 4: And then sometimes it's your chosen family, right, It's someone 692 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 4: you don't even aren't blood related to, but they have 693 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 4: become your caregiver. And the Red Cross is there for 694 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,479 Speaker 4: all of that as well. No matter the relationship. We're 695 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 4: there to support that caregiver in whatever way we possibly can, 696 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 4: with the peer support, with the whole health, with the 697 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,480 Speaker 4: self care, with the education, with the knowledge and skills, 698 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,319 Speaker 4: everything we have, no matter because some people think, oh, 699 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 4: we're not married, so I don't qualify for the support. No, no, no, 700 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 4: you qualified for the support. Oh I'm just his neighbor. 701 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 4: Oh sir, you're gonna need that support as well. Come 702 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 4: on over. We want to take care of you too. 703 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 3: I love that. I love that. 704 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 2: I don't know what else to say, you know, I 705 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 2: just want to hear more of that, right, And that's 706 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,719 Speaker 2: exactly why we have you on today. I have so 707 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 2: many guests that come on that have been through traumatic situations. 708 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 3: You know a lot of veterans have. 709 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 2: Come on the show and talked about like there I was, 710 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 2: you know, and you know, now I don't have my hand, 711 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 2: or there I was and now my face is different, 712 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,319 Speaker 2: and there I was, or now it's three years later 713 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,239 Speaker 2: and I'm still dealing with whatever happened over there, and I. 714 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,319 Speaker 3: Can't get it out of my head. 715 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,480 Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of things that may not 716 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:41,320 Speaker 2: be a surface injury, right it could be submerged inside 717 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 2: of you, you know, that you've been dealing with, because 718 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 2: we all know you guys are tough, like a karate man, okay, 719 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 2: and karate man bruises on the inside. 720 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 3: Okay. 721 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 2: However, those are real bruises on the inside of you 722 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 2: guys out there and gals that can be looked at 723 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 2: and helped and talked about if you feel like opening 724 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,279 Speaker 2: up and reaching out to let's say, her team at 725 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,080 Speaker 2: the American Red Cross, you know, or at your local 726 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 2: Veterans Administration office. Some people who live on like reservations 727 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 2: that served our country, you know, they don't have the 728 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,600 Speaker 2: means to the VA right there, you know, like in 729 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 2: the Navajo Nation and things like that. You know, so 730 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,600 Speaker 2: American Red Cross can also help all of our friends 731 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 2: there as well if they just want to reach out 732 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:22,879 Speaker 2: to you that way. 733 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,479 Speaker 4: Yeah, we are here. Like I love to say, we say, 734 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,440 Speaker 4: any relationship, any location, any era of service, We're going 735 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,320 Speaker 4: to help you with all your charactering support needs. 736 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, because right now we're probably dealing with the Vietnam 737 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,200 Speaker 2: you know, is what's going on right now. And then 738 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,920 Speaker 2: you have your Desert Shield and your you know, Mogadishu 739 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 2: folks and all these guys that have now transitioned to 740 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,799 Speaker 2: you know, Kosovo Serbia in the late nineties who have 741 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,239 Speaker 2: dealt with whatever they've dealt with. Burn pits are the 742 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 2: biggest thing that irritate me. With my best friend that 743 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 2: works with me, he was in Iraq burn pits. I 744 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,719 Speaker 2: looked at him, I'm like, you ever seen a burn pit? 745 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 2: He just looks at me like are you like just 746 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,799 Speaker 2: like were you not there? Rat or something? And I'm like, yeah, dude, 747 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,320 Speaker 2: And He's like, every day every day he saw a 748 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 2: burn pit every day there. And what they are burning 749 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,880 Speaker 2: in those pits is what we're talking about is everything. 750 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 4: Yep. The toxic exposure is a nightmare A nightmare rat. 751 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,040 Speaker 2: You know, there's a movie called Platoon with Charlie Sheen 752 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,759 Speaker 2: and it follows him and his adventures into Vietnam. And 753 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,160 Speaker 2: during one of the scenes, he's put on poop detail 754 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,840 Speaker 2: where they have to like pull it out of the 755 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,080 Speaker 2: outhouse and they're just like pouring gas lean on it 756 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,399 Speaker 2: and they're all standing around puffing on adobe and they're 757 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 2: burning it. 758 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a burn pit to me. 759 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,440 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, Like it's that simple for my listener who's listening, 760 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,839 Speaker 2: like they might have seen that movie and be like, oh, yeah, 761 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 2: that's what I'm talking about, like fumes and all this, 762 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 2: you know, and back then you had like you know, 763 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 2: Agent Orange, which was just being sprayed everywhere. There's videos 764 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 2: of guys just spraying it out of a hose and 765 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 2: they're just like having a smoke in Vietnam with their 766 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:02,799 Speaker 2: booty half flipped up and they're just like kind of 767 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 2: wet in the stuff. And then they come home like 768 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,840 Speaker 2: what's wrong, what's wrong? And it actually can be passed 769 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 2: down yep, through your children, through the children exactly. And 770 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,520 Speaker 2: so you know, just like the Downwinders here in Utah 771 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,480 Speaker 2: when they'd go see the atomic bomb in Vegas, blow 772 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 2: up from Saint George and the Downwinders. They're still Downwinders 773 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:28,440 Speaker 2: alive today that pass that through to their families. Generations 774 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 2: have passed this on. So you know, what may seem like, Okay, 775 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 2: maybe you lost your hand, Okay, but what about the 776 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,680 Speaker 2: toxic stuff that was breathed that went into you, that 777 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,480 Speaker 2: maybe changed your DNA a little bit? 778 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 3: Right, I don't know. That's crazy because and we. 779 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 4: Have to keep getting better. We have to keep doing 780 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 4: the research. We have to keep understanding what the families 781 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,240 Speaker 4: experience and the community, right all the people that support 782 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,879 Speaker 4: the military wherever they are. We just have to keep 783 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:58,400 Speaker 4: getting better and keep learning and keep researching and listening 784 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 4: to people when they're saying they have a situation, suation 785 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,840 Speaker 4: or they have a issue based on their service. 786 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent, you know. And so I mean 787 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 2: you really hit it on the head when it's like, 788 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,720 Speaker 2: you know, a sibling can be taking care of a sibling. 789 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,759 Speaker 2: You know, maybe mom and dad aren't around as a 790 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,080 Speaker 2: young agent, one of them joined the other one's like okay, 791 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 2: see letter, big brother, big sister. They come home and 792 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,279 Speaker 2: they're like you can stay here, you can just stay here. 793 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,000 Speaker 2: And they're like well, who are you at the VA? Well, 794 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:28,040 Speaker 2: I'm their brother. Okay, well are you authorized? 795 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 3: Are you? You know? 796 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 2: I'm They're right in front of me. I'm wheeling them 797 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,760 Speaker 2: in the office, you know. And the neighbor, you're totally 798 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,880 Speaker 2: right looking at the older neighbor, or the older neighbor 799 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,359 Speaker 2: looking at the younger neighbor and saying, what's up with 800 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 2: you, younger guy? You know, let me help you. But the 801 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:52,600 Speaker 2: older we get, the more we as caregivers need a 802 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,560 Speaker 2: caregiver too. And I noticed that with my mom okay 803 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,120 Speaker 2: it's like one hundred percent and my dad, but she 804 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,400 Speaker 2: was always taking care of him, and they always smile 805 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 2: and never let on like oh. But I would see 806 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 2: my mom and just walking with her feet just back 807 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,759 Speaker 2: and forth behind the wheelchair, carrying her big lawyer bag 808 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,440 Speaker 2: hooked onto the wheelchair, trying to carry her. You know, 809 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,640 Speaker 2: she would have had a Stanley, but she doesn't have 810 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,960 Speaker 2: a sh had her mug okay, And I'd be like, yo, 811 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 2: we should get like a clamp for your chair for 812 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,279 Speaker 2: a drink holder, Mom, and we should do this, and 813 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:22,879 Speaker 2: we'd start getting her all these little. 814 00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 3: Fixtures for Dad's chair so now she can just hang 815 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:26,000 Speaker 3: her bag. 816 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 2: It wasn't always like strapped around the back of the 817 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:33,960 Speaker 2: wheelchair with the two handles that adds more weight. I 818 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,239 Speaker 2: just know that there's people listening who have probably done 819 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,080 Speaker 2: the same thing. And you know you're now wearing a 820 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,880 Speaker 2: backpack and all the things that need to be for 821 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,920 Speaker 2: the individual you're taking into the doctor's office. 822 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,440 Speaker 4: Rud everything you're saying. So people sometimes ask me, like, 823 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,719 Speaker 4: how can you know someone who's a caregiver, Like, you 824 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:54,319 Speaker 4: know what you're talking about if you just notice the 825 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:58,240 Speaker 4: person who's carrying all the bags, Yes, the person behind 826 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:03,000 Speaker 4: that wheelchair. Not everyone sees past the veteran to that layer. 827 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 4: And so when you're talking about the backpacks, right, Like, 828 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 4: I can't tell you how many times I've seen, you know, 829 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,680 Speaker 4: caregivers come in and maybe they're holding like dog poop 830 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,320 Speaker 4: from the service dog, right, but you probably didn't notice 831 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,799 Speaker 4: that because you've got you saw the veteran with his 832 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:20,239 Speaker 4: service dog, right, or all the bags. I can see 833 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,080 Speaker 4: Vicky right now with her bags and her backpack. And yes, 834 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,799 Speaker 4: you know this is before we had the good Stanley cups, right, 835 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:26,839 Speaker 4: So it's a coffee. 836 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,359 Speaker 2: Mug, yeah, right basically yeah, or like a bigger mud 837 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:30,880 Speaker 2: that didn't really want to fit in something. 838 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,280 Speaker 3: She just wanted to have her. 839 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,440 Speaker 4: She was gonna be there all day. 840 00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,760 Speaker 2: She needs a drink, yes, right, and she's not gonna 841 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,799 Speaker 2: walk that hallway again to go get a water found 842 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:39,520 Speaker 2: at the canteen. 843 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:40,600 Speaker 3: Yep. 844 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,320 Speaker 4: You look for the people holding the stack of papers, 845 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,080 Speaker 4: the folders, right, These are the people that are doing 846 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 4: that carry behind the scenes. And it's not that they 847 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,640 Speaker 4: want attention, but just to see them. That's how you 848 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 4: know someone. 849 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,200 Speaker 3: Is a caregivers. 850 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,759 Speaker 4: Any cases, it's the one carrying the bags. It's the 851 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 4: one behind the wheel. Really, it's the one with the 852 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:00,000 Speaker 4: all the PaperWorks. 853 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:01,719 Speaker 3: Some one that pulls up to the window says, hi, 854 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:06,400 Speaker 3: checking in for Jack Radel. Yes, you know with the 855 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:10,040 Speaker 3: movie the name. Yeah, oh hi Vicky, Yeah exactly. 856 00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,440 Speaker 2: And I'm in the VA of course, and so you 857 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,359 Speaker 2: know I'm not airborne, but my dad was airborne. And 858 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,239 Speaker 2: so one time he pulled up and they said, last 859 00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,840 Speaker 2: name is Raydal. So everybody calls me rad because they 860 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,200 Speaker 2: don't know how to say my last name is. 861 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,880 Speaker 3: Radel r A D L. So they call us Rattle. 862 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:25,839 Speaker 3: And so. 863 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:31,239 Speaker 2: They're like, are you Aaron? And he goes, do I 864 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,800 Speaker 2: look like a leg to you. And he's in a wheelchair. 865 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,759 Speaker 2: My dad's airborne, so a leg is someone who's not airborne. 866 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,800 Speaker 2: So he literally like dissed me at the VA check in. 867 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,680 Speaker 2: Oh he called me a leg? Like do I look 868 00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,880 Speaker 2: like a leg? Because he's airborne green beret in a wheelchair. 869 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:46,319 Speaker 2: He's like, do I look like a leg to you? 870 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 2: And I was just like he told he told me 871 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,080 Speaker 2: that he had to tell me that because he's like, 872 00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:51,759 Speaker 2: you may be a leg, but you're my leg. 873 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:52,759 Speaker 3: That's what he would say. 874 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,239 Speaker 2: And so I was like, oh, bro, really, but you know, 875 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,239 Speaker 2: we're both in the system together. So they might pull 876 00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:02,440 Speaker 2: up his file or my file and mine's like, oh, 877 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,359 Speaker 2: you had acl injury on him. I wish that's all it. 878 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,560 Speaker 3: Was for him. That's what I dealt with. But that's 879 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 3: not what he at all had dealt with. 880 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,600 Speaker 2: You know, he had the Agent Orange, he had the TBIs, 881 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,640 Speaker 2: he had the Vietnam he had into the ninety two 882 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,080 Speaker 2: ninety three era of you know, deploying and all that 883 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,399 Speaker 2: as a Green Beret, just being gone all the time. 884 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,200 Speaker 3: And again Mom was always there. 885 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 2: She's the one that would say, okay, let's say a 886 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,000 Speaker 2: prayer to get the car started so you can go 887 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,680 Speaker 2: to school in the morning. And I would I would 888 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,280 Speaker 2: pray the car would start to go to school. 889 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:32,919 Speaker 3: What was I doing? 890 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,200 Speaker 2: I was like, I should say don't start, but I'd 891 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,840 Speaker 2: be like, oh, please let the car start, and it 892 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:37,560 Speaker 2: would just start. 893 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,520 Speaker 3: I don't know if she's tricking me. I don't know 894 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:40,319 Speaker 3: what she was doing there. 895 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,200 Speaker 2: But my mom was super sweet and always just had 896 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,000 Speaker 2: the right thing to say. So she'd be like, you know, 897 00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:50,600 Speaker 2: always be nice to your wife, and you know, always 898 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:51,920 Speaker 2: be nice to other people. 899 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,440 Speaker 3: You know, that kind of a thing. So you know, 900 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,320 Speaker 3: I just that's who I am. 901 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,440 Speaker 4: Well, he sounds like an angel and she raised a 902 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,279 Speaker 4: good man. Thanks your family. Service is so inspiring. So 903 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,359 Speaker 4: thank you all for what you've done. 904 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, and same to you, you know, and and to 905 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,279 Speaker 2: rise to be I want to say director, right is 906 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,080 Speaker 2: your position at the American that's pretty boss? 907 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 3: Okay, right? Okay? When you stand on business? Is that 908 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:22,640 Speaker 3: what they say? 909 00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:26,000 Speaker 4: I'm proud, But it's more like being honored, right, Yeah, 910 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,759 Speaker 4: taking something as far as you can and then see, 911 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,120 Speaker 4: you know the American Red Cross, all the value of 912 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,080 Speaker 4: it and wanted to get behind it and build it 913 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,759 Speaker 4: and grow it. And they believe in me, and they 914 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,680 Speaker 4: believe in our team and our volunteers, and they really 915 00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,680 Speaker 4: care about everyone involved in service to the armed forces. 916 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,440 Speaker 4: So it's really I have to pinch myself sometimes that 917 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,320 Speaker 4: this happened, right, A lot of bad things that happened, 918 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:51,719 Speaker 4: but some of those bad days really led to some 919 00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 4: good things. And I always talk about my silver Lining friends. 920 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,640 Speaker 4: I've met some of the best people in the whole world. 921 00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,640 Speaker 4: But we never would have met if we hadn't been 922 00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,680 Speaker 4: in the house spittle together. If we had, you know, 923 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,200 Speaker 4: needed to talk to each other in the middle of 924 00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,839 Speaker 4: the night about some TBI related condition or you know, 925 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,120 Speaker 4: serving as a dual fellow, or you know, volunteering, you know, 926 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,160 Speaker 4: military spouse and volunteer for everything. That's how you make friends. 927 00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,480 Speaker 4: But I just I'm so grateful for those silver Lining friends. 928 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,840 Speaker 4: But I never would have met and this network that 929 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,200 Speaker 4: never would have existed had we not gone through some 930 00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:24,000 Speaker 4: really tough stuff. 931 00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 2: Well, you're owning your life and the direction you're in 932 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,200 Speaker 2: and the lane, and you continue to do so, and 933 00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:35,440 Speaker 2: just stay a boss lady and don't ever give it up, 934 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,480 Speaker 2: and you know, just be you. And I'm sure your 935 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:44,160 Speaker 2: husband's very very in debt to you. 936 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 4: Oh no, it's so mutual. 937 00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,480 Speaker 2: I'm not keeping any any tabs because I would be 938 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,479 Speaker 2: to mine, I would be you know, we talk about 939 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 2: it right now. 940 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,399 Speaker 3: You know you want to know something. 941 00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,040 Speaker 2: I know I've had you for like just about an hour, 942 00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,919 Speaker 2: but I just want to say that I joke around 943 00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,480 Speaker 2: with my wife, but it's not a joke. I say, 944 00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,760 Speaker 2: when do I start putting in the railings to the shower? 945 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:04,880 Speaker 2: You know, when do I start doing that? Do I 946 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,520 Speaker 2: do it now? Because I'm forty eight, like I was 947 00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:09,960 Speaker 2: mentioning it. We've been joking about since I was like thirty. 948 00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:12,640 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, we should just prep the situation because 949 00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,680 Speaker 2: by the time something were to happen to me or 950 00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,719 Speaker 2: if I'm incapacitated, it's too late. 951 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,040 Speaker 3: Yeah to say, oh hey. 952 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,720 Speaker 4: I do want to remind you that there are housing 953 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,080 Speaker 4: programs at the VA where they will come and install 954 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,120 Speaker 4: those for you, and if you ever need help with that, 955 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:28,839 Speaker 4: you reach out to me and I will help you 956 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,440 Speaker 4: if you want to wait till. I love your proactiveness, 957 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:35,080 Speaker 4: though I must say, oh, you know, I would say, 958 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,120 Speaker 4: but if you ever need help with those kind of 959 00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,239 Speaker 4: shower bars or making your home more accessible. You do, 960 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:41,319 Speaker 4: please let me. 961 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:42,719 Speaker 2: Know because I can help put you in the right 962 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,440 Speaker 2: Like should we have a walk in tub already? So 963 00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:45,960 Speaker 2: I just get rid of the tub right now and 964 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,520 Speaker 2: just have a walk in tub. So that because my 965 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:54,200 Speaker 2: wife and I you know, knock on wood, Taylor, Okay, Taylor, 966 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,400 Speaker 2: knock on wood right there. But I'm just saying, you know, 967 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:01,680 Speaker 2: we're just going to get older and then my children, 968 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:05,600 Speaker 2: hopefully you have picked up that sense of pride to 969 00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 2: take care of themselves and their family. I'm like, you know, 970 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:13,000 Speaker 2: I wiped your button, now you have to wipe mine. 971 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:14,719 Speaker 3: You know, that's just love. 972 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:15,640 Speaker 4: It's just family. 973 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,040 Speaker 3: It's just love. Yeah, exactly. 974 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,959 Speaker 2: So you know, if there was something that you wanted 975 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,360 Speaker 2: to let our listener know about the American Red Cross 976 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,680 Speaker 2: and your mission that we haven't covered, or that you 977 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,439 Speaker 2: want to reiterate, what would that be? 978 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:28,719 Speaker 3: You know? 979 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,720 Speaker 4: So I know we say this a lot in our community, 980 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:37,280 Speaker 4: but you are not alone. I guarantee you. Whatever situation 981 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:41,560 Speaker 4: you might be going through, however tough, however dark, there's 982 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:45,480 Speaker 4: someone out there that's been through something similar. And you 983 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,840 Speaker 4: can get so much peace, validation, support resources by talking 984 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,839 Speaker 4: to people about what you're going through And I love 985 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,440 Speaker 4: our network because you can trust our caregivers, you can 986 00:47:56,440 --> 00:48:00,000 Speaker 4: trust our volunteers, there's no judgment. It really is an 987 00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,839 Speaker 4: network of people. We always say it's buy caregivers for caregivers, 988 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,439 Speaker 4: and you know, we want you to be a part 989 00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:11,200 Speaker 4: of this network. We're here to share your journey. That's 990 00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,480 Speaker 4: what we call our peer support group, sharing the journey, 991 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,160 Speaker 4: and we're here for you. 992 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:16,840 Speaker 3: I love that. 993 00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,399 Speaker 2: I love that, and you know, I know that you're 994 00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,799 Speaker 2: you're busy, and I have had you for just about 995 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,960 Speaker 2: an hour and it's been a very positive conversation on 996 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:32,000 Speaker 2: a very sensitive subject. And you know, if you're out 997 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,480 Speaker 2: there and you are struggling with yourself and you need 998 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,680 Speaker 2: some assistance and you want another avenue to reach out to, 999 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,920 Speaker 2: I'm sure you can reach out to the American Red 1000 00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:44,560 Speaker 2: Cross dot org ford slash caregivers and just let them 1001 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,920 Speaker 2: know your story and what makes you tick. And I'm 1002 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,319 Speaker 2: sure there's a process that starts to vet you into 1003 00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:53,480 Speaker 2: the program. And you know, if the VA is to say, oh, hey, 1004 00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,160 Speaker 2: your appointments in six months and you're like, but I've 1005 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,920 Speaker 2: got like heart pain and they're like, yeah, six months, 1006 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,040 Speaker 2: You're like, you know, you need someone to reach out 1007 00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:03,879 Speaker 2: to you want to talk to someone, You can reach 1008 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,439 Speaker 2: out to me through Instagram and say hi, Rad heard 1009 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:06,839 Speaker 2: your show. 1010 00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:08,000 Speaker 3: Can you tell me again? 1011 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:10,800 Speaker 2: Was it the American Redcross dot org for slash careers 1012 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,359 Speaker 2: or was it soft rep dot com Forward slash book 1013 00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:17,680 Speaker 2: hyphen club. You know, I'll break that down for you. Okay, Yes, 1014 00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:19,480 Speaker 2: I segued into both of those things. 1015 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:24,160 Speaker 4: So for a community, there's no one right door, right, 1016 00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,279 Speaker 4: You've got to have all different avenues for people to 1017 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:27,600 Speaker 4: get to the support they need. 1018 00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:31,040 Speaker 2: Well, it takes a village, It really does, all of 1019 00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:33,160 Speaker 2: us together, you know, the doctors at the VA, the 1020 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,200 Speaker 2: caregivers taking the patient to the VA. You know, the 1021 00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:40,319 Speaker 2: patient realizing like, hey, it's okay to have somebody care 1022 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:44,520 Speaker 2: for them and not be standoffish and like go away, 1023 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,759 Speaker 2: leave me alone. I'm not worth it. Oh whatever, you 1024 00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,200 Speaker 2: are worth it. You're so worth it. That's why we're 1025 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,919 Speaker 2: doing what we can to help you. You know, stick 1026 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,040 Speaker 2: around because something you make a joke funny, that's what 1027 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,600 Speaker 2: it is. Okay, whoever that person is, you're funny enough, 1028 00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,880 Speaker 2: Just stick around. So, I mean, I guess I just 1029 00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,200 Speaker 2: wanted to be a positive light with this episode. 1030 00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:07,799 Speaker 3: You know, right now you. 1031 00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,359 Speaker 2: And I are filming this, it's October, and you know 1032 00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,000 Speaker 2: it's probably going to go up around you know, the 1033 00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,799 Speaker 2: Veterans Day time frame, and you know, in November, even 1034 00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:20,920 Speaker 2: if it's December, even if it's January, February. This should 1035 00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:24,640 Speaker 2: just be a timeless episode where they can just go 1036 00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:28,480 Speaker 2: check out the American Red Cross dot org ford slash 1037 00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:33,280 Speaker 2: careers and excuse me, but if they want. 1038 00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:35,040 Speaker 4: To work there, there are careers. 1039 00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:39,920 Speaker 2: Yes, caregivers, I get so wrapped up the klemped So 1040 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:44,160 Speaker 2: it's caregivers, I got you and careers. Now, are you 1041 00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,719 Speaker 2: guys looking for volunteers and people to reach out to 1042 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,040 Speaker 2: work with you in this program? 1043 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,120 Speaker 4: Absolutely? We love volunteers and I love I mean we 1044 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,480 Speaker 4: have volunteers from all hours of service, all relationships, all 1045 00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:58,120 Speaker 4: across the globe. Like we have caregivers in the Philippines, 1046 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,240 Speaker 4: in the UK and Australia. They're all caring for American 1047 00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,279 Speaker 4: service members, but you know they're expats. So we're a 1048 00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:08,239 Speaker 4: global community of caregivers taking care of our American servicemen 1049 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:08,720 Speaker 4: and women. 1050 00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:09,920 Speaker 3: So awesome. 1051 00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,520 Speaker 2: And the book that you wrote, which is dark and 1052 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:19,920 Speaker 2: daring and bold, which is Sleeping with the War, okay, 1053 00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:21,480 Speaker 2: which you have. 1054 00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:26,720 Speaker 3: Gone back and thought about. But it's out there, so. 1055 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,960 Speaker 2: So go get that book, check it out, read it. 1056 00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,799 Speaker 2: If you buy it somewhere on Amazon or whatever, leave 1057 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,720 Speaker 2: a comment down below for the author, which is Melissa author, 1058 00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,280 Speaker 2: Melissa Okay, slash caregivers slash director at American Red Cross 1059 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,720 Speaker 2: reach Out, and you know, leave a comment down below 1060 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,719 Speaker 2: on the book and what it meant to you. Tell 1061 00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,719 Speaker 2: her if it was dark or not, be like I 1062 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:46,440 Speaker 2: got darker. 1063 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what? Those are Actually my favorite comments 1064 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:51,560 Speaker 4: when someone's like thank you because like I didn't even 1065 00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,480 Speaker 4: know we could say this stuff out loud. That means 1066 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,200 Speaker 4: the world to me. So if my darkness can just 1067 00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,760 Speaker 4: give you peace or space to share yours. 1068 00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,680 Speaker 3: That's what it's for, you know. 1069 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,319 Speaker 2: And so thank you so much for being on the 1070 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:06,880 Speaker 2: show and allowing me to shed a tear about the 1071 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:11,399 Speaker 2: joyous love I have for my parents. And there's Jack 1072 00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:17,799 Speaker 2: and Vicky. I love it, Mom and Dad. Thank you 1073 00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:23,040 Speaker 2: to your team Dominique who helped arrange us to be together. 1074 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:30,680 Speaker 2: And you know Danny and High Tower, Mac High Tower, 1075 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,959 Speaker 2: maybe Mac High Tower, I think Okay, sorry, I'm trying 1076 00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:40,440 Speaker 2: not to cry but I am so anyways, thanks, I 1077 00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:45,239 Speaker 2: appreciate that I do, and just be awesome. This will 1078 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,840 Speaker 2: go up and if any of my listeners want to 1079 00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,400 Speaker 2: reach out to you, we'll have a link at the below, 1080 00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,839 Speaker 2: So a listener viewer, if you're gonna want to hit 1081 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,560 Speaker 2: up the American Red Cross, then there will be a 1082 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,399 Speaker 2: link down below and then any information, we might even 1083 00:52:58,440 --> 00:52:59,759 Speaker 2: have a link to your book, so you can just. 1084 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:00,400 Speaker 3: Click on Matt. 1085 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,600 Speaker 2: Thanks to Callum who listens to all my podcasts blindly. 1086 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,520 Speaker 2: He doesn't know what I'm gonna say and he has 1087 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,919 Speaker 2: to like break it down. So when you see any 1088 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:14,000 Speaker 2: soft Rep radio show that has a dissertation, they've listened 1089 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,839 Speaker 2: to the whole show and they've written what we've talked about, 1090 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:16,279 Speaker 2: and I'm like. 1091 00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:20,239 Speaker 3: Oh, is that what we talked about? So thank you so. 1092 00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:22,200 Speaker 2: Much for your hard work, Bro, I appreciate you. And 1093 00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:25,719 Speaker 2: to Brandon Webb who continues to helm this ship of 1094 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,400 Speaker 2: soft rep dot com. For the Special Operation Forces community 1095 00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,759 Speaker 2: and for those who had asthma that can never join 1096 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,440 Speaker 2: the military, We're here for you as well. Okay, this 1097 00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:37,799 Speaker 2: community is also your community, and so whether you've gone 1098 00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,800 Speaker 2: down range or you support those that have gone down range. 1099 00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,640 Speaker 2: You know, that's just the team that I think Melissa 1100 00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,400 Speaker 2: also talks about too. And you know at the American 1101 00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:49,040 Speaker 2: Red Cross or here at soft Rep, we got you. 1102 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:53,480 Speaker 2: And on behalf of Melissa Como, her Marine Corps husband 1103 00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:57,200 Speaker 2: was up sempify to you, Bro and everybody that she 1104 00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:01,279 Speaker 2: has helped. I want to say thanks, and to you, 1105 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,319 Speaker 2: my listener, I want to remind you go check out 1106 00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:06,000 Speaker 2: the merch store Okay software dot com. Go check out 1107 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,279 Speaker 2: our social media on Instagram, softwarep Official SOFTWAP Radio. Go 1108 00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:14,479 Speaker 2: check us out on iTunes, iHeart Spotify wherever it's at, 1109 00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,319 Speaker 2: and leave me a comment, you know, because I want 1110 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,279 Speaker 2: to reply, tell me you can do it better. 1111 00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,440 Speaker 3: Cool cool story. So at the end of the. 1112 00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:26,120 Speaker 2: Day, again on behalf of the American Red Cross, who's 1113 00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:29,520 Speaker 2: been my wonderful guest today with Melissa as the representative 1114 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:33,120 Speaker 2: and Brandon and everybody, thanks again, and Mom and Dad 1115 00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,960 Speaker 2: I love you forever. So Jack and Vicky, you're immortalized 1116 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:37,360 Speaker 2: on the internet. There you are again. 1117 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,320 Speaker 3: All right. So with that said, I'm saying peace. 1118 00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,800 Speaker 1: You've been listening to Self Rep Radio