WEBVTT - Rosaena: An Intergenerational Conversation With My Abuela 0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:09.400 The wustaria ramos como familia or familiar city alien mazarandi. 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:12.840 What would you like us as your family to know 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:15.400 or families that have an elder to know? 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:25.680 Comosa. I said that. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:31.400 That they treat them with all the love in their hearts. Yes, 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:35.040 we may be old, but we feel and not that 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:38.239 just because we are at this age in life, we 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:39.480 don't have feelings. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:45.640 Welcome to when You're Invisible. My name is Maria Fernanda. Yes, 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:48.640 but I know not everyone can roll there are, so 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.879 it's fine to call me Maria. When You're Invisible is 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:54.600 mind love letter to the working class and others who 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:58.200 are seemingly invisible in our society. I hope to build 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.360 a community here that will inspire you to have generous 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:05.840 conversations with others that are different from you, conversations that 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:10.680 might help you see life in an entirely different way. 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:15.679 Hi, I'm Claudia Boso de Diez. I am Maria's mother. 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.160 You might remember my mom from our first season of 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.880 When You're Invisible. She came on with my dad to 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:25.759 talk about their immigration journey and their thoughts on Latini. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:28.280 Dads and hello to everybody again today. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.800 Though she's actually not here to be interviewed. She's here 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:36.440 to help translate for her mom, Ma Avuela. She only 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:40.440 speaks Spanish, but I really wanted all our listeners to 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:42.360 be able to hear her story. 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:48.040 So you Rosena my Coats. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:53.720 So I am Rosina my Coat. I am eighty eight 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:58.080 years old, and I am the grandmother of these girl. 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.920 You're getting three generations of women today. So it's definitely 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:07.160 going to be intimate and silly and heartfelt, and I'm 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:10.960 so excited to share it with you. My mom is 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:13.840 going to do some direct translation, and at other times 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:17.440 she'll summarize what mya boy lies saying. Will also reflect 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:21.120 together and Rosa Aina's experiences and how her beliefs about 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.480 the world have impacted our own. How do you feel 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.720 about translating for your mom? 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:32.000 It will be interesting And I don't know how accurate 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:37.760 times and hs and things like that are coming out 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:40.800 on her interview, because as we all know, as we 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:45.840 get old remembering, things could be a little bit different 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.760 or change. But the most important thing for me is 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:54.440 that you heard her voice and her own story as 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:55.680 it is in her own mind. 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:59.959 Right now, me and my grandmother have a great relationship 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:04.480 We're very different from each other, but we've always been close. 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.080 One of the things that I think bonds us is 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:10.720 our playfulness. We are both always willing to laugh, and 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.520 I grew up alongside her. She lived with my family 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:17.280 for three to six months every year, and you'll hear 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:20.240 how close we are in our conversation. We may not 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:23.160 translate every time she calls me mirrena. 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:25.560 H. 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:29.079 The list goes on. She's always using terms of endearment 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:35.040 to talk to me, and these phrases mean my queen, divinity, beauty, basically, 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:37.760 all the beautiful things that you would say to someone 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:41.520 you love, we say in Spanish. I always feel her 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:45.840 love that way. But as close and loving of a 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.440 relationship as we have, there are many things we haven't 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.920 talked about before. Sometimes she can seem like this silly, 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.840 sweet old woman, and maybe her full humanity goes and 0:03:56.920 --> 0:04:01.720 see there's more to unpack. I assume a lot of 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:06.000 grandmother granddaughter relationships are like this. Your grandmother probably isn't 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.000 the first person you can finde in about dating or sex, 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:11.640 or how you should dress or wear your makeup. If 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:16.160 she is, that's awesome. My grandmother, however, does have very 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:20.279 traditional ideas and sometimes that's been a source of conflict 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:24.880 between us. But I wanted to use this interview as 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:28.400 a chance to push our relationship, to ask her questions 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:35.120 I've never asked before. So let's get into this intergenerational 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.839 episode camera. What memory do you have of me? 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.880 Of you? Uh? Huh, any man? 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.240 But which ones stand out? 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:51.200 I think she's remembering if you experienced with you like 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:55.960 the corner apartment of Cornell. Yeah, they had here right 0:04:56.080 --> 0:05:00.200 next to it, and you coming down the tricycles, your 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:13.240 hair blow back by the way, yes allah, Or when 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.560 we took you to the fair and you made her 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:23.440 ride all the rides see, or even when several times 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.159 during the summer will take you to Cornell ice cream 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:30.400 and how meticulous you were eating your cone, comparably with 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.000 your brother that will have stains of chocolate all over 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:34.680 his face. 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:38.800 I love the fact that some of her fondest memory 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:42.599 is involved dessert. No matter her age, or her health 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.000 or what's happening in life, her sweet teeth always helps 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:50.760 her find a bright spot. Rosana Francisco and me, we 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.960 were like the three Musketeers growing up. A short Mexican 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:57.760 woman with no English and her two tiny grandchildren. We'd 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.240 go exploring with her when my parents were working, whether 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.599 it would be to the library or sledding, or she'd 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.200 also go on bigger adventures like road trips with the 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:09.640 whole family, whether we were living in student housing in 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:13.360 waterfall filled Ehica, New York, or in an apartment or 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:18.120 a duplex, or later a house in freezing but beautiful Minnesota, 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:23.039 or in rural Georgia with its breath taking sunsets through 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.720 it all. Maya Buela has been a long for the ride. 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.240 Having her stay with us has been for as long 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.880 as I can remember. I believe my grandmother was in 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.800 her fifties when that started, right, Mom. 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:39.520 Yes, she was fifty six when she came towards the 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:40.120 first time. 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:43.080 Not all the apartments we lived in had two rooms 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:46.400 for me and my brother, so sometimes my grandmother would 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:49.000 stay in the living room or the basement, or when 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.000 we did have to either she'd have one of our 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:53.440 rooms or she'd share with me. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.480 That before I was in a little house that belonged 0:06:57.480 --> 0:07:00.400 to my brother, and when I went to Rekaia the 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:04.800 four of my kids, Mom, what do you want to 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.720 do in the house you have? You will have to 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:14.920 pay rent, electricity, water, telephone, everything, all the services. With 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.680 those you can spend a season with each of us 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:22.800 and that's it. You won't have to worry. And that's 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:27.240 how it's started. So I knew all of your grandchildren as. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:29.160 Newborns presents. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:33.600 And did you want to do that or no? 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:41.320 Yeah? Actor, well, I mean yes, I agree because it 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:46.320 was a realistic and a good agreement. You understand me. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.480 But I would have wanted to have my small. 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:53.240 House nor those cases aficat right now. 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:57.320 It was the right decision, but of course it was 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:01.320 a big adjustment, especially because she'd be going between three 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.720 different cities in a year, not to mention two different countries. 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:07.920 When do you feel invisible. 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:11.960 When everyone here is s tucking in English? 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:16.520 Mayauila never really learned English. There were times when we 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:20.520 would encourage it or try to teach her. Mostly though 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:24.600 my family would communicate in Spanish, but of course sometimes 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.360 we'd host people who spoke English. And now my brother 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:31.440 is Maryton, American who only speaks English. On these occasions 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:34.520 I try to translate, but she feels bad that we 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:39.040 even have to. When do you feel most visible. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:46.520 On birthdays in Mexico and Pristmas New Year's Eves. Really 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:52.040 everyone's birthdays here too, but only when they speak to me. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:57.520 Fast for Maya Boila Spanish is her comfort zone. This 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.760 is where she feels seen. It's a little weird to 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.720 hear that she feels most visible when she's not at 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:08.880 my family home, but that's her truth. Personally, I've been 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:12.360 in situations where I'm communicating across a language barrier, and 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.280 I do think it's possible to have real moments of 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.760 connection even if you don't share a language. But visibility 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:24.640 is complex, and sometimes it truly is in the eye 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:28.959 of the beholder or the beheld. After the break, we're 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:33.280 going to dive deeper into Roseana's belief system, including ideas 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:34.640 we may not agree on. 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:47.760 Will be right back, Welcome back. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:52.880 To when You're invisible. When I think about Rosayana, there 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.559 are two more obvious sides to her. There's the one 0:09:56.600 --> 0:09:59.040 side of my boy lad that is joyful and silly 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:03.120 and love sell librating, and then there's another side, the 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:08.240 one that's very conforming, risk adverse, and more judgmental. One 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:10.439 way I see this side come out is how she 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:14.920 views appearance, no matter where my aila is, how many 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:19.000 people she knows or what she's going through. She always 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:24.559 looks beyond put together. It's different than our standard in 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:27.800 the US. People think my grandmother is dressed for a 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:31.240 wedding or a formal event. That's the Mexican standard we're 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:34.400 talking about here. My grandma always needs to be made 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.120 up before anyone comes over to visit or she leaves 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:40.360 the house, even if it's just to the grocery store. 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:43.720 She curls her short hair and dons one of her 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:49.600 signature lip colors, pink or orange. We don't see Eida 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:53.000 eye on these things. If it were up to my Aboila, 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:56.640 I would be in a dress with heels and makeup 0:10:57.080 --> 0:11:00.120 every day and spoiler. 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.679 Alone, listeners, that's not me. 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:06.520 Some of the greatest pressure from her I faced growing 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:11.720 up was to look nice, meaning ladylike and hyper feminine. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:14.959 It's something that I've really had to figure out, and 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.000 it's one of the reasons I'm grateful to have two 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.800 cultures and be a part of a younger generation because 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:24.880 it's created space to question what I want for myself, 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:30.480 space that I'm not sure Mayaboila ever had, and that's 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:35.920 something I wanted to make room for in our conversation Sempres, 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.959 You've always been like this, always put together, you know, 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:45.599 made up. You've always painted your lips, your eyes, have 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:51.160 your hair done, the works, made up, same flaty coming. 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:57.719 Yes. Around sixteen lighteen, I went to work when I 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.440 had to go very well groove together. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:04.199 But even now, for example, with age, that hasn't changed. 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:08.960 I know, am I going to go without makeup? Well? 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:11.400 There are people who stop as they get older. 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.840 I would die without looking put together. 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.160 I'm just curious. Do you feel confident in your own skin? 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:21.000 Well? 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.640 To me, it's interesting because for me, you should be 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:25.600 able to not wear it and feel good. 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:28.080 But I like it in this way. 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:33.440 It's so interesting to hear this concept that Mauilla says that, yeah, 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.760 I'm confident in my own skin, but I would never 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:38.600 go outside without makeup. I worked really hard to unpack 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.400 and understand why I dress and look the way I do. 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:44.240 Over the years, I found that I need the freedom 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:47.360 to express who I am, however I am in any 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.040 given day or moment in my life, and I've had 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.959 to break out of these rigid expectations of womanhood and 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:57.160 femininity in more ways than one. What are the differences 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.920 you noticed between your generation and mine. 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:11.640 Or a hemp your quest answer? Okay. 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.959 Through all this laughter, my Auila is basically saying that 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:22.160 she would never established relations aka have sex. That's what 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.199 she's hinting at right now, that she would never have 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:27.360 dreamed of having sex with my grandfather outside of marriage. 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:31.640 And yet me now in this generation, I'm experiencing something 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:34.360 very different. I know it's hard for her to be 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:38.640 straightforward about this, especially because we don't normally talk about 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:42.079 this together. It's just too awkward and taboo. But I 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.640 figured this is my one chance to find out what 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:48.439 she really thought. Would you have liked to have had relations? 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:53.960 No? I mean it wasn't the norm in my culture 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:59.880 because of my religion, part of society that I belong to. 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.079 Do you understand me today? 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:05.600 Of course, cultural feelings have shifted, and she knows that, but. 0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:09.640 But I don't love that about my granddaughters. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:12.840 Oh wait, what do you mean? 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:19.360 You have one person and then you experiment have another 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:24.400 and then more an experiment. I don't know if you 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:25.200 have done it. 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.560 At this point in the interview, Mayo Boila started just 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:34.080 naming my cousins and guessing who's had sex. So we're 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.680 not playing that tape for the sake of their privacy, 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:43.920 but my jaw was on the floor. I told her 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.200 that I sure would hope that by thirty I would 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:50.000 have already have had sex. I say things like this 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:51.560 at times to challenge her. 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:55.640 You know, you know, it's a perfect What I do 0:14:55.880 --> 0:15:00.360 not like is having so many? Why so many? 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:02.840 Why not so many? 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:04.200 I know? 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:11.240 But literally the question is why why do you think. 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:15.520 That because I would like it to be for one, 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:17.880 not for three, four or five? 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:25.040 But why Because my Wela speculates that it's because of 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:28.480 the religious ideals or concerns about safety that leads to 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.560 some of her perspectives. There were times when I felt 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:34.200 like this conversation was really pushing her, and then I 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:39.720 would come up against this wall. I couldn't totally get 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.040 her to explore this question of why these expectations exist 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:46.960 and whether they're unfair to me. It speaks to how 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.440 rigid the norms were for women when she was growing up, 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:52.480 and even how it still is in Mexico. I think 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:55.160 my family has held this way of thinking for a 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.480 long time, and I wasn't sure how she would judge 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.680 me if I didn't conform to her. Her standards, But 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.680 does your opinion of me change knowing that I've had 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:06.200 sex with more than one person? 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:09.640 Hey, no, no, it hated to be that. 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:15.360 It's your life and you know what you do, and 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:20.120 I'm happy to perfect then perfect and I know, yeah, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:20.880 I'm very happy. 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:26.200 Yeah me, Moore, I wouldn't change my love for you 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:27.360 depending on that. 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:30.760 This is the first time I've heard this sentiment and 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.960 ideas from her. I feel like I thought this was 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.320 going to be a toss up on how she'd respond, 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:40.280 so it was refreshing to hear her say that. My 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.280 mom also shared her thoughts on the progress that Rosanna 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:43.920 has made. 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:49.800 I think also for her having experience of living with 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.800 all sung with you guys that you have grown up, 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:58.160 you have helped her in many ways change the wage 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:04.119 she thought. Right, you have opened her eyes and even 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:08.359 our eyes, to a different way of thinking, to a 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:12.920 different way of accepting, to a different way of openness. 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:20.400 Sex and sexuality are complex subjects in many families. Mexico 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:24.160 has just within the past decade developed support for gay 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:28.080 pride and pride parades and the like. I remember witnessing 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.920 a change and how sexuality was discussed within my extended family, 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:37.680 even within the last few years. And if any of 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:38.920 us were gay, would you mind? 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.320 I don't know if I know what to answer. 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:44.600 Why not? 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:50.960 Well, maybe I wouldn't care because I know it's something 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:52.680 from birth. 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:54.960 Interesting. 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.439 Yes, that's where we agree. 0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.879 This is as far as I would personally go. My 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:04.400 grandmother is very kind and accepting, but I've never personally 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:08.000 talked openly about my sexuality with most people, let alone 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:11.440 most people in my family. Identifying as by would be 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:15.560 orgn territory. Being gay feels simpler to most people in 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:20.320 my family than seeing sexuality as a spectrum. Do you 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:22.480 think that women should be a specific way? 0:18:23.440 --> 0:18:27.760 Everyone is different? You are different from different from your mother, 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:30.200 even though you are her daughters. 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:36.560 And if I don't get married, but if I don't 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.119 have a partner, what do you worry about me? 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:44.760 No? No, because you are already fool You are yourself 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:49.920 and completely ground since that's why I don't worry. If 0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:52.080 I have a little worry, I will let you know. 0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:58.600 I think she normally worries about me, But hearing this 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:02.520 conversation means a lot that even for a moment, she 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:06.800 could hold space for deeper exploration and trust me in 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:16.560 my own happiness. We'll be right back. Welcome back to 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:20.639 when you're invisible. After talking about our generational differences, I 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:23.399 wanted to hear more about the world Maabela grew up in. 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.280 What were the conditions that shaped this woman who helped 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:27.680 trace me. 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.760 My mother was born in Mexico City, but when she 0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:36.640 was very young, they moved to Monterey. My grandfather had 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:41.199 a transportation business, and what I understood is that they 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.600 were going to open another branch in Monterey, so they 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:48.000 moved there. And because she was so young when she 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:53.840 moved there, now she considered herself from Monterey Regia Resia. 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:58.040 People from Monterey are called Rechia Montanos. 0:19:57.640 --> 0:20:01.200 So Regia for sure. And way for those who don't know, 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:04.280 it's a big city that's in a valley of mountains. 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:08.560 It's super commercial and it's I think a city where 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:12.640 the rich have a rep for being too bougie. Fressa 0:20:14.040 --> 0:20:18.919 up in this tape, I call her fressa. Fresa literally 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:23.120 means strawberry, mom. Can you explain what fressa means? 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:27.760 For one reason of another, the women from that part 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:32.320 of the north are called fressas. We are the bougie 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:35.040 of society. 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:51.560 Especially like wealthy women. Yep, Fressa, and then she responds 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:54.400 with that she's not really, she's. 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:58.400 Half and half because she was born Fressa but went 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:02.760 down the hill. My grandparents lost their fortune. 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:07.880 Okay, so it was growing up that Mayaboila was considered Fresa. 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:12.200 It's super interesting how her wealth changed a lot over 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:16.960 her lifetime, but starting with when she was young, she 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:20.000 had two siblings, lived in a nice house with her 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:23.520 two parents. Her mother was a housewife who was given 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:25.960 enough money by her husband to not only take care 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:30.240 of the house and kids, but to buy jewelry, nice clothes, 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:34.879 and even plots of land. Rosina went to a private 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.040 Catholic school called the Sacred. 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:37.240 Heart in. 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.760 Her school was very traditional. It was all girls then 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:52.760 and they wore uniforms every day. 0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:56.119 And we will walk uphill to get to the school 0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:00.320 because it was at the top of a mountain. It 0:22:00.560 --> 0:22:03.760 was a very old school and we will walk there 0:22:04.359 --> 0:22:08.400 to the top or take the car there. I remember 0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:11.000 back then that there was an ice cream car which 0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:14.920 will come and we will buy popsicles from the man 0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:18.719 that brought the ice cream. While we were at school, 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:22.680 we will hear the ice cream bells and everyone will 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:26.040 look out, and he had to throw the popsicles up 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:26.439 to us. 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:30.280 Here is another cour dessert memory, of course, one of 0:22:30.359 --> 0:22:34.920 her most cherished recollections from childhood. It would be about popsicles. Yes, yes, 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:36.480 what did you do for fun? 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:44.720 No, we had a very wholesome fun. We had fun 0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:49.280 with roller skaters and bicycles. We all went to the movies. 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:53.439 We will hang out on my house. We were friends 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:59.560 from the same neighborhood. Okay, the girls formed a clue, 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:04.000 the Club twenty one because they were twenty one girls. 0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:07.640 This club of twenty one girls started at Catholic school 0:23:07.640 --> 0:23:10.639 when they were ten years old and it lasted until 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:11.600 until now. 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:16.359 Yes, I am eighty eight right now, and we still 0:23:16.480 --> 0:23:22.760 get together, sometimes not as frequent because some have lost 0:23:22.840 --> 0:23:25.760 their memory or they cannot move very well. 0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:29.200 It's funny because I've heard about this group of friends before. 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:31.800 It's part of the myth and the zegeist of the 0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:35.159 life of my grandmother because all of these women, as 0:23:35.200 --> 0:23:39.720 they got married, became an even bigger group. Actually didn't 0:23:39.720 --> 0:23:42.200 know the origin stories of Club twenty one, and it's 0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:45.639 really impressive and beautiful to me. They've been friends for 0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:50.399 seventy eight plus years. This is rare, but honestly, I 0:23:50.520 --> 0:23:53.159 hope I get that where I have friends who have 0:23:53.280 --> 0:23:55.760 had for most of my life and care deeply about. 0:23:56.520 --> 0:23:59.119 I don't know if you know, Maria, but that club 0:23:59.320 --> 0:24:04.400 may possy our wedding reception, your dad's and that really yes, 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:08.840 without them, we had not had a wedding reception. Wow. 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.840 So these women really were like almost like twenty twenty 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:15.360 one fairy godmothers to each other's families. 0:24:15.960 --> 0:24:19.520 Yes, yes, yes, the wedding was held in one of 0:24:19.680 --> 0:24:25.000 their houses, in that beautiful garden they decorated. They did 0:24:25.080 --> 0:24:28.800 amazing work through friendship. Yeah, looking after each other and 0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:31.280 each other's family if it was necessary. 0:24:32.480 --> 0:24:35.240 It's beautiful because I think we as a family carry 0:24:35.320 --> 0:24:39.200 that legacy on. I think of my cousin Daniels Kintana. 0:24:39.760 --> 0:24:44.960 We decorated and baked everything for her party. It's almost 0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:48.440 like we continued this beautiful tradition that these women created. 0:24:49.080 --> 0:24:51.840 So how were you raised? 0:24:55.400 --> 0:25:00.199 They raised me a little strictly in that everything had 0:25:00.240 --> 0:25:03.679 to be done the right way. Nothing about arriving at 0:25:03.760 --> 0:25:08.040 midnight from a date or gathering no way. 0:25:10.680 --> 0:25:11.360 A long day. 0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:14.119 My Willa says. The good thing is they would hang 0:25:14.160 --> 0:25:16.119 out at her friend's houses or a lot of the 0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:19.280 time at her house. It wasn't about going out out. 0:25:19.760 --> 0:25:22.600 They never went to clubs. My Willa was surrounded by 0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:25.560 strict rules and a deep concern for what was proper. 0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:28.720 And you can see how all this translates back to 0:25:28.800 --> 0:25:31.760 the beliefs about women and femininity that she raised me with. 0:25:32.560 --> 0:25:37.000 Wealth wasn't necessarily freedom, and even though appearance mattered so 0:25:37.160 --> 0:25:39.399 much in the world she came up in, by the 0:25:39.480 --> 0:25:42.479 time she was a young woman, a lot had changed 0:25:42.520 --> 0:25:43.760 for her and her family. 0:25:44.440 --> 0:25:47.960 I think my mom was around nineteen years old when 0:25:48.880 --> 0:25:52.800 they lost their fortune. What I understand is that my 0:25:52.880 --> 0:25:58.240 grandfather had a business partner and made him, or not 0:25:58.400 --> 0:26:03.159 make him, but he allow himself to sign some paper 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:06.680 for a very bad business did made him be the 0:26:06.800 --> 0:26:10.840 only one responsible for that deal, so he lost everything. 0:26:11.359 --> 0:26:15.800 Things changed virtually overnight. Rosana's mother had to sell the 0:26:15.840 --> 0:26:18.879 plts of landa she bought and many of her possessions 0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:22.360