WEBVTT - Learn How to Stop Proving Yourself with Top Chef's Kristen Kish 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:05.800 No one has all the answers, but when we ask 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.639 the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths, 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:16.560 closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.320 Danielle Robe, and each week, my guests and I'd come 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:22.800 together to challenge the status quo and our own ways 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:27.360 of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not? 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:29.080 And who says? 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:30.600 So? 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:35.920 Come curious, dig deep, and join the conversation. It's time 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:42.240 to question everything. About seven years ago, I was sitting 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:44.839 on a balcony with my dad. We were in Miami, 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:46.960 and my mom and my brother had gone to bed. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:50.360 I remember feeling nervous to ask him something, because as 0:00:50.400 --> 0:00:53.000 close as we are, we don't really traffic in feelings 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.360 all the time. And I said, Dad, did you feel 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:58.640 lonely when you were growing up? I was kind of 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:01.720 hoping he would say yes, because I'm so much like him, 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.679 and then he could make sense of this feeling that 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.679 I had. And he sat for a minute and puffed 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:11.720 his cigar, and he said, no, I was alone a lot, 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.399 but I didn't feel lonely. I asked, because there was 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:17.920 this loneliness in me that never quite went away. It 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:21.360 followed me no matter who I was with, in relationship, 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:26.480 with my family, my friends. It wasn't loud, but it 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:29.759 was always with me. It was almost like people could 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:31.640 know me, but they didn't know the hole me, and 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:35.280 that felt lonely. And then a few years ago it 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:39.440 just disappeared. Poof, I woke up one day and I 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.480 didn't have it anymore. And I haven't fully unpacked why. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.080 I know I will, and when I come to a conclusion, 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:47.200 I'll share it with you guys. But if I had 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.760 to sort of pontificate right now in present time, I 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.040 think it has something to do with finally coming home 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:55.760 to myself. It's finding a sense of belonging that wasn't 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:59.240 dependent on another person or a city or a job, 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:01.560 or hoping that someone could see me the real me, 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:06.280 because I saw myself. What I do think is interesting 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.280 is that I've built an entire career around the opposite 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:14.760 of loneliness connection. And that is why Kristin Kish, our 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:19.200 guest today, fascinates me. Because when I read her memoir 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.440 accidentally on purpose, and I sat with her story, I 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.679 realized that we might be asking the same question from 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:32.120 different directions. Now we all know Kristin as the impeccably dressed, 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:36.200 effortlessly cool host of Top Chef. But before she was 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.840 hosting Top Chef, she was a winner. She was a 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.320 James Beard Award winner. And if we go back a 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.440 little further, Kristin was adopted from Korea as an infant 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.600 and raised in Michigan, and growing up she often felt 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.679 different from the people around her, and she talks about 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:54.480 struggling with social anxiety pretty badly. For a long time, 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.400 she wasn't sure she was particularly good at anything, and 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:01.840 then Kristin found kitchens or kitchens found her. I'm not 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:02.760 quite sure which. 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:05.480 Honestly, the biggest thing I got out of kitchens, good 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.920 and bad, was finding my confidence, knowing that I was 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.000 good at something, because for so long I didn't think 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:11.880 I was good at anything. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.840 And what started as cooking to connect with people became 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:18.480 the place where she found her confidence, her purpose, and 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.560 a sense of belonging. But even with all of her success, 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:24.000 she still says. 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:26.880 Every great thing in my career that has happened is 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:30.080 because someone else saw my greatness before I could see it. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:33.000 So how did Kristin move from feeling like an outsider 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:37.080 to feeling like she belonged. Well, I can't give away 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:41.120 all the good stuff. It's time to question everything with 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:52.760 Kristin Kish it's been a minute since we've talked. You've 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:53.640 become a trader. 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:58.000 I was a faithful yeah, but I was playing with 0:03:58.040 --> 0:03:59.080 the trader. 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.840 Has it messed how you read people at all? 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:07.120 I'd like to say no, because I can separate game 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.600 from real life. However, I did realize in that game 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.880 that my gut was very much right and a lot 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:16.440 of different things, but not in the context of the game. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.400 So like, I know immediately if we're going to jive, 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.240 I know immediately if you're my kind of person, or 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.440 if I want to start building that trust with you, 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.800 I can tell. But in a game where everyone's supposed 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:31.279 to lie to your face, you know, it makes it 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:34.040 a little bit more difficult. So yes and no, I'm 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:35.160 a little bit more cautious. 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:37.040 I'd say, would you say you were a good read 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:37.960 going into it? 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:42.640 I mean, the first declaration I made was it's Colton. 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:46.320 I know it's it. It was not a trader at all. 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:48.920 But so me, No, I wasn't good. I wasn't good 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:49.200 at all. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:51.680 I don't believe that because I think all of your 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.880 time in a kitchen is like you are dealing with 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.040 so many different personalities. I can't even imagine you didn't 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:02.800 pick up like clues and ways to read people's mannerism. 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.520 You know, I think if the pressure of the game 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:09.400 wasn't on my shoulders, I think I do well under pressure, 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:12.880 maybe better cooking under pressure than trying to play a 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:15.919 social game on pressure. So that was just like in 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:17.680 a fish bowl all by itself. It was such an 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:19.600 odd experience. That's so fair. 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.560 I heard that you felt like even in a game 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.920 of lies, it was still less pressure than a professional 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:27.960 kitchen one hundred percent. 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:34.480 And because in the Game of Traders, my career, my 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:37.360 thing that I have been doing for over two decades 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.039 and have dedicated my life to, which is food and 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:44.039 cooking right, was not at risk. So you put me 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:48.000 in a kitchen, that pressure exponentially grows because now we're 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.520 in real life, Like, if I messed up here, this 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.479 is going to also impact my reputation of if you 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:56.240 want to come back to my restaurant or whatever the 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:56.840 case may be. 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:58.800 It's like Adele doing karaoke. 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:04.560 Yes, also, but she's so good at anything. Also, ps Pill, 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:07.960 are you well I have some clunker dishes. I have 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.039 a feeling that Adele has never sung an out of 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:13.640 two notes ever ever in her entire life. Disagree. Oh 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:16.599 we've heard this ya, everybody has. You know, in my head, 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:17.279 she's perfect. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.680 I like your love for adel While that show might 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:24.839 not be your normal playground. I read you were struggling 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:28.040 in the Castle kitchen, like in your rookie Top Chef days. 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:31.040 Did you really try making grilled cheese and a toaster? 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:33.880 I sure did so in that kitchen in the Castle, 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.960 there's a kitchen behind the scenes where like catering and 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.240 stuff works out of the kitchen that's on screen. They're 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:41.840 not going to put a real life kitchen in there 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.000 because all I would do is cook and everyone would 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:45.840 just like we would no longer play the game. It's 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.039 everyone be eating, and so it would be quite distracting. 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:52.640 So the kitchen, the only heat source was a toaster. 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.120 I got. I felt a little sassy and maybe a 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.039 little over confident that I could make a grilled cheese 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.320 in the toaster, and the butter melted and then started 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:02.480 smoking and producer had to come in unplug it because 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:03.440 it was going to cut on fire. 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:05.000 How was the grilled cheese. 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:10.040 It was edible. Lisa Renna still talk says every now 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:12.160 and again, I hear it. She's like that piece of 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:14.880 buttered bread that you buttered for me, it was one 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.440 of the best bites of food. Monett I made a 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.960 sandwich for and she was like, this is amazing. And 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.040 that's also then to say, you can kind of see 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:26.800 how hungry we were, and you know, a deli meat 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:30.280 sandwich and a buttered piece of bread was a delicious 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:30.840 bite of food. 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:33.800 I know that you're used to sort of interacting with 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:36.560 all these different people because on Top Chef people from 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:39.440 all over the country come. It must have been sort 0:07:39.480 --> 0:07:42.560 of interesting to be in a house with people from 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.320 all walks of life, Like what was that like? 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:49.200 I didn't really know anybody. I had heard of some names, 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:52.160 I'd recognized a few faces, but I had never watched 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:55.960 religiously their shows that they come from. So like, I'm 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:58.720 trying to get to know these people completely at face value, 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.120 which I think ultimately was a good thing for me 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:04.680 as someone who has done a lot of work to 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:09.480 overcome intense social anxiety with new people. The work paid 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:11.720 off because I was able to go in there and 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.720 just be me. I think it's also the lack of 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:17.520 caring about how I come off, or do you like me? 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:19.480 Or am I going to be impressive enough. I just 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.800 went in there as me and I was gonna vibe 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:23.880 with who I vibe with, and if I didn't, then 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:24.640 that's okay too. 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:27.000 Okay. I want to talk about food because it's always 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:30.440 been the center of your story. Do you remember when 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:32.000 it became a love language for you? 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:35.199 I think it kind of always was. So as soon 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:37.840 as I realized that I could get a good reaction 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.320 or any kind of reaction out of somebody and I 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:42.800 didn't have to talk, I didn't have to make small 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:44.800 talk and getting to know you, I didn't have to 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.200 play this game of the social game that I was 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:50.280 so anxious by. And so when I realized that I 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.960 could just sit with myself, cook something and give you 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:56.680 food and you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, and 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.559 I didn't have to say a day an word. Great 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.840 when it like everything started to click for me, and ultimately, 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.840 step by step drove me to a place where I 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:08.880 wanted to be in a kitchen, and then somehow I 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:12.560 ended up on television. But you know, life is funny sometimes, 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:14.240 but yeah, it was when I realized I didn't have 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:16.320 to talk, but I also could do something really good 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:17.319 for other people. 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:20.760 And it would make people smile and feel something. Yeah, yeah, 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.280 that's so beautiful. Do you remember the first time you 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:25.640 cooked something that was really delicious? 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:30.280 Well, my dad said my soy sauce chocolate pudding was delicious. 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.360 It was not, but like we got to back up 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.679 and shared what the soy sauce chocolate pudding is. 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:39.840 So I was a child, single digit age. I was 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.079 experimenting in the kitchen. I was going through the process 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.600 of cooking long before I realized what it was to 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:48.160 develop flavor. Yeah, And so I took this memory of 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:52.079 my mother's gravy that she would thicken with a corn 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.719 starch slurry. She'd put it in the refrigerator. The next 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:56.680 thing you'd come back and it's like jello. And so 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.640 I remembered the process of how you get that texture. 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.640 So I was like, I'm going to make chocolate pudding. 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.120 There was no chocolate in the house. I think I 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:08.120 took water, maybe milk, I'm not even sure. And then 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.400 I made a slurry of water and I thickened this 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:14.920 liquid and then I turned it brown into chocolate by 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.480 using soy sauce, and I put it in the refriger 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:19.600 and I was so proud that I made this like 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.680 really cool science experiment. My dad came home to took 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:24.959 goodbite of it, and he was like, hmm, this is great, 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:27.080 you know, because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:29.800 I love that you used to think that the color 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.680 mattered more than the flavor, and I think that that 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.120 is actually a really interesting thing to. 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:39.560 Dissect well, developing a flavor and developing a palette to 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:43.080 understand what balance and a good dishes. Yeah, that takes 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:45.760 a lot of practice. That means you are trying so 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:49.360 many foods. You're out there going to restaurants, you're experimenting 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:52.280 with other chefs, and so when you're a kid, you know, 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:57.880 I was eating you know, midwestern kid food. But what 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:02.080 I did know how to do was make something look 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:05.720 like something else. Like if you showed me a video, 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:08.400 thirty minute video on how to build the chair, that 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:10.559 is kind of I'm a visual learner in that way, 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.520 and just by watching I know how to build that chair, 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:15.160 and I will get you that chair. It might not 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.040 be good, but I'm gonna do it the same thing 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:18.959 I went through with cooking. So I was watching it 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.199 all through the screen. I wasn't tasting it, so I 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:22.920 knew how to get the outcome. I just didn't know 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:23.559 what it tasted like. 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:26.040 So you were watching Food Network or. 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.480 I was cooking shows Great Chefs of the World, it 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:30.760 was It's an incredible show. You should go on YouTube 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:33.600 if you like really calm, soothing things. It'll put you 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.920 to sleep in all the most beautiful ways. It's just 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.520 these chefs just cooking. Low budget. It's not you know, lights, 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:44.199 camera action food competition stuff. It is just cooking from 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.360 all these chefs from around the world, and it's dubbed 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:50.920 over by this woman with this like really charming Louisiana accent, 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:54.120 and it's just it's amazing you can. 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:56.240 Make sense of that is like a ten year old 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.360 watching cooking shows, like, do you feel like you were 0:11:58.400 --> 0:11:59.760 just born to do this? 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.160 I think that the way I learn and the way 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.640 that something grabs my attention is in how it looks. 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.679 It's like this visual like draw for me. If I 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.240 were five years old and at the time, you know, 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.160 when I would get home from school, woodworking would have 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:19.600 been on. Yeah, and I turned that on, I'd probably 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:21.760 be a woodworker right now. I think it was just 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.600 imprinted in me so quickly. It was less about the 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.000 cooking and more about the structure and the method about 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:28.000 someone making something. 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.960 So your first job was at a pretzel shop in 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:31.400 the mall. 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.480 Yes, my first job cooking food. My first job before 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:38.480 the pretzel shop, I was a post and a busser 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.080 at a restaurant at Lone Star Steakhouse and saloon. It 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:43.720 was back in the day when you could smoke in 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.440 restaurants and I would clean the axe. Phrase. But like, 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.360 my first real cooking job was twisting pretzels in the mall. 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.360 And you write in your book that it was almost 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.400 therapeutic for you. Yes, everybody I know who has had 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.600 a job similar to that, whether it's in a bakery. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.480 My mom worked at a pie shop and she was like, 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.719 after four days, I could never look at pie. You 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.200 had the opposite experience, So explain this. 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:10.000 They were so good. So I would mess with the 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.240 hydration of the dough because depending on the season, I 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.040 could get all dorky about it. But depending on the season, Like, 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.440 my job was to efficiently roll pretzels, so when the 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.640 dough was properly hydrated and properly rested. I could roll 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.679 so fast, like I don't know how many a minute, 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.439 but I was in the window and I would clap 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.080 the rope and I'd twist it in the air and 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.040 I'd drop it. And because there's so many different toppings 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:35.400 and ways you can explore how a pretzel tastes. Yeah, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:39.360 it was endless possibilities to explore my creativity. And it 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:42.160 was I mean, it's so good. Who doesn't love a soft, 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.800 hot buttered pretzel. Oh, It's what I order in any movie. 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.199 My mouth is water. Yeah, you got nicely. 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.760 Have you cooked a dish since that has given you 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:52.760 that feeling. 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.720 The pretzel feeling? Well, that was a very specific time 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:56.360 of my life. 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:57.080 Yeah. 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:58.680 And you know, I think when I was working at Stir, 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.400 I was cooking in front of ten people, and I 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:03.680 liken it to the dance, where like your mind shuts 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:06.000 off and your body is just going through these motions 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:08.640 and creating. You know, I have to think about it. Yeah, 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:10.480 And when I was working at Stir, cooking for ten 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:13.559 people a night, doing my own dishes during service, it 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.400 was basically hosting a dinner party every night. I found 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.520 that same hypnotic flow. I think that's what they call 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:22.800 flow state these days, or like what the kids are saying, 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:26.160 Like I was fully in flow state in those two jobs, 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.120 and I love them so much. 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.080 When did you go from I could do this all 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:48.160 day to thinking I'm going to build a life around this. 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.440 I think that builds because there are so many different 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.360 stages of life, where when I was eighteen, there's no 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.520 way I could have envisioned what I wanted. When I 0:14:57.560 --> 0:14:59.360 was twenty five, I thought I did, But you have 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.920 no idea. You have to go through every stage of 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:05.320 life and every year and build upon it, and then 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:08.720 it is ever changing and ever evolving, and that will 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.680 determine the path that you take. And so I think 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.800 it was a slow build. And in that way, I 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:16.320 don't know if I can pinpoint exactly, because all of 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:19.880 a sudden it feels like, you know, I surprise myself now, 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.040 Like I look back at my jobs and the current 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.920 jobs that I have, and I'm like, how did that happen? 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:27.960 Like I completely in a lot of beautiful ways, just 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:31.200 completely blanked out, and I just went through it. I 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:33.880 reached that flow state, and you're just in this new 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:37.280 system where things are building on each other and you're 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.160 open to opportunities and you just you keep moving through it. 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.240 You can I know it's a hard thing to describe, 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.080 but can you drill into that more. I'm very curious 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:48.880 about it because I know working in kitchens is so difficult, 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.440 so not everything is in flow, Like I know that 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:57.640 there must have been awful bosses and difficult moments and 0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:59.760 burns and times where you're like, am I even in 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:02.920 the right place? Like why am I doing this to myself? 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:07.360 So how do you know? How does Kristin know what 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.800 the next right move is or even when to make 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:10.200 a move. 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:14.920 I think a series of mistakes, all of the choices 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:16.760 that I've made, some write some are I still make 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:20.680 bad choices? You think I do? I think? So. I 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:25.560 think that we are run by our subconscious minds. Yes, 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:29.640 mindy something percent and so depending like I could ask 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:34.400 you a question and perhaps today other things were happening 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:38.360 or you had gone through different things, and you're going 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:42.200 to give me an emotional response. Three days later, you're 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:43.760 going to look back and that wasn't the right response 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:47.120 because it was based off of this subconscious reaction that 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.600 sometimes I think gets confused with a gut reaction. Yeah, 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:53.640 And so I think honing in what it feels like 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:58.320 to give an emotional response versus logical response, they're very different. 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:01.040 And so yes, because of that, will make mistakes because 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.960 sometimes I give an emotional response because I just react. 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:06.760 The last mistake you made. What do you mean I'm 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:10.960 looking to my answer. I'll give you a very broad yeah. 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:15.600 So I think that I said yes to the wrong 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:20.919 job in the moment in which it was put in 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:28.600 my lab, I was considering a lot of different things 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:33.479 that weren't driven by my authentic, genuine compass that I 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:37.160 usually make choices by, and I let something else get 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:37.880 in the way. 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:42.520 I let money get in the way. And I wanted that, 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:45.879 but I kind of forgot that for so much of 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.119 my career, all of my career, I have worked so 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:53.080 hard to drive in this other lane, and just for 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.639 a minute, because there were other things going on, and 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:58.119 I just was like, you know what, I had like 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:00.159 a fuck it moment. I was like, yeah, sure, and 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:02.800 I don't think for me it was the right decision. 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:04.520 And it was a nice reminder, and I think it's 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.200 important to have those reminders to recheck you back in line, 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:13.520 and it resets and reconfirms that over here is exactly 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:14.320 where I need it to be. 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:19.120 So appreciate you sharing that, And I think it's so relatable. 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.439 It's so hard to move through real life as an 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:28.080 adult and not think about money, not make the financial decision. Yeah, 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:32.840 when you think about what usually drives you? Is it fun? 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:34.760 Is it integrity for the food? 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:34.960 Like? 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:36.240 What is that metric for you? 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:38.920 Integrity is a great word. I think it's integrity. I 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.159 think it's a genuine connection to whatever it is that 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:46.760 I'm being presented with. Yeah, an authentic like there needs 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:49.200 to be a line drawn. I need to be able 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:52.160 to connect the dots. It's how I create food. If 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.639 I create a dish and I can't tell you the 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:58.160 point of where I wanted that inspiration, where it needed 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.720 to come from, or usually let me back off a 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:02.480 little bit. A lot of the food that I create 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.600 is coming from my version of comfort food, what I 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.600 grew up eating. There needs to be one flavor or 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.159 something in there that's like Kristen's favorite food when she 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.480 was five. And if I can't draw that line, it 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.200 doesn't belong on my menu. 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:17.880 And what is the thing what makes it a Kristin dish. 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.320 So honestly, it's like kind of like trashy processed food. 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:25.000 I grew up in the Midwest, where cast rolls and 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:27.080 box foods. I grew up in the era where I 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:29.000 would come home from school and I'd open up a 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.439 box of mac and cheese and I would doctor it up. 0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:33.440 You know, you add a little bit less milk, add 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.199 more butter, gets richer, and then you like, you know, 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:38.720 dip potato chips in it, Like that's what I was eating, 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:41.800 and so that is my comfort foods. 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:43.800 I love that you said that, because I don't know 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:46.120 that I would have like understood that, And it's true 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:47.280 now that I understand it. 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:50.040 You're so if you come to my restaurant, hopefully you 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:53.280 come one day, there is a dish that is was 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:56.360 created off of my love of Hamburger helper. Now there 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:58.960 is no Hamburger helper. There's none of that. We make 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:02.199 everything in house, homemade pasta's. The sauce takes like four 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:05.080 days because we're rehydrating and dehydrating. There's actually no beef 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.960