1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Now before we begin with this week's episode. Last week 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: I mentioned that I am starting a new segment with 3 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: the listeners questions. So if you have any questions, any 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: comments and concerns, my therapist and I you know, I 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: gotta put my two sess in. We will be answering 6 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: your questions. So for those of you that have not 7 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: experienced therapy and you want to see what a glimpse 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 1: of therapy would be like from experienced licensed therapists, please 9 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: make sure to email us at Hello at th h 10 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: E PhD podcast dot com. I think this would be 11 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: a great opportunity for you all that have not experienced therapy, 12 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: or even if you have experienced therapy and you just 13 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: want to get a second opinion, please make sure to 14 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 1: email us UM and let's get all with this week's episode. Enjoy, y'all. 15 00:00:45,360 --> 00:01:22,559 Speaker 1: Welcome you are now listening to H Hey, guys, welcome 16 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. It's your girl, 17 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: eban A and as always, I'm super excited about this 18 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 1: week's episode. Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. 19 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: Please make sure to follow me on Instagram at the 20 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: Professional home Girl at the PhD Podcast. And last not 21 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: least at Eben a Beauty. Please make sure to follow 22 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: me on Twitter at th H E p h G 23 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: on the score, and last for not least, please make 24 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: sure to visit the website at www dot th H 25 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: E p h G podcast dot com. Now, please keep 26 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. So 27 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: let's begin this week's episode. So, to my guests, how 28 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: are you feeling? Hello, I'm good, I'm feeling fantastic. Yeah, good, good. 29 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited about this week's episode because I 30 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: feel like, I mean, I'll know, I'm really big on 31 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: inspiration and us encouraging each other through hard times, and 32 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: I feel like my guest story is so inspiring. I 33 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 1: found her on Instagram and I was just like, I 34 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: have to get her story out there. So, what are 35 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,959 Speaker 1: your misconceptions or what are some misconceptions you think about 36 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: when it comes to single mothers because I know you 37 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: are a single mothers. Yeah, yeah, that one. You know, 38 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: It's something I've really been wanting to even share on 39 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: my own platform because the impression that people get straight 40 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 1: away when you talk about single parenthood and especially single mothers. Um, 41 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: let's just be honest. A lot of times they think 42 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,639 Speaker 1: of a certain race, so there's that, right, and there's 43 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: certain socio economical level. So essentially, for the most part, 44 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 1: they think of a poor black woman most people, right, 45 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 1: and then we internalize it. So I'm a black woman, 46 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: so you know exactly, I start to normalize it and 47 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: it just is um So you know, I really want 48 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: it's part of what I do and my and my 49 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: own journey and stories to change the dynamics. So single 50 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: mothers don't mean, you know, low income. It doesn't mean 51 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: that you fit a certain stereotype of you know, a 52 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: bunch of different kids and baby daddy's that's not the case. Um. 53 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,119 Speaker 1: So yeah, just kind of like moving away from that 54 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: telling that story and you know, understanding we're not a modelist, 55 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:48,119 Speaker 1: Like we're very diverse, and single moms can come from 56 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: several different backgrounds and do several different things. And some 57 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: single moms are single by choice, like yeah, the kid 58 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 1: or I mean they just you know, deal with they 59 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: need to do that to get pregnant or I mean 60 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: you could have adopted and told that that past. So um, yeah, 61 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: we we can't just put our pigeon hole ourselves into 62 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 1: one dynamic. I mean, my story is pretty pretty um 63 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: standard in this well part of it. I was married 64 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: though first. Um, but you know the love that I 65 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: broke your story down to a timeline because I wanted 66 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: to take people from where you first started off with 67 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:26,840 Speaker 1: your journey. I think you was the voice. So where 68 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 1: you at now because you did a lot with them? Yeah, 69 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: first year? Yeah, which is good. So um, let's start 70 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 1: from the beginning. So you are divorced and you left 71 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,600 Speaker 1: with your four year old and only three dollars to 72 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: your name. Yes, so tell us about that time. Wow. Um. 73 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 1: The only thing I can tell you is that I 74 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: just had this inner knowing that I needed to leave. 75 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: That was the biggest thing, and that's really what kept 76 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,919 Speaker 1: me motivated. Um. And I had this quote that I 77 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 1: put up on my mirror and it's funny because it's 78 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: been almost three years and that sticky note on my 79 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: mirror has not fallen off. And it says no midas 80 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: patras and in Spanish that means don't look back, I 81 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: mean English and means don't look back. Yes, And I 82 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: just had that faith that I knew that whatever path 83 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: I was going down was the one that I need 84 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: to go down. Um. But in that I also learned, um, 85 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: as a lot of people do in a catastrophic way, 86 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 1: that I didn't prioritize myself for a long time. You know, 87 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: I was in a marriage, um, and I sacrificed everything 88 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: for you know, to be a mother, to be a wife, 89 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,479 Speaker 1: and I thought, right, yeah, yeah right, I mean once 90 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 1: I had our son, yeah, I was and UM, you 91 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: know a lot of women we do this thing where 92 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: we like sacrifice and we hope that the other person 93 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: sees our sacrifice and then in some way that's supposed 94 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: to endear them, um to us. And it didn't really 95 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: work that way. So I had no money of my own. 96 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: You know, I hadn't saved for your man. I hadn't 97 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: saved in general all those years for myself. So um, 98 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: you know, even though I knew I needed to move 99 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: forward on my own, I mean, financially, left me in 100 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: a in a really bad place. So I know your twenties, 101 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: you were making seventy care a year and now, and 102 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: I'm quoting you on this part. He was like a 103 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: thirty five with a child. You were barely surviving. And 104 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,799 Speaker 1: the reason why I wanted to bring this up because 105 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: I was telling somebody about your story, because I'm always 106 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: excited about to share people stories. And it was like, wow, 107 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: how she only had two hund dogs. New I'm like, girl, 108 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: life happens like that. You could be up the nextnut, 109 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 1: but but you're not gonna be there forever. So like 110 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: I wanted you to elaborate on that because she's also 111 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: in her twenties and she just don't understand. But like 112 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: you said, like sometimes you think that your spouse is 113 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: going to recognize your specifices. No, didn't happen like that. 114 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: Um so yeah, I mean I in my twenties, I 115 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: was single, I had no children, so you know, my 116 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: career was my predominant focus. So yeah, I moved up 117 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: to corporate ladder. I'm a pretty ambitious person, I think 118 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: so at least, and yeah, I really did at that point. 119 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: You know, I was willing because I was in my twenties. 120 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: I I didn't have to rush home and go home 121 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: and do anything. I was willing to work all the time, 122 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: so it helped me. Um. And also I would say 123 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: that I was at least in that at that time, 124 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: I was in finance, and I was in a certain 125 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: sector of finance that was very lucrative and even as 126 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: a very young person because I was able to uh 127 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: pivot my career in that particular unniche I was able 128 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: to make pretty good money fairly young, at a fairly 129 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 1: young age. Yeah. Um, but that job was extremely stressful. 130 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: I mean I can't tell you the number of health 131 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: issues I had because I was so stressed such a 132 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: high um demand job. And finance. I mean, you know, 133 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: you have the stock market, we were losing money. I 134 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: also was in finance when we had the market crash. 135 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: So I was there when why Koba went under and 136 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 1: Lehman Brothers went under it, and so I wouldn't oh 137 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 1: easily easier work eighty hour work week. So yeah, I 138 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: mean that it sounds like SEVENI thousand, you know, might 139 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: be good for a minutlate twenty year old, but the 140 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 1: hours that I worked to get that SEVENI thousand, it 141 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: really didn't make sense. Um. So you know, I wanted 142 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: to kind of step away from that. And when I 143 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: got married and I had my son, I was like, okay, 144 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: you know, well we do okay financially, so perhaps you know, 145 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: I'll take a step out of corporate America. Well that 146 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,959 Speaker 1: was detrimental later, I found out because to get back 147 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: into corporate America, even though I had a good skill set, 148 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 1: because I didn't want to go back into that same 149 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: line of work. It was it was hard to make 150 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:51,719 Speaker 1: that jump back in the fine work that paid well. Yeah. Well, 151 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: I know you talked about that because after after the divorce, 152 00:08:54,400 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: you or your son move into a basement room. Yes, yes, sing, 153 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: and you talked about certain conditions, and I was like, yo, 154 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: what a humbling experience. Yes, I was like, girl, I 155 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: feel you, man, But telling the people about the conditioners stuff, 156 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Yeah. So, just to give you guys 157 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: some background about how I grew up so I can 158 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,680 Speaker 1: frame this for you. So I grew up pretty middle 159 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: upper middle class, and we were rich by any means, 160 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: but I you know, I had a certain standard of living, 161 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: and even in my twenties, straight out of college, I 162 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: had a job right away. Um, and as I mentioned, 163 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: I kind of worked my way up, so I always 164 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: had like a decent um home children. Yeah, I was 165 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: just that. Yeah. When I looked at your story and stuff, 166 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: I was like, that's a humble of experience. When you 167 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 1: used to live in a certain way, yes, when you 168 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: condition yourself to have a certain level of living or 169 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 1: I forget what the term is, but yeah, especially I 170 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:06,079 Speaker 1: think for women it's hard to go backwards, but to 171 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:10,960 Speaker 1: have to die is rough. And so because I didn't 172 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: have a lot, and I did end up finding a 173 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: temporary data entry job. I made twelve dollars an hour, 174 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: and um, that's where I found a room for rent 175 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: for five dollars in the basement and the window was 176 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 1: not sealed, so um, several nights there would be spiders 177 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: roaches coming in um the room and because it wasn't 178 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: still when it rained, water would come in like literally 179 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: obvious sleep in my room on the bed and there 180 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: was water like pouring in on my on my bed. 181 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: So and I had no place to put my furniture. 182 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: All I had literally in that room was a bed. 183 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 1: And um, I wouldn't bought some like plastic shelving and 184 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: stuff like this from wall murder somewhere. And that's where 185 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: my son and I lived. What would you say kept 186 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: you going? Because know, at times when things get hard, 187 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: even with myself, like I just get so depressed, you 188 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 1: so angry, Like I'm like you're like, what it's one 189 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 1: thing to go through by yourself, but you had your child, 190 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: So like I can't only imagine how you was feeling 191 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: what besides your chann I know, right, So, just like 192 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,560 Speaker 1: I said, I grew up kind of middle class and 193 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: I had both of my parents in my household the 194 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 1: entire time. So I already felt kind of like a 195 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,559 Speaker 1: failure because I was like, Wow, you know, I couldn't 196 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: sustained as marriage and you know, I'm used to living 197 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: pretty nicely and here I am in this basement and 198 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: you know I didn't. I was very um isolated, and 199 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,560 Speaker 1: which is not a good thing when you're dealing with 200 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 1: something like that. And besides my son, in terms of 201 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 1: like just keeping myself going. UM, the kind of back 202 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: to what I said earlier than one thing for me 203 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,319 Speaker 1: was like I just knew it was just as deep 204 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: knowing that I had. I think it was very spiritual, 205 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: um that this was where I needed to be, like 206 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 1: I needed to be moving forward on my own. UM. 207 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: But and I mean, I guess that's part of it, 208 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: that spiritual connection that I had. UM where I just 209 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: told myself, you know, I'm not gonna focus on the future. 210 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna beat myself up over the past. I'm 211 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: just gonna keep putting one foot in front the other, 212 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: on one foot in front of the other, and each 213 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 1: day that's all I focused on. Was that day? Well 214 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: that was my next question. Yea, when the things started 215 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: to turn around for you? Uh So, the first thing 216 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 1: that kind of opened up for me was I had 217 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,320 Speaker 1: kind of been in the ear one of our managers 218 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: asking for a position, a training position, because I had 219 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: done some training, a corporate training job a little bit 220 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: with some prior company. So I finally talked her into it. 221 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: And you know, it's funny because I had the meeting 222 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: about them letting me finally take on this training role, 223 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,199 Speaker 1: and she basically said, we I mean I shouldn't say, 224 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: basically verbatim said this is the bottom of the barrel 225 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: because nobody else wants it, will give it to you, 226 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 1: right exactly? What did that make me feelf talk about again? Humbling? 227 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, like, I feel like I 228 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: had so much education. You know, I have my at 229 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 1: Lisa Bachelor's and I had done so much and I 230 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,680 Speaker 1: had all sorts of certifications, and here I am having 231 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: a conversation to convince somebody that I should do a 232 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 1: job that I already know I'm over qualified. And then 233 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: they tell me I'm the bottom of the barrel, like 234 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: it really didn't have to say all that. But you 235 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: know again that I don't know if I just had 236 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: a pride issue and I needed to be humble because 237 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: great something, girl, give me something. So that was kind 238 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 1: of my first break because once I got into that 239 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: training role, what it did for me was it allowed 240 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,199 Speaker 1: me to put on my resume, you know, allowed me 241 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: in a space where I was already expect to expect 242 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,200 Speaker 1: it to not do very much. Yeah, I really could 243 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: kind of flex. And I took that role. And when 244 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 1: I say, I ran with our prayer with it, like 245 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: I would go home in the evening and I would 246 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: be studying adult learning and training UM techniques and technical 247 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: writing because it was a lot of technical um training 248 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: on systems. So I mean, I just I just owned it. 249 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: I literally owned it. I revamped their entire training program 250 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: to the point where they just couldn't deny me anymore. Right, 251 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: And so that was when I finally and this was 252 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: the thing, they didn't give me a raise straight away. 253 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: I was still making that twelve hour about another four 254 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: or five months, um, and then they finally bumped me 255 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: up to like sixteen dollars. But yeah, one thing I 256 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: was always told, and this is like a testament to 257 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: her story, is you have to work for the job 258 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: you want and not to you have I believe that, yeah, 259 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: And I mean some of it is kind of just 260 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: paying your dudes. Like people want to be able to 261 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: walk in and just step in and get all the money, 262 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: and you know, they really haven't proven themselves. And I'm 263 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: not saying that has to happen all the time, but yeah, 264 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 1: you gotta work for the job that you want. I 265 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: would second that sentiment for sure. So I know that 266 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: starting over it really made you look at your finances difference. 267 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: Why was it and why do you think that when 268 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: women get married, or when some women get married, that 269 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: they don't look at their finances. They looked towards their husband. Yeah, 270 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: all I can tell you is that I was in 271 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: the fairy tale in my own brain. Girl, I don't 272 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: know who's holding this because it's funny because my mom 273 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: manages all the finances in their home. So I was 274 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: very much used to like my mom being that person, 275 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 1: and she taught me a lot. And and then, like 276 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: I said, I worked in finance, Like I was the 277 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: financial advisor before so, and that goes to tell you 278 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: that knowledge is not powered. It's not it knowledge applied 279 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: its power so you can know all the things that 280 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: you want to know. And I knew a ton about finance. 281 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: I even coach people through budgets my soul for years. 282 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 1: Is perfect job. And I didn't apply it. I just didn't. 283 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 1: We didn't apply it as a married couple. So my 284 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: finances just weren't in order. Ours as a as a 285 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: family unit weren't in order because we just weren't on 286 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: the same page. That's a whole different thing. But yeah, 287 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: being in that struggle, every single dollar that came into 288 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: my household when I was only making twelve dollars an 289 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: hour had to be put to work. There was no 290 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: fluff mm hmm. Yeah. So that, yeah, that was when 291 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: I started saying, huh, maybe I should apply all this 292 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: stuff that I know. Um. One of the things I 293 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 1: liked about your story is and I don't know, I 294 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: just thought this was so good to say, because I 295 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: feel like it's all about the narrative and how you 296 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,840 Speaker 1: tell things to yourself. And you were saying about how 297 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: you only had like four dollars and something in your statements, 298 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: but but you was happy that it wasn't in And 299 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 1: I was like, yo, that's so true because anybody else 300 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: would have been like, oh, I got is four dollars 301 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: in my savements, but you're like, yo, at least I'm 302 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 1: not in the red. Yes, yeah, because you know there 303 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 1: were right. I can't even tell you how many times 304 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 1: I overdrew my college. They probably got tired of me, like, 305 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:28,200 Speaker 1: now you can't you can keep doing this. Um. So 306 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: to be in a place where I wasn't overdrawing my 307 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: account was like progress for me. And that was crazy 308 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: because for a lot of people, they would probably lose 309 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: their mind if all they had was four dollars in 310 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,840 Speaker 1: their savings um. And and to be honest, I didn't 311 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 1: have anything in the check in either, So like all that, 312 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: I had literally four dollars and five cents. I mean 313 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 1: I remember clear as day. Um at the end of 314 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: the year, I think that was December like eighteen, and um, 315 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: I mean, let's so let's touch on that. Yeah. A 316 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: lot of I feel my transformation was spiritual first, and 317 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: I started to really focus on being grateful, really focus 318 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: on just having internal peace about my situation and not 319 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: trying to rush to the next thing and trying to 320 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 1: like fill in the gaps where I couldn't figure out, 321 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: you know, what my next job was going to be, 322 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: or how was I gonna improve my situation. You know, 323 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: I just started to be grateful and thankful for what 324 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 1: I had. Um Because eventually it moved out of that 325 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,679 Speaker 1: basement of the basement I don't even want to call 326 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: an apartment a room, and I got my own apartment. 327 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: Um And even though I slept on to blow up 328 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: twin air mattress for months, uh, it was mine. And 329 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: that was like the first time that had happened where 330 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: I could, you know, see this inkling of me being 331 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: able to rebuild my own life on my own terms. Yeah, 332 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,120 Speaker 1: what were some of the other things you accomplished? Because 333 00:18:55,119 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: I know you were like a cart I was like, yeah, 334 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,440 Speaker 1: thank you, I'm so happy we could rally around each other. Girl, 335 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: This is like this is what we need. We need 336 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 1: stuff like this because I mean, life is hard, especially 337 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: when you don't have the support that you need from 338 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: like your family. Yeah, I mean you're not in a 339 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: relationships like all you have with yourself, Like we need 340 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: to tell you stories and get this inspiration going because 341 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:25,439 Speaker 1: life is hard. Yeah, it was. It was rough, you know, 342 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 1: and I couldn't be mad at nobody but myself. Yeah. 343 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: I mean a lot of times you do it for ourselves. Yeah, 344 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I'm really good, you know, I've 345 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 1: done myself this time. But so yeah, I was. Even 346 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,119 Speaker 1: though my credit was impacted with my divorce and my 347 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: ex um did some some things that I felt, uh, 348 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 1: what's kind of a purpose that impacted both of our 349 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: credit scores, I still was able to finance a vehicle, 350 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 1: which was, you know, a miracle to mean by myself 351 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: because I really didn't have the income. I hadn't been 352 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: at their job very long and I just happened to, 353 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 1: um meet a car dealer person I can't think of 354 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 1: the name of the people, a sod of cars, car Silvan, 355 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: and yeah, you know, I kind of briefly told him 356 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 1: my story and he was just like, Okay, we need 357 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 1: to get you, you know, a car because I had 358 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: a paid off vehicle, but my ex took that it 359 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 1: was just like a whole thing. So long story short, 360 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: I got finance for a vehicle, which I still have 361 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,400 Speaker 1: had for a while now and I love it. Um. Yeah, 362 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: I shouldn't have been able to qualify for that vehicle. 363 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: So to me, that was just a miracle. It's a 364 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: little Chevy Cruise, but I love it and I think 365 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,400 Speaker 1: it's the cutest thing. Um And at one point, yeah, 366 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: I didn't even have the resources to really purchase food. 367 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: So my son and I would frequent this food pantry 368 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: that's part of where like kind of the community I 369 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: live in near where I live. And um, I was 370 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: finally able to not have to go to the pantry 371 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: at one point. That was when I started to make 372 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 1: the sixteen dollars an hour. And um so, yeah, I 373 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: got the apartment and I was able to get furniture 374 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: very very slowly. You know, we want we want things 375 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: to just happen. And this was a test of my patients, 376 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: and I really think it developed in me, this this 377 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: ability now that I used to help me with my finances, 378 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,360 Speaker 1: which is to be patient and discipline. So I would 379 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 1: get things off of Facebook, marketplace, and slowly but surely, 380 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: you know, I started to fill him furniture and things 381 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 1: in my apartment. Lance. I mean, you think of all 382 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: the things that you need to rebuild your life. I 383 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: don't even have dished house, I didn't have trash cans 384 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,480 Speaker 1: or whatever trash baskets. So yeah, how to get everything. 385 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: If there were some things you would have done differently, 386 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 1: what would have been? Oh man, that is a loaded question. 387 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 1: I think the main thing. Go ahead. It was the 388 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: first thing to come to your mind. So the thing 389 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 1: that comes to mind right away is to d prioritize 390 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: other people, like we put such a priority level, especially me. 391 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: I don't know why, but it's not just me, I 392 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 1: know for sure, but I put this priority on the 393 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: man in my life, and I would d prioritize myself, 394 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: and you know, even my friends. And I'm a daughter, yes, 395 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,640 Speaker 1: I'm a niece, you know, I'm all these other roles. 396 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: I'm a mother and and that one's a really hard one. 397 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: You know. I really really want to make my son's 398 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 1: life charmed, you know, I don't want him to ever 399 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: have to feel anything. But the point is that's not 400 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,159 Speaker 1: really setting him up for success either, right, So I 401 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 1: would say number one thing that I wish I would 402 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 1: have done differently before, it's just really to prioritize myself 403 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 1: a month, you know, ahead of all those other things. Yeah. Um, 404 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 1: one of the things that I like what you said, 405 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: and even I have to like I was just like wow, 406 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: because like I think, I think about this statement that 407 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: you made a lot, and it was the biggest mistake 408 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: that you made was thinking that a job or your 409 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: spouse or look out for you financially. Yeah, And I 410 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: was just like, how many people know? It's so real 411 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: because sometimes you really do think that the person that 412 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 1: you're with, like you live in the fairy tale, like 413 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:30,479 Speaker 1: you think that. Yeah. I mean, and I don't want 414 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: to sound cynical, And I hope that didn't come off 415 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: like I was bashing anybody or No, I didn't thinking 416 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:41,199 Speaker 1: like that. You just you just can't depend on a 417 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: job or I'm not gonna say a man woman partner, 418 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 1: partner partners even though I don't be trusting men out here. Man, 419 00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:00,080 Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. You got that prioritize you for 420 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 1: anything else because there's a lot of shady folks that 421 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,919 Speaker 1: I lived in the Atlanta area, So I feel like 422 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: it's amplified here exactly. But what made you come to 423 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 1: that conclusion? Uh? I mean, I was a product of 424 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: of thinking of that way of thinking, and it didn't 425 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: work out for me, right, So in the end, I realized, 426 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: like for just to put some context around that. So 427 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 1: when I did leave UM, my ex, who made more 428 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,959 Speaker 1: than double what I was making at the time, UM 429 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,200 Speaker 1: said that he would pay for our sons pre k. 430 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: I think it was like three dollars a month. It wasn't, 431 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 1: you know, extremely crazy. But long story short, once he 432 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: found out that I wasn't really coming back, that ended right. 433 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: And I mean he literally was like, I'm not gonna pay. 434 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 1: And I mean that that does touch on another subject, 435 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: which is this uh thing that people are realizing is 436 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:02,679 Speaker 1: financial abuse, like abuse by men especially, and it's not 437 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 1: always the case towards women generally. UM, where they flex, 438 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:11,160 Speaker 1: you know, their their financial ability or whatever what they 439 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: have financially to uh sway, UH motivate, push, you know, 440 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 1: kind of drive women to have certain sort of behaviors. 441 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: And I think that's what it was. It was kind 442 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: of like, I'm going to pay as long as I 443 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: think there's a glimmer of hope for us to be together. 444 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: But since you're really gonna leave me, I'm just gonna 445 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: cut you off completely. UM. And that was a whole 446 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 1: you know, that's sent me until into a tail span. 447 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,639 Speaker 1: I almost lost this apartment that I had three months 448 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 1: in because now my budget, which was already maxed out, 449 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: I had to find three hundred dollars to pay for 450 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 1: my son's pre k m hmm. And at that point, 451 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: I will tell you I seriously thought about going back 452 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,719 Speaker 1: to him because I didn't know how it's gonna do it. 453 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: I mean, not even going back to him for the 454 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: sick of your child. Yeah, it just so it's your 455 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:06,360 Speaker 1: child too. Yeah, you know that's a whole another conversation 456 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,439 Speaker 1: like your son and priquet or no, but my stuff 457 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,239 Speaker 1: like that happened, and you don't have to get too 458 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 1: deep into it. I noticed that this is not what 459 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,040 Speaker 1: we're talking about. But I'm just curious, like, do you 460 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:25,439 Speaker 1: regret marrying him? Um? You know, so one of my 461 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 1: favorite artists, Prince and So, he got asked something similar before, 462 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: and I say, you know, that's the answer I always 463 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 1: have to that sort of question. And um, essentially, if 464 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: you take one piece out of the puzzle, he won't 465 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,400 Speaker 1: be able to see the picture anymore. So for me 466 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: to do away with that piece in my life would 467 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: mean that I wouldn't have made it to where I 468 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 1: am out. And I feel like I'm just such a stronger, um, 469 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,399 Speaker 1: just more centered, more grounded individual, and I just feel 470 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,680 Speaker 1: like they're so my character has really been um developed 471 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 1: in a way that it wouldn't have been otherwise without 472 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: that situation. So I mean some days I do kind 473 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: of like, wow, you really need that decision, Like what 474 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 1: were you thinking? You know, I get a little frustrated, 475 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 1: but you know, I do turn my focus straight away 476 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,200 Speaker 1: back to the to the fact that you know, I'm 477 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 1: really better for it. Um. I went through a lot, 478 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 1: but I'm better for it throughout this journey. What would 479 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 1: you say was your biggest lesson of all, Um? I 480 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 1: just read this quote today and right, you know, maybe 481 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 1: that is part of my motivation. Like I just I 482 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: do journal and I script and I just write out 483 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 1: all of the good, the bad, everything that keeps me motivated. UM, 484 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,120 Speaker 1: and quotes have really been a part of that for me. 485 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: But the one thing I would say, the overarching thing 486 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,639 Speaker 1: is bet on yourself. That would be my biggest less 487 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,679 Speaker 1: less and like be down for you because I have 488 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,439 Speaker 1: out done myself. Like I can't even tell you, UM, 489 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: how I've blown my own mind and how I've been 490 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 1: able to succeed in ways that I could never have done. Um, 491 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,879 Speaker 1: even when I was single before and when I was married, Like, 492 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:26,359 Speaker 1: I'm doing stuff I've never done, uh for somebody saved 493 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: like a few thousand dollars. I've never saved more than 494 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: like a couple of thousand dollars before in my life, 495 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,200 Speaker 1: even when I made you know, quote unquote good money. Yeah, 496 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 1: I'm blowing my own mind. So stay down and bet 497 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: on you at last, but not at least. What is 498 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: an advice that you would give to our listeners, especially 499 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:48,960 Speaker 1: those that are single mothers. Oh man, what advice do 500 00:28:49,040 --> 00:29:04,680 Speaker 1: I have for single mothers? Yeah? Man, right, Like how 501 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,680 Speaker 1: are we doing? You know? And part of it is 502 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 1: like because I feel like I just don't have the 503 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,760 Speaker 1: ability to do anything else, you know, I have to 504 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 1: My life has to be so um together and organized, 505 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 1: and I really gotta be um on all cylinders because 506 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 1: I don't have a backup. You know, it's no buffer, 507 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: nobody else they here that could manage this for me. 508 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: You know, it's on my shoulders. And I don't see 509 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: that as a burden. I see that ownership really is 510 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: a blessing. But I would say for my single mothers 511 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:41,560 Speaker 1: is to please please take care of yourself first, And 512 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: I mean and always look out for you. Um, but 513 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 1: especially uh, you know, building some like quiet time and 514 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 1: some time to just really focus back on yourself and 515 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: that maybe that's your self care. Make sure you're practicing 516 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: self care. Oh man, I can't tell you because in 517 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: my twenties I struggle with depression and anxiety before any 518 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,720 Speaker 1: of this happened. And even now I'll still work through 519 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: anxiety every day, and um, I don't take medication anymore. 520 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: So for me, that self care practice is paramount. I 521 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: can't go forward in my day without yoga. I do 522 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: practice meditation daily. Um, just getting out nature that helps me. 523 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: I mean it helps you in a lot of physical ways, 524 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: but mentally and spiritually. Yeah, that's what I missing about 525 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,680 Speaker 1: the South for sure. Oh yeah, I mean it's gorgeous 526 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 1: to me here in Georgia with these hills and then 527 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: the trees is just like so nice. But um, you know, 528 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: I can't be the mom that I want to be. 529 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: I can't be the employee that I want to be. 530 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: I can't be the business owner I want to be 531 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: until I've made sure that I'm restored and um and 532 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,400 Speaker 1: rested and all of that. Right, So we lose that. 533 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 1: I lose that I have to remind myself constantly to 534 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: practice self care. Um, and to make sure I'm protecting 535 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: my mental health because that anxiety is not a joke, joke, 536 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: not a joke. When I suffered from the anxiety as 537 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 1: well as I'm in therapy and stuff. Yeah, when I 538 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: first had my first anxiety take, I didn't know. Yes, 539 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: panic attacks are yes. Yes. And it's funny because just 540 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: this week I was like, I could tell I was 541 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: on the virgin. And I think that's one of the 542 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: things that I've actually developed in this journey is being 543 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: able to to almost step outside of myself and really 544 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: recognize the emotional responses that come out of certain situations. 545 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,520 Speaker 1: And um, like I said, I mean, I'm not anti medication. 546 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: I've taken it before. Um, I just don't now. But 547 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 1: we got to know how to how to you know, 548 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: love on ourselves and give ourselves the space we need 549 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 1: to heal and too, like I said, be restored. We 550 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 1: just don't do enough of it. And when you don't 551 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: have a backup, you know, if you get sick, I 552 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: can't call nobody. Yeah and here yeah, and I you know, 553 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,959 Speaker 1: I'm I'm developing what I called my sister circle. So 554 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: I have women, you know I lean on for sure, 555 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 1: I can't even I would be remiss and not mentioned 556 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: that my family is still even though they're miles and 557 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: miles away. A big part of UM me being able 558 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,680 Speaker 1: to be here UM and my friends. But at the 559 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 1: end of the day, since it's still you, yeah all 560 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,760 Speaker 1: you guys your stuff sometimes m h Well, I wanted 561 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: to say thank you so much for taking a time 562 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: off to speak with me. I'm pretty sure a lot 563 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,959 Speaker 1: of girls are gonna be hitting me up, so if 564 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,760 Speaker 1: you want to connect with my guests. I don't my 565 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 1: guests are I'm not on this, but for those who 566 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,479 Speaker 1: do have services and platform or if you're just like 567 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 1: inspired by the story, please make sure to email me 568 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 1: at hello at th h E PhD podcast dot com 569 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 1: and I would make sure that my guests would reach 570 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,400 Speaker 1: out to you and y'all. Yes, create your own bond 571 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 1: because we all we have is each other. So if 572 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,560 Speaker 1: you have any questions, comments, concerns, make sure you hit 573 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: me up and until next time, guys later later. That's cute, right,