1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her space. 12 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 3: It's kind of like a financial advisor. Do we really 13 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 3: need financial advisors? Need? 14 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 2: I mean, you. 15 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:49,160 Speaker 3: Can do without one, you can, But what's to lose 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 3: with having a good one? Nothing? What's to gain? Oh 17 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 3: my gosh? Unlimited? Like it's really not limited at all, 18 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 3: and such is the same with a code. 19 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: Thanks. 20 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,479 Speaker 4: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 21 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 4: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA 22 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 4: moments or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, lady, 23 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 4: please leave us a review and tell us what we're 24 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 4: doing right so we can stay on track. Also, we 25 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 4: release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on 26 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 4: iTunes and visit Herspace podcast dot com and enter your 27 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 4: email address to get updates about our live events and 28 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 4: all the new beginnings that we have for this year. 29 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: Thanks. Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 30 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard, a 31 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 32 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 33 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 34 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 35 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space for 36 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 4: black women can just be Hey lady, it's Terry here 37 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 4: from the Herspace podcast and I have some exciting news 38 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 4: for you. I just published my self help book, How 39 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 4: to Glow Up as You Grow Up, your go to 40 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 4: guide for overcoming obstacles and making lemonade. So if you've 41 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 4: ever experienced loss, childhood, trauma, a narcissistic partner, or depression, 42 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 4: this book is just for you. If you visit glowupbook 43 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,079 Speaker 4: dot com again, that's glow upbook dot com, you can 44 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 4: order your copy today and you will surely be inspired. 45 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 4: So I hope that you decide to join me on 46 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 4: this journey and I'll see you soon. 47 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 2: Lady. 48 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,359 Speaker 4: Today we have a very special guest in her space. 49 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 4: We have Farah Burney. She is a founder and principal 50 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 4: coach of Living Fabulously Fierce, a coaching company prioritizing partnership 51 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 4: with individuals committed to living with aim, authenticity, intention, and 52 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 4: masterful execution. Farah is also an experienced corporate talent leader, 53 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 4: currently working as an executive human resources business partner at Google, 54 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,839 Speaker 4: with a portfolio that includes clients in both Google and 55 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 4: its parent company, Alphabet. Farah has built a professional brand 56 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:26,559 Speaker 4: of distinguished credibility and expertise in developing talent management strategies 57 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 4: that extend seamlessly into best practices. Pharaoh, welcome to her space. 58 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 3: Thank you so much, and I am going to need 59 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 3: you to do all of my intros moving forward. 60 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: That was. 61 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 2: Yes, Carl you bomb, I'm welcome that way, I'll take it. 62 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 3: How are you? 63 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: We are well and we are ready to dive into 64 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: hearing about how you live fabulously. So I am going 65 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: to start us off with our quote of the day, which, Pharaoh, 66 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: should sound really familiar to you because it's your words. 67 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 3: Oh boy warning on that. Wow. 68 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: Okay, I think these words are fabulous, but we'll let 69 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: you be the judge. So our quote of the day 70 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: in the choices we make is the sweet spot of 71 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: brilliantly arriving at the recognition of the truth that we 72 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: are fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm nna say that one 73 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: more time for the folks in the back. In the 74 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: choices we make is the sweet spot of brilliantly arriving 75 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 1: at the recognition of the truth that we are fearfully 76 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: and wonderfully made. 77 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 3: I haven't heard that in a really long time. And 78 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 3: actually remember when I wrote that and said it, Wow, 79 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 3: did you write it? 80 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 2: Tell us? Tell us, I wanted to write this. What 81 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 2: prompted this to come up for you? 82 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 3: So the fearfully and wonderfully made is a reference to 83 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 3: the to the Bible phrase the Bible scripture you knew 84 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 3: me in my mother's room, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 85 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 3: And it was during a season where I decided that 86 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,479 Speaker 3: fear and I were actually going to have a relationship 87 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 3: in which I was going to give fear its place 88 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 3: and let it understand that it was no longer in 89 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 3: a position to put me at the affect of But 90 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 3: I was going to direct the application of fear in 91 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 3: my life to the point where it was minimized and 92 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 3: had limited impact. And the reason I remember that so distinctly, 93 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 3: it was during a season with there was just a 94 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 3: lot coming in all at once, and I decided to 95 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 3: just take the reins. And it's when you got to 96 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 3: call a thing a thing, if you will, and in 97 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 3: naming it, putting it in its place. But that means 98 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 3: you have to take your position too, right, and that 99 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 3: position is living in the understanding and the truth of 100 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 3: being fearfully and wonderfully made. 101 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 2: I love it. That is so powerful. It sounds like 102 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 2: you were saying that you sort of reframed the fear 103 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 2: and sort of shifted the way that you used Did 104 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 2: I want to say, because it sounds like the fear 105 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 2: was still there, but you sort of transmuted that energy. 106 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 2: How did you refocus that energy and what did you 107 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 2: use that fear energy for? 108 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, so the best way I can kind of articulate 109 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,280 Speaker 3: giving something its role. Actually, I just had a full 110 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 3: day of clients this past weekend, and interestingly enough, the 111 00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 3: thing that kept coming up was the imposter syndrome, and 112 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 3: each person. Two of these clients were new to me, 113 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 3: and we do level setting in our first session all 114 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 3: the time. And of course it's kind of this people 115 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 3: say this in passing. Oh, and I think I got 116 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 3: imposter syndrome. I just need to get rid of that too. 117 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 3: And what I have to coach people on is you 118 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 3: actually don't get rid of imposter syndrome. You just give 119 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 3: it its script and you tell it when and how 120 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 3: to play and such. The same thing with fear, right, 121 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 3: Fear is just it's part of life in that we're 122 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 3: always going to have things that cause us to take 123 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 3: on a position of offense or defense right, and usually 124 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 3: what is at the root of that is fear. It 125 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 3: doesn't have to be immobilizing fear. But I'm afraid because 126 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 3: it's new, I'm afraid because it's ambiguous. I'm afraid because 127 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 3: I don't know what's going to happen. But you get 128 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,160 Speaker 3: to also decide when you know who you are are, 129 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 3: you get to decide what role fear is going to play. 130 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 3: So for me, fear, the imposter syndrome, whatever you want 131 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 3: to call it, it is a curiosity point. So when 132 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 3: something you know throws me off kilter or makes me 133 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 3: a little worried. I go deep and figure out, Okay, 134 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 3: what's causing that. Oh, it's just because it's new. Okay, 135 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 3: Well it's new. Okay. So here's what's going to happen here. 136 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 3: I'm gonna learn everything I can about the situation, not 137 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 3: to get rid of the fear, but to minimize it 138 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 3: and make fear more of a factor of excitement about 139 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 3: the new thing or experience versus something that has power 140 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 3: to immobilize me and make me feel like I can't 141 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 3: do this because it's new or different as something I've 142 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 3: never experienced before. 143 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: Wow. So, as I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about 144 00:08:54,360 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: getting curious about our fear, realistically, how easy is that 145 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: for people to do? Because you know, I think about 146 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 1: some of the like random phobias, irrational fears that I 147 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 1: have about certain things. And how do you go from saying, Okay, 148 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: this thing is immobilizing me, and it's when you're feeling immobilized, 149 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,439 Speaker 1: you're not feeling positive about this at all. So then, 150 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: but curiosity is more of an excitement, more of a 151 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: positive emotion. So how do we get someone to go 152 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: from being immobilized to I'm going to be curious and 153 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: excited about this thing. 154 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's such a good question. And so a couple 155 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,319 Speaker 3: of things like even listening to you, don like when 156 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 3: you said it's irrational. Words are important, right, What does 157 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 3: the irrational mean? I mean, if you're afraid of something, 158 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 3: if something is causing you fear, is it irrational? It's 159 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 3: your feeling, right, and so of you. It's your feeling. 160 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 3: It's totally fine. But what we have to figure out 161 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 3: is what is causing that fear. And I I think 162 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 3: the first thing to shift from being immobilized and at 163 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 3: the affect of something is just question is it irrational 164 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 3: or is it just my thing? You know? And if 165 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 3: it's just your thing, okay, cool, let's figure out why 166 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 3: this is your thing, you know. An example is I 167 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 3: used to be no one will believe this because I 168 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 3: could talk to the wall and think that it's going 169 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 3: to talk back to me and we're gonna be cool. 170 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 3: But I used to have this fear of public speaking terrifying, 171 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 3: overly terrifying, right, And just the folks that I was 172 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 3: always around, none of them had any fear, like every 173 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 3: people can wait to get on stage. And I also 174 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 3: grew up my mom kept us very busy because of 175 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 3: where we grew up. It was actually a matter of 176 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 3: safety as much as it was educational Enrichmond. So we 177 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 3: did tap, jazz, ballet, I played piano, like all these 178 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 3: things that always put me in front of audiences. And 179 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 3: so then to progress to a point of not being 180 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 3: able to speak in front of people, that's not a 181 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 3: rational fear. We could say that's the case, but it's 182 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 3: still my fear. And so let's take off the label 183 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 3: of rational or not and shift to what's underneath this, 184 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 3: because what we think, we see and feel, there's always 185 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 3: more unto the hoods. I think the first step is 186 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 3: understanding that there's always something underneath the layer that is 187 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 3: first apparent to you. And so that means take the 188 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 3: judgment off. Just first take the judgment off. Once you 189 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 3: take the judgment off, then take on the role of investigator. 190 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 3: And as an investigator, your only job is to be curious. 191 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 3: You don't even have to figure it out yet, because 192 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 3: there isn't really a case. All there is is life 193 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 3: and you're just living and your evil. And so if 194 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 3: you can not judge yourself, not judge your fear, not 195 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 3: judge whether it's irrational or not, but just accept that 196 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 3: it is, and if it is, shift into investigator mode, 197 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 3: knowing that all you're looking for is the next layer, 198 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 3: not the solution. Yet, stay curious and then the solution 199 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:22,439 Speaker 3: will just show up. 200 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 4: I love that you share that, Fair and Dom, I 201 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 4: love that you brought that up, because that's something that 202 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 4: I would typically say to myself. You know, oh that's 203 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 4: not rational. The way that you said it fair, it 204 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 4: does sound a little judging. But my best friend she 205 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 4: sent me a post this week and it was a 206 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 4: list of different ways that we gaslight ourselves and it 207 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 4: was so deep and there was something around this theme 208 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 4: of oh, why do you feel this way or you 209 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,960 Speaker 4: know this is irrational? And it kind of brought that 210 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,960 Speaker 4: back up for me. And so I guess the question 211 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 4: I have for you is what prompted you to even 212 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 4: explore this career of executive coaching? Like what piqued your 213 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 4: interest about this career? 214 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, so one quick thing to just close the loop 215 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 3: on Don's question and finalize my answer. The other thing 216 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 3: that I will say has helped me immensely is this 217 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,719 Speaker 3: practice of energy leadership. And I will tell you, as 218 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 3: someone who's certified in it, I wish the name were 219 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 3: different because it sounds so impalpable, if you will, but 220 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 3: it's pretty basic. All it is is this leadership attribute 221 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 3: of being able to understand how you show up on 222 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 3: the day to day when things are quote unquote going 223 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 3: your way, as is what your triggers are. And then 224 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 3: once you identify your triggers, fully understanding how that makes 225 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 3: you shift, and in your shifting, have to stay areous 226 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 3: to determine how to get back to your usual mode 227 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 3: of operating. So it's that first layer of no judgment, 228 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 3: second layer of investigate, And as a coach for me 229 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 3: who also went through this exercise, energy leadership literally day 230 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:06,400 Speaker 3: to day helps me manage in that way. To your question, Terry, 231 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 3: in terms of what got me into this space, there's 232 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,719 Speaker 3: so many pieces, but what it boils down to is, 233 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 3: I remember my first job out of school. I was 234 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 3: in human resources. I was doing this rotational program and 235 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 3: I was fortunate enough to land my first rotation in compensation, 236 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 3: and compensation is an organization's method of figuring out what 237 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 3: they reward, how they reward, and how rewards are distinct 238 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 3: by level, by job, family, by experience, All of the 239 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 3: things inevitably part of that is having conversations about people. 240 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 3: So at twenty years old, I'm sitting in rooms with 241 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 3: leaders who told me they could be my parents, right. 242 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 3: And these are major heavy hitter decision makers in the organization, 243 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 3: And we're having to evaluate employees as we determine how 244 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 3: we're going to comp them. 245 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 2: I e. 246 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 3: Base increases, bonuses, equity, all of it. And conversations were happening, 247 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 3: and I was observing these general trends of constructive feedback 248 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 3: on women and in particular, people of color. And none 249 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 3: of the conversations were egregious, I will say that, but 250 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 3: I felt like I was behind the curtain listening to 251 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 3: these conversations about people and how those constructive points of 252 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 3: feedback were impacting their careers, were impacting their pockets, and 253 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 3: they would never know because no one was going back 254 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 3: to share with them the feedback. Nobody was going back 255 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,560 Speaker 3: to them to say, here's your development plan. While we 256 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 3: reward you for your performance. These folks were getting paid, 257 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 3: they were getting bonuses, but had no idea that there 258 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 3: was a gap in how they were being perceived or 259 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 3: sometimes how they were showing up, and it was impacting 260 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 3: their livelihood. N yeah, and I just remember sitting there like, wow, 261 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 3: quite frankly talk about imposter syndrome. I've never done this 262 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 3: work before, the youngest one in the room. I'm the 263 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 3: only person of color in this room, like everything. And 264 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 3: it was the moment that I realized, Wow, I really 265 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 3: am sitting right in the middle of both sides of 266 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 3: the curtain, right, what can I do to facilitate insight 267 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 3: sharing without breaking confidentiality? 268 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 2: Right? 269 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 3: Like, I can't go share policies and practices and I 270 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 3: can't really just yet in my career challenge the Ceeoh, 271 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 3: I can't do that. But what I can do is 272 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 3: figure out how do I get to folks who are 273 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 3: getting feedback around executive presence what that really means. And 274 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 3: what ended up happening was I went a couple of 275 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 3: years later to grad school and this just stuck with 276 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 3: me and I went to Bapston College for my MBA 277 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 3: in Boston. His year over year over year over year 278 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 3: been number one for entrepreneurship, and so I got into 279 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 3: this program called the Hatchery. The HATCHERI is basically an incubator. 280 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,159 Speaker 3: You get everything you need to start a business to 281 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 3: run your business through the school and this was my opportunity. 282 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 3: I wanted to create a company that served as the bridge. 283 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 3: Had this creative name Bernie Bridge Group. Yep, maybe how 284 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 3: do I service the bridge between employer and employee, sharing 285 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 3: knowledge around coaching practices for the employees and then providing 286 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 3: insights around critical talent to employers who might not know 287 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 3: that they were missing really good talent because they called 288 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 3: you know, limited experience in communicating in large forms as 289 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 3: if someone couldn't communicate, while also getting the employee to 290 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 3: work on that. So we were the bridge to facilitating 291 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 3: that organization. So what I realized I was still missing 292 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 3: was the actual practice of coaching. And so I went 293 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,640 Speaker 3: to go get my certification. And as I got my certification, 294 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 3: I realized that I'd been coaching my whole life. I 295 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 3: a fresh generation American, oldest raised in the household as 296 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,639 Speaker 3: the oldest of three, and I was learning stuff with 297 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,920 Speaker 3: my parents. And because I also respect my parents, I 298 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 3: would never give direction. I would always provide questions that 299 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 3: led them to investigate alternative opportunities or most right. And 300 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,880 Speaker 3: then with my siblings, it was never you know, directing 301 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 3: them or guiding them, but staying inquisitive so that they 302 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 3: could find their own path and determine what they wanted 303 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 3: to do and their how because the three of us 304 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 3: are all very different. And so that's a long of 305 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 3: it in that I think it's always been a part 306 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 3: of what I've done, but I didn't really know the 307 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 3: power of it until I was sitting in rooms hearing 308 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 3: feedback about people who would never get it, and I 309 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 3: wanted to find out how could I, with integrity be 310 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 3: the person to give it to them while also supporting 311 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 3: the organization that I worked for. 312 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 2: I love that. 313 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:38,680 Speaker 1: I truly can appreciate how you said that coaching has 314 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: always been in you, right, Yeah, yeah, So there's a 315 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: bunch of pieces within that that I really resonated with me. 316 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 1: The one thing that has really piqued my interests is 317 00:19:55,080 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: you were sitting in these rooms getting this information and 318 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: trying to figure out how do you get this information 319 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:10,879 Speaker 1: to other people? And so can you share with us 320 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 1: what were some of the biggest challenges or some of 321 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: the most critical feedback for black women that you heard 322 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: in those spaces. 323 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:28,640 Speaker 3: Consistently, communications just needs to be better with no additional detail. 324 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,439 Speaker 3: She needs the executive presence with no additional detail. I 325 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 3: just don't know if she wanted wants it, she doesn't 326 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,640 Speaker 3: show up as a go getter with no additional detail. 327 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 3: Sometimes it was you know, she's just a little too aggressive, 328 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 3: which is a known thing that we deal with. It 329 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 3: was all the coded terms for folks just not being 330 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,719 Speaker 3: comfortable with us. And I would say those three in 331 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 3: particular were the most consistent. It's what we still hear, right. 332 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 3: I mean, now I'm in a position where I hear 333 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 3: those things and I can stop someone. I'm not twenty anymore, 334 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 3: I'm not going to and you know, and I can say, well, 335 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,479 Speaker 3: tell me what do you mean by that? And I 336 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 3: will tell you multiple people will say, well, I guess 337 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 3: that's not what I mean. No, it's not. 338 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 2: Right. 339 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 3: What do you mean? What do you mean? And what 340 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 3: is happening is that? And I do appreciate this is 341 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 3: that people are learning that what they are calling communication skills, 342 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,919 Speaker 3: it's just a different mode of someone showing up than 343 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 3: their mode of showing up or you know, I think 344 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,119 Speaker 3: for black men in particular, it's always well, I just 345 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,879 Speaker 3: it's not a go getter. And I'm like, but do 346 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 3: you understand if he showed up as the go getter 347 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 3: he is, you would not be able to handle it. 348 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:59,080 Speaker 3: You actually would not handle it. So he is adjusting 349 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:05,879 Speaker 3: and maintaining malleability because anything else would be offensive to you. 350 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,640 Speaker 3: Not because it's offensive, but it is offensive to you. 351 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:13,439 Speaker 3: And so it's shifted to more of an opportunity for 352 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 3: me to coach those in power than it is just 353 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 3: me coaching employees. It's now, i'd say, more of a 354 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 3: balance of both. 355 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 2: I love that, isn't that a man? 356 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 4: I'm just like, my mouth is just on the ground 357 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,879 Speaker 4: right now, And I don't think that the work that 358 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 4: you're doing in the store you have one is so inspiring, 359 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 4: but then the work that you're doing is so honorable. 360 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 4: You know, you're it's like you're getting the game, You're 361 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 4: understanding the system and then now empowering your people to 362 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,439 Speaker 4: know how to navigate it. 363 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 2: Because when you. 364 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,240 Speaker 4: Think about it, this system is so nuanced when it 365 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 4: comes to how we need to act against those, you know, 366 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 4: against our counterparts, and we could literally have the same behaviors, 367 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 4: but oftentimes because we look the way that we do right, 368 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 4: our skin color is the way that it is, there's 369 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 4: a different perception, which is so disheartening. But I will 370 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,679 Speaker 4: say there is hope because of the work that you 371 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,879 Speaker 4: do and the fact that you are a witness that 372 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 4: people are learning, and so we love to know what 373 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 4: has coaching taught you about yourself and how has it changed. 374 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 3: You about myself. I'm so aligned with my purpose, like 375 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 3: I know I am here. It's the thing for me. 376 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 3: It is taught me that I am so aligned for 377 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 3: what I'm here to do, and opportunities show up for 378 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 3: me to maintain that alignment to be consistent with my values. 379 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 3: I have to sometimes manage my default to coaching, right 380 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 3: Like both of you were on a Living Fantasy Fears 381 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 3: podcast and I had to catch myself multiple times, like, no, 382 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 3: Terry's not asking you for coaching right now, or Dot 383 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 3: was having a conversation with you. There's no coaching to 384 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 3: be had here right. So it literally has taught me 385 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 3: that I am on this journey that is truly aligned, 386 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 3: but I believe I'm here to do. And it's also 387 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,480 Speaker 3: taught me that curiosity is what serves me the most. 388 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 3: I was that kid who asked why not just because 389 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 3: children ask why, I ask why because I really want 390 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 3: to know. I really want to know why the sky 391 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,679 Speaker 3: is blue and not purple. Oh, sometimes it is what 392 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 3: makes it so? What makes it not? I was the 393 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 3: one who my poor mother when I had science projects, 394 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 3: they were always about stars and comments, and I was 395 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 3: obsessed with the solar system. And I never could understand, 396 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,640 Speaker 3: You're an adult, you know everything, right, so why can't 397 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,959 Speaker 3: you tell me while we don't see comments in shooting 398 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 3: stars in Norchester, Massachusetts, you know, like it's I truly 399 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,959 Speaker 3: am a curious being, and I also have those who 400 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 3: really know me would say I just have an old soul, 401 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 3: and coaching has taught me that. That's why I can 402 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:04,120 Speaker 3: stay by nature curious because if we look at those 403 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 3: who are more senior than us, they don't have to 404 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,000 Speaker 3: take up space. They're like, I'm tired. I'm here to 405 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 3: just listen and observe. I don't need to, you know, 406 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 3: be at the forefront of everything. And that is part 407 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,879 Speaker 3: of my mode of operating. How has it changed me 408 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 3: most importantly, or critically, I should say, is energy leadership. 409 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,919 Speaker 3: I am someone who you know, we're our own worst critic. 410 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:35,160 Speaker 3: But I think I growing up took so seriously all 411 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 3: that my mother did and you know would do for 412 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,359 Speaker 3: us still today if she could. I mean, blood, sweat 413 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 3: and tears, there's nothing this woman would not do for us. 414 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 3: We struggled growing up financially, but she always found a 415 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,440 Speaker 3: way and made away. And so I just always looked 416 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:56,640 Speaker 3: at myself as an investment and as such, I am 417 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 3: here to always provide a return, right because is what 418 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 3: do good investments do? They have yield? And what that 419 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 3: also sets you up for is being at the affect 420 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 3: of mistakes if you will, or not getting things quote 421 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 3: unquote right. And if you tell me something needs to 422 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 3: be one hundred percent, you're always going to get two 423 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:24,440 Speaker 3: hundred at minimum. And what coaching taught me is more 424 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 3: than anything else, but coaching taught me, you know, pursuit 425 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 3: of perfection is the enemy of the good, and through 426 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 3: energy leadership, it's self management around those things. So now 427 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 3: energy leadership is as much my default to self management 428 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:46,400 Speaker 3: and self care as much as is coaching and curiosity 429 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 3: as a coach in my day to day. 430 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 1: This is just I am. I could sit back and 431 00:26:53,040 --> 00:27:00,679 Speaker 1: listen to you all day because your energy, like I 432 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: really feel your energy, right, Your energy is one that, 433 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:09,199 Speaker 1: like you said, like truly exudes curiosity, but there's this 434 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 1: warmth to it that I feel as we're engaging in 435 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 1: conversation and for me, I recognize that also a lot 436 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,199 Speaker 1: of times like that warmth and that type of energy 437 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: and some of the things that you spoke about are 438 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:33,919 Speaker 1: skills that therapists use, right, Yeah, can you explain to 439 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: us what is the difference between someone coming to you 440 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 1: for coaching versus needing to have a therapist? 441 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 3: Yeah. I do not take lightly people partnering with me 442 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:50,159 Speaker 3: as their coach. I consider it a deep honor because 443 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 3: to me, someone coming to you to partner with you 444 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 3: as a coach is them letting you in on their journey, 445 00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 3: and that is a sacred partnership. I do not take 446 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 3: it lightly. And so that being said, I respect my 447 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 3: role and the role of others in someone's life. And 448 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 3: what I mean by that is if I see something 449 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 3: that a client is grappling with and it shows up 450 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 3: as something that is more historical in nature, and they 451 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:28,360 Speaker 3: will tell you I have stopped our conversations and guided 452 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 3: them to seek out therapy. And this is why, and 453 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 3: here's the distinction. A therapist is there to help you cope, grapple, 454 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 3: manage with things in your history that are still persisting 455 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 3: and showing up for you, and they are trained in 456 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,000 Speaker 3: that because you go deep in that space with someone 457 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 3: that is both an opportunity but potentially destructive, even if 458 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 3: the destruction is to build somebody back up, right, which 459 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 3: which usually it is with a therapist, Right, Yeah, that's 460 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 3: what a therapist is there for. I will tell you 461 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 3: I have two clients who they always share with me 462 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,240 Speaker 3: conversations that they're having with their therapists, and I have 463 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 3: to tell them, you have a very good therapist. I've 464 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 3: never met the therapist. I don't know their therapist, but 465 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 3: when I hear the conversations that they're coming to me with, 466 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,400 Speaker 3: they will say, yeah, yeah, I'm a therapist and I 467 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 3: talked about this and we were dealing with this with 468 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 3: family blah blah blah. And then she told me this 469 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 3: is I need to update you on this because now 470 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 3: you and I need to do X, Y and Z. 471 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 3: And I'm like, you have an amazing therapist. Because the 472 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 3: therapist then also knows that they deal generally speaking, they're 473 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 3: dealing with the history. I am here to deal with 474 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 3: the here and now that is positioning to also move forward. 475 00:29:55,680 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 3: So here's an example. If you you are someone who 476 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 3: we can even make it a recent situation for someone 477 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 3: if they're grappling with operating as a victim of abuse, 478 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 3: and that is their default mode of operating, they may 479 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 3: come to me and say, Sarah, I am now starting 480 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 3: to do online dating and I'm setting up my profile. 481 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 3: I want to make sure that I'm proactively presenting a 482 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 3: brand that is authentic to me and displays these three 483 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 3: things and gets rid of this victim mentality that I 484 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 3: have this person and I can do that, But if 485 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 3: I keep hearing them talk about Jason and Tyrone and 486 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 3: what they did to Sorry Tyrone. I know we always useually, 487 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 3: but you know we're all enorment up with like the history, 488 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 3: then you're actually not done with Jason and Tyro. You're not, 489 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 3: And so I have to tell you their stuff, that experience, 490 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 3: it's still got a hold on you, and it's in 491 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 3: your past. That's not my lane. My lane is the 492 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 3: present and forward. I do need you, for our work 493 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 3: to be most effective, to seek out counseling therapy so 494 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 3: that you can deal with that history with someone who 495 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 3: knows how to do that. Well, right, that's not my lane. 496 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 3: I would love to do it. I think it's very 497 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 3: interesting and fascinating. It would be irresponsible for me to 498 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 3: do that, and so the distinction really is history and 499 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 3: future while we stand in the present trying to discern 500 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 3: the impact of both. 501 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: Thank you for that, you know. I think that one 502 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: of the things that constantly comes up even in my 503 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 1: work as a therapist is that there are times where 504 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,959 Speaker 1: as we're dealing with the here and now, particularly with 505 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 1: my work with college students, is that there may be 506 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 1: some coaching involved right in helping them address their here 507 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: and now. But I like what you said that, Like, 508 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,000 Speaker 1: my role as a therapist is to help them look 509 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:10,440 Speaker 1: through and explore and gain insight into their history, their 510 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 1: past and how it's affecting their presence exactly. 511 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 3: And actually that's the beauty of a therapist, right The 512 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 3: therapist can actually do both. A coach who is not 513 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 3: a therapist should never even try. That's when it gets dangerous. 514 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 3: Like I think the benefit of a therapist, especially if 515 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 3: it's a therapist who's also certified in coaching. That's like 516 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 3: the plus plus plus is they can do both. And 517 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,479 Speaker 3: a really good therapist actually does touch upon both. But 518 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 3: to activate coaching that is. 519 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 1: The line right, right, And so as we think about 520 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: some of the women who are listening to us right now, 521 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: and they're saying, well, Parah, why would I need a coach? 522 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 1: I think things are going great in my job. Why 523 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: would I need a coach? And so what would your 524 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 1: response be to them? 525 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 3: My first response would be, why wouldn't you need one? 526 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: Ooh? 527 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 3: Literally, like, why wouldn't you need one? What is there 528 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 3: to lose by having a partner on your journey with you? 529 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:21,440 Speaker 3: Who's going to hold you accountable to your own set goals, 530 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 3: your committed brand positioning and help you through the process 531 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:30,920 Speaker 3: of self discovery, definition and distinction. So it'd be more 532 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,360 Speaker 3: question and if they someone might have an answer, well, 533 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 3: because I'm good like that? Okay? 534 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 2: Cool? 535 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,600 Speaker 3: And if that's the case, then the other thing I 536 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,720 Speaker 3: would say, and I will, you know, be selfish with 537 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 3: this is for black women in particular. I need you 538 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:49,160 Speaker 3: to understand everybody else is getting one. You want to 539 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,640 Speaker 3: be left out. It's kind of like a financial advisor. 540 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 3: Do we really need financial advisors? Need? I mean, you 541 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:02,000 Speaker 3: can do without one, you can, But what's to lose 542 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 3: with having a good one? Nothing? What's to gain? Oh 543 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,320 Speaker 3: my gosh, unlimited? Like it's really not limited at all. 544 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 3: And such is the same with a coach. 545 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,800 Speaker 4: That is an excellent statement. I love that and totally 546 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,000 Speaker 4: support that, and I'm with you one hundred percent. It's like, 547 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,200 Speaker 4: especially if everyone else has this sort of secret superpower 548 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 4: in their back pocket right that assisting them. I love 549 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 4: coaching and therapy and I love them in tandem as well, 550 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 4: and so I think that it's a great advice. I 551 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,360 Speaker 4: do want to ask before we shift up the energy 552 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,359 Speaker 4: in the interview, I want to ask if you want 553 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 4: to give black women three pro tips based on the 554 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 4: feedback you shared earlier on some of the conversations that 555 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,960 Speaker 4: are happening in rooms that we may not be in. 556 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 4: What three tips would you offer black women as it 557 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 4: relates to showing up in the workplace to sort of 558 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,640 Speaker 4: combat some of the stereotypes and all that stuff. 559 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,720 Speaker 3: Can I go back to the last question really quickly 560 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,799 Speaker 3: when you people have this in their back pocket. I 561 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:01,680 Speaker 3: started my company to get to primari women, minority women, 562 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 3: and black women in particular, but all people of color. 563 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 3: My roster continues to just persist with white women, a 564 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 3: few white men, and even less women of color. Even 565 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 3: as someone who tries to show up for us and who, 566 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 3: by the way, makes it affordable there are coaches who 567 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,799 Speaker 3: charge three times as much as I do. We are 568 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:35,239 Speaker 3: not investing in ourselves. So to the point, like everybody 569 00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:38,439 Speaker 3: else is using this weapon and keeping it in their 570 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:42,920 Speaker 3: toolbox as their like secret thing. I can't tell you. Somebody, 571 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,760 Speaker 3: a client texted me today. She just hired her first 572 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 3: employee for her company that we've been working on for years, 573 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,839 Speaker 3: and she's passing this on to the stuff that I've 574 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 3: coached her onto her employees. She's building an empire and 575 00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 3: using stuff that I've given her. It is dividends, and 576 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 3: that's not happening with us. We don't do that, and 577 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,359 Speaker 3: we need to, We really really need to. So sorry, 578 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 3: I had to pull that thread a little bit, but yeah, 579 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,480 Speaker 3: pro tipts first and foremost. It's going to sound actually 580 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 3: it is. It is a tax, but take the tax 581 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,399 Speaker 3: to get the dividends, and the tax is number one. 582 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 3: Give people permission to give you feedback. One of the 583 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 3: things that I observe is that managers, leaders have feedback 584 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 3: for us, but they're always afraid to give it. Go 585 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 3: give them permission. I've done that, and what that looks 586 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:41,239 Speaker 3: like is, hey, I know we have annual reviews once 587 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 3: a year, but I would really appreciate it. If maybe 588 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,719 Speaker 3: on a quarterly basis, I get feedback from you on X, 589 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 3: Y and Z. Is that possible. Nobody's going to say no. 590 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 3: Give them the point that you want the feedback on 591 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 3: so that they can go do their little preparation without 592 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:03,200 Speaker 3: being afraid and receive it. Right, So, give people permission 593 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:07,560 Speaker 3: to give you feedback. Take the feedback is the second 594 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,240 Speaker 3: pro tip, right because sometimes look, some of the feedback 595 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 3: is ridiculous, like sometimes it just is right. But you 596 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,120 Speaker 3: asked for it, you receive. You have to receive it. 597 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,520 Speaker 3: So that's the second pro tip. And understand that receiving 598 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,719 Speaker 3: does not mean agreement. And so this is the thing 599 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 3: about operating in a system. If you have a manager, 600 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 3: you are in a system. And if you're in the system, 601 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,760 Speaker 3: you have to decide, am I going to play checkers 602 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,759 Speaker 3: or am I going to play chess? Chuckers? Is I'm 603 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 3: going to wait for my annual review? Chess? Is I'm 604 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,120 Speaker 3: going to tell you you're gonna give me feedback on 605 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 3: a quarterly basis. So if you got something to say now, 606 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 3: don't wait for my annual review to give it to me. 607 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 3: I'm giving you a heads up. I am receiving the feedback, 608 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,040 Speaker 3: which is my thank you to you so that you 609 00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 3: know you can invest in me and it is received, 610 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 3: and then I think the last pro tip is and 611 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,799 Speaker 3: bear with me. It's army up. And what I mean 612 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:05,040 Speaker 3: by that is make sure you have your army of advocates. 613 00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,719 Speaker 3: What that entails is making sure you have people in 614 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,960 Speaker 3: your corner who you can leverage to play different roles 615 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:16,120 Speaker 3: in the environment in which you work. Because we need 616 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 3: mirrors for us, especially if we don't have a coach. 617 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,719 Speaker 3: You know, if the three of us are working on 618 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 3: something together, I need Terry to tell me if I 619 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 3: have spinach in my teeth, I need Dom to tell 620 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 3: me of no, that new dude's not working for you. Right, Like, 621 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: have your army of people who are just going to 622 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 3: be straight with you in the context in which you work. Right. 623 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,320 Speaker 3: They have to understand the space in which you operate 624 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,000 Speaker 3: in order to be part of the effective army of 625 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 3: advocates that you employ. Oh mg, dam I know you're 626 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 3: loving this too. 627 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,840 Speaker 2: I'm so good, so good, it's so good. 628 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,439 Speaker 3: It's just so good. There. 629 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,080 Speaker 4: I love that advice. Do have an episode about how 630 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,200 Speaker 4: to take constructive feedback? Because what you said is so important. 631 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 4: It's like you ask for the feedback, but then you 632 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 4: have to be able to listen to the feedback, right, 633 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,759 Speaker 4: even if you don't agree with it, just listen and 634 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,400 Speaker 4: create that relationship so that you can learn those things. 635 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 2: I love it. 636 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,840 Speaker 3: Perfect, perfect, And if you find yourself getting feedback that 637 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:22,600 Speaker 3: you this really like, this is like bonus proche. If 638 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,799 Speaker 3: it's feedback that's really just under your skin and you 639 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 3: just feel like you have to respond and you just 640 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 3: need to say something, say the following. That's really interesting. 641 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,720 Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to exploring that further. You said your piece, 642 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,360 Speaker 3: you got the last sword in and just let it 643 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:40,759 Speaker 3: be that and move on. Boom. 644 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,600 Speaker 2: There you have it, lady fair. 645 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:44,879 Speaker 3: And Fair. 646 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,480 Speaker 4: Now what we're going to do. We're gonna shift up 647 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,960 Speaker 4: the energy in the podcast. And because we recognize and 648 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 4: appreciate the multifaceted woman and we believe that it's okay 649 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,799 Speaker 4: to be classy and you can dance the strip club 650 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:01,920 Speaker 4: music if you so choose, right, Ratchet clatch It, we 651 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:06,240 Speaker 4: want to invite you to the oh you clatch it segment. 652 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 2: So do you take on the challenge? 653 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:16,240 Speaker 3: I think so. However, do I get to re record yeah. 654 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:20,560 Speaker 4: I was like, oh, oh, so fair. 655 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,360 Speaker 2: This is a very easy one. This is a question 656 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:23,919 Speaker 2: on the classic side of the game. 657 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:29,040 Speaker 3: What topic can you talk about all day? Oh? Man, dang, 658 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,839 Speaker 3: I can talk about anything, just one topic all day long. One. 659 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,719 Speaker 3: You know what. Honestly, it's about authenticity. I could talk 660 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:40,600 Speaker 3: about that all day long because it gets into identity, 661 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,040 Speaker 3: It gets into so much. To give me the topic 662 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 3: of authenticity, I could take it anywhere and everywhere. 663 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:46,920 Speaker 2: I have it. 664 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:51,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Well, speaking of being our authentic selves, 665 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:56,040 Speaker 1: then we are on the dance floor. That's an opportunity 666 00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:01,960 Speaker 1: to be our authentic self. So, Parah, would you twork 667 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 1: for two steps? 668 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 3: Oh? Holiday party or the wedding? Which one? Yeah, that's 669 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:23,320 Speaker 3: YouTube dance YouTube the party. We're definitely two stepping because 670 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 3: you know, not everybody can handle the tworking, and with 671 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:31,360 Speaker 3: us and our magic and everything we do, including tworking, 672 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,800 Speaker 3: not everybody can handle it. So I'm gonna two steps. 673 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,080 Speaker 1: All right, office party, we get the two steps. Now, 674 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,279 Speaker 1: let's say let's say you're just at home in your 675 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:40,960 Speaker 1: living room. 676 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,600 Speaker 3: Oh, then yeah, this is a combination of it all. 677 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:52,640 Speaker 2: All right, that's what we want here. Faara, how did 678 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,880 Speaker 2: you want to be remembered. 679 00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:58,879 Speaker 3: Oh wow. I want to be remembered as someone who 680 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:07,920 Speaker 3: stayed open to continuous learning of self in order to 681 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:12,839 Speaker 3: better enable others to do the same and become their 682 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 3: most authentic selves, thereby leaving a legacy of living fabulously fairs. 683 00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,160 Speaker 4: Oh, that's a beautiful We need more people like you 684 00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:23,880 Speaker 4: with a worldfare. 685 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 2: That's amazing. 686 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I. 687 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,360 Speaker 1: Don't even know how to follow that up. That was 688 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,600 Speaker 1: so beautiful. And then I'm coming through. 689 00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:34,960 Speaker 2: Like the ratchet question. 690 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,920 Speaker 1: But you know what you know that is that is 691 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:42,640 Speaker 1: the beauty of being clatchet. 692 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:44,640 Speaker 3: Is that whole people. 693 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,759 Speaker 1: We are whole people. One moment we are taking this 694 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:54,440 Speaker 1: deep dyed yeah, and the next moment we're just being ratchet. 695 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,680 Speaker 1: And I don't even know if we can call it ratchet. 696 00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,320 Speaker 1: We are just having a good. 697 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,360 Speaker 3: Time, yeah, yeah, and just living. 698 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:07,719 Speaker 1: Yes, So as we are living, what song will get 699 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:11,040 Speaker 1: you on the dance floor every time, no matter the situation. 700 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:17,360 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, anything Beyonce, anything, anything Beyonce. 701 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:22,719 Speaker 1: All right, I'm with it. Anything Beyonce at the office party. Beyonce. 702 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:28,320 Speaker 1: You know, she is one that can transcend the environments. 703 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,120 Speaker 1: So at the office party, we can we can dance 704 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,359 Speaker 1: to Beyonce and then at home. 705 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,719 Speaker 3: We can we can work to Beyonce. And I think 706 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:40,080 Speaker 3: also because this might be a stretch. And I have 707 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,880 Speaker 3: a friend who you know, dare I say, she's not 708 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:47,200 Speaker 3: a fan of Beyonce, But for me, like, no, right, 709 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,200 Speaker 3: I want just to be clear because if Beyonce is 710 00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:53,279 Speaker 3: listening to this, I am a fan. 711 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:59,759 Speaker 1: Just yes, we're all fans. 712 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,000 Speaker 3: Like even I just I got my six miles in 713 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:06,279 Speaker 3: today and I played Homecoming and I'm running, but I 714 00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:11,040 Speaker 3: am dancing the entire time. And it's because yeah, that's 715 00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,320 Speaker 3: anything be else I can get. Well, give me on 716 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:14,240 Speaker 3: the dance floor anytime. 717 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:16,319 Speaker 4: We love it. We love it. And Paara, we're going 718 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,800 Speaker 4: to close out with our last question. Now, this is 719 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,200 Speaker 4: an interesting question because this is a new question that 720 00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,120 Speaker 4: Dom and I have added to the roster. And I 721 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,640 Speaker 4: will say and I think it was episode two Dom 722 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,640 Speaker 4: of season seven. Dom and I did answer this question ourselves. 723 00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:31,440 Speaker 4: So know that you are not alone, fair, you are 724 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,440 Speaker 4: in good company. But we must know, we must know. 725 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:39,400 Speaker 4: Oh what would she's like? Oh gosh, what would your 726 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:40,200 Speaker 4: stripper name be? 727 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:45,120 Speaker 3: Oh? You know what? This is horrible because I had one. 728 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,440 Speaker 3: I'll remember it. Not because I was a stripper. We 729 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:51,840 Speaker 3: played this This is a Dutch free zone. 730 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,680 Speaker 4: Fair. If you were, we'd be like, hey girl, we 731 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:54,360 Speaker 4: still rock. 732 00:44:55,280 --> 00:45:06,320 Speaker 3: Right fair with me. It was caramel macadamia like something. 733 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,640 Speaker 3: It was like the color of your top that you're 734 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,239 Speaker 3: working wearing at the time and the last thing you 735 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,440 Speaker 3: ate pop on So I think you know, I had 736 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:19,840 Speaker 3: to fancy it up. Carmel. Yeah, so that that was 737 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:24,920 Speaker 3: my that was her name, and I'll keep it caramel macadamia. 738 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:31,759 Speaker 4: Okay, okay with it, Okay, Fair. We had so much 739 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,320 Speaker 4: fun with you, and thank you so much time. 740 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,040 Speaker 3: Thank you, Jim. Oh my goodness. 741 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:37,960 Speaker 1: Fair. 742 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,839 Speaker 2: Where can our listeners find you? 743 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,120 Speaker 3: Yes, you can find me on Facebook at just my 744 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 3: name fer Bernie. It's f A r a h. Last 745 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,600 Speaker 3: name is b e r n I E R. I 746 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:54,040 Speaker 3: also have a Living Fabulously Fierce Facebook page and at 747 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,120 Speaker 3: Living Fabulously Fears is the handle on our Instagram account. 748 00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:01,799 Speaker 3: And lastly, you can also catch the Living Fabulously Bears 749 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:07,200 Speaker 3: podcast on Spotify and Anchor, and you can catch Dom 750 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:12,160 Speaker 3: and Terry's episodes coming up soon on said podcast. 751 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,640 Speaker 5: Hey lady, it's doctor Dom here from the Herspace podcast 752 00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,239 Speaker 5: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 753 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,920 Speaker 5: feedback on. Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 754 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:27,520 Speaker 5: situation you're facing. If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and 755 00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:32,280 Speaker 5: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday, 756 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,920 Speaker 5: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. 757 00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,920 Speaker 5: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 758 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:44,320 Speaker 5: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 759 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,120 Speaker 5: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 760 00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:51,560 Speaker 5: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 761 00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:56,359 Speaker 5: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 762 00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:59,279 Speaker 5: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 763 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,560 Speaker 5: please please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology 764 00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,400 Speaker 5: today or contact your insurance provider. 765 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:08,640 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 766 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,040 Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 767 00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:17,200 Speaker 4: Twitter at herspace podcast or check out our website at 768 00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:21,799 Speaker 4: herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat after me. 769 00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:26,360 Speaker 4: I am not limited by any past thinking. I choose 770 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:27,640 Speaker 4: my thoughts with care. 771 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:33,680 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, Lady