Speaker 1: What if I had pronounce it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What if.
Speaker 3: Campsite media.
Speaker 1: So I've got a good question for you here to
Speaker 1: start the day.
Speaker 2: M h.
Speaker 1: I think you're gonna have I hope you're gonna have
Speaker 1: a great answer for this one.
Speaker 2: So okay, a lot of pressure here we go.
Speaker 1: What's the weirdest or the worst thing you've ever snorted?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, if you were trying to get me to drugs,
Speaker 2: I'll never give you that, Josh, I'll never give you
Speaker 2: that I've snorted drugs. In fact, this makes me think
Speaker 2: the whole podcast up until now has been a trap.
Speaker 2: Damn it, you're a nar all right, drop the show.
Speaker 2: He knows he figured it out. I would probably the
Speaker 2: craziest thing I've ever snorted was an eraser off of
Speaker 2: a pencil, and luckily was able to blow it right
Speaker 2: back out, because I can't imagine the road that would
Speaker 2: have been.
Speaker 1: Like I am, I once tried snuff and it was
Speaker 1: just terrible. And I don't smoke and I never chewed
Speaker 1: to me, but I don't know why I did it,
Speaker 1: and it was god awful.
Speaker 2: And you tried to snort it.
Speaker 1: Well, that is a thing that people do, I think,
Speaker 1: or was I using it wrong.
Speaker 2: I want to say, you were using it wrong, dam
Speaker 2: I think, isn't it like dip or like chew?
Speaker 1: If it was, then it definitely went in the wrong orifice.
Speaker 1: Well say as dumb as these criminals, Josh, I mean,
Speaker 1: they didn't choose me to host for snuff is nothing
Speaker 1: compared to what we're going to talk about this week
Speaker 1: on Crime List, when we tackle the very important and
Speaker 1: often uncomfortable matter of fake drugs, Starting with a story
Speaker 1: about some burglars who thought they'd stumbled into a giant
Speaker 1: stash of cocaine, only to find out later it definitely
Speaker 1: wasn't cocaine. What was it? That's after the break. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to Crime lest, the podcast that celebrates the amazing
Speaker 1: creativity of the world's dumbest criminals.
Speaker 2: I'm Josh Dean and I am Rory Scoville, and I
Speaker 2: would just like to let everyone know during the break
Speaker 2: we looked it up. Josh was right, you can snort
Speaker 2: snuff ha vindicata. There there you go.
Speaker 1: I mean, it didn't make me any cooler or less.
Speaker 2: Yes it did. Our listeners, now hold you way above me.
Speaker 2: They know that I'm a nerd who doesn't how to
Speaker 2: do drugs, and they know that you've done.
Speaker 1: Drugs tobacco anyway, So I'm not exactly up on my
Speaker 1: statutes of limitation. See what I did there, Like attorneys general.
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to ask you invasive questions about
Speaker 1: your own drug use except when completely necessary.
Speaker 2: Perfect.
Speaker 1: I mean, you live in Colorado, so we can all
Speaker 1: safely assume you spoke weed.
Speaker 2: There you go, edibles, joint, I smoke snuff, I swallow snuff,
Speaker 2: I ingest snuff. No, I think Colorado it's fully legal
Speaker 2: all things I think. I don't really know. I think
Speaker 2: mushrooms may be psychedelics, psilo cybin at least I know
Speaker 2: is legal, just based on the fact that you can
Speaker 2: now get it in fancy corporate packaging, which is always
Speaker 2: a sign that it's legal.
Speaker 1: Road trip too, We're gonna tape in Colorado and we're
Speaker 1: all gonna eat shrooms before, Yeah.
Speaker 2: And do an episode, a live episode, the first live
Speaker 2: crime less.
Speaker 1: Well, that's actually a great idea.
Speaker 2: It's a horrible idea, actually, Josh, I mean eye the Beholder.
Speaker 1: Anyway, We're not here to talk about real drug this week.
Speaker 1: We're talking fake drugs. Yeah, which for me is a
Speaker 1: subject that goes all the way back to high school,
Speaker 1: when I'm pretty sure I smoked a regano or some
Speaker 1: like mixed herbs at a party because I was told
Speaker 1: it was weed and thought it was cool. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: what got me thinking about this was a story from
Speaker 1: twenty eleven. That's the year of the Japanese tsunami, Kate's
Speaker 1: marriage to Prince William and Osama bin Laden's death. But
Speaker 1: after today, you're gonna remember the year twenty eleven best
Speaker 1: for the story of five young dudes in Silver Springs Shores,
Speaker 1: Florida who got arrested for burglarizing a home.
Speaker 2: Florida classic, here we go.
Speaker 1: Do you know where Silver Springs Shores is?
Speaker 2: By chance? No one does, No one ever will well
Speaker 2: until after this episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's kind of important because Silver Springs Shores
Speaker 1: is a misnomer. It's definitely not on the shore or
Speaker 1: anywhere near the shore. It's smack in the middle of Florida, near.
Speaker 2: Okalla, Florida. You are too consistent.
Speaker 1: It's so on branch.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How many people bought houses in Silver Springs Shores?
Speaker 2: Things unseen? Assumed it was waterfront property.
Speaker 1: One thing. But I think this is kind of important
Speaker 1: because there's coastal Florida where you get tourists and Canadians
Speaker 1: and New York retirees who've mixed in with the Florida guy.
Speaker 2: Ye.
Speaker 1: And then there's inland Florida, which is basically West Virginia
Speaker 1: or Alabama. But it's like all Florida, man, I think,
Speaker 1: or mostly Florida, man.
Speaker 2: I think you're right.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I mentioned that as a way to give
Speaker 1: you a sense of the kind of teen criminals we
Speaker 1: might be dealing with here. So there were five of them,
Speaker 1: three adults aged nineteen, nineteen, and eighteen, So adults is
Speaker 1: in quotation marks there.
Speaker 2: The youngest of adults, yes.
Speaker 1: And then two juveniles who I'm going to guess were
Speaker 1: like seventeen. Probably they're all friends. Their names aren't important.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to add any additional shame to that
Speaker 1: that they've already brought upon themselves. And our story begins
Speaker 1: with a woman coming home and realizing she's been robbed.
Speaker 1: She's missing some electronics, she's missing some jewelry, set of
Speaker 1: vases or vases? Are you vas or vase? Guy?
Speaker 2: I say vase?
Speaker 1: Oh, vase?
Speaker 2: I also say aunt instead of aunt.
Speaker 1: Hmm.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I offered that up.
Speaker 1: But Tomato, so vase.
Speaker 2: I think I say vace, You say oz.
Speaker 1: I think I say I think I say it both
Speaker 1: ways trying.
Speaker 2: You know what I say vase, And internally I think
Speaker 2: o oz is right, But yet o oz sounds so snooty.
Speaker 2: I can't bring myself to do it. It's true, we're talking,
Speaker 2: even though I think it's correct, And in Florida, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna guess vace is probably vase. Yep, good call, good assumption.
Speaker 1: Okay, So these two vases contained the cremated ashes of
Speaker 1: her father and her two deceased great Danes, Samson and Epic.
Speaker 1: And I know what you're thinking. Why the hell would
Speaker 1: some kids steal eurns filled with ashes because of course
Speaker 1: they thought it was cocaine.
Speaker 2: Oh god, geez, okay man, oh yeah, right to the jugular,
Speaker 2: right the gate.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, So this is what I'm talking about. These
Speaker 1: kids snorted the dog ashes or the old man's ashes.
Speaker 1: We can't be sure.
Speaker 2: What I appreciate is that you said vase or vase,
Speaker 2: and then we just found out it was an urn,
Speaker 2: and so you rope me into that for no reason. Hey, Roy,
Speaker 2: do you say it right or do you see it wrong?
Speaker 2: I'm dumb, Josh Well. Trick question because it's an urn.
Speaker 1: Do you say urn or orn?
Speaker 2: I go with the Norwegian orn? I go orn with
Speaker 2: an umlot.
Speaker 1: Also my favorite couch an aikiya love the urn?
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: So the burglars realized it wasn't actually cocaine, well probably
Speaker 1: when they snorted the pattern. It tasted gross and nothing happened,
Speaker 1: and they later threw the ashes into la because they
Speaker 1: were worried they left fingerprints on the containers. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: this is all according to Marion County detectives, by the way,
Speaker 1: who talked to a local CBS affiliate. So imagine this scene.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing one of them finds these urns and convinces
Speaker 1: everyone else that it's coke, and they cut these giant
Speaker 1: lines and then ugh, and then they.
Speaker 2: Feel like it tastes like a life that's already been lived, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, or a chunk of bone got stuck in someone's
Speaker 1: I mean, just horrible, horrible realization. When that happens, right,
Speaker 1: the dude who actually had the idea has now lost
Speaker 1: all credibility with its friends.
Speaker 2: Do you think this is the only time in human
Speaker 2: history this has ever happened. I wonder how common of
Speaker 2: an error this is.
Speaker 1: I have a surprise for you. Just hang in there,
Speaker 1: because I didn't even tee that question up.
Speaker 2: Oh good god, I'm already onto it.
Speaker 1: So these three adults are charged with multiple counts of robbery.
Speaker 1: Not sure what happened to the juveniles other than I'm
Speaker 1: sure a lot of ridicule at school. That's gonna be
Speaker 1: a hard one to live down. Oh yeah, And I
Speaker 1: also wish I could tell you this was an isolated incident. Rory.
Speaker 2: Oh god.
Speaker 1: But in March twenty fifteen in Missouri, three teens, again teens,
Speaker 1: the oldest in this case seventeen, robbed a house. And
Speaker 1: this is sounding like a copycat crime, but honestly probably
Speaker 1: describes every home burglary. They stole electronics, they stole jewelry,
Speaker 1: some prescription drugs, and human ashes that they thought were cocaine.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Oh I just all right.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you seen an earned full of ashes before?
Speaker 2: I've seen an urn. I've never opened it just because
Speaker 2: of the haunting that would then occur and the portal
Speaker 2: that would open, so I've always left it closed. But
Speaker 2: I've got to assume there are some obvious textural and
Speaker 2: color differences between human ashes and cocaine. And I'm not
Speaker 2: an expert here, folks. My assumption is there would be
Speaker 2: some red flags.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I don't know that they're pure white, and
Speaker 1: maybe there's some chunks in there, like yes. Also, and
Speaker 1: here's the other thing. It's kind of a large quantity
Speaker 1: and it's way heavier than you think, which means that
Speaker 1: like there's teens running around out there thinking that random
Speaker 1: people have giant piles of cocaine and vases lying around.
Speaker 2: Like, was anybody like who lives here? Escabar? This is
Speaker 2: way too much cocaine two dogs worth in the first place.
Speaker 1: I mean I think, yeah, marked in some math earlier
Speaker 1: and figured out like several hundred thousand dollars worth of
Speaker 1: cocaine probably. Okay, it's teen, So they're gonna be a
Speaker 1: little bit optimistic. They're kids, you know, they're like, holy shit, man,
Speaker 1: we scored. Yeah, And naturally people would keep it in
Speaker 1: a vase and orn on the mantle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where I keep my drugs on the mantle,
Speaker 2: so that easy access. Right away.
Speaker 1: Somebody comes by.
Speaker 2: Somebody comes by, Hey, sit down. Just sit down. I
Speaker 2: don't have to go get it's right here.
Speaker 1: According to a local cop quote, one of the suspects
Speaker 1: tasted the ashes and determined it was not cocaine as
Speaker 1: they originally suspected. The ashes were then thrown from a
Speaker 1: car window and never found.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's the natural. So the first
Speaker 1: set of guys threw it in a la second set
Speaker 1: of guys threw it out the window.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I just I got to say, I
Speaker 2: think the second guys are a little more realistic. I
Speaker 2: think the lake was maybe a little more respectful, despite
Speaker 2: the fact that environmentally you're not supposed to be doing that.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, yeah, a lot of people want
Speaker 1: their ashes spread on the water, so that's what I mean.
Speaker 2: So in a way, they were like, hey, we made
Speaker 2: a mistake, but you know, these dogs and this guy,
Speaker 2: they're ready to swim. And what those guys don't know
Speaker 2: is that all three of them drowned, and so it
Speaker 2: was actually kind of a weird place to spread the ashes. Dark.
Speaker 1: The victim this, a woman named Devor Peters, told a
Speaker 1: local NBC affiliate that the ashes belonged to her father
Speaker 1: and that wasn't the only upsetting thing for Deborah. She
Speaker 1: knew the burglars, and I quote, there were people that
Speaker 1: I knew that I never thought would do something like
Speaker 1: this to me.
Speaker 2: She knew them.
Speaker 1: Yes, So, according to cops, they were family acquaintances who
Speaker 1: hatched the plan to rob the house after seeing a
Speaker 1: Facebook post that the residents would be away, which I
Speaker 1: think is worth pausing on for a crime lest public
Speaker 1: service announcement. Yes, listeners, please don't announce your vacations on Facebook, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, go or you know, post about it after the fact, exactly.
Speaker 2: You just don't want to go. Hey, And also, here's
Speaker 2: the code to the garage, Like, leave all that out
Speaker 2: of the post.
Speaker 1: So how do you think they got caught? Tough one?
Speaker 2: Uh? Did they leave something behind?
Speaker 1: No, this is a This is some fancy detective work
Speaker 1: here in Missouri.
Speaker 2: Oh you're talking Colombo. Colombo coming up here.
Speaker 1: So they stole an Xbox and the cops used the
Speaker 1: gaming systems IP address to chase them down.
Speaker 2: Oh man.
Speaker 1: So the sum total of this is that the storting
Speaker 1: of ashes, intentional or otherwise, is at least enough of
Speaker 1: a thing to have given birth to a name, Creamine Lining,
Speaker 1: which is in the Urban Dictionary, defined as quote when
Speaker 1: you snort your dead friend's ashes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, creamine lining.
Speaker 1: I mean, I did not know this before the other day,
Speaker 1: and I'm slightly horrified. But also I feel like a
Speaker 1: few years from now this will be a trend. It'll
Speaker 1: be a TikTok trend.
Speaker 2: This is like the tide pods, uh thing. Yeah, that's uh.
Speaker 2: That's so I'm led to believe that this is probably
Speaker 2: fairly common across the across the country. We just don't
Speaker 2: know about it as much. Well, not just across the country.
Speaker 1: I got another one from.
Speaker 2: Josh if I I am teeing you up on these transitions.
Speaker 1: Wow, we didn't even play.
Speaker 2: We didn't even play, folks. This is all in real time,
Speaker 2: just happening. It's just happening.
Speaker 1: Ultimately, the trend of creamine lining, so several of these
Speaker 1: things happening in succession. Began a story on Psychology Today
Speaker 1: from twenty seventeen which looked at the so called phenomenon,
Speaker 1: and the story subsequently revealed it to be mostly about
Speaker 1: mistakes and hype. So you don't actually need to worry
Speaker 1: that your kids are doing this. In most cases, I
Speaker 1: don't think they're snorting dead relatives, right. However, Psychology Today
Speaker 1: cited a story from nineteen ninety three is the possible
Speaker 1: origin for all this. Yet again, it's a robbery where
Speaker 1: thieves took ashes thinking it was coke. Yep. In this case,
Speaker 1: the ashes of the victim's mom, Gertrude, were wrapped in
Speaker 1: cellophane and stored in a fishing tackle box, which at
Speaker 1: least seems like a thing you could mistake for someone's
Speaker 1: coke stash.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I gotta say that seems like it would look cocish.
Speaker 1: Also a weird place to like wrap the ashes up
Speaker 1: in selfhane and put them in a tackle box.
Speaker 2: Yeah. In fact, I now do believe it was coke
Speaker 2: and this is how they.
Speaker 1: Got it dismissed. This is brilliant.
Speaker 2: Yes, these are actually smart criminals.
Speaker 1: So seven years later the British tabloids lit up about
Speaker 1: another robbery, another case where electronics and jewelry and ashes
Speaker 1: were snatched, in another situation where the goofballs who committed
Speaker 1: the robbery seem to have been mistaken, at least temporarily.
Speaker 1: Here's a section quoted in the story from Psychology Today,
Speaker 1: and this one is pulled from the tabloid The Sun
Speaker 1: in England and it's a good one, Okay. A policeman
Speaker 1: called to investigate the break in at Chadwell Heath fell
Speaker 1: about laughing when he saw the burglars had arranged the
Speaker 1: ashes in cocaine style lines.
Speaker 2: Quote.
Speaker 1: I'd love to see their faces when these thieves realize,
Speaker 1: said Vvith. It was horrible knowing that they were in
Speaker 1: my house, but the idea of them trying to get
Speaker 1: high on a dead dog certainly made me feel a
Speaker 1: bit better.
Speaker 2: I mean, I got it. I've never done cocaine, but
Speaker 2: I gotta assume you know immediately that this is not
Speaker 2: you know, can you smoke fake pot? You can smell it,
Speaker 2: but you kind of know it. Maybe it takes a
Speaker 2: second to realize you're probably not going to get hot.
Speaker 2: I think cocaine, don't you know, like instantly, Like aren't
Speaker 2: you immediately?
Speaker 1: And I think it's fair to say, yeah, especially in
Speaker 1: what I imagine the quantities to be here, because like
Speaker 1: I think cocaine lines are typically quite small, and if
Speaker 1: these guys are pouring out piles of ashes, then yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking scarface.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine we are talking paccino style coke? Bingjing.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine how excited, like before you even do
Speaker 2: the fake coke, your heart is racing thinking we just
Speaker 2: made one hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: I mean yeah. They came to steal an xbox and
Speaker 1: ended up with like a pound of what they believed,
Speaker 1: for a fleeting moment was cocaine.
Speaker 2: This is gonna be the new Oregano. I literally just
Speaker 2: anyone with ashes. But like you know, you could turn
Speaker 2: a dollar if you just get that rid of that
Speaker 2: urn vase and you go uh and you just go
Speaker 2: put it in a bagg.
Speaker 1: You just got to wrap it in selfon and put
Speaker 1: it in a tackle box and leave it out and
Speaker 1: start going around town just like flashing it to people.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So like still, I've read now four stories about this.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there were more. It all seemed deranged to
Speaker 1: me still, and so I stumbled on one more story
Speaker 1: that at least gives it all some context, that it's
Speaker 1: not just boneheaded robbers who snort ashes. Celebrities do it too.
Speaker 2: Oh god.
Speaker 1: So this came out twenty years ago in an interview
Speaker 1: with a British magazine and Emmy and this is a quote.
Speaker 1: The strangest thing I've tried to snort my father. I
Speaker 1: snorted my father. The man said he was cremated, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit
Speaker 1: of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. He didn't give
Speaker 1: a shit. Who said it?
Speaker 2: Rory, I mean, I just saw. My instinct is always
Speaker 2: Keith Richards. Yes, ding ding ding ding, or any sort
Speaker 2: of drug thing. I'm like, well, has anyone gone further
Speaker 2: than Keith Richards.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's safe to say now the
Speaker 1: answer is no.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's some That's some championship type shit right there.
Speaker 1: He's I mean almost in destructed, maybe totally instructive. I
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Keith Richards thought all of our reactions would be but
Speaker 2: won't your dad care? I like it. He was like,
Speaker 2: he wouldn't care yet, No shit, Keith, we're not talking
Speaker 2: about if your dad's gonna care.
Speaker 1: He also said it went down pretty well, and I'm
Speaker 1: still alive.
Speaker 2: At least he mixed some coke in there.
Speaker 1: He did. Yeah, and I'm sure Keith Richards has a
Speaker 1: good blow.
Speaker 2: And his dad's last words were, I wish you would
Speaker 2: have gotten off drugs at some point, and Keith was like,
Speaker 2: I'll show you. I mean, I can't even imagine once
Speaker 2: you've been you know, incinerated like that. I got to
Speaker 2: assume there's some carcinogens at play here. This is not
Speaker 2: This might be actually more unhealthy than doing coke.
Speaker 1: Which brings me to a question I wanted to ask you.
Speaker 1: Is it even safe to or human remains?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I gotta I mean maybe if the person died
Speaker 2: from a coco overdose, that's the only chance you might
Speaker 2: actually get some some percentage of cocaine in there. I
Speaker 2: don't know. I gotta assume no, I mean the carcinogen thing.
Speaker 2: And look, our audience knows this. I am not educated.
Speaker 2: So if I say there's carcinogens in it, don't come
Speaker 2: at me and Josh or attack Josh. Don't attack me.
Speaker 2: Don't come at us with this. There's no carcinogens in there.
Speaker 2: I actually think that's a really smart guess. So I'm
Speaker 2: gonna say it's not healthy carcinogens, all.
Speaker 1: Right, Not to give anything away, but I think you're
Speaker 1: probably onto something here. Yes, And I don't know what
Speaker 1: people did in a situation like this before the Internet,
Speaker 1: but today a big question like this, I'll have to
Speaker 1: do with Google search, and I was both delighted and
Speaker 1: a little horrified to find a robust Reddit thread on
Speaker 1: this very.
Speaker 2: Subtle roun Oh yeah, oh shit.
Speaker 1: I'm not enough of a Reddit guy to figure out
Speaker 1: who started the thread, but I assure you it exists
Speaker 1: and it contains quite a spicy discussion. So you've already
Speaker 1: given me your answer not safe. Let's find out what
Speaker 1: Reddit tells us. Naturally, the most up voted answer is
Speaker 1: some know it all lane, you want to do the
Speaker 1: honors here to we can hear this in a different voice.
Speaker 1: Pretend that you're hearing a Reddit thread writer here.
Speaker 3: I can think of no good reason to snort quote
Speaker 3: unquote ashes, which aren't really ashes but solid particles with
Speaker 3: absolutely no psychoactive effect. If a person wants to snort
Speaker 3: cremated remains of the dead, I would suggest a series
Speaker 3: of visits to a therapist or a psychologist to work
Speaker 3: out issues with the dead person would be more appropriate.
Speaker 1: So that's the top ants. That's the most top voted
Speaker 1: answer from a know it all, And I think you
Speaker 1: know that's wise advice.
Speaker 2: I think I like that it's the most top I
Speaker 2: like that. A lot of people were like, yeah, all right,
Speaker 2: I'll get behind this.
Speaker 1: You should go to a therapist if you're snorting. So
Speaker 1: I'm sure some of these people are just sick ohs.
Speaker 1: But others actually seem to think snorting ashes might be
Speaker 1: a way to connect with a dead loved one, to
Speaker 1: make them part of you. No, Like, here's another one
Speaker 1: from Arizona Lane. You want to read this one too.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 3: I don't know if a bunch of chemicals are used
Speaker 3: in the cremation process, or if for some reason they
Speaker 3: use any kind of a balming fluid in the body
Speaker 3: previous to burning. These pretty much are the only reasons
Speaker 3: I never snorted George. I certainly thought of it.
Speaker 1: George her husband, I think.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: This was from a woman who was like, clearly contemplated
Speaker 1: snorting her husband's ashes, but was worried about Rory Carcinogen's.
Speaker 2: I gotta say, I love the brain that isn't that
Speaker 2: is even contemplating maybe doing this, but is actually smart
Speaker 2: enough to consider the logical reasons as to why they shouldn't.
Speaker 1: And naturally went to Reddit to work that out.
Speaker 2: What a cease all life that is. But yes, I
Speaker 2: mean more than likely those cremated remains there is embalming fluid.
Speaker 2: I'm sure there was potentially a visitation where they've now
Speaker 2: like embalmed the body so that they can put it
Speaker 2: out for you know, put it on display in a
Speaker 2: visitation sort of way, last visitation, and then it gets
Speaker 2: incinerated and all of those chemicals.
Speaker 1: And aren't we full of plastics? Isn't that what I
Speaker 1: keep reading?
Speaker 2: Oh, then it's probably fine. Yeah, now we're all made
Speaker 2: out of microplastics.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I know the answer to this,
Speaker 1: but I got to finish this particular segment with a
Speaker 1: question Rora, which is, on the tragic occasion that your
Speaker 1: wife predeceases you, would you snort her ashes?
Speaker 2: I like that term predeceases? Would I snort her ashes?
Speaker 2: I think it's safe to say I will not do that.
Speaker 2: All I do is make all these jokes this whole episode,
Speaker 2: and at the end, I'm like, I mean, I try it. Hell,
Speaker 2: come on, it'll be fun.
Speaker 1: Come on, sweetie.
Speaker 2: I would have to be in the darkest place I've
Speaker 2: ever been to also ask someone who hasn't done coke
Speaker 2: but decided to try that.
Speaker 1: I think that's the right answer. When she listens to this,
Speaker 1: she'll be happy.
Speaker 2: She'll be so happy, or she'll be insulted like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm not good enough. Oh I'm not good as good.
Speaker 1: As coke, as good as Keith Richards's dad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at least Keith Richards had respect for his father.
Speaker 1: So more fake drugs coming up. Let's all snort some
Speaker 1: caffeinated crystal light and meet back here after the break.
Speaker 1: This is Carlos, Okay, So teen criminals snorting dog bones
Speaker 1: by accident is one thing I think we can agree.
Speaker 1: It's sort of hilarious except to the dog owner. But
Speaker 1: there's a larger theme here too, And I wanted to
Speaker 1: spend what's left of our show talking about people who
Speaker 1: purposely sell fake drugs. Oh oh, and maybe this isn't
Speaker 1: a surprise to you, but the world of fake drug
Speaker 1: sales is robust. There are a lot of people out
Speaker 1: there selling fake, counterfeit pills and powders, like some seriously
Speaker 1: fucked up shit on a massive corporate scale, like a
Speaker 1: the EJ indictment in Texas from February when an Indian
Speaker 1: guy was charged with allegedly selling fake cancer drugs. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: awful to a case by the US Attorney in New
Speaker 1: York City prosecuted last fall, in which eighteen guys were charged,
Speaker 1: was selling counterfeit fentanyl and other opiates from fake online pharmacies,
Speaker 1: which resulted in nine deaths. So don't want to bum
Speaker 1: you out here. We're gonna move on. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to say that this is rampant, and there are lots
Speaker 1: of stories like this. The Internet and cheap shipping have
Speaker 1: led to a golden age of online drug scams. Extremely
Speaker 1: not funny stuff, but this is crimeless, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to stop bumming you out.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Josh. I mean Jesus, you've got to start
Speaker 2: putting a warning before it gets real.
Speaker 1: I can give you a break. If you want to
Speaker 1: hit your bong, lighten things up, take some of those shrooms.
Speaker 2: If you want to hit your bong and take a
Speaker 2: deep snuff hit real quick, put some tobacco in your bong.
Speaker 2: Don't you love that? That was like headshops back before
Speaker 2: they were like legal, and you'd go in there and
Speaker 2: there'd be a bong and everyone had to pretend that
Speaker 2: was for tobacco. Oh h, could you imagine a tobacco
Speaker 2: hit at that degree. That's a year's worth of cigarettes
Speaker 2: right there.
Speaker 1: Just a guy walking down the street hitting tobacco bong hits.
Speaker 2: Like oh this, Oh no, this is tobacco. This is
Speaker 2: how much I have to smoke. This is technically eighteen
Speaker 2: packs a day.
Speaker 1: All right, so let's resume our journey. Do you think
Speaker 1: it's illegal to sell fake drugs in the small time sense?
Speaker 1: I mean, like a reganos marijuana or an aspirin as
Speaker 1: an oxy.
Speaker 2: Do you think that's against all m I mean I
Speaker 2: guess no, Like something like a regano. You could just
Speaker 2: be like, no, I thought he wanted to buy some.
Speaker 1: It is legal?
Speaker 2: Good? Oh sorry, I'm in illegal. You didn't let me finish.
Speaker 2: I think it's illegal.
Speaker 1: Even if they even if you know they're fake, there
Speaker 1: are state and federal laws against it. In Florida, it's
Speaker 1: illegal to sell or offer someone a controlled substance and
Speaker 1: then actually sell that person a different substance.
Speaker 2: God, just think it's illegal to sell illegal drugs, and
Speaker 2: it's illegal to sell not illegal drugs.
Speaker 1: How is anybody supposed to know what to do? California
Speaker 1: has the California Imitation Controlled Substance Act, which criminalizes both selling,
Speaker 1: imitation and counterfeit drugs, and other states have crime specific
Speaker 1: to selling imitation drugs Louisiana, Maine, New York, Texas, Washington.
Speaker 1: That's not an exhaustive list. Check your local statutes, Rory.
Speaker 1: If you're on tour and you're selling oregano, just check
Speaker 1: the statutes.
Speaker 2: This is good to know because my merch table is
Speaker 2: growing after these stand up shows and I'm selling all
Speaker 2: kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1: Great day and ashes, great Dane.
Speaker 2: Ashes, herbs, ORNs, herbs with ORNs, and vases.
Speaker 1: You can also be charged with fraud in some cases,
Speaker 1: and I'm guessing often you just get your ass kicked.
Speaker 2: That's just street justice. Yeah, street justice.
Speaker 1: Which brings me to an amazing story I stumbled on
Speaker 1: during my research. All credit here to Wece, which I
Speaker 1: think we could all acknowledge, should sort of own, the
Speaker 1: fake drug beat back. When Vice first came to New
Speaker 1: York City in the early odds, they had this magazine
Speaker 1: cover that I will never forget. It was fully mirrored
Speaker 1: with an embossed line of cocaine on it. This was
Speaker 1: the cover of the magazine. Yeah, very cool, very edgy. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I'm giving a little bit too much credit
Speaker 1: device because Vice actually took this story from someone else,
Speaker 1: a website called muck rock. I read about it on
Speaker 1: the Vice website, but it was an incredible piece of
Speaker 1: history that was turned up from the declassified CIA archives.
Speaker 1: Back in the early seventies, at the height of reefer madness,
Speaker 1: the extremely square Central Intelligence Agency made a booth for
Speaker 1: display at events. It was one of those booths like
Speaker 1: you see at trade shows, only in this case, it
Speaker 1: was created by the offices quote Office of Medical Services
Speaker 1: to warn parents of officers about the dangers of drug
Speaker 1: abuse and how to spot trouble in your kids. Part
Speaker 1: of this booth was a bag of actual weed, so
Speaker 1: parents could pick it up, hold it, smell it, get
Speaker 1: used to what it looks like. But when the agency
Speaker 1: wanted to take the booth to an AMA medical conference,
Speaker 1: somewhat blanket in the legal department pointed out a problem.
Speaker 1: They'd be crossing state lines with a controlled substance.
Speaker 2: Uh all right, I like that.
Speaker 1: Not okay even for the CIA.
Speaker 2: Yep, I like that. You call them square. So how
Speaker 2: do you think they solved this problem in getting it
Speaker 2: over the state lines?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like, well, they just decide we can't do we
Speaker 1: can't take weed across state lines, but we do want
Speaker 1: to teach the parents of our officers around America how
Speaker 1: to spot weed.
Speaker 2: So what do you so? They had to go in undercover,
Speaker 2: go to a high school. This is actually how twenty
Speaker 2: one Jump Street got. This is the origin story. This
Speaker 2: is the origin story of twenty one Jump Street. They
Speaker 2: were like, all right, leave the weed here, let's cross
Speaker 2: state lines. We'll buy more weed there from a high
Speaker 2: school kid. I don't know. That is my best guess.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's actually I think that's better than what
Speaker 1: they did was they created fake weed. Oh okay, they
Speaker 1: called it pseudo marijuana. But this Erzat's Mary Jane cooked
Speaker 1: up by the agency scientists was so realistic even when burned,
Speaker 1: that it fooled people. The booth won first prize at
Speaker 1: the conference, which is now maybe my favorite fact about
Speaker 1: the CIA.
Speaker 2: The fact that it's a competition, that it's like a
Speaker 2: science fair. Yeah, you did not see that coming. I
Speaker 2: definitely did not know. You were about to say they
Speaker 2: won first prize at the convention.
Speaker 1: Tax dollars hard at work. Incredible, The CIA weed booth
Speaker 1: won first prize at the American Medical Association conference. Like
Speaker 1: that must have been so proud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they completely forgot what they were trying to teach.
Speaker 2: All they could focus on was how to win again
Speaker 2: next year and build a dynasty.
Speaker 1: One doctor's wife, who worked as a high school bus
Speaker 1: monitor near San Francisco, had this to say to the
Speaker 1: Saint Louis Post Dispatch. Upon observing the booth light up
Speaker 1: the fake weed. She said, quote, that smells just like
Speaker 1: the back of my bus when she goes back there
Speaker 1: when she drops the kids off.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she drops them off, she goes to the
Speaker 2: back of the bus. Cool mom opens the window a
Speaker 2: little bit. What's on a little Arrowsmith? I think we
Speaker 2: all know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Isn't that called hot boxing? Is that what the kids say?
Speaker 2: Uh? Hot box? It was a hot boxing got a
Speaker 2: school bus.
Speaker 1: So I guess in closing, what's important to remember here
Speaker 1: is that the best maker of fake drugs in America
Speaker 1: is the CIA.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: That's according to Rory Scobel. Please direct well all inquiries
Speaker 1: and investigations to him.
Speaker 2: That's according to the judges, who I can't believe that
Speaker 2: wasn't some sort of an undercover. As soon as the
Speaker 2: judges were like, this is just like real weed. How
Speaker 2: are they not? Like, how do you know that we
Speaker 2: got you? And the judges were all arrested.
Speaker 1: Everything is an elaborate sting that.
Speaker 2: Put them in a tough position. They're like, we should
Speaker 2: technically arrest these judges, but also we do want first place.
Speaker 2: We got to just take the hit.
Speaker 1: We need the ribbon. Yeah, incredible little slice of history there,
Speaker 1: thanks to mock rock advice. I love that so much.
Speaker 1: There's even by the way, and I'll send it to you.
Speaker 1: There's like an illustration of like they did a diagram
Speaker 1: of the booth. Some guy in like the science partment
Speaker 1: at the Central Intelligence Agency sketched out the weed booth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it was to classified a few years ago, so
Speaker 1: that means it was classified for several decades. Nice, don't
Speaker 1: let us get out, guys. So special twist this week, Rory,
Speaker 1: I created our final game. And I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: are most experienced drug user on this staff. You, Rory Scobel,
Speaker 1: frequent user of snuff and mushrooms.
Speaker 2: Do I present as a drug user?
Speaker 1: You just live in Colorado so my association.
Speaker 2: Look, I have done mushrooms and pot, but that's really
Speaker 2: extent of it, and then pills, but are really counting
Speaker 2: at THEE.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask you, and Lane is also gonna play.
Speaker 1: So you are competings Lane in this and so Lane
Speaker 1: also a massive consumer of narcotics. I've just made that up.
Speaker 3: I have no idea to say that. My mom will listen.
Speaker 2: I believe whatever the media tells me. I was kidding
Speaker 2: Blane's mom. I'm completely joking.
Speaker 1: Rory's mom also wife, family members of both of you.
Speaker 2: I swear I'm clean.
Speaker 1: It's ewan we should be worried about. Okay, So our
Speaker 1: game today is street slang for drugs. I'm gonna read you, guys,
Speaker 1: six slang terms for popular drugs, and you have to
Speaker 1: tell me which one is fake.
Speaker 2: I hope I get all these right.
Speaker 1: So number one adderall, Okay, I'll read all six, and
Speaker 1: then you tell me which one is fake. Beans, co pilots,
Speaker 1: truck drivers, zings, peppers, study.
Speaker 2: Buddies, beans, I'm gonna go beans.
Speaker 1: Are you going beans?
Speaker 2: That's it. We're supposed to pick the fake one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the fake one.
Speaker 2: Right, I'm gonna saying you're both wrong.
Speaker 1: It's peppers.
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't have to yell at us.
Speaker 1: This is surprisingly hard because the name nicknames for drugs
Speaker 1: are ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Josh, you might have just turned it into slang for addro.
Speaker 2: Someone heard this, They're like, I'm calling them peppers from
Speaker 2: now on.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be my my proudest moment. I'll be walking
Speaker 1: down the street someday I'll hear.
Speaker 2: Peppers.
Speaker 1: Okay. Number two, Cocaine, dust flake, Avalanche, toot, snow white, Bernice.
Speaker 3: Did you make up the fake ones?
Speaker 1: I did make up the fake ones.
Speaker 2: I mean, Bernice, I'm gonna say toot. I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2: It's I think it's my second guess is Avalanche. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go Bernice.
Speaker 1: Lane, You're going to I'm going to Avalanche. Rory go
Speaker 1: with your second.
Speaker 2: Half a point half a point, all.
Speaker 1: Right, we'll give you half a point to that you
Speaker 1: were half right. Okay. Number three, meth Chrissy, Christy go shards,
Speaker 1: Tina twin.
Speaker 3: Defensive. I'm gonna go Christy.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go twink. Rory another points one point five
Speaker 2: to zero.
Speaker 3: I'm too pure, it's.
Speaker 1: Too let's just proof that Lane does not use any
Speaker 1: drugs her. Your mom is gonna be so happy vindicated
Speaker 1: by Okay, number three, this is Rory is gonna have
Speaker 1: an unfair advantage here. Bath salts, yep yep okay, bath salts,
Speaker 1: wicked x Ivory missed, drone Bloom Sorry, Vanilla.
Speaker 2: Sky, I mean, I mean just sounds. I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2: I think that's real.
Speaker 3: That's that seems like a basalt varietal. I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1: Vanilla's guy the correct answers, I remissed.
Speaker 2: Oh I thought I've remissed for sure was real?
Speaker 1: Is real?
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Me is real? That's insane. Just here to get some mew.
Speaker 1: Okay, And lastly, ketamine, cat valium, honey oil, k fuzz
Speaker 1: kit cat purple, super acid.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go. Is it my turn to guest? First?
Speaker 2: Sure cat valium blame uh purple, damn it.
Speaker 1: I thought I thought when I saw it super I
Speaker 1: mean super acid is I mean both awesome and ridiculous.
Speaker 2: I mean, super acid is so fun because it's meant
Speaker 2: to be undercut for But it's just naming another drug.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, Like, Hey, you got any cocaine? Like, what
Speaker 2: do you mean ketamine? I mean ketamine, but I call
Speaker 2: it I call it different cocaine.
Speaker 1: Call it super cocaine.
Speaker 2: Do you have any super coke? Lane?
Speaker 1: I think you did your mom proud by going oh
Speaker 1: for five coy one and a half, your mom, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, I'm honestly one point five. I'm pretty I'm pretty
Speaker 2: proud of that. You did a great job. Well, congrats
Speaker 2: to Rory. Take that, Lane.
Speaker 1: I feel like, if there's a QUIZZI you want to
Speaker 1: not be good at it, that's one, yeah, bad.
Speaker 2: One, unless you're an undercover cop, which.
Speaker 3: I'm not, or like an undercover drug dealers.
Speaker 2: Which I'm not. Yeah, I exist on both sides.
Speaker 1: Of the fence, all right. That's our show. Crimeless is
Speaker 1: a production of SmartLess Media, Campsite Media and Big Money
Speaker 1: Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. It's hosted by Rory
Speaker 1: Scovel and me Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose.
Speaker 1: Emma Simonov is our associate producer. We're sound designed and
Speaker 1: engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan Letram Ewen.
Speaker 1: Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at
Speaker 1: Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriatis, Matt Cher, and me Josh Dean.
Speaker 1: The executive producers for iHeart Podcasts and Big Money Players
Speaker 1: are Jack O'Brien, Lindsay Hoffmans, and Matt Appadaka for Smartlow's Media.
Speaker 1: The executive producers are Will Arnette, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes,
Speaker 1: and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminski is head of Production. The
Speaker 1: Associate producer is Mattie McCann. A special thanks to our
Speaker 1: operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have
Speaker 1: a question, comment, or confession for the Crimeless team? Email
Speaker 1: us at Crimeless at campsidmedia dot com. And if you
Speaker 1: enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and
Speaker 1: also makes us feel validated, unless you're mean, in which
Speaker 1: case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 1: Crime Listen Nations