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Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio Mommies, a myth and Bullshit, a radio

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Speaker 1: phonic novella. Look Radio hosted by Malamuios and welcome back,

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Speaker 1: look At Motives. Welcome Backlalla. This is look At Radio,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Brown gro Our. This is ther FM,

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Speaker 1: and this is Malamus look at thought A radio is

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Speaker 1: where we celebrate the legacies and geniuses of women and

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Speaker 1: fems of color. I'm so happy yet again to be back. Yes,

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Speaker 1: shout out always. We have some new equipment today. Took

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Speaker 1: us a little, oh my god, a little while to

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Speaker 1: figure out the new equipment. Took us out. Shout out

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Speaker 1: to Nique and the team met Es bacio Um for

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Speaker 1: having the radio station here and bringing in the new

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Speaker 1: equipment and upgrading. And I think the sound is actually

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Speaker 1: going to be crisper and even better than it already was.

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Speaker 1: So we're really grateful for that. Yeah, but it did

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Speaker 1: take us out. We had a hard time. We were

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Speaker 1: getting very frustrated. We had to go get a juice

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Speaker 1: after him. Yes, we did to recover very hot in

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Speaker 1: l a Californian Todd it's a heat wave, yeah, completely, so,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. We have so much to cover today,

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Speaker 1: so we need to get right into it um and

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Speaker 1: do a quick recap. So our last episode was a

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Speaker 1: love letter to cheat on us. And you know that episode,

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Speaker 1: like we weren't really feeling that well. We were kind

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Speaker 1: of sad. We were like in a moment, having a time,

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Speaker 1: and we were in our feeling and we weren't the

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Speaker 1: only ones. As it turns out, No, we saw that

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Speaker 1: it resonated with a lot of our locomotives. Maybe it

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Speaker 1: was mercury in retrograde, maybe it was the clips. We

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Speaker 1: were all in our feelings right, Who knows what it

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Speaker 1: was a combination of all of the above. I know

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Speaker 1: you and I personally, we each we're dealing with ship

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Speaker 1: and putting out major fires like on our own, honest honestly,

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Speaker 1: and that's one reason why we were feeling like I

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Speaker 1: feel like so much better today. I feel like I

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Speaker 1: have like a much like a positive outlook, new months,

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Speaker 1: new blessings, my favorite, my favorite time. Yes, I feel

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Speaker 1: the same way. Yeah, I have a whole new outlook.

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Speaker 1: I agree. I feel like, all right, all the hardship

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Speaker 1: is behind me, let me move forward. Yes, I even

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Speaker 1: organize my closet. That's how you know. I bought myself

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Speaker 1: some sunflowers and cleaned up my room yesterday. That's some stage.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling good today. Yes, And today we're gonna get

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Speaker 1: in the pool and cool off. We are months going

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Speaker 1: to come over to my parents house later. I'm excited. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So another update we wanna you haven't seen it. We

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Speaker 1: were featured, along with any other queer feminist Amazing podcast

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Speaker 1: on an auto Straddle article. Um, so we want to

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Speaker 1: shout out Yvonne, the creator writer that put that together,

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Speaker 1: put that list together, and it's amazing. Some of our

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Speaker 1: faiths are on it. Ethical cheese mail of course. Shout

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Speaker 1: out that Mario, so many of our faiths I'm not

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Speaker 1: doing it, Yes, and new ones that I hadn't heard

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Speaker 1: of before and I hadn't seen. Um so super excited

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Speaker 1: to follow them and listen to them and see all

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Speaker 1: this great magic happening. Yes. And I just like, I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited that, you know, like we were talking about

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Speaker 1: the journalist Yvonne who wrote the article, she didn't reach

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Speaker 1: out to us beforehand, but the fact that she thought

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Speaker 1: of us and thought to include us, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: It's just really exciting to see, you know that people

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Speaker 1: are listening and trying in and liking it, liking the program.

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Speaker 1: And I also want people to really understand that like

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Speaker 1: we are, we are queer as well, like that we

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Speaker 1: may not be like it may not be as a

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Speaker 1: parent because we're super fim, but that's also like kind

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Speaker 1: of it's in connection. It's a connection we're so like

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Speaker 1: visibly fem and so like political about them because there's

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Speaker 1: also a queer component to it. So I don't want

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Speaker 1: anyone to ever forget that either. Yeah, and we were

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Speaker 1: talking about intentionally doing more queer content in the future, Yes,

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Speaker 1: so watch out for that. Yeah, definitely tune in UM

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Speaker 1: and then moving forward, UM, we want to give UM

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Speaker 1: or just share, you know, with our listeners that are

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Speaker 1: maybe in Texas, that are in Houston, that are dealing

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Speaker 1: with the Hurricane Harvey disaster. UM. One of our listeners

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Speaker 1: actually reached out to me yesterday asked me, like to

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Speaker 1: turn on a Velita for her. Thankfully she's fine, well

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Speaker 1: for Houston in general, but thankfully she's fine and so

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Speaker 1: is her family. But thoughts, my thoughts are with her. UM.

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Speaker 1: And we also have a list that Riquel Willis put together.

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Speaker 1: She's an organizer, a black trans woman, super amazing. We

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Speaker 1: featured her one of our after the Women's March. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she has this really great thread on Twitter about different

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Speaker 1: Hurricane Harvey relief funds to donate to, and they're basically

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Speaker 1: for marginalized communities such as trans, queer, black, POC, undocumented.

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Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, so people that you can donate. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and make sure to retweet that thread

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Speaker 1: from Raquel on the Look at Thought on Twitter and

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Speaker 1: on our individual twitters, will post on the Instagram as well,

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Speaker 1: so you guys know, like some good places to go donate.

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Speaker 1: Don't donate to the Red Cross. Don't donate to the

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Speaker 1: Red Cross. The funds that they fundraise go into their

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Speaker 1: pockets and they go to pay their CEO. They don't

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Speaker 1: go to on the ground work. Just to name a few,

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Speaker 1: she has the Transgender Foundation of America listed UM. She

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Speaker 1: also has the Montrose Center, which is a fund for

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Speaker 1: LGBTQ folks in Houston. She has a Docu Families UM

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Speaker 1: one as well. It's a you Caring and then she

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Speaker 1: also has some paypals listed and then a trans Latina

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Speaker 1: Coalition that's based in Texas. UM. So different, yeah, different

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Speaker 1: people that you can donate your money to um specifically

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Speaker 1: that are doing groundwork, so we will list that as well.

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Speaker 1: And then we also have another you carrying fund that

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Speaker 1: we want to shout out. Yeah, our good friend we

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Speaker 1: played her Gumbia mix on the last copy of the

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Speaker 1: Little Bit DJ Sizzel Fantastic zactly. Um. She's hosting a

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Speaker 1: fundraiser for thirty DOTA beneficiaries. I think that they are

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Speaker 1: paying their renewal fees right, so they're currently raising funds

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Speaker 1: to cover partial renewal application fees and they're asking for

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Speaker 1: support from people in community who need, you know, dire

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Speaker 1: financial assistance. So especially if you consider yourself an ally

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Speaker 1: and organizer member of the community, this would be a

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Speaker 1: really good place to donate so that you could directly

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Speaker 1: help a DACA recipient, UM, you know, undocumented members of

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Speaker 1: our communities. So thank you as you for putting that together,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna put that on the Facebook, we'll share

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Speaker 1: it on Twitter, We're going to do the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: We'll look out for that as well. Yeah, thank you mama. UM. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so transitions, Yeah, it's kind of moving a little quickly

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Speaker 1: because we have a lot of content for a lot,

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Speaker 1: so we're gonna like, you know, just quickly. So before

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Speaker 1: we get into what, I want to ask, what is

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Speaker 1: your look for today? What are you say? My goodness?

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Speaker 1: My look for today? Well, first of all, I'm wearing

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Speaker 1: this really cute like sit up in mini skirt from

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Speaker 1: shot Me Viva in Highland Park, and when Yosa and

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Speaker 1: I modeled for them recently, we took some pictures. This

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Speaker 1: is one of the skirts that that we wore, so

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Speaker 1: I wore the skirt in some of the photos. I'm

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Speaker 1: wearing that. I'm wearing a bathing suit underneath because I'm

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Speaker 1: getting ready to go to the pool. My earrings are

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Speaker 1: my Michael get Us my gold Cold get Us that

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Speaker 1: I actually got here at Espasio, and they have the

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Speaker 1: Aztec calendar on them, which I love. They're so cute.

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Speaker 1: So today I'm kind of feeling like, you know, kind

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Speaker 1: of like like heat wave pin up type level type

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Speaker 1: looks is what I'm serving today. Yeah, up in a

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Speaker 1: heat way, Yes, I love it. Yeah, also melting, I

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Speaker 1: love it. I love it and yourself, So I scribe

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Speaker 1: your look. What are you wearing? Girl? I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm doing a like sporty spice from look right now.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that right. I'm wearing a also from

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Speaker 1: maybe that, a halter top and it's black and it

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Speaker 1: has a rose on it. I've been wearing it a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's super comfortable. Um, and I love the halter lookum.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm wearing these little like pink metallic shorts

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Speaker 1: but they're like ath leisure were um. Yeah. And then

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Speaker 1: I'm also, believe it or not, wearing some nikes. She's

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Speaker 1: wearing sneakers. It's so weird. I always feel so sneakers on.

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Speaker 1: But they're pink and they're adorable. They're very cute seekers

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I wanted to be comfortable and it's also hot,

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Speaker 1: but I wanted to be cute. So this is how

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Speaker 1: I'm trying. You succeeded and did it. Oh, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you accomplished, thank you. So we're cute today, We're

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Speaker 1: cute today, We're always cute. We're always cute on look

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Speaker 1: recording day. Absolutely, we have to we have to be.

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Speaker 1: We're in uniform so um, as you all know, in

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Speaker 1: celebration of our I can't even believe it. Yes, we

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Speaker 1: are doing a twenty questions and we put out a

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Speaker 1: curious cat um link so that y'all could submit questions anonymously.

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Speaker 1: Some of y'all tweeted your questions at us UM. The

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Speaker 1: majority of y'all went to the Curious cat me directly,

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Speaker 1: So thank you for everyone that participated. Thank you. UM.

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Speaker 1: We're not going to be able to answer all the

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Speaker 1: questions because some of them are actually safe for a

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Speaker 1: future with future guests, so you will see those answered

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Speaker 1: in the future exactly. So if you didn't get your

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Speaker 1: answers today, just keep listening, ning and eventually you will.

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Speaker 1: You will, and keep s many questions too, even after today. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're thinking we're going to add in a question. We're

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Speaker 1: going to answer a question every week each time we

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Speaker 1: have a capito the end of UM at the end

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Speaker 1: of the episode, so tune in obviously. So let's just

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Speaker 1: get into it. Let's get started. So the first question,

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Speaker 1: what are our signs? Go ahead, Arianna, what's your sign? Yes?

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Speaker 1: So I am a libra Um. I love being libra

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm true to form libra um. Libras

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Speaker 1: are known to be well, we're the scales, so we're

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Speaker 1: known to like have good judgment, which I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I've been judment, but I do weigh things out

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Speaker 1: all the time. Like that's why I'm very indecisive, because

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Speaker 1: I'm always thinking about like it from multiple angles. So

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Speaker 1: I think that's also that could be why I'm more

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Speaker 1: like empathetic, because I'm like thinking about what someone else

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Speaker 1: is going through. Maybe that's why they're acting this type

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Speaker 1: of way. Blah blah blah blah. We're also known to

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Speaker 1: be very flirty, very true, true true, right, and we're

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Speaker 1: also known to be very vain whatever, whatever, whatever. I

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Speaker 1: don't believe that vanity is a thing. I think that's

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Speaker 1: a made up term. I completely agree. For the record,

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Speaker 1: vanity doesn't exist. I agree. And my birthday is coming up.

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Speaker 1: It's in its next month, it's in October. Um, so

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Speaker 1: I'm excited. I love being a libra Um. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: a Capricorn, and you know, I am not as well

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Speaker 1: read when it comes to you know, our signs and

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Speaker 1: what each sign means and all that stuff. But what

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Speaker 1: I do know is that, um, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: Capricorn slander that takes place because we're terrible, and that's

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Speaker 1: like the general consensus. I love it. Capricorn slander. Capricorns

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Speaker 1: are awful. Capricorn slander is my kink. Like, I love

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Speaker 1: Capricorn slander because it's so true, like all of it, Like,

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Speaker 1: especially on Twitter. I spend so much time on Twitter,

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Speaker 1: and people talk about like, oh my god, capricorns or this,

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Speaker 1: and you're that, and you're this. You're kind of goofy,

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Speaker 1: but you're kind of mean, but you're kind of bougie.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, and I'm like, you know what, Yes, let's

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Speaker 1: say all the things because they are correct. The capricorn

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Speaker 1: and question number two. Question number two um one of

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Speaker 1: our favorite stories. How did you at all the other

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Speaker 1: mummies meet? Well, we met online, we met on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: We all met on Instagram. We were all following each

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Speaker 1: other for a few years before we met in real life,

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Speaker 1: and it just so happened that one day, not too

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Speaker 1: long ago. It wasn't that long ago, but um Brisca

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Speaker 1: was coming into l A with Raquel Um Raquel who

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Speaker 1: formerly is of Latina Magazine, and Brisca Mohica Rodriguez. You

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Speaker 1: guys know her. She writes, she's of Latina Rebels. They

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Speaker 1: came to l A for something I don't remember what

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Speaker 1: it was, for something writing related, I think, and then

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Speaker 1: they organized like a meet up with the chink On

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Speaker 1: on Fire Girls with Jessica and Angela, and so we

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Speaker 1: were all going to meet up at the Down and

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Speaker 1: Out in downtown l A. We get there, Um, we

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Speaker 1: all meet each other in person for the first time.

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Speaker 1: It's super cute. Roquel has an empty bottle of Henny

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Speaker 1: or whatever in her bag and we couldn't get into

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Speaker 1: the Down and Out, so we moved the whole thing

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Speaker 1: across the street to Onyx Lounge and we had a great,

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Speaker 1: fabulous time. Yeah, there were so I want to say

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Speaker 1: that there were about like fifty women there, if not more.

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Speaker 1: There were just there for the meet up. Um. But

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Speaker 1: I think since we had already been following each other,

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Speaker 1: you know, we just all kind of gravitated to each

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Speaker 1: other and then we took photos together and all of that,

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Speaker 1: and then um them collective was born. Yes, we were right, alright.

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Speaker 1: So the next question number three, I want to make

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Speaker 1: a podcast or start a blog, but I'm not really

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Speaker 1: sure where to start. What recommendations do you have? What

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Speaker 1: have you learned from making look at our radio? Take

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Speaker 1: take your time, take your time, take your time, build

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Speaker 1: your concept, um, build your brand. Um. We as much

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Speaker 1: as we wanted to put out like teachers and all

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Speaker 1: of that. We are. Logo wasn't ready so we waited

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Speaker 1: it and it was really hard. And then even after

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Speaker 1: our logo was ready, we were like, okay, well we

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Speaker 1: still have to edit photos. We still do do this, right,

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Speaker 1: So definitely, UM, having a vision, UM, and your vision

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Speaker 1: can change. I mean ours has changed definitely, UM, and

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Speaker 1: it'll continue to channel, continue to change. Let something grow,

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Speaker 1: like you don't need to let it just be one thing.

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Speaker 1: I think that has also been what we've learned. Like

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Speaker 1: we're not yes for a podcast, so we're also more

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Speaker 1: you know, we we host events, UM, we do workshops

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Speaker 1: UM that are also like content related to the podcast,

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Speaker 1: but we also do more and we also do more

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Speaker 1: in our own work. So also letting that you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of be a part of the podcast. And that's

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Speaker 1: my advice. I love that advice. I agree with all

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Speaker 1: of that advice. UM. Also, you know, I think there's

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Speaker 1: a balance between because I get really bad anxiety just

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Speaker 1: trying to start something, just trying to get something started,

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Speaker 1: so I get so anxious about it that I put

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Speaker 1: it off, put it off, and then it never actually happens.

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Speaker 1: Right where you you have plans to do something, but

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Speaker 1: you're never quite ready, so you don't want to launch it,

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Speaker 1: or you don't want to start it because you're never

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Speaker 1: quite ready. So it's this balance between just do it,

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Speaker 1: just fucking do it, Just make it happen, just put

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Speaker 1: it out there. It's a balance between that and yeah,

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Speaker 1: do it when it's right and when it's what you're

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Speaker 1: going to be proud to present to other people. So

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Speaker 1: that would be my advice is striking that balance. Don't

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Speaker 1: hold yourself back, but also be willing to wait and

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Speaker 1: not rush yourself the timing. You'll know when the time

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Speaker 1: is right. You'll know when the time is right. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and onto number four for Ariana. Yeah, this is actually

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Speaker 1: a two part um. This question was submitted twice or

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Speaker 1: by two different people, so we're kind of just going

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Speaker 1: to combine them. Um, do you want to ask me

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Speaker 1: someone asking yourself? Ariana Yosa, would you be able to

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Speaker 1: share more about coming out to family as a queer

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Speaker 1: Latina and what was your experience growing up in the

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Speaker 1: Latino X household as a queer person. Um, So I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't like to say that I came out.

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Speaker 1: Um I was out it actually um by my mother.

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Speaker 1: So my mother. Um, we have a great relationship, but

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Speaker 1: you know, this was definitely a very difficult time both

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Speaker 1: of our lives. So she actually went through my phone,

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Speaker 1: um and saw text messages exchange between my girlfriend and I.

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Speaker 1: At the time, I was fifteen, So now looking back,

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Speaker 1: like I didn't have the language to obviously come out.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't ready. I had like still a lot of

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Speaker 1: learning to do about myself. I was fifteen, Um, but

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Speaker 1: that forced me to kind of be out. Um, so

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Speaker 1: having to navigate that was really difficult. Um, my mom

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Speaker 1: felt really betrayed because I was lying to her. I

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Speaker 1: was like bringing someone around under the pretext of a friend,

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Speaker 1: but this person was like spending the night and you

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Speaker 1: know all those things that are accompanied with that DA right,

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Speaker 1: So it was really difficult for a while. Um, I

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Speaker 1: think my my mom felt really betrayed because of that.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's me understanding that. But now as

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Speaker 1: an adult, I can see, like, well, I was afraid

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Speaker 1: and I didn't have the language to say anything. So

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Speaker 1: I wasn't lying to hurt you, you know, I just

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Speaker 1: wasn't sure what I was feeling. Um. So yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean it was kind of one of those things where

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Speaker 1: we um we kind of said it, but we wouldn't

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Speaker 1: talk about it. It was out there, not my entire

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Speaker 1: family didn't know. Um so, little by little. I think

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Speaker 1: as I became, as I grew, I wouldn't win. I

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Speaker 1: grew up and I went away to college and all

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Speaker 1: that kind of coming out to people like at different

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Speaker 1: times in my life. Yeah, it was a lot. And

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Speaker 1: I don't have a coming out story if I've never

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Speaker 1: come out, I've just existed as myself. I completely. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think the whole coming out narrative is just like

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Speaker 1: it's great for some people, but it just also doesn't

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Speaker 1: make your truth more true. Um So if you're not out,

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Speaker 1: but you're out to yourself, and I think that's what

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Speaker 1: matters the most. And if you're in a healthy relationship,

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Speaker 1: you know, absolutely absolutely so thank you all for these questions. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're getting into it now. Of some real questions. The

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Speaker 1: next one is about can we talk about our indigenous roots,

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Speaker 1: like can you talk about I can um so on

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Speaker 1: my dad's side of the family, like my grandparents they

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Speaker 1: were m Y Indians um from northern Mexico. And on

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Speaker 1: my mom's side, my or my grandma's from um There

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Speaker 1: from Jalisco. So that's us. And I really like wish

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Speaker 1: that I had more access to like learning language because

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Speaker 1: I know, like on my dad's side of the family, um,

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Speaker 1: like his grandparents they I know that one of his

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Speaker 1: grandparents spoke right there like Ratamori, like their indigenous language,

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Speaker 1: and I think that even for him, Spanish was a

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Speaker 1: second language, you know. But um, like I don't have

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Speaker 1: any language, um, and whatever traditions we have are what

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Speaker 1: ever we've held on to, right right, So yeah that's me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean on my mom said, I don't have any

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Speaker 1: direct connection. I couldn't even tell you, Um, my grandparents

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Speaker 1: or so my grandma, it would be my mother's grandparents

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Speaker 1: died when they were really young, so that kind of

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Speaker 1: all got lost. We do know that our this is

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Speaker 1: an indigenous at all. But we do know that my

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Speaker 1: mom's last name or my grandfather's last name is actually Basque,

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Speaker 1: so that's actually like a part of northern Europe, I think,

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Speaker 1: or wherever Spain is whatever. Um, so that's like all

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Speaker 1: that we know in terms of heritage. Yeah, so even

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Speaker 1: like indigenous roots on my mom's side, I have no idea. However,

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Speaker 1: on my dad's side, um my grandmother was from Norte

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Speaker 1: from Trujillo, UM, so assumingly her ancestry is back to

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Speaker 1: the Mochica tribe, which was later conquered by the Incas.

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Speaker 1: So that is all that I know really. And then

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Speaker 1: my grandpa and my dad's side was also from UM.

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Speaker 1: He was from the coast, from Gaya, which is where

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Speaker 1: all of us are from. So I really have no idea.

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Speaker 1: Uh yeah, kind of like I think in terms of

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Speaker 1: my Peruvian side, Um, there's been a lot of like

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Speaker 1: trying to cover up where our indigenous roots are from

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Speaker 1: UM in an emphasis on like more of the Spanish ancestry.

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Speaker 1: So I really couldn't tell y'all. I like, like Mama,

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Speaker 1: like I wish I knew more, UM, but I can

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Speaker 1: only piece some stuff together based on geographical location. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Most I would say, like if you are some type

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Speaker 1: of like a mess thesa mestiza like Latin American, you've

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Speaker 1: been what's called detribalized, right, So, like we have indigenous roots,

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Speaker 1: but we're not necessarily um, indigenous people exactly because we

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Speaker 1: don't live in indigenous context, right, We're not sort of

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Speaker 1: ostracized from society and marginalized in that particular way because

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Speaker 1: we're not in our original lands and territories speaking our languages.

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Speaker 1: We've been detribalized, right, So but thank you for the question.

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Speaker 1: Um ooh, the next one, this is a good one

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Speaker 1: that we have so much to talk about with this one,

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Speaker 1: which is how can one deal with the breakup? And

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Speaker 1: what are your favorite I love the question because it's

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Speaker 1: what are your favorite ways to deal with a break

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Speaker 1: Let me count my favorite ways to break up with somebody?

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Speaker 1: Let me count the ways. Um. I think in my

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Speaker 1: experience that I've learned is the more that you go back,

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Speaker 1: the longer you delay the breakup process. So the longer

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Speaker 1: you are away, the further you are away from being free.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because you do that whole

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Speaker 1: like you break up and then you miss them, you

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Speaker 1: both miss each other, and you go back and you

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Speaker 1: do this dance for a while. So I would say, like,

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Speaker 1: if you really really want to be done, like missing

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Speaker 1: someone doesn't mean you should get back with them. So

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Speaker 1: if you really really want to be done, like hold

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Speaker 1: you around, like stick to it, because you're really just

390
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Speaker 1: hurting yourself and the other person in the long run

391
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Speaker 1: because you're staying there. But you don't want to be there.

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Speaker 1: It just gets worse. It does not get better, exactly,

393
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Speaker 1: going back and the leading and going and it's so painful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it makes it my Oh my god. I honestly think

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Speaker 1: there are parts of me that think that in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways. You know, there's this term ghosting, right,

397
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Speaker 1: I think that ghosting can actually be one of the

398
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Speaker 1: best and safest ways to break up with somebody, especially

399
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Speaker 1: when you're dealing with somebody who does not want to

400
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Speaker 1: let go, refuses to let you walk away, you know,

401
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 1: will not let you take that next step. Um, and

402
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Speaker 1: it can be hard. You know, I haven't ghosted on anybody,

403
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Speaker 1: but I can see the appeal. Um, maybe I'll try

404
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: it one day. But yeah, I agree, sad like, just

405
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Speaker 1: remember why you broke up with that person to be

406
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Speaker 1: in with, Remember why that person is an X. That

407
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: person has not changed, I promise you. The problems are

408
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 1: not fixed, you know, the issues are not resolved. They're

409
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Speaker 1: all still there. And it makes me think of like, um,

410
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Speaker 1: that song that we played, the New Rules, Oh my god,

411
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Speaker 1: you're under him, you're not getting over him. Those Okay,

412
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Speaker 1: So that's the answer to this question is dualipa new rules,

413
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Speaker 1: that's the answer. She literally has rules on how to

414
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Speaker 1: nugle back yasically, don't pick up the phone. He's only

415
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 1: calling he's drunken alone. Don't let him in. You're going

416
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 1: to have to kick him out again. Don't be his

417
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: friend because you're gonna wake up in his bed in

418
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Speaker 1: the morning. And if you're under him, you will not

419
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Speaker 1: get over him. Yes, girl, all true. I didn't follow

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Speaker 1: any of that advice saying, and it took me six

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Speaker 1: months to break up with somebody. I feel like I

422
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 1: went through like a yearlong breakup at one point, and

423
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: it was painful. But we're not. We digress, We digress.

424
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 1: But I guess also, like in addition, like favorite ways

425
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 1: to deal with a breakup is like get a new hobby, girls, yeah,

426
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 1: get a get a pet, get friends, join a gym,

427
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: get a hobby, take a class, literally anything. And he

428
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: feeled the time I went to the dog park last night,

429
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: me and my dog, like until ten at night. I

430
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: was fabulous. And I think, what did I do post

431
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: a breakup? I'm trying to think of something new that

432
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: I did. The podcast what the podcast? This, this, this,

433
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: this um mama, and I map this out post breakup

434
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: for me. Um, and yeah, this was my baby that

435
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: came from a lot of difficult things, difficulty to be nice,

436
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 1: difficul things. Anyway, Our favorite books and why, ranging in

437
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: any topic. Um, I love to read. I love books. Um,

438
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: I don't read them as much as I like. But

439
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: I really loves fight me. I don't care fight me.

440
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 1: I won't fight you. He is like his character Junior

441
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 1: is like the ultimate fun boy, super abusive, all of that.

442
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: But his writing is just so good that I don't care.

443
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: And I feel like everything that he writes. So this

444
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: is how you lose her drown Um. The brief and

445
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 1: Winder's life of Oscar. Wow, love all of it. I'm

446
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 1: waiting for his next buck to come out. I love it. Um. Yeah.

447
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: Can I be honest and that since I've graduated, I

448
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 1: have not picked up a book. That is, Okay, I

449
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,239
Speaker 1: graduated from college, I haven't. I have not. I've been

450
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: much more into like, um, reading journalism and reading articles

451
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: versus reading like nonfiction. I just haven't been drawn to it,

452
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 1: not nonfiction fiction as opposed to reading fiction, you know,

453
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: or more creative work. I've just been much more for

454
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 1: whatever reason, the past couple of years, I've been much

455
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: more drawn to what's out, what has been, what is

456
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: MPR putting out, what's on the Atlantic. That makes a

457
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 1: lot of sense for like what you do now like

458
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: in your own writing, that makes a lot of sense.

459
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: So I've transitioned a lot. And so you know, Um,

460
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: there are a lot of like young writers that I'm like,

461
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: everything that they put out I end up reading. Like

462
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 1: our friend Riquel, Like, I'll read her articles, whatever she

463
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 1: puts outsco writes a lot, even Yessica, the poetry that

464
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: Yessica puts out. Um. And she has a new book

465
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: coming out. She has a new book, but her first

466
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: actual book by a publisher. UM. And you can preorder

467
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: it so it'll be out in October. Check out her website. Yeah,

468
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: check out her website. Also, I'm thinking because we're at

469
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: Espasio and they have a really great book selection here,

470
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: just like looked out of the corner and they have

471
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: Hunger by Rock sand Gate, which I've been wanting to purchase. Um.

472
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: They also they do there's so yeah, if you're in

473
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: the area or it can make it out here. There's

474
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: good books that you can get here. UM. I also

475
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 1: like to follow like like post like seven books and

476
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: you should be reading byers like like that. I like

477
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: those kinds of lists, UM, and I'll keep note of them.

478
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: Right next, career goals and aspirations. Oh God, what a question.

479
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, I guess I don't like I

480
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 1: don't like to say too much because I don't like

481
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: to like speak on things that aren't haven't happened yet, right, um.

482
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: But I guess this year, for the next year, I

483
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 1: have planned on applying to master's programs UM. And I

484
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: do see myself working in some type of like UM,

485
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: community based relationship type stuff like I've done now, but

486
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:19,919
Speaker 1: more on like sex sex education and like prevention UM.

487
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 1: More like intersectional work like there's there's more being done now,

488
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: but in terms of research about like queer folks UM

489
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: and even like domestic violence and abusive relationships between queer folks. Right.

490
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I see that being a path.

491
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 1: And then I also see like you know, future podcast

492
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: things happening for us. So I mean I'm open right now.

493
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,479
Speaker 1: That's kind of like how that's just kind of how

494
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 1: I feel. Extremely open. Yeah, I'm in. I'm like in

495
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 1: my grad school process. I've been putting it off putting

496
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,880
Speaker 1: it off, but like this week I started, yeah, talking

497
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: to the admissions counselor and looking at the application package

498
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: it sending out my request for letters of recommendation all

499
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: that stuff. But as far as career wise, I want

500
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 1: to write more. I would like to write books. I

501
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 1: would like to maybe one day write biographies of people. Um.

502
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: I like writing about other people and like their stuff

503
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: and what they're doing and their lives. Um. I'm thinking

504
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 1: of a degree in public health and doing like kind

505
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: of like what you mentioned, prevention work, especially when it

506
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: comes to sexual assault stuff. So yeah, Also to be

507
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 1: the Latina Opera. I don't think I don't know any

508
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: of you. It's like better but better you know, if

509
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: anyone is out there, give us a show. Career goal, right,

510
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: if anyone's listening. So yeah, next question, UM, how do

511
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: you deal with homophobia in the latin As community and

512
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: in your family's I think, um, talking about language for

513
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: me has been um the has what's helped me be

514
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: able to navigate that, Like don't say maricon, like if

515
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: you're not a queer person trying to reclaim it, right,

516
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: like do not say those things? Um, even just like

517
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: it's so difficult when you're in a Latino X family

518
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 1: and you, um, there's like no language literally in Spanish,

519
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: like for there's no equivalent to queer, right, so even

520
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 1: having those conversations can be difficult when the language doesn't match. Um.

521
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: I really have no idea how to answer this question

522
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: because it's like an ongoing process. Um. And this kind

523
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: of goes with the next question, to which I think

524
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: we can answer kind of both at the same right,

525
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: Like how do we navigate dinner table conversations with family

526
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: members that make problematic comments? Right, So whether the problematic

527
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: comment is homophobic, whether it's racist, whatever, whatever the case

528
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: may be. Right, Um. And so this particular look, I'm

529
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: more this listener said, you know, especially since growing up

530
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: Latin X, if I calmly challenged a point or spoke

531
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: up about something problematic, my mommy would immediately call me.

532
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: So how do we deal with that? Right? I personally say,

533
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: just own it? Um. My dad calls me a Marcreal

534
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: all the time because I'm always talking back. And this

535
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: is a new thing because I was the same way

536
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: growing up, like very quiet because I had to right, Um,

537
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: But now like, well I'm an adult, so I am

538
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: a macreal right, because I am talking back and I

539
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: am asking all these questions. So if you're able to

540
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: like own it and actually um talk back and not

541
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,959
Speaker 1: talk about obviously in a disrespectful way, but like in

542
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: the sense that you're speaking exactly, um, then do it.

543
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: You know, absolutely, And I think that you know what,

544
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: it's one of those situations where, whether it's in your

545
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: family or out in the world, UM, there's this saying

546
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: right that basically like you're damned if you do damn

547
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: if you don't, because if you don't say anything, well,

548
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: it persists, and it's the moment has not been marked right, right,

549
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: And if you do say something, then there might be

550
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: negative reactions to you, right, But it's kind of like

551
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: you know what the bullet is there, are you going

552
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: to bite it or exactly? You know? Yeah? And you

553
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 1: know with that also, going back to the first question

554
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: about homophobia in your specifically in your family, it makes

555
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: me think about why it's so important to have chosen family,

556
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: because if you have a very toxic family, you have

557
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: talked to family family members and you have to kind

558
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: of be away. You also don't want to be isolated,

559
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: So it's really important to have your chosen family, um

560
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: that are you know that are queer folks um or

561
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 1: people that you feel safe with. So being able to

562
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: create that is really important, especially as queer people of color.

563
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 1: And this conversation is also so interesting to me because

564
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 1: you can sort of take the identity piece of it

565
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: and you can switch it out or combine it with

566
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: other types of identities and family. Right, Like even like

567
00:31:56,320 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: I follow some women some Chicana, some women online and

568
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: who are black Chicanas right, right, And we'll talk about

569
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: for them, right being after Chicana in their family where

570
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: they're the only one and in their Mexican family, everybody

571
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: else is non black, non black, Mesthiso or indigenous or whatever, right,

572
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: and so having to navigate problematic conversations related to race,

573
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: right or related to homophobia whatever it is. So for

574
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: any of us, like depending on our even just girls

575
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: in Latino families, Like the next thing's problematic problematic comments

576
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: about women, about girls, about rape culture. Right. So that's

577
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: a good one. That's an ongoing it's an ongoing conversation. Um.

578
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: Like we said, we do want to have we do

579
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: want to do more content in the future where we're

580
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 1: talking specifically about queer issues. Um, so you know you

581
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: can stay tuned for that. But yeah, definitely an ongoing

582
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: conversation to have within your community. Yeah, if you're like

583
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: in your cute community. Um. And then also with your family,

584
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 1: right yeah, and build your cloth and family as well.

585
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: And with that, I think we're song breaks. Yes, we're

586
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 1: going into a song break or castera belly rostra and

587
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: and and spends and and and and spends and and

588
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: and and spends and and and and spends and and

589
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: and spends belly rong and and spend it belly wrong

590
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: and and and spends belly wrong and and and um

591
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: from from from from from from from from from from

592
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: family of it and we share all right, and we're back,

593
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: So we're gonna get back into the car to our questions.

594
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: So this is a question number eleven, Um Manta water.

595
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: Top three things you are currently loving. It can be

596
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: anything currently loving my dog, Loving Papas because he's still

597
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: growing so fast and he's such a good boy. Um.

598
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,959
Speaker 1: Loving the fan that I bought yesterday and I just

599
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,720
Speaker 1: sat in front of it like all nights so hot.

600
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: And also loving um my new desire to organize my

601
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 1: entire life. Yes, oh my god, I love it. Yeah,

602
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 1: I'm just so excited, like the fact I had to

603
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: send a photo of my newly rearranged closet to my

604
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: coworker to be like, I have to show this to someone. Yes,

605
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: I love that. So those are my top three right

606
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: now and how about you. Um. Immediately, the first thing

607
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 1: I thought of were like beauty things, so I'm just

608
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: gonna go with that. UM. I really like, I'm really

609
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 1: into Tea treet oil right now as like a blemish

610
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: spot treatment. UM. I've read a lot about it on

611
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: Twitter and I was like, all right, I'm gonna just

612
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: finally try it and I like it a lot. I

613
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 1: love it. Um. I am also love loving African black soap. UM.

614
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 1: I had always heard about it but didn't think it

615
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: would be right for me in my skin, But I

616
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: tried it and I also love it. I feel like

617
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 1: there's definitely a difference in my skin as like as

618
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: a cleanser. Um. And then the last thing is my

619
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 1: favorite lipstick of all time is Lolita by Cavandie. It's

620
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: the perfect shade of brown and it looks different on

621
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: all women of color, which I love. UM. So yeah,

622
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: beauty things are always the first thing I think of

623
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: when it comes to top three. Anything, right, yes, all right?

624
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: Next question, Oh, this is a good one because it's

625
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 1: about navigating and networking at predominantly white institutions p w

626
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,800
Speaker 1: i S universities while remaining genuine and true to oneself.

627
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,959
Speaker 1: What strategies to the look I thought I was used

628
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: to make professional, goal oriented connections with white boats. Lord,

629
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: this is a big question. This is a lot especially

630
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 1: I think when you work in like the nonprofit world,

631
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 1: or you're if you're in student affairs, typically people that

632
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 1: are directors will be white people. This is just without

633
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: a doubt. If you have a director that's a person

634
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: of color and actually good, well then you're in luck.

635
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: But it's more common that the directors will be white people. Um. Personally,

636
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: I kind of just like play my cards. Um, I

637
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,919
Speaker 1: play my cards, So I like, I'm kind of nice, Um,

638
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: I know what what battles to fight? Thinking about the

639
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: community at large, Like, well, who am I actually advocating for? Um?

640
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 1: So if by playing this card, will this get me

641
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 1: this in the long run kind of thing? So unfortunately,

642
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: like you have to play the game, and there's there's

643
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: a lot of politics involved when you're working in student

644
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: affairs or even in like the nonprofit sector. So yeah,

645
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: kind of you've gotta make your friends and you've got

646
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: to make your connections. You do. And you know it's

647
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 1: so interesting too, because I think it's even at a

648
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 1: p W. I I think as a student of color,

649
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: like at my university, it was possible for us to

650
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 1: surround ourselves only with other people of color if we

651
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 1: really really wanted to, not for a lot of the

652
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: big general education classes and like the required classes, but

653
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: in terms of like our majors are concentrations, are focuses

654
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 1: our social life, you know. So, and that's what I did.

655
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: I intentionally surrounded myself with people of color. I took

656
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: classes with professors that were people of color here when

657
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: I came back home to l A, like, the people

658
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: who have interviewed me and hired me for jobs have

659
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 1: all been women of color. The editors that I have

660
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 1: worked with that have published my writing have been women

661
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 1: of color. Right, Um, so for me, I think that

662
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: I myself have sought out professional people of color who

663
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 1: can serve as mentors or whose work gives me a roadmap. Yeah,

664
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,800
Speaker 1: I say, I think, Yeah, I mean, going off of

665
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: what Mana says like if you aren't in the situation

666
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 1: where you do have to like gauge of white folks, right,

667
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: it's like, well, maybe you can have a mentor also

668
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: that is a person of color that can also help

669
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: you guide those things. You know, when I was working

670
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: in student affairs, my mentor who was also my boss,

671
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: was a person of color, a queer person of color.

672
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: So when I had stuff with like his boss who

673
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: was white, you know, um, he would help me guide

674
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: that absolutely, right, So yeah, I hope. I don't know

675
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: if that's helpful, but that's my input. Talk to us

676
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: if you're in student affairs, Um, I have folks. I

677
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: have friends that are in student affairs, And if you

678
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: need some like more professional guidance, let me know. I

679
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: can connect you to people, because what I can't do

680
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: is give necessarily advice on how to like network, like

681
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: you know, if the question is like networking in like

682
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: a room full of white people, Oh yeah, I haven't

683
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: done that. I don't know. I just haven't done it

684
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: for I may in the future. That's the skill I

685
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: haven't necessarily developed yet, I guess. But yeah, I've done Okay,

686
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: not right, I've been to Networking is not on the

687
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: professional aspect. It's not my strongest suit. I'm not the

688
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 1: best at it. I get very I kind of just

689
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: shut down. I get very timid. Um, that's definitely something

690
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: I'd like to work on for my next job. You know,

691
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: it's definitely a practice skill. Yeah, for sure. Let's get

692
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: on to the next one. All right. This was asked

693
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: via Twitter. Are any of you in relationships? If so?

694
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: If so, is it hard to be woke in brown

695
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: and be in one? Yes? For me, like it has

696
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 1: been difficult to be in a relationship just in general,

697
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: but to be like a feminist and a Mohetri Spence

698
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,240
Speaker 1: in a relationship with a man who is a strait

699
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: ss gender man, I think is always going to be

700
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 1: difficult no matter what it just is. You know, Um,

701
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: I am not in a relationship. Um, I'm not, and

702
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 1: I'm very I'm very in this phase where I'm like,

703
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 1: I've been working on not being in this relationship for

704
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,959
Speaker 1: a while. Right now it's very final, and so it's

705
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: like I can now finally breathe and feel like next chapter,

706
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,399
Speaker 1: and so I'm happy. I'm good, But it is it

707
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: was difficult for me to be who I am and

708
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: how I am in a relationship. I think it takes

709
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: a certain type of person to actually be in a

710
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 1: relationship with me because I'm a lot. I'm a lot.

711
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: My politics are very They're a lot, you know, and

712
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: if and if you're not down with them, it can

713
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 1: cause some conflict. Um. I think though, I'm definitely trying

714
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: to be more gentle with my partners, especially if we're

715
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,479
Speaker 1: on a different um, if we're on a different learning path.

716
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: So for me, being woke and brown means respecting my

717
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:51,320
Speaker 1: boundaries in relationships very good, um, and also advocating for

718
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 1: my needs, giving myself space and letting it be respected.

719
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,399
Speaker 1: I think in all of my relationships, I never ever

720
00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: did that. I would let people come over when I

721
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: don't want to come over, I would go out with

722
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:02,879
Speaker 1: them when I didn't want to go out with them.

723
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: I would accept gifts from them when I didn't want them.

724
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: But like well quote, I was being treated right right,

725
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: but I didn't want it. So I wasn't respecting myself

726
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 1: and I wasn't being true to me and what I needed.

727
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: So I think now dating, I'm definitely more aware of

728
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: my limitations. I think that's good. I think that actually

729
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,399
Speaker 1: gets into the next question, Yeah, let's do it. Which

730
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 1: is the next question is regarding dating LA Dating in

731
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 1: l A. Oh God, what are your top dudes and

732
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: don'ts of healthy dating? When and when a potential suitor

733
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: sutras is acting up? What to do? So? Dating in

734
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 1: l A is a ship show as hot as nasty asthma.

735
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: Everybody knows everyone, everyone, you have slept with, everyone that

736
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,359
Speaker 1: is related to everyone, all kinds of ships, all kinds

737
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 1: of ships. Not sam the dudes and don't I'm gonna

738
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kind of echo off of what you were saying,

739
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: which is about the boundaries. Very important to have boundaries

740
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 1: in a relationship, especially like you're if you're adults and

741
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: you're working, Like I was getting sucked into this situation

742
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 1: where me and my partner were seeing each other every

743
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 1: single day for like long periods of time, and it

744
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: was exhausting and it was so tiring. You know, um,

745
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: my dues and don't of healthy dating n l A

746
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: for our locomotives, for my listeners, don't travel for your partner.

747
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 1: Don't do it, especially like if you're a woman, if

748
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 1: you're a fem don't travel. Don't if you live on

749
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: on the East side. Don't go to the valley to

750
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 1: visit you know your partner. Don't do it. Let them

751
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: come to you. I agree, and let them come to you.

752
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: I was dating someone in the valley for a while

753
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: and it was rough rough, which the definition of rough

754
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,839
Speaker 1: is traveling back and forth from the valley. Right, don't

755
00:42:54,920 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 1: date anyone from the valley. That's my valley. Halfway, I'm

756
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 1: halfway joking the commune. There's one way in and out

757
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: of the value. What else, other dudes, And don't um

758
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: I don't ship where you eat. Sorry, go ahead. Just

759
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 1: you know, if you are working in l A, a a

760
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 1: lot of people you have your job and there's a

761
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,360
Speaker 1: lot of creative side projects and after hours and weekends,

762
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:26,919
Speaker 1: there are a lot of people who have their nine

763
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 1: to five and then their weekend's gig. Right, if you're

764
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: an entertainment or something, I would say like, do not

765
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: hook up with people who are artists in your circle,

766
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: people who are subjects of your art. Don't do it, Like,

767
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 1: don't hook up with people that are in the same

768
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,400
Speaker 1: little bubble as you. Yeah, then the breakup is that

769
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 1: much worse, so much worse. There are like I could

770
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 1: name the people that I've had to like either not

771
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 1: be friends with or cut off because I was no

772
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: longer dating someone. It's shitty, especially when communities are so

773
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 1: small and there's like subgroups. Like my former partner, We're no,

774
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: we were dating for a while, we were dating for

775
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: a hot minute, um, and he was in the proving community.

776
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: So now when I go to proving things, I'm like, fuck,

777
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: you know. So it's just that's its own thing. So yeah,

778
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: I mean, I completely agree with you. Don't take anybody

779
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 1: who has like a large Twitter following or an Instagram fall.

780
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 1: Don't date a musician either. Better, no musicians, no dj is,

781
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 1: no producers, no actors, no rappers. The list goes on

782
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 1: it Instagram, celebrities. No, don't do it. Only date people.

783
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,399
Speaker 1: My advice would be date somebody that nobody else fucking knows.

784
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: I agree, a new person. Yeah. When I started dating

785
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 1: this this foll too, people would tell me stuff about

786
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: him and I was like yeah, and then I was like, well,

787
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: we'll see maybe he's dem about No, he ended up

788
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: being exactly none of them are the same exactly anyway. Um.

789
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: Not to sound bitter about dating in l A or anything, No,

790
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 1: I mean no. Also, when I sota onto the second part.

791
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: What do you do when they're acting up if you

792
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: don't want to, if you don't want to be with them,

793
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: get rid of them, dump them, don't There's no need

794
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: to stress yourself out out of the potential of a relationship.

795
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: If you actually both want to be together, then you

796
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,879
Speaker 1: share work things out. But if you don't end it,

797
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 1: there's no need to stress yourself out. Listen, like it's

798
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 1: really like I have never understood really this, Like oh

799
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 1: my god, no, like, don't leave me, don't break up

800
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 1: with me, like we have to be together if we

801
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: don't have kids together, we don't own property together, and

802
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 1: we are not legally bound. Why are we debating and

803
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 1: going back and forth about whether or not I should

804
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 1: be with you? Right? You know? No, because I don't

805
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: want to go bye, So I would say get rid

806
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: of them dump um. Yeah, I agree. You will feel better,

807
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: you will be happy. Maybe not right away, but you

808
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 1: will you will. Yeah. So anyways, thanks for that question.

809
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: We love relationship questions. We do. We do. We are

810
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: not the experts, though, take our look this with a

811
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: grain of salt. That is a good to note. You

812
00:45:55,600 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: don't want our relationship history. I know but you wanted

813
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,399
Speaker 1: to know. But I will say that I am now

814
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:06,720
Speaker 1: in a very healthy relationship, so I am happy about that.

815
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: We I think we've both put in a lot of work.

816
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: But anyway, moving forward, UM, this is a good question. Um,

817
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: can y'all talk about skinny privilege? I'm still trying to

818
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: better understand that. What do y'all think about it? This

819
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: is also via Twitter. Skinny privilege. Privilege is a real

820
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: social economic privilege. People who are thin and thinner are

821
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: treated better, are considered to be healthier, are considered to

822
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: be smarter, attractive, considered to attractive, considered to be more productive,

823
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: considered to be active and healthy, and all of these things.

824
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,919
Speaker 1: And the way that people view you and the way

825
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 1: that people see you has a direct impact on the

826
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 1: way that they treat you. So skinny privilege means that

827
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 1: people who are skinny get treated better and are treated

828
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 1: better not only just in social interactions, but at the

829
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 1: doctor's office, in court, when you're talking to a cop,

830
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 1: like important interactions. Right, You're going to be treated better,

831
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 1: You're going to be given more patients in time if

832
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 1: you're thinner. Right, It's like it's like social capital in

833
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: a way. You know that skinny privilege, and a lot

834
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: of people, like a lot of people have written more

835
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: in depth about the privilege about fat phobia. I would

836
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: recommend you could do a very simple search on Twitter

837
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 1: and you will find the conversations that are being had.

838
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not even just not even not even

839
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 1: do a Google search. Just go on Twitter and just

840
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: type in skinny privilege. The conversations are there, the information

841
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: is there. They are all right. Next question, this is

842
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 1: also related, so we wanted to group them together. Um,

843
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: can you please talk about the intersection between body posey

844
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 1: and help. I'm all about being body positive, but with

845
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: a background in public health, I have to think about

846
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: things such as obesity, diabet and other weight food related

847
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: illnesses that are very prevalent, especially in our Latino communities.

848
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: Thank you for your thoughts. Wow, wow, let me start.

849
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: Let me, let me let me say something. I was

850
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 1: watching this documentary right what the health right? Right? And

851
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: I wonder, like, why so much focus on the body

852
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: when we have these conversations about health right when we

853
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: know that even like people who are considered thin and attractive,

854
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: even eating or buying food from your local market, like

855
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: no matter what you touch the produce, the meats are

856
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 1: going to be filled with steroids and chemicals and things

857
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 1: that make you unhealthy. We have no healthy options, right,

858
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: So when I so so a question like this about

859
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 1: body positivity and health, I'm like, I think that focusing

860
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: on fatness and on the body is way too small scale.

861
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: I agree with you, I think, um, it's important to

862
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 1: understand that you're like the you're the way your physical

863
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: body looks has no relation to your internal health, the

864
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 1: way your organs are functioning, the way your cholesterol blood

865
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: pressure is, if you're like pre diabetic or not, like,

866
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 1: it doesn't really have a correlation. It could, but it's

867
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 1: not directly connected exactly. Um. And also, like if you're

868
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 1: like perceivably like conventionally thin or whatever, like that doesn't

869
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: make you more healthy, right, It doesn't make you more

870
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: healthy because you can be very thin and still be

871
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 1: a diabetic. Lots of thin people are diabetics. Lots of

872
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 1: youth children you know, are diabetics. Um. So, Like the

873
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: other thing is like body positivity is not just about

874
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: taking pictures of oneself, and it's not just about admiring

875
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: the physical beauty of big bodied people of fat people

876
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: of curvy people. But it's also saying that fat people

877
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,959
Speaker 1: should not be discriminated again because of their fatness. Fat

878
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: people should have places to sit in public places. Fat

879
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: people should be able to go in and talk to

880
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: their doctor and have like the same care and attention

881
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: that anybody else would. For me, that is body positivity

882
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 1: is treating the body in a positive manner, like in

883
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: all ways, it's not just about celebrating. That's a big

884
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: piece of it. And if we want to talk about health,

885
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 1: well let's talk about mental health and emotional health exactly.

886
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 1: If you're in like a fat phobic, skinny centric world, well, okay,

887
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,359
Speaker 1: how does that affect a person's mental health right when

888
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: you don't meet those standards? I completely agree with you.

889
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 1: Um yeah, So I guess like, as this person that's

890
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 1: working in the field of health possibly are also public health. Um,

891
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: I guess challenge the discourse, you know, change is changed

892
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: the narrative of like how fat folks are perceived to

893
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 1: be unhealthy. Um. And there's a lot of activists, like

894
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: fat activists that are doing that work, So include them

895
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,200
Speaker 1: in the rative as well, I would say. And since

896
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: we're not like I'm not considered fat I'm not fat, Um,

897
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,720
Speaker 1: I'm considered curvy or thick, right, So, like it's also

898
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: not for me to be like, oh well, you know

899
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: face of you know, body positivity, because I don't need

900
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 1: to be because I generally speaking, my body and my

901
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: body type is represented and is loved and you know,

902
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: like I don't get a lot of negativity for my body,

903
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 1: right you know, So yeah I go that as well. Yeah,

904
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 1: all right, let's go on to the next one. Um,

905
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: this is number seventeen. Love how y'all keep it super real?

906
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: I know a lot of us look texes or look

907
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 1: amotives really feel you when you say men are trash?

908
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 1: I so agree. I'm wondering though, what was is your

909
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: relationship like with your dad's. So it's so interesting because, like,

910
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 1: especially online, a lot of women and I mean a

911
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 1: lot of women tweeter about and write about and post

912
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,720
Speaker 1: about and talk about how men are trash, like millions

913
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,399
Speaker 1: of us. It's an army. Just it's great, so many

914
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 1: of us and a lot of men. Their response instead

915
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 1: of being like, oh well, tell us more like what

916
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: are you guys talking about? Or how can we fix it?

917
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: Or how can we do better? Oh yeah, I know

918
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 1: exactly what you're talking about, because most men know exactly

919
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 1: what we're talking about but pretend like they don't. But inevitably,

920
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,760
Speaker 1: in these conversations, the men will come out and say, oh, well,

921
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 1: you must have never had a dad in your life,

922
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: for you have a bad relationship with your dad, or

923
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: your dad was never there for you, and that's why

924
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: you feel that way. And it's interesting because it's like, um, well, yeah,

925
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 1: that could be a very real reason. And so that

926
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 1: man was being trash. So that's an example of a

927
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: man being trash or like for me, I'm like, well, no,

928
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: my dad has always been around in my life, always consistently.

929
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 1: He was our coach. He took us to school every day,

930
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: He coached track and across country for years. Like he

931
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 1: was it like ad, like go dad right. He was

932
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 1: a super dad. And he also taught me that men

933
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: are trash. He told me because most girls, our dads

934
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: tell us, don't play with the boys. Watch out for boys.

935
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 1: They only want one thing from you. They're gonna do

936
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: this to you and then they're gonna scram and then

937
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 1: they're gonna leave. Our dads teach us that men are trash,

938
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 1: to warn us because they were trash, and they know

939
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 1: they know exactly what the game is, they know how

940
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: men run game on women, and so they try and

941
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 1: prepare us. Right. I have a great relationship with my father.

942
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 1: I love my dad. Yeah. He also taught me to

943
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: not trust any of you fools. Yeah, I agree. My

944
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 1: dad taught me the same thing. Don't trust any man,

945
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 1: don't trust any person. Actually, um, his phrases trust nobody right,

946
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 1: that is his galty phrase. And never on leaving the house,

947
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 1: but trust nobody right. But in English, So I think

948
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: it's great. Um. But no, you know, my dad and

949
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,399
Speaker 1: I actually had had we still have a very very

950
00:53:56,400 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 1: difficult relationship growing up. My dad wasn't around. Um. I

951
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 1: don't really want to get into the details of it,

952
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 1: but me on my end, it has taken a lot

953
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,840
Speaker 1: of internal work to like forgive him for all the

954
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: ship he put me in my mom through. Um. But

955
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 1: and also I see how that has affected my relationships

956
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 1: romantic ones. Um. But you know, again doing that internal work,

957
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: and also like recognizing my father is also a man,

958
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:21,840
Speaker 1: so he did a lot of funked up things like

959
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 1: men do. So yes, he's also trash. Men are trash.

960
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 1: He's also in my life, and I have made peace

961
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 1: with it, you know. And that's the thing. Like, listen,

962
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: we all know a lot of us hold onto trash,

963
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: We hold onto it, We hold on to the clutter,

964
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 1: We hold onto things in our homes that we need

965
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:41,960
Speaker 1: to get rid of, in our cars, we hold on

966
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:45,319
Speaker 1: to people, right and also because we can't always get

967
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 1: rid of people, can't on everyone should be disposable. Not

968
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:53,080
Speaker 1: everybody can or should be disposable, and so like it's

969
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,320
Speaker 1: a matter of we have to live with these people.

970
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: We have to live with men we have no option. Right. Also,

971
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: let me let it be known the reason that I

972
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 1: decided that I had to like work on this relationship

973
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 1: with my dad was because I moved back home. I

974
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 1: was able to be away for four years, right, so

975
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 1: I was able to not be around him and not

976
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: have to deal with it. But having moving back home

977
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: made me have to deal with it for your own exactly,

978
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:20,319
Speaker 1: health and wellness exactly exactly. And I think now, as

979
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 1: of me coming from a place of forgiveness, it has

980
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: better relationship. I don't think you should or can forgive everybody,

981
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: but I had to because I will have moved back home,

982
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 1: and it was better for my health. Yeah, and you know,

983
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: and if you love somebody, we want them to be better. Absolutely,

984
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 1: So with the men in our lives, it's like, listen,

985
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:42,560
Speaker 1: if you mean that much to me, I'm going to

986
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 1: tell you that you're being trashed because you need to

987
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,879
Speaker 1: know so you can be a better human. Right, Yeah,

988
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:51,319
Speaker 1: these men, So you're welcome, guys, You're welcome. All right.

989
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: This next question, was there a time you felt like

990
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:58,279
Speaker 1: it was necessary to be less feminine in orders to

991
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:03,799
Speaker 1: be taken seriously? And how did to deal with it? Mean,

992
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 1: Donna Hue, Oh thank you? Yuh mean mm as fems,

993
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: I think this is a real thing. Yeah, absolutely, Um,

994
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 1: I definitely depending on where I'm going and what I'm doing,

995
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 1: Like if I'm going to court with my clients, if

996
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to anything work related where my clients are

997
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 1: going to be there, I tone tone tone tone, tone, tone,

998
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,399
Speaker 1: tone way down, and I cover up and I try

999
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: not to be distracting basically, But other than that, if

1000
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,840
Speaker 1: it's not work, Also, because I find that if I

1001
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 1: don't have any makeup on and I don't do my

1002
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:41,320
Speaker 1: hair and I keep myself pretty plain, that it lessens

1003
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 1: the chances that some man is going to bother me

1004
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,720
Speaker 1: or say something gross to me, you know, So sometimes

1005
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 1: I'll be less feminine, very intentionally to be left alone.

1006
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,359
Speaker 1: I completely agree. I also do that too. Um, when

1007
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm by myself during the week, I tend to just

1008
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 1: wear jeans and a T shirt. This last week was

1009
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:00,439
Speaker 1: really hard, but I didn't want to be I didn't

1010
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:02,839
Speaker 1: want any skin showing because I was gonna be out

1011
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: and about by myself. So definitely like navigating, Like am

1012
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 1: I going to be out? Am I going to be

1013
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: walking around? Is the potential of someone following me going

1014
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 1: to be there? Um? So definitely thinking about those things. Um,

1015
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: when I'm giving presentations though, I like, I'm super high

1016
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 1: fem bold, lipstick, heels on, you know, and not only

1017
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: like through the podcast. That's like a whole different thing.

1018
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 1: Of course, we're going to be super firm. But even

1019
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 1: when I was working, um, work related things, if I

1020
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: was doing your presentation, I would fam it up because

1021
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: I would feel more empowered and I would feel like

1022
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 1: I could do a better job. Yes, power, Yes, right,

1023
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 1: that's a good question. Thank you for that one. Yeah, okay,

1024
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 1: this is second to last question. How was your how

1025
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: has your parents relationship influenced for good or bad your

1026
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: own relationships. This is a lengthy question. We had to

1027
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 1: actually pick one of the multiple questions, but basically the

1028
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 1: question was about like wanting to know how our parents

1029
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 1: met and all that. Personally, I don't want to share

1030
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 1: that my parents have had a really tough relationship, So

1031
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 1: I can focus on this this one, this half. How

1032
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: had your parents relationship influenced for good to bad your

1033
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: own relationship? Do you want to start? Um, you know

1034
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: my parents relationship. I think that they make a good team.

1035
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: You know, they raised us, They've they've done a good job.

1036
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 1: They've got us all through school. None of us have

1037
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 1: ever broken a bone or had a cavity, which is

1038
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 1: like a right. So I'm like, wow, you guys did

1039
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 1: something right. Um. So they taught me that it's possible.

1040
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: I think to have that partnership that you can make

1041
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 1: it work. It's possible. Like they're doing it. They support

1042
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 1: each other. UM. My mom, like, you know, she met

1043
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 1: my dad when they were in night school, when they

1044
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,760
Speaker 1: were in um law school, and then my mom when

1045
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 1: I was in high school. She she didn't finish her

1046
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 1: law degree and my dad finished his degree, but she

1047
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: ended up when I was in high school, went to

1048
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: school and getting her masters, So it also taught me,

1049
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: like you know, they started out in education, my mom

1050
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 1: continued her education. They've always emphasized that with us, and

1051
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 1: so I think for me, it's like no matter who

1052
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: you're with or what your partnership is, to continue like

1053
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,560
Speaker 1: learning if that's what you want to do, to do

1054
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 1: the work that you want to do, Like you have

1055
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 1: to keep your life up. My mother always taught me, always, always, always, always,

1056
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:26,920
Speaker 1: you have to have your own money. Like as a woman,

1057
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:28,920
Speaker 1: you have to have your own money. My mom always

1058
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 1: had multiple jobs because she wanted her stash. She wanted

1059
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 1: her bank account that she could dip into when she

1060
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 1: needed to. She never had to ask, right because it

1061
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 1: didn't matter if she was working three different jobs, she

1062
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 1: could take care of her stuff. So that's what I

1063
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: got out of my parents relationship is as a woman,

1064
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 1: stick to your guns, have your own money. If it's

1065
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 1: possible for you, do the things that you like to do,

1066
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 1: the work that you like to do. If you want

1067
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: to go back to school, do it right, keep it

1068
00:59:56,880 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 1: moving forward. Yeah, you know, I echo I that obviously,

1069
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 1: like having your own money, having your own life and

1070
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:06,800
Speaker 1: having your own friends. I've definitely learned that, um from

1071
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 1: lack of seeing it, so quite the opposite. Um. And

1072
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: then also um on learning I had to I've had

1073
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 1: to unlearn unhealthy relationship patterns because of stuff that was

1074
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 1: produced in my house. Um So, I mean I already

1075
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: touched on this, but really having my boundaries has has

1076
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,440
Speaker 1: been something I had to unlearned. So sticking to my

1077
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:28,880
Speaker 1: boundaries has been something I had to learn and learning

1078
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: these like kind of codependent things. Um So yeah, I

1079
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 1: mean yeah, yeah, I mean that's the thing because your

1080
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 1: parents can either teach you ways to be or ways

1081
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 1: not to be. Yeah, definitely, yeah, I definitely on the

1082
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 1: on the not to be. You know, I love my

1083
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 1: parents individually as a unit, they have a lot of stuff,

1084
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: you know, and definitely had to carry that with me. Um.

1085
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: So now you know, I think I've making better relationship choices,

1086
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 1: making better choices for my self in general because of that. Right,

1087
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah, that's good. I agree. Alright. Final question, good,

1088
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:13,160
Speaker 1: favorite question somebody asked me, asked me specifically in a

1089
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 1: curious cat me a question that I'm not going to

1090
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 1: answer because you're trying to get me in troubles. I

1091
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 1: am not going to answer that question. If you're listening,

1092
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 1: I want to know who you are, right. But the

1093
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 1: gist of it, the gist of the question is has

1094
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:31,040
Speaker 1: a listener ever asked you out? And what is the

1095
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,479
Speaker 1: best way to approach you? If interested? You guys want

1096
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 1: a step by step a guide on how to approach

1097
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: and ask out less. Look, I thought, as well, we'll

1098
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 1: give you a list. We'll give you a list. Yes, Um,

1099
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 1: don't have any expectations, no expectations. What don't expect anything

1100
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 1: from us? Nothing? You can buy us a drink. You

1101
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 1: can buy us a drink and then don't expect to

1102
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 1: dance or a conversation afterwards. I agree. I mean, if

1103
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 1: we want to talk about our parents in onces, I've

1104
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 1: always said, like, if you want something serious with me,

1105
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:06,200
Speaker 1: if you want to marry me. My dad proposed to

1106
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 1: my mom. He got a painting done of her portrait.

1107
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 1: That's accustomed. If you're listening when you're trying to take

1108
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 1: out mala, this is what you have to work with.

1109
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:17,160
Speaker 1: You need to buy me a house. If you would

1110
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 1: like to propose to me, I need like an oil

1111
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 1: painting done of myself. This is not far fetched. My

1112
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: mother's portrait hung in our house. Our whole lives in

1113
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: the center of the living room like above, like in

1114
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 1: the middle of the house, like in the middle of

1115
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 1: the last centerpiece. Good, That's what I'm glad I did.

1116
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: That's what you need If you would like to take

1117
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 1: me out an oil painting, I would say the best

1118
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 1: way to approach me now I am not available, but

1119
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 1: you know, in the past, or just in general, I

1120
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,800
Speaker 1: think if you're not pushy, that really that really just

1121
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 1: speaks more for for you. Like if you don't be aggressive,

1122
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 1: I really cannot stand aggressive men. However, if you are

1123
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 1: a woman that wrote this, I always think the friend

1124
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:04,440
Speaker 1: like the friendly like I want to be your friend.

1125
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 1: I think that always works. Um. I do also think

1126
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:09,360
Speaker 1: that that could also pose a question like wait, is

1127
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:10,959
Speaker 1: she hitting on me or she trying to be my friend?

1128
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 1: Because I've been in that situation. Um, But yeah, I

1129
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:17,360
Speaker 1: mean I think depending on who wrote this question, I mean,

1130
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:18,880
Speaker 1: I think if you're a man, don't be pushy, and

1131
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:22,240
Speaker 1: if you're a woman, like, let's talk, like maybe we're

1132
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 1: not going to date, but I would love to be

1133
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:28,400
Speaker 1: your friend, right, I just like whether it's men or women,

1134
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,120
Speaker 1: I don't like the pushing, and I agree, you know,

1135
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 1: don't be pushy. If it's a no, then it's a no.

1136
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:39,640
Speaker 1: I try to give hints and like use body language

1137
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 1: and I try to be pretty like courteous like at

1138
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:44,720
Speaker 1: the beginning, and then if you don't get it, then

1139
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to be a little bit more straightforward.

1140
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:48,840
Speaker 1: There are men that don't do not pick up on

1141
01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: the body cues, none, none of none, or they do

1142
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 1: when they ignore it because they're waiting for you to

1143
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: basically puss them out for them to finally leave. Basically.

1144
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: The other thing is I've noticed, like me and my

1145
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 1: friend Melissa, my coworker, when we go out, is like

1146
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: men have this tendency to be like reveal very early on,

1147
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: like the second you meet them, even if you're out

1148
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 1: of a bar. Men have this weird tendency to reveal

1149
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:15,760
Speaker 1: how like rape they are. Listen, that happened to us,

1150
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 1: but the other day with rape culture, that one of

1151
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 1: the first things they say that literally happened to us

1152
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 1: the other day because we were out with Melissa. We

1153
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:27,280
Speaker 1: were out with Melissa and someone asked her, a man

1154
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:30,120
Speaker 1: asked her what she does, and she said, like I'm

1155
01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 1: a rape crisis counselor. And he said, are you here

1156
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:37,440
Speaker 1: to offer your services? What what? He? He goes, or

1157
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 1: you here promoting your services? Why would you be promoting No,

1158
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't make any sense. I did not understand

1159
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:50,480
Speaker 1: as a rape crisis counselor, like me and Melissa have

1160
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 1: this experience all the time that you go out right

1161
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 1: and you're like socializing, you're talking to people, you're drinking.

1162
01:04:58,120 --> 01:04:59,960
Speaker 1: If someone wants to talk to you, they're always going

1163
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 1: to ask you, what do you do? What do you do? Always?

1164
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 1: So always our response is always rape crisis counselor rape

1165
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 1: crisis center. So it's I have stopped telling people that

1166
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 1: when I go out, because it immediately puts rape into

1167
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:19,080
Speaker 1: the conversation. And then men immediately immediately reveal how fucked

1168
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 1: up and weird and gross they are, and how like

1169
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:24,920
Speaker 1: accepting and believing in rape culture they are. So it's

1170
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 1: kind of like it's a good smoke screen in some ways,

1171
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 1: like it's good for me to talk about it because

1172
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 1: then I know you're a fucking weirdo and I need

1173
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 1: to get away from you. But I also like it's

1174
01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 1: so disturbing the other day we were at Lasita, me

1175
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 1: and Tony's my friend Donna, and the same thing. These

1176
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 1: guys started talking to us, and right away it became

1177
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 1: like this weird like, oh, well, women lie like nobody

1178
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 1: nobody brought that up, like nobody asked you, you know,

1179
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 1: so don't be like that. Basically, do not do that.

1180
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 1: Don't do that if you would ever like to have

1181
01:05:57,920 --> 01:06:00,800
Speaker 1: a civilized conversation with me. I think also, like if

1182
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 1: you do, if you were to approach us, and you

1183
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 1: were to see us, obviously you know us, and say that,

1184
01:06:05,160 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 1: tell us like you're we're meeting a stranger. Yeah, like

1185
01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 1: we're gonna know why you know us. It's from the podcast,

1186
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,920
Speaker 1: It's from Instagram. Um, say hi, don't be you know,

1187
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:19,919
Speaker 1: don't be shy. I say hello, Yeah, introduce yourselves, all

1188
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 1: that cute stuff. Yeah, and buy me a drink and

1189
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 1: buy me a drink. God damn it. Yeah. No. I

1190
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 1: won't always accept a drink from people like we did.

1191
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:33,600
Speaker 1: The other night. We went to a La Junta party

1192
01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 1: and and there was this man that kept trying to

1193
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 1: buy his drinks, specifically was trying to buy me a drink,

1194
01:06:39,160 --> 01:06:41,600
Speaker 1: and I was like no, no, I no, no no.

1195
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 1: And then he told me, I thought I was too

1196
01:06:42,960 --> 01:06:48,439
Speaker 1: good for everyone. They're true. Well yes, and okay, don't

1197
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 1: find me a drink. I don't want one, right, yeah,

1198
01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 1: Alice man, But um yeah, I mean, I think if

1199
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,120
Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast, if you're a listener, if

1200
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 1: your local more, I think you're already on the right

1201
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 1: You're on the right foot, you're on the right foot.

1202
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,040
Speaker 1: You know what you're doing. But you might not know

1203
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 1: what you're doing, but you're on your way, you're learning.

1204
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 1: I wonder how this is. Oh my god, I want

1205
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,720
Speaker 1: to know who it is. Reveal yourself, yourself, send us

1206
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 1: a d M. But the question, the other question was

1207
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:15,920
Speaker 1: if there were any listeners that we could date, who

1208
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:19,160
Speaker 1: would it be That I'm saying, y'all are trying to

1209
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:23,160
Speaker 1: get us in trouble. I don't necessarily have any listeners

1210
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:27,600
Speaker 1: um in minds that I'm like like they're seeing after

1211
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:32,600
Speaker 1: because I don't think of our locomotives that I don't either.

1212
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 1: That seems predatorial. If our locomotives are our friends, are

1213
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,680
Speaker 1: our little community, exactly, we're home girl. I would love

1214
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: to go on like like a like a like a

1215
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:44,760
Speaker 1: date in the sense of like both of us are like,

1216
01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,240
Speaker 1: maybe we go to dinner and drinks and dancing with

1217
01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:50,640
Speaker 1: like some locomotives. Idea one day we raffle ourselves off

1218
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 1: for like a date that would be cute. We're gonna

1219
01:07:56,120 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 1: think about that one. We're gonna let that one peroc.

1220
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,720
Speaker 1: I agree, But I think, yeah, I mean, I don't

1221
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:03,200
Speaker 1: think I exactly. I don't think of the local motives

1222
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 1: as people that a dating pool. I think that's wrong.

1223
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 1: You shouldn't think of your community as a dating where

1224
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 1: you eat. If things come naturally, that's different. Um. But

1225
01:08:14,160 --> 01:08:17,040
Speaker 1: if you're like, yeah, that just seems very predatorial. It

1226
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:19,799
Speaker 1: seems very predatorial. This is our safe space. I agree.

1227
01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: You know. Um, you know, I'm trying to think of like,

1228
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:24,840
Speaker 1: because there's so many look on what if I want

1229
01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:27,200
Speaker 1: to be friends with in real life. So I'm just like, oh,

1230
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 1: I mean, we can go out for drinks, we can

1231
01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:31,680
Speaker 1: go out dancing. We love to invite us out hang

1232
01:08:31,680 --> 01:08:33,280
Speaker 1: out with us. Oh my god, you know who I'm

1233
01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 1: thinking of. I would want to go. We actually have

1234
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:38,000
Speaker 1: scheduled a friend date. Um, one of our local motives.

1235
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:40,800
Speaker 1: She's been listening to us since the beginning. Oh my god,

1236
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:44,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god, let me find you. Oh my god. Yes,

1237
01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:47,880
Speaker 1: friend dates. I'm so down for friend dates. I'm down because,

1238
01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 1: like listen, we love to dance, we love to go

1239
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:57,439
Speaker 1: drink like oh yes, yes, yes, she's been all out.

1240
01:08:57,439 --> 01:08:59,000
Speaker 1: We don't really know how to say her name. I

1241
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:03,360
Speaker 1: want to say it's tr TR. Yeah, is that U

1242
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:07,040
Speaker 1: t R? She follows both of us and listens to

1243
01:09:07,080 --> 01:09:10,240
Speaker 1: the podcast. Yeah. No, I totally recognized the account, absolutely,

1244
01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:13,559
Speaker 1: And we're always like we're like I G friends, you know,

1245
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:15,960
Speaker 1: like re applying to each other stories, commenting on stuff,

1246
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:17,680
Speaker 1: and we talked about She saw that I was at

1247
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,200
Speaker 1: a cafe and she was like, I know where you are,

1248
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 1: and we were like, let's hang out, let's do coffee.

1249
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:24,280
Speaker 1: So she's so I would want to go on a

1250
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,519
Speaker 1: cute friend date with friend date a girl date with

1251
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:29,040
Speaker 1: And if you guys know of any fun events like

1252
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:30,760
Speaker 1: coming up in l A and you think that we

1253
01:09:30,760 --> 01:09:33,440
Speaker 1: would enjoy it or you're gonna be there, let us know.

1254
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,920
Speaker 1: We're always looking for a party. We are. Events are

1255
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:44,080
Speaker 1: show stuff like that. Yeah, events, um, anything where there's music,

1256
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,160
Speaker 1: where there's dancing, where there's folks. I think that we

1257
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:50,640
Speaker 1: might be going to the Oh my god, there's the

1258
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:55,000
Speaker 1: block party, the West Adams block party tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

1259
01:09:55,160 --> 01:09:56,920
Speaker 1: Oh it'll be over by the time we put this out.

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01:09:57,040 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 1: Never mind, but that's let's right. She was on and

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01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:08,000
Speaker 1: um that's their their nonprofit. Yeah, follow them all right.

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01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:11,120
Speaker 1: We this is a long episode and we really try

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01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:13,720
Speaker 1: to like do the questions quick, but we always have

1264
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:17,880
Speaker 1: a lot to say. Um so as always engage with

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01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 1: the share, Facebook, us, Instagram, tweet all of that. One

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01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:24,439
Speaker 1: of shout out to one of our locomotives. She tweeted

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01:10:24,439 --> 01:10:27,000
Speaker 1: a picture of her riding a bike and she was like,

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01:10:27,240 --> 01:10:29,840
Speaker 1: my favorite way to listen to local do and that

1269
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 1: was so cute. It was cute. I love that one.

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01:10:32,479 --> 01:10:35,120
Speaker 1: That was adorable. Yeah, with her permission, I want to

1271
01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:38,719
Speaker 1: share that on Instagram. It's such a cute photo. Send

1272
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 1: us more questions and questions. We will continue answering them

1273
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:46,640
Speaker 1: one at a time throughout ls UM use the hashtags

1274
01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:50,480
Speaker 1: Radio Bronco, our Radioda, and locomoties.