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Speaker 1: Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: This is Chris Fairman, This is Garriff. We are immediately
Speaker 1: picking up our guests. You know our guest today from
Speaker 1: clubs and colleges across the country has been hitting the
Speaker 1: road circuit, real hard road circuit. Put your ears together
Speaker 1: for James Agman, thank you Hello friend.
Speaker 3: Hello friend.
Speaker 2: Yes when you texted Chris and I, I don't have
Speaker 2: your phone number for some reason, and it scared me
Speaker 2: so badly. It was like, hey, guys, where I'm like, Nope,
Speaker 2: don't answer that. And then I finally texted Chris. I
Speaker 2: was like, who was that. He's like, it's Jason DOOMI
Speaker 2: oh right, because I.
Speaker 3: Was like, oh, yeah, I could have asked real time.
Speaker 5: I'm hoping that I had a very like strange message
Speaker 5: where it's like hello, I've been waiting.
Speaker 3: Hello, my skin is soft as yours.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's dare you meet me again? So soon after
Speaker 6: our last crossing, an.
Speaker 1: I'm getting texted by that bridge troll again.
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 5: I'm good. I'm glad this has worked out me too.
Speaker 5: I was in I did some miscalculations of some I
Speaker 5: love how the people look on the Testla. I've never
Speaker 5: seen the people the map before. Yeah, I've always seen
Speaker 5: the cars that they have, and this is an updated
Speaker 5: version because now it's got.
Speaker 1: People and it showed her fall down and then she disappeared.
Speaker 1: There was a person laying down really for a brief
Speaker 1: second that was amazing.
Speaker 3: Could you let me.
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 5: Yes, it's a major important new Tesla.
Speaker 4: Tesla components we have animations of there's basically five kinds
Speaker 4: of people that we've spent billions of dollars animating all
Speaker 4: the potential human targets.
Speaker 2: When I looked, it didn't seem like it was showing
Speaker 2: the children, and I'm like, that's very Tesla to be like,
Speaker 2: we don't see the.
Speaker 6: Children at this point.
Speaker 5: We like most human minds, we assume that the children
Speaker 5: may or may not be there. They're like a schrow
Speaker 5: dinner's child. And it is not until the Tesla hits
Speaker 5: the object that it is revealed, whether it was a child, older,
Speaker 5: simply fire hydrant or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, elon, do you have any kids yourself?
Speaker 6: I have more kids than I'm able to count.
Speaker 5: I've lost some of them to the woke mind virus.
Speaker 5: I have children. I have multiple children from somehow. I
Speaker 5: have more mothers of my children than the children themselves.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, And yes, there's there's.
Speaker 5: Like I believe actually that people should including gay people.
Speaker 5: This is something I said recently, is that I don't
Speaker 5: have a problem with gays except that they don't have
Speaker 5: enough babies.
Speaker 1: Right, that's that's kind of obviously.
Speaker 5: This is something that most people like agree with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I think i'm nine or twelve children.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah wow x.
Speaker 5: Yes, the it is the town hall that we all have.
Speaker 3: It's a human there for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's great, it's going great. We've gotten rid of
Speaker 5: all that, We've gotten rid of so many of the
Speaker 5: fake accounts. Yeah, really, Yes, we've cleaned it up a lot,
Speaker 5: a lot of fake accounts that we're posing as verified celebrities, right,
Speaker 5: and we've replaced them with actual verified accounts, which are
Speaker 5: obviously people that tend to be of agreement on the
Speaker 5: issues of the day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people outside of cities.
Speaker 6: Yes, and a lot of them.
Speaker 5: A lot of our verified people are you know, you
Speaker 5: might say, oh, they come from the same IP address
Speaker 5: in Poland, but like that's the way the demo democracy
Speaker 5: should work, you know, true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, style, that's just because that's where the server is, right.
Speaker 5: Well obviously, yes, yeah, I mean you're you're obviously someone
Speaker 5: that I would probably elevate your way of thinking on
Speaker 5: a truly democratic platform when I say that, I mean
Speaker 5: obviously not the Democratic Party, like something more tray cool
Speaker 5: than that, which is like elevating the voices of thought leaders.
Speaker 1: Do you show up to work?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Are you at the office?
Speaker 5: I sleep in the office a ship and a cot
Speaker 5: on top of a SpaceX rocket. I have little tunnels
Speaker 5: that I build for myself, and I just kind of
Speaker 5: I don't get the ferments to build them outside of
Speaker 5: my different campuses from various communist municipalities. But I am
Speaker 5: able to take my little, my little tubes underground from one.
Speaker 6: Side of the SpaceX campus to the other.
Speaker 5: Question.
Speaker 1: That's probably a good thing about moving to Austin, Texas.
Speaker 1: There's no building codes at all.
Speaker 7: Right, it's a great place, great place for like free speech,
Speaker 7: you know, free speech where and obviously when you talk
Speaker 7: about free speech, when someone says I believe in free speech,
Speaker 7: you know exactly what they believe in.
Speaker 5: Yes, and I'm when you say I'm I'm a freethinker.
Speaker 5: That means that you believe a certain set of beliefs.
Speaker 5: We all know that. But they are the correct ones.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, free thinking has its constraints.
Speaker 5: You know, when you see someone and I love these people,
Speaker 5: these are the ones that I think of as like
Speaker 5: great minds. You see that they say, oh, I believe
Speaker 5: in free speech, freethinker not into your pronouns. You know
Speaker 5: that that person is like definitely they're going to have
Speaker 5: like some Marcus Aurelius quote in their profile. Yeah, and
Speaker 5: also like a marble statue will be their profile picture. Sure.
Speaker 2: Maybe some were those sunglasses that are so identifying with
Speaker 2: a free, free thinking mind.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, like so cool.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know you're talking about Oakley wrap arounds,
Speaker 1: and I have some blades myself, but the lenses just
Speaker 1: work so well, I know, you know, I mean, well.
Speaker 5: I think for those of us that have our third
Speaker 5: eye open, we need to have the kind of like
Speaker 5: obviously like shade from the sun from that third eye,
Speaker 5: and it could be.
Speaker 3: The polarized lens, right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yes, I think I'm trying to solve our polarized politics
Speaker 5: and also at the same time switch people into polarized lenses.
Speaker 5: We've got another guy walking by, and if you can
Speaker 5: see on the sidewalk, he perfectly matches this animation of
Speaker 5: a generic human figure.
Speaker 2: He was Truman's show style sent down the sidewalk to
Speaker 2: be registered on this car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny, you know when they don't.
Speaker 5: You're in a hyper loop. Actually, this is all a simulation,
Speaker 5: all of it. Because when we cracked the idea that
Speaker 5: the Earth is a simulation, we said, why don't we
Speaker 5: just do it ourselves, become gods.
Speaker 6: That's one of the things we're working on. When you
Speaker 6: picked me up as soon as we got in, what.
Speaker 5: We're seeing is we're in a hyper loop that can't
Speaker 5: go very far because it's only permitted underneath the SpaceX
Speaker 5: campus here, right, And so this is all being generated
Speaker 5: to you at the same rate that you're pressing the
Speaker 5: gas pedal or i should say the electronic pedal.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, in real time. That's amazing. It's weird how
Speaker 1: that guy's fedora was just a question mark. It wouldn't
Speaker 1: acknowledge the well.
Speaker 5: Also, and you you know, we've tried to gamify because
Speaker 5: there's horrible accidents that happens, and if you've notice on
Speaker 5: the screen, it looks.
Speaker 6: Like kind of a low five video game.
Speaker 5: So we have gamified certain elements of it where if
Speaker 5: you do hit some guy to try to discourage you
Speaker 5: from it, much like Sonic the Hedgehog. You'll see on
Speaker 5: the animation that all of the rings will pop out
Speaker 5: of that he's been carrying with him. A big burst
Speaker 5: of rings will pop out onto the sidewalk, letting you
Speaker 5: know that you've made a mistake by hitting him.
Speaker 3: It seems like though that would be encouraging.
Speaker 5: Well, you can collect the rings, which is a way
Speaker 5: of that that helps us to signal to the relevant authorities.
Speaker 6: And so there has been a casualty in the simulation.
Speaker 2: When you see the way, people might argue that you're
Speaker 2: asking people that killed pedestrians.
Speaker 5: To power up yourself, or there are certain kinds of
Speaker 5: limited low, low vibration people who would bring up that objection.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's me.
Speaker 5: And what I would say, what I would say to
Speaker 5: that low but usually I would ignore the slow vivation.
Speaker 6: But I'm happy to take this.
Speaker 5: So what I would tell, what I would tell them
Speaker 5: in every such case is that, obviously, and this is
Speaker 5: something the great minds already know. Life is only with
Speaker 5: us for a certain half time.
Speaker 1: And well, everyone knows we die. Is that what you mean?
Speaker 5: Everyone knows who die? But do they really know it?
Speaker 5: Do they plan their lives around it? Because to me,
Speaker 5: it's a great honor to die in service of some
Speaker 5: kind of great sort of project, whether it's the Great Pyramids,
Speaker 5: the people who died building the Great Pyramids to me
Speaker 5: put themselves in service of humanity. Just look how useful
Speaker 5: the pearments are as technology today we all use them
Speaker 5: as landmarks and so forth. I think in the same way,
Speaker 5: I think of myself as a latter day pharaoh, and
Speaker 5: that those who would sacrifice their lives to me are
Speaker 5: like some kind of you know, ancient Egyptian work.
Speaker 3: That's interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure what you're but you're more of instead of
Speaker 2: like from a line of you know.
Speaker 6: Hard workers, very hard working entrepreneurs.
Speaker 3: But you're a pharaohs.
Speaker 2: So aren't you the one that sits there and like
Speaker 2: whips people and tells them what to do.
Speaker 1: I have to do that for you, okay, So people
Speaker 1: in your office very.
Speaker 6: Just just like just like COmON made sure that there
Speaker 6: was no.
Speaker 5: Organization of sort of like a unionization of any of
Speaker 5: those workers as they were floating the blocks across the
Speaker 5: lake to assemble itself into to be assembled into the
Speaker 5: great monuments to his you know, supreme mind, it's just important.
Speaker 5: That's I'm just following his suss of course, how do
Speaker 5: you say? His name is obviously he was obviously the one.
Speaker 2: Just forgot you actually from Canada. I read somewhere that's well, yes.
Speaker 5: Person, there's a large part from the childhoods in Canada,
Speaker 5: and there was also a great amount of time spens
Speaker 5: in South Africa with My family is from South Africa
Speaker 5: and Rhodesia, which is the correct word for them.
Speaker 1: Were they in the diamond business?
Speaker 5: That's a great slur, A great slur, my family, it's
Speaker 5: a great It's almost as painful of a racialized slur
Speaker 5: as calling someone sis.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: If you said that on.
Speaker 5: Twitter, I would have had you been right and then
Speaker 5: reinstated if you had enough billionaires right that you should
Speaker 5: be or some guy named like cat liver Box or whatever.
Speaker 1: Well, I know you took my check mark away, so
Speaker 1: it probably had something to do that.
Speaker 5: But the answer is no, we were not in the
Speaker 5: diamond business. Primarily they were like incidental diamonds that we
Speaker 5: found in our minds. But primarily we were in like
Speaker 5: the business of rubies and emeralds.
Speaker 1: That's fleets, obviously different. No one's ever heard of them. Emeralds.
Speaker 5: Yes, we made great We took great pains to make
Speaker 5: sure that the term blood Emeralds never took off or
Speaker 5: blood ruby, which you think would.
Speaker 2: Yeah, were those pains that you took were they in
Speaker 2: relation to actually protecting the people that worked.
Speaker 3: At those mines.
Speaker 5: It's very important that the people are protected long enough
Speaker 5: to keep bringing them jewels.
Speaker 6: Out of the mind rue.
Speaker 5: And we've extended this logic into all of the other
Speaker 5: there's cobalts and so forth.
Speaker 6: There's going to power in these Tesla's.
Speaker 5: Wow, it's really really really like really really cool stuff,
Speaker 5: like really tray cool, like Hollywood level, Like I.
Speaker 2: Can't have you saying tray cool that much. I think
Speaker 2: I need to get out of Look.
Speaker 5: It's like hyperlooping cool.
Speaker 1: What is what's tray cool?
Speaker 5: When we start, well, it's you know, it's just like,
Speaker 5: well to answer question. The other question was if I
Speaker 5: was Canadian, and that's true. I'm most of South African,
Speaker 5: so a mix of both, so max sence, it is
Speaker 5: a little strange for most people because I've lived in
Speaker 5: America so long and in Canada before that South Africa
Speaker 5: for that.
Speaker 6: And I'm also like a.
Speaker 5: Strange scientist, so I speak in the way that sort
Speaker 5: of like a doctor would write a memo, oh dropping
Speaker 5: like a lost of words here there. Yeah, And you
Speaker 5: can think of it as basically like a people say
Speaker 5: super villain, but I think of like, you know, like
Speaker 5: the color the color character of a James Bond movie,
Speaker 5: the interesting sort of wizard character of a James Bond's movie,
Speaker 5: the useful antagonist that I believe we should rewrite those
Speaker 5: Bond movies so that they are the ones that become
Speaker 5: listened to.
Speaker 3: So Goldfinger would really be driving Goldfinger.
Speaker 5: Wishes he did what I did. Think Goldfinger was only
Speaker 5: able to destroy. I'm a builder, so yes, Canadian and
Speaker 5: South Africa.
Speaker 6: So I'm evil, but I very flied about it.
Speaker 3: Yes, and kind of soft spoken, which is surprising to me.
Speaker 5: Very also kind of like boring to do for too long, Yeah,
Speaker 5: sort of comedic sense. So I'm also shielded from that
Speaker 5: where you would think I'd be mocked much more often.
Speaker 6: But there's a.
Speaker 5: An essential sort of but there's we shut most of
Speaker 5: those people down. You'll notice that they never become famous.
Speaker 5: There's something that's that's I believe protective, like a protective
Speaker 5: shielding coaching about having a very boring sort of like
Speaker 5: just like everything is like obvious and I've already thought
Speaker 5: of it.
Speaker 6: And never raising your voice of course.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's you would think this is the way
Speaker 1: things will be on Mars.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's supposed to bring me calm, but somehow it
Speaker 1: makes me nervous. Your stop is right here. We have
Speaker 1: to pick up Lewis Black. It's going to talk about
Speaker 1: read from a teenager's diary.
Speaker 5: You're exiting the hyper here. Yeah, we're just gonna so
Speaker 5: you'll notice that the sun is going to become an
Speaker 5: impossibly horrific color for just two seconds. This happens whenever
Speaker 5: anyone enters and exits hyop. There's a visual shock, especially
Speaker 5: to the driver.
Speaker 1: Damn, we missed your.
Speaker 3: Stop by.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he departicleized and then reassembled.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Hey hey, yeah, it's great to see you.
Speaker 3: Good to see you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm glad we made room for you. Sorry about
Speaker 1: that other guy.
Speaker 6: I know you got a tight schedule. I know you
Speaker 6: were doubling up rides.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're doing kind of like the uber.
Speaker 5: Pool and I was running along on the running board
Speaker 5: of the car, like it's very interesting. You have this
Speaker 5: modern car, but you have a running board on the
Speaker 5: side like an old like an old Rolls Royce or something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like, uh so like a footman.
Speaker 5: I was standing on the side the.
Speaker 3: Bank rubber from the thirties, you could.
Speaker 5: Stand on the side either to help someone out in
Speaker 5: their carriage house.
Speaker 6: Yeah, or also if you had a Tommy gun, you
Speaker 6: just be on the side of the.
Speaker 1: Car Mind the puddle, milady. Yeah, let me throw down
Speaker 1: my jacket.
Speaker 6: Yeah, make my You know I was loving.
Speaker 3: I was makeay.
Speaker 5: I was talking with somebody about this. How I love
Speaker 5: some of the language of the Three Stooges era. This
Speaker 5: is this is particular love where there was like, hey,
Speaker 5: smarten up, why don't you? Yeah, would you just.
Speaker 6: Tell someone to get smarter?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 6: Smartting up there?
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 2: I think make Way would be an incredible name for
Speaker 2: a comedy album, make.
Speaker 6: Way make Way, now that I think of it.
Speaker 1: Clear Out. What is your new special called The Path.
Speaker 6: Path of Most Resistance?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I like that. I like that.
Speaker 6: Out now is it?
Speaker 3: It's out.
Speaker 5: It's on eight hundred pound Gorilla Media and and uh
Speaker 5: it's a as of September nineteenth. It's it's everywhere. It's
Speaker 5: streaming on YouTube. It's available for rent, for purchase, for
Speaker 5: for for rent and purchase.
Speaker 6: You can do both. You you can rent to own.
Speaker 1: Oh, you can lease until it's yours.
Speaker 6: You could lease it till it's yours.
Speaker 5: Passstance available.
Speaker 3: Now what's your favorite part? Do you want to re
Speaker 3: enact it?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Oh god, yes, this will be.
Speaker 1: This is yeah like morning radio. I'll cue you in
Speaker 1: a very unleashed way.
Speaker 5: The podcast killed the radio zoo.
Speaker 6: Okay, so what are people liking about it? Okay?
Speaker 5: I do this act out of this this true idea
Speaker 5: of the trillion dollar coin, which is a real political idea,
Speaker 5: and it's it's so I'm like, I love this idea
Speaker 5: where Congress would pass the law and I'm not making
Speaker 5: it up. It's like a real idea in the newspaper,
Speaker 5: and Congress would pass the law requiring the US meant
Speaker 5: to create a one trillion dollar platinum coin, and then
Speaker 5: the Federal Reserve Bank, by the same law, would be
Speaker 5: required to purchase it for one trillion US dollars, and
Speaker 5: then that money would be used to pay down the
Speaker 5: national debt or something more useful than a fictional debt
Speaker 5: to no one.
Speaker 1: Because even when I was in high school, I asked
Speaker 1: the dumb cooin, everyone laughed at me. I'm like, if
Speaker 1: we're in debt as a country. Why can't we just,
Speaker 1: without telling the rest of the world, print more money
Speaker 1: and pay it off.
Speaker 6: That's what we're slowly doing.
Speaker 3: We're getting it.
Speaker 6: Oh the chickens could do it so slowly that no
Speaker 6: one objects.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. In sixth grade, I thought of that.
Speaker 3: You're a visionary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I should have been running shit.
Speaker 2: So wait, so the bit is about the trillion dollar Yes,
Speaker 2: So then I.
Speaker 6: Guess that's the setup.
Speaker 5: And then I say, you know, like, my one note is,
Speaker 5: you cannot have a regular ass coin size coin. It
Speaker 5: cannot be like a silver dollar sized piece of bullshit.
Speaker 5: If you're going to give me a trillion dollar coin,
Speaker 5: it has to be scaled up in diameter and in circumference,
Speaker 5: and it has to be most importantly hefty and unwieldy. It'
Speaker 5: too difficult to carry for the two idiot workmen, the
Speaker 5: Laurel and Hardy type stooges that are hired to carry
Speaker 5: it across the street from the Federal Reserve thing to
Speaker 5: the Federal Reserve Bank from the US men. And so
Speaker 5: that I pretend that I'm carrying a big, heavy platinum
Speaker 5: coin and I'm like, watch it, a moron.
Speaker 3: It a trillion dollars.
Speaker 8: That kind of guy. You know, Hey, s bo, it's
Speaker 8: how much is a trillion dollars a head work? It's
Speaker 8: a million million more? No is that a million million
Speaker 8: or a million million?
Speaker 6: It's the same thing.
Speaker 5: And then they drop they drop it and it rolls
Speaker 5: into the Potomac River, a trillion dollar coin, little roll
Speaker 5: right in the river. Well, boss, I guess, uh make
Speaker 5: a week. You don't make a wish shut a trillion
Speaker 5: dollar coin, you mackerel.
Speaker 1: Oh God, the language. That's what I love about the
Speaker 1: Three Stooges is every episode they had a different job, Like.
Speaker 5: They keep getting high.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they suck up. They were piano movers. I've
Speaker 1: seen them be Civil War eradentists. I've seen them just
Speaker 1: doing light construction and they never finished a job. Yet
Speaker 1: they got all this freelance referrals to do unrelated gigs.
Speaker 5: Yes, they no one went to the trouble of pulling
Speaker 5: down the recommendation posts.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, the Three Stooges are pre yelp. But that's
Speaker 1: the benefit of like going from hey, we bake fancy
Speaker 1: cakes one star.
Speaker 5: These these guys took the wooden fish off my wall
Speaker 5: and started sawing into it trying to eat it.
Speaker 3: Do you know how much I paid for that swordfish?
Speaker 5: They were hired. They were hired to simply change a
Speaker 5: toilet and they ripped the plumbing pipes out of During party.
Speaker 1: They started fighting and not traditional fighting, mostly I poking,
Speaker 1: and then.
Speaker 3: They slept an old fat lady.
Speaker 1: There was a lot of violence that really, we got
Speaker 1: custard on my husband's Well, are they available for uh plumbing?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, well I gotta work cheap guys.
Speaker 2: They used to play those It was three Stooges and
Speaker 2: Laurel and Hardy at the pizza place that we would
Speaker 2: go to and it would be like kids loving it
Speaker 2: and it would stress me out. So I'm like, why
Speaker 2: are they fighting this much? Are they brothers? What is
Speaker 2: wrong with these people?
Speaker 5: Like, well, the stoes, you didn't know why they were
Speaker 5: It was like.
Speaker 2: You disagree so much and like settle this ship quiet,
Speaker 2: you get the job done.
Speaker 3: Like it was like so frustrating to me.
Speaker 1: Never finished a job. No, they're just the work spot
Speaker 1: would blood everywhere.
Speaker 5: Yeah, slap you were just allowed to slap people.
Speaker 3: Back, yes, really and children yeah.
Speaker 6: And it was just that was like the thought.
Speaker 5: Now to us, it's kind of horrific where you're like, well,
Speaker 5: you have to warn the kids, don't do this, don't
Speaker 5: do this, don't do this. But watch how funny it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, But back then it was like, well, it's a
Speaker 5: relief because in real life we're hitting each other so much.
Speaker 5: Let's go see some some movie where they show how
Speaker 5: it's not so bad. Yeah, you see their dad's.
Speaker 6: Not the only one hitting people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we slap each other. The depression doesn't hurt as bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's a great depression.
Speaker 5: It's Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: Only funny to the men in the room of a
Speaker 1: certain age, right, there's never My mom hated.
Speaker 2: It really, Yeah, I loved it, did she?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: What was your mom like, James?
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, my mom came from a family of her
Speaker 5: and her sisters were very funny, and so they would
Speaker 5: all they would do the Three Stooges voices. Yeah, they
Speaker 5: would do all that suff Yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess I liked the voices. I guess I did
Speaker 1: like that part.
Speaker 5: I really watched The Stooges for the for the ideas
Speaker 5: cinematic ideas.
Speaker 1: Is it mo that has longing and lost like the
Speaker 1: parted black hair, He's scared? I thought, here's the scariest
Speaker 1: looking dude ever. Yeah, he's horrified.
Speaker 3: He had old face, young hair, which no one likes.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you didn't see that hair again until the Beatles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you beatles up.
Speaker 5: Stoops.
Speaker 2: They brought it together and everyone's like screaming because they're like,
Speaker 2: finally the three Stooges makes sense.
Speaker 5: His face.
Speaker 1: You ever look at like a football team, like a
Speaker 1: team photo from the thirties, and they're all like eighteen
Speaker 1: years old, but they all look like moons. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: all just looked like they woke up in a blanket
Speaker 1: a cigar, Like.
Speaker 5: I had a high school sweetheart and I buried the
Speaker 5: last My.
Speaker 3: Dad broke my nose when I was seven years old.
Speaker 1: I guess that makes sense if everyone died at age
Speaker 1: forty five, of course you're gonna be.
Speaker 5: I got a diet of dirt and potatoes. I take
Speaker 5: a bath once awake on Sunday. It's a bath and
Speaker 5: an old metal tub, and all.
Speaker 3: The neighbors can watch me and come over.
Speaker 6: Yeah, what are you looking at?
Speaker 5: Season there's several nineteen forties things in my special. I realized, oh,
Speaker 5: there's that bit, and then I have a bit about
Speaker 5: castle Blanca and I have a bit about the Wizard
Speaker 5: of Oz and I'm like, in hindsight, I'm I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: there's the whole thing about how I look.
Speaker 6: I look like I look like the ninth.
Speaker 5: Hottest movie star of nineteen forty nine. Oh where that
Speaker 5: did not have to be attractive to be a famous
Speaker 5: male actor?
Speaker 1: And what's he sounds like.
Speaker 5: He's like, hello, darling, I've got my bathing suit up
Speaker 5: above my well, above my belly button. Of course, I've
Speaker 5: been swimming and smoking at the same time all day.
Speaker 5: Now it's time for a cocktails three pm.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you say, yeah, yeah, all, yeah, of course I'm overweight,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a leading man, heart throb. Of course I
Speaker 1: have a bit of a.
Speaker 6: Yeah, of course I look like the father of the
Speaker 6: people who came to watch this movie.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's funny to hear my dad describe like Clark
Speaker 1: Gable and oh I have seven feet tall and handsome,
Speaker 1: And then you watch these movies and it's just a yeah, guy,
Speaker 1: cigarettes for breakfast.
Speaker 5: There's one like the first I think the first big
Speaker 5: Clark Gable movie.
Speaker 3: Is it happened one night, And that sounds like it
Speaker 3: would be right that's.
Speaker 5: The one where he looks kind of young. Yeah, and
Speaker 5: then after that it's just he ages five years every movie.
Speaker 3: It's like a year for every one hundred bottles of
Speaker 3: gin that you drank.
Speaker 5: Drunk right now, I mean, should we have a drink? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Rhetorical, I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be on
Speaker 1: or off camera sober.
Speaker 5: So Yeah. The special is an examination of my failure
Speaker 5: to account for myself being in this place and time.
Speaker 5: M So there's lots of throw throwbacks to another classic
Speaker 5: movies Days, among other things.
Speaker 3: I love it when you did it? Where did you
Speaker 3: record it?
Speaker 5: Uh, it's I did it at the Allegian, Oh, the
Speaker 5: Allegiant Theater.
Speaker 1: You keep it local.
Speaker 6: I did it local. I did the Allesion.
Speaker 5: There's there's a there's a sweat problem in the special, sure,
Speaker 5: because it's the first one I filmed. I've only done
Speaker 5: shorter sets before a film, so this was the first
Speaker 5: time I filmed an hour.
Speaker 1: Did you have a more than one layer of clothing on? Yes?
Speaker 5: Because I mean this is this was an internal argument.
Speaker 5: I had something I wanted to wear and was like, James,
Speaker 5: you gotta put it in the classy button shirt. Over it.
Speaker 6: I'm like, well, it's gonna make me hot.
Speaker 5: And then I should have had a black T shirt,
Speaker 5: but I just had a dark gray one, so it
Speaker 5: was not dark enough.
Speaker 6: There was the whole thing. Uh, I hate that sign.
Speaker 6: I just the billboard.
Speaker 5: I just signed this. It's a right wing political billboard. Great,
Speaker 5: we're in a people who live on koang are weird,
Speaker 5: so we're in the Konga past. There's nothing about coyotes
Speaker 5: and weird people up here is a right wing politically.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, let's not turn left. Yeah, let's stay on
Speaker 1: the road.
Speaker 6: Well, we've made rendered it impossible to turn left.
Speaker 3: Don't have that ability to right turns only available in
Speaker 3: this So did you, of course start riffing on the
Speaker 3: fact that you that was a problem.
Speaker 5: Well, there was a crisis between the two tapings, and
Speaker 5: they were like, and it's it's your us.
Speaker 6: It doesn't matter how funny it is. It looks unusable.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and there's this hole back and forth about what
Speaker 5: to do, and I was like, there's too many cooks
Speaker 5: in the kitchen. And finally I was like, okay, I'm
Speaker 5: not going to change the wardrobe just in case we
Speaker 5: can cut back and forth somewhere let it get wet
Speaker 5: at the same time that it did in the first show.
Speaker 5: Try it out, Let it get wet again. It's got
Speaker 5: and it did. It's gonna happen exactly the same time,
Speaker 5: and it's like it's the sweat is like a clockwork
Speaker 5: thing and makes so many pints per hour.
Speaker 1: You were doing the jokes in the same order on
Speaker 1: each show, right, pretty much work so.
Speaker 5: That but the second time I just addressed it in
Speaker 5: the room when it was happening, and we ended up
Speaker 5: only using the second show because it's a fog machine
Speaker 5: that was weight. There was like twice as much fog
Speaker 5: in the first taping, and then it would look like
Speaker 5: a different place.
Speaker 3: I'm going to set a meeting with the eight hundred
Speaker 3: pound grilla.
Speaker 5: They were good. It wasn't them.
Speaker 6: They were great. They were really great, and I have
Speaker 6: no complaints.
Speaker 3: But the second shows hilarious.
Speaker 6: I don't know, just to give it like a it's
Speaker 6: funny ground.
Speaker 1: The one time I headlined the improv, they're like, do
Speaker 1: you want anything? And some for some reason, I said,
Speaker 1: how about a fog machine?
Speaker 5: Wow?
Speaker 1: And then I was just distracted by the fact that
Speaker 1: I had a remote and I had control over it
Speaker 1: and so my home on stage. Yeah, so everything became
Speaker 1: a magic trick instead of a joke.
Speaker 6: So that's why they've banned fog machines.
Speaker 5: It's fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I started the band. Uh, but I'm they don't
Speaker 1: care about those roles. At the Allegian. That's so great.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you had a fog so.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Then I was like addressing it every like fifteen minutes.
Speaker 5: I'm going like, wow, here it is, folks. I look
Speaker 5: at a pig that crawled out of the ocean.
Speaker 1: That's so great.
Speaker 5: If you addressed that, something went wrong, Yeah, and it's
Speaker 5: as if it went right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. I always wanted I escape with these
Speaker 1: guys every morning and we're all the same age and
Speaker 1: it's before noon, but you still go for it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I four times a week. I'm filming a video part
Speaker 1: for escape video and he's really pushing me.
Speaker 5: And bombing out. Huh.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't. The fifteen year old version of
Speaker 1: me won't let me be bad. So I'm very sore.
Speaker 1: But I sweat more than anyone else, and to where
Speaker 1: I'm like, does this mean I'm healthy or is it
Speaker 1: a health issue?
Speaker 5: I sweat so much that if I had thought about it,
Speaker 5: it would have been an argument for like, you shouldn't
Speaker 5: get into comedy, right right, I sweat so much that
Speaker 5: someone should have intervened and been like, whatever you do,
Speaker 5: don't get on stage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I disagree, Yeah I do.
Speaker 3: I disagree.
Speaker 6: I mean, if it's February, then it is not a problem.
Speaker 5: But I taped this a year ago in September twenty
Speaker 5: twenty three, and like it's still hot in September.
Speaker 1: I remember we both did a show at the r Bar.
Speaker 1: It was like, you know where you have to have
Speaker 1: a secret code to get in, even as one of
Speaker 1: the performers. That's always how you make for a good audience.
Speaker 1: Make it hard to get in. But the you and
Speaker 1: I both were, I know you to be a sweater
Speaker 1: like me. We were the sweaty ones. And and you
Speaker 1: did that bit about the the boarding process. That's I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make you do beds that airlines
Speaker 1: state when you bids, Yeah, do it as a Wizard special.
Speaker 6: It's on the special, and the Wizard thing.
Speaker 5: Is on this.
Speaker 1: How about a wizard complaining about the boarding process.
Speaker 3: Give us like a little buffer.
Speaker 5: That's almost literally you just basically sewed together two bits
Speaker 5: that I should have in a callback, and I am
Speaker 5: a member of the Platinum Chalice Loyalty program e. I
Speaker 5: love that and the Platinum Chalice stop aside your dog.
Speaker 6: Order.
Speaker 5: I forgot I'm switching love. Yeah. The canonical version is
Speaker 5: on the film special Folks for the Purest I should
Speaker 5: I love this part. When does this come out? Oh? Right,
Speaker 5: the thirtieth September thirtieth, Ye, so today today? Yeah great,
Speaker 5: how convenient it was going to come out in a
Speaker 5: further time in the future.
Speaker 1: This is live to tap like old Jimmy Kimmel.
Speaker 3: And we kele deal with it. Yeah, James, do you
Speaker 3: want to go to like the In and Out Drive?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You're hungry?
Speaker 5: Sure, and it takes a long time to eat up
Speaker 5: a bunch of stuff there, right, we got we got
Speaker 5: time to burn.
Speaker 3: Absolutely sure.
Speaker 1: We can pull over and do a little, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: mouth fully work.
Speaker 5: I love the I love the in and Out reference
Speaker 5: in the Big Olebowski when they're like he lures them
Speaker 5: into this trip to the valley to intimidate the kid Larry,
Speaker 5: and he's like, stop by the In and Out.
Speaker 6: We get some burgers, get some beers.
Speaker 5: And then everything goes wrong, but they do get their
Speaker 5: in and out at the end, even though the windshields smash.
Speaker 5: That movie is so fun. I love it so yeah.
Speaker 5: Nothing nothing, you know, nothing is fucked. Nothing is fucked.
Speaker 5: The goddamn plane is crashing the mountain.
Speaker 2: We started saying nothing as fucked for a little while
Speaker 2: when things were super fucked.
Speaker 3: And it was one of those It really works. It
Speaker 3: works if you say that.
Speaker 5: One of the best things is how the dude picks
Speaker 5: up things that he hears other people say. Throughout the movie.
Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't even know.
Speaker 6: In the beginning, he's what the George W. Bush is
Speaker 6: on the news going like this aggression will not stand.
Speaker 5: It did.
Speaker 6: Later on he's like, you know this aggression will not stand.
Speaker 5: Man.
Speaker 3: Oh that's right. I never picked up on that.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great. I gotta rewind.
Speaker 6: And there's things that Walter says to him that he
Speaker 6: ends up saying or or.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're doing the thing that.
Speaker 3: When everyone else does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you did it knowing that they were stout
Speaker 1: at that light. I endorsed what you did.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 5: You're telling me you sipped around the cars that were
Speaker 5: waiting to turn right.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, why did you entitle yourself to do that?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 3: Well, I just thought I could shut up.
Speaker 5: What character, Judge Judy?
Speaker 1: Do you have your receipt?
Speaker 5: Shut up? I love I love that. None of Judge
Speaker 5: Judy's rulings were ever over the entire course of her
Speaker 5: career based in law.
Speaker 6: It was always like, why do you have a ten
Speaker 6: pound cat?
Speaker 5: You need that large? You shut up? There has to
Speaker 5: be you shut up. There has to be someone who's
Speaker 5: always disfavored from the beginning.
Speaker 2: Also, there's the perfect gift, which is her slamming her
Speaker 2: hand down on her bench three times and then going
Speaker 2: debt debt like to a watch on her hand. And
Speaker 2: it's the funniest fucking thing.
Speaker 3: Oh that woman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, really grew on me over the years. I used
Speaker 1: to think, Wow, this person is so mean, and now
Speaker 1: I love her. I love Judge Judy.
Speaker 2: Although she has I did see a picture of her recently.
Speaker 2: It was like a promo her show and she was
Speaker 2: wearing a tight bun and.
Speaker 6: I say, changed her look.
Speaker 3: I said, Judo, we don't do that.
Speaker 1: She turned into George Bailey's wife had he never been born?
Speaker 1: Not an old spinster? But the worst thing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, get away from my library, sir, you're walking around
Speaker 6: the snow.
Speaker 5: Shut up.
Speaker 6: Let's just gonna jump off a bridge.
Speaker 1: Yelling but wanting everyone to be quiet in the library.
Speaker 6: That's La Studios and left.
Speaker 5: We just passed that the Ivy Color building that's a
Speaker 5: major voiceover destination.
Speaker 3: Do you go there?
Speaker 6: I go there fairly often.
Speaker 5: There's times in my life when I've been there very
Speaker 5: often recording some project.
Speaker 6: So it's been a minute right now, But where what's
Speaker 6: the car? One of the regular go to Independence Studios?
Speaker 1: Because right after that was the regular go to where
Speaker 1: they did World Stumas Best Week Ever v H one.
Speaker 6: I miss because I had an audition at that other
Speaker 6: place that could block down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where I worked for many years.
Speaker 6: Maybe that's how I got the audition.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it was me dropping. I had control over
Speaker 1: this whole block your you want free? Yeah, because of
Speaker 1: my father and that the Good Neighbor Restaurant is my
Speaker 1: father's old hang.
Speaker 3: My father said, we get to voice this.
Speaker 1: He said, I could have extra eggs.
Speaker 5: What is the.
Speaker 1: I can only do I can't do SpongeBob, but I
Speaker 1: can do just Tom Kenney. I think just him casually
Speaker 1: at this.
Speaker 5: Guy reminds me ahead of us here in the drive through,
Speaker 5: you see this guy with his shoe up in the thing.
Speaker 2: Mm hm.
Speaker 5: So one time I'm gonna tell a reckless driver story.
Speaker 5: Driving a very long drive from Fresno to Eureka.
Speaker 1: Beautiful country.
Speaker 5: Well it's like Norco and you think, oh, I'm driving
Speaker 5: from NorCal to Norcow. It's not gonna take that long,
Speaker 5: but it's like three times as long as the rest
Speaker 5: of California. Hours of Calfar, you had to go all
Speaker 5: the way up to Redding and then make.
Speaker 3: A left, and you're on the five most of the time,
Speaker 3: right five.
Speaker 5: Up to Reading and then you take this weird mountain
Speaker 5: road and so I barely had enough times. So I'm like,
Speaker 5: I'm already speeding, right, but like normal speeding. I'm driving
Speaker 5: like ten over the speed limit on an open highway.
Speaker 5: There's this like this car comes roaring up on my
Speaker 5: right and it was like a Plymouth horizon from like
Speaker 5: nineteen ninety. It was like an old like you don't
Speaker 5: see these anymore, like an old Plymouth horizon. But it
Speaker 5: was booking it and I was, you know, I'm doing
Speaker 5: I'm probably doing I'm gonna guess I guess I'm gonna
Speaker 5: be say, I'm gonna going like ninety my an hour,
Speaker 5: eighty five, I'm doing like eighty five and his.
Speaker 1: Seventy five freeway Desert Freeway, Desert Freeway.
Speaker 5: And then this guy's roaring up like thirty miles faster
Speaker 5: than me or more so he's probably he's doing one
Speaker 5: hundred and fifteen or a hundred and twenty, barreling down
Speaker 5: the road.
Speaker 6: And I see he has his left foot out the
Speaker 6: out the window, drugs.
Speaker 5: Any shirtless yep, And there's like you could say he
Speaker 5: he's smoking shirtless, only wearing crop shorts, so his like
Speaker 5: barefoot out the window of this Plymouth horizon. And he
Speaker 5: has like a girl in the passenger seat also she
Speaker 5: has her feet out the window. So he's just driving
Speaker 5: with one foot and smoking and doing a bunch of
Speaker 5: shit barreling down the road. Wow. And then like thirty
Speaker 5: minutes later I hit this like incredible traffic, like incredible traffic.
Speaker 5: And then and then like it took a long time
Speaker 5: to get through, and then like it took like it
Speaker 5: took like an hour to get through this traffic zone.
Speaker 5: And then there was this like red Plymouth horizon that
Speaker 5: was like upside down on the side. Of course, the
Speaker 5: morons they went for it.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, but the people were nowhere to be seen
Speaker 1: or they don't know.
Speaker 5: For the children listening, I like to think they were
Speaker 5: thrown free right into a sobriety clinic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we we deal with sobriety and soft mattresses.
Speaker 1: Come on in and they.
Speaker 5: Come, come, come into the come into the the Greater
Speaker 5: Merced area. We've got We've got circus, bounced tents and
Speaker 5: rehab building awnings that are made of stretchy fabrics and
Speaker 5: clown bounces.
Speaker 1: It's also dispensary.
Speaker 5: This actually came into play. There was like a in
Speaker 5: my apartment building. There was a mental health incident, and
Speaker 5: she had like barricaded herself in the upper porch of
Speaker 5: my neighbors inside this courtyard.
Speaker 3: I'm to your window down. So I'm good.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm okay, all right, order and eat in front
Speaker 5: of everybody. That's fine, Hi, sir, it's just for me here.
Speaker 5: Could I please have a number two? And says a
Speaker 5: cheeseburger meal with the fries and eliminade. Oh that's it, okay,
Speaker 5: thank you. So where was it? Oh? So she was
Speaker 5: she was stripped her clothes off and she was threatening
Speaker 5: to jump when the police came and stuff, and it
Speaker 5: was very loud, crazy four am incident. She was like
Speaker 5: ringing people's doorbells, being like called up bullice and then
Speaker 5: the police came and they were trying to get her
Speaker 5: to get her not to jump, even though it's just
Speaker 5: one story up, you know, and they're trying to get
Speaker 5: her not to jump. It occurred to me it's not
Speaker 5: the cartoons. They don't have trampolines that they could put
Speaker 5: out under you to jump on too. My whole life
Speaker 5: I figured that when someone was in danger, they were like, oh,
Speaker 5: they bring out the little trampoline. No, there's of course
Speaker 5: not no, or like a.
Speaker 6: Bed sheet or something.
Speaker 1: I thought they did that.
Speaker 6: Still, no, I don't think they do anything like that,
Speaker 6: and maybe never did, and maybe never did.
Speaker 2: But there was all do you guys remember the handheld
Speaker 2: game from the eighties, and it was like one of
Speaker 2: these It was called Firemen, Firemen and Babies Fell out
Speaker 2: of a Window a video game. It was a little
Speaker 2: handheld video game, so it was very like Game Boy pixelated, yeah,
Speaker 2: but like it was almost like first generation Sure Boy.
Speaker 2: And you were two firemen running back and forth with
Speaker 2: a tramp with a little trampoline.
Speaker 3: So the babies were falling out the window. And they
Speaker 3: remember you bounced.
Speaker 5: I do remember this.
Speaker 3: You have to bounce them into like the ambulance. It
Speaker 3: was the most fun game of the time.
Speaker 6: And you would lose a baby here and there.
Speaker 3: Yes, and if you lost three year what is that?
Speaker 1: That game is what made us all think that's what
Speaker 1: they did. It's only in that game that they went
Speaker 1: around with trampolines and cartoons.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I swear I've seen it. I think in other
Speaker 1: countries if there's a fire or something, they'll be like,
Speaker 1: we gotta do something.
Speaker 5: It is, but I think that's in Dumble right that
Speaker 5: I'm seeing the visuals. You are no longer an elephant.
Speaker 1: The elephant wizard.
Speaker 5: That's the mean.
Speaker 6: There's like three mean elephant women.
Speaker 5: They won't let him be with them because his ears
Speaker 5: are too big.
Speaker 3: I mean, we have to have standards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one thing you learn about. There's Asian
Speaker 1: elephants and African elephants, and it's all in the ears.
Speaker 1: One elephant has tiny ears, the other one that's big.
Speaker 1: Old floppers and I can't remember which is which, but
Speaker 1: that's how they that's elephant racism, right.
Speaker 6: I think they usually get Indian elephants first.
Speaker 5: Well, they don't do that in circuses anymore, but when
Speaker 5: I was a kid, I don't think they got the
Speaker 5: giant African elephants right to be in circuses. Maybe that's
Speaker 5: the one time they tried that was in San Diego
Speaker 5: when it went crazy and they ended up.
Speaker 6: Shooting it in the downtown San Diego.
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, that's like a famous that's the I
Speaker 5: thought everybody saw. It's like on it's in like remember
Speaker 5: there's like videotapes that would go around in the nineties
Speaker 5: of like unbelievable footage. Yeah, it was always on those
Speaker 5: like collections. Yeah, the elephant went nuts and killed his
Speaker 5: killed his trainer, ye, and then two other people and
Speaker 5: the police had to put a stop to his ramp. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I interchanged it with the guy who hijacked a tank,
Speaker 1: a Sherman tank.
Speaker 5: Yes, that was also on the same thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I don't know if it was faces of Death or
Speaker 5: something else that was dumb like that.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think it was on face.
Speaker 1: Why my family and we all drove from Montana to
Speaker 1: San Diego to vacation. We just want a piece of
Speaker 1: the action. Elephants and tanks.
Speaker 6: Elephants and tanks they were both the San Diego incidents.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's let's get in a hot car and check
Speaker 1: it out. Abused whales, it's getting the less saber.
Speaker 5: Now. The funniest thing that's gonna happen here is if
Speaker 5: they're like, the card has been declined, sir, we.
Speaker 3: Got cards, don't worry, Yeah, all valid cards.
Speaker 6: How often do people say yeah, sure, oh oh you're paying,
Speaker 6: you're driving?
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh got it.
Speaker 6: I've gotta edit out, check it out and zakku.
Speaker 5: Why don't we stop by Michelli's.
Speaker 3: We'll go see some singing waiters.
Speaker 5: Oh you know what I like about Michelli's too. I
Speaker 5: haven't been there a long time.
Speaker 3: Wallet.
Speaker 1: Oh, indeed, this.
Speaker 5: Is the Machelli's here? Is that the same? Is it
Speaker 5: the same?
Speaker 6: Is it also a Michelli's in Hollywood? It's the old
Speaker 6: Italian spot.
Speaker 3: M I think it's the green one. It's at the bottom.
Speaker 3: Could you dig back in? Thank you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Is that like a bib for me?
Speaker 3: I think so?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Oh, I get a bib from in and out.
Speaker 3: You'll need it.
Speaker 1: Plastic gloves with little obscirs on them.
Speaker 5: The last time I went to a restaurant like there
Speaker 5: was this I think it was in Oh it's a
Speaker 5: Korea town or near there with my friend seafood place,
Speaker 5: and they brought out.
Speaker 1: The frien Yes, all right, I'm that I shouldn't.
Speaker 5: Have the Virginia seafood. No. I love that family they brought.
Speaker 5: They brought out the plastic bibs and gloves, and I
Speaker 5: was like, I was like, come on, what is this for?
Speaker 5: I'm who needs this? And then I didn't realize this.
Speaker 5: They brought the food out and they just have it
Speaker 5: in a bag that they just shake up and.
Speaker 1: It's just a bag, a loose bag of buttery.
Speaker 6: Do you remember Todd glasses joke? Thank you the rest
Speaker 6: of the podcast.
Speaker 5: I'm just going to be eating this. Do you remember
Speaker 5: that old Todd Glass joke he used to do where
Speaker 5: he would be like you can hear a go in
Speaker 5: front of you and you know he's heavy where he's
Speaker 5: like he was he was like I was behind this
Speaker 5: guy in Colod schol Like everything they asked him, he
Speaker 5: kept saying, sure, shore.
Speaker 3: With a shoe sure, he's so funny.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always think of last time I saw him. I
Speaker 1: was like, can you please do this joke of yours
Speaker 1: that I like? And he did it and it did
Speaker 1: not go well and it was my.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's my fault. He's like.
Speaker 1: Someone goes after him and says, I'm sorry, but does
Speaker 1: my breath smell like tacos and breathes on him and
Speaker 1: then he says, well, that depends do you put cat
Speaker 1: shit in your tacos? I always thought it was so funny,
Speaker 1: and it like, didn't it wasn't It was too late,
Speaker 1: it was years later.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: What.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't want to hear about catch yeah even now.
Speaker 1: See I'm the very and I did did not work.
Speaker 5: It's great radio, right, Oh yeah we do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people love it the time we ate a dozen
Speaker 1: donuts Rave reviews.
Speaker 2: You know what we'll do is you eat and we'll
Speaker 2: ask you a series of questions where the only answer
Speaker 2: can be sure.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I want to tell you this Todd Glass joke
Speaker 5: that is out he has now and I'm just gonna
Speaker 5: spoil one of his jokes. I hope it's okay, but.
Speaker 1: Take your time and chew your food. We can't have.
Speaker 5: Another another choking incident and it becomes a Lancaster burial episode.
Speaker 5: Tid Glass, he goes, I have a cat. There was
Speaker 5: a wild cat and he came into my house. And
Speaker 5: you know, I've had cats before. I like him, and
Speaker 5: it's been a while and I had his cat come
Speaker 5: in and I fed him. I give him, I give
Speaker 5: him water, I give him milk, I give him a
Speaker 5: little food and he comes around. And he's an outdoor cat,
Speaker 5: so he just comes in with me and I pet
Speaker 5: him and he can. He sleeps there and I put
Speaker 5: him and I chunk him, and he's the cutest and
Speaker 5: he sits on me.
Speaker 6: And then at night, you know, he's an outdoor cat,
Speaker 6: he goes back, you know, outside and goes wherever he goes.
Speaker 6: And then I started getting jealous of him. I started wondering,
Speaker 6: like where are you going? And now you're I mean
Speaker 6: you're going from like nine pm to nine am. You're
Speaker 6: going for like twelve hours. Where are you going? I
Speaker 6: mean not that you can't do what you want, but
Speaker 6: like are you going to other people's houses? And he's like,
Speaker 6: are you just staying on the front porch or you're
Speaker 6: also going and sitting in their.
Speaker 5: Bed jealous of the cat like a love I love it.
Speaker 1: Okay, now dude, and he happens on jokes.
Speaker 6: Okay, Yeah, I don't eat meat.
Speaker 5: You go to add and out Burger. The corporations want
Speaker 5: you to eat meat. You're driving up in Sherman Oaks,
Speaker 5: all these people, you drive up into the hills, you
Speaker 5: get your rent and out and you eat it in
Speaker 5: shame in the hells and nobody can fucking say you
Speaker 5: you're ball Addie. When he used to heckle himself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my favorite.
Speaker 3: I like when he just screams Marie. It just makes
Speaker 3: me laugh so hard, Like my wife is somewhere in
Speaker 3: the audience.
Speaker 1: Why, oh, they're so happy to see us. Of course,
Speaker 1: we do a three point turn. There's a dog. They're
Speaker 1: all having a picnic. It's a full family at a table.
Speaker 5: Yep. And by the way, people don't know this. Your
Speaker 5: car is a raid with electromagnetic devices cameras.
Speaker 1: We're working for Google Maps as we do the podcast.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's got one of those little bells that spins
Speaker 5: around and gets the video and electromagnetic information of everything
Speaker 5: that passes here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna keep chilling. Yeah, we we
Speaker 1: have to pick up intergalactic villain. Wait, what voice do
Speaker 1: you do on some cartoon that sounds like Bane?
Speaker 5: A little? I played Bane on Harley Quinn. Is it Bane? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh so the of course you did the band voice.
Speaker 6: I do the ban voice from the Tom Hardy movie.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great.
Speaker 5: When I auditioned for it, I auditioned for all these
Speaker 5: parts and then reading for Baine, and I was like, uh,
Speaker 5: when we just do the Tom Hardy one And they
Speaker 5: were like, yeah, so that's how I've always done it.
Speaker 5: Where it's like Laurie will be the recording of this
Speaker 5: credit card.
Speaker 1: It's everything I've seen though, is like casual, like walking
Speaker 1: into a room, and I like casual Bane. It's like
Speaker 1: what are these receipts?
Speaker 5: That's till they write it, and I love it so
Speaker 5: much where he is low status among the villains and
Speaker 5: like put upon and insult it and stuff. I love that.
Speaker 1: Oh that's the best.
Speaker 5: I don't know if I've told you guys this could
Speaker 5: be a repeat. But the worst idea that was proposed
Speaker 5: to me that I ever heard it was like, we
Speaker 5: want to hire you for this. It was Southwest airlines.
Speaker 5: That was like, we want to hire I think I
Speaker 5: saw this. I think I this came to me twice
Speaker 5: over the course of several years, So that means it
Speaker 5: must be some executive's dumb idea that they kept pushing, right,
Speaker 5: But like they wanted a comedian to fly with an
Speaker 5: airplane on its several stops throughout the day in and
Speaker 5: and stand up, oh god, and do comedy in the aisles.
Speaker 5: On the South, of course was Southwest, and I was like,
Speaker 5: do you want me to get like violently sucked out
Speaker 5: of an airplane like a gold finger. She's taking pictures
Speaker 5: because she's sbsticious.
Speaker 1: Ye, it's the ultimate version of a bamboo can pulling
Speaker 1: you off stage. Okay, that's your time sucked out the
Speaker 1: ten years ago the Southwest, like flight attendants had jokes
Speaker 1: they yeah, over and over. I was like, wait, do
Speaker 1: they do stand up? They encouraged them to have material
Speaker 1: to keep it light and fun, but it was all
Speaker 1: jokes about the dangers of flying.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was like, wait, that's inappropriate.
Speaker 3: I mean it was like it started with they could
Speaker 3: rift during the safety features.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that whole speech, and then it was like people
Speaker 2: adding to it or the highs and buys where he's like,
Speaker 2: we're about to land in Burbank, the most boring city
Speaker 2: and whatever, where you're just like.
Speaker 5: Okay, you say that.
Speaker 3: Can we just fucking can we just get this done?
Speaker 6: We about thirty minutes to we land in Burbank, the
Speaker 6: headquarters of where you would live if you were a
Speaker 6: Republican who somehow works.
Speaker 1: In the industry. This flight attendants edgy I remember the
Speaker 1: closer of one of them. They had some joke about
Speaker 1: if and what are the chances we're going to land
Speaker 1: in the water anyway?
Speaker 5: But if we do, Like, yeah, I would love it
Speaker 5: if there was one. If they were like, you know,
Speaker 5: before he came along, the flight attendant comedians would play
Speaker 5: by the rules. And then there's this one Bill Hicks,
Speaker 5: George Carlan type guy comes along and he's smoking and
Speaker 5: they're like you can't. He's like, well, I'm on stage
Speaker 5: and he's like, well, well, because he was performing, you
Speaker 5: actually could smoke. Yeah, And he's like, you fucking first
Speaker 5: class asshole. You you think you're so safe when this
Speaker 5: plane goes down, you go down first.
Speaker 1: They give him his jack. It's four thousand dollars, the
Speaker 1: exact fine for smoking on an airplane.
Speaker 5: Right, he broke even.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh shit, it's hard.
Speaker 5: He broke even in all his fan say it was unfair.
Speaker 3: Do you do you have anything else to plug or eat?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Well, it's funny you mentioned it. I brought a little
Speaker 6: gird old. Actually, do you guys have another ride after this?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: But we did one before.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so we get you.
Speaker 5: Get exhausted and you hate driving more than two in
Speaker 5: a row or how does it work?
Speaker 1: It's hard to do more than two?
Speaker 3: It's hot.
Speaker 2: So that's my thing is just after a while, you're
Speaker 2: just kind of like, like we got coffees because it's
Speaker 2: like after a while, you're.
Speaker 1: Just like, yeah, I can't explain it.
Speaker 2: I love I couldn't love you more. I wish he
Speaker 2: socialized more, but I gotta stop. Pug is my brain, right,
Speaker 2: it's almost every guest we have.
Speaker 6: It's it's hard.
Speaker 5: It's hard.
Speaker 6: I remember I had to stop doing my podcast because
Speaker 6: it was a lot of work.
Speaker 3: It's so much work.
Speaker 6: It was a lot of work, and I loved it,
Speaker 6: but it was the least.
Speaker 5: Amount of money that I made in my life.
Speaker 6: Yeah, was it a sharkling the under culture. That's the
Speaker 6: one I did, okay, sharplying I do love I just
Speaker 6: saw him recently. You're just on his a lot.
Speaker 1: My phone gives hey, this person's your friend. It keeps
Speaker 1: it a real tight knit for the algorithm.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they were like, we've learned Fairbanks likes people.
Speaker 1: It's a handful of them.
Speaker 5: Gariff, we've learned hates people. Doesn't really like them. Let's
Speaker 5: keep well, let's control them. But I have nothing else
Speaker 5: to plug. I have nothing else. My mono obsession in
Speaker 5: life right now is Path of Most Resistance. Yes, available
Speaker 5: on eight hundred pound Gorilla, available streaming on YouTube. You
Speaker 5: can pay what you want on eight hundred pound Gorilla.
Speaker 5: You can stream it for free on YouTube. You can
Speaker 5: buy or rent it on any service where you would
Speaker 5: do that.
Speaker 2: Please pay for it, listener, because you need to know.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure we said this before. James Domian is
Speaker 2: one of the best stand up comedians that has ever lived.
Speaker 2: If you've ever seen him live, it is a life
Speaker 2: changing experience every time. And I have seen him do
Speaker 2: comedy a lot, and so I'm not saying that lightly.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you you can get an album of joy.
Speaker 5: Means a lot.
Speaker 6: Coming from Car cood pay for.
Speaker 3: Your album of joy and watch it change your life,
Speaker 3: And I.
Speaker 1: Would say the exact same thing. How's it feel coming
Speaker 1: from me? Pick here? It's the blindfold point.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 6: Yes, I'm happy to do it.
Speaker 5: I'm so happy it's finally out. And yeah, Also, no
Speaker 5: one died from the album from the Special because I
Speaker 5: taped to a year ago and I wanted to release
Speaker 5: it earlier, and it got delayed and delayed and delayed
Speaker 5: for people like, well, let's wait a let's strategically, and
Speaker 5: it ended up coming out a year after I taped it,
Speaker 5: which was much longer than I wanted to wait, and
Speaker 5: so I was I was biting my fingernails all year, like, yeah,
Speaker 5: David Attenborough is gonna die, Alex Jones is going to die,
Speaker 5: Tom Sell's gonna die.
Speaker 3: They're all alive.
Speaker 5: Do you do it?
Speaker 1: Tom Selleck?
Speaker 6: He's in there yet. Let me tell you about these
Speaker 6: reverse organ chats.
Speaker 5: People say it somehow unethical.
Speaker 6: I need to do the reverse orgag.
Speaker 1: Now do the do magnum p I Tom Sell it.
Speaker 5: That's see, that's not again. People get funny when they
Speaker 5: crossed the age of six, especially men. That's when they
Speaker 5: become like Cam.
Speaker 1: It's funny because I watched I like Magnum p I
Speaker 1: so much and my only impression of him when I
Speaker 1: was a kid was Higgins.
Speaker 3: The dogs are near the ferrari like.
Speaker 1: He always seemed like he is whining, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why is he always whining about these Doberman.
Speaker 2: Because he could get away with it because he was
Speaker 2: hot shit in like three inch in seam shorts.
Speaker 5: Yes, it was the closest U used to masturbate to
Speaker 5: be back in nineteen eighty eight. So it's my turn
Speaker 5: to cash in.
Speaker 1: He had just high high thigh corduroy short, four inch
Speaker 1: in seams.
Speaker 5: Short, Harry giving Harry in short short.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a shaved horse. But the hair is starting
Speaker 1: to grow back vein earth thirty two inch thighs.
Speaker 5: No, No, Oddly the talk is.
Speaker 3: Going down the leg, onto the lawn, over to the job.
Speaker 6: There's like a union set designers.
Speaker 5: It's like we actually had to coil it around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't worry for ocean.
Speaker 5: It was safety. Yeah, it was safety for other actors.
Speaker 1: I used to do this with Huey Lewis all the time.
Speaker 1: I just have to wrap it around his waist like
Speaker 1: a bundle.
Speaker 3: It no big deal.
Speaker 1: I'm going to reveal. This is at the end of
Speaker 1: the here's what I wrote down. I was going to
Speaker 1: sign things and I just want to share them with you.
Speaker 1: A wizard frustrated with an airline sporting process that we
Speaker 1: already kind of did. And then uh, I wanted to
Speaker 1: Lewis Black rating a teenage girl's diary. Just watch that video.
Speaker 6: Oh yes, that's from that's from like a decade ago.
Speaker 6: I found it and put it out again.
Speaker 5: I was going to have you today is the very,
Speaker 5: very very best day of life. That's because Sean winked
Speaker 5: at me bloom your kiss. No, no, I'll say that
Speaker 5: a good next week is the big dance, and I
Speaker 5: know that means we'll be in love forever. I love
Speaker 5: it so much.
Speaker 1: And then I was gonna have you wells and Vincent
Speaker 1: Price arguing I was like making a two pigs, too complicated,
Speaker 1: But I just wanted to share that I almost made you.
Speaker 6: You are in the hills of Sherman Oaks. Oh surely
Speaker 6: you don't mean Sherman Oaks. The Sherman Oaks is twelve
Speaker 6: miles to the south, my friend, this is studio city. No, no,
Speaker 6: you can't possibly mean studio city, my dear boy. I
Speaker 6: mean where where where do they leave you off? And
Speaker 6: where the minions overlook from the castle on top of
Speaker 6: the hill. No, I'm sorry if if this is, if
Speaker 6: this is studio City, I'll go down on your asshole.
Speaker 5: Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone has delighted
Speaker 5: me from you from the rear of the pocket.
Speaker 1: You see.
Speaker 5: Oh, go on, you so and so You're a damn
Speaker 5: fool vincent.
Speaker 6: Whatever happens in Sherman Oaks, stay.
Speaker 1: Thank you for indulging me.
Speaker 3: I love you, James, I love you.
Speaker 5: Thank you guys.
Speaker 6: I know it's you're exhausted, so go rest.
Speaker 1: No, I we were We've been excited about you for weeks.
Speaker 6: Do you get in a when you go home and
Speaker 6: you get in a pod with a bed that's like very.
Speaker 3: Similar to this, and Elon Musk is laying on the
Speaker 3: other side of the bed. I'm like, they talked about
Speaker 3: you the whole.
Speaker 5: Podcast, but you have an ai Elon who's there. I'm
Speaker 5: doing this like programmed for you. I hope you like
Speaker 5: my sagging man booth.
Speaker 3: Strange barrel chest. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 6: I'm shaped like a guy who has a Winery.
Speaker 3: It's aerodynamically incorrect. There we go.
Speaker 1: We should like to lay on my lumps, the origin
Speaker 1: of which there is no explanation.
Speaker 5: My lumps, my lovely.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? With
Speaker 1: the Great James and Doomian d y n a R.
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2: Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by Edson Troy.
Speaker 2: Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 3: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 2: podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Oh You're welcome