Speaker 1: The nick Guy post. Nikky, Hello here, I am welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. It's NICKI Podcast. It is Wednesday. I'm
Speaker 1: in Sonny, Los Angeles. I don't know what it's like
Speaker 1: outside because I got the blackout curtain straw Jess kidding.
Speaker 1: I went outside already to get a diet coke. I'm
Speaker 1: back on the sauce and uh, you know what I got.
Speaker 1: I found about diet cokes is that if I drink
Speaker 1: them from cans, my mouth starts getting like sores in it.
Speaker 1: Like I start like it is abrasive to my mouth.
Speaker 1: But bottles, plastic bottles, which are terrible, like give source
Speaker 1: to the planet, better for my mouth, more refreshing. I
Speaker 1: like a I like a diet coke out of a bottle. Um,
Speaker 1: what do you guys prefer your sodas out of? Like
Speaker 1: some people are like I love the Burger king On
Speaker 1: I seventy and olive the fountain. People love fountain soda
Speaker 1: from specific places found soda, Chick fil a, diet coke.
Speaker 1: Good ice ice is very important. Always has the ice
Speaker 1: has the same ice. Yeah, it's good ice. It's crushed.
Speaker 1: Oh gotcha. I thought you were saying, like I I
Speaker 1: get there Chick fil A. I get the good ice.
Speaker 1: It's like as opposed to what they have like the
Speaker 1: crushed isn't like the little um almost like little hackey
Speaker 1: sacks of it like the little they're like little balls
Speaker 1: or is it like shaved they're bolish is they're kind
Speaker 1: of in the middle and there And for some reason,
Speaker 1: crushed ice is a little whiter less clear than regular ice,
Speaker 1: I find, which which is interesting. I used to have
Speaker 1: a friend whose dad became obsessed with making ice completely clear,
Speaker 1: and he would like check on his ice. What I
Speaker 1: gotta ask him about that? I remember his dad was obsessed.
Speaker 1: He was like my dad's kind of losing it. He
Speaker 1: like loves making his eyes clear. There's a certain way
Speaker 1: to do it where your ice cubes will be completely
Speaker 1: clear and there's no haziness in them. I guess the
Speaker 1: haziness is like air. Who knows. I'm not a scientist,
Speaker 1: but I could drink. He drank a lot of water
Speaker 1: and then piste in an ice tray. That's how you
Speaker 1: get it perfectly clear. Perfectly clear. Man. Oh yeah, no
Speaker 1: beats no asparre guess, no beats welve dude. One time
Speaker 1: I took um, I had stomach aches from taking Mooden hancers.
Speaker 1: I think I told you that Sammy stuff. It hurt
Speaker 1: my stomach. It hurt my stomach so bad. I started
Speaker 1: taking pepto bismol and then I started shopping black, and
Speaker 1: then I assumed I had stomach cancer from the Sammy.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know that peto bismol makes your ship black.
Speaker 1: So I didn't know that either. I don't think that's
Speaker 1: a common thing. Really, isn't that weird? You could eat
Speaker 1: marshmallows all day, like, only marshmallows all day and it
Speaker 1: will still come out looking like poop. You can eat
Speaker 1: only white, like the most crisp white like hickam a marshmallows,
Speaker 1: And I don't know what's other cool with cauliflower, just
Speaker 1: pure white foods like crackers. What are some other I'm
Speaker 1: going to think of white people's foods, um um kind bars,
Speaker 1: and it'll just come out looking, uh like poop. Yesterday
Speaker 1: Kirsten wrote to me and was like, oh man, I
Speaker 1: was not feeling good all day and all I can
Speaker 1: think about I forget if we talked about it on
Speaker 1: this podcast. But when you have a giant ship in
Speaker 1: you and it's just like nothing but like a little
Speaker 1: bit of skin is keeping that from everyone else in
Speaker 1: that Lulu lemon. It's so people literally call it a
Speaker 1: turtle head poking out like it's already out and people
Speaker 1: are still walking around. It's so much in you. Yesterday,
Speaker 1: I like, I, you know, went after I had a
Speaker 1: long day of podcasting and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I did Conan's podcast, in Marin's podcast with John Wayne.
Speaker 1: Levels of ship in me like like impact, like it was,
Speaker 1: I feel like you it was. I was almost there
Speaker 1: with a partner, like we were doing a like it was.
Speaker 1: They should have had an extra mic for it. I
Speaker 1: didn't feel it, though. I didn't know. What's that thing
Speaker 1: when you have a hoe down where it's just you
Speaker 1: and the ship and you're like making your partner around
Speaker 1: and around. I was thinking more you got your your
Speaker 1: hand on your six, your six shooter, and then ship.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that I was consuppated. Though that's a
Speaker 1: problem with consulpation. I don't I'll just be a cranky
Speaker 1: widow baby and not know that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff inside me that needs to get out, that it
Speaker 1: is not ready to come out. I hate when you
Speaker 1: can't Why can't you just poop? Why did your body
Speaker 1: hold onto it? I know it's probably dehydration. Let me
Speaker 1: as I chug a diet coke, let me get a
Speaker 1: smart one in me, But in person, how did that
Speaker 1: feel compared to Because you've you've you've done like four,
Speaker 1: like three things with him via zoom over covid, and
Speaker 1: then you've done a show. No, I did a show
Speaker 1: twice over zoom, and then I did this. I've done
Speaker 1: this podcast in person before, but this isn't a new studio,
Speaker 1: and this is after I have become a huge fan
Speaker 1: of his podcast, Like it meant as much to me
Speaker 1: as like doing his TV show when I first did it,
Speaker 1: you know, like in terms of like how much I
Speaker 1: listened to, Like I used to watch Late Night with
Speaker 1: Conan O'Brien every single night from junior year of high
Speaker 1: school until like senior year of college. Like it was
Speaker 1: just a ritual every night to watch it. And so
Speaker 1: it's a big deal to me to do it. And
Speaker 1: then this podcast, like his podcast I listened to all
Speaker 1: the time. They're like the way that people feel about
Speaker 1: us as like their friends is exactly the way I
Speaker 1: feel about Gorley Sona and Conan, Like, I just love
Speaker 1: it's just such. It's such a good podcast. Not to
Speaker 1: like talk about other podcasts, but I mean, it's so
Speaker 1: fucking good. It's so funny. It's a few like ours.
Speaker 1: You will like their's. It's very similar. Conan needs a friend,
Speaker 1: con Brian needs a friend. How did I feel being
Speaker 1: in a new was the studio more they put away
Speaker 1: more money into it? Did it feel more like professional
Speaker 1: or was it better work? Yeah? I mean it was
Speaker 1: like a house. It's like you walk into a house
Speaker 1: and it's like, um, someone a really nice girl met
Speaker 1: me outside, so excited that you're here. I walk up
Speaker 1: the stairs. There's like a basket with all these snacks.
Speaker 1: Conan is at the top of the stairs. There's people
Speaker 1: like there's all his producers who I recognize from doing
Speaker 1: the Show of a Billion Times. Like in it used
Speaker 1: to be like a we work space, not really what
Speaker 1: we work, but like a women's we work. So it's
Speaker 1: like this it almost looks like it could have been
Speaker 1: a domestic abuse shelter for women. Like it's a house,
Speaker 1: but it's like nice and it's like has a nice kitchen,
Speaker 1: and then there's like living space where there's like tables,
Speaker 1: and so there's producers working in like right D's and
Speaker 1: then there is his studio that we went to. We
Speaker 1: just walked to a studio and then just started potting
Speaker 1: and just sat down. And you have to say, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm Nikki Glazer and I feel and then it's
Speaker 1: like blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend, and then you
Speaker 1: fill in the blank, and then the podcast just starts
Speaker 1: and it's, uh, chill. Yes, last time I said overwhelmed
Speaker 1: in the seme, I said chill because it's an inside
Speaker 1: joke for people who listen to the podcast. Um that,
Speaker 1: But I really struggled with it. I was gonna say
Speaker 1: snuck because that would also be an inside joke because
Speaker 1: one time Jennifer Garner was on Conan show and he
Speaker 1: said something like and then you snuck over here, and
Speaker 1: she goes, snuck isn't a word, Conan, you should know
Speaker 1: that you went to Harvard. And he's like, he's a
Speaker 1: little miffed, and then they get out the dictionary and
Speaker 1: he looks it up and he's like, snuck it. She
Speaker 1: felt really stupid, and uh so I was rainstorming about
Speaker 1: what to say, but it was a you know I'm
Speaker 1: really struggling, toy. I honestly would like to like not
Speaker 1: talk about my appearance on Conan, because I am going
Speaker 1: through the thing I always go through after conan Um appearances,
Speaker 1: which is man, I could have been so much funnier.
Speaker 1: I was just so nervous. Not nervous, but I'm just
Speaker 1: so like I'm trying. Like it's weird what my brain
Speaker 1: does when I'm like relaxed and I'm around people who
Speaker 1: I know are just like tickled and everything I say,
Speaker 1: I can be really funny, like when I'm on stage,
Speaker 1: I could be really funny when like people and Conan
Speaker 1: thinks of funny, Sona thinks and funny girly. As a fan,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't. I was just two in my head
Speaker 1: of like be present, listen to what he's saying, try
Speaker 1: to get it on the laughs like, and also be interesting,
Speaker 1: don't be too like. I just feel like I always
Speaker 1: um talk about my low self esteem, especially because like
Speaker 1: Conan has it too, and I just feel very connected
Speaker 1: to him in that way of like feeling like an imposter.
Speaker 1: And it's insane to me that Conan O'Brien, who is
Speaker 1: my number one, thinks that he's not good enough sometimes
Speaker 1: and he's very open about that, And um, I always
Speaker 1: feel like I whenever I talk about my low self
Speaker 1: seem on like literally every podcast, and and usually I'm
Speaker 1: talking about how I have overcome it or how I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with it, people tend to like feel sorry for
Speaker 1: me or think that I have like that I'm struggling
Speaker 1: all the time. But and not that he did or anything,
Speaker 1: but a lot of times every time I leave Conan,
Speaker 1: whether I'm doing his TV show or his podcast, he
Speaker 1: always takes a moment afterwards to be like, hey, like
Speaker 1: you can call me if you ever need to, like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm here for you, like I ain't, like I
Speaker 1: really want you to like get the help that you need.
Speaker 1: And I always feel like, what am I saying that's
Speaker 1: making people think I'm like because I'm doing all right,
Speaker 1: like I really am well, I feel chill about being
Speaker 1: going on Brian's friend and then by the end, I'll
Speaker 1: get your help, I know, But they did say so
Speaker 1: I say a chill because, um, there was one podcast
Speaker 1: where like Matt and Sona and Matt is like Noah
Speaker 1: and Sona is like you, and they all Matt and
Speaker 1: Sona are always talking about like you know, they're always
Speaker 1: just teasing Codon because he's so uptight and like, you know,
Speaker 1: a perfectionist, and like they're kind of chill. ConA will
Speaker 1: like you know, do edibles, and Matt's just like an
Speaker 1: easygoing guy and they're like, we're so chill, and He's like,
Speaker 1: I could be chill and they're like, no, you can't.
Speaker 1: So they started doing these episodes where they have no
Speaker 1: guest on, where it's just um, two summers ago, you
Speaker 1: guys got if you want to just step into the
Speaker 1: Conan O'Brien universe, obviously, I would recommend. The Kevin Nealon
Speaker 1: episode is the funniest podcast besides my own that I
Speaker 1: will you will ever listen to? I sent it to
Speaker 1: Andrew to listen to. Wasn't it just insanely good? So funny?
Speaker 1: Don't listen to it before you listen to my episode
Speaker 1: of Conan. You will be sorely disappointed in me because
Speaker 1: Kevin Ellen is so goddamn funny. It's just top to bottom.
Speaker 1: Don't skip the first part. But way, um, they give
Speaker 1: him shit about not being chill, and so they came
Speaker 1: up with this thing that they were doing these like
Speaker 1: extra episodes during COVID maybe when they could. You know,
Speaker 1: they were just trying to make more AD revenue, make
Speaker 1: more episodes. But thank God for it because they did
Speaker 1: this segment um based on that conversation called um Conan
Speaker 1: O'Brien and uh, like it's like something about the in
Speaker 1: the chill chums, and they called him themselves that, like
Speaker 1: the chill chums, and so I said, I was like,
Speaker 1: really chill, And the truth is I'm not chill about
Speaker 1: being Brian's friend at all. I'm extremely anxious about it.
Speaker 1: And but it is weird, like and not even just Conan,
Speaker 1: like any time I do a podcast. I even went
Speaker 1: and did Marin and like it's, uh, he's in um,
Speaker 1: he's in a guesthouse kind of situation. He's moved since
Speaker 1: that garage, and so it was a new I had
Speaker 1: done his podcast when he was at his old place,
Speaker 1: but and the whole place. I remember being like Barack
Speaker 1: Obama has been in here, and he was like, yes,
Speaker 1: right there, um and then yeah, he let me like
Speaker 1: drink from the water bottle brock drink from I'm just kidding,
Speaker 1: but I would have loved to do that. I wish
Speaker 1: she would have kept it whatever Um ruined the seed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you're so into brock Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so horning for brock Um. But even Marin, like I
Speaker 1: can just tell there's always like this like poor nicky
Speaker 1: thing and I and I want to just say, I
Speaker 1: think it might be because other people aren't as honest
Speaker 1: about having low self esteem and struggling with things as
Speaker 1: I am, and so people think that me sharing that
Speaker 1: I have this stuff, which we all have, other people
Speaker 1: just don't share it as openly that people think it's
Speaker 1: either a cry for help or that because it's so
Speaker 1: rarely shared, she's clearly struggling more than any of us,
Speaker 1: when really I just have less of the walls that
Speaker 1: other people have. It's not that I'm struggling any more
Speaker 1: than anyone else. I just don't censor myself about it,
Speaker 1: which I'm so grateful, Like thank God for people that
Speaker 1: pick up on people asking for help. And sometimes I
Speaker 1: have done cries for help of being like I'm going
Speaker 1: to shave my head or whatever, and like wanted people
Speaker 1: to be concerned. Why do you think, Yeah, why do
Speaker 1: you feel like because I've done similar similar things When
Speaker 1: I go on podcast where maybe I'll get nervous or
Speaker 1: I want not people to like me more, but like
Speaker 1: I'll share more where I feel like, oh, this will
Speaker 1: get to people. This will rather than just like a
Speaker 1: mundane conversation of like next thing. You know, we've just
Speaker 1: choked about ice cream for twenty minutes, but that could
Speaker 1: be great superpower. Yeah, I feel like and that's where
Speaker 1: That's where I'm in the clutch, is being open emotionally,
Speaker 1: Like I feel, yes, I'm funny, Yes I could talk
Speaker 1: about ice cream and riff Conan though he's he's a
Speaker 1: riff god like I no matter what, I will never
Speaker 1: touch his level of riffing. And I would even say
Speaker 1: Gorely and Sona like are on his level, like they
Speaker 1: are so fucking fun and like have learned from him
Speaker 1: and they just had like this great rapport. I want
Speaker 1: it felt like I intentionally go to it. I think
Speaker 1: that that's the one thing I can do that other
Speaker 1: people can't do, is get really really really fast. And
Speaker 1: I think sometimes obviously it throws people and it makes
Speaker 1: people maybe a little bit uncomfortable. But I feel like
Speaker 1: if I can't be I could not be my funniest yesterday,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't there, I was not in my funny zone.
Speaker 1: It just wasn't gonna happen for me. So why not
Speaker 1: lean into the thing that I know? I you know,
Speaker 1: even if I'm nervous, I can always kind of nail it,
Speaker 1: can do better when I'm nervous at revealing uh personal things,
Speaker 1: and so I think that sometimes they could come off,
Speaker 1: and I just for some reason, Conan brings it out
Speaker 1: of me because Conan is someone that I projected so
Speaker 1: much perfection onto for so long and just admire so
Speaker 1: much and would like, you know, I would probably kick
Speaker 1: Marian to even have uh two ounces as much that
Speaker 1: you know, committ talent as Conan from my estimation of
Speaker 1: like how I see myself compared to him. And I
Speaker 1: know that people will be like, no, you guys are,
Speaker 1: but to me, I would do. He's a god to
Speaker 1: me in terms of comedy, and so I think that
Speaker 1: when I found out from watching his um from listening
Speaker 1: to him on his podcast and then also his documentary
Speaker 1: I Can't Stop or all die, I think it's called
Speaker 1: something like that. I learned that like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: we're really similar, and so I always want to talk
Speaker 1: to him about that because if I can find out
Speaker 1: that Conan is like me in that way that he
Speaker 1: doubts himself, then maybe I'm wrong about myself when I
Speaker 1: doubt myself. Like uh, it also makes you feel the good,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know. That's I think why I
Speaker 1: get into that, But I don't know. I think there's
Speaker 1: something about sharing, sharing not just for you, but then
Speaker 1: getting someone else to share some of their insecurities, which
Speaker 1: then will get their fan base to actually relate to
Speaker 1: them even more. Because usually Conan is the one interviewing,
Speaker 1: like he's the one asking the questions. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: it would be kind of weird if the interviewer was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: but you know, I get sad sometimes Okay, you didn't
Speaker 1: even ask a question yet, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you're allowing him to open up stuff with like
Speaker 1: asking him questions. I do have to say, though, I
Speaker 1: have this weird thing with like podcasting now or going
Speaker 1: on other people's shows where I just think everyone hates me,
Speaker 1: like the the the tone. I'll I have to overcome
Speaker 1: people hating me already because they think I'm too dirty
Speaker 1: or they think they think I'm All she does is
Speaker 1: share about her eating disorder. Or all she does is
Speaker 1: talk about her low self esteem, like and it's weird
Speaker 1: that I would even go into that, but I just
Speaker 1: I mean, I know the audience listening to this show
Speaker 1: right now cannot relate to that in anyway because you
Speaker 1: guys really like me and it feels amazing, But I
Speaker 1: just feel like, I don't know I was talking to
Speaker 1: I went to uh coffee with Taylor Tomlinson yesterday. It
Speaker 1: was so much fun and I was talking about um
Speaker 1: someone recently asked me, like, who do you think are
Speaker 1: worse for female comics? Other female comics or male comics?
Speaker 1: And I was thinking about that. I think that what
Speaker 1: was my point going to be with this? That I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel like every like most men that
Speaker 1: are kind of like your basic man that might not
Speaker 1: be an outright feminist. Not that they were like a
Speaker 1: bad person, they just haven't like they think maybe feminism
Speaker 1: is like ikey, they allowed themselves to like one woman
Speaker 1: at a time like that. They you know that they
Speaker 1: don't want to fuck, and I would like to be
Speaker 1: liked as a woman who they don't want to fuck,
Speaker 1: And they don't you either, like Taylor Tomlinson, like they
Speaker 1: to prove that they're not a total misogynist. They like
Speaker 1: one woman to go see. But I think Taylor is funny,
Speaker 1: so I'm not. But when I so, when I say
Speaker 1: Whitney and Nikki and Eliza and Amy suck, but I'm
Speaker 1: that's not because they're women. I like Taylor or I
Speaker 1: like Nikki. So when I say all those other women's stuff,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm always trying to win over
Speaker 1: that guy, and it's stupid because that guy is a
Speaker 1: sad person. And but there's always this competence I think
Speaker 1: with with men with these like kind of guy characters.
Speaker 1: And Cohen's podcast is not have that kind of listeners.
Speaker 1: They're actually more like our listeners for sure. But I
Speaker 1: just feel like, um, and it's again here, I'm back
Speaker 1: at my low self estatment. This is like the voice
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to rewrite the thing I believe about
Speaker 1: myself and trying to disprove it. I'm trying to win
Speaker 1: over these guys who are actually the voice inside my
Speaker 1: head that is like, you're not good enough. Everyone else
Speaker 1: is better than you. And if I win over those guys,
Speaker 1: then maybe I I'm wrong about myself. So it really
Speaker 1: comes down to what I believe about myself that makes
Speaker 1: any sense. No, it does. And I think about that
Speaker 1: as well with those you know, certain guy comedians or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of it has to do
Speaker 1: with like you have to be almost a certain kind
Speaker 1: of comedian or be a certain way to get that
Speaker 1: approval that you're searching for, and then you kind of
Speaker 1: disregard people that maybe you like their comedy more, but
Speaker 1: they're not they don't have as many they're you know,
Speaker 1: they're not as famous or whatever. And then I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a line between me wanting to
Speaker 1: impress someone just because they're famous, just because it could
Speaker 1: help you, as opposed to just being true not trying
Speaker 1: to get help. I'm not trying, Yeah, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: for me, like that's how I like where it comes from.
Speaker 1: Where where it's like approval. I don't know, you don't
Speaker 1: think like, let's go to break and finish the stuff
Speaker 1: when we get back. I think the difference here and
Speaker 1: what we're talking about is I want to win over
Speaker 1: men who have the mentality of a seventh grade boy.
Speaker 1: Something happened to me in middle school where I that
Speaker 1: is when I decided that like boys don't like me,
Speaker 1: I'll never be cool. These kind of guys decide what's cool,
Speaker 1: the guys wearing jinkos and the guys that make fun
Speaker 1: of everyone. I have to stay quiet and like dormant
Speaker 1: so that they don't make fun of me, and if
Speaker 1: they do notice me, I want to be like the
Speaker 1: one girl that they're like Nikki school, she can hang
Speaker 1: out with us, because I wanted to be hanging out
Speaker 1: with I wanted to hang out with the boys, not
Speaker 1: because I wanted to have sex with the boys or
Speaker 1: blow the boys. I wanted to be friends with them
Speaker 1: because I grew up, uh you know when my best
Speaker 1: friend was a boy, and then suddenly I am in
Speaker 1: school and I have no guy friends because you're you
Speaker 1: either are a girl that they like romantically or you're
Speaker 1: like a I didn't want to be a tomboy necessarily,
Speaker 1: but I was just scared of boys and their judgment
Speaker 1: and how mean they could be, and I didn't want
Speaker 1: any of that. Though. I wanted to hang out with
Speaker 1: them and also be mean with them, like I have
Speaker 1: a mean stream. I love making fun of people. But
Speaker 1: I think I still am trying to win over seventh
Speaker 1: grade boys literally, like seventh grade. Two eleventh grade boys
Speaker 1: that are just assholes, judgmental of everything, so insecure. All
Speaker 1: they want is to like get their dick sucked in
Speaker 1: anything that that won't out like facilitate that they like
Speaker 1: hate and they're trying to be cool and and poor
Speaker 1: those poor boys, like they're struggling so much, but they're fine.
Speaker 1: Thing is they've got so many My senior year, there
Speaker 1: is a different cup of anger. I don't really care
Speaker 1: about winning over Eric Harris and Dylan Clebold, but there's
Speaker 1: something about Eric cart like these these kind of antement
Speaker 1: I think that like we are definitely yeah, like you
Speaker 1: you you've pinpointed where it's come from. And also in
Speaker 1: the last segment, you've had this epiphany that you're really
Speaker 1: just competing with yourself. It's that inner voice, and it's
Speaker 1: it's rooted, is the seventh grade boy. Yeah, And if
Speaker 1: I win them over, then my voice will shut up
Speaker 1: and and allow me to hang out with it. Now.
Speaker 1: One thing that I want to say in addition to
Speaker 1: this is that the thing is so many people, including myself.
Speaker 1: Like every time I've said this before, but like a
Speaker 1: big epiphany I had in therapy one time was like
Speaker 1: telling my therapist I'm scared to go on dates. I
Speaker 1: was about to go on a date, and she's like,
Speaker 1: what's your biggest fear? And I'm like that they are
Speaker 1: going to sexually advance on me. I'm going to reject them,
Speaker 1: and then they're going to say I didn't want you anyway,
Speaker 1: you're fat, you're old, you're ugly, and they're going to
Speaker 1: do the mean thing that men do when they're rejected.
Speaker 1: A lot of times. F Boy Island season to check
Speaker 1: it out, we have a moment like that on the
Speaker 1: show that to me was my worst fucking nightmare if
Speaker 1: it happened to me but happened to girl on the
Speaker 1: show where a guy gets rejected and then lashes out
Speaker 1: like I didn't want you anyway to get you know,
Speaker 1: that's always my fear. And my therapist goes, that is
Speaker 1: the fear of like a girl who's dealing with fifteen
Speaker 1: year old boys, Like where what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Like men don't do that, Like if you don't want
Speaker 1: to have sex with a guy, he's not going to
Speaker 1: call you ugly. And I'm like, but I just that's
Speaker 1: the fear, Like I know that it's rare, but there's
Speaker 1: I can't get over that. I know that an air
Speaker 1: show's planes don't crash, but I'm never going to go
Speaker 1: to an air show, even if because there's is a
Speaker 1: chance that could happen. And she was like, you are
Speaker 1: stuck in seventh to eleventh grade. You're stuck somewhere in there,
Speaker 1: And so what I'm saying that I want to win
Speaker 1: over these seventh to eleven grade boys. I'm not marketing
Speaker 1: my comedy to those boys. I don't care about, you,
Speaker 1: know I, But in a way I am because guess
Speaker 1: who's stuck at that age? To every man, my age,
Speaker 1: every man, my everyone, I'm stuck at fourteen years old.
Speaker 1: Have you ever looked at like? Girls? I want you
Speaker 1: to do this, guys. I want you to do this
Speaker 1: when your girlfriend or your boyfriend is acting in the
Speaker 1: way that you are most annoyed by that like the
Speaker 1: side of themselves that comes out, shrink their body down
Speaker 1: to like a smaller size, Like if you can in
Speaker 1: your head and just blur your eyes and picture that
Speaker 1: person um at different ages and see which one it fits.
Speaker 1: Because a lot of times when I am being my
Speaker 1: most like, I don't even want to go like and
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do it, and I'm like throwing a
Speaker 1: little tantrum that I like will throw and be like
Speaker 1: I don't even care, I don't even want to, like
Speaker 1: my body movements, everything is it's it's like I'm mimicking
Speaker 1: a thirteen year old girl. So like we all, if
Speaker 1: your boyfriend gets more turned on by that, that could
Speaker 1: be an issue. Listen, sometimes I role play it and I,
Speaker 1: you know, slam my door and say down, um no no.
Speaker 1: This is speaking a lot to like ship that I
Speaker 1: go through. Now. I was friends with a lot of girl.
Speaker 1: I was like that guy that was friends with every girl.
Speaker 1: I never hooked up with them. I was always just
Speaker 1: friends with them and it and it actually hurt me.
Speaker 1: With my guy group, like the cool guys. I had
Speaker 1: one cool guy that like me, and then forever I
Speaker 1: tried to get these guys like me. And then around
Speaker 1: you your senior year, I smoked a little weed, I
Speaker 1: listened to a little fish, and I stopped chasing it
Speaker 1: and it changed and now I'm like back to like
Speaker 1: I'm literally like back to square one, but I stopped
Speaker 1: passed on the campus of the University of India, Indiana
Speaker 1: on scooters. We were on like little Lime scooters years
Speaker 1: ago when we were first working together, and that was
Speaker 1: our first Lime scooter, right, we got Andrew got so nervous,
Speaker 1: not when we passed by girls, you know, college girls,
Speaker 1: not when we passed by like people our age, when
Speaker 1: we passed by guy like freshman, sophomore, junior guys and
Speaker 1: at frat parties. He was so scared of what other
Speaker 1: guys thought of him, Whereas I like, that would be
Speaker 1: the yeah, I would be. I guess I don't care
Speaker 1: what any college age people think of me really anymore,
Speaker 1: but I'm scared of what people think of me who
Speaker 1: are stuck in that age people age, stuck there. So
Speaker 1: like I pursue the approval of men who act like
Speaker 1: middle schoolers, like all the guys that I go, why
Speaker 1: do I even care what this? And I get approval
Speaker 1: of fraternity guys that act like well their age. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the best thing you said to me, you go, they're
Speaker 1: not even You're so old that they're not thinking of
Speaker 1: you as whether you're cool or not. You're just like
Speaker 1: old man on camp. Yes, yeah, it was like we
Speaker 1: forget like sometimes I try to, like like when I
Speaker 1: was at the Wilco Festival, I was like trying to
Speaker 1: be befriend Um Glen Cocci and I think John Stewart,
Speaker 1: the two band members, their daughters were there. They're like
Speaker 1: thirteen and fourteen, and they were adorable girls. I wanted
Speaker 1: nothing more than to hang out with these girls and
Speaker 1: just like talk about what they care about, like hear
Speaker 1: what they have to say about boys, and like not
Speaker 1: like relate to them, but and and not even like
Speaker 1: coach them or kind of like mentor them. I just
Speaker 1: to to like hear what little girls are talking about
Speaker 1: because I miss being that age so bad. And I realized,
Speaker 1: I mean, it didn't even cross my mind that they
Speaker 1: would think of me as anything more than just an
Speaker 1: old woman. But um, even I did it with Bert
Speaker 1: Chrysler's daughters when they were on tour, like I was
Speaker 1: with Mark Norman and Shane Gillis and Big Jay Oakerson.
Speaker 1: And as much fun as I was having with those guys,
Speaker 1: the second Birch daughters arrived on the scene, who are
Speaker 1: eighteen and I think sixteen. I was like, and they
Speaker 1: brought their two friends with them that are of the
Speaker 1: same age, these four girls. I was like, guys, can
Speaker 1: you help me, like pick up my outfit, like should
Speaker 1: I wear these shoes? Are? Like I was like dying
Speaker 1: for not even their approval. I just wanted to like
Speaker 1: hang with them, like I still I desperately. I can't
Speaker 1: wait for Poppy and Harlow to like get older, because
Speaker 1: I just I love talking to younger kids. But you
Speaker 1: it is creepy when you try to like and you
Speaker 1: never want to be the one that they're like, God,
Speaker 1: thank god she's gone. That's true too. I got paired
Speaker 1: up with a father and son and golf the other
Speaker 1: day because I get rid of because I go out
Speaker 1: and played by myself and I don't know what I
Speaker 1: do because I think I coached the cross in middle school.
Speaker 1: So I like I connect to younger kids like I
Speaker 1: have an immaturity to me. But I do like, like
Speaker 1: this kid could have been really can be very good
Speaker 1: at golf, and I realized his dad is a little
Speaker 1: passive and he probably doesn't get like, Dude, if you
Speaker 1: work on this, you could, like you really could be something.
Speaker 1: But how much is just a little encouragement like that
Speaker 1: send you in a completely different direction? Dude? So I
Speaker 1: do I just I go, your dad sucks, Your dad's
Speaker 1: a loser. But I see something in you, That's what
Speaker 1: I said. Him's not like it's It's been three weeks
Speaker 1: and I'm out at the course the other day and
Speaker 1: I'm driving and I just hear Andrew, Andrew, you know,
Speaker 1: is that you? Is that you? You know? It's me Ben?
Speaker 1: It's Ben? And I was like, who is Ben? And
Speaker 1: then I look closer and I'm like, oh, it's the
Speaker 1: fucking teenager to his dad when you like that you
Speaker 1: overheard when you were leaving that was a different another
Speaker 1: uncle and that was a different And he was like,
Speaker 1: I like that guy. That was I couldn't imagine being
Speaker 1: paired up with two better guys, uncle or whatever. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. But it was just like I
Speaker 1: get what you're saying about, like getting like it's just
Speaker 1: young energy. There's something that it doesn't feel as tainted
Speaker 1: as some older people that I know remember being that
Speaker 1: age and and the freedom and the fun and I
Speaker 1: just I love and I love like opening their minds
Speaker 1: a little bit, or saying something that will make them
Speaker 1: give them some material for their friend group forever of
Speaker 1: like oh, something cool or something funny or just something
Speaker 1: weird that I say, like nothing like inappropriate Um, I
Speaker 1: just miss being a young teenage girl so bad, which
Speaker 1: is why I'm looking so forward to this girl's trip
Speaker 1: that I'm going on. Noah's going on it. It's ten
Speaker 1: girls in the Hampton's next weekend. Yeah, who will survive?
Speaker 1: Who will? A log line like it really does sound
Speaker 1: like a yeah, it's next It's not this weekend, but
Speaker 1: it's next weekend in the Hampton's at my friend Sara
Speaker 1: Lena's house. Um, and it's gonna be ten of us
Speaker 1: and my sister's going my you know, best friends from
Speaker 1: grade school, college and adulthood all convening in one place.
Speaker 1: And it's going to be so it's going to be
Speaker 1: like word seventh grade again. I feel like it's gonna
Speaker 1: wanted last year. I remember when we got to to
Speaker 1: Loom and You're like, this is not what I envisioned.
Speaker 1: I want us all in one song. I just want
Speaker 1: to like hang out on the couch, watch movies, talk blakets,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. That's like because Selena lives there. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's so funny we're looking for airbnbs for this. When
Speaker 1: I was like the early stages of planning, like what's
Speaker 1: the house that could support ten to twelve girls and
Speaker 1: it's costly, but I was willing to do it. And
Speaker 1: then Selena, she lives in the Hampton's in this gorgeous house,
Speaker 1: and I was like, how many people does your house bed?
Speaker 1: And she's so generous, like she would like let me
Speaker 1: move in, like if I wanted to, Like She's just like, oh, girls, totally,
Speaker 1: you can have it. You can just have the house.
Speaker 1: I'll just go live in the shack like she's so
Speaker 1: so generous and um, but she was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's it bet like ten people. She has a
Speaker 1: house that can have ten people stay in it and
Speaker 1: they have to. I mean, it's wild, but this is
Speaker 1: just there for the taking. I'm so grateful for it. Next,
Speaker 1: like six months from now, you're like, so you think
Speaker 1: we could do a girls trip again? It at your places?
Speaker 1: Sarily not probably, Like sure, I mean I'm giving birth
Speaker 1: that Tuesday, but the way, yeah, you know what, I'll
Speaker 1: do it in the shallow end. I'll have the baby
Speaker 1: in the shallow end. You guys keep diving when you
Speaker 1: get something like that, where like you use someone house
Speaker 1: and then it's like five later you're like, okay, maybe,
Speaker 1: But she is different. She is the type to not
Speaker 1: think that she had in I think April and um,
Speaker 1: she has obviously a husband, but she also has an
Speaker 1: apartment in the city. And I was like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: if we did your house, and she's like, oh, my god,
Speaker 1: of course we can do in my house. Are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? And she was like, are you okay with
Speaker 1: my house? I'm like, are you It's like so nice.
Speaker 1: I mean it would be like fifteen dollars a night rental.
Speaker 1: I'm not joking you like in this places gorgeous, yes,
Speaker 1: insane during this this weekend in July. And and she's like,
Speaker 1: and I go, and you know, you can have her
Speaker 1: baby Leon. I was like, and you know, I don't
Speaker 1: know how you want to work out with like Leon
Speaker 1: being there, and like, but we will like give him space.
Speaker 1: And she goes, oh no, can he not be there?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, you know, I love a
Speaker 1: mom that's like willing to take three days away from
Speaker 1: their baby and it's not the end of the fucking world.
Speaker 1: She is like good Like she is not there's nothing
Speaker 1: about that that makes me go, oh she's it makes
Speaker 1: me go she's a good mom. Like she's not obsessive
Speaker 1: like on our group chat, there's like you have to
Speaker 1: beg for a picture of this baby. It's not because
Speaker 1: she doesn't love him. It's just because she's just not
Speaker 1: one of these parents that thinks suddenly their baby, despite
Speaker 1: having lived a life where every single time you see
Speaker 1: a picture of a baby under six months, it is
Speaker 1: not interesting. It's not different than anyone else's baby, unless
Speaker 1: you like it's your sister's baby or your best friend's baby.
Speaker 1: No one really cares. She she like, it's not that
Speaker 1: she's like hiding it and being like my friends don't care.
Speaker 1: She just is like not forcing it on us, and
Speaker 1: and and we were incasonable for leon content. Where's the
Speaker 1: baby going in the city. Yeah, in the city with
Speaker 1: um the dad and and um she has people, like
Speaker 1: you know, she's got a fucking house in the and
Speaker 1: she has the help, and she's got an amazing like, um,
Speaker 1: you know baby nurse that works with them, who's like
Speaker 1: turned into her best friend. And we're all talking about
Speaker 1: like this needs to be a sitcom because this baby
Speaker 1: nurse's name is Mavis Davis. Who's gonna milk Sara Lena. Well,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. She she hasn't uh you know,
Speaker 1: as long as my sister is coming, my sister will
Speaker 1: forget all of her pumps. And so I'm glad. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you can find some boys in the Hantons. Hello,
Speaker 1: I mean, are you gonna just cook out? And are
Speaker 1: you guys gonna go out to dinner? Do you think
Speaker 1: you're gonna do like I'm going to do like an
Speaker 1: Insta cart thing, or I'm going to have I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have Sarah Lena send someone out and I'll pay for
Speaker 1: it obviously, like to um buy a ton of groceries,
Speaker 1: and like I'll have every girl make a list of
Speaker 1: like stuff she wants so that it's just there. And
Speaker 1: then we'll also do like Postmates, because I'm sure that's
Speaker 1: the thing down there, and we've stayed there before and
Speaker 1: and had a good time. But uh, and then I'm
Speaker 1: sure one night person and and there are some girls
Speaker 1: in our group that like like to cook and like
Speaker 1: make nourishing meals, um, and so I'm sure we'll do that.
Speaker 1: But uh, yeah, we're just gonna like hang out and
Speaker 1: go to the beach and um, but really just hang
Speaker 1: out and talk and giggle and dance and like listen
Speaker 1: to music and do meditations. And weird, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: light as a feather, stiff as a board, uh kind
Speaker 1: of things. I don't know. Noah, do you have any
Speaker 1: like goals for our trip? Honestly, I have no goals.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in the car with Carlisle, I think
Speaker 1: for like eight hours driving from JFK to the Hampton's,
Speaker 1: and I think it's gonna be so fun. I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to it because she's looking so fortunate to She's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna drive with Noah. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad I'm with Noah on that rod. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: so fun. It's just like it makes me feel so good.
Speaker 1: She's gonna be there. I don't know if we're gonna
Speaker 1: leave together. I really hope so, Like so the car
Speaker 1: rides are going to be a separate like adventure to exactly.
Speaker 1: So she's like my travel buddy because our flights are
Speaker 1: are lining up, and um, I just like I cannot wait.
Speaker 1: We both rented it, like we we rented a car together,
Speaker 1: so like we'll have our independence if we want to
Speaker 1: pull off the road and all that, and um, I'm
Speaker 1: just you know, like I haven't had really like one
Speaker 1: on one quality time with Carlisle except for like one
Speaker 1: of the walks into Loom, so it's been a long time.
Speaker 1: And then I'm also I'm so excited to like how
Speaker 1: I feel like this is going to sound very strange,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm being transported to high school
Speaker 1: where I get to have like this gaggle of girlfriends
Speaker 1: that I've never had before and only have like one
Speaker 1: close friend growing up. And um, I'm just like so
Speaker 1: excited because I know everyone's personality. I've gotten to know
Speaker 1: each one of your friends separately, and now I get
Speaker 1: to like be in like the cluster. So I feel, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in the group. You're at our table at lunch,
Speaker 1: and I was never the girl that had like, uh,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is the coolest group of girls you'll
Speaker 1: ever meet or ever know, and any bestie listening, Like
Speaker 1: if I was your friend, you would totally be invited
Speaker 1: to like if we were like, if it was possible,
Speaker 1: I'd have all the girl besties that listen to the
Speaker 1: show and maybe some of the guys too, Um, you
Speaker 1: would all be able to sit at our table. But
Speaker 1: it's true, It's like it feels so good to me
Speaker 1: to like having this having. I it's not lost on
Speaker 1: me that it's really hard to accrew a crew like
Speaker 1: the ones we like the one we have and um,
Speaker 1: and it makes me so happy that like it feels
Speaker 1: selfish to be like, these are all my friends coming together,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. I made sure to invite all people
Speaker 1: that get along, and like, it makes me so happy
Speaker 1: when my friends become friends and like go off on
Speaker 1: their own and like don't need me to be the
Speaker 1: connective tissue, you know, Like I think some girl friends
Speaker 1: as I've been, and I've been this girl before that
Speaker 1: like I'll introduce two friends and then they will become
Speaker 1: better friends than I am with either of them, and
Speaker 1: I will get like wit no, and I want to
Speaker 1: control it and be like no, you come hang out
Speaker 1: with me, and like you it becomes content. I never
Speaker 1: care about that anymore because I am. I just don't
Speaker 1: question my my friends love for me ever, Like that
Speaker 1: is the one thing in my life. Like I questioned
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's love even though I shouldn't. I questioned my
Speaker 1: parents love, I questioned my fans love. I question you know,
Speaker 1: my dogs love. I don't have to question it's just
Speaker 1: a parent. He doesn't really care for me. But for
Speaker 1: some reason, my friends I just that has always been
Speaker 1: so solid for me. And I can always like lament
Speaker 1: about other stuff that like other people have that I don't.
Speaker 1: But I really won the friends lottery, uh, and I have,
Speaker 1: like since fourth grade when I met Kirsten. And it
Speaker 1: really is about luck. If you're a girl that has
Speaker 1: just like never had friends and never been able to
Speaker 1: like meet close girlfriends, it is nothing other than like, like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with you. I've said this on stage
Speaker 1: about people that have been molested or like been in
Speaker 1: abusive relationships, Like you're not different than me just because
Speaker 1: I haven't been. It's just I got lucky that I
Speaker 1: haven't been hit in a relationship yet. And like and
Speaker 1: and I got lucky that I I met these girls
Speaker 1: that are cool at a time when we were all
Speaker 1: in the same grade. Like I always think, like if
Speaker 1: Kirsen was in a different grade, what would my life
Speaker 1: look like she was in a different class than my
Speaker 1: fourth grade class, Like what would it be? So it's
Speaker 1: just luck, you know, And it's waiting for all of us.
Speaker 1: If you're a girl out there or a guy out
Speaker 1: there that like struggles to make friends, it's just circumstantial. Yes,
Speaker 1: there are things you can do to put yourselves in
Speaker 1: more circumstances to make friends, but there's nothing like inherently
Speaker 1: wrong with you. You might have social anxiety or something
Speaker 1: that does prevent you from maybe making more connections, but
Speaker 1: it's not because you're like not worthy of being a
Speaker 1: close friend. Like everyone's capable of it. I believe it's
Speaker 1: also hard to get everyone together. I mean to find
Speaker 1: a weekend. I feel like the older I get, well,
Speaker 1: you know, an email will go out like, hey, let's
Speaker 1: everyone October leave open October ten through, we'll all get together,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, fuck yeah, bro, can't wait to do it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're gonna go here, We're gonna do this,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah, and then slowly goes, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I gotta back out because you know, Dave Davis is
Speaker 1: recital and I gotta back out because I have a
Speaker 1: hemorrhoid that Wednesday, and I gotta back out. And next
Speaker 1: thing you know, it's just two guys just being like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm still single and uh alone, so you want to
Speaker 1: just want to just come over and watch the football game.
Speaker 1: It's hard to get people together. Really, what it is like,
Speaker 1: I knew there were certain girls in this group of
Speaker 1: ten girls that I know bail and I'm I'm one
Speaker 1: of them that like are prone to saying yes to
Speaker 1: something and then when it comes up being like no,
Speaker 1: Curson is not that. Kristen will commit, she will clear
Speaker 1: her schedule, she'll make it happen. So it started out
Speaker 1: me and and the two people that I know we're
Speaker 1: probably gonna be on the fence about whether or not
Speaker 1: they could go. My sister she has three kids and
Speaker 1: a job and you know, um, she just went on
Speaker 1: a trip to you know, Colorado with me, so getting
Speaker 1: her to go on this trip. And I just say
Speaker 1: to them, like, you got to prioritize this, like there's
Speaker 1: no way you'll regret it. I usually will. If it's
Speaker 1: a cost thing, I'll be like, let me just take
Speaker 1: care of that so you don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 1: If that's like, I'm eliminate anything. And I also say,
Speaker 1: if you don't want to go, it's totally fine. You
Speaker 1: could bail out at any point if you want, Like
Speaker 1: it's going to be so and I won't judge you.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'll buy your ticket. And if you
Speaker 1: fucking don't show up for the ticket. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be like you wasted my money, Like I just want,
Speaker 1: like to give you the opportunity to go if you
Speaker 1: want to, and I give them again. We talked about
Speaker 1: this the other day. The freedom to bail gives people it,
Speaker 1: you know when I remember in my relationship when I
Speaker 1: told Chris like I really like, wouldn't mind. This was
Speaker 1: early on when we were dating, like, I don't mind
Speaker 1: you like hooking up with other girls, like if you
Speaker 1: tell me about it, Like I kind of turned on
Speaker 1: by it, and he was like, it's so funny, Like
Speaker 1: as soon as you give me that freedom, like there's
Speaker 1: no desire for anyone else. Like part of the desire
Speaker 1: to bail is the fact that you can't get out
Speaker 1: of it. If you do go, you're locked in. And
Speaker 1: I always say to Carlisle, like Leather Night when karaoke,
Speaker 1: I was like, if you come, literally I it just
Speaker 1: take an uber with me there. I'll pay for us
Speaker 1: to get there. If you walk in and you want
Speaker 1: to turn on a dime and leave, I'll get you
Speaker 1: an uber out immediately, Like you don't have to stay,
Speaker 1: You'll never be stuck. I'll give you an aisle seat,
Speaker 1: like when we went to go to Broadway show, Like
Speaker 1: I realized some of my friends need that aisle seat,
Speaker 1: Like you need an exit plan. You need the freedom
Speaker 1: to be able to not be judged if you do
Speaker 1: want to leave, And you need people to just be
Speaker 1: be gentle and be very forgiving and and too and
Speaker 1: to just like really reinforced like you deserve this. This
Speaker 1: is a once in an opportunity, once in a lifetime
Speaker 1: opportunity to hang out with girls, to not be with
Speaker 1: your kids. I know you're gonna feel like a bad
Speaker 1: mom for the weekend, but honestly, you're gonna be a
Speaker 1: better mom because you're going to have friendships that you're
Speaker 1: nurturing that your kids need to see you have. And
Speaker 1: you need to have other things important in your life
Speaker 1: than working at kids. And I need to fucking hear
Speaker 1: that it's hard for me to take time off, like
Speaker 1: I just want to stay and say I don't want
Speaker 1: to travel on a weekend. I half off. I'm going
Speaker 1: to New York next week for press. I'm flying back
Speaker 1: on Wednesday to St. Louis, and then I'm flying back
Speaker 1: to New York on Friday. It's so important for me
Speaker 1: to get St. Louis time in to be home and
Speaker 1: I'm leaving again and but you just have to you can't.
Speaker 1: You gotta carpet. I think I'm going to go to
Speaker 1: Nashville this weekend to see Rusty and uh, and he's there.
Speaker 1: He's actually would Jake go in the country singer? You know, yeah,
Speaker 1: and we're potentially gonna play a lot of golf. But
Speaker 1: it's a five and a half hour drive. And I
Speaker 1: talked to him and I'm like, you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's kind of a long drive. He's like, look, i'll
Speaker 1: let you know what the plans are. You come, you come,
Speaker 1: last second decision, All good. And then I'm like I'm
Speaker 1: already gassing up the car. Like like his niceness about
Speaker 1: that of like, dude, it doesn't it matter, like I'll
Speaker 1: see you a month from now or two months from now.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, what, Yeah, it's just uh, it's it's
Speaker 1: just very inviting to peopin. You punish people for like
Speaker 1: not showing up or bailing like you've got really people
Speaker 1: gotta work on letting your friends off the hook when
Speaker 1: you when they bail, and you might not relate to bailing.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're someone who's just like I never do that,
Speaker 1: so I just get mad when people do it to me.
Speaker 1: It's not it's like it's never gonna help alleviate the bailing.
Speaker 1: If anything, it's gonna make people stay further from me.
Speaker 1: It's gonna make them not return your call because they
Speaker 1: know when they do call you, there's a there ship
Speaker 1: to be had. And so you're gonna lose friends if
Speaker 1: you keep punishing people, even though you're justified because this
Speaker 1: person is shitty and they're bailing. Just get into forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I do find sometimes when you call that person that
Speaker 1: will give you ship, they tend to only a lot
Speaker 1: of them will give you ship the first three sentences
Speaker 1: and then it's like back to normal. They just have
Speaker 1: to get it out. Empathy for them that have to
Speaker 1: get it out, I know, but those three sentences sometimes
Speaker 1: I could get through just to get you know, but
Speaker 1: sometimes those three sentences I don't even want to put
Speaker 1: up with those, and I will just not all the
Speaker 1: person because I don't want three sentences like that is
Speaker 1: really enough to keep me away from someone for years
Speaker 1: and ruin an entire friendship. And there's something wrong with
Speaker 1: me for that too, like, hey, look, a sentence a year,
Speaker 1: A sentence a year? Yeah, you want to give me
Speaker 1: two sentences? I'll wait two year. All right, we'll be
Speaker 1: back with more show after this. Alright, we're back. Um,
Speaker 1: it is time for our Wednesday wild Card segment. Right
Speaker 1: before we get to it, can I just say that
Speaker 1: I just got sent a Vanity Fair headline about F
Speaker 1: Boy Island. Can I read it? Vanity Fair tweeted F
Speaker 1: Boy Island maybe conceptually among the worst of the current
Speaker 1: dating shows, but as a vehicle for entertainment, it's an
Speaker 1: it's a fucking tour to force. Oh man, that's great feeling.
Speaker 1: That's like the sentence that we were just talking about
Speaker 1: on the previous segment, where it's like you see you
Speaker 1: let it all out and say something mean and then
Speaker 1: you say something nice. Yes, yes, And you know why
Speaker 1: I love a headline like that. It's just like this
Speaker 1: thing is terrible, and because it's terrible, Yeah, it is
Speaker 1: a terrible show conceptually, F Boy Island. I mean, we
Speaker 1: give you hits. They're they're not saying anything that we
Speaker 1: are not conceptually. It's it's it's terrible in the sense
Speaker 1: that like there's three girls looking for Love and fifteen
Speaker 1: or f Boys and fifteen are nice. Guy Like, that's
Speaker 1: conceptually like kind of a nightmare. It's not anything you've
Speaker 1: seen in the real world. It's funny, but it's conceptually
Speaker 1: what they said, among the worst of the current dating shows.
Speaker 1: But you know what, that doesn't insult me at all,
Speaker 1: because you know, there's a show called Is This Cake
Speaker 1: that conceptually is one of the worst things I've ever
Speaker 1: heard in my life and it was a Netflix hit.
Speaker 1: You know, Like, so conceptually, I can you can insult
Speaker 1: me all the time. But when you call it a
Speaker 1: fucking tour to force, which makes me think of, you know,
Speaker 1: a bike race, I sucking. I'm so I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: I like always cried when I saw this because I
Speaker 1: read it and I'm like, but it was sent to
Speaker 1: me by Elon Gale, who um is the you know
Speaker 1: creator of the show and another executive producer, and he
Speaker 1: would never send me something negative, so I was just like, yes,
Speaker 1: it just makes me feel half of that he said,
Speaker 1: this is a headline, that's it. Yeah, I wouldn't read
Speaker 1: the article and it's it's all, you know, blowing. So
Speaker 1: it will be on HBO back tonight at midnight. I
Speaker 1: believe it's the first three episodes, but I don't even
Speaker 1: know that yet. And we will be watching Watch this weekend,
Speaker 1: whatever batch they give us right too, Max tonight and
Speaker 1: on Monday's episode of Nicklas Podcast, we will review f
Speaker 1: Boy Island in a new segment. We're calling f anals
Speaker 1: Island something like that. We are getting to use Andrew's
Speaker 1: idea for my day for my puzzle. Honestly, conceptually, it's
Speaker 1: the worst name you've I've ever heard. But another review
Speaker 1: came from fandom Wire that says comedian Nikki Glazer returns
Speaker 1: to host the reality competition. She once again proves perfect
Speaker 1: for the job. She uses her quick wit and incredible
Speaker 1: humor to poke fun at the absurdity of f Boy
Speaker 1: Island's premise, while also bringing a genuine perspective to the
Speaker 1: blossoming relationships. She acts as a Jiminy cricket of sorts,
Speaker 1: guiding the three women on their confusing and difficult journey
Speaker 1: to find love and money. So that was nice to
Speaker 1: be compared to a little booby cricket and just so little.
Speaker 1: It's because I'm little, That's why they said that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so little. The whole show, Um, it's weird dat you
Speaker 1: on camera. The camera adds a hundred pounds. Let's get
Speaker 1: to her. Yeah. That was one of my favorite friends
Speaker 1: lines ever was when Monica They're looking back on old
Speaker 1: footage from high school and Monica is a lot heavier
Speaker 1: than she is and she was like, oh, come on
Speaker 1: the camera, it's ten pounds, and Chandler goes, how many
Speaker 1: cameras were on you? I thought that was in sixth grade.
Speaker 1: I remember being like, that is the funniest joke I've
Speaker 1: ever heard of my life, ever, ever, And I still
Speaker 1: make dame. That's one of the best jokes ever. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: all right, let's get to our Wednesday segment. We haven't
Speaker 1: played it in a while. We are playing the Blankest Thing,
Speaker 1: and today's um question, where we answered the mostest thing
Speaker 1: ever is, um, what is it? The what ist thing
Speaker 1: We've ever done? The cursed, the cursed thing We've ever done? Um?
Speaker 1: I will start us off. I think I told Andrew
Speaker 1: this once on like a car ride. It makes me
Speaker 1: cringe to even think about it, but I once used
Speaker 1: to bring a cigarette on stage when I smoked at
Speaker 1: Sanford and Sun's Comedy Club in Kansas City, Missouri. For
Speaker 1: my open mic set, which was a three minute set.
Speaker 1: When did you know it was already lit? That would
Speaker 1: have been care if I lit it on stage, but
Speaker 1: it would have been lit, and I brought it on stage,
Speaker 1: and I would definitely light it at a time where
Speaker 1: I knew I was going to be up next, like
Speaker 1: I needed. I wanted that cigarette to be a part
Speaker 1: of my like like I'm so cool and relaxed, vibe disgusting,
Speaker 1: so lame. Definitely knew I was being cooked because I
Speaker 1: had a crush on a guy that was one of
Speaker 1: the comedians who I ended up losing my virginity too,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to look cool to him and he
Speaker 1: tell me about it, get to your jokes. So I
Speaker 1: gotta know more about this because it's what when did
Speaker 1: you When did you like smokers? But I still brought
Speaker 1: it on, But when did you think to do this?
Speaker 1: Was it? Was it a one time thing and then
Speaker 1: you like ran with it? And when did you feel
Speaker 1: did it a few times? It was every Tuesday night
Speaker 1: at the at Stanford and Suns It was open mic night.
Speaker 1: They were probably like thirty comedians there plus audience. And
Speaker 1: I think I thought to do it because I saw
Speaker 1: other comedians and the whole time people are smoking in
Speaker 1: the show room. I mean this was like when smoking
Speaker 1: was indoors, so like I was smoking the entire show.
Speaker 1: But it was like very important to me that like,
Speaker 1: I gotta have it on stage with me to look cooler.
Speaker 1: And it does make smoking at the time, and and
Speaker 1: it does make him look cooler, and I you know,
Speaker 1: you watch mad Men and you go, there's something to it.
Speaker 1: But I definitely planned it and needed it because I
Speaker 1: felt so uncool, you know, like I couldn't How did
Speaker 1: you get over it? How did you when did you
Speaker 1: stop doing it? Did you or a patch on stage? Um?
Speaker 1: I think I just realized how cult was and how
Speaker 1: dumb it was, because really, you don't you can take
Speaker 1: a three minute break from a cigarette. Like if I
Speaker 1: was doing an hour set, I can imagine if I'm
Speaker 1: like that big of a smoker, I might need a
Speaker 1: cigarette in the middle of it, But a three minute set,
Speaker 1: I just and you know what, I started watching comedians
Speaker 1: who would like take beers on stage or like their drinks,
Speaker 1: and they would take beers on stage because a beer
Speaker 1: on stage also makes you look like I'm one of
Speaker 1: the guys, especially Kansas City Comics used to be like
Speaker 1: very like everyone's trying to be um just you know,
Speaker 1: like Doug stand Hope, Yes, like very gritty, like Kansas
Speaker 1: City Comedy in the early midts or mid tooth. I
Speaker 1: was like early like two five is filthy, Like that's
Speaker 1: where I was. It was such a perfect place for
Speaker 1: me because I was like, yes, finally I can be
Speaker 1: so dirty. Like everyone was dirty and it was just
Speaker 1: a dirty club. It was behind the Hooters and like
Speaker 1: a part of like you but now it's like a
Speaker 1: cross fit and we were like, do but your cigarettes
Speaker 1: are still there. They're still there, I think, I mean
Speaker 1: there's somewhere some they're somewhere because those things do not
Speaker 1: bio degrade. And I probably threw them on the ground
Speaker 1: because I was like trying to be kid got it.
Speaker 1: But I remember seeing guys bring beers on stage and
Speaker 1: realizing how fucking lame it was. And and now I
Speaker 1: even when I see it now, I'm more it's just
Speaker 1: like kid, like you're doing a ten minute set. You
Speaker 1: do not need a beer. You're only bringing it to
Speaker 1: like look cool to the audience. And then I started
Speaker 1: after I quit drinking, I just saw people like drinking
Speaker 1: beers on stage. I saw them as weak more than
Speaker 1: I saw them as cool. Like I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you need this thing. You're so nervous, you need this
Speaker 1: thing to calm down. It was like watching someone like
Speaker 1: us an Inhaler on stage, like I'm you know, like
Speaker 1: no offense to anyone who has as mom, but it's
Speaker 1: like kind of like a nerdy like I'm I'm scared
Speaker 1: kind of thing that I is. So I don't really
Speaker 1: think that a people with asthma. I know it's a
Speaker 1: whole different thing, but like there's just something about like
Speaker 1: you're like a nerd that needs like this assistance to
Speaker 1: get through this thing. It just seems. And now I
Speaker 1: see guys like chug It on stage and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're such an addict, Like it kind of makes me
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be judgmental with addicts, but
Speaker 1: I do think it's could now. And so I think
Speaker 1: there's the thing though, if you're at a comedy show
Speaker 1: and there's someone with an inhaler on stage, better heck,
Speaker 1: heck call that motherfucker. No, no, you gotta really Yeah,
Speaker 1: if someone's vaping on stage, I actually don't mind it
Speaker 1: because that is so lame that I think that they
Speaker 1: must be such an addict that I'm like, more power
Speaker 1: to them for just doing what they want to do.
Speaker 1: Like I love when people a lot of cloud and
Speaker 1: you can't see the act out. That's that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: You know, if your cloud is so big it ruined
Speaker 1: your performance, don't bring a smokes scene, Like you don't
Speaker 1: need to send in a tone with that. You can
Speaker 1: just honestly on want to bring like a case of
Speaker 1: beer for a five minute set and just like hilarious,
Speaker 1: like the biggest a keg to be like what's the anyways?
Speaker 1: Let me fill up real quick? Um, so the city's cool? Wait,
Speaker 1: what are you a whore? Like the other night, I
Speaker 1: was on stage and I needed to call an uber
Speaker 1: because I was like, because I was going to my
Speaker 1: next set and like I needed it to be there
Speaker 1: right when I go off stage. And so, um now,
Speaker 1: I know you can like time ubers and so I
Speaker 1: don't need to as much, but I forgot to do
Speaker 1: that and so um or you could schedule them ahead
Speaker 1: of time to show up at a certain time, but
Speaker 1: I didn't do that, and so I was on stage
Speaker 1: and needed like an uber, and I thought this audience
Speaker 1: probably thinks I'm being so cool because I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I don't care about you. I'm getting an uber, Like
Speaker 1: it felt so lame to be doing anything on stage
Speaker 1: that makes it seem like you're like just distracted from
Speaker 1: what you're doing. Like it's so easy for me, like
Speaker 1: I don't even need like if I'm doing I remember
Speaker 1: one time one do I handstand on stage. They were
Speaker 1: just like so relaxed. They were like, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: do a handstand against the wall and like they're like
Speaker 1: they stretch or they just do like oh, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, stop this performative. I'm relaxable shit, Like it's
Speaker 1: I can see through it, but a lot of times
Speaker 1: audiences can't see through it because audiences can't see through
Speaker 1: fucking anything. Open your eyes. Comedians are so lame. They
Speaker 1: are all using tricks. They are cool, They're not They're
Speaker 1: all on confident, they all have such lows. All this team.
Speaker 1: Stop thinking that these edgy comedians are cool. The edge
Speaker 1: needs to be brought back. I can't stand these fucking
Speaker 1: edgy comedians. I'm sorry. I just don't like the idea
Speaker 1: of people getting fans by being like listen no one
Speaker 1: else can handle this, can you like? It's just it's
Speaker 1: it's it's just, it's a lie. Just beef, You're funny,
Speaker 1: that's all you need to be. But it actually works,
Speaker 1: So maybe I'm jealous. Does it works. It's marketing at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, and good marketing marketing, and
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying you, as a consumer, when people
Speaker 1: are telling you they're edgy, you need to be a
Speaker 1: little that's so weird when I see someone with fake confidence,
Speaker 1: and I've been I've been known to do it myself.
Speaker 1: It might be where you come out, you're a little louder,
Speaker 1: you're in your face. It all comes from insecurity. It's
Speaker 1: all insecurity. We all fucking are. But I don't like
Speaker 1: being I don't And maybe I've done it in the past,
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm so grossed out by it. And
Speaker 1: I have. I just admitted I walked on stage with
Speaker 1: a fucking cigarette to do a three minute set in
Speaker 1: two thousand four or whatever it was. But now doing
Speaker 1: in a hospital waiting room, Nikki, do it in a
Speaker 1: do it in front of a baby dying of lung cancer.
Speaker 1: Why don't you do that, you fucking pussy and I
Speaker 1: can't even touch that concept. It's like so edgy that
Speaker 1: my brain is getting canceled right now for even thinking
Speaker 1: about it. Final thought, um, mark, coolest thing we got
Speaker 1: to do? Our? What should I just do? It? Based
Speaker 1: off kind of the same kind of idea, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, what were you going to say? Though? I
Speaker 1: mean my colorst thing is probably like um things I
Speaker 1: did with money when I had a lot of money,
Speaker 1: just buying the truck for fifty thou dollars cash with
Speaker 1: big put big gas wheels on it. Just two months later,
Speaker 1: traded in for Mercedes, and I took out seven grand
Speaker 1: in cash from the bank and bought from a used
Speaker 1: car dealer Jack. I came back and I threw the
Speaker 1: bag of money in his face and I go, give
Speaker 1: me the keys to Decedes, and then he gave me
Speaker 1: the keys. It's pretty cool, It's pretty cool. Did you
Speaker 1: did you? Honestly? I felt and going to the bank
Speaker 1: to take out seven grand in cash though, just to
Speaker 1: trade in a truck, like it's so insane. And then
Speaker 1: I lost that car. I ended up losing, like I
Speaker 1: lost all my money and I ended up having to
Speaker 1: get that repot, you know, like was was was part
Speaker 1: of it for you though, Like did you want people
Speaker 1: obviously did you talk about how much money you paid
Speaker 1: for it in cash? Like it was it was a
Speaker 1: thing to get girls and guys to like you clearly,
Speaker 1: Like was it important to you to let people know
Speaker 1: how much it was? Did you leave the sticker on it?
Speaker 1: Like did you was already? The funniest part about it
Speaker 1: is once I drive it off the lot, the windows
Speaker 1: are tinted. There's a sad, scared little boy driving. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't even roll them down. I was too like like
Speaker 1: embarrassed of having like a because I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: I deserved it because I made all the money on
Speaker 1: one deal. So I'm driving this fifty dollar car that
Speaker 1: you four hundred thirty horsepower a mg. Meanwhile, like the
Speaker 1: windows are tinted to hide. Huh. This fits with you
Speaker 1: because like you were desperate for approval from like guys
Speaker 1: and girls back then, but you were also like scared
Speaker 1: to even have sex. So like you wanted to have
Speaker 1: girls want to have sex with you, but like you
Speaker 1: wouldn't even do it. So like it's almost like I
Speaker 1: felt like that what do you do with your money?
Speaker 1: That's what you do with your money, like I was
Speaker 1: like a very small scale of like you know an
Speaker 1: NBA player who doesn't make it but blows their first
Speaker 1: big check, but they bought fifty cool things that they
Speaker 1: just think that that's what I should do with my money. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we've all done those things before, where we like, what's
Speaker 1: the first time you got a big check? Do you
Speaker 1: remember what your first big check? Or you got all
Speaker 1: incremental until you got someone? Um No, I don't remember
Speaker 1: my first Like I think it was probably I remember
Speaker 1: telling my dad, like I was living at home with
Speaker 1: my parents and I got enough get like college gigs
Speaker 1: on my books that over two months period, I had
Speaker 1: no money and I was like, Dad, in two months,
Speaker 1: guess how much money I'm going to make? And I
Speaker 1: remember it being ten thousand dollars over two months, and
Speaker 1: you know it was like doing like eighteen college shows
Speaker 1: or something like that. But it was just to me
Speaker 1: that felt like I finally am going to be what
Speaker 1: did you go by when you got that nothing? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're kidding me that that's gonna go away.
Speaker 1: I gotta save it. I'm not good at that. I
Speaker 1: don't my first eight grand because and like the money
Speaker 1: is only especially the first eight grand that I got
Speaker 1: in real estate. I went to this club called Automatic
Speaker 1: Slims and Fort Larada with Rusty. I spent all my money.
Speaker 1: I bought bottles of champagne and I fell through the
Speaker 1: table with holding the waitress. She fell with me. I
Speaker 1: saved her by her landing on me. My back went
Speaker 1: through the glass table eight thousand dollars worth. The champagne broke,
Speaker 1: and then I woke up to a girl putting on
Speaker 1: a Hooters outfit, and I didn't help up with her,
Speaker 1: and then she wouldn't give me a right home. I
Speaker 1: was at her place, she was putting on a Hooters outfit.
Speaker 1: I go, hey, can you drive me back to downtown
Speaker 1: for LARAO. I woke up by forty minutes outside of
Speaker 1: for LARDA. I go, can you drive me back? She goes,
Speaker 1: I can't. I gotta getter uh inside internal Um, So
Speaker 1: I go, well drive me home? She goes, I can't,
Speaker 1: And then Rusty She's like, well you can't stay at
Speaker 1: my apartment either. It's like a hundred degrees out. I'm
Speaker 1: wearing a shirt that says you so crazy with a
Speaker 1: star date. Oh god, I'm walking in like it's like
Speaker 1: a hundred and thirty degrees in South Florida. Rusty comes
Speaker 1: and picks me up and like like eight grand gone,
Speaker 1: Like I know, I literally had less money than when
Speaker 1: I started the night, and uh, you know, but god,
Speaker 1: I kind of missed that guy. That guy is still
Speaker 1: in you. You still do stuff like that on a
Speaker 1: smaller scale, like getting into Celsia strengths, like getting a
Speaker 1: new golf shirt every day for some reason. I don't
Speaker 1: know how many golf shirts do you own at this point.
Speaker 1: It's the clubs is the problem. The shirts are the
Speaker 1: shirts on. Okay, the clubs are the problem. What's you've
Speaker 1: ever done? Okay? So for me, the thing that came
Speaker 1: to my mind was um earlier in my radio days
Speaker 1: and maybe like a little bit later into my radio days.
Speaker 1: Anytime there would be a celebrity coming to the studio,
Speaker 1: I would get a photo and then I would run
Speaker 1: to Facebook and post it just to like show off,
Speaker 1: like look at what I get to do and that
Speaker 1: you know, Like now, I just like cringe whenever I
Speaker 1: look at those posts, and I like, I just know
Speaker 1: that I did it just to show it off. It
Speaker 1: was not like any indication of like what my job
Speaker 1: is or anything like that. Although like now I just
Speaker 1: feel like I don't have to show off these things.
Speaker 1: Like if anyone is curious about what I do or
Speaker 1: what my history it is, they can just ask me
Speaker 1: and I'll talk about it. And those photos are just
Speaker 1: for me to bring those memories out, so like I
Speaker 1: don't know, like that it was for you to let
Speaker 1: people know that you were like crushing it and like
Speaker 1: that this were hob nobbing with celebrities, right and like
Speaker 1: all all all like wrestling and actors, musicians. I was
Speaker 1: just like I'm gonna show everybody, and you know, I
Speaker 1: claim about that no offense or what's about that is
Speaker 1: that you don't know them. They will never They don't
Speaker 1: remember you. They they's men. And I want to just say,
Speaker 1: if I take pictures with people at shows and they
Speaker 1: post them, you have every right to post that because
Speaker 1: we have an interaction. Even if you come up to
Speaker 1: me on the street, I will remember you. But like
Speaker 1: if someone is a radio producer that I'm doing a
Speaker 1: you know, a bunch of radio shows promote something, and
Speaker 1: the producer takes a picture and tries to put that
Speaker 1: on as Tinder, like we're friends and I think that
Speaker 1: that's like where and I can. And I think it's
Speaker 1: cool to post pictures with celebrities when you meet them,
Speaker 1: even if you don't have a good connection, Like sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, I'm with this person. I think.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's lame. I think it's lame when
Speaker 1: you try to make it seem like my life is
Speaker 1: just like these are my buds, Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just like their first name. So it's the same post.
Speaker 1: It's like very quick, so you have to get it right,
Speaker 1: and it's just oh my god. You know what. I'm
Speaker 1: going to open tomorrow's show, which we're about to record
Speaker 1: after this, with a story of what I last night lived,
Speaker 1: one of what you just told, the story you just
Speaker 1: told the cursed thing of your life. I last night Andrew.
Speaker 1: What it would have been the curssed moment of Andrew's life.
Speaker 1: And he would have done the same thing that you
Speaker 1: would have done in my shoes last night if he
Speaker 1: would have been you know, back in this Andrew days
Speaker 1: of wearing uh hung out. I met one of your
Speaker 1: heroes for a moment. Tomorrow I read what are your Heroes?
Speaker 1: But only when I think around the time that you
Speaker 1: bought that stupid truck, it would have been a hero
Speaker 1: of that time. And I guess think you can think
Speaker 1: who it is. You know, you'll see on the next
Speaker 1: episode of the nick Lays podcast Tompika and Yeah Harlow
Speaker 1: Twitter