Speaker 1: We are sharing another bonus clip from our conversation about
Speaker 1: Constants rules red table Talk appearance. Enjoyed the rest of
Speaker 1: our conversation. Now, Dr Jenny Constant struggled with moving past
Speaker 1: her mistake. She was so hard on herself for letting
Speaker 1: others down. Is this need for perfectionalism or fear of
Speaker 1: failure a common struggle you see among clients? And then
Speaker 1: how do you help them work through these? Yeah? So
Speaker 1: it is a common theme perfectionism quote unquote imposter syndrome, right,
Speaker 1: fear of failure? And I mean, I could talk all
Speaker 1: day about my issues with the idea of impostor syndrome,
Speaker 1: because it almost puts the onus on me, Like I
Speaker 1: have a syndrome that I feel like I don't belong
Speaker 1: or measure up. But yet I'm living in a society
Speaker 1: that is constantly telling me that over and over again.
Speaker 1: So why is that my syndrome? But if we think
Speaker 1: about the roots of perfectionism though, right, it is a
Speaker 1: way that we try to control our environment. It is
Speaker 1: a way in which we try to try to kind
Speaker 1: of assuage our anxiety. Right, So if I show up
Speaker 1: perfectly and I try to control every measure of this situation.
Speaker 1: Then that will calm me down and make me feel
Speaker 1: somewhat safe in my world. The problem is that when
Speaker 1: you uphold that image of perfectionism, sometimes we get cracks
Speaker 1: because you cannot actually function perfectly every moment of your life.
Speaker 1: And so when we notice cracks, that starts to now
Speaker 1: teach our identity. Oh Am, I broken because I can't
Speaker 1: function like sometimes we have to challenge. But wait a second,
Speaker 1: what is the system in itself that is requiring me
Speaker 1: to function under this guise of perfectionism in the first place? Right?
Speaker 1: Is it capitalism? Is it racism? Or systemic injustice? What
Speaker 1: is it that is forcing me to feel as though
Speaker 1: I need to show up in this way in order
Speaker 1: to have value or worth? Because I think we need
Speaker 1: to dismantle that system then, right, And so when I'm
Speaker 1: kind of like trying to help clients move through it,
Speaker 1: I'm a big proponent of action being a great teacher.
Speaker 1: So if you struggle with perfectionism, then I'm going to
Speaker 1: try to devise safe but somewhat challenging exercises for you
Speaker 1: to operate imperfectly. That Dr Jenny, I love that this
Speaker 1: is my trap because part of it is we can
Speaker 1: grow and expand the muscle to tolerate imperfection in our lives. Right,
Speaker 1: So the first few times is going to make you
Speaker 1: real riled up when you do something imperfectly, But as
Speaker 1: you do it again and again, you realize that you
Speaker 1: showing up imperfectly doesn't result in the world falling apart.
Speaker 1: People still love you, you still have value, and you
Speaker 1: realize that you don't have to hold that facade so richidly. Right.
Speaker 1: Do you see that your clients evolve and go from
Speaker 1: being able to tolerate imperfection to embrace imperfection. Yes, And
Speaker 1: that is the coolest part of the journey, right, is
Speaker 1: they actually start to develop traction and they start to
Speaker 1: invite opportunities that are more risky than they ever would
Speaker 1: have tolerated before, and that opens up all of the
Speaker 1: possibilities in work, in relationships, in all of these other
Speaker 1: spaces of their lives. And I think, coming from kind
Speaker 1: of a child of immigrant experience as well, scarcity model
Speaker 1: is a very big part of kind of how we
Speaker 1: see the world. So if we're taught to be safe,
Speaker 1: if we're taught to be stable, don't take too many
Speaker 1: risks because you don't want to gamble it all away.
Speaker 1: Your ancestors worked really hard for you to get here, right,
Speaker 1: so don't lose it and squander it. Then it makes
Speaker 1: us much more limited in our risk taking abilities. We
Speaker 1: hear that, I hear yeah. So if we can actually say,
Speaker 1: you know what, calculated intentional risk is the birthplace of growth,
Speaker 1: That is where you actually grow, because if you've mastered it,
Speaker 1: if you're not having to struggle through it, there's no
Speaker 1: growth there. You're just running the status quo. The muscles
Speaker 1: are already trained. But if it's straining you, if it's
Speaker 1: pushing you, that's where growth happens. So that's the reframe
Speaker 1: that I think we have to The arc has to
Speaker 1: head in that direction where failure is actually part of
Speaker 1: the process towards success and we have to actually welcome it.
Speaker 1: And my failure doesn't say anything about my identity, it's
Speaker 1: actually saying something about the process. Fail forwards, fail forward.
Speaker 1: I love it, and you will always practice more than
Speaker 1: you play. I mean, we just kind of keep on
Speaker 1: going out there and doing our thing. I love it.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, wasn't it good? We couldn't keep this
Speaker 1: to ourselves. We had to release it. Yes, Yes, listen.
Speaker 1: The full episode recapping Constance Rules episode of Red Table
Speaker 1: Talk is out now. Otherwise, tune in on Monday's for
Speaker 1: another Let's Red Table debt. A big thank you to
Speaker 1: our executive producers Jada Pinkett Smith, Ellen Racketson and Balin Jethrow.
Speaker 1: And thank you to our producer Kyla Kneu and our
Speaker 1: associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thank you to our
Speaker 1: sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar