WEBVTT - BONUS Clip: How To Beat Imposter Syndrome

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<v Speaker 1>We are sharing another bonus clip from our conversation about

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<v Speaker 1>Constants rules red table Talk appearance. Enjoyed the rest of

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<v Speaker 1>our conversation. Now, Dr Jenny Constant struggled with moving past

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<v Speaker 1>her mistake. She was so hard on herself for letting

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<v Speaker 1>others down. Is this need for perfectionalism or fear of

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<v Speaker 1>failure a common struggle you see among clients? And then

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<v Speaker 1>how do you help them work through these? Yeah? So

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<v Speaker 1>it is a common theme perfectionism quote unquote imposter syndrome, right,

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<v Speaker 1>fear of failure? And I mean, I could talk all

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<v Speaker 1>day about my issues with the idea of impostor syndrome,

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<v Speaker 1>because it almost puts the onus on me, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>have a syndrome that I feel like I don't belong

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<v Speaker 1>or measure up. But yet I'm living in a society

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<v Speaker 1>that is constantly telling me that over and over again.

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<v Speaker 1>So why is that my syndrome? But if we think

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<v Speaker 1>about the roots of perfectionism though, right, it is a

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<v Speaker 1>way that we try to control our environment. It is

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<v Speaker 1>a way in which we try to try to kind

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<v Speaker 1>of assuage our anxiety. Right, So if I show up

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<v Speaker 1>perfectly and I try to control every measure of this situation.

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<v Speaker 1>Then that will calm me down and make me feel

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<v Speaker 1>somewhat safe in my world. The problem is that when

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<v Speaker 1>you uphold that image of perfectionism, sometimes we get cracks

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<v Speaker 1>because you cannot actually function perfectly every moment of your life.

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<v Speaker 1>And so when we notice cracks, that starts to now

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<v Speaker 1>teach our identity. Oh Am, I broken because I can't

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<v Speaker 1>function like sometimes we have to challenge. But wait a second,

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<v Speaker 1>what is the system in itself that is requiring me

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<v Speaker 1>to function under this guise of perfectionism in the first place? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it capitalism? Is it racism? Or systemic injustice? What

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<v Speaker 1>is it that is forcing me to feel as though

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<v Speaker 1>I need to show up in this way in order

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<v Speaker 1>to have value or worth? Because I think we need

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<v Speaker 1>to dismantle that system then, right, And so when I'm

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like trying to help clients move through it,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a big proponent of action being a great teacher.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you struggle with perfectionism, then I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>try to devise safe but somewhat challenging exercises for you

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<v Speaker 1>to operate imperfectly. That Dr Jenny, I love that this

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<v Speaker 1>is my trap because part of it is we can

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<v Speaker 1>grow and expand the muscle to tolerate imperfection in our lives. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>So the first few times is going to make you

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<v Speaker 1>real riled up when you do something imperfectly, But as

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<v Speaker 1>you do it again and again, you realize that you

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<v Speaker 1>showing up imperfectly doesn't result in the world falling apart.

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<v Speaker 1>People still love you, you still have value, and you

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<v Speaker 1>realize that you don't have to hold that facade so richidly. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you see that your clients evolve and go from

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<v Speaker 1>being able to tolerate imperfection to embrace imperfection. Yes, And

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<v Speaker 1>that is the coolest part of the journey, right, is

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<v Speaker 1>they actually start to develop traction and they start to

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<v Speaker 1>invite opportunities that are more risky than they ever would

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<v Speaker 1>have tolerated before, and that opens up all of the

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<v Speaker 1>possibilities in work, in relationships, in all of these other

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<v Speaker 1>spaces of their lives. And I think, coming from kind

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<v Speaker 1>of a child of immigrant experience as well, scarcity model

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<v Speaker 1>is a very big part of kind of how we

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<v Speaker 1>see the world. So if we're taught to be safe,

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<v Speaker 1>if we're taught to be stable, don't take too many

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<v Speaker 1>risks because you don't want to gamble it all away.

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<v Speaker 1>Your ancestors worked really hard for you to get here, right,

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<v Speaker 1>so don't lose it and squander it. Then it makes

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<v Speaker 1>us much more limited in our risk taking abilities. We

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<v Speaker 1>hear that, I hear yeah. So if we can actually say,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what, calculated intentional risk is the birthplace of growth,

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<v Speaker 1>That is where you actually grow, because if you've mastered it,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're not having to struggle through it, there's no

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<v Speaker 1>growth there. You're just running the status quo. The muscles

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<v Speaker 1>are already trained. But if it's straining you, if it's

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<v Speaker 1>pushing you, that's where growth happens. So that's the reframe

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<v Speaker 1>that I think we have to The arc has to

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<v Speaker 1>head in that direction where failure is actually part of

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<v Speaker 1>the process towards success and we have to actually welcome it.

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<v Speaker 1>And my failure doesn't say anything about my identity, it's

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<v Speaker 1>actually saying something about the process. Fail forwards, fail forward.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it, and you will always practice more than

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<v Speaker 1>you play. I mean, we just kind of keep on

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<v Speaker 1>going out there and doing our thing. I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, wasn't it good? We couldn't keep this

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<v Speaker 1>to ourselves. We had to release it. Yes, Yes, listen.

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<v Speaker 1>The full episode recapping Constance Rules episode of Red Table

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<v Speaker 1>Talk is out now. Otherwise, tune in on Monday's for

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<v Speaker 1>another Let's Red Table debt. A big thank you to

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<v Speaker 1>our executive producers Jada Pinkett Smith, Ellen Racketson and Balin Jethrow.

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<v Speaker 1>And thank you to our producer Kyla Kneu and our

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<v Speaker 1>associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thank you to our

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<v Speaker 1>sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar