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Speaker 1: What's up, y'all? Is your girl lexp And it's your

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Speaker 1: girls Dray and.

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Speaker 2: A cold and you are tuned in to another episode

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Speaker 2: of Poor Mine.

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Speaker 1: Where's your mind speaks? Sober thought.

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Speaker 2: We gotta guess today, We gotta guess today. So y'all know,

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Speaker 2: I'm sober excited because this has been a long time coming.

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Speaker 3: So what was it that we did the Joe Button podcast?

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Speaker 1: How long ago?

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Speaker 4: Oh, it was like almost a year. Yeah, it was

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Speaker 4: almost a year ago, or if it maybe it has.

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Speaker 3: Been a year.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been a while. It was a while.

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Speaker 2: So we did the Joe ba and podcast, of course,

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Speaker 2: and you know, he's had a lot of turning chairs

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Speaker 2: on the show. But one of my personal favorite editions

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Speaker 2: has been this beautiful lady.

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Speaker 3: If you don't know who she is, you're.

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Speaker 2: Obviously living under a rock and you don't know nothing

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Speaker 2: about the original Baddy about the culture.

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Speaker 3: Yes, the culture. Okay, we got Melissa part of the building.

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Speaker 1: God, oh my god, listen.

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Speaker 5: I called up, I called up Chat, I called I was.

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Speaker 1: Like, I'm coming to Atlanta. I gotta do Poor Minds.

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Speaker 1: I gotta girls so much fun.

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Speaker 5: When you guys came to the Parday just the fact

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Speaker 5: your women, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Brow you get yeah.

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Speaker 5: I was like, yes, this side, yeah, and you guys

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Speaker 5: are just such a breath of fresh air, so unapologetically

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Speaker 5: you and just one. And I was like, I'm coming

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Speaker 5: to do poor mounts. Yes you have because you know,

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Speaker 5: I like a little drinking drink.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I will already made me a hootie hoo one

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Speaker 1: thing about time. You're gonna make them drinks, so they

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Speaker 1: gonna sneak up. Yeah, to get into it, because we have.

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Speaker 2: A lot to cover today and so much that I

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Speaker 2: want to talk to you about. So I do want

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Speaker 2: to start, you know, from the beginning and your career

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Speaker 2: just in general.

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Speaker 1: So how did you.

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Speaker 2: Get into like the modeling video Vixen game, like from

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Speaker 2: the start?

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Speaker 5: Okay, So I'm gonna take y'all back, yes, okay, make

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Speaker 5: y'all a little like very far back.

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Speaker 1: So it was a little bit of a of a nerd.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I mean, maybe that's not a PC term anymore, but

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Speaker 5: I'm calling myself a you know, when I was a

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Speaker 5: little girl.

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Speaker 1: Everybody wonders where I have this vocabulary from.

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Speaker 5: Because I keep busting out these big ass Okay, that's

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Speaker 5: why y'all s O T.

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Speaker 1: S at words and stuff like that.

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Speaker 5: It's because when I was a little girl, I used

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Speaker 5: to read the Dictionary and the thesaurus for fun. I

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Speaker 5: was fascinated by words and their their origin. So you know,

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Speaker 5: it just that was that was just me. So like

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Speaker 5: I'd be up in my room reading the Encyclopedia Britannica.

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Speaker 1: You guys probably know nothing about that. They used.

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Speaker 5: And you know it just became part of the furniture.

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Speaker 5: But if you know about Encyclopedia Britannica, they collected the set,

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Speaker 5: and so I used to read that for fun, or

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Speaker 5: I used to read the Dictionary for and so that

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Speaker 5: is what helped to enhance my vocabulary. And then you know,

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Speaker 5: I was a voracious reader like I just I mean,

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Speaker 5: by the time I was like six or seven years old,

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Speaker 5: I was reading horror novels. And I would sometimes be

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Speaker 5: reading two and three books at a time, and I

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Speaker 5: would devour them inside of like a week. And I

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Speaker 5: could read an entire book inside of life, like you know,

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Speaker 5: twenty four to forty eight hours.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 5: Needless to say, I probably I didn't have you know,

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Speaker 5: a whole lot of friends Friday, and so I loved

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Speaker 5: the horror genre when I was, you know, seven years old.

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Speaker 1: And then I promise this leads into videos.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, but I've never and I've never really told

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Speaker 5: this part of the story.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I loved the horror genre.

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Speaker 5: And then one day, when I was maybe about eight

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Speaker 5: or nine years old, my mom.

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Speaker 1: Took me to the bookstore, which is what we used

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Speaker 1: to do.

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Speaker 5: Uh my mom was I got my my my desire

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Speaker 5: and my you know, my voracious reading, like the appetite

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Speaker 5: for it from my mom. And I discovered the true

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Speaker 5: crime section in the in the library, and.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, this one. Oh my god.

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Speaker 5: But I'm also feeling a little shape. Yeah, why do

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Speaker 5: I like this stuff? Why am I driven by?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 5: Why am I why is my desire to read about

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Speaker 5: the macabre and like just like the most deviant behavior

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Speaker 5: of human beings? Why do I like this? At nine?

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Speaker 6: I'm WEIRDO, I'm not going I'm like nine years old.

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Speaker 1: He is kind of cristy early.

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Speaker 4: But we were literally just talking about these last week.

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Speaker 4: I think on one of our Patreon episodes, how I

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Speaker 4: read something somewhere where it said people.

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Speaker 1: Who like true crime they're crazy. Okay, now you throw

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Speaker 1: off in here. I wait, I'll get to that point.

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Speaker 1: So fast forward.

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Speaker 5: I'm like eleven or twelve years old, and I have

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Speaker 5: gone to see New Jack City. So New Jack City

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Speaker 5: and Silence of the Lambs came out at the same time. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and so I went saw New Jack City and then

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Speaker 5: I snuck into Silence of the Lamb And when I

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Speaker 5: saw that movie and I saw Clarice Starling, I just like,

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Speaker 5: that is what I want to do with my life.

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Speaker 5: I want to work for the FBI. I want to

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Speaker 5: be a criminal profiler. I want to work in the

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Speaker 5: behavioral science do in it at Quantico, Virginia as a profiler,

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Speaker 5: studying serial killers and the deviant fucking minds.

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Speaker 1: That was what I wanted to do. So I had

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Speaker 1: a focus and this was it. This was it. And

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Speaker 1: so when I went to enrolled.

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Speaker 5: In university, paying for it myself, working three jobs and

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Speaker 5: stuff like that, I was I was majoring in forensic psychology.

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Speaker 1: That was yes.

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Speaker 5: So I really don't really talk much about it at all.

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Speaker 5: I don't know why, but this is this is really

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Speaker 5: part of the story. And then I get a call

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Speaker 5: from Little X's people, who is now known as director

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Speaker 5: X and they were like, hey, well do you know

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Speaker 5: who little ex is?

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Speaker 1: I was like the video director and they said yeah.

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Speaker 5: And keep in mind I'm like a bartender, and like,

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Speaker 5: you know, I got a little coyote ugly thing going.

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Speaker 1: Okay. I like, I'm from Toronto and you you know,

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Speaker 1: you're from Atlanta. People you know, yeah, people know, people

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Speaker 1: know kind of things that they knew me, but they

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Speaker 1: also knew.

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Speaker 5: Everybody knew me to be very serious and studious.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 5: And so for me to get a call that you know,

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Speaker 5: somebody wanted to like hire me and it's just from

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Speaker 5: my aesthetic was why.

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Speaker 1: You know. And they were like, well, because you're hot.

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Speaker 5: And I was like, oh all right, yeah, sure, I'll

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Speaker 5: talk to him fine, And so we met and he

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Speaker 5: was like, I want you to be the lead in

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Speaker 5: this video. So like, my first real video was like

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Speaker 5: the Canadian Rap All Stars.

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Speaker 1: It was called Northern Touch and it was.

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Speaker 5: Me too, and it was the Rascals and Scha Claire

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Speaker 5: and Socrates and Cardinal Official shout out to you know,

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Speaker 5: my boys in Toronto. Boy, that was a million years ago,

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Speaker 5: and so like I'm just like the main girl, yes,

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Speaker 5: and so X at that point determined that like I

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Speaker 5: was like his muse, and he was like, listen, I'm

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Speaker 5: going to be big and I'm going to take you

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Speaker 5: with me.

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Speaker 1: And I said yeah, all right, and.

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Speaker 5: Then it was just like okay, whatever, and I went

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Speaker 5: back to school and I went back to working my jobs.

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Speaker 5: And then a year later he calls me up. He

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Speaker 5: was like it's time and I said time for what.

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Speaker 5: He was like, I told you I was coming to

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Speaker 5: get you. And I was like, oh okay, and he

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Speaker 5: was like, I want you to do this video and

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Speaker 5: it was called the Belly soundtrack the movie Belly. So

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Speaker 5: the song was called Tommy's Theme and I think Tommy

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Speaker 5: was played by Nash and it was the locks and

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Speaker 5: made Men and he was like you're going to be

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Speaker 5: one of my leads.

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Speaker 1: I said all right, cool.

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Speaker 5: So they flew me out to New York and I

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Speaker 5: did the music video and then that was cool and

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Speaker 5: what an experience and I just figured, okay, that was that.

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Speaker 5: And then I get home and three days later, this woman,

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Speaker 5: Amber Jared calls me and she said, hi, Melissa, I'm

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Speaker 5: Amber Jared. I'm a casting director for Hype Williams. Hype

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Speaker 5: would like you to fly to Miami to do the

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Speaker 5: one twelve Little Zane video anywhere anywhere, and I was

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Speaker 5: just like, Hype Williams.

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Speaker 1: Why I'm a.

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Speaker 5: And here's the kicker is like X was doing storyboards

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Speaker 5: or Hype at that time, so you know, it's kind

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Speaker 5: of like Lenda hand to bring the next kind of

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Speaker 5: the next one up, right. But then they also had

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Speaker 5: like this little competitive thing going on with each other

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Speaker 5: where they would like use each other's girls for their

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Speaker 5: productions and stuff. And so I flew to Miami the

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Speaker 5: first time I'd ever been there ever in life, and

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Speaker 5: I did this video for Hype Williams and it was

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Speaker 5: just an epic experience. And then that I guess just

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Speaker 5: started the video career. But I do have to say.

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Speaker 1: That my paror, my priorities very very very much intact.

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Speaker 5: I knew what side my bread was buttered on. I

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Speaker 5: was a bartender. I made pretty good money from bartending.

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Speaker 5: Not like how bartending is it he.

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Speaker 1: Tony's Canada.

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Speaker 5: But you know, so I went back to you know,

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Speaker 5: Toronto with the intention of, Okay, I am focused still

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Speaker 5: on being this profiler.

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Speaker 1: I'm focused on my studies.

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Speaker 5: I'm paying for myself to go to university so I'm

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Speaker 5: working like three jobs, one of them is at a

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Speaker 5: satellite TV company and everything like that. And and so

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Speaker 5: I would turn down a lot of videos as well,

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Speaker 5: so like you would see me in Big Pimpin', but

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Speaker 5: I also turned down Thug Life Is Mine, which was

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Speaker 5: mob deep and NODS that was shot in like the

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Speaker 5: South Pacific, you know, like like Tahiti or something like that.

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Speaker 5: And people were like, how are you turning that down?

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I have school, Yeah, like I gotta go

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Speaker 5: to school.

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Speaker 1: I never really, it never really pressed upon me.

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Speaker 5: What I was doing was career making, you know, like

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Speaker 5: it just was something to do, and it was fun

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Speaker 5: and it was travel and it was a way to

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Speaker 5: kind of like you know, validate your your hotness.

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Speaker 1: But then you get back into you go back to

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Speaker 1: the real world, you know.

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Speaker 5: And I never lost sight of what the real world

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Speaker 5: was for me at that time.

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Speaker 3: In my life.

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Speaker 2: So I do want to ask you this question, because

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Speaker 2: you were like emphasizing like how much a nerd you

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Speaker 2: were and how you liked to read. But did you

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Speaker 2: know that you was fine? Did you grow up like

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Speaker 2: you grow up knowing like I'm bad as hell?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, why did he call like, Oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: excuse me. You look at the material I had.

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Speaker 5: I had an ugly duckling phase and there is no

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Speaker 5: photographic evidence to prove it, so don't go looking for it. So,

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Speaker 5: you know, I think that I think that when you

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Speaker 5: have a phase like that, like a really really really

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Speaker 5: really awkward face, it has like an impenetrable effect on

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Speaker 5: your self esteem. And it doesn't matter how fine you get,

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Speaker 5: there's always gonna be that little girl inside you that

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Speaker 5: had the acne or was overweight, or had the afro,

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Speaker 5: or you had a combination of all three. And you

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Speaker 5: also didn't you also dressed with like a big nose

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Speaker 5: on your sweat.

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Speaker 1: Please God, don't let me tell it myself.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I was a mess.

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Speaker 1: I was a mess.

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Speaker 5: But you know, so I had that awkward phase and

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Speaker 5: then the fluffiness melted away, and then this little waist

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Speaker 5: came in, These hips came in, this.

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Speaker 1: Booty came in, and I was not prepared for it

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Speaker 1: because I.

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Speaker 5: Was not prepared for it, and I wasn't prepared for

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Speaker 5: the reaction that I would get from not just boys

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Speaker 5: my age, boys older than me, men following me in

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Speaker 5: cars from the bus stop to my house or just

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Speaker 5: circling me on the block from my walk, you know,

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Speaker 5: from the bus stop to school, and shit was hair offying.

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Speaker 5: So I just it just didn't. My brain had not

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Speaker 5: caught up with my developed self, you know. And then

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Speaker 5: because I developed like voluptuousness kind of early, like I

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Speaker 5: look like my mom, and my mom was Russian and Norwegian.

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Speaker 1: She looked like a Viking, but she.

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Speaker 5: Had a She was five ft ten and she had

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Speaker 5: like a bear, like an hourglass figure. The only difference

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Speaker 5: between our bodies is my ass, protrude. My mom was

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Speaker 5: hips as a little flat, but she had like that

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Speaker 5: little ass waist, boobies and you know, and she was

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Speaker 5: tall with this long blonde hair. I'm give her a

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Speaker 5: hat with horns and send her out to fucking about.

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Speaker 5: Yeah she was a Viking, you know, but stunning, stunning woman.

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Speaker 1: It just it didn't.

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Speaker 5: I translated that as being fat, you know, the voluptuousness

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Speaker 5: and the girl and a lot of girls called me

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Speaker 5: that growing up, and so I.

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Speaker 4: Talked about these that happened to me as a kid.

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Speaker 4: So I used to get called fat all the time.

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Speaker 4: I always home corn and my mom would be like,

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Speaker 4: you're not.

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Speaker 5: Faz I always wondered what it would have been to

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Speaker 5: grow up in an environment like here, where a big.

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Speaker 1: Booty is a thing of beauty. It would be because

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Speaker 1: I got called fats who.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it was the era and the time too, because

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Speaker 2: I had a cousin who was literally shaped like that.

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Speaker 2: They're small ways big but and people were constantly calling

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Speaker 2: her fast kid.

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Speaker 3: I would see people calling.

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Speaker 2: Her fast in my family and looking back on the pictures,

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Speaker 2: I was like, she was fine as hell what we

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Speaker 2: consider to be like thick now And I think with

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Speaker 2: you whenever you came on the scene. To me personally,

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Speaker 2: this is a big statement to make, but I truly

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Speaker 2: feel like you really changed the beauty standard for real

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Speaker 2: because at that time, though thick, it was like it

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Speaker 2: wasn't like that. Think was just like if you had

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Speaker 2: a little bit of hips and you had a little

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Speaker 2: bit of curve. Thin was like everybody used to call

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Speaker 2: And when you look back at pictures, j Loo like

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Speaker 2: had she didn't have that ass. So it's like when

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Speaker 2: we started seeing people like Melissa, it was like, this

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Speaker 2: is what a body looks like. It was like you real,

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Speaker 2: So it really changed like, Okay, this is what we

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Speaker 2: want the thickness to look like.

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Speaker 5: It was weird to know at that time that you

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Speaker 5: were that you were kind of responsible for how women were.

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Speaker 1: Were internalizing things.

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Speaker 5: It's weird to know that but also feel very self conscious.

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Speaker 1: It's it's like, I don't know. It's like I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I've always been trying to I've always struggled to articulate,

303
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:40,400
Speaker 5: which is weird as shit articulated. But it's like, it's

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Speaker 5: just I knew I had a responsibility, but I and

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Speaker 5: I had to act.

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Speaker 1: I really had.

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Speaker 5: To act like.

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Speaker 1: Like I knew I was the shit.

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Speaker 5: I had to act like there wasn't a crack in

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Speaker 5: the facade.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 5: I remember when I was a kid and I was

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Speaker 5: watching The Cosby Show and Felicia Rashad, you know, Clairehock

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Speaker 5: came on the screen, and I had never seen a

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Speaker 5: woman like her before in my entire life. You know,

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Speaker 5: just she was this combination of like beauty and grace,

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Speaker 5: but power and just fire and intelligence and academic smarts

318
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Speaker 5: and just she just was this combination, this powerhouse combination

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Speaker 5: of a woman.

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Speaker 1: I'd never seen anything like her before.

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Speaker 5: And then what I appreciate about the Cosby Show was

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Speaker 5: the ilk of the woman that they decided to consistently hire,

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Speaker 5: Lena Horne, Nancy Wilson. This is what you consistently saw

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Speaker 5: from the women that came on. They were brilliant and

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Speaker 5: beautiful and accomplished, and they were great, and they were graceful,

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Speaker 5: and they were nurturing and they were all these things.

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Speaker 5: And at eight years old, I said, that is the

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Speaker 5: woman that I want to be. And what I loved

329
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Speaker 5: most about these women was you never saw a crack

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Speaker 5: in the facade. You never saw a crack in the facade.

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Speaker 5: So for me, it was always like, it does not

332
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Speaker 5: matter what is going on on the inside. There can

333
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 5: be a Category five hurricane going on inside and I

334
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Speaker 5: am losing my fucking.

335
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Speaker 1: Mind right but on the outside.

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Speaker 2: And you know what's crazy that you just said that,

337
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Speaker 2: because what did I just say to you in the

338
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Speaker 2: car on the way over here, Because.

339
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 1: How you looked at the Claire Huxtable.

340
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Speaker 2: Like, oh my god, what did I say? I said, I, yeah,

341
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 2: she's always and when I would see you, And this

342
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,239
Speaker 2: is no because I always talk about, like growing up,

343
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Speaker 2: how I felt about myself and how I would just

344
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Speaker 2: be like, oh my god, she's so gorgeous. And I

345
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,800
Speaker 2: remember like seeing you in these videos and being like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, if I could just look like that

347
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Speaker 2: and I could just carry myself like that, because like

348
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Speaker 2: it was like it would be a video and you

349
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Speaker 2: would just walk on and it was just like everything

350
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Speaker 2: would just stop, like.

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Speaker 1: Even the other girls they're supposed to be dancing and

352
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Speaker 1: shaking up a little bit.

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Speaker 2: You like, God, damn, So it's crazy that you picked

354
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 2: that up because you exuded that.

355
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Speaker 5: There was times the shake it Fast video, shaky ashes fast,

356
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Speaker 5: you know, the radio version when we're in all the

357
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Speaker 5: masks at the masquerade.

358
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Speaker 1: Party of the video, I was sobbing.

359
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,159
Speaker 5: I was they had to pick me up off the

360
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:13,360
Speaker 5: floor because the costuming was so was so we were

361
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 5: so scantily clad, and I was so insecure about my

362
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 5: body and what it looked like that I just would

363
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Speaker 5: have these crying fits.

364
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Speaker 1: I would just I would.

365
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,280
Speaker 5: I was like, it was I don't even know how

366
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,760
Speaker 5: to explain. How the fuck did y'all deal with me?

367
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,800
Speaker 1: I would you look so good? But then I but.

368
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 5: Then I wipe my face. I came out and.

369
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 2: Yes, always gay, they very polished, and you just never know,

370
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,680
Speaker 2: because what would Claire Huxtable do.

371
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,159
Speaker 5: What would Claire? What would Lena Horn? What would Nancy

372
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Speaker 5: Wilson do?

373
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 1: What would Halle Berry do?

374
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,200
Speaker 5: Like I would ask myself these questions inside my head,

375
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Speaker 5: what would these women who are the picture of composure

376
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,199
Speaker 5: and poise would they do? And I had to apply

377
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 5: this to every experience in my life. So people are like,

378
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 5: it's a fucking video, Melissa, But is it really?

379
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: Is it fucking really? Because no, But not only.

380
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 5: That, music videos became one of the first ways that

381
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 5: black and brown young girls saw themselves represented for the

382
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 5: really for the first time, and that is how the

383
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,200
Speaker 5: beauty standard did change. So it wasn't just a music video.

384
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Speaker 5: We weren't just video music models. We were changing. We

385
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 5: were there. We were a fault line, you know, and

386
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 5: there was going to be a seismic shift. Nobody knew

387
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 5: about it, though, and nobody really thought that we would

388
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 5: be responsible for anything other than just being eye candy

389
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 5: and you know, just out of living for the living

390
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 5: through and for the male gaze.

391
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Speaker 1: Right. But I do think like videos during that time,

392
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Speaker 1: y'all have to.

393
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Speaker 2: Realize we used to be rushing off the bus because

394
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 2: it like, oh, a video is premiere world.

395
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 1: Yes, it was a premiere. Now it just drop on YouTube.

396
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 3: One on sixth a part it was like I gotta

397
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Speaker 3: make it to.

398
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Speaker 4: The TV one of the sometimes it would be like

399
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Speaker 4: in the middle of a program.

400
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

401
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 5: One of the funniest like moments of a world premiere

402
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 5: was and I think I think I just told the

403
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 5: story recently, but I was shooting Share Shala Ghost Ghost

404
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:28,239
Speaker 5: Face Killers video with you God, and I mean there

405
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,200
Speaker 5: was like fifty girls there and glorya Vellez was one

406
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 5: of the you know, one of the principal girls. And

407
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,439
Speaker 5: we just met each other on that set. We're watching

408
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 5: the world premiere Big Pimpin' and find out we're both

409
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 5: in that video. But she had shot the Miami part

410
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 5: and I'd shot the Trinidad part, and so and then

411
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 5: fast forward less than a month later, we both get

412
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 5: casted for Song Song Remix, and so we're both leads

413
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 5: in that.

414
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 1: Just different participation.

415
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 5: You know, I'm mostly in the beginning and she's mostly

416
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 5: like middle an end and that sort of thing. And

417
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 5: then we end up going on tour like it just

418
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 5: our lives, all of us video models, and I refuse

419
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 5: to call us video girls or give chicks or video

420
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 5: hos or whatever we were.

421
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: We were like.

422
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,879
Speaker 5: The the the trifecta, you know, like we were we

423
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 5: were like the the supermodels of the nineties, you know,

424
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 5: the Christy Sterlington, the Naomi Campbell, the Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista.

425
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: That's that's who we were.

426
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 5: And regardless if anybody wants to give us that credit,

427
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 5: that's you can't convince me otherwise.

428
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 1: We know what it was. We remember.

429
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 4: So I was gonna ask you, how was it on

430
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 4: set a lot of the time with the other girls,

431
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 4: especially considering that, like, you know, you had a relationship

432
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 4: with director Eggs, so you were just automatically getting picked,

433
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 4: like we're girls going on auditions back then, and so

434
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 4: do you feel like the energy was like different on

435
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 4: set because you were just automatically getting picked versus them

436
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 4: having so like audi, I.

437
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 5: Don't think that you really knew that though, Like if

438
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 5: you made it past the audition process and then you

439
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,439
Speaker 5: ended up on set, you're not thinking about the audition

440
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,640
Speaker 5: any Okay, Like I'm here, Yeah I got this ship.

441
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: I don't yeah exactly.

442
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 5: So, but my personal circumstances and I'm you know, I'm

443
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 5: pretty sure glow I call it glow worm her circumstances

444
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 5: were different.

445
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:26,479
Speaker 1: There's a video model named Sasha. You know, she was huge.

446
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: Her circumstances were different.

447
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:33,919
Speaker 5: There was no casting Natasha Ellie, who's now Natasha Maloney.

448
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 5: There was no you know, like casting for she got

449
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 5: casted picked.

450
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: You know, there was girls that never hit the auditions.

451
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: We didn't. We didn't have to. We got picked.

452
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 5: And so, you know, I mean, there was my experience,

453
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,919
Speaker 5: there was a lot of camaraderie in most of my experiences,

454
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 5: there was a lot of camaraderie, especially if we didn't

455
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 5: feel safe because as a woman, naturally, we have to

456
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 5: be yper vigilant about our safety in.

457
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: Every single circumstance.

458
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 5: We're taught that from a very young age to be

459
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 5: hyper vigilant about our safety. You know, you know, walking

460
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 5: down the street it's dark, walk with keys in your hand,

461
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 5: you gotta have bear mace, you gotta have all this

462
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 5: shit me, you know what I'm saying, Like, we gotta

463
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 5: worry about our safety. So in certain circumstances when we

464
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 5: felt like.

465
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: There was.

466
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,479
Speaker 5: There might be a little bit of a predatory vibe

467
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 5: on set, we were like fucking beavers. Yeah, you know

468
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 5: what I mean, Like Beaver's in order to like, you know,

469
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 5: not drown in the water. They sleep back to back,

470
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 5: you know, you keep your you keep six, keep your

471
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 5: head on a swivel.

472
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a.

473
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 5: Nap and then crazy and then wake up. And then

474
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 5: you do the same, and I do the same for you.

475
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 5: I'd see other girls just hold up in the corner

476
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 5: with their school books because a lot of girls.

477
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: Were just like me.

478
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 5: They were they were studying, and they were studying to

479
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 5: become other things. This was just like a stop on

480
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 5: their journey and just a life experience, you know, something

481
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,360
Speaker 5: to add to their like you know, the their mosaic

482
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 5: of life experiences.

483
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: And stuff like that.

484
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 5: So for me, a lot of the times, there was

485
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 5: a lot of camaraderie, especially when X and Hype did

486
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 5: music videos because they hired a lot of the Canadian girls,

487
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 5: so we all knew each other.

488
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: Like big pimpin on that yacht.

489
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 5: That was a party, and then we took the party

490
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 5: back to like Hype's house and it was a massive

491
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 5: house and were.

492
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: It just was, Oh, it was a vibe.

493
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 5: It was a vibe and it really was like it

494
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 5: really was like very familiar, you know. It wasn't debaucherous

495
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 5: like people think. And that's not to say that there

496
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 5: was not that exactly, but a lot of times you

497
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 5: could figure out from the song, the artist and the

498
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 5: lyrical content what the ship was going to be, like

499
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 5: what the energy and one set was going to be,

500
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 5: and you would just be like, yeah, I'm good, I'm

501
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 5: good on that one. Well, I was just gonna say,

502
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 5: I think people wonder because a lot of the time

503
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 5: that's how it is today.

504
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering if it was like that bag then too.

505
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 5: I mean, I think that people have different intentions now,

506
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 5: you know the age of social media, Like you know,

507
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 5: just how many women kind of elevated past being music

508
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 5: video models and became other things.

509
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: Me being maybe.

510
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 5: Kind of the blueprint of that. I think that people

511
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 5: kind of look at that elevation as something that they can.

512
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: Achieve as well.

513
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 5: And you know, so that's just that's a that's a

514
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 5: driving force for their motivation. But I mean, it's it's

515
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,640
Speaker 5: just it's it's very it's just different.

516
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: It's so it's so different because I'm asking because.

517
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 2: I do feel like I could be wrong, because, like

518
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 2: I said, I'm outsider, never been a video girl, or

519
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: nothing like that.

520
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 3: But I felt like a sho me shut the hell up.

521
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: But I did a video one time and I was like.

522
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:10,239
Speaker 2: Coming on the water to be fine. It wasn't let

523
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 2: me get these jokes off.

524
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:16,360
Speaker 1: Bitch getting off the water sexy? It is nice? What

525
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 1: it's not? Let me tell you the side.

526
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 2: No, I got distracted at this video. Shoot, mind you

527
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 2: everybody in bikini fine.

528
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: I was in that bages doing ball diving in the pool.

529
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: I'm breaking.

530
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 2: I'm like, y'all car up, I'm the only one in

531
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 2: the pool having fun.

532
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 1: That was like, oh my god.

533
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 2: That was I was like, I thought we came to

534
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 2: swim and turn up, so they just got me getting

535
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 2: out the water and I was just having a ball.

536
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 2: But anyway, I did want to ask because I feel

537
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 2: like the shifts and how people viewed the video models

538
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 2: came when Karen Stephens.

539
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 3: Dropped that book.

540
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 2: Because I'm not gonna lie for me. I shouldn't have

541
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 2: been reading that book. No, but babe, everybody had that.

542
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 5: Damn.

543
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 4: We was passing it around trying to hide my guy.

544
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: Everybody was doing that.

545
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 2: At a young age. You know, I viewed being a

546
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 2: video model as one thing. But when after we read

547
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: that book, I was like, Oh my god, this is

548
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:12,239
Speaker 2: what's going on.

549
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 3: So I think that book.

550
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 2: Really changed how a lot of people viewed video models

551
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: because we started putting everybody in one category. Oh she's

552
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 2: doing it all, y'all doing it. So talk about that

553
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 2: change that happened after she dropped that book or was

554
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 2: it even a change.

555
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, the the hammer came down.

556
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 5: It's so interesting, and we're watching it right now with Diddy,

557
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 5: you know, where somebody was. You know, we watched this

558
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 5: person who's been placed on this pedestal.

559
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: You know, we just gave him like the Icon.

560
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 5: Award, the Global Icon Award from the VMA's Key to

561
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 5: the City in New York, just like what you the

562
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 5: Honorary Award, Yeah.

563
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: Lifetime exactly.

564
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 5: So it's just like we're we're you know, we're watching

565
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 5: like this kind of fall from grace. So it's just

566
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 5: like the higher your pedestal is, when they kick it

567
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 5: out from under you, that fall is hard, hard and fast,

568
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 5: you know, and so.

569
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 1: You know we're just kind of like trudging along and whatnot.

570
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 5: And by this time, I've pretty much exited stage left.

571
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 5: Like now I'm a television personality, Like my face is

572
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 5: on the wall on fifty seventh Street in between A

573
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 5: tenth and eleventh on the CBS building, my face Tigger

574
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 5: free and AJ So I'm now a television personality, and

575
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 5: this was part of my plan.

576
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: I was.

577
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 5: I was always going to take the exit ramp and

578
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 5: go to do something else. And so when the book

579
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 5: came out and suddenly I'm regarded the exact same way

580
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 5: as the stories that she's telling, I was like, wait, wait, what,

581
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 5: hold on one second here, how sway you know?

582
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: And I was just I was furious.

583
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 5: And then it was like the judgment was swift and

584
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 5: in the opposite direction, and suddenly every single girl who

585
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 5: had participated in a music video was responsible for fucking

586
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 5: racial genocide.

587
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, how did we do all

588
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: of this? You know?

589
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 5: Oh, you are just responsible for the youth going wayward?

590
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: And hold right, yeah, what the fuck?

591
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 5: Yea? And so at that time, there was also other

592
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 5: shit going on with the music industry, like you know,

593
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 5: just the labels and stuff like that, Napster and the

594
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 5: piracy of music, so that was like a big thing

595
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 5: as well. Coinciding with that, so music videos and the

596
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 5: quality of music videos and the.

597
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: Quality of hiring just changed.

598
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 5: So this was all, like, you know, just like the

599
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 5: tent poles of how shit got super fucked up. And

600
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 5: so when the book comes out at the same time,

601
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 5: everybody seemed to want to do a fucking panel, a

602
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 5: panel on or about hip hop, the state of hip hop, feminism,

603
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 5: and hip hop. And because people now knew that I

604
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 5: knew how to string a sentence together and the fact

605
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 5: that I was looking at was the blueprint, everybody wanted

606
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 5: me to speak on these panels, to represent every single

607
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 5: girl that had.

608
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: Done a video. And I was like, wait, hold on

609
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 1: a second, here, I could talk, I could talk for

610
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: that her over there, but I don't Yeah, I don't

611
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: know her and what she did.

612
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 5: But I felt this obligation to speak on behalf of

613
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 5: all of us. But that is an enormous amount of

614
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 5: pressure to put on somebody's shoulders. Like I felt like

615
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 5: it was my cross to bear to.

616
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 1: Speak for every girl who had, like the who.

617
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 5: Went to these video sets to do and honest day's

618
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 5: work for an honest day's pay. You know who weren't

619
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 5: there for the for the fucking malarkey.

620
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying? And the bullshit?

621
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 5: So and what I remember most from doing these panels

622
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 5: was what the front, the first three rows of the

623
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 5: front look like, and it was primarily women just looking

624
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 5: at me, like and waiting for the bullshit it was

625
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 5: going to come out of my mouth. And how intimidating

626
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 5: that was to already be judged before I could even

627
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,719
Speaker 5: say anything, judge for judge for another person's actions, like

628
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 5: it was really it was very unfair. But I didn't

629
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 5: even have the vocabulary to even articulate how I felt

630
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 5: about this thing and to say like, you're wrong and

631
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 5: you need to change. I was just I was trying

632
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 5: to use my intellect to show people, Look, we are

633
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 5: multi fascinating.

634
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: We We're not just We're not just that. We're not that.

635
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: You know, that was a choice.

636
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I made my choices and they do not

637
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 5: align with the choices of another person. You wouldn't want

638
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 5: to be judged for, you know, the actions of another

639
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 5: And that went on for a really, really long time,

640
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 5: and I kept showing up for these panels and you know,

641
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 5: just kind of crashing into walls, you know, trying to

642
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 5: defend myself and and and bear this cross of judgment, harsh,

643
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 5: harsh judgment, and it really had a profound effect on

644
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 5: you know, my already kind of fractured self esteem.

645
00:31:55,160 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: You know, but of course the facod of course the facade.

646
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: I ain't never shook. I'm fine inside of my whole life.

647
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 5: Go fucking dying over here, you know, And I can't

648
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 5: lie and say that, like, you know that depression and

649
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 5: anxiety did not result off sometimes in like suicidal ideations.

650
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: It was bad. It was really really bad.

651
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 5: And you know, sometimes I would just hide from the

652
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 5: public and consume way too much alcohol and weed and

653
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 5: you know, just as like a coping mechanism and stuff.

654
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: It was.

655
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 5: It was tumultuous shit that I went through, and I

656
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 5: found myself throwing myself into, throwing myself into other opportunities

657
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 5: in order to really try to change the perception of me.

658
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 5: Like at one point, the Center for Disease Control and

659
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 5: Prevention came knocking and they wanted me to start touring

660
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 5: the country talking to high school students and college students about.

661
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: Hypersexual It was hypersexuality. No, no, what was it, I

662
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 1: don't remember, but it was.

663
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 5: It's basically like promiscuity and wise culture. That was basically

664
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 5: what the speech was that I was giving. And I

665
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 5: was also you know, meant to be giving this speech

666
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 5: to make people aware of the prevalence of HIV and

667
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:32,959
Speaker 5: AIDS contraction rates in the African American community. That AIDS

668
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 5: is not going away. It's not like, you know, I know,

669
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 5: it's not a cause celeb anymore. It's just like charitable

670
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 5: you know. It goes through the end and flow of

671
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 5: which the what's the cause.

672
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 1: That we're celebrating now?

673
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 5: And AIDS and HIV had kind of fallen out of

674
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 5: you know, fallen out of favor and stuff like that,

675
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 5: just in terms of like you know, captivating headlines and stuff.

676
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 5: But it was very like the statistics were very, very

677
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 5: high in our community.

678
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: Like they sent me out because you know.

679
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 5: I'm drawn a certain way and exactly so like I'm

680
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 5: like walking desire right saying and then I'm like snap

681
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 5: out of it, you know, to the boys, snap out

682
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 5: of it. This cannot be what makes you make a

683
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 5: decision about your sexual life.

684
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

685
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 5: You got to protect yourself because this can get you

686
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 5: in trouble, you know.

687
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: And so and the ladies. I had a totally different

688
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 1: directive as to.

689
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 5: What I would say to them, but they found my

690
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 5: speech and the way that I would communicate to the

691
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 5: students very very affective, and so I jumped on that

692
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 5: as a way to try to dismantle this negative way

693
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 5: of thinking about unbeknownst to me, other video models like

694
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 5: you know, Buffy and Angel, Lola Love and you know

695
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 5: whomever who has expressed it in the past, they felt

696
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 5: the effects of that. But well, just to bring it

697
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 5: full circle, I thought that I was alone, but I

698
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 5: apparently wasn't.

699
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 2: And I think now where a lot of the video

700
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 2: models are now, we can see that, like, okay, like

701
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 2: even I'm not gonna lie whenever I saw you, like

702
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 2: when he added you on the podcast, I had no idea.

703
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: I was like when we left the interview, was like, damn,

704
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 2: Melissa is really like she know what the hell she

705
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 2: talked about, Like she's very But so I'm glad that

706
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 2: you're on a platform now to show.

707
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 3: That because you can't fake that.

708
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,800
Speaker 2: You can't fake being educated who you are and putting

709
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:25,800
Speaker 2: yourself out there, because I think a lot of people

710
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,879
Speaker 2: who did used to kind of be on the set

711
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 2: doing the crazy stuff. You can see where they are

712
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 2: now and it reflects that, you know, of how they

713
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 2: were carrying themselves and I think too, like back in

714
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 2: the day, being a video model really did catapult you

715
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: into being able to do other things.

716
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: Now I feel like not so much.

717
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 4: Like I feel like people be trying to get you

718
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 4: with the oh, you're gonna get exposure, and then you

719
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 4: really don't get any exposure. Like back in the day,

720
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 4: y'all were really getting exposure from being in the videos,

721
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 4: and it really helped you go on to do the

722
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 4: things that you wanted to do, you know, later down

723
00:35:59,320 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 4: the line.

724
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 5: Video doing a video almost guaranteed that Black Men's Magazine

725
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 5: and King, King and you know, all the men's magazines

726
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 5: would come calling. Then they would come calling, and then

727
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 5: they would give you, like, you know, a feature or whatever.

728
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 5: If you were lucky and super super super popular, then

729
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 5: you'd get the cover or whatever the case is.

730
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 1: You know.

731
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 5: Daytwine and Adele, who were the founders of King, they

732
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 5: tell a story about how their intention was to feature

733
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 5: celebrity women on the cover, but then their mail bag

734
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,759
Speaker 5: was crazy with dudes who were a overseas fighting, you know, in.

735
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: The bullshit wars. This country is fought.

736
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 5: Thank you to our veterans, but and also to the

737
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 5: guys you know inside the incarcerators. The mail bag was thick,

738
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 5: and they were like, can you feature Can you put

739
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,839
Speaker 5: the girl from this video on the cover? Can you

740
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 5: the girl from this? The girl from this? And they

741
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 5: were like wait what? And so that that's why shit

742
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 5: changed so drastically in terms of who they started to

743
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 5: feature on the covers. And I believe if I'm not mistaken,

744
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 5: somebody can correct me if I'm wrong. Me and Gloria

745
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 5: were the first video models to appear on the cover

746
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 5: of King magazine. It was a double cover and I

747
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 5: was one and Gloria was the other. And that was

748
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 5: and that was fun. That was the story I was

749
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,439
Speaker 5: going to tell you, you know, I was. I sat down

750
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 5: and I was just.

751
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I feel a little nervous, you know whatever.

752
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 1: They were like, oh, I might be all the people.

753
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, do you know what my photo shoots

754
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: used to? That's what I think about it. I was like, yeah,

755
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 1: you know how to be like you know what used

756
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: to look like photo?

757
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,919
Speaker 5: My diamond dealer would come by, my weed guy would

758
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,280
Speaker 5: come by. There was a dj Okay, there was liquor

759
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 5: and everybody from like TI Big Tigger, Rashid Wallace, Ebro.

760
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: Fifty Kanye everybody.

761
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 5: Everybody came to my video set to my covers because

762
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 5: that shit was lick and I'd like to perform.

763
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,720
Speaker 1: I know that put on a show.

764
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, tod what are we drinking today?

765
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 1: Girl? All right?

766
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 4: So for our guest ms Melissa Ford, this one is

767
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 4: called the Hoodie Who Okay? And so this includes a

768
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 4: little bit of blood orange, a little bit of tumor expice,

769
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 4: a little bit of lemon juice. It's topped with some

770
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 4: rose prosecco and then also a little bit of pellegreno

771
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 4: just to give us a nice calm fall autumn fizz.

772
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: So this is the Hoodie Hoo cheers.

773
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: What's up y'all?

774
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 2: Iss your girl XP and it's your girls were in

775
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: the call and we're here to tell y'all about a

776
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 2: rewards program called built. You pay your rent online and

777
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 2: you get points. I don't know about you, but I

778
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 2: love getting.

779
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: Some good points. Yeah.

780
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 4: I love me some points. And you can get points

781
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,919
Speaker 4: for vacations. You can get points at hotels. You can

782
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 4: even also use points for studio class It's like you know,

783
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 4: working out, going to the gym.

784
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 5: I like that.

785
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 1: I like that too.

786
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: You gonna pay your rent anyway, so you might as

787
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: well get rewarded for it. So what you're gonna do

788
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 2: is go to join build dot com slash poor Minds.

789
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 2: That's j O I n b I l T dot

790
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 2: com slash poor Minds.

791
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: Sign up, pay your rent.

792
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 2: On time and get you some points period. Earn points

793
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 2: by paying rent right now. Where you join built dot

794
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 2: com Slash poor Minds. That's j O I N b

795
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,439
Speaker 2: I l T dot com Slash poor Minds. Make sure

796
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 2: to use our u ur L so they know we

797
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 2: sent you. Join built dot com slash poor Minds to

798
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: start earning points with your rent payments. Today, what's up y'all?

799
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 2: At your Girl XP and it's your Girl drain the

800
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 2: call And we have a.

801
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 1: Very exciting announcement today.

802
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 4: We have a brand new show dropping Yes stot, we

803
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 4: have a brand new show dropping y'all on. It's gonna

804
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 4: air on September second, and it's called Poor Chronicles. We're

805
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 4: gonna be doing so much stuff on there. We're gonna

806
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 4: be doing challenges. If you can go to Bella Dache,

807
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 4: where the hell.

808
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 2: Could you go?

809
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: If you can't go to Beloanche, what the hell is it?

810
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,840
Speaker 4: We're gonna be doing talk to me, chit chat with me.

811
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 4: We're gonna be feeling a little tea.

812
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, No, you didn't.

813
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 4: Everything y'all been wanting to see. We're gonna be doing

814
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 4: it right here on Patreon. Yes, y'all ask us for

815
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 4: so much.

816
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 2: Well, we've been to give it to y'all every single Monday,

817
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 2: and it's gonna be a time. Y'all know, Poor Minds

818
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 2: has grown into its own little entity. When we're gonna

819
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 2: have a lot of fun still over here at Poor Chronicles.

820
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 2: So make sure y'all tune in September.

821
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 1: Second it's going down.

822
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 2: Thanks, let's have another question, and then I want to

823
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 2: move on to you know, more current times. So I

824
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 2: do want to ask you because I remember obviously you've

825
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 2: been asked this question a thousand times, but just for

826
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,359
Speaker 2: our audience, when the game dropped that song and drop

827
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 2: the verse, everybody was confused because it was kind.

828
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 1: Of like are they beefing? Were they dating?

829
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 3: Why was this like hersh slug?

830
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 2: And it was it became so popular, like everybody was saying,

831
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: I know everywhere to this day people are asking you

832
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 2: about it. I know, what was the deal with that?

833
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 2: Where did that come from? And how did do you

834
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 2: know the song was coming out? Like what happened?

835
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 5: So I had only met game once in passing, like

836
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 5: really passing.

837
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: It was when I was.

838
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 5: Trying to solicit BET, Like BT didn't.

839
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 1: Just hand me a job.

840
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,359
Speaker 5: I had to prove that I knew how to walk

841
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 5: and talk and chew gum at the same time. You know,

842
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 5: so I found I proposed ideas for me to for

843
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 5: me to showcase my talent as a host, and I said,

844
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 5: you don't have to pay me. I'll pay my own

845
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 5: way to get there. I'll pay for my own makeup,

846
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 5: I'll pay my own hotel, like this is this is

847
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 5: what it was like. Okay, when you wanted like to

848
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 5: when you wanted to work with somebody, like your work

849
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 5: ethic had to be like so solid that you were

850
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 5: willing to come out of pocket and prove your worth,

851
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 5: prove your metal, prove your talent without the promise of anything.

852
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 1: That was how it was back then.

853
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 5: I don't know what y'all are on now, like this

854
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 5: entitlement bulls right, yeah, But.

855
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 1: So I was. It was spring Bling two thousand and

856
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:43,879
Speaker 1: three time, and I wish I was a man. It was.

857
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: I missed the era. It was it was a time.

858
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: It was, it was, it.

859
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 5: Was, it was so it was Daytona and like I

860
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 5: interviewed like a you know, just a bunch of people

861
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 5: and whatnot. And then I thought that my day was over.

862
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 5: And they were like, Melissa, we just got word that

863
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 5: we've got g unit. You got to interview them. And

864
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 5: I was like, oh my god, I was terrified.

865
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 1: I was so fucking scared. They were so scary and intimidating.

866
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 1: But I was just like bad right, she was ready facade.

867
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 1: I'm that girl. I don't know y'all, y'all are, but

868
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: I was like, holy, so they have me, They have

869
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,479
Speaker 1: me go there to like their trailer, and it's when

870
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 1: it was June. It was game Lloyd.

871
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 5: Banks and and and I used to live young boob.

872
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: Thank you Young Bucks. Yes, oh he protected me from

873
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: getting shot in the club you're in Atlanta one time. Yes,

874
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: that's a black king, right dude. In terms of like all.

875
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 5: The weird funny stories I've never said before, Young Buck

876
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 5: kind of protected me from getting shot in a club

877
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 5: in Atlanta.

878
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,760
Speaker 1: That is what the fuck? I got a gun pulled

879
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: on me.

880
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 5: Anyway, Listen, I'm diverting from the real fucking story here. Okay,

881
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 5: has been treacherous in this business, so okay. So I

882
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 5: get to the trailer and the three of them are outside.

883
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 5: Fifty is not outside yet, and so they get it

884
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,919
Speaker 5: and they're just like, oh yeah, they're posturing and ship

885
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 5: like that, and they're circling me like sharks, and I'm.

886
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: Just like, holy ship, what the fuck? Yeah? And then

887
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 1: fifty comes out the trailer.

888
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 5: I promise you these three stood at attention like soldiers.

889
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:40,479
Speaker 1: Don't get mad at me, y'all know. That's the way

890
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: it was in the early days.

891
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 2: My dad coming outside, we gotta be quiet.

892
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 1: Suddenly, all the all the all the little word because

893
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,800
Speaker 1: of you know, my producer is malarkey, all the Milwaukee stop.

894
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, the fuck is going on?

895
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 5: And then fifty comes out and Fifty has like this

896
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 5: this this ridiculous presence he did wow, and.

897
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: He just he just looks at you through your soul. Hey,

898
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 1: what's up.

899
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm here to interview you nothing, I'm

900
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 5: trying to do a job. And so literally, I don't

901
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 5: even know how the interview fucking went. I don't remember

902
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 5: because it was just it was so so much chaos,

903
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 5: and it was so much adrenaline, and I was just

904
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 5: so breathless about, oh my god, let me not screw

905
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,839
Speaker 5: this opportunity up, because this is what I want so bad.

906
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 1: I want to be a television host.

907
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 5: I want to prove myself that I'm that I'm good

908
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 5: enough and whatever else. This was like such a validation

909
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 5: seeking moment, right, And so that happened, and then I

910
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 5: got the offer from BT to start doing you know,

911
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 5: like they were like, okay, we're gonna hire was on

912
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 5: air talent. We're doing the photo shoot and this is

913
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 5: the commitment and contracts and blah blah blah. And then

914
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 5: the you know, the commercials went out and then the

915
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 5: billboards went out and I.

916
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:13,280
Speaker 1: Was like, holy shit, it's like happening.

917
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 5: So this was so this was two thousand and four

918
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 5: when I, you know, officially got the job and I'm

919
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:20,839
Speaker 5: on air talent and now I have a show called

920
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 5: BT Style with Tigger and you know, and also they

921
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 5: have me doing sports correspondence for a show that they

922
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 5: had called Mad Sports.

923
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 1: They just have me like everywhere.

924
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 5: When you're on air talent at BT, they just they

925
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:32,760
Speaker 5: just threw you everywhere.

926
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 1: And I was happy to do it all right, you know, and.

927
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 5: So to backtrack when to still get the kind of

928
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 5: stink of like the book and everything like that.

929
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:46,479
Speaker 1: After I feel like.

930
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,880
Speaker 5: I'd you know, i'd like made it through the doors

931
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,439
Speaker 5: and stuff like that. I was like, wait a minute,

932
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 5: what how are you pulling me back to this show?

933
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: Hold on?

934
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 5: I thought that I elevated to this point, past this

935
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 5: point where I'm a part of the discussion.

936
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 1: So the game was used your name, yeah, so fast.

937
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:06,320
Speaker 5: So I'm still at BT and then I got a

938
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,319
Speaker 5: it's like two thousand and six, and I get a

939
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:11,360
Speaker 5: call from DJ Clue and he says, so that was

940
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 5: the only moment that I had game. It wasn't it

941
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,399
Speaker 5: was just that moment. I never I never saw him

942
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 5: ever again.

943
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:18,879
Speaker 3: So he was one of the ones that was at

944
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 3: a tan hood with fifty K.

945
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 1: I said, I mean, I did she did what she said?

946
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: I did?

947
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 5: You get to contradict me, No, it's true, okay. And

948
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 5: so then I get a call from DJ Clue. He

949
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 5: was like, hey, mal let me ask you a question.

950
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 1: I was like, what's up.

951
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 5: He was like, did did you ever disc game? Like

952
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 5: did he try to kick it to you? And you

953
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 5: dissed him? I was like, no, and he was like,

954
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 5: you sure because I kind of had a reputation for

955
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 5: doing it.

956
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you had a mouthphone you.

957
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 5: I mean, I just wasn't really interested in shitting where

958
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,760
Speaker 5: I ate, you know what I'm saying.

959
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: So I just no. So I was like, yeah, no,

960
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: I know, I I know.

961
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,439
Speaker 5: I didn't shit on him or you know, he tried

962
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 5: to date whatever, and I was like why. He was like, well,

963
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 5: he put your name in a song and I was

964
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 5: like okay.

965
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: I was like is it good?

966
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 2: And he was like, well, Ode that gave me the me.

967
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 5: Well, and I was just like the song. I was like, so,

968
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,360
Speaker 5: is it on a mixtape? He said no, it's on

969
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 5: the album.

970
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

971
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,479
Speaker 5: And I said, well, is it on like the B side?

972
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 5: He was like no, I think it's the next single.

973
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: I said, it's tended to me right now.

974
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 5: He sent me the song and I heard it and

975
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 5: I was like, oh. I was like, okay, well that's

976
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 5: clever and stupid all at the same time. Yeah, you know,

977
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,000
Speaker 5: Melissa Ford Honda Accord would do anything to go to

978
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 5: the Grammy Awards type show.

979
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Rhyme's okay whatever. I was like, thanks, nigga.

980
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 5: But whatever I did, I did not expect it to

981
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 5: be the cultural you know, fucking have the cultural footprint.

982
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,359
Speaker 1: That it did. You could not have told me that

983
00:48:59,360 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: that was gonna have.

984
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 5: And because I really didn't know, I didn't understand who

985
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 5: the culture and you know hip hop understood game to be,

986
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 5: I didn't yet.

987
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 1: I didn't know.

988
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 5: And that's not because he's not talented. It's just because

989
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 5: I'm a I'm not a nigga, right, you know what

990
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 5: I mean. I'm a girl, and I wasn't. I'm listening

991
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 5: to Little Dragon, you know what I'm saying.

992
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: I'm listening to like nineties R and B. I might

993
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: like this, you know, I'm listening to you know, reasonable Doubt,

994
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,799
Speaker 1: like Nomadic, but like that's like, you know what I'm saying.

995
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,240
Speaker 2: So it was just weird and kind of out of nowhere.

996
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 2: And I think what made it so, like like everybody

997
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 2: was talking about it because people still refer to that

998
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: because they're like, oh, if you don't go down the

999
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,879
Speaker 2: right path, you're gonna end up like Melissa for right,

1000
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 2: And I.

1001
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:51,839
Speaker 1: Was like, we're on the right path, yeah, my path, right.

1002
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 2: But at the time, because we didn't we like we

1003
00:49:58,719 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 2: saw you and we knew you, but we did.

1004
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 1: No, it's not like how Instagram is right now.

1005
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,320
Speaker 2: So I'm like, girl, you know, Melissa for drop a

1006
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 2: Honda a Cord beach.

1007
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 5: It and and I never drove a Honda Accord even

1008
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 5: though it's a it's a great car, it's for their

1009
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 5: resell value. But that's not what I was driving at

1010
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 5: the time. I was driving an s FI fifty Champagne.

1011
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,360
Speaker 1: And so just.

1012
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: You know, And I'm glad that you said that, because

1013
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:29,879
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm probably.

1014
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 4: Will be trying to play you about your time like

1015
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 4: period everybody's own people top, especially.

1016
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,879
Speaker 1: You, because I do want to fast forward till now.

1017
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,440
Speaker 1: Well I was about to hold but yeah, because I

1018
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: wanted to.

1019
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 4: Ask you a question too, because you said, like, you know,

1020
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 4: he just brought her name up out of nowhere. So

1021
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 4: I saw recently a model, another model brought her name

1022
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 4: up recently about something really old, and I was just

1023
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 4: wonder world, that's up.

1024
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, okay, weld on a second, let me let

1025
00:50:58,760 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: me finish this up. Okay.

1026
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 5: So he shows me, he sends me the song and

1027
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, okay, well this isn't whatever, okay whatever, and

1028
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,439
Speaker 5: then and.

1029
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 1: Then I was just like, wait, what the fuck?

1030
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 5: It caught wings and it flew the fuck off and

1031
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 5: it just took off with wings and suddenly I'm.

1032
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 1: You know, the book and then this.

1033
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 5: And it was just solidifying this fucking narrative that I'm

1034
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 5: not even responsible for that has nothing to do with

1035
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:22,800
Speaker 5: my truth.

1036
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: And nobody's fucking asking me, you know, whether this was

1037
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: okay with me? And I was like, wait, hold.

1038
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 5: Hold on here, what the fuck is going on? But

1039
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 5: then kicks in that whole neverthe the facade, but now

1040
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 5: but now the facade. But now the facade is working

1041
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 5: to my detriment because now I have not developed a

1042
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 5: muscle to clap back.

1043
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:51,760
Speaker 1: I have not developed the muscle of defending myself.

1044
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,760
Speaker 5: I am caught in between the I'm caught in between

1045
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 5: a rock and a hard place. Do I defend myself

1046
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 5: and it fall on death ears because people want to

1047
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 5: believe the messy narratives, or do I just operate in

1048
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 5: a composed and poised manner and let my not and

1049
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 5: let my nonverbal.

1050
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 1: Communication do the speaking for me.

1051
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 5: And maybe it does not, you know, land or impact

1052
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 5: people right now, But eventually y'all motherfuckers will understand who

1053
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 5: I am, and how false that belief was right and

1054
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 5: it may not be right now, you know.

1055
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: Being in two thousand and six, two thousand and seven

1056
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 1: now twenty twenty something, now the ended a relationship that

1057
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 1: was very, very like near and dear to my heart.

1058
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: I was.

1059
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 5: I remember being on the red carpet at the BET

1060
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 5: Hip Hop Awards and my boyfriend had just broken up

1061
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 5: with me because he could not deal with the amount

1062
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 5: of like just amount of like conversation about me in

1063
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 5: such a negative way. And you know, me and him

1064
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 5: are still friends, and he was just like I was

1065
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 5: so immature.

1066
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 1: At the time.

1067
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 5: I wish that I'd had the wherewithal to not do

1068
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 5: that to you. But I'm walking this red carpet. My

1069
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 5: heart is in a million fucking pieces. It's smashed. I

1070
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 5: have been sobbing for hours.

1071
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 1: I was.

1072
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 5: I was on the plane crying so hard that the

1073
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 5: stranger next.

1074
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 1: To me was rubbing my back.

1075
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 5: Oh my car and I got to my hotel and

1076
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 5: I closed the drapes and I just lay in bed,

1077
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,840
Speaker 5: and my publicist came in and she just sat. She

1078
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 5: was like, mel baby, you just got to give me

1079
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 5: a couple of because I'm presenting you just got to

1080
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:34,279
Speaker 5: give me.

1081
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: A couple of hours.

1082
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 5: Please please just find it in you. And I am

1083
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 5: a tenacious, resilient motherfucker. I found that that steel core

1084
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 5: of strength that I have inside of me. I was

1085
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 5: so broken, but I was like all right, and so

1086
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 5: I'm still I'm still like tears strolled streaming down my

1087
00:53:57,239 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 5: face in the car as we're approaching the Red carpet,

1088
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 5: and she was looking at me, and she.

1089
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:05,360
Speaker 1: Was just like, oh fuck, this somebody disaster. And I

1090
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: just looked at her and I was just like, I

1091
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: got this open the door. Yeah, yeah.

1092
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 5: And I got on the red carpet and every every

1093
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 5: question was about game, the thing that had just ruined

1094
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 5: the relationship, or the man that I was fucking in

1095
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:24,399
Speaker 5: love with, and I was just like, you know, it's

1096
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,320
Speaker 5: a ship, and I just did my diplomatic bullshit.

1097
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:29,439
Speaker 1: You know. Now, I've been like.

1098
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 5: That stupid ass motherfucker that would be r but that

1099
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 5: was not me then.

1100
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 1: That was different.

1101
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 2: Back then it was so it was I mean, now,

1102
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 2: it's like you can't play with that because people have,

1103
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 2: you know, a voice to speaking, a voice to talk.

1104
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 2: But like back then, like going against somebody who was

1105
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 2: so big at the time, you just you had to

1106
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 2: be quiet, you had to shut up, and like you said,

1107
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:51,520
Speaker 2: put that facade on and keep it cute.

1108
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, but even if you look at like the industry

1109
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 5: and how like that, that is just like a real

1110
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 5: snapshot into the misogyny and and oh, I don't want

1111
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:02,360
Speaker 5: to use the word patriarchy, but I mean you know, yeah,

1112
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 5: but like the misogyny that was of this business and

1113
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:09,279
Speaker 5: how easily it was to malign a woman's character by

1114
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 5: doing absolutely nothing, by just literally just saying something, and

1115
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,200
Speaker 5: you'd be and everybody taking it and running with it,

1116
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 5: and then it defines her for years and years and

1117
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 5: years and years.

1118
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: Fifteen years, yeah, twenty years.

1119
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 2: Ye?

1120
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Have you ever had a conversation with him? Yeah?

1121
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:34,839
Speaker 1: We're cool? Are y'all cool?

1122
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 2: Now?

1123
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 1: I mean, look, why am I z about to say game?

1124
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 3: I'll beat as Nichols.

1125
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:42,960
Speaker 1: We were at Floyd Mayweather's party.

1126
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:47,839
Speaker 5: Of twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen or something like.

1127
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,359
Speaker 2: That, and you know, let me get another one that's

1128
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: getting juicy.

1129
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, we were, and actually we'd had we'd actually had

1130
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 5: more interactions than that. He would We still each other

1131
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:04,919
Speaker 5: in m two thousand and eight or two thousand and nine.

1132
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 5: It was Gilbert Arenas's twenty twenty fifth birthday and it

1133
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 5: was in DC this club called Love and Fucking everybody

1134
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 5: was there. Everybody was there, and he was there, and

1135
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 5: he was just like, miss Ford, this is me coming

1136
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,879
Speaker 5: to you, like walking towards me. This is me coming

1137
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,919
Speaker 5: to you telling you I meant no harm by that.

1138
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 5: It was just a song. I didn't know that it

1139
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 5: was going to have that effect on your life.

1140
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 1: And I was just like, I know, who got me fucked?

1141
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,760
Speaker 1: Oh oh my god.

1142
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 5: But at that's still and that's Goddy crazy.

1143
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 2: I was hoping it was something behind it where it

1144
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 2: was some tea We're like, oh he was hurt, you

1145
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:41,760
Speaker 2: just being.

1146
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 1: But it was literally nothing. But listen to that song.

1147
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 1: He talks about thirty women. Why does everybody just remember me?

1148
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: So that's where that's where popularity.

1149
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, yeah, that's where the pendulum swings in the

1150
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 5: opposite direction, right, you know, like it really is a

1151
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 5: gift in a cursor, you know, and the pendulum will

1152
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 5: always swing in the.

1153
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 1: Opposite fucking direction.

1154
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 5: That is why I take praise and criticism with the

1155
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 5: same amount of skepticism, you know, like I do not

1156
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 5: believe my own press. You know, right now, I'm having

1157
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 5: like a moment where, you know, there's a lot of

1158
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 5: fucking energy around me, and I feel like the eye

1159
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 5: of a fucking hurricane. And you know, even though I

1160
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 5: feel like a lot of it is is praiseworthy, I

1161
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 5: feel very uncomfortable with it because I know how quickly

1162
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 5: the pendulum can swing dramatically in the opposite direction. So

1163
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 5: I know, and I'm always cognizant of that, and I

1164
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 5: always want to.

1165
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 1: Be there, try to be as prepared as possible for

1166
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 1: to weather that storm.

1167
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 5: And that is what twenty five years in this business

1168
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 5: has taught me, how to weather storm because I have

1169
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 5: weathered some shit.

1170
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 4: Yea, Now, what was it that you were so going

1171
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,280
Speaker 4: back to what I was about to ask, So, yes,

1172
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 4: it was like so much in the in the middle

1173
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 4: of all that though it has been it's been alive

1174
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:00,439
Speaker 4: for sure, But I wanted to talk about it's because

1175
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,680
Speaker 4: this was something recent and I was wondering how you

1176
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 4: felt about it. Literally, when I seen it on the internet,

1177
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 4: I was like, I wonder how Melissa feels about this,

1178
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 4: because obviously this is like some old sheep and it's

1179
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 4: not something that you ever put on front streets, so

1180
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 4: you didn't even want it out there like that. So

1181
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,160
Speaker 4: I'm wondering, how do you feel like when your name

1182
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 4: gets brought up in situations that happened many moons ago

1183
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,360
Speaker 4: that you never even publicized or wanted to be out there,

1184
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 4: and then someone is telling their side of the story

1185
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 4: and you're just caught off guard.

1186
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 5: Like with the food, Well, I had a podcast in

1187
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 5: twenty nineteen called them Here for the Food You.

1188
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: And I had. I had her on as a guest, right.

1189
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 5: And my intention of doing so was because it was

1190
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:53,520
Speaker 5: very important for me to try to change a narrative

1191
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 5: that women don't get along, that women hate each other,

1192
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 5: that women are naturally catty with each other, that right

1193
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 5: will always choose niggas.

1194
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: Over their girls.

1195
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:06,760
Speaker 5: I wanted I don't like that narrative at all, you know, And.

1196
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: I wanted to show.

1197
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 5: And tell a story of a girlfriend and me who

1198
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 5: men have wanted us both and we continue to choose

1199
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 5: each other, you know, like the so what men want?

1200
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 5: Like you know how guys have a code bros before hose?

1201
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, what's our code? You know what I'm saying?

1202
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: So that's what I was, That's what I was sisters

1203
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:38,920
Speaker 2: before that missed them. You feel me, okays, it's so good.

1204
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 5: So I really that's what I thought was really important.

1205
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 5: And I thought that telling that story on my podcast

1206
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 5: was really impactful because no one knew it.

1207
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 1: It had never been said before.

1208
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 5: You know, my relationship with that huge megastar was not

1209
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 5: really public knowledge because we never walked red carpets and

1210
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 5: we never had pictures taken.

1211
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 1: And there's a reason for that. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever,

1212
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 1: ever ever wanted.

1213
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,640
Speaker 5: My merit or my achievement in this in my career

1214
01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 5: to be associated with any fucking man ever, and they

1215
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 5: and they will every chance, every chance they get, they

1216
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 5: will associate your achievement and your success, well, who did

1217
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 5: she fuck? And that was it was very important for

1218
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 5: me to, you know, try to dispel all of that,

1219
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 5: all those bullshit myths and stigmatizations and stereotypes that cause

1220
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 5: they've made me fucking mad. And so we're telling this story,

1221
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 5: and I feel like we're telling this story in a

1222
01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:47,280
Speaker 5: reciprocal manner, you know.

1223
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 1: And as we both remember it.

1224
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 5: To fast forward five years later here a completely different

1225
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 5: version of the story and then and not get a text,

1226
01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 5: a call, a heads up, this is happening.

1227
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: Guess what.

1228
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 5: I guess how I found out on the internet with everybody,

1229
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,800
Speaker 5: with everybody else and getting calls and texts from people

1230
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 5: saying you sure you guys are friends?

1231
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:18,360
Speaker 1: And I was like, what are you talking about?

1232
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,919
Speaker 5: And then I see and I'm like, I can see

1233
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 5: why y'all are asking me that question because now I

1234
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 5: don't understand either. I'm confused. I'm confused. And I was

1235
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 5: just like, I it was.

1236
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,280
Speaker 1: That hurt. Yeah, that hurt.

1237
01:01:35,280 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 5: And you have to though, but yeah, you have to

1238
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 5: because people want to see you crash out.

1239
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 2: They want because we've never had that Melissa for a

1240
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:52,920
Speaker 2: moment where she's like, what the fuck? I mean, everybody,

1241
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,000
Speaker 2: you haven't had your moment?

1242
01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: So people wont that so fucking bad? But I won't.

1243
01:01:58,120 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 1: I won't.

1244
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 5: I want You're never You're never going to see me

1245
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 5: airing somebody out on social media. You're never going to

1246
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:10,160
Speaker 5: see me posting, you know, conversations that we've had in

1247
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:14,680
Speaker 5: d MS or or text like, I'm not doing that.

1248
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 1: I'm no judgment. It's not my style. What they said.

1249
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 4: You're never gonna see my You never gonna hear my

1250
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,880
Speaker 4: side of the story, because I really don't care.

1251
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 5: A lot of the times, Yeah, a lot of the

1252
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 5: times I've allowed people to walk around and carry on

1253
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 5: a narrative that paints me in a really really bad

1254
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 5: in a in a bad way. But I'm just like

1255
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 5: the time will tell and the truth always comes out

1256
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 5: and when people's actions are and this is a broad

1257
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 5: stroke statement, not about we're talking about. This is just

1258
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:49,000
Speaker 5: a broad stroke statement of everything that I have experienced

1259
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:53,760
Speaker 5: in this business. People's nefarious intentions will always come to

1260
01:02:53,920 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 5: fucking lights always. We're watching it right now in real time.

1261
01:03:00,800 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 5: They're nefarious deeds will come to lights. And so that's

1262
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 5: why I just sit back and wait, because I just

1263
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 5: don't feel like I need to prove that I'm not

1264
01:03:13,680 --> 01:03:16,840
Speaker 5: that person, because I know I'm not. I know I'm not,

1265
01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 5: and the people that love me know i'm not, and

1266
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 5: they defend me. And maybe it's a small little village

1267
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 5: of people defending me, or maybe it's a fucking hive,

1268
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 5: which I got right now. Hey Melodies, haymel high love guys.

1269
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 5: I fucking love my hive because they're not superficial about

1270
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 5: the reasons why they like me. They are just like

1271
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:43,480
Speaker 5: I rock with your I rock with her, I love

1272
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 5: what she said here.

1273
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: I love what she stands for.

1274
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 5: This is I love that you know like I love

1275
01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:50,960
Speaker 5: I love the reason why they rock with me and

1276
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 5: the people who are like she ain't my favorite, but

1277
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 5: that bitch will drop a gem every once in a while.

1278
01:03:57,280 --> 01:04:00,200
Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate the recognition. And you know up,

1279
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 1: y'all s your girl XP and it's your girls are

1280
01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 1: in the cold.

1281
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 2: And now that summer is over and we're entering the

1282
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 2: fall seasons, it's time to save your money and reach

1283
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1284
01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:13,760
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1285
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1286
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1287
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1288
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Speaker 1: I need it right now.

1289
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1290
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1292
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1296
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1298
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01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:52,200
Speaker 4: suppliers in the beauty, fashion and packaging industries. Where the

1319
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:55,600
Speaker 4: unique cosmetics, accessories, clothing, or chek packages.

1320
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 1: I've got you hovers. So what are you waiting for?

1321
01:05:58,560 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 4: Go to www dot Music, Beauty Collection dot com and

1322
01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:04,840
Speaker 4: get your ebook, your benders list, or you could bottle

1323
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:05,680
Speaker 4: them both to get there.

1324
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:06,520
Speaker 1: All right.

1325
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:12,960
Speaker 2: Brought this up because we saw a sweet where somebody

1326
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 2: said that y'all have to stop being delusional. A rich

1327
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 2: man isn't coming to save you. Statistically speaking, rich people

1328
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 2: date rich people, and you know, like this, this fantasy

1329
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:30,680
Speaker 2: man that we have of being a boss with him

1330
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 2: and his partnership, of us having vacation homes, having beautiful

1331
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:39,120
Speaker 2: vacations and living this life, it's very unlikely to happen.

1332
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:42,040
Speaker 2: So that's what I wanted to talk about. Like, do

1333
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:44,960
Speaker 2: y'all think like we can we still can find that

1334
01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 2: rich man that can like And when I say saved,

1335
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 2: it's a broad statement because I don't think we're necessarily

1336
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,800
Speaker 2: looking for somebody to save us. Because everybody on this couch,

1337
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,040
Speaker 2: we make good money. Do well for ourselves.

1338
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,120
Speaker 1: The moments in which I needed saving, I had to

1339
01:06:57,160 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 1: save myself. Hello on y'all.

1340
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 2: Did we passed that saving? But when I say saving,

1341
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 2: I don't know what she meant. I think she meant

1342
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 2: saving from like a situation and you need help to

1343
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 2: pay your rent and pay your bills. When I look

1344
01:07:11,200 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 2: at saving, I just mean, like, save me from these streets,

1345
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:15,880
Speaker 2: save me from the PI.

1346
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 1: Piss and the pool. Like you said, I want the

1347
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:21,600
Speaker 1: same thing.

1348
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:24,440
Speaker 2: I want somebody who wants the things that I want

1349
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:28,200
Speaker 2: as far as living a comfortable life, and we're doing

1350
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 2: everything we never imagine.

1351
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's that's really what it looks like to you.

1352
01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:36,960
Speaker 1: So the rich Okay, So I guess that means I'm rich.

1353
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not classifying myself as that right now.

1354
01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:41,080
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not right.

1355
01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:42,280
Speaker 1: I'm I'm comfy.

1356
01:07:42,520 --> 01:07:45,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, but rich is different standards of Yeah, I mean,

1357
01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:46,800
Speaker 2: it's different things.

1358
01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 1: To different people.

1359
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 2: Like I.

1360
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:52,440
Speaker 1: I've worked very very very very very hard to be here.

1361
01:07:53,080 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 5: But I mean I got my first credit cards when

1362
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:58,920
Speaker 5: I was forty two. Like I mean, my story has

1363
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 5: been throughout this industry has been feast famine, feast famine,

1364
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 5: feast famine. That's another reason why, you know, when the

1365
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:12,840
Speaker 5: pendulum swings in my favor, I'm very very very skeptical

1366
01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:18,200
Speaker 5: and hesitant to you know, just relish in that moment.

1367
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:21,400
Speaker 5: And also, you know, just kind of start to believe

1368
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 5: the press, because I know just what it looks like

1369
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 5: when the pendulum swings in the opposite direction. And it's

1370
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:30,120
Speaker 5: not necessarily public humiliation or embarrassment or whatever. It is

1371
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 5: hard times, falling on hard times and then trying to

1372
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 5: There's nothing worse than being famous and broke. Nothing, fucking yeah,

1373
01:08:37,600 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 5: that shit, nothing worse than being famous and fucking broke.

1374
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:43,000
Speaker 5: You know, you cannot keep up with the joneses. You

1375
01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:46,640
Speaker 5: can't keep up with the with Nope, with the tyrone.

1376
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 1: No, you can't keep up with nothing. It's fucked up about.

1377
01:08:50,800 --> 01:08:54,360
Speaker 5: And so because I've gone from feast famine, feast famine,

1378
01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 5: feast famine, and now I'm like on this even keel,

1379
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 5: you know, and maybe this ascension as well, this nice

1380
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:06,040
Speaker 5: gradual ascension, and.

1381
01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:07,080
Speaker 1: That's comfortable for me.

1382
01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:10,280
Speaker 5: This is too much, you know, that's too much, but

1383
01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:14,640
Speaker 5: this is nice, Like my hormones are doing that and

1384
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:16,240
Speaker 5: my money is doing that.

1385
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 1: Though because it's like, I think it's the same thing

1386
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:21,519
Speaker 1: with us.

1387
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:23,879
Speaker 2: Like I feel like whenever our show first became popular,

1388
01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:27,080
Speaker 2: I succumbed to that pressure of like, oh my god,

1389
01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:29,040
Speaker 2: I gotta show up in a brand new Chanel, I

1390
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,040
Speaker 2: gotta show up with my Louis Vuitton. I gotta show up.

1391
01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 2: And then I got someone like who am I showing

1392
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:33,240
Speaker 2: up for? Yeah?

1393
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 1: Who the fuck am I doing?

1394
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:36,639
Speaker 5: All the people talking about you that really don't actually

1395
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:38,520
Speaker 5: matter and don't have your best interest.

1396
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 1: About it, they still be talking.

1397
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:43,439
Speaker 2: They be like, damn, lax, you wearing that Chanel bag

1398
01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:45,920
Speaker 2: again and is and I don't give a fuck, And

1399
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:47,800
Speaker 2: that's how much my investments.

1400
01:09:47,439 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 1: That crazy thing, you know what I'm saying.

1401
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:53,120
Speaker 4: Though they don't even be having a Chanelle, Like, they

1402
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 4: don't even be heaving right. They want you to show

1403
01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:57,560
Speaker 4: up and the stuff that they don't even have. But

1404
01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:00,679
Speaker 4: they feel like, because you're in this position, you're supposed

1405
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 4: to have eggs, Y and Z. That shit is crazy

1406
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,040
Speaker 4: And I just feel like you're sending yourself on a

1407
01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 4: downhill spiral. If you contribute to that mindset or if

1408
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:13,720
Speaker 4: you play into that mindset that people that have comments

1409
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,400
Speaker 4: and people that are on the internet have to say

1410
01:10:16,439 --> 01:10:16,760
Speaker 4: about it.

1411
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,160
Speaker 1: When I was in my twenties and thirties, you know,

1412
01:10:19,439 --> 01:10:20,439
Speaker 1: I mean I dated.

1413
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:24,599
Speaker 5: I dated a lot of like you know, rich and wealthy,

1414
01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:28,479
Speaker 5: famous men, and nobody really knows because I didn't walk

1415
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:30,599
Speaker 5: red carpets with these motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying.

1416
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:33,960
Speaker 1: Like, my private life was very very private, you know, And.

1417
01:10:35,439 --> 01:10:37,720
Speaker 5: There was always this assumption by these guys that my

1418
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:40,720
Speaker 5: love language was gifts. So you know, I just kind

1419
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:43,160
Speaker 5: of like accepted them as what it was because I

1420
01:10:43,240 --> 01:10:45,519
Speaker 5: wasn't really in touch with what my actual love language was.

1421
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:48,720
Speaker 5: My love language really is the Number one is quality time.

1422
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:52,600
Speaker 5: It's just it's quality time. Yeah, I want to be

1423
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:57,599
Speaker 5: laid the fuck up legs intertwined, fucking ribs, spilling sauce

1424
01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:01,639
Speaker 5: on all white feats, watching some serial killer shit on Netflix.

1425
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:02,599
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

1426
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,960
Speaker 5: That is a That is a dream. That is a

1427
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 5: dream scenario for me, and I really never got that,

1428
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 5: you know. So it was like the gifts, I'm like, okay, fine,

1429
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:13,439
Speaker 5: if that's what you want to do. If you want

1430
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:15,760
Speaker 5: to leave your credit card at Burgdorfs, you want to

1431
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,560
Speaker 5: leave your credit card a fucking intermix for me to

1432
01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:20,240
Speaker 5: go shopping whenever I fucking want to. Okay, fine, you know,

1433
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,240
Speaker 5: and you know, yeah, okay, having all those things in

1434
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:25,600
Speaker 5: my closet, the Schanel bags and all this stuff. And

1435
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:28,920
Speaker 5: then there was moments during the famine, you know, when

1436
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:32,080
Speaker 5: I wasn't making any money. I'm between guys or whatever

1437
01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:34,200
Speaker 5: the case is, where I'm looking at my closet, I'm

1438
01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 5: looking at all this design or where and it's mocking me.

1439
01:11:38,400 --> 01:11:43,720
Speaker 5: It's mocking me because it's fucking useless. It's useless. And

1440
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,760
Speaker 5: where am I going with this shit? Because honestly, I'm

1441
01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:50,120
Speaker 5: perpetrating a fraud by walking outside with this shit acting

1442
01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 5: like I got it when I don't know how I'm

1443
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:53,440
Speaker 5: paying my fucking rents.

1444
01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:55,679
Speaker 1: A ten thousand dollars big, I ain't got to exactly

1445
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,280
Speaker 1: can I hand this to my landlord for the next

1446
01:11:58,320 --> 01:11:59,920
Speaker 1: six goddamn months? Oh my god.

1447
01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:04,240
Speaker 5: So it's just like, so after a while, I really

1448
01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:07,280
Speaker 5: like giving me those kinds of gifts. I was just

1449
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:08,599
Speaker 5: it's empty.

1450
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:12,320
Speaker 1: I just know, I literally, and I'm not gonna lie.

1451
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:15,800
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that I ain't gonna lie about in

1452
01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:16,160
Speaker 1: the mouth.

1453
01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:19,120
Speaker 5: It's I mean, so if a Chanel bag just lands

1454
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:19,880
Speaker 5: in my medio.

1455
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:24,880
Speaker 1: Don't get wrong. But that's okay though, because that's your

1456
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:25,639
Speaker 1: love language.

1457
01:12:25,680 --> 01:12:27,960
Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is, I'm so glad that we're

1458
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 2: having this conversation because we just put value in the

1459
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:35,320
Speaker 2: wrong things a lot of the time. Because it's just

1460
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,240
Speaker 2: like I always say this, when you die and you're

1461
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:40,880
Speaker 2: long gone, nobody's gonna be like, man, she had on

1462
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:43,880
Speaker 2: that classic Chanel let me, she had on this she

1463
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:45,080
Speaker 2: They're gonna talk about how you.

1464
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:47,200
Speaker 1: Made them feel or what. You know. What I'm saying

1465
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 1: me and I want to pass it to my daughter.

1466
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:51,120
Speaker 5: But I also want to tell you guys. You know,

1467
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:59,320
Speaker 5: when my mom was on her deathbed, I I arrogantly

1468
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:04,680
Speaker 5: and with the best intentions, said to her, you know,

1469
01:13:04,920 --> 01:13:07,719
Speaker 5: because my mom lived a very simple life, very simple life.

1470
01:13:10,479 --> 01:13:12,680
Speaker 5: I said to my mom, I was like, Mom, is

1471
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:14,360
Speaker 5: there anywhere that you want me to go for you,

1472
01:13:15,280 --> 01:13:18,439
Speaker 5: like go for you in spirit? Anywhere in the world

1473
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,280
Speaker 5: that you've never been and that you want me to

1474
01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:23,280
Speaker 5: go for you in spirit?

1475
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:27,080
Speaker 1: And my mom looked at me and she said, no,

1476
01:13:28,240 --> 01:13:29,040
Speaker 1: I had a good life.

1477
01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:37,320
Speaker 5: Don't mind me cry please, And so okay, pull it together,

1478
01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:40,200
Speaker 5: do a box breath. And so it was at that

1479
01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 5: moment that I realized that my mom, in all of

1480
01:13:46,640 --> 01:13:51,080
Speaker 5: her simplicity, she woke up when she was retired. She

1481
01:13:51,600 --> 01:13:54,920
Speaker 5: walked the dog, she fucking walked the cat. She went

1482
01:13:55,000 --> 01:13:57,920
Speaker 5: to aqua fit, She had her hobbies, she had her

1483
01:13:57,960 --> 01:14:01,120
Speaker 5: book clubs, she had her circle of friends. My mom

1484
01:14:01,240 --> 01:14:04,799
Speaker 5: had a more fulfilling life that I did not, traveling

1485
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,680
Speaker 5: on private jets, hobnobbing with the biggest, the most a

1486
01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:14,479
Speaker 5: less celebrities, you know, just the closet filled with designer goods,

1487
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:18,519
Speaker 5: walking red carpets, and I'm fucking suicidal half the time.

1488
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:21,200
Speaker 5: And I realized at that moment, I was like, my

1489
01:14:21,320 --> 01:14:23,639
Speaker 5: life has to change or I'm not going to survive.

1490
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:27,920
Speaker 5: I'm just not going to survive. And my mom figured

1491
01:14:27,920 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 5: it out. And I never talked to her about this.

1492
01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:33,680
Speaker 5: I never Maybe I would have had a clue if

1493
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:36,439
Speaker 5: I'd talked to the woman about who she was outside

1494
01:14:36,479 --> 01:14:40,920
Speaker 5: of being my mom, you know. So from that, when

1495
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:44,120
Speaker 5: my mom passed away, I started to think about life

1496
01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:47,400
Speaker 5: so differently, and.

1497
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:54,719
Speaker 1: It just was not about a fucking bag or shoes

1498
01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:57,760
Speaker 1: or just anything superficial.

1499
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:01,479
Speaker 5: It was like, how do I how do I live

1500
01:15:01,640 --> 01:15:04,280
Speaker 5: this the rest of my time here it might be

1501
01:15:04,360 --> 01:15:06,439
Speaker 5: two years, it might be twenty, it might be thirty.

1502
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:12,160
Speaker 1: How do I live this life with a sense of fulfillment?

1503
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,000
Speaker 1: What does that fucking look like?

1504
01:15:14,080 --> 01:15:17,760
Speaker 5: Because apparently I don't have a fucking clue. Yeah, I

1505
01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:21,679
Speaker 5: am so sad and full of sorrow and dread.

1506
01:15:22,479 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 1: How do I do this?

1507
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:25,640
Speaker 4: And so.

1508
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:32,840
Speaker 5: I had to move through grief goddamn And so, you know,

1509
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:34,840
Speaker 5: the first two months after my mom passed away, I

1510
01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:39,280
Speaker 5: stayed in Canada, and I was living in it was

1511
01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:42,280
Speaker 5: basically like a quarter of a mile away from a

1512
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:44,920
Speaker 5: fucking forest, you know. And I would go to this

1513
01:15:45,080 --> 01:15:47,719
Speaker 5: forest five to six days a week and I would

1514
01:15:47,800 --> 01:15:50,160
Speaker 5: run with my dog, or I would just take my

1515
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:52,560
Speaker 5: shoes off. Once I got to like this clearing and

1516
01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:56,280
Speaker 5: it was all grass and just you know, just flowers

1517
01:15:56,400 --> 01:15:58,439
Speaker 5: and whatnot. It was like it was like it was

1518
01:15:58,479 --> 01:16:02,920
Speaker 5: almost like a Rembrandt painting, and I would just take

1519
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:06,240
Speaker 5: my shoes off and then just walk and ground and

1520
01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:11,760
Speaker 5: connect with earth and just I don't know, just try

1521
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:16,040
Speaker 5: to like connect with my mom's spirit, you know, and

1522
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:18,200
Speaker 5: just think about.

1523
01:16:20,360 --> 01:16:29,840
Speaker 1: How what does life? Yeah? Yeah, sometimes I can get

1524
01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:32,559
Speaker 1: through this without most of the time I can't.

1525
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:41,240
Speaker 5: So the next several years was me stumbling and falling

1526
01:16:41,960 --> 01:16:45,880
Speaker 5: and trying to figure out how do I like? How

1527
01:16:45,960 --> 01:16:49,360
Speaker 5: do I like live a life that I'm like proud

1528
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:53,120
Speaker 5: of and that's fulfilling to me regardless of what anybody

1529
01:16:53,160 --> 01:16:55,120
Speaker 5: has to say about me and who they think I am?

1530
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:58,360
Speaker 1: Thank you? And who do I think I am? Who

1531
01:16:58,439 --> 01:16:58,960
Speaker 1: am I? To me?

1532
01:17:00,080 --> 01:17:03,120
Speaker 5: And I had to figure out so much shit, Like

1533
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:04,800
Speaker 5: I figured out, I didn't even know how to see

1534
01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:07,760
Speaker 5: myself with through my own lens.

1535
01:17:07,840 --> 01:17:09,639
Speaker 1: I saw myself through the male gaze.

1536
01:17:10,479 --> 01:17:12,439
Speaker 5: So if I see myself through the male gaze and

1537
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:14,960
Speaker 5: the male gaze because I'm getting older, is tired of me,

1538
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,080
Speaker 5: then what happens?

1539
01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:18,280
Speaker 3: Then who am I?

1540
01:17:18,760 --> 01:17:21,120
Speaker 1: And what does that do to my career? You know

1541
01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:24,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I did not fucking know. And I

1542
01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:30,000
Speaker 1: had to spend all this time and is so painful,

1543
01:17:30,880 --> 01:17:35,919
Speaker 1: but searching and searching and searching through just my therapy

1544
01:17:36,280 --> 01:17:39,440
Speaker 1: and my fucking shadow guide.

1545
01:17:40,080 --> 01:17:45,920
Speaker 5: And books and hiking and talking to the universe and

1546
01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:49,320
Speaker 5: just you know, curling up with my dog who was

1547
01:17:49,479 --> 01:17:53,000
Speaker 5: became like my sense of emotional support and volunteering at

1548
01:17:53,080 --> 01:17:56,920
Speaker 5: animal shelters because I needed it so badly. I needed

1549
01:17:57,000 --> 01:18:03,280
Speaker 5: like true loving spirit, so the Hadley and you know

1550
01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:06,720
Speaker 5: I came out I fucking That's why I like, I

1551
01:18:06,960 --> 01:18:07,759
Speaker 5: love who.

1552
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:14,160
Speaker 1: I am right now. I'm like, I fought so hard, yeah, woman,

1553
01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:20,960
Speaker 1: like I thought so hard to become her.

1554
01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:27,160
Speaker 2: Like I just fun, I just say something bad because

1555
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:30,000
Speaker 2: I'm trying not to cry because you don't know this.

1556
01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:34,000
Speaker 3: I lost my mom as well, so a.

1557
01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:38,120
Speaker 2: Lot of times that journey and when you're still growing

1558
01:18:38,240 --> 01:18:41,760
Speaker 2: as a woman and you lose the woman that taught

1559
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:45,840
Speaker 2: you everything, it's a hard journey and you feel lost

1560
01:18:45,920 --> 01:18:47,880
Speaker 2: and left alone, like you gotta figure it out.

1561
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:53,599
Speaker 1: So I like, it feels like you lost your connection

1562
01:18:53,760 --> 01:18:54,320
Speaker 1: to the earth.

1563
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:57,240
Speaker 5: And that's why I kept fucking taking my shoes off

1564
01:18:57,280 --> 01:19:00,400
Speaker 5: and trying and grounding because I was trying to find

1565
01:19:00,479 --> 01:19:02,160
Speaker 5: my connection to the earth.

1566
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:04,080
Speaker 1: Because I felt like I was like spinning.

1567
01:19:03,760 --> 01:19:06,320
Speaker 5: Around like a balloon that had been let go in

1568
01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,000
Speaker 5: the air, and just that's just what I felt like.

1569
01:19:09,439 --> 01:19:12,240
Speaker 5: And I felt like I was spiraling and nobody was

1570
01:19:12,280 --> 01:19:14,519
Speaker 5: there to catch me. And it's like I felt like

1571
01:19:14,560 --> 01:19:16,559
Speaker 5: I also had to suffer in silence because I couldn't

1572
01:19:16,600 --> 01:19:21,040
Speaker 5: reveal this level of vulnerability and pain because who was

1573
01:19:21,120 --> 01:19:21,479
Speaker 5: going to.

1574
01:19:22,240 --> 01:19:25,040
Speaker 1: Who was going to carry me right, like who was

1575
01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:27,639
Speaker 1: gonna make it okay? And my dad was already dead.

1576
01:19:28,120 --> 01:19:28,800
Speaker 2: So in the.

1577
01:19:30,720 --> 01:19:33,640
Speaker 1: Same we are so the.

1578
01:19:33,680 --> 01:19:39,080
Speaker 2: Same because navigating this life with no parents is a

1579
01:19:39,360 --> 01:19:40,360
Speaker 2: different type.

1580
01:19:41,040 --> 01:19:42,200
Speaker 1: I don't you know.

1581
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:44,679
Speaker 2: You have your aunts and your uncles and your cousins

1582
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:46,920
Speaker 2: that they want to be there, they want to be there,

1583
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:47,880
Speaker 2: but you can't.

1584
01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:51,759
Speaker 1: You know, like you can't and we have to figure

1585
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:52,080
Speaker 1: it out.

1586
01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 2: So when you said you were walking in the forest

1587
01:19:57,080 --> 01:20:00,240
Speaker 2: and you were just trying to do something to next

1588
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:03,000
Speaker 2: to her and feel to her mind was sleeping because

1589
01:20:03,280 --> 01:20:08,599
Speaker 2: the first two years, still to this day, I see

1590
01:20:08,640 --> 01:20:11,479
Speaker 2: her in my dreams, so I try to sleep to

1591
01:20:11,600 --> 01:20:13,639
Speaker 2: make me feel better, to find that comfort.

1592
01:20:13,760 --> 01:20:15,519
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1593
01:20:15,560 --> 01:20:15,720
Speaker 4: I know.

1594
01:20:15,920 --> 01:20:21,200
Speaker 5: Do not don't you dare apologize, Do not apologize, Do

1595
01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:23,360
Speaker 5: not apologize for being human in this moment.

1596
01:20:23,760 --> 01:20:27,360
Speaker 1: This is fucking awesome. Yeah. I love that we're connecting

1597
01:20:27,439 --> 01:20:28,960
Speaker 1: on this like on.

1598
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:33,200
Speaker 5: This like here for everybody that feels seen, feels like,

1599
01:20:34,640 --> 01:20:38,160
Speaker 5: oh my god, I know, yes, this is this is

1600
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:39,400
Speaker 5: a moment to not apology.

1601
01:20:39,439 --> 01:20:44,920
Speaker 1: It's a moment to celebrate and rejoice, and I think

1602
01:20:45,000 --> 01:20:46,240
Speaker 1: for women too.

1603
01:20:46,520 --> 01:20:48,960
Speaker 2: That's why I was so excited for, you know, just

1604
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:53,120
Speaker 2: to kind of bring the moment back. It's important that

1605
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:57,880
Speaker 2: we create a safe space for us because sometimes we

1606
01:20:58,040 --> 01:21:01,120
Speaker 2: don't have that mother to turn to, or we don't

1607
01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:04,320
Speaker 2: have parents, and it's important that people hear our stories

1608
01:21:04,400 --> 01:21:07,679
Speaker 2: and understand that we are complex women and we're more

1609
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:12,120
Speaker 2: than the outer shell. And even though we don't have

1610
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 2: life figured out, we're trying to figure this out, but

1611
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:17,400
Speaker 2: we're trying to help people figure it out with us. Yeah,

1612
01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:19,439
Speaker 2: you know, And I don't mean to get you know,

1613
01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:22,840
Speaker 2: too emotional with everything, but I think it's important that

1614
01:21:23,479 --> 01:21:26,680
Speaker 2: we use our voices and let people know, like we

1615
01:21:26,760 --> 01:21:27,920
Speaker 2: don't have this shit figured out.

1616
01:21:28,240 --> 01:21:28,840
Speaker 1: Nobody don't.

1617
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:31,040
Speaker 5: I got girlfriends who are sixty and they're like, I

1618
01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:32,080
Speaker 5: don't got shit figure out.

1619
01:21:32,160 --> 01:21:33,640
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think we all. I don't think

1620
01:21:33,680 --> 01:21:34,280
Speaker 1: anybody ever.

1621
01:21:36,080 --> 01:21:38,080
Speaker 2: And I didn't figure that out till my mom passed

1622
01:21:38,080 --> 01:21:41,320
Speaker 2: and I realized you didn't have this shit figured out either.

1623
01:21:41,560 --> 01:21:44,080
Speaker 1: No, it's hard, Like grief is a hard space.

1624
01:21:44,200 --> 01:21:47,200
Speaker 4: Like even with me, I haven't lost my mom yet,

1625
01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:50,960
Speaker 4: but I lost my dad and so even with my mom,

1626
01:21:51,280 --> 01:21:55,760
Speaker 4: just like watching her navigate through losing my dad and

1627
01:21:55,960 --> 01:21:59,960
Speaker 4: losing her soulmate. And it's just a crazy thing because it's,

1628
01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:03,599
Speaker 4: like you just said, like nobody has this shit figured out.

1629
01:22:03,840 --> 01:22:09,080
Speaker 4: Like my mom is literally seventy four, and every day

1630
01:22:09,400 --> 01:22:11,679
Speaker 4: I feel like I talked to her, I'm learning something

1631
01:22:11,800 --> 01:22:15,120
Speaker 4: new about her, and she's also learning something new about

1632
01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:17,920
Speaker 4: herself every day since my father has passed away, because

1633
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:19,840
Speaker 4: for forty years.

1634
01:22:20,120 --> 01:22:22,000
Speaker 1: That was like that was her life.

1635
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:24,680
Speaker 5: I think that that's amazing, though, that you have those

1636
01:22:24,800 --> 01:22:27,880
Speaker 5: kinds of conversations with your mom, because it took me,

1637
01:22:28,640 --> 01:22:32,640
Speaker 5: It took me way too long and too late to

1638
01:22:33,080 --> 01:22:36,839
Speaker 5: discover that my mom was a whole human being outside

1639
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:37,639
Speaker 5: of being my mother.

1640
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:40,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I would have really really really liked to

1641
01:22:40,600 --> 01:22:41,240
Speaker 1: know that woman.

1642
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:45,439
Speaker 5: I would have really really really liked for her to

1643
01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:49,439
Speaker 5: know that her only daughter was interested in knowing the

1644
01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:52,280
Speaker 5: woman that she was outside of being my mother and

1645
01:22:52,439 --> 01:22:55,680
Speaker 5: my father's wife. Yeah, and whoever people thought her to be.

1646
01:22:55,960 --> 01:23:00,400
Speaker 5: Like the things that I've learned now, you know, I

1647
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:01,439
Speaker 5: just I have to.

1648
01:23:03,240 --> 01:23:03,599
Speaker 1: I don't.

1649
01:23:04,200 --> 01:23:06,519
Speaker 5: I just have to reconcile that there's questions I'm always

1650
01:23:06,560 --> 01:23:08,840
Speaker 5: going to have that will never ever be answered, and

1651
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:11,879
Speaker 5: you know, you going looking for your mom and your dreams.

1652
01:23:12,680 --> 01:23:13,879
Speaker 1: I was the opposite.

1653
01:23:13,920 --> 01:23:17,559
Speaker 5: I felt like she was gone, like yeahn spirit gone

1654
01:23:18,520 --> 01:23:22,200
Speaker 5: if you believe in reincarnation, gone and into you know,

1655
01:23:22,600 --> 01:23:27,160
Speaker 5: husk done spirit into neull. And I was sitting It

1656
01:23:27,280 --> 01:23:29,920
Speaker 5: was maybe a week or two and I was sitting

1657
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:36,280
Speaker 5: outside of my aunt's place. Mom's my aunt's house, and

1658
01:23:36,360 --> 01:23:37,680
Speaker 5: she was on my mom and his real aunt. She

1659
01:23:37,840 --> 01:23:42,880
Speaker 5: was her best friend. My mom's actual sister was Anywho's

1660
01:23:45,160 --> 01:23:47,080
Speaker 5: and I was talking to a friend on the phone.

1661
01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:49,120
Speaker 5: I was like, I just think my mom is gone,

1662
01:23:49,320 --> 01:23:53,120
Speaker 5: like spirit gone. I can't feel her. And at that moment,

1663
01:23:53,400 --> 01:23:56,440
Speaker 5: this man walked through the gate in the backyard.

1664
01:23:57,000 --> 01:23:58,559
Speaker 1: I didn't know who he was. He was like, are

1665
01:23:58,600 --> 01:24:02,120
Speaker 1: you Melissa Ford? And I was like yeah, and he

1666
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:03,000
Speaker 1: was like, this is for you.

1667
01:24:03,520 --> 01:24:06,200
Speaker 5: And it was a box and I opened it up

1668
01:24:07,080 --> 01:24:10,120
Speaker 5: and it was a necklace that I had asked the

1669
01:24:10,200 --> 01:24:12,760
Speaker 5: funeral home to make me with a pendant with her

1670
01:24:12,840 --> 01:24:16,560
Speaker 5: ashes in it. At that moment, it showed up and

1671
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:22,720
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I hey, may No.

1672
01:24:23,080 --> 01:24:26,800
Speaker 1: Spirit is very very real, like I felt like you

1673
01:24:26,960 --> 01:24:27,240
Speaker 1: need it.

1674
01:24:27,439 --> 01:24:29,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like I feel my dad around me

1675
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:32,439
Speaker 4: all the time, Like I always say this, and it's

1676
01:24:32,560 --> 01:24:34,920
Speaker 4: always in the moments that I need him most, Like

1677
01:24:35,720 --> 01:24:38,760
Speaker 4: I don't know for like the past two years. My

1678
01:24:38,840 --> 01:24:41,360
Speaker 4: dad passed away in twenty twenty, so like for the

1679
01:24:41,520 --> 01:24:45,840
Speaker 4: past I would say two three years. Anytime I'm at home,

1680
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:49,840
Speaker 4: it's so crazy and I'm feeling lonely and I'm feeling

1681
01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:53,599
Speaker 4: sad and i don't know where to turn, Like it's

1682
01:24:53,800 --> 01:24:57,479
Speaker 4: always every time. It never feels like a butterfly that

1683
01:24:57,720 --> 01:25:01,960
Speaker 4: flies on my balcony at my apartment and it stays

1684
01:25:02,040 --> 01:25:05,360
Speaker 4: there for like two hours. I'm not even kiddy, and

1685
01:25:05,439 --> 01:25:08,480
Speaker 4: I'm just like, what the FuG this is insane?

1686
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:11,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just know. I know it's my dad. Yeah,

1687
01:25:11,800 --> 01:25:14,960
Speaker 1: every time, do you is there something that it's lady bus?

1688
01:25:15,080 --> 01:25:17,560
Speaker 1: Lady bus? But it's really prominent in me.

1689
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:20,920
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's gotten to the point to where like if

1690
01:25:20,960 --> 01:25:23,120
Speaker 2: anything is going on and I'm feeling lost, I'm just

1691
01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:27,479
Speaker 2: like I pray. I'm like, can you please send my mom?

1692
01:25:27,600 --> 01:25:29,000
Speaker 1: I need Because it.

1693
01:25:29,080 --> 01:25:30,920
Speaker 2: Used to be like like I'm not gonna lie. The

1694
01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:33,800
Speaker 2: first year after my mom passed, I was crashing out

1695
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,240
Speaker 2: so bad. She knows that because she was there, But

1696
01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:38,920
Speaker 2: it was like my mom passed and I still had

1697
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:41,320
Speaker 2: to go on tour. Yeah, because I was like I'm

1698
01:25:41,360 --> 01:25:42,960
Speaker 2: not canceling this tour because I know that's not what

1699
01:25:43,080 --> 01:25:44,760
Speaker 2: she would want. And I know a lot of people

1700
01:25:44,920 --> 01:25:46,720
Speaker 2: were judging me for that. They're like, oh my god,

1701
01:25:46,840 --> 01:25:48,920
Speaker 2: go here and go this. But I couldn't. I have

1702
01:25:49,120 --> 01:25:50,680
Speaker 2: to stay I'm the type of person I have to

1703
01:25:50,720 --> 01:25:54,720
Speaker 2: stay busy. So I particularly remember when we were in

1704
01:25:54,840 --> 01:25:58,160
Speaker 2: New York and it was like a big moment, like

1705
01:25:58,280 --> 01:26:01,439
Speaker 2: we did breakfast Club, we got this showed out showing

1706
01:26:01,520 --> 01:26:05,240
Speaker 2: Tom's Square, and I'm like, I'm doing everything I always

1707
01:26:05,400 --> 01:26:10,160
Speaker 2: dreamed of and I'm making people laugh, I'm making people smile,

1708
01:26:10,479 --> 01:26:14,360
Speaker 2: and I was so empty, and I just remember getting

1709
01:26:14,400 --> 01:26:15,599
Speaker 2: back to my hotel room.

1710
01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:20,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I was crying so hard and so loud.

1711
01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:22,800
Speaker 1: Drane like knocked on the door. She was like, what's

1712
01:26:22,880 --> 01:26:23,240
Speaker 1: going on?

1713
01:26:23,520 --> 01:26:23,680
Speaker 4: You know?

1714
01:26:25,320 --> 01:26:29,559
Speaker 2: So I think for me, I found peace, and because

1715
01:26:29,600 --> 01:26:31,680
Speaker 2: I remember after she left my room, I went to

1716
01:26:31,760 --> 01:26:36,639
Speaker 2: sleep and I had such a detailed dream. And every

1717
01:26:36,720 --> 01:26:39,160
Speaker 2: time I know it's her because every time I have

1718
01:26:39,280 --> 01:26:42,720
Speaker 2: dreams about her, we're always in my childhood house that

1719
01:26:42,800 --> 01:26:44,760
Speaker 2: we grew up in, and she actually passed away in

1720
01:26:44,840 --> 01:26:47,400
Speaker 2: that house. So every time I dream about her and

1721
01:26:47,439 --> 01:26:49,840
Speaker 2: she's talking to me, it's a dream of us in

1722
01:26:49,920 --> 01:26:52,760
Speaker 2: the house. And I can tell when I'm dreaming about

1723
01:26:52,800 --> 01:26:54,439
Speaker 2: her just because I'm thinking about her, because it'll be

1724
01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:57,240
Speaker 2: like us doing something, but when she's speaking to me,

1725
01:26:57,640 --> 01:27:00,680
Speaker 2: we are always in the house. I have so many

1726
01:27:00,800 --> 01:27:04,120
Speaker 2: dreams like that. So I found I found comfort in that.

1727
01:27:05,840 --> 01:27:09,400
Speaker 2: And I wasn't the naw for a long time. I mean,

1728
01:27:09,520 --> 01:27:11,679
Speaker 2: you create fantasies. I was like, maybe my mom didn't

1729
01:27:11,680 --> 01:27:13,439
Speaker 2: pass away. Maybe she just like I'm tired of this

1730
01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,800
Speaker 2: life and she just faked her death and she's living

1731
01:27:15,840 --> 01:27:18,519
Speaker 2: in Italy or something like you just do crazy things,

1732
01:27:18,720 --> 01:27:18,880
Speaker 2: you know.

1733
01:27:19,439 --> 01:27:20,920
Speaker 1: But I think like her coming to me in my

1734
01:27:21,000 --> 01:27:23,280
Speaker 1: dreams is like, hey, I'm okay. Yeah.

1735
01:27:23,800 --> 01:27:26,759
Speaker 2: And once you're okay with that, you know, I found

1736
01:27:26,880 --> 01:27:30,400
Speaker 2: I found my peace. You know, I'm a times and

1737
01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:33,880
Speaker 2: I'm a numbers person. So I was like, okay, God willing.

1738
01:27:34,160 --> 01:27:37,120
Speaker 2: If I live to be, you know, in my eighties

1739
01:27:37,400 --> 01:27:39,400
Speaker 2: or my nineties, that means I'm going to live more

1740
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:41,439
Speaker 2: life without my mom than I did with her.

1741
01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:43,960
Speaker 1: So I'm like, where do I find the peace in that?

1742
01:27:44,640 --> 01:27:47,400
Speaker 2: So, like I said, I think me connecting to her

1743
01:27:48,240 --> 01:27:51,160
Speaker 2: like in my dreams and just always feeling her presence

1744
01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:54,479
Speaker 2: and finding her presence, even though maybe sometimes her presence

1745
01:27:54,560 --> 01:27:55,000
Speaker 2: isn't there.

1746
01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:56,160
Speaker 1: I just feel it.

1747
01:27:56,600 --> 01:27:59,000
Speaker 5: That's all that matters. Yeah, And that's what that that's

1748
01:27:59,080 --> 01:28:02,519
Speaker 5: all that matters. It's all that matters. It's your it's

1749
01:28:02,560 --> 01:28:05,720
Speaker 5: your personal relationship. It's your personal connection with her, and

1750
01:28:05,920 --> 01:28:06,280
Speaker 5: that's it.

1751
01:28:06,720 --> 01:28:07,160
Speaker 1: It is.

1752
01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:11,839
Speaker 5: It's there's there's nothing to be explained, and there's nothing,

1753
01:28:12,320 --> 01:28:15,320
Speaker 5: nothing that needs to even be defined for anybody.

1754
01:28:15,520 --> 01:28:17,640
Speaker 1: It belongs to you, you know.

1755
01:28:17,880 --> 01:28:21,560
Speaker 5: And one of the reasons that I've chosen to be

1756
01:28:21,840 --> 01:28:29,400
Speaker 5: very candid about grief and pain is because it was

1757
01:28:30,240 --> 01:28:32,600
Speaker 5: it was it was life altering, you know.

1758
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:37,599
Speaker 1: I watched my mom die and then my life changed

1759
01:28:37,800 --> 01:28:39,640
Speaker 1: after she died, you know.

1760
01:28:39,800 --> 01:28:39,880
Speaker 4: And.

1761
01:28:42,880 --> 01:28:46,439
Speaker 5: And I just want I just I just once you

1762
01:28:46,600 --> 01:28:49,759
Speaker 5: get a peek at the other side, though, it's almost

1763
01:28:49,840 --> 01:28:55,080
Speaker 5: like having the Cassandra complex. The Cassandra complex is knowledge

1764
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:58,960
Speaker 5: of forethought. Okay, It's basically like your chicken, little the

1765
01:28:59,040 --> 01:29:02,400
Speaker 5: sky is falling and nobody believes you. That's what it's

1766
01:29:02,479 --> 01:29:05,519
Speaker 5: like getting a peak behind the curtain. And that's what

1767
01:29:05,680 --> 01:29:08,479
Speaker 5: it felt like. I got a peek behind the curtain

1768
01:29:08,600 --> 01:29:12,360
Speaker 5: watching my mom die, and so I saw everything at

1769
01:29:12,400 --> 01:29:13,000
Speaker 5: that moment.

1770
01:29:13,960 --> 01:29:15,800
Speaker 1: I saw how fragile life is.

1771
01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:21,559
Speaker 5: I saw how cavalierly we approach the concept of our

1772
01:29:21,720 --> 01:29:26,760
Speaker 5: lives and and how just arrogant we are about it.

1773
01:29:27,680 --> 01:29:32,439
Speaker 5: I saw how many people are uncomfortable with talking about

1774
01:29:32,520 --> 01:29:35,080
Speaker 5: death because they cannot deal with the concept of their

1775
01:29:35,120 --> 01:29:39,400
Speaker 5: own mortality, and how ill fated of a decision that is.

1776
01:29:40,120 --> 01:29:43,200
Speaker 5: I saw it all, and I was trying. I felt

1777
01:29:43,240 --> 01:29:47,960
Speaker 5: like chicken little trying to warn everybody, you know, and

1778
01:29:48,080 --> 01:29:50,640
Speaker 5: it's like people didn't want to hear it. You know,

1779
01:29:51,080 --> 01:29:53,080
Speaker 5: people don't want to hear it because they don't want

1780
01:29:53,080 --> 01:29:54,439
Speaker 5: to be confronted with this shit.

1781
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't want to talk about it, you know.

1782
01:29:57,160 --> 01:29:59,479
Speaker 5: And I feel like people need to kind of get

1783
01:29:59,520 --> 01:30:02,439
Speaker 5: out of that mentality and start to have, you know,

1784
01:30:02,840 --> 01:30:08,879
Speaker 5: just just normalized conversations like the inevitable, because it's inevitable

1785
01:30:08,920 --> 01:30:10,920
Speaker 5: and the worst thing to do is to leave your

1786
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:15,479
Speaker 5: family unprepared for if something happens to you. Thank God,

1787
01:30:15,600 --> 01:30:18,599
Speaker 5: my mom and my aunt handled the business of death

1788
01:30:19,360 --> 01:30:24,280
Speaker 5: before my mom and my aunt. These two women were like,

1789
01:30:24,640 --> 01:30:26,719
Speaker 5: you know, the moment in Sex and the City where

1790
01:30:27,040 --> 01:30:29,439
Speaker 5: you know, Carrie's like all fucked up because of big

1791
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:32,639
Speaker 5: and shit like that and Samantha and Charlotte is Samantha

1792
01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:35,320
Speaker 5: and Miranda. They were like, we got your apartment back,

1793
01:30:35,479 --> 01:30:36,920
Speaker 5: we got the movers there, we got.

1794
01:30:36,800 --> 01:30:39,760
Speaker 1: This, this, this, this that was my mom.

1795
01:30:39,880 --> 01:30:42,240
Speaker 5: That was my mom, and my aunt. Everything was tied

1796
01:30:42,320 --> 01:30:45,800
Speaker 5: up in a pretty pink bow for me. Everything my

1797
01:30:45,920 --> 01:30:49,000
Speaker 5: name was on everything there was. There would be no probate,

1798
01:30:49,040 --> 01:30:51,920
Speaker 5: there would be no comp there would be no complications

1799
01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:54,599
Speaker 5: in me filing for life insurance.

1800
01:30:54,840 --> 01:30:59,240
Speaker 1: Everything was done so that I could just grieve.

1801
01:30:59,640 --> 01:31:02,120
Speaker 2: And that that's important too, because a lot of times

1802
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:05,560
Speaker 2: when you lose somebody, you gotta fight your cousin, a

1803
01:31:05,640 --> 01:31:08,920
Speaker 2: little sister that you ain't know you have, and all

1804
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:11,320
Speaker 2: this stuff. So taking care of that so people can

1805
01:31:11,479 --> 01:31:15,479
Speaker 2: really just grieve you and go through that, that's what helped.

1806
01:31:15,280 --> 01:31:15,840
Speaker 1: Me a lot too.

1807
01:31:16,040 --> 01:31:18,080
Speaker 4: And I want us to say this as well, like

1808
01:31:18,760 --> 01:31:22,200
Speaker 4: it's so important y'all, Like you know, if you do still,

1809
01:31:22,240 --> 01:31:23,960
Speaker 4: if you're lucky enough to still have both of your

1810
01:31:24,040 --> 01:31:26,760
Speaker 4: parents here, like talk to them about they life, talk

1811
01:31:26,800 --> 01:31:29,280
Speaker 4: to them about they story, like ask them questions. It's

1812
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:32,160
Speaker 4: this book that my friend put me on. Shout out

1813
01:31:32,200 --> 01:31:33,000
Speaker 4: to my friend Elise.

1814
01:31:33,400 --> 01:31:34,360
Speaker 1: She put me on this book.

1815
01:31:34,439 --> 01:31:38,920
Speaker 4: It's called mom, I want to hear your story. Yes,

1816
01:31:39,080 --> 01:31:41,599
Speaker 4: And I bought the book from my mom for Mother's

1817
01:31:41,680 --> 01:31:44,000
Speaker 4: Day because she bought it for her mom for Mother's Day.

1818
01:31:44,000 --> 01:31:47,320
Speaker 4: And it's basically like a journal where your mom can

1819
01:31:47,479 --> 01:31:50,800
Speaker 4: literally write every It asked her so many questions about

1820
01:31:50,800 --> 01:31:53,799
Speaker 4: her life from childhood through adulhood, and she can literally

1821
01:31:53,960 --> 01:31:54,519
Speaker 4: write in the.

1822
01:31:54,520 --> 01:31:56,880
Speaker 1: Book and talk about all of her experiences.

1823
01:31:57,040 --> 01:31:59,080
Speaker 4: And then it's like a keepsake that you can have

1824
01:31:59,720 --> 01:32:02,240
Speaker 4: whenever she does pass away or if something does happen

1825
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:04,360
Speaker 4: to her, and it's something that you can always hold

1826
01:32:04,439 --> 01:32:06,200
Speaker 4: dear to your heart and you can read through for

1827
01:32:06,280 --> 01:32:08,200
Speaker 4: the rest of your life. And they also have one

1828
01:32:08,280 --> 01:32:11,080
Speaker 4: for like your grandparents. They have one for your father,

1829
01:32:11,280 --> 01:32:14,400
Speaker 4: for your grandfather. Like buy that type of stuff for

1830
01:32:15,120 --> 01:32:17,800
Speaker 4: your parents and your grandparents if you're still lucky enough

1831
01:32:17,880 --> 01:32:19,400
Speaker 4: to have them in your life, because it's something that

1832
01:32:19,520 --> 01:32:22,639
Speaker 4: you can cherish forever. And it's like, I'm looking forward

1833
01:32:22,720 --> 01:32:25,600
Speaker 4: to being able to read what my mom writes in

1834
01:32:25,640 --> 01:32:26,680
Speaker 4: the book, and she told me she.

1835
01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:28,800
Speaker 1: Was so grateful that I bought it for her.

1836
01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:31,400
Speaker 5: My mom was My mom was a journaler and a

1837
01:32:31,520 --> 01:32:34,720
Speaker 5: scrap booker, and I'm gonna just have to save this

1838
01:32:34,840 --> 01:32:37,040
Speaker 5: from my book because we will just cry our fucking

1839
01:32:37,280 --> 01:32:41,360
Speaker 5: yeah literally going. But I mean, my mom charted her

1840
01:32:41,439 --> 01:32:44,599
Speaker 5: illness before she even before she knew she even had it. Yeah,

1841
01:32:44,920 --> 01:32:48,640
Speaker 5: and I'm reading it knowing in hindsight with inevitable was

1842
01:32:49,040 --> 01:32:53,240
Speaker 5: holy fucking stake to the heart. Yeah, you know what

1843
01:32:53,280 --> 01:32:57,799
Speaker 5: I'm saying. But that journal it's just it's so exciting.

1844
01:32:57,920 --> 01:33:01,479
Speaker 2: They talk about journaling because journaling helped me through whenever

1845
01:33:01,600 --> 01:33:05,120
Speaker 2: I started journaling around the time my mom had passed.

1846
01:33:05,760 --> 01:33:08,800
Speaker 2: I journal through my relationships, my friendship, whatever I have.

1847
01:33:08,880 --> 01:33:09,880
Speaker 1: Going on, I journal it.

1848
01:33:10,680 --> 01:33:13,599
Speaker 2: And honestly, even now I go back and I look

1849
01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:16,160
Speaker 2: like I know exactly what I was doing two years ago.

1850
01:33:16,240 --> 01:33:18,559
Speaker 2: Today I can open my journal and tell you exactly

1851
01:33:18,640 --> 01:33:20,720
Speaker 2: what I did that day. And I'm so blessed to

1852
01:33:20,760 --> 01:33:24,320
Speaker 2: have that because when I'm long going, I'm literally gonna

1853
01:33:24,360 --> 01:33:26,680
Speaker 2: have probably journals stacked up time and people can be like,

1854
01:33:27,080 --> 01:33:30,639
Speaker 2: I know what Lex did for the last forty fifty years.

1855
01:33:30,439 --> 01:33:31,080
Speaker 1: Of her life.

1856
01:33:31,439 --> 01:33:34,519
Speaker 2: And that's why I say journaling not only hell, because

1857
01:33:34,560 --> 01:33:36,840
Speaker 2: you can see your growth, you can see everything you're

1858
01:33:36,880 --> 01:33:38,960
Speaker 2: going through, but you can tell your story. Because we

1859
01:33:39,080 --> 01:33:43,840
Speaker 2: are so complex, we all have amazing interesting stories to tell,

1860
01:33:44,360 --> 01:33:46,519
Speaker 2: and so like even me going through this journey with

1861
01:33:46,640 --> 01:33:49,479
Speaker 2: poor minds and how everything is going. Like, I know,

1862
01:33:49,600 --> 01:33:52,519
Speaker 2: we are here to entertain people, but we're still human

1863
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,240
Speaker 2: and we're still going through it.

1864
01:33:54,320 --> 01:33:56,000
Speaker 1: So people be like, oh my god, Dre and Lex

1865
01:33:56,080 --> 01:33:57,200
Speaker 1: y'all saw this. Y'all saw that.

1866
01:33:57,600 --> 01:34:00,519
Speaker 2: Baby, We be struggling, we be going through it. Sometimes

1867
01:34:00,560 --> 01:34:02,160
Speaker 2: a me and drives me on the phone. I'll be

1868
01:34:02,240 --> 01:34:04,160
Speaker 2: screaming and crying. She'd be like, I got your friend

1869
01:34:04,720 --> 01:34:07,479
Speaker 2: or vice versa, like she be calling me upset. I'll

1870
01:34:07,479 --> 01:34:09,559
Speaker 2: be like, Hey, we're gonna, We're gonna push through.

1871
01:34:09,560 --> 01:34:12,040
Speaker 5: And I'm really glad that you guys have each other too,

1872
01:34:12,120 --> 01:34:16,280
Speaker 5: and that you guys have such such a genuine love

1873
01:34:16,400 --> 01:34:25,519
Speaker 5: for one another, because no, sometimes women we got ego.

1874
01:34:26,080 --> 01:34:30,360
Speaker 1: Come, No, it happens. It's hard, especially in this space

1875
01:34:30,439 --> 01:34:34,000
Speaker 1: and the entertain and the media, the media space especially,

1876
01:34:34,240 --> 01:34:34,400
Speaker 1: you know.

1877
01:34:34,600 --> 01:34:37,120
Speaker 5: I was commiserating with my accountant and she was just like,

1878
01:34:37,560 --> 01:34:39,759
Speaker 5: she was like, yeah, I find that women in media

1879
01:34:40,120 --> 01:34:42,519
Speaker 5: have a very difficult time sharing space with each other

1880
01:34:42,560 --> 01:34:44,640
Speaker 5: and they're highly competitive, even though they don't admit it.

1881
01:34:44,680 --> 01:34:46,320
Speaker 1: And I was like, it's like, girl, who the fuck?

1882
01:34:46,680 --> 01:34:49,519
Speaker 1: How do you know that like what hold on was

1883
01:34:49,600 --> 01:34:51,799
Speaker 1: like here and it's just sometimes.

1884
01:34:51,840 --> 01:34:54,200
Speaker 5: We were having this conversation on the pod the other

1885
01:34:54,320 --> 01:34:58,840
Speaker 5: day about how men handle competitiveness and their relationships and

1886
01:34:58,920 --> 01:35:03,120
Speaker 5: how women handle competitness. And my assessment, personal assessment, is

1887
01:35:03,200 --> 01:35:06,200
Speaker 5: that competitiveness is seen as a very male characteristic.

1888
01:35:06,280 --> 01:35:10,000
Speaker 1: So men get to be very vocal about it.

1889
01:35:10,120 --> 01:35:12,519
Speaker 5: They get to acknowledge it, you know, they get they

1890
01:35:12,600 --> 01:35:17,800
Speaker 5: get to you know, basically embrace their competitive nature. Women

1891
01:35:18,400 --> 01:35:20,759
Speaker 5: we don't get to really admit that we are competing

1892
01:35:20,800 --> 01:35:25,400
Speaker 5: against one one another. So when that happens, it manifests

1893
01:35:26,000 --> 01:35:30,200
Speaker 5: into some real gnarly shit because there's no boundaries on

1894
01:35:30,280 --> 01:35:31,880
Speaker 5: what we're competing against each other.

1895
01:35:32,479 --> 01:35:32,840
Speaker 1: For and.

1896
01:35:34,600 --> 01:35:38,800
Speaker 5: Exactly because she exactly, there's no clear boundaries on what

1897
01:35:39,000 --> 01:35:41,920
Speaker 5: this is. And this is obviously excluding sports. And I'm

1898
01:35:41,920 --> 01:35:44,400
Speaker 5: not even I'm not talking about like, you know, climbing,

1899
01:35:44,479 --> 01:35:48,760
Speaker 5: corporate ladder ambitiousness. I'm talking about like personal circles and

1900
01:35:48,800 --> 01:35:52,559
Speaker 5: stuff like that, you know, and it gets it gets,

1901
01:35:52,640 --> 01:35:55,200
Speaker 5: it is gnarly, it is, really.

1902
01:35:55,280 --> 01:35:56,280
Speaker 1: I mean, we've seen it.

1903
01:35:56,360 --> 01:35:59,360
Speaker 2: We've seen so many people fall out in the podcast

1904
01:35:59,520 --> 01:36:01,200
Speaker 2: we are just friends.

1905
01:36:01,240 --> 01:36:03,599
Speaker 1: Why you think there's so many male podcasts out.

1906
01:36:03,439 --> 01:36:06,320
Speaker 2: There, cause why because they can't do it. And I

1907
01:36:06,400 --> 01:36:09,360
Speaker 2: think that's one thing about our show. While people love

1908
01:36:09,439 --> 01:36:10,960
Speaker 2: it so much because they're like, it's so nice to

1909
01:36:11,040 --> 01:36:13,599
Speaker 2: see black women who literally enjoy each other.

1910
01:36:13,720 --> 01:36:16,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, this episode is sponsored by Better Help. What's Up

1911
01:36:16,960 --> 01:36:19,400
Speaker 4: y'all at Your Girl, xp Andy, Schagirl, Jury and the Call.

1912
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1913
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1914
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1915
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1916
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1917
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1918
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1919
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1920
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1922
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1930
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1931
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1932
01:37:07,360 --> 01:37:07,680
Speaker 1: Y'all know.

1933
01:37:07,760 --> 01:37:10,360
Speaker 2: We have a segment on Poor Minds called Item of

1934
01:37:10,400 --> 01:37:12,280
Speaker 2: the Week. But do you have a product or something

1935
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Speaker 2: that you want to promote and you want it featured

1936
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Speaker 2: on Poor Minds.

1937
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1938
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1939
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1940
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Speaker 4: Poor Minds episode. So if you would like to get

1941
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Speaker 4: your product featured for Item of the Week, all you

1942
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1943
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Speaker 4: the Week PM at gmail dot com. That's I T

1944
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Speaker 4: E M O F T H E W E E

1945
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Speaker 4: K PM at gmail dot com. Send us an email

1946
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Speaker 4: and we'll.

1947
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Speaker 1: Work it out. We gonna figure it out. Get your product,

1948
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Speaker 1: get your business sponsored, and yeah, make you some money.

1949
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Speaker 1: We love to some more. A small business man and

1950
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Speaker 1: a black business said that, but I mean scraminade. Any

1951
01:38:00,040 --> 01:38:03,920
Speaker 1: business is welcome. Okay, So now it's time to get

1952
01:38:04,240 --> 01:38:09,880
Speaker 1: into the bed bow, the big Bowl. The big bow bow.

1953
01:38:11,240 --> 01:38:17,040
Speaker 5: Been in the bed in a really long time girl. Okay,

1954
01:38:19,000 --> 01:38:20,719
Speaker 5: so head into the headboard.

1955
01:38:23,320 --> 01:38:26,640
Speaker 4: Okay, So for the sex topic today, we wanted to

1956
01:38:26,720 --> 01:38:33,120
Speaker 4: talk about the benefits of ignoring sexual attention because I

1957
01:38:33,280 --> 01:38:36,880
Speaker 4: think a lot of the time, especially I would say this,

1958
01:38:37,040 --> 01:38:40,080
Speaker 4: I think any younger women, you know, you're getting so

1959
01:38:40,400 --> 01:38:43,120
Speaker 4: so much attention from these men and you don't know

1960
01:38:43,160 --> 01:38:43,679
Speaker 4: who to pick.

1961
01:38:43,760 --> 01:38:46,160
Speaker 1: You don't know who to choose. So sometimes if a

1962
01:38:46,240 --> 01:38:46,920
Speaker 1: dude give.

1963
01:38:46,800 --> 01:38:49,760
Speaker 4: You a lot of attention or too much attention, you

1964
01:38:49,800 --> 01:38:53,800
Speaker 4: were like, well, I I like him enough, let me

1965
01:38:53,880 --> 01:38:56,479
Speaker 4: put it a poke it out. But you didn't need

1966
01:38:56,600 --> 01:38:59,840
Speaker 4: to because then five months later, three months later, you

1967
01:39:00,120 --> 01:39:04,639
Speaker 4: realize like, yeah, yeah, exactly, and he's you already knew

1968
01:39:04,680 --> 01:39:05,000
Speaker 4: I was going.

1969
01:39:05,360 --> 01:39:06,240
Speaker 1: I mean afore you.

1970
01:39:07,320 --> 01:39:10,200
Speaker 2: Because sometimes sexual tension it's just supposed to be fun.

1971
01:39:10,720 --> 01:39:13,720
Speaker 3: A lot of times things need to be left at flirting.

1972
01:39:13,479 --> 01:39:17,000
Speaker 1: And it gets less fun once you have said, for.

1973
01:39:17,160 --> 01:39:22,240
Speaker 2: Example, we've talked fun until work wise work husbands, that's

1974
01:39:22,280 --> 01:39:25,680
Speaker 2: supposed to stay flirty at work to have fun. Oh,

1975
01:39:25,840 --> 01:39:28,479
Speaker 2: I look forward to seeing you at work. You're supposed

1976
01:39:28,520 --> 01:39:31,439
Speaker 2: to go home and forget that. Y'all be taking stuff

1977
01:39:31,479 --> 01:39:34,320
Speaker 2: too far. I okay, So y'all know how they have

1978
01:39:34,520 --> 01:39:37,639
Speaker 2: like the radio morning shows, right, and they do these

1979
01:39:37,720 --> 01:39:39,679
Speaker 2: like calls and people be calling to try to figure

1980
01:39:39,680 --> 01:39:40,520
Speaker 2: out their relationship.

1981
01:39:40,600 --> 01:39:40,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1982
01:39:41,320 --> 01:39:44,639
Speaker 2: So I was listening to one this morning and basically

1983
01:39:44,840 --> 01:39:48,200
Speaker 2: this guy had a work wife, ended up having sex

1984
01:39:48,280 --> 01:39:50,400
Speaker 2: with her quote unquote falling in love.

1985
01:39:50,680 --> 01:39:52,439
Speaker 1: It was lust. He just wanted to get that little

1986
01:39:52,520 --> 01:39:56,519
Speaker 1: deeply and he ends up leaving his wife for this girl.

1987
01:39:56,840 --> 01:40:00,719
Speaker 1: And then he's like, hey, I miss my wife. It sucks.

1988
01:40:01,640 --> 01:40:03,680
Speaker 1: And he was like, I want to come home. Oh,

1989
01:40:03,760 --> 01:40:06,160
Speaker 1: he both the work wife. He lacked his wife for

1990
01:40:06,280 --> 01:40:08,559
Speaker 1: the work wife, and he'd got in a relationship with her,

1991
01:40:08,640 --> 01:40:10,040
Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't want to be here

1992
01:40:10,120 --> 01:40:13,080
Speaker 1: no more, because that's how you're supposed to leave. Sexual

1993
01:40:13,280 --> 01:40:18,200
Speaker 1: tension needs to be left alone. Something flirt and take

1994
01:40:18,280 --> 01:40:19,200
Speaker 1: your asshome.

1995
01:40:19,520 --> 01:40:22,040
Speaker 5: I mean, it just kind of I feel like your

1996
01:40:22,120 --> 01:40:28,400
Speaker 5: response to sexual tension just really depends on what's lacking

1997
01:40:29,120 --> 01:40:33,200
Speaker 5: in your life, and specifically in your sex life and

1998
01:40:33,280 --> 01:40:34,320
Speaker 5: your emotional life.

1999
01:40:34,680 --> 01:40:34,840
Speaker 4: You know.

2000
01:40:35,080 --> 01:40:38,479
Speaker 5: So I think that you know, when it comes to

2001
01:40:38,520 --> 01:40:42,120
Speaker 5: sexual tension, a lot of times people feel very powerless

2002
01:40:42,320 --> 01:40:46,679
Speaker 5: to it based on how little attention they're being given

2003
01:40:46,880 --> 01:40:48,799
Speaker 5: by Let's just say they're.

2004
01:40:48,640 --> 01:40:52,760
Speaker 1: Single, you know, or not even like they have another mate.

2005
01:40:52,840 --> 01:40:54,920
Speaker 5: Let's just say you're fucking single and you have no

2006
01:40:55,120 --> 01:40:59,400
Speaker 5: responsibilities to anybody but yourself, then you know you you

2007
01:40:59,439 --> 01:41:02,519
Speaker 5: will reckon saw some ship real fucking fast. Like yo,

2008
01:41:02,640 --> 01:41:04,519
Speaker 5: I ain't been fucked in the longest.

2009
01:41:04,560 --> 01:41:07,720
Speaker 1: I just want to right right, like oh my god,

2010
01:41:08,840 --> 01:41:09,400
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

2011
01:41:12,160 --> 01:41:14,519
Speaker 5: Right, and then you fucking you're like, God, damn it,

2012
01:41:16,479 --> 01:41:18,640
Speaker 5: I do that because it's like the minute that that

2013
01:41:18,800 --> 01:41:20,200
Speaker 5: fucking nut leaves.

2014
01:41:20,400 --> 01:41:22,000
Speaker 1: You're just like all the city.

2015
01:41:22,400 --> 01:41:27,120
Speaker 4: Clarity, most nut clarity, most nut clarity, be very very

2016
01:41:27,479 --> 01:41:28,679
Speaker 4: it is God.

2017
01:41:28,880 --> 01:41:34,760
Speaker 5: I think people be thinking it's the man things.

2018
01:41:32,800 --> 01:41:36,840
Speaker 1: Not to it's us too. It's us too. It is

2019
01:41:37,760 --> 01:41:38,679
Speaker 1: you be letting that nigga.

2020
01:41:38,720 --> 01:41:42,840
Speaker 5: You be like like, oh die, you want he's on

2021
01:41:42,960 --> 01:41:45,800
Speaker 5: your arm and it was like you your arm off

2022
01:41:45,880 --> 01:41:46,439
Speaker 5: to get.

2023
01:41:46,360 --> 01:41:53,479
Speaker 1: That ship gone. Waking up in the morning with that

2024
01:41:53,640 --> 01:41:56,519
Speaker 1: morning brow girl. But that's not be saying.

2025
01:41:56,600 --> 01:42:01,000
Speaker 2: I realized that a brow sometimes is just meant to

2026
01:42:01,120 --> 01:42:04,080
Speaker 2: be fun because we every I think this is.

2027
01:42:04,080 --> 01:42:04,760
Speaker 1: A human thing.

2028
01:42:04,840 --> 01:42:06,680
Speaker 2: Though a lot of people putting on men that men

2029
01:42:06,840 --> 01:42:09,600
Speaker 2: like to chase the thrill, women find a thrill in

2030
01:42:09,720 --> 01:42:11,040
Speaker 2: being chased as well.

2031
01:42:12,120 --> 01:42:14,320
Speaker 1: So once a man loses.

2032
01:42:14,000 --> 01:42:17,080
Speaker 2: That thrill of chasing you, you honestly lose that thrill

2033
01:42:17,160 --> 01:42:18,320
Speaker 2: because you know he done got you.

2034
01:42:18,400 --> 01:42:21,519
Speaker 3: It's not fun no more. So we lose that thrill

2035
01:42:21,560 --> 01:42:21,960
Speaker 3: as well.

2036
01:42:22,520 --> 01:42:25,000
Speaker 1: But what about when he's not fun no more? It's

2037
01:42:25,080 --> 01:42:26,439
Speaker 1: not fun. I'm not gonna lie.

2038
01:42:26,479 --> 01:42:28,280
Speaker 2: It's been a lot of times where it's like, you know,

2039
01:42:28,680 --> 01:42:31,200
Speaker 2: I was flirting with a man so long and it's

2040
01:42:31,240 --> 01:42:32,960
Speaker 2: like we find he's I finally let him here, and

2041
01:42:33,000 --> 01:42:35,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, damn, that shit was weak, Yo, joke's really

2042
01:42:35,960 --> 01:42:39,760
Speaker 2: not that funny, really not be and low key.

2043
01:42:39,880 --> 01:42:43,120
Speaker 1: The restaurant you took me last night was tracked so

2044
01:42:43,280 --> 01:42:44,439
Speaker 1: and be like, why did I do that?

2045
01:42:44,520 --> 01:42:47,519
Speaker 2: It should have just stayed fun, flirty and it should

2046
01:42:47,520 --> 01:42:51,080
Speaker 2: have been a cool life my boy, and.

2047
01:42:51,120 --> 01:42:54,160
Speaker 1: We have fun. Hindstate is a bitch, and you know

2048
01:42:55,160 --> 01:42:57,640
Speaker 1: is its fucked up cousin. What's up? Y'all? Iss your

2049
01:42:57,640 --> 01:42:59,880
Speaker 1: girl XP and it's your girl dre in the call

2050
01:43:00,040 --> 01:43:00,479
Speaker 1: when we're.

2051
01:43:00,360 --> 01:43:03,120
Speaker 2: Here to talk to y'all about mintmobile dot com. If

2052
01:43:03,160 --> 01:43:05,840
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2053
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Speaker 2: phone every month, we got a special deal for you.

2054
01:43:08,560 --> 01:43:10,920
Speaker 1: Yes, Minmobile is only fifteen dollars a month, y'all.

2055
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Speaker 4: Hurt the right fifteen dollars and literally what I love

2056
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Speaker 4: about it too is that you could take your phone

2057
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2058
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2059
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Speaker 1: Okay, I like that.

2060
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Speaker 2: I feel like it's a perfect plan if you have

2061
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Speaker 2: like a kid in school, you know, an older parent,

2062
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2063
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Speaker 2: they can talk on. Yeah, so it's only fifteen dollars

2064
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Speaker 2: a month for brand new customers. All you gonna do

2065
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Speaker 2: is go to mintmobile dot com backslash poor minds and

2066
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Speaker 2: sign up today. That's mintmobile dot com backslash poor minds.

2067
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2068
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2069
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2070
01:43:49,880 --> 01:43:53,800
Speaker 2: go to mintmobile dot com slash poor minds. That's mintmobile

2071
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2072
01:43:57,080 --> 01:44:00,160
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2073
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2074
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2075
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2076
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2077
01:44:07,560 --> 01:44:07,960
Speaker 1: See more.

2078
01:44:08,000 --> 01:44:10,400
Speaker 2: Fore y'all is Shug Girl XP and it Schugarl D're

2079
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2080
01:44:12,280 --> 01:44:15,400
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2081
01:44:15,800 --> 01:44:19,240
Speaker 2: pour into your pod. Yes, y'all, we have been working

2082
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Speaker 2: on this for a while and we're so excited to

2083
01:44:21,600 --> 01:44:23,560
Speaker 2: put it out and give it to y'all because we

2084
01:44:23,640 --> 01:44:25,840
Speaker 2: know so many people have been asking us for such

2085
01:44:25,840 --> 01:44:28,559
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2086
01:44:28,640 --> 01:44:29,799
Speaker 1: And we have literally put.

2087
01:44:29,680 --> 01:44:31,760
Speaker 4: All of the information that we have in everything that

2088
01:44:31,800 --> 01:44:33,719
Speaker 4: we utilized into this one ebook.

2089
01:44:33,960 --> 01:44:36,000
Speaker 2: Yes, and this is not your typical ebook, because I

2090
01:44:36,080 --> 01:44:38,040
Speaker 2: know what a lot of y'all are thinking, uh uh,

2091
01:44:38,360 --> 01:44:42,400
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2092
01:44:42,680 --> 01:44:46,560
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2093
01:44:46,640 --> 01:44:49,320
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2094
01:44:49,360 --> 01:44:51,519
Speaker 2: the ebook that gets straight to the point and gives

2095
01:44:51,520 --> 01:44:55,280
Speaker 2: you all the direction you need to start your podcast today. Absolutely,

2096
01:44:55,479 --> 01:44:57,800
Speaker 2: and you can trust that we are putting one hundred

2097
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2098
01:45:00,040 --> 01:45:00,720
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2099
01:45:00,880 --> 01:45:03,800
Speaker 4: Book and it's gonna help you build your brand and

2100
01:45:04,000 --> 01:45:06,560
Speaker 4: it shows you exactly how we build poor Minds and

2101
01:45:06,640 --> 01:45:08,200
Speaker 4: made it into a six few years company.

2102
01:45:08,439 --> 01:45:10,599
Speaker 2: So make sure y'all had to poor Minds dot Com

2103
01:45:10,720 --> 01:45:13,240
Speaker 2: to purchase your ebook or the e course, and we

2104
01:45:13,400 --> 01:45:15,479
Speaker 2: also have it available in a bundle for you so

2105
01:45:15,520 --> 01:45:18,639
Speaker 2: you can get both poor Minds dot Com pour into

2106
01:45:18,720 --> 01:45:19,160
Speaker 2: your pod.

2107
01:45:19,640 --> 01:45:20,600
Speaker 1: Okay, so.

2108
01:45:22,400 --> 01:45:24,760
Speaker 2: Uh ignore that sexual attention. It's gonna get your ass

2109
01:45:24,800 --> 01:45:27,280
Speaker 2: in trouble, can you. So yeah, it's time to get

2110
01:45:27,640 --> 01:45:29,240
Speaker 2: into the boy.

2111
01:45:30,560 --> 01:45:37,000
Speaker 1: Bow Bow Bow Bow bow. Okay. So I'm so excited.

2112
01:45:38,439 --> 01:45:40,560
Speaker 2: Yes, we love a good theme. So the Bop of

2113
01:45:40,600 --> 01:45:43,400
Speaker 2: the Week is like songs and music you've been listening to.

2114
01:45:43,840 --> 01:45:47,960
Speaker 2: And this Bop of the week is very very special

2115
01:45:48,040 --> 01:45:53,360
Speaker 2: to me because my best friend is a talented singer

2116
01:45:53,439 --> 01:45:57,160
Speaker 2: and songwriter and she's finally releasing her music. And if

2117
01:45:57,240 --> 01:45:59,479
Speaker 2: you are the type of person that's into like R

2118
01:45:59,520 --> 01:46:03,000
Speaker 2: and B but with a good pin like think like

2119
01:46:03,120 --> 01:46:07,040
Speaker 2: a if Sizza and Summer Walker had a baby, that's

2120
01:46:07,080 --> 01:46:09,920
Speaker 2: what it sounds like. Wow, it's so good, I'm gonna

2121
01:46:09,920 --> 01:46:11,880
Speaker 2: actually send it to you because you're a music girl

2122
01:46:12,000 --> 01:46:14,280
Speaker 2: I am, and I think you actually really enjoyed it.

2123
01:46:14,439 --> 01:46:19,680
Speaker 2: So her name is Chase c h A Y S.

2124
01:46:19,800 --> 01:46:23,360
Speaker 2: E and she has a song called Honest, but hopefully

2125
01:46:23,479 --> 01:46:25,280
Speaker 2: she's dropped it. By the time this is dropp It's

2126
01:46:25,280 --> 01:46:27,439
Speaker 2: supposed to drop in the next you know, weak or two,

2127
01:46:27,760 --> 01:46:29,400
Speaker 2: but by the time this drops it should be out.

2128
01:46:30,360 --> 01:46:32,040
Speaker 3: But either way, I'm gonna put the link in the.

2129
01:46:32,040 --> 01:46:32,679
Speaker 1: Bio for y'all.

2130
01:46:32,760 --> 01:46:36,080
Speaker 2: It's such a good song and like, her voice is

2131
01:46:36,200 --> 01:46:38,639
Speaker 2: just different. I love when I hear a new artist

2132
01:46:39,040 --> 01:46:42,120
Speaker 2: and like you can establish their voice, Like when we

2133
01:46:42,240 --> 01:46:45,439
Speaker 2: hear Beyonce, we know it's Beyonce, when we hear Summer Walker,

2134
01:46:45,600 --> 01:46:48,360
Speaker 2: we know it's her. She's not trying to sound like

2135
01:46:48,479 --> 01:46:49,760
Speaker 2: anybody else. I love that.

2136
01:46:50,240 --> 01:46:52,639
Speaker 1: That's what I love. And it's like, let's get back

2137
01:46:52,640 --> 01:46:56,519
Speaker 1: to good pin game. Billie Eilish. I seen a clip

2138
01:46:56,600 --> 01:46:58,240
Speaker 1: of her and she was talking.

2139
01:46:57,960 --> 01:47:01,120
Speaker 2: About the notes in her song and she was getting, oh,

2140
01:47:01,200 --> 01:47:03,040
Speaker 2: I hit this note because this is gonna hit this

2141
01:47:03,240 --> 01:47:06,839
Speaker 2: chord and I'm like, oh, she really studied fucking music.

2142
01:47:07,120 --> 01:47:07,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, like she.

2143
01:47:07,880 --> 01:47:11,640
Speaker 5: Understands like instrumentation, like yes, that money reminds you, Like

2144
01:47:11,720 --> 01:47:13,639
Speaker 5: that gives me the same thing, like money.

2145
01:47:14,840 --> 01:47:17,880
Speaker 1: She is a beast, is a beast.

2146
01:47:18,080 --> 01:47:21,040
Speaker 2: And it's like sometimes I never knew what that was,

2147
01:47:21,720 --> 01:47:24,640
Speaker 2: but like sometimes I'll hear a note and it like

2148
01:47:25,000 --> 01:47:27,160
Speaker 2: it hits something and you be like, oh my gosh,

2149
01:47:27,360 --> 01:47:28,880
Speaker 2: like you hear a certain note and it be like

2150
01:47:28,960 --> 01:47:31,320
Speaker 2: it hits a little something in you and my and.

2151
01:47:31,720 --> 01:47:32,479
Speaker 1: Chase has that.

2152
01:47:32,920 --> 01:47:36,320
Speaker 2: It's such a good song. So yeah, Chase, honest, that's

2153
01:47:36,360 --> 01:47:38,320
Speaker 2: my bop of the week. I'll put the link in

2154
01:47:38,360 --> 01:47:42,000
Speaker 2: the by y'all please go listen and support. It's about period, Okay,

2155
01:47:43,040 --> 01:47:44,000
Speaker 2: what y'all been listening to?

2156
01:47:44,880 --> 01:47:46,200
Speaker 1: What's so okay?

2157
01:47:47,560 --> 01:47:54,400
Speaker 4: So I really like this song bag him. But then

2158
01:47:54,439 --> 01:47:56,960
Speaker 4: she also has this other song called Espresso.

2159
01:47:57,200 --> 01:48:03,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Yes, and so that's some ship that

2160
01:48:03,600 --> 01:48:09,479
Speaker 1: I imagine myself on a yacht. And like her fourth album,

2161
01:48:10,120 --> 01:48:14,439
Speaker 1: this is like her fourth album. She's so good.

2162
01:48:15,080 --> 01:48:19,000
Speaker 2: The Pop Girls Are Back. Ray has a song called

2163
01:48:19,120 --> 01:48:20,400
Speaker 2: Diet Pepsi.

2164
01:48:23,080 --> 01:48:25,360
Speaker 1: Baby. Yeah, yeah, I know.

2165
01:48:27,680 --> 01:48:32,439
Speaker 4: I'm ready for I'm ready for Brittany and Christina again

2166
01:48:32,800 --> 01:48:35,040
Speaker 4: to come back. Well Christina's back. Well, what I'm saying

2167
01:48:35,160 --> 01:48:37,920
Speaker 4: is I'm ready for like new age like Brittany and Christina.

2168
01:48:38,080 --> 01:48:42,120
Speaker 2: Christina's back with what she is she's about to. You

2169
01:48:42,200 --> 01:48:43,160
Speaker 2: know who else is back?

2170
01:48:43,720 --> 01:48:45,240
Speaker 1: Fucking Lindsay Lohan.

2171
01:48:45,640 --> 01:48:49,720
Speaker 2: Lindsay Lohan looks Good's.

2172
01:48:48,240 --> 01:48:51,400
Speaker 1: Not a new doctor, and I want to know who it. Isa.

2173
01:48:52,160 --> 01:48:54,920
Speaker 1: I need that, Christina, I need that.

2174
01:48:55,120 --> 01:48:59,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, Katy Perry dropped a new song, Fucking Fire, but no,

2175
01:49:00,040 --> 01:49:01,439
Speaker 2: So the girls are back.

2176
01:49:01,560 --> 01:49:05,600
Speaker 4: So Sabrina Carpenter, she has these two songs that I

2177
01:49:05,840 --> 01:49:08,759
Speaker 4: really really love, even though it's funny. When my picture

2178
01:49:08,840 --> 01:49:13,080
Speaker 4: went viral on Twitter yesterday, somebody had tweeted it and

2179
01:49:13,200 --> 01:49:16,559
Speaker 4: they said, this confirms my theory that Sabrina Carpenter looks

2180
01:49:16,560 --> 01:49:18,040
Speaker 4: like a skinny white version.

2181
01:49:17,840 --> 01:49:20,639
Speaker 1: Of you, And then people were in the common way.

2182
01:49:21,080 --> 01:49:23,720
Speaker 1: I'm not mad, add I'm not. I see it, and

2183
01:49:23,840 --> 01:49:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, I see what they're saying. That is

2184
01:49:28,439 --> 01:49:31,200
Speaker 1: so what I would have thought immediately right off the bat,

2185
01:49:32,920 --> 01:49:38,320
Speaker 1: with a little hot sauce in boom yeah, and Sabrina

2186
01:49:38,360 --> 01:49:40,479
Speaker 1: Cook cook a little yeah.

2187
01:49:41,320 --> 01:49:45,040
Speaker 4: I see it now in the eyes, not Sabrina Carpenter,

2188
01:49:45,800 --> 01:49:46,920
Speaker 4: Sabrina Mahogany.

2189
01:49:48,600 --> 01:49:51,680
Speaker 2: I mean, and let me like he was what's the

2190
01:49:51,720 --> 01:49:56,280
Speaker 2: girl's name is it? Tate McCrae, the Tate the pop girlies.

2191
01:49:56,479 --> 01:49:59,839
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that they're getting back to being white women,

2192
01:50:00,640 --> 01:50:03,519
Speaker 2: y'all are I got tired of that era of them

2193
01:50:03,560 --> 01:50:06,280
Speaker 2: trying to wrap like no no shade, no tea. But

2194
01:50:06,400 --> 01:50:09,200
Speaker 2: like when Iggy came out, all the white girls felt like, oh, let.

2195
01:50:09,160 --> 01:50:14,040
Speaker 1: Me be hood in the club. Bad bitches? Why the first?

2196
01:50:14,200 --> 01:50:17,799
Speaker 4: But she ate that though, But like us and everybody

2197
01:50:17,840 --> 01:50:19,120
Speaker 4: else thought that they could.

2198
01:50:18,960 --> 01:50:22,400
Speaker 2: Do that when Stefani wasn't trying to she was being herself.

2199
01:50:22,439 --> 01:50:25,400
Speaker 2: She's always been eclectic and different and she wasn't trying

2200
01:50:25,439 --> 01:50:30,000
Speaker 2: to sound black. She to an era where we've always

2201
01:50:30,040 --> 01:50:33,560
Speaker 2: been the blueprint, and but the girls were feeling I

2202
01:50:33,640 --> 01:50:35,960
Speaker 2: gotta be hood. That's why they kind of canceled Katie

2203
01:50:36,000 --> 01:50:38,559
Speaker 2: Perry for a while because she had that song with Migo.

2204
01:50:38,680 --> 01:50:42,400
Speaker 1: So she went on stage going like this, and Katy

2205
01:50:42,520 --> 01:50:50,880
Speaker 1: Perry a great. She'd take a break being a great white.

2206
01:50:51,360 --> 01:50:55,519
Speaker 2: Katy Perry is white, is great, great white, a great

2207
01:50:55,840 --> 01:50:59,080
Speaker 2: quite shark. She's back, so her white brutes were she

2208
01:50:59,600 --> 01:51:03,120
Speaker 2: and she's eating. Her music is really good right now.

2209
01:51:03,400 --> 01:51:06,519
Speaker 2: She's not trying to hop on a beat with Quavo.

2210
01:51:06,640 --> 01:51:08,560
Speaker 1: Can we drop some beats? She's not trying to do

2211
01:51:08,640 --> 01:51:12,040
Speaker 1: that no more. However, though, Sabrina Carpenter just did a

2212
01:51:12,120 --> 01:51:16,559
Speaker 1: song with Little Dirt but okay, but again, she's not trying.

2213
01:51:16,720 --> 01:51:19,320
Speaker 1: She's still in her pops, still in her pop world.

2214
01:51:20,120 --> 01:51:23,320
Speaker 1: So that's just like a feature. It's a feature. It's

2215
01:51:23,360 --> 01:51:25,760
Speaker 1: a feature. So I feel like the girls are going

2216
01:51:25,960 --> 01:51:27,519
Speaker 1: back to features.

2217
01:51:27,920 --> 01:51:30,200
Speaker 2: Do your thing and let them hop on the track,

2218
01:51:30,320 --> 01:51:33,240
Speaker 2: Like what's the song that just went gold or platinum

2219
01:51:33,960 --> 01:51:37,439
Speaker 2: with money Bag and Morgan Wallin. Money Bag wasn't trying

2220
01:51:37,479 --> 01:51:39,320
Speaker 2: to be country and Morgan wasn't trying.

2221
01:51:39,160 --> 01:51:39,639
Speaker 1: To be ghetto.

2222
01:51:39,720 --> 01:51:42,519
Speaker 2: They just, hey, let's come together and make a hit song,

2223
01:51:43,680 --> 01:51:45,920
Speaker 2: a good song. Everybody needs to stay in their lane

2224
01:51:45,960 --> 01:51:48,599
Speaker 2: and do what they do. But that was a bop

2225
01:51:48,640 --> 01:51:52,320
Speaker 2: because Bad Kim is a great fucking song.

2226
01:51:52,800 --> 01:51:54,880
Speaker 1: It's a hit. So in this segment, do I come

2227
01:51:54,960 --> 01:51:57,519
Speaker 1: up with a song? Yes, what you'll listening to? Melissa?

2228
01:51:58,240 --> 01:52:01,280
Speaker 5: It's the song called Woke Up and it's by this

2229
01:52:01,600 --> 01:52:06,000
Speaker 5: group called x G and they are from South Korea?

2230
01:52:07,120 --> 01:52:11,320
Speaker 1: Is this ko? No, it's not K popka are you?

2231
01:52:12,640 --> 01:52:14,320
Speaker 2: I'm not? I'm not.

2232
01:52:14,800 --> 01:52:17,680
Speaker 1: But when you listen to this song, you are.

2233
01:52:18,400 --> 01:52:23,800
Speaker 5: I swear to God, your head is going to be like, wait,

2234
01:52:25,000 --> 01:52:25,800
Speaker 5: who is this again?

2235
01:52:26,400 --> 01:52:27,200
Speaker 1: I promise.

2236
01:52:28,800 --> 01:52:31,479
Speaker 5: It's called Woke Up, Woke Up and by this group

2237
01:52:31,560 --> 01:52:34,760
Speaker 5: called x G, and you you are not going to

2238
01:52:34,880 --> 01:52:36,240
Speaker 5: believe what you are listening to.

2239
01:52:39,000 --> 01:52:39,200
Speaker 1: Listen.

2240
01:52:39,320 --> 01:52:43,479
Speaker 5: I have a whole music appreciation page called Melodies Times

2241
01:52:43,600 --> 01:52:50,560
Speaker 5: mel because I love music in a I mean, we

2242
01:52:50,680 --> 01:52:54,160
Speaker 5: all love music, but I mean, like I my tastes

2243
01:52:54,240 --> 01:52:57,960
Speaker 5: are global, you know. Like one of my favorite groups

2244
01:52:58,600 --> 01:53:02,080
Speaker 5: is this group called Rupa in the April Fishes, and

2245
01:53:02,560 --> 01:53:08,240
Speaker 5: she is like the Sri Lankans shade. She sings in Spanish, English,

2246
01:53:08,680 --> 01:53:13,639
Speaker 5: French and Sri Lankan and one of my favorite songs

2247
01:53:13,720 --> 01:53:22,160
Speaker 5: by her, one of my favorite songs with her is

2248
01:53:22,320 --> 01:53:26,120
Speaker 5: called lais Abi and it translates into the Bees.

2249
01:53:27,160 --> 01:53:30,160
Speaker 1: And I don't really know what the fuck she's saying.

2250
01:53:30,439 --> 01:53:33,639
Speaker 5: I you know, I capture a few words here and there,

2251
01:53:34,320 --> 01:53:36,560
Speaker 5: but I mean it is it starts off with this

2252
01:53:36,760 --> 01:53:42,080
Speaker 5: solo violin, you know, and then it becomes like this slow,

2253
01:53:42,680 --> 01:53:46,200
Speaker 5: kind of flamenco kind of sound, and I swear you

2254
01:53:46,479 --> 01:53:48,360
Speaker 5: you definitely want to do shrooms or you want to

2255
01:53:48,400 --> 01:53:50,320
Speaker 5: smoke a little bit and then play this song and.

2256
01:53:50,320 --> 01:53:52,120
Speaker 1: You're just like, wait, hold on, what's happening here?

2257
01:53:52,600 --> 01:53:55,160
Speaker 5: Was because the song just kind of like comes to

2258
01:53:55,280 --> 01:53:57,519
Speaker 5: you in like a wave and it washes over you

2259
01:53:58,400 --> 01:54:00,559
Speaker 5: and you have to like just kind of like, lean

2260
01:54:00,680 --> 01:54:04,400
Speaker 5: your head back and I'm lo and just everybody gotta

2261
01:54:04,439 --> 01:54:06,920
Speaker 5: get quiet. Everybody just got to get quiet. And then

2262
01:54:06,960 --> 01:54:10,040
Speaker 5: she starts to sing and it is the most seductive,

2263
01:54:10,720 --> 01:54:15,400
Speaker 5: beautiful voice, and it just it takes it. It reaches

2264
01:54:15,600 --> 01:54:19,719
Speaker 5: into your fucking sternum and it grabs your fucking soul

2265
01:54:20,280 --> 01:54:23,160
Speaker 5: and it holds on to you and you don't even

2266
01:54:23,280 --> 01:54:29,639
Speaker 5: realize that time has passed until the song ends.

2267
01:54:30,200 --> 01:54:33,360
Speaker 1: And you're like, what just happened? I might have had

2268
01:54:33,400 --> 01:54:38,840
Speaker 1: an orgasm? But you know what's crazy? Right?

2269
01:54:39,920 --> 01:54:44,160
Speaker 4: We need to put right now because I'm telling you

2270
01:54:44,680 --> 01:54:48,480
Speaker 4: always be like, Okay, I'm passing, but you.

2271
01:54:48,520 --> 01:54:52,120
Speaker 1: Know, I'm so glad that you obal music.

2272
01:54:52,320 --> 01:54:54,880
Speaker 2: I do so. When I was younger, I saw an

2273
01:54:54,920 --> 01:54:58,080
Speaker 2: interview of people and they were saying they learned English

2274
01:54:58,120 --> 01:55:00,840
Speaker 2: from listening to Michael Jackson. It was so crazy to

2275
01:55:00,880 --> 01:55:02,800
Speaker 2: me because I'm like, you're learning another language?

2276
01:55:05,520 --> 01:55:06,040
Speaker 1: Is crazy.

2277
01:55:07,600 --> 01:55:10,400
Speaker 2: I have a strange fact that y'all are never gonna believe.

2278
01:55:11,120 --> 01:55:15,960
Speaker 2: That's probably. There was a group called Tattoo that came

2279
01:55:16,000 --> 01:55:17,360
Speaker 2: out when I was in high school. There were a

2280
01:55:17,480 --> 01:55:23,960
Speaker 2: Russian girl group all the things she said, Yeah, So

2281
01:55:24,080 --> 01:55:26,640
Speaker 2: they had this song called They're Not gonna get us

2282
01:55:27,400 --> 01:55:29,760
Speaker 2: because I was into all that type of music. And

2283
01:55:30,200 --> 01:55:31,920
Speaker 2: I looked up the song one day and they had

2284
01:55:32,000 --> 01:55:35,280
Speaker 2: the original Russian version, and I knew that song word

2285
01:55:35,360 --> 01:55:37,480
Speaker 2: for word, bar for bar in Russian. I know how

2286
01:55:37,520 --> 01:55:40,800
Speaker 2: to sing a whole song in Russian from music I

2287
01:55:40,840 --> 01:55:43,800
Speaker 2: would go, I'm not gonna sing it. I'll sing it

2288
01:55:43,880 --> 01:55:47,040
Speaker 2: for you in the car. But I'm saying it's called Nas,

2289
01:55:47,840 --> 01:55:53,120
Speaker 2: not gone, It's called Nas. And I can literally sing

2290
01:55:53,200 --> 01:55:55,360
Speaker 2: the whole song, word for word, bar for bar in

2291
01:55:55,440 --> 01:55:59,760
Speaker 2: another language. But I.

2292
01:56:01,760 --> 01:56:03,720
Speaker 1: Don't even know what I'm saying. I mean, obviously i'm

2293
01:56:03,720 --> 01:56:04,880
Speaker 1: saying they're not gonna get us.

2294
01:56:05,000 --> 01:56:07,040
Speaker 2: But I knew what I was saying because I knew

2295
01:56:07,080 --> 01:56:09,800
Speaker 2: the English version, And but that's what I'm saying. Like,

2296
01:56:09,920 --> 01:56:11,760
Speaker 2: that's how I never realized. I'm like, how are you

2297
01:56:11,840 --> 01:56:12,960
Speaker 2: learning another language from you?

2298
01:56:13,200 --> 01:56:15,760
Speaker 5: It's easy when you apply music to it. It's like

2299
01:56:15,840 --> 01:56:18,760
Speaker 5: it's the way that we process information. It's just like

2300
01:56:18,840 --> 01:56:22,240
Speaker 5: when it's phonetically, it's just easier to process when there

2301
01:56:22,360 --> 01:56:24,880
Speaker 5: is like there's there's music attached to it. Yeah, I

2302
01:56:25,320 --> 01:56:26,760
Speaker 5: don't know why that is. It's just the way that

2303
01:56:26,840 --> 01:56:29,320
Speaker 5: our brains are constructed. It's like it's the reason why.

2304
01:56:29,760 --> 01:56:33,840
Speaker 5: It's the reason why, you know, when we hear like

2305
01:56:34,160 --> 01:56:37,640
Speaker 5: commercial jingles from like the eighties like that, you know,

2306
01:56:37,920 --> 01:56:40,440
Speaker 5: people will instantly start singing it because it's just like

2307
01:56:40,520 --> 01:56:42,440
Speaker 5: it's fixed to memory because of song.

2308
01:56:43,000 --> 01:56:43,160
Speaker 3: You know.

2309
01:56:43,280 --> 01:56:48,520
Speaker 5: It's a very very very powerful it's very very powerful medium. Ever, Yeah,

2310
01:56:48,720 --> 01:56:51,480
Speaker 5: it's a very very powerful medium, just like you know,

2311
01:56:51,800 --> 01:56:54,280
Speaker 5: just audibly being able to like, you know, listen to

2312
01:56:54,440 --> 01:56:56,160
Speaker 5: song or speech or whatever the case is.

2313
01:56:56,280 --> 01:57:00,200
Speaker 1: But like global music is just I don't know, Like

2314
01:57:00,280 --> 01:57:01,760
Speaker 1: I just like one of my favorite.

2315
01:57:01,440 --> 01:57:03,840
Speaker 5: Groups is this group called Little Dragon and they were

2316
01:57:04,000 --> 01:57:06,400
Speaker 5: they're from Sweden, you know, and the lead singer is

2317
01:57:06,480 --> 01:57:09,000
Speaker 5: half Japanese half Sweden, and she just bounces all over

2318
01:57:09,040 --> 01:57:11,360
Speaker 5: the fucking stage like she's just like I don't know what,

2319
01:57:11,720 --> 01:57:13,520
Speaker 5: just like this little Pixie.

2320
01:57:13,200 --> 01:57:13,760
Speaker 1: And stuff like that.

2321
01:57:13,960 --> 01:57:16,560
Speaker 5: And I'm like obsessed with that group and have been

2322
01:57:16,680 --> 01:57:21,560
Speaker 5: for like the better part of fifteen years. But going

2323
01:57:21,640 --> 01:57:24,520
Speaker 5: back to the bop, when you guys download this song,

2324
01:57:24,840 --> 01:57:27,680
Speaker 5: woke up by this group exit ex Yeah.

2325
01:57:27,800 --> 01:57:30,000
Speaker 1: I do, because I want to hear it, you know what,

2326
01:57:30,120 --> 01:57:31,960
Speaker 1: I love x g X, so I want to make

2327
01:57:31,960 --> 01:57:34,560
Speaker 1: sure that I'm saying hold on, it's x g okay

2328
01:57:34,840 --> 01:57:36,880
Speaker 1: and let me say this before. The one thing I

2329
01:57:37,000 --> 01:57:42,600
Speaker 1: love about TikTok is TikTok that les ab Yeah, TikTok by.

2330
01:57:42,560 --> 01:57:45,839
Speaker 5: Rupa and the April Fishes. That's the That's the romantic

2331
01:57:45,920 --> 01:57:51,240
Speaker 5: sexy one. This the one, the one woke up. You're

2332
01:57:51,320 --> 01:57:52,920
Speaker 5: not going to believe what you.

2333
01:57:53,320 --> 01:57:55,040
Speaker 2: We got a bunch of things doing away home because

2334
01:57:55,040 --> 01:57:56,360
Speaker 2: I'm finish singing Russian to you.

2335
01:57:56,960 --> 01:57:59,320
Speaker 1: Hey, we're finna listen to yah.

2336
01:58:00,400 --> 01:58:03,720
Speaker 4: No, I'm not when I say I'm not even gonna

2337
01:58:03,760 --> 01:58:04,080
Speaker 4: play this.

2338
01:58:04,280 --> 01:58:04,560
Speaker 2: It is.

2339
01:58:04,880 --> 01:58:05,360
Speaker 1: It's happening.

2340
01:58:05,400 --> 01:58:07,800
Speaker 2: I'm gonna play what she said. But let me say

2341
01:58:08,000 --> 01:58:10,640
Speaker 2: about TikTok too. One thing I love about TikTok is

2342
01:58:10,680 --> 01:58:14,520
Speaker 2: they rehashed the old music. So right now the dip

2343
01:58:14,720 --> 01:58:17,160
Speaker 2: is going viral. I put my hand up on your

2344
01:58:17,280 --> 01:58:21,560
Speaker 2: here when I did the yeah yeah, yeah, y'all remember

2345
01:58:21,600 --> 01:58:23,600
Speaker 2: that song way they.

2346
01:58:23,600 --> 01:58:25,120
Speaker 3: Don't love you like I love you?

2347
01:58:25,720 --> 01:58:28,920
Speaker 1: Man? You don't remember that song? It was like the

2348
01:58:29,280 --> 01:58:29,720
Speaker 1: year was that?

2349
01:58:30,080 --> 01:58:36,200
Speaker 2: That was like two thousand or five. Anyways, that's going viral, right.

2350
01:58:36,280 --> 01:58:38,600
Speaker 2: It's a lot of like older songs that always like

2351
01:58:38,960 --> 01:58:42,120
Speaker 2: go virally, and I'm like the kids like learning.

2352
01:58:42,200 --> 01:58:45,760
Speaker 4: Put a little umph yeahay, and two years ago I

2353
01:58:45,880 --> 01:58:51,720
Speaker 4: remember and viral right now Bill Challenge, and.

2354
01:58:51,760 --> 01:58:53,840
Speaker 2: That was such a good song because people only know girl,

2355
01:58:53,920 --> 01:58:57,360
Speaker 2: you know, and shit, yeah they only know that. But

2356
01:58:57,440 --> 01:59:01,040
Speaker 2: it's like the other Millie Vanilli song is going the

2357
01:59:01,160 --> 01:59:02,680
Speaker 2: show all about that song.

2358
01:59:02,720 --> 01:59:06,600
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, oh my heart is breaking.

2359
01:59:07,040 --> 01:59:09,240
Speaker 1: Oh that was It was a time to be alive.

2360
01:59:09,560 --> 01:59:13,320
Speaker 5: Yay, it's time to be alive pre nine eleven, when

2361
01:59:13,400 --> 01:59:17,120
Speaker 5: we weren't in a constant state of fucking the apocalypse.

2362
01:59:16,720 --> 01:59:21,360
Speaker 1: Terror of terror and around the corner, yeah, and the

2363
01:59:21,920 --> 01:59:24,000
Speaker 1: war and whatnot. Ship was good ship.

2364
01:59:24,080 --> 01:59:27,160
Speaker 2: Well I was gook. I may have been a teeny tie,

2365
01:59:27,280 --> 01:59:28,800
Speaker 2: but I remember having a good time.

2366
01:59:29,040 --> 01:59:30,520
Speaker 1: Take cat, I get another cocktail.

2367
01:59:30,840 --> 01:59:32,760
Speaker 5: I know we are about to like round the corner

2368
01:59:32,880 --> 01:59:35,480
Speaker 5: towards the end, just putting some pressure on that vodcast.

2369
01:59:36,240 --> 01:59:46,120
Speaker 2: There we go, Okay, we got okay, but come on

2370
01:59:46,320 --> 01:59:48,800
Speaker 2: now we got to wrap. This has been the longest

2371
01:59:48,840 --> 01:59:57,120
Speaker 2: pour My ever. This is a record breaking episode.

2372
01:59:58,120 --> 02:00:02,160
Speaker 1: Everybody over there looking like what's up. I'm sorry, y'all,

2373
02:00:02,200 --> 02:00:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm having a ball.

2374
02:00:03,240 --> 02:00:05,240
Speaker 2: But like I said, this is what this platform is

2375
02:00:05,320 --> 02:00:06,800
Speaker 2: for and we have been dying to get you on

2376
02:00:06,880 --> 02:00:08,800
Speaker 2: the couch and we always want to give you your

2377
02:00:08,880 --> 02:00:12,000
Speaker 2: flowers because everything that you're doing, everything that you've done,

2378
02:00:12,440 --> 02:00:15,920
Speaker 2: and we wanted to take our time. So now we're

2379
02:00:15,960 --> 02:00:19,000
Speaker 2: going to get into our favorite segment, the pour your

2380
02:00:19,160 --> 02:00:19,720
Speaker 2: heart out.

2381
02:00:20,120 --> 02:00:22,640
Speaker 4: Yes, So if you have any questions, you can send

2382
02:00:22,680 --> 02:00:25,960
Speaker 4: them to ask poor Minds at gmail dot com. Thank you,

2383
02:00:26,080 --> 02:00:29,200
Speaker 4: ty A s k p O. You r in my

2384
02:00:29,360 --> 02:00:33,360
Speaker 4: nbs at gmail dot com. Send us your questions, send

2385
02:00:33,440 --> 02:00:41,680
Speaker 4: us your testimonials, because sometimes be fucking y'all life, But

2386
02:00:41,760 --> 02:00:44,760
Speaker 4: that's all right because we're growing and learning together.

2387
02:00:46,440 --> 02:00:50,520
Speaker 1: Guys are so good. It's so good. So it's too Oh,

2388
02:00:51,200 --> 02:00:53,000
Speaker 1: this is too long. Do you want to do one?

2389
02:00:53,040 --> 02:00:55,440
Speaker 2: I think we just need to reward. Yeah, and we'll

2390
02:00:55,440 --> 02:00:57,080
Speaker 2: save the other one for next We'll save two for

2391
02:00:57,160 --> 02:01:01,920
Speaker 2: next week. Okay, question number one because this is a

2392
02:01:02,000 --> 02:01:02,440
Speaker 2: long one.

2393
02:01:02,920 --> 02:01:03,200
Speaker 3: Okay.

2394
02:01:03,840 --> 02:01:06,440
Speaker 4: I recently got into an argument with a man I've

2395
02:01:06,480 --> 02:01:09,240
Speaker 4: been seeing for over a year and a half. We

2396
02:01:09,360 --> 02:01:12,120
Speaker 4: have been long distanced since he moved away a year ago.

2397
02:01:12,880 --> 02:01:15,360
Speaker 4: Over the last couple of months, we've gotten too a

2398
02:01:15,440 --> 02:01:19,200
Speaker 4: lot of arguments. The most recent one a couple days ago,

2399
02:01:19,400 --> 02:01:23,400
Speaker 4: was about me in the bedroom being boring. When I

2400
02:01:23,520 --> 02:01:26,040
Speaker 4: was younger, I was touched for a while growing up,

2401
02:01:26,160 --> 02:01:29,680
Speaker 4: and it affected me very deeply and still does. I

2402
02:01:29,800 --> 02:01:33,120
Speaker 4: don't like to perform oral sex, and I'm also scared

2403
02:01:33,160 --> 02:01:37,200
Speaker 4: to initiate sex. It really hurt my feelings because he

2404
02:01:37,320 --> 02:01:41,040
Speaker 4: called me boring sexually and suggested I watch porn to

2405
02:01:41,120 --> 02:01:44,720
Speaker 4: feel more comfortable, but I honestly just can't get into it.

2406
02:01:45,320 --> 02:01:48,320
Speaker 4: He ended up calling me childish because of this, and

2407
02:01:48,480 --> 02:01:51,520
Speaker 4: now we aren't speaking. I called him an asshole for

2408
02:01:51,640 --> 02:01:55,160
Speaker 4: not understanding my trauma. What advice can you give or

2409
02:01:55,240 --> 02:01:57,080
Speaker 4: any tips? Do you think I'm wrong?

2410
02:01:58,560 --> 02:01:58,800
Speaker 5: Yeah?

2411
02:01:59,120 --> 02:02:01,160
Speaker 1: You gotta let go of him?

2412
02:02:01,320 --> 02:02:01,520
Speaker 5: Yeah?

2413
02:02:01,880 --> 02:02:04,440
Speaker 2: Because did she say that he knows her trauma? Does

2414
02:02:04,480 --> 02:02:05,840
Speaker 2: he know her trauma? Does she say that?

2415
02:02:08,200 --> 02:02:08,240
Speaker 5: No?

2416
02:02:08,680 --> 02:02:10,160
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think so.

2417
02:02:10,400 --> 02:02:12,080
Speaker 5: But he doesn't even he but he to me, he

2418
02:02:12,240 --> 02:02:14,920
Speaker 5: just doesn't sound like a safe space, even be that

2419
02:02:15,560 --> 02:02:18,800
Speaker 5: to be that vulnerable to talk about the reasons why

2420
02:02:19,000 --> 02:02:23,360
Speaker 5: she hesitates and why she doesn't find certain acts desirable.

2421
02:02:25,200 --> 02:02:28,680
Speaker 1: And that's and that's like, that's really unfortunate, you know

2422
02:02:28,680 --> 02:02:29,080
Speaker 1: what I'm.

2423
02:02:29,160 --> 02:02:31,120
Speaker 4: I feel like it tells you too, Like if you

2424
02:02:31,680 --> 02:02:33,640
Speaker 4: if you say certain things to him, and how he

2425
02:02:33,800 --> 02:02:36,480
Speaker 4: responds to certain things, then I feel like that lest

2426
02:02:36,600 --> 02:02:39,080
Speaker 4: you know that you can't let him know anything.

2427
02:02:39,480 --> 02:02:41,800
Speaker 5: And also the fact that the relationship has now become

2428
02:02:41,920 --> 02:02:46,040
Speaker 5: long distance and there's more strife. A lot of times men,

2429
02:02:46,520 --> 02:02:49,560
Speaker 5: you know, they don't really like conflict with women. They

2430
02:02:49,600 --> 02:02:52,680
Speaker 5: will create they will create issues so that you break

2431
02:02:52,760 --> 02:02:53,840
Speaker 5: up with them, and they don't got to be.

2432
02:02:54,000 --> 02:02:55,400
Speaker 2: Sad, but they don't have because they want to be

2433
02:02:55,440 --> 02:02:57,160
Speaker 2: the victim and they want to say, oh, she's there.

2434
02:02:57,160 --> 02:02:58,600
Speaker 5: They just don't want to be the bad guy, right,

2435
02:02:58,800 --> 02:03:01,360
Speaker 5: you know, And that's just a and it gets made

2436
02:03:01,440 --> 02:03:03,640
Speaker 5: easier when there's distance between the two of you. So

2437
02:03:04,240 --> 02:03:06,600
Speaker 5: I mean, this just this the writings on the wall,

2438
02:03:06,680 --> 02:03:08,360
Speaker 5: this is kind of like a foregone conclusion.

2439
02:03:08,400 --> 02:03:10,280
Speaker 1: And I would actually I would advise her to go.

2440
02:03:10,360 --> 02:03:16,320
Speaker 5: To therapy and see some really really needed, deep rooted

2441
02:03:16,440 --> 02:03:20,600
Speaker 5: like therapy to address those issues. And then maybe she

2442
02:03:20,760 --> 02:03:24,520
Speaker 5: starts to you know, like the act of doing things

2443
02:03:24,600 --> 02:03:27,480
Speaker 5: that she you know, gives her gives her hesitation right now,

2444
02:03:27,560 --> 02:03:30,000
Speaker 5: because I mean, like that's a lot of there's a

2445
02:03:30,120 --> 02:03:32,400
Speaker 5: lot to be carrying around with you as an adult

2446
02:03:32,520 --> 02:03:34,160
Speaker 5: and not having dealt with it.

2447
02:03:34,400 --> 02:03:36,440
Speaker 2: Right and I being like sex should not feel like

2448
02:03:36,640 --> 02:03:39,200
Speaker 2: a job. Yeah, like you have to do to keep,

2449
02:03:39,440 --> 02:03:42,120
Speaker 2: not at all. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable,

2450
02:03:42,320 --> 02:03:43,680
Speaker 2: like it's supposed to be a healthy thing.

2451
02:03:43,840 --> 02:03:46,200
Speaker 4: Once you start feeling like you gotta fucking nego to

2452
02:03:46,280 --> 02:03:47,080
Speaker 4: relationship is tho.

2453
02:03:47,280 --> 02:03:49,680
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, and you're doing it shouldn't.

2454
02:03:49,240 --> 02:03:51,480
Speaker 1: Feel like something you gotta do. You should feel like

2455
02:03:51,560 --> 02:03:52,560
Speaker 1: something like you want.

2456
02:03:52,640 --> 02:03:54,760
Speaker 5: You want to do, like I want to go home,

2457
02:03:55,080 --> 02:03:58,640
Speaker 5: and his make and his pleasure and your pleasure are

2458
02:03:59,040 --> 02:04:00,839
Speaker 5: are the same level of importance.

2459
02:04:02,640 --> 02:04:06,720
Speaker 3: She loved to make love. I know, that's right, sister girl.

2460
02:04:07,800 --> 02:04:08,400
Speaker 1: She meant that.

2461
02:04:09,040 --> 02:04:10,720
Speaker 3: You said you're supposed to want to go home and

2462
02:04:10,800 --> 02:04:13,320
Speaker 3: make love cute her.

2463
02:04:16,960 --> 02:04:17,240
Speaker 1: Away.

2464
02:04:18,840 --> 02:04:21,960
Speaker 3: That's right, queen, Yes, bro, what the fuck is wrong?

2465
02:04:24,720 --> 02:04:27,280
Speaker 1: You couldn't know because I didn't even say that. But no,

2466
02:04:27,440 --> 02:04:32,720
Speaker 1: you said. She won't say that he did with her,

2467
02:04:34,520 --> 02:04:39,120
Speaker 1: with her whole jest. It was very sweet because she's

2468
02:04:39,120 --> 02:04:41,640
Speaker 1: thinking about it. She's like fast when we fucking you

2469
02:04:41,680 --> 02:04:44,360
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's what I'm asking, like to.

2470
02:04:44,400 --> 02:04:46,320
Speaker 3: Make sweet sweet love.

2471
02:04:47,000 --> 02:04:51,880
Speaker 1: Okay, y'all, we have to wrap up. Listen.

2472
02:04:52,080 --> 02:04:54,960
Speaker 2: Let's talk about hot and bothered and what people can

2473
02:04:55,120 --> 02:04:58,680
Speaker 2: expect from it, what we are looking forward to and all.

2474
02:04:58,600 --> 02:04:59,280
Speaker 3: That good stuff.

2475
02:04:59,480 --> 02:05:01,720
Speaker 1: Okay, bother with Milliford.

2476
02:05:01,880 --> 02:05:05,040
Speaker 5: Yes, because people wanted to Why didn't she check to

2477
02:05:05,120 --> 02:05:06,720
Speaker 5: see if the name was already taken?

2478
02:05:06,880 --> 02:05:09,600
Speaker 1: Bitches? Do you know how many there's a million podcasts

2479
02:05:09,640 --> 02:05:12,080
Speaker 1: out there? Do you think that I am the only

2480
02:05:12,280 --> 02:05:15,880
Speaker 1: person that has picked a podcast with a name that

2481
02:05:16,000 --> 02:05:18,640
Speaker 1: has been utilized by somebody else where the content is going.

2482
02:05:18,720 --> 02:05:20,720
Speaker 5: There's a podcast called Hot and Bothered. It's about climate

2483
02:05:20,800 --> 02:05:21,760
Speaker 5: change exactly.

2484
02:05:21,840 --> 02:05:27,200
Speaker 1: There's that you know you can there is a bunch of.

2485
02:05:27,360 --> 02:05:29,720
Speaker 5: Podcasts that have the same name. It's all about the

2486
02:05:29,840 --> 02:05:32,560
Speaker 5: content that you deliver. It's all about whether it's compelling

2487
02:05:32,640 --> 02:05:35,640
Speaker 5: and it's engrossing and your audience feels loved and seen

2488
02:05:35,960 --> 02:05:37,760
Speaker 5: and educated and informed.

2489
02:05:37,800 --> 02:05:38,800
Speaker 3: And that is my plan.

2490
02:05:39,240 --> 02:05:42,360
Speaker 5: So because my lived experience right now is that I

2491
02:05:42,520 --> 02:05:46,240
Speaker 5: am actively going through Perry menopause. And coincidentally, that shit

2492
02:05:46,400 --> 02:05:48,920
Speaker 5: kicked in right when my mom passed away, So I

2493
02:05:49,040 --> 02:05:50,920
Speaker 5: was like, is it grief? Is it Perry menopause? Do

2494
02:05:51,000 --> 02:05:52,960
Speaker 5: I need to check myself into a mental institution?

2495
02:05:53,120 --> 02:05:54,200
Speaker 1: Shit was fucked up?

2496
02:05:54,360 --> 02:05:57,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, So this is my lived experience, and I want

2497
02:05:57,880 --> 02:06:00,760
Speaker 5: to address the women and talk to the women that

2498
02:06:00,880 --> 02:06:04,320
Speaker 5: have been you know, my supporters through the duration of

2499
02:06:04,400 --> 02:06:08,280
Speaker 5: my career, and they are you know, forties all the way.

2500
02:06:08,240 --> 02:06:10,960
Speaker 1: Up into like mid fifties, close to sixties and stuff

2501
02:06:11,000 --> 02:06:11,160
Speaker 1: like that.

2502
02:06:11,400 --> 02:06:13,360
Speaker 5: But then I also have the demographic of women that

2503
02:06:13,480 --> 02:06:16,880
Speaker 5: is your ages, that is looking towards me to kind

2504
02:06:16,920 --> 02:06:20,080
Speaker 5: of let them know what the fuck is on the horizons,

2505
02:06:20,600 --> 02:06:24,400
Speaker 5: what's happening. How do I handle that? Because nobody prepared

2506
02:06:24,480 --> 02:06:26,879
Speaker 5: me for this shit. You know, I'm saying, nobody prepared

2507
02:06:26,920 --> 02:06:30,360
Speaker 5: my generation for what we're going through. And so I

2508
02:06:30,520 --> 02:06:33,960
Speaker 5: want to reserve the space for my younger audience to

2509
02:06:34,080 --> 02:06:36,600
Speaker 5: teach them what's coming down the pipeline, but also to

2510
02:06:36,720 --> 02:06:41,000
Speaker 5: address their concerns and their lifestyles and what's happened.

2511
02:06:41,040 --> 02:06:43,920
Speaker 1: I can go down memory lane it was not that

2512
02:06:44,120 --> 02:06:45,120
Speaker 1: long ago, and stuff like that.

2513
02:06:45,320 --> 02:06:49,320
Speaker 5: And then also most importantly, well not most importantly, it's

2514
02:06:49,360 --> 02:06:52,520
Speaker 5: just all important. Is that I felt like by having

2515
02:06:52,800 --> 02:06:55,960
Speaker 5: a podcast with a name that was just about menopause

2516
02:06:56,400 --> 02:06:57,800
Speaker 5: excluded my men.

2517
02:06:58,320 --> 02:06:59,760
Speaker 1: You know, my male audience.

2518
02:07:00,160 --> 02:07:03,760
Speaker 5: They are a huge reason as to why I am

2519
02:07:03,880 --> 02:07:07,160
Speaker 5: successful to this day, and I love them. I love

2520
02:07:07,200 --> 02:07:11,720
Speaker 5: them for their wavering, undying support and I want them

2521
02:07:11,760 --> 02:07:13,160
Speaker 5: to be a part of the conversation.

2522
02:07:13,600 --> 02:07:15,080
Speaker 1: So the conversations.

2523
02:07:15,200 --> 02:07:19,520
Speaker 5: The topics are going to be really fun, really engrossing,

2524
02:07:20,120 --> 02:07:23,440
Speaker 5: really educational, because if you got anything from this is

2525
02:07:23,480 --> 02:07:24,360
Speaker 5: you gonna learn.

2526
02:07:24,240 --> 02:07:28,120
Speaker 1: Something, learn words, period.

2527
02:07:28,000 --> 02:07:30,320
Speaker 5: And it's gonna be fun, it's gonna be informative, and

2528
02:07:30,360 --> 02:07:33,840
Speaker 5: it's gonna be like I never knew that you're gonna

2529
02:07:33,880 --> 02:07:36,400
Speaker 5: walk away knowing something that you did not know.

2530
02:07:36,960 --> 02:07:38,960
Speaker 1: And I just needed to find.

2531
02:07:38,800 --> 02:07:44,120
Speaker 5: A way to express to people that I just we're

2532
02:07:44,160 --> 02:07:48,440
Speaker 5: all living this human experience, you know, and suffering through

2533
02:07:48,480 --> 02:07:51,120
Speaker 5: the human condition, and so hot and bothered is like,

2534
02:07:51,240 --> 02:07:53,360
Speaker 5: oh my god, hot flash, hot and bothered, or it's.

2535
02:07:53,320 --> 02:07:55,880
Speaker 1: Just like, ooh, I'm like hot and bothered right now.

2536
02:07:56,000 --> 02:07:57,880
Speaker 5: Or it's just like, y'all, I'm fucking hot and bothered

2537
02:07:57,880 --> 02:08:03,839
Speaker 5: by this motherfucking bullshit. It's all those It's the complete

2538
02:08:03,960 --> 02:08:06,320
Speaker 5: and total umbrella. So it's hot and bothered with.

2539
02:08:06,800 --> 02:08:08,880
Speaker 1: The one and only Melissa for it because it's only

2540
02:08:08,920 --> 02:08:10,640
Speaker 1: one of you, because it's only one of me.

2541
02:08:11,240 --> 02:08:14,440
Speaker 2: And can I say this too, I'm so excited about

2542
02:08:14,480 --> 02:08:16,840
Speaker 2: this part because I feel like one you can get

2543
02:08:16,880 --> 02:08:20,920
Speaker 2: your ship off, but you have so many stories, you

2544
02:08:21,080 --> 02:08:24,480
Speaker 2: have lived a life and you are still standing and

2545
02:08:24,640 --> 02:08:25,880
Speaker 2: still doing very well.

2546
02:08:26,280 --> 02:08:27,200
Speaker 1: I'm still.

2547
02:08:29,560 --> 02:08:31,880
Speaker 5: People keep wanting people would keep wanting to challenge me

2548
02:08:31,960 --> 02:08:34,160
Speaker 5: on that, and that's nasty.

2549
02:08:34,520 --> 02:08:39,960
Speaker 1: You a truck hit me, okay, and I survived. You

2550
02:08:40,040 --> 02:08:46,400
Speaker 1: know you they want to do you are and this right,

2551
02:08:46,560 --> 02:08:52,160
Speaker 1: but you don't know that. God damn song. But why

2552
02:08:54,320 --> 02:08:58,000
Speaker 1: Gina from Martin had a song? What season I might

2553
02:08:58,040 --> 02:09:04,320
Speaker 1: have stopped on? It was recently, Oh ship, oh ship,

2554
02:09:04,760 --> 02:09:05,840
Speaker 1: listen to this girl?

2555
02:09:06,720 --> 02:09:11,240
Speaker 5: Why listen now, i'mes I'm gullible like whatever you say.

2556
02:09:11,240 --> 02:09:16,480
Speaker 5: I'm like, really, she went on somebody show. She went

2557
02:09:16,560 --> 02:09:21,160
Speaker 5: on the show and she performed, was performing she did.

2558
02:09:21,200 --> 02:09:22,920
Speaker 1: On somebody's show. It was a show.

2559
02:09:23,040 --> 02:09:26,520
Speaker 3: I thought it was her show and that's sold out,

2560
02:09:27,240 --> 02:09:28,240
Speaker 3: fold out show.

2561
02:09:30,240 --> 02:09:32,600
Speaker 4: On the show and she was performed me and she

2562
02:09:32,720 --> 02:09:36,600
Speaker 4: performed her song I'm.

2563
02:09:36,120 --> 02:09:40,600
Speaker 1: I'm I'm still here. Okay, well playing that in her.

2564
02:09:43,000 --> 02:09:45,080
Speaker 5: Like girl spaces in the back of She's just shaking

2565
02:09:45,120 --> 02:09:46,520
Speaker 5: her head like no, we're not playing that in.

2566
02:09:46,520 --> 02:09:50,440
Speaker 1: The but no. But it was a good song. Yeah,

2567
02:09:50,480 --> 02:09:52,080
Speaker 1: it was. And I feel like it's a little bob.

2568
02:09:52,160 --> 02:09:54,280
Speaker 2: It was a little But to close this out, like

2569
02:09:54,360 --> 02:09:57,640
Speaker 2: I said, I'm so glad that you're starting a podcast

2570
02:09:57,760 --> 02:10:01,920
Speaker 2: because like your own podcast, because there is a space

2571
02:10:02,000 --> 02:10:04,040
Speaker 2: here for women who want to hear your story, women

2572
02:10:04,040 --> 02:10:04,840
Speaker 2: who can learn from you.

2573
02:10:05,280 --> 02:10:06,800
Speaker 1: And I feel like even us.

2574
02:10:06,800 --> 02:10:10,280
Speaker 2: At our age, I feel like we teach the youth

2575
02:10:10,360 --> 02:10:13,440
Speaker 2: a lot of things, but there's still things that women

2576
02:10:13,640 --> 02:10:15,480
Speaker 2: my age who do we look to?

2577
02:10:15,920 --> 02:10:17,480
Speaker 1: And I think you're a perfect example of.

2578
02:10:17,520 --> 02:10:20,280
Speaker 2: That because a lot of times people try to like them,

2579
02:10:20,440 --> 02:10:22,960
Speaker 2: people stars and like but you have to realize that

2580
02:10:23,640 --> 02:10:25,240
Speaker 2: can I tell y'all something I know I'm about to

2581
02:10:25,280 --> 02:10:26,200
Speaker 2: get another topic?

2582
02:10:27,520 --> 02:10:30,560
Speaker 1: Is hard? But I went on a deep dive last night.

2583
02:10:30,640 --> 02:10:31,560
Speaker 1: You remember them.

2584
02:10:31,520 --> 02:10:35,920
Speaker 2: Shows, Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, all the shows,

2585
02:10:36,680 --> 02:10:38,560
Speaker 2: and this is no shade, no tea, But I was like,

2586
02:10:38,880 --> 02:10:40,840
Speaker 2: I went to a deep dive of all those women

2587
02:10:40,880 --> 02:10:44,040
Speaker 2: who were on those shows, right, and a lot of

2588
02:10:44,120 --> 02:10:45,480
Speaker 2: them are like homeless.

2589
02:10:45,960 --> 02:10:48,080
Speaker 1: A lot of them are struggling and they're going through it.

2590
02:10:48,120 --> 02:10:49,560
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that to be funny.

2591
02:10:50,040 --> 02:10:53,360
Speaker 2: Even TikTok girl, you find everything and I go on people,

2592
02:10:54,280 --> 02:10:56,720
Speaker 2: what was the lady's name from in the house the

2593
02:10:56,800 --> 02:11:01,920
Speaker 2: beautiful And it's like, you see, because that Hollywood, the

2594
02:11:02,320 --> 02:11:05,000
Speaker 2: industry stuff is real. So the fact that you are

2595
02:11:05,120 --> 02:11:09,120
Speaker 2: still doing your thing, you have a voice, You're beautiful,

2596
02:11:09,200 --> 02:11:10,880
Speaker 2: you're healthy, You're alive.

2597
02:11:11,480 --> 02:11:13,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of these women are not even alive.

2598
02:11:14,240 --> 02:11:16,040
Speaker 5: Fame is a fame as a hell of a drug.

2599
02:11:16,080 --> 02:11:17,520
Speaker 5: There ain't no methadone clinic for that.

2600
02:11:17,800 --> 02:11:18,480
Speaker 3: I'm telling you.

2601
02:11:18,920 --> 02:11:21,040
Speaker 2: So, I think a lot of people really have to

2602
02:11:21,160 --> 02:11:24,480
Speaker 2: give you, even like Buffy. I found Buffy on Instagram

2603
02:11:24,520 --> 02:11:26,440
Speaker 2: the other day married.

2604
02:11:26,800 --> 02:11:29,440
Speaker 1: She has been, She has been, she has been.

2605
02:11:29,560 --> 02:11:34,680
Speaker 5: She exited stage left, she took her popularity, she manifested itself.

2606
02:11:34,760 --> 02:11:37,600
Speaker 5: She became an entrepreneur. She's successful, but she lives a

2607
02:11:37,680 --> 02:11:40,640
Speaker 5: quiet life. She to me, she did shit right exactly

2608
02:11:40,880 --> 02:11:42,600
Speaker 5: to me, she did shit right. She did shit right

2609
02:11:42,680 --> 02:11:45,320
Speaker 5: for herself. That's the most important thing. That fame did

2610
02:11:45,400 --> 02:11:47,960
Speaker 5: not define her, because that is what happens a lot

2611
02:11:48,000 --> 02:11:49,720
Speaker 5: of the time. Once you get bitten by that shit,

2612
02:11:49,960 --> 02:11:52,000
Speaker 5: or you've had some kind of visibility, you feel like

2613
02:11:52,080 --> 02:11:54,240
Speaker 5: you have to keep on going, even though all the

2614
02:11:54,280 --> 02:11:56,360
Speaker 5: signs are pointing towards you.

2615
02:11:56,760 --> 02:11:59,720
Speaker 1: You should probably, like, you know, take the exit ramp.

2616
02:11:59,760 --> 02:12:02,400
Speaker 1: This might not be for you. Remember bad movie video

2617
02:12:02,520 --> 02:12:04,200
Speaker 1: Girls with Megan Good. I was in it.

2618
02:12:04,640 --> 02:12:07,160
Speaker 5: I know you were you were I was, I was

2619
02:12:07,320 --> 02:12:09,640
Speaker 5: Lalla and I was like I was a bad influence

2620
02:12:10,560 --> 02:12:14,520
Speaker 5: I was a bad influence, you know, just a bad influence.

2621
02:12:14,720 --> 02:12:17,040
Speaker 5: But that's why I took the role because I wanted

2622
02:12:17,120 --> 02:12:19,640
Speaker 5: to be the bad girl, like you know, was who

2623
02:12:19,760 --> 02:12:22,520
Speaker 5: was like snorting coke and ship like that. Here we

2624
02:12:22,640 --> 02:12:27,160
Speaker 5: are smoke snorting powdered sugar and Megan were fucking high

2625
02:12:27,240 --> 02:12:31,360
Speaker 5: on powdered sugar, and then we snorted coffee made oh.

2626
02:12:31,320 --> 02:12:34,960
Speaker 1: Don't ever do that. Don't do that coffee ever. It

2627
02:12:35,160 --> 02:12:37,040
Speaker 1: was really fucked up.

2628
02:12:37,360 --> 02:12:39,120
Speaker 3: Like that might all snorted for real.

2629
02:12:39,480 --> 02:12:41,880
Speaker 1: No, you know, we're messod. We were trying, okay.

2630
02:12:42,560 --> 02:12:44,400
Speaker 5: I wanted to sp because we didn't know, like the

2631
02:12:44,520 --> 02:12:46,880
Speaker 5: camera was like right here, so we wanted the line

2632
02:12:46,960 --> 02:12:48,600
Speaker 5: to like disappear and ship like that.

2633
02:12:48,960 --> 02:12:52,280
Speaker 1: And I was just like, oh, I'm dying. I'm dying.

2634
02:12:52,440 --> 02:12:55,640
Speaker 1: Somebody helped me, like I wanted to rip my face off.

2635
02:12:55,720 --> 02:12:58,400
Speaker 1: It was, oh it is bad. That was a good movie.

2636
02:12:58,520 --> 02:13:00,560
Speaker 1: Remember it came out. I was I don't want to

2637
02:13:00,560 --> 02:13:02,520
Speaker 1: be a video girl anymore. I'm gonna go to skull

2638
02:13:02,760 --> 02:13:09,320
Speaker 1: Ship was fucking good. And then you stall.

2639
02:13:13,720 --> 02:13:16,040
Speaker 2: I felt that way too. I was in a few videos.

2640
02:13:18,680 --> 02:13:22,919
Speaker 2: But your story is so important. Your story is so important,

2641
02:13:22,920 --> 02:13:25,120
Speaker 2: And when I tell you like you are a vessel.

2642
02:13:25,480 --> 02:13:29,480
Speaker 2: You're on the right path. And this conversation was really

2643
02:13:29,560 --> 02:13:31,840
Speaker 2: good for me today and for Dre. I know, I

2644
02:13:32,000 --> 02:13:33,960
Speaker 2: don't want to speak for you, but no, it was

2645
02:13:34,560 --> 02:13:37,480
Speaker 2: like this was it was everything that I thought it

2646
02:13:37,560 --> 02:13:39,360
Speaker 2: was going to be. Like this episode was everything I

2647
02:13:39,400 --> 02:13:40,560
Speaker 2: thought it was going to be. I'm going to leave

2648
02:13:40,560 --> 02:13:44,360
Speaker 2: you guys with one last story. It's very little. It's

2649
02:13:44,480 --> 02:13:46,200
Speaker 2: just very little. It's just kind of like making me

2650
02:13:46,360 --> 02:13:49,960
Speaker 2: think about this moment in my life. You know, when

2651
02:13:50,000 --> 02:13:51,680
Speaker 2: I moved, When I moved to New York.

2652
02:13:52,800 --> 02:13:56,920
Speaker 5: My my anniversary is September eleventh, but two thousand, the

2653
02:13:57,120 --> 02:14:00,360
Speaker 5: year before the towers came down, I wish I saved

2654
02:14:00,360 --> 02:14:04,240
Speaker 5: my plane ticket. And I was as illegal as a

2655
02:14:05,680 --> 02:14:09,520
Speaker 5: Let me not be stereotypical and racist. I was illegal, right,

2656
02:14:10,560 --> 02:14:13,240
Speaker 5: I was illegal, and I had I had no permission

2657
02:14:13,280 --> 02:14:15,120
Speaker 5: from my country to leave. I had no permission from

2658
02:14:15,160 --> 02:14:19,400
Speaker 5: this country to be here to work here. But somehow

2659
02:14:19,480 --> 02:14:22,080
Speaker 5: I managed to get my fucking cell phone. I got

2660
02:14:22,120 --> 02:14:25,360
Speaker 5: myself some bills, and I got myself an apartment. And

2661
02:14:26,560 --> 02:14:29,440
Speaker 5: so I'll cut the story short as to how I

2662
02:14:30,040 --> 02:14:32,600
Speaker 5: got the apartment and stuff like that. My landlord was

2663
02:14:32,600 --> 02:14:34,840
Speaker 5: a woman, it's that's a whole other story I'll put

2664
02:14:34,880 --> 02:14:37,960
Speaker 5: in the book because it's a really really, really good

2665
02:14:38,160 --> 02:14:41,440
Speaker 5: fucking story because I have no I had no credit,

2666
02:14:41,800 --> 02:14:43,880
Speaker 5: I had no way to prove that I would be

2667
02:14:43,920 --> 02:14:46,000
Speaker 5: able to pay this fucking rent. And this is this

2668
02:14:46,120 --> 02:14:49,640
Speaker 5: woman's house. It's a brownstone, it's the second apartment. She

2669
02:14:49,800 --> 02:14:52,280
Speaker 5: needs this to pay the mortgage. And there's no proof

2670
02:14:52,360 --> 02:14:54,520
Speaker 5: that I can give her that I will give her

2671
02:14:54,640 --> 02:14:56,480
Speaker 5: this money every single month.

2672
02:14:57,080 --> 02:15:00,480
Speaker 1: But there's a there's a method to the madness as

2673
02:15:00,520 --> 02:15:02,400
Speaker 1: to how the shit went. So here I am.

2674
02:15:02,440 --> 02:15:05,160
Speaker 5: I'm in this apartment. I'm living in bedsty. That's a

2675
02:15:05,200 --> 02:15:08,080
Speaker 5: whole other fucking story too, But I'm living in bedsty

2676
02:15:08,400 --> 02:15:12,520
Speaker 5: and I have a mattress on a box spring on

2677
02:15:12,840 --> 02:15:15,800
Speaker 5: just like this frame from Mattress one eight hundred mattress

2678
02:15:15,840 --> 02:15:22,480
Speaker 5: dot com. I've got these two, you know, just fucking containers,

2679
02:15:22,640 --> 02:15:28,520
Speaker 5: you know from container store acting as night tables. And

2680
02:15:28,600 --> 02:15:30,840
Speaker 5: I have a stereo that my friend who worked at

2681
02:15:30,880 --> 02:15:33,600
Speaker 5: Sony gave me because he could got me some shit,

2682
02:15:33,720 --> 02:15:34,360
Speaker 5: So that's my.

2683
02:15:34,760 --> 02:15:36,680
Speaker 1: And I have mosquito netting. So I'm like a little

2684
02:15:36,720 --> 02:15:39,200
Speaker 1: princess and that's all I have in my fucking apartment.

2685
02:15:39,240 --> 02:15:40,520
Speaker 1: I have nothing else, you know.

2686
02:15:41,080 --> 02:15:44,360
Speaker 5: And I also had like a full length mirror, and

2687
02:15:44,480 --> 02:15:47,400
Speaker 5: I remember like staring at my reflection in the mirror.

2688
02:15:47,960 --> 02:15:52,240
Speaker 5: And I'm just three four months in and I'm starting

2689
02:15:52,280 --> 02:15:54,920
Speaker 5: to get so much attention, and I don't understand what

2690
02:15:55,040 --> 02:15:57,600
Speaker 5: to do with this attention. How do I monetize this attention?

2691
02:15:57,720 --> 02:15:59,600
Speaker 5: What does this attention mean? Am I a flash in

2692
02:15:59,680 --> 02:16:00,440
Speaker 5: the pain? You know?

2693
02:16:00,600 --> 02:16:03,440
Speaker 1: Like, I don't even understand American men. They just are

2694
02:16:03,520 --> 02:16:05,680
Speaker 1: fucking trying to throw money at me and buy me things.

2695
02:16:05,720 --> 02:16:08,080
Speaker 5: And it's fucking weird because Canadian men are not like that.

2696
02:16:09,040 --> 02:16:14,120
Speaker 1: So I tells you they tip you with Tony's it's disrespectful. Yeah,

2697
02:16:14,920 --> 02:16:16,600
Speaker 1: a tuny is a two dollars coin.

2698
02:16:17,040 --> 02:16:19,600
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm walking around with my fucking pockets jingling and

2699
02:16:19,640 --> 02:16:21,120
Speaker 5: shit like I'm some fucking janitor.

2700
02:16:21,280 --> 02:16:22,000
Speaker 1: It's bullshit.

2701
02:16:22,360 --> 02:16:24,560
Speaker 5: But anyways, I digress. That's a whole other story that's

2702
02:16:24,560 --> 02:16:25,560
Speaker 5: gonna be in the goddamn book.

2703
02:16:25,920 --> 02:16:27,000
Speaker 1: So here I am.

2704
02:16:27,120 --> 02:16:29,600
Speaker 5: I'm fucking staring at myself in the fucking mirror, and

2705
02:16:29,680 --> 02:16:32,680
Speaker 5: I'm trying to visualize myself ten to fifteen years in

2706
02:16:32,720 --> 02:16:33,920
Speaker 5: the future, and I.

2707
02:16:33,959 --> 02:16:39,240
Speaker 1: Say, God, please send me send me me ten to

2708
02:16:39,360 --> 02:16:40,520
Speaker 1: fifteen years in the future.

2709
02:16:41,080 --> 02:16:43,320
Speaker 5: Tell me what to do, tell me what not to do,

2710
02:16:43,720 --> 02:16:46,480
Speaker 5: tell me who to date, tell me, tell me just

2711
02:16:46,520 --> 02:16:49,119
Speaker 5: where to go, tell me how to be, tell me who.

2712
02:16:49,040 --> 02:16:52,879
Speaker 1: I am like. Just tell me. Of course, that much

2713
02:16:53,000 --> 02:16:55,240
Speaker 1: name she didn't show up. I had to learn, you know,

2714
02:16:55,360 --> 02:16:58,000
Speaker 1: hard knock life and whatever else. But I think I

2715
02:16:58,160 --> 02:16:58,640
Speaker 1: think that.

2716
02:17:00,120 --> 02:17:03,000
Speaker 5: My purpose here because I am child free and have

2717
02:17:03,120 --> 02:17:06,279
Speaker 5: never been married. But I am a nurturing, loving individual

2718
02:17:06,680 --> 02:17:09,880
Speaker 5: and I love I love, I love my fellow humans,

2719
02:17:09,920 --> 02:17:12,520
Speaker 5: and I love my I love women, and I want

2720
02:17:12,680 --> 02:17:16,840
Speaker 5: to be that version of myself that could not come

2721
02:17:16,920 --> 02:17:17,959
Speaker 5: to my younger self.

2722
02:17:18,440 --> 02:17:21,040
Speaker 1: For y'all. Yeah, that's what I want to be.

2723
02:17:22,000 --> 02:17:24,800
Speaker 5: That is what I hope that I can be for

2724
02:17:25,760 --> 02:17:29,400
Speaker 5: the people looking for that version of themselves, the older version,

2725
02:17:29,560 --> 02:17:32,560
Speaker 5: the sage wisdom that can come to them and just say,

2726
02:17:32,840 --> 02:17:37,000
Speaker 5: oh honey, not that that, and do it and do

2727
02:17:37,120 --> 02:17:41,320
Speaker 5: it with like with with calmness, and and and and

2728
02:17:41,840 --> 02:17:44,760
Speaker 5: in a peaceful manner. So you know that it's coming

2729
02:17:44,800 --> 02:17:46,279
Speaker 5: from a piece of love and grace.

2730
02:17:47,120 --> 02:17:49,800
Speaker 2: You know, I'm excited for you, and I'm excited for

2731
02:17:50,000 --> 02:17:51,760
Speaker 2: it because, like I said, I think this is your

2732
02:17:51,879 --> 02:17:55,560
Speaker 2: path this is your journey. And like I said, even

2733
02:17:55,600 --> 02:17:58,240
Speaker 2: for us, it's it's we have such a young audience.

2734
02:17:58,440 --> 02:18:00,440
Speaker 2: And I literally went to get a whack other day

2735
02:18:00,440 --> 02:18:03,160
Speaker 2: and this girl was like, oh my god, Lex you

2736
02:18:03,280 --> 02:18:05,200
Speaker 2: Andrea helped me so much and I know how to

2737
02:18:05,320 --> 02:18:08,120
Speaker 2: navigate life and we are all it's a lot of

2738
02:18:08,160 --> 02:18:10,240
Speaker 2: women out here who have lost their mothers or who

2739
02:18:10,280 --> 02:18:13,400
Speaker 2: have lost their parents, and they need guidance. And that's

2740
02:18:13,440 --> 02:18:15,360
Speaker 2: why we create this space for us.

2741
02:18:15,920 --> 02:18:18,360
Speaker 3: And we weren't meant to do this. They don't want

2742
02:18:18,480 --> 02:18:19,240
Speaker 3: black women.

2743
02:18:19,040 --> 02:18:21,920
Speaker 2: To speak out and say what our experiences are. But

2744
02:18:22,000 --> 02:18:24,080
Speaker 2: we have created this lane and we're in it and

2745
02:18:24,240 --> 02:18:27,040
Speaker 2: we're here. So it's very important that you're here. And

2746
02:18:27,840 --> 02:18:30,200
Speaker 2: I am just so grateful that you showed up for us.

2747
02:18:30,280 --> 02:18:31,880
Speaker 2: And this was an amazing episode.

2748
02:18:31,959 --> 02:18:33,680
Speaker 5: It was it was a Foroey Gun conclusion. It was

2749
02:18:33,680 --> 02:18:37,840
Speaker 5: always gonna happen. It was always, look, we're friends.

2750
02:18:37,879 --> 02:18:40,920
Speaker 1: Now, girl, who your friends? I'm like, yeah, you don't

2751
02:18:40,920 --> 02:18:45,000
Speaker 1: mean Mela Cool or whatever. Like girl, y'all ain't seen

2752
02:18:45,040 --> 02:18:45,640
Speaker 1: the episode.

2753
02:18:46,240 --> 02:18:49,360
Speaker 2: That's my girl, So make sure y'all check out Hot

2754
02:18:49,360 --> 02:18:51,119
Speaker 2: and Bothered with Melissa.

2755
02:18:50,800 --> 02:18:53,879
Speaker 5: For our debuting on November first. It is a Friday,

2756
02:18:54,040 --> 02:18:55,800
Speaker 5: and then every Tuesday thereafter.

2757
02:18:56,400 --> 02:18:57,840
Speaker 1: It is it is a loft y.

2758
02:18:58,520 --> 02:19:00,600
Speaker 5: I did not want to put it out November fifth

2759
02:19:00,640 --> 02:19:02,200
Speaker 5: because that is election day, and I was.

2760
02:19:02,200 --> 02:19:05,800
Speaker 1: Like, God, damn it, this ship is gnarly, you know,

2761
02:19:05,959 --> 02:19:07,800
Speaker 1: so let me just drop on the Friday.

2762
02:19:08,280 --> 02:19:10,840
Speaker 5: Everybody just kind of like, you know, processes what's going

2763
02:19:10,840 --> 02:19:14,800
Speaker 5: to coming exactly, and then it's every Tuesday thereafter.

2764
02:19:15,240 --> 02:19:18,360
Speaker 1: That is the plan. And it's just I'm I just

2765
02:19:18,480 --> 02:19:22,360
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna feed the kid, yes, because we hungry. Girl,

2766
02:19:22,440 --> 02:19:25,160
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, we hung well. Thank you so much,

2767
02:19:25,360 --> 02:19:25,959
Speaker 1: my Lessta.

2768
02:19:26,520 --> 02:19:29,280
Speaker 3: Make sure y'all follow Hot and Bother with Melissa four.

2769
02:19:29,440 --> 02:19:31,800
Speaker 2: Y'all go to Music Beauty Collection dot com get all

2770
02:19:31,840 --> 02:19:34,760
Speaker 2: your lip glosses, uh, y'all. Make sure y'all go to

2771
02:19:34,879 --> 02:19:39,280
Speaker 2: my personal YouTube YouTube dot com slash Love lexp Poor

2772
02:19:39,400 --> 02:19:41,480
Speaker 2: chronicles drop every Monday.

2773
02:19:41,720 --> 02:19:42,440
Speaker 1: Every Monday.

2774
02:19:42,840 --> 02:19:46,520
Speaker 4: Also follow my personal YouTube channel at drean and call

2775
02:19:46,640 --> 02:19:47,199
Speaker 4: with three.

2776
02:19:47,160 --> 02:19:53,560
Speaker 1: E's and you we'll see day out. Y'all.

2777
02:19:53,640 --> 02:19:58,320
Speaker 2: Make sure y'all share the content like subscribe, follow all

2778
02:19:58,400 --> 02:19:59,880
Speaker 2: that good stuff, and let me say this before we

2779
02:20:00,040 --> 02:20:04,040
Speaker 2: hose out, y'all. There is one Twitter account that is

2780
02:20:04,080 --> 02:20:07,959
Speaker 2: connected to poor minds. It's p O. You are underscore

2781
02:20:08,480 --> 02:20:12,080
Speaker 2: in my nds. Y'all are tagging the wrong poor minds page.

2782
02:20:12,400 --> 02:20:14,880
Speaker 2: If you see at poor minds with no underscore, that

2783
02:20:15,000 --> 02:20:15,720
Speaker 2: is at fake page.

2784
02:20:15,800 --> 02:20:16,920
Speaker 3: Do not follow that page.

2785
02:20:16,959 --> 02:20:20,920
Speaker 2: Okay, they blocked me Andrea and the poor Minds page

2786
02:20:20,959 --> 02:20:25,480
Speaker 2: on both, so we only have one Instagram, one Twitter,

2787
02:20:26,360 --> 02:20:27,200
Speaker 2: one TikTok.

2788
02:20:27,560 --> 02:20:29,720
Speaker 1: It is p O. You are underscore in.

2789
02:20:29,800 --> 02:20:32,480
Speaker 4: My nds, all right, and we gotta hell a fake

2790
02:20:32,680 --> 02:20:36,360
Speaker 4: Facebook page on the Facebook page it's our face. The

2791
02:20:36,440 --> 02:20:39,400
Speaker 4: crazy thing is our Facebook page actually have the least

2792
02:20:39,440 --> 02:20:40,360
Speaker 4: amount of filesport.

2793
02:20:40,440 --> 02:20:42,000
Speaker 1: So if you're on Facebook, one that's.

2794
02:20:42,000 --> 02:20:44,800
Speaker 2: Ours got the least amount of file but one that's

2795
02:20:44,959 --> 02:20:45,560
Speaker 2: not us.

2796
02:20:45,560 --> 02:20:48,160
Speaker 1: Got like two hundred and fifty thou follow make.

2797
02:20:48,120 --> 02:20:50,000
Speaker 2: If you actually look at the content because the caption

2798
02:20:50,280 --> 02:20:52,959
Speaker 2: is like whoever it is, don't speak English, because their

2799
02:20:53,000 --> 02:20:55,280
Speaker 2: captes are like mumba clad should men?

2800
02:20:55,440 --> 02:20:58,760
Speaker 3: Should men pay bill? Should men pay bill?

2801
02:20:58,920 --> 02:20:59,080
Speaker 1: Yes?

2802
02:20:59,200 --> 02:21:03,920
Speaker 2: No? Check answer below block block put.

2803
02:21:05,440 --> 02:21:08,120
Speaker 1: Like that's literally with the captions, I'm like, what that

2804
02:21:08,280 --> 02:21:08,760
Speaker 1: DC is?

2805
02:21:08,840 --> 02:21:09,840
Speaker 3: Bumba clad.

2806
02:21:11,200 --> 02:21:18,920
Speaker 1: A ready? Come on time on my hands? Since you've

2807
02:21:18,959 --> 02:21:25,920
Speaker 1: been away, boy, I got no plans, no no, no,

2808
02:21:26,440 --> 02:21:34,320
Speaker 1: no yo. And the sound of the rain against my

2809
02:21:34,520 --> 02:21:35,520
Speaker 1: window pane.

2810
02:21:36,800 --> 02:21:41,560
Speaker 5: It's slowly, it's slowly driving me insane.

2811
02:21:42,800 --> 02:21:52,759
Speaker 1: Boy, I'm going down. I'm going dad because you ain't around.

2812
02:21:55,760 --> 02:21:57,199
Speaker 4: My world.

2813
02:21:59,680 --> 02:22:08,040
Speaker 1: Damn sleep, don't come music. Oh please leave me. Since

2814
02:22:08,200 --> 02:22:16,640
Speaker 1: you've been gone, everything going all Hey, why did you

2815
02:22:16,800 --> 02:22:21,880
Speaker 1: have to say about Look what you've done to leave?

2816
02:22:23,400 --> 02:22:29,080
Speaker 1: I can't start these things from falling from my laby.

2817
02:22:29,680 --> 02:22:38,000
Speaker 1: I'm going down. I'm going down cause you around.

2818
02:22:39,879 --> 02:22:57,920
Speaker 6: Baby, my whole world up side, baby going down, going down?

2819
02:22:59,680 --> 02:23:04,080
Speaker 1: Oh ship, somebody give me up. She was going down,

2820
02:23:04,640 --> 02:23:08,240
Speaker 1: but she gets back up by can I get a holiday?

2821
02:23:10,920 --> 02:23:15,920
Speaker 1: Raises man? Now get back up again, give us up again,

2822
02:23:16,160 --> 02:23:23,440
Speaker 1: give me up forgin man. Shout up to Melissa Pore.

2823
02:23:23,600 --> 02:23:24,640
Speaker 1: We got this, bitch

2824
02:23:26,560 --> 02:23:26,840
Speaker 2: Boy,