Speaker 1: Kabooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
Speaker 2: hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
Speaker 2: with Ben Mahler starts right now.
Speaker 1: Huh ho, oh, many Christmas and welcome. We are in
Speaker 1: the air everywhere. It is a special edition, a holiday edition.
Speaker 3: Yes, it is Fifth Hour special. Don't worry. This is
Speaker 3: something that a lot of listeners requested. Where can we
Speaker 3: hear the Malard Militia Christmas songs all in one place? Well,
Speaker 3: I didn't want to spend hours and hours compiling these songs.
Speaker 3: But little trans bear and see here. I'll tell you
Speaker 3: what happened. So Ben wakes up early, I set my alarm,
Speaker 3: I wake up early. We record the mail bag. As
Speaker 3: I'm producing it, I accidentally hit the delete button on
Speaker 3: my keyboard. Wow, gone, I wiped it clean. First time
Speaker 3: that's ever happened in these four plus years I've been
Speaker 3: a part of this podcast, but never fear as Ben
Speaker 3: goes back to take a nap. I think about it.
Speaker 3: How can I fix this early on a Sunday morning.
Speaker 3: In a previous mail Bag episode, I think it was
Speaker 3: Alf the Alien Opiner, who requested that we put all
Speaker 3: the Mallard Militia Christmas songs together on one episode. Hell yeah,
Speaker 3: this is gonna be fun. It's also gonna be a
Speaker 3: lot of work for me this morning, but it's my
Speaker 3: fault for being a tired sob and hitting the delete button.
Speaker 3: Out of the ashes rises the Christmas Phoenix.
Speaker 4: Have yourself a mailar, a little Christmas. Let your hot
Speaker 4: take shot.
Speaker 5: From now on.
Speaker 4: Your shot in Freuda.
Speaker 6: Will be mine.
Speaker 4: Have yourself a mailer, little Christmas, make a game show play.
Speaker 7: From now on.
Speaker 8: It's golden tickets all the way.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 8: We are swollen lexicons, verbal doctor guns and snows.
Speaker 4: Sports friends. Have a drink to us. The Militia buss
Speaker 4: is yours through the years. We all listen together.
Speaker 8: As the Grimlins crows.
Speaker 1: Having a shining mor cony upon your all.
Speaker 8: So have yourself a mather little Christmas nice, and have
Speaker 8: yourself a mather little Christmass.
Speaker 9: No, here comes malle Claus, Here comes male clause right
Speaker 9: down Malaclaus Lane. He's got hot takes and lodi akins.
Speaker 6: He's on the air again.
Speaker 9: He de gar see Justin Cooper Raider Robert two to
Speaker 9: eight days a week.
Speaker 10: County's coming to you. Because Mali Claus comes to nine.
Speaker 10: Here comes male clause. Here comes made clause, right down
Speaker 10: Malleclaus Lane.
Speaker 9: He's got the best callers for such John Hours.
Speaker 6: Holding on the line, Menser story, Chris and Houston.
Speaker 10: Is born Room Blair shot at them in a agains.
Speaker 10: That's he thanks to Tandy in Montana. Because Mali Claus comes,
Speaker 10: tam Nice. Here comes Mala clause. Here comes Mala clause
Speaker 10: right down Melanclose Lane.
Speaker 6: He loves lepers Rams and DoD Jersey.
Speaker 11: Bashing Lebron again Mona Lawzia.
Speaker 6: Where Redo game Jos, the Inscident, advice, Lie and the Deforre.
Speaker 10: Download the podcast is Mali Claus comes night.
Speaker 6: Everybo got run over by jot.
Speaker 12: Go go back to prison.
Speaker 6: Christmas Sea.
Speaker 12: You can see there's no such things crumble.
Speaker 6: We drink the bride and.
Speaker 13: He believe.
Speaker 14: She's been snorting too much better.
Speaker 12: Friary Bay, dude, not the gold.
Speaker 1: But her curlough.
Speaker 12: It was over, so she stumbled out of the door
Speaker 12: into the snow. When they found her Christmas morning at
Speaker 12: the scene of the attack, there were big cans on her.
Speaker 2: John did and long moa mauns on going back.
Speaker 10: And bank God run over by her.
Speaker 6: John did.
Speaker 12: Going back to prison Christmas Eve.
Speaker 5: You can say there's no such.
Speaker 12: Thing as calm a bed, drinky Brian, he believed.
Speaker 7: Now, we're all so proud of Bryan.
Speaker 6: He's been taking it so well.
Speaker 12: He's sitting there watching his squaking drink the beer and
Speaker 12: whiskey as is a swell. It's not Christmas without.
Speaker 15: Heyok by.
Speaker 7: All the family screams of showering.
Speaker 6: And we just can't help.
Speaker 12: But wonder why did the prison ever let him out?
Speaker 16: I find God run over by her.
Speaker 12: John didn't going back to prison Christmas Eve. You can
Speaker 12: say there's no such thing. It's calm, be drinking bry
Speaker 12: And he believed.
Speaker 17: Fin Lead's girl, fin leads girl, we will never meet
Speaker 17: man Titetos girlfriend, wepter offer Bee, Finley girl, Sinle's girl,
Speaker 17: we will never meet ment. I tell us those girlfriends
Speaker 17: wept their offers Bee Daddy, you.
Speaker 18: Know headye Garcia and Coop Donlup Cooper Roberto Flores is
Speaker 18: simply superb.
Speaker 19: But we call the most bovyating of all.
Speaker 6: Ben to the theat.
Speaker 5: The Alexus nuts roasting on an open fire doc like
Speaker 5: sipping on some peas, Angry Bill. It's a cheap.
Speaker 20: Little thrill from Tammy and Montana.
Speaker 7: Don't you know everybody knows the callers to the Malor Show.
Speaker 5: Will it help to make this season right? Each and
Speaker 5: everyone our a bundle of fun? You'll find it hard
Speaker 5: to sleep tonight.
Speaker 2: You know that.
Speaker 7: I went away.
Speaker 5: Beer drinking. Brian's on his own, but that's okay. He's
Speaker 5: got the Mallard team to be his friends with Eddie Coop,
Speaker 5: de Loop, Roberto and Big Ben and so weed Man
Speaker 5: Hippies just a memory and others I simply shall not name.
Speaker 5: The Malord Militia would just like to wish you Merry Christmas.
Speaker 4: To you.
Speaker 6: Nahod out then.
Speaker 1: Ground Lin straw.
Speaker 14: Walls CHILKINI is made gay budget good stew fish.
Speaker 18: Chime with games of.
Speaker 6: Notes, cool Bitch.
Speaker 4: Cream, Tall.
Speaker 6: Cool fis cream and tallis.
Speaker 10: Side and nine ben Jella stinks.
Speaker 15: Too, ranting wood stiff figes.
Speaker 17: My molt fillly sound in it long.
Speaker 6: By issue.
Speaker 15: By ball.
Speaker 6: Plays in a poll.
Speaker 15: Lea is loose in a poll, sn.
Speaker 6: Die without being.
Speaker 15: Crown straight.
Speaker 6: Long skin.
Speaker 21: Brod fas song but you knows Listen, yell.
Speaker 7: It would be a blue Christmas without in the ballet.
Speaker 7: It would be a blue.
Speaker 22: Christmas without being ballet with a man I contell, Christmas
Speaker 22: would be sad my friend, no dream, no stock gomes.
Speaker 7: No Christmas cards to cent It would be your blue
Speaker 7: Christmas without Bend balo.
Speaker 6: It would be a blue.
Speaker 22: Christmas's without Bend ballot.
Speaker 7: Chain to band soft, kind and friendly. Please don't give
Speaker 7: us riding family sat up.
Speaker 5: Please give us bend ballot for Christmas.
Speaker 18: Oh, the weather outside is.
Speaker 1: Frightful, but malor is so delightful.
Speaker 7: So turn on your radio.
Speaker 19: Listen to the Ben Mahlor's show, Wow, Roberto finds drops Ford.
Speaker 18: Droppin' who the Loop always keeps things hoppin.
Speaker 5: And Eddie's a total pro.
Speaker 20: Listen to the Ben Mahler's Show.
Speaker 18: But they only come on that night. F s R
Speaker 18: won't allow it during the day and the call screeners
Speaker 18: filled with fright You never know what the callers will say.
Speaker 20: Old felexis in gay apparel is decked out for Christmas.
Speaker 20: Carrol's his belt buckles made of missile tooad.
Speaker 5: Listen to the ben Man.
Speaker 7: Show.
Speaker 11: Oh oh ho, malan militia will tune in to listen,
Speaker 11: will be by Bler polish it it listened?
Speaker 6: But do you we ever know.
Speaker 11: The best issue on the ben Mail Show?
Speaker 16: Alexis the seven drag Queen only yes, seven times? Actually,
Speaker 16: I think say if you count the one that gross,
Speaker 16: one of the Alexis rivals jealous him to an octor on,
Speaker 16: but he decided to flee. Now, Roxanne's a royalty.
Speaker 23: Think can the marlor meet and greet and fine? Scott
Speaker 23: came to say, the alexis and so I've got no sight?
Speaker 23: Will you sit on my plunger tonight now that the.
Speaker 16: Song is over and it's time to go to sleep.
Speaker 16: The alexis the seven tote track Queen. I think you're
Speaker 16: all right by me.
Speaker 7: Hey, little buddy, this sounds really good. What do you
Speaker 7: say we lived up a little bit more?
Speaker 6: Answer flexus.
Speaker 16: The seven dote track Queen only has sevens. Actually, I
Speaker 16: think it's a if you can't the one that gross
Speaker 16: one of Alexis rivals challenged you to an updick gun,
Speaker 16: but he decided to flee. Now raxand's a royalty.
Speaker 23: Then kill Danla meet and greet and blinde. Scott came
Speaker 23: to see Alexis and so I've got no sight. Will
Speaker 23: you sit on my plungey tonight, now that.
Speaker 16: The song is over and it's time to go to
Speaker 16: sleep for Alexis to seven toad track, Queen, I think
Speaker 16: you're all right.
Speaker 24: By me, Lad John, dear.
Speaker 16: Them, Max and Alas on Christmas Eve, you can say
Speaker 16: there's no.
Speaker 6: One quite like Calpline. But as for the Milsha, we believe.
Speaker 25: She'd been drinking whiskey and white cloud. You're drinking brine,
Speaker 25: said enough to drive. But when she put the key ignition.
Speaker 16: Eight tiny ring.
Speaker 20: Dude, it not so fun.
Speaker 24: When they found her Christmas morning, passed out next to
Speaker 24: the accident.
Speaker 1: Itwas empty beer cans in her cooler and her breath
Speaker 1: was freaking heavy of pepper.
Speaker 21: Man Mallard got.
Speaker 24: Rear ended on deer driving Max and Mallers you can
Speaker 24: say it really wasn't his fault. He never took ahead
Speaker 24: of Justin's wee. Now the hem is on the table.
Speaker 1: And some banana Creepie.
Speaker 3: Blaire go the turkey and some stuffing.
Speaker 2: Regina brought at the tug and don't as wine.
Speaker 24: It's got Christmas without trauma.
Speaker 25: That held the game of malder dash.
Speaker 12: You seek Adie Guy Sierra's lifeline, turning positive asos into cash.
Speaker 26: Mallard got reinded by John Deere driving back to Manortown
Speaker 26: Christmas Eve. You can see he's picking up the orders
Speaker 26: and they're all from the supermarket Steve key Change.
Speaker 24: Mallard got really ended by it on there.
Speaker 26: Driving back Smolts on Christmas Eve, you can see he's
Speaker 26: in the air and everywhere.
Speaker 6: As should we believe.
Speaker 2: Christmas sucking?
Speaker 27: Ben German Malard should be on your radio. He's got
Speaker 27: a bad time slot. Buddy, don't get hot because he
Speaker 27: likes it, don't you know? Edy Garcia's been Malor's main sidekick.
Speaker 27: He's a Steeler fan. Hard to understand. He plays with
Speaker 27: Charger thundersticks. There's got to be some kind of magic
Speaker 27: rolled up in Coop's great big blunts because hook line
Speaker 27: and Sinker. He believes all the Democrats dumb stunts. Benis
Speaker 27: the men is cooking bombagun NEWSHD Night Talk a little
Speaker 27: smack about had Denverse crapping Cooper Loop is ready to fight.
Speaker 27: Dumpity dump dump dumpity dump, the Mad Hatter of Sports
Speaker 27: chatter dumpity thump dump dumpany thump dump, the bannering Broadcaster.
Speaker 27: We have the great Sambony. We've got the liar liar.
Speaker 27: Oh Roberto is the chef, He's.
Speaker 5: Got the hat.
Speaker 27: He's not the tender Rony pro Ben's callers are freak show.
Speaker 27: Some might be on LSD. We love some calls and
Speaker 27: we hate some calls. Genium Medford rest in peace. There's
Speaker 27: got to be some kind of magic in Coop's favorite bong.
Speaker 27: He smokes because he has the screen a ton of
Speaker 27: calls from a lot of crazy folks. Money Ball Mailer
Speaker 27: is the mogal Mischief. If his boss is ever listened
Speaker 27: to the show, we're going to miss him on the
Speaker 27: late night shift. Dumpedy dump dump dumpy dump dump, The
Speaker 27: Chasm of Sorry Chasm Dumpy dump dump, dumpy dump dump.
Speaker 18: Bennie the Brazen.
Speaker 13: Phelei snaved peleas snabby D Phelei snappy d Phelea snappy
Speaker 13: please Snabby Dues please SNUBBYD.
Speaker 18: I want to wear you you a mail of Christmas.
Speaker 19: I wanna wish you a mailor Christmas. I wanna wish
Speaker 19: you a mail of Christmas from the bottom for my heart.
Speaker 19: I wanna wish you a malor Christmas. I wanna wish
Speaker 19: you a mail or Christmas. I wanna wish you a
Speaker 19: man of Christmas from the bottom for my home.
Speaker 13: We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas.
Speaker 19: You wanna wish you a mail.
Speaker 18: A best Tom.
Speaker 19: We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas from the
Speaker 19: motto for my heart. Do we wanna wish you a
Speaker 19: bell of Christmasy. You wanna wish you a mel a
Speaker 19: Richmas to We wanna wish you a mel of Christmas.
Speaker 6: From the bottom o my heart.
Speaker 3: Racist all right, it took a long time to find
Speaker 3: all these songs. Hope you're enjoying. So I'll give you
Speaker 3: a sneak peek of what next Friday's podcast will be like.
Speaker 3: There is a year end special that Ben in the
Speaker 3: production staff put together, and I'm going to take clips
Speaker 3: from that, some of the classic drops that only exist
Speaker 3: in my personal library. I'm going to do one special
Speaker 3: on the twenty six to give Ben just one day off.
Speaker 3: He deserves it right now. I had to include from
Speaker 3: earlier this year, Ben reacting to Luca getting traded to
Speaker 3: the Lakers, because as you know, Ben is a closet
Speaker 3: Lakers fan.
Speaker 1: Yes to the unbelievable. A night that I still can't
Speaker 1: believe happened, the Dallas Mavericks gave away the face of
Speaker 1: the franchise, Luca. We were completely gobsmacked. On the Ben
Speaker 1: Mahler Show. We did a special emergency Mallard monologue as
Speaker 1: the Mavericks gave away Luka Doncik to the La Lakers.
Speaker 1: Let's go back to that night and take a listen
Speaker 1: to how that went down. The mega mega mega mega
Speaker 1: mega trade, Luca goes from the MAVs to the Lakers.
Speaker 1: For Anthony Davis, those are the headliners. We focus on
Speaker 1: the headliners. So I've got Puddy, Sandra Bullock, and Return
Speaker 1: of the Jedi, and we will combine all of these
Speaker 1: things together and we will follow our nose is wherever
Speaker 1: our nose takes us. And I got a big schnaz,
Speaker 1: I got a really large nas so I will just
Speaker 1: go wherever the nose takes us. So my first thought
Speaker 1: on this is when you're when you're grading, It's in
Speaker 1: the mall Ord report card when it comes to grading trades,
Speaker 1: and we are the industry leader in grading transactions. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: nobody is more trusted, nobody in overnight delivery of a
Speaker 1: report card on transactions on this show in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night on Fox. Nobody has this kind of information.
Speaker 1: So on the Malor report Card, the Malor report Card
Speaker 1: on the big trade over the weekend, Dallas and La
Speaker 1: the Lakers reluctantly, I will give them a B minus
Speaker 1: on the trade. I will give them a B minus.
Speaker 1: The Mavericks get an F, and then I don't know
Speaker 1: that I can go lower? Is there anything lower than
Speaker 1: an F? I would like to go lower than F?
Speaker 1: Is there anything beyond F? Can I go beyond F?
Speaker 6: Anyway?
Speaker 1: LA also picked up a couple of roster span players
Speaker 1: in the trade, Maxi Kleibah, who hit a game winning
Speaker 1: shot against them a while back, and Mark, the much
Speaker 1: traveled Mark Keith Morris. He also goes to the Lakers.
Speaker 1: It is a foo bar situation. It is I'm a
Speaker 1: chumpion to still process the transactionan the math ain't mathing
Speaker 1: on this one on many many levels, many many many levels.
Speaker 1: They're Lakers were just handed on a silver platter a
Speaker 1: Luka Doncic, and they didn't have to bid against anyone.
Speaker 1: Why why would you do that. That's malfeasance, that's bad management,
Speaker 1: that's incompetence, that's wrong on many levels. Why would you
Speaker 1: do that? Wouldn't you fire the general manager if you
Speaker 1: owned the team and that is how they did business,
Speaker 1: I think you would. But it's like, oh, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: gonna call one team and we'll just give you the
Speaker 1: buy now price and that's it, and you don't have
Speaker 1: to bid and just submit an offer and we'll make
Speaker 1: it happen. Yeah. Now, back when the NBA actually had leadership,
Speaker 1: you know, guys with hair on their chest and balls
Speaker 1: and things like that, David Stern would have vetoed this trade.
Speaker 1: He vetoed the Chris Paul trade. Now he would have
Speaker 1: vetoed this trade. Also said, well, that's not We're not
Speaker 1: going to do that. But it's playing with puddy. The
Speaker 1: whole thing's playing with putty putty explosives. We're talking ballistics.
Speaker 1: Here is what we're talking about, plastic explosives. Now, Luca,
Speaker 1: he turns twenty six later this month, Happy birthday. There's
Speaker 1: some great cake, great bakeries in Los Angeles. You love
Speaker 1: the bakries in LA and he was traded for a
Speaker 1: player who is near the end of his athletic prime,
Speaker 1: who has the superpower of missing games. His nickname is
Speaker 1: street clothes Anthony Davis. That's his nickname. He is more
Speaker 1: known for not showing up the work than showing up
Speaker 1: the work. And that's who the Dallas Mavericks had to
Speaker 1: get their hands on. Why I don't get it, Davis
Speaker 1: turns thirty two in the month of March. Now, these
Speaker 1: aren't your daddy's Mavericks. That is fair to say. Anybody,
Speaker 1: it still thinks. And not everyone heard the news, but
Speaker 1: Mark Cuban, who was a fanboy. I mean getting the
Speaker 1: Mark Cuban's got a lot of issues there. But Cuban's
Speaker 1: a fanboy, and he owned the Mavericks for a long
Speaker 1: time and he sold out. Everyone's got their price, and
Speaker 1: Magic Christian, Everyone's got their price. Mark Cuban sold out
Speaker 1: for three point five billion dollars. And that's the cost
Speaker 1: for Mark Cuban to allow this to happen. If Mark
Speaker 1: Cuban still owned the Dallas Mavericks, controlling interest of the Mavericks,
Speaker 1: he would not have done this. This was not a possibility,
Speaker 1: it was it. But that's not the case here. And Cuban,
Speaker 1: even if he felt he had to trade Luca for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, would have rather sent him to an expansion
Speaker 1: franchise in Papa, New Guinea than send him to the Lakers.
Speaker 1: There's no way that would have happened. And of course
Speaker 1: there's a lot of dumb people that don't know that
Speaker 1: Mark Cuban sold out. He's a sellout. He sold the team.
Speaker 1: Good for him three point five billion, and he's just
Speaker 1: kind of there as a like a make a wish
Speaker 1: thing when he travels with the Mavericks and all that,
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, we don't own the team, I don't
Speaker 1: control anything, but I get to sit by the bench
Speaker 1: and the players like me and all that. Yeah. Wow,
Speaker 1: so new regime, new blood, and you get what you get.
Speaker 1: You get what you get now, Page two. What makes
Speaker 1: the Lukka the Luca trade so unique? What makes it
Speaker 1: so unique? Well, this is like Sandra Bullock's Academy Award
Speaker 1: winning performance in the old movie The blind Side. The
Speaker 1: blind Side. Listen, if someone had called up this talk
Speaker 1: show and said, hey, Ben, I'd like to make a trade.
Speaker 1: How about the mavericksand Luka Doncic to the Lakers? For
Speaker 1: Anthony Davis in some spare parts, some pocket lint to
Speaker 1: be named later. We would have said something along the
Speaker 1: lines of, well, what bath salts are you sniffing right now, sir,
Speaker 1: and please go to the mini bar, and we would
Speaker 1: have hung up on them. That what we would have done.
Speaker 1: A video game would have rejected that trade, would have said, no,
Speaker 1: that's not a proper trade.
Speaker 24: No, no way.
Speaker 1: A twenty twenty nine first round pick. That's all you're
Speaker 1: getting in terms of future draft picks and scratcher tickets.
Speaker 1: One scratcher ticket in twenty twenty nine. That's eight. But
Speaker 1: here we are. Here, we are the unthinkable, the unimaginable.
Speaker 1: It's the first time in NBA history that two raining
Speaker 1: all NBA players have been traded for each other at
Speaker 1: mid season, as the trade deadline's not until later this week,
Speaker 1: but the trades, the big ones have already happened at
Speaker 1: this point in the modern era. This is the craziest trade,
Speaker 1: the Luca trade of them all, and the thing that
Speaker 1: stands out though in the world we're living in right now,
Speaker 1: twenty four to seven round the clock and the business
Speaker 1: of basketball, the currency of basketball. I've had this conversation
Speaker 1: with many people over the years who are in this
Speaker 1: world and the rumor, and I ran a gossip site
Speaker 1: for years before you know, I was working here at
Speaker 1: the same time. But I ran a rumor site for
Speaker 1: many many years. And the rumor is more important than
Speaker 1: the reality, Like the rumor gets people talk. And what
Speaker 1: happened with this particular trade here? Uh, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's stunning because there was not even a peep.
Speaker 13: Got a murder. I gotta go