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Speaker 1: Kabooms.

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Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes

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Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants

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Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He

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Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the

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Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of

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Speaker 2: hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour

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Speaker 2: with Ben Mahler starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Huh ho, oh, many Christmas and welcome. We are in

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Speaker 1: the air everywhere. It is a special edition, a holiday edition.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it is Fifth Hour special. Don't worry. This is

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Speaker 3: something that a lot of listeners requested. Where can we

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Speaker 3: hear the Malard Militia Christmas songs all in one place? Well,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to spend hours and hours compiling these songs.

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Speaker 3: But little trans bear and see here. I'll tell you

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Speaker 3: what happened. So Ben wakes up early, I set my alarm,

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Speaker 3: I wake up early. We record the mail bag. As

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Speaker 3: I'm producing it, I accidentally hit the delete button on

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Speaker 3: my keyboard. Wow, gone, I wiped it clean. First time

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Speaker 3: that's ever happened in these four plus years I've been

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Speaker 3: a part of this podcast, but never fear as Ben

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Speaker 3: goes back to take a nap. I think about it.

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Speaker 3: How can I fix this early on a Sunday morning.

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Speaker 3: In a previous mail Bag episode, I think it was

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Speaker 3: Alf the Alien Opiner, who requested that we put all

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Speaker 3: the Mallard Militia Christmas songs together on one episode. Hell yeah,

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Speaker 3: this is gonna be fun. It's also gonna be a

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Speaker 3: lot of work for me this morning, but it's my

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Speaker 3: fault for being a tired sob and hitting the delete button.

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Speaker 3: Out of the ashes rises the Christmas Phoenix.

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Speaker 4: Have yourself a mailar, a little Christmas. Let your hot

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Speaker 4: take shot.

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Speaker 5: From now on.

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Speaker 4: Your shot in Freuda.

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Speaker 6: Will be mine.

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Speaker 4: Have yourself a mailer, little Christmas, make a game show play.

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Speaker 7: From now on.

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Speaker 8: It's golden tickets all the way.

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Speaker 4: You.

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Speaker 8: We are swollen lexicons, verbal doctor guns and snows.

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Speaker 4: Sports friends. Have a drink to us. The Militia buss

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Speaker 4: is yours through the years. We all listen together.

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Speaker 8: As the Grimlins crows.

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Speaker 1: Having a shining mor cony upon your all.

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Speaker 8: So have yourself a mather little Christmas nice, and have

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Speaker 8: yourself a mather little Christmass.

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Speaker 9: No, here comes malle Claus, Here comes male clause right

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Speaker 9: down Malaclaus Lane. He's got hot takes and lodi akins.

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Speaker 6: He's on the air again.

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Speaker 9: He de gar see Justin Cooper Raider Robert two to

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Speaker 9: eight days a week.

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Speaker 10: County's coming to you. Because Mali Claus comes to nine.

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Speaker 10: Here comes male clause. Here comes made clause, right down

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Speaker 10: Malleclaus Lane.

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Speaker 9: He's got the best callers for such John Hours.

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Speaker 6: Holding on the line, Menser story, Chris and Houston.

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Speaker 10: Is born Room Blair shot at them in a agains.

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Speaker 10: That's he thanks to Tandy in Montana. Because Mali Claus comes,

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Speaker 10: tam Nice. Here comes Mala clause. Here comes Mala clause

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Speaker 10: right down Melanclose Lane.

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Speaker 6: He loves lepers Rams and DoD Jersey.

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Speaker 11: Bashing Lebron again Mona Lawzia.

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Speaker 6: Where Redo game Jos, the Inscident, advice, Lie and the Deforre.

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Speaker 10: Download the podcast is Mali Claus comes night.

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Speaker 6: Everybo got run over by jot.

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Speaker 12: Go go back to prison.

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Speaker 6: Christmas Sea.

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Speaker 12: You can see there's no such things crumble.

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Speaker 6: We drink the bride and.

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Speaker 13: He believe.

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Speaker 14: She's been snorting too much better.

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Speaker 12: Friary Bay, dude, not the gold.

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Speaker 1: But her curlough.

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Speaker 12: It was over, so she stumbled out of the door

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Speaker 12: into the snow. When they found her Christmas morning at

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Speaker 12: the scene of the attack, there were big cans on her.

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Speaker 2: John did and long moa mauns on going back.

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Speaker 10: And bank God run over by her.

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Speaker 6: John did.

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Speaker 12: Going back to prison Christmas Eve.

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Speaker 5: You can say there's no such.

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Speaker 12: Thing as calm a bed, drinky Brian, he believed.

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Speaker 7: Now, we're all so proud of Bryan.

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Speaker 6: He's been taking it so well.

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Speaker 12: He's sitting there watching his squaking drink the beer and

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Speaker 12: whiskey as is a swell. It's not Christmas without.

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Speaker 15: Heyok by.

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Speaker 7: All the family screams of showering.

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Speaker 6: And we just can't help.

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Speaker 12: But wonder why did the prison ever let him out?

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Speaker 16: I find God run over by her.

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Speaker 12: John didn't going back to prison Christmas Eve. You can

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Speaker 12: say there's no such thing. It's calm, be drinking bry

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Speaker 12: And he believed.

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Speaker 17: Fin Lead's girl, fin leads girl, we will never meet

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Speaker 17: man Titetos girlfriend, wepter offer Bee, Finley girl, Sinle's girl,

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Speaker 17: we will never meet ment. I tell us those girlfriends

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Speaker 17: wept their offers Bee Daddy, you.

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Speaker 18: Know headye Garcia and Coop Donlup Cooper Roberto Flores is

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Speaker 18: simply superb.

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Speaker 19: But we call the most bovyating of all.

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Speaker 6: Ben to the theat.

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Speaker 5: The Alexus nuts roasting on an open fire doc like

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Speaker 5: sipping on some peas, Angry Bill. It's a cheap.

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Speaker 20: Little thrill from Tammy and Montana.

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Speaker 7: Don't you know everybody knows the callers to the Malor Show.

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Speaker 5: Will it help to make this season right? Each and

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Speaker 5: everyone our a bundle of fun? You'll find it hard

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Speaker 5: to sleep tonight.

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Speaker 2: You know that.

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Speaker 7: I went away.

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Speaker 5: Beer drinking. Brian's on his own, but that's okay. He's

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Speaker 5: got the Mallard team to be his friends with Eddie Coop,

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Speaker 5: de Loop, Roberto and Big Ben and so weed Man

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Speaker 5: Hippies just a memory and others I simply shall not name.

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Speaker 5: The Malord Militia would just like to wish you Merry Christmas.

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Speaker 4: To you.

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Speaker 6: Nahod out then.

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Speaker 1: Ground Lin straw.

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Speaker 14: Walls CHILKINI is made gay budget good stew fish.

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Speaker 18: Chime with games of.

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Speaker 6: Notes, cool Bitch.

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Speaker 4: Cream, Tall.

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Speaker 6: Cool fis cream and tallis.

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Speaker 10: Side and nine ben Jella stinks.

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Speaker 15: Too, ranting wood stiff figes.

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Speaker 17: My molt fillly sound in it long.

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Speaker 6: By issue.

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Speaker 15: By ball.

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Speaker 6: Plays in a poll.

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Speaker 15: Lea is loose in a poll, sn.

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Speaker 6: Die without being.

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Speaker 15: Crown straight.

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Speaker 6: Long skin.

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Speaker 21: Brod fas song but you knows Listen, yell.

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Speaker 7: It would be a blue Christmas without in the ballet.

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Speaker 7: It would be a blue.

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Speaker 22: Christmas without being ballet with a man I contell, Christmas

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Speaker 22: would be sad my friend, no dream, no stock gomes.

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Speaker 7: No Christmas cards to cent It would be your blue

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Speaker 7: Christmas without Bend balo.

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Speaker 6: It would be a blue.

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Speaker 22: Christmas's without Bend ballot.

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Speaker 7: Chain to band soft, kind and friendly. Please don't give

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Speaker 7: us riding family sat up.

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Speaker 5: Please give us bend ballot for Christmas.

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Speaker 18: Oh, the weather outside is.

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Speaker 1: Frightful, but malor is so delightful.

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Speaker 7: So turn on your radio.

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Speaker 19: Listen to the Ben Mahlor's show, Wow, Roberto finds drops Ford.

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Speaker 18: Droppin' who the Loop always keeps things hoppin.

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Speaker 5: And Eddie's a total pro.

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Speaker 20: Listen to the Ben Mahler's Show.

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Speaker 18: But they only come on that night. F s R

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Speaker 18: won't allow it during the day and the call screeners

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Speaker 18: filled with fright You never know what the callers will say.

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Speaker 20: Old felexis in gay apparel is decked out for Christmas.

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Speaker 20: Carrol's his belt buckles made of missile tooad.

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Speaker 5: Listen to the ben Man.

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Speaker 7: Show.

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Speaker 11: Oh oh ho, malan militia will tune in to listen,

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Speaker 11: will be by Bler polish it it listened?

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Speaker 6: But do you we ever know.

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Speaker 11: The best issue on the ben Mail Show?

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Speaker 16: Alexis the seven drag Queen only yes, seven times? Actually,

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Speaker 16: I think say if you count the one that gross,

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Speaker 16: one of the Alexis rivals jealous him to an octor on,

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Speaker 16: but he decided to flee. Now, Roxanne's a royalty.

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Speaker 23: Think can the marlor meet and greet and fine? Scott

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Speaker 23: came to say, the alexis and so I've got no sight?

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Speaker 23: Will you sit on my plunger tonight now that the.

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Speaker 16: Song is over and it's time to go to sleep.

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Speaker 16: The alexis the seven tote track Queen. I think you're

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Speaker 16: all right by me.

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Speaker 7: Hey, little buddy, this sounds really good. What do you

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Speaker 7: say we lived up a little bit more?

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Speaker 6: Answer flexus.

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Speaker 16: The seven dote track Queen only has sevens. Actually, I

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Speaker 16: think it's a if you can't the one that gross

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Speaker 16: one of Alexis rivals challenged you to an updick gun,

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Speaker 16: but he decided to flee. Now raxand's a royalty.

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Speaker 23: Then kill Danla meet and greet and blinde. Scott came

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Speaker 23: to see Alexis and so I've got no sight. Will

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Speaker 23: you sit on my plungey tonight, now that.

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Speaker 16: The song is over and it's time to go to

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Speaker 16: sleep for Alexis to seven toad track, Queen, I think

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Speaker 16: you're all right.

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Speaker 24: By me, Lad John, dear.

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Speaker 16: Them, Max and Alas on Christmas Eve, you can say

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Speaker 16: there's no.

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Speaker 6: One quite like Calpline. But as for the Milsha, we believe.

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Speaker 25: She'd been drinking whiskey and white cloud. You're drinking brine,

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Speaker 25: said enough to drive. But when she put the key ignition.

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Speaker 16: Eight tiny ring.

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Speaker 20: Dude, it not so fun.

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Speaker 24: When they found her Christmas morning, passed out next to

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Speaker 24: the accident.

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Speaker 1: Itwas empty beer cans in her cooler and her breath

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Speaker 1: was freaking heavy of pepper.

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Speaker 21: Man Mallard got.

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Speaker 24: Rear ended on deer driving Max and Mallers you can

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Speaker 24: say it really wasn't his fault. He never took ahead

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Speaker 24: of Justin's wee. Now the hem is on the table.

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Speaker 1: And some banana Creepie.

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Speaker 3: Blaire go the turkey and some stuffing.

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Speaker 2: Regina brought at the tug and don't as wine.

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Speaker 24: It's got Christmas without trauma.

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Speaker 25: That held the game of malder dash.

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Speaker 12: You seek Adie Guy Sierra's lifeline, turning positive asos into cash.

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Speaker 26: Mallard got reinded by John Deere driving back to Manortown

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Speaker 26: Christmas Eve. You can see he's picking up the orders

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Speaker 26: and they're all from the supermarket Steve key Change.

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Speaker 24: Mallard got really ended by it on there.

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Speaker 26: Driving back Smolts on Christmas Eve, you can see he's

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Speaker 26: in the air and everywhere.

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Speaker 6: As should we believe.

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Speaker 2: Christmas sucking?

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Speaker 27: Ben German Malard should be on your radio. He's got

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Speaker 27: a bad time slot. Buddy, don't get hot because he

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Speaker 27: likes it, don't you know? Edy Garcia's been Malor's main sidekick.

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Speaker 27: He's a Steeler fan. Hard to understand. He plays with

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Speaker 27: Charger thundersticks. There's got to be some kind of magic

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Speaker 27: rolled up in Coop's great big blunts because hook line

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Speaker 27: and Sinker. He believes all the Democrats dumb stunts. Benis

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Speaker 27: the men is cooking bombagun NEWSHD Night Talk a little

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Speaker 27: smack about had Denverse crapping Cooper Loop is ready to fight.

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Speaker 27: Dumpity dump dump dumpity dump, the Mad Hatter of Sports

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Speaker 27: chatter dumpity thump dump dumpany thump dump, the bannering Broadcaster.

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Speaker 27: We have the great Sambony. We've got the liar liar.

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Speaker 27: Oh Roberto is the chef, He's.

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Speaker 5: Got the hat.

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Speaker 27: He's not the tender Rony pro Ben's callers are freak show.

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Speaker 27: Some might be on LSD. We love some calls and

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Speaker 27: we hate some calls. Genium Medford rest in peace. There's

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Speaker 27: got to be some kind of magic in Coop's favorite bong.

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Speaker 27: He smokes because he has the screen a ton of

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Speaker 27: calls from a lot of crazy folks. Money Ball Mailer

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Speaker 27: is the mogal Mischief. If his boss is ever listened

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Speaker 27: to the show, we're going to miss him on the

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Speaker 27: late night shift. Dumpedy dump dump dumpy dump dump, The

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Speaker 27: Chasm of Sorry Chasm Dumpy dump dump, dumpy dump dump.

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Speaker 18: Bennie the Brazen.

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Speaker 13: Phelei snaved peleas snabby D Phelei snappy d Phelea snappy

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Speaker 13: please Snabby Dues please SNUBBYD.

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Speaker 18: I want to wear you you a mail of Christmas.

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Speaker 19: I wanna wish you a mailor Christmas. I wanna wish

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Speaker 19: you a mail of Christmas from the bottom for my heart.

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Speaker 19: I wanna wish you a malor Christmas. I wanna wish

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Speaker 19: you a mail or Christmas. I wanna wish you a

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Speaker 19: man of Christmas from the bottom for my home.

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Speaker 13: We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas.

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Speaker 19: You wanna wish you a mail.

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Speaker 18: A best Tom.

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Speaker 19: We wanna wish you a mail of Christmas from the

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Speaker 19: motto for my heart. Do we wanna wish you a

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Speaker 19: bell of Christmasy. You wanna wish you a mel a

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Speaker 19: Richmas to We wanna wish you a mel of Christmas.

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Speaker 6: From the bottom o my heart.

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Speaker 3: Racist all right, it took a long time to find

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Speaker 3: all these songs. Hope you're enjoying. So I'll give you

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Speaker 3: a sneak peek of what next Friday's podcast will be like.

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Speaker 3: There is a year end special that Ben in the

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Speaker 3: production staff put together, and I'm going to take clips

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Speaker 3: from that, some of the classic drops that only exist

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Speaker 3: in my personal library. I'm going to do one special

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Speaker 3: on the twenty six to give Ben just one day off.

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Speaker 3: He deserves it right now. I had to include from

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Speaker 3: earlier this year, Ben reacting to Luca getting traded to

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Speaker 3: the Lakers, because as you know, Ben is a closet

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Speaker 3: Lakers fan.

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Speaker 1: Yes to the unbelievable. A night that I still can't

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Speaker 1: believe happened, the Dallas Mavericks gave away the face of

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Speaker 1: the franchise, Luca. We were completely gobsmacked. On the Ben

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Speaker 1: Mahler Show. We did a special emergency Mallard monologue as

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Speaker 1: the Mavericks gave away Luka Doncik to the La Lakers.

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Speaker 1: Let's go back to that night and take a listen

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Speaker 1: to how that went down. The mega mega mega mega

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Speaker 1: mega trade, Luca goes from the MAVs to the Lakers.

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Speaker 1: For Anthony Davis, those are the headliners. We focus on

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Speaker 1: the headliners. So I've got Puddy, Sandra Bullock, and Return

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Speaker 1: of the Jedi, and we will combine all of these

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Speaker 1: things together and we will follow our nose is wherever

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Speaker 1: our nose takes us. And I got a big schnaz,

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Speaker 1: I got a really large nas so I will just

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Speaker 1: go wherever the nose takes us. So my first thought

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Speaker 1: on this is when you're when you're grading, It's in

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Speaker 1: the mall Ord report card when it comes to grading trades,

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Speaker 1: and we are the industry leader in grading transactions. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: nobody is more trusted, nobody in overnight delivery of a

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Speaker 1: report card on transactions on this show in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the night on Fox. Nobody has this kind of information.

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Speaker 1: So on the Malor report Card, the Malor report Card

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Speaker 1: on the big trade over the weekend, Dallas and La

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Speaker 1: the Lakers reluctantly, I will give them a B minus

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Speaker 1: on the trade. I will give them a B minus.

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Speaker 1: The Mavericks get an F, and then I don't know

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Speaker 1: that I can go lower? Is there anything lower than

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Speaker 1: an F? I would like to go lower than F?

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Speaker 1: Is there anything beyond F? Can I go beyond F?

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Speaker 6: Anyway?

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Speaker 1: LA also picked up a couple of roster span players

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Speaker 1: in the trade, Maxi Kleibah, who hit a game winning

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Speaker 1: shot against them a while back, and Mark, the much

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Speaker 1: traveled Mark Keith Morris. He also goes to the Lakers.

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Speaker 1: It is a foo bar situation. It is I'm a

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Speaker 1: chumpion to still process the transactionan the math ain't mathing

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Speaker 1: on this one on many many levels, many many many levels.

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Speaker 1: They're Lakers were just handed on a silver platter a

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Speaker 1: Luka Doncic, and they didn't have to bid against anyone.

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Speaker 1: Why why would you do that. That's malfeasance, that's bad management,

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Speaker 1: that's incompetence, that's wrong on many levels. Why would you

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Speaker 1: do that? Wouldn't you fire the general manager if you

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Speaker 1: owned the team and that is how they did business,

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Speaker 1: I think you would. But it's like, oh, yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna call one team and we'll just give you the

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Speaker 1: buy now price and that's it, and you don't have

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Speaker 1: to bid and just submit an offer and we'll make

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Speaker 1: it happen. Yeah. Now, back when the NBA actually had leadership,

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Speaker 1: you know, guys with hair on their chest and balls

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Speaker 1: and things like that, David Stern would have vetoed this trade.

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Speaker 1: He vetoed the Chris Paul trade. Now he would have

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Speaker 1: vetoed this trade. Also said, well, that's not We're not

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Speaker 1: going to do that. But it's playing with puddy. The

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Speaker 1: whole thing's playing with putty putty explosives. We're talking ballistics.

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Speaker 1: Here is what we're talking about, plastic explosives. Now, Luca,

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Speaker 1: he turns twenty six later this month, Happy birthday. There's

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Speaker 1: some great cake, great bakeries in Los Angeles. You love

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Speaker 1: the bakries in LA and he was traded for a

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Speaker 1: player who is near the end of his athletic prime,

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Speaker 1: who has the superpower of missing games. His nickname is

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Speaker 1: street clothes Anthony Davis. That's his nickname. He is more

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Speaker 1: known for not showing up the work than showing up

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Speaker 1: the work. And that's who the Dallas Mavericks had to

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Speaker 1: get their hands on. Why I don't get it, Davis

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Speaker 1: turns thirty two in the month of March. Now, these

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Speaker 1: aren't your daddy's Mavericks. That is fair to say. Anybody,

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Speaker 1: it still thinks. And not everyone heard the news, but

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Speaker 1: Mark Cuban, who was a fanboy. I mean getting the

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Speaker 1: Mark Cuban's got a lot of issues there. But Cuban's

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Speaker 1: a fanboy, and he owned the Mavericks for a long

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Speaker 1: time and he sold out. Everyone's got their price, and

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Speaker 1: Magic Christian, Everyone's got their price. Mark Cuban sold out

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Speaker 1: for three point five billion dollars. And that's the cost

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Speaker 1: for Mark Cuban to allow this to happen. If Mark

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Speaker 1: Cuban still owned the Dallas Mavericks, controlling interest of the Mavericks,

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Speaker 1: he would not have done this. This was not a possibility,

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Speaker 1: it was it. But that's not the case here. And Cuban,

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Speaker 1: even if he felt he had to trade Luca for

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Speaker 1: whatever reason, would have rather sent him to an expansion

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Speaker 1: franchise in Papa, New Guinea than send him to the Lakers.

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Speaker 1: There's no way that would have happened. And of course

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of dumb people that don't know that

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Speaker 1: Mark Cuban sold out. He's a sellout. He sold the team.

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Speaker 1: Good for him three point five billion, and he's just

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Speaker 1: kind of there as a like a make a wish

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Speaker 1: thing when he travels with the Mavericks and all that,

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Speaker 1: it's like, hey, we don't own the team, I don't

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Speaker 1: control anything, but I get to sit by the bench

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Speaker 1: and the players like me and all that. Yeah. Wow,

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Speaker 1: so new regime, new blood, and you get what you get.

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Speaker 1: You get what you get now, Page two. What makes

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Speaker 1: the Lukka the Luca trade so unique? What makes it

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Speaker 1: so unique? Well, this is like Sandra Bullock's Academy Award

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Speaker 1: winning performance in the old movie The blind Side. The

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Speaker 1: blind Side. Listen, if someone had called up this talk

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Speaker 1: show and said, hey, Ben, I'd like to make a trade.

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Speaker 1: How about the mavericksand Luka Doncic to the Lakers? For

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Speaker 1: Anthony Davis in some spare parts, some pocket lint to

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Speaker 1: be named later. We would have said something along the

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Speaker 1: lines of, well, what bath salts are you sniffing right now, sir,

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Speaker 1: and please go to the mini bar, and we would

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Speaker 1: have hung up on them. That what we would have done.

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Speaker 1: A video game would have rejected that trade, would have said, no,

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Speaker 1: that's not a proper trade.

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Speaker 24: No, no way.

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Speaker 1: A twenty twenty nine first round pick. That's all you're

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Speaker 1: getting in terms of future draft picks and scratcher tickets.

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Speaker 1: One scratcher ticket in twenty twenty nine. That's eight. But

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Speaker 1: here we are. Here, we are the unthinkable, the unimaginable.

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Speaker 1: It's the first time in NBA history that two raining

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Speaker 1: all NBA players have been traded for each other at

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Speaker 1: mid season, as the trade deadline's not until later this week,

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Speaker 1: but the trades, the big ones have already happened at

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Speaker 1: this point in the modern era. This is the craziest trade,

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Speaker 1: the Luca trade of them all, and the thing that

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Speaker 1: stands out though in the world we're living in right now,

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Speaker 1: twenty four to seven round the clock and the business

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Speaker 1: of basketball, the currency of basketball. I've had this conversation

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Speaker 1: with many people over the years who are in this

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Speaker 1: world and the rumor, and I ran a gossip site

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Speaker 1: for years before you know, I was working here at

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Speaker 1: the same time. But I ran a rumor site for

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Speaker 1: many many years. And the rumor is more important than

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Speaker 1: the reality, Like the rumor gets people talk. And what

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Speaker 1: happened with this particular trade here? Uh, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: it's stunning because there was not even a peep.

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Speaker 13: Got a murder. I gotta go