Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've reached the
Speaker 1: voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
Speaker 1: advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
Speaker 1: your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
Speaker 1: to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
Speaker 1: whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
Speaker 1: these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
Speaker 1: from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
Speaker 1: a qualified professional. All right, Now, go ahead and leave
Speaker 1: your question at the sound of the beat.
Speaker 2: Hi, Cheeky's, This is Chess from Midland, Texas. I was
Speaker 2: just wanting to know how you were able to let
Speaker 2: go and move on from your first marriage, because looking
Speaker 2: back on the show and watching you guys from your
Speaker 2: first marriage, how you got proposed to from everything that
Speaker 2: went on is literally like me looking in the mirror
Speaker 2: of what happened with me. And to this day we
Speaker 2: are still together but live in separate houses. We're still married,
Speaker 2: I haven't got divorced, but we live in separate homes.
Speaker 2: We always go back and forth with each other don't
Speaker 2: know how to stop. But we both know it's toxic.
Speaker 2: We both know it's not gonna work. Too much is
Speaker 2: thrown out there, what he did, what I did? How
Speaker 2: do you just let go?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How do you let go? How do you move forward
Speaker 2: without the what ifs and could have been better type
Speaker 2: of questions you keep asking yourself on the daily or
Speaker 2: trying to make it work? How do you just stop
Speaker 2: it knowing it's not going to work?
Speaker 1: Hmm, Yes, that's a great question. It's hard. Bottom line,
Speaker 1: it's hard and it's gonna be hard. So I went
Speaker 1: through through a piece of hell for three months when
Speaker 1: I decided to let go and choose myself because you
Speaker 1: already said it. You know it's toxic, you both do,
Speaker 1: So that's that's that's a definition of insanity. When you
Speaker 1: keep doing something over and over thinking that you're gonna
Speaker 1: get a different result, that is a definition of insanity.
Speaker 3: And google it.
Speaker 1: So you are literally putting yourself in this situation just
Speaker 1: for the sake of I don't want him to be
Speaker 1: with anyone else, because I thought of all that, I
Speaker 1: know I'm not ready to see him with someone else,
Speaker 1: and I don't know what if he's he is happier
Speaker 1: without me, and all these things that were just making
Speaker 1: me sick. And I was saying in a situation that
Speaker 1: was not good for him and was not good for
Speaker 1: me because I wasn't allowing him to be himself who
Speaker 1: he wanted to be, and I wanted to control so
Speaker 1: much and it was just so freaking stressful. It just
Speaker 1: wasn't good and it was very painful, but it was
Speaker 1: one of the best things I ever did. And I
Speaker 1: knew that I was going to go through pain, and
Speaker 1: I did, but I endured that pain and I went
Speaker 1: through it and I sucked it up and I cried
Speaker 1: and I yelled and I was depressed. I would sit
Speaker 1: on the couch and I was like, God, I cannot
Speaker 1: wait until I no longer love this person. I can't
Speaker 1: wait till that day. And I thought it was never
Speaker 1: going to come, and it came, and I'm happy now.
Speaker 1: I think you need to choose yourself and you need
Speaker 1: to also think of him, and that's what I did.
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm not making him happy, I'm not allowing
Speaker 1: him to be who he wants to be, who he's
Speaker 1: meant to be, and that's not fair to him either.
Speaker 1: So I made a decision for myself, and also I
Speaker 1: loved him so much. I was like, I have to
Speaker 1: let him go. We're not meant for each other. And
Speaker 1: I know this. So you guys are and excuse me,
Speaker 1: but you guys are in a toxic situation because you
Speaker 1: guys are still married but living separately but trying to
Speaker 1: make it work. But it's like I want to have
Speaker 1: my cake and eat it too, and that's just that's
Speaker 1: not a way to live. So you need to just
Speaker 1: make the decision and choose yourself and know, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be in pain, and this is gonna hurt, and this
Speaker 1: is gonna be hard. But I can do this. If
Speaker 1: Cheeky's did it, I can do it. If other people
Speaker 1: have done it, I can do it too. And you're not.
Speaker 1: But God and the universe and the higher Power will
Speaker 1: honor if you choose yourself and you just let go,
Speaker 1: let go and let God, and just know, God will
Speaker 1: bring me the person that is meant for me, a
Speaker 1: husband that's gonna want to live in the same home
Speaker 1: with me and cater to me and value me and
Speaker 1: rub my feet, not just this halfway thing one foot in,
Speaker 1: one foot out. That's not good. It's not healthy. That's
Speaker 1: just my opinion. You asked me, So I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: real with you, So choose you. That's what I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you. Okay, next question comes from Anna.
Speaker 3: Hey, Jikiz, I just want to say, first off, your
Speaker 3: book Forgiveness is one of the first ones I read
Speaker 3: during my self help journey. I've been through so much
Speaker 3: myself from a very young age. I've helped my mom
Speaker 3: raise my siblings, and now I'm we're at a point
Speaker 3: where our relationship is kind of toxic and I think
Speaker 3: it's time maybe for me to start loving from afar
Speaker 3: because now that I'm sort of going through a self
Speaker 3: help therapy journey, she sees whenever I try to express
Speaker 3: myself as attacking her, and there's just no way to
Speaker 3: get through to people, I guess sometimes when they're close minded.
Speaker 3: But I just wanted to get your opinion and see
Speaker 3: what do you think You know you do in those
Speaker 3: situations where it's your family, but you might have to
Speaker 3: cut it off, but now there's children involved that want
Speaker 3: to see their grandparents. Thank you so much for everything
Speaker 3: you do for the community.
Speaker 1: Ooh Anna, thank you for reading my book, and thank
Speaker 1: you for taking the time, and thank you for loving
Speaker 1: me and all those beautiful things till your sister I
Speaker 1: said hello. Now, pertaining to your question, Anna, I say
Speaker 1: this a lot on the pod because it's I'm speaking
Speaker 1: from experience. I've had to, unfortunately love people in my
Speaker 1: family and my extended family from Afar. It's not an
Speaker 1: easy decision at all, but I just feel very strongly
Speaker 1: about that, you know, because it is your mom. We
Speaker 1: do have to honor and respect our parents. But if
Speaker 1: you feel that your mom is causing you more pain
Speaker 1: than good, then it's okay for you to step back
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yes, kids are involved, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that the kids should be put in the middle.
Speaker 1: So in my opinion, I think that you should still
Speaker 1: allow the kids to see their grandparents, drop them off,
Speaker 1: pick them up. You don't have to go in there,
Speaker 1: you don't have to say hello. You can say from
Speaker 1: hello from Afar. You can still be cordial. That doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that, you know, if you're wanting to create space,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you can't say hello and be
Speaker 1: respectful to your mother, you know, because you have to
Speaker 1: also show that to your children that you're a respectful daughter.
Speaker 1: If you want to be respected as a mother, you know,
Speaker 1: that's important. That's my personal opinion. Now, if your mom
Speaker 1: starts speaking about you in a bad way to your children,
Speaker 1: then you're going to have to make the decision of like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't like the way you're expressing
Speaker 1: yourself or the things that you're saying because you're not
Speaker 1: teaching my children something good and speaking bad about me.
Speaker 1: Then then you can take that decision of saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna separate my children from you until they're old
Speaker 1: enough to make their own decisions to come and see you.
Speaker 1: But there has to be a reason, you know. That's
Speaker 1: just my opinion. That's my advice to you. If you
Speaker 1: feel it in your heart, it's okay. It's okay for
Speaker 1: you to love from afar and still check on her,
Speaker 1: you know, but you don't have to go and have
Speaker 1: dinner or you know, be there at Christmas and stuff,
Speaker 1: because you're wanting to create a strong, stable home for
Speaker 1: your children as well, and that has a lot to
Speaker 1: do with how you feel and you want good energy
Speaker 1: around you. So that is what I think. And it
Speaker 1: is a hard decision, and she's not going to be
Speaker 1: happy about it. But I think letting her know I'm
Speaker 1: going to create a little bit of space because you
Speaker 1: hurt my feelings or because it's hard for us to communicate,
Speaker 1: I think it's good. Or you don't say anything at
Speaker 1: all and you just create that little space. You know,
Speaker 1: but don't speak bad about your mother to your children.
Speaker 1: That don't do that. That's just my opinion. Again, do
Speaker 1: whatever you want, but that's just me being the big sister. Okay, guys.
Speaker 1: Last question comes from hove.
Speaker 4: Hi Tiki. I am a huge fan of you and
Speaker 4: of your mom's Obviously, me and my sister have been
Speaker 4: listening to your mom's songs ever since I was like
Speaker 4: I want to say, nine, ten years old, and of
Speaker 4: yours since you started singing. I love a bet Rena.
Speaker 4: I love the amanthis too. Like I sing those songs
Speaker 4: with like full blast every time I'm going to work
Speaker 4: or whenever somebody does some shady shit to my siblings
Speaker 4: or me, I blast those songs hell aloud.
Speaker 3: But I have a question.
Speaker 4: In your show, chikisen Field throw you say that before
Speaker 4: things used to bug you, but ever since you found yourself,
Speaker 4: whatever other people say about you, it doesn't bug you anymore.
Speaker 4: My question is how did you find yourself? I don't
Speaker 4: really know who like myself is and I always get
Speaker 4: so pissed whenever any little inconvenience comes in. Thank you
Speaker 4: so much. I hope you have a great day. And
Speaker 4: I love your podcast as well.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Havy. I love that you love my podcast
Speaker 1: and that you love my songs. That makes me so happy. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the journey to finding yourself is exactly that. It's
Speaker 1: a journey. It is something that is going to happen
Speaker 1: a lot throughout your life because we change so much.
Speaker 1: It's crazy because I feel like I stepped into my
Speaker 1: power literally two years ago, and it was around the
Speaker 1: time that I brought out Arena, and I just I
Speaker 1: don't know how to even explain how it happened. I
Speaker 1: just remember reading a book, and the book saying that
Speaker 1: not to see your job as your job if not
Speaker 1: like a calling, like what you're meant to do and
Speaker 1: how you're helping people. And every time that you see
Speaker 1: things that way, and that's what really helps me. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: my purpose is to help, is to inspire and to empower.
Speaker 1: Like it just I was like people that don't like me,
Speaker 1: like who cares but it took so long to get
Speaker 1: to that point, and I can't even tell you that
Speaker 1: it was just one specific thing. I think it just
Speaker 1: it happened with age, with maturity, with understanding that no
Speaker 1: matter what, I am meant to be here and I
Speaker 1: am meant to do what I'm doing, and even if
Speaker 1: some people don't agree with that, it's not my problem,
Speaker 1: it's theirs, you know. And of course I still get upset.
Speaker 1: It just all depends, like if someone says something that's
Speaker 1: like out of line or like totally off the wall
Speaker 1: that I'm just like what it doesn't bother me the
Speaker 1: way I used to, But I'm just like, dude, why
Speaker 1: are people so mean?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, dude, like find get a life. You know,
Speaker 1: A person that's happy is not going to sit there
Speaker 1: and talk shit about you.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: So anyways, it it's it takes time. It's like I said,
Speaker 1: it's a journey. And right now it's crazy because right
Speaker 1: now I'm going through another phase in my life where
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I know what my calling is, but
Speaker 1: I kind of want to switch a little bit. So
Speaker 1: I'm going through another change. It's seasons in our life,
Speaker 1: so I can't even tell you when it happens, but
Speaker 1: it will happen the more you practice, Like I love myself,
Speaker 1: I love who I am. I know what my value is,
Speaker 1: what I bring to the table in people's lives. And
Speaker 1: you know that you're living with intent, with good intentions
Speaker 1: to help others, to be a good human being on
Speaker 1: this earth. All of that just gives you so much
Speaker 1: confidence to just be you and step into your power
Speaker 1: and into your light, you know. So it's a little
Speaker 1: bit of a lot of things. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I hopefully I you know, with what I said.
Speaker 1: Something stuck, you know. But it's still even now, I'm
Speaker 1: still on this journey of like still trying to find
Speaker 1: myself in this new season of my life that I'm
Speaker 1: going to step into that I'm planning for. So just
Speaker 1: be patient with yourself and don't, as hard as it is,
Speaker 1: try to just oh, yulos, just keep focused on what
Speaker 1: you're doing. Hopefully I answered your question. Thank you happy.
Speaker 1: By the way, that concludes this episode, You guys of
Speaker 1: Dear Cheeky's, we had very very good questions. I hope
Speaker 1: that I was able to help. And if you have
Speaker 1: a question you watching your listening. Please leave it at
Speaker 1: speakpipe dot com, slash cheesys, and show podcast. It could
Speaker 1: be about anything anything, my personal life, your life, your
Speaker 1: friend's life, whoever's I will give you the best advice
Speaker 1: I possibly could give you. Okay. This is a production
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