WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: How Did You Move On From Your First Marriage?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering

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<v Speaker 1>from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from

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<v Speaker 1>a qualified professional. All right, Now, go ahead and leave

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<v Speaker 1>your question at the sound of the beat.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Cheeky's, This is Chess from Midland, Texas. I was

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<v Speaker 2>just wanting to know how you were able to let

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<v Speaker 2>go and move on from your first marriage, because looking

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<v Speaker 2>back on the show and watching you guys from your

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<v Speaker 2>first marriage, how you got proposed to from everything that

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<v Speaker 2>went on is literally like me looking in the mirror

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<v Speaker 2>of what happened with me. And to this day we

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<v Speaker 2>are still together but live in separate houses. We're still married,

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't got divorced, but we live in separate homes.

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<v Speaker 2>We always go back and forth with each other don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how to stop. But we both know it's toxic.

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<v Speaker 2>We both know it's not gonna work. Too much is

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<v Speaker 2>thrown out there, what he did, what I did? How

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<v Speaker 2>do you just let go?

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<v Speaker 1>Like?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you let go? How do you move forward

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<v Speaker 2>without the what ifs and could have been better type

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<v Speaker 2>of questions you keep asking yourself on the daily or

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<v Speaker 2>trying to make it work? How do you just stop

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<v Speaker 2>it knowing it's not going to work?

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<v Speaker 1>Hmm, Yes, that's a great question. It's hard. Bottom line,

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<v Speaker 1>it's hard and it's gonna be hard. So I went

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<v Speaker 1>through through a piece of hell for three months when

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<v Speaker 1>I decided to let go and choose myself because you

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<v Speaker 1>already said it. You know it's toxic, you both do,

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<v Speaker 1>So that's that's that's a definition of insanity. When you

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<v Speaker 1>keep doing something over and over thinking that you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>get a different result, that is a definition of insanity.

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<v Speaker 3>And google it.

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<v Speaker 1>So you are literally putting yourself in this situation just

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<v Speaker 1>for the sake of I don't want him to be

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<v Speaker 1>with anyone else, because I thought of all that, I

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<v Speaker 1>know I'm not ready to see him with someone else,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know what if he's he is happier

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<v Speaker 1>without me, and all these things that were just making

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<v Speaker 1>me sick. And I was saying in a situation that

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<v Speaker 1>was not good for him and was not good for

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<v Speaker 1>me because I wasn't allowing him to be himself who

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<v Speaker 1>he wanted to be, and I wanted to control so

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<v Speaker 1>much and it was just so freaking stressful. It just

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't good and it was very painful, but it was

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<v Speaker 1>one of the best things I ever did. And I

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<v Speaker 1>knew that I was going to go through pain, and

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<v Speaker 1>I did, but I endured that pain and I went

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<v Speaker 1>through it and I sucked it up and I cried

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<v Speaker 1>and I yelled and I was depressed. I would sit

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<v Speaker 1>on the couch and I was like, God, I cannot

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<v Speaker 1>wait until I no longer love this person. I can't

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<v Speaker 1>wait till that day. And I thought it was never

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<v Speaker 1>going to come, and it came, and I'm happy now.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you need to choose yourself and you need

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<v Speaker 1>to also think of him, and that's what I did.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, I'm not making him happy, I'm not allowing

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<v Speaker 1>him to be who he wants to be, who he's

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<v Speaker 1>meant to be, and that's not fair to him either.

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<v Speaker 1>So I made a decision for myself, and also I

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<v Speaker 1>loved him so much. I was like, I have to

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<v Speaker 1>let him go. We're not meant for each other. And

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<v Speaker 1>I know this. So you guys are and excuse me,

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<v Speaker 1>but you guys are in a toxic situation because you

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<v Speaker 1>guys are still married but living separately but trying to

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<v Speaker 1>make it work. But it's like I want to have

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<v Speaker 1>my cake and eat it too, and that's just that's

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<v Speaker 1>not a way to live. So you need to just

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<v Speaker 1>make the decision and choose yourself and know, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be in pain, and this is gonna hurt, and this

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<v Speaker 1>is gonna be hard. But I can do this. If

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<v Speaker 1>Cheeky's did it, I can do it. If other people

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<v Speaker 1>have done it, I can do it too. And you're not.

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<v Speaker 1>But God and the universe and the higher Power will

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<v Speaker 1>honor if you choose yourself and you just let go,

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<v Speaker 1>let go and let God, and just know, God will

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<v Speaker 1>bring me the person that is meant for me, a

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<v Speaker 1>husband that's gonna want to live in the same home

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<v Speaker 1>with me and cater to me and value me and

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<v Speaker 1>rub my feet, not just this halfway thing one foot in,

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<v Speaker 1>one foot out. That's not good. It's not healthy. That's

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<v Speaker 1>just my opinion. You asked me, So I'm gonna be

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<v Speaker 1>real with you, So choose you. That's what I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>tell you. Okay, next question comes from Anna.

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<v Speaker 3>Hey, Jikiz, I just want to say, first off, your

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<v Speaker 3>book Forgiveness is one of the first ones I read

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<v Speaker 3>during my self help journey. I've been through so much

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<v Speaker 3>myself from a very young age. I've helped my mom

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<v Speaker 3>raise my siblings, and now I'm we're at a point

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<v Speaker 3>where our relationship is kind of toxic and I think

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<v Speaker 3>it's time maybe for me to start loving from afar

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<v Speaker 3>because now that I'm sort of going through a self

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<v Speaker 3>help therapy journey, she sees whenever I try to express

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<v Speaker 3>myself as attacking her, and there's just no way to

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<v Speaker 3>get through to people, I guess sometimes when they're close minded.

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<v Speaker 3>But I just wanted to get your opinion and see

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<v Speaker 3>what do you think You know you do in those

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<v Speaker 3>situations where it's your family, but you might have to

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<v Speaker 3>cut it off, but now there's children involved that want

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<v Speaker 3>to see their grandparents. Thank you so much for everything

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<v Speaker 3>you do for the community.

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<v Speaker 1>Ooh Anna, thank you for reading my book, and thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for taking the time, and thank you for loving

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<v Speaker 1>me and all those beautiful things till your sister I

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<v Speaker 1>said hello. Now, pertaining to your question, Anna, I say

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<v Speaker 1>this a lot on the pod because it's I'm speaking

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<v Speaker 1>from experience. I've had to, unfortunately love people in my

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<v Speaker 1>family and my extended family from Afar. It's not an

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<v Speaker 1>easy decision at all, but I just feel very strongly

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<v Speaker 1>about that, you know, because it is your mom. We

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<v Speaker 1>do have to honor and respect our parents. But if

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<v Speaker 1>you feel that your mom is causing you more pain

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<v Speaker 1>than good, then it's okay for you to step back

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit. Yes, kids are involved, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think that the kids should be put in the middle.

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<v Speaker 1>So in my opinion, I think that you should still

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<v Speaker 1>allow the kids to see their grandparents, drop them off,

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<v Speaker 1>pick them up. You don't have to go in there,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to say hello. You can say from

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<v Speaker 1>hello from Afar. You can still be cordial. That doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>mean that, you know, if you're wanting to create space,

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't mean that you can't say hello and be

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<v Speaker 1>respectful to your mother, you know, because you have to

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<v Speaker 1>also show that to your children that you're a respectful daughter.

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<v Speaker 1>If you want to be respected as a mother, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>that's important. That's my personal opinion. Now, if your mom

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<v Speaker 1>starts speaking about you in a bad way to your children,

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<v Speaker 1>then you're going to have to make the decision of like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what, I don't like the way you're expressing

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<v Speaker 1>yourself or the things that you're saying because you're not

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<v Speaker 1>teaching my children something good and speaking bad about me.

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<v Speaker 1>Then then you can take that decision of saying, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna separate my children from you until they're old

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<v Speaker 1>enough to make their own decisions to come and see you.

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<v Speaker 1>But there has to be a reason, you know. That's

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<v Speaker 1>just my opinion. That's my advice to you. If you

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<v Speaker 1>feel it in your heart, it's okay. It's okay for

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<v Speaker 1>you to love from afar and still check on her,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, but you don't have to go and have

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<v Speaker 1>dinner or you know, be there at Christmas and stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're wanting to create a strong, stable home for

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<v Speaker 1>your children as well, and that has a lot to

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<v Speaker 1>do with how you feel and you want good energy

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<v Speaker 1>around you. So that is what I think. And it

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<v Speaker 1>is a hard decision, and she's not going to be

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<v Speaker 1>happy about it. But I think letting her know I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to create a little bit of space because you

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<v Speaker 1>hurt my feelings or because it's hard for us to communicate,

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's good. Or you don't say anything at

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<v Speaker 1>all and you just create that little space. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>but don't speak bad about your mother to your children.

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<v Speaker 1>That don't do that. That's just my opinion. Again, do

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<v Speaker 1>whatever you want, but that's just me being the big sister. Okay, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>Last question comes from hove.

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<v Speaker 4>Hi Tiki. I am a huge fan of you and

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<v Speaker 4>of your mom's Obviously, me and my sister have been

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<v Speaker 4>listening to your mom's songs ever since I was like

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<v Speaker 4>I want to say, nine, ten years old, and of

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<v Speaker 4>yours since you started singing. I love a bet Rena.

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<v Speaker 4>I love the amanthis too. Like I sing those songs

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<v Speaker 4>with like full blast every time I'm going to work

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<v Speaker 4>or whenever somebody does some shady shit to my siblings

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<v Speaker 4>or me, I blast those songs hell aloud.

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<v Speaker 3>But I have a question.

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<v Speaker 4>In your show, chikisen Field throw you say that before

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<v Speaker 4>things used to bug you, but ever since you found yourself,

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<v Speaker 4>whatever other people say about you, it doesn't bug you anymore.

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<v Speaker 4>My question is how did you find yourself? I don't

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<v Speaker 4>really know who like myself is and I always get

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<v Speaker 4>so pissed whenever any little inconvenience comes in. Thank you

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<v Speaker 4>so much. I hope you have a great day. And

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<v Speaker 4>I love your podcast as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Havy. I love that you love my podcast

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<v Speaker 1>and that you love my songs. That makes me so happy. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So the journey to finding yourself is exactly that. It's

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<v Speaker 1>a journey. It is something that is going to happen

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<v Speaker 1>a lot throughout your life because we change so much.

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<v Speaker 1>It's crazy because I feel like I stepped into my

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<v Speaker 1>power literally two years ago, and it was around the

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<v Speaker 1>time that I brought out Arena, and I just I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know how to even explain how it happened. I

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<v Speaker 1>just remember reading a book, and the book saying that

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<v Speaker 1>not to see your job as your job if not

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<v Speaker 1>like a calling, like what you're meant to do and

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<v Speaker 1>how you're helping people. And every time that you see

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<v Speaker 1>things that way, and that's what really helps me. I'm like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>my purpose is to help, is to inspire and to empower.

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<v Speaker 1>Like it just I was like people that don't like me,

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<v Speaker 1>like who cares but it took so long to get

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<v Speaker 1>to that point, and I can't even tell you that

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<v Speaker 1>it was just one specific thing. I think it just

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<v Speaker 1>it happened with age, with maturity, with understanding that no

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<v Speaker 1>matter what, I am meant to be here and I

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<v Speaker 1>am meant to do what I'm doing, and even if

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<v Speaker 1>some people don't agree with that, it's not my problem,

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<v Speaker 1>it's theirs, you know. And of course I still get upset.

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<v Speaker 1>It just all depends, like if someone says something that's

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<v Speaker 1>like out of line or like totally off the wall

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm just like what it doesn't bother me the

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<v Speaker 1>way I used to, But I'm just like, dude, why

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<v Speaker 1>are people so mean?

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<v Speaker 3>You know?

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's like, dude, like find get a life. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>A person that's happy is not going to sit there

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<v Speaker 1>and talk shit about you.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>So anyways, it it's it takes time. It's like I said,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a journey. And right now it's crazy because right

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<v Speaker 1>now I'm going through another phase in my life where

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Okay, I know what my calling is, but

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of want to switch a little bit. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going through another change. It's seasons in our life,

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<v Speaker 1>so I can't even tell you when it happens, but

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<v Speaker 1>it will happen the more you practice, Like I love myself,

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<v Speaker 1>I love who I am. I know what my value is,

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<v Speaker 1>what I bring to the table in people's lives. And

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<v Speaker 1>you know that you're living with intent, with good intentions

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<v Speaker 1>to help others, to be a good human being on

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<v Speaker 1>this earth. All of that just gives you so much

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<v Speaker 1>confidence to just be you and step into your power

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<v Speaker 1>and into your light, you know. So it's a little

0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.560
<v Speaker 1>bit of a lot of things. So I don't know,

0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.120
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I hopefully I you know, with what I said.

0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.679
<v Speaker 1>Something stuck, you know. But it's still even now, I'm

0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.760
<v Speaker 1>still on this journey of like still trying to find

0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:35.000
<v Speaker 1>myself in this new season of my life that I'm

0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.360
<v Speaker 1>going to step into that I'm planning for. So just

0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:42.640
<v Speaker 1>be patient with yourself and don't, as hard as it is,

0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:46.760
<v Speaker 1>try to just oh, yulos, just keep focused on what

0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:51.679
<v Speaker 1>you're doing. Hopefully I answered your question. Thank you happy.

0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.560
<v Speaker 1>By the way, that concludes this episode, You guys of

0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.560
<v Speaker 1>Dear Cheeky's, we had very very good questions. I hope

0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:59.959
<v Speaker 1>that I was able to help. And if you have

0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:03.560
<v Speaker 1>a question you watching your listening. Please leave it at

0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.200
<v Speaker 1>speakpipe dot com, slash cheesys, and show podcast. It could

0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:09.960
<v Speaker 1>be about anything anything, my personal life, your life, your

0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.640
<v Speaker 1>friend's life, whoever's I will give you the best advice

0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I possibly could give you. Okay. This is a production

0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:23.679
<v Speaker 1>of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura podcast Network. Follow us on

0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Instagram at Mike Withdura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's

0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.920
<v Speaker 1>c h i q u y s. For more podcasts

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<v Speaker 1>from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

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<v Speaker 1>you listen to your favorite shows.