WEBVTT - Are We Really Friends?

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<v Speaker 1>Breaking news, guys. I Erica Nicole Dickerson. I'm in a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship again with the same.

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<v Speaker 2>Person for the fourth time as we're obsessed.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm back in my relationship. We're working it out.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought I wanted to be in the streets, but

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<v Speaker 1>then I said, no, I don't want to be Take

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<v Speaker 1>me back, please, I don't want to go back to

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<v Speaker 1>the streets. I don't want to be in the streets.

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<v Speaker 1>The streets are not the streets are not good. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to be there. Welcome back to good Mom's

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<v Speaker 1>bad choices. I'm Erica, and I'm Miila. Happy Wednesday, y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>Happy hump Day tribe.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for joining us again and again and again and

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<v Speaker 1>again and again and again and again.

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<v Speaker 2>I think around episode like two hundred and seventy six

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<v Speaker 2>or something like that.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, I know, I'm really proud of us.

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<v Speaker 2>That's crazy because.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't I know, like I have a podcast, but

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<v Speaker 1>I don't like to talk that much. I think I

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<v Speaker 1>only talk here and then I'm silent.

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<v Speaker 2>I think you talked.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyone wants to talk to me. I get really irritated

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<v Speaker 1>with I'm like, do you know how much I just

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<v Speaker 1>fucking talked today one hour straight.

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<v Speaker 2>Most people were talking that much just because so consider

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<v Speaker 2>yourself lucky you have you're talking with the purpose most

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<v Speaker 2>of the time.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the comments we went to go look on

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<v Speaker 1>every now and then we read your comments.

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<v Speaker 2>Guys.

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<v Speaker 1>For the most part, our comments or are sorry, our

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<v Speaker 1>reviews are really positive. However, I did notice a bit

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<v Speaker 1>in the in the reviews said that we ramble, and

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<v Speaker 1>that might be true. You might have listened to a

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<v Speaker 1>rambling ass episode. I feel like we, for the most part,

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<v Speaker 1>we have a good structure happening these days, but in

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<v Speaker 1>the early days there's a lot of rambling.

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<v Speaker 2>Probably I figured that she's just not familiar with the show,

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<v Speaker 2>because this is the part where we it's not even rambling.

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<v Speaker 2>We're just saying, hey, what's up. That's how you start

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<v Speaker 2>a phone call. You don't just jump into the topic.

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<v Speaker 2>You get there. She's like, teach me, show me this great.

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<v Speaker 2>She's used to some very highly designed podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, there are some podcasts that are very structured, and

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<v Speaker 1>they are great. Those are great, Those are great for

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<v Speaker 1>certain people, are even great for me. I enjoy those two.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like she must have been a Capricorn or something. Listening,

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<v Speaker 1>she was expecting structure off the bat.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I expect that in real life conversations structure.

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<v Speaker 2>I just want you to get to the point quickly. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I realize I have no patience for like too much talking,

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<v Speaker 2>probably because I'm talking myself so often. But I realized that, like,

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<v Speaker 2>if people are drawing out his story, it ear ritates me,

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<v Speaker 2>like irritates me. And I was like, if you need

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<v Speaker 2>to have more patience in your life, and like someone

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<v Speaker 2>just I was somewhere and they're telling a very drawn

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<v Speaker 2>out story, and I was just like, please get to

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<v Speaker 2>the point. And I looked around at everyone else and

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<v Speaker 2>they seem very patient, you know. And I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>You know sometimes, you know, and it annoys me when

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, bitch, can you read the room? Like read

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<v Speaker 1>the room?

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<v Speaker 2>People can't read the room?

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<v Speaker 1>Read I sometimes like can they not read the room

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<v Speaker 1>or did they just actively choose not to read the room?

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<v Speaker 2>I wish I was the type of person who couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>read the room.

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<v Speaker 1>I do too. I read the room, I know, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>I really Actually I am envious of that bitch that

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<v Speaker 1>told the drawn out story because the moment I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like my story is too long, I start stuttering and

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<v Speaker 1>then I'll just like end it.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like a lot of people too, so it

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't like there was a heavy energy. And I looked

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<v Speaker 2>around to be like, am I the only one who

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<v Speaker 2>feels like this is could have gotten a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>to the point quicker. And then I just realized, like

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't give myself enough like grace with time

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<v Speaker 2>because I don't have a lot of time because I'm

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<v Speaker 2>always in like work rush mode, and so everything in

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<v Speaker 2>my life also has to be under that time constraint,

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<v Speaker 2>including other people talking.

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<v Speaker 1>Know me, and people talking too much. I will zone

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<v Speaker 1>the fuck out fast, and it's not good. It's actually

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<v Speaker 1>like become a problem in my life because sometimes people

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<v Speaker 1>are saying important shit and they might say like two

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<v Speaker 1>words that I'm like mm mmm, and then it's like click,

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<v Speaker 1>turn off. Then I missed the whole point of the

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<v Speaker 1>whole conversation that was really important. I'm trying to retrain

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<v Speaker 1>my brain. I think that, like I have, I struggle

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<v Speaker 1>with active listening.

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<v Speaker 2>I struggle with active listening. So I try and then

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go out and I'll come back in, and why

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<v Speaker 2>are we going to.

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<v Speaker 1>Be interviewers that struggle with active listening.

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<v Speaker 2>I really focus when we were interviewing people because I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to look dumb. But sometimes I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 2>hope she's listening because I fucking miss that whole thing.

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<v Speaker 2>And sometimes people when like I Luna telling me stories,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, fuck, would she say I saw this episode

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<v Speaker 2>of Blackish? And they were and they did that. The

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<v Speaker 2>mom kept missing the important thing that the daughter was

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<v Speaker 2>telling her, and I was like, what a bit, And

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<v Speaker 2>then I started doing it. I was like, oh no, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I struggle for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I'm starting to catch on to my

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<v Speaker 1>really bad memory. She's really She's like, Mom, we talked

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<v Speaker 1>to this yesterday. Mom, you met her? You met that

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<v Speaker 1>person's mom. Like, I don't remember any of the mom's names,

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<v Speaker 1>and she's like, you've met her, and I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think I have. She's like, you have liked God,

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<v Speaker 1>she's gonna know I smoked weed too, you.

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<v Speaker 2>So one days I'm gonna tell her, like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>your mom doesn't remember shit because she's smoking weed. That

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<v Speaker 2>was another one of our comments. One of our reviews

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<v Speaker 2>was that was only one of like three bad reviews.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the Black Girl Fry from four years ago. I

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<v Speaker 2>told this guy at the bar, that's my favorite one.

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<v Speaker 2>It's my favorite one. And then there's uh, we ramble,

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<v Speaker 2>and then there's the third one is that we're promoting

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<v Speaker 2>bad parenting because all we do is get high, and

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<v Speaker 2>we're not promoting getting high. We just said it works

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<v Speaker 2>for us.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm getting high right now, are you about? I'm currently

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<v Speaker 1>getting smoking my little backwood. Is that the vanilla This

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<v Speaker 1>is the vanilla baby. That's only when I smoked with

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<v Speaker 1>for these days. I was on the honey for a minute,

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<v Speaker 1>but now I'm straight vanilla baby, and my backwoods. Rolling

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<v Speaker 1>skills are different. I don't know. You rolled them like

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<v Speaker 1>this way, right, that's how you roll them?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I am not my backwards rolling it's different.

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<v Speaker 1>It is because, like I had to figure out this shit, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>because I started smoking backwards because I liked them, But

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<v Speaker 1>then I couldn't roll them, so then I felt very slow,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I just had to figure out my own

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<v Speaker 1>special way. I don't know, what are you doing different? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>when Stephanie showed us how to roll it backwood at

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<v Speaker 1>our retreat, she rolled it this way like she was.

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<v Speaker 2>Rolling it she's rolling it the way you unraveled it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I roll it like a joint like this way.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, I kind of see. Yeah, there's different ways.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like people are like backwood rolling elitists. There

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<v Speaker 1>are Oh you didn't roll it the right way. I'm like, bitch,

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<v Speaker 1>who made you the backwood expert? Ho? So this is

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<v Speaker 1>how I rolled my joints. This is how this backwards

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<v Speaker 1>getting rolled.

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<v Speaker 2>Bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so that's what's happening here.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well how are you? How are you?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm good? I actually I think I am fucking sad.

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna have to rip this little piece off boom.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm good, I'm great, I'm tam I have braids in you.

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<v Speaker 2>Guys, we both have braids. You know when two bitches

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<v Speaker 2>have the same productive style, Know what that means. We're

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<v Speaker 2>on our way to the good Vibeer tree. We both

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<v Speaker 2>have braids, so it means we're in retreat healer mode.

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<v Speaker 2>We're leaving in less than forty eight hours to go

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<v Speaker 2>host our first good vibe or tree in sightly to Mexico.

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<v Speaker 2>You're still roaming for the second trip. If you're a

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<v Speaker 2>last minute bitch, now is the time to book the

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<v Speaker 2>second week. First week sold out. But if you are

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<v Speaker 2>listening to this and it's before July twelfth, pull up bonus.

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<v Speaker 1>Use pull up bomb, and use code Meditate for five

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<v Speaker 1>hundred dollars.

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<v Speaker 2>Off, you deserve a vacation. I know, I really, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>really looking forward to.

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<v Speaker 1>This me too. I can't fucking wait. This is just

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<v Speaker 1>a whole new vibe. We've never taken the girls to Mexico,

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<v Speaker 1>and there's just different offerings too. I'm really excited about

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<v Speaker 1>the to Mescal Sweat Lodge experience, the Clay Beach experience,

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<v Speaker 1>just the food, the culture, the property is so fucking beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just a different vibe. Like we're on the ocean,

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<v Speaker 1>Like every room is ocean front. We're in Costa Rica,

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<v Speaker 1>we're near we're near the ocean, but we're really like

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<v Speaker 1>tucked away in the jungle. So I just feel like

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<v Speaker 1>some magical shit is gonna happen, and I just can't wait.

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<v Speaker 2>Every single retreat, magical shit happens. And I recently came

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<v Speaker 2>back from a retreat for my Tantra certification that I

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<v Speaker 2>will be done with in six months, God willing.

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<v Speaker 1>My God, I'm gonna start in six months again. I

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<v Speaker 1>can't believe they did that to me.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I thought you kind have pushed it to

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<v Speaker 2>the medal. I'm happy.

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<v Speaker 1>I was too stressful.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm stressed, right, I couldn't have done Can you tell

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<v Speaker 2>I'm stressed?

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<v Speaker 1>Right? I couldn't have done it. I was like, I

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<v Speaker 1>will wait.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm you know. I thought like maybe God made

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<v Speaker 2>us do something separately because I went to the retreat

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<v Speaker 2>the first time. I've been nervous about it for months.

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<v Speaker 2>But then I went to retreat and there was forty

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<v Speaker 2>people that I only saw on zoom like six times

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<v Speaker 2>this year, maybe twelve on zoom. But I was just like,

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<v Speaker 2>how am I? How am I nervous about something that

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<v Speaker 2>I ask people to do? Come to a foreign country

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<v Speaker 2>by yourself, You'll make friends, don't worry.

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<v Speaker 1>It's totally fine. Don't be a pussy.

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<v Speaker 2>But then it was totally fine. And it's like literally

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<v Speaker 2>every time any I think any type of retreat, when

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<v Speaker 2>people come with like open minds and open hearts, beautiful

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<v Speaker 2>things happen when you make when you create that container.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I definitely had about your new favorite word container.

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<v Speaker 1>You've been saying it a lot lately.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'm talking about the containers I've been in.

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<v Speaker 1>Is it like a tantra word that they said a

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<v Speaker 1>lot at the retreat?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>It has to be, because it is the bit you've

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<v Speaker 1>been using that I've heard your lease say it ten times.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I'm talking about my retreat, Okay, But I just

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<v Speaker 1>never heard you say this word ever in our five years,

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<v Speaker 1>seven year friendship. They just they just even noticed that

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<v Speaker 1>she's been saying container a lot to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Did She's known you five years and they think you

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<v Speaker 2>can't pull out in new vocabulary.

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<v Speaker 1>You never said you in my life, I've never heard

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<v Speaker 1>you say this word, and you've said it at least

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<v Speaker 1>seven times to me. And I'm like, okay, maybe because

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<v Speaker 1>you asked that maybe my tanger retreat and I was

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<v Speaker 1>expressing to you what a beautiful container it was.

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<v Speaker 2>Because that is a word that I'm using correctly.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not using it correctly. I'm just acknowledging. I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>purely pointing out that you've learned a new vocabulary and

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<v Speaker 1>it just can't stop using it.

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<v Speaker 2>Containers not a new word. So I think you are

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<v Speaker 2>just putting me in a box. You won't let me

0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:30.240
<v Speaker 2>expand out of or my vocabulary. How dare you?

0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.000
<v Speaker 1>How dare you learn another word without me? How when

0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:35.760
<v Speaker 1>on one retreat you learn new words?

0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:37.440
<v Speaker 2>You know what else I've been saying? I thought, you

0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:37.800
<v Speaker 2>know word?

0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.240
<v Speaker 1>I haven't I used what I'm I cappy with that word.

0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:41.800
<v Speaker 2>You know what other word I've been using a lot?

0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:43.640
<v Speaker 2>In gorge?

0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.800
<v Speaker 1>Please don't use that word. That's not like a cute word.

0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.320
<v Speaker 2>You don't even know how I used it. I didn't

0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:52.480
<v Speaker 2>tell you the sentence, will go ahead? What the fuck

0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:57.120
<v Speaker 2>is your problem? You can't put your yone egg in

0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.839
<v Speaker 2>until you're becoming gorged? You know it. First of all,

0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:03.840
<v Speaker 2>there's nothing ill about being gorged.

0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:05.839
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to hear about my puss. I never

0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.800
<v Speaker 1>want the word my vagina and in gorged to be

0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.280
<v Speaker 1>in one sentence together.

0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.680
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, you find a new word for your vulva

0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:20.080
<v Speaker 2>being filled with blood fluffed erect, the clitoris becomes erect.

0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I know that's also a term that they say, and

0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.240
<v Speaker 1>that's true. But I feel like we can we can

0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:27.439
<v Speaker 1>find better words.

0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:31.160
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, left, I had a great time at my retreat,

0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:34.480
<v Speaker 2>A lot of people that I probably would have never

0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 2>met otherwise.

0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:41.080
<v Speaker 1>I should do this.

0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:43.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh, now, my phone's dying. You think we should cut

0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:48.560
<v Speaker 2>it off. Now we're going live on Instagram while we're

0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.800
<v Speaker 2>recording this episode. We're trying new things. Honey up that

0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.280
<v Speaker 2>blunt honey up, look beautiful.

0:11:55.320 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 1>It is, look right. Besides the end, I rolled it

0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.120
<v Speaker 1>like a joint and like all you blackwoods elitists can

0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.800
<v Speaker 1>kiss my ask. It's just how I roll my backwards. Now,

0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:08.839
<v Speaker 1>you don't have to put your whole fucking mouth over

0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:11.040
<v Speaker 1>the blank, because that would be that actually would irritate

0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:11.520
<v Speaker 1>the funk.

0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:14.400
<v Speaker 2>People who usually rolled would do so much.

0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:19.520
<v Speaker 1>It's they put the whole. They like this. It's kind

0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:21.760
<v Speaker 1>of how much a whole they like suck it like

0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:23.800
<v Speaker 1>a little dick. It's erotic, and they put their whole

0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.920
<v Speaker 1>fucking mouth on it and have the audacity then pass

0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.120
<v Speaker 1>it to me. I'm like, obviously did this to you,

0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.480
<v Speaker 1>and I've seen it done by like a lot of rappers.

0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:33.480
<v Speaker 2>As soon as you said that, I just saw a

0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 2>lot of like it's very spitty backward many times in

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.319
<v Speaker 2>my in my life like that. You don't overdo it.

0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.640
<v Speaker 2>If you do too much, that's not it's perfect. Yeah,

0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:48.560
<v Speaker 2>new couch, it's not the couch, is it. It's gonna

0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.880
<v Speaker 2>it's gonna be hard to to like if it's too.

0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:56.000
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, it's perfect, it's perfect.

0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.760
<v Speaker 2>Just hair. It's really getting on my nurse this morning.

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.160
<v Speaker 2>Ill we word add. I'm like, ell, that's anyway. No,

0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:03.240
<v Speaker 2>that's perfect, I'm perfect.

0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:07.360
<v Speaker 1>Fuck is rough? Don't be in on my confidence today.

0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.079
<v Speaker 1>Yesterday I was spiraling on the stories. So today I

0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:10.600
<v Speaker 1>feel better?

0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:12.280
<v Speaker 2>Are you spiraling?

0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.319
<v Speaker 1>I just woke up and I was like, I felt depressed.

0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:15.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I told you that yesterday. I was like,

0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:16.640
<v Speaker 1>am I active? Am I?

0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:16.840
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:19.720
<v Speaker 1>What did I say? Am I high? Active? Depressed? I know,

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:22.959
<v Speaker 1>highly functioning, highly functioning depressed person. I was like, cause,

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:25.199
<v Speaker 1>I'm getting shit done, but I'm sad the whole time.

0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.079
<v Speaker 1>Or I'm just like I'm tired. I took a nap

0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:28.560
<v Speaker 1>where you were at my house the other day? When

0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:29.280
<v Speaker 1>do I take naps?

0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:30.760
<v Speaker 2>Right, we've been traveling.

0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.520
<v Speaker 1>I never take naps. I was napped, and then I

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 1>don't have my computer broke. I have been without a

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:37.040
<v Speaker 1>computer for damn near month.

0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:39.640
<v Speaker 2>Ab though I'm taking a nap, I feel.

0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:43.839
<v Speaker 1>Handicapped without my computer, and so it's I think it's

0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:45.160
<v Speaker 1>actually making me sad.

0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.240
<v Speaker 2>And probably making your mind rest like it's intended.

0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:51.280
<v Speaker 1>No, because we have shit to do and I can't

0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.440
<v Speaker 1>do it for my phone, and my phone gives me anxiety.

0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 1>So therefore my computer is usually like the thing that

0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:57.800
<v Speaker 1>helps me get off my phone that I can get

0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.440
<v Speaker 1>shit done more effectively, and so now have to be

0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:02.280
<v Speaker 1>I was supposed to send an email like three days ago,

0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.000
<v Speaker 1>and I just can't because I have to do it

0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.440
<v Speaker 1>for my phone and it's kind of an It's an

0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.040
<v Speaker 1>intense email that requires links and things, and I've just

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:10.680
<v Speaker 1>been avoiding it.

0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:12.720
<v Speaker 2>I guess these are Lando's computer because my computer is

0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.439
<v Speaker 2>now not going to get there for the girls get there,

0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.360
<v Speaker 2>and I need to study anyway.

0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.240
<v Speaker 1>So when I was spiraling, I decided to go outside

0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:24.640
<v Speaker 1>and go for a run because I've also been in

0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>my overeating phase. I don't know about anyone else. I

0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:31.720
<v Speaker 1>don't know if this is like a trigger moment, trigger advisory,

0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:37.000
<v Speaker 1>but I talk about this in the book too, Like

0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:40.320
<v Speaker 1>I've always struggled with like good eating habits, and sometimes

0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.360
<v Speaker 1>like when I'm either when I'm depressed, I won't eat

0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:47.680
<v Speaker 1>it all, or I overeat, like excessively overeat, like to

0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.000
<v Speaker 1>the point where I feel sick and I've been noticing

0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.440
<v Speaker 1>that I've been doing that lately, like late night, where

0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:54.800
<v Speaker 1>I've just been eating lots of ice cream late at

0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 1>night and then eating like three tortillas with butter, and

0:14:57.800 --> 0:14:59.880
<v Speaker 1>then I know it's gross.

0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:03.240
<v Speaker 2>Three like just tortillas was butter, and by itself, it's

0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:03.520
<v Speaker 2>just not.

0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:05.040
<v Speaker 1>Da calls it the.

0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:06.440
<v Speaker 2>Mexican pinion butter and jelly.

0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 1>But that's because my grandma made that for me when

0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:09.680
<v Speaker 1>I was a kid. She would put the tortilla on

0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.360
<v Speaker 1>the stove. She put some butter, little salt, pepper, maybe

0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:15.120
<v Speaker 1>some garlic powder. Roll that bitch up and it's fucking delicious.

0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.000
<v Speaker 2>It is sounds like a kid's neck. It's I think, yeah,

0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:19.080
<v Speaker 2>that is a kid snack for sure.

0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 1>It's so good. But nobody needs to eat three of

0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:26.040
<v Speaker 1>those and ice cream fucking sandwich. Nobody. So I woke

0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.120
<v Speaker 1>up and I was like, bitch, what's wrong with you?

0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:30.720
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you need to go move your body.

0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:32.480
<v Speaker 1>So I went for a run, and I like was

0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.920
<v Speaker 1>had an attitude the whole time I was running, like

0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:36.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to do this shit. And then the

0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:38.720
<v Speaker 1>moment I got back to my house, I was like, huh,

0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel better, and then I put makeup on. I

0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:46.200
<v Speaker 1>was like, you're fine, like all like, you're fine and

0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.560
<v Speaker 1>and awl, so you're fine. And then I put clothes on.

0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh my god, they still fit. Thank god.

0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:52.760
<v Speaker 2>Three tourtias later they still fit.

0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:54.520
<v Speaker 1>They was a little tight, they were a little tighty

0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:56.480
<v Speaker 1>shorts are a little tight right now. But and then

0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:58.720
<v Speaker 1>I said, Okay, today is a new day. You can

0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:00.560
<v Speaker 1>start over. And that's why today were supposed to bet

0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.840
<v Speaker 1>at ten. And I said, no, I need to go

0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 1>run again because I got to like keep the momentum going,

0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 1>because I'm not going to fall into this weird cycle

0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.880
<v Speaker 1>of low high functioning depression.

0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:15.560
<v Speaker 2>That you that you self prescribed self. What is it

0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.920
<v Speaker 2>self diagnosed? Self diagnosed yourself with Yesterday, Yes.

0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:23.520
<v Speaker 1>I decided to not engorge myself with tortillas and ice

0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>cream and instead be active, beautiful.

0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:33.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy for you. Anyway, what else has been

0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:35.400
<v Speaker 2>going on? We haven't caught up in quite some time.

0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:37.920
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's been a minute since we've been here.

0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:42.640
<v Speaker 2>I think i've the last four weeks I've been in town.

0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:46.560
<v Speaker 2>One week I went to we went to Miami, I

0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:49.720
<v Speaker 2>went to Philadelphia, I went to Mexico and now I'm

0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:56.840
<v Speaker 2>going to Mexico again, traveling ass bitch. I prayed for this.

0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:58.840
<v Speaker 2>I guess you could be careful what you pray for.

0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.120
<v Speaker 1>Well, you know what I really I don't like being home.

0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:03.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel you.

0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.520
<v Speaker 1>When I was getting on the plane to go, secretly

0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:13.679
<v Speaker 1>surprised my nigga that almost went haywire. I got on,

0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.199
<v Speaker 1>I got on the plane, I was like, I was

0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.359
<v Speaker 1>just out of town like five days ago, like a

0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.320
<v Speaker 1>week ago. I went to Orlando with his family or

0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:23.720
<v Speaker 1>whatever the fuck I did, and I was like, why

0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:25.639
<v Speaker 1>am I? Why am I leaving again? Well, because I

0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:26.920
<v Speaker 1>miss him and I'm not going to see him for

0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.479
<v Speaker 1>like over probably like a month and a half. But

0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:31.400
<v Speaker 1>b I think it's I just don't like being here.

0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:35.920
<v Speaker 1>I really actively like searching flights like that is my hobby. No,

0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.080
<v Speaker 1>that turns me on. I've been searching for hotels in

0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:43.960
<v Speaker 1>Europe for three weeks, like gleefully haven't booked one.

0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:45.760
<v Speaker 2>I'd like to look at stuff too. I really want

0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.320
<v Speaker 2>to go to Bali. I really want to. Yeah. I

0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:50.359
<v Speaker 2>like to move around, and I like, is really not

0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:55.439
<v Speaker 2>that exciting. It's not an exciting place. It generally has good,

0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.720
<v Speaker 2>some good restaurants, mostly sushi, and it's good weather. But

0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:02.439
<v Speaker 2>like other than that, someone was asking me where to go,

0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:03.760
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, I don't go out in LA

0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.359
<v Speaker 2>unless my friend's having a live show.

0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:09.439
<v Speaker 1>I did start writing things down because I'm tired of people.

0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Orlando. I'm tired of people asking me what

0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.159
<v Speaker 1>to do in LA And like, I went to a

0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.439
<v Speaker 1>random brunch the other day that I found on Yelp,

0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.200
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, this was great. I should write

0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:21.520
<v Speaker 1>this down so people know when they come, like where

0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:23.120
<v Speaker 1>I should where I can tell them where to go.

0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:25.720
<v Speaker 1>I went to another spot. I was like, I should

0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:29.240
<v Speaker 1>write this down because I really don't. I really don't

0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.840
<v Speaker 1>go out so every now and then I when I do,

0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I just won't forget. Later on, six months later, when

0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.080
<v Speaker 1>someone asks me what to do.

0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:38.040
<v Speaker 2>People tell me something, and then like one year later,

0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:39.359
<v Speaker 2>I text them like, did you say a lot of

0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:41.840
<v Speaker 2>scargo on Thursday? And did? I say? I'm gonna go?

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.760
<v Speaker 2>And then I don't because it gets eight o'clock and

0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:45.880
<v Speaker 2>I realized, no, I'm not.

0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh we don't see and I forget because there

0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:49.840
<v Speaker 1>is a good night of Latist gargo.

0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:51.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there is that you tell me about seventeen months

0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:55.040
<v Speaker 2>about Tuesdays and it's salsa class. I think it's Tuesday,

0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:56.800
<v Speaker 2>Wednesday and Thursday. I don't know, but I literally I

0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:00.000
<v Speaker 2>text in every six months to ask her about it

0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.480
<v Speaker 2>and with intentions to go and then never go. And

0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:06.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm a just in case anyone wants to know random

0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.720
<v Speaker 2>fact about Mela. I'm a top notch, exceptionally bomb ass

0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:14.240
<v Speaker 2>salsa dancer, every salsa dancing in Mexico because everybody needs

0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:15.000
<v Speaker 2>to see these moves.

0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:16.960
<v Speaker 1>We'll go out and we'll find some sauces.

0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we need to go do some salcea dancing. So yeah,

0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:27.439
<v Speaker 2>La is not it, but apparently everywhere else is well.

0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:29.320
<v Speaker 1>I try to sneak away. I did. I snuck away

0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:31.080
<v Speaker 1>to New York. I didn't tell anyone except my friends

0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.920
<v Speaker 1>because I'm still in my thirties, terrified of my mother

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:36.920
<v Speaker 1>and didn't want her to know where I was at.

0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:38.639
<v Speaker 1>So if you know her, shut the fuck up.

0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:44.560
<v Speaker 2>She's good. That's a rap. Too late now and you

0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:47.400
<v Speaker 2>decided to tell them story soon? You know, usually lie

0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:48.879
<v Speaker 2>and you tell the story six months later, so it

0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:51.639
<v Speaker 2>seemed to lose it. This is coming out pretty soon, bitch.

0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:53.960
<v Speaker 2>I yeah.

0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:55.239
<v Speaker 1>I was just like, you know what, let me go

0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:57.240
<v Speaker 1>pull up on this man real quick. And so I

0:19:57.280 --> 0:19:58.760
<v Speaker 1>went over there and.

0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:01.480
<v Speaker 2>Not pull up on this man? Do you want to?

0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:03.560
<v Speaker 2>I think our listeners are confused. I think like some

0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:04.919
<v Speaker 2>weeks you say you have a boyfriend, and then some

0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:06.320
<v Speaker 2>weeks she was like, oh yeah, my nigga, and they're

0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:07.480
<v Speaker 2>probably like, bitch, should.

0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:08.080
<v Speaker 1>I hard launch again?

0:20:08.359 --> 0:20:12.080
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I just feel some type of like clear like

0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:15.240
<v Speaker 2>transparency to our community. I know every other week Erica

0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:18.360
<v Speaker 2>has a new relationship status, but like she's back on.

0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:20.280
<v Speaker 2>So I just wanted to not to preference that because

0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:22.520
<v Speaker 2>I think everyone is in the car like I am bitch,

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:25.080
<v Speaker 2>and I'm.

0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:26.920
<v Speaker 1>Happy because everyone's in the car like A'm bitch.

0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:29.040
<v Speaker 2>And right now they're like, yeah, I'm happy he said

0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.280
<v Speaker 2>something bitch, I know, because she's gonna trying to smooth

0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:32.320
<v Speaker 2>clean go around that.

0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 1>But no, okay, so here goes guys, breaking news. I

0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:45.920
<v Speaker 1>am no longer it's cool. Okay, Wow, you really ruining

0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:47.880
<v Speaker 1>my fucking hard lodge with your coughs.

0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:49.720
<v Speaker 2>That's kind of how it happened in real life when

0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:50.200
<v Speaker 2>she told me.

0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:57.119
<v Speaker 1>Oh, okay, I'm just we broke up, but not really.

0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:01.320
<v Speaker 2>But she's a friend who keeps breaking them, getting by

0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:03.280
<v Speaker 2>it together and keeps re launching to her friends. Your

0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:05.440
<v Speaker 2>mom just heard you talk about talk about her life.

0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:06.960
<v Speaker 2>Her mom just called her you guys because she told

0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:10.600
<v Speaker 2>her she heard her through thin air say I lied

0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:11.800
<v Speaker 2>to you, and now she called.

0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 1>Mom. Let me call you back.

0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:19.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay, are you with Princess Jasmin? Yes?

0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Call her iPad. I never never can do that. Okay, Bye. Anyway,

0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:29.840
<v Speaker 1>real life shit happening, guys. Okay, so let me do

0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:38.080
<v Speaker 1>that again. Breaking news, guys. I Erica Nicole Dickerson. I'm

0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.359
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship again with the same person.

0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 2>For the fourth time.

0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:46.159
<v Speaker 1>As we're obsessed. Wait, what's all We're were listening to

0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:47.920
<v Speaker 1>a fucking poor minds. You're like, this is you, bitch?

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:52.560
<v Speaker 1>It was the it was the fucking Usher song. Yeah,

0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:56.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm back in my relationship. We're working it out. I

0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:58.400
<v Speaker 1>thought I wanted to be in the streets, but then

0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:00.520
<v Speaker 1>I said, no, I don't want to be Take me back, please,

0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:01.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to go back to the streets. I

0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:03.560
<v Speaker 1>don't want to be in the streets. The streets are

0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:05.200
<v Speaker 1>not the streets are not good. I don't want to

0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:05.520
<v Speaker 1>be there.

0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:10.400
<v Speaker 2>The streets aren't great. Streets aren't great. Yeah, and so.

0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:12.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm back with my with my my relationship. It's been

0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:18.280
<v Speaker 1>a journey. It's been challenging, it's rewarding. My friend is

0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:21.280
<v Speaker 1>laughing at me, but that's okay because I've I've supported

0:22:21.280 --> 0:22:22.200
<v Speaker 1>her through much worse.

0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:23.480
<v Speaker 2>What do you mean, much worse?

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:26.280
<v Speaker 1>I've supported you through a lot of relationships.

0:22:26.400 --> 0:22:29.240
<v Speaker 2>I've never been you always say this. This is you know,

0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:33.480
<v Speaker 2>like other podcasts, friends like are not friends. But it's

0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:36.320
<v Speaker 2>like you say the same shit about me and mere

0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:38.119
<v Speaker 2>arguing about the same ship. I haven't been in a

0:22:38.119 --> 0:22:40.120
<v Speaker 2>lot of relationships in the last five years, not a lot.

0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:42.680
<v Speaker 1>You've been in a challenging relationships ported you through.

0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:44.720
<v Speaker 2>Oh okay. You say one time you said I was

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:46.919
<v Speaker 2>always in a relationship, and I'm like, that is not true.

0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:49.679
<v Speaker 1>Not a relationship, but you're in relationship. You've been in

0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:57.000
<v Speaker 1>relationships yeah, yeah, yeah too. So yeah, I'm just saying

0:22:57.040 --> 0:23:00.159
<v Speaker 1>that it's been a challenge. This relationship has challenged me

0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:04.560
<v Speaker 1>and him, and I feel really positive about the space

0:23:04.600 --> 0:23:10.160
<v Speaker 1>that I'm in with this person that I love. And

0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:10.600
<v Speaker 1>that's it.

0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:14.800
<v Speaker 2>Literally, I was listening to an episode and you're like,

0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:16.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm single, and I was like, gosh, she's gonna have

0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:18.640
<v Speaker 2>to update this recently.

0:23:18.760 --> 0:23:20.320
<v Speaker 1>So bish's real time home. I know.

0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:22.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm just saying this is real. I mean, it's real life.

0:23:22.600 --> 0:23:23.680
<v Speaker 1>I think everyone can relate.

0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:25.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying there's not a single person who can't relate.

0:23:25.720 --> 0:23:27.919
<v Speaker 2>Everyone has been back with the same one person, like

0:23:28.160 --> 0:23:31.480
<v Speaker 2>has redated a person. I don't really do.

0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:33.240
<v Speaker 1>That a lot. So that's why this has been really

0:23:33.240 --> 0:23:35.600
<v Speaker 1>weird for me, because I really be done well the

0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:37.960
<v Speaker 1>most part. I mean, I think maybe like one relationship

0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:39.840
<v Speaker 1>I took a I can't went back to with Happy

0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:44.120
<v Speaker 1>Bay for a sec. But for the most part, nah,

0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:47.840
<v Speaker 1>not a relationship relationship. But fuck buddy, maybe, I.

0:23:47.800 --> 0:23:50.040
<v Speaker 2>Mean, I mean, obviously, I don't think it needs to

0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:51.680
<v Speaker 2>be said. I hope that you know that I support

0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:54.879
<v Speaker 2>you in all of your decisions and you know, life's life.

0:23:55.560 --> 0:23:57.560
<v Speaker 2>And I think part of friendships is you may not

0:23:57.600 --> 0:24:00.240
<v Speaker 2>always understand or agree, but you're always gona support you friend.

0:24:00.240 --> 0:24:02.639
<v Speaker 2>You're like never going to be like I can't tell me, La,

0:24:02.680 --> 0:24:04.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, you're gonna tell me anything. I'm not gonna

0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:05.639
<v Speaker 2>judge you. I mean, I don't think we have a

0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:07.160
<v Speaker 2>lot of space to jut each other. And it's kind

0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:08.400
<v Speaker 2>of like the theme of.

0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:10.840
<v Speaker 1>Well, your faces sometimes make me feel like I don't

0:24:10.840 --> 0:24:12.719
<v Speaker 1>want to tell your shit if I'm being honest and

0:24:12.760 --> 0:24:14.680
<v Speaker 1>you laugh at me sometimes when I tell you things,

0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:15.360
<v Speaker 1>So then I'm.

0:24:15.160 --> 0:24:19.119
<v Speaker 2>Like, whatever I laughed at you about, like right now

0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:23.040
<v Speaker 2>about your relaunching a relationship. Yeah, I'm laughing because it's

0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:24.600
<v Speaker 2>funny that you know what he's saying.

0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:27.200
<v Speaker 1>But I'm just saying, like you, your faces often are

0:24:27.240 --> 0:24:28.080
<v Speaker 1>like bitch, m.

0:24:28.680 --> 0:24:30.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I can't help I think. I think I'm

0:24:30.960 --> 0:24:33.520
<v Speaker 2>always gonna be honest about my feeling, but I never

0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:35.399
<v Speaker 2>made it seem like you cannot tell me or cannot

0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:36.880
<v Speaker 2>come to me. I'm going to tell you the.

0:24:36.840 --> 0:24:40.720
<v Speaker 1>Truth, right, but if I get that face every time

0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 1>I bring this person up. I'm not saying this, I'm

0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:44.159
<v Speaker 1>just saying in general, but I do.

0:24:44.560 --> 0:24:47.000
<v Speaker 2>But I don't make that. I mean you have. It's

0:24:47.040 --> 0:24:50.359
<v Speaker 2>been over a year, right, So it's not every time.

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm just if you if you if you say one

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:56.080
<v Speaker 2>thing and then I say okay, and then you come

0:24:56.080 --> 0:24:58.680
<v Speaker 2>back and say something the opposite of that. You have

0:24:58.720 --> 0:25:04.120
<v Speaker 2>to understand where there's sometimes disconnection because the feelings are

0:25:04.200 --> 0:25:09.600
<v Speaker 2>changing and the even like us you telling me, not

0:25:09.640 --> 0:25:12.320
<v Speaker 2>me saying planting seeds. You will say one thing and

0:25:12.320 --> 0:25:14.840
<v Speaker 2>then come back and say something else, and I am

0:25:15.040 --> 0:25:18.359
<v Speaker 2>just trying to catch up. So you have to understand

0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:20.639
<v Speaker 2>as a friend, if you say, I'm not saying you

0:25:20.640 --> 0:25:22.439
<v Speaker 2>shouldn't tell me things, but if you say things that

0:25:22.480 --> 0:25:26.399
<v Speaker 2>are negative, and we can agree that there have been

0:25:26.440 --> 0:25:29.639
<v Speaker 2>things that are negative, and then come back and disregard

0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:33.360
<v Speaker 2>those things, my feelings are still.

0:25:33.160 --> 0:25:34.600
<v Speaker 1>You think I've disregarded them.

0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:38.120
<v Speaker 2>Not disregard them. But I as my friend, I always

0:25:38.119 --> 0:25:41.200
<v Speaker 2>want you just to do and be the best. And

0:25:41.760 --> 0:25:45.200
<v Speaker 2>it's not difficult, but it takes me time to catch

0:25:45.280 --> 0:25:47.959
<v Speaker 2>up to where you're at because it has changed on

0:25:48.000 --> 0:25:52.520
<v Speaker 2>a week to week basis. And yeah, that's just the truth.

0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:54.520
<v Speaker 2>It's like if I said something, you know.

0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:56.400
<v Speaker 1>But the same could be said about you, the same

0:25:56.400 --> 0:25:58.320
<v Speaker 1>could be said about other people. Like you've told me

0:25:58.560 --> 0:26:01.760
<v Speaker 1>about your relationship and said things that maybe I was like, oh,

0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:02.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't look that's not.

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:04.440
<v Speaker 2>Great, and the face is all the same and you

0:26:05.000 --> 0:26:07.040
<v Speaker 2>and you've been honest and how you feel about that

0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:08.640
<v Speaker 2>in those relationships?

0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:12.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay, right when I was when I was fucking off,

0:26:12.520 --> 0:26:14.320
<v Speaker 1>I have but There's been times where I've definitely bit

0:26:14.400 --> 0:26:16.160
<v Speaker 1>my tongue because you needed my support in that moment.

0:26:17.240 --> 0:26:19.240
<v Speaker 1>Not even gonna make a face, I'm just gonna say.

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:21.080
<v Speaker 2>And same, you can never come to me. I'm gonna

0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:23.600
<v Speaker 2>say that was dumb. This is on you, like I'm

0:26:23.600 --> 0:26:26.320
<v Speaker 2>always going to support you because everyone has been a

0:26:26.359 --> 0:26:30.880
<v Speaker 2>dumb bitch, including me, especially in relationships when there's dick

0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:36.160
<v Speaker 2>and niggas involved. That's the womanly way in ways we

0:26:36.240 --> 0:26:39.520
<v Speaker 2>are loyal to a fault. We nurture, we love hard.

0:26:39.600 --> 0:26:42.800
<v Speaker 2>That is what we do. That is the feminine, you know.

0:26:42.920 --> 0:26:45.080
<v Speaker 2>But it's not to judge you or to make you

0:26:45.080 --> 0:26:47.720
<v Speaker 2>feel like you can't come to me, because I know

0:26:47.800 --> 0:26:55.359
<v Speaker 2>I've done some really questionable boyfriends. I'm very very very aware,

0:26:55.920 --> 0:26:59.760
<v Speaker 2>So please don't let my faces prevent you from being

0:26:59.800 --> 0:27:03.640
<v Speaker 2>able to come to me. Because we're human, as does

0:27:03.760 --> 0:27:06.320
<v Speaker 2>anyone we date. And I realize there's going to be

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:10.919
<v Speaker 2>flaws and challenges and fuck ups. That's it like that,

0:27:11.240 --> 0:27:15.040
<v Speaker 2>nobody's exempt from that, And I'm not judging you. I'm

0:27:15.119 --> 0:27:18.160
<v Speaker 2>just here for the ride with you and hoping that

0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:24.640
<v Speaker 2>whoever you choose is worthy and takes the role seriously.

0:27:25.040 --> 0:27:26.840
<v Speaker 2>That's always my going to be my hope for you

0:27:26.920 --> 0:27:30.040
<v Speaker 2>and your relationship you too, because I know that that's

0:27:30.040 --> 0:27:33.800
<v Speaker 2>what you deserve, same and that you're smart, and that

0:27:33.840 --> 0:27:38.119
<v Speaker 2>anybody who fucks with you should thoroughly understand respect and

0:27:38.240 --> 0:27:40.840
<v Speaker 2>cherish that, and that's all I ask and like, that's

0:27:40.840 --> 0:27:43.439
<v Speaker 2>all I want. So I'll be more conscious of my

0:27:43.440 --> 0:27:46.120
<v Speaker 2>facial expressions when you mentioned this person. But I really

0:27:46.119 --> 0:27:48.399
<v Speaker 2>do feel like I've been pretty chill, like okay, I mean,

0:27:48.440 --> 0:27:50.600
<v Speaker 2>it's not like we were going very far separate from

0:27:50.600 --> 0:27:51.000
<v Speaker 2>each other.

0:27:51.240 --> 0:27:53.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying like right now in this very moment,

0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying in the overall, in the experience with

0:27:57.400 --> 0:28:01.440
<v Speaker 1>this person particular, yes, I have felt like I don't

0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:03.639
<v Speaker 1>know if I want to talk to you about certain things.

0:28:03.960 --> 0:28:05.840
<v Speaker 1>And that's just my honest thing. I'm not saying that

0:28:05.840 --> 0:28:07.920
<v Speaker 1>because I want an apology. I'm not saying that because

0:28:07.960 --> 0:28:12.360
<v Speaker 1>I want an explanation. I'm just sharing how I feel.

0:28:12.400 --> 0:28:13.919
<v Speaker 2>And I'm sharing how I feel, and I think you

0:28:13.960 --> 0:28:16.800
<v Speaker 2>know how I feel. I think you know if I

0:28:16.880 --> 0:28:21.600
<v Speaker 2>ever hesitate or make a face, you understand why where

0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:26.520
<v Speaker 2>my defense comes up in protection of my friend, my

0:28:26.840 --> 0:28:30.840
<v Speaker 2>very best friend in the world. So yes, I take

0:28:30.880 --> 0:28:34.040
<v Speaker 2>shit personally, and I have to probably take it less

0:28:34.040 --> 0:28:36.680
<v Speaker 2>personally because it's not my boyfriend, is not my life,

0:28:36.720 --> 0:28:40.600
<v Speaker 2>and it's not my relationship. You're my friend. If ever

0:28:40.720 --> 0:28:43.640
<v Speaker 2>you feel that way, feel free to communicate that to me,

0:28:43.800 --> 0:28:45.880
<v Speaker 2>because I don't want you to feel like you can't

0:28:45.880 --> 0:28:47.480
<v Speaker 2>come to me, because you can come to me about anything.

0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:49.400
<v Speaker 2>Could say I killed somebody and I say, okay, well

0:28:49.440 --> 0:28:51.880
<v Speaker 2>what do we need to do? So it's just it's

0:28:51.960 --> 0:28:53.840
<v Speaker 2>never and then I'll be like, so, why do you

0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:54.480
<v Speaker 2>think you did that?

0:28:55.520 --> 0:28:58.640
<v Speaker 1>After we buried the body? So now that we handle that.

0:28:59.040 --> 0:29:00.479
<v Speaker 2>You want to talk to you think we even did

0:29:00.480 --> 0:29:04.280
<v Speaker 2>a little bit deeper. I got her on the runt.

0:29:07.280 --> 0:29:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I love you.

0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I love you too, and I want you to know that.

0:29:10.760 --> 0:29:15.959
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, that time you hung up on me when

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:20.640
<v Speaker 2>you heard the dog, even when I was in challenging

0:29:20.680 --> 0:29:24.120
<v Speaker 2>situations and I was being secretive and not maybe saying

0:29:24.160 --> 0:29:25.680
<v Speaker 2>a lot of things because I didn't want to tell

0:29:25.720 --> 0:29:27.680
<v Speaker 2>you because I knew I was doing some stupid ass shit.

0:29:28.560 --> 0:29:32.640
<v Speaker 2>I understood when you were angry or disappointed or making

0:29:32.680 --> 0:29:35.560
<v Speaker 2>a face because I knew you didn't like him, And

0:29:35.600 --> 0:29:38.160
<v Speaker 2>I understood why even the time he slapped me in

0:29:38.200 --> 0:29:40.440
<v Speaker 2>my face and I had to cry in the passenger seat.

0:29:41.480 --> 0:29:44.040
<v Speaker 2>I didn't feel smart about it, but I knew that

0:29:44.080 --> 0:29:47.680
<v Speaker 2>I could disarm at that moment because you're my friend

0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:49.680
<v Speaker 2>no matter what. So I hope that you always feel

0:29:49.720 --> 0:29:54.520
<v Speaker 2>the same energy that even if I'm feeling I don't know.

0:29:54.560 --> 0:29:57.480
<v Speaker 2>I was gonna make up a word, be grudging. I

0:29:57.480 --> 0:29:59.440
<v Speaker 2>don't need to make up any more word. It's one day,

0:29:59.480 --> 0:30:00.640
<v Speaker 2>one day. I'm more at a.

0:30:00.560 --> 0:30:04.959
<v Speaker 1>Time, begrudging, judgmental, marboring judgments, right? Is that? Is that

0:30:04.960 --> 0:30:05.720
<v Speaker 1>the feeling.

0:30:07.160 --> 0:30:09.040
<v Speaker 2>Fuck the dictionary? Who's webster? Any fucker?

0:30:09.120 --> 0:30:10.480
<v Speaker 1>You don't have to break down the word?

0:30:12.080 --> 0:30:17.120
<v Speaker 2>So you know, that's also the nature of humanity is

0:30:17.120 --> 0:30:21.520
<v Speaker 2>that we share things with our friends, we you know,

0:30:21.720 --> 0:30:23.600
<v Speaker 2>or we do things, and we run the risk of

0:30:23.640 --> 0:30:26.360
<v Speaker 2>people feeling away about those actions later, you know, Like

0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:29.479
<v Speaker 2>that's just the reality of humanism. And because you are

0:30:29.560 --> 0:30:32.400
<v Speaker 2>closer to someone, everyone else around you is going to

0:30:34.160 --> 0:30:39.520
<v Speaker 2>be slower possibly at warming up because we have less

0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:42.440
<v Speaker 2>of an intimate and close relationship with this person, you

0:30:42.520 --> 0:30:44.120
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. So like that and that's the

0:30:44.200 --> 0:30:45.240
<v Speaker 2>humanity of it too.

0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:48.959
<v Speaker 1>I get it. Well, I just feel like my nervous

0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:51.200
<v Speaker 1>system is calm further and like, and that has been

0:30:51.200 --> 0:30:54.720
<v Speaker 1>the sign for me that I'm I'm safe, we're safe,

0:30:54.720 --> 0:30:57.560
<v Speaker 1>and we're on the same page and that I'm happy,

0:30:57.880 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 1>and that's that's what I want, and that's what I've

0:31:01.200 --> 0:31:03.080
<v Speaker 1>been that's what we've been working towards, even though it's

0:31:03.080 --> 0:31:06.160
<v Speaker 1>been challenging and it hasn't been fucking easy at all.

0:31:06.200 --> 0:31:08.000
<v Speaker 1>From the well, from the beginning, it was pretty fun

0:31:08.040 --> 0:31:10.760
<v Speaker 1>and easy, but then it got real, you know, and

0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:12.840
<v Speaker 1>then shit got real, and then there were like big

0:31:12.880 --> 0:31:17.120
<v Speaker 1>feelings involved, and and I feel like there has been

0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:20.120
<v Speaker 1>a journey that we have had to take in order

0:31:20.160 --> 0:31:23.560
<v Speaker 1>to really be honest with ourselves about what it is

0:31:23.560 --> 0:31:26.000
<v Speaker 1>that we want, what we're willing to do. And that's

0:31:26.000 --> 0:31:28.440
<v Speaker 1>really what it is, is like the work. Are you

0:31:28.480 --> 0:31:30.280
<v Speaker 1>willing to do the work with this person? Because yeah,

0:31:30.280 --> 0:31:33.520
<v Speaker 1>I could go break up with my partner and go

0:31:33.560 --> 0:31:35.800
<v Speaker 1>back in the streets and find another nigga and do

0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:40.200
<v Speaker 1>all those things, but like, ultimately, is this person down

0:31:40.240 --> 0:31:44.360
<v Speaker 1>to do the work and move forward in a healthy,

0:31:44.400 --> 0:31:46.680
<v Speaker 1>positive way where we are both on the same fucking

0:31:46.720 --> 0:31:49.880
<v Speaker 1>page about it, And that's where we're at, and that's

0:31:49.960 --> 0:31:51.840
<v Speaker 1>how I feel, and that's how I've continued to feel.

0:31:51.920 --> 0:31:56.000
<v Speaker 1>And I'm living my life day by day and ultimately,

0:31:56.040 --> 0:31:57.680
<v Speaker 1>do I see this person with me in the long run.

0:31:57.880 --> 0:31:59.880
<v Speaker 1>I hope so yeah, I do. I wouldn't be doing

0:31:59.920 --> 0:32:04.080
<v Speaker 1>it just because, you know, but I also know that

0:32:04.160 --> 0:32:07.600
<v Speaker 1>like whatever is for me is always going to show up.

0:32:08.000 --> 0:32:11.800
<v Speaker 1>And that also means in the in the way of

0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:16.240
<v Speaker 1>ending what needs to be ended, like I'm protected in

0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:19.800
<v Speaker 1>the way of like from from particular. Oh my god,

0:32:19.840 --> 0:32:28.360
<v Speaker 1>he's calling me from unprotected in ways from bullshit, and

0:32:29.480 --> 0:32:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I know that I consciously also have to choose that

0:32:32.360 --> 0:32:35.120
<v Speaker 1>as well. It's not like God is gonna sprinkle some

0:32:35.160 --> 0:32:38.680
<v Speaker 1>shit and I'm gonna just walk the other direction. But

0:32:39.680 --> 0:32:42.480
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I have to trust the work that

0:32:42.520 --> 0:32:47.800
<v Speaker 1>I've done and knowing that ultimately I am gonna choose myself.

0:32:48.800 --> 0:32:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I know that too. I'm never like worried

0:32:50.880 --> 0:32:52.400
<v Speaker 2>about you. I mean, obviously, I'm.

0:32:52.200 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 1>Not telling you this to prove something to you. I'm

0:32:54.200 --> 0:32:56.080
<v Speaker 1>just saying in general for like I'm saying this to

0:32:56.120 --> 0:32:58.480
<v Speaker 1>myself as well, because I've had to say that to myself.

0:32:58.520 --> 0:33:02.040
<v Speaker 1>Like you've done, You've done the work, you're doing the

0:33:02.040 --> 0:33:05.560
<v Speaker 1>work always you're continuing to do it, and you have

0:33:05.640 --> 0:33:11.440
<v Speaker 1>to trust that you can trust yourself.

0:33:11.520 --> 0:33:15.360
<v Speaker 2>Basically, I mean, if if you feel like your intuition

0:33:15.480 --> 0:33:17.600
<v Speaker 2>is saying yes to something, then you have to honor

0:33:17.640 --> 0:33:22.960
<v Speaker 2>that and know that, yeah, when you are when something

0:33:23.040 --> 0:33:24.600
<v Speaker 2>is for you, it's for you, and when it's not

0:33:24.640 --> 0:33:28.000
<v Speaker 2>for you, the universe will continue to remind you that. Like,

0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:31.360
<v Speaker 2>there are certain things when you begin to choose healing

0:33:31.440 --> 0:33:36.320
<v Speaker 2>and choose digging deeper, is that you can't unchoose that,

0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:41.440
<v Speaker 2>and you will see toxic things if they are toxic you.

0:33:41.440 --> 0:33:43.479
<v Speaker 2>You can only do it for so long. You know,

0:33:43.560 --> 0:33:46.520
<v Speaker 2>when you when you fuck around and always commit to yourself,

0:33:46.600 --> 0:33:49.960
<v Speaker 2>the toxic relationships will be so much shorter, the relationships

0:33:49.960 --> 0:33:52.160
<v Speaker 2>with friends, all those things will peel away all the

0:33:52.200 --> 0:33:55.840
<v Speaker 2>time because you can't unsee what you already see. So

0:33:56.240 --> 0:33:59.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's it's about honoring your intuition and honoring yourself.

0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:01.520
<v Speaker 2>And you're nervous system, and if you don't feel like

0:34:01.760 --> 0:34:04.240
<v Speaker 2>if you feel like you're in a space of safety

0:34:04.720 --> 0:34:08.760
<v Speaker 2>and and you know, contenteness in an overall better place,

0:34:08.920 --> 0:34:11.160
<v Speaker 2>then that's like then that's what you should do in

0:34:11.239 --> 0:34:14.360
<v Speaker 2>anything you know, in any job and any relationship and

0:34:14.400 --> 0:34:16.840
<v Speaker 2>any friendship. I think if you feel good about it,

0:34:16.880 --> 0:34:17.560
<v Speaker 2>then like that's all that.

0:34:17.719 --> 0:34:21.399
<v Speaker 1>I've also realized that I in general and not that

0:34:21.480 --> 0:34:26.000
<v Speaker 1>this in this particular relationship, it didn't this reaction wasn't

0:34:26.360 --> 0:34:29.680
<v Speaker 1>correct in ways. But I am am a runner, like

0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:33.440
<v Speaker 1>I am quick to be like no thanks, like I'm cool,

0:34:33.840 --> 0:34:34.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to do the work.

0:34:35.200 --> 0:34:37.799
<v Speaker 2>Do you think it's been you running or has it

0:34:37.840 --> 0:34:41.319
<v Speaker 2>been you just honoring your intuition in ways or like

0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:42.240
<v Speaker 2>having boundaries?

0:34:42.360 --> 0:34:43.719
<v Speaker 1>No, I don't think that. And I think that we

0:34:43.760 --> 0:34:47.560
<v Speaker 1>as women sometimes use that, like we weaponize intuition and

0:34:47.600 --> 0:34:49.799
<v Speaker 1>some Now I'm just asking you, I'm just saying I

0:34:49.880 --> 0:34:52.200
<v Speaker 1>feel like as women we do that sometimes where we

0:34:52.239 --> 0:34:54.360
<v Speaker 1>will walk away from certain shit that could that we

0:34:54.400 --> 0:34:58.920
<v Speaker 1>can work through because our intuition said, because our intuition

0:34:59.160 --> 0:35:01.400
<v Speaker 1>or fear, which I think is that's where it's like

0:35:01.840 --> 0:35:07.560
<v Speaker 1>this this blurred line between intuition, fear, and trauma, where

0:35:07.640 --> 0:35:11.840
<v Speaker 1>we are using this boundary and these our intuition to

0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:14.960
<v Speaker 1>just say, you know what, discard this person because they

0:35:14.960 --> 0:35:16.640
<v Speaker 1>have work to do and I don't have fucking time,

0:35:16.800 --> 0:35:19.319
<v Speaker 1>when really, bitch, like you do have time a b

0:35:20.080 --> 0:35:21.840
<v Speaker 1>because bitch has always lived at they don't have time.

0:35:23.640 --> 0:35:24.040
<v Speaker 2>And be.

0:35:26.760 --> 0:35:28.919
<v Speaker 1>There's a mirror here that you need to face as well.

0:35:29.520 --> 0:35:32.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, you know, I don't know who who we

0:35:32.680 --> 0:35:34.319
<v Speaker 2>had an interview with. It was a couple of years ago,

0:35:34.440 --> 0:35:37.239
<v Speaker 2>but they were like, you were going to show up

0:35:37.280 --> 0:35:40.200
<v Speaker 2>differently in every relationship because the other person serves as

0:35:40.239 --> 0:35:42.239
<v Speaker 2>a different type of mirror. You will be triggered in

0:35:42.239 --> 0:35:45.280
<v Speaker 2>different ways. Some one personality will challenge you in different ways.

0:35:45.680 --> 0:35:47.680
<v Speaker 2>Like we have a friend who is in a relationship

0:35:47.680 --> 0:35:49.200
<v Speaker 2>recently and calling me the other day and it was

0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:52.560
<v Speaker 2>just like like I realized, like getting close to someone,

0:35:52.640 --> 0:35:54.320
<v Speaker 2>it's like you have to tell them about your family

0:35:54.680 --> 0:35:57.359
<v Speaker 2>and your trauma, and like like can I do this?

0:35:57.400 --> 0:35:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Do I want this? And I was just like this

0:35:59.000 --> 0:36:02.680
<v Speaker 2>is a part of it, you know. I definitely had

0:36:02.719 --> 0:36:07.040
<v Speaker 2>to go inside a lot on many occasions, even in

0:36:07.080 --> 0:36:13.160
<v Speaker 2>my relationship, less now, but just realizing that the trauma

0:36:13.200 --> 0:36:15.200
<v Speaker 2>will show up, Like if you don't want to share

0:36:15.360 --> 0:36:17.680
<v Speaker 2>your trauma with someone else because it feels embarrassing or

0:36:17.680 --> 0:36:21.759
<v Speaker 2>shameful or like they're not going to understand, then you're

0:36:21.760 --> 0:36:23.480
<v Speaker 2>going to be like do I want this relationship? This

0:36:23.520 --> 0:36:25.360
<v Speaker 2>seems hard? I don't want to do that, you know

0:36:25.400 --> 0:36:27.160
<v Speaker 2>what I mean. And so there's always going to be

0:36:27.239 --> 0:36:29.120
<v Speaker 2>You're always going to face different challenges and a lot

0:36:29.120 --> 0:36:31.360
<v Speaker 2>of it's always you, but it's just like do I

0:36:31.360 --> 0:36:34.120
<v Speaker 2>feel like dealing with them? So like even people sometimes

0:36:34.120 --> 0:36:36.360
<v Speaker 2>seek relationships thinking is going to save them for something

0:36:36.440 --> 0:36:38.359
<v Speaker 2>or be safe and what like, you know, save them

0:36:38.400 --> 0:36:40.280
<v Speaker 2>from a lot of times doing the work on yourself

0:36:40.680 --> 0:36:43.520
<v Speaker 2>and committed relationships that you're like trying to really be

0:36:43.560 --> 0:36:46.359
<v Speaker 2>down for someone really requires work from you because you

0:36:46.400 --> 0:36:48.600
<v Speaker 2>have to be honest with yourself when you're not being cool,

0:36:48.840 --> 0:36:51.960
<v Speaker 2>or you're being triggered or if you're really not ready

0:36:51.960 --> 0:36:54.359
<v Speaker 2>to settle down and do the like the challenging things

0:36:54.360 --> 0:36:56.560
<v Speaker 2>that being in a committed relationship require.

0:36:57.160 --> 0:37:01.200
<v Speaker 1>So there's you can't The work that you haven't done

0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:03.480
<v Speaker 1>is always going to show up in all your relationships,

0:37:03.520 --> 0:37:06.960
<v Speaker 1>whether they're good or bad, you know, and the work

0:37:07.000 --> 0:37:08.799
<v Speaker 1>that has I mean, the one thing that I will

0:37:08.840 --> 0:37:12.160
<v Speaker 1>say that I haven't always acted on the reaction, but

0:37:12.160 --> 0:37:16.080
<v Speaker 1>I've If I haven't fled physically like buy niggat, it's

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:19.959
<v Speaker 1>emotionally that's always how it goes fast quick, and then

0:37:20.280 --> 0:37:22.319
<v Speaker 1>the physical part comes where I'm like I'm actually not

0:37:22.360 --> 0:37:25.400
<v Speaker 1>here anymore for you. But I've just noticed that that's

0:37:25.520 --> 0:37:28.319
<v Speaker 1>that has been like the easiest thing for me to do,

0:37:28.680 --> 0:37:31.520
<v Speaker 1>not just in this relationship because he made it easy

0:37:31.680 --> 0:37:35.440
<v Speaker 1>at first, but also in my other relationships, like I

0:37:35.440 --> 0:37:40.719
<v Speaker 1>will disconnect or like I will just stop engaging at all,

0:37:40.960 --> 0:37:44.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, like certain relationships, yes, granted, but like even

0:37:44.760 --> 0:37:47.520
<v Speaker 1>in my even my relationship with what did we call

0:37:47.600 --> 0:37:51.960
<v Speaker 1>him poetry Bay, I was like in my mind, I

0:37:52.040 --> 0:37:54.120
<v Speaker 1>was very much I loved, like I was in love

0:37:54.160 --> 0:37:57.759
<v Speaker 1>with him. Now thinking about that, I'm like, bitch, stop no.

0:37:58.719 --> 0:38:01.640
<v Speaker 1>But when I was done, like I literally disconnected, like

0:38:01.680 --> 0:38:04.000
<v Speaker 1>it was like the easiest disconnection I've ever had. I

0:38:04.000 --> 0:38:06.440
<v Speaker 1>think about also, like the relationship I had with my

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:09.239
<v Speaker 1>long one of my long term boyfriends actually that we

0:38:09.280 --> 0:38:14.000
<v Speaker 1>also interviewed when we interviewed our exes again, disconnected like

0:38:14.000 --> 0:38:16.440
<v Speaker 1>like nothing like went on to I think that's why

0:38:16.440 --> 0:38:18.719
<v Speaker 1>I started dating my baby daddy, like a week later,

0:38:19.920 --> 0:38:21.400
<v Speaker 1>like I went to New York, we made out, we

0:38:21.400 --> 0:38:23.600
<v Speaker 1>had sex, and then I was in love again. And

0:38:23.680 --> 0:38:26.359
<v Speaker 1>so that was my way of running. I would run

0:38:26.400 --> 0:38:28.840
<v Speaker 1>into different relationships. I would just go from relationship to

0:38:28.920 --> 0:38:31.879
<v Speaker 1>relationship to relationship. And then when I stopped doing that,

0:38:32.360 --> 0:38:35.120
<v Speaker 1>it was now I'm disconnecting. I'm not going back to

0:38:35.200 --> 0:38:38.160
<v Speaker 1>another relationship, but I am going to disconnect quickly and

0:38:38.239 --> 0:38:43.560
<v Speaker 1>move on quickly. And I just like the more I

0:38:43.600 --> 0:38:46.400
<v Speaker 1>talk to I feel like older women too. I was

0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:50.480
<v Speaker 1>having this conversation with someone yesterday and she was just like,

0:38:50.760 --> 0:38:53.920
<v Speaker 1>she's been married, she's divorced now, and she was like,

0:38:54.000 --> 0:38:56.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, and I was like, how is your marriage going?

0:38:56.560 --> 0:38:58.840
<v Speaker 1>Like how's it going? She she was recently married, like

0:38:59.560 --> 0:39:04.040
<v Speaker 1>three years three years ago maybe, and she was just like,

0:39:04.040 --> 0:39:09.560
<v Speaker 1>and you have to choose your friend ultimately, Like, listen,

0:39:09.640 --> 0:39:12.320
<v Speaker 1>what I've learned about marriage is like I'm not always

0:39:12.320 --> 0:39:14.800
<v Speaker 1>gonna love all your choices. I'm not always gonna like everything.

0:39:14.960 --> 0:39:17.120
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes shit is gonna be bad. But like, do I

0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:20.239
<v Speaker 1>like you? Are you my friend? Like how do I

0:39:20.320 --> 0:39:23.319
<v Speaker 1>feel about that? Because I ultimately I'm gonna go through

0:39:23.320 --> 0:39:25.120
<v Speaker 1>my shit too, and you're not gonna like everything I do.

0:39:25.239 --> 0:39:27.399
<v Speaker 1>She's like, I'm cranky and shit and I don't. I'm

0:39:27.400 --> 0:39:29.080
<v Speaker 1>not gonna change it. That's just who the fuck I am.

0:39:29.160 --> 0:39:31.080
<v Speaker 1>And he loves me and that's he's my friend and

0:39:31.160 --> 0:39:33.560
<v Speaker 1>like he doesn't like it, but are we gonna leave

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:37.040
<v Speaker 1>each other for that? No? Like is everything else the

0:39:37.080 --> 0:39:39.560
<v Speaker 1>friendship and all the things in between, and like the

0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:41.719
<v Speaker 1>connection that we have, the way we're able to communicate,

0:39:41.719 --> 0:39:43.840
<v Speaker 1>that we're able to show up for one another, is

0:39:43.880 --> 0:39:44.520
<v Speaker 1>that worth?

0:39:44.880 --> 0:39:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Does that outweigh that? I know? I know? And then

0:39:48.320 --> 0:39:50.680
<v Speaker 2>and then you know what it's also about if you're

0:39:50.760 --> 0:39:53.680
<v Speaker 2>if you have generally been in relationships that people have

0:39:53.800 --> 0:39:58.040
<v Speaker 2>made it easy for you to choose saying peace out

0:39:58.400 --> 0:40:00.200
<v Speaker 2>if you if you make it like if if you

0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:02.680
<v Speaker 2>give me a reason. People are I think innately runners

0:40:02.719 --> 0:40:04.319
<v Speaker 2>when that's what you're used to, and so you have

0:40:04.400 --> 0:40:07.640
<v Speaker 2>options to leave. You know, you don't feel like you're

0:40:07.680 --> 0:40:09.520
<v Speaker 2>going to commit or it suck or it's forever, and

0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:11.799
<v Speaker 2>that there's a leisure in that. There's a comfortability in that,

0:40:12.080 --> 0:40:15.040
<v Speaker 2>or you should be too close. But when you but

0:40:15.080 --> 0:40:17.960
<v Speaker 2>when you start to be with someone and you try

0:40:18.080 --> 0:40:20.400
<v Speaker 2>to make their reason for you to like walk away

0:40:20.440 --> 0:40:23.280
<v Speaker 2>because that's what you're used to choosing, like the cycle

0:40:23.320 --> 0:40:25.840
<v Speaker 2>of okay, I'll find someone else, then it will be

0:40:25.880 --> 0:40:27.680
<v Speaker 2>easier for you to do that. And so when you're

0:40:27.719 --> 0:40:30.520
<v Speaker 2>with some money and you're like, fuck, I couldn't like

0:40:31.120 --> 0:40:32.959
<v Speaker 2>this is not a really valid reason, because I still

0:40:33.040 --> 0:40:34.600
<v Speaker 2>want to be with you, even though you get on

0:40:34.600 --> 0:40:36.560
<v Speaker 2>my nerves, even though this, this and that. It's like

0:40:36.600 --> 0:40:38.759
<v Speaker 2>because you're my friend, even though you fucked up, even

0:40:38.760 --> 0:40:40.680
<v Speaker 2>though even though you're fucked up, even though oh god,

0:40:40.719 --> 0:40:41.520
<v Speaker 2>you're you're.

0:40:41.480 --> 0:40:45.880
<v Speaker 1>Fucking nuts, you're you know, and it's like, but I

0:40:45.880 --> 0:40:48.279
<v Speaker 1>I love you, and I'm learning to well for him,

0:40:48.360 --> 0:40:52.080
<v Speaker 1>like I think for my relationship in particular, we didn't

0:40:52.120 --> 0:40:56.239
<v Speaker 1>we weren't friends first. We literally went straight into love

0:40:56.280 --> 0:41:00.799
<v Speaker 1>affair like it was like, especially because he doesn't live here,

0:41:00.920 --> 0:41:03.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, so he's far away, and so it's easy

0:41:03.360 --> 0:41:06.400
<v Speaker 1>for it to feel fairy tale like. And even though

0:41:06.400 --> 0:41:08.239
<v Speaker 1>we're talking on the phone over it like all the time,

0:41:08.360 --> 0:41:11.120
<v Speaker 1>it's different, Like I'm not I realize I am not

0:41:11.239 --> 0:41:14.600
<v Speaker 1>a phone talking ass bitch. I don't like talking on

0:41:14.640 --> 0:41:17.919
<v Speaker 1>the phone. I don't have much to say. I don't

0:41:18.000 --> 0:41:18.759
<v Speaker 1>want to figure out.

0:41:18.680 --> 0:41:19.360
<v Speaker 2>What to say.

0:41:19.840 --> 0:41:21.520
<v Speaker 1>I really would just like you to lead the conversation.

0:41:21.560 --> 0:41:23.319
<v Speaker 1>If you want to ask me some shit, I'll answer it.

0:41:23.920 --> 0:41:28.280
<v Speaker 1>But like long Diestant's relationships, it's not ideal. And honestly,

0:41:28.320 --> 0:41:31.399
<v Speaker 1>we're much better in person because of that, because I'm

0:41:31.440 --> 0:41:35.880
<v Speaker 1>like but you know, even and because of that, I

0:41:35.920 --> 0:41:38.360
<v Speaker 1>think that we didn't really even though we were long distance,

0:41:38.600 --> 0:41:41.880
<v Speaker 1>we we got to know each other, but like the

0:41:41.920 --> 0:41:44.120
<v Speaker 1>friendship just wasn't there. It's different when like you really

0:41:44.200 --> 0:41:46.800
<v Speaker 1>are able to like be in someone's space, be in

0:41:46.840 --> 0:41:48.680
<v Speaker 1>their day to day, understand what their day to day

0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:52.399
<v Speaker 1>looks like, you know, and long distance can be really

0:41:52.440 --> 0:41:55.320
<v Speaker 1>challenging in that way. So I think the friendship element

0:41:55.560 --> 0:41:58.680
<v Speaker 1>I realize. I know that that's important because that's typically

0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:01.400
<v Speaker 1>how I've started all my relationship and ships. Like my

0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:03.680
<v Speaker 1>baby Daddy was my home. Like we were cool, you

0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:05.960
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. Like the guy that I dated,

0:42:06.840 --> 0:42:09.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, before that or after that, like i'd known

0:42:09.680 --> 0:42:13.280
<v Speaker 1>him for years. We were cool, you know. But skipping

0:42:13.400 --> 0:42:17.080
<v Speaker 1>the friendship part will have you fucked up, will have

0:42:17.200 --> 0:42:20.880
<v Speaker 1>your intuition fucked up. We'll have you running because you're like,

0:42:20.960 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know you like that, I'm out of here.

0:42:23.239 --> 0:42:23.839
<v Speaker 2>I don't need this.

0:42:23.880 --> 0:42:25.360
<v Speaker 1>I don't look at you, I don't look like I

0:42:25.360 --> 0:42:27.239
<v Speaker 1>don't look at you like a friend. You're disposable to me.

0:42:27.320 --> 0:42:31.359
<v Speaker 1>You've hurt my heart, like no, like there's no friendship there.

0:42:31.680 --> 0:42:34.480
<v Speaker 1>So it's like when you skip that part. It's like,

0:42:34.600 --> 0:42:37.000
<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's a recipe for disaster and life

0:42:37.120 --> 0:42:40.080
<v Speaker 1>and I'll never I would never do that again. I

0:42:40.080 --> 0:42:41.920
<v Speaker 1>would never jump into something.

0:42:41.640 --> 0:42:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Like that again. The friendship part is essential, yeah, I

0:42:45.600 --> 0:42:48.319
<v Speaker 2>mean because yeah, because you do give your friends a

0:42:48.360 --> 0:42:52.520
<v Speaker 2>different type of grace. But yeah, the friendship part is

0:42:52.560 --> 0:42:53.560
<v Speaker 2>definitely essential.

0:42:54.120 --> 0:42:56.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I mean they think about you. In Orlando's relationship,

0:42:56.760 --> 0:42:59.080
<v Speaker 1>it was built on friendship first. I mean, yes, you

0:42:59.120 --> 0:43:02.719
<v Speaker 1>were lovers quick, like you really had to like be

0:43:03.040 --> 0:43:06.120
<v Speaker 1>honest with one another in a way that most couples

0:43:06.840 --> 0:43:08.520
<v Speaker 1>are not, you know what I mean, Like you were

0:43:08.560 --> 0:43:11.399
<v Speaker 1>being honest about like where you were at dating and

0:43:11.480 --> 0:43:13.319
<v Speaker 1>like what you you know, all the different things you

0:43:13.320 --> 0:43:15.600
<v Speaker 1>were doing without fear that he was going to leave

0:43:15.600 --> 0:43:18.480
<v Speaker 1>you because that was your friend versus like him not

0:43:18.600 --> 0:43:21.080
<v Speaker 1>being your friend and then you withholding certain things parts

0:43:21.120 --> 0:43:24.520
<v Speaker 1>of yourself and vice versa. So when shit pops off

0:43:24.600 --> 0:43:27.680
<v Speaker 1>and he's a human or you're a human.

0:43:27.640 --> 0:43:29.200
<v Speaker 2>You're like, uh uh, I'm cool.

0:43:29.280 --> 0:43:31.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm cool on your humanness where you even got we're

0:43:31.320 --> 0:43:32.920
<v Speaker 1>not even close like that, right, I don't even know

0:43:32.960 --> 0:43:35.319
<v Speaker 1>you like that, nigga, for you to be human like

0:43:35.400 --> 0:43:37.440
<v Speaker 1>you're supposed to take care of my heart. You're supposed

0:43:37.440 --> 0:43:39.640
<v Speaker 1>to love me and that's that. Yeah.

0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:45.400
<v Speaker 2>No, yeah, I think that the way my relationship with

0:43:45.480 --> 0:43:48.520
<v Speaker 2>Orlando panned out, it could it couldn't have been any better.

0:43:48.560 --> 0:43:51.760
<v Speaker 2>And and because we were long distance, it wasn't forced.

0:43:51.760 --> 0:43:52.920
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't like I love you and we're going to

0:43:52.960 --> 0:43:55.640
<v Speaker 2>be together. It was like fucking two thousand miles away

0:43:55.640 --> 0:43:58.600
<v Speaker 2>from each other. So I love you, but yeah, I

0:43:58.719 --> 0:44:00.560
<v Speaker 2>see you. When I see you, you know you around

0:44:00.600 --> 0:44:03.359
<v Speaker 2>because there was there could not be a long term

0:44:03.400 --> 0:44:05.520
<v Speaker 2>plan at that time, because neither one of us were

0:44:05.520 --> 0:44:07.799
<v Speaker 2>in the position to give that. And because of that,

0:44:07.840 --> 0:44:09.600
<v Speaker 2>we knew we weren't going to not be in each

0:44:09.600 --> 0:44:11.160
<v Speaker 2>other's lives or not not be friends.

0:44:11.200 --> 0:44:14.319
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you wanted that either. No, you weren't

0:44:14.320 --> 0:44:16.840
<v Speaker 1>even looking for that, you know, Like I kind of

0:44:17.040 --> 0:44:19.600
<v Speaker 1>was like I was like when I met him, like

0:44:19.680 --> 0:44:23.840
<v Speaker 1>I was at intentionally dating. I wanted to like be

0:44:24.000 --> 0:44:27.040
<v Speaker 1>with someone. I was ready to not be fucking alone anymore.

0:44:27.200 --> 0:44:29.360
<v Speaker 1>So when I met that had that connection, I immediately

0:44:29.480 --> 0:44:31.520
<v Speaker 1>like held on to it and was like, Okay, this

0:44:31.680 --> 0:44:34.680
<v Speaker 1>is it where like I feel it and like skip

0:44:34.800 --> 0:44:36.960
<v Speaker 1>you skipped a friendship part because you didn't even give

0:44:37.000 --> 0:44:37.920
<v Speaker 1>it yourself a chance.

0:44:38.239 --> 0:44:42.680
<v Speaker 2>But there's also that too, right, Like there's that are

0:44:42.719 --> 0:44:44.520
<v Speaker 2>you dating because I don't want to be alone anymore?

0:44:44.560 --> 0:44:47.160
<v Speaker 2>And I'm not saying don't be intentional about dating, but

0:44:47.200 --> 0:44:50.960
<v Speaker 2>I think that not having expectations or not not not

0:44:51.040 --> 0:44:53.520
<v Speaker 2>wanting it because you're allowed to want it, but sometimes

0:44:53.520 --> 0:44:55.360
<v Speaker 2>we want like not saying this for you, I'm just

0:44:55.400 --> 0:44:57.640
<v Speaker 2>saying in general, like sometimes you want something so bad

0:44:57.680 --> 0:45:00.440
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, you don't want You've made this statement,

0:45:00.440 --> 0:45:03.239
<v Speaker 2>and so the next person who comes, you're like, you're

0:45:03.320 --> 0:45:05.000
<v Speaker 2>gonna be my person, you know what I mean. And

0:45:05.040 --> 0:45:07.520
<v Speaker 2>sometimes it's like maybe that's not your person, but you

0:45:07.560 --> 0:45:09.960
<v Speaker 2>want someone because you don't want to be alone, or

0:45:09.960 --> 0:45:13.799
<v Speaker 2>because you understand and like long for the perks of partnership,

0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:16.120
<v Speaker 2>but sometimes it's just not with that person. So it's

0:45:16.160 --> 0:45:18.839
<v Speaker 2>like it's important that even if you want it, you

0:45:18.880 --> 0:45:23.560
<v Speaker 2>are aware or not to mold someone into your fantasy

0:45:23.600 --> 0:45:24.040
<v Speaker 2>that you.

0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:26.520
<v Speaker 1>Have or you're well, it's not out of a deficit, right,

0:45:26.640 --> 0:45:28.960
<v Speaker 1>but you know it's not a deficit. But also, like

0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:32.879
<v Speaker 1>people always say, like you don't you need You'll find

0:45:32.880 --> 0:45:35.359
<v Speaker 1>the person you want, like when you are like when

0:45:35.400 --> 0:45:37.720
<v Speaker 1>you love yourself when you've done the work on yourself,

0:45:37.800 --> 0:45:40.400
<v Speaker 1>and like, yes, I agree with that. I also that

0:45:41.239 --> 0:45:44.840
<v Speaker 1>concept also kind of annoys me a little bit because

0:45:45.040 --> 0:45:47.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, yeah, But then when you meet that person,

0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:50.720
<v Speaker 1>you realize that there's like this piece that not was missing,

0:45:50.719 --> 0:45:53.240
<v Speaker 1>but that wow, there's even more. There's an extra piece

0:45:53.320 --> 0:45:55.239
<v Speaker 1>that I didn't even know I needed. And I don't

0:45:55.239 --> 0:45:58.960
<v Speaker 1>feel bad about knowing that, like maybe there was some

0:45:59.000 --> 0:46:03.520
<v Speaker 1>sort of like thing missing that this person filled in for.

0:46:03.920 --> 0:46:06.520
<v Speaker 1>You know. I think like people will wait and wait

0:46:06.520 --> 0:46:09.080
<v Speaker 1>and wait and wait, and it's like you're never gonna

0:46:09.080 --> 0:46:12.440
<v Speaker 1>find that perfect, exact peace, Like it might come in

0:46:12.520 --> 0:46:14.839
<v Speaker 1>perfect and then that neggati or that bitch is good,

0:46:14.840 --> 0:46:16.880
<v Speaker 1>other it's gonna be a little crunchy at times, and

0:46:16.920 --> 0:46:19.319
<v Speaker 1>then you figure it out again. Sometimes it does come

0:46:19.360 --> 0:46:22.160
<v Speaker 1>in perfect, you know, or sometimes it doesn't come in perfect,

0:46:22.280 --> 0:46:25.680
<v Speaker 1>And I don't get to write my fucking fairy tale, right,

0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:28.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't get to decide that my Prince Charming rolls

0:46:28.560 --> 0:46:31.279
<v Speaker 1>in and is exactly as I hoped he was going

0:46:31.320 --> 0:46:32.800
<v Speaker 1>to show up in his shining armor.

0:46:32.880 --> 0:46:35.359
<v Speaker 2>He won't. It doesn't exist, but it does.

0:46:35.400 --> 0:46:37.799
<v Speaker 1>But people think that's how it's supposed to exist, that

0:46:37.800 --> 0:46:42.120
<v Speaker 1>that's the storyline of their fairy tale, and like if

0:46:42.120 --> 0:46:43.560
<v Speaker 1>this is the fairy tale that's playing out in my

0:46:43.600 --> 0:46:48.719
<v Speaker 1>life right now, like it's it's untraditional, it's different, it's

0:46:48.760 --> 0:46:51.759
<v Speaker 1>not always We've had challenges early on, well not really

0:46:51.760 --> 0:46:53.880
<v Speaker 1>early on, but I guess early on and things of

0:46:53.920 --> 0:46:56.279
<v Speaker 1>that and all those things. But I think that as

0:46:56.280 --> 0:46:58.880
<v Speaker 1>women we have to kind of let go of this

0:46:59.040 --> 0:47:01.759
<v Speaker 1>idea of what your fairy tale is supposed to look like.

0:47:01.800 --> 0:47:05.480
<v Speaker 1>And I'm not saying that you like downplay your wants

0:47:05.480 --> 0:47:08.000
<v Speaker 1>and needs. I'm not saying that you may compromise these

0:47:08.000 --> 0:47:11.160
<v Speaker 1>big compromises with yourself because ultimately you know what you

0:47:11.160 --> 0:47:13.560
<v Speaker 1>can handle, what you can't. You know you and you

0:47:13.600 --> 0:47:17.400
<v Speaker 1>actively choose the opposite if that's what you're doing. But

0:47:17.560 --> 0:47:22.520
<v Speaker 1>I do think that we have been really hard on

0:47:22.640 --> 0:47:26.360
<v Speaker 1>men because they haven't made it easy for us. And

0:47:26.480 --> 0:47:27.320
<v Speaker 1>I think that.

0:47:27.239 --> 0:47:28.880
<v Speaker 2>And they do one wrong thing, and it's easy for

0:47:28.960 --> 0:47:31.480
<v Speaker 2>us to protect ourselves and go into defense mechanisms because

0:47:31.520 --> 0:47:35.000
<v Speaker 2>other men have also you know, done functionhit and so

0:47:35.239 --> 0:47:38.800
<v Speaker 2>it's a whole, all of you niggas as a whole,

0:47:39.360 --> 0:47:42.200
<v Speaker 2>and so it's harder to because then you you kind

0:47:42.200 --> 0:47:44.440
<v Speaker 2>of group them all together, and then your friends have

0:47:44.480 --> 0:47:47.360
<v Speaker 2>boyfriends that ain't shit too, and you're like, it's definitely

0:47:47.440 --> 0:47:50.080
<v Speaker 2>all of them, you know what I mean. And then

0:47:50.120 --> 0:47:52.879
<v Speaker 2>it's easy to protect yourself by distancing yourself and by

0:47:52.880 --> 0:47:55.880
<v Speaker 2>putting up these unbreakable walls, you know.

0:47:56.040 --> 0:48:00.440
<v Speaker 1>But like, but the thing is is like there are

0:48:00.520 --> 0:48:03.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot of men that make are making really poor choices,

0:48:03.760 --> 0:48:06.400
<v Speaker 1>and there's a maybe like a pool of men that

0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:08.880
<v Speaker 1>are making really amazing choices all the time, right, And

0:48:09.080 --> 0:48:11.000
<v Speaker 1>the same goes for women. I think on a higher rate,

0:48:11.080 --> 0:48:14.160
<v Speaker 1>women are making better choices. I mean, call me fucking biased,

0:48:14.160 --> 0:48:17.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't give a fuck. But so what are we

0:48:17.960 --> 0:48:19.919
<v Speaker 1>gonna do. There's a lot of women. There's more women

0:48:19.920 --> 0:48:23.800
<v Speaker 1>in this world than there are men. So are we

0:48:23.880 --> 0:48:25.719
<v Speaker 1>just gonna discard the niggas that are kind of fucked

0:48:25.800 --> 0:48:27.439
<v Speaker 1>up and maybe are down to do the work, and

0:48:27.800 --> 0:48:31.000
<v Speaker 1>but like need that support, need that support? Or are

0:48:31.000 --> 0:48:33.799
<v Speaker 1>we just gonna all like try to find this like

0:48:34.040 --> 0:48:36.480
<v Speaker 1>unicorn of a man that's already healed, already done all

0:48:36.480 --> 0:48:36.799
<v Speaker 1>the work.

0:48:36.880 --> 0:48:39.040
<v Speaker 2>There's also like there's this idea of what that man

0:48:39.120 --> 0:48:41.479
<v Speaker 2>is gonna be, Like he's gonna be tall, he's gonna

0:48:41.640 --> 0:48:43.640
<v Speaker 2>not a garden. He's kind of on plants.

0:48:43.680 --> 0:48:48.160
<v Speaker 1>Now, he might be like a short, small Indian man,

0:48:48.239 --> 0:48:50.239
<v Speaker 1>SMaL king. He might be a little Indian man.

0:48:50.440 --> 0:48:51.000
<v Speaker 2>That's extreme.

0:48:51.040 --> 0:48:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean that I'm being specific because bitch is some

0:48:53.120 --> 0:48:55.120
<v Speaker 1>peatures were like, I'll never I could never imagine myself

0:48:55.200 --> 0:48:56.879
<v Speaker 1>dating this type of person. It's like that was your

0:48:56.880 --> 0:48:58.799
<v Speaker 1>soul made. You didn't even fucking know, bitch.

0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Orlando is not my type.

0:49:01.160 --> 0:49:01.600
<v Speaker 1>I said it.

0:49:01.640 --> 0:49:02.719
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, I don't know if this is

0:49:02.760 --> 0:49:05.040
<v Speaker 2>my but he wasn't my type. But then I started

0:49:05.040 --> 0:49:08.000
<v Speaker 2>to like him, and when we came back from Mexico

0:49:08.440 --> 0:49:10.000
<v Speaker 2>was then like the first month and a half of

0:49:10.000 --> 0:49:11.399
<v Speaker 2>me knowing him. If he would have been like, let's

0:49:11.400 --> 0:49:13.640
<v Speaker 2>be together, I would have been like, okay, I was

0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:15.480
<v Speaker 2>not looking for me and I had just got a relationship.

0:49:15.520 --> 0:49:17.120
<v Speaker 2>But I a part of me a little bit was

0:49:17.160 --> 0:49:20.240
<v Speaker 2>a hope, like kind of wanted that. I've never admitted

0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:23.600
<v Speaker 2>that ever in my life out loud. But if he want, yeah,

0:49:23.640 --> 0:49:24.879
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh you did to have a great time.

0:49:24.960 --> 0:49:26.680
<v Speaker 2>Fuck you. But also, I mean, I'm not the type

0:49:26.680 --> 0:49:29.200
<v Speaker 2>of person to say to vocalize my feelings like that,

0:49:29.280 --> 0:49:31.880
<v Speaker 2>because it was kind of crazy, but I've had that

0:49:32.000 --> 0:49:32.879
<v Speaker 2>inkling like and it.

0:49:32.840 --> 0:49:35.480
<v Speaker 1>Wasn't crazy because you guys did have a really you know,

0:49:36.320 --> 0:49:39.840
<v Speaker 1>cosmic experience with one another, and so it's natural to

0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:43.720
<v Speaker 1>feel like that, that longing, especially if there are things

0:49:43.760 --> 0:49:45.120
<v Speaker 1>missing in your life.

0:49:45.160 --> 0:49:48.880
<v Speaker 2>But had that happened, it would have been much easier

0:49:48.880 --> 0:49:52.680
<v Speaker 2>for me to discard him when he did things that

0:49:52.800 --> 0:49:56.759
<v Speaker 2>were pissing me off. And that challenged me, especially because

0:49:56.760 --> 0:50:01.319
<v Speaker 2>we had this extremely honest, no secrets like relationship. Like,

0:50:02.160 --> 0:50:04.480
<v Speaker 2>had we been in a relationship early, that would not

0:50:04.600 --> 0:50:07.360
<v Speaker 2>have lasted. I'm grateful that that did not happen. And

0:50:07.440 --> 0:50:10.719
<v Speaker 2>it took a year of friendship, like solid friendship to

0:50:12.040 --> 0:50:15.279
<v Speaker 2>kind of know that we were ready for whatever we

0:50:15.280 --> 0:50:17.719
<v Speaker 2>were about to take this into. But when I when

0:50:17.840 --> 0:50:19.520
<v Speaker 2>we met, I was like, by the time I turned

0:50:19.560 --> 0:50:21.640
<v Speaker 2>thirty five, you'll be thirty one and you'll be old enough.

0:50:21.840 --> 0:50:24.480
<v Speaker 2>If we don't or like Marya's at thirty six, Uh,

0:50:24.600 --> 0:50:27.040
<v Speaker 2>if we don't find anyone else, we'll be together. And

0:50:27.080 --> 0:50:28.600
<v Speaker 2>then my head, I was like, nigga, I'm numb for

0:50:28.719 --> 0:50:31.919
<v Speaker 2>one that can't even better than me, not gonna happen.

0:50:31.960 --> 0:50:32.279
<v Speaker 1>Good luck.

0:50:33.000 --> 0:50:35.240
<v Speaker 2>So it was like that, and then there was an agreement,

0:50:35.360 --> 0:50:38.560
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, the friendship ship is like that's an like

0:50:38.960 --> 0:50:41.960
<v Speaker 2>it's not even like it's huge, huge piece, even if

0:50:41.960 --> 0:50:46.280
<v Speaker 2>it's your person. And there was this like spirit was saying,

0:50:46.760 --> 0:50:49.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna pump the brakes for you. I'm gonna not

0:50:49.160 --> 0:50:52.200
<v Speaker 2>even have that being mentioned because I know how valuable

0:50:52.280 --> 0:50:56.880
<v Speaker 2>this one year of like platonic slash you know, erotic

0:50:57.000 --> 0:50:59.400
<v Speaker 2>relation intimate relationship will look like, and how much it's

0:50:59.440 --> 0:51:02.480
<v Speaker 2>going to serve you because now, yeah, he does get

0:51:02.520 --> 0:51:04.560
<v Speaker 2>up my nerves. And even in the beginning, I was like,

0:51:04.600 --> 0:51:06.239
<v Speaker 2>this is like too good to be true or too

0:51:06.800 --> 0:51:09.200
<v Speaker 2>like like this is like the like I was bracing

0:51:09.239 --> 0:51:12.560
<v Speaker 2>myself for when the for when the honeymoon phase ended,

0:51:12.600 --> 0:51:14.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, because he moved in. I was like, ugh,

0:51:15.040 --> 0:51:17.520
<v Speaker 2>And but I told you this one time too. I'm like, yeah,

0:51:17.600 --> 0:51:19.799
<v Speaker 2>but one thing I'll ask myself is like, but are

0:51:19.840 --> 0:51:23.000
<v Speaker 2>you gonna do you want to live a life without him? Specifically?

0:51:23.080 --> 0:51:25.719
<v Speaker 2>And the answers always know, no matter what, like if

0:51:25.880 --> 0:51:27.719
<v Speaker 2>I can't see my I still don't want to live

0:51:27.760 --> 0:51:30.120
<v Speaker 2>without you, even if you fuck up, even if you

0:51:30.160 --> 0:51:31.799
<v Speaker 2>do this, even if you said that thing, like, there

0:51:31.800 --> 0:51:34.839
<v Speaker 2>have been challenging things and I realized it's easier for

0:51:34.880 --> 0:51:37.960
<v Speaker 2>me to be like I'm good, and it's been a

0:51:38.040 --> 0:51:42.000
<v Speaker 2>challenge to be in a relationship in ways I never know.

0:51:42.080 --> 0:51:43.200
<v Speaker 2>You know, you want a relationship, it is gonna be

0:51:43.200 --> 0:51:45.160
<v Speaker 2>so much eaier, gonna have support, But there's challenges that

0:51:45.239 --> 0:51:47.680
<v Speaker 2>come that you know are all so required of you.

0:51:47.920 --> 0:51:50.239
<v Speaker 2>Just because you find a partner and you find your

0:51:50.239 --> 0:51:53.240
<v Speaker 2>soulmate doesn't mean the challenges stop coming and the healing

0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:57.360
<v Speaker 2>and the evolution like ends, like everything doesn't become perfect.

0:51:57.400 --> 0:52:01.399
<v Speaker 1>Well, it's like this toxic soulmate fucking narrative of like

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:03.880
<v Speaker 1>you meet this person. It's Instagram. You see these people

0:52:03.880 --> 0:52:05.880
<v Speaker 1>and they're in love and they're like soulmates and they

0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:07.799
<v Speaker 1>share their story and you're like, oh my god, it's

0:52:07.840 --> 0:52:11.279
<v Speaker 1>so beautiful and then like then real life happens and

0:52:11.320 --> 0:52:13.040
<v Speaker 1>that's when you realize is your soul is it your

0:52:13.080 --> 0:52:16.640
<v Speaker 1>soulmate or is it your fucking lustmate? Or did you

0:52:16.680 --> 0:52:19.520
<v Speaker 1>actually like love this person as a friend, Like can

0:52:19.560 --> 0:52:22.879
<v Speaker 1>you work through all of the ups and downs? When

0:52:22.880 --> 0:52:24.879
<v Speaker 1>they say marriage like is till death do us part?

0:52:24.960 --> 0:52:27.840
<v Speaker 1>It's really like how much of fucking besties are you?

0:52:28.200 --> 0:52:29.440
<v Speaker 1>That's what the fuck that means.

0:52:29.320 --> 0:52:31.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna have mind changed, like how much your.

0:52:31.680 --> 0:52:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Mother's hocking bestie?

0:52:33.440 --> 0:52:33.680
<v Speaker 2>Are you?

0:52:33.840 --> 0:52:33.920
<v Speaker 4>Is?

0:52:33.920 --> 0:52:36.960
<v Speaker 1>What do death till death do Us part? Means? It's

0:52:37.000 --> 0:52:44.120
<v Speaker 1>not this like romantic notion. It's really not that sexy,

0:52:44.160 --> 0:52:46.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, And and it really comes when you when

0:52:46.960 --> 0:52:48.960
<v Speaker 1>that is really when you're really faced with that. And

0:52:49.040 --> 0:52:51.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm not married, so I can only imagine like what

0:52:51.320 --> 0:52:53.920
<v Speaker 1>that what that vow feels like. But I mean, ultimately

0:52:53.960 --> 0:52:57.600
<v Speaker 1>they're just words, But are you really that person's friend?

0:52:57.840 --> 0:52:57.960
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:52:58.000 --> 0:52:59.920
<v Speaker 1>And then when I was talking to my friend who's

0:53:00.120 --> 0:53:03.279
<v Speaker 1>you know, married again for the second time. She's in

0:53:03.320 --> 0:53:08.399
<v Speaker 1>her fifties and has like four kids that are off

0:53:08.400 --> 0:53:13.520
<v Speaker 1>to college, and she's lived a really like juicy life.

0:53:13.960 --> 0:53:16.399
<v Speaker 1>I could just as Morgan Debond said about us don't

0:53:16.400 --> 0:53:20.520
<v Speaker 1>know Who's now from the Stacks podcast, Oh right, Tracy

0:53:20.600 --> 0:53:23.799
<v Speaker 1>said that, And she's lived a really fucking juicy life.

0:53:23.800 --> 0:53:27.240
<v Speaker 1>This woman, she's a son. She've seen it all all types,

0:53:27.480 --> 0:53:30.560
<v Speaker 1>celebrity types, regular people types.

0:53:30.880 --> 0:53:32.719
<v Speaker 2>Like weirdos, nerds.

0:53:33.640 --> 0:53:36.360
<v Speaker 1>And I asked her, I've been asking that too. I

0:53:36.400 --> 0:53:38.399
<v Speaker 1>asked my grandmother too, Like yesterday, I've been like really

0:53:38.560 --> 0:53:41.000
<v Speaker 1>curious about like talking to like that my elders and

0:53:41.040 --> 0:53:44.760
<v Speaker 1>really understanding their perspective, because ultimately, I can be impulsive

0:53:44.760 --> 0:53:46.320
<v Speaker 1>and I can make my choices right now as a

0:53:46.360 --> 0:53:48.120
<v Speaker 1>thirty five year old, and this is all I know,

0:53:48.239 --> 0:53:50.040
<v Speaker 1>and this is what I deserve, and this is the

0:53:50.120 --> 0:53:52.520
<v Speaker 1>respect that I want. But like, what do you feel

0:53:52.560 --> 0:53:55.240
<v Speaker 1>later on in life after you've done all the things

0:53:55.239 --> 0:53:56.920
<v Speaker 1>and maybe you've done that and maybe you haven't.

0:53:57.040 --> 0:53:59.120
<v Speaker 2>You know, like what about the things that you require?

0:53:59.360 --> 0:54:01.200
<v Speaker 1>But the things you were choir and the things that

0:54:01.280 --> 0:54:03.839
<v Speaker 1>like mattered when you were thirty five versus matters now.

0:54:04.320 --> 0:54:06.880
<v Speaker 1>And granted, like everyone's you know, position is different on this,

0:54:07.040 --> 0:54:10.359
<v Speaker 1>but you know, like with her, that was her thing.

0:54:10.400 --> 0:54:15.160
<v Speaker 1>She was like, are there things that like are annoying

0:54:15.200 --> 0:54:20.080
<v Speaker 1>that like I are not ideal that, yeah, but ultimately

0:54:20.120 --> 0:54:22.520
<v Speaker 1>like that's my friend and I love him and he

0:54:22.560 --> 0:54:25.840
<v Speaker 1>loves me and that's that and that's it. And I'm

0:54:26.120 --> 0:54:27.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be friends with anyone else. I'd

0:54:27.760 --> 0:54:30.760
<v Speaker 1>rather be friending with this person versus anybody else, nesting

0:54:30.800 --> 0:54:36.160
<v Speaker 1>friending or Yeah. I asked my grandmother what her biggest

0:54:36.200 --> 0:54:43.680
<v Speaker 1>regret was in life, and she said getting married. I said, interesting,

0:54:43.960 --> 0:54:45.239
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, do you think you just married

0:54:45.239 --> 0:54:46.000
<v Speaker 1>the wrong people.

0:54:46.600 --> 0:54:53.760
<v Speaker 2>And she's like, probably, then there's that marrying like I think,

0:54:54.400 --> 0:55:00.440
<v Speaker 2>doing the steps, having the friendship, then the relationship really friendshiplationship.

0:55:00.440 --> 0:55:03.120
<v Speaker 2>But then choosing marriage is so essential because a lot

0:55:03.120 --> 0:55:06.040
<v Speaker 2>of people also choose marriage because it checks off the box,

0:55:06.440 --> 0:55:07.839
<v Speaker 2>especially women and a lot of Well.

0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:09.759
<v Speaker 1>She got married because she got pregnant. Because I asked

0:55:09.760 --> 0:55:11.360
<v Speaker 1>her about why did you marry your first husband, She's like,

0:55:11.360 --> 0:55:13.120
<v Speaker 1>I was pregnant. That's why I married.

0:55:12.920 --> 0:55:16.040
<v Speaker 2>Him, because religion said.

0:55:15.640 --> 0:55:20.839
<v Speaker 1>Because it was like nineteen fucking whatever, fifty eight and

0:55:21.280 --> 0:55:25.360
<v Speaker 1>you can't be on weed and pregnant in twenty, you know.

0:55:26.600 --> 0:55:29.000
<v Speaker 1>And then the second one was what was my grandfather?

0:55:29.239 --> 0:55:33.680
<v Speaker 1>And she said he knew how to balance a check

0:55:33.719 --> 0:55:36.600
<v Speaker 1>book because that was also the thing that she kept saying,

0:55:37.000 --> 0:55:39.120
<v Speaker 1>like about things that she wished she knew or that

0:55:39.160 --> 0:55:40.879
<v Speaker 1>she did more of. It was all related to money,

0:55:40.920 --> 0:55:43.200
<v Speaker 1>which I was like, so money is something that like

0:55:43.239 --> 0:55:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you've been do you feel stressed about, like you've felt

0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:47.560
<v Speaker 1>stressed about your whole life, And she's like, I just

0:55:47.800 --> 0:55:48.520
<v Speaker 1>it's important.

0:55:49.120 --> 0:55:52.319
<v Speaker 2>You can't can't go around that. She's not lying. It

0:55:52.360 --> 0:55:55.560
<v Speaker 2>is important. It's like so even that eighty five you

0:55:55.680 --> 0:55:57.120
<v Speaker 2>realize money is still important.

0:55:57.160 --> 0:56:01.080
<v Speaker 1>You need money, okay, And I said anything you regret,

0:56:01.120 --> 0:56:02.600
<v Speaker 1>She's like, no, I did everything I wanted to do.

0:56:02.960 --> 0:56:04.319
<v Speaker 1>She's like, if I didn't want to be married, I

0:56:04.320 --> 0:56:06.600
<v Speaker 1>wasn't married. I want to move out. I moved out.

0:56:06.719 --> 0:56:08.759
<v Speaker 1>I want to be My grandmother was an you know,

0:56:08.880 --> 0:56:11.920
<v Speaker 1>interior designer. She just figured it out because she you know,

0:56:12.239 --> 0:56:15.640
<v Speaker 1>needed a career. I did that, you know, and so

0:56:15.840 --> 0:56:19.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like, that's cool to just also do that, Like, yeah,

0:56:19.800 --> 0:56:21.840
<v Speaker 1>marriage maybe wasn't for her and she didn't find the

0:56:21.920 --> 0:56:24.520
<v Speaker 1>husband's but ultimately she still chose herself. And that's where.

0:56:24.560 --> 0:56:27.319
<v Speaker 1>That's where you have to trust yourself. Is that. That's

0:56:27.320 --> 0:56:28.760
<v Speaker 1>where and that's where I think where I do trust

0:56:28.760 --> 0:56:31.080
<v Speaker 1>myself is that like I'm always gonna I don't have

0:56:31.120 --> 0:56:33.120
<v Speaker 1>a problem choosing myself, Like.

0:56:33.080 --> 0:56:35.879
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, because because you've because you've done a lot

0:56:35.880 --> 0:56:38.359
<v Speaker 2>of work. So it's you can't un choose yourself because.

0:56:38.440 --> 0:56:40.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know better. I don't have a Yeah, I

0:56:40.160 --> 0:56:42.480
<v Speaker 1>don't have a problem choosing myself. I'm always going to

0:56:42.560 --> 0:56:47.040
<v Speaker 1>do that. I do the friendship element. I think with

0:56:47.160 --> 0:56:49.600
<v Speaker 1>men I have a problem with I'm not I don't

0:56:49.600 --> 0:56:52.960
<v Speaker 1>have a lot of male. I really have friends that

0:56:53.040 --> 0:56:54.720
<v Speaker 1>I know, but I don't have a lot of patience.

0:56:54.719 --> 0:56:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I haven't had a lot of patience for male humanness.

0:56:59.520 --> 0:57:02.239
<v Speaker 1>Like if you have some bullshit, get the fuck away

0:57:02.239 --> 0:57:04.799
<v Speaker 1>from me. Oh that's some bullshit, you know what I mean?

0:57:04.840 --> 0:57:08.440
<v Speaker 1>Like maybe like no, no, I haven't. I have not.

0:57:08.719 --> 0:57:12.319
<v Speaker 1>And so I realized that, not just in this relationship,

0:57:12.320 --> 0:57:14.160
<v Speaker 1>but just in general. I'm like, where does that come from?

0:57:16.080 --> 0:57:19.120
<v Speaker 2>I just I feel so deeply that this chapter of

0:57:19.160 --> 0:57:21.880
<v Speaker 2>our lives, like you know, we're in our mid thirties,

0:57:22.040 --> 0:57:24.600
<v Speaker 2>We've you know, committed to this life of like evolving

0:57:24.640 --> 0:57:30.120
<v Speaker 2>and growing and like self reflection, and there's really no

0:57:30.160 --> 0:57:34.880
<v Speaker 2>getting around it. And we live in this realm of

0:57:35.120 --> 0:57:38.480
<v Speaker 2>reality that is so fucked up it's not reality at all.

0:57:38.960 --> 0:57:42.680
<v Speaker 2>And we become domesticated and socialized in this society that

0:57:42.800 --> 0:57:46.320
<v Speaker 2>is very very skewed. This this is not real, and

0:57:46.400 --> 0:57:51.000
<v Speaker 2>so we have to remember that a we are human

0:57:51.360 --> 0:57:54.080
<v Speaker 2>and everyone outside of us is also human too, And

0:57:54.480 --> 0:57:57.960
<v Speaker 2>a part of that is really like going inside and saying,

0:57:58.000 --> 0:58:01.560
<v Speaker 2>like what am I carrying? What is what has poisoned

0:58:01.600 --> 0:58:04.400
<v Speaker 2>me to like have filters, you know, like have less

0:58:04.760 --> 0:58:09.640
<v Speaker 2>less uh empathy for people less, uh, you know, regard

0:58:09.760 --> 0:58:12.200
<v Speaker 2>for people because I've chose like I've seen it this

0:58:12.280 --> 0:58:14.960
<v Speaker 2>way or I'm tainted the trauma the healing, you know,

0:58:15.040 --> 0:58:17.600
<v Speaker 2>even like you saying what you asked your grandmother, Like

0:58:17.840 --> 0:58:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm just thinking last year this time I was. I

0:58:22.000 --> 0:58:24.720
<v Speaker 2>went to the trip and with my grandmother to fucking

0:58:25.160 --> 0:58:28.880
<v Speaker 2>North Carolina, South North Carolina to some like random peninsula

0:58:29.000 --> 0:58:32.680
<v Speaker 2>or whatever, haunted house, some honted house because she insisted

0:58:32.720 --> 0:58:34.080
<v Speaker 2>that we can do like a family trip every year.

0:58:34.080 --> 0:58:37.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why she chose this place, but I uh,

0:58:37.880 --> 0:58:40.040
<v Speaker 2>there was questions. I wanted to record asking her because

0:58:40.040 --> 0:58:41.560
<v Speaker 2>the Laundra told us have that up. We had the

0:58:41.600 --> 0:58:42.840
<v Speaker 2>episode with the Laundra and I was like, I'll just

0:58:42.920 --> 0:58:45.240
<v Speaker 2>do it next year. And you know, like she just

0:58:45.360 --> 0:58:49.200
<v Speaker 2>she passed, She transitioned. And it's just like Anne I

0:58:49.280 --> 0:58:52.640
<v Speaker 2>was talking about after that trip, mortality and that like

0:58:52.720 --> 0:58:55.960
<v Speaker 2>realizing people are getting older and that like we don't

0:58:56.000 --> 0:58:59.720
<v Speaker 2>have this life forever, and like she passed kind of

0:59:00.040 --> 0:59:02.720
<v Speaker 2>expectedly because she was like kicking it her grant. Her

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:06.520
<v Speaker 2>sister died a week after that. And I've just been

0:59:06.600 --> 0:59:09.520
<v Speaker 2>like and like I physically saw like the like her

0:59:09.600 --> 0:59:15.920
<v Speaker 2>spirit leave the body like I've never been around like this,

0:59:16.080 --> 0:59:19.520
<v Speaker 2>like meat suit and then seeing the like the like

0:59:19.600 --> 0:59:24.360
<v Speaker 2>how the spirit actually slowly leaves and then like touching

0:59:24.360 --> 0:59:27.760
<v Speaker 2>her after and like it feeling like it's it's a soup,

0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:31.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, essentially, like we a sack, it's a sack

0:59:31.400 --> 0:59:36.080
<v Speaker 2>of skin, and you know, and I feel like regret

0:59:36.120 --> 0:59:38.840
<v Speaker 2>obviously for not having those conversations and asking certain things.

0:59:39.360 --> 0:59:41.360
<v Speaker 2>And my grandmother lived, Like one time she told me,

0:59:41.400 --> 0:59:42.760
<v Speaker 2>like I was like, should I go out? We were?

0:59:43.000 --> 0:59:45.479
<v Speaker 2>She was like, you know, like sleep when you're dead

0:59:46.360 --> 0:59:48.600
<v Speaker 2>because what she told me, and she we've discussed her

0:59:48.640 --> 0:59:51.920
<v Speaker 2>death very often and like she was comfortable with like

0:59:52.080 --> 0:59:56.160
<v Speaker 2>the transition, which made it easier for me. But even

0:59:56.240 --> 0:59:59.760
<v Speaker 2>though she lived, she traveled, she was married a couple times,

0:59:59.840 --> 1:00:04.800
<v Speaker 2>like I saw where there's still root, like anger, hurt,

1:00:05.360 --> 1:00:07.959
<v Speaker 2>it would come out and lash out in ways, and

1:00:08.000 --> 1:00:11.640
<v Speaker 2>like even with my own mother, you know, the humanness,

1:00:12.080 --> 1:00:14.640
<v Speaker 2>And I realize so much of that is from just

1:00:14.840 --> 1:00:19.800
<v Speaker 2>unresolved shit that we refuse to pull up and look

1:00:19.840 --> 1:00:23.320
<v Speaker 2>at and examine and say this makes me uncomfortable or

1:00:23.400 --> 1:00:25.480
<v Speaker 2>like and sometimes you won't even know it's there.

1:00:25.600 --> 1:00:27.200
<v Speaker 1>That's what I say. A lot of times you don't

1:00:27.240 --> 1:00:28.360
<v Speaker 1>even know it's there.

1:00:28.280 --> 1:00:30.640
<v Speaker 2>But you have to be willing to look at things

1:00:30.680 --> 1:00:33.160
<v Speaker 2>and be like, oh god, that's me, that's not that's ugly,

1:00:33.360 --> 1:00:38.160
<v Speaker 2>you know. And just like a part of living this

1:00:38.320 --> 1:00:42.800
<v Speaker 2>life differently as women, I think living this life and

1:00:43.160 --> 1:00:47.040
<v Speaker 2>like to honor our ancestors is really taking advantage of

1:00:47.080 --> 1:00:50.880
<v Speaker 2>the freedom we have to heal and taking advantage of

1:00:50.920 --> 1:00:53.320
<v Speaker 2>like looking at ourselves and saying, how can I grow?

1:00:53.480 --> 1:00:55.760
<v Speaker 2>You know, how can I look like do things differently?

1:00:56.320 --> 1:01:00.640
<v Speaker 2>And like just choosing yourself is so fucking import that

1:01:00.760 --> 1:01:05.400
<v Speaker 2>and just like even having an attachment to living is

1:01:05.720 --> 1:01:09.640
<v Speaker 2>stupid because we don't die, no choice, we don't die,

1:01:10.160 --> 1:01:14.200
<v Speaker 2>and we all go and we're still probably swimming and

1:01:14.440 --> 1:01:17.080
<v Speaker 2>flying and the ethers together and this is such a

1:01:17.160 --> 1:01:20.000
<v Speaker 2>like profound experience. We probably did a few a lot

1:01:20.000 --> 1:01:24.960
<v Speaker 2>of cycles. But just as women, you know, just honoring ourselves,

1:01:24.960 --> 1:01:28.520
<v Speaker 2>our intuition, our humanness, each other's humanness and leading with

1:01:28.560 --> 1:01:30.560
<v Speaker 2>that and not to say except everyone, because people if

1:01:30.600 --> 1:01:33.840
<v Speaker 2>some people don't deserve your your attachment and your attention

1:01:34.080 --> 1:01:36.560
<v Speaker 2>and your energy because we don't have a lot of time.

1:01:37.200 --> 1:01:43.000
<v Speaker 2>But just like what she want to do is important,

1:01:43.600 --> 1:01:44.360
<v Speaker 2>No it's true.

1:01:44.640 --> 1:01:46.400
<v Speaker 1>It's true. But you just reminded me that I did

1:01:46.440 --> 1:01:49.200
<v Speaker 1>record my grandfather and I need to record my grandmother.

1:01:49.640 --> 1:01:51.520
<v Speaker 1>But that's why it actually came up yesterday when I

1:01:51.560 --> 1:01:52.800
<v Speaker 1>was thinking, when I was talking to her and I

1:01:52.840 --> 1:01:54.480
<v Speaker 1>was watched I was looking at her. I'm just saying,

1:01:55.000 --> 1:01:59.400
<v Speaker 1>she's she is at she's nearing the end of her life.

1:01:59.480 --> 1:02:01.960
<v Speaker 1>Not that there's some than going wrong, but like she is,

1:02:02.160 --> 1:02:06.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, And I'm just like so curious to know

1:02:06.680 --> 1:02:11.200
<v Speaker 1>what you in this lifetime and this iteration of your

1:02:11.360 --> 1:02:14.840
<v Speaker 1>that your soul, like what are your regrets? What is

1:02:14.880 --> 1:02:17.200
<v Speaker 1>the most successful thing you did? Like what are you

1:02:17.280 --> 1:02:17.960
<v Speaker 1>most proud of?

1:02:18.720 --> 1:02:19.280
<v Speaker 2>Right? You know?

1:02:19.680 --> 1:02:22.360
<v Speaker 1>And because I think it ultimately like it's almost like

1:02:22.400 --> 1:02:24.760
<v Speaker 1>it's the cheak code for us that she code for me,

1:02:24.880 --> 1:02:29.439
<v Speaker 1>especially she is my ancestor in ways, and she's still

1:02:29.480 --> 1:02:30.000
<v Speaker 1>here with me.

1:02:30.400 --> 1:02:33.439
<v Speaker 2>You know, what information can I get or know about

1:02:33.440 --> 1:02:36.680
<v Speaker 2>myself or learn about myself from having these conversations even

1:02:36.760 --> 1:02:38.400
<v Speaker 2>like we had a we were interviewing some of our

1:02:38.440 --> 1:02:43.919
<v Speaker 2>audience because we're we're in a business coach program because

1:02:43.920 --> 1:02:46.880
<v Speaker 2>we're trying to be better businesswomen, and we're interviewing some

1:02:47.000 --> 1:02:49.440
<v Speaker 2>of our audience and someone was like, yeah, I just

1:02:49.480 --> 1:02:51.160
<v Speaker 2>want I love like your freedom. I just want to

1:02:51.160 --> 1:02:53.080
<v Speaker 2>hang out with you guys. And I was like, really,

1:02:53.120 --> 1:02:55.680
<v Speaker 2>I want to cuddle. Someone else said they wanted to cuddle.

1:02:55.800 --> 1:02:58.720
<v Speaker 2>I love that. God, I love that so much. I

1:02:58.760 --> 1:03:01.040
<v Speaker 2>was like, I can do that. Where do you live?

1:03:01.600 --> 1:03:04.440
<v Speaker 2>Just come to the retreat. Yeah, well honestly we will cud,

1:03:08.560 --> 1:03:11.680
<v Speaker 2>Like what is going on over there? That's it cuddles.

1:03:11.680 --> 1:03:12.439
<v Speaker 1>Don't know where ship.

1:03:12.920 --> 1:03:14.360
<v Speaker 2>And she was just like, you know, I see my

1:03:14.440 --> 1:03:16.880
<v Speaker 2>mom and my grandma and I'm like, I'm not going

1:03:16.960 --> 1:03:18.840
<v Speaker 2>to be like that, like they don't seem happy. And

1:03:18.880 --> 1:03:22.560
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, whoa. I felt that because sometimes

1:03:22.600 --> 1:03:25.160
<v Speaker 2>I just see like and then we excuse older women,

1:03:25.520 --> 1:03:27.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, like oh she's Aggie and like you know

1:03:27.680 --> 1:03:30.440
<v Speaker 2>they're straight and their forward, but like sometimes it's just

1:03:30.560 --> 1:03:33.480
<v Speaker 2>like what is wrong with you? And we see it.

1:03:33.680 --> 1:03:36.000
<v Speaker 2>We see the joy in children. You notice that, like

1:03:36.080 --> 1:03:38.640
<v Speaker 2>leave and look at age. You see the pure bliss

1:03:38.680 --> 1:03:43.560
<v Speaker 2>in children, because it's before life has fucking toxified you

1:03:43.720 --> 1:03:48.680
<v Speaker 2>with bullshit and like sadness and reality because like and

1:03:48.760 --> 1:03:53.840
<v Speaker 2>so there's this inner anger hardness that happens. Yes, and

1:03:53.880 --> 1:03:56.960
<v Speaker 2>it's like, how do we hold on to that childlike love,

1:03:57.160 --> 1:04:00.480
<v Speaker 2>that bliss, you know what I mean, and like it's you.

1:04:00.480 --> 1:04:03.480
<v Speaker 1>Have to I don't know. I think some people are

1:04:03.480 --> 1:04:05.600
<v Speaker 1>gifted in the way that they can I think that

1:04:05.760 --> 1:04:07.680
<v Speaker 1>for the most part, we don't, I mean can't we

1:04:07.880 --> 1:04:10.080
<v Speaker 1>not only that we can't. For the most part we don't.

1:04:10.360 --> 1:04:12.560
<v Speaker 1>What we what we can do is fight to get

1:04:12.600 --> 1:04:15.080
<v Speaker 1>it back and have to fight to get it back

1:04:15.120 --> 1:04:17.600
<v Speaker 1>because everything around us is going to tell us that

1:04:17.640 --> 1:04:19.880
<v Speaker 1>we can't do those things and that we shouldn't do

1:04:19.920 --> 1:04:22.480
<v Speaker 1>those things and that's irresponsible, or that's for kids, or

1:04:22.520 --> 1:04:25.840
<v Speaker 1>those days are done, or god, you're weird, you're silly,

1:04:26.400 --> 1:04:28.720
<v Speaker 1>like you know. And one thing I will say is

1:04:28.760 --> 1:04:30.600
<v Speaker 1>like the people that are living their life for them

1:04:30.680 --> 1:04:33.200
<v Speaker 1>and really don't give a fuck, look the best. Of

1:04:33.280 --> 1:04:34.640
<v Speaker 1>course they look the best.

1:04:34.760 --> 1:04:35.760
<v Speaker 2>Just say, give zero fucks.

1:04:35.800 --> 1:04:38.120
<v Speaker 1>They give zero fucks, and they look young. And yeah,

1:04:38.160 --> 1:04:39.919
<v Speaker 1>granted they might have hurt some people along the way,

1:04:39.960 --> 1:04:42.400
<v Speaker 1>because there is a messiness in that. If you're not

1:04:42.480 --> 1:04:44.880
<v Speaker 1>if you don't have it fucking together in ways, and

1:04:44.960 --> 1:04:48.200
<v Speaker 1>you haven't really explored why certain parts of yourself and

1:04:48.240 --> 1:04:50.320
<v Speaker 1>why maybe you do need to grow up in certain ways.

1:04:50.720 --> 1:04:54.920
<v Speaker 1>But I think that there is I think that for

1:04:55.000 --> 1:04:56.960
<v Speaker 1>the most part, people do lose that I would say

1:04:57.040 --> 1:04:59.560
<v Speaker 1>ninety nine percent of people do. Wow. There are those

1:04:59.560 --> 1:05:01.720
<v Speaker 1>one percent, though, and those are the ones that everyone's like,

1:05:01.880 --> 1:05:02.840
<v Speaker 1>she's a weird bitch.

1:05:02.920 --> 1:05:04.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh, right, of course, Oh she's so weird. Yeah, But

1:05:04.960 --> 1:05:09.479
<v Speaker 2>there's also I think, like, honestly, I'm so I'm happy

1:05:09.560 --> 1:05:11.360
<v Speaker 2>that I'm so happy I went on this Tanto retreat

1:05:11.360 --> 1:05:13.680
<v Speaker 2>before going on our retreat, because I feel like my

1:05:13.760 --> 1:05:16.480
<v Speaker 2>cup is so full, and I feel like there has

1:05:16.560 --> 1:05:18.920
<v Speaker 2>to be practice. You have to practice. You have to

1:05:18.960 --> 1:05:22.520
<v Speaker 2>have a practice in order to choose joy. In a

1:05:22.600 --> 1:05:26.400
<v Speaker 2>world like this. You have to choose joy. You don't

1:05:26.440 --> 1:05:28.520
<v Speaker 2>just wake up with it every day, because there is

1:05:28.720 --> 1:05:31.680
<v Speaker 2>real fear of not having money, of not having food,

1:05:31.680 --> 1:05:34.080
<v Speaker 2>that the government is fucking our food, that we all

1:05:34.080 --> 1:05:36.000
<v Speaker 2>types of shit, we didn't do our passport. All these

1:05:36.000 --> 1:05:39.840
<v Speaker 2>fake lies will like take away our joy. And you

1:05:39.920 --> 1:05:42.360
<v Speaker 2>have to have this practice. And I just in this retreat,

1:05:42.560 --> 1:05:49.200
<v Speaker 2>in this container, I experienced things, of course come up,

1:05:49.240 --> 1:05:52.640
<v Speaker 2>but I experienced a community and a practice that allows

1:05:52.680 --> 1:05:55.200
<v Speaker 2>the things to come up and then encourages you to

1:05:55.280 --> 1:05:58.640
<v Speaker 2>examine them and dig down and be gentle with yourself.

1:05:58.680 --> 1:06:00.560
<v Speaker 2>And ask what is this poison? And then how what

1:06:00.640 --> 1:06:03.160
<v Speaker 2>are the practices that I've learned in order to remove

1:06:03.200 --> 1:06:05.120
<v Speaker 2>it or dissolve it and move through it? And every

1:06:05.120 --> 1:06:07.960
<v Speaker 2>time something comes up, it happens, you know, like you

1:06:08.000 --> 1:06:09.920
<v Speaker 2>could just really you could either choose to ignore it

1:06:10.240 --> 1:06:12.479
<v Speaker 2>or you just dive right deep into it and it's okay,

1:06:12.560 --> 1:06:15.400
<v Speaker 2>like to have feelings around it. And all these practices

1:06:15.480 --> 1:06:19.160
<v Speaker 2>that really teach us to look at things and then

1:06:19.240 --> 1:06:21.919
<v Speaker 2>either you know, dissolve them, release them, and like even

1:06:22.040 --> 1:06:24.520
<v Speaker 2>use pleasure as like an antidote a medicine for it.

1:06:24.600 --> 1:06:27.400
<v Speaker 2>But we are not taught, and we're not you know

1:06:27.560 --> 1:06:30.800
<v Speaker 2>can like, yeah, we're not taught and finding practice to

1:06:31.000 --> 1:06:33.880
<v Speaker 2>choose joy. And one of the things I learned about

1:06:33.880 --> 1:06:35.680
<v Speaker 2>this at this place is like there were so many

1:06:35.680 --> 1:06:38.440
<v Speaker 2>different types of people, people from Canada, from Idaho shout

1:06:38.440 --> 1:06:41.480
<v Speaker 2>out to Like I had made up so many friends

1:06:41.520 --> 1:06:43.680
<v Speaker 2>that I probably would have never ever made friends with,

1:06:44.200 --> 1:06:48.600
<v Speaker 2>and hearing trauma and stories that I was like, oh,

1:06:48.680 --> 1:06:51.640
<v Speaker 2>my fucking god, a pitch and you're still laughing, and

1:06:51.840 --> 1:06:56.840
<v Speaker 2>like and like Maryanne, like my friend in Idaho who

1:06:56.960 --> 1:06:58.760
<v Speaker 2>grew up Mormon and was telling me how like the

1:06:58.760 --> 1:07:01.760
<v Speaker 2>bishop asked, like asks the people, like have you been

1:07:01.760 --> 1:07:04.520
<v Speaker 2>masturbating lately? Like the kids go alone in this room

1:07:04.760 --> 1:07:08.960
<v Speaker 2>with the Mormon bishops and they're like harassing them about masturbation,

1:07:10.520 --> 1:07:12.720
<v Speaker 2>and like why he pulled out some pictures that someone

1:07:12.720 --> 1:07:16.040
<v Speaker 2>had sent like all this crazy, horrible things that go

1:07:16.080 --> 1:07:17.960
<v Speaker 2>on in these communities and that's just like such a

1:07:18.320 --> 1:07:22.480
<v Speaker 2>small percentage of the trauma that it is created in

1:07:22.520 --> 1:07:25.960
<v Speaker 2>our society period. But like she was joyous and happy,

1:07:26.000 --> 1:07:28.480
<v Speaker 2>and even Devi, who's the owner of the school and

1:07:28.640 --> 1:07:32.760
<v Speaker 2>authentic Tantra, and she's so joyous like a child, like

1:07:32.800 --> 1:07:37.160
<v Speaker 2>a baby. But there's just you know, you we all

1:07:37.440 --> 1:07:42.480
<v Speaker 2>have to literally choose joy, choose to look at ourselves

1:07:42.560 --> 1:07:44.400
<v Speaker 2>and the things that happen to us and the people

1:07:44.400 --> 1:07:47.480
<v Speaker 2>that fuck us and release that shit in order to

1:07:47.560 --> 1:07:49.840
<v Speaker 2>choose joy and make the best out of this very

1:07:49.880 --> 1:07:52.400
<v Speaker 2>short life that we have, in order to make space

1:07:52.800 --> 1:07:55.200
<v Speaker 2>for pleasure and to be filled with that and just

1:07:55.240 --> 1:07:57.280
<v Speaker 2>say no, I'm not I don't want that bullshit fuck that.

1:07:58.800 --> 1:08:01.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm happy you said that that word practice because I

1:08:01.800 --> 1:08:04.520
<v Speaker 1>realize for me specifically, and this might not be for everyone,

1:08:04.600 --> 1:08:07.280
<v Speaker 1>but I need practices in order to find the joy

1:08:08.000 --> 1:08:11.880
<v Speaker 1>like I actually like I was supposed to be a

1:08:11.960 --> 1:08:14.040
<v Speaker 1>herd coach. Right now, I know I'm late. They're gonna

1:08:14.120 --> 1:08:20.960
<v Speaker 1>kill me. I have to be in practice of something,

1:08:21.160 --> 1:08:26.479
<v Speaker 1>whether that's movement, whether that's eating well, whether that's actually

1:08:27.120 --> 1:08:30.960
<v Speaker 1>fucking like having practice, whether that's like doing reaking on

1:08:30.960 --> 1:08:35.360
<v Speaker 1>myself every morning and every night. I feel like a

1:08:35.960 --> 1:08:39.880
<v Speaker 1>highly functional, happy person when I'm doing that. I can

1:08:39.960 --> 1:08:42.679
<v Speaker 1>feel like yessterday, when I'm spiraling on Instagram, it's because

1:08:42.680 --> 1:08:45.240
<v Speaker 1>I haven't been in practice of shit. I've just been working,

1:08:46.120 --> 1:08:49.040
<v Speaker 1>like trying to get shit done. That is like the

1:08:49.160 --> 1:08:52.120
<v Speaker 1>sure way to make me unhappy and will make me

1:08:52.160 --> 1:08:54.519
<v Speaker 1>start questioning the work that I do that makes me

1:08:54.560 --> 1:08:57.559
<v Speaker 1>happy because I'm not also in practice of like it's

1:08:57.600 --> 1:08:59.840
<v Speaker 1>self care essentially, you know, or just paying attention to

1:08:59.840 --> 1:09:03.120
<v Speaker 1>your I'm not actively paying attention to myself. I'm paying

1:09:03.160 --> 1:09:04.800
<v Speaker 1>attention to everything that's outside of me.

1:09:04.920 --> 1:09:06.679
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that's a sure way to disaster.

1:09:06.920 --> 1:09:09.080
<v Speaker 1>So then when you're telling me I should choose happiness,

1:09:09.120 --> 1:09:11.080
<v Speaker 1>like I haven't even chosen myself. How the fuck am

1:09:11.080 --> 1:09:13.519
<v Speaker 1>I supposed to choose happiness. I've even paid attention to

1:09:13.520 --> 1:09:17.680
<v Speaker 1>myself in weeks, you know, And so I know that

1:09:17.880 --> 1:09:20.040
<v Speaker 1>like that for me, that's what I need. Some people

1:09:20.040 --> 1:09:22.120
<v Speaker 1>that's not what they need for to choose you know,

1:09:22.200 --> 1:09:24.320
<v Speaker 1>happiness or whatever. Some people just need to be around,

1:09:24.600 --> 1:09:26.679
<v Speaker 1>be out and about and like that's how they recharge

1:09:26.720 --> 1:09:27.679
<v Speaker 1>and that's what breaks them.

1:09:27.600 --> 1:09:28.080
<v Speaker 2>Joy, you know.

1:09:28.960 --> 1:09:33.200
<v Speaker 1>So I encourage you, not you, but whoever's listening and

1:09:33.280 --> 1:09:36.639
<v Speaker 1>you and me to really like think about, like write,

1:09:36.640 --> 1:09:38.960
<v Speaker 1>what is it that makes you? What is it that

1:09:39.000 --> 1:09:40.920
<v Speaker 1>would make you be able to choose joy every day?

1:09:41.000 --> 1:09:41.400
<v Speaker 2>What is it?

1:09:41.479 --> 1:09:44.080
<v Speaker 1>What are the things that you would need in order

1:09:44.640 --> 1:09:47.559
<v Speaker 1>to do that? Like what is the perfect set of

1:09:48.120 --> 1:09:53.720
<v Speaker 1>things or experiences or people? Yeah, people, or like what

1:09:53.840 --> 1:09:56.200
<v Speaker 1>is that you know? Because I think we haven't even

1:09:56.200 --> 1:09:58.160
<v Speaker 1>thought about that. Sometimes it's kind of just like when

1:09:58.240 --> 1:09:59.639
<v Speaker 1>you're kind of just shooting in the.

1:09:59.640 --> 1:10:01.600
<v Speaker 2>Dark and then you're like fuck you wake up, or

1:10:01.640 --> 1:10:04.160
<v Speaker 2>you're not happy, or you have that moment where you're like, damn,

1:10:04.160 --> 1:10:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I am being a bitch or why am I being sure?

1:10:06.240 --> 1:10:09.760
<v Speaker 2>If you even have that moment, but it's because you

1:10:09.840 --> 1:10:12.040
<v Speaker 2>haven't even paid attention to your body, how you feel

1:10:12.320 --> 1:10:14.040
<v Speaker 2>you can. You don't know what makes you happy because

1:10:14.040 --> 1:10:16.160
<v Speaker 2>you haven't tapped into it. So everything is going to

1:10:16.200 --> 1:10:19.240
<v Speaker 2>make you unhappy and not have pleasure because you haven't

1:10:19.280 --> 1:10:21.760
<v Speaker 2>even said, wait, what brings me present? What brings me

1:10:21.840 --> 1:10:23.960
<v Speaker 2>pleasure and presence? And what can I eliminate?

1:10:24.800 --> 1:10:27.439
<v Speaker 1>And also when you do write these things down, you

1:10:27.479 --> 1:10:29.360
<v Speaker 1>start to create a toolbox that you can go back

1:10:29.400 --> 1:10:30.920
<v Speaker 1>to when you do wake up and you feel like

1:10:30.920 --> 1:10:33.400
<v Speaker 1>in a fucked up mood. Like for me, like yesterday

1:10:33.439 --> 1:10:35.000
<v Speaker 1>when I was spiral ing, I was like, bitch, what

1:10:35.040 --> 1:10:36.160
<v Speaker 1>the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like,

1:10:36.160 --> 1:10:37.519
<v Speaker 1>what hol to hold a hold up? What do I

1:10:37.560 --> 1:10:37.920
<v Speaker 1>need to do?

1:10:38.600 --> 1:10:39.080
<v Speaker 2>What?

1:10:39.080 --> 1:10:41.960
<v Speaker 1>What is like one thing in my toolbox for lack

1:10:42.000 --> 1:10:44.559
<v Speaker 1>of a better word, that I can pull out that

1:10:44.640 --> 1:10:46.160
<v Speaker 1>is going to like take the edge off of me

1:10:46.280 --> 1:10:47.439
<v Speaker 1>right now? And I was like, let me go for

1:10:47.520 --> 1:10:49.960
<v Speaker 1>a run, even though I don't want to, even I

1:10:50.080 --> 1:10:52.200
<v Speaker 1>fucking don't want to, you know. And I did it.

1:10:52.240 --> 1:10:54.639
<v Speaker 1>And then I was like, Okay, not one hundred percent,

1:10:55.080 --> 1:10:58.519
<v Speaker 1>but we're nine we're like ten percent edge off, you know,

1:10:58.600 --> 1:11:01.240
<v Speaker 1>like so being able to know what the those things are,

1:11:01.280 --> 1:11:03.479
<v Speaker 1>so you're just not every day waking up like fuck this,

1:11:03.640 --> 1:11:05.880
<v Speaker 1>fuck this, fuck this, fuck this, and you're like, bitch,

1:11:05.880 --> 1:11:07.240
<v Speaker 1>that's because you don't know what makes you happy?

1:11:07.240 --> 1:11:07.519
<v Speaker 2>At all.

1:11:08.479 --> 1:11:12.240
<v Speaker 1>So figure that out, write down, use that shit when

1:11:12.280 --> 1:11:13.400
<v Speaker 1>you feel stressed the fuck out.

1:11:14.760 --> 1:11:16.640
<v Speaker 2>You have to. You have to. And some of the

1:11:16.680 --> 1:11:18.920
<v Speaker 2>things are going to seem ridiculous. Some of the things

1:11:18.960 --> 1:11:21.519
<v Speaker 2>that you find are in medicine are the most basic shit.

1:11:22.240 --> 1:11:24.920
<v Speaker 2>And there was a few times at the retreat I

1:11:24.960 --> 1:11:26.880
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh my god, this might be a cult,

1:11:27.040 --> 1:11:29.040
<v Speaker 2>but then it wasn't. It was just that it's the

1:11:30.200 --> 1:11:33.360
<v Speaker 2>ways to freedom and the ways to practice and like

1:11:33.720 --> 1:11:37.760
<v Speaker 2>moving your body, you know, meditate, there's be silent, shut

1:11:37.800 --> 1:11:41.760
<v Speaker 2>the fuck up, listen to your body, breathe. It's like

1:11:42.120 --> 1:11:44.640
<v Speaker 2>so basic, but then you do it and you know,

1:11:44.680 --> 1:11:46.640
<v Speaker 2>and other people are committed to doing it and it

1:11:46.680 --> 1:11:49.800
<v Speaker 2>seems so foreign and it's not. You know, it's just.

1:11:50.080 --> 1:11:52.479
<v Speaker 1>It's really simple. You'd be surprised that the things that

1:11:52.600 --> 1:11:54.920
<v Speaker 1>you need to make yourself happy you don't need to

1:11:55.000 --> 1:11:58.040
<v Speaker 1>go shopping, you don't need those are cool Sometimes that

1:11:58.080 --> 1:11:58.519
<v Speaker 1>helps too.

1:11:58.520 --> 1:11:59.920
<v Speaker 2>That's like I always like to go eat and have

1:12:00.040 --> 1:12:00.479
<v Speaker 2>a drink.

1:12:00.960 --> 1:12:06.439
<v Speaker 1>You know, well, also what are you putting in your body?

1:12:06.520 --> 1:12:08.040
<v Speaker 1>Because yeah, I can eat and have a drink and

1:12:08.040 --> 1:12:10.559
<v Speaker 1>all those things, but like, are those things that you

1:12:10.680 --> 1:12:13.080
<v Speaker 1>make you happy to like? Then also like in the

1:12:13.160 --> 1:12:17.439
<v Speaker 1>long term, deteriorating yourself towards your ultimate happiness. I mean.

1:12:17.760 --> 1:12:20.120
<v Speaker 2>And also I had a moment like this at the retreat.

1:12:20.200 --> 1:12:22.800
<v Speaker 2>Something happened. It was kind of like a little bit stressful,

1:12:22.880 --> 1:12:25.200
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, hey, Marianne, you want to go

1:12:25.200 --> 1:12:29.200
<v Speaker 2>get a drink when you get something fried? And she's

1:12:29.240 --> 1:12:31.160
<v Speaker 2>like okay. Everyone else's like no, I think I'm just

1:12:31.160 --> 1:12:33.519
<v Speaker 2>going to meditate. I was like, I'm an alcoholic and

1:12:33.560 --> 1:12:36.000
<v Speaker 2>then I got there and I was like, no, not alcoholic.

1:12:36.120 --> 1:12:41.800
<v Speaker 2>This is what brings me pleasure. Me and Marianne you're like, whoa,

1:12:41.920 --> 1:12:44.000
<v Speaker 2>you know. And then and then there's that, and then

1:12:44.040 --> 1:12:47.000
<v Speaker 2>there's balance, and that's another thing. It's just like everything's

1:12:47.000 --> 1:12:49.479
<v Speaker 2>with balance. It's not it's not bad or good. There's

1:12:49.520 --> 1:12:53.240
<v Speaker 2>no good or bad. It's just balance. You know. What

1:12:53.360 --> 1:12:55.640
<v Speaker 2>is it like in what moment that brings you the

1:12:55.640 --> 1:12:57.120
<v Speaker 2>things that you need? And you have to be in

1:12:57.120 --> 1:13:03.719
<v Speaker 2>touch with yourself to figure out what the fuck that is? Well?

1:13:05.479 --> 1:13:08.720
<v Speaker 2>Do you want men to talk about my Mayoni massage

1:13:08.800 --> 1:13:09.960
<v Speaker 2>for a hori? Oh?

1:13:10.080 --> 1:13:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Did you get what? No?

1:13:11.720 --> 1:13:12.400
<v Speaker 2>I was just there?

1:13:12.560 --> 1:13:22.679
<v Speaker 4>Oh oho stories yeah, So okay.

1:13:22.680 --> 1:13:25.240
<v Speaker 1>So Mielia went on this retreat want this Tantra retreat.

1:13:25.560 --> 1:13:28.479
<v Speaker 1>She's an authentic Tantra school and she at the retreat

1:13:28.479 --> 1:13:33.560
<v Speaker 1>you get hands on experience well like yeah, demonstration, demonstrations

1:13:33.600 --> 1:13:37.200
<v Speaker 1>and hands on experience like practicing. So Tantra is like

1:13:37.400 --> 1:13:39.680
<v Speaker 1>the I feel like, the study of really pleasure in

1:13:39.720 --> 1:13:44.120
<v Speaker 1>all of its forms and including obviously sexually, like sexual

1:13:44.160 --> 1:13:48.000
<v Speaker 1>pleasure and even the trauma and things we store in

1:13:48.040 --> 1:13:48.639
<v Speaker 1>our bodies.

1:13:49.600 --> 1:13:51.080
<v Speaker 2>So what are you saying?

1:13:51.120 --> 1:13:53.120
<v Speaker 1>Continues, Oh, I was just letting the people know in

1:13:53.120 --> 1:13:55.280
<v Speaker 1>case they didn't know. Like, I mean, I know you've

1:13:55.280 --> 1:13:56.920
<v Speaker 1>mentioned that you went to a retreat, but like what

1:13:57.040 --> 1:14:00.360
<v Speaker 1>is actually happening at these retreats so that they just

1:14:00.360 --> 1:14:02.679
<v Speaker 1>think you want on a retreat and we're getting Yoni

1:14:02.720 --> 1:14:03.960
<v Speaker 1>mapped and shit, Like what is that?

1:14:04.880 --> 1:14:07.640
<v Speaker 2>So the retreat is essentially it's not a retreat, it's

1:14:07.640 --> 1:14:10.680
<v Speaker 2>an intensive it's an embodiment because we've been studying for

1:14:10.720 --> 1:14:13.519
<v Speaker 2>a year and like I said, there's movement involved, there's breath.

1:14:14.280 --> 1:14:17.200
<v Speaker 2>It's a Tibetan practice that's been around for thousands of

1:14:17.280 --> 1:14:21.320
<v Speaker 2>years and so it's it's been mostly transferred orally and

1:14:21.360 --> 1:14:23.479
<v Speaker 2>she's like the first person to ever write it in books.

1:14:23.680 --> 1:14:28.000
<v Speaker 2>So we're studying this Tibetan tantra practice, that's the lineage,

1:14:28.040 --> 1:14:29.880
<v Speaker 2>and there's lots of tantra practices there. You see a

1:14:29.880 --> 1:14:32.160
<v Speaker 2>lot of neo practices, but this is the only government

1:14:32.520 --> 1:14:35.080
<v Speaker 2>accredited school, and so there we're doing a lot of

1:14:35.080 --> 1:14:37.000
<v Speaker 2>things that may seem we're to other people, but like

1:14:37.000 --> 1:14:39.800
<v Speaker 2>we said, we're meditating, we're union breathing, we're connecting with

1:14:39.840 --> 1:14:44.879
<v Speaker 2>one another, we're going inside, we're dancing, and we're learning,

1:14:45.120 --> 1:14:47.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, all of the all the things yoni and

1:14:47.960 --> 1:14:51.280
<v Speaker 2>lingam's penises and pissis and so one of the things

1:14:51.360 --> 1:14:54.080
<v Speaker 2>is we're learning how to use the mudras to bring

1:14:54.160 --> 1:14:59.960
<v Speaker 2>pleasure in your erogenous zone. So I you can eat

1:15:00.000 --> 1:15:02.920
<v Speaker 2>the received one, you can give one. I was an

1:15:02.920 --> 1:15:05.600
<v Speaker 2>observer and I saw one earlier in the day and

1:15:05.640 --> 1:15:09.040
<v Speaker 2>I just you know, the girl had a breakthrough. She

1:15:09.040 --> 1:15:10.960
<v Speaker 2>shed a tear. She was crying a little bit, because

1:15:10.960 --> 1:15:13.320
<v Speaker 2>a lot of times when you explore these places, things

1:15:13.360 --> 1:15:16.479
<v Speaker 2>come up. You store trauma literally and you know, in

1:15:16.520 --> 1:15:18.559
<v Speaker 2>all parts of your body. But a lot of us,

1:15:18.600 --> 1:15:22.719
<v Speaker 2>just from living in so like Western civilization, have sexual traumas.

1:15:23.520 --> 1:15:27.960
<v Speaker 2>You know, men are get fucking circumcised, women are shamed

1:15:28.000 --> 1:15:30.519
<v Speaker 2>for their sexuality. So there's a lot of storage of things.

1:15:30.880 --> 1:15:34.920
<v Speaker 2>So sometimes and those explessure explorations, like in the trauma,

1:15:35.840 --> 1:15:39.000
<v Speaker 2>there are releases that are unexpected. Anyway, I saw one.

1:15:39.160 --> 1:15:41.960
<v Speaker 2>It was great. They told us it was optional. So

1:15:42.040 --> 1:15:43.720
<v Speaker 2>I went to my room and I told them before

1:15:43.720 --> 1:15:45.679
<v Speaker 2>I left, I'm not gonna I'm gonna sit this one out.

1:15:46.280 --> 1:15:50.639
<v Speaker 2>She said fine, it starts raining. Then they text me like, hey,

1:15:50.760 --> 1:15:53.759
<v Speaker 2>we assigned your group. I was like, yeah, I'm chilling.

1:15:54.400 --> 1:15:56.960
<v Speaker 2>And then someone else is like, hey, your group is sounds.

1:15:57.000 --> 1:15:58.639
<v Speaker 2>I was like, well, she told me that I could

1:15:58.680 --> 1:15:59.760
<v Speaker 2>sit out, and she was like, well, this is the

1:15:59.840 --> 1:16:02.800
<v Speaker 2>list one. So I was like. Something was like maybe

1:16:02.840 --> 1:16:06.280
<v Speaker 2>you're supposed to go, and I was like fine, so

1:16:06.360 --> 1:16:09.200
<v Speaker 2>I go. It's just my friend. It's just my friend Marianne,

1:16:09.920 --> 1:16:12.560
<v Speaker 2>my friend Maria. They got I got my permission to

1:16:12.560 --> 1:16:15.040
<v Speaker 2>share this story, and a facilitator and me and I

1:16:15.080 --> 1:16:17.040
<v Speaker 2>was a observer. So I was reading, you know, I

1:16:17.040 --> 1:16:18.920
<v Speaker 2>was reading her what she needs to do, going through

1:16:18.960 --> 1:16:20.680
<v Speaker 2>the practices totally.

1:16:20.320 --> 1:16:22.720
<v Speaker 1>Just so a student is doing this on her, and

1:16:22.720 --> 1:16:24.920
<v Speaker 1>so you student and a student. As soon as so

1:16:24.920 --> 1:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>the student is doing this and she's reading through the text,

1:16:27.320 --> 1:16:29.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm reading through you're through text, so she knows step

1:16:29.439 --> 1:16:30.920
<v Speaker 1>by step what you're supposed to be doing, and is

1:16:30.960 --> 1:16:33.759
<v Speaker 1>it what is like I'm so curious, like what the scene.

1:16:33.800 --> 1:16:35.200
<v Speaker 1>I know I'm going to do this next year, but

1:16:35.200 --> 1:16:36.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm so curious, like what the scene is like? Is

1:16:36.840 --> 1:16:40.439
<v Speaker 1>it like is there music playing or is it just

1:16:40.479 --> 1:16:42.280
<v Speaker 1>like straight educational.

1:16:41.800 --> 1:16:44.599
<v Speaker 2>No, so part of so part of it is Okay,

1:16:44.680 --> 1:16:47.320
<v Speaker 2>let's set up the environment. Okay, and we added, we

1:16:47.360 --> 1:16:49.599
<v Speaker 2>asked the receiver, what do you want? She had fruits,

1:16:49.640 --> 1:16:51.559
<v Speaker 2>we made I made her tea. We like, brought all

1:16:51.560 --> 1:16:53.400
<v Speaker 2>the pillows in the room. We lowered the lights, we

1:16:53.479 --> 1:16:55.720
<v Speaker 2>had candles. Okay, there was music because this is what

1:16:55.760 --> 1:16:58.160
<v Speaker 2>she requested. So this is something like so if I

1:16:58.280 --> 1:17:01.360
<v Speaker 2>was after I'm done school and couple comes in, this

1:17:01.400 --> 1:17:05.120
<v Speaker 2>is what the environment will basically embody whatever brings you pleasure.

1:17:05.560 --> 1:17:08.040
<v Speaker 2>And so I was reading as if like I was,

1:17:08.040 --> 1:17:10.040
<v Speaker 2>if I was instructing a couple and they were exploring

1:17:10.080 --> 1:17:12.320
<v Speaker 2>each other, or if someone was wanting to explore on themselves,

1:17:12.400 --> 1:17:14.879
<v Speaker 2>you know, we'd use a model. But in this instance,

1:17:15.240 --> 1:17:19.320
<v Speaker 2>the students who were my you know, my my peers

1:17:19.520 --> 1:17:21.479
<v Speaker 2>were doing each other and I was given the role

1:17:21.520 --> 1:17:23.400
<v Speaker 2>of reading through the MOODSS to make sure she was

1:17:23.439 --> 1:17:25.280
<v Speaker 2>doing the right thing, and then there was a facilitator.

1:17:26.880 --> 1:17:29.679
<v Speaker 2>I was I was supposed to be there in my mind,

1:17:29.760 --> 1:17:32.559
<v Speaker 2>so I started reading it. It was great, It's not

1:17:32.640 --> 1:17:34.400
<v Speaker 2>I love them. It was fun, but I was like

1:17:34.479 --> 1:17:37.400
<v Speaker 2>ready to go. So I was like flipping the page

1:17:37.400 --> 1:17:39.320
<v Speaker 2>just saying we were almost done, and I was just like,

1:17:39.400 --> 1:17:42.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, watching so the one the girl who's like

1:17:42.360 --> 1:17:47.040
<v Speaker 2>receiving is starting to really really really get it, like

1:17:47.120 --> 1:17:50.360
<v Speaker 2>arouse and start to experience pleasure. And I just like,

1:17:50.439 --> 1:17:52.320
<v Speaker 2>I A lot of this practice, a lot of the

1:17:52.320 --> 1:17:54.440
<v Speaker 2>work we've done is just checking in with my ourselves.

1:17:54.560 --> 1:17:56.160
<v Speaker 2>So I literally was like why is it started to

1:17:56.160 --> 1:17:58.160
<v Speaker 2>make me feel uncomfortable? And I was like, why is

1:17:58.200 --> 1:18:01.320
<v Speaker 2>this making me so uncomfortable? And I was like, I'm like,

1:18:01.439 --> 1:18:05.439
<v Speaker 2>she looks pretty. I was like, she looks like she's

1:18:05.439 --> 1:18:07.800
<v Speaker 2>a goddess. She's like a nice robe on. And like

1:18:08.920 --> 1:18:11.360
<v Speaker 2>Marianne is great, like she knows exactly what she was doing,

1:18:11.400 --> 1:18:13.479
<v Speaker 2>she knew all the steps, the teacher was great, everything

1:18:13.560 --> 1:18:14.920
<v Speaker 2>was great. I was just like, why is this making

1:18:14.920 --> 1:18:17.800
<v Speaker 2>me so uncomfortable? And also if this makes you uncomfortable, bitch,

1:18:17.840 --> 1:18:19.439
<v Speaker 2>how are you going to do this in real life?

1:18:19.439 --> 1:18:21.000
<v Speaker 2>Did you just waste a year of your life at

1:18:21.000 --> 1:18:24.160
<v Speaker 2>this school? And then had to really start exploring, like

1:18:24.400 --> 1:18:26.639
<v Speaker 2>it's not the nudity that makes me uncomfortable, Like what

1:18:26.800 --> 1:18:29.600
<v Speaker 2>is it about seeing this is making me uncomfortable? So

1:18:29.600 --> 1:18:32.400
<v Speaker 2>I observe that. I kept going and then she really

1:18:32.400 --> 1:18:34.920
<v Speaker 2>starts to get into it, but then she says, I

1:18:34.960 --> 1:18:37.760
<v Speaker 2>feel like I can't surrender, and I was like, then

1:18:37.800 --> 1:18:39.719
<v Speaker 2>I dawned on me. I was like, there's no fucking

1:18:39.760 --> 1:18:41.800
<v Speaker 2>way in hell i'd be able to be. I wanted

1:18:41.800 --> 1:18:43.000
<v Speaker 2>to be a receiver, but I was like I could

1:18:43.000 --> 1:18:45.480
<v Speaker 2>have never done this, Like I could have never surrendered

1:18:45.479 --> 1:18:48.679
<v Speaker 2>with people watching me, you know. So I was like, yeah,

1:18:48.680 --> 1:18:50.479
<v Speaker 2>I could never done this. This is crazy sod of.

1:18:51.080 --> 1:18:54.880
<v Speaker 2>Then she's like starting to like cut orgasm, and she

1:18:54.920 --> 1:18:56.840
<v Speaker 2>starts to squirt. So I'm trying to I'm looking but

1:18:56.920 --> 1:18:59.599
<v Speaker 2>also like not trying to get squirted on, and she's

1:18:59.600 --> 1:19:03.120
<v Speaker 2>starting to orgasm, and I.

1:19:02.240 --> 1:19:04.519
<v Speaker 1>Well, thank you for that, Horri. Make sure you go

1:19:04.600 --> 1:19:07.400
<v Speaker 1>check us out on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash

1:19:07.439 --> 1:19:10.559
<v Speaker 1>Good Mom's Bad Choices. I think that people are either

1:19:10.560 --> 1:19:14.280
<v Speaker 1>going to be totally freaked out or they're gonna wanna

1:19:14.360 --> 1:19:15.639
<v Speaker 1>find the bitch in to Pinky Canyon.

1:19:16.479 --> 1:19:18.679
<v Speaker 2>I know, I don't. It's a spiritual hurry. I don't

1:19:18.680 --> 1:19:21.120
<v Speaker 2>want to, you know, discredit it by calling it a

1:19:21.160 --> 1:19:23.000
<v Speaker 2>horri But it was a spiritual horry because I was

1:19:23.040 --> 1:19:25.240
<v Speaker 2>like a little shocked that that happened.

1:19:25.320 --> 1:19:29.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but make sure you go check us out on Patreon.

1:19:29.520 --> 1:19:33.000
<v Speaker 1>That's patreon dot com. Backslash Good Mom's Bad Joyces to

1:19:33.040 --> 1:19:35.080
<v Speaker 1>hear this horry and a lot of other hories that

1:19:35.120 --> 1:19:40.559
<v Speaker 1>you probably haven't heard on the show. Is it Tarot time?

1:19:40.880 --> 1:19:41.840
<v Speaker 2>It is Tarot time.

1:19:43.240 --> 1:19:45.160
<v Speaker 1>I feel like we've gotten this one before we have.

1:19:45.400 --> 1:19:48.160
<v Speaker 2>This one came in reverse the hang demand. I usually

1:19:48.160 --> 1:19:50.360
<v Speaker 2>don't read the reverse, but its you.

1:19:50.320 --> 1:19:52.040
<v Speaker 1>Feel called to do it today.

1:19:53.840 --> 1:19:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Tarot Time.

1:19:55.520 --> 1:19:59.759
<v Speaker 1>Shout out to Pity Taro, Pitty Taro, and also Mahogany

1:19:59.800 --> 1:20:03.680
<v Speaker 1>char Make sure you go check out Mahogany Taro, our

1:20:03.760 --> 1:20:07.280
<v Speaker 1>official unofficial Tarot deck of a Good Mom's Bad Choice

1:20:07.280 --> 1:20:08.760
<v Speaker 1>of show. They didn't even know they were going to

1:20:08.840 --> 1:20:12.719
<v Speaker 1>be that, but they are the tribes we love supporting

1:20:12.960 --> 1:20:18.519
<v Speaker 1>black women businesses, brown women businesses, all businesses, but we're

1:20:18.560 --> 1:20:22.160
<v Speaker 1>black women. So if you want to share your business

1:20:22.160 --> 1:20:27.240
<v Speaker 1>with us. DMS. We give special prices to our small

1:20:27.360 --> 1:20:29.559
<v Speaker 1>business owners because we know how hard it can be

1:20:30.360 --> 1:20:33.040
<v Speaker 1>out here in these business streets. In the business streets,

1:20:33.080 --> 1:20:36.080
<v Speaker 1>it's hard. Entrepreneurship is hard, and sometimes you just need

1:20:36.439 --> 1:20:41.000
<v Speaker 1>someone to really rep your shit. And we be repping you.

1:20:41.040 --> 1:20:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Know what I'm saying, only shit we endorse. So the

1:20:46.920 --> 1:20:49.799
<v Speaker 2>upright hanged Man encourages you to pause for a moment

1:20:49.840 --> 1:20:53.639
<v Speaker 2>and see things from a different perspective. Reverse this card

1:20:53.640 --> 1:20:55.519
<v Speaker 2>could show that you know you need to hit the

1:20:55.520 --> 1:20:58.479
<v Speaker 2>pause button, but you're resisting it. Instead, do you fill

1:20:58.479 --> 1:21:01.559
<v Speaker 2>your days with task and project, keeping busy and distracting

1:21:01.600 --> 1:21:05.240
<v Speaker 2>yourself from the actual issue that needs your attention. Your

1:21:05.280 --> 1:21:07.760
<v Speaker 2>spirit and body are asking you to slow down, but

1:21:07.800 --> 1:21:11.200
<v Speaker 2>your mind keeps racing. Stop and rest before it's too late.

1:21:11.280 --> 1:21:13.720
<v Speaker 2>The universe will only dial up the volume if you

1:21:13.760 --> 1:21:17.200
<v Speaker 2>ignore it, and as a result, you may end up crashing.

1:21:17.439 --> 1:21:20.759
<v Speaker 2>So as soon as you hear a call, clear your schedule,

1:21:20.840 --> 1:21:23.120
<v Speaker 2>come to the good Vibe retree and make the space

1:21:23.160 --> 1:21:26.240
<v Speaker 2>so you can tune in and listen. You may already

1:21:26.240 --> 1:21:28.639
<v Speaker 2>be in a position where everything has been put on hold,

1:21:28.800 --> 1:21:31.840
<v Speaker 2>much to your frustration. The reveal of the hangman can

1:21:31.840 --> 1:21:34.439
<v Speaker 2>indicate a time when you're getting blocked, stuck, or restricted

1:21:34.479 --> 1:21:37.080
<v Speaker 2>because other people or other circumstances have left you on hold.

1:21:37.560 --> 1:21:40.280
<v Speaker 2>While you feel resistant, it's important that you surrender to

1:21:40.320 --> 1:21:42.519
<v Speaker 2>what is and let go of your attachment to how

1:21:42.560 --> 1:21:45.920
<v Speaker 2>things should be be and flow with life even if

1:21:45.920 --> 1:21:49.000
<v Speaker 2>it's not as you expected it. Seriously, when does it

1:21:49.040 --> 1:21:51.920
<v Speaker 2>ever go exactly as you expected? And loosen your grip?

1:21:52.720 --> 1:21:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Did we not just say that? Okay?

1:21:56.160 --> 1:22:00.000
<v Speaker 1>Amen, I believe I receive that. I know you received

1:22:00.160 --> 1:22:02.679
<v Speaker 1>that too. I you know That's what I was feeling yesterday.

1:22:02.720 --> 1:22:04.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like I need a second. Even today when

1:22:04.120 --> 1:22:05.760
<v Speaker 1>I was like I'll be an hour late because I

1:22:05.760 --> 1:22:08.439
<v Speaker 1>need to pause for a second. And now that we're

1:22:08.439 --> 1:22:11.240
<v Speaker 1>going to Mexico, because the good Vibra tree is literally like.

1:22:11.240 --> 1:22:13.479
<v Speaker 2>My pause, I was like, we're right out time.

1:22:13.520 --> 1:22:18.240
<v Speaker 1>It is my pause. Okay, I'm I'm technically working, slash healing,

1:22:18.439 --> 1:22:20.000
<v Speaker 1>slash making best friends.

1:22:20.120 --> 1:22:24.519
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, this is the life we created designed. I'm

1:22:24.560 --> 1:22:27.000
<v Speaker 2>really excited to go into this container with my friends.

1:22:27.000 --> 1:22:30.800
<v Speaker 1>Bitch, if you don't shut the fuck up, well, if

1:22:30.800 --> 1:22:33.200
<v Speaker 1>you're coming on the retreat and you hear fucking Jamila

1:22:33.280 --> 1:22:35.559
<v Speaker 1>say container just know every time she says it, I'm

1:22:35.600 --> 1:22:36.800
<v Speaker 1>like wincing just a little bit.

1:22:38.400 --> 1:22:40.400
<v Speaker 2>Remember we used to WinCE when we said boyfriends.

1:22:41.280 --> 1:22:46.680
<v Speaker 1>Oh God, that episode, we like we have flesh.

1:22:46.880 --> 1:22:47.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah that guy.

1:22:48.040 --> 1:22:49.720
<v Speaker 1>We should have known the way we the way we

1:22:49.760 --> 1:22:52.200
<v Speaker 1>said that bitch. Our bodies were resisting. They were like,

1:22:52.200 --> 1:22:56.240
<v Speaker 1>are you sure how I shouldn'tendin to practice.

1:22:55.920 --> 1:22:58.120
<v Speaker 2>Saying the word first? That was step one. There were

1:22:58.120 --> 1:22:59.320
<v Speaker 2>our practice boyfriends.

1:22:59.560 --> 1:23:01.040
<v Speaker 1>I know, we were the choes. We didn't even know

1:23:01.040 --> 1:23:02.280
<v Speaker 1>how to like say the word boyfriend.

1:23:02.320 --> 1:23:09.719
<v Speaker 2>We were just like, yeah, friend friend, boy friend, boy friend,

1:23:09.800 --> 1:23:13.040
<v Speaker 2>boy now look at his boyfriend boyfriend. My man, my

1:23:13.080 --> 1:23:13.880
<v Speaker 2>mayn me my man.

1:23:14.600 --> 1:23:15.959
<v Speaker 1>I still don't like the word boyfriend.

1:23:16.720 --> 1:23:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't like partner, but I say it sometimes.

1:23:19.160 --> 1:23:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't like partners society. I mean, I've always called

1:23:22.280 --> 1:23:24.360
<v Speaker 1>him my lover for the most part, and I kind

1:23:24.360 --> 1:23:25.800
<v Speaker 1>of like to stick with that, but then I feel

1:23:25.800 --> 1:23:27.240
<v Speaker 1>like I want to like take it up a notch,

1:23:27.240 --> 1:23:28.800
<v Speaker 1>but I don't know what that is, And the next

1:23:29.040 --> 1:23:31.479
<v Speaker 1>the up notch would be partner. But I don't like that.

1:23:31.520 --> 1:23:34.160
<v Speaker 2>It sounds not taking up a notch, you know, like.

1:23:34.280 --> 1:23:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Lover is like lover is lover, but it feels like

1:23:37.840 --> 1:23:39.720
<v Speaker 1>a little bit cash.

1:23:40.320 --> 1:23:42.560
<v Speaker 2>It was a little cash lover seems I don't know

1:23:42.600 --> 1:23:47.960
<v Speaker 2>if it's cash, but like my beau, my beau, I

1:23:48.040 --> 1:23:52.120
<v Speaker 2>like my my beat sounds kind of European. All mate,

1:23:54.000 --> 1:23:56.400
<v Speaker 2>my lifer, lifer, my lifer.

1:23:57.200 --> 1:24:01.120
<v Speaker 1>You gonna be my lifer? Hey baby, my lifer, my lifer.

1:24:02.400 --> 1:24:04.240
<v Speaker 1>You know you want to be my lifer, my love lifer.

1:24:05.000 --> 1:24:07.280
<v Speaker 1>That's kind of scary. It sounds like fucking lockdown.

1:24:07.400 --> 1:24:07.880
<v Speaker 2>Is that lit?

1:24:08.360 --> 1:24:09.479
<v Speaker 1>It keeps it getting on lit?

1:24:09.760 --> 1:24:11.599
<v Speaker 2>Okay, anyway, we're rambling. We don't want to get any

1:24:11.600 --> 1:24:12.800
<v Speaker 2>bad reviews.

1:24:13.200 --> 1:24:15.000
<v Speaker 1>But if you have a left review, please go make

1:24:15.000 --> 1:24:17.240
<v Speaker 1>sure you leave one on Apple and to be a

1:24:17.280 --> 1:24:19.880
<v Speaker 1>good one and subscribe to our YouTube channel. You can

1:24:19.920 --> 1:24:22.559
<v Speaker 1>watch this episode on YouTube. Make sure you check out

1:24:22.600 --> 1:24:27.240
<v Speaker 1>Patreon again. And I'm exceedingly high at this point, so

1:24:27.600 --> 1:24:29.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to stop talking because when I talk in

1:24:29.880 --> 1:24:32.479
<v Speaker 1>high sometimes when I talk in high, see, I get

1:24:32.479 --> 1:24:33.200
<v Speaker 1>a little slow.

1:24:34.800 --> 1:24:37.200
<v Speaker 2>I love you. You guys know where to find us

1:24:37.360 --> 1:24:40.960
<v Speaker 2>Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram, Come check us out,

1:24:41.080 --> 1:24:45.320
<v Speaker 2>come follow us, we cute or whatever you say, Patreon, Patreon,

1:24:45.360 --> 1:24:47.840
<v Speaker 2>dot com, Backslash, Good mom's bad choices. You can follow

1:24:47.920 --> 1:24:52.160
<v Speaker 2>me at Mila Underscore Map two Piece, at to Watch

1:24:52.280 --> 1:24:57.280
<v Speaker 2>Erica And if you haven't booked your vacation, book it

1:24:57.320 --> 1:24:59.320
<v Speaker 2>with that book it now with us.

1:25:00.160 --> 1:25:28.840
<v Speaker 3>To love you, guys, Hi Bye. Solo record Las