Speaker 1: Breaking news, guys. I Erica Nicole Dickerson. I'm in a
Speaker 1: relationship again with the same.
Speaker 2: Person for the fourth time as we're obsessed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm back in my relationship. We're working it out.
Speaker 1: I thought I wanted to be in the streets, but
Speaker 1: then I said, no, I don't want to be Take
Speaker 1: me back, please, I don't want to go back to
Speaker 1: the streets. I don't want to be in the streets.
Speaker 1: The streets are not the streets are not good. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be there. Welcome back to good Mom's
Speaker 1: bad choices. I'm Erica, and I'm Miila. Happy Wednesday, y'all.
Speaker 2: Happy hump Day tribe.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us again and again and again and
Speaker 1: again and again and again and again.
Speaker 2: I think around episode like two hundred and seventy six
Speaker 2: or something like that.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I'm really proud of us.
Speaker 2: That's crazy because.
Speaker 1: I don't I know, like I have a podcast, but
Speaker 1: I don't like to talk that much. I think I
Speaker 1: only talk here and then I'm silent.
Speaker 2: I think you talked.
Speaker 1: Anyone wants to talk to me. I get really irritated
Speaker 1: with I'm like, do you know how much I just
Speaker 1: fucking talked today one hour straight.
Speaker 2: Most people were talking that much just because so consider
Speaker 2: yourself lucky you have you're talking with the purpose most
Speaker 2: of the time.
Speaker 1: One of the comments we went to go look on
Speaker 1: every now and then we read your comments.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: For the most part, our comments or are sorry, our
Speaker 1: reviews are really positive. However, I did notice a bit
Speaker 1: in the in the reviews said that we ramble, and
Speaker 1: that might be true. You might have listened to a
Speaker 1: rambling ass episode. I feel like we, for the most part,
Speaker 1: we have a good structure happening these days, but in
Speaker 1: the early days there's a lot of rambling.
Speaker 2: Probably I figured that she's just not familiar with the show,
Speaker 2: because this is the part where we it's not even rambling.
Speaker 2: We're just saying, hey, what's up. That's how you start
Speaker 2: a phone call. You don't just jump into the topic.
Speaker 2: You get there. She's like, teach me, show me this great.
Speaker 2: She's used to some very highly designed podcasts.
Speaker 1: Well, there are some podcasts that are very structured, and
Speaker 1: they are great. Those are great, Those are great for
Speaker 1: certain people, are even great for me. I enjoy those two.
Speaker 1: I feel like she must have been a Capricorn or something. Listening,
Speaker 1: she was expecting structure off the bat.
Speaker 2: I feel like I expect that in real life conversations structure.
Speaker 2: I just want you to get to the point quickly. Oh,
Speaker 2: I realize I have no patience for like too much talking,
Speaker 2: probably because I'm talking myself so often. But I realized that, like,
Speaker 2: if people are drawing out his story, it ear ritates me,
Speaker 2: like irritates me. And I was like, if you need
Speaker 2: to have more patience in your life, and like someone
Speaker 2: just I was somewhere and they're telling a very drawn
Speaker 2: out story, and I was just like, please get to
Speaker 2: the point. And I looked around at everyone else and
Speaker 2: they seem very patient, you know. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm a bitch.
Speaker 1: You know sometimes, you know, and it annoys me when
Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch, can you read the room? Like read
Speaker 1: the room?
Speaker 2: People can't read the room?
Speaker 1: Read I sometimes like can they not read the room
Speaker 1: or did they just actively choose not to read the room?
Speaker 2: I wish I was the type of person who couldn't
Speaker 2: read the room.
Speaker 1: I do too. I read the room, I know, I know,
Speaker 1: I really Actually I am envious of that bitch that
Speaker 1: told the drawn out story because the moment I feel
Speaker 1: like my story is too long, I start stuttering and
Speaker 1: then I'll just like end it.
Speaker 2: It was like a lot of people too, so it
Speaker 2: wasn't like there was a heavy energy. And I looked
Speaker 2: around to be like, am I the only one who
Speaker 2: feels like this is could have gotten a little bit
Speaker 2: to the point quicker. And then I just realized, like
Speaker 2: I just don't give myself enough like grace with time
Speaker 2: because I don't have a lot of time because I'm
Speaker 2: always in like work rush mode, and so everything in
Speaker 2: my life also has to be under that time constraint,
Speaker 2: including other people talking.
Speaker 1: Know me, and people talking too much. I will zone
Speaker 1: the fuck out fast, and it's not good. It's actually
Speaker 1: like become a problem in my life because sometimes people
Speaker 1: are saying important shit and they might say like two
Speaker 1: words that I'm like mm mmm, and then it's like click,
Speaker 1: turn off. Then I missed the whole point of the
Speaker 1: whole conversation that was really important. I'm trying to retrain
Speaker 1: my brain. I think that, like I have, I struggle
Speaker 1: with active listening.
Speaker 2: I struggle with active listening. So I try and then
Speaker 2: I'll go out and I'll come back in, and why
Speaker 2: are we going to.
Speaker 1: Be interviewers that struggle with active listening.
Speaker 2: I really focus when we were interviewing people because I
Speaker 2: don't want to look dumb. But sometimes I'm like, I
Speaker 2: hope she's listening because I fucking miss that whole thing.
Speaker 2: And sometimes people when like I Luna telling me stories,
Speaker 2: I'm like, fuck, would she say I saw this episode
Speaker 2: of Blackish? And they were and they did that. The
Speaker 2: mom kept missing the important thing that the daughter was
Speaker 2: telling her, and I was like, what a bit, And
Speaker 2: then I started doing it. I was like, oh no, yeah,
Speaker 2: I struggle for sure.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm starting to catch on to my
Speaker 1: really bad memory. She's really She's like, Mom, we talked
Speaker 1: to this yesterday. Mom, you met her? You met that
Speaker 1: person's mom. Like, I don't remember any of the mom's names,
Speaker 1: and she's like, you've met her, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't think I have. She's like, you have liked God,
Speaker 1: she's gonna know I smoked weed too, you.
Speaker 2: So one days I'm gonna tell her, like, you know,
Speaker 2: your mom doesn't remember shit because she's smoking weed. That
Speaker 2: was another one of our comments. One of our reviews
Speaker 2: was that was only one of like three bad reviews.
Speaker 2: It's the Black Girl Fry from four years ago. I
Speaker 2: told this guy at the bar, that's my favorite one.
Speaker 2: It's my favorite one. And then there's uh, we ramble,
Speaker 2: and then there's the third one is that we're promoting
Speaker 2: bad parenting because all we do is get high, and
Speaker 2: we're not promoting getting high. We just said it works
Speaker 2: for us.
Speaker 1: I'm getting high right now, are you about? I'm currently
Speaker 1: getting smoking my little backwood. Is that the vanilla This
Speaker 1: is the vanilla baby. That's only when I smoked with
Speaker 1: for these days. I was on the honey for a minute,
Speaker 1: but now I'm straight vanilla baby, and my backwoods. Rolling
Speaker 1: skills are different. I don't know. You rolled them like
Speaker 1: this way, right, that's how you roll them?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I am not my backwards rolling it's different.
Speaker 1: It is because, like I had to figure out this shit, okay,
Speaker 1: because I started smoking backwards because I liked them, But
Speaker 1: then I couldn't roll them, so then I felt very slow,
Speaker 1: and so I just had to figure out my own
Speaker 1: special way. I don't know, what are you doing different? Well,
Speaker 1: when Stephanie showed us how to roll it backwood at
Speaker 1: our retreat, she rolled it this way like she was.
Speaker 2: Rolling it she's rolling it the way you unraveled it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I roll it like a joint like this way.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I kind of see. Yeah, there's different ways.
Speaker 1: I feel like people are like backwood rolling elitists. There
Speaker 1: are Oh you didn't roll it the right way. I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 1: who made you the backwood expert? Ho? So this is
Speaker 1: how I rolled my joints. This is how this backwards
Speaker 1: getting rolled.
Speaker 2: Bitch.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's what's happening here.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well how are you? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? I actually I think I am fucking sad.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to rip this little piece off boom.
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm great, I'm tam I have braids in you.
Speaker 2: Guys, we both have braids. You know when two bitches
Speaker 2: have the same productive style, Know what that means. We're
Speaker 2: on our way to the good Vibeer tree. We both
Speaker 2: have braids, so it means we're in retreat healer mode.
Speaker 2: We're leaving in less than forty eight hours to go
Speaker 2: host our first good vibe or tree in sightly to Mexico.
Speaker 2: You're still roaming for the second trip. If you're a
Speaker 2: last minute bitch, now is the time to book the
Speaker 2: second week. First week sold out. But if you are
Speaker 2: listening to this and it's before July twelfth, pull up bonus.
Speaker 1: Use pull up bomb, and use code Meditate for five
Speaker 1: hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: Off, you deserve a vacation. I know, I really, I'm
Speaker 2: really looking forward to.
Speaker 1: This me too. I can't fucking wait. This is just
Speaker 1: a whole new vibe. We've never taken the girls to Mexico,
Speaker 1: and there's just different offerings too. I'm really excited about
Speaker 1: the to Mescal Sweat Lodge experience, the Clay Beach experience,
Speaker 1: just the food, the culture, the property is so fucking beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's just a different vibe. Like we're on the ocean,
Speaker 1: Like every room is ocean front. We're in Costa Rica,
Speaker 1: we're near we're near the ocean, but we're really like
Speaker 1: tucked away in the jungle. So I just feel like
Speaker 1: some magical shit is gonna happen, and I just can't wait.
Speaker 2: Every single retreat, magical shit happens. And I recently came
Speaker 2: back from a retreat for my Tantra certification that I
Speaker 2: will be done with in six months, God willing.
Speaker 1: My God, I'm gonna start in six months again. I
Speaker 1: can't believe they did that to me.
Speaker 2: I think I thought you kind have pushed it to
Speaker 2: the medal. I'm happy.
Speaker 1: I was too stressful.
Speaker 2: I'm stressed, right, I couldn't have done Can you tell
Speaker 2: I'm stressed?
Speaker 1: Right? I couldn't have done it. I was like, I
Speaker 1: will wait.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm you know. I thought like maybe God made
Speaker 2: us do something separately because I went to the retreat
Speaker 2: the first time. I've been nervous about it for months.
Speaker 2: But then I went to retreat and there was forty
Speaker 2: people that I only saw on zoom like six times
Speaker 2: this year, maybe twelve on zoom. But I was just like,
Speaker 2: how am I? How am I nervous about something that
Speaker 2: I ask people to do? Come to a foreign country
Speaker 2: by yourself, You'll make friends, don't worry.
Speaker 1: It's totally fine. Don't be a pussy.
Speaker 2: But then it was totally fine. And it's like literally
Speaker 2: every time any I think any type of retreat, when
Speaker 2: people come with like open minds and open hearts, beautiful
Speaker 2: things happen when you make when you create that container.
Speaker 2: Because I definitely had about your new favorite word container.
Speaker 1: You've been saying it a lot lately.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm talking about the containers I've been in.
Speaker 1: Is it like a tantra word that they said a
Speaker 1: lot at the retreat?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It has to be, because it is the bit you've
Speaker 1: been using that I've heard your lease say it ten times.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm talking about my retreat, Okay, But I just
Speaker 1: never heard you say this word ever in our five years,
Speaker 1: seven year friendship. They just they just even noticed that
Speaker 1: she's been saying container a lot to you.
Speaker 2: Did She's known you five years and they think you
Speaker 2: can't pull out in new vocabulary.
Speaker 1: You never said you in my life, I've never heard
Speaker 1: you say this word, and you've said it at least
Speaker 1: seven times to me. And I'm like, okay, maybe because
Speaker 1: you asked that maybe my tanger retreat and I was
Speaker 1: expressing to you what a beautiful container it was.
Speaker 2: Because that is a word that I'm using correctly.
Speaker 1: I'm not using it correctly. I'm just acknowledging. I'm just
Speaker 1: purely pointing out that you've learned a new vocabulary and
Speaker 1: it just can't stop using it.
Speaker 2: Containers not a new word. So I think you are
Speaker 2: just putting me in a box. You won't let me
Speaker 2: expand out of or my vocabulary. How dare you?
Speaker 1: How dare you learn another word without me? How when
Speaker 1: on one retreat you learn new words?
Speaker 2: You know what else I've been saying? I thought, you
Speaker 2: know word?
Speaker 1: I haven't I used what I'm I cappy with that word.
Speaker 2: You know what other word I've been using a lot?
Speaker 2: In gorge?
Speaker 1: Please don't use that word. That's not like a cute word.
Speaker 2: You don't even know how I used it. I didn't
Speaker 2: tell you the sentence, will go ahead? What the fuck
Speaker 2: is your problem? You can't put your yone egg in
Speaker 2: until you're becoming gorged? You know it. First of all,
Speaker 2: there's nothing ill about being gorged.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about my puss. I never
Speaker 1: want the word my vagina and in gorged to be
Speaker 1: in one sentence together.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, you find a new word for your vulva
Speaker 2: being filled with blood fluffed erect, the clitoris becomes erect.
Speaker 1: I know that's also a term that they say, and
Speaker 1: that's true. But I feel like we can we can
Speaker 1: find better words.
Speaker 2: Anyway, left, I had a great time at my retreat,
Speaker 2: A lot of people that I probably would have never
Speaker 2: met otherwise.
Speaker 1: I should do this.
Speaker 2: Oh, now, my phone's dying. You think we should cut
Speaker 2: it off. Now we're going live on Instagram while we're
Speaker 2: recording this episode. We're trying new things. Honey up that
Speaker 2: blunt honey up, look beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is, look right. Besides the end, I rolled it
Speaker 1: like a joint and like all you blackwoods elitists can
Speaker 1: kiss my ask. It's just how I roll my backwards. Now,
Speaker 1: you don't have to put your whole fucking mouth over
Speaker 1: the blank, because that would be that actually would irritate
Speaker 1: the funk.
Speaker 2: People who usually rolled would do so much.
Speaker 1: It's they put the whole. They like this. It's kind
Speaker 1: of how much a whole they like suck it like
Speaker 1: a little dick. It's erotic, and they put their whole
Speaker 1: fucking mouth on it and have the audacity then pass
Speaker 1: it to me. I'm like, obviously did this to you,
Speaker 1: and I've seen it done by like a lot of rappers.
Speaker 2: As soon as you said that, I just saw a
Speaker 2: lot of like it's very spitty backward many times in
Speaker 2: my in my life like that. You don't overdo it.
Speaker 2: If you do too much, that's not it's perfect. Yeah,
Speaker 2: new couch, it's not the couch, is it. It's gonna
Speaker 2: it's gonna be hard to to like if it's too.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's perfect, it's perfect.
Speaker 2: Just hair. It's really getting on my nurse this morning.
Speaker 2: Ill we word add. I'm like, ell, that's anyway. No,
Speaker 2: that's perfect, I'm perfect.
Speaker 1: Fuck is rough? Don't be in on my confidence today.
Speaker 1: Yesterday I was spiraling on the stories. So today I
Speaker 1: feel better?
Speaker 2: Are you spiraling?
Speaker 1: I just woke up and I was like, I felt depressed.
Speaker 1: I was like, I told you that yesterday. I was like,
Speaker 1: am I active? Am I?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What did I say? Am I high? Active? Depressed? I know,
Speaker 1: highly functioning, highly functioning depressed person. I was like, cause,
Speaker 1: I'm getting shit done, but I'm sad the whole time.
Speaker 1: Or I'm just like I'm tired. I took a nap
Speaker 1: where you were at my house the other day? When
Speaker 1: do I take naps?
Speaker 2: Right, we've been traveling.
Speaker 1: I never take naps. I was napped, and then I
Speaker 1: don't have my computer broke. I have been without a
Speaker 1: computer for damn near month.
Speaker 2: Ab though I'm taking a nap, I feel.
Speaker 1: Handicapped without my computer, and so it's I think it's
Speaker 1: actually making me sad.
Speaker 2: And probably making your mind rest like it's intended.
Speaker 1: No, because we have shit to do and I can't
Speaker 1: do it for my phone, and my phone gives me anxiety.
Speaker 1: So therefore my computer is usually like the thing that
Speaker 1: helps me get off my phone that I can get
Speaker 1: shit done more effectively, and so now have to be
Speaker 1: I was supposed to send an email like three days ago,
Speaker 1: and I just can't because I have to do it
Speaker 1: for my phone and it's kind of an It's an
Speaker 1: intense email that requires links and things, and I've just
Speaker 1: been avoiding it.
Speaker 2: I guess these are Lando's computer because my computer is
Speaker 2: now not going to get there for the girls get there,
Speaker 2: and I need to study anyway.
Speaker 1: So when I was spiraling, I decided to go outside
Speaker 1: and go for a run because I've also been in
Speaker 1: my overeating phase. I don't know about anyone else. I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is like a trigger moment, trigger advisory,
Speaker 1: but I talk about this in the book too, Like
Speaker 1: I've always struggled with like good eating habits, and sometimes
Speaker 1: like when I'm either when I'm depressed, I won't eat
Speaker 1: it all, or I overeat, like excessively overeat, like to
Speaker 1: the point where I feel sick and I've been noticing
Speaker 1: that I've been doing that lately, like late night, where
Speaker 1: I've just been eating lots of ice cream late at
Speaker 1: night and then eating like three tortillas with butter, and
Speaker 1: then I know it's gross.
Speaker 2: Three like just tortillas was butter, and by itself, it's
Speaker 2: just not.
Speaker 1: Da calls it the.
Speaker 2: Mexican pinion butter and jelly.
Speaker 1: But that's because my grandma made that for me when
Speaker 1: I was a kid. She would put the tortilla on
Speaker 1: the stove. She put some butter, little salt, pepper, maybe
Speaker 1: some garlic powder. Roll that bitch up and it's fucking delicious.
Speaker 2: It is sounds like a kid's neck. It's I think, yeah,
Speaker 2: that is a kid snack for sure.
Speaker 1: It's so good. But nobody needs to eat three of
Speaker 1: those and ice cream fucking sandwich. Nobody. So I woke
Speaker 1: up and I was like, bitch, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: I was like, you need to go move your body.
Speaker 1: So I went for a run, and I like was
Speaker 1: had an attitude the whole time I was running, like
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this shit. And then the
Speaker 1: moment I got back to my house, I was like, huh,
Speaker 1: I feel better, and then I put makeup on. I
Speaker 1: was like, you're fine, like all like, you're fine and
Speaker 1: and awl, so you're fine. And then I put clothes on.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, they still fit. Thank god.
Speaker 2: Three tourtias later they still fit.
Speaker 1: They was a little tight, they were a little tighty
Speaker 1: shorts are a little tight right now. But and then
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, today is a new day. You can
Speaker 1: start over. And that's why today were supposed to bet
Speaker 1: at ten. And I said, no, I need to go
Speaker 1: run again because I got to like keep the momentum going,
Speaker 1: because I'm not going to fall into this weird cycle
Speaker 1: of low high functioning depression.
Speaker 2: That you that you self prescribed self. What is it
Speaker 2: self diagnosed? Self diagnosed yourself with Yesterday, Yes.
Speaker 1: I decided to not engorge myself with tortillas and ice
Speaker 1: cream and instead be active, beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy for you. Anyway, what else has been
Speaker 2: going on? We haven't caught up in quite some time.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's been a minute since we've been here.
Speaker 2: I think i've the last four weeks I've been in town.
Speaker 2: One week I went to we went to Miami, I
Speaker 2: went to Philadelphia, I went to Mexico and now I'm
Speaker 2: going to Mexico again, traveling ass bitch. I prayed for this.
Speaker 2: I guess you could be careful what you pray for.
Speaker 1: Well, you know what I really I don't like being home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel you.
Speaker 1: When I was getting on the plane to go, secretly
Speaker 1: surprised my nigga that almost went haywire. I got on,
Speaker 1: I got on the plane, I was like, I was
Speaker 1: just out of town like five days ago, like a
Speaker 1: week ago. I went to Orlando with his family or
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck I did, and I was like, why
Speaker 1: am I? Why am I leaving again? Well, because I
Speaker 1: miss him and I'm not going to see him for
Speaker 1: like over probably like a month and a half. But
Speaker 1: b I think it's I just don't like being here.
Speaker 1: I really actively like searching flights like that is my hobby. No,
Speaker 1: that turns me on. I've been searching for hotels in
Speaker 1: Europe for three weeks, like gleefully haven't booked one.
Speaker 2: I'd like to look at stuff too. I really want
Speaker 2: to go to Bali. I really want to. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: like to move around, and I like, is really not
Speaker 2: that exciting. It's not an exciting place. It generally has good,
Speaker 2: some good restaurants, mostly sushi, and it's good weather. But
Speaker 2: like other than that, someone was asking me where to go,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't go out in LA
Speaker 2: unless my friend's having a live show.
Speaker 1: I did start writing things down because I'm tired of people.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Orlando. I'm tired of people asking me what
Speaker 1: to do in LA And like, I went to a
Speaker 1: random brunch the other day that I found on Yelp,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this was great. I should write
Speaker 1: this down so people know when they come, like where
Speaker 1: I should where I can tell them where to go.
Speaker 1: I went to another spot. I was like, I should
Speaker 1: write this down because I really don't. I really don't
Speaker 1: go out so every now and then I when I do,
Speaker 1: I just won't forget. Later on, six months later, when
Speaker 1: someone asks me what to do.
Speaker 2: People tell me something, and then like one year later,
Speaker 2: I text them like, did you say a lot of
Speaker 2: scargo on Thursday? And did? I say? I'm gonna go?
Speaker 2: And then I don't because it gets eight o'clock and
Speaker 2: I realized, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh we don't see and I forget because there
Speaker 1: is a good night of Latist gargo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there is that you tell me about seventeen months
Speaker 2: about Tuesdays and it's salsa class. I think it's Tuesday,
Speaker 2: Wednesday and Thursday. I don't know, but I literally I
Speaker 2: text in every six months to ask her about it
Speaker 2: and with intentions to go and then never go. And
Speaker 2: I'm a just in case anyone wants to know random
Speaker 2: fact about Mela. I'm a top notch, exceptionally bomb ass
Speaker 2: salsa dancer, every salsa dancing in Mexico because everybody needs
Speaker 2: to see these moves.
Speaker 1: We'll go out and we'll find some sauces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we need to go do some salcea dancing. So yeah,
Speaker 2: La is not it, but apparently everywhere else is well.
Speaker 1: I try to sneak away. I did. I snuck away
Speaker 1: to New York. I didn't tell anyone except my friends
Speaker 1: because I'm still in my thirties, terrified of my mother
Speaker 1: and didn't want her to know where I was at.
Speaker 1: So if you know her, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2: She's good. That's a rap. Too late now and you
Speaker 2: decided to tell them story soon? You know, usually lie
Speaker 2: and you tell the story six months later, so it
Speaker 2: seemed to lose it. This is coming out pretty soon, bitch.
Speaker 2: I yeah.
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know what, let me go
Speaker 1: pull up on this man real quick. And so I
Speaker 1: went over there and.
Speaker 2: Not pull up on this man? Do you want to?
Speaker 2: I think our listeners are confused. I think like some
Speaker 2: weeks you say you have a boyfriend, and then some
Speaker 2: weeks she was like, oh yeah, my nigga, and they're
Speaker 2: probably like, bitch, should.
Speaker 1: I hard launch again?
Speaker 2: Maybe I just feel some type of like clear like
Speaker 2: transparency to our community. I know every other week Erica
Speaker 2: has a new relationship status, but like she's back on.
Speaker 2: So I just wanted to not to preference that because
Speaker 2: I think everyone is in the car like I am bitch,
Speaker 2: and I'm.
Speaker 1: Happy because everyone's in the car like A'm bitch.
Speaker 2: And right now they're like, yeah, I'm happy he said
Speaker 2: something bitch, I know, because she's gonna trying to smooth
Speaker 2: clean go around that.
Speaker 1: But no, okay, so here goes guys, breaking news. I
Speaker 1: am no longer it's cool. Okay, Wow, you really ruining
Speaker 1: my fucking hard lodge with your coughs.
Speaker 2: That's kind of how it happened in real life when
Speaker 2: she told me.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, I'm just we broke up, but not really.
Speaker 2: But she's a friend who keeps breaking them, getting by
Speaker 2: it together and keeps re launching to her friends. Your
Speaker 2: mom just heard you talk about talk about her life.
Speaker 2: Her mom just called her you guys because she told
Speaker 2: her she heard her through thin air say I lied
Speaker 2: to you, and now she called.
Speaker 1: Mom. Let me call you back.
Speaker 2: Okay, are you with Princess Jasmin? Yes?
Speaker 1: Call her iPad. I never never can do that. Okay, Bye. Anyway,
Speaker 1: real life shit happening, guys. Okay, so let me do
Speaker 1: that again. Breaking news, guys. I Erica Nicole Dickerson. I'm
Speaker 1: in a relationship again with the same person.
Speaker 2: For the fourth time.
Speaker 1: As we're obsessed. Wait, what's all We're were listening to
Speaker 1: a fucking poor minds. You're like, this is you, bitch?
Speaker 1: It was the it was the fucking Usher song. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm back in my relationship. We're working it out. I
Speaker 1: thought I wanted to be in the streets, but then
Speaker 1: I said, no, I don't want to be Take me back, please,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to the streets. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be in the streets. The streets are
Speaker 1: not the streets are not good. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be there.
Speaker 2: The streets aren't great. Streets aren't great. Yeah, and so.
Speaker 1: I'm back with my with my my relationship. It's been
Speaker 1: a journey. It's been challenging, it's rewarding. My friend is
Speaker 1: laughing at me, but that's okay because I've I've supported
Speaker 1: her through much worse.
Speaker 2: What do you mean, much worse?
Speaker 1: I've supported you through a lot of relationships.
Speaker 2: I've never been you always say this. This is you know,
Speaker 2: like other podcasts, friends like are not friends. But it's
Speaker 2: like you say the same shit about me and mere
Speaker 2: arguing about the same ship. I haven't been in a
Speaker 2: lot of relationships in the last five years, not a lot.
Speaker 1: You've been in a challenging relationships ported you through.
Speaker 2: Oh okay. You say one time you said I was
Speaker 2: always in a relationship, and I'm like, that is not true.
Speaker 1: Not a relationship, but you're in relationship. You've been in
Speaker 1: relationships yeah, yeah, yeah too. So yeah, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that it's been a challenge. This relationship has challenged me
Speaker 1: and him, and I feel really positive about the space
Speaker 1: that I'm in with this person that I love. And
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 2: Literally, I was listening to an episode and you're like,
Speaker 2: I'm single, and I was like, gosh, she's gonna have
Speaker 2: to update this recently.
Speaker 1: So bish's real time home. I know.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying this is real. I mean, it's real life.
Speaker 1: I think everyone can relate.
Speaker 2: I'm saying there's not a single person who can't relate.
Speaker 2: Everyone has been back with the same one person, like
Speaker 2: has redated a person. I don't really do.
Speaker 1: That a lot. So that's why this has been really
Speaker 1: weird for me, because I really be done well the
Speaker 1: most part. I mean, I think maybe like one relationship
Speaker 1: I took a I can't went back to with Happy
Speaker 1: Bay for a sec. But for the most part, nah,
Speaker 1: not a relationship relationship. But fuck buddy, maybe, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, I mean, obviously, I don't think it needs to
Speaker 2: be said. I hope that you know that I support
Speaker 2: you in all of your decisions and you know, life's life.
Speaker 2: And I think part of friendships is you may not
Speaker 2: always understand or agree, but you're always gona support you friend.
Speaker 2: You're like never going to be like I can't tell me, La,
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna tell me anything. I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: judge you. I mean, I don't think we have a
Speaker 2: lot of space to jut each other. And it's kind
Speaker 2: of like the theme of.
Speaker 1: Well, your faces sometimes make me feel like I don't
Speaker 1: want to tell your shit if I'm being honest and
Speaker 1: you laugh at me sometimes when I tell you things,
Speaker 1: So then I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, whatever I laughed at you about, like right now
Speaker 2: about your relaunching a relationship. Yeah, I'm laughing because it's
Speaker 2: funny that you know what he's saying.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, like you, your faces often are
Speaker 1: like bitch, m.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't help I think. I think I'm
Speaker 2: always gonna be honest about my feeling, but I never
Speaker 2: made it seem like you cannot tell me or cannot
Speaker 2: come to me. I'm going to tell you the.
Speaker 1: Truth, right, but if I get that face every time
Speaker 1: I bring this person up. I'm not saying this, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying in general, but I do.
Speaker 2: But I don't make that. I mean you have. It's
Speaker 2: been over a year, right, So it's not every time.
Speaker 2: I'm just if you if you if you say one
Speaker 2: thing and then I say okay, and then you come
Speaker 2: back and say something the opposite of that. You have
Speaker 2: to understand where there's sometimes disconnection because the feelings are
Speaker 2: changing and the even like us you telling me, not
Speaker 2: me saying planting seeds. You will say one thing and
Speaker 2: then come back and say something else, and I am
Speaker 2: just trying to catch up. So you have to understand
Speaker 2: as a friend, if you say, I'm not saying you
Speaker 2: shouldn't tell me things, but if you say things that
Speaker 2: are negative, and we can agree that there have been
Speaker 2: things that are negative, and then come back and disregard
Speaker 2: those things, my feelings are still.
Speaker 1: You think I've disregarded them.
Speaker 2: Not disregard them. But I as my friend, I always
Speaker 2: want you just to do and be the best. And
Speaker 2: it's not difficult, but it takes me time to catch
Speaker 2: up to where you're at because it has changed on
Speaker 2: a week to week basis. And yeah, that's just the truth.
Speaker 2: It's like if I said something, you know.
Speaker 1: But the same could be said about you, the same
Speaker 1: could be said about other people. Like you've told me
Speaker 1: about your relationship and said things that maybe I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't look that's not.
Speaker 2: Great, and the face is all the same and you
Speaker 2: and you've been honest and how you feel about that
Speaker 2: in those relationships?
Speaker 1: Okay, right when I was when I was fucking off,
Speaker 1: I have but There's been times where I've definitely bit
Speaker 1: my tongue because you needed my support in that moment.
Speaker 1: Not even gonna make a face, I'm just gonna say.
Speaker 2: And same, you can never come to me. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: say that was dumb. This is on you, like I'm
Speaker 2: always going to support you because everyone has been a
Speaker 2: dumb bitch, including me, especially in relationships when there's dick
Speaker 2: and niggas involved. That's the womanly way in ways we
Speaker 2: are loyal to a fault. We nurture, we love hard.
Speaker 2: That is what we do. That is the feminine, you know.
Speaker 2: But it's not to judge you or to make you
Speaker 2: feel like you can't come to me, because I know
Speaker 2: I've done some really questionable boyfriends. I'm very very very aware,
Speaker 2: So please don't let my faces prevent you from being
Speaker 2: able to come to me. Because we're human, as does
Speaker 2: anyone we date. And I realize there's going to be
Speaker 2: flaws and challenges and fuck ups. That's it like that,
Speaker 2: nobody's exempt from that, And I'm not judging you. I'm
Speaker 2: just here for the ride with you and hoping that
Speaker 2: whoever you choose is worthy and takes the role seriously.
Speaker 2: That's always my going to be my hope for you
Speaker 2: and your relationship you too, because I know that that's
Speaker 2: what you deserve, same and that you're smart, and that
Speaker 2: anybody who fucks with you should thoroughly understand respect and
Speaker 2: cherish that, and that's all I ask and like, that's
Speaker 2: all I want. So I'll be more conscious of my
Speaker 2: facial expressions when you mentioned this person. But I really
Speaker 2: do feel like I've been pretty chill, like okay, I mean,
Speaker 2: it's not like we were going very far separate from
Speaker 2: each other.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying like right now in this very moment,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying in the overall, in the experience with
Speaker 1: this person particular, yes, I have felt like I don't
Speaker 1: know if I want to talk to you about certain things.
Speaker 1: And that's just my honest thing. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: because I want an apology. I'm not saying that because
Speaker 1: I want an explanation. I'm just sharing how I feel.
Speaker 2: And I'm sharing how I feel, and I think you
Speaker 2: know how I feel. I think you know if I
Speaker 2: ever hesitate or make a face, you understand why where
Speaker 2: my defense comes up in protection of my friend, my
Speaker 2: very best friend in the world. So yes, I take
Speaker 2: shit personally, and I have to probably take it less
Speaker 2: personally because it's not my boyfriend, is not my life,
Speaker 2: and it's not my relationship. You're my friend. If ever
Speaker 2: you feel that way, feel free to communicate that to me,
Speaker 2: because I don't want you to feel like you can't
Speaker 2: come to me, because you can come to me about anything.
Speaker 2: Could say I killed somebody and I say, okay, well
Speaker 2: what do we need to do? So it's just it's
Speaker 2: never and then I'll be like, so, why do you
Speaker 2: think you did that?
Speaker 1: After we buried the body? So now that we handle that.
Speaker 2: You want to talk to you think we even did
Speaker 2: a little bit deeper. I got her on the runt.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love you.
Speaker 2: I love you too, and I want you to know that.
Speaker 2: And yeah, that time you hung up on me when
Speaker 2: you heard the dog, even when I was in challenging
Speaker 2: situations and I was being secretive and not maybe saying
Speaker 2: a lot of things because I didn't want to tell
Speaker 2: you because I knew I was doing some stupid ass shit.
Speaker 2: I understood when you were angry or disappointed or making
Speaker 2: a face because I knew you didn't like him, And
Speaker 2: I understood why even the time he slapped me in
Speaker 2: my face and I had to cry in the passenger seat.
Speaker 2: I didn't feel smart about it, but I knew that
Speaker 2: I could disarm at that moment because you're my friend
Speaker 2: no matter what. So I hope that you always feel
Speaker 2: the same energy that even if I'm feeling I don't know.
Speaker 2: I was gonna make up a word, be grudging. I
Speaker 2: don't need to make up any more word. It's one day,
Speaker 2: one day. I'm more at a.
Speaker 1: Time, begrudging, judgmental, marboring judgments, right? Is that? Is that
Speaker 1: the feeling.
Speaker 2: Fuck the dictionary? Who's webster? Any fucker?
Speaker 1: You don't have to break down the word?
Speaker 2: So you know, that's also the nature of humanity is
Speaker 2: that we share things with our friends, we you know,
Speaker 2: or we do things, and we run the risk of
Speaker 2: people feeling away about those actions later, you know, Like
Speaker 2: that's just the reality of humanism. And because you are
Speaker 2: closer to someone, everyone else around you is going to
Speaker 2: be slower possibly at warming up because we have less
Speaker 2: of an intimate and close relationship with this person, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. So like that and that's the
Speaker 2: humanity of it too.
Speaker 1: I get it. Well, I just feel like my nervous
Speaker 1: system is calm further and like, and that has been
Speaker 1: the sign for me that I'm I'm safe, we're safe,
Speaker 1: and we're on the same page and that I'm happy,
Speaker 1: and that's that's what I want, and that's what I've
Speaker 1: been that's what we've been working towards, even though it's
Speaker 1: been challenging and it hasn't been fucking easy at all.
Speaker 1: From the well, from the beginning, it was pretty fun
Speaker 1: and easy, but then it got real, you know, and
Speaker 1: then shit got real, and then there were like big
Speaker 1: feelings involved, and and I feel like there has been
Speaker 1: a journey that we have had to take in order
Speaker 1: to really be honest with ourselves about what it is
Speaker 1: that we want, what we're willing to do. And that's
Speaker 1: really what it is, is like the work. Are you
Speaker 1: willing to do the work with this person? Because yeah,
Speaker 1: I could go break up with my partner and go
Speaker 1: back in the streets and find another nigga and do
Speaker 1: all those things, but like, ultimately, is this person down
Speaker 1: to do the work and move forward in a healthy,
Speaker 1: positive way where we are both on the same fucking
Speaker 1: page about it, And that's where we're at, and that's
Speaker 1: how I feel, and that's how I've continued to feel.
Speaker 1: And I'm living my life day by day and ultimately,
Speaker 1: do I see this person with me in the long run.
Speaker 1: I hope so yeah, I do. I wouldn't be doing
Speaker 1: it just because, you know, but I also know that
Speaker 1: like whatever is for me is always going to show up.
Speaker 1: And that also means in the in the way of
Speaker 1: ending what needs to be ended, like I'm protected in
Speaker 1: the way of like from from particular. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: he's calling me from unprotected in ways from bullshit, and
Speaker 1: I know that I consciously also have to choose that
Speaker 1: as well. It's not like God is gonna sprinkle some
Speaker 1: shit and I'm gonna just walk the other direction. But
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to trust the work that
Speaker 1: I've done and knowing that ultimately I am gonna choose myself.
Speaker 2: I mean, I know that too. I'm never like worried
Speaker 2: about you. I mean, obviously, I'm.
Speaker 1: Not telling you this to prove something to you. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying in general for like I'm saying this to
Speaker 1: myself as well, because I've had to say that to myself.
Speaker 1: Like you've done, You've done the work, you're doing the
Speaker 1: work always you're continuing to do it, and you have
Speaker 1: to trust that you can trust yourself.
Speaker 2: Basically, I mean, if if you feel like your intuition
Speaker 2: is saying yes to something, then you have to honor
Speaker 2: that and know that, yeah, when you are when something
Speaker 2: is for you, it's for you, and when it's not
Speaker 2: for you, the universe will continue to remind you that. Like,
Speaker 2: there are certain things when you begin to choose healing
Speaker 2: and choose digging deeper, is that you can't unchoose that,
Speaker 2: and you will see toxic things if they are toxic you.
Speaker 2: You can only do it for so long. You know,
Speaker 2: when you when you fuck around and always commit to yourself,
Speaker 2: the toxic relationships will be so much shorter, the relationships
Speaker 2: with friends, all those things will peel away all the
Speaker 2: time because you can't unsee what you already see. So
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's about honoring your intuition and honoring yourself.
Speaker 2: And you're nervous system, and if you don't feel like
Speaker 2: if you feel like you're in a space of safety
Speaker 2: and and you know, contenteness in an overall better place,
Speaker 2: then that's like then that's what you should do in
Speaker 2: anything you know, in any job and any relationship and
Speaker 2: any friendship. I think if you feel good about it,
Speaker 2: then like that's all that.
Speaker 1: I've also realized that I in general and not that
Speaker 1: this in this particular relationship, it didn't this reaction wasn't
Speaker 1: correct in ways. But I am am a runner, like
Speaker 1: I am quick to be like no thanks, like I'm cool,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do the work.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's been you running or has it
Speaker 2: been you just honoring your intuition in ways or like
Speaker 2: having boundaries?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that. And I think that we
Speaker 1: as women sometimes use that, like we weaponize intuition and
Speaker 1: some Now I'm just asking you, I'm just saying I
Speaker 1: feel like as women we do that sometimes where we
Speaker 1: will walk away from certain shit that could that we
Speaker 1: can work through because our intuition said, because our intuition
Speaker 1: or fear, which I think is that's where it's like
Speaker 1: this this blurred line between intuition, fear, and trauma, where
Speaker 1: we are using this boundary and these our intuition to
Speaker 1: just say, you know what, discard this person because they
Speaker 1: have work to do and I don't have fucking time,
Speaker 1: when really, bitch, like you do have time a b
Speaker 1: because bitch has always lived at they don't have time.
Speaker 2: And be.
Speaker 1: There's a mirror here that you need to face as well.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you know, I don't know who who we
Speaker 2: had an interview with. It was a couple of years ago,
Speaker 2: but they were like, you were going to show up
Speaker 2: differently in every relationship because the other person serves as
Speaker 2: a different type of mirror. You will be triggered in
Speaker 2: different ways. Some one personality will challenge you in different ways.
Speaker 2: Like we have a friend who is in a relationship
Speaker 2: recently and calling me the other day and it was
Speaker 2: just like like I realized, like getting close to someone,
Speaker 2: it's like you have to tell them about your family
Speaker 2: and your trauma, and like like can I do this?
Speaker 2: Do I want this? And I was just like this
Speaker 2: is a part of it, you know. I definitely had
Speaker 2: to go inside a lot on many occasions, even in
Speaker 2: my relationship, less now, but just realizing that the trauma
Speaker 2: will show up, Like if you don't want to share
Speaker 2: your trauma with someone else because it feels embarrassing or
Speaker 2: shameful or like they're not going to understand, then you're
Speaker 2: going to be like do I want this relationship? This
Speaker 2: seems hard? I don't want to do that, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. And so there's always going to be
Speaker 2: You're always going to face different challenges and a lot
Speaker 2: of it's always you, but it's just like do I
Speaker 2: feel like dealing with them? So like even people sometimes
Speaker 2: seek relationships thinking is going to save them for something
Speaker 2: or be safe and what like, you know, save them
Speaker 2: from a lot of times doing the work on yourself
Speaker 2: and committed relationships that you're like trying to really be
Speaker 2: down for someone really requires work from you because you
Speaker 2: have to be honest with yourself when you're not being cool,
Speaker 2: or you're being triggered or if you're really not ready
Speaker 2: to settle down and do the like the challenging things
Speaker 2: that being in a committed relationship require.
Speaker 1: So there's you can't The work that you haven't done
Speaker 1: is always going to show up in all your relationships,
Speaker 1: whether they're good or bad, you know, and the work
Speaker 1: that has I mean, the one thing that I will
Speaker 1: say that I haven't always acted on the reaction, but
Speaker 1: I've If I haven't fled physically like buy niggat, it's
Speaker 1: emotionally that's always how it goes fast quick, and then
Speaker 1: the physical part comes where I'm like I'm actually not
Speaker 1: here anymore for you. But I've just noticed that that's
Speaker 1: that has been like the easiest thing for me to do,
Speaker 1: not just in this relationship because he made it easy
Speaker 1: at first, but also in my other relationships, like I
Speaker 1: will disconnect or like I will just stop engaging at all,
Speaker 1: you know, like certain relationships, yes, granted, but like even
Speaker 1: in my even my relationship with what did we call
Speaker 1: him poetry Bay, I was like in my mind, I
Speaker 1: was very much I loved, like I was in love
Speaker 1: with him. Now thinking about that, I'm like, bitch, stop no.
Speaker 1: But when I was done, like I literally disconnected, like
Speaker 1: it was like the easiest disconnection I've ever had. I
Speaker 1: think about also, like the relationship I had with my
Speaker 1: long one of my long term boyfriends actually that we
Speaker 1: also interviewed when we interviewed our exes again, disconnected like
Speaker 1: like nothing like went on to I think that's why
Speaker 1: I started dating my baby daddy, like a week later,
Speaker 1: like I went to New York, we made out, we
Speaker 1: had sex, and then I was in love again. And
Speaker 1: so that was my way of running. I would run
Speaker 1: into different relationships. I would just go from relationship to
Speaker 1: relationship to relationship. And then when I stopped doing that,
Speaker 1: it was now I'm disconnecting. I'm not going back to
Speaker 1: another relationship, but I am going to disconnect quickly and
Speaker 1: move on quickly. And I just like the more I
Speaker 1: talk to I feel like older women too. I was
Speaker 1: having this conversation with someone yesterday and she was just like,
Speaker 1: she's been married, she's divorced now, and she was like,
Speaker 1: you know, and I was like, how is your marriage going?
Speaker 1: Like how's it going? She she was recently married, like
Speaker 1: three years three years ago maybe, and she was just like,
Speaker 1: and you have to choose your friend ultimately, Like, listen,
Speaker 1: what I've learned about marriage is like I'm not always
Speaker 1: gonna love all your choices. I'm not always gonna like everything.
Speaker 1: Sometimes shit is gonna be bad. But like, do I
Speaker 1: like you? Are you my friend? Like how do I
Speaker 1: feel about that? Because I ultimately I'm gonna go through
Speaker 1: my shit too, and you're not gonna like everything I do.
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm cranky and shit and I don't. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna change it. That's just who the fuck I am.
Speaker 1: And he loves me and that's he's my friend and
Speaker 1: like he doesn't like it, but are we gonna leave
Speaker 1: each other for that? No? Like is everything else the
Speaker 1: friendship and all the things in between, and like the
Speaker 1: connection that we have, the way we're able to communicate,
Speaker 1: that we're able to show up for one another, is
Speaker 1: that worth?
Speaker 2: Does that outweigh that? I know? I know? And then
Speaker 2: and then you know what it's also about if you're
Speaker 2: if you have generally been in relationships that people have
Speaker 2: made it easy for you to choose saying peace out
Speaker 2: if you if you make it like if if you
Speaker 2: give me a reason. People are I think innately runners
Speaker 2: when that's what you're used to, and so you have
Speaker 2: options to leave. You know, you don't feel like you're
Speaker 2: going to commit or it suck or it's forever, and
Speaker 2: that there's a leisure in that. There's a comfortability in that,
Speaker 2: or you should be too close. But when you but
Speaker 2: when you start to be with someone and you try
Speaker 2: to make their reason for you to like walk away
Speaker 2: because that's what you're used to choosing, like the cycle
Speaker 2: of okay, I'll find someone else, then it will be
Speaker 2: easier for you to do that. And so when you're
Speaker 2: with some money and you're like, fuck, I couldn't like
Speaker 2: this is not a really valid reason, because I still
Speaker 2: want to be with you, even though you get on
Speaker 2: my nerves, even though this, this and that. It's like
Speaker 2: because you're my friend, even though you fucked up, even
Speaker 2: though even though you're fucked up, even though oh god,
Speaker 2: you're you're.
Speaker 1: Fucking nuts, you're you know, and it's like, but I
Speaker 1: I love you, and I'm learning to well for him,
Speaker 1: like I think for my relationship in particular, we didn't
Speaker 1: we weren't friends first. We literally went straight into love
Speaker 1: affair like it was like, especially because he doesn't live here,
Speaker 1: you know, so he's far away, and so it's easy
Speaker 1: for it to feel fairy tale like. And even though
Speaker 1: we're talking on the phone over it like all the time,
Speaker 1: it's different, Like I'm not I realize I am not
Speaker 1: a phone talking ass bitch. I don't like talking on
Speaker 1: the phone. I don't have much to say. I don't
Speaker 1: want to figure out.
Speaker 2: What to say.
Speaker 1: I really would just like you to lead the conversation.
Speaker 1: If you want to ask me some shit, I'll answer it.
Speaker 1: But like long Diestant's relationships, it's not ideal. And honestly,
Speaker 1: we're much better in person because of that, because I'm
Speaker 1: like but you know, even and because of that, I
Speaker 1: think that we didn't really even though we were long distance,
Speaker 1: we we got to know each other, but like the
Speaker 1: friendship just wasn't there. It's different when like you really
Speaker 1: are able to like be in someone's space, be in
Speaker 1: their day to day, understand what their day to day
Speaker 1: looks like, you know, and long distance can be really
Speaker 1: challenging in that way. So I think the friendship element
Speaker 1: I realize. I know that that's important because that's typically
Speaker 1: how I've started all my relationship and ships. Like my
Speaker 1: baby Daddy was my home. Like we were cool, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like the guy that I dated,
Speaker 1: you know, before that or after that, like i'd known
Speaker 1: him for years. We were cool, you know. But skipping
Speaker 1: the friendship part will have you fucked up, will have
Speaker 1: your intuition fucked up. We'll have you running because you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know you like that, I'm out of here.
Speaker 2: I don't need this.
Speaker 1: I don't look at you, I don't look like I
Speaker 1: don't look at you like a friend. You're disposable to me.
Speaker 1: You've hurt my heart, like no, like there's no friendship there.
Speaker 1: So it's like when you skip that part. It's like,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a recipe for disaster and life
Speaker 1: and I'll never I would never do that again. I
Speaker 1: would never jump into something.
Speaker 2: Like that again. The friendship part is essential, yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean because yeah, because you do give your friends a
Speaker 2: different type of grace. But yeah, the friendship part is
Speaker 2: definitely essential.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean they think about you. In Orlando's relationship,
Speaker 1: it was built on friendship first. I mean, yes, you
Speaker 1: were lovers quick, like you really had to like be
Speaker 1: honest with one another in a way that most couples
Speaker 1: are not, you know what I mean, Like you were
Speaker 1: being honest about like where you were at dating and
Speaker 1: like what you you know, all the different things you
Speaker 1: were doing without fear that he was going to leave
Speaker 1: you because that was your friend versus like him not
Speaker 1: being your friend and then you withholding certain things parts
Speaker 1: of yourself and vice versa. So when shit pops off
Speaker 1: and he's a human or you're a human.
Speaker 2: You're like, uh uh, I'm cool.
Speaker 1: I'm cool on your humanness where you even got we're
Speaker 1: not even close like that, right, I don't even know
Speaker 1: you like that, nigga, for you to be human like
Speaker 1: you're supposed to take care of my heart. You're supposed
Speaker 1: to love me and that's that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, I think that the way my relationship with
Speaker 2: Orlando panned out, it could it couldn't have been any better.
Speaker 2: And and because we were long distance, it wasn't forced.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like I love you and we're going to
Speaker 2: be together. It was like fucking two thousand miles away
Speaker 2: from each other. So I love you, but yeah, I
Speaker 2: see you. When I see you, you know you around
Speaker 2: because there was there could not be a long term
Speaker 2: plan at that time, because neither one of us were
Speaker 2: in the position to give that. And because of that,
Speaker 2: we knew we weren't going to not be in each
Speaker 2: other's lives or not not be friends.
Speaker 1: I don't think you wanted that either. No, you weren't
Speaker 1: even looking for that, you know, Like I kind of
Speaker 1: was like I was like when I met him, like
Speaker 1: I was at intentionally dating. I wanted to like be
Speaker 1: with someone. I was ready to not be fucking alone anymore.
Speaker 1: So when I met that had that connection, I immediately
Speaker 1: like held on to it and was like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is it where like I feel it and like skip
Speaker 1: you skipped a friendship part because you didn't even give
Speaker 1: it yourself a chance.
Speaker 2: But there's also that too, right, Like there's that are
Speaker 2: you dating because I don't want to be alone anymore?
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying don't be intentional about dating, but
Speaker 2: I think that not having expectations or not not not
Speaker 2: wanting it because you're allowed to want it, but sometimes
Speaker 2: we want like not saying this for you, I'm just
Speaker 2: saying in general, like sometimes you want something so bad
Speaker 2: and you're like, you don't want You've made this statement,
Speaker 2: and so the next person who comes, you're like, you're
Speaker 2: gonna be my person, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 2: sometimes it's like maybe that's not your person, but you
Speaker 2: want someone because you don't want to be alone, or
Speaker 2: because you understand and like long for the perks of partnership,
Speaker 2: but sometimes it's just not with that person. So it's
Speaker 2: like it's important that even if you want it, you
Speaker 2: are aware or not to mold someone into your fantasy
Speaker 2: that you.
Speaker 1: Have or you're well, it's not out of a deficit, right,
Speaker 1: but you know it's not a deficit. But also, like
Speaker 1: people always say, like you don't you need You'll find
Speaker 1: the person you want, like when you are like when
Speaker 1: you love yourself when you've done the work on yourself,
Speaker 1: and like, yes, I agree with that. I also that
Speaker 1: concept also kind of annoys me a little bit because
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, But then when you meet that person,
Speaker 1: you realize that there's like this piece that not was missing,
Speaker 1: but that wow, there's even more. There's an extra piece
Speaker 1: that I didn't even know I needed. And I don't
Speaker 1: feel bad about knowing that, like maybe there was some
Speaker 1: sort of like thing missing that this person filled in for.
Speaker 1: You know. I think like people will wait and wait
Speaker 1: and wait and wait, and it's like you're never gonna
Speaker 1: find that perfect, exact peace, Like it might come in
Speaker 1: perfect and then that neggati or that bitch is good,
Speaker 1: other it's gonna be a little crunchy at times, and
Speaker 1: then you figure it out again. Sometimes it does come
Speaker 1: in perfect, you know, or sometimes it doesn't come in perfect,
Speaker 1: And I don't get to write my fucking fairy tale, right,
Speaker 1: I don't get to decide that my Prince Charming rolls
Speaker 1: in and is exactly as I hoped he was going
Speaker 1: to show up in his shining armor.
Speaker 2: He won't. It doesn't exist, but it does.
Speaker 1: But people think that's how it's supposed to exist, that
Speaker 1: that's the storyline of their fairy tale, and like if
Speaker 1: this is the fairy tale that's playing out in my
Speaker 1: life right now, like it's it's untraditional, it's different, it's
Speaker 1: not always We've had challenges early on, well not really
Speaker 1: early on, but I guess early on and things of
Speaker 1: that and all those things. But I think that as
Speaker 1: women we have to kind of let go of this
Speaker 1: idea of what your fairy tale is supposed to look like.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that you like downplay your wants
Speaker 1: and needs. I'm not saying that you may compromise these
Speaker 1: big compromises with yourself because ultimately you know what you
Speaker 1: can handle, what you can't. You know you and you
Speaker 1: actively choose the opposite if that's what you're doing. But
Speaker 1: I do think that we have been really hard on
Speaker 1: men because they haven't made it easy for us. And
Speaker 1: I think that.
Speaker 2: And they do one wrong thing, and it's easy for
Speaker 2: us to protect ourselves and go into defense mechanisms because
Speaker 2: other men have also you know, done functionhit and so
Speaker 2: it's a whole, all of you niggas as a whole,
Speaker 2: and so it's harder to because then you you kind
Speaker 2: of group them all together, and then your friends have
Speaker 2: boyfriends that ain't shit too, and you're like, it's definitely
Speaker 2: all of them, you know what I mean. And then
Speaker 2: it's easy to protect yourself by distancing yourself and by
Speaker 2: putting up these unbreakable walls, you know.
Speaker 1: But like, but the thing is is like there are
Speaker 1: a lot of men that make are making really poor choices,
Speaker 1: and there's a maybe like a pool of men that
Speaker 1: are making really amazing choices all the time, right, And
Speaker 1: the same goes for women. I think on a higher rate,
Speaker 1: women are making better choices. I mean, call me fucking biased,
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. But so what are we
Speaker 1: gonna do. There's a lot of women. There's more women
Speaker 1: in this world than there are men. So are we
Speaker 1: just gonna discard the niggas that are kind of fucked
Speaker 1: up and maybe are down to do the work, and
Speaker 1: but like need that support, need that support? Or are
Speaker 1: we just gonna all like try to find this like
Speaker 1: unicorn of a man that's already healed, already done all
Speaker 1: the work.
Speaker 2: There's also like there's this idea of what that man
Speaker 2: is gonna be, Like he's gonna be tall, he's gonna
Speaker 2: not a garden. He's kind of on plants.
Speaker 1: Now, he might be like a short, small Indian man,
Speaker 1: SMaL king. He might be a little Indian man.
Speaker 2: That's extreme.
Speaker 1: I mean that I'm being specific because bitch is some
Speaker 1: peatures were like, I'll never I could never imagine myself
Speaker 1: dating this type of person. It's like that was your
Speaker 1: soul made. You didn't even fucking know, bitch.
Speaker 2: Orlando is not my type.
Speaker 1: I said it.
Speaker 2: I was just like, I don't know if this is
Speaker 2: my but he wasn't my type. But then I started
Speaker 2: to like him, and when we came back from Mexico
Speaker 2: was then like the first month and a half of
Speaker 2: me knowing him. If he would have been like, let's
Speaker 2: be together, I would have been like, okay, I was
Speaker 2: not looking for me and I had just got a relationship.
Speaker 2: But I a part of me a little bit was
Speaker 2: a hope, like kind of wanted that. I've never admitted
Speaker 2: that ever in my life out loud. But if he want, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh you did to have a great time.
Speaker 2: Fuck you. But also, I mean, I'm not the type
Speaker 2: of person to say to vocalize my feelings like that,
Speaker 2: because it was kind of crazy, but I've had that
Speaker 2: inkling like and it.
Speaker 1: Wasn't crazy because you guys did have a really you know,
Speaker 1: cosmic experience with one another, and so it's natural to
Speaker 1: feel like that, that longing, especially if there are things
Speaker 1: missing in your life.
Speaker 2: But had that happened, it would have been much easier
Speaker 2: for me to discard him when he did things that
Speaker 2: were pissing me off. And that challenged me, especially because
Speaker 2: we had this extremely honest, no secrets like relationship. Like,
Speaker 2: had we been in a relationship early, that would not
Speaker 2: have lasted. I'm grateful that that did not happen. And
Speaker 2: it took a year of friendship, like solid friendship to
Speaker 2: kind of know that we were ready for whatever we
Speaker 2: were about to take this into. But when I when
Speaker 2: we met, I was like, by the time I turned
Speaker 2: thirty five, you'll be thirty one and you'll be old enough.
Speaker 2: If we don't or like Marya's at thirty six, Uh,
Speaker 2: if we don't find anyone else, we'll be together. And
Speaker 2: then my head, I was like, nigga, I'm numb for
Speaker 2: one that can't even better than me, not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Good luck.
Speaker 2: So it was like that, and then there was an agreement,
Speaker 2: but yeah, the friendship ship is like that's an like
Speaker 2: it's not even like it's huge, huge piece, even if
Speaker 2: it's your person. And there was this like spirit was saying,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna pump the brakes for you. I'm gonna not
Speaker 2: even have that being mentioned because I know how valuable
Speaker 2: this one year of like platonic slash you know, erotic
Speaker 2: relation intimate relationship will look like, and how much it's
Speaker 2: going to serve you because now, yeah, he does get
Speaker 2: up my nerves. And even in the beginning, I was like,
Speaker 2: this is like too good to be true or too
Speaker 2: like like this is like the like I was bracing
Speaker 2: myself for when the for when the honeymoon phase ended,
Speaker 2: you know, because he moved in. I was like, ugh,
Speaker 2: And but I told you this one time too. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: but one thing I'll ask myself is like, but are
Speaker 2: you gonna do you want to live a life without him? Specifically?
Speaker 2: And the answers always know, no matter what, like if
Speaker 2: I can't see my I still don't want to live
Speaker 2: without you, even if you fuck up, even if you
Speaker 2: do this, even if you said that thing, like, there
Speaker 2: have been challenging things and I realized it's easier for
Speaker 2: me to be like I'm good, and it's been a
Speaker 2: challenge to be in a relationship in ways I never know.
Speaker 2: You know, you want a relationship, it is gonna be
Speaker 2: so much eaier, gonna have support, But there's challenges that
Speaker 2: come that you know are all so required of you.
Speaker 2: Just because you find a partner and you find your
Speaker 2: soulmate doesn't mean the challenges stop coming and the healing
Speaker 2: and the evolution like ends, like everything doesn't become perfect.
Speaker 1: Well, it's like this toxic soulmate fucking narrative of like
Speaker 1: you meet this person. It's Instagram. You see these people
Speaker 1: and they're in love and they're like soulmates and they
Speaker 1: share their story and you're like, oh my god, it's
Speaker 1: so beautiful and then like then real life happens and
Speaker 1: that's when you realize is your soul is it your
Speaker 1: soulmate or is it your fucking lustmate? Or did you
Speaker 1: actually like love this person as a friend, Like can
Speaker 1: you work through all of the ups and downs? When
Speaker 1: they say marriage like is till death do us part?
Speaker 1: It's really like how much of fucking besties are you?
Speaker 1: That's what the fuck that means.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have mind changed, like how much your.
Speaker 1: Mother's hocking bestie?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 4: Is?
Speaker 1: What do death till death do Us part? Means? It's
Speaker 1: not this like romantic notion. It's really not that sexy,
Speaker 1: you know, And and it really comes when you when
Speaker 1: that is really when you're really faced with that. And
Speaker 1: I'm not married, so I can only imagine like what
Speaker 1: that what that vow feels like. But I mean, ultimately
Speaker 1: they're just words, But are you really that person's friend?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: And then when I was talking to my friend who's
Speaker 1: you know, married again for the second time. She's in
Speaker 1: her fifties and has like four kids that are off
Speaker 1: to college, and she's lived a really like juicy life.
Speaker 1: I could just as Morgan Debond said about us don't
Speaker 1: know Who's now from the Stacks podcast, Oh right, Tracy
Speaker 1: said that, And she's lived a really fucking juicy life.
Speaker 1: This woman, she's a son. She've seen it all all types,
Speaker 1: celebrity types, regular people types.
Speaker 2: Like weirdos, nerds.
Speaker 1: And I asked her, I've been asking that too. I
Speaker 1: asked my grandmother too, Like yesterday, I've been like really
Speaker 1: curious about like talking to like that my elders and
Speaker 1: really understanding their perspective, because ultimately, I can be impulsive
Speaker 1: and I can make my choices right now as a
Speaker 1: thirty five year old, and this is all I know,
Speaker 1: and this is what I deserve, and this is the
Speaker 1: respect that I want. But like, what do you feel
Speaker 1: later on in life after you've done all the things
Speaker 1: and maybe you've done that and maybe you haven't.
Speaker 2: You know, like what about the things that you require?
Speaker 1: But the things you were choir and the things that
Speaker 1: like mattered when you were thirty five versus matters now.
Speaker 1: And granted, like everyone's you know, position is different on this,
Speaker 1: but you know, like with her, that was her thing.
Speaker 1: She was like, are there things that like are annoying
Speaker 1: that like I are not ideal that, yeah, but ultimately
Speaker 1: like that's my friend and I love him and he
Speaker 1: loves me and that's that and that's it. And I'm
Speaker 1: I don't want to be friends with anyone else. I'd
Speaker 1: rather be friending with this person versus anybody else, nesting
Speaker 1: friending or Yeah. I asked my grandmother what her biggest
Speaker 1: regret was in life, and she said getting married. I said, interesting,
Speaker 1: and I was like, do you think you just married
Speaker 1: the wrong people.
Speaker 2: And she's like, probably, then there's that marrying like I think,
Speaker 2: doing the steps, having the friendship, then the relationship really friendshiplationship.
Speaker 2: But then choosing marriage is so essential because a lot
Speaker 2: of people also choose marriage because it checks off the box,
Speaker 2: especially women and a lot of Well.
Speaker 1: She got married because she got pregnant. Because I asked
Speaker 1: her about why did you marry your first husband, She's like,
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. That's why I married.
Speaker 2: Him, because religion said.
Speaker 1: Because it was like nineteen fucking whatever, fifty eight and
Speaker 1: you can't be on weed and pregnant in twenty, you know.
Speaker 1: And then the second one was what was my grandfather?
Speaker 1: And she said he knew how to balance a check
Speaker 1: book because that was also the thing that she kept saying,
Speaker 1: like about things that she wished she knew or that
Speaker 1: she did more of. It was all related to money,
Speaker 1: which I was like, so money is something that like
Speaker 1: you've been do you feel stressed about, like you've felt
Speaker 1: stressed about your whole life, And she's like, I just
Speaker 1: it's important.
Speaker 2: You can't can't go around that. She's not lying. It
Speaker 2: is important. It's like so even that eighty five you
Speaker 2: realize money is still important.
Speaker 1: You need money, okay, And I said anything you regret,
Speaker 1: She's like, no, I did everything I wanted to do.
Speaker 1: She's like, if I didn't want to be married, I
Speaker 1: wasn't married. I want to move out. I moved out.
Speaker 1: I want to be My grandmother was an you know,
Speaker 1: interior designer. She just figured it out because she you know,
Speaker 1: needed a career. I did that, you know, and so
Speaker 1: I was like, that's cool to just also do that, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: marriage maybe wasn't for her and she didn't find the
Speaker 1: husband's but ultimately she still chose herself. And that's where.
Speaker 1: That's where you have to trust yourself. Is that. That's
Speaker 1: where and that's where I think where I do trust
Speaker 1: myself is that like I'm always gonna I don't have
Speaker 1: a problem choosing myself, Like.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because because you've because you've done a lot
Speaker 2: of work. So it's you can't un choose yourself because.
Speaker 1: I don't know better. I don't have a Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't have a problem choosing myself. I'm always going to
Speaker 1: do that. I do the friendship element. I think with
Speaker 1: men I have a problem with I'm not I don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of male. I really have friends that
Speaker 1: I know, but I don't have a lot of patience.
Speaker 1: I haven't had a lot of patience for male humanness.
Speaker 1: Like if you have some bullshit, get the fuck away
Speaker 1: from me. Oh that's some bullshit, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like maybe like no, no, I haven't. I have not.
Speaker 1: And so I realized that, not just in this relationship,
Speaker 1: but just in general. I'm like, where does that come from?
Speaker 2: I just I feel so deeply that this chapter of
Speaker 2: our lives, like you know, we're in our mid thirties,
Speaker 2: We've you know, committed to this life of like evolving
Speaker 2: and growing and like self reflection, and there's really no
Speaker 2: getting around it. And we live in this realm of
Speaker 2: reality that is so fucked up it's not reality at all.
Speaker 2: And we become domesticated and socialized in this society that
Speaker 2: is very very skewed. This this is not real, and
Speaker 2: so we have to remember that a we are human
Speaker 2: and everyone outside of us is also human too, And
Speaker 2: a part of that is really like going inside and saying,
Speaker 2: like what am I carrying? What is what has poisoned
Speaker 2: me to like have filters, you know, like have less
Speaker 2: less uh empathy for people less, uh, you know, regard
Speaker 2: for people because I've chose like I've seen it this
Speaker 2: way or I'm tainted the trauma the healing, you know,
Speaker 2: even like you saying what you asked your grandmother, Like
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking last year this time I was. I
Speaker 2: went to the trip and with my grandmother to fucking
Speaker 2: North Carolina, South North Carolina to some like random peninsula
Speaker 2: or whatever, haunted house, some honted house because she insisted
Speaker 2: that we can do like a family trip every year.
Speaker 2: I don't know why she chose this place, but I uh,
Speaker 2: there was questions. I wanted to record asking her because
Speaker 2: the Laundra told us have that up. We had the
Speaker 2: episode with the Laundra and I was like, I'll just
Speaker 2: do it next year. And you know, like she just
Speaker 2: she passed, She transitioned. And it's just like Anne I
Speaker 2: was talking about after that trip, mortality and that like
Speaker 2: realizing people are getting older and that like we don't
Speaker 2: have this life forever, and like she passed kind of
Speaker 2: expectedly because she was like kicking it her grant. Her
Speaker 2: sister died a week after that. And I've just been
Speaker 2: like and like I physically saw like the like her
Speaker 2: spirit leave the body like I've never been around like this,
Speaker 2: like meat suit and then seeing the like the like
Speaker 2: how the spirit actually slowly leaves and then like touching
Speaker 2: her after and like it feeling like it's it's a soup,
Speaker 2: you know, essentially, like we a sack, it's a sack
Speaker 2: of skin, and you know, and I feel like regret
Speaker 2: obviously for not having those conversations and asking certain things.
Speaker 2: And my grandmother lived, Like one time she told me,
Speaker 2: like I was like, should I go out? We were?
Speaker 2: She was like, you know, like sleep when you're dead
Speaker 2: because what she told me, and she we've discussed her
Speaker 2: death very often and like she was comfortable with like
Speaker 2: the transition, which made it easier for me. But even
Speaker 2: though she lived, she traveled, she was married a couple times,
Speaker 2: like I saw where there's still root, like anger, hurt,
Speaker 2: it would come out and lash out in ways, and
Speaker 2: like even with my own mother, you know, the humanness,
Speaker 2: And I realize so much of that is from just
Speaker 2: unresolved shit that we refuse to pull up and look
Speaker 2: at and examine and say this makes me uncomfortable or
Speaker 2: like and sometimes you won't even know it's there.
Speaker 1: That's what I say. A lot of times you don't
Speaker 1: even know it's there.
Speaker 2: But you have to be willing to look at things
Speaker 2: and be like, oh god, that's me, that's not that's ugly,
Speaker 2: you know. And just like a part of living this
Speaker 2: life differently as women, I think living this life and
Speaker 2: like to honor our ancestors is really taking advantage of
Speaker 2: the freedom we have to heal and taking advantage of
Speaker 2: like looking at ourselves and saying, how can I grow?
Speaker 2: You know, how can I look like do things differently?
Speaker 2: And like just choosing yourself is so fucking import that
Speaker 2: and just like even having an attachment to living is
Speaker 2: stupid because we don't die, no choice, we don't die,
Speaker 2: and we all go and we're still probably swimming and
Speaker 2: flying and the ethers together and this is such a
Speaker 2: like profound experience. We probably did a few a lot
Speaker 2: of cycles. But just as women, you know, just honoring ourselves,
Speaker 2: our intuition, our humanness, each other's humanness and leading with
Speaker 2: that and not to say except everyone, because people if
Speaker 2: some people don't deserve your your attachment and your attention
Speaker 2: and your energy because we don't have a lot of time.
Speaker 2: But just like what she want to do is important,
Speaker 2: No it's true.
Speaker 1: It's true. But you just reminded me that I did
Speaker 1: record my grandfather and I need to record my grandmother.
Speaker 1: But that's why it actually came up yesterday when I
Speaker 1: was thinking, when I was talking to her and I
Speaker 1: was watched I was looking at her. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: she's she is at she's nearing the end of her life.
Speaker 1: Not that there's some than going wrong, but like she is,
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm just like so curious to know
Speaker 1: what you in this lifetime and this iteration of your
Speaker 1: that your soul, like what are your regrets? What is
Speaker 1: the most successful thing you did? Like what are you
Speaker 1: most proud of?
Speaker 2: Right? You know?
Speaker 1: And because I think it ultimately like it's almost like
Speaker 1: it's the cheak code for us that she code for me,
Speaker 1: especially she is my ancestor in ways, and she's still
Speaker 1: here with me.
Speaker 2: You know, what information can I get or know about
Speaker 2: myself or learn about myself from having these conversations even
Speaker 2: like we had a we were interviewing some of our
Speaker 2: audience because we're we're in a business coach program because
Speaker 2: we're trying to be better businesswomen, and we're interviewing some
Speaker 2: of our audience and someone was like, yeah, I just
Speaker 2: want I love like your freedom. I just want to
Speaker 2: hang out with you guys. And I was like, really,
Speaker 2: I want to cuddle. Someone else said they wanted to cuddle.
Speaker 2: I love that. God, I love that so much. I
Speaker 2: was like, I can do that. Where do you live?
Speaker 2: Just come to the retreat. Yeah, well honestly we will cud,
Speaker 2: Like what is going on over there? That's it cuddles.
Speaker 1: Don't know where ship.
Speaker 2: And she was just like, you know, I see my
Speaker 2: mom and my grandma and I'm like, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to be like that, like they don't seem happy. And
Speaker 2: I was just like, whoa. I felt that because sometimes
Speaker 2: I just see like and then we excuse older women,
Speaker 2: you know, like oh she's Aggie and like you know
Speaker 2: they're straight and their forward, but like sometimes it's just
Speaker 2: like what is wrong with you? And we see it.
Speaker 2: We see the joy in children. You notice that, like
Speaker 2: leave and look at age. You see the pure bliss
Speaker 2: in children, because it's before life has fucking toxified you
Speaker 2: with bullshit and like sadness and reality because like and
Speaker 2: so there's this inner anger hardness that happens. Yes, and
Speaker 2: it's like, how do we hold on to that childlike love,
Speaker 2: that bliss, you know what I mean, and like it's you.
Speaker 1: Have to I don't know. I think some people are
Speaker 1: gifted in the way that they can I think that
Speaker 1: for the most part, we don't, I mean can't we
Speaker 1: not only that we can't. For the most part we don't.
Speaker 1: What we what we can do is fight to get
Speaker 1: it back and have to fight to get it back
Speaker 1: because everything around us is going to tell us that
Speaker 1: we can't do those things and that we shouldn't do
Speaker 1: those things and that's irresponsible, or that's for kids, or
Speaker 1: those days are done, or god, you're weird, you're silly,
Speaker 1: like you know. And one thing I will say is
Speaker 1: like the people that are living their life for them
Speaker 1: and really don't give a fuck, look the best. Of
Speaker 1: course they look the best.
Speaker 2: Just say, give zero fucks.
Speaker 1: They give zero fucks, and they look young. And yeah,
Speaker 1: granted they might have hurt some people along the way,
Speaker 1: because there is a messiness in that. If you're not
Speaker 1: if you don't have it fucking together in ways, and
Speaker 1: you haven't really explored why certain parts of yourself and
Speaker 1: why maybe you do need to grow up in certain ways.
Speaker 1: But I think that there is I think that for
Speaker 1: the most part, people do lose that I would say
Speaker 1: ninety nine percent of people do. Wow. There are those
Speaker 1: one percent, though, and those are the ones that everyone's like,
Speaker 1: she's a weird bitch.
Speaker 2: Oh, right, of course, Oh she's so weird. Yeah, But
Speaker 2: there's also I think, like, honestly, I'm so I'm happy
Speaker 2: that I'm so happy I went on this Tanto retreat
Speaker 2: before going on our retreat, because I feel like my
Speaker 2: cup is so full, and I feel like there has
Speaker 2: to be practice. You have to practice. You have to
Speaker 2: have a practice in order to choose joy. In a
Speaker 2: world like this. You have to choose joy. You don't
Speaker 2: just wake up with it every day, because there is
Speaker 2: real fear of not having money, of not having food,
Speaker 2: that the government is fucking our food, that we all
Speaker 2: types of shit, we didn't do our passport. All these
Speaker 2: fake lies will like take away our joy. And you
Speaker 2: have to have this practice. And I just in this retreat,
Speaker 2: in this container, I experienced things, of course come up,
Speaker 2: but I experienced a community and a practice that allows
Speaker 2: the things to come up and then encourages you to
Speaker 2: examine them and dig down and be gentle with yourself.
Speaker 2: And ask what is this poison? And then how what
Speaker 2: are the practices that I've learned in order to remove
Speaker 2: it or dissolve it and move through it? And every
Speaker 2: time something comes up, it happens, you know, like you
Speaker 2: could just really you could either choose to ignore it
Speaker 2: or you just dive right deep into it and it's okay,
Speaker 2: like to have feelings around it. And all these practices
Speaker 2: that really teach us to look at things and then
Speaker 2: either you know, dissolve them, release them, and like even
Speaker 2: use pleasure as like an antidote a medicine for it.
Speaker 2: But we are not taught, and we're not you know
Speaker 2: can like, yeah, we're not taught and finding practice to
Speaker 2: choose joy. And one of the things I learned about
Speaker 2: this at this place is like there were so many
Speaker 2: different types of people, people from Canada, from Idaho shout
Speaker 2: out to Like I had made up so many friends
Speaker 2: that I probably would have never ever made friends with,
Speaker 2: and hearing trauma and stories that I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: my fucking god, a pitch and you're still laughing, and
Speaker 2: like and like Maryanne, like my friend in Idaho who
Speaker 2: grew up Mormon and was telling me how like the
Speaker 2: bishop asked, like asks the people, like have you been
Speaker 2: masturbating lately? Like the kids go alone in this room
Speaker 2: with the Mormon bishops and they're like harassing them about masturbation,
Speaker 2: and like why he pulled out some pictures that someone
Speaker 2: had sent like all this crazy, horrible things that go
Speaker 2: on in these communities and that's just like such a
Speaker 2: small percentage of the trauma that it is created in
Speaker 2: our society period. But like she was joyous and happy,
Speaker 2: and even Devi, who's the owner of the school and
Speaker 2: authentic Tantra, and she's so joyous like a child, like
Speaker 2: a baby. But there's just you know, you we all
Speaker 2: have to literally choose joy, choose to look at ourselves
Speaker 2: and the things that happen to us and the people
Speaker 2: that fuck us and release that shit in order to
Speaker 2: choose joy and make the best out of this very
Speaker 2: short life that we have, in order to make space
Speaker 2: for pleasure and to be filled with that and just
Speaker 2: say no, I'm not I don't want that bullshit fuck that.
Speaker 1: I'm happy you said that that word practice because I
Speaker 1: realize for me specifically, and this might not be for everyone,
Speaker 1: but I need practices in order to find the joy
Speaker 1: like I actually like I was supposed to be a
Speaker 1: herd coach. Right now, I know I'm late. They're gonna
Speaker 1: kill me. I have to be in practice of something,
Speaker 1: whether that's movement, whether that's eating well, whether that's actually
Speaker 1: fucking like having practice, whether that's like doing reaking on
Speaker 1: myself every morning and every night. I feel like a
Speaker 1: highly functional, happy person when I'm doing that. I can
Speaker 1: feel like yessterday, when I'm spiraling on Instagram, it's because
Speaker 1: I haven't been in practice of shit. I've just been working,
Speaker 1: like trying to get shit done. That is like the
Speaker 1: sure way to make me unhappy and will make me
Speaker 1: start questioning the work that I do that makes me
Speaker 1: happy because I'm not also in practice of like it's
Speaker 1: self care essentially, you know, or just paying attention to
Speaker 1: your I'm not actively paying attention to myself. I'm paying
Speaker 1: attention to everything that's outside of me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's a sure way to disaster.
Speaker 1: So then when you're telling me I should choose happiness,
Speaker 1: like I haven't even chosen myself. How the fuck am
Speaker 1: I supposed to choose happiness. I've even paid attention to
Speaker 1: myself in weeks, you know, And so I know that
Speaker 1: like that for me, that's what I need. Some people
Speaker 1: that's not what they need for to choose you know,
Speaker 1: happiness or whatever. Some people just need to be around,
Speaker 1: be out and about and like that's how they recharge
Speaker 1: and that's what breaks them.
Speaker 2: Joy, you know.
Speaker 1: So I encourage you, not you, but whoever's listening and
Speaker 1: you and me to really like think about, like write,
Speaker 1: what is it that makes you? What is it that
Speaker 1: would make you be able to choose joy every day?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: What are the things that you would need in order
Speaker 1: to do that? Like what is the perfect set of
Speaker 1: things or experiences or people? Yeah, people, or like what
Speaker 1: is that you know? Because I think we haven't even
Speaker 1: thought about that. Sometimes it's kind of just like when
Speaker 1: you're kind of just shooting in the.
Speaker 2: Dark and then you're like fuck you wake up, or
Speaker 2: you're not happy, or you have that moment where you're like, damn,
Speaker 2: I am being a bitch or why am I being sure?
Speaker 2: If you even have that moment, but it's because you
Speaker 2: haven't even paid attention to your body, how you feel
Speaker 2: you can. You don't know what makes you happy because
Speaker 2: you haven't tapped into it. So everything is going to
Speaker 2: make you unhappy and not have pleasure because you haven't
Speaker 2: even said, wait, what brings me present? What brings me
Speaker 2: pleasure and presence? And what can I eliminate?
Speaker 1: And also when you do write these things down, you
Speaker 1: start to create a toolbox that you can go back
Speaker 1: to when you do wake up and you feel like
Speaker 1: in a fucked up mood. Like for me, like yesterday
Speaker 1: when I was spiral ing, I was like, bitch, what
Speaker 1: the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like,
Speaker 1: what hol to hold a hold up? What do I
Speaker 1: need to do?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: What is like one thing in my toolbox for lack
Speaker 1: of a better word, that I can pull out that
Speaker 1: is going to like take the edge off of me
Speaker 1: right now? And I was like, let me go for
Speaker 1: a run, even though I don't want to, even I
Speaker 1: fucking don't want to, you know. And I did it.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, Okay, not one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: but we're nine we're like ten percent edge off, you know,
Speaker 1: like so being able to know what the those things are,
Speaker 1: so you're just not every day waking up like fuck this,
Speaker 1: fuck this, fuck this, fuck this, and you're like, bitch,
Speaker 1: that's because you don't know what makes you happy?
Speaker 2: At all.
Speaker 1: So figure that out, write down, use that shit when
Speaker 1: you feel stressed the fuck out.
Speaker 2: You have to. You have to. And some of the
Speaker 2: things are going to seem ridiculous. Some of the things
Speaker 2: that you find are in medicine are the most basic shit.
Speaker 2: And there was a few times at the retreat I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, this might be a cult,
Speaker 2: but then it wasn't. It was just that it's the
Speaker 2: ways to freedom and the ways to practice and like
Speaker 2: moving your body, you know, meditate, there's be silent, shut
Speaker 2: the fuck up, listen to your body, breathe. It's like
Speaker 2: so basic, but then you do it and you know,
Speaker 2: and other people are committed to doing it and it
Speaker 2: seems so foreign and it's not. You know, it's just.
Speaker 1: It's really simple. You'd be surprised that the things that
Speaker 1: you need to make yourself happy you don't need to
Speaker 1: go shopping, you don't need those are cool Sometimes that
Speaker 1: helps too.
Speaker 2: That's like I always like to go eat and have
Speaker 2: a drink.
Speaker 1: You know, well, also what are you putting in your body?
Speaker 1: Because yeah, I can eat and have a drink and
Speaker 1: all those things, but like, are those things that you
Speaker 1: make you happy to like? Then also like in the
Speaker 1: long term, deteriorating yourself towards your ultimate happiness. I mean.
Speaker 2: And also I had a moment like this at the retreat.
Speaker 2: Something happened. It was kind of like a little bit stressful,
Speaker 2: and I was like, hey, Marianne, you want to go
Speaker 2: get a drink when you get something fried? And she's
Speaker 2: like okay. Everyone else's like no, I think I'm just
Speaker 2: going to meditate. I was like, I'm an alcoholic and
Speaker 2: then I got there and I was like, no, not alcoholic.
Speaker 2: This is what brings me pleasure. Me and Marianne you're like, whoa,
Speaker 2: you know. And then and then there's that, and then
Speaker 2: there's balance, and that's another thing. It's just like everything's
Speaker 2: with balance. It's not it's not bad or good. There's
Speaker 2: no good or bad. It's just balance. You know. What
Speaker 2: is it like in what moment that brings you the
Speaker 2: things that you need? And you have to be in
Speaker 2: touch with yourself to figure out what the fuck that is? Well?
Speaker 2: Do you want men to talk about my Mayoni massage
Speaker 2: for a hori? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Did you get what? No?
Speaker 2: I was just there?
Speaker 4: Oh oho stories yeah, So okay.
Speaker 1: So Mielia went on this retreat want this Tantra retreat.
Speaker 1: She's an authentic Tantra school and she at the retreat
Speaker 1: you get hands on experience well like yeah, demonstration, demonstrations
Speaker 1: and hands on experience like practicing. So Tantra is like
Speaker 1: the I feel like, the study of really pleasure in
Speaker 1: all of its forms and including obviously sexually, like sexual
Speaker 1: pleasure and even the trauma and things we store in
Speaker 1: our bodies.
Speaker 2: So what are you saying?
Speaker 1: Continues, Oh, I was just letting the people know in
Speaker 1: case they didn't know. Like, I mean, I know you've
Speaker 1: mentioned that you went to a retreat, but like what
Speaker 1: is actually happening at these retreats so that they just
Speaker 1: think you want on a retreat and we're getting Yoni
Speaker 1: mapped and shit, Like what is that?
Speaker 2: So the retreat is essentially it's not a retreat, it's
Speaker 2: an intensive it's an embodiment because we've been studying for
Speaker 2: a year and like I said, there's movement involved, there's breath.
Speaker 2: It's a Tibetan practice that's been around for thousands of
Speaker 2: years and so it's it's been mostly transferred orally and
Speaker 2: she's like the first person to ever write it in books.
Speaker 2: So we're studying this Tibetan tantra practice, that's the lineage,
Speaker 2: and there's lots of tantra practices there. You see a
Speaker 2: lot of neo practices, but this is the only government
Speaker 2: accredited school, and so there we're doing a lot of
Speaker 2: things that may seem we're to other people, but like
Speaker 2: we said, we're meditating, we're union breathing, we're connecting with
Speaker 2: one another, we're going inside, we're dancing, and we're learning,
Speaker 2: you know, all of the all the things yoni and
Speaker 2: lingam's penises and pissis and so one of the things
Speaker 2: is we're learning how to use the mudras to bring
Speaker 2: pleasure in your erogenous zone. So I you can eat
Speaker 2: the received one, you can give one. I was an
Speaker 2: observer and I saw one earlier in the day and
Speaker 2: I just you know, the girl had a breakthrough. She
Speaker 2: shed a tear. She was crying a little bit, because
Speaker 2: a lot of times when you explore these places, things
Speaker 2: come up. You store trauma literally and you know, in
Speaker 2: all parts of your body. But a lot of us,
Speaker 2: just from living in so like Western civilization, have sexual traumas.
Speaker 2: You know, men are get fucking circumcised, women are shamed
Speaker 2: for their sexuality. So there's a lot of storage of things.
Speaker 2: So sometimes and those explessure explorations, like in the trauma,
Speaker 2: there are releases that are unexpected. Anyway, I saw one.
Speaker 2: It was great. They told us it was optional. So
Speaker 2: I went to my room and I told them before
Speaker 2: I left, I'm not gonna I'm gonna sit this one out.
Speaker 2: She said fine, it starts raining. Then they text me like, hey,
Speaker 2: we assigned your group. I was like, yeah, I'm chilling.
Speaker 2: And then someone else is like, hey, your group is sounds.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, she told me that I could
Speaker 2: sit out, and she was like, well, this is the
Speaker 2: list one. So I was like. Something was like maybe
Speaker 2: you're supposed to go, and I was like fine, so
Speaker 2: I go. It's just my friend. It's just my friend Marianne,
Speaker 2: my friend Maria. They got I got my permission to
Speaker 2: share this story, and a facilitator and me and I
Speaker 2: was a observer. So I was reading, you know, I
Speaker 2: was reading her what she needs to do, going through
Speaker 2: the practices totally.
Speaker 1: Just so a student is doing this on her, and
Speaker 1: so you student and a student. As soon as so
Speaker 1: the student is doing this and she's reading through the text,
Speaker 1: I'm reading through you're through text, so she knows step
Speaker 1: by step what you're supposed to be doing, and is
Speaker 1: it what is like I'm so curious, like what the scene.
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to do this next year, but
Speaker 1: I'm so curious, like what the scene is like? Is
Speaker 1: it like is there music playing or is it just
Speaker 1: like straight educational.
Speaker 2: No, so part of so part of it is Okay,
Speaker 2: let's set up the environment. Okay, and we added, we
Speaker 2: asked the receiver, what do you want? She had fruits,
Speaker 2: we made I made her tea. We like, brought all
Speaker 2: the pillows in the room. We lowered the lights, we
Speaker 2: had candles. Okay, there was music because this is what
Speaker 2: she requested. So this is something like so if I
Speaker 2: was after I'm done school and couple comes in, this
Speaker 2: is what the environment will basically embody whatever brings you pleasure.
Speaker 2: And so I was reading as if like I was,
Speaker 2: if I was instructing a couple and they were exploring
Speaker 2: each other, or if someone was wanting to explore on themselves,
Speaker 2: you know, we'd use a model. But in this instance,
Speaker 2: the students who were my you know, my my peers
Speaker 2: were doing each other and I was given the role
Speaker 2: of reading through the MOODSS to make sure she was
Speaker 2: doing the right thing, and then there was a facilitator.
Speaker 2: I was I was supposed to be there in my mind,
Speaker 2: so I started reading it. It was great, It's not
Speaker 2: I love them. It was fun, but I was like
Speaker 2: ready to go. So I was like flipping the page
Speaker 2: just saying we were almost done, and I was just like,
Speaker 2: you know, watching so the one the girl who's like
Speaker 2: receiving is starting to really really really get it, like
Speaker 2: arouse and start to experience pleasure. And I just like,
Speaker 2: I A lot of this practice, a lot of the
Speaker 2: work we've done is just checking in with my ourselves.
Speaker 2: So I literally was like why is it started to
Speaker 2: make me feel uncomfortable? And I was like, why is
Speaker 2: this making me so uncomfortable? And I was like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: she looks pretty. I was like, she looks like she's
Speaker 2: a goddess. She's like a nice robe on. And like
Speaker 2: Marianne is great, like she knows exactly what she was doing,
Speaker 2: she knew all the steps, the teacher was great, everything
Speaker 2: was great. I was just like, why is this making
Speaker 2: me so uncomfortable? And also if this makes you uncomfortable, bitch,
Speaker 2: how are you going to do this in real life?
Speaker 2: Did you just waste a year of your life at
Speaker 2: this school? And then had to really start exploring, like
Speaker 2: it's not the nudity that makes me uncomfortable, Like what
Speaker 2: is it about seeing this is making me uncomfortable? So
Speaker 2: I observe that. I kept going and then she really
Speaker 2: starts to get into it, but then she says, I
Speaker 2: feel like I can't surrender, and I was like, then
Speaker 2: I dawned on me. I was like, there's no fucking
Speaker 2: way in hell i'd be able to be. I wanted
Speaker 2: to be a receiver, but I was like I could
Speaker 2: have never done this, Like I could have never surrendered
Speaker 2: with people watching me, you know. So I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I could never done this. This is crazy sod of.
Speaker 2: Then she's like starting to like cut orgasm, and she
Speaker 2: starts to squirt. So I'm trying to I'm looking but
Speaker 2: also like not trying to get squirted on, and she's
Speaker 2: starting to orgasm, and I.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you for that, Horri. Make sure you go
Speaker 1: check us out on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices. I think that people are either
Speaker 1: going to be totally freaked out or they're gonna wanna
Speaker 1: find the bitch in to Pinky Canyon.
Speaker 2: I know, I don't. It's a spiritual hurry. I don't
Speaker 2: want to, you know, discredit it by calling it a
Speaker 2: horri But it was a spiritual horry because I was
Speaker 2: like a little shocked that that happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but make sure you go check us out on Patreon.
Speaker 1: That's patreon dot com. Backslash Good Mom's Bad Joyces to
Speaker 1: hear this horry and a lot of other hories that
Speaker 1: you probably haven't heard on the show. Is it Tarot time?
Speaker 2: It is Tarot time.
Speaker 1: I feel like we've gotten this one before we have.
Speaker 2: This one came in reverse the hang demand. I usually
Speaker 2: don't read the reverse, but its you.
Speaker 1: Feel called to do it today.
Speaker 2: Tarot Time.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Pity Taro, Pitty Taro, and also Mahogany
Speaker 1: char Make sure you go check out Mahogany Taro, our
Speaker 1: official unofficial Tarot deck of a Good Mom's Bad Choice
Speaker 1: of show. They didn't even know they were going to
Speaker 1: be that, but they are the tribes we love supporting
Speaker 1: black women businesses, brown women businesses, all businesses, but we're
Speaker 1: black women. So if you want to share your business
Speaker 1: with us. DMS. We give special prices to our small
Speaker 1: business owners because we know how hard it can be
Speaker 1: out here in these business streets. In the business streets,
Speaker 1: it's hard. Entrepreneurship is hard, and sometimes you just need
Speaker 1: someone to really rep your shit. And we be repping you.
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying, only shit we endorse. So the
Speaker 2: upright hanged Man encourages you to pause for a moment
Speaker 2: and see things from a different perspective. Reverse this card
Speaker 2: could show that you know you need to hit the
Speaker 2: pause button, but you're resisting it. Instead, do you fill
Speaker 2: your days with task and project, keeping busy and distracting
Speaker 2: yourself from the actual issue that needs your attention. Your
Speaker 2: spirit and body are asking you to slow down, but
Speaker 2: your mind keeps racing. Stop and rest before it's too late.
Speaker 2: The universe will only dial up the volume if you
Speaker 2: ignore it, and as a result, you may end up crashing.
Speaker 2: So as soon as you hear a call, clear your schedule,
Speaker 2: come to the good Vibe retree and make the space
Speaker 2: so you can tune in and listen. You may already
Speaker 2: be in a position where everything has been put on hold,
Speaker 2: much to your frustration. The reveal of the hangman can
Speaker 2: indicate a time when you're getting blocked, stuck, or restricted
Speaker 2: because other people or other circumstances have left you on hold.
Speaker 2: While you feel resistant, it's important that you surrender to
Speaker 2: what is and let go of your attachment to how
Speaker 2: things should be be and flow with life even if
Speaker 2: it's not as you expected it. Seriously, when does it
Speaker 2: ever go exactly as you expected? And loosen your grip?
Speaker 2: Did we not just say that? Okay?
Speaker 1: Amen, I believe I receive that. I know you received
Speaker 1: that too. I you know That's what I was feeling yesterday.
Speaker 1: I was like I need a second. Even today when
Speaker 1: I was like I'll be an hour late because I
Speaker 1: need to pause for a second. And now that we're
Speaker 1: going to Mexico, because the good Vibra tree is literally like.
Speaker 2: My pause, I was like, we're right out time.
Speaker 1: It is my pause. Okay, I'm I'm technically working, slash healing,
Speaker 1: slash making best friends.
Speaker 2: So yeah, this is the life we created designed. I'm
Speaker 2: really excited to go into this container with my friends.
Speaker 1: Bitch, if you don't shut the fuck up, well, if
Speaker 1: you're coming on the retreat and you hear fucking Jamila
Speaker 1: say container just know every time she says it, I'm
Speaker 1: like wincing just a little bit.
Speaker 2: Remember we used to WinCE when we said boyfriends.
Speaker 1: Oh God, that episode, we like we have flesh.
Speaker 2: Yeah that guy.
Speaker 1: We should have known the way we the way we
Speaker 1: said that bitch. Our bodies were resisting. They were like,
Speaker 1: are you sure how I shouldn'tendin to practice.
Speaker 2: Saying the word first? That was step one. There were
Speaker 2: our practice boyfriends.
Speaker 1: I know, we were the choes. We didn't even know
Speaker 1: how to like say the word boyfriend.
Speaker 2: We were just like, yeah, friend friend, boy friend, boy friend,
Speaker 2: boy now look at his boyfriend boyfriend. My man, my
Speaker 2: mayn me my man.
Speaker 1: I still don't like the word boyfriend.
Speaker 2: I don't like partner, but I say it sometimes.
Speaker 1: I don't like partners society. I mean, I've always called
Speaker 1: him my lover for the most part, and I kind
Speaker 1: of like to stick with that, but then I feel
Speaker 1: like I want to like take it up a notch,
Speaker 1: but I don't know what that is, And the next
Speaker 1: the up notch would be partner. But I don't like that.
Speaker 2: It sounds not taking up a notch, you know, like.
Speaker 1: Lover is like lover is lover, but it feels like
Speaker 1: a little bit cash.
Speaker 2: It was a little cash lover seems I don't know
Speaker 2: if it's cash, but like my beau, my beau, I
Speaker 2: like my my beat sounds kind of European. All mate,
Speaker 2: my lifer, lifer, my lifer.
Speaker 1: You gonna be my lifer? Hey baby, my lifer, my lifer.
Speaker 1: You know you want to be my lifer, my love lifer.
Speaker 1: That's kind of scary. It sounds like fucking lockdown.
Speaker 2: Is that lit?
Speaker 1: It keeps it getting on lit?
Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, we're rambling. We don't want to get any
Speaker 2: bad reviews.
Speaker 1: But if you have a left review, please go make
Speaker 1: sure you leave one on Apple and to be a
Speaker 1: good one and subscribe to our YouTube channel. You can
Speaker 1: watch this episode on YouTube. Make sure you check out
Speaker 1: Patreon again. And I'm exceedingly high at this point, so
Speaker 1: I'm going to stop talking because when I talk in
Speaker 1: high sometimes when I talk in high, see, I get
Speaker 1: a little slow.
Speaker 2: I love you. You guys know where to find us
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram, Come check us out,
Speaker 2: come follow us, we cute or whatever you say, Patreon, Patreon,
Speaker 2: dot com, Backslash, Good mom's bad choices. You can follow
Speaker 2: me at Mila Underscore Map two Piece, at to Watch
Speaker 2: Erica And if you haven't booked your vacation, book it
Speaker 2: with that book it now with us.
Speaker 3: To love you, guys, Hi Bye. Solo record Las