Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
Speaker 2: fail free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And that will always out way if you feel it,
Speaker 1: but yours.
Speaker 2: And there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1: There, say good day and did you and die out way,
Speaker 1: Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
Speaker 1: to hear are real stories from real women who have
Speaker 1: faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
Speaker 1: bodies and face their demons and come out on the
Speaker 1: other side. And so these are the raw, unfiltered journeys
Speaker 1: of women just like you, who once felt trapped in
Speaker 1: their own mental prisons, caught in that endless cycle of
Speaker 1: food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure in all
Speaker 1: of that shame. And I'm sharing these with you because
Speaker 1: I want you to know that no matter how stuck
Speaker 1: or out of control you feel right now, there is
Speaker 1: a way out. So if you're feeling broken or crazy,
Speaker 1: or like you're the only one who struggles with this,
Speaker 1: you are not. You are not alone, and you are
Speaker 1: definitely not beyond hope or healing. These stories are proof
Speaker 1: that true transformation is possible, and I hope they inspire
Speaker 1: you to see what's possible for yourself.
Speaker 2: So let's dive on in.
Speaker 1: Well, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to the Stressless Eating Podcast.
Speaker 1: Super excited for today's episode because it's kind of another
Speaker 1: full circle journey. We have Suzanne back on the podcast.
Speaker 1: She shared her her testimony and case study man probably
Speaker 1: a year or so ago. You know, she graduated from
Speaker 1: Stressless Eating probably like over two years ago, and now
Speaker 1: she's you know, I'm grateful that she's an ambassador for
Speaker 1: the program. She's helping me behind the scenes. She's a
Speaker 1: support system for the gals that are going through the
Speaker 1: program currently, and it's just a big full circle journey.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to just kind of bring her back
Speaker 1: on the podcast share you know, some things behind the
Speaker 1: scenes of what's causing her to show up in her
Speaker 1: life differently now even two years later. You know, how
Speaker 1: it's affecting not food in her body necessarily, but we're
Speaker 1: going to talk about non related because everybody thinks like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a food problem, Oh it's a body problem. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: there's all these other areas of our lives where we
Speaker 1: are not showing up, we're shrinking ourselves, we're diminishing our worth.
Speaker 1: And so yes, it's a food and body and health
Speaker 1: conversation and that's always going.
Speaker 2: To be part of our lives as women.
Speaker 1: We're learning how to take care of ourselves, right, But
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about some of the auxiliary stuff
Speaker 1: like relationships, like owning your worth, like stepping into work stuff.
Speaker 2: So we're gonna dive into all of that.
Speaker 1: So, first off, hello Susanna, and welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 3: AI Leanne, thank you so much for the invitation to
Speaker 3: join you today.
Speaker 1: Absolutely well, I know that you know, everybody in our
Speaker 1: in the program gets so much better value out of
Speaker 1: your shares, and I wanted to just kind of let
Speaker 1: other people share in the in the wealth of your
Speaker 1: of your knowledge and wisdom and just life experiences that
Speaker 1: you've that have been really you know, shaping this path
Speaker 1: for you. And I'll link I'll link your original episode
Speaker 1: in the show notes for anybody who hasn't met Susanne yet.
Speaker 1: She shared her whole journey from you know, just being
Speaker 1: in the food and body and shame.
Speaker 2: Prison and so we're going to kind of pick up
Speaker 2: a little bit where we left off on that episode.
Speaker 1: You know, one of the things that we talked about
Speaker 1: for you and when you shared your story is that
Speaker 1: it wasn't just about food and body. The whole image
Speaker 1: that you had of yourself was keeping you from stepping
Speaker 1: into lots of areas of your life, but one of
Speaker 1: them was love and inviting love into your life. And
Speaker 1: I know when we very first met, the first time
Speaker 1: we talked, you know, you were very clear that like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not putting out what I want to come back,
Speaker 1: but you also were clear like I have to love
Speaker 1: myself first before I can go receive that from somebody else.
Speaker 1: So kind of picking up from that, can you just
Speaker 1: share a little bit about what that process was like
Speaker 1: for you? And then obviously now you're in a relationship
Speaker 1: with the love of your life, but kind of before
Speaker 1: we ever met, where were you in your dating and
Speaker 1: relationship life and what were some of the beliefs that
Speaker 1: you had that were keeping you from putting yourself out there?
Speaker 3: You know, rewinding a couple of years, I was definitely
Speaker 3: in a place that not only was I rejecting myself,
Speaker 3: I was rejecting others around me, and I wasn't believing
Speaker 3: if somebody was interested in me, and I really had
Speaker 3: kind of taken myself out of the dating pool, which
Speaker 3: was frustrating because one of the key ways that I
Speaker 3: was defining myself, like if I met you during that
Speaker 3: time period and somebody said, tell me five words about yourself, single,
Speaker 3: would have been the very first thing I would have
Speaker 3: said to define myself. And I was really mentally stuck
Speaker 3: on the fact that I had not found my partner,
Speaker 3: and I personally was interpreting that as rejection from society,
Speaker 3: rejection by men, and there by rejecting all of the
Speaker 3: qualities about me. They're great, and I could say, no,
Speaker 3: I'm confident, and I was perceived as being this very confident,
Speaker 3: self assured person. But sometimes that was true, and sometimes
Speaker 3: it was you know, fake it till you make it feelings,
Speaker 3: and I felt fraudulent at times when people would comment
Speaker 3: to me, you're so self assured, and you prove that
Speaker 3: perfection isn't necessary to be happy. I think all of
Speaker 3: that is true, but at the time, how I was
Speaker 3: defining myself was so hung up on being single that
Speaker 3: I couldn't get past how I was rejecting myself over
Speaker 3: and over again.
Speaker 1: By that definition, what you're really hitting on is like, ladies,
Speaker 1: we don't even realize that our identity and our beliefs
Speaker 1: shape our behaviors, right, And so alongside that identity of
Speaker 1: being single were a lot of beliefs, and you know,
Speaker 1: Suzanne had her own version of them. And for a
Speaker 1: lot of my gals that identify as single, a lot
Speaker 1: of the beliefs that come up when I'm talking to
Speaker 1: them are like, who's going to want me? Or what
Speaker 1: if I'm just destined to stay this way forever? Or
Speaker 1: what if my person's not out there? Or what if
Speaker 1: I'm just not what if love isn't in the cards
Speaker 1: for me? And then whatever food or body shame we
Speaker 1: have alongside it, and that self rejection just becomes part
Speaker 1: of it. And our behaviors are a reflection of our beliefs.
Speaker 1: So because you had that belief, you weren't taking actions
Speaker 1: to change your dating life, let alone your self image,
Speaker 1: you know before we met, or you were trying to
Speaker 1: but didn't have the tools, and we just get stuck.
Speaker 3: We get so Simla, and I was stuck, And for me,
Speaker 3: I would say, really, all of it was rooted. I
Speaker 3: might say I'm single and what does that mean? And
Speaker 3: rejected and what does that mean? But the reality is
Speaker 3: digging underneath all of that was a mantra that was
Speaker 3: going in my head of I'm not worthy. When I
Speaker 3: dug down underneath what does all of this mean for me?
Speaker 3: That's what it meant, and that was where I needed
Speaker 3: to start.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the thing where people get hung up
Speaker 1: because a lot of people can really resonate with what
Speaker 1: you're saying. Is they realize like this deep seated unworthiness.
Speaker 1: But telling yourself looking in the mirror and saying you
Speaker 1: are worthy and you deserve everything that you want doesn't
Speaker 1: work because if your self image deep done inside is
Speaker 1: saying no, you're not worthy. And maybe you're not using
Speaker 1: those words specifically, ladies, if you're hearing this, maybe you're
Speaker 1: not using the words I'm not worthy. Maybe you're using
Speaker 1: the words like I'm not enough, or you'll you're not
Speaker 1: skinny enough, or successful enough, or pretty enough, or any
Speaker 1: of those things, even though like who's gonna want me? Thoughts,
Speaker 1: even calling yourself fat right, those are symptoms of a
Speaker 1: deep down unworthiness. And that's why positive thinking and fake
Speaker 1: it till you make it, and motivational raw rab doesn't
Speaker 1: work because if you have that wiring in your brain
Speaker 1: like Suzanne was sharing, it becomes an identity. And one
Speaker 1: of the things I want to touch on too that
Speaker 1: you said that was so powerful is you know a
Speaker 1: lot of women think like, oh my gosh, I have
Speaker 1: to hit like my rock bottom in order to go
Speaker 1: shift things. No, most of the women that come through
Speaker 1: stressless seating ladies are just like Suzanne, outwardly projecting confidence,
Speaker 1: successful in.
Speaker 2: Every area of their lives. This is the elephant in
Speaker 2: the room.
Speaker 1: So don't think for a minute that you have to
Speaker 1: be at some deep, dark rock bottom or in some
Speaker 1: black hole to get yourself out of it.
Speaker 3: It's so true. And I remember the pivotal moment for
Speaker 3: me was one day when I looked in the mirror
Speaker 3: and I didn't say, oh, you look pretty, or you
Speaker 3: look good or bad in this outfit, you look this
Speaker 3: or that. I looked at myself and said, you look lovable.
Speaker 3: I remember, like that was just such. It brings tears
Speaker 3: to my eyes because it was such a big moment
Speaker 3: for me in then defining my own worth. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: am lovable and it had nothing to do with my size,
Speaker 3: It had nothing to do with accomplishments, It had nothing
Speaker 3: to do with relationship status or any of the other
Speaker 3: things that I was using to define my own worth.
Speaker 3: It was just like, no, I breathe, I'm a human being.
Speaker 3: For me, I'm a child of God and all of
Speaker 3: that means I am lovable. And that lovable statement I
Speaker 3: redefined my own worth.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I remember that happening.
Speaker 1: I remember you sharing that with me, And like, ladies,
Speaker 1: all of you have that one pivotal moment in you
Speaker 1: that's coming right, and I want, I would love for
Speaker 1: you to speak about the age factor. For example. So
Speaker 1: a lot of us have limiting beliefs. But one of
Speaker 1: the things that comes up when it comes to food
Speaker 1: struggles and body struggles is like, leanne, I've been like
Speaker 1: this for so many long. I'm forty fifty sixty years
Speaker 1: old and I've been struggling with this since I was
Speaker 1: a kid. Can this ever change for me? But also
Speaker 1: on the love conversation, a lot of women think like, oh,
Speaker 1: if I'm you know now, it's happening earlier. I hear
Speaker 1: people in their mid twenties saying this, But you know, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties,
Speaker 1: I've never found love?
Speaker 2: Is it too late for me? Can you just kind
Speaker 2: of speak to.
Speaker 1: Some of the thoughts that you had about that and
Speaker 1: what you now see is true about that?
Speaker 3: I was the perpetually single gal. I, you know, had
Speaker 3: some dating relationship in my adult life and just hadn't
Speaker 3: found that air quotes the one, and I was at
Speaker 3: times depressed about it, feeling dejected. But I ultimately recognized
Speaker 3: that every step you take on the path of your
Speaker 3: life is leading you to where you're meant to be.
Speaker 3: And part of my work with Ulienne has been about like,
Speaker 3: who do I want to be in a relationship? So
Speaker 3: that helped me to really think through how do I
Speaker 3: want to show up every day for myself, for a partner,
Speaker 3: for the other people in my life, for the world.
Speaker 3: And that was the part that I knew that I
Speaker 3: had influence over. I don't have influence over what's the
Speaker 3: timing of meeting somebody and who that somebody is going
Speaker 3: to be and what are the circumstances around that. I
Speaker 3: couldn't influence all of those pieces, but I could influence
Speaker 3: who I am on a daily basis and how I
Speaker 3: show up in the world. I don't think it's a
Speaker 3: surprise that. And I was also using the journal to
Speaker 3: be grateful in advance for all of the qualities that
Speaker 3: were going to show up in my life in a partner.
Speaker 3: And I really was putting that out there to the universe, like,
Speaker 3: this is exactly what I'm looking for. Here are the
Speaker 3: qualities that I want, Here are the things. And they
Speaker 3: were also you know, what are the qualities that I
Speaker 3: wanted to develop in myself and how do I show
Speaker 3: up better? And I didn't meet my Jose until I
Speaker 3: was fifty, and I think my family had kind of
Speaker 3: decided she's just going to be single, Aunt Susie. And
Speaker 3: in a lot of ways in my life, I had
Speaker 3: resigned myself to the fact that I probably am going
Speaker 3: to be, you know, single, and I was I was
Speaker 3: coming to a different place of acceptance about that on
Speaker 3: the work that I was doing for myself. But I
Speaker 3: know that part of why I met Jose at the
Speaker 3: time that I did had to do about my openness
Speaker 3: about what I was looking for. And I can say
Speaker 3: with all honesty, it's the first relationship that I showed
Speaker 3: up exactly as who I am, not for who I
Speaker 3: thought they wanted or what they would be attracted to
Speaker 3: or be looking for. That's a no win situation when
Speaker 3: you're looking at a relationship wondering do I measure up
Speaker 3: to their expectations. I walked into this fully knowing this
Speaker 3: is who I am. I have no apologies about it.
Speaker 3: I'm not perfect. Here are my flaws, but here are
Speaker 3: my strengths. And he did the same, And that was
Speaker 3: a completely different way for me to show up in
Speaker 3: a romantic relationship than I ever had in my whole life.
Speaker 3: And it felt freeing. It felt really validating that this
Speaker 3: person liked me exactly as I am, and not only
Speaker 3: liked me, but loves me exactly as I am. And
Speaker 3: I had to come to a point of loving myself
Speaker 3: exactly as I am before I could appreciate being able
Speaker 3: to show somebody exactly who I am and give them
Speaker 3: an opportunity to love me that way.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting too, because a lot of women think, like, oh,
Speaker 1: when I lose the weight, then I'll invite love in
Speaker 1: or or not even like the waiting for the weight conversation.
Speaker 1: But then also, just like you said, almost resigning to
Speaker 1: the fact of like, well, just maybe this is my life,
Speaker 1: you know. And the reality is we're not resigning to
Speaker 1: the fact that we.
Speaker 2: Don't want love. Our hearts want love. It's like one
Speaker 2: of the strongest desires as women.
Speaker 1: Right What we were resigning to is the fact that
Speaker 1: we don't think it's possible or we don't think we're
Speaker 1: worthy of it. And also it becomes a conversation of like,
Speaker 1: I have to be a certain way for somebody to
Speaker 1: like me.
Speaker 2: And then we posture, we please, we mold ourselves, we perform,
Speaker 2: we try to perfect ourselves.
Speaker 1: And what happens is we grow less and less in
Speaker 1: love with ourselves, or we fall more and more out
Speaker 1: of love with who we are because we're so focused
Speaker 1: on somebody accepting us. And that's the thing nobody tells us.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, When you accept yourself, you're going to
Speaker 1: be able to receive acceptance.
Speaker 2: When you love yourself, you're going to be able to
Speaker 2: receive love.
Speaker 1: When you feel beautiful, you're going to be able to
Speaker 1: receive somebody else seeing you through the.
Speaker 2: Eyes of beauty. And again, nobody talks about that.
Speaker 1: You know, we see there's a billion, multi billion dollar
Speaker 1: industry telling you to just go on keno and lose
Speaker 1: weight and then you'll be happy.
Speaker 2: And it's like, wait, what about this other stuff? You know?
Speaker 2: And one of the things that.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's manifested beautiful things in my life
Speaker 1: that you know specific And here's the thing. I'm as
Speaker 1: we're recording this, I'm thirty eight years old, you know,
Speaker 1: and in today's society, some like I wrote a post
Speaker 1: about it, I remember a few years ago, like to
Speaker 1: some people.
Speaker 2: I'm behind and I'm not on the timeline of everyone else.
Speaker 1: But what I know now is like if I had
Speaker 1: married somebody when I was thirty, I would have brought
Speaker 1: all of my food stuff and body stuff and shame stuff,
Speaker 1: and I probably would be divorced by now, because not
Speaker 1: because somebody couldn't love me, but because I couldn't love me.
Speaker 1: And it's about running your own race. There's no timelines,
Speaker 1: there's no deadlines, there's no storylines.
Speaker 2: You have to.
Speaker 1: Decide, are you willing and ready and able to receive
Speaker 1: love right now? Than If so, it is your duty,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, to remove all of the obstacles, which
Speaker 1: are really just beliefs that are keeping you from feeling
Speaker 1: worthy of receiving it and I had it too, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, all these beliefs that are like, maybe love
Speaker 1: isn't in the cards for you and all that, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I am not going to settle and
Speaker 1: receive those lies. They are just lies in their beliefs
Speaker 1: that I do not have to believe in. And when
Speaker 1: I started believing that not only is my man out
Speaker 1: there and he's looking for me too, but when he
Speaker 1: meets me, he's going to love me just as I am.
Speaker 1: He's going to love all the parts of me that
Speaker 1: took me forever to love, and he's gonna make me
Speaker 1: a better version of myself. He's gonna make me even
Speaker 1: more me because I'm going to be more me and
Speaker 1: authentic and a line around him. And it's not a
Speaker 1: coincidence you had. You know, we parallel belief systems along
Speaker 1: the way, and both of us are now in relationships
Speaker 1: with love, with the love of our life's This is
Speaker 1: not a love a Love podcast episode, but of just
Speaker 1: saying it's not a coincidence that when your beliefs are
Speaker 1: aligned for loneliness and rejection and not being able to.
Speaker 2: Receive love and not feeling beautiful and.
Speaker 1: Worthy, you are not going to find that or you'll
Speaker 1: settle for a relationship with an avoidant or somebody who's
Speaker 1: not emotionally available.
Speaker 2: That's the other thing.
Speaker 1: Becoming emotionally available to yourself is when you can then
Speaker 1: attract emotionally available men or women, whichever the case may be.
Speaker 2: And so I hear this time and time again.
Speaker 1: Actually that is the other side of it, Like not
Speaker 1: women that are just not only like sitting on the
Speaker 1: sidelines of their life, but maybe they are playing full
Speaker 1: out in their dating world and wondering why they're getting
Speaker 1: like emotionally abusive or gaslighting men or some in some
Speaker 1: cases like narcissistic sociopathic avoidance.
Speaker 2: You know, it's true.
Speaker 1: And I have conversations with you know, there's a couple
Speaker 1: of people in my life that are still navigating their
Speaker 1: romantic life. And I hear when I hear things saying
Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, like in they're my age, like Leanne,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight years old, and like what if I
Speaker 1: want to get married and I want to have kids,
Speaker 1: And I'm.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, but like you can't look at it like that.
Speaker 1: You've got to just part of it is that faith,
Speaker 1: like positive expectation, positive anticipation, you know, conversation of like, hey,
Speaker 1: I just have to believe, because ladies listening to this,
Speaker 1: you're either positively anticipating your future or you're negatively anticipating
Speaker 1: your creature.
Speaker 2: It's really one or the other. It's not simple. And
Speaker 2: so you I.
Speaker 1: Invite you all to like, not in a delusional optimism
Speaker 1: kind of way, you know, but in a very practical,
Speaker 1: faith based version of like, hey, I am not willing
Speaker 1: to settle for the fact that I'm going to be
Speaker 1: alone the rest of my life.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to believe that lie.
Speaker 1: And I am open to the possibility that my man
Speaker 1: is or woman, whichever the case may be, is out
Speaker 1: there looking for me, and I just have to be
Speaker 1: available emotionally to myself to receive that person when they
Speaker 1: show up.
Speaker 2: What if that was the conversation for you, It's.
Speaker 1: The conversation that Suzanne started entertaining after what forty eight years.
Speaker 2: Of not and so can you speak to.
Speaker 1: That for a second about like, yeah, you had a
Speaker 1: lot of momentum the other direction, but when you have
Speaker 1: the brain and the and the beliefs and a system
Speaker 1: of thinking to actually take you in the in the
Speaker 1: other direction, it doesn't matter how long you've been a
Speaker 1: certain way, can you kind of speak to the speed
Speaker 1: so to speak for you and how quickly things shift
Speaker 1: when you when you started the brain and the nervous
Speaker 1: system and the belief.
Speaker 3: You know. Before I say that, I would also say,
Speaker 3: you know, stressless eating, in my mind is all a
Speaker 3: love conversation. It's not a love conversation, but it is
Speaker 3: a love conversation about yourself in yourself and how do
Speaker 3: you define that and what does that mean? And how
Speaker 3: can you accept yourself differently with love and push yourself
Speaker 3: differently with love to redefine how you look at yourself
Speaker 3: and define yourself and the role that food plays or
Speaker 3: stress plays, because they have focused on this stressless part
Speaker 3: of this just as much as the eating part of
Speaker 3: this love and I would say the timeline. I remember
Speaker 3: in my thirties having somebody say to me it was
Speaker 3: really helpful that they said, I didn't get married until
Speaker 3: I was forty five, and if I had known at
Speaker 3: thirty five how good my life would be at forty five,
Speaker 3: I would never spend a minute worrying. And it helped
Speaker 3: me at that time to be reminded to look for
Speaker 3: what is the advantage of whatever stage of life I'm in.
Speaker 3: So as a single person, that meant like, I'm going
Speaker 3: to go travel with my friends, I'm going to embrace
Speaker 3: the freedom of being single, and I'm going to sleep
Speaker 3: in the middle of the bed and know that one
Speaker 3: of the advantages is that I look super arrested compared
Speaker 3: to my friends who were married enough kids and embrace
Speaker 3: getting a full night sleep when others are struggling because
Speaker 3: they're taking care of it. Is so I really kind
Speaker 3: of I tried to adopt that philosophy of the grass
Speaker 3: is not greener on the other side, how do I
Speaker 3: make the grass that I'm in as green as I
Speaker 3: want it to be whatever situation I'm in. That definitely
Speaker 3: helped me during some low times thinking about that definition
Speaker 3: of being single. And I would say, you know, part
Speaker 3: of the timing for me because it's similar to you.
Speaker 3: If I had been serious or married any of the
Speaker 3: man I had dated when I was younger, I certainly
Speaker 3: would have been divorced. There's no doubt about it, and
Speaker 3: not because there's anything wrong with them, but I wasn't
Speaker 3: showing up as me fully. And you know, at some
Speaker 3: point in a relationship you start to show up as
Speaker 3: yourself fully and sometimes that's when you're a little more
Speaker 3: honest with yourself that maybe this person doesn't have the
Speaker 3: qualities or characteristics you're looking for, and maybe they're not
Speaker 3: bringing out the very best in you either. So I
Speaker 3: would say that the age related to love is almost irrelevant.
Speaker 3: It is about are you loving yourself first? And are
Speaker 3: you fully accepting yourself first? And then you will be
Speaker 3: able to open that full self up to somebody else.
Speaker 3: And it's not about what your gene size is or
Speaker 3: the number on your scale, or what your hair looks like.
Speaker 3: Is it pray or is it, you know, a natural color.
Speaker 3: Are you wrinkled or smooth skinned? I mean, the ultimate
Speaker 3: connection of love is heart to heart and it's not
Speaker 3: about the outward appearance.
Speaker 1: You know when people say to me, hey, Lienne, but
Speaker 1: you know, I was just talking to a woman actually
Speaker 1: this week, you know, and she's in her sixties and
Speaker 1: she wants love, but there's things that are keeping her
Speaker 1: from it, and I totally get it.
Speaker 2: It's not an age. Is not a discrimination like.
Speaker 1: This happens to women that are in their twenties that
Speaker 1: are like Leanne, I'm you know, I'm twenty eight and
Speaker 1: I haven't found love, like am I doomed? And it's like, again,
Speaker 1: this problem doesn't discriminate. It happens to every woman because
Speaker 1: it's a belief struggle, right. But one of my mentors
Speaker 1: used to say, it's true, but it's also irrelevant. So
Speaker 1: your age, whatever your age is, whatever your weight is,
Speaker 1: like the fact that you are a certain age and
Speaker 1: a certain weight and single, it's true, but it's also irrelevant.
Speaker 1: It really comes down to like, and it's not that
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that you're sad about it, right, It's
Speaker 1: just like it doesn't make a difference in how your
Speaker 1: future has to manifest. Right. Part of it is like,
Speaker 1: if you choose to believe the lie that you are
Speaker 1: X and therefore your single or your why and therefore
Speaker 1: your single, you are going to be a victim to
Speaker 1: your circumstances.
Speaker 2: What you have to do is you have to take radical.
Speaker 1: Ownership of your belief system and you have to change
Speaker 1: it and create the life that you want. And it
Speaker 1: really is that simple, right, simple, not easy, but you've
Speaker 1: got to draw a line in the sand where you
Speaker 1: say no, I'm done believing this lie because this doing
Speaker 1: more of the same is the cycle of insanity, the
Speaker 1: definition of insanity.
Speaker 2: You know, I met up with a good girlfriend yesterday
Speaker 2: who we haven't seen each other.
Speaker 1: We've texted and talked in to keep in touch, but
Speaker 1: we got together for a walk yesterday because we hadn't
Speaker 1: really seen much of each other in the pandemic, and
Speaker 1: you know, we were talking, catching each other up, and
Speaker 1: of course she wanted to hear about my relationship.
Speaker 2: And one of the things.
Speaker 1: That I said to her because she's been you know,
Speaker 1: on the sidelines of the different men that I've dated,
Speaker 1: you know, in the last five years since I moved
Speaker 1: to Tennessee, and I said to her, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like this one he makes every other person that I've
Speaker 1: dated like makes sense, and I see why they.
Speaker 2: Were all a really important role.
Speaker 1: In becoming who I needed to become to attract Charles,
Speaker 1: you know. And it really is like we can look
Speaker 1: back at our past air quotes failures as failures, or
Speaker 1: we can look back at them of evidence of like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is where I learned what I didn't like and
Speaker 1: what I didn't want, and who I don't want to
Speaker 1: be and who I do want to be and all
Speaker 1: these things.
Speaker 3: Like again, it's a choice, absolutely and you know, one
Speaker 3: of the definitions that I had struggled with at the time,
Speaker 3: one of my and I mean this is a very
Speaker 3: limiting belief was I felt like God was somehow like, so,
Speaker 3: I'm a faith filled person. Why hasn't God put this
Speaker 3: person in my life? I'm being left behind for some reason.
Speaker 3: I feel persecuted for some reason. And I remember the
Speaker 3: day that there was there was some research study done
Speaker 3: the happiest people on earth are single women without kids.
Speaker 3: When I read that, there was a part of me
Speaker 3: that shifted that day. I was like, huh, so, what
Speaker 3: if all along God has been actually protecting me, saying
Speaker 3: you're a super happy person and you may never be
Speaker 3: any happier than this. Here's the reality. God was not
Speaker 3: persecuting me or rewarding me. There's nothing I could do
Speaker 3: to make him love me more or less. But that
Speaker 3: was the story that was going in my mind. And
Speaker 3: I remember how everything shifted when I read that research study,
Speaker 3: and it made me say, huh, what if what if
Speaker 3: I've been looking at this all wrong? What if story
Speaker 3: was completely fabricated in my head? And I've been feeling
Speaker 3: crappy because I've been telling myself this.
Speaker 2: Story absolutely absolutely. You know.
Speaker 1: One of the things that came in my head when
Speaker 1: you said that is, I'm like, you know who the
Speaker 1: happiest people in the world are the people who learn
Speaker 1: what it takes for them to be happy, you know,
Speaker 1: and like.
Speaker 3: People who accept themselves and.
Speaker 2: To sign it, you know.
Speaker 1: And happiness is like, it's not this like all encompassing thing,
Speaker 1: Like happy people aren't necessarily happy all the time. It's
Speaker 1: it is a state of being, you know, like they're
Speaker 1: seeing the ebbs and flows in life. But like, as
Speaker 1: you were saying that, like when you embraced this idea
Speaker 1: of you know, hey, what if I embrace my singleness
Speaker 1: right now while I'm single, you know, and.
Speaker 2: Found happiness now.
Speaker 1: And it's it's such a similar pattern for women that
Speaker 1: are like, again, when I lose the weight, then I'll
Speaker 1: be happy. When i'm a certain you know, side dress
Speaker 1: size or gene number, then I'll be happy. And it's
Speaker 1: the same thing. When I'm with a person, then I'll
Speaker 1: be happy. It's like, no, what if you started at
Speaker 1: happy and brought that with you into your relationship or
Speaker 1: create trying to create relationships and brought that with you
Speaker 1: into your weight loss journey and brought that with you
Speaker 1: into your health journey again. Start at healthy, start it happy,
Speaker 1: and bring it with you because I'm telling you, ladies,
Speaker 1: I have been in relationships and I was miserable and
Speaker 1: I have been at my most dreamy so to speak,
Speaker 1: weight and I was miserable, right, And you go, what
Speaker 1: do they say everywhere you go?
Speaker 2: There you are, so you're.
Speaker 1: Going to bring whatever internal Like I was just about
Speaker 1: to say, baggage, but it really is just your internal
Speaker 1: narrative with you. And sometimes it feels heavy, and it
Speaker 1: feels like a lot of extra baggage, right, And.
Speaker 3: It seems like such an easy concept to just change
Speaker 3: your mind, lay that weight down. It is a process,
Speaker 3: is what I found. And you have definitely helped me
Speaker 3: in that process to identify the areas where I have
Speaker 3: a narrative that is not helping me, or that is
Speaker 3: limiting me or is hurting me, and how to rewrite
Speaker 3: that narrative and doesn't take long. And it is amazing
Speaker 3: when that shift happens simply from letting go of a
Speaker 3: belief that is hurting you absolutely. And one of those beliefs,
Speaker 3: you know, was how I was defining myself as single.
Speaker 3: And you know, I dated Jose almost fully during the pandemic.
Speaker 3: There are lots of people in my life who've not
Speaker 3: met him yet or who have no idea that I
Speaker 3: have been dating him for nearly two years. And what's
Speaker 3: interesting is they don't treat me any differently now that
Speaker 3: I'm in a couple with Jose than they did when
Speaker 3: I was single. The only person who was treating me
Speaker 3: differently being single or being in a relationship was me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and kind of stacking on what you said a
Speaker 1: minute ago, like, yeah, changing your beliefs and your mindset
Speaker 1: about it. It's simple, not easy, but like once you
Speaker 1: have a plan, it absolutely is, but it's also not
Speaker 1: it's not logical. Like I live in the beautiful world
Speaker 1: that everybody lives in where if you post something on
Speaker 1: social media, like there might be people that you've never
Speaker 1: met from the Peanut gallery giving their opinion. So I
Speaker 1: had a post about like emotional eating and the firing
Speaker 1: and wiring that happens alongside food and how it's different
Speaker 1: in the female brain, and I had this woman who
Speaker 1: I don't know, but she's a psychotherapist comment on my post,
Speaker 1: being like, I think a lot of emotional eating is
Speaker 1: just macro depletion, like if you just eat more good carbs,
Speaker 1: spats and protein, emotional eating goes away.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your response, and maybe that might be part
Speaker 1: of the solution. But first of all, that's such a
Speaker 1: logical solution to an emotional problem when most of these
Speaker 1: people are women, are not eating because they're hungry and
Speaker 1: they need carbs, spats and protein.
Speaker 2: It's not logical.
Speaker 1: It's not that you can't logic your way through an
Speaker 1: emotional problem. And I was, you know, a little flustered.
Speaker 1: I'll just use that word because I'm like, you're a psychotherapist,
Speaker 1: like you should know. This is not just logical, it's emotional.
Speaker 1: And you're trying to talk about like fats and carbs,
Speaker 1: you know. So part of it is like, yeah, it
Speaker 1: sounds all fine and dandy about like, oh, just changing
Speaker 1: your mindset.
Speaker 2: But that's why, ladies, you can't just read.
Speaker 1: You can't like follow a motivational speaker on Instagram and
Speaker 1: think that by through osmosis you're going to transform.
Speaker 2: These are deep seat of beliefs.
Speaker 1: Now, we do not need to go dig up in
Speaker 1: the emotional graveyard and expose old traumas and psychoanalyze your past.
Speaker 1: In fact, like I invite you to stop doing that.
Speaker 1: You've done that enough. But what you do need to
Speaker 1: do is take a very right now approach to your
Speaker 1: current beliefs in paradigm that are keeping you in the mindset.
Speaker 2: That you're in.
Speaker 1: Whether it is in your mindset around your relationships, food,
Speaker 1: your body, it's all interconnected.
Speaker 2: As Susanne is really modeling.
Speaker 1: To you, right she thought she was coming to me
Speaker 1: for a food struggle and it ended up being so
Speaker 1: much more, you know, And so I just wanted to
Speaker 1: say that too, Ladi Z, Like, you can't keep trying
Speaker 1: to logic and reason your way through an emotional problem.
Speaker 1: Diets won't fix it, you know, dating apps won't fix it.
Speaker 1: Making more money or you know, accelerating your career will
Speaker 1: not fix the emotional availability.
Speaker 2: Struggle that you have with yourself or self rejection.
Speaker 1: You know, a big part of your journey kind of
Speaker 1: after you found your voice.
Speaker 2: We talked about your your relationships, but a big part.
Speaker 1: Of it was like finding your voice and finding your
Speaker 1: work and your professional life totally switching gears on you, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: a little bit about how that aligned with this journey too,
Speaker 1: and how it all kind of intermingled in the mix.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: One of the things that I found interesting is as
Speaker 3: I would fix I'm air quoting fix one area in
Speaker 3: my self worth, it would pop up in another area
Speaker 3: and I would realize, oh, there's still you know, I
Speaker 3: still have lingering issues for limiting beliefs in another area
Speaker 3: that is tied to this. And it definitely happened in
Speaker 3: the workplace where how I was showing up. I was
Speaker 3: feeling disrespected frequently, but I wasn't modeling how do I
Speaker 3: respect myself as clearly defining what are my boundaries and
Speaker 3: how do I reclaim what needs to be my time
Speaker 3: versus work time, versus what I do for others, what
Speaker 3: I do for myself, and what I do for the
Speaker 3: organization I work for. And as I started to redefine
Speaker 3: what that was, it was not comfortable for everybody and
Speaker 3: it's not going to be. But what I learned was
Speaker 3: how to stand for myself, how to be a stand
Speaker 3: for me, what it is that I need, what I
Speaker 3: know to be true for me, and what's true for
Speaker 3: me might be completely different than what's true for somebody else,
Speaker 3: but what was true for me was I was in
Speaker 3: a pattern of always being the fixer, always being the
Speaker 3: person to take care of all the problems that others
Speaker 3: didn't want to have to deal with. And you know,
Speaker 3: that pattern had shown up in my family role. It
Speaker 3: showed up on a regular basis that, oh, Suzanne's ultimately
Speaker 3: so capable, we'll just let her fix all of this stuff.
Speaker 3: And as a result, I was resentful. I felt like
Speaker 3: the dumping brown. I frequently, you know, felt like, well,
Speaker 3: how am I the pack mule of this whole, big
Speaker 3: group and I'm the leader? Why am I getting dumped
Speaker 3: on this way? And part of it was I was
Speaker 3: allowing it on, And part of it was also I
Speaker 3: hadn't drawn my own firm boundaries. And when you draw
Speaker 3: those boundaries, it can feel at times confrontational, even though
Speaker 3: it's not. And it's because you're at war with yourself
Speaker 3: a little bit in those boundaries, more than other people
Speaker 3: are at or about those boundaries. And it's so fascinating
Speaker 3: to me that when you respect yourself and are clear
Speaker 3: of about how you want that respectful behavior to be
Speaker 3: shown to you, you then have the tools to be
Speaker 3: able to calmly. And I want to say unemotionally, you know,
Speaker 3: not charged motion to be able to say it's not
Speaker 3: okay to talk to me that way. What is it
Speaker 3: that I can help you. I'm happy to help you,
Speaker 3: but not when you speak to me that way is
Speaker 3: not confrontational, it's actually quite calm, and it very clearly
Speaker 3: defines the boundary that this is not about me not
Speaker 3: being willing to do X, y Z, but I'm not
Speaker 3: willing to be talked to this way or treated this way.
Speaker 3: And I saw massive shifts in my work relationships that
Speaker 3: had brought me great angst. And for those that could
Speaker 3: not accept those shifts, they left, you know, because I
Speaker 3: was standing firm and who I am and how I
Speaker 3: was redefining my own worth in my life. And as
Speaker 3: I said, several relationships improved because of it, including the
Speaker 3: relationship with my supervisor, and that was I mean, that
Speaker 3: was a really angst filled relationship. And being able to
Speaker 3: be at a place where we're calm and you can
Speaker 3: disagree on things, but there is a level of respect
Speaker 3: that was not there previously has made all the difference
Speaker 3: in how I approached my work and enjoy my work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh, it's so cool. So many different
Speaker 2: things that you're saying.
Speaker 1: But part of it is, like, ladies, if you have
Speaker 1: lived in a certain identity your whole life, where you're
Speaker 1: the one that always listens, or you're the one that
Speaker 1: you know, people walk over like some people say, come
Speaker 1: to my calls, and they're like, leanne, I'm a carpet
Speaker 1: like I just I have a hard time finding my
Speaker 1: voice and people just walk all over me. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: the pleaser, the perfectionist, whatever it is, and then you
Speaker 1: build relationships within that identity and people like get used
Speaker 1: to you being that version of yourself. Maybe you're the
Speaker 1: quiet one, Maybe you're the one who always listens but
Speaker 1: never speaks right.
Speaker 2: Maybe you are the ragey one. You know.
Speaker 1: But when people get used to you being a certain
Speaker 1: way and then you shift, if they're not able to
Speaker 1: receive that shift, it can create a little bit of tension.
Speaker 2: But the flip side of it too is.
Speaker 1: Like this happens a lot of time with my clients
Speaker 1: on a couple different levels. One is if my clients
Speaker 1: build relationships with people that are always like obsessing over
Speaker 1: food or their weight and all that, and then they
Speaker 1: get around these women and they're no longer playing that
Speaker 1: game anymore.
Speaker 2: But the women that they're around are still.
Speaker 1: Like, Oh, I can't eat that it has too many cars,
Speaker 1: or oh, I'm so fat. My clients like they feel
Speaker 1: that internal resistance and it's almost like a trigger to them,
Speaker 1: and we have to deal with that right and.
Speaker 2: Have moved towards compassion and all these things.
Speaker 1: But the other side of it is you might understand
Speaker 1: or come to realize and it's not always fun and.
Speaker 2: Pretty, as kind of Suzanne was referencing.
Speaker 1: When you grow and evolve and become brighter and better
Speaker 1: and more amazing and like shine, brighter and all those things,
Speaker 1: there's going to be people that are threatened by that,
Speaker 1: and they're going to try and knock you down.
Speaker 2: And then you're going to.
Speaker 1: Really see who the best people in your life are,
Speaker 1: because they're the ones that want you to win. They
Speaker 1: want everyone to win. They love that you're growing, they
Speaker 1: love that you're happy, they love that you're succeeding, and
Speaker 1: it kind of becomes binary. You're going to see, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: some of your friends are not for you. Maybe some
Speaker 1: of your family members are threatened.
Speaker 2: By your success.
Speaker 1: And what a lot of us do is if we're
Speaker 1: not resilient enough we shrink back down into our previous identity,
Speaker 1: and Suzanne had to do a lot of I was
Speaker 1: just about to say shrinking up, but you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, an opposite direction, pushing not pushing back in
Speaker 1: a defensive way.
Speaker 2: And here's a big distinction that we talk about. You know,
Speaker 2: you and I have talked about before, but the difference
Speaker 2: between standing up for.
Speaker 1: Yourself, because that puts you in the defense, You're in
Speaker 1: fight mode. It's kind of puts you in this resistance
Speaker 1: versus no, just being a stand for who you are
Speaker 1: and being unshakable in who you are and just being
Speaker 1: not really saying, not fighting back, not on the defense,
Speaker 1: just being just standing, being a stand. And then again,
Speaker 1: the people that are for you will be for you,
Speaker 1: and the people that aren't they will disappear themselves from
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's really incredible. I have watched some of
Speaker 3: those people just kind of out of my life, and
Speaker 3: you're right. I love the distinction between being a stand
Speaker 3: for yourself and taking a stand, because taking a stand
Speaker 3: is about like I'm picking up arms, I'm going to fight,
Speaker 3: and being a stand is just I'm going to be
Speaker 3: truthful to who I am and I'm just going to
Speaker 3: stand here and who I know myself to be, and
Speaker 3: I'm going to make my decisions based on that which
Speaker 3: I know about myself. And when I'm doing that, regardless
Speaker 3: of the outcome, I know that the person that I'm
Speaker 3: ultimately answering to is myself and not to somebody else's expectations,
Speaker 3: not to somebody else's rules, not to somebody else's definition
Speaker 3: of what should be. I'm responding and I'm authentically living
Speaker 3: in who I want to be, how I want to be,
Speaker 3: and how I want to show up in the world.
Speaker 2: Such difference, and it comes back to what you were
Speaker 2: saying about dating, you know how It's like instead of
Speaker 2: being like, you know.
Speaker 1: Showing up like I hope this person likes me, you're oh,
Speaker 1: my gosh, like how can I get my how can
Speaker 1: I change so that they do?
Speaker 2: It's like, No, I'm just going to show up as
Speaker 2: myself and the.
Speaker 1: Person for me is going to just receive me as
Speaker 1: me and love me for being me and accept me
Speaker 1: just as I am.
Speaker 3: Yes, And you know, one of the things I had
Speaker 3: realized in my dating life that I'll share in case
Speaker 3: it's helpful for somebody else, said this, But this truly.
Speaker 3: This relationship, I think is the first time I really
Speaker 3: lived these words completely. Is My job in dating was
Speaker 3: not to become who they wanted me to be. My
Speaker 3: job and dating was to bring who I am and
Speaker 3: let them decide if they like that. My job was
Speaker 3: to get to know the other person to decide if
Speaker 3: I liked them.
Speaker 1: It's an interview, you're you're like qualifying them and you
Speaker 1: realize how flipping amazing you are.
Speaker 2: Finally you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's not about finding their faults or their flaws,
Speaker 3: but about can you get to know who they really
Speaker 3: really are? And does that match what you really really
Speaker 3: want for your life?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And it's about alignment Instead of trying to fit
Speaker 1: into somebody's box of what you think you should be
Speaker 1: or who you think you're supposed to be. It's just
Speaker 1: you get to be this aligned, integrity driven person that
Speaker 1: just shows up in all of your brightness and amazingness
Speaker 1: and eccentricities and in my case, dorkiness, all of it.
Speaker 3: I think all of us have some dorkiness, totally totally
Speaker 3: embracing it everywhere.
Speaker 2: I love it. Well, thank you so much. We've got
Speaker 2: to get you back on here.
Speaker 1: These conversations are always just so powerful with you anything
Speaker 1: for anybody listening, whether it's like maybe they're shrinking themselves
Speaker 1: in their relationships, maybe they're shrinking themselves in their work life,
Speaker 1: maybe they still haven't found the courage to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I need help with my food and body struggles.
Speaker 2: Like anything that you would.
Speaker 1: Just kind of harding words to impress upon anybody listen
Speaker 1: into this that just needs some sort of of you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it's hope, maybe it's inspiration, maybe it's belief, maybe
Speaker 1: it's a new way of thinking.
Speaker 2: Anything that you would wish upon or impart upon our listeners.
Speaker 3: I would say, if you're listening, then you're already identifying
Speaker 3: that you want something different in your life. Don't be
Speaker 3: afraid to pursue what that different is. If it is
Speaker 3: about food, definitely consider going through the whole stressless Eating program.
Speaker 3: And if it's not about food, or you don't think
Speaker 3: it's about food, if you think it's about stress less,
Speaker 3: this program still helps. That has been one of the
Speaker 3: most amazing parts of being involved in stressless eating. Part
Speaker 3: of it is about the food for me, as somebody
Speaker 3: who you know, definitely ate based on my emotions. But
Speaker 3: what has been fascinating to me is how this approach
Speaker 3: of stressing less in my life has applied to all
Speaker 3: of these and areas of my life. And I am
Speaker 3: a more peaceful person. I am a much happier person,
Speaker 3: and I am much more in touch with who I
Speaker 3: really am and who I really want to be and
Speaker 3: how to be the very best version of me. And
Speaker 3: if that is what you're searching for, then I strongly,
Speaker 3: strongly encourage you to consider going through this program. It
Speaker 3: will help you to define who you are, what you
Speaker 3: stand for in your own life, and how to continue
Speaker 3: to bring out the very best version of yourself. And
Speaker 3: the very best version of yourself is the self that's
Speaker 3: going to love yourself and open yourself for love from others.
Speaker 1: Wow, oh my gosh, what a beautiful testament to who
Speaker 1: you've become and who you're becoming. And thank you for
Speaker 1: those those beautiful words. Grateful to have you here sharing
Speaker 1: your truth.
Speaker 2: We definitely have to have you back anytime you like.
Speaker 3: I love having these conversations with you, and I love
Speaker 3: just the idea that this could be helpful for somebody
Speaker 3: else to find their own truth and their own value
Speaker 3: and to pursue how to make those shifts in their
Speaker 3: life to be happier and wholer I guess it's more
Speaker 3: whole and how they show up in their life and
Speaker 3: their own value.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your wisdom is definitely an inspiration and I guarantee
Speaker 1: you helping anybody who's listening to this right now.
Speaker 2: So thank you for being here, ladies, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: We are going to sign out for today's episode, but
Speaker 1: we will catch you on the next one. Bye. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening today, and I hope this
Speaker 1: story gave you a little more hope and maybe even
Speaker 1: some inspiration to see what's possible for you to remember
Speaker 1: you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely not
Speaker 1: alone in this. And if you want to learn more
Speaker 1: about how I teach my clients to turn off the
Speaker 1: part of their brain that's obsessed with food or obsessed
Speaker 1: with their weight. Why are their own brain for peace
Speaker 1: and freedom, then head on over to Stressless Eating dot
Speaker 1: com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview,
Speaker 1: where I've literally peeled back the curtain and walked you
Speaker 1: through the exact strategy I teach my clients to heal
Speaker 1: themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality for good,
Speaker 1: but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without
Speaker 1: ever having to use words like macros, low carb, or
Speaker 1: calorie burn. It's there for you to access over at
Speaker 1: Stressless Eating dot com and if you like out Weigh,
Speaker 1: I actually have another podcast here on iHeart where I
Speaker 1: talk about all of this self image and body image stuff,
Speaker 1: but from the perspective of where brain science intersects faith.
Speaker 2: It's called What's.
Speaker 1: God Got to Do With It? And you can access
Speaker 1: it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: So that's it for today. I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll
Speaker 1: be back for more Outweigh, So talk to you then Bye.