WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Sir Potty Mouth 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:02.240 Kutbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.600 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.480 hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:29.440 with Ben Maller starts right now in. 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:34.440 The air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with me Ben Mallor, 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:39.040 and we are hanging out together here on a Friday. 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:44.120 The what is it? Today's the ninth day of January. 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:49.159 And on this podcast we have Sir Potty Mouth and 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.800 on the QD. But we're gonna begin with this so 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:56.440 on a weekly basis the journey into the audio world 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.440 that we do here this being Friday. We have new 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:02.760 podcasts all week and long. But we have come to 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:07.560 accept many uncomfortable truths about life, such as as I've 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:13.880 gotten older, the Malard metabolism has entered the Witness Protection program, 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:18.080 which is why I do extreme fasting on the daily, 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:22.720 on the daily, and that every time I go to 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:26.800 the grocery store and I go to check out, it 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:32.920 doesn't matter what line I pick. Immediately the person checking 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:36.480 out will want to have a long term conversation with 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:40.600 whoever they're checking out. Now, I try to do self 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.400 checkout as much as I can. One of the stories 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:45.920 I go to does not have self checkout, which is 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:51.440 a big pain in the behind anyway. Also, that will 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.840 circle back when you hear someone in business say, we'll 0:01:54.840 --> 0:02:00.280 circle back to that, that is corporate jargon, that the 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:07.320 corporate code for this whatever this is, is never happening. Whatever 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.120 that is. No matter whether it should happen or not, 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.760 it's not happening. So when somebody says that, we'll circle 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:18.080 back to that never happening. And now, thanks to Live Radio, 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:22.240 we have once again been reminded of the most humbling 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:28.560 truth of all. Karma owns a stopwatch and has impeccable timing. 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:30.400 Did you know that? Did you know that Karma owns 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:32.440 a stopwatch and has impeccable timing? 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:32.959 It does? 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:37.680 It does? Let's take you on a journey through time 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:41.640 and space. So we talk often about some of the 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:47.280 quirky things that happen on the weekday show. We spend 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:49.720 our time here on the podcast The Fifth Hour Podcast 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:53.320 talking about that some would say, way too much time, Right, 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:55.720 what are you doing? Why do you keep talking about that? 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:59.560 What's wrong with you? Move on? However, it's a good 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:04.000 way to document the things that take place. And I 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.560 know that we talk about it so much. We're almost 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:10.160 at the point where some some who listen and think 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:14.840 we are just being nostalgic. It's like we're men who 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:19.840 still insist on vinyl records that that sounds better, or 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:24.679 that the Big East was the top point in all 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:28.359 of sports when the Big East basketball dominated every Monday, 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:32.200 Big Monday and all that stuff. But here's the deal again, 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:35.560 I like doing this podcast. Some days I like it 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:38.760 more than others. And I find podcasting to be wonderful. 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:43.600 It's very controlled here the ecosystem. It's polite. It's bubble 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:48.720 wrap for the soul. It's like live radio. However, is 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:55.160 a demolition derby where you are blindfolded and someone else 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:59.120 controls the brakes, right, It's that kind of situation. And 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:01.200 I do love that I got into it when I 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:03.800 was a young dad back in the day. That's why 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:06.760 I got into radio now earlier this week, get to 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:12.120 the point, please, So the Demolition Audio Derby delivered one 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:17.839 of its masterpieces. This was Masterpiece Theater, one of its 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:22.320 finest RECs. Took place just a couple of days ago 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:25.920 on the Wednesday into Thursday show. So it was the 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:30.320 final hour of the Ben Mather Show, a time slot 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:35.960 where reality becomes optional. And we have more people listening 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:39.440 that hour than we do the earlier parts of the 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.720 show because of the people getting up early trying to 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:45.280 get the jump on work on the Eastern seaboards. So 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.640 we have a lot more people then than we do 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:51.039 earlier in the show listening live. Another podcast is the podcast, 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:53.839 and people will listen and consume what they're going to consume. 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:59.280 But the callers treat the phone lines like a confession 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:05.039 booth with no priest. Although you could argue that I 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.200 am the audio priest, I am not an actual priest, 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:11.920 but on the radio, why not? And so enter Sir 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:17.400 scratch Off. Now, if you listen semi regularly, chances are 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.480 if you've been with the show for any period of 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.640 time that you've heard the work of Sir scratch Off. 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.240 He loves the Rams. He liked them when they were 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:27.200 the Saint Louis Rams. He likes the back in the 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.320 day with the La Rams. He loves to call up 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.520 and talk about the Rams. He also gets very offended 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:38.200 about the Dodgers. He's a Cardinals fan. He's got issues. However, 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.120 he's a longtime member of the Mallard Militia from the 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:45.800 state of Arkansas. A senior statesman, if you will, a 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:50.520 veteran caller. Veteran caller, the kind of guy whose name 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:56.839 alone suggests that he's got opinions, convictions, and at least 0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:01.720 at least a couple of plastic tubs was filled with 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:05.360 old lottery tickets. And he's the guy that will go 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:12.479 into a roadside diner in the backwoods of Arkansas and 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.279 he will say, Hey, can I get a breakfast burrito? Well, 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.679 why would you order a breakfast baburrito your roadside stop 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.360 somewhere in Arkansas? Well, I like breakfast burritos. And then 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.320 he'll start talking. Next thing you know, you'll be in 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.680 a conversation for an hour. So he hadn't called in 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:31.560 a while, Sir scratch off, I was genuinely happy. That's 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:34.760 what a loser I am. I was genuinely happy to 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:39.200 hear his voice. That happiness lasted approximately and I don't 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.800 want to exaggerate and I do not want to exaggerate. 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:49.880 It lasted approximately eight seconds. Now some background for those 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:52.320 in the back of the room. Background for those of 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:53.600 you in the back of room. I know JT the 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:56.599 Wingman will appreciate this, and so will Lucky Tony. Sir 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.440 scratch Off over the holidays, had sent me a a 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:06.599 bunch of messages on Facebook messager, and I am famously bad. 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:11.160 I always apologize in advance for responding to random messages 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.240 that I get. I get a high volume of messages. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:17.320 It's part of the gig, and it's cool and all that. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:22.200 And this is not an exaggeration. Though I have unopened emails, 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:25.520 I think that are old enough to cast a ballot 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:30.560 at this point. And because I was on holiday, I 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:38.000 saw his messages and I attempted something radical. It's called politeness. 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:44.160 I tried to respond, and I got a message from 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:48.200 Facebook informing me that I was not allowed to message 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:53.200 this particular user, which I found odd. This is not 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:58.720 a rejection you can process emotionally. It's not seen, it's 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:04.560 not left on red. It's a digital thing. I'm a 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:08.600 jig tapping you on the shoulder and saying, yeah, you're 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:10.800 not able to talk to this person, You're not on 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:14.560 a list. So naturally I mentioned this to Sir scratch 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.760 Off on the air. I said, listen, Sir scratch Off, 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:20.360 I tried to write back. He sounded dazed and confused, 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.880 as he often does, like a man being told his 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:29.880 mailbox has filled up and has now filed a restraining order, 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:37.280 And then, like a revival tent sprouting up overnight, the 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:39.480 sermon began. I didn't ask for the sermon. Did you 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.040 ask for the sermon? I didn't ask for the sermon. Well, 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.160 I got a sermon, and guess what, so did you. 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:51.880 It started with I like your show. The man said, now, 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:58.560 having done this whatever, this is long enough, we know 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:04.520 that that sentence is meaningless. Once the word but capital 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:09.840 be But enter's the chat. Everything before that is just 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:14.600 a runway. The crash is imminent. You know it is happening. 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:18.160 You know it is happening. So Sir scratch Off launches 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:24.600 into this long winded critique of my language, not your language, 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:30.119 my language, my mouth, my vocabulary. This was less feedback 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.440 and more old testament, If you know what I'm saying. 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:37.280 He spoke with the confidence of a man, Sir scratch Off, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:42.760 who had never accidentally sent a text to the wrong person, 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:46.400 then started to wonder, Oh my god, what have I done, 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:48.959 and then stared at their phone praying for the power 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:53.920 outage to take place. So you want that power, just 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:58.040 the thing that doesn't happen. So we explained that, listen, 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:00.000 I do a lot of things. There's a lot of 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:01.440 things I'm not good at. There's a lot of things 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.880 I do I shouldn't do. I don't use profanity on radio, 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:07.760 not because I don't love profanity. I do love profanity. 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:13.240 I enjoy profanity. However, I am regulated by the Federal 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:15.720 Communications Commission, whether I like it or not. A group 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:21.280 of individuals that has many hobbies. None of them include 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:25.319 my happiness. None of them include my happiness. So I said, listen, 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:27.280 do you think I worked blue? He had no idea 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:30.040 what that meant. I guess that's even over his head. 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:36.040 So the FCC does not appreciate creative wordplay involving body parts. 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:41.280 They don't. They don't. They don't like pottymouth. So back 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:47.959 and forth we went Southern Arkansas drawl versus West Coast 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:54.240 overnight sarcasm. And then then, because live radio has a 0:10:54.240 --> 0:11:00.720 tremendous sense of humor. The gremlin arrived. Knock knock, Who's there? 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:05.560 The gremlin? The gremlin? Who so the broadcast line. My 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:13.200 broadcast line malfunctioned from the remote studio could put my 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:19.280 microphone went silent. In the business, this is a da situation. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.559 Dead air? What who? 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:23.520 What? Whow so? 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:24.600 Dead air? 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:30.480 Maybe ten seconds? You understand that in radio ten seconds 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:37.200 is not silence. It is a geological area. Mountains can form. 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:42.280 There is an entire civilization that can rise up and 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:48.480 fall down in ten seconds. Somewhere A program director reaches 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:53.880 for antacid, just imagining this, so so scratch Off assumed, 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:58.880 since he didn't hear me barking at him, he assumed 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:02.880 the position that yours truly had hung up on him 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:06.120 very rudely. Something that has happened. 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:06.600 I had not. 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:10.520 I had not. He was still on the air. He 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:13.559 was still on the air, and in what can only 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:20.120 be described as a master class in irony, the man 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:26.160 who had just spent several minutes lecturing me from the 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:34.320 church pew about my language, announced proudly and loudly on 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:40.679 hundreds of radio stations, on satellite radio, on endless platforms 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:47.160 that I was an asshole. This is the moment live 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:54.320 radio earns its pension. There was no dump button, no edit, 0:12:54.440 --> 0:13:00.640 no rewind, just Karma stretching, crackling its knuckle and saying 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:07.160 my turn. Now. Of course Lorraina did hit the dump button. However, 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.280 it was obvious that whatever had been said was not 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:14.160 supposed to be said, and it ended up on the podcast. Now, 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:20.880 the hypocrisy of all this was so clean, so delicious, 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:22.200 all that deserved a plaque. 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.080 A man think about that. 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:29.319 A man delivers a sermon on verbal hygiene, the higher 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:32.000 better person, right, I'm better than you and I know 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:36.720 how you should talk, and then immediately swears on national 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:41.080 radio the moment he thinks the principal has left the room. 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:45.120 It was like watching someone complain about calories while eating 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:50.680 with a spoon frosting out of the container. I laughed, 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.400 not necessarily on the I think there's a little bit 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:58.640 of chuckle. I couldn't, but spiritually, I've been driving around 0:13:58.679 --> 0:13:59.320 last couple of days. 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:00.400 I deep in the soul. 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:04.080 This was hilarious. And again this is another thing I 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:07.640 love doing this, all the stuff I do, the podcast whatever. 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:11.320 This is why podcasting will never fully replace live radio. 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:18.040 Podcasting does not betray you live radio. Absolutely will. And 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.880 that's the point. And so where does this rank? We 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:23.840 don't do a list. We do not believe in this 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:29.200 on Benny's Big Board for Terry and England, Benny's Big Board, 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.880 the long bizarre history of the Ben Maler Show. So 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:38.640 it's likely in the top twenty. It's not certainly near 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:42.760 the very top that's reserved. The very top is reserved 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:46.080 for the classics Genie and Medford, A Bushing her neighbor 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:49.200 on air, the farmer from Georgia. I don't remember the 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:54.359 guy's name performing barnyard animal impressions. 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:55.240 I don't remember that. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:58.960 Like he was auditioning for a children's show hosted by 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:04.200 Livestock mark the full name guy screaming and barking my direction, 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:10.200 hollering James snoring like a platypus, and somehow winning a 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:15.520 radio game show. Callers being pulled over mid sentence. We've 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.240 had a few of those. How about Randy from Norman, Oklahoma. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.320 I was doing a commercial and in the copy I 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:24.960 believe the word bouncy or bouncy error was in the copy, 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:31.440 and Randy lost his bleeping mind. Randy in Norman, Oklahoma, 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:36.920 And that is how the phrase pro Bouncy Ball was 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:42.280 born as a tribute to Randy from Norman, Oklahoma. So 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:47.920 live radio is not perfect. It's not always clean, it 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:52.600 is not efficient, and sometimes, depending on what part of 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:56.320 the Bible belt you're in, it's not safe. However, it 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:03.240 is honest. It exposes a lot, especially especially when we 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.800 think we're preaching wink wink, not not. Sir scratch Off 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.520 didn't just call the show that night. He contributed to 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:17.000 the audio archive, adding a chapter and reminded us you 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.920 and I reminded us that the universe is listening and 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:24.480 that sometimes the universe has a sense of humor. And 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:26.120 then I love the fact that he called back the 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.480 next day, Sir scratch Off defending the fact that he 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:33.680 said asshole on the radio show and he was quoting scripture, 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.720 he said, well, ass is in the Bible, and as 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:42.160 Coop pointed out, a whole is not anywhere anyway. I 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.520 know that podcasting is cool right now, and I'm doing 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.600 a podcast as I'm talking about this, and this is 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:51.880 going to be the future, and someday, someday I will 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.400 likely only do a podcast that'll be all I do. 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.200 I'll live a comfortable life and I'll record this whenever 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:02.680 I want. But moments like this or why I always 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:05.719 believe in live rate, It's why I got into live radio. 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:11.880 And when Karma speaks, it doesn't send a push notification, 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:12.600 it goes live. 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:13.320 We'll do it live. 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:15.720 We're gonna do it live, and we'll do it live 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.400 meanwhile on the QD. So if you didn't get the message, 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.560 maybe not. Today is not just your normal day. 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:26.359 Well, it's a Friday, it is a Friday. However, do 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.159 you know what this is? 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:34.840 No? Okay? Good? Today is Quitters Day on the QD. 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:41.200 It's Quittersday. It lands on the second Friday of January. 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:42.840 Today being January ninth. 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:48.040 This year, and just far enough from New Year's Eve 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:51.359 that the confetti has been vacuumed up by your hoover, 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.879 and just close enough that the treadmill receipt is still 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.119 in your inbox, so you have that. 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.280 So it is the only holiday. 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.360 I'll say, see only holiday on the calendar that doesn't 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.960 pretend that we are better than we are. 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.120 Now you think about Valentine's Day is next month. 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:15.960 Valentine's Day insists that you spend money on cards and 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:21.440 flowers and insists that we are romantic. Thanksgiving, claims that 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:26.520 we are grateful. Quitter's Day shrugs and says, you tried something, 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.359 it didn't work, and that's it. You know what are 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:33.359 you thinking? Welcome back, your quitter, Welcome back. Let me 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:37.080 give you a hug. It's the day the dream quietly 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:40.440 slips out the back door. Now we've mentioned in previous 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:46.520 episodes that I do not do New Year's resolutions. This 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.639 is not a moral stance that I have taken that 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:52.879 I am somehow better than you, so much as a 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:57.520 logistical one. And as I pointed out, if something is broken, 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:04.040 you fix it immediately, schedule the repair for a ceremonial 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:08.400 date that exists mostly because a wall calendar flipped over. 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.879 For example, if your dishwasher is not working, if you 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.040 have a leak in your sink, you don't say, you 0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:19.919 know what, I'm gonna wait. It's it's November tenth, but 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:21.520 I'm gonna wait till January. 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:23.720 For no, you grab a wrench. 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:25.400 If you're gonna try to fix it yourself, you watch 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:30.000 some YouTube videos, or you call the roto router, call 0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:33.200 a plumber or whoever Mom and pop plumber even better, 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:36.800 And you do that, and maybe you put your own 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:41.240 bucket under there and at some point just admit defeat 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.560 and that's it. But either way, action beat symbolism all 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.800 the time. And this I've learned based on the feedback 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:50.240 I get from you, not that I write back to 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.119 many of you. Put the feedback you send to me 0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:57.439 apparently puts me in the minority. Most people love New 0:19:57.520 --> 0:20:02.639 Year's resolutions the way they of movie trailers, not because 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:07.760 they represent the reality, because they hint at a better 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:14.560 version of us in the future. There's a resolution, say 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:17.720 you can watch a ninety minute or two hour film, 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:21.919 but a trailer, it compresses the film down to a 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:25.200 couple of lines. It's like, I will get in shape, 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:28.000 I will eat better, I will lose weight. These are 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:33.320 not plans, these are taglines. Is it true that the 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:37.880 tradition of New Year's resolutions is really really old? 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:39.600 How about four thousand? 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:43.399 About four thousand years old, they estimate, dating back to 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:47.399 the ancient Babylonians. That sounds like a long time ago. 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:52.080 Their year did not even start on the first of January. 0:20:52.119 --> 0:20:56.359 It began in mid March, on the first full moon 0:20:56.880 --> 0:21:00.600 after the spring equinox. Bringing the astrology insider Andrea for 0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:01.840 more on this unless we don't. 0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:04.520 So this already tells you. 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:08.000 You're talking about the Babylonians and you're talking about the 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:12.520 calendar being different. This tells you something important here. Resolutions 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:16.239 were originally tied to things that really mattered instead of 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.680 get in shape, eat better, lose weight. 0:21:19.760 --> 0:21:20.840 Not that those things don't matter. 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:24.400 But back in the day, it was agriculture, it was seasons, 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:28.120 it was survival. It was not Hey, my fat ass 0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:30.719 is getting on the peloton and I've got a street 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:35.000 gone and all that, and I'm gonna stop drinking for 0:21:35.040 --> 0:21:38.120 the month of January. If you broke a promise back then, 0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:44.120 it most likely met that as a Babylonian, your crops 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:49.280 failed or your gods got mad, not that you felt 0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:52.400 mildly guilty while scrolling Instagram. 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:54.719 So times have changed now. 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:58.639 Quitter's Day, which is today, exists to recognize those of 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:02.720 us who set goal not me, and fail to achieve them, 0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:07.159 and in theory, to encourage you to try again. So 0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:12.400 it's equal parts compassionate and then brutal. It's the same 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:17.879 at the same time. And research does show I was 0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:21.040 reading about this, actually was it last week or the 0:22:21.040 --> 0:22:24.240 week before that most people quit their new Year's resolutions 0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:27.360 around this time. That's why the holidays hear about eighty 0:22:27.400 --> 0:22:31.720 percent tap out by week two, Tap tap, I'm out, 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:35.399 see you later. It's not a failure rate. That is 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:40.120 a demographic trend, is what that is. Eighty percent. Most resolutions, 0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:44.560 according to experts, cluster around the same holy trinity. I 0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:48.480 want to exercise more, I'm going to eat healthier, and 0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:51.080 I am going to lose weight. The Big three, the 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:56.119 Big three, and these goals. While they are noble, they 0:22:56.160 --> 0:23:01.080 are also abstract in the way clouds are abstract. You 0:23:01.119 --> 0:23:04.239 can't see them, you can't point at them, and you 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:06.879 can't grab them. 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:10.040 I'm I'm going to get in shape is not a plan. 0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:12.000 It's a vibe. 0:23:12.920 --> 0:23:15.760 It's like saying you're going to be more interesting or 0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:22.480 finally understand jazz music. Okay, congratulations. The real problem with 0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:25.360 New Year's resolutions isn't laziness. 0:23:25.560 --> 0:23:29.680 It's oh, a over ambition. 0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:32.600 People start with a burst, right, You're all excited, Yeah, 0:23:32.720 --> 0:23:36.919 you have motivation that feels infinite. It's like a brand 0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:40.919 new notebook. You swear you're gonna you're gonna keep neat forever, 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:46.560 and then life happens and motivation leaks out. 0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:49.520 Slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. 0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:52.080 Right leaks out a little bit there, like air from balloon. 0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:55.720 You forget about behind you know, you kind of forget it. 0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:59.280 The air comes out, it's behind the soulf or whatever. 0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:00.800 And January. 0:24:00.920 --> 0:24:04.159 I know we're doing January ninth, but it's Quitter's Day today, 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:07.960 and people look at January first, and the way people 0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:12.000 treat Mondays as a symbolic reset, even though the week 0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:15.040 technically starts on Sunday, right, Sunday is the start of 0:24:15.040 --> 0:24:17.680 the week, not Monday. But you go to work on Monday. 0:24:17.720 --> 0:24:20.040 Most people don't work on Sunday, although the radio show 0:24:20.080 --> 0:24:23.760 starts Sunday night in the Monday morning. And human behavior 0:24:23.880 --> 0:24:25.440 does not reset cleanly. 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:26.560 It doesn't. 0:24:26.600 --> 0:24:31.120 It's more like a cluttered desktop where you keep creating 0:24:31.200 --> 0:24:36.280 new folders labeled final, final, final, Final, and you don't 0:24:36.320 --> 0:24:39.639 end up deleting anything normally. What happens is I start 0:24:39.640 --> 0:24:42.680 deleting stuff when I get the message you're running out 0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:44.440 of stores. Well I don't want to run out of storage. 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:46.400 Well you're running out of storage. Okay, so you better 0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:48.240 release some how do you delete some? Okay? Let me 0:24:48.280 --> 0:24:50.440 watch a video on YouTube? Okay, I watched the video. 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:52.320 Now I gotta go click on the watch you might 0:24:52.440 --> 0:24:55.119 call it on the little logo on the upper left 0:24:55.160 --> 0:24:57.520 hand side of the screen. I gotta click on that. 0:24:57.600 --> 0:24:59.960 Then I gotta click on system preferences. Then I gotta 0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:01.959 click on this other little thing. And then I got 0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:03.920 to leave us. But I can't believe everything because there's 0:25:03.960 --> 0:25:05.840 some stuff I need, but I have to do it, 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:08.200 and I got to do it. And that's it again, 0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:11.880 eighty percent of people giving up at roughly the same 0:25:11.960 --> 0:25:18.080 time turns personal disappointment into a communal experience. It's kind 0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:22.399 of like when everyone leaves a party at once, and 0:25:22.720 --> 0:25:27.720 you feel a little less awkward about wanting to leave. Now, 0:25:27.760 --> 0:25:30.240 I try to do the Irish goodbye. As we've talked about, 0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:32.639 my effort every time we go to a party is 0:25:32.760 --> 0:25:36.159 do the Irish goodbye. The wife does not want to 0:25:36.200 --> 0:25:38.800 do the Irish goodbye, so that I get dragged in 0:25:38.840 --> 0:25:41.879 by marriage to having to do the long goodbye. And 0:25:41.920 --> 0:25:44.400 then there's always I don't don't leave the party. Don't 0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:46.359 leave the party that we need you to stay the 0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:51.240 whole thing, all right. That's that's it, and so it's 0:25:51.600 --> 0:25:53.800 it's just the way it is. And Quitter's Day is 0:25:54.119 --> 0:26:01.080 social proof that it wasn't just you. The system is rigged. 0:26:01.080 --> 0:26:03.960 It's a rig deal. The advice that follows is always 0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:09.400 the same. Well in you're supposed to set short term, 0:26:09.480 --> 0:26:13.440 makeable goals, even ef it's a medium, I go short 0:26:13.520 --> 0:26:19.159 term right. Long term goals are a recipe to stop 0:26:19.240 --> 0:26:22.840